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1
00:00:02,470 --> 00:00:04,038
Cheers is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:10,111
Hey, everybody,
I have a great new way
To promote the bar.
3
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:11,945
Aw!
No!
Aw!
4
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:14,115
No, no, no, no,
You're going to like
This one. It's different.
5
00:00:14,115 --> 00:00:16,584
It not only demonstrates
Social concern,
6
00:00:16,584 --> 00:00:19,287
But it is also
Contemporary and hip.
7
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:22,456
Now, cheers is
The bar that cares.
8
00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,093
Therefore, if you are
Not in condition
9
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:26,627
To drive yourself home,
10
00:00:26,627 --> 00:00:29,763
We will appoint
A designated driver
Free of charge.
11
00:00:29,763 --> 00:00:31,299
Aw, that's nice.
12
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:37,505
So, is anybody
A little tipsy?
13
00:00:37,505 --> 00:00:40,708
Come on. Don't be ashamed.
14
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,377
Does anybody feel
That they might have
15
00:00:43,377 --> 00:00:45,879
The slightest difficulty
Driving themselves home?
16
00:00:45,879 --> 00:00:46,814
I might.
17
00:00:48,216 --> 00:00:49,650
Well, hi.
I'm rebecca howe,
18
00:00:49,650 --> 00:00:52,453
And I would be happy to
Drive you home myself.
19
00:00:52,453 --> 00:00:53,887
That's very nice of you.
20
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,489
Where do you live?
21
00:00:55,489 --> 00:00:56,624
Philadelphia.
22
00:00:59,360 --> 00:01:01,195
Well,
What's your address?
23
00:01:01,195 --> 00:01:02,596
Oh, it's a blue house.
24
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:05,065
I'll know it
When I see it.
25
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:15,643
* sometimes
You want to go *
26
00:01:15,643 --> 00:01:19,247
* where everybody
Knows your name *
27
00:01:21,282 --> 00:01:24,485
* and they're always
Glad you came *
28
00:01:26,220 --> 00:01:28,389
* you want to be
Where you can see *
29
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,891
* our troubles
Are all the same *
30
00:01:30,891 --> 00:01:32,226
* you want to go *
31
00:01:32,226 --> 00:01:35,629
* where everybody
Knows your name **
32
00:01:51,011 --> 00:01:55,082
Frasier, it's time
To take mother
To her hair appointment.
33
00:01:55,082 --> 00:01:56,584
Ooh, well, then
We'd better hurry up
34
00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:59,487
Before they run out
Of her special shade of blue.
35
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:03,257
Frasier, how many times
Have mother and I asked you
36
00:02:03,257 --> 00:02:04,825
To cease and desist
37
00:02:04,825 --> 00:02:07,195
With the snide,
Cliché, battle-ax
Mother-in-law jokes?
38
00:02:07,195 --> 00:02:09,197
You know mother's
Not like that.
39
00:02:09,197 --> 00:02:10,531
You're right, dear.
I'm sorry.
40
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:13,167
I was just trying
To amuse my friends.
41
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,635
Jeez, it wasn't
Very funny.
42
00:02:14,635 --> 00:02:16,970
Hee hee.
You know what was funny,
43
00:02:16,970 --> 00:02:19,840
When you said you could
Hear her perfume coming
A mile away.
44
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,976
Oh, and when you
Said she's had
So many facelifts,
45
00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,212
If she wants
To smile,
46
00:02:24,212 --> 00:02:26,347
She has to
Cross her legs.
47
00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,250
Lilith,
You understand
48
00:02:29,250 --> 00:02:31,252
It was all
In good humor?
49
00:02:31,252 --> 00:02:32,853
Of course.
50
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:36,023
You know I have
A sense of humor
About mother.
51
00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,758
Now say goodbye
To your friends.
52
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,927
You're grounded
For six weeks.
53
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,429
Shoot.
54
00:02:44,532 --> 00:02:46,967
Hey, sam.
55
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:48,436
Hey, woody,
What's new?
56
00:02:48,436 --> 00:02:51,272
Well, nothing much.
57
00:02:51,272 --> 00:02:53,674
Oh, your car alarm's
Going off.
58
00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,576
What? Someone's
Breaking in my car,
59
00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,878
And you don't
Run in here to tell me?
60
00:02:57,878 --> 00:02:59,713
We're not talking
About any car here, man.
61
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:01,249
We're talking
About my 'vette.
62
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,950
It's a classic.
It's irreplaceable.
63
00:03:02,950 --> 00:03:08,322
Hey, why don't you
Come in and sit down?
64
00:03:08,322 --> 00:03:09,923
Sam, what about
Your alarm?
65
00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:12,493
Well, you're taking
Care of that, woody,
Aren't you?
66
00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:13,461
I was?
67
00:03:13,461 --> 00:03:17,298
God, I must be off
In another world.
68
00:03:20,401 --> 00:03:21,835
Sammy's done it again.
69
00:03:21,835 --> 00:03:24,938
How come he always spots
The gorgeous ones first?
70
00:03:24,938 --> 00:03:27,241
'cause he doesn't
Spend all his time
71
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:29,543
Peeling dead skin
Off his elbows.
72
00:03:32,145 --> 00:03:35,583
What, are you going
To do it for me?
73
00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,120
So, how can I help you?
74
00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:41,822
I'm looking
For becky howe.
75
00:03:41,822 --> 00:03:43,691
Well, becky will
Be here in a minute.
76
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,960
In the meantime,
Can I interest you
In a sam malone?
77
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:51,265
No, thanks, but I will
Have a perrier with lime.
78
00:03:51,265 --> 00:03:53,334
Oh. Sworn off
The hard stuff,
Huh?
79
00:03:54,635 --> 00:03:56,203
Yeah,
Coming right up.
80
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:57,671
Sam, it was nothing.
81
00:03:57,671 --> 00:03:59,006
Aw, thanks.
82
00:03:59,006 --> 00:04:01,409
Hey, listen,
You know that girl
You were talking to?
83
00:04:01,409 --> 00:04:03,511
I swear, I've seen her
Someplace before.
84
00:04:03,511 --> 00:04:07,548
She asked for rebecca
And called her becky.
They must be old friends.
85
00:04:07,548 --> 00:04:09,383
That could
Explain a lot.
86
00:04:09,383 --> 00:04:11,419
What's that
Supposed to mean?
87
00:04:11,419 --> 00:04:13,186
Well, figure it out.
Rebecca doesn't date,
88
00:04:13,186 --> 00:04:17,391
Suddenly has
This good-looking
Friend show up--
89
00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:20,928
A slender, boyish
Female friend
90
00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:24,398
With whom
She probably, uh,
Sunbathed nude somewhere,
91
00:04:24,398 --> 00:04:26,900
Perhaps on
The isle of lesbos.
92
00:04:28,836 --> 00:04:32,540
Did they ever get
That test back on
That dog that bit you?
93
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:38,512
So, uh, where do
You know becky from?
94
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:41,281
She's my sister.
I'm susan howe.
95
00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:42,450
You're sisters?
96
00:04:42,450 --> 00:04:44,184
Well, of course.
97
00:04:44,184 --> 00:04:45,353
God,
I love sisters.
98
00:04:45,353 --> 00:04:48,188
I love the whole
Idea of sisters.
99
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,290
Well, any sister
Of rebecca's--
100
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:53,260
Are there
Any more of you?
101
00:04:53,260 --> 00:04:54,628
Uh...Afraid not.
102
00:04:54,628 --> 00:04:58,332
Oh, no. You're more
Than enough. Ha! Wow.
103
00:04:58,332 --> 00:04:59,967
Sam, come here.
104
00:04:59,967 --> 00:05:02,903
I got to tell
You something.
What?
105
00:05:02,903 --> 00:05:06,540
I just remembered
Who she is.
That's susan howe.
106
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,442
I know.
She's rebecca's
Sister.
107
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:09,743
No, the actress.
108
00:05:09,743 --> 00:05:11,412
I saw her in
Night of the mutants.
109
00:05:11,412 --> 00:05:16,384
Was that a movie
Or your family reunion?
110
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,754
Movie, carla.
111
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:23,090
I don't
Remember rebecca
Saying anything
112
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:25,393
About having
A sister who's in
A horror movie.
113
00:05:25,393 --> 00:05:26,527
Are you sure
About that?
114
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,396
Let me check.
115
00:05:28,396 --> 00:05:29,997
Yeah...
116
00:05:33,467 --> 00:05:36,203
Yeah, I'm pretty sure.
117
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,506
If she had
Another smaller head
Growing out of her neck,
118
00:05:38,506 --> 00:05:39,907
I'd be positive.
119
00:05:41,442 --> 00:05:43,811
I got to check
This out.
120
00:05:43,811 --> 00:05:46,814
Ask her
If they let her keep
The little head.
121
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:53,554
Sorry about that.
Uh...Bar business.
122
00:05:53,554 --> 00:05:55,255
So, what brings
You to boston?
123
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:56,957
I'm shooting
A bank commercial.
124
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,358
Oh, I was right.
125
00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:00,528
You are susan howe
The actress.
126
00:06:00,528 --> 00:06:02,796
I loved you in that
Two-headed movie.
127
00:06:02,796 --> 00:06:04,297
Oh, which one.
I did two of them.
128
00:06:04,297 --> 00:06:06,266
Was it the one where the head
Was coming out of my neck?
129
00:06:06,266 --> 00:06:07,501
Uh, yeah,
That's the one.
130
00:06:07,501 --> 00:06:08,902
Oh, thank goodness,
131
00:06:08,902 --> 00:06:12,406
Because the other one
I am not proud of.
132
00:06:12,406 --> 00:06:14,475
Well, so, you're, uh...
133
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,844
You're here
To see becky, huh?
134
00:06:16,844 --> 00:06:19,680
How long has it been
Since the two of you
Saw each other?
135
00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:22,182
Whew, it must be three years.
136
00:06:22,182 --> 00:06:24,985
We had
A little falling-out.
137
00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:28,422
I only hope we're
Grown-up enough now
To kiss and make up.
138
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:31,258
Grown-up sisters
Kissing and making up,
139
00:06:31,258 --> 00:06:33,961
God, that warms
My cockles.
140
00:06:35,195 --> 00:06:39,366
Let's get you two gals
Back together, shall we?
141
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:41,569
Will you excuse me
Just a minute here?
142
00:06:43,303 --> 00:06:45,873
So, uh, what's
The bone, jerome?
143
00:06:45,873 --> 00:06:48,341
Any late-breaking
Bulletins here?
144
00:06:48,341 --> 00:06:51,211
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I think
I'm onto something here,
Fellas.
145
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,547
Carla, you hate
Your sister,
146
00:06:53,547 --> 00:06:54,548
Don't you?
147
00:06:54,548 --> 00:06:56,216
Sure, why?
148
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,851
Well, what would
I have to do
149
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,386
To get
The two of you
Back together?
150
00:06:59,386 --> 00:07:01,555
Simple, sam.
Ask me to come down
151
00:07:01,555 --> 00:07:03,190
And identify her body.
152
00:07:05,593 --> 00:07:06,894
She's missing the point.
153
00:07:06,894 --> 00:07:09,797
Can you imagine
What the reward might be
154
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:12,032
For anybody who would act
As a peacemaker
155
00:07:12,032 --> 00:07:14,201
Between these two
Tragically estranged,
156
00:07:14,201 --> 00:07:16,269
But perky-bottomed
Sisters?
157
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:17,771
Ahh, to sammy,
158
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:20,941
The man
Who keeps
The dream alive.
159
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,209
Wait a minute.
160
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:23,777
What makes you
Think you can get
The both of them?
161
00:07:23,777 --> 00:07:25,245
It's taken you
Two years
162
00:07:25,245 --> 00:07:27,748
To get a polite
Kick in the teeth
From number one.
163
00:07:27,748 --> 00:07:29,149
Carla,
Carla, carla,
164
00:07:29,149 --> 00:07:33,654
Am I going to have
To teach you about women?
165
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,759
Yeah, cliff,
Why don't you?
166
00:07:40,060 --> 00:07:42,429
Aw, you'd better take
This one, sammy.
167
00:07:42,429 --> 00:07:44,498
I don't want
To hog the spotlight.
168
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:50,470
Carla, I know you don't
Have a lot of experience
With this,
169
00:07:50,470 --> 00:07:53,473
But sometimes women
Get...Really happy,
170
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,908
And when that happens...
171
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:58,178
They get all emotional
And vulnerable,
172
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:00,480
And that's when it's time
For a fellow like me
173
00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:02,082
Who's very sensitive
And caring
174
00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,518
To move in
And give new meaning
To the words...
175
00:08:04,518 --> 00:08:06,554
Triple-decker sammich.
176
00:08:06,554 --> 00:08:08,956
Hey! Hey!
177
00:08:08,956 --> 00:08:10,858
Hey!
178
00:08:10,858 --> 00:08:14,928
So, cliff, tell me
More about women.
179
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:18,766
Well, all right,
180
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,467
They're, uh--
181
00:08:20,467 --> 00:08:23,470
They're warm
And soft, and...
182
00:08:23,470 --> 00:08:24,772
When they wash
Their cars,
183
00:08:24,772 --> 00:08:26,774
They're dressed
In nothing but suds,
184
00:08:26,774 --> 00:08:29,543
A suntan,
And a cowboy hat.
185
00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:35,749
Sorry, I must've
Drifted away there
For a second.
186
00:08:39,319 --> 00:08:40,520
Ah. So...
187
00:08:40,520 --> 00:08:42,222
Oh. Oh. Wait. Wait.
188
00:08:42,222 --> 00:08:43,691
I got a surprise
For you.
189
00:08:43,691 --> 00:08:45,025
Sam, move your hand.
190
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:46,727
Your cologne is
Stinging my eyes.
191
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,528
Come here.
There's someone
Waiting to see you.
192
00:08:48,528 --> 00:08:50,230
You're never going
To guess who it is.
193
00:08:50,230 --> 00:08:51,031
Careful, careful.
194
00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:53,400
You are going
To love this.
195
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,135
Ta-da!
196
00:08:57,404 --> 00:08:58,672
Susan.
197
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:02,109
What are you doing here?
198
00:09:02,109 --> 00:09:03,977
I wanted to see you.
199
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,313
Well, now
You've seen me.
200
00:09:06,313 --> 00:09:08,048
Yep, yep,
There you are.
201
00:09:10,017 --> 00:09:13,587
Boy, oh, boy,
Is this a moment.
202
00:09:13,587 --> 00:09:15,589
Yeah. I was here on a job,
203
00:09:15,589 --> 00:09:17,958
And I thought
I'd drop in and say hello.
204
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,126
Hello.
205
00:09:19,126 --> 00:09:20,160
Goodbye.
206
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:21,729
Fine. I tried.
207
00:09:21,729 --> 00:09:23,230
You're obviously
Not interested.
208
00:09:23,230 --> 00:09:24,164
Obviously.
209
00:09:24,164 --> 00:09:25,866
Wait a minute.
Hold! Come back here.
210
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:27,635
Listen, listen, you know
What's happening here?
211
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:29,102
You're both so excited
To see each other
212
00:09:29,102 --> 00:09:31,538
That you're getting
All tensed up here.
213
00:09:31,538 --> 00:09:33,240
I think what we need to do
Is put ourselves
214
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:35,308
Into a little bit
Of a more relaxed situation.
215
00:09:35,308 --> 00:09:38,646
I know this hot tub club
Where we can get
Group rates.
216
00:09:38,646 --> 00:09:40,147
I'm kidding.
I'm kidding about that.
217
00:09:40,147 --> 00:09:42,115
What we should do
Is we should go upstairs,
218
00:09:42,115 --> 00:09:45,518
And we should have lunch
At melville's.
219
00:09:45,518 --> 00:09:47,087
Just the three of us.
What do you say?
220
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,021
My treat.
221
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:50,290
I did come here
To make up.
222
00:09:50,290 --> 00:09:51,291
Huh?
223
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,026
I did skip
Breakfast.
224
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:55,328
All right.
That's the spirit.
225
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:58,398
Family. That's what
Made this country great.
226
00:09:58,398 --> 00:09:59,733
Come on.
227
00:10:01,802 --> 00:10:04,137
Sam, why are you
So desperate
228
00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,339
To see my sister
And I make up?
229
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,875
I mean,
What is it to you?
230
00:10:07,875 --> 00:10:10,410
Is this another
Stupid ploy to
Get me into bed?
231
00:10:10,410 --> 00:10:12,112
Oh, come on,
Rebecca, don't
Be ridiculous.
232
00:10:12,112 --> 00:10:14,247
I'm thinking
Of both of you.
233
00:10:25,125 --> 00:10:28,561
This is nice.
234
00:10:28,561 --> 00:10:31,464
Rebecca, I can't
Finish my filet.
Do you want the rest?
235
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:33,333
Why? Do you want me
To get fat?
236
00:10:33,333 --> 00:10:37,270
Oh, come on. You have not
Been fat since you
Were 12 years old.
237
00:10:37,270 --> 00:10:41,241
Of course, you were
The goodyear blimp then.
238
00:10:41,241 --> 00:10:45,345
At least, when I gave
My "I am an american" speech
At the flag day assembly,
239
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,646
I did not wet myself.
240
00:10:47,781 --> 00:10:49,349
Rebecca, I was 6.
241
00:10:49,349 --> 00:10:50,350
But she did,
Sam. She did.
242
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,252
Shut up.
You shut up.
243
00:10:52,252 --> 00:10:53,253
No. You.
244
00:10:53,253 --> 00:10:54,955
Shut up!
245
00:11:01,628 --> 00:11:03,797
This is nice.
246
00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:04,965
You know,
I really don't think
247
00:11:04,965 --> 00:11:06,266
This was such
A good idea, sam,
248
00:11:06,266 --> 00:11:07,667
And I hope you'll
Excuse me, susan,
249
00:11:07,667 --> 00:11:09,536
If I don't clean
Your table scraps.
250
00:11:09,536 --> 00:11:10,804
Wait a minute.
Sit down, will you?
251
00:11:10,804 --> 00:11:12,139
Girls, girls,
252
00:11:12,139 --> 00:11:15,275
What is the big problem
Between you two, anyway?
253
00:11:15,275 --> 00:11:17,677
Sam, it is one of those
Complicated issues
254
00:11:17,677 --> 00:11:20,781
That you
Can't just pin down
Into one certain thing.
255
00:11:20,781 --> 00:11:22,549
Well, try.
256
00:11:22,549 --> 00:11:25,685
All right.
Dan buttinger...
257
00:11:26,553 --> 00:11:28,521
Mike dietz,
Jeff carnahan,
258
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,090
Ron allen,
Steve melman,
259
00:11:30,090 --> 00:11:31,124
Terry tobin,
260
00:11:31,124 --> 00:11:32,159
Clay fisher--
261
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,493
Wait a minute.
Does this have anything
262
00:11:33,493 --> 00:11:35,963
To do with boy trouble?
263
00:11:35,963 --> 00:11:37,297
Yes.
264
00:11:37,297 --> 00:11:39,299
The trouble is
She can't keep her
Hands off my boys.
265
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:42,035
If it bothered you
That much, why didn't
You just take them back?
266
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:45,705
Because I didn't
Want to stoop
To your level.
267
00:11:45,705 --> 00:11:49,476
Besides, I tried,
And it didn't work.
268
00:11:49,476 --> 00:11:52,245
Look, the point is
That was back
When we were kids.
269
00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,314
A million things
Have changed.
270
00:11:54,314 --> 00:11:56,016
No, no, no.
The fact still remains
271
00:11:56,016 --> 00:11:58,085
That every time I am
Attracted to a guy,
272
00:11:58,085 --> 00:12:00,320
You are on him
Like white on rice.
273
00:12:00,320 --> 00:12:03,190
So excuse me if
I don't leap over there
274
00:12:03,190 --> 00:12:05,759
And say, forgive me,
Please, please,
275
00:12:05,759 --> 00:12:07,660
For breaking my heart
Over and over and over.
276
00:12:07,660 --> 00:12:09,262
Excuse me. I have
To get out of here.
277
00:12:09,262 --> 00:12:12,199
I have work to do.
278
00:12:12,199 --> 00:12:15,903
Sam, I'm sorry
You had to see that.
279
00:12:15,903 --> 00:12:18,005
Well, that's ok.
280
00:12:18,005 --> 00:12:20,874
I don't think
It was fair
281
00:12:20,874 --> 00:12:23,710
For rebecca to say
That you tried
To steal
282
00:12:23,710 --> 00:12:25,879
Every guy she ever
Got interested in,
283
00:12:25,879 --> 00:12:27,781
But I'm warning
You right now,
Missy,
284
00:12:27,781 --> 00:12:30,750
You better not
Try that with me.
285
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:34,521
Oh. Rebecca's
Interested in you?
286
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:35,856
You kidding me?
287
00:12:35,856 --> 00:12:38,391
She's got
A big old
Crush on me.
288
00:12:38,391 --> 00:12:42,495
Well, I'm glad to see
She hasn't lost
Her good taste.
289
00:12:42,495 --> 00:12:46,266
Well,
That's very sweet
Of you to say that.
290
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,901
More wine?
291
00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:52,873
This is nice.
This is very nice.
292
00:13:04,918 --> 00:13:08,021
I snuck out
Of the house,
293
00:13:08,021 --> 00:13:09,890
So don't tell lilith.
294
00:13:09,890 --> 00:13:11,758
Where's sam?
295
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,093
He'll be here
Any minute.
296
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:14,261
He's still up
Having lunch
297
00:13:14,261 --> 00:13:15,996
With miss howe's sister
Miss howe.
298
00:13:15,996 --> 00:13:18,398
Oh, you mean rebecca's
Sister's in town?
299
00:13:18,398 --> 00:13:21,268
Susan howe, the,
Uh, the movie star.
300
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:23,770
You mean the susan howe,
301
00:13:23,770 --> 00:13:26,373
The star
Of night of the mutants?
302
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:27,574
You saw it?
303
00:13:27,574 --> 00:13:30,810
Well, yes. Lilith and I
Rented it last week.
304
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:34,047
Oh, really?
You two don't seem like
The slasher movie types.
305
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,416
Oh, well,
Purely for scientific
Purposes, of course,
306
00:13:36,416 --> 00:13:38,318
But, this may surprise you,
I rather enjoyed it.
307
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:40,053
See, I think films
With scenes
308
00:13:40,053 --> 00:13:42,322
Of graphic disembowelment
And mutilation
309
00:13:42,322 --> 00:13:45,758
Can, in some cases,
Help people
To, well, release
310
00:13:45,758 --> 00:13:48,929
Some of the fears
And aggressions
Of modern society.
311
00:13:48,929 --> 00:13:50,463
Also, it's the first time
312
00:13:50,463 --> 00:13:53,400
Lilith's mother went home
Before 9:00...Screaming.
313
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:58,005
Hey, everybody.
314
00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:01,174
Oh, miss howe,
I'm dr. Frasier crane.
315
00:14:01,174 --> 00:14:03,376
My wife and I
Rented your film
316
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,245
Night of the mutants,
Last week,
317
00:14:05,245 --> 00:14:08,548
And I was wondering,
Uh...Could I have
Your autograph?
318
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:09,616
Sure.
319
00:14:09,616 --> 00:14:10,984
Thank you.
320
00:14:10,984 --> 00:14:13,053
I tell you what,
Just make it
Out to...
321
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:16,456
Mother sternin.
322
00:14:17,657 --> 00:14:19,159
And say,
If you would,
323
00:14:19,159 --> 00:14:22,762
"I know
Where you live,
324
00:14:22,762 --> 00:14:25,165
And I'm going
To get you."
325
00:14:28,168 --> 00:14:30,737
Hey, sammy, sammy,
What's the skinny?
326
00:14:30,737 --> 00:14:33,173
What's the score--
2-1?
327
00:14:33,173 --> 00:14:36,209
Guys, guys, I know
I've accomplished
328
00:14:36,209 --> 00:14:40,047
Some truly legendary
Feats in my day,
329
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,815
But this...This
Is my masterpiece.
330
00:14:42,815 --> 00:14:45,618
This is my
"Moaning lisa."
331
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:46,853
Right.
332
00:14:46,853 --> 00:14:48,688
Ok, tell me,
What's the plan,
333
00:14:48,688 --> 00:14:50,323
And how are
We involved?
334
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,592
Well, here it is.
You're not.
335
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:54,027
It turns out
336
00:14:54,027 --> 00:14:56,863
That these two sisters
Are very competitive,
337
00:14:56,863 --> 00:14:59,032
Especially when
It comes to guys,
338
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:01,868
So all I had to do
Was let the little one know
339
00:15:01,868 --> 00:15:04,371
That the big one
Had the hots for me,
340
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,873
And--bingo, she was
Eating out of my hand.
341
00:15:06,873 --> 00:15:09,109
Was she wearing
A cowboy hat?
342
00:15:11,311 --> 00:15:12,912
Figure of speech,
Cliffie.
343
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:14,347
Well, she could have been.
344
00:15:15,482 --> 00:15:17,317
What I need to do now
Is make sure
345
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,419
That the big one knows
The little one
Is interested,
346
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,588
And I will be ping-ponging
Between the two of them
347
00:15:21,588 --> 00:15:26,493
Until they bury me
With a smile on my face.
348
00:15:26,493 --> 00:15:30,697
No. Please stop!
I'm too young to die.
349
00:15:30,697 --> 00:15:33,666
Ahh!
350
00:15:33,666 --> 00:15:34,634
Perfect!
351
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:39,439
Thanks. You guys
Are a great audience.
352
00:15:39,439 --> 00:15:40,573
What did I miss?
353
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,476
Have you had her
Scream for you, sam?
354
00:15:43,476 --> 00:15:44,978
Later, woody. Later.
355
00:15:47,214 --> 00:15:48,415
Ok, let's see.
The plan is
356
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,750
That I meet you
Back here
357
00:15:50,750 --> 00:15:52,752
At closing time,
Right?
358
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,087
Yeah, can't wait.
359
00:15:54,087 --> 00:15:55,288
See you then.
360
00:15:55,288 --> 00:15:56,089
Oh, boy.
361
00:15:56,089 --> 00:15:57,690
It's not fair.
362
00:15:57,690 --> 00:15:59,359
All the chicks
In that family
363
00:15:59,359 --> 00:16:01,561
Are loaded
With great faces,
364
00:16:01,561 --> 00:16:02,662
Hair, bods.
365
00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,331
What did
My family get?
366
00:16:04,331 --> 00:16:06,899
Look at the
Bright side, carla.
367
00:16:06,899 --> 00:16:10,270
Probably takes them
Hours to get ready
Every morning,
368
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,105
Whereas...
You look the same
369
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,274
With
Or without make-up,
370
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,343
And your hair
Practically
Combs itself.
371
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:21,581
Thanks, woody.
372
00:16:21,581 --> 00:16:23,983
Never hurts to spread
A little sunshine.
373
00:16:28,721 --> 00:16:29,822
Hi.
374
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:30,990
Hi.
375
00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:32,292
So what is it?
376
00:16:32,292 --> 00:16:35,695
Well, I don't want
To get in the middle
377
00:16:35,695 --> 00:16:37,397
Of a family squabble,
378
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:40,533
But your sister
Just asked me out.
379
00:16:40,533 --> 00:16:42,602
She what?
380
00:16:42,602 --> 00:16:44,871
Yeah. Is that
The craziest thing or what?
381
00:16:44,871 --> 00:16:47,507
She obviously thinks
That I'm attracted to you.
382
00:16:47,507 --> 00:16:49,442
Oh, come on,
Why would she think that?
383
00:16:49,442 --> 00:16:51,478
I don't know.
Did you say
Something?
384
00:16:51,478 --> 00:16:53,946
Me? Come on,
What would I have to gain
385
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,983
By saying something
Like that?
386
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,485
Man, this
Makes me so furious.
387
00:16:58,485 --> 00:16:59,819
She comes in here
And she says
That she's sorry
388
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,588
And she wants to
Make up for it,
389
00:17:01,588 --> 00:17:03,123
And then the second
My back is turned,
390
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,191
She comes on to the guy
391
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:05,658
She thinks
Is my boyfriend.
392
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:07,594
If there was just
Something you could do
393
00:17:07,594 --> 00:17:10,097
To get back at her.
394
00:17:10,097 --> 00:17:12,465
What could we do?
What could we do?
395
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:19,106
Did you say that
You'd go out with her?
396
00:17:19,106 --> 00:17:21,441
Yeah, but I could
Kick myself for that.
397
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,976
That was perfect.
Sit down here
A second.
398
00:17:23,976 --> 00:17:25,812
You know how you've
Always wanted to
Go out with me?
399
00:17:25,812 --> 00:17:27,114
Yeah.
400
00:17:27,114 --> 00:17:29,149
Well, now your wish
Is going to
Come true.
401
00:17:29,149 --> 00:17:31,084
You break that date
With my sister,
402
00:17:31,084 --> 00:17:33,086
And I will
Go out with you.
403
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:35,054
Oh, oh.
404
00:17:35,054 --> 00:17:37,190
That is vicious,
But she asked for it.
405
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:38,558
And, sam...
Yeah?
406
00:17:38,558 --> 00:17:39,792
Thank you.
407
00:17:39,792 --> 00:17:40,860
You kidding me?
Come on.
408
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:42,495
What are friends for?
409
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:51,704
Well, fellas,
410
00:17:51,704 --> 00:17:54,341
At this very moment,
Rebecca howe is in her house
411
00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:56,676
Spending two hours
Getting into an outfit
412
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:59,212
She's going to spend
Two minutes getting out of.
413
00:17:59,212 --> 00:18:00,847
What are you gonna
Do about that
Sister? Huh?
414
00:18:00,847 --> 00:18:03,883
Oh, I already
Made a phone call
And postponed our date.
415
00:18:03,883 --> 00:18:05,552
Oh, you going to take
Her out tomorrow night?
416
00:18:05,552 --> 00:18:07,187
No. I'm going to take
Her out in a couple hours.
417
00:18:07,187 --> 00:18:08,288
Hey, hey.
418
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:09,556
Don't worry.
419
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:10,757
We'll be back here
In the morning
420
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,859
For our usual debriefing.
By that time,
421
00:18:12,859 --> 00:18:15,027
I'll be able to compare
And contrast them.
422
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:17,930
And that's when this stuff
Gets really interesting.
423
00:18:17,930 --> 00:18:19,266
Sammy...
424
00:18:19,266 --> 00:18:21,868
Sorry I was
A little hard on you
Before,
425
00:18:21,868 --> 00:18:24,103
But, you know, I was just
Trying to make you reach,
426
00:18:24,103 --> 00:18:26,639
Push out the edges
Of the envelope.
427
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,241
We're all
Proud of you, sammy.
428
00:18:28,241 --> 00:18:30,543
God bless you
On this night, sam malone.
429
00:18:41,988 --> 00:18:44,924
Oh, at last--
430
00:18:44,924 --> 00:18:46,092
Susan.
431
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:49,229
Oh, sam, I know you
Put off our date,
432
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:51,964
But I just couldn't
Wait to see you.
433
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,901
You're all I've been
Thinking about today.
434
00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:58,671
Is there someplace
Private we can go
For a few minutes
435
00:18:58,671 --> 00:19:01,841
Where I can touch you
And hold you?
436
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:05,545
Um, usually I go
For this stuff
In a big way,
437
00:19:05,545 --> 00:19:08,548
But right now
I'm in a little bit
Of a time jam.
438
00:19:08,548 --> 00:19:11,083
Oh, I'm so in the mood.
439
00:19:11,083 --> 00:19:16,389
And I am so good
When I am in the mood.
440
00:19:16,389 --> 00:19:18,157
Would you excuse me
A second?
441
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,827
I've got to make
A quick phone call.
442
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:22,429
I'll be right back.
443
00:19:27,434 --> 00:19:31,103
Come on, rebecca,
Pick up, please.
444
00:19:31,103 --> 00:19:32,705
Pick up, pick up,
Pick up.
445
00:19:36,909 --> 00:19:39,912
As long as you're
Not going to be talking
With those lips...
446
00:19:39,912 --> 00:19:41,448
Ohh.
447
00:19:42,949 --> 00:19:44,617
Oh.
448
00:19:49,088 --> 00:19:50,990
Sam, I'm ready
For our date.
449
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,292
Susan!
450
00:19:52,292 --> 00:19:54,160
Rebecca,
I can explain this.
451
00:19:54,160 --> 00:19:57,264
Ow! My finger's
Caught in your bra.
452
00:19:58,698 --> 00:20:00,300
Listen.
453
00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:02,369
You don't owe me
An explanation.
454
00:20:02,369 --> 00:20:03,936
It's susan.
455
00:20:03,936 --> 00:20:05,538
It's always been
Susan.
456
00:20:05,538 --> 00:20:08,341
My entire life,
It has been susan.
457
00:20:08,341 --> 00:20:10,543
I'm glad you saw us.
You deserve to be hurt.
458
00:20:10,543 --> 00:20:13,580
Oh, no, sister,
I don't hurt anymore.
459
00:20:13,580 --> 00:20:15,482
I'm way beyond hurt.
460
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:17,284
Don't be silly, now, girls,
Please. Please.
461
00:20:17,284 --> 00:20:21,554
And now it is
Susan howe's turn
To hurt.
462
00:20:21,554 --> 00:20:22,355
[gasps]
463
00:20:22,355 --> 00:20:24,324
Hey. That's a gun.
464
00:20:24,324 --> 00:20:26,293
It ain't licorice.
465
00:20:26,293 --> 00:20:28,027
Now, come on.
Let's talk about this.
466
00:20:28,027 --> 00:20:29,829
This is silly. This--
467
00:20:29,829 --> 00:20:31,998
No, please.
I'm too young to die.
468
00:20:31,998 --> 00:20:33,566
Rebecca.
[bang]
469
00:20:33,566 --> 00:20:35,134
Ohh.
470
00:20:35,134 --> 00:20:36,803
Holy cow!
471
00:20:39,038 --> 00:20:40,707
That was for
Dan buttinger.
472
00:20:40,707 --> 00:20:42,609
And this is for
Jeff carnahan.
473
00:20:42,609 --> 00:20:44,311
Ooh!
474
00:20:44,311 --> 00:20:45,878
And mike dietz.
475
00:20:45,878 --> 00:20:47,179
Ooh!
476
00:20:47,179 --> 00:20:49,015
And sam malone.
477
00:20:49,015 --> 00:20:50,917
Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!
478
00:20:52,752 --> 00:20:54,521
Oh, boy, oh, boy.
479
00:20:56,389 --> 00:20:57,824
What did you--
480
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:58,891
What is it, sam?
481
00:20:58,891 --> 00:20:59,959
Uh...
482
00:21:02,261 --> 00:21:03,930
What, because
I killed
My sister?
483
00:21:03,930 --> 00:21:05,432
Uh-huh!
484
00:21:05,432 --> 00:21:08,067
Oh, I didn't mean
To do that, anyway.
485
00:21:08,067 --> 00:21:09,502
Oh, well. It's done.
486
00:21:09,502 --> 00:21:12,705
All right, we got
To get this body
Out of here.
487
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:13,973
Uh...What?
488
00:21:13,973 --> 00:21:17,243
You got to help me, sam.
Come on. Take hold of her.
489
00:21:17,243 --> 00:21:18,711
Ohh...
490
00:21:18,711 --> 00:21:21,548
Everybody does
At least one bad thing
In their life.
491
00:21:23,082 --> 00:21:24,851
Sam, take her hands!
492
00:21:24,851 --> 00:21:26,386
There. All right.
493
00:21:26,386 --> 00:21:29,356
Now, make sure
Nobody sees us.
494
00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:30,557
Stop being
A baby!
495
00:21:30,557 --> 00:21:31,758
Ohh!
496
00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:32,759
Oh, boy.
497
00:21:32,759 --> 00:21:33,760
Just...
498
00:21:33,760 --> 00:21:35,061
Oh, boy.
499
00:21:35,061 --> 00:21:35,995
Move.
500
00:21:38,465 --> 00:21:41,468
Sammy!
Sammy!
501
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:42,802
She did it.
502
00:21:44,604 --> 00:21:47,273
Sammy, when you said you
Were going to knock 'em off
503
00:21:47,273 --> 00:21:48,441
One at a time,
504
00:21:48,441 --> 00:21:49,976
You were serious.
505
00:21:49,976 --> 00:21:51,911
Oh, no, no. You
Don't understand.
506
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:53,846
She's really...
507
00:21:53,846 --> 00:21:55,114
I'm dead.
508
00:21:55,114 --> 00:21:56,949
Huh?
509
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,364
That wasn't funny.
510
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:15,134
That wasn't funny.
511
00:22:15,134 --> 00:22:17,303
That's the kind of thing
That could, you know...
512
00:22:17,303 --> 00:22:20,139
Give somebody
Serious mental damage.
513
00:22:20,139 --> 00:22:21,441
Am I right, lilith?
514
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:22,942
No. It was funny, sam.
515
00:22:27,480 --> 00:22:29,949
Susan, susan.
You were so good.
516
00:22:29,949 --> 00:22:31,584
Wasn't susan good?
517
00:22:33,520 --> 00:22:35,588
You were pretty good
Yourself.
518
00:22:39,492 --> 00:22:41,461
Sam, are you
All right?
519
00:22:41,461 --> 00:22:43,463
I'm hurt.
520
00:22:45,532 --> 00:22:49,135
I'm hurt,
And I'm offended,
521
00:22:49,135 --> 00:22:51,604
And, quite frankly,
I can't believe that
You two would think
522
00:22:51,604 --> 00:22:53,339
This is some sort
Of silly joke.
523
00:22:53,339 --> 00:22:54,874
Am I right, norm?
524
00:23:01,714 --> 00:23:03,315
I'm never
Going to speak
525
00:23:03,315 --> 00:23:04,884
To either one
Of you again.
526
00:23:04,884 --> 00:23:06,819
Oh, sam, that's
Really too bad
527
00:23:06,819 --> 00:23:08,588
Because,
You know, in a way,
528
00:23:08,588 --> 00:23:10,289
Fending off
Your stupid advances
529
00:23:10,289 --> 00:23:12,224
Brought susan
And I back together.
530
00:23:12,224 --> 00:23:14,461
We haven't been
This close
Since we were kids.
531
00:23:14,461 --> 00:23:16,362
We're grateful.
532
00:23:16,362 --> 00:23:19,198
How grateful?
37489
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