All language subtitles for Diamond.in.the.Rough.2022.1080p.WEBRip.x264-RARBG

[♪]

[alarm beeping]

Shit! [breaths heavily]

ARIANA:
Late again.
Story of my life.

My first job interview in ages.

Oh, shit!

And with Mike Reddy, no less,
hottest media mogul in the biz.

Shit.

I need to pull it together.

- I'm pulling it together.
- [elevator beeps]

ARIANA:
I got this.

Oh, thanks.

[sighs] Look out, world,
today is my day.

[pushing button]

- [folder falls]
- Oh, oh. Oh.

[sighs]

Shit. Damn it.

I got it.

Oh, my goodness,
that is very kind of you.

[grunts] Of course.

What kind of person would I be
if I didn't?

Oh, thank you.

[sighs]

Did you hear Mike pulled a Karen
on Karen?

He went off on her.

Oh, this place used to be
so much fun.

Uh, Mike Reddy wouldn't know fun
if it kneed him in the balls.

Well, I got my feelers out
and when I land something,

- I'm gonna bounce.
- [sighs] Okay.

- [elevator beeps]
- [elevator door opening]

ARIANA:
I know I'm two minutes late.

There was a lot
of elevator traffic,

which I could have avoided,

but then there
was this old lady--

Sorry, elderly lady.

Anyways, it was
a real ethical Sophie's choice.

Zucky, I-- I have to go,

but you know,
this is why no one likes you.

[earpiece beeps]

- He's so meta.
- [chuckles]

All right, your uncle
speaks very highly of you.

I looked through your résumé.

Top of your class at BU.
Very nice.

I also went to college
in Boston.

- Emerson.
- [laughs]

MIKE:
Very funny.

Two years out of school
and still no job.

- Your parents must be...
- Dead.

- Oh, I--
- No, I'm kidding.

[chuckles] Well, no, I'm not,
they are dead.

Um, I don't know
why I said that.

What I meant to say is
if they were alive,

they would probably blame
this post-pandemy economy.

Am I right? [chuckles]

Fair point.

So tell me what um, excites you
about Heywood Media?

So many things.

a media company whose CEO
is also the founder

with over 200 employees
in offices across the country.

Or should I say "globe"?

Congrats
on the new London office.

Looks like you did
your homework,

but anyone can Google.

What do you really know
about my company?

[sighs]

Well, um,
I didn't wanna go here,

but since you asked,
word on the street is

- company morale is low.
- [chuckles]

Our employees
are some of the highest paid

in this industry.

Studies show that money
doesn't replace fun.

People wanna feel appreciated.

Are you telling me how
to run a company

- that I started from scratch?
- Of course not.

I-- I'm just
keeping it fortune 100.

and I know not everyone
can be Sara Blakely

taking her team to Hawaii
on a private jet.

- She-- she does that?
- Yes.

But little things,
like bowling

or softball or a company picnic,
they go a long way.

[scoffs] In over 20 years,
I've never had someone

come in for an interview
and talk to me like this.

I'm sorry.
I was just speaking my mind.

And you might be right.

I admit I have become
a little bit of a...

- Tight ass?
- Don't push it.

But you do make a valid point
and I do respect honesty,

so what the hell?

- Let's do this.
- [phone beeping]

Um, so embarrassing.

Let me just uh...
[sighs] I'm so sorry.

[Ariana sighing]

Holy shit!

My TikTok is blowing up!

Oh! Well, congratulations.

You know,
we are a media company.

- Let me take a look.
- [chuckles]

ARIANA ON VIDEO:
So boycott Vikki's,

because you vote
with your dollar.

Plus, I heard
they found the prototype

for these bras
on Epstein's island.

Ew.

I read that in the comments.

- Our company made this ad.
- [laughs]

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit.

[♪]

[indistinct chatter
in background]

[thump]

I spoke with Mike.

Ah, now I get it.

I really tried!

You know,
not every single thought belongs

on the internet.

Can I get
a tequila on the rocks?

- Extra limes. Make it a double.
- She'll have an iced tea.

Tío, this is a time for alcohol.

Oh, si, como no?

Poor millennial
blowing yet another interview

your rich Tío set up for you.

Will some avocado toast
make you feel better?

First of all, I'm Gen Z,

and secondly,
it wasn't my fault.

Uh, maybe I'm just not cut out
for a traditional 9:00 to 5:00.

Ariana, you're educated,
smart, charming,

so why do you keep getting
in your own way?

Do you remember
what your parents always said?

No empiences.

Show me your friends
and I'll show you who you are.

But I don't have any friends.

That's the problem.

I'm doing a lot of traveling,

so I spoke to the head
of Gilmore Country Club

and I'm gifting you
a seasonal membership.

Tío, you might enjoy
showing off your timepiece

with those nepo baby boomers,
but I could never.

I planned a party at the club
for your birthday

and I fully expect you
to fill it

with all your new friends.

Yeah, I'd love to,

but I have a root canal
that day.

Look, I'm serious.

IQ isn't enough,
you need to have EQ.

And your stuffy country club

is gonna give me
emotional depth?

It's worth a try.

If you prove that you've matured

and surrounded yourself
with high-quality friends,

I'll get you another interview
at Heywood.

Besides I think
it would do you good

to get back
to some family traditions.

And if you don't, well-- [sighs]

I'll have no choice,
but to cut you off.

You can't do that!

All because
I don't wanna assimilate?

Gilmore is full of lawyers,
doctors, business owners.

I want you to surround yourself
with that caliber of friends.

- Ensenyame tus amigos--
- And you'll show me who I am.

You already said that.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't
use my dead parents

as emotional manipulation.

Ariana... that accident
wasn't your responsibility.

What you do
with the rest of your life is.

You know what you have to do.

Go drown my sorrows
in Postmates tequila,

and self-loathing?

Mr. Peters will be expecting you
at noon tomorrow.

Don't be late.

I'll consider it,

but you're not
my favorite tío right now.

Oh.

I'm your only tío.

[blows a kiss]

[inhales, exhales]

[car door lock beeps]

[sighs]

Oh, this day
couldn't get any worse!

[birds chirping in background

Ariana?

- Oh, fuck me.
- REBECCA: Oh, my God, girl!

I haven't seen you
since you dropped out of kappa!

- Yeah.
- [chuckles]

- Ooh, you're...
- Pregnant!

- On purpose?
- [chuckles]

You always were the funny one.

[chuckles]
Of course, on purpose.

Harry and I.
You remember Harry?

Hung-like-a-horse Harry?

[chuckles]
They called him that?

[chuckles]

Anyway, we did Europe
after graduation

- and he proposed in Paris.
- Wow.

Yeah, planning a wedding,
while I was at Yale Business,

was no easy feat,
but it all worked out.

Whoa! Elon Musk could see
that thing from space!

Oh, you think?
[chuckles] I could ask him.

Congratulations on everything.

But I just gave you
my one-woman show.

What about you?

Are you just killin'
the PR world?

Uh, yeah, pretty much.

I just had an interview
at Heywood Media.

Congrats. When do you hear back?

Any day now.

But you know,
I pretty much crushed it.

- Yes, you did.
- [chuckles]

And any boyfriends
or girlfriends?

I'm still looking
for the right guy,

but you know, can't hurt
to have fun in the meantime.

Aw!

And I went viral this morning.

- No big deal. [chuckles]
- That's nice.

I also just joined this
really exclusive country club.

It was super hard to get into,
but I pulled some strings.

Oh, my God, which one?

Gilmore Country Club.

Get out. That's my club!

Whoa! What are the chances?

Oh, you'll love it!
It's a great place to network.

I mean it has to be, right,

to make up for
that 100-grand initiation fee.

Oh, you could stop
climate change

- with that kinda cash.
- Well, listen, I have to run.

So uh, let's meet up at Gilmore.
I'll introduce you to the girls.

You'll have margs,
I'll have tea.

It'll be great.

- Yeah, great.
- [chuckling]

Oh,
even your hair smells perfect.

- [chuckling]
- Okay, bye.

Can't wait!

[birds chirping in background]

[sighs] Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou, Romeo?

[purs]

Oh, hi, over here.

- [meows]
- Romeo.

[sighs] Men are so fickle.

[presses button]

I know I've only known Damien
for 10 minutes,

but we're for sure soul mates.

Hell yeah. Soul mates!

Pfft! I call bullshit.
Right, Romeo?

JENNY ON TV:
I just wanted to show Damien
my best side, right?

so I'm not telling him
about the three kids I have.

[♪]

Romeo, you're my friend, right?

[sighs] Shit.

[car whirring]

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Employee parking's around back.

I'm actually a member.
My tío is George Alvarez.

Ms. Alvarez, I'm so sorry.
Mr. Peters is expecting you.

It's Ariana.

Oh, let me park the car for you.

- It's okay. I'll do it myself.
- Of course, yeah!

Uh, just right over there
in between that uh,

the Porsche and the Cadillac.

Mmhmm. [taps]

Phew!

[♪]

Oh, I said dressing on the side.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Harrison.

I will have the kitchen
fix that.

Oh, Skyler, mine is on the side.
We can switch.

Don't be ridiculous,
she can bring me a new one.

And no croutons. Thank you.

Mmhmm.

Since when does staff
get to walk

through the main building?

I'm calling Mr. Peters.

No, that's Ariana!
We went to college together.

She's a member.

Honey, members know
how to dress at Gilmore.

She's new. And she's very funny.

- Just give her a chance.
- Well, I wanna meet her.

[♪]

[phone rings]

[♪]

Ugh, golf.

Eh, Ms. Alvarez!
Thanks for comin' in.

I'm Richard Peters,

the General Manager here
at Gilmore.

Your uncle has spoken
very highly of you.

Well, either you're lying
or he is.

But either way, I appreciate it.

He also said you were blunt

and that you'd need help
with the dress code.

So, let's go to the pro shop,
and pick out some proper attire,

and then I can show you around.

Yeah, I actually worked
really hard on this outfit.

I know it looks
like I just threw it together,

but that's like
kind of the point.

Well, your uncle also mentioned

that you
have oppositional behavior.

- Okay, now, who's the blunt one?
- Shall we?

[♪]

Jason,
this is Mr. Alvarez's niece.

We need to get her
into proper golf attire.

[♪]

- RICHARD: Jason.
- Oh, hi. I mean...

Why don't you pick out
a few things

and head out to the patio
for a drink,

and I'll meet you there?

[door opens and shuts
in background]

Wow! He seems fun.

He's strict, but great.

[hangers clinking]

You don't have to stare.
I'm not gonna steal anything.

- No, Ms. Alvarez, I wasn't--
- And it's Ariana.

Uh, last names only.
It's club policy.

Oh, gosh, what is this place?
Some kind of cult?

'Cause that might make it
more appealing.

- [chuckles]
- Woah! $90 for a skort!

Are you kidding me?

JASON:
They're really comfortable.

Uh, I mean that's what
all the ladies say.

[scoffs] For 90 bucks,
it better make me squirt

and do my taxes.

Uh, I can check with my manager.

I mean it is pretty cute.
And I'm a sucker for pockets.

Almost makes me
wanna hit some balls.

- Have you ever played?
- Yes.

Mini golf
with a bad online date.

If you're interested,

I could set you up
with some lessons.

I appreciate the hustle,

but I'm just here
for the day-drinking

and the patriarchal dress code.

Fair enough.

Charge it to my tío's account.

Wow!

Okay, ladies, I win again.
That's 200 from both of you.

[chuckling]

Ariana! You made it.
Good to see you.

Come meet everyone.
This is Skyler.

Harrison. Also club champion.

Five years running,
but it's not that important.

Of course not
or you wouldn't mention it.

Well, the champion does get

their yearly membership
dues waived.

So, it keeps the hubby happy.

Skyler, you're so bad.
[chuckles]

And this is Jenny.
Recently married.

The wedding was stunning.

Hey, I've seen you before.

Wait, you're on Lusty Lagoon!
You're a Dallas cheerleader!

[claps] That's me! Or was me.

I'm retired now.
Also, keeps the hubby happy.

What about you, Air-anna?

- It's Ariana.
- Same, same.

Becky has really
sung your praises.

Becky?

SKYLER:
So what are you?

Married? Divorced? Children?

I'd like to say

I'm a connoisseur
of dating apps.

So, single. How surprising.

ARIANA:
I'm not worried.

Marriage is basically
legal prostitution

that's been romanticized into
this billion-dollar industry.

- But congrats, Jenny!
- Aw, thank you so much!

But tell me,
how much locker-room action

do you cheerleaders really get?

- Ariana.
- Oh, come on!

53 big, chiseled men.
How many can you count?

Jenny, no,
you don't have to answer that.

Ariana, that--
that's not appropriate.

Jenny's married
to a highly-respected attorney.

Twenty-two.

Yeah, threesomes, foursomes.

And don't even get me started
with Super Bowl Sunday.

- Jenny!
- It was wild.

Jenny, what has gotten into you?

Come on, Becca!

Like you don't let Harry
in the back door

- once in a while!
- [chuckles]

- Oh, only on special occasions.
- [chuckling]

Ladies, that's enough!

Good afternoon, ladies.

Ms. Alvarez, are you ready
for the grand tour?

I can't wait.

- Lovely to meet you all.
- You, too.

Bye.

Well, that got way
off the rails.

I don't know what came over me!

Sounds like a lot of people
from what you just said.

Please, stop!

This is exactly the kind
of vile behavior

someone like Ariana brings out
in all of us.

Your friend may clean up nicely,
but she's not Gilmore material.

She's not my friend.

We just knew each other
from college.

I understand.

You. [snaps]

Come here. What's her deal?

- How'd she get in here?
- Mr. Alvarez's niece?

He's sponsoring her
for a seasonal membership.

I see. So, she's not a member.

She's a member's guest.

What difference does it make?

All the difference in the world.

She won't last a week.

Cheers, ladies.

[laughs]

I get it.

I don't know what came over me
and then you were like

- [indistinct speech]
- Jenny, enough.

[♪]

Thanks for saving me.

Did they welcome you
with open arms?

Not exactly.

Yeah, I didn't think so.
But they'll warm up to you.

Or they won't. It's a tossup.

So where's Mr. Peters?

Did you knock him off
for the insurance money?

[chuckles]

Uh, I was about to,

but then he got pulled
into a meeting.

Oh, love a plot twist.

So, now, it's my job
to give you the grand tour.

I was given orders to explain
some very important rules.

Okay. This is a cult.

[chuckles] Could be.

Um, but listen,
the trick is knowin'

which rules matter
and which ones don't.

Alright, so, rule number 1.

The dress code is everything.

And no public intoxication,
no gambling, and no cursing.

[♪]

[slurps]

[ka-ching]

Fuck! You little cock-sucker,
you cheated!

Take a chill pill, Dad.

I'm sorry, son,
but you can take that chill pill

and shove it up
your little 8-year-old ass,

- okay?
- [racket clunks]

I guess
that rule doesn't matter.

Yeah, we try to keep that
to a minimum.

But you catch on quick, Alvarez.

A loophole
to the last-name policy.

I'm impressed.

Okay, what's next?

Yeah, um, sorry about all that.

[chuckles]

Um, but we do
have one of the top courses

in the world,

which is, of course,
wasted on you.

Unfortunately, yes.
I hate the sport. Do you play?

Presently, no.
It's not really for me.

But I am one hell of a caddie.

[♪]

[sighs]

So, uh,
this is our men's lounge,

and per rule number 5,
no women are allowed in.

It's a deeply problematic tradition.

Yeah, it's almost like
our forefathers hated women.

[birds chirping in distance]

[sighs] And this is the main
dining room.

Wow! Fuck me!

- Uh, excuse me?
- [both chuckle]

And that is the perfect segue
to our last rule.

No fraternizing with the staff.

Fraternizing?

No hookin' up, dating

or falling madly and deeply
in love.

Hmm.

You know, fraternizing.

Ms. Alvarez, my apologies,

but I'm sure Jason
has properly introduced you

- to Gilmore.
- Yes, he was very informative.

It was my pleasure.

Well, just in case, here
is everything you need to know.

Please read it, thoroughly.

- It'll help you--
- Assimilate?

- Fit in.
- Hmm.

Your uncle is family here.
So that makes you family, too.

Just respect the rules
and we'll all have a great time.

Oh, I will be on
my best behavior.

Good.

STELLA:
Jesus Christ, Peters!

No wonder we can't attract
any fresh blood around here,

- you're scaring off the youth.
- [chuckles]

Ms. Alvarez,
this is Ms. Archebold.

The name is Stella, my dear.

- Ariana.
- Very nice to meet you.

Welcome to Gilmore.

Come to the luncheon
this afternoon.

You can sit at my table.

I will let you get me drunk
and then I will start gossiping.

[chuckles]
That's a tempting offer,

but I gotta catch up
on some light reading.

- Yes.
- It's all you can eat lobster.

Oh, I'll be there.

[chuckles] I look forward to it.

[♪]

Looks like Ariana's
really getting

her uncle's money's worth.

- I feel a little under-dressed.
- You look fine.

So, I've heard a lot about you.

Yes, I'm a liberal,
no, I did not get a boob job,

and yes,
I binge-watch cat videos.

[laughs]

A little personality
will do this club some good.

Too many cardboard cutouts
around here

if you ask me,
which you did not,

but I'm never one
to withhold an opinion.

Mm, respect.

- My apologies.
- Oh!

I believe this belongs
to you, Ms. Archebold.

Jason, you're a lifesaver.
Thank you so much.

Anything for my favorite member.

[laughs]

Oh, if I were 20 years younger,
the things I would do to him.

- Mm, no dating staff. Page 16.
- The rule book!

You read the rule book,
that outdated rag?

Yeah. Lots of rules,
not enough fun.

Well, you're right.
This place is a little stuffy.

I can overlook the stuffy part

as long as I can eat
and drink for free.

I'm gonna help my uncle
make his minimums.

[chuckles] Well, good for you.

So, which one's the cool table?

They're all cool table.

There are a lot
of wonderful people here.

It's just so much more fun
to talk about the bad ones.

- I'm listening.
- First, we have the Rockbridges.

STELLA:
Old money.

He's an idiot son
who inherited a fortune.

She's a former lingerie model.

And you've met the ladies.

I use that term loosely,
but only about of them.

That's new money
and a lot of it.

That Skyler
seems pretty intense.

I think you could take her.

And then there
are the young marrieds.

Meet the Smiths.

They have
the most perfect children

on the planet.

Watch what she does
with those olives

in her martini.

Wow! That would be genius
if it wasn't child abuse.

STELLA:
Mmhmm.

Of course, once you surpass
a certain income bracket,

we call it "character building."

[laughs]

Oh, I wasn't finished yet.

And you're supposed
to clear from the right!.

What's going on with this place?

- I'm sorry, Mrs. Harrison.
- Do it again.

[cutlery clinks]

The correct way.

[sighs]

Much better.

Sorry.

Oh, man.

You don't have to be so mean.

Becky, I was teaching her
a lesson.

You'd think
they'd train them better here.

Yes, can I help you?

[♪]

Didn't think so. Good idea.

I'm sure the dishwasher
could really use some help.

[indistinct chatter
in background]

[sighs]

Oh, don't cry.
I'm sorry those women were--

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

We're not supposed to eat
in front of members,

but this was all
just gonna get thrown out.

No, please, eat!

- It is so good!
- Yeah.

I'm sorry those girls
were so mean to you.

Them? Nah.

Most people here are cool.

They just put me down,
because they know

without their husbands
they'd be back here

sneakin' lobster with me.

Honestly,
I feel kinda bad for them.

Really?

I'm a psych major.

So I don't take anything personally.

- Wow, that's really freeing.
- Hmm.

What's the professional term
you'd use for Skyler?

Mm, cunty probably.

[both chuckle]

I'm sorry I shouldn't say that.

You're not gonna have me fired,
are you?

- Not a chance.
- Cool.

Oh, my God!

They're throwing away
the lobster!

Yeah. Happens all the time.

Well, can't they give it
to the homeless or something?

Food safety regulations.
If they get sick they could sue.

- It's a whole thing.
- [sighs] That's not accurate.

That's a lie fed to us
by corporate America

to excuse capitalistic laziness.

Hell yeah. [chuckles]

Well, could I take some home
for my cat?

For your cat?

[chuckles] Sure.

I will pack some up for you.

Hey, would you wanna hang out
some time?

Um, I'm just really busy
right now,

like with school and work.
It's--

Oh, yeah. No, I totally get it.

But you never know.

Something could change,
my schedule could free up.

- Let me pack this up for you.
- Great, thank you.

[sighs]

[insects chirping in distance]

Jason?

[♪]

Please don't let me end up
on a murder podcast.

Jason?

ARIANA:
What are you doing?

- Oh.
- [crock pops]

Hey, uh, wine?

These stars look fake.

They're just so bright.

Oh, yeah, it's uh,

'cause there's no lights
on the course.

You're gripping it too tight.
Keep the pressure firm,

but only
in your three left fingers.

Well, excuse me, Michelle Wie.
How do you know uh--

Hang around long enough,
you pick up the lingo.

Okay.

[sniffles]

[clunk]

- [ball rattling in the cup]
- Damn!

I thought you couldn't play.

Uh, yeah, I used to,
but uh, I don't play anymore.

It's a long story.

My favorite kind.

JASON:
My stepdad
was a caddie at Gilmore.

He taught me how to play
and I was pretty good.

I got a full ride to Stanford.

Wow! So, you're like amazing.

- Yeah, I was.
- [chuckles]

But I got to school

and I felt like everyone
was so privileged.

I was the only scholarship kid
without a trust fund.

I felt like I didn't fit in.

So, I dropped out.

My stepdad got me a job
at the club,

and rest is history.

And your parents were cool
with you quitting?

Um, no. they were pretty pissed.

But when I got there,
I felt like charity case.

- Like I...
- You didn't belong.

Exactly.

Yeah, I know the feeling.

I think my time at Gilmore
has come to an end.

Already?

Gilmore and me
are like post-breakup bangs.

Good in theory,
but in execution, big mistake.

I feel like you'd look good
with bangs.

Mm, no,
the receipts prove otherwise.

I could not pull it off.

Alvarez, we both know

you can pull off
anything you want to.

Operative word being "want".

Okay, so what do you want?

I'm still figuring it out.

Holy shit! Oh, my God!

Did you see that?
That was a shooting star!

- Am I in a fairytale?!
- Um, depends.

- Did you make a wish?
- Oh, shit.

No, it happened so fast.

- [rustling in distance]
- What was that?

Uh, could be a rabbit.

[rustling in distance]

- JASON: Or a snake.
- [howling in distance]

Or a coyote.

- Yeah, we should probably go.
- Yeah.

I hope you're hungry, Romeo,
because we hit the jackpot!.

We're gonna eat lobster
for weeks!

[chuckles]

[phone rings]

Tío! How's my favorite
jet-setting one-percenter?

Uh, just landed in Paris,

and the driver talked
about this throuple

and smoked a cigarette
the whole time.

I don't know which was worse.

Anyway, how are you?

I'm good. Really good.

TÍO JORGE ON PHONE:
Day one
and you already met a man?

What? No!

I can hear your smile
from France.

Who is he?
Did you meet at Gilmore?

Yes, but it's not like that.
It's complicated.

He's not married, is he?

ARIANA ON PHONE:
Ew, Tío, no!

But please just drop it, okay?

Besides, I could actually
use some advice.

You're asking me for help?

Go on.

I really
wanna give this place a chance.

Some people
have been really cool

and some have been...

Skyler Harrison.

I don't wanna name names,
but, yes.

ARIANA:
And it's not just her,
I feel like I don't fit in.

Even today at the luncheon,
everyone was staring.

TÍO JORGE ON PHONE:
What were you wearing?

My new skort,
from the golf shop.

You still there?

Yes.

Uh, mijita, you have to dress
for the class you wanna be in,

not the class you are.

Was that Gandhi?

TÍO JORGE ON PHONE:
These spaces
aren't always made for us,

but that doesn't mean
we don't belong.

You gotta make one ally
at a time.

Walk in
with your head held high,

and for the love of God
never wear a skort

to the main dining hall again.

- How'd I do?
- Solid 10 outta 10.

TÍO JORGE ON PHONE:
Great.

And not to ruin the moment,
but um,

did you put your parents up?

Not yet.

Don't wait too long, mijita.

I know. I won't.

TÍO JORGE ON PHONE:
Great. Now go give them hell.

[phone beeps]

[bag rustling]

Romeo!

[♪]

Christina. Christina.

- Christina!
- No! Stay back!

[groans]

Oh, my God, Ms. Alvarez,
I am so sorry!

Holy shit!

Where'd you learn to do that?

Jiu-jitsu. My muscle memory
just took over!

Holy shit,
I just assaulted a member.

And not at all in the way
I pictured it would happen.

- [exhales]
- Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I was just wondering
if you were free this afternoon.

[scoffs]
Uh, actually, yeah, I am.

- Today's your lucky day.
- [chuckles]

I hope no one saw that.

- Come on.
- Yeah.

The best consignment store
in town.

All the richest bitches
come here

to drop off
their last-season cast-offs.

[curtain whooshes]

Ooh!

This one feels...

Deeply problematic?

- I was gonna say racist.
- Yeah, yeah.

- This one's a maybe.
- Okay.

For home use only.

Hey, I don't slut shame.

I have the same one in red.

I feel beautiful.

Uh, there's a wine stain
on the back.

Oh, God, I think that's blood!

Oh, my God, ew!
Ew! Ew, ew, ew, ew, ew, ew!

- [curtain whooshes]
- [gasps] Classic.

- I feel like a Bond girl.
- You look like a Bond girl.

This is it.

- Pish.
- Mmhmm.

[curtain whooshes]

Okay, if you don't buy that,
I will kill you.

And then I'll buy it,
and I'll wear it to the trial.

[laughs]

You look beautiful.

How do you feel?

Different, but good different.

[sighs]

Thank you for bringing me here.

Any time.

But we probably
should get going.

Some of us actually have
to work.

Yeah, let's go.

♪ I wanna see you bring
the heat ♪

♪ The heat ♪

♪ I wanna see you bring
the flavor ♪

♪ The flavor ♪

♪ Come on, let's move it
to the beat ♪

♪ The beat ♪

♪ We gonna do it now and later ♪

♪ And later ♪

- ♪ Like that, huh, you got it ♪
- ♪ You got it ♪

♪ Yeah, let's move that body ♪

♪ We just swingin'
to the music ♪

Hey, ladies!
Let's lunch soon.

- ♪ Bring the heat ♪
- ♪ The heat ♪

- Wow! Uh, you clean up nice.
- Thanks.

I had a little help
from a friend.

I thought you didn't
have friends.

It's called "personal growth."

Ah! I'll have to try
that sometime.

- I had a lot of fun yesterday.
- Me, too.

Do you think you--

[indistinct speech]

Okay, I'll be right there.

I should probably go,
but I'll see you soon, Alvarez.

[birds chirping in distance]

[indistinct chatter
in background]

Good lady,
a tequila on the rocks.

- Make it double.
- Oh!

I guess I'm a proper lady
of society now.

Well, you certainly look
the part,

but now you've gotta act it.

Well, you've spent a lot of time
around these bougie a-holes.

What should I do next?

Give up my voting rights
or start preparing a dowry?

Wow!

Uh, first, I'd start by getting
that chip off your shoulder.

- [bottle tinkles]
- Ouch.

Ariana, you are spending time
at an amazing club

on your tío's dime.

A million people
would kill to be here.

- Check your privilege, missy.
- You're right.

Consider the chip gone.
Any other pointers?

Ooh,
you're gonna hate this next one.

I don't wanna date old dudes.

It's worse. You have to golf.

I'd rather date an old dude!

I know, but it's a golf club.
You gotta golf.

From what I've seen,
it's a drinking club

with a golf course.

Listen, it's an amazing way
to earn the ladies' respect

and it shows the men that
you're not just here shopping

for a husband.

I'll consider it.

But I want the record to show
I'm not happy.

- Noted.
- [chuckles]

And last but not least,
I'd enjoy this place

while it's still here.

Still here? Where's it going?

- Money problems.
- I have money problems.

Trust me, this place
is doing just fine.

No, girl, membership is down.

The older members are dying off

and they're certainly
not attracting any younger ones.

Well, boo-hoo!

The oldies can manifest
this place up in heaven.

- I sense a chip.
- Sorry, old habits.

Ariana,
it's not just the members.

Look around this place.

There's over 100 employees
that depend on Gilmore.

If something doesn't change,
this could be the last year

for all of us.

Well, I can think
of a million ways

to make this place more fun.

[bell ringing in background]

- Oh, no.
- I'm here for back up.

[sighs]

- What's going on?
- Hole in one!

- But that's a good thing.
- Mm-mm.

Not for us.

The entire club
gets a free drink.

- Which leads to more drinks.
- Mm-hmm.

- Here they come.
- Shit.

[golf car whirs]

[tire screeches]

[pours drinks]

[indistinct chatter]

[♪]

STELLA:
My martini, if you please!

There she is! Woman of the hour!

Sank that sucker
from 150 yards out.

I heard it was a lucky shot.

Lucky my ass,
you cheap son of a bitch!

Drink the only free thing
you'll ever get from me.

Hmm.

I heard it was windy
that probably did it.

Three divorces, Bill.
Wonder why.

Hey, Christina, a beer
before my wife gets here.

Thank you.

She's really got a tight grip
on your balls, huh, son?

Yeah, I mean more or less,
but mostly more.

Tough place.

Yes, I bet. God, I love beer!

- SKYLER: Kyle!
- Hey.

What are you doing?

Just uh, havin' a beer,
a little celebration.

Mmhmm.

It's time
to let your balls drop.

Bill, you would be
so much more attractive

if you talked
just a little less.

That's funny!
That's what Kyle says about you!

[laughs]

- Honey, can I talk to you?
- Yup. Yup.

Well played.

Well, gentlemen, it is time
for us to journey on.

Where's everyone going?

Oh, we're going
to the men's lounge!

There' just too much estrogen
out here.

It's my kryptonite.

Why not just stay here
and have another drink on--

On Mr. Alvarez?

Oh, we're goin' in there
where there's um, books.

- Oh, you read?
- Yeah. Do you read?

Romance novels?

- Good for you.
- Um...

Another time.

STELLA:
Honey, you want him to go.

Watching him drink
with his penis,

it's not for everybody.

Romance novels?

Oh, honey, it's See Spot Run.

The Adventures of Dick and Jane.

- Dick likes his dick.
- [chuckles]

- Bill likes his dick.
- [chuckles]

Maybe I could just have one
with the boys.

Honey,
I made us reservations at Fork.

She is a top chef.

- It took me months to get us in.
- Yeah, I know.

And I'll--
I'll still make it to dinner.

Okay.

But you know, I hate
when you hang out with Bill.

He's a creep
and he always looks at my--

I-- I-- I know, I know.

Hey, I promise, I'll be good.

Hmm?

- You better.
- I would.

Or I'll know.

I know you will. Love you.

Love you.

- [club members laughing]
- CLUB MEMBER: [indistinct]

Hey, hey!
Who's bangin' the new chick?

[laughing]

Well, I don't know
if you're talking about reality

or what's happened in my mind,

because in my mind,
we're having our third child.

[laughing]

I'm gonna ride that thing
like a choo-choo train.

[mimicking train whistling]

[laughing]

Hey, don't tell my wife.
[laughs]

Sometimes it sucks
to have a vagina.

What a stupid, archaic,
sexist rule!

I mean no wonder you guys
aren't getting any new members.

You are correct,
but it is a tradition.

Fuck tradition.
It was your hole in one!

You should be in there
celebrating!

Oh, sweetheart,
I'm too tired for that fight.

Then I'll fight it for you.

I'm goin' in.

Fine, well,
as the ranking board member,

I will tell you
that the tradition

is 125 years old.

Other than that, I know nothing.

Christina, hit me up!

Hang on!

- You'll also need these.
- Thank you.

Good luck.

[chuckles]

She's so plucky.

You don't come here
for the huntin', do you, boy?

[laughing]

- Fuck your tradition.
- Oh!

I'm here and I've got tequila.

- Tequila!
- Tequila!

[cheering]

- Night, boys.
- [clinking glasses]

- Bottoms up.
- [clink glasses]

Ono más.

You said
she wouldn't last a week.

We may have to step things up,

but we'll find a way
to get her out.

Do you think she really wants
to have lunch with us

or was she just being nice?

You know,
she did seem pretty cozy

chatting it up
with Jason earlier.

I wonder--

This feels a little mean, girls.

Can't we just give her a chance?

- We could invite her to Fork.
- No! No.

Ladies, no, just trust me.

This club will never accept
someone like Ariana.

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Ariana! Ariana! Ariana!
- Ariana! Ariana! Ariana!

Ariana! Ariana!

Sure about that?

CLUB MEMBERS:
Ariana! Ariana! Ariana!

[slurps]

Hey, let me just squeeze
in there quick.

Hey, thanks for bringin'
the tequila.

This is fun.

- Stop.
- Oh, ticklish?

- Stop.
- Oh...

What? Oh, Kyle!

Your wife
is in the men's lounge.

You know the rules.
Next round is on you, jackass.

Kyle, we don't wanna miss
our dinner reservation.

Let's go. Now.

Yes, dear.

Come on, Sky,
we're just havin' some fun.

Hey, for the record,

your husband
can really pound the tequila.

For the record, that dress
looked great on me last year.

I bet you didn't notice
my initials on the inseam.

Okay, Skyler, men's lounge,
you out.

- But what about her?
- You don't know my pronouns.

[Bill laughing]

- Ariana! Ariana!
- Ariana! Ariana!

- RICHARD: Ms. Alvarez!
- CLUB MEMBERS: Ariana! Ariana!

May I speak with you, please?

Privately.

Ms. Alvarez, your behavior
in the men's lounge

was totally unacceptable!

You know what's unacceptable?

Separating genders
like it's the 1900!

- It's a tradition!
- Well, it's regressive.

Even so, I've already received
too many complaints about you.

I have no choice
but to contact your uncle.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Let's not do anything rash.

Mr. Peters, word on the street
is the club isn't doing great.

- [scoffs]
- So why don't we make a deal?

I'll help you
get your membership numbers up

and you keep this whole incident
on the DL.

Let's leave Tío Jorge out of it.

What happens in Gilmore,
stays in Gilmore.

Excuse me. This club
doesn't need your help.

We both know it does.
Gilmore needs to change.

If not, lots of jobs go bye-bye,
including yours.

[sighs]

Well... the annual
new member drive is comin' up.

I could recommend you
to the committee.

Great.

It's run
by Mrs. Skyler Harrison.

Yeah, that's not gonna work.
Let me guess.

Charity auctions,
wine-tasting parties,

and black-tie events.

And the women's golf tournament
at the end of the season.

Boring, boring, boring!

You want new members,
you need new ideas.

We gotta think
outside Skyler's box.

- I'm listening
- Oh, now? Oh, okay.

Uh, well, just spitballing here.

I think you need to appeal
to a younger demographic.

They don't want galas,
they want yappy hours.

- Yappy hour?
- Yes!

You know, like drinks and dogs!

You take care of Skyler
and the committee,

I'll take care
of the new members.

And Uncle George
stays none the wiser.

You really think
you can pull this off?

I think I can save this place.

Then you got yourself a deal.

[music playing in background]

The parking lot is packed.
Where is everyone?

DAN ON SPEAKER:
Welcome Gilmore members
and guests!

Let's get ready to play
The Price is Right!

I love that show!

[crowd applauding
and cheering in background]

My grandma won a trip
to the Grand Canyon.

She didn't take me though.

[♪]

Skyler!

Oh, I'm sorry,

I don't see your name
on the list.

But you're more than welcome
to wait in line.

What the hell is going on?

It's new member week.
And we all have to do our part.

DAN ON SPEAKER:
Give a round of applause
to Kyle Harrison

and his brand-new peloton!

I'm gonna get Mr. Peters.

Oh, don't bother.
I'll go in and grab him for you.

In the meantime, feel free
to check out all

these activities I have planned.

S'mores bar and stargazing?

- How romantic!
- Hmm.

Harry would love that!

Oh, my God! A yappy hour!

ARIANA:
Spots are filling up quick so...

And don't forget to follow
the hashtag Gilmore 2.0

for the most up-to-date news.

DAN ON SPEAKER:
And please welcome to stage,

our wonderful hostess
Ariana Alvarez!

[crowd cheering in background]

Gotta go, duty calls.

ARIANA ON SPEAKER:
Ladies, come through

for tomorrow's
self-defense class.

Gilmore
is a no-pussy-grabbing zone!

This means war.

25 new pledges. A club record.

What do you say you take me out
to celebrate?

I'd say meet me after my shift.

Hmm.

I'll text you!

[indistinct chatter]

Yes, maybe, yeah.

Hey, um, we'll start
with a flight of ales

and a couple of pretzels, please.

Flight? I want one of those.

Are you sure
you can handle all that?

You scared?

We'll take two of those, please.

A good choice.

So, this place is cute.

Yeah, I love it.

The food's good
and the beer's cheap.

And there's no chance someone
from the club

will see us
together, right?

I see your angle.

Trust me, it's for the best.

It's a stupid rule.

People should be allowed
to fall for each other.

No one should lose their job
over it.

Is that what's happening?

We're falling for each other?

I don't know. You tell me.

♪ Yeah, yeah, girl you know--♪

Let's play a game,
truth or drink.

Well, I already plan
on drinking, but okay.

Gentleman, first.

When we met,

what was your first thought
about me?

That you were fucking hot. You?

- ♪ I'll try, I had to say ♪
- Hmm.

- ♪ The way that I'm feeling ♪
- Drink?

Wow, you can't answer that?

♪ That kinda feelin' ♪

It was the second grade
and Jimmy just yelled,

-"He's goin' in his pants!"
- [gasps]

And for the next three years,
that was my cross to bear.

Did you ever poop your pants?

Drink. Oh, no!

Definitely Zac Efron cover
of Rolling Stone.

Ah! That was
your sexual awakening?

Yeah, and it was glorious. You?

Drink!

- I am.
- [chuckles]

♪ Put your money on me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I can feel that you want it,
put somethin' on it ♪

♪ Put your money on me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause I feel magic tonight ♪

If a genie suddenly appeared
and gave you one wish,

what would it be?

That's not how genie's work.
I get three.

Mm, this is
a post-pandemic recession genie.

You get one.

I'd ask for 100 more wishes.

- Ugh, boring!
- Fine.

Uh, I guess
a part of me still wonders

what if I hadn't quit Stanford?

Would I be pro?

So I'd wish I could go back
and do it all over.

It's never too late.

Sometimes it is. What about you?

What's your wish?

Um, I wish...

- Drink, come on.
- [chuckles]

♪ Put your money on me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ 'Cause I feel magic tonight ♪

♪ Put your money on me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- Fuck, Marry, Kill.
- Uh-huh.

Skyler, Rebecca, and Jenny.

- Marry Rebecca, fuck Jenny.
- Okay.

And gently, non-problematically,
and non-violently kill Skyler.

- Same. Come on.
- Bottoms up.

Ooh!

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I can feel that you want it,
put somethin' on it ♪

[grunts]

So, are we falling
for each other?

I'm gonna guess, you're not.

♪ Hey ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

My sexual awakening
was Ryan Reynolds.

I pooped my pants
at a 4th grade sleepover.

I don't do well with dairy
as I found out.

When we first met,

I honestly thought
you were the ballsiest person

and you weren't even trying.

- I know what I'd wish for.
- What?

From the genie, my wish.

I'd ask to have my parents back.

They died in a car accident,
comin' to visit me

when I was in college.

- I'm so sorry.
- Oh, it's okay.

I just needed
to say it out loud.

[chuckles]

Ariana,
I'm one 1,000% falling for you.

♪ Uh, she said ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ She'll come look
at what she wanted ♪

♪ I'll give you
just one warnin' ♪

♪ You don't know
what you started ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

- Are you sure you wanna do this?
- Yeah, I'm sure.

- Are you sure?
- I'm sure.

♪ Girl, I know I just want you,
ooh ♪

One of us smells like mustard.

- What?
- [chuckles]

Hot? Sweet?

♪ Waste no more time,
no more, no more ♪

Spicy.

♪ Uh ♪

Hot. Very hot.

♪ Oh, oh, yeah ♪

[birds chirping in background]

- Hey.
- Hey.

CHRISTINA:
Hello, Ms. Alvarez.

[sighs]

You slept with Jason,
didn't you?

I can't stop smiling.
I feel like I'm in a rom-com.

Okay, I love this for you,
like amazing,

but I would keep that on the DL.

If Skyler finds out
about the two of you,

- she will be sure to ruin it.
- [Ariana sighs]

Speak of the devil...

Good luck.

- Skyler, so glad you made it!
- Oh, my goodness,

I wouldn't miss it
for the world!

What's good for the club
is good for everyone, right?

Right.

It's a great turn out,
by the way.

Thanks, Rebecca.

Yes, can't wait
to see how it goes.

Well, you shouldn't have
to wait too much longer.

Our instructor
will be here any second.

Wonderful.

Will she?

[chuckling]

[sighs]

[♪]

Aw, Ariana,

seems like your instructor
is a no-show.

I'm so sorry it's a bust,

but this is why we
have a committee.

Not everyone has the skillset
to plan club events.

Oh, there she is!
The woman of the hour!

Everyone,
give a round of applause

for Christina.

[club members clapping]

- What are you doing?
- I owe you.

You all know her
as a fabulous bartender

and server,

but what you don't know
is that she's highly trained

in the art of Jiu-jitsu.

[clears throat]

Uh, uh, yes. Hi.

Thanks you, Ariana,
for that wonderful intro.

Um, and I'm so sorry
that I'm so late.

But I'm really excited
to empower you all today,

both physically and mentally.

Okay. Alright, everyone up.

I'm gonna need a volunteer.

Mrs. Harrison, come on up.

So, let's all pretend

that I am walking alone
in a parking lot

and Mrs. Harrison
is following me.

I don't know why I'm
in the employee parking lot,

but okay.

Alright, I want you
to come up behind me

and grab my shoulder.

- [groans]
- Touch me again

and I will put you
in a shallow grave!

- [grunts]
- [cheering]

Okay.

So, that's how it's done, ladies.

First, you attack physically,
and then psychologically.

Alright?

Eve, great!

Uh, Eve's gonna assist me.

- Alright, who's next?
- Me!

Nice. With one move.

I was parallel parking

before you were
in your father's nutsac,

- so back off!
- STELLA: You heard me!

CHRISTINA:
I heard you, I heard you!

Let's go!

Uh-huh.

My belly's not a petting zoo,
so hands off!

And my name's Rebecca,
not Becky!

Yes!

[club members cheering
and clapping]

Yeah, Rebecca!

[groans]

I will shove my dick
so far up your asshole

that it will split in two
out of your nostrils,

you mansplainin' waste of space!

Cheerleading was hard.

[grunts]

Okay. Okay.

[clapping]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[birds chirping in background]

That was fun.

- Thanks for organizing.
- Hey, thanks for coming.

Oh, and see you guys Friday.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

- I like your hair.
- Thanks.

You must really be
enjoying this.

I am.

Especially since you tried
to sabotage my event.

What'd you do?
Call the instructor and cancel?

Oh, don't be ridiculous.

Gilmore's a family.

When one of us succeeds,
we all succeed.

Oh, in the spirit of family,

I'd love to see you
at Friday's mini golf.

It's sold out, but I could
make an exception

- for the club's reigning champ.
- [chuckles]

Just remember this, Ariana,
I win.

I always win.

[sighs]

I hope more people are coming.

I mean, I'm sure more people
are coming.

Wait, I thought you said
it was sold out.

Uh-uh, that's Ariana's event.

I've been thinking I know people

who can make people like her disappear.

You know Criss Angel?

[sighs]

- [phone beeps]
- [gasps]

ARIANA ON VIDEO:
Hey, Gilmore fam,

the party
is just getting started.

The music's loud
and the slushies are strong.

So even if you hate golf
as much as I do,

you'll still have fun!

[indistinct lyrics]

Oh, my God, I love this song.

Oh, damn, me, too.

But not as much as a harpist, obviously.

[indistinct conversation]

SKYLER:
What are you two talking about?

Just how I'm feeling
so nauseous.

Morning sickness
isn't just for the morning!

- Who knew?
- Totally!

And I'm also feeling sick.

I think
it might be sympathy pains.

Lovely party, Skyler.

We'll see you tomorrow.

Wait, Becky--

Rebecca,
what am I supposed to do?

Host this all by myself?

[sighs]

I think you'll manage.

Bye.

[sighs]

No, thank you. No.

Go!

[sighs]

[laughter]

[ball rattles]

[cheering]

[pours drink]

Thanks for coming.

Oh, there's drinks over there.

[gasps] You made it! Have fun!

Well, this is quite
the turn out.

Your uncle would be very proud.

Mm, the night is young.

Still plenty of time for me
to screw it up.

Ariana, take the compliment.

Thank you.

These clubs are too damn small!

It's called "mini golf",
Ms. Archebold.

Yes, but you know,

I only like to play
with big things, Peters.

- Oh, no. [chuckles]
- No, no, no.

Oh, I'm not done with you.

[chuckling]

Ari!

Ah! Oh, guys!

[chuckles]

This is so much more fun
than Skyler's party.

The harp is so boring.

- Don't tell her I said that.
- That's very sweet, Jenny.

How many of those red slushies
have you had?

Mm, this is my third!

Oh shit. I have to pee.

- See you soon, girly!
- [chuckles]

I should probably
make sure she's good.

Yeah.

You always did know
how to throw a party.

Keep doing new.

Gilmore loves you.

Thanks, Rebecca.

[♪]

Those rat bastards!

Want to play a few rounds later?

Loser takes the winner home.

I thought you didn't play.

I could make an exception.

Okay, fine.

[indistinct chatter]

ARIANA:
[indistinct speech]

- Yeah.
- Okay.

- It's good.
- [chuckles]

Thank you.

I'll take a club and a bucket, please.

Skyler, you made it!

Yes, thank you for the invite.

It's quite the party.

Thanks?

So, Jason, my cousin Summer
is coming into town next week.

She's the hot one in the family
and very sweet.

But I haven't been single
in so long,

I-- I don't know
all the fun bars.

I could, um, recommend a few.

You're such a doll.

But it might be easier
if I gave her your number.

Maybe you could show her around.

Who knows?
You two might really hit it off.

Um, of course, Ms. Harrison.

- Anything for our club champion.
- [chuckles]

You flatter me.

See you later, Ariana.

Thanks, Jason.

- Ariana, I had to--
- No, you don't have to explain.

I totally understand.

I better go make my rounds.

Damn.

[sighs]

Two tequila shots. Doubles!

You got it!

Ariana, this place is poppin'.

I haven't seen it like this
in years, girl!

You should be really proud.

Oh!

Whoa, okay.

Um, are we sure this
is a good idea?

Oh, you're j--
you're just gonna keep going.

They're all for you. Okay.

Hey, is everything alright?

Never better.

I'm gonna be holding her hair later.

[♪]

- Hey, do you wanna dance?
- Fuck yeah!

[chuckling]

Yeah.

[indistinct lyrics]

Oh. Yeah.

Oh. Uh, stop!

What? Come on, Ariana.

The tension is killing me.

No, you're married.

I know, right?
[indistinct speech]

[grunts]

You fucking slut!

Skyler, it's not what you think.

- You slimy-
- MEMBERS: Oh!

Duplicitous hoe bag!

It's not what you think!

Come out here
and face me like a woman!

- Skyler, he tried to kiss me!
- Liar!

I knew you couldn't be trusted.

- Oh!
- Oh!

[panting]

You're the one trying
to ruin every second of my life!

[pants]

That is because you,
Ariana Alvarez,

are insignificant trash
and everyone knows it!

Not even the damn caddie
will commit to you.

That's right, everyone!

Jason is sleeping
with this whore.

Which according to page 106
is against the code of conduct!

Jason, is this true?

Jason, are you gonna tell them?

Ms. Alvarez,

I think you've had too much
to drink.

Fuck you, Jason.
And fuck you, Skyler.

And fuck this whole
fucking place!

I quit, effective immediately.

Uh-uh!

Don't even think about it, homeboy.

[indistinct chatter]

[sighs] Back to the party, guys.

[door unlocks]

[slams door]

[meows]

[boots dropping on floor]

[purrs]

[sighs] Looks like
it's just you and me, Romeo.

[phone buzzing]

[♪]

Sorry. I'm so sorry.

[knocking on door]

[purrs]

[meows]

[sighs] Jason, go away.

[sighs]

Rebecca,
what are you doing here?

I was in the neighborhood

and I thought
I'd make us breakfast.

Do you still like pancakes?

- I love pancakes.
- Great.

Is your kitchen this way?

[sighs]

Rebecca,
what are you really doing here?

- I quit the club.
- I know.

Skyler was on fire last night.

Yeah, Kyle tried to kiss me.

Yup, he's a creep and deep down,
Skyler knows it, too.

Uh, where are your mixing bowls?

Look around.
Does it look like I bake?

I need a mixing bowl!

I can't make pancakes
without them.

I-- I need to do something
with these stupid, chubby hands!

You're not chubby, you're--

Gonna have a baby.

I'm not ready for this.

Rebecca, of course, you are.

Look at you, you're perfect.

Your husband's perfect,
your life is perfect.

I bet your vagina
is gonna snap back

- into place perfectly.
- [chuckles]

I'm not ready to be a mom.

[sighs]

Look, I'm not exactly an expert
in that department,

but for what it's worth,

I think you're gonna be
a great mom.

You kinda remind me of my mom.

In a good way.

[sighs] God, I miss her.

I know you really
miss your parents.

I'm sorry.

Thanks.

Look, you're gonna do
the best you can.

You're gonna give them
lots of love,

and teach them right from wrong,

and what they do with their life
is up to them.

That's really sweet to say, Ari.

Thank you.

But are you-- are you really
leavin' the club?

Skyler may be cruel,
but she's not wrong.

- I'm not Gilmore material.
- Bullshit.

You belong at that club
just as much as anybody else.

Skyler's just insecure,
because she met Kyle

when she was a waitressing
at Scooter's Wild Wing Shack

and married him.

Wait, Skyler was a waitress?

Yep, and now her whole life
is that club,

and her man's a dog,
it's complicated.

[sighs]

But she's wrong about you.

You are not trash.

And don't you forget it.

Thanks, Rebecca.

What are friends for?

[both chuckle]

[bag rustles]

[broom swishes]

[bag rustles]

[pours cleaner]

ARIANA:
Hi, Mr. Reddy,
it's Ariana Alvarez.

[bag crumples]

I was wondering
if you were free tomorrow.

Great.

♪ Hey you, get down,
lace up my loops ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

♪ Here's the queen
comin' through ♪

♪ Uh, uh ♪

♪ Hey you, pull up,
make me some food ♪

- ♪ Wooh ♪
- ♪ It's your highness to you ♪

♪ Uh, uh ♪

♪ Hey you, you a thug
on the run with it ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

♪ She do it for the wealth, eh ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

♪ She don't need nobody else ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

- ♪ Sellin' water to a well ♪
- ♪ Uh ♪

And she's back.

Can't get rid of me that easily,
I'm like a roach.

- Wait, let me try that again.
- Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no. You quit.
I heard you.

Everyone did.
And you don't even golf!

I-- i-- is there a problem here?

Section 5, paragraph 3,

"A member must submit his
or her resignation in writing

and it must be accepted
by the board."

She's actually right,
Mrs. Harrison.

She is not stepping foot
on that course.

I'll file a complaint!

For fuck's sake, Skyler, relax!

It's just golf.
We're not curing cancer.

What's the matter, Skyler?

Worried
about a little competition?

[scoffs]

The only thing I'm worried about
is where I'm gonna put

- this year's trophy.
- You better hope so.

Because if I remember correctly,

the champion gets their dues
waved for a year.

So, when I win,
I won't be going anywhere.

[golf clubs rattling]

Those are literally the rules.

- Aren't you a bartender?
- I'm multi-faceted.

[sighs]

You go, girl.

[golf clubs rattle]

Ariana,
what're you doin' here?

It's Ms. Alvarez.

And I'm not here for you,
I'm here to play.

You're playing? Against Skyler?

Yes.

And I'll obviously need
a different caddie.

Perhaps one who isn't a coward

that would rather watch people
play his whole life

than go after what he wants.

Thanks.

[golf clubs rattle]

[whistles]

- That was harsh.
- [sighs]

- Of course, she's right.
- I know.

Let's take a walk.

Jason, I have watched you
grow up at this club.

You are young, bright, talented.

what do you want?

Well, I played in college
and I really miss it.

Competition.

Hanging with the other players.
I don't know.

A part of me still thinks
I could go pro.

- You think so?
- I do.

It's an expensive sport.

You'll need sponsor.

Take this card,
call my office on Monday,

and we will arrange a try-out.

- Ms. Archebold, this is amazing!
- I know!

[laughs]

Listen, honey, aside from you,

your stepfather
was the best caddie

that this club ever had.

And he always thought
that his boy

could be the next Tiger Woods.

So, let's prove him right,
shall we?

Thank you.
I won't let you down.

No, you won't.

Two things I never mess with,
my money and my martinis.

I've seen what you can do
with the martini.

Now, let's see what you can do
with my money.

[chuckles]

Mike! So, glad you made it!

Thank you for the invite.
It's a beautiful course.

And the drinks aren't half bad.

- Let me get the first round.
- Well, I don't wanna be rude.

[chuckles]

- Tequila?
- Always.

Two tequila sodas, please.

Thank you.

I don't wanna
talk too much shop,

but I've been thinking
about your company

and I have a great idea
on how to boost morale.

- I'd love to hear more.
- I'll cheers to that.

[touch glasses]

Now, I've got to go take care
of something.

- Wish me luck.
- Luck.

[phone rings]

[sighs]

Bezos, I told you I'm golfing.

It's a great day here
at Gilmore Country Club!

Yes!

[club members applauding
and cheering]

Welcome to the annual
Women's Championship Round!

Good Lord, is that thing today,
Dan?

Hey, Bill.

You think I need a quick night
in before you tee off?

- Not gonna happen today.
- Alright.

There's a tournament.

Well, you wanted something
from the bar,

- but you'll get a gin and tonic.
- Sure, I'll do gin and tonic.

Alright. Double?

- Thank, Bill. Sure, Bill.
- If I know you.

Thanks, Bill.

Each participating golfer
will start a full 18.

Golfers will be eliminated

when it's
mathematically impossible

to catch up or take the lead.

- Hey, Dan, real quick.
- Yeah.

It's uh,
mathematically impossible--

- Uh-huh?
- For me to be interested.

All right.

Can't we just
make this one hole?

- No, we're not.
- Oh.

This is important to me.
I-- I enjoy doing this, so--

Can't blame a fella for trying.

Yeah, I'll thank you to leave, Bill.

Appreciate.

All right,
all lady competitors--

I didn't know
it was gonna be a full 18.

I thought it's like one hole,
kind of a mercy.

- Yeah. That's not at all.
- All right.

It's 18 holes women,
it's gonna be great.

I already finished my drink.
You want another?

Yeah, you can have mine.
Thanks. Thanks, Bill.

All right, all lady competitors,
please step forward!

[♪]

Okay.

So, looks like
we got ourselves a twosome.

Let the golf begin!

[♪]

[birds chirping in background]

[whoosh]

Oh, wow.

- Wow.
- [applauding and cheering]

Yeah, she's consistent,
she's good.

- She's consistent...
- Yeah, babe!

She is.

Smooth! Wow.

Okay, this is it.

Yeah, y-- I am-- I am--
I am brimming.

I'm-- I'm a cup of excitement
for this day.

- Dan. Dan!
- I'm full-- a drink-up today.

Dan!

You're gonna give yourself
another stroke.

- Just calm down.
- Yeah.

Just calm down.
I should probably bring it down.

It's hard.

I got a good feeling about this.

- Hmm.
- Me, too.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, there's something,

And a glow, an orb.

- Okay, yeah.
- Dan.

- Right? All right.
- Right, sorry.

Extra, but I'm with you.

- Right, thanks.
- Okay, stop!

[♪]

Not what you were expecting,
was it?

Neither were they.

[club members cheering
and applauding]

STELLA:
Yes!

- Oh, my God!
- Woo-hoo!

- Oh, yes, she did it!
- Wooh!

RICHARD:
[indistinct speech]

STELLA:
Yeah.

RICHARD:
This is gonna be good.

- But you can't... I--
- I can, and I do.

I used to play every weekend
growing up with my parents.

After I lost them,

I never thought I'd set foot
on a course again,

but now that I'm here,
I feel right at home.

Plus, I'm still a 4 handicap!

[♪]

Now, I won't bore you
with the details of a full 18.

So, I'll just give you
the highlights.

Skyler, of course,
was off to a great start,

but so was I.

My short game wasn't bad either.

[striking balls]

[club members cheering
and applauding]

[balls rattling]

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Oh!
- Oh!

[strikes ball]

- STELLA: Nice!
- DAN: Yes!

DAN:
Okay!

[ball rattles]

- [club members clapping]
- [ball rattles]

[clapping]

- [strikes ball]
- [ball rattles]

[strikes ball]

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Oh!
- Oh!

- Oh!
- Oh!

[striking balls]

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Oh!
- Oh!

[clapping]

[club members cheering
and applauding]

Okay.

We're all tied up,
heading into 18.

Swing like a girl.

Got it.

[sighs]

- Bitch is goin' down.
- Oh, that was aggressive.

18 is gonna be fun. Real fun.

[striking balls]

[birds chirping in background]

[strikes ball]

[club members clapping]

[birds chirping in background]

[strikes ball]

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Oh!
- Oh!

[clapping]

Shit.

Aw, Ariana,

maybe you should quit
while you're ahead.

[♪]

Tough shot.

[sighs]

- [strikes ball]
- [thump]

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Oh!
- Oh!

[club members clapping]

[♪]

Hey, Skyler,
maybe after the tournament

we could go for--
oh, I don't know,

Scooter's Wild Wing Shack.

- Who told you that?
- Don't worry.

Your secret's safe with me.

- [strikes ball]
- [thump]

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Oh!
- Oh!

[club members clapping]

[♪]

[thump]

Phew!

- Fucker!
- [gasping]

Oh, my gosh.

[indistinct chatter
in background]

[sighs]

Your shot.

[sighs]

REBECCA:
Go, Ariana!

You got this!

Show 'em how it's done!

You got this, Alvarez.

[strikes ball]

[ball rattles]

- ARIANA: Yes.
- [cheering and applauding]

Wow.

[chuckles]

[cheering and applauding]

- Thank you.
- [cheering and clapping]

I'm so proud of you!

I knew you had it in you!

[clapping]

We're so proud,
we're so proud of you.

[indistinct speech]

[laughs]

- You really put a good show.
- Just got outplayed.

ARIANA:
Oh, don't cry, Stella.

I have to cry.

[chuckling]

Shit.

[opens glove]

[sighs]

ARIANA:
Skyler.

[sighs]

- The club is all I have.
- That's not true.

You have perfect skin!

[scoffs]

That's the Botox.

A-- and so many friends.

They don't really like me.

And Kyle?

Yeah, Kyle's a dirtbag.

But I wouldn't be here
without him, so...

Yeah, he is a dirtbag.

But you're still you
without him.

I hate this lounge. It's so--

Problematic. Sexist. Misogynist.

Yes!

Wait, did we just agree
on something?

Crazier things have happened.

You know,
if you really hate something,

you can change it.

Yeah. I guess you're right.

Look, I'm sorry
for getting all caught up

in this like high-school drama.

Sometimes it's easy to forget
who the real enemy is.

I know.

And I'm truly sorry
about your parents.

Thanks. Truce?

Congrats on the win.

Thanks.

Our new Gilmore Women's Club
champion!

- [cheering and applauding]
- [chuckles]

Hey, smile for the newsletter.

[chuckles]

[camera clicks]

[club members cheering
and applauding]

[laughing]

- Look at that.
- Great, wow!

- Amazing.
- Congratulations.

It's pretty.
You did a very good job.

[clapping]

[Christina cheering]

[clapping]

ARIANA:
It wasn't just
for the newsletter,

they put it all over the club.

And you both will love this.

I blinked.

But I don't know,
I kinda like it.

[phone beeping]

Oh shit, I gotta go.
Big day at the office.

Can't be late. Te quiero.

[footfalls]

Yes, and uh...

So, here's the final contract,
as discussed.

The top 20
Heywood Media employees

will get yearly memberships
to Gilmore.

And the day passes
for the rest of my company?

Also in the contract,
last Saturday of every month.

Perfect.

Any videos I should know of?

- Ha, very funny.
- [chuckles]

So, just sign the dotted line
and we can have some whiskey.

Ariana, it's been a pleasure
doing business with you.

Yes, we're very lucky
to have Ariana

as our new Membership Director.

Yes, you are.

Jason Handley used to work here?

- Didn't he just win the open?
- He did.

He's a talented up-and-comer.

I think he could be
the next Tiger Woods.

He's got quite a swing.
[chuckles]

Hopefully not the same libido.

- [laughing]
- [phone rings]

Uh, I'm so sorry,
I have to take this.

Elon.

Ariana, that is 500 members!

I mean, we are officially
in wait-list status.

I'm so excited!

- But the work is just beginning.
- [sighs]

Okay,
we have to plan the Fall Ball.

And I wanna revamp happy hour.

I'm thinking...

Uh, uh, we are not doing
a Lusty Lagoon watch party.

You can't tell me no,
on today of all days.

[sighs] Fine.

- Great.
- I'll think about it.

[chuckles]

Oh, uh, and Ariana...

...happy birthday.

Thanks.

Cheers to me.

Oh! [coughs]

Yep, yep. [coughs]

Hoo!

[indistinct chatter]

I'm proud of you, nena.

Well, I wouldn't
have gotten here without you.

So, thank you.

Tío Jorge,
these are all of my friends.

Hi!

Friends,
some of you already know him,

but this is my uncle
and the reason we all met.

- CLUB MEMBER 2: Hi.
- Hello.

- CLUB MEMBER 3: Hello, tío.
- CLUB MEMBER 4: Join us.

- Oh, come, come on.
- This is for you.

Yeah.

STELLA:
I know what you like.

- Cheers.
- Oh, yeah, happy birthday.

- Cheers.
- Oh, yeah!

- Happy birthday.
- [clinking glasses]

And welcome back. Oh, yeah.

CLUB MEMBERS:
- Yeah!
- Yeah!

So, good to have you back.

Ariana, I hope you don't mind,
I invited a guest.

Oh, a date?

[chuckles]

Not exactly.

Surprise.

Happy birthday, Ariana.

Jason Handley!

That was quite a round
on Saturday.

Oh, thank you.

Uh, my sponsor certainly
thinks so.

She does, indeed.

So how did you get
into the sport?

I played since I was a kid.

I just didn't pursue it seriously

until someone showed me
what it means to be brave.

She sounds incredible.

And beautiful.

She is.

She's smart, funny,

and always her authentic self.

So where is she?

Oh, I screwed it up.

[Jason sighs]

The only way I can see her now
is if I beg a mutual friend.

The thing is I'd really love
a second chance.

Mira Jason, I don't know you,

But I do know
that life is short,

Time is precious,
and love is rare.

So, if you really love someone,
you have to go after 'em.

But only
if they feel the same way.

Use your common sense.

Do you think
she might be interested?

She could be.

[cheering]

- RICHARD: Okay.
- [chuckles]

Yes!

- You could have warned me.
- Yes, I could've.

But where's the fun in that?

- RICHARD: Oh, look at that.
- Oh, my goodness!

- JENNY: Oh, my God!
- Hey, it's gorgeous!

- TÍO JORGE: Nice.
- Gorgeous.

- TÍO JORGE: Beautiful.
- Should we sing?

- Oh, God, no.
- Yes.

But that's so anti-climatic.

- Yeah, how about a speech?
- Yep, speech.

Oh, yeah, give a speech.
Give a speech, speech, speech.

[chuckles] Alright.

Um, my parents used to say,
"Show me your friends

and I'll show you who you are."

And I think
if they were here today,

they would be
really disappointed.

- [laughing]
- Okay. Yeah, sounds about right.

I'm kidding, I'm kidding.

I think
they would be really proud

of who I've become.

I know I am.

CHRISTINA:
Oh!

[blows air]

- Hey!
- [clapping]

Happy birthday!

ARIANA:
Well, I did it.

It's incredible.

ARIANA:
I got a job.

I got some great friends.

STELLA:
Oh, my God!

ARIANA:
And got out of my own way.

[overlapping conversation]

ARIANA:
Tío Jorge was right all along.

Okay, please don't tell him
I said that.

Also,
I'm not cut out of the will,

so he's my favorite tío again.

[overlapping conversation]

You got plans tonight?

What did you have in mind?

- There they go.
- [Tío chuckles]

They're in love.

You know, I can't guarantee
you'll see a shooting star.

[sighs] I know.
But a girl's gotta try!

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh ♪

[♪]

[lyrics in Spanish]

♪ I die for you ♪

♪ My life with you ♪

♪ My time with you ♪

♪ No lie to you ♪

♪ I fight for you ♪

♪ No hide the truth ♪

♪ No, not tonight ♪

♪ My love,
take my lead in distance ♪

♪ My love, look me
into my eyes, mija ♪

♪ Hold you closer
to me, baila ♪

♪ Hey, baila ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ When you walk up in the room,
my head turn ♪

♪ Never seen that thing
like you want to be my girl ♪

♪ [indistinct lyrics]
...in a circle ♪

♪ Tryin' to see the thing...
[indistinct lyrics] ♪

♪ Only one I'll be with,
but you gotta be my girl, uh ♪

♪ The only girl I ever chased
this side of world, uh ♪

♪ Hey, baby, because
I takin' it so serious ♪

♪ Could you be not my juju
right up in Aquarius ♪

♪ I run for you ♪

♪ I die for you ♪

VOICEOVER:
Girl, can you believe
homeboy tried to tell me

I'm too independent.

♪ Hey you, get down,
lace up my loops ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

♪ Here's the queen
comin' through ♪

♪ Uh, uh ♪

♪ Hey you, pull up,
make me some food ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

♪ It's your highness to you ♪

♪ Uh, uh ♪

♪ Hey you, you a thug
on the run with it ♪

♪ Never had a chick
to blow stacks and hunnids ♪

- ♪ Hey you ♪
- ♪ Wooh ♪

♪ Is you glockin' or mobbin' ♪

♪ 'Cause I cut the ounce
and I'm poppin' ♪

♪ 'Cause I be in the club
poppin' bottles like you ♪

♪ And I struck the bags
on a brand-new coupe ♪

♪ Hey ♪

♪ So, tell me what you gonna,
what you, what you gonna do ♪

♪ 'Cause everything you do,
I could do for me, too ♪

♪ Oh, na, nae, do for me, too ♪

♪ Wax, unwax,
got a bus on the loose ♪

♪ So, na, nae, do for me, too ♪

♪ Wax, unwax,
got a bus on the loose ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

♪ She do it for the wealth, eh ♪

♪ Wooh ♪

[♪]

[♪]

[♪]