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1
00:00:03,303 --> 00:00:06,405
Cheers is filmed before
a live studio audience.
2
00:00:08,308 --> 00:00:10,825
I hate this uniform.
3
00:00:11,795 --> 00:00:12,961
It is ugly.
4
00:00:12,997 --> 00:00:16,431
It makes me look
like a beached whale.
5
00:00:16,467 --> 00:00:18,066
And on top of everything
6
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:20,919
I can't find any
earrings to go with it.
7
00:00:20,955 --> 00:00:22,587
Try some broccoli.
8
00:00:22,623 --> 00:00:23,623
Ha-ha-ha!
9
00:00:23,657 --> 00:00:26,592
I mean it, Sam.
I really hate it.
10
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:27,627
I used to like it,
11
00:00:27,661 --> 00:00:29,105
but now I'm getting
kind of tired of it.
12
00:00:29,129 --> 00:00:32,263
Feel like I'm wearing
the same thing every day.
13
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:34,232
Listen, I'm not a
big fan of them either
14
00:00:34,268 --> 00:00:36,101
but let's just give
it our best here.
15
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:37,318
Come on. Come on.
16
00:00:37,354 --> 00:00:38,498
Come on, Sam... No, no, don't...
17
00:00:38,522 --> 00:00:42,190
Can't you just talk
to the Iron Maiden?
18
00:00:42,225 --> 00:00:43,742
Convince her to get rid of them.
19
00:00:43,778 --> 00:00:45,510
Come on. Oh...
20
00:00:47,497 --> 00:00:49,131
Miss Howe, uh...
21
00:00:49,166 --> 00:00:50,515
about the uniforms.
22
00:00:50,550 --> 00:00:52,012
Oh, I'm glad you reminded me.
23
00:00:52,036 --> 00:00:53,947
The dry cleaning
plant is on strike.
24
00:00:53,971 --> 00:00:55,632
Now, we may not
have fresh uniforms
25
00:00:55,656 --> 00:00:56,766
for at least a week,
26
00:00:56,790 --> 00:00:59,110
so I want you to be
extra careful with those.
27
00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:13,221
Oops.
28
00:01:17,678 --> 00:01:20,495
Oh, no.
29
00:01:21,749 --> 00:01:23,181
Um...
30
00:01:23,216 --> 00:01:25,056
you guys are going to get it.
31
00:01:26,453 --> 00:01:27,502
Didn't you hear
32
00:01:27,537 --> 00:01:29,304
what Miss Howe
just got through...
33
00:01:32,893 --> 00:01:34,660
I get it.
34
00:01:34,695 --> 00:01:37,215
Yo...
35
00:01:42,286 --> 00:01:44,853
♪ Making your way
in the world today ♪
36
00:01:44,888 --> 00:01:47,922
♪ Takes everything you've got ♪
37
00:01:47,958 --> 00:01:50,759
♪ Taking a break
from all your worries ♪
38
00:01:50,794 --> 00:01:53,862
♪ Sure would help a lot ♪
39
00:01:53,897 --> 00:01:59,050
♪ Wouldn't you
like to get away? ♪
40
00:01:59,085 --> 00:02:01,903
♪ Sometimes you want to go ♪
41
00:02:01,938 --> 00:02:06,808
♪ Where everybody
knows your name ♪
42
00:02:06,843 --> 00:02:12,047
♪ And they're always
glad you came ♪
43
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:14,049
♪ You want to be
where you can see ♪
44
00:02:14,084 --> 00:02:17,052
♪ Our troubles
are all the same ♪
45
00:02:17,087 --> 00:02:21,823
♪ You want to be where
everybody knows your name ♪
46
00:02:21,858 --> 00:02:24,960
♪ You want to go
where people know ♪
47
00:02:24,995 --> 00:02:27,095
♪ People are all the same ♪
48
00:02:27,130 --> 00:02:31,666
♪ You want to go where
everybody knows your name. ♪
49
00:02:52,072 --> 00:02:54,038
Hi, everybody.
50
00:02:54,074 --> 00:02:55,407
Hey, Dave.
51
00:02:55,442 --> 00:02:56,653
All right.
52
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:58,220
How are you? I know who you are.
53
00:02:58,244 --> 00:02:59,556
I've seen you on the news.
54
00:02:59,580 --> 00:03:00,623
I can't believe it.
55
00:03:00,647 --> 00:03:01,529
Hey, everybody.
56
00:03:01,564 --> 00:03:03,542
It's Dave Richards, Channel 10.
57
00:03:03,566 --> 00:03:04,649
Channel 13.
58
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,795
Oh, sorry.
59
00:03:05,819 --> 00:03:07,101
Never mind.
60
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,607
Sam, I got a
proposition for you.
61
00:03:12,642 --> 00:03:13,686
No, no, no...
62
00:03:13,710 --> 00:03:14,609
if she's not good
enough for you,
63
00:03:14,644 --> 00:03:15,924
I sure don't want her.
64
00:03:16,813 --> 00:03:18,079
No, no, it's nothing like that.
65
00:03:18,114 --> 00:03:19,397
You see, I have to give up
66
00:03:19,432 --> 00:03:21,916
my TV spot, I on Sports.
67
00:03:21,952 --> 00:03:23,301
They're looking for a fill-in
68
00:03:23,336 --> 00:03:25,465
for the week and I thought
you might be interested.
69
00:03:25,489 --> 00:03:27,689
Boy, sports on TV...
70
00:03:27,724 --> 00:03:30,125
I've never really
considered that.
71
00:03:30,160 --> 00:03:33,795
Think I'd be any good at it?
72
00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:35,742
Who knows? It may turn out
to be a permanent gig for you.
73
00:03:35,766 --> 00:03:36,965
That's how I got my start.
74
00:03:37,000 --> 00:03:39,100
Whoo, boy, I don't know.
75
00:03:39,136 --> 00:03:40,601
Oh, come on, Sam.
76
00:03:40,637 --> 00:03:41,714
Come on.
77
00:03:41,738 --> 00:03:43,104
Every time we watch Dave,
78
00:03:43,140 --> 00:03:45,573
you say, "I can do
better than that stump."
79
00:03:48,178 --> 00:03:49,955
Thank you, Carla.
You're too kind.
80
00:03:49,979 --> 00:03:51,279
Come on, Sam.
81
00:03:51,315 --> 00:03:52,431
You'd be great.
82
00:03:52,466 --> 00:03:54,210
You talk good like me
and you're handsome.
83
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:56,162
Of course, Sam.
84
00:03:56,186 --> 00:03:57,630
What do you say? Listen...
85
00:03:57,654 --> 00:03:59,871
if I were you, okay...
And believe me,
86
00:03:59,907 --> 00:04:02,140
not a day goes by I
don't wish I were...
87
00:04:02,176 --> 00:04:03,541
I would take this job.
88
00:04:03,576 --> 00:04:04,743
Sam, look...
89
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:08,329
It's a lot of fun.
90
00:04:08,364 --> 00:04:10,432
You see, you get to
sit behind this desk.
91
00:04:10,467 --> 00:04:11,627
You don't have to wear pants.
92
00:04:12,385 --> 00:04:14,135
It's my little joke
on the audience.
93
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:21,743
I do know sports, and
I'm articulate at that.
94
00:04:21,778 --> 00:04:22,789
Hey, you know something?
95
00:04:22,813 --> 00:04:23,813
I'm going to do it.
96
00:04:23,846 --> 00:04:25,464
All right!
97
00:04:25,499 --> 00:04:26,331
Congratulations.
98
00:04:26,367 --> 00:04:27,048
Thanks, man.
99
00:04:27,084 --> 00:04:28,049
You're on at 11:00.
100
00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:29,161
Wait a minute. Tonight?
101
00:04:29,185 --> 00:04:30,914
Without any
preparation or anything?
102
00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,353
Sure, I do it all the time.
103
00:04:33,690 --> 00:04:36,224
Look, I want you to get
down to Wardrobe ASAP, huh?
104
00:04:36,259 --> 00:04:37,225
All right.
105
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:38,527
See ya.
106
00:04:38,562 --> 00:04:39,739
Wait, wait, wait. Whoa, man.
107
00:04:39,763 --> 00:04:41,996
Who do I talk to over there?
108
00:04:42,032 --> 00:04:45,467
A very good friend of mine,
Phil somebody or another.
109
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:48,437
I forget. Anyway, I got to
get going, meet my lady.
110
00:04:48,472 --> 00:04:49,649
She's terrific. Huh?
111
00:04:49,673 --> 00:04:52,890
This time the Dave Machine
is finally settling down.
112
00:04:52,926 --> 00:04:54,242
Well, hey, congratulations, man.
113
00:04:54,278 --> 00:04:57,679
Excuse me. The
alarm just went off.
114
00:04:58,799 --> 00:05:00,615
I make an ungodly
amount of money
115
00:05:00,651 --> 00:05:02,634
and I know exactly
how to use it.
116
00:05:06,223 --> 00:05:08,623
You must be a
friend of Mr. Malone's.
117
00:05:10,177 --> 00:05:11,287
Well, you know what they say,
118
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:12,894
"The good-looking
ones travel in pairs."
119
00:05:12,929 --> 00:05:14,496
And, uh,
120
00:05:14,531 --> 00:05:16,451
that's certainly
true in your case.
121
00:05:19,936 --> 00:05:21,570
Do you have the time?
122
00:05:21,605 --> 00:05:23,571
4:30.
123
00:05:23,606 --> 00:05:25,251
Good, 'cause I just wanted
124
00:05:25,275 --> 00:05:27,086
to remember the exact moment
125
00:05:27,110 --> 00:05:28,955
I met the biggest jerk on Earth.
126
00:05:31,814 --> 00:05:33,548
Tough woman, tough woman.
127
00:05:33,584 --> 00:05:34,932
You got that right.
128
00:05:34,968 --> 00:05:37,285
I wear a cup to work.
129
00:05:39,723 --> 00:05:41,617
Well, the pulsating
Dave Machine's history.
130
00:05:41,641 --> 00:05:43,124
All right, man, take care.
131
00:05:43,160 --> 00:05:44,142
Excuse me, Dave.
132
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,371
Dr. Crane here.
133
00:05:45,395 --> 00:05:46,561
If you're interested,
134
00:05:46,596 --> 00:05:48,641
I happen to conduct
a little session
135
00:05:48,665 --> 00:05:51,633
for narcissists
about once a month.
136
00:05:51,668 --> 00:05:54,252
My policy: only show
up if I get an award.
137
00:05:56,122 --> 00:05:58,423
This is the Big Dave
Machine saying good night
138
00:05:58,458 --> 00:06:00,725
and may the sports be with you.
139
00:06:02,078 --> 00:06:03,155
You know,
140
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:04,924
I bet if you held
your ear up to his,
141
00:06:04,948 --> 00:06:06,181
you could hear the ocean.
142
00:06:08,017 --> 00:06:10,519
I'll have to try it sometime.
143
00:06:12,188 --> 00:06:15,273
It, uh, may not work for you.
144
00:06:19,079 --> 00:06:20,695
Hey, guys,
145
00:06:20,731 --> 00:06:22,013
I'm off to the station.
146
00:06:22,049 --> 00:06:23,809
Listen, do me a favor, will ya?
147
00:06:23,833 --> 00:06:25,467
Woody, Carla, close up for me.
148
00:06:25,502 --> 00:06:26,502
You know...
149
00:06:26,537 --> 00:06:28,348
Whoa, Sammy, you're
forgetting something
150
00:06:28,372 --> 00:06:29,504
a little important here.
151
00:06:29,540 --> 00:06:30,204
What?
152
00:06:30,240 --> 00:06:31,684
You don't own
this joint anymore.
153
00:06:31,708 --> 00:06:33,341
Oh, boy. And even if you did,
154
00:06:33,376 --> 00:06:35,710
Field Marshal Howe
wouldn't give you the night off.
155
00:06:35,745 --> 00:06:37,879
Yeah, yeah. Silly me.
156
00:06:37,914 --> 00:06:39,809
What am I going to
do about this, huh?
157
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:41,666
Sam, may I suggest deception?
158
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,034
Well...
159
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:44,797
Hold on your
horses there, Frasier.
160
00:06:44,821 --> 00:06:45,787
As a psychiatrist,
161
00:06:45,822 --> 00:06:48,301
isn't it your job to seek
and uphold the truth?
162
00:06:48,325 --> 00:06:50,525
Oh, get real, Cliff.
163
00:06:50,561 --> 00:06:53,562
You know, you got a
good idea there, Frasier.
164
00:06:53,597 --> 00:06:55,564
Yeah. Lying.
165
00:06:55,599 --> 00:06:56,764
I do lying.
166
00:06:56,800 --> 00:06:59,651
Woody, come here. Do me a favor.
167
00:06:59,686 --> 00:07:01,653
When Miss Howe comes
out of the office here,
168
00:07:01,688 --> 00:07:04,589
go down the hall
and call the bar.
169
00:07:04,624 --> 00:07:06,258
I'll answer.
170
00:07:06,293 --> 00:07:07,259
What do I say?
171
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,560
Nothing. Just stand
there and hold the phone.
172
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,680
Okay, I'll give it a try.
173
00:07:16,186 --> 00:07:20,355
Um, Miss Howe, we're
running low on napkins.
174
00:07:20,390 --> 00:07:22,290
So order more.
175
00:07:22,326 --> 00:07:24,158
I don't know how many more.
176
00:07:24,194 --> 00:07:26,194
I don't run the bar anymore.
177
00:07:28,298 --> 00:07:30,031
Thank you. I appreciate
this very much.
178
00:07:32,018 --> 00:07:34,152
I'll get it. I'll get it.
179
00:07:35,589 --> 00:07:36,688
Cheers.
180
00:07:36,723 --> 00:07:38,523
Yeah, this is Sam Malone.
181
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,592
What? You say my
apartment's been robbed?
182
00:07:41,628 --> 00:07:42,927
Oh, Sammy!
183
00:07:42,963 --> 00:07:45,096
You say I've been cleaned out?
184
00:07:45,132 --> 00:07:47,799
Well, damn.
185
00:07:47,834 --> 00:07:50,084
Yeah, I guess I could
get over there right away
186
00:07:50,119 --> 00:07:51,853
and maybe expect
not to be back here
187
00:07:51,888 --> 00:07:52,954
for a few hours, huh?
188
00:07:54,958 --> 00:07:57,492
Well, thank you very
much. Thank you.
189
00:07:57,527 --> 00:07:58,960
That was my landlord.
190
00:07:58,995 --> 00:08:00,395
Do you believe this?
191
00:08:00,430 --> 00:08:01,862
I've been robbed.
192
00:08:01,898 --> 00:08:03,698
What's happening to this city?
193
00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,383
Go on, Sammy.
194
00:08:05,418 --> 00:08:10,438
Go, Sammy! Go,
Sammy! Go, Sammy, go!
195
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:17,578
We're a, uh, victim
support group.
196
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:20,215
I see.
197
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:24,369
Well, I better hire
a relief bartender.
198
00:08:26,639 --> 00:08:27,639
Hello?
199
00:08:28,976 --> 00:08:31,276
Is there somebody on this phone?
200
00:08:31,311 --> 00:08:33,345
Oh, uh, hi, Miss Howe.
201
00:08:33,380 --> 00:08:36,481
It's-it's me, Woody.
202
00:08:38,201 --> 00:08:40,735
Woody, are you using this phone?
203
00:08:40,770 --> 00:08:44,139
No, no, not really.
204
00:08:44,174 --> 00:08:46,774
What are you doing, Woody?
205
00:08:46,809 --> 00:08:49,243
Oh, I'm just standing
here holding it.
206
00:08:52,732 --> 00:08:54,699
Woody, hang up
the phone, please.
207
00:08:54,734 --> 00:08:57,168
I have to hire another
bartender now.
208
00:08:57,204 --> 00:09:00,038
Oh, no, Miss Howe,
I'm really sorry.
209
00:09:00,073 --> 00:09:01,639
I swear I'll never do it again.
210
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:09,547
And Keller is scheduled
to be executed on Friday.
211
00:09:09,583 --> 00:09:11,465
I guess he won't be around then
212
00:09:11,501 --> 00:09:15,136
for the Patriots-Buffalo
game this Sunday.
213
00:09:15,172 --> 00:09:17,305
For that and all the sports,
214
00:09:17,340 --> 00:09:19,640
a new member to
the Channel 13 team,
215
00:09:19,676 --> 00:09:22,727
here's former Red Sox
pitcher Sam Malone.
216
00:09:24,647 --> 00:09:26,375
Nice to have you with us,
Sam. Thank you, Joanne.
217
00:09:26,399 --> 00:09:28,494
I'd just like to say
that you look better live
218
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:30,651
than you do in person.
219
00:09:30,687 --> 00:09:32,853
Thank you.
220
00:09:32,889 --> 00:09:35,329
Oh, very slick.
Very slick indeed.
221
00:09:35,358 --> 00:09:39,193
Yes. Five bucks says
Sammy has Joanne at 11:00.
222
00:09:40,196 --> 00:09:42,296
Red Sox pitcher Paul Willis
223
00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:44,515
went on the 15-day
disabled list today.
224
00:09:44,551 --> 00:09:46,851
Willis has floating
cartilage in his knee
225
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:51,323
and tomorrow will undergo
arthroscopic surgery.
226
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:54,326
All right! I can't bel...
On his first night!
227
00:09:55,412 --> 00:09:57,689
Club soda, Woody, please.
228
00:09:57,713 --> 00:09:58,679
Sure, Miss Howe.
229
00:09:58,714 --> 00:09:59,925
Today on This Old House,
230
00:09:59,949 --> 00:10:01,860
we're going to be
grouting counter tile,
231
00:10:01,884 --> 00:10:04,185
so I'm sure you'll want
to stick around for that.
232
00:10:04,220 --> 00:10:06,521
But first, let's
go in the kitchen.
233
00:10:06,556 --> 00:10:08,334
Don't you guys
usually watch sports?
234
00:10:08,358 --> 00:10:10,191
Yeah, well, yeah,
usually, but, uh,
235
00:10:10,226 --> 00:10:13,361
they're going to be putting
up drywall in a minute.
236
00:10:13,396 --> 00:10:16,730
The subflooring
is just being laid.
237
00:10:19,052 --> 00:10:22,020
And now for the I on
Sports commentary.
238
00:10:22,055 --> 00:10:25,206
You know, the world is
full of negative people.
239
00:10:25,241 --> 00:10:27,875
Okay, so the Sox aren't
having such a great season,
240
00:10:27,910 --> 00:10:31,212
but that's no reason to boo
and say bad things about them.
241
00:10:31,247 --> 00:10:33,059
You know, I don't
know where I heard it,
242
00:10:33,083 --> 00:10:35,227
but I thought you were
supposed to root, root, root
243
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:36,467
for the home team.
244
00:10:36,502 --> 00:10:38,603
So the next time
you're in Fenway,
245
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,756
you can't yell something
nice, don't yell anything at all.
246
00:10:43,794 --> 00:10:46,060
This has been just
one guy's opinion.
247
00:10:46,095 --> 00:10:47,395
Joanne?
248
00:10:47,431 --> 00:10:48,730
Thank you, Sam.
249
00:10:48,765 --> 00:10:51,432
You've given us all
a lot to think about.
250
00:10:51,467 --> 00:10:53,267
We'll be right back
251
00:10:53,302 --> 00:10:55,114
with the weather
after this message.
252
00:10:55,138 --> 00:10:56,404
And we're clear.
253
00:10:56,439 --> 00:10:59,073
That was quite a
commentary, Sam.
254
00:10:59,108 --> 00:11:01,070
Well, I hope I didn't
offend anyone, you know?
255
00:11:01,094 --> 00:11:02,471
I just feel like it
had to be said.
256
00:11:02,495 --> 00:11:04,290
Mm. Would you mind
a little friendly critique?
257
00:11:04,314 --> 00:11:05,314
No, no. Go ahead.
258
00:11:05,348 --> 00:11:06,648
I know this is the first time
259
00:11:06,683 --> 00:11:08,850
you've done this, but
I think you might want
260
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,863
your commentaries
to be a little more...
261
00:11:10,887 --> 00:11:13,521
Oh, what's the word
I'm searching for?
262
00:11:13,557 --> 00:11:15,490
Interesting.
263
00:11:15,525 --> 00:11:16,858
Interesting. Right.
264
00:11:16,893 --> 00:11:19,226
You know, that gives me
something to shoot for there.
265
00:11:19,262 --> 00:11:23,047
Say, uh, there's a
late-breaking story
266
00:11:23,083 --> 00:11:24,693
over at my place
around 12:00-ish.
267
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:26,201
Care to cover it?
268
00:11:26,236 --> 00:11:29,137
Sorry, I don't do fluff pieces.
269
00:11:29,172 --> 00:11:34,308
And in five, four, three, two...
270
00:11:34,343 --> 00:11:36,588
Well, it was a little chilly
coming into work today.
271
00:11:36,612 --> 00:11:38,996
Dr. Buzz, what does
our weather look like?
272
00:11:39,032 --> 00:11:42,050
Not to waste any of the grout.
273
00:11:42,085 --> 00:11:46,554
Remember, it's
nine cents a ton...
274
00:11:46,589 --> 00:11:48,567
This looks really fascinating.
275
00:11:48,591 --> 00:11:50,224
Oh, I'll say. Gee,
you should've seen
276
00:11:50,259 --> 00:11:51,893
this guy put the
flasher on the roof.
277
00:11:51,928 --> 00:11:53,822
I'm so sorry I missed that.
278
00:11:53,846 --> 00:11:58,132
I was watching Sam do
the sports on Channel 13.
279
00:12:13,816 --> 00:12:16,284
Sammy! Our I on Sports!
280
00:12:18,754 --> 00:12:20,087
How was I?
281
00:12:20,122 --> 00:12:21,705
You were great, Sam.
282
00:12:21,741 --> 00:12:24,120
Hey, I never found the
scores so fascinating.
283
00:12:24,144 --> 00:12:25,771
Yeah, it was pure
Musburger, Sammy.
284
00:12:25,795 --> 00:12:27,094
Sammy, it was the
285
00:12:27,130 --> 00:12:28,690
single greatest
exhibition of sportscasting
286
00:12:28,714 --> 00:12:29,947
I've ever seen in my life.
287
00:12:29,983 --> 00:12:32,278
And I am not just saying
that in order to get a free beer.
288
00:12:32,302 --> 00:12:34,263
If the spirit does move you,
289
00:12:34,287 --> 00:12:36,938
Sammy, I take a size 12 sudsy.
290
00:12:36,973 --> 00:12:38,055
Hey, thank you, guys.
291
00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:41,626
You know, coming
from you, it means a lot.
292
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,308
So, Carla... how was I really?
293
00:12:45,332 --> 00:12:47,599
It was like watching
old people eat.
294
00:12:50,170 --> 00:12:51,969
You delivered the sports fine,
295
00:12:52,005 --> 00:12:54,472
but you got to jazz
up the commentary.
296
00:12:54,508 --> 00:12:56,352
Yeah, yeah, boy, they
said that same thing
297
00:12:56,376 --> 00:12:57,258
down at the station.
298
00:12:57,293 --> 00:12:58,854
You know, you got to
talk about something
299
00:12:58,878 --> 00:13:00,122
a little more
interesting than...
300
00:13:00,146 --> 00:13:01,290
rooting for the home team.
301
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,332
That's like saying,
"let's all drive safely."
302
00:13:04,367 --> 00:13:06,700
There goes
tomorrow's commentary.
303
00:13:09,605 --> 00:13:11,906
You know, I want to
do so great at this job,
304
00:13:11,941 --> 00:13:14,308
but it's kind of
tough, you know?
305
00:13:14,344 --> 00:13:17,345
I got to come up with
five opinions a week.
306
00:13:17,380 --> 00:13:20,515
Well, they couldn't
pay me enough.
307
00:13:23,420 --> 00:13:25,553
You know, I'll worry
about this later.
308
00:13:25,588 --> 00:13:27,821
Right now I got to get
Rebecca to give me
309
00:13:27,857 --> 00:13:29,407
the rest of my nights off.
310
00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:30,391
No problem there, Sammy.
311
00:13:30,426 --> 00:13:31,687
I don't think you
work here anymore.
312
00:13:31,711 --> 00:13:34,545
What are you talking about?
313
00:13:34,580 --> 00:13:35,980
Vampira knows.
314
00:13:36,015 --> 00:13:37,710
She was watching
TV in her office.
315
00:13:37,734 --> 00:13:39,751
She has a TV in there?
316
00:13:39,786 --> 00:13:43,237
Yeah, one of those little
tiny ones, like her heart.
317
00:13:43,272 --> 00:13:45,372
Great.
318
00:13:47,126 --> 00:13:48,359
Uh, Ms. Howe?
319
00:13:48,395 --> 00:13:49,860
I have a confession to make.
320
00:13:49,896 --> 00:13:52,230
You know that story about
my apartment being robbed?
321
00:13:52,265 --> 00:13:53,698
I made that all up.
322
00:13:53,733 --> 00:13:56,901
No!
323
00:13:56,936 --> 00:13:58,069
Yeah, yeah.
324
00:13:58,104 --> 00:14:01,606
Actually, I was
down at Channel 13
325
00:14:01,641 --> 00:14:03,575
doing the sportscast.
326
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:05,577
Hope you're not mad.
327
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:07,223
Well, you used to be the boss.
328
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,625
How did you feel when
people lied to you?
329
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:11,949
Ah, well, I had a rule.
330
00:14:11,984 --> 00:14:19,591
When anyone ever lied to me,
they had to go to bed with me.
331
00:14:19,626 --> 00:14:26,030
Well, that's one way to make
sure it won't happen again.
332
00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:27,693
You know, Mr. Malone,
you haven't been
333
00:14:27,717 --> 00:14:28,744
dealing fairly with me.
334
00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:29,734
I know, I know.
335
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:31,302
I'm sorry.
336
00:14:31,338 --> 00:14:34,072
It's just that this...
this means a lot to me.
337
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,985
And now I suppose
you're going to ask me
338
00:14:36,009 --> 00:14:37,236
for the rest of the week off.
339
00:14:37,260 --> 00:14:40,544
Yeah, I know, it's a lot to ask.
340
00:14:40,579 --> 00:14:41,690
No, it isn't.
341
00:14:41,714 --> 00:14:42,775
You're on.
342
00:14:42,799 --> 00:14:44,932
Oh, great. What, am
I fired or something?
343
00:14:44,968 --> 00:14:46,334
Not at all.
344
00:14:46,369 --> 00:14:48,280
Look, I figure one of
two things will happen:
345
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:50,215
either you'll do well,
they'll offer you a job
346
00:14:50,239 --> 00:14:51,716
and I'll never see you again;
347
00:14:51,740 --> 00:14:52,918
or you'll screw up,
348
00:14:52,942 --> 00:14:54,636
humiliate yourself
and come back here
349
00:14:54,660 --> 00:14:56,138
a crushed and broken man.
350
00:14:56,162 --> 00:14:57,661
Either way, I win.
351
00:14:59,699 --> 00:15:02,233
Son of a gun, you do have heart.
352
00:15:02,268 --> 00:15:03,750
Of course I do.
353
00:15:03,786 --> 00:15:05,269
Tell me though.
What'd you think?
354
00:15:05,305 --> 00:15:06,870
How'd I look out there?
355
00:15:06,906 --> 00:15:08,517
I've never seen you look better.
356
00:15:08,541 --> 00:15:09,541
Really?
357
00:15:09,575 --> 00:15:12,576
You should always be this size.
358
00:15:14,480 --> 00:15:16,280
Let me give you
some advice here:
359
00:15:16,316 --> 00:15:19,116
never do this to a guy.
360
00:15:26,225 --> 00:15:28,086
Guys, guys, he's about to
do the commentary here.
361
00:15:28,110 --> 00:15:29,961
Anybody know what
the topic's going to be?
362
00:15:29,996 --> 00:15:32,396
Well, no, no, he said he
was going to crank it up
363
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:33,831
by taking a firm stand.
364
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:36,517
Hey, Woody, wasn't
he rehearsing with you?
365
00:15:36,552 --> 00:15:38,652
Yeah, but he made me
promise not to tell you guys.
366
00:15:38,687 --> 00:15:41,122
It's too exciting.
367
00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:45,792
And I don't remember.
368
00:15:45,828 --> 00:15:47,456
Tonight I'm going
to tackle the issue
369
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,114
that's tearing
professional sports apart...
370
00:15:50,149 --> 00:15:53,133
Natural grass
or artificial turf?
371
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,448
Now this reporter's
not afraid to say
372
00:15:56,472 --> 00:15:59,606
that he's firmly in
favor of natural grass.
373
00:15:59,642 --> 00:16:02,243
It's softer, causes
fewer injuries,
374
00:16:02,278 --> 00:16:05,396
and let's face it, folks:
it looks prettier on TV.
375
00:16:05,431 --> 00:16:08,232
That's just one guy's opinion.
376
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:09,467
Joanne?
377
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:12,803
Gee, Sam, I heard somewhere
that in an indoor stadium
378
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:15,172
it's impossible to
grow real grass.
379
00:16:17,744 --> 00:16:18,810
Well, yes, yes, uh...
380
00:16:18,845 --> 00:16:22,430
in indoor stadiums, you
have to use the fake stuff.
381
00:16:22,465 --> 00:16:24,899
And I've heard that some of
the more recent synthetic blends
382
00:16:24,934 --> 00:16:26,284
actually do help
reduce injuries.
383
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:27,551
Oh.
384
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:32,840
Well, I hadn't heard that, Doc.
385
00:16:32,876 --> 00:16:34,675
That's pretty amazing.
386
00:16:34,710 --> 00:16:36,588
So what are you
saying here, Sam?
387
00:16:36,612 --> 00:16:42,349
Well, I guess I'm saying
that I could go either way on it.
388
00:16:42,385 --> 00:16:44,385
So you have no opinion on this?
389
00:16:44,420 --> 00:16:47,238
No, I have two opinions.
390
00:16:49,291 --> 00:16:52,059
And that's one guy's opinions.
391
00:17:01,821 --> 00:17:04,249
The Graf-Everett final
may be a good match-up,
392
00:17:04,273 --> 00:17:06,290
but if you ask this I on Sports,
393
00:17:06,325 --> 00:17:08,365
the fact that Martina
Navratilova decided
394
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:09,421
to sit this one out...
395
00:17:09,445 --> 00:17:15,299
Ooh, to say "Martina Navra-
whoever" without even...
396
00:17:15,334 --> 00:17:18,486
You know, I got a phone
call today from a teenager
397
00:17:18,521 --> 00:17:22,323
saying I was taking advantage
of my status as an ex-ballplayer
398
00:17:22,358 --> 00:17:25,993
and that old squares like me
shouldn't be doing the sports.
399
00:17:26,028 --> 00:17:29,630
Well, Corky,
tonight's commentary
400
00:17:29,666 --> 00:17:33,233
is directed right at you.
401
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,471
♪ Time to rap about
a controversy ♪
402
00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:39,974
♪ Gonna take a stand,
won't show no mercy ♪
403
00:17:40,009 --> 00:17:42,409
♪ A lot of folks say
jocks shouldn't be ♪
404
00:17:42,444 --> 00:17:44,795
♪ Doing the sports news on TV ♪
405
00:17:44,830 --> 00:17:47,164
♪ I don't want to hear
the latest scores ♪
406
00:17:47,199 --> 00:17:49,801
♪ From a bunch of old
broadcasting school bores ♪
407
00:17:49,836 --> 00:17:51,914
♪ So get your scores
from a guy like me ♪
408
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:55,088
♪ Who knows what it's
like to have a groin injury ♪
409
00:17:55,124 --> 00:17:57,374
♪ G-G-Groin, g-g-groin ♪
410
00:17:57,409 --> 00:18:00,177
♪ G-G-Groin injury. ♪
411
00:18:07,520 --> 00:18:09,220
Joanne.
412
00:18:09,255 --> 00:18:12,673
Dr. Buzz, there must
be some weather.
413
00:18:18,231 --> 00:18:20,247
Ah, poor Sammy.
414
00:18:20,282 --> 00:18:23,016
Bet you they fired him
after that display, huh?
415
00:18:23,052 --> 00:18:24,162
Yeah, I guess he won't
416
00:18:24,186 --> 00:18:26,287
be showing his face
around here tonight.
417
00:18:26,322 --> 00:18:27,838
Would you come into a place
418
00:18:27,873 --> 00:18:30,574
where everyone thought
you were a complete idiot?
419
00:18:30,609 --> 00:18:33,710
Never mind.
420
00:18:33,746 --> 00:18:35,808
Well, I suppose he's
out wandering the streets,
421
00:18:35,832 --> 00:18:38,232
rapping incoherently.
422
00:18:38,267 --> 00:18:41,602
Yeah, yeah, but
what if he comes in?
423
00:18:41,637 --> 00:18:43,037
What are we going to say to him?
424
00:18:43,072 --> 00:18:45,990
Well, just tell
him he was brave.
425
00:18:46,025 --> 00:18:50,027
Yeah, like a kamikaze pilot.
426
00:18:50,062 --> 00:18:53,430
Wow, I always wanted
to meet one of those guys.
427
00:18:55,301 --> 00:18:59,603
The stories they must tell, huh?
428
00:19:00,790 --> 00:19:03,858
Well, I guess as per usual,
429
00:19:03,893 --> 00:19:07,461
it's up to me as his best
friend to tell him the truth.
430
00:19:07,496 --> 00:19:08,528
You?
431
00:19:08,564 --> 00:19:10,665
I'm sure he'll
understand if I tell him.
432
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,517
Hey, nobody is tighter
with Sammy than me.
433
00:19:13,552 --> 00:19:16,553
I'm the one who
should tell him he stinks.
434
00:19:17,623 --> 00:19:19,005
So...
435
00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:20,552
what'd you think of my
commentary tonight?
436
00:19:20,576 --> 00:19:24,078
I thought you were wonderful.
437
00:19:24,113 --> 00:19:25,713
It just felt great up there.
438
00:19:25,748 --> 00:19:29,015
I tell you, ever since I sold
the bar I've been floundering.
439
00:19:29,051 --> 00:19:30,895
It's like I'm standing
in quicksand.
440
00:19:30,919 --> 00:19:32,664
You know, I've been
trying to get my feet
441
00:19:32,688 --> 00:19:33,732
planted on the ground
442
00:19:33,756 --> 00:19:35,634
and all of a sudden,
it's all come together.
443
00:19:35,658 --> 00:19:37,569
It's like everything
I've ever done in my life
444
00:19:37,593 --> 00:19:39,560
has been leading
up to this moment.
445
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:44,948
My knowledge of sports, my
good looks, my ability to rhyme.
446
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:48,452
You know, I tell you, I
think I found my niche in life.
447
00:19:48,487 --> 00:19:50,554
They liked you
down at the station?
448
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,055
Are you kidding, liked me?
449
00:19:52,091 --> 00:19:53,990
Man, they were speechless.
450
00:19:55,795 --> 00:19:58,596
Oh, hey, yeah, Rebecca.
451
00:19:58,631 --> 00:20:00,865
Listen, uh, did you
catch my act tonight?
452
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,077
Yes, I did.
453
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:03,267
So what'd you think?
454
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:04,769
Now you can be honest with me.
455
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:05,881
Honest? Mm-hmm.
456
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:07,237
Let's see...
457
00:20:07,273 --> 00:20:09,633
as news rappers go, I
thought you were fine.
458
00:20:10,843 --> 00:20:14,161
But maybe rapping has just
been kind of done to death.
459
00:20:14,197 --> 00:20:16,630
Oh, no, you think so?
460
00:20:16,665 --> 00:20:19,399
I mean, I'd hate to think
I looked stupid out there.
461
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:20,801
No, no, not at all.
462
00:20:20,837 --> 00:20:21,952
No, no, no, it's just that
463
00:20:21,987 --> 00:20:23,866
it's not unique anymore, Sam.
464
00:20:23,890 --> 00:20:25,116
I mean, uh, you know,
465
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:27,302
it'd be one thing if you
were the first guy to rap,
466
00:20:27,326 --> 00:20:29,238
but they're rapping on
stations all over town.
467
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,540
You don't want to be the
last on a long train of rappers.
468
00:20:31,564 --> 00:20:33,125
Yeah, Norm is
right there, Sammy.
469
00:20:33,149 --> 00:20:34,915
I mean, you got to
do something different.
470
00:20:34,950 --> 00:20:36,150
Do something revolutionary,
471
00:20:36,185 --> 00:20:38,886
something that no
sportscaster does anymore.
472
00:20:38,921 --> 00:20:42,139
You know, like,
uh... read the sports.
473
00:20:44,377 --> 00:20:46,355
You know, I have been
working on something,
474
00:20:46,379 --> 00:20:48,357
but I was afraid
it was too much.
475
00:20:48,381 --> 00:20:51,148
But if you guys think
that rapping's old hat...
476
00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:54,151
you know, I just
may give it a shot.
477
00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:58,455
I'm going to work on it
right now, as a matter of fact.
478
00:20:58,491 --> 00:20:59,868
Suppose we ought to stop him?
479
00:20:59,892 --> 00:21:00,991
Oh, no, wait a minute.
480
00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:02,937
How do we know it's going
to be another bad idea?
481
00:21:02,961 --> 00:21:05,980
I mean, it couldn't be as
bad as tonight, could it?
482
00:21:06,015 --> 00:21:09,366
Hi, everybody.
483
00:21:09,401 --> 00:21:10,629
Hi, Little Sam.
484
00:21:10,653 --> 00:21:11,919
Are you ready for tonight's...
485
00:21:11,954 --> 00:21:14,421
Oh, my God.
486
00:21:14,456 --> 00:21:16,190
I sure am.
487
00:21:16,225 --> 00:21:18,492
I think the Red Sox
are making a big mistake
488
00:21:18,527 --> 00:21:20,661
trading away young
players for veterans
489
00:21:20,696 --> 00:21:22,996
who can only help
them for a season or two.
490
00:21:23,031 --> 00:21:25,043
Don't you agree, Little Sam?
491
00:21:25,067 --> 00:21:27,500
No, I think you're
full of hooey.
492
00:21:28,955 --> 00:21:31,105
If I paid five bucks
to get in the ballpark,
493
00:21:31,140 --> 00:21:34,841
I want to see them win now.
494
00:21:34,877 --> 00:21:36,055
What do you know?
495
00:21:36,079 --> 00:21:37,945
Your head's wooden.
496
00:21:37,980 --> 00:21:40,197
Well, your lips are moving.
497
00:21:40,232 --> 00:21:42,983
If either of them
mentions the bar, I'm suing.
498
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,120
Stop it.
499
00:21:46,155 --> 00:21:50,524
Well, that's two guys' opinions.
500
00:21:50,559 --> 00:21:52,426
Joanne?
501
00:21:59,301 --> 00:22:00,851
Oh, boy.
502
00:22:00,887 --> 00:22:06,356
It seemed like such a
good idea at the time.
503
00:22:06,392 --> 00:22:11,829
Boy, I wanted that job so
bad. I wanted to make it work.
504
00:22:11,864 --> 00:22:14,331
I guess I just went
over the edge, huh?
505
00:22:14,366 --> 00:22:17,167
Hey, make him talk, Sam.
Make him say my name.
506
00:22:20,138 --> 00:22:21,588
Maybe later, Woody.
507
00:22:21,623 --> 00:22:23,583
My lips are kind
of tired right now.
508
00:22:25,078 --> 00:22:26,989
I know things seem
a little bleak right now,
509
00:22:27,013 --> 00:22:28,924
but, um, I think there's
two important things
510
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:29,914
to look at here.
511
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:31,060
One:
512
00:22:31,084 --> 00:22:32,549
at least you took a chance.
513
00:22:32,585 --> 00:22:34,218
And two...
514
00:22:34,253 --> 00:22:36,587
And this is the important one...
515
00:22:36,622 --> 00:22:38,889
You know when to quit.
516
00:22:38,925 --> 00:22:41,058
Yeah, boy, that's true.
517
00:22:41,094 --> 00:22:42,176
You know,
518
00:22:42,211 --> 00:22:44,612
I came real close to
losing my dignity tonight.
519
00:22:46,482 --> 00:22:48,382
I've been thinking about it,
520
00:22:48,417 --> 00:22:51,969
you know, I'm going to hang
up the old Channel 13 blazer.
521
00:22:52,004 --> 00:22:54,404
You know, if that phone
were to ring right now
522
00:22:54,440 --> 00:22:57,374
and they were to beg me to
come back, I wouldn't do it.
523
00:22:57,409 --> 00:22:58,909
I think it's just time
524
00:22:58,945 --> 00:23:01,545
that I grew up and
accepted what I am:
525
00:23:01,581 --> 00:23:02,691
a bartender.
526
00:23:02,715 --> 00:23:04,125
And a damned
good one at that, too.
527
00:23:05,785 --> 00:23:07,618
Cheers.
528
00:23:07,653 --> 00:23:09,469
It's the station.
529
00:23:09,504 --> 00:23:12,206
Well, you're kidding me.
530
00:23:12,241 --> 00:23:14,975
The switchboard's lighting up?
531
00:23:15,010 --> 00:23:16,644
Well, look, hey.
532
00:23:16,679 --> 00:23:18,812
Listen, I'm sorry, I don't
care if they loved me.
533
00:23:18,847 --> 00:23:22,082
I happen to have
a job already...
534
00:23:22,117 --> 00:23:23,417
and I have friends...
535
00:23:24,787 --> 00:23:26,269
and I have my dignity.
536
00:23:26,305 --> 00:23:27,638
Yeah.
537
00:23:27,673 --> 00:23:29,573
Well, thanks anyway.
538
00:23:29,608 --> 00:23:30,974
Yeah, bye-bye.
539
00:23:32,528 --> 00:23:35,011
Very admirable, Mr. Malone.
540
00:23:35,047 --> 00:23:37,347
Well, I still have
a little nobility left.
541
00:23:37,383 --> 00:23:38,465
All right.
542
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,267
Okay, Sam.
543
00:23:40,302 --> 00:23:42,464
Oh, I have to cancel
that relief bartender.
544
00:23:42,488 --> 00:23:45,388
Oh, maybe you ought to, uh...
545
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:46,990
Hello?
36266
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