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1
00:00:02,836 --> 00:00:05,073
"Cheers" is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:07,908
O.K., please,
Everybody, listen up.
3
00:00:07,908 --> 00:00:09,610
It's time once again
4
00:00:09,610 --> 00:00:11,445
For the third annual
Cheers picnic.
5
00:00:11,445 --> 00:00:13,047
Now, I'm going
To need volunteers
6
00:00:13,047 --> 00:00:14,448
For these
Various committees.
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,751
First, food. Now
Who will volunteer
8
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,320
To take care
Of the grub?
9
00:00:21,622 --> 00:00:24,525
Well, what the heck?
10
00:00:24,525 --> 00:00:28,329
I--I can do this one.
Ernie pantuso.
11
00:00:28,329 --> 00:00:31,332
I did a pretty good
Job last year.
12
00:00:31,332 --> 00:00:34,335
At least no one complained.
13
00:00:34,335 --> 00:00:38,206
This brings us to
The entertainment committee.
14
00:00:38,206 --> 00:00:40,641
Who wants to chair
This baby?
15
00:00:44,745 --> 00:00:47,948
Well...Entertainment
Goes right along with food.
16
00:00:47,948 --> 00:00:49,350
Ernie pantuso.
17
00:00:49,350 --> 00:00:52,353
We'll need two captains
For the softball teams.
18
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:56,390
Two. Uh...Come on.
A show of hands, huh?
19
00:00:58,259 --> 00:01:02,496
Well, I can handle
One team.
20
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,332
Ernie pantuso.
21
00:01:04,332 --> 00:01:07,201
O.K., so...
Who wants the other?
22
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:09,437
One more.
23
00:01:11,972 --> 00:01:15,209
Well, uh, I'm going to be
Out there on the field anyway,
24
00:01:15,209 --> 00:01:18,412
So...Ernie pantuso.
25
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:20,181
Oh, and last
But not least,
26
00:01:20,181 --> 00:01:22,950
I need somebody to head up
Transportation.
27
00:01:22,950 --> 00:01:24,252
I got it.
28
00:01:24,252 --> 00:01:26,387
Ernie pantuso.
29
00:01:26,387 --> 00:01:29,056
Now, there'll be a meeting
Of committee chairmen
30
00:01:29,056 --> 00:01:33,060
At my house
Tonight at 8:00.
31
00:01:33,060 --> 00:01:36,397
Please, everybody,
Try to be on time, huh?
32
00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,305
* makin' your way
In the world today *
33
00:01:44,305 --> 00:01:47,775
* takes everything
You've got *
34
00:01:47,775 --> 00:01:50,178
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
35
00:01:50,178 --> 00:01:52,380
* sure would help a lot *
36
00:01:53,814 --> 00:01:56,717
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
37
00:01:59,487 --> 00:02:01,355
* sometimes
You wanna go *
38
00:02:01,355 --> 00:02:05,159
* where everybody
Knows your name *
39
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:10,298
* and they're always
Glad you came *
40
00:02:11,365 --> 00:02:14,134
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
41
00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:16,437
* our troubles
Are all the same *
42
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:21,509
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
43
00:02:21,509 --> 00:02:24,312
* you wanna go
Where people know *
44
00:02:24,312 --> 00:02:26,914
* people are all the same *
45
00:02:26,914 --> 00:02:31,285
* you wanna go where
Everybody knows your name *
46
00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:56,710
Hey, everybody,
Sorry I'm late.
47
00:02:56,710 --> 00:02:57,811
Hi, sam.
48
00:02:57,811 --> 00:02:59,112
Where have you been?
49
00:02:59,112 --> 00:03:01,749
Well, I had
To run a few errands.
50
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:04,885
Oh...Funny thing happened
To me this afternoon.
51
00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:07,054
I was on my way
To boston magazine
52
00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,357
To be interviewed
As one of the 20 most eligible
Bachelors in the city
53
00:03:09,357 --> 00:03:11,325
When I saw this man
Walking a dog.
54
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,428
Now, the funny thing is
The dog wasn't
Walking like a dog.
55
00:03:14,428 --> 00:03:18,232
He was walking
Like a man up on his hind legs.
56
00:03:18,232 --> 00:03:20,434
Where's a camera
When you need one?
57
00:03:20,434 --> 00:03:23,371
O.K., enough jokes.
58
00:03:23,371 --> 00:03:25,639
Back to work.
59
00:03:27,241 --> 00:03:30,110
20 most
Eligible bachelors?
60
00:03:30,110 --> 00:03:31,345
What's that?
61
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:35,082
Boston magazine?
62
00:03:35,082 --> 00:03:36,950
And you let them
List you?
63
00:03:36,950 --> 00:03:40,388
Well, if I hadn't,
I would've missed
That funny dog.
64
00:03:40,388 --> 00:03:43,724
You'll dine out
On that story there, sammy.
65
00:03:43,724 --> 00:03:45,393
Yeah.
66
00:03:45,393 --> 00:03:46,527
Why do you want them
67
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:48,796
To list you as
An eligible bachelor?
68
00:03:48,796 --> 00:03:51,999
Isn't that for men who
Are actively seeking
Female companionship?
69
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:54,067
No. Not entirely.
No, no.
70
00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:58,406
It's just good publicity
For the bar, that's all.
71
00:03:58,406 --> 00:03:59,807
Besides,
It gave me a chance
72
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:02,676
To air some of my views
On political issues.
73
00:04:06,880 --> 00:04:10,183
What political issues
Did you air views on?
74
00:04:10,183 --> 00:04:14,254
I told them I
Thought nuclear war
Would be bad news.
75
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:22,262
Oh, sam, you've stirred up
A hornet's nest there.
76
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:26,066
Really? Well, uh...
77
00:04:26,066 --> 00:04:28,268
I can always say
I was misquoted.
78
00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,872
Oh, I see, when they say
Eligible bachelors,
79
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,107
They mean eligible
For a brain transplant.
80
00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,576
I knew it!
81
00:04:35,576 --> 00:04:37,244
I knew you'd make
A big deal out of this.
82
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:39,012
You make a big deal
Out of everything.
83
00:04:39,012 --> 00:04:43,050
Come on, all it was
Was a little article
On my life, my interests,
84
00:04:43,050 --> 00:04:44,452
And a simple picture of me.
85
00:04:44,452 --> 00:04:46,787
It wasn't like
It was cheesecake.
86
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:50,591
No, sam.
With men,
It's beefcake.
87
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:54,528
If I posed,
It would be
Cheesecake.
88
00:04:54,528 --> 00:04:56,730
If you posed,
It would be crumb cake.
89
00:04:59,232 --> 00:05:01,001
Sam...
90
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:02,336
I'm very hurt
By this.
91
00:05:02,336 --> 00:05:04,538
Oh, don't be.
92
00:05:04,538 --> 00:05:07,408
All right, I'll tell you
Something right now that's
Gonna make you feel better.
93
00:05:07,408 --> 00:05:09,543
I wanted it
To be a surprise, but...
94
00:05:09,543 --> 00:05:11,545
When I was talking to that
Lady reporter, I said,
95
00:05:11,545 --> 00:05:13,481
"Yeah, I may be a bachelor,
But it so happens
96
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:16,384
"I've already found
The woman of my dreams,
97
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:19,420
And her name is
Diane chambers."
98
00:05:19,420 --> 00:05:21,655
Really, sam?
99
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:25,493
That's very sweet.
100
00:05:25,493 --> 00:05:27,160
Call and check.
101
00:05:27,160 --> 00:05:29,096
Her name's
Helen costello.
She's still there.
102
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:31,264
I don't
Have to call.
103
00:05:31,264 --> 00:05:33,100
I believe you.
104
00:05:33,100 --> 00:05:34,768
I trust you.
105
00:05:34,768 --> 00:05:37,304
I think that was
A wonderful
Thing to do.
106
00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:39,039
Yeah. Me, too.
107
00:05:44,478 --> 00:05:46,514
She bought that?
108
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:53,253
I'd like to sell her
The old north church.
109
00:05:53,253 --> 00:05:54,522
Good luck.
110
00:05:54,522 --> 00:05:57,057
I owned that once.
111
00:06:00,761 --> 00:06:03,431
It took me forever
To unload it.
112
00:06:05,265 --> 00:06:08,235
Boy, did I take
A bath on that!
113
00:06:08,235 --> 00:06:10,303
Boy, I really did it
This time.
114
00:06:10,303 --> 00:06:11,505
What are you
Worried about?
115
00:06:11,505 --> 00:06:13,874
She already bought
The story.
116
00:06:13,874 --> 00:06:15,409
When the magazine
Hits the stands,
117
00:06:15,409 --> 00:06:17,044
Just tell her
It's not your fault.
118
00:06:17,044 --> 00:06:18,345
See, the reporter
Didn't mention
Your sweetie.
119
00:06:18,345 --> 00:06:19,980
Yeah, foolproof.
120
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:23,083
At best
I'm just buying time.
121
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,853
She said she wouldn't call,
But she'll call.
122
00:06:25,853 --> 00:06:27,555
There was a time when
She wouldn't have called,
123
00:06:27,555 --> 00:06:29,122
But now, she'll call.
124
00:06:31,525 --> 00:06:33,260
You don't trust
Diane very much.
125
00:06:33,260 --> 00:06:34,828
Coach, it's gotten
To the point
126
00:06:34,828 --> 00:06:38,298
Where I can't
Trust a thing
That woman says.
127
00:06:38,298 --> 00:06:39,600
I know
What you mean.
128
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,168
Once the trust
Goes out of a
Relationship,
129
00:06:41,168 --> 00:06:44,104
It's really no fun
Lying to them
Anymore.
130
00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:52,045
It's not my fault.
131
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,247
You know, she always
Starts things--
132
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:56,216
Telling me
How to walk,
133
00:06:56,216 --> 00:06:57,250
How to act,
134
00:06:57,250 --> 00:06:58,452
How to think.
135
00:06:58,452 --> 00:06:59,853
Yeah. You've been
Doing those things
136
00:06:59,853 --> 00:07:02,623
Since you
Were what--14?
137
00:07:04,992 --> 00:07:06,827
You know,
It's gotten
To the point
138
00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,929
Where I start
Doing things I don't
Even want to do,
139
00:07:08,929 --> 00:07:12,132
But just knowing
It'll tick her off,
I got to do them.
140
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:14,334
The more I think
It's gonna drive
Her crazier,
141
00:07:14,334 --> 00:07:16,069
The happier I get.
142
00:07:16,069 --> 00:07:17,204
Is that weird?
143
00:07:17,204 --> 00:07:20,207
No, no.
We know the woman.
144
00:07:20,207 --> 00:07:24,144
Sammy,
I think it's time
For a romantic gesture,
145
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:26,146
Like a little trinket
To smooth the water.
146
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:27,781
No, I've done
All that stuff before.
147
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,949
I tell ya,
It's gonna take a lot more
148
00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:31,418
Than music
And a candlelit dinner
149
00:07:31,418 --> 00:07:34,221
To shut her up
This time.
150
00:07:34,221 --> 00:07:35,923
Sam, listen...
151
00:07:35,923 --> 00:07:38,959
I'm telling you,
It's time for you
To take a big step.
152
00:07:38,959 --> 00:07:42,062
Now, I wouldn't
Say this ordinarily
To anyone
153
00:07:42,062 --> 00:07:43,664
In a million years.
154
00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,067
But you know
What might help?
155
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:51,539
If you actually had
Physical relations
With her.
156
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,044
I--I don't
Think so, coach.
157
00:07:57,044 --> 00:07:59,212
I think we're both
Going to
Wait
158
00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,649
Until we're sure
How we feel
About each other.
159
00:08:03,016 --> 00:08:05,686
You're a good
Old-fashioned guy, sam.
160
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:09,823
All right,
You want to hear
161
00:08:09,823 --> 00:08:12,993
The most romantic thing
I heard a guy do
In a long time?
162
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,127
What?
163
00:08:14,127 --> 00:08:18,031
Well, I heard
That sally got mad at burt
164
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,066
Because she heard
165
00:08:19,066 --> 00:08:21,535
He was going to do
Another movie with loni.
166
00:08:21,535 --> 00:08:24,504
So burt,
To make up for it,
167
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:28,542
Had someone paint
A portrait of sally.
168
00:08:28,542 --> 00:08:29,877
Thank you very much
169
00:08:29,877 --> 00:08:32,312
For that enlightenment,
Carla.
170
00:08:32,312 --> 00:08:36,116
Now, we can knock off with
The fan magazine drivel.
171
00:08:36,116 --> 00:08:37,217
I read yesterday
172
00:08:37,217 --> 00:08:40,187
That burt and sally
Are headed for the altar.
173
00:08:42,089 --> 00:08:45,025
You know,
That's not such a bad idea,
Having a portrait done.
174
00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,427
I mean, she'd like
That kind of thing.
175
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,829
Refill, sam.
176
00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:50,097
Yeah, it shows
Some thinking.
177
00:08:50,097 --> 00:08:52,165
It's sensitive.
It's personal.
178
00:08:52,165 --> 00:08:53,400
The altar?
179
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,968
How can burt do that
180
00:08:54,968 --> 00:08:58,572
With the terrible secret
He and dinah still share?
181
00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:03,310
Hey, whoa.
Do you mind here?
Carla, come on.
182
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:04,511
Now,
What kind of artist
183
00:09:04,511 --> 00:09:06,279
Should I get
To paint diane?
184
00:09:06,279 --> 00:09:07,915
Better get a bad one.
Why?
185
00:09:07,915 --> 00:09:10,250
You don't want it
To look like her, do you?
186
00:09:10,250 --> 00:09:12,986
You know,
Your wisecracks
All the time
187
00:09:12,986 --> 00:09:15,022
Don't make things
Any easier.
188
00:09:15,022 --> 00:09:17,557
Come on, sam.
You know my philosophy.
189
00:09:17,557 --> 00:09:19,860
If you can't
Say something nice,
190
00:09:19,860 --> 00:09:22,095
Say it about diane.
191
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:24,998
Come on, help me out here.
192
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,900
W-where do you go
To find an artist?
193
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,603
What, do you go to a store
Or something?
194
00:09:29,603 --> 00:09:31,271
Store. Come on, sam.
195
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:33,373
We're not talking
About tv dinners here.
196
00:09:33,373 --> 00:09:34,875
We're talking
About artists.
197
00:09:34,875 --> 00:09:36,476
You got to go
To where the artists are,
198
00:09:36,476 --> 00:09:39,379
You know,
To an artist...Place.
199
00:09:39,379 --> 00:09:42,716
What's that terrible secret
Burt and dinah share?
200
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:44,351
I can't tell you.
201
00:09:44,351 --> 00:09:48,121
In a reader's poll,
I voted they should
Have more privacy.
202
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:53,026
Hey, listen,
Fellas, sam,
203
00:09:53,026 --> 00:09:54,895
Can I put this all
In check for a minute?
204
00:09:54,895 --> 00:09:57,631
Now, I happen to be
A wonderful artist.
205
00:09:57,631 --> 00:10:01,034
I'd just love to do
A picture of diane.
206
00:10:01,034 --> 00:10:03,837
I'd consider it
A challenge
And I'd welcome it.
207
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:05,572
You never told me
About this talent.
208
00:10:05,572 --> 00:10:07,975
Sure. Here.
Let me show you.
209
00:10:09,076 --> 00:10:12,245
Norm, just hold it
Like that, please.
210
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:24,524
Stinks.
211
00:10:24,524 --> 00:10:25,893
Yeah, it does.
212
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,394
Ooh,
I just remembered.
213
00:10:27,394 --> 00:10:31,431
It was my brother
That had all the
Artistic talent.
214
00:10:31,431 --> 00:10:33,200
Yeah,
Now I remember.
215
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:37,237
My talent
Is eating things
That aren't food.
216
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,206
Can we get back to
This art thing, please?
217
00:10:39,206 --> 00:10:41,574
Oh, yeah, I deliver mail
To an artist.
218
00:10:41,574 --> 00:10:44,144
He's very successful
Artist, too.
219
00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,079
I'll tell you
How successful he is.
220
00:10:46,079 --> 00:10:47,948
Yesterday he
Received a letter,
221
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:51,484
Had a check in it
For $25,853
222
00:10:51,484 --> 00:10:53,153
From a guy
Named sweeney.
223
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:55,255
How do you know
What was on the check?
224
00:10:55,255 --> 00:10:56,957
When I was putting
It in the slot,
225
00:10:56,957 --> 00:11:00,227
It happened to
Pass in front of
A 300-watt bulb.
226
00:11:00,227 --> 00:11:03,063
You want me
To get on the horn,
Get him in here?
227
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:06,033
Yeah, I guess I could
Talk to him. You think
He'd come down
228
00:11:06,033 --> 00:11:07,600
And bring
Some of his pictures?
229
00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:09,336
Sure, I'll
Give it a shot.
230
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:11,571
I usually hesitate
To use the power
Vested in me
231
00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:13,907
By the post office
And the almighty,
232
00:11:13,907 --> 00:11:16,877
But in this case,
I'll make an exception.
233
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,678
Anybody got a dime?
234
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,247
Whoa, whoa.
Wait a second.
235
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:23,216
Maybe this whole thing's
About to blow over.
236
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,286
Sam?
237
00:11:26,286 --> 00:11:27,687
Yeah?
238
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,358
We've been
Very childish
In the past.
239
00:11:31,358 --> 00:11:32,993
We have?
240
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:36,296
Yes. Over things like
This magazine article.
241
00:11:36,296 --> 00:11:38,966
I was just about to call
That reporter to check
Your story,
242
00:11:38,966 --> 00:11:41,468
But I didn't.
I'm so proud I didn't.
243
00:11:41,468 --> 00:11:43,103
Me, too.
244
00:11:44,637 --> 00:11:46,306
I know
We're not perfect,
245
00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:50,277
And we're going through
A difficult time, but...
246
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,479
I just decided
This is the perfect time
247
00:11:52,479 --> 00:11:55,215
To start fresh.
248
00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,116
Let's...
249
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,485
Cleanse
Our relationship.
250
00:11:58,485 --> 00:12:00,420
From this moment on,
251
00:12:00,420 --> 00:12:02,455
No more pettiness,
252
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:04,491
No more suspicions,
253
00:12:04,491 --> 00:12:06,193
No more dishonesty.
254
00:12:08,361 --> 00:12:10,230
You really mean this,
Don't you?
255
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,432
I really do.
256
00:12:14,534 --> 00:12:18,338
O.K. O.K., diane.
257
00:12:18,338 --> 00:12:21,041
Yeah, I'll start being honest
With you right now.
258
00:12:21,041 --> 00:12:22,275
You know how I told you
259
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,111
How I told that reporter
All about you?
260
00:12:24,111 --> 00:12:26,346
I didn't tell her
Anything about you.
261
00:12:29,282 --> 00:12:30,517
I see.
262
00:12:30,517 --> 00:12:33,320
But I wish I had.
263
00:12:33,320 --> 00:12:35,522
Thank you for
Respecting me enough
264
00:12:35,522 --> 00:12:38,191
To tell the truth.
265
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,928
Actually I--I'm
Lying again,
266
00:12:40,928 --> 00:12:42,262
Because I'm glad
I didn't tell her.
267
00:12:42,262 --> 00:12:44,364
It would've made me
Look whipped.
268
00:12:44,364 --> 00:12:45,432
If you want me
269
00:12:45,432 --> 00:12:47,234
To get on
That telephone
And tell her...
270
00:12:47,234 --> 00:12:49,136
I won't.
271
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:51,038
I was about to say
I would,
But I won't.
272
00:12:51,038 --> 00:12:55,675
The truth is
That I like having
Millions of women
273
00:12:55,675 --> 00:12:57,510
Looking
At my picture
274
00:12:57,510 --> 00:13:00,047
And dreaming,
"I want him."
275
00:13:00,047 --> 00:13:02,983
This is just me
Being honest
With you here.
276
00:13:04,952 --> 00:13:07,087
That's exactly
What I wanted.
277
00:13:07,087 --> 00:13:09,056
Well, this is great.
This is great.
278
00:13:09,056 --> 00:13:10,590
Why didn't
We do this sooner?
279
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,259
I don't know.
280
00:13:12,259 --> 00:13:15,829
You see how if you
Start telling the
Truth right away--
281
00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:23,070
Sammy, I'll make
That phone call, huh?
282
00:13:24,437 --> 00:13:27,107
You kids just carry on
With what you're doing
There.
283
00:13:40,988 --> 00:13:42,189
Hey, coach, someone
Just put their names
284
00:13:42,189 --> 00:13:44,157
On your picnic
Sign-up sheet.
285
00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:46,459
No kidding.
How many?
286
00:13:46,459 --> 00:13:47,494
Uh, three.
287
00:13:47,494 --> 00:13:49,629
We got
Ziggy stardust,
The mad hatter,
288
00:13:49,629 --> 00:13:52,132
And clark kent.
289
00:13:52,132 --> 00:13:55,135
Wow, looks like I got
Myself an infield.
290
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,138
Hey, everybody.
291
00:13:58,138 --> 00:13:59,907
Norm!
Norm!
Norm!
292
00:13:59,907 --> 00:14:01,875
How you feeling,
Norm?
293
00:14:01,875 --> 00:14:03,610
Naked
Without my beer.
294
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:04,878
Walked all the way
Over here
295
00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:06,613
Dragging my thirst
Behind me.
296
00:14:07,847 --> 00:14:09,249
So how was dinner,
Norm?
297
00:14:09,249 --> 00:14:12,285
Listen up, everybody.
Stay away from
That, uh...
298
00:14:12,285 --> 00:14:14,955
Hungry heifer place,
That new place
Downtown.
299
00:14:14,955 --> 00:14:18,091
Yeah, but they've been
Advertising that a lot.
No good?
300
00:14:18,091 --> 00:14:20,894
No. It's awful.
Served me a terrible
Piece of meat,
301
00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:24,231
Tough potatoes.
Soggy vegetables.
302
00:14:24,231 --> 00:14:25,899
Why didn't you
Send it back?
303
00:14:25,899 --> 00:14:28,068
Here's another thing.
The service stinks.
304
00:14:28,068 --> 00:14:29,436
By the time
The waiter got there
305
00:14:29,436 --> 00:14:32,272
And asked if
Everything was o.K.,
I was through.
306
00:14:39,579 --> 00:14:41,614
Can I help you?
307
00:14:41,614 --> 00:14:43,116
I have come
To pander
308
00:14:43,116 --> 00:14:45,052
To the tastes
Of the tasteless.
309
00:14:45,052 --> 00:14:47,087
You want to head
The food committee.
310
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:51,224
We got our chairman
For the food committee!
311
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:55,195
Yeah, I like my buffalo
Sunny-side up there, chief.
312
00:14:55,195 --> 00:14:57,430
You referring
To my apparel?
313
00:14:57,430 --> 00:14:59,532
Hey, no offense
There, little beaver,
314
00:14:59,532 --> 00:15:01,301
But it is a tad...
315
00:15:01,301 --> 00:15:04,471
A tad out of the mundane,
You know?
316
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:07,874
Excuse me, sir,
But what is that outfit?
317
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:10,143
This is an arapaho
Ceremonial tunic
318
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,478
Worn by the village elders
319
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:15,015
When they hold council
In the hunting lodge.
320
00:15:15,015 --> 00:15:17,550
I earned it by letting them
Pierce my flesh
321
00:15:17,550 --> 00:15:20,053
With wild turkey quills.
322
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,024
This is a jc penney
Wash 'n' wear,
323
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,258
Tapered tails.
324
00:15:25,258 --> 00:15:26,960
Salesman
Was a little nasty,
325
00:15:26,960 --> 00:15:29,629
But I didn't have to
Go through anything
Like that.
326
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:34,934
I'm looking
For sam malone.
327
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,371
I was told he was
Interested in buying
Some of my work.
328
00:15:38,371 --> 00:15:41,241
You must be
Phillip semenko, huh?
329
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:44,211
I'm cliff clavin,
Your mailman.
330
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,579
We finally meet
Face-to-face.
331
00:15:46,579 --> 00:15:49,116
I can die now.
332
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:54,121
Yeah, you got
A great wit about you.
333
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:55,955
Thanks for stopping by.
334
00:15:55,955 --> 00:15:57,257
I don't like
To be touched.
335
00:15:57,257 --> 00:15:59,959
Hey,
I can grok that.
336
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,095
I don't like to be
Touched either.
337
00:16:02,095 --> 00:16:03,230
I bet neither one of you
338
00:16:03,230 --> 00:16:05,565
Has to tell that
To a lot of people.
339
00:16:09,136 --> 00:16:11,038
Here's
The connoisseur now.
340
00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:14,307
Sam! Our artist friend
Mr. Semenko is here.
341
00:16:14,307 --> 00:16:17,544
Hi. I'm sam malone.
342
00:16:17,544 --> 00:16:19,146
Mr. Smetma--
343
00:16:19,146 --> 00:16:23,016
Uh...Smok--semekama...
344
00:16:23,016 --> 00:16:24,417
That walking fire
Hydrant over there
345
00:16:24,417 --> 00:16:27,420
Told me you were
A man of taste
And intelligence.
346
00:16:27,420 --> 00:16:29,789
I see no evidence
Of that.
347
00:16:29,789 --> 00:16:33,260
Well, maybe
He's exaggerating
A little bit.
348
00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:35,162
See, actually
I'm new to this art thing,
349
00:16:35,162 --> 00:16:37,130
But I've heard a lot of
Good things about you.
350
00:16:37,130 --> 00:16:38,765
And I think you may be
Just the guy
351
00:16:38,765 --> 00:16:41,301
To get me
Out of the doghouse
With my girlfriend here
352
00:16:41,301 --> 00:16:43,303
By painting
A little picture of her.
353
00:16:43,303 --> 00:16:45,172
I don't care
How you do this.
354
00:16:45,172 --> 00:16:46,839
As long as you make it look
Exactly like her
355
00:16:46,839 --> 00:16:50,710
And if you can have it here
By tomorrow, that would
Be great.
356
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:54,347
I've got some snapshots here
I took while we up
In the mountains.
357
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:57,184
That's her on the left there.
358
00:16:57,184 --> 00:16:59,152
These were taken
Up in new hampshire.
359
00:16:59,152 --> 00:17:02,322
We got this
Little cabin...
How about that?
360
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:04,891
I'm wearing
The funny hat there
In that one.
361
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:07,194
This one's pretty good.
362
00:17:07,194 --> 00:17:09,329
This was shot up
In the cabin right there.
363
00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,431
You ever
Get up that way?
364
00:17:13,066 --> 00:17:15,468
I, uh...
I guess not.
365
00:17:15,468 --> 00:17:18,271
It is o.K.
If you hold these
By the edges.
366
00:17:20,973 --> 00:17:22,542
Is there
A problem here?
367
00:17:22,542 --> 00:17:24,911
Your existence!
368
00:17:24,911 --> 00:17:28,014
I was told I was coming
Here to meet a wealthy
Art investor
369
00:17:28,014 --> 00:17:30,016
Who could
Fill my coffers.
370
00:17:30,016 --> 00:17:33,120
No, I'm not
Above that...Yet.
371
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,523
Instead I find myself
Face-to-face
372
00:17:36,523 --> 00:17:38,225
With a nightmarish
Product
373
00:17:38,225 --> 00:17:42,229
Of our floundering
American educational
System.
374
00:17:42,229 --> 00:17:47,300
Hey, hey. I don't have
To take that...Do I?
375
00:17:47,300 --> 00:17:48,735
Why don't we just
Call this whole thing off?
376
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,503
I'm not so crazy
About your attitude.
377
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,405
You, sir, are
An ignorant man.
378
00:17:52,405 --> 00:17:54,407
You are all ignorant.
379
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:57,777
You are all
Stuff to fill graves.
380
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:02,115
Don't forget to tell
Your friends about cheers.
381
00:18:02,115 --> 00:18:03,950
Don't feel too bad,
Sammy.
382
00:18:03,950 --> 00:18:05,418
I feel partly to blame.
383
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,654
Let's talk, cliff.
384
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:11,724
Hello, everyone.
385
00:18:11,724 --> 00:18:13,226
I'm back.
386
00:18:13,226 --> 00:18:15,195
Oh, hi, diane.
387
00:18:15,195 --> 00:18:18,631
I'm sorry I...
Stormed off like that.
388
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:23,136
I've cooled off.
389
00:18:23,136 --> 00:18:25,071
Coach, carla, everybody.
390
00:18:25,071 --> 00:18:27,374
Let's just continue.
391
00:18:28,375 --> 00:18:29,942
It's important
You all know
392
00:18:29,942 --> 00:18:32,412
That I wasn't
Really trying
To kill sam
393
00:18:32,412 --> 00:18:34,581
When I wrapped
The telephone
Cord...
394
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,718
May I help you?
395
00:18:38,718 --> 00:18:42,155
That's the face
I've been looking for.
396
00:18:42,155 --> 00:18:44,324
Sorry.
I'm still using it.
397
00:18:46,526 --> 00:18:49,529
I could let you
Visit it on weekends.
398
00:18:53,933 --> 00:18:55,168
Two drafts, coach.
399
00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:57,170
Coming up.
400
00:19:20,193 --> 00:19:21,328
Thanks.
401
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:25,498
What, what, what?
402
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:27,099
What do you want
From me?
403
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:29,436
I'm phillip semenko.
404
00:19:29,436 --> 00:19:30,937
I want to paint you.
405
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:36,476
Phillip semenko,
The genius?
406
00:19:38,077 --> 00:19:39,546
That's redundant.
407
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:45,285
I've seen your work,
And you're brilliant.
408
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,889
And I love this arapaho
Ceremonial tunic.
409
00:19:53,960 --> 00:19:55,962
What are you doing here?
410
00:19:55,962 --> 00:19:57,230
Up till now,
411
00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:59,999
Fondly remembering
My bout with jaundice.
412
00:19:59,999 --> 00:20:02,101
But then I saw you.
413
00:20:02,101 --> 00:20:04,304
I want you to be
My next subject.
414
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,473
Oh, you're kidding.
415
00:20:06,473 --> 00:20:07,640
Me?
416
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:09,342
Why?
417
00:20:12,211 --> 00:20:14,847
You have an ancient soul,
418
00:20:14,847 --> 00:20:16,483
And it's suffering,
Suffering more now
419
00:20:16,483 --> 00:20:18,651
Than it has ever
Suffered before.
420
00:20:18,651 --> 00:20:20,520
Suffering?
421
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:22,188
Yes.
422
00:20:22,188 --> 00:20:25,091
Your spirit
Is imprisoned, trapped,
423
00:20:25,091 --> 00:20:27,494
Stretched on a rack.
424
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:31,464
Your eyes...
425
00:20:31,464 --> 00:20:33,533
Have the look...
426
00:20:33,533 --> 00:20:36,369
Of a strangling sparrow.
427
00:20:41,173 --> 00:20:42,309
Well, that's in
This year.
428
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,411
Last year
It was bangs.
429
00:20:46,513 --> 00:20:49,416
Hey, tonto,
I thought I told you
To beat it.
430
00:20:49,416 --> 00:20:51,250
Please, something
Important is happening.
431
00:20:51,250 --> 00:20:53,286
That's right.
You're leaving.
The deal's off.
432
00:20:53,286 --> 00:20:55,355
Now make yourself
Scarce. Come on,
Beat it.
433
00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:57,424
You have nothing
To do with this!
434
00:20:57,424 --> 00:21:00,059
How dare you interrupt
The artistic process
435
00:21:00,059 --> 00:21:01,994
At its very start?
436
00:21:01,994 --> 00:21:04,096
That's how
I get my kicks.
Come on. Move.
437
00:21:04,096 --> 00:21:05,264
Sam, stop.
438
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:09,168
This is phillip semenko,
The genius.
439
00:21:09,168 --> 00:21:11,404
He wants to paint me.
440
00:21:11,404 --> 00:21:13,573
I've never been so excited
In my life.
441
00:21:13,573 --> 00:21:16,175
You heard of this
Clown before?
442
00:21:16,175 --> 00:21:17,577
Yes, of course.
443
00:21:17,577 --> 00:21:20,212
He's one of
The most promising
Young artists
444
00:21:20,212 --> 00:21:21,581
In the country.
445
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,015
Someday
He could be great.
446
00:21:23,015 --> 00:21:25,452
Come on, diane.
If he was a great artist,
447
00:21:25,452 --> 00:21:29,221
What's he doing
Alive, huh?
448
00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:32,392
Sam, for goodness
Sake, will you stop?
449
00:21:32,392 --> 00:21:34,494
This is a chance
In a lifetime.
450
00:21:34,494 --> 00:21:38,064
Can't you see
How fascinated
He is by me?
451
00:21:38,064 --> 00:21:41,801
I'll start our
Sessions tomorrow.
Maybe tonight. Maybe now.
452
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:44,971
Whoa, wait a minute here.
Don't you see
What's going on?
453
00:21:44,971 --> 00:21:46,339
He's gonna invite you over
To his place,
454
00:21:46,339 --> 00:21:48,575
Ask you to get
All nuded up.
455
00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:51,511
Hey, that happens
To be my territory, fella.
456
00:21:51,511 --> 00:21:55,482
Sam, don't be silly.
457
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:57,283
Now, of course he
Wouldn't want me nude.
458
00:21:57,283 --> 00:21:59,486
But even if he did,
I'd do it.
459
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,053
The man is brilliant.
460
00:22:01,053 --> 00:22:04,023
You don't want me
In the nude, do you?
461
00:22:04,023 --> 00:22:06,393
God knows,
I'm open-minded
About that sort of thing.
462
00:22:06,393 --> 00:22:07,594
It's just
This time of year,
463
00:22:07,594 --> 00:22:10,563
There's so many
Colds around.
464
00:22:10,563 --> 00:22:14,066
I paint the soul,
Not the body.
465
00:22:14,066 --> 00:22:16,068
To me,
Every soul is naked.
466
00:22:16,068 --> 00:22:17,604
The weirdo walks.
467
00:22:19,506 --> 00:22:21,974
Sam, you
Can't do this.
468
00:22:21,974 --> 00:22:23,543
I want him
To paint me.
469
00:22:23,543 --> 00:22:26,212
I can't let
An opportunity
Like this pass.
470
00:22:26,212 --> 00:22:29,348
Honey,
I don't like him.
471
00:22:29,348 --> 00:22:30,783
You do anything with him,
Do anything,
472
00:22:30,783 --> 00:22:33,620
Go anywhere,
Share a bus with him,
473
00:22:33,620 --> 00:22:35,522
And we're through.
474
00:22:35,522 --> 00:22:37,557
I have spoken.
475
00:22:40,292 --> 00:22:42,395
Fine.
476
00:22:42,395 --> 00:22:43,596
What?
477
00:22:43,596 --> 00:22:46,332
I said fine.
Whatever you want.
478
00:22:46,332 --> 00:22:48,234
I see how strongly
You feel about it.
479
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:49,869
So, fine.
480
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:51,538
Oh, yeah?
Well, in that case,
481
00:22:51,538 --> 00:22:53,840
I got something else
I want to tell you.
482
00:22:53,840 --> 00:22:56,142
As soon as I think
Of it, I will.
483
00:22:56,142 --> 00:22:58,210
Here, here.
484
00:22:58,210 --> 00:23:00,079
He said that well.
485
00:23:04,484 --> 00:23:08,220
I can only imagine
The hell you've endured.
486
00:23:08,220 --> 00:23:11,057
It hasn't
Been easy.
487
00:23:11,057 --> 00:23:12,258
Well...
488
00:23:12,258 --> 00:23:13,693
Goodbye.
489
00:23:16,295 --> 00:23:17,897
Wait.
490
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:20,232
I really want you
To paint me.
491
00:23:20,232 --> 00:23:23,436
What about that
Malignant growth
You call a boyfriend?
492
00:23:23,436 --> 00:23:28,508
Oh, just give him
Some time to cool down.
493
00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:30,042
Once he sees
The finished work,
494
00:23:30,042 --> 00:23:32,244
He'll forgive me.
He'll forgive you.
495
00:23:32,244 --> 00:23:33,613
He'll forgive
Everything.
496
00:23:33,613 --> 00:23:35,582
He'll hate it.
497
00:23:35,582 --> 00:23:37,416
He'll hate you
For doing it.
498
00:23:37,416 --> 00:23:39,085
If you pose for me,
499
00:23:39,085 --> 00:23:42,021
It will drive a permanent
Wedge between you and that man.
500
00:23:43,523 --> 00:23:46,292
So you won't do it?
501
00:23:46,292 --> 00:23:48,094
I'll do it for free.
502
00:23:50,029 --> 00:23:51,964
Let's go.
503
00:23:54,266 --> 00:23:56,302
Hey, listen up, everybody.
504
00:23:56,302 --> 00:23:59,271
I'm sorry about coming on
So strong like that.
505
00:23:59,271 --> 00:24:01,508
I know you think
It's pretty unprofessional,
506
00:24:01,508 --> 00:24:03,776
But roughhouse
Is the only language
507
00:24:03,776 --> 00:24:05,444
Some people understand.
508
00:24:05,444 --> 00:24:07,580
If I have to,
I know how to speak it.
509
00:24:07,580 --> 00:24:09,015
Ok,
Thanks for your attention.
510
00:24:09,015 --> 00:24:12,118
Just go back
And have some fun there.
511
00:24:12,118 --> 00:24:14,587
Where's diane?
36644
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