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1
00:00:02,370 --> 00:00:05,173
Cliff: "Cheers" is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,206 --> 00:00:10,344
Woody, let me
Have a c.C. Rocks,
3
00:00:10,378 --> 00:00:12,813
Something with a twist,
4
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:16,384
And whatever else
Table 10 was drinking.
5
00:00:16,417 --> 00:00:19,353
Boy, your batteries
Are running low there,
Carla.
6
00:00:19,387 --> 00:00:22,756
I got 2 sick kids
Kept me up half the night,
7
00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:25,059
The neighbor's dog
Went into heat
8
00:00:25,093 --> 00:00:27,461
5:00 this morning,
9
00:00:27,495 --> 00:00:30,531
And I am in the middle
Of a double shift here.
10
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:32,466
Well, on the bright side,
You look like hell.
11
00:00:37,205 --> 00:00:40,341
Oh, dear.
I think this calls
For drastic measures.
12
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,076
G-6.
Yep.
13
00:00:42,110 --> 00:00:43,377
Oh. Oh, no,
14
00:00:43,411 --> 00:00:44,578
Not g-6.
15
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:46,347
[dance music playing]
16
00:01:03,264 --> 00:01:06,167
* well, my mind's gone
17
00:01:06,200 --> 00:01:08,202
* and I ain't got no shoes
18
00:01:10,171 --> 00:01:12,173
* my mind's gone
19
00:01:12,206 --> 00:01:16,110
* I ain't got no shoes
20
00:01:16,144 --> 00:01:17,778
* well, if I had it...
21
00:01:17,811 --> 00:01:19,413
[music dies]
22
00:01:19,447 --> 00:01:22,750
And leave it off.
23
00:01:29,323 --> 00:01:31,692
* making your way
In the world today *
24
00:01:31,725 --> 00:01:34,628
* takes everything
You've got *
25
00:01:34,662 --> 00:01:37,398
* taking a break
From all your worries *
26
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:41,169
* sure would help a lot
27
00:01:41,202 --> 00:01:43,804
* wouldn't you
Like to get away? *
28
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:49,143
* sometimes you
Want to go *
29
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:54,448
* where everybody
Knows your name *
30
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:58,919
* and they're always
Glad you came *
31
00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:01,289
* you want to be
Where you can see *
32
00:02:01,322 --> 00:02:03,857
* our troubles
Are all the same *
33
00:02:03,891 --> 00:02:09,263
* you want to be where
Everybody knows your name *
34
00:02:09,297 --> 00:02:11,599
* you want to go
Where people know *
35
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:13,901
* people are all the same
36
00:02:13,934 --> 00:02:18,372
* you want to go where
Everybody knows your name *
37
00:02:39,927 --> 00:02:41,729
Good lord, sam.
38
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:43,431
Have you been
Swimming laps
39
00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:45,933
In that cologne
Of yours?
40
00:02:45,966 --> 00:02:49,637
No. I just dropped
A bottle all over the floor
In there.
41
00:02:49,670 --> 00:02:54,308
Another $2.50
Down the drain.
42
00:02:54,342 --> 00:02:57,811
Oh, the big bottle.
43
00:02:57,845 --> 00:03:00,848
Hey, look, um,
44
00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:02,950
"The 3 musketeers"
Is coming on in 10 minutes.
45
00:03:02,983 --> 00:03:04,818
All right.
46
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,921
Oh, good for you two.
Excellent choice.
47
00:03:07,955 --> 00:03:09,757
Of course there's
No substitution
48
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:12,326
For the dumas pére novel,
49
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:15,363
But, all in all, it wasn't
A bad translation into film.
50
00:03:15,396 --> 00:03:18,432
You better believe it.
I love all that dueling.
51
00:03:18,466 --> 00:03:21,302
Yeah. And the best part
Is when curly
52
00:03:21,335 --> 00:03:24,638
Backs into the guard's sword
And makes that "Boing boing"
Sound.
53
00:03:24,672 --> 00:03:28,576
What makes me think
We're not talking
About the same film?
54
00:03:28,609 --> 00:03:29,910
She'd probably
Like shemp.
55
00:03:29,943 --> 00:03:33,381
Yeah, right.
56
00:03:33,414 --> 00:03:36,016
Is it possible that
Occasionally you people
57
00:03:36,049 --> 00:03:37,885
Might spend an afternoon
Doing something
58
00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:40,521
That actually involves
Intelligent thought?
59
00:03:40,554 --> 00:03:42,390
Like what?
60
00:03:42,423 --> 00:03:44,325
I can't conceive.
61
00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,560
And we can all breathe
A sigh of relief for that.
62
00:03:46,594 --> 00:03:47,595
[imitates
Sword bouncing]
63
00:03:47,628 --> 00:03:48,729
[imitates curly's
Laughter]
64
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:57,371
Actually,
Just observing people
Can be very interesting.
65
00:03:57,405 --> 00:03:58,672
Don't you ever make up
Little stories
66
00:03:58,706 --> 00:04:00,708
About the people
You see in the bar?
67
00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:01,575
Nope.
68
00:04:01,609 --> 00:04:06,447
Well, for example,
This couple over here.
69
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:08,416
What's their story?
70
00:04:08,449 --> 00:04:10,851
It's a guy and a girl
Having a drink.
71
00:04:10,884 --> 00:04:13,721
Fascinating.
72
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:15,289
Come on. You can
Do better than that.
73
00:04:15,323 --> 00:04:18,359
Just use a little
Imagination.
74
00:04:18,392 --> 00:04:21,929
Ok. That's a guy...
75
00:04:21,962 --> 00:04:25,299
And a naked girl
Having a drink.
76
00:04:25,333 --> 00:04:26,734
That's funny, right?
77
00:04:26,767 --> 00:04:29,637
No kidding, fellas.
That was really nifty.
78
00:04:29,670 --> 00:04:31,739
I appreciate you
Taking me.
79
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:33,707
Where did they
Take you, woody?
80
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:36,744
Well, we watched
The greater boston
Women's 10k run.
81
00:04:36,777 --> 00:04:38,612
I should've known.
82
00:04:38,646 --> 00:04:40,781
Ah, well, wait a minute.
Hold on there, diane.
83
00:04:40,814 --> 00:04:41,982
We happen to think
It's inspiring
84
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,984
To watch a bunch of
Women excel in a sport
85
00:04:44,017 --> 00:04:45,519
From which
Only until recently
86
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:47,555
They've been barred
From competing.
87
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:50,090
Well, I'm sorry, clifford.
I guess I misjudged you.
88
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:54,562
Besides, there wasn't
A bra in the field, huh?
89
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,096
It was an awfully
Chilly morning
90
00:04:56,129 --> 00:04:57,698
If you know
What I mean.
91
00:04:57,731 --> 00:04:58,832
Yeah.
92
00:04:58,866 --> 00:05:01,335
More coffee for chuckles.
93
00:05:01,369 --> 00:05:02,836
Who?
94
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:03,871
Guy over there.
95
00:05:05,839 --> 00:05:07,875
Didn't you notice him?
96
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,643
He's been sitting there
For a couple of hours
97
00:05:09,677 --> 00:05:11,979
Drinking coffee
And staring at us.
98
00:05:13,847 --> 00:05:15,949
So what's the problem?
99
00:05:15,983 --> 00:05:17,017
I'll tell you
What's the problem.
100
00:05:17,050 --> 00:05:19,019
He doesn't smile.
He doesn't talk.
101
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,988
He looks at me
Like I'm not there.
102
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:23,991
You'd think I slept with him
Or something.
103
00:05:26,494 --> 00:05:28,796
So what? He's not
Bothering anyone.
104
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:31,732
He's bothering me.
Gives me the creeps.
105
00:05:33,767 --> 00:05:35,869
Look. See that?
He's writing something down.
106
00:05:35,903 --> 00:05:37,505
Now, what do you
Think he's up to?
107
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:38,672
Aw, come on.
For all we know,
108
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,541
He's writing down
A shopping list.
109
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:44,044
Here's the perfect chance
For us to play our little game.
110
00:05:44,077 --> 00:05:46,414
Well, what game is that?
111
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:52,620
Well, we were just fantasizing
About customers in the bar.
112
00:05:52,653 --> 00:05:55,589
Making up little stories
About them. 2 beers, woody.
113
00:05:55,623 --> 00:05:58,859
Well, he's probably
A writer or a poet
Or something.
114
00:05:58,892 --> 00:06:00,694
Oh,
That's very good.
115
00:06:00,728 --> 00:06:03,497
What do you think
He's writing, woody?
116
00:06:03,531 --> 00:06:05,799
Well, I hope he's
Not writing about a boy
And his dog
117
00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:07,401
Who roam through
The countryside
118
00:06:07,435 --> 00:06:11,104
Doing good deeds
And drinking beer.
119
00:06:11,138 --> 00:06:13,140
Why?
120
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,108
'cause that's the story
I'm writing.
121
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:20,881
Still looking at us.
122
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:23,717
So what's the big deal
123
00:06:23,751 --> 00:06:25,085
As long he's minding
His own business?
124
00:06:25,118 --> 00:06:26,487
That's just it, sam.
125
00:06:26,520 --> 00:06:28,889
He's not minding
His own business.
126
00:06:28,922 --> 00:06:32,059
It's like he's spying on us.
127
00:06:34,094 --> 00:06:36,697
See that?
He just wrote
Something else down.
128
00:06:36,730 --> 00:06:38,599
There's an easy way
To figure out what
This guy's up to.
129
00:06:38,632 --> 00:06:39,933
Somebody just
Go ask him.
130
00:06:39,967 --> 00:06:41,502
Well, let me.
131
00:06:41,535 --> 00:06:43,571
All right.
132
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:44,938
I'm from the mid-west,
133
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:47,775
And we have kind of
A down-home charm
134
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:50,711
That makes people
Kind of open up to us.
135
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:58,619
[clears throat]
Howdy, I'm woody boyd
From hanover, indiana.
136
00:06:58,652 --> 00:07:02,923
That's the place mat
Capital of the world.
137
00:07:02,956 --> 00:07:04,191
My mother's name
Is margaret
138
00:07:04,224 --> 00:07:05,759
And my father's
Name's edgil.
139
00:07:05,793 --> 00:07:06,927
My favorite color's blue,
140
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:08,596
And I've saved
All my baby teeth.
141
00:07:08,629 --> 00:07:09,162
How about you?
142
00:07:11,499 --> 00:07:12,099
Go away.
143
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:20,874
What'd you find out?
144
00:07:22,242 --> 00:07:24,077
I've lived kind of
A dull life.
145
00:07:35,789 --> 00:07:38,826
Look. What's he doing now?
146
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,194
I'd say he's fixing
A cigarette lighter
Of some sort.
147
00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:43,564
Yeah. Yeah. Perhaps
To the terminally naive.
148
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:46,834
Those of us in the know
149
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:51,605
Can spot a highly sensitive
Roloflex espionage camera.
150
00:07:51,639 --> 00:07:54,942
Ooh, look. He's taking pictures
Of us right now.
151
00:07:54,975 --> 00:07:56,043
Aw, come on, man.
152
00:07:56,076 --> 00:07:58,912
Just because
He looks like a spy
And acts like a spy,
153
00:07:58,946 --> 00:08:01,214
It doesn't mean
He is a spy, does it?
154
00:08:01,248 --> 00:08:04,652
I think it
Pretty much does,
Sam.
155
00:08:04,685 --> 00:08:06,954
Well, it certainly
Isn't unheard of
For an individual
156
00:08:06,987 --> 00:08:09,523
To come under some sort
Of surveillance.
157
00:08:09,557 --> 00:08:11,124
Soon as you
Get into a computer,
158
00:08:11,158 --> 00:08:12,292
Hundreds
Of organizations
159
00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:15,663
Have information
About every aspect
Of your personal life.
160
00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,064
Wow. Really?
161
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:17,931
Yes.
162
00:08:17,965 --> 00:08:21,869
In fact, you could be
Bugged right now.
163
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:22,903
Well, now that
You mention it,
164
00:08:22,936 --> 00:08:23,904
I am a little
Ticked,
165
00:08:23,937 --> 00:08:25,739
But I guess...
166
00:08:31,645 --> 00:08:32,546
You don't suppose
This guy's with,
167
00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:35,182
Like, the cia
Or fbi or anything,
Do you?
168
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,750
Ah, could be...
169
00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:39,186
Or maybe--all right,
I'll say it.
170
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:43,557
Maybe with the kgb.
171
00:08:43,591 --> 00:08:45,258
Come to think of it,
This guys does kind of
172
00:08:45,292 --> 00:08:47,861
Have a detective look
About him.
173
00:08:47,895 --> 00:08:50,097
All right, let's go over
The 4 things
We know about him.
174
00:08:50,130 --> 00:08:51,632
He's been here
Since we opened,
175
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,233
He's not drinking,
176
00:08:53,266 --> 00:08:56,069
He's not waiting
For a table upstairs...
177
00:08:56,103 --> 00:08:59,206
Actually that's only 3.
Anybody else know anything?
178
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:01,675
You're an idiot.
179
00:09:01,709 --> 00:09:04,111
That would be 4, then.
180
00:09:04,144 --> 00:09:06,346
You know, if he's
A detective,
181
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:07,915
He's obviously
After one of us.
182
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:08,916
If it
Was anyone else,
183
00:09:08,949 --> 00:09:09,850
He would've
Followed him
184
00:09:09,883 --> 00:09:11,151
Right out
The door already.
185
00:09:11,184 --> 00:09:11,952
We're the only ones
Who have been here
186
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,153
The whole time
He has.
187
00:09:13,186 --> 00:09:14,955
Look, I got an idea.
188
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:16,289
I'm gonna go call him
On the phone
189
00:09:16,323 --> 00:09:17,991
And distract him.
190
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,160
Cliff, you go see what
He's been writing
About us.
191
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,328
Don't get caught.
192
00:09:21,361 --> 00:09:23,296
Uh, no. Don't worry
About that.
193
00:09:23,330 --> 00:09:25,365
Even if he does, he
Won't get anything
Out of me.
194
00:09:25,398 --> 00:09:26,266
Norm: you don't know
Anything.
195
00:09:31,204 --> 00:09:33,206
[telephone rings]
196
00:09:34,307 --> 00:09:37,911
Cheers.
197
00:09:37,945 --> 00:09:39,647
Yeah, uh, who may
I say is calling.
198
00:09:40,714 --> 00:09:42,650
Oh.
199
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:44,685
Excuse me, sir.
200
00:09:44,718 --> 00:09:46,854
Uh, phone for you.
201
00:09:46,887 --> 00:09:48,121
Who is it?
202
00:09:48,155 --> 00:09:49,723
They didn't say.
203
00:09:49,757 --> 00:09:51,324
Take a number.
204
00:09:53,393 --> 00:09:54,728
5.
205
00:09:58,131 --> 00:10:02,069
Oh, they hung up.
Probably call back.
206
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,137
Come on, man.
207
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,374
Didn't even
Take a phone call.
208
00:10:07,407 --> 00:10:09,009
This is getting weird.
209
00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:11,011
All right, all right. We gotta
Go to some private place
210
00:10:11,044 --> 00:10:12,012
And have a huddle.
211
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:14,414
All right.
How about my office?
212
00:10:14,447 --> 00:10:16,750
Sam, aren't you
Forgetting about
Your cologne?
213
00:10:16,784 --> 00:10:18,318
Aw, come on,
Will ya?
214
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:19,619
It's had all day
To wear off.
215
00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:26,960
Ok, we'll give it
A few more minutes.
216
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:27,995
The ladies room.
217
00:10:28,028 --> 00:10:29,697
He's never gonna
Walk in on us there.
218
00:10:29,730 --> 00:10:31,865
Don't you think that'll
Look a little weird?
219
00:10:31,899 --> 00:10:34,367
Well, not if we go in
One at a time
220
00:10:34,401 --> 00:10:36,937
So he doesn't notice.
221
00:10:36,970 --> 00:10:38,939
Woody, cover the bar.
222
00:10:38,972 --> 00:10:41,208
[whistling]
223
00:10:55,756 --> 00:10:58,225
I think we could've spaced
It out a little better.
224
00:11:00,127 --> 00:11:02,029
Carla: ok.
225
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:04,097
If anybody here
Knows any reason
226
00:11:04,131 --> 00:11:05,833
Why their
Personal conduct
227
00:11:05,866 --> 00:11:08,201
Should be coming
Under investigation,
228
00:11:08,235 --> 00:11:12,172
I hope they have enough
Hormones to step forward
And say so.
229
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:25,385
Ok. Ok.
230
00:11:25,418 --> 00:11:26,854
I'll bet it's woody.
231
00:11:28,789 --> 00:11:31,224
Come on, man.
That's crazy.
232
00:11:31,258 --> 00:11:34,461
Why, sam? The fact that he's
Not here to defend himself
233
00:11:34,494 --> 00:11:37,097
Makes him the perfect choice.
234
00:11:37,130 --> 00:11:40,100
Well, yeah.
There's that.
235
00:11:40,133 --> 00:11:43,904
Also, uh, well,
What do we know
About woody, huh?
236
00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,505
I mean, he just comes
In here off the street
Out of nowhere.
237
00:11:45,538 --> 00:11:47,074
Sam gives him a job.
238
00:11:47,107 --> 00:11:50,377
No resume,
No nothing, huh?
239
00:11:50,410 --> 00:11:52,445
Yeah. For all we know,
He could be in cahoots
With that guy.
240
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:54,948
I say woody's a plant.
241
00:11:54,982 --> 00:11:58,518
Only from
The neck up.
242
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:02,255
Come on, cliff.
Think about it.
I mean, woody?
243
00:12:02,289 --> 00:12:04,157
I mean, you're a little
Off-base here, pal.
244
00:12:04,191 --> 00:12:05,358
Oh, am I?
245
00:12:05,392 --> 00:12:07,327
Well, he just, uh,
246
00:12:07,360 --> 00:12:08,862
Might've infiltrated
The bar
247
00:12:08,896 --> 00:12:11,031
To keep tabs on you, norm.
248
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:14,968
Heh. On me? What for?
249
00:12:15,002 --> 00:12:17,905
Oh, he's just saying
"You" hypothetically.
250
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,240
Ah, not really.
251
00:12:20,273 --> 00:12:23,310
What's that supposed
To mean, cliff. Huh?
252
00:12:23,343 --> 00:12:25,345
Think I'm some sort
Of crooked accountant,
Is that it?
253
00:12:25,378 --> 00:12:26,947
No, no, no, no, no.
254
00:12:26,980 --> 00:12:30,417
I'm just postulating
The possibility there
255
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:32,319
That the irs might
Think your accounting
256
00:12:32,352 --> 00:12:33,787
Is a little,
Uh, creative.
257
00:12:33,821 --> 00:12:36,089
Oh, yeah? Creative, huh?
258
00:12:36,123 --> 00:12:38,191
I say the guy might be
A postal investigator,
Cliff.
259
00:12:38,225 --> 00:12:39,192
You haven't bought a stamp
260
00:12:39,226 --> 00:12:40,193
Since the johnson
Administration.
261
00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:45,198
And I'm talking
About andrew, pal.
Andrew johnson.
262
00:12:45,232 --> 00:12:46,199
You'd better
Take that back right now.
263
00:12:46,233 --> 00:12:47,567
I've been a postman
For 11 years.
264
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,336
Relax. Take it easy.
265
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,938
Oh, sure. Relax.
266
00:12:50,971 --> 00:12:52,940
For mr. Love 'em
And leave 'em here.
267
00:12:52,973 --> 00:12:55,075
For all we know,
He's sniffing out
A paternity suit on you.
268
00:12:55,108 --> 00:12:57,110
Aw, come on.
269
00:12:57,144 --> 00:13:01,281
I think we might be getting
A little carried away.
270
00:13:01,314 --> 00:13:04,818
And this from the woman
Who toured europe
On her back.
271
00:13:06,286 --> 00:13:10,423
[all arguing]
272
00:13:10,457 --> 00:13:12,826
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
That's it! That's it!
273
00:13:12,860 --> 00:13:15,028
The guy's upsetting
My customers
And my business.
274
00:13:15,062 --> 00:13:17,164
I'm gonna go find out
What he's doing.
275
00:13:17,197 --> 00:13:19,166
Sam?
276
00:13:19,199 --> 00:13:22,169
Sam? Please.
277
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:23,403
I know, I know.
278
00:13:23,436 --> 00:13:24,371
You guys are trying
To talk me
279
00:13:24,404 --> 00:13:26,506
Out of making
Those charitable
Contributions,
280
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:28,475
But somebody's
Gotta do it.
281
00:13:28,508 --> 00:13:32,279
Hey, buddy,
Um, listen.
282
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:33,613
What's your story here?
283
00:13:33,646 --> 00:13:35,382
You come in here
And you--
284
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:38,351
Sam, he's a friend
Of mine.
285
00:13:38,385 --> 00:13:40,120
You know this guy?
286
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:41,955
Yes.
287
00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,191
Thank you,
Irving.
288
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:45,425
You may leave
Now.
289
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:47,027
Sure. See you in class.
290
00:13:47,060 --> 00:13:47,995
Ok.
291
00:13:49,429 --> 00:13:53,500
We went zooey
Over a guy name irving?
292
00:13:53,533 --> 00:13:56,369
He's a member
Of my psychology class.
293
00:13:56,403 --> 00:13:58,171
He's assisting me
294
00:13:58,205 --> 00:14:01,641
In a little experiment
About paranoia.
295
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,643
What do you mean, experiment?
296
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,313
Well, the idea
Was to introduce
A foreign element
297
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:09,116
Into an established,
Secure environment
298
00:14:09,149 --> 00:14:11,518
In order to observe
The ensuing behavior.
299
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:16,656
I for one found it
Extremely interesting
And highly educational.
300
00:14:16,689 --> 00:14:19,492
Didn't all of you find it
Extremely interesting
301
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,294
And highly educational?
302
00:14:21,328 --> 00:14:24,965
Anybody?
303
00:14:24,998 --> 00:14:27,667
You know, come on,
Don't get mad.
304
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,502
It's silly to get mad.
305
00:14:29,536 --> 00:14:32,005
Diane,
We don't get mad.
306
00:14:49,156 --> 00:14:50,057
Pardon me, diane.
307
00:14:50,090 --> 00:14:53,326
Aah.
308
00:14:53,360 --> 00:14:55,295
Excuse me. Is there
Anything on my back,
309
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:56,997
Like a "Kick me"
Sign?
310
00:14:57,030 --> 00:14:58,165
No.
311
00:14:58,198 --> 00:15:01,034
Thank you.
312
00:15:01,068 --> 00:15:03,570
For several days
I've been expecting
The people here
313
00:15:03,603 --> 00:15:06,406
To get back at me
For something I did.
314
00:15:06,439 --> 00:15:08,275
I brought a man in--
Wait a minute.
315
00:15:08,308 --> 00:15:09,709
Why are you so curious?
316
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:11,478
Just do
Your crossword
317
00:15:11,511 --> 00:15:13,480
And mind
Your own beeswax.
318
00:15:17,417 --> 00:15:19,252
Oh, hey, ms. Chambers.
319
00:15:19,286 --> 00:15:21,288
I stopped in at the bakery
On the way into work
320
00:15:21,321 --> 00:15:22,622
And got some muffins.
321
00:15:22,655 --> 00:15:24,024
Would you like one?
322
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:28,395
Oh, here it is.
Muffins?
323
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:31,331
Yeah. Blueberry or bran,
Which one do you want?
324
00:15:31,364 --> 00:15:32,732
Which one
Do you want, woody?
325
00:15:32,765 --> 00:15:36,669
I'll take the blueberry
I think.
326
00:15:36,703 --> 00:15:39,672
Ah, no, no.
I'll take the blueberry.
327
00:15:39,706 --> 00:15:42,009
Ok.
328
00:15:42,042 --> 00:15:45,645
Wait. It's ok with you
That I take
The blueberry?
329
00:15:45,678 --> 00:15:47,047
Then I want the bran.
330
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,583
Sure, ms. Chambers.
Enjoy it.
331
00:16:08,201 --> 00:16:12,672
I just love the feel
Of warm muffins
In the morning.
332
00:16:12,705 --> 00:16:14,207
Are you a little
Nervous or something?
333
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:17,444
Me nervous? I'm not nervous.
I'm not a bit nervous.
334
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,279
I'm positively placid.
335
00:16:19,312 --> 00:16:21,114
Hello, everyone.
336
00:16:21,148 --> 00:16:23,450
Oh, frasier,
Thank god you're here.
337
00:16:23,483 --> 00:16:25,185
What took you so long?
338
00:16:25,218 --> 00:16:26,486
I came as soon
As I got your message.
339
00:16:26,519 --> 00:16:28,621
Well,
I called your office
Hours ago.
340
00:16:28,655 --> 00:16:32,325
Well,
I'd stepped out to denver.
341
00:16:32,359 --> 00:16:34,694
Well, if I had known
You were out of town,
342
00:16:34,727 --> 00:16:36,596
I would never had
Expected you to come
Here.
343
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,065
No, no, no.
Don't be silly.
344
00:16:38,098 --> 00:16:40,033
Listen, I was fed up
With denver anyway.
345
00:16:40,067 --> 00:16:42,702
Breath-taking mountains,
Wide open spaces...
346
00:16:42,735 --> 00:16:44,471
That hauntingly
Beautiful woman
347
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,406
That kept coming on to me
In the ski lodge.
348
00:16:46,439 --> 00:16:49,309
Oh, good. Well,
As long as you're here,
I want to talk with you.
349
00:16:49,342 --> 00:16:50,643
Woody, there's a little
Bit under that chair.
350
00:16:53,746 --> 00:16:56,649
Diane, I've dreamed
Of this day.
351
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,818
Oh, frasier,
352
00:16:58,851 --> 00:17:01,721
I hope you didn't
Misinterpret my message
353
00:17:01,754 --> 00:17:04,624
As a wish
To rekindle our romance.
354
00:17:04,657 --> 00:17:09,062
Oh, um...
No, of course not.
355
00:17:09,096 --> 00:17:10,763
Um, this is tuesday, right?
356
00:17:10,797 --> 00:17:11,698
Mmm.
357
00:17:11,731 --> 00:17:13,566
Well, see, when I said
I dreamed of this day,
358
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,669
I meant I dreamt of tuesday.
359
00:17:16,703 --> 00:17:19,272
Listen, I am very proud
Of the fact
360
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:20,773
That I am completely
Over you.
361
00:17:20,807 --> 00:17:23,276
Now, what is it?
362
00:17:23,310 --> 00:17:27,480
Well, the other day
I was conducting
An experiment
363
00:17:27,514 --> 00:17:30,117
For my behavioral
Sciences colloquium.
364
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:31,118
I brought a man in--
365
00:17:31,151 --> 00:17:33,420
Man? What man?
366
00:17:33,453 --> 00:17:36,156
A classmate.
Oh, never mind.
367
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:38,858
The point is that I
Played this harmless
Trick on them,
368
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,593
And now they're
Going to get back
At me.
369
00:17:40,627 --> 00:17:43,730
At first I
Approached it with
My usual good humor,
370
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,433
But now I find
I'm obsessed.
371
00:17:46,466 --> 00:17:47,834
I need your help.
372
00:17:47,867 --> 00:17:50,437
Well, I think one or 2 sessions
Should clear it up.
373
00:17:50,470 --> 00:17:52,272
Oh, frasier, I don't
Want counseling.
374
00:17:52,305 --> 00:17:54,073
I want you
To spy on them.
375
00:17:55,808 --> 00:17:57,344
Ah.
376
00:17:57,377 --> 00:17:58,478
Get close to them,
377
00:17:58,511 --> 00:18:01,414
Find out when heinous
Revenge they have
Planned--aah!
378
00:18:03,483 --> 00:18:06,553
Diane, look at yourself.
379
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:09,156
I mean, no wonder
You're such easy fodder
For their little pranks.
380
00:18:09,189 --> 00:18:12,292
Look, the problem is
You take everything
So seriously.
381
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:14,227
Take it from me,
Who used to do the same thing,
382
00:18:14,261 --> 00:18:15,828
It's not worth it.
383
00:18:15,862 --> 00:18:18,898
I'm much happier now that
I let things bounce off of me,
384
00:18:18,931 --> 00:18:22,602
Now that I'm happy-go-lucky
Frasier crane.
385
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:26,706
Frasier, you're right.
386
00:18:26,739 --> 00:18:29,409
I do take things
Too seriously.
387
00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,878
I need to lighten up
A little.
388
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:33,846
Great. Now that we've
Taken care of of that,
389
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:37,350
Do you think there's
Any chance that you'll
Ever love me again
390
00:18:37,384 --> 00:18:40,220
Before I lie
Moldering in the grave?
391
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:44,424
I'm joking, of course!
392
00:18:44,457 --> 00:18:48,228
It's just another example
Of my devil-may-care attitude.
393
00:18:48,261 --> 00:18:51,931
Yeah. You've been
A big help. Thank you.
394
00:18:51,964 --> 00:18:54,934
Uh, diane,
Somebody wants
To talk to you.
395
00:18:54,967 --> 00:18:57,737
Oh?
396
00:18:57,770 --> 00:18:59,272
Yeah?
397
00:18:59,306 --> 00:19:01,441
Ms. Chambers,
I'm martin gallagher,
398
00:19:01,474 --> 00:19:04,344
Wlbd public broadcasting.
399
00:19:04,377 --> 00:19:06,613
One of your professors
At the university
400
00:19:06,646 --> 00:19:08,615
Sent us some of your poetry,
401
00:19:08,648 --> 00:19:11,884
And we thought you'd
Make a wonderful guest
For our program,
402
00:19:11,918 --> 00:19:14,287
"Boston's working poets."
403
00:19:14,321 --> 00:19:15,855
Really?
Yes.
404
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,690
You want me to appear
On television?
405
00:19:17,724 --> 00:19:19,726
Yes.
Oh, I'm honored.
406
00:19:19,759 --> 00:19:20,960
Well,
You should be.
Isn't that great?
407
00:19:20,993 --> 00:19:23,396
Oh, yes.
It's really...
408
00:19:23,430 --> 00:19:27,300
Unbelievable.
409
00:19:27,334 --> 00:19:29,902
Why don't you
Tell me a bit more
About your show.
410
00:19:29,936 --> 00:19:34,841
Well, the concept
Is part-time poets
In their working habitat,
411
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:36,943
Reading their own verse.
412
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:40,813
Hmm. Won't that
Be exciting?
Why, yes.
413
00:19:40,847 --> 00:19:43,550
Little old me
On television.
My, my, my.
414
00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,785
Well, when do we
Get started?
415
00:19:45,818 --> 00:19:47,554
Well, wouldn't right now
Be all right?
416
00:19:47,587 --> 00:19:50,723
Your mr. Malone has kindly
Offered his pool room.
417
00:19:50,757 --> 00:19:52,592
Well, wasn't that nice
Of him.
418
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:53,726
Well, I guess right now
Would be perfect,
Wouldn't it?
419
00:19:53,760 --> 00:19:55,228
Well, good.
420
00:19:55,262 --> 00:19:56,763
Well, let me
Show you where
To set up then.
421
00:19:56,796 --> 00:19:59,899
So nice of you
To drop by cheers,
422
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,603
Where I serve the public
Many beers.
423
00:20:03,636 --> 00:20:06,873
This is it.
424
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:08,241
Oh, are you sure?
425
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:09,342
Uh-huh.
426
00:20:09,376 --> 00:20:10,977
Well, I doubt if the
Collective intelligence
Of them
427
00:20:11,010 --> 00:20:13,713
Could devise this
Complicated a ruse.
428
00:20:13,746 --> 00:20:15,448
I'm absolutely sure.
429
00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:18,651
They expect me
To give a sensitive rendition
Of my poetry.
430
00:20:18,685 --> 00:20:20,387
And then at some future date,
431
00:20:20,420 --> 00:20:22,889
They'll play it back
While they swill beer
432
00:20:22,922 --> 00:20:24,457
And throw spit wads
At the screen
433
00:20:24,491 --> 00:20:27,427
And make unpleasant
Animal noises.
434
00:20:27,460 --> 00:20:29,896
Well, I'm not
Going to fall for it.
435
00:20:29,929 --> 00:20:33,400
I have a little surprise
For them.
436
00:20:33,433 --> 00:20:35,335
Now,
That's the spirit.
437
00:20:35,368 --> 00:20:37,370
Oh, diane, what a couple
We'd have made.
438
00:20:37,404 --> 00:20:39,506
2 irrepressible zanies.
439
00:20:39,539 --> 00:20:41,007
Oh, ms. Chambers?
440
00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:42,875
What kind of poetry
Are you going to recite?
441
00:20:42,909 --> 00:20:44,977
Ah, you, too, woody.
442
00:20:45,011 --> 00:20:47,747
Oh, what a tangled web
We weave
443
00:20:47,780 --> 00:20:51,484
When first we practice
To deceive.
444
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:54,487
I hate to burst your bubble,
But I've heard that before.
445
00:20:58,057 --> 00:21:00,460
We're ready for you,
Ms. Chambers.
446
00:21:00,493 --> 00:21:03,696
Yes, I'm sure you are.
And I'm ready for you.
447
00:21:03,730 --> 00:21:05,298
Just stand over here.
448
00:21:05,332 --> 00:21:08,000
Aren't you going
To give me a clever
Introduction?
449
00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:09,736
We'll dub that in later.
450
00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:11,704
Oh, why didn't
I think of that?
451
00:21:11,738 --> 00:21:13,640
All right, roll camera.
452
00:21:13,673 --> 00:21:16,576
And as soon as you're ready,
Ms. Chambers, just begin.
453
00:21:18,345 --> 00:21:21,881
Well, I would like to begin
With one of my favorites,
454
00:21:21,914 --> 00:21:23,316
And I hope you'll
Like it, too.
455
00:21:23,350 --> 00:21:26,953
It's called
"Ode to a cornish hen."
456
00:21:30,723 --> 00:21:35,462
Bok. Bok. Bok. Bok.
457
00:21:35,495 --> 00:21:37,564
Bok. Bok. Bok.
458
00:21:37,597 --> 00:21:38,765
Bok. Bok.
459
00:21:38,798 --> 00:21:42,702
Bok. Bok. Bok. Bok. Bok.
460
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,772
Bok. Bok. Bok. Bok.
Bok. Bok .Bok. Bok.
461
00:21:45,805 --> 00:21:48,475
[all laughing]
462
00:21:51,444 --> 00:21:54,113
Diane: sam, if you have
An ounce of humanity,
463
00:21:54,146 --> 00:21:58,351
Turn that off.
464
00:21:58,385 --> 00:22:00,019
All: aw.
465
00:22:03,856 --> 00:22:06,025
What'd you think
You were doing up there?
466
00:22:09,496 --> 00:22:12,098
I didn't think
It was a real show.
467
00:22:12,131 --> 00:22:13,766
Are you kidding me?
468
00:22:13,800 --> 00:22:16,703
I mean, who would make up
Something that boring?
469
00:22:16,736 --> 00:22:19,972
Diane:
Well, I thought you did.
470
00:22:20,006 --> 00:22:22,942
I thought it was a joke.
471
00:22:22,975 --> 00:22:25,378
I figured that you set it up
To get back at me
472
00:22:25,412 --> 00:22:28,815
Because of my psychology
Experiment.
473
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:33,586
Ah, what a great joke.
I wish he had thought of that.
474
00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:34,921
I can't think
Of it now.
475
00:22:39,091 --> 00:22:42,795
I made an absolute ass
Of myself.
476
00:22:42,829 --> 00:22:44,831
Oh, come on, diane.
Lighten up.
477
00:22:44,864 --> 00:22:46,699
It wasn't that bad.
It really wasn't.
478
00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:50,903
Heck, no. I've known
Chickens who can't do
That as well as you can.
479
00:22:50,937 --> 00:22:53,773
Oh, hey, come on.
It's no big deal.
480
00:22:53,806 --> 00:22:55,074
Nobody watches that stuff.
481
00:22:57,544 --> 00:23:00,947
It's not just the show.
482
00:23:00,980 --> 00:23:03,115
After I filmed that thing,
483
00:23:03,149 --> 00:23:06,152
I felt kind of good
Thinking that you guys
484
00:23:06,185 --> 00:23:08,087
Had gone to all that trouble
To get back at me
485
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:11,458
Like you would
With each other.
486
00:23:11,491 --> 00:23:14,694
And I was thinking of myself
As one of the gang,
487
00:23:14,727 --> 00:23:17,964
Now I don't know whether
I'm more disappointed
488
00:23:17,997 --> 00:23:21,033
At that awful display
On television
489
00:23:21,067 --> 00:23:23,670
Or the fact that you still
Think of me as an outsider.
490
00:23:23,703 --> 00:23:27,840
Oh, boy.
Uh...I'm sorry.
491
00:23:27,874 --> 00:23:29,008
I don't know what to say.
492
00:23:29,041 --> 00:23:32,211
Um, go on to my place.
Lie down.
493
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:34,781
Take as much time
As you want. Feel better.
494
00:23:34,814 --> 00:23:35,882
Thank you, sam.
495
00:23:40,653 --> 00:23:43,690
[water dumping]
496
00:23:56,135 --> 00:23:58,471
I love you guys!
35789
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