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1
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,073
Carla: hey, cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,073 --> 00:00:07,108
Coach, you got
The next round ready
3
00:00:07,108 --> 00:00:08,642
For the ladies
In the back room?
4
00:00:08,642 --> 00:00:10,111
Almost, honey.
Almost.
5
00:00:10,111 --> 00:00:12,280
Ok. Aren't they
A cute group--
6
00:00:12,280 --> 00:00:14,448
"The golden
80s club?"
7
00:00:14,448 --> 00:00:17,451
Yeah, a bunch
Of old widows
And spinsters
8
00:00:17,451 --> 00:00:22,323
Get together
And play connect
The liver spots.
9
00:00:22,323 --> 00:00:25,893
I agree with diane, carla.
They're absolutely adorable.
10
00:00:25,893 --> 00:00:27,161
Yeah.
Carla: oh, coach,
11
00:00:27,161 --> 00:00:28,962
You like anybody
Who calls you "Sonny."
12
00:00:28,962 --> 00:00:31,065
Yeah.
13
00:00:31,065 --> 00:00:32,333
All set, diane.
Mm-hmm.
14
00:00:32,333 --> 00:00:34,935
Wow, this is
Quite a load.
15
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,637
Well, I'll just
Take 2 trips.
16
00:00:36,637 --> 00:00:42,042
Ah, yes. Now there
Is a nonprofessional
For ya.
17
00:00:42,042 --> 00:00:45,746
Last round, I got them
All in one trip.
18
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:47,415
Ok.
19
00:00:49,883 --> 00:00:52,420
One more beer.
20
00:00:52,420 --> 00:00:53,554
Oh.
21
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,055
Like me
To carry it
For ya?
22
00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,658
No. No problem.
23
00:00:57,658 --> 00:01:00,194
I'll simply do
As the noble women
24
00:01:00,194 --> 00:01:02,163
Of primitive
Tribal cultures
25
00:01:02,163 --> 00:01:03,297
Have been doing
For centuries.
26
00:01:03,297 --> 00:01:05,399
I'll balance it
On my noodle.
27
00:01:10,938 --> 00:01:14,242
Those sweet
Little old ladies
Are gonna love this.
28
00:01:29,223 --> 00:01:32,126
Wow, look!
It's lawrence welk!
29
00:01:32,126 --> 00:01:34,195
Diane: no, stop!
30
00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,864
[glasses crash]
31
00:01:36,864 --> 00:01:39,833
[women scream]
32
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:47,441
* makin' your way
In the world today *
33
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:50,411
* takes everything
You've got *
34
00:01:50,411 --> 00:01:53,214
* takin' a break
From all your worries *
35
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:55,183
* sure would help a lot *
36
00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:59,687
* wouldn't you like
To get away? *
37
00:02:02,256 --> 00:02:04,425
* sometimes
You wanna go *
38
00:02:04,425 --> 00:02:07,795
* where everybody
Knows your name *
39
00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:13,133
* and they're always
Glad you came *
40
00:02:14,335 --> 00:02:16,770
* you wanna be
Where you can see *
41
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:19,440
* our troubles
Are all the same *
42
00:02:19,440 --> 00:02:24,645
* you wanna be where
Everybody knows your name *
43
00:02:24,645 --> 00:02:27,415
* you wanna go
Where people know *
44
00:02:27,415 --> 00:02:29,817
* people are all the same *
45
00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:34,388
* you wanna go where
Everybody knows your name *
46
00:02:54,041 --> 00:02:55,943
And you're wrong.
47
00:02:55,943 --> 00:02:57,878
In your hat.
48
00:02:57,878 --> 00:03:00,314
Uh, I, uh, kinda
Lost track here, carla.
49
00:03:00,314 --> 00:03:01,315
What round is this?
50
00:03:01,315 --> 00:03:03,217
I can't count that high.
51
00:03:03,217 --> 00:03:05,018
Just so we can
Follow the fun,
52
00:03:05,018 --> 00:03:06,654
What's this fight about?
53
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,289
We're not fighting, carla.
54
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:10,424
We're merely discussing
A little difference
Of opinion.
55
00:03:10,424 --> 00:03:12,025
Vodka, rocks, 2.
56
00:03:12,025 --> 00:03:15,963
I think sam
Is a heartless, mindless,
Slack-jawed cretin,
57
00:03:15,963 --> 00:03:18,732
And he disagrees.
58
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:20,734
But I'm sure
He'll see reason eventually.
59
00:03:20,734 --> 00:03:23,203
Let me know
When his head lights up.
60
00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:27,441
As usual, you have to take
A connecting flight
To get to the point.
61
00:03:29,109 --> 00:03:34,848
We were talkin' about
The way you don't trust me,
Motor mouth.
62
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:37,217
No, broken brow...
63
00:03:37,217 --> 00:03:41,121
We settled that.
You were proven wrong,
And we moved on.
64
00:03:41,121 --> 00:03:42,290
As I recall--
65
00:03:42,290 --> 00:03:43,324
Sam, give me credit
66
00:03:43,324 --> 00:03:44,692
For having
Enough intelligence
67
00:03:44,692 --> 00:03:47,328
To humiliate you
In the right subject area.
68
00:03:48,396 --> 00:03:52,266
My favorite couple--
Steve and idi amin.
69
00:03:54,134 --> 00:03:55,636
Uh, afternoon, everybody.
70
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,505
All: norm!
71
00:03:57,505 --> 00:03:59,473
Straight this way.
72
00:03:59,473 --> 00:04:02,810
Normie, normie.
Could this be vera?
73
00:04:02,810 --> 00:04:05,479
Well, with a lot
Of expensive surgery, maybe.
74
00:04:07,948 --> 00:04:09,517
Norm: actually...
75
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:13,954
This is emily phillips,
And, uh, she runs
A little boutique downtown,
76
00:04:13,954 --> 00:04:15,989
And I've just
Taken them on as a client.
77
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,491
[all cheering]
78
00:04:20,093 --> 00:04:21,762
Why are they so excited?
79
00:04:21,762 --> 00:04:23,697
You told me you had
Lots of clients.
80
00:04:23,697 --> 00:04:26,400
Oh, just naturally
Happy people here.
Oh.
81
00:04:26,400 --> 00:04:28,268
Yeah, they sing
The livelong day.
82
00:04:28,268 --> 00:04:30,804
Doo-da.
83
00:04:30,804 --> 00:04:33,974
Hi, welcome to cheers.
I'm sam malone.
Hi.
84
00:04:33,974 --> 00:04:35,142
Oh, thank you.
85
00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:36,544
So, uh, what kind
Of boutique is it?
86
00:04:36,544 --> 00:04:38,111
Oh, it's just
A little dress shop
87
00:04:38,111 --> 00:04:40,348
Struggling to survive,
Really, but, uh,
Thanks to norm,
88
00:04:40,348 --> 00:04:42,650
I'm gonna get
A very healthy tax return.
89
00:04:42,650 --> 00:04:44,318
Yeah, well,
I just did a few
Simple things.
90
00:04:44,318 --> 00:04:45,553
For example,
91
00:04:45,553 --> 00:04:46,820
She wasn't even,
Uh, writing off
92
00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:49,357
Her cockroaches
As livestock.
[laughs]
93
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,094
I'm so proud of us.
94
00:04:54,094 --> 00:04:58,432
We women have taken our place
In society as never before.
95
00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:01,969
Working, doing, rising on merit
Through the ranks.
96
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:05,773
We are taking our place
Alongside of and in many cases
97
00:05:05,773 --> 00:05:07,274
Above men.
98
00:05:07,274 --> 00:05:11,111
Once exploited,
Now we are equal.
99
00:05:11,111 --> 00:05:12,112
Hey, honey,
Shake it up.
100
00:05:12,112 --> 00:05:13,747
I'm dry
Over here!
101
00:05:13,747 --> 00:05:16,417
Excuse me.
102
00:05:17,785 --> 00:05:19,353
Oh, would you pardon me
For a moment, norm?
103
00:05:19,353 --> 00:05:20,821
I gotta call the shop.
Sure.
104
00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:23,123
You know, I really like
This cheers place.
105
00:05:23,123 --> 00:05:24,558
Do you come here often?
106
00:05:24,558 --> 00:05:26,427
Well, uh, what do you
Consider often?
107
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,362
Oh, 2 or 3 times a week.
108
00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:31,131
Then I don't
Come here often.
109
00:05:31,131 --> 00:05:32,466
Can I have a beer,
Coach, please?
110
00:05:32,466 --> 00:05:34,234
Uh, hey, norm.
You, uh, told her
111
00:05:34,234 --> 00:05:35,803
You had a lot
Of big clients, huh?
112
00:05:35,803 --> 00:05:38,271
Yeah, 75.
I figured 200 would
Be stretchin' it
113
00:05:38,271 --> 00:05:40,608
For someone workin'
Out of the trunk
Of his car.
114
00:05:42,242 --> 00:05:44,445
Well, what's, uh,
What's goin' on, now?
115
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:47,247
I mean, you, uh,
Seem kind of friendly.
116
00:05:47,247 --> 00:05:48,982
Ah. She brought
Me in here
117
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:51,785
To celebrate
The outstanding
Work I did.
118
00:05:51,785 --> 00:05:56,957
Oh, I don't know, norm.
Uh, I kind of sense somethin'
Between the two of you.
119
00:05:56,957 --> 00:05:58,992
I could feel
The temperature
In here rise
120
00:05:58,992 --> 00:06:00,961
When you two walked in.
121
00:06:00,961 --> 00:06:02,896
Hey, norm. You're--
You're her new accountant.
122
00:06:02,896 --> 00:06:06,667
Have, uh, have you
Gone over her figure?
[laughs]
123
00:06:06,667 --> 00:06:09,136
Does she have
Sizeable assets?
124
00:06:09,136 --> 00:06:11,539
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Is she, uh, showin' you
125
00:06:11,539 --> 00:06:12,806
A couple
Of capital gains
126
00:06:12,806 --> 00:06:14,708
That make you liquidate
In your holdings?
127
00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:17,344
[all laugh]
All right.
128
00:06:17,344 --> 00:06:19,179
It's all very well
To be witty here,
129
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:21,715
But, uh, you guys
Don't understand,
You know?
130
00:06:21,715 --> 00:06:23,951
She's, uh, just
A very nice lady,
131
00:06:23,951 --> 00:06:25,419
And she just wanted
To bring me in here
132
00:06:25,419 --> 00:06:26,787
To show me
A little appreciation.
133
00:06:26,787 --> 00:06:28,789
That's what you think, norm.
134
00:06:28,789 --> 00:06:32,125
Haven't you noticed
Those subtle little looks
She's been shooting at you?
135
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,861
What do you mean?
136
00:06:33,861 --> 00:06:38,098
Like you're a juicy steak
Soon to be sizzling
On her grill.
137
00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,833
Shh!
138
00:06:39,833 --> 00:06:42,770
Where do you
Want to sit, norm?
139
00:06:42,770 --> 00:06:44,371
Oh, that table
Right there is fine.
140
00:06:44,371 --> 00:06:45,606
What can I get you
To drink?
141
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:47,207
Oh, I'm sure
Whatever you have
142
00:06:47,207 --> 00:06:49,242
Will be fine
With me, norm.
143
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:51,011
Oh!
144
00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,045
Oh, come on.
145
00:06:52,045 --> 00:06:54,014
Don't be ridiculous.
146
00:06:54,014 --> 00:06:55,516
I don't know.
147
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:58,251
Let's just submit this
To our resident expert
On women-ology.
148
00:06:58,251 --> 00:07:02,322
Well, I don't
Usually think of
Myself that way.
149
00:07:02,322 --> 00:07:06,226
I'd be happy to
Share any thoughts
I have with you.
150
00:07:06,226 --> 00:07:07,928
So what do you
Think, sam?
151
00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:12,332
I think she's
Scouting new
Territory.
152
00:07:12,332 --> 00:07:15,135
Norman, ignore
These blatherskites.
153
00:07:15,135 --> 00:07:19,306
They're just having
Fun at your expense.
154
00:07:19,306 --> 00:07:20,941
She's absolutely
Right, normie.
155
00:07:20,941 --> 00:07:22,743
The emptiness
Of their lives
156
00:07:22,743 --> 00:07:26,013
Causes them to cast
Aspersions on your own.
157
00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:29,683
You can say
That again, coach.
158
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,485
No, I can't, diane.
159
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:37,625
Norm: I happen to know
These guys are joking.
160
00:07:37,625 --> 00:07:39,493
They know
As well as you do
161
00:07:39,493 --> 00:07:40,961
That if anything
Did happen,
162
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,530
It would injure
Irreparably
163
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:44,197
The special one
You love.
164
00:07:44,197 --> 00:07:47,735
Aw, come on, diane.
I'd get over it
In a couple weeks.
165
00:07:50,037 --> 00:07:52,606
Look at the way
She's looking
At you, norm.
166
00:07:52,606 --> 00:07:55,208
She is hot
For your bod.
167
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,146
Here you go.
168
00:07:59,146 --> 00:08:00,714
There you are.
169
00:08:00,714 --> 00:08:04,151
I've been
Getting lonely.
170
00:08:04,151 --> 00:08:07,287
Would you excuse me
Just for a moment, please?
171
00:08:07,287 --> 00:08:09,590
You're right.
The woman's a she-devil.
172
00:08:11,458 --> 00:08:13,293
What am I gonna
Do about it?
173
00:08:13,293 --> 00:08:14,862
Well, the course
Is clear, norm.
174
00:08:14,862 --> 00:08:16,196
You're gonna
Stand up tall,
175
00:08:16,196 --> 00:08:17,531
Act like
The man you are,
176
00:08:17,531 --> 00:08:20,233
And submit
To her every demand.
177
00:08:20,233 --> 00:08:21,468
Thank you, cliff.
178
00:08:21,468 --> 00:08:22,703
Now can I have
An opinion from someone
179
00:08:22,703 --> 00:08:26,139
Who's had a date
This century?
180
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,876
Norm, you told her
You were married, right?
181
00:08:28,876 --> 00:08:31,278
Of course.
She knows about vera.
182
00:08:31,278 --> 00:08:33,246
I mentioned her
At least a couple of times.
183
00:08:33,246 --> 00:08:35,949
My wedding ring's
Right out there
For everyone to see--
184
00:08:35,949 --> 00:08:37,885
That pawnshop
On boylston street.
185
00:08:39,620 --> 00:08:41,589
You see, norman?
You see?
186
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:44,024
You're always
Making these crass,
187
00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:45,693
Adolescent jokes
About vera,
188
00:08:45,693 --> 00:08:46,927
And now it's getting
You into trouble.
189
00:08:46,927 --> 00:08:49,429
This woman probably
Takes you seriously,
190
00:08:49,429 --> 00:08:51,665
And now she thinks
That you don't care
About your wife.
191
00:08:51,665 --> 00:08:53,033
Don't listen
To her, norm.
192
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:55,268
How many chances
Do you get?
Go for it.
193
00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:56,737
Patron:
Be a man,
Norm.
194
00:08:56,737 --> 00:08:58,438
You people
Are recommending
195
00:08:58,438 --> 00:09:00,641
That norman
Commit adultery.
196
00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:03,476
It happens
All the time, stick.
197
00:09:03,476 --> 00:09:05,512
That's the way life is.
198
00:09:05,512 --> 00:09:09,416
I'm telling you, the only
Difference between dynasty
And the real world
199
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:12,419
Is they got better haircuts.
200
00:09:12,419 --> 00:09:14,722
What do you think, sam?
201
00:09:17,124 --> 00:09:20,227
Norm, I think it's
Stupid to jump into bed
202
00:09:20,227 --> 00:09:22,495
With somebody
You're working with.
203
00:09:22,495 --> 00:09:24,297
Unh!
204
00:09:26,333 --> 00:09:31,872
I--I didn't mean stupid
In the unintelligent sense.
205
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:33,741
Don't mind sam.
He's a little
Depressed.
206
00:09:33,741 --> 00:09:36,810
This is the year
His age caught up
With his I.Q.
207
00:09:39,579 --> 00:09:41,715
That's years away.
208
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:45,418
Norm, norm, norm.
209
00:09:45,418 --> 00:09:46,620
Look, look...
210
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,888
You find her
Attractive?
211
00:09:47,888 --> 00:09:49,356
Of course.
She's very attractive.
212
00:09:49,356 --> 00:09:52,092
Yeah, well,
What if it was me
She was attracted to?
213
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,526
I wouldn't be
Wasting time
214
00:09:53,526 --> 00:09:56,764
Hanging around
Some bar talking
To a bunch of jerks.
215
00:09:56,764 --> 00:09:58,799
Yeah, norm.
Do something. Come on.
216
00:09:58,799 --> 00:10:00,868
Come on,
Come on, come on!
217
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,502
Is anything
Wrong, norm?
218
00:10:02,502 --> 00:10:06,539
Hey, he's gonna
Take care of you.
Don't worry.
219
00:10:06,539 --> 00:10:08,642
Just, uh,
Just a second, emily.
220
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,443
All right, norm,
Now, look,
221
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:12,780
If you're scared,
I'll take charge of this.
222
00:10:12,780 --> 00:10:14,715
I mean, with me,
It won't be sinful.
223
00:10:14,715 --> 00:10:17,651
Just unsightly.
224
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,119
Uh, look.
If you're interested,
225
00:10:19,119 --> 00:10:21,621
Strike while
The iron is hot.
226
00:10:27,560 --> 00:10:28,829
Norman,
227
00:10:28,829 --> 00:10:30,230
Will you
Do me a favor?
228
00:10:30,230 --> 00:10:31,564
Yeah, yeah, what?
What do you want?
229
00:10:31,564 --> 00:10:32,632
Call vera.
230
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,967
Why?
231
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:35,602
Just do it.
Call her and listen
To her voice
232
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,805
Before you
Rend asunder
233
00:10:37,805 --> 00:10:40,173
The inviolate
Garment of
Your marriage.
234
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:41,274
Come on, diane.
235
00:10:41,274 --> 00:10:44,277
Please, come on.
Are you afraid,
Norman?
236
00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,413
You think I'm afraid
To talk to my own wife?
237
00:10:46,413 --> 00:10:49,116
All right.
238
00:10:52,285 --> 00:10:54,988
Um, emily, uh,
Be with you in a minute.
239
00:10:54,988 --> 00:10:57,457
Quick, uh,
Business call here.
240
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:59,192
Hello, vera.
This is norm.
241
00:10:59,192 --> 00:11:02,062
I'm at cheers.
It's 8:05. Uh...
242
00:11:02,062 --> 00:11:05,065
You need me, you've got
The number here. Bye.
243
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,834
Norm, when'd you get
The answering machine?
244
00:11:06,834 --> 00:11:09,002
I didn't, coach.
That was vera.
245
00:11:12,205 --> 00:11:13,606
Norm...
246
00:11:13,606 --> 00:11:16,877
Norman, I think that
You better give the
Lady what she wants.
247
00:11:16,877 --> 00:11:18,979
She is a client.
If you don't
Come across,
248
00:11:18,979 --> 00:11:22,415
She'sgonna drop you
Like a bad habit.
249
00:11:22,415 --> 00:11:26,019
Norman, has it
Come to this?
250
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:27,587
Are you going
To sell your virtue
251
00:11:27,587 --> 00:11:31,558
To the first person
Who buys you a drink
In a bar?
252
00:11:31,558 --> 00:11:34,694
If you were a woman,
I think we'd have
A name for you.
253
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:36,363
I kind of like "Becky."
254
00:11:40,300 --> 00:11:46,339
I realize "Norma"
Is closer--you just
Have to add "U-h"--but...
255
00:11:46,339 --> 00:11:49,709
Could everybody please
Just back off for a second?
256
00:11:49,709 --> 00:11:50,978
I mean, since when
Does my private life
257
00:11:50,978 --> 00:11:52,780
Become the subject
Of public debate?
258
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,914
You backing out, norm?
259
00:11:53,914 --> 00:11:55,715
Come on,
Come on, guys.
Lay off.
260
00:11:55,715 --> 00:11:57,350
Ok, sam, ok.
261
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,352
Hey, norm, we were
Just kidding with you.
262
00:11:59,352 --> 00:12:01,354
We knew you really
Wouldn't do it.
263
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,256
Yeah, we know what
Kind of guy he is.
264
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:05,558
Patron: yeah, we know
He wouldn't cheat on vera.
265
00:12:05,558 --> 00:12:07,627
[guys make kissing sounds]
266
00:12:07,627 --> 00:12:09,296
All right,
All right.
Norm, look...
267
00:12:09,296 --> 00:12:11,364
We'll even sing
Your wedding
Song for you.
268
00:12:11,364 --> 00:12:12,399
Ready, guys?
Sure.
269
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,801
And...
270
00:12:13,801 --> 00:12:16,036
* da da da da da da da,
Yes, dear *
271
00:12:16,036 --> 00:12:19,206
* da da da da da da da,
Of course *
272
00:12:19,206 --> 00:12:23,310
* da da da da da da da,
Right away *
273
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:24,845
You guys think
I'm the world's
274
00:12:24,845 --> 00:12:27,347
Heavyweight
Champion wuss,
Don't you?
275
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,149
Unchallenged.
276
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:34,521
All right,
Stand back
And eat my dust.
277
00:12:34,521 --> 00:12:38,691
Stormin' norman
Is primed
For love.
278
00:12:38,691 --> 00:12:40,460
You, uh,
Better hurry
Up, norm.
279
00:12:40,460 --> 00:12:42,395
She's on
Her way out.
280
00:12:42,395 --> 00:12:43,797
Hey, uh, hey, emily.
281
00:12:43,797 --> 00:12:45,966
Hey, emily,
Uh, wait up.
282
00:12:45,966 --> 00:12:48,335
What, are you
Trying to ditch me?
283
00:12:48,335 --> 00:12:50,770
Look, norm, it's obvious
That you'd rather be
With your friends.
284
00:12:50,770 --> 00:12:52,305
I just feel
In the way here.
285
00:12:52,305 --> 00:12:54,074
Look, that was rude.
I-I'm sorry.
286
00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:57,644
I'd just, uh,
Like to make it up
To you if I could.
287
00:12:57,644 --> 00:12:58,812
No, it's ok.
288
00:12:58,812 --> 00:12:59,913
No, uh, please.
289
00:12:59,913 --> 00:13:01,481
Let me buy you
Dinner or something.
290
00:13:02,883 --> 00:13:04,684
That might be nice.
291
00:13:04,684 --> 00:13:08,555
Thing is, though,
I don't feel like
Being around people anymore.
292
00:13:08,555 --> 00:13:11,358
Yeah, me, neither.
293
00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:17,364
I guess, um, I could
Fix a little something
Over at my place.
294
00:13:17,364 --> 00:13:20,033
Sounds good.
295
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:26,473
Sam: norm, norm, norm...
296
00:13:26,473 --> 00:13:27,740
Norm...
297
00:13:27,740 --> 00:13:29,576
Just a sec.
298
00:13:29,576 --> 00:13:31,411
You don't have to go
Through with this if
You don't want to.
299
00:13:31,411 --> 00:13:32,645
I know, I know.
300
00:13:32,645 --> 00:13:34,347
Just one question, sam.
301
00:13:34,347 --> 00:13:36,116
Have there been
Any innovations
302
00:13:36,116 --> 00:13:39,086
In the women's undergarment
Industry since 1965?
303
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:44,024
No.
304
00:14:00,307 --> 00:14:03,343
Diane:
Oh, I'm so disappointed
In norman.
305
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:05,212
Diane...
306
00:14:05,212 --> 00:14:06,813
The problem you're
Having is just
307
00:14:06,813 --> 00:14:08,181
A simple lack
Of understanding
308
00:14:08,181 --> 00:14:10,283
Of the male
Of the species.
309
00:14:10,283 --> 00:14:12,920
See,
Man was not made
To be monogamous.
310
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:16,056
It's an artificial,
Unnatural phenomenon
311
00:14:16,056 --> 00:14:18,225
Imposed
From without.
312
00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:21,561
See, the human male
Can never have
Enough women.
313
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,430
Or in your case, any.
314
00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:30,103
Don't be
Too hard on norm.
315
00:14:30,103 --> 00:14:31,404
He hasn't had
That much experience,
316
00:14:31,404 --> 00:14:33,941
And he kind of
Got swept away.
317
00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:36,743
You know, it makes me
Almost grateful
318
00:14:36,743 --> 00:14:40,880
You've had
The amount of experience
You've had with women.
319
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,482
Oh, yeah?
320
00:14:42,482 --> 00:14:43,650
Yes.
321
00:14:43,650 --> 00:14:47,054
I think by now,
Your curiosity
Is satisfied,
322
00:14:47,054 --> 00:14:50,857
Your inexplicable
Lust sated.
323
00:14:50,857 --> 00:14:52,192
If our relationship
Remains
324
00:14:52,192 --> 00:14:53,927
As strong and vital
As it is now,
325
00:14:53,927 --> 00:14:58,865
You'll have no need
For sexual experience
With another woman.
326
00:14:58,865 --> 00:15:01,368
Oh, my god.
327
00:15:02,970 --> 00:15:04,904
What do you mean,
"Oh, my god"?
328
00:15:04,904 --> 00:15:08,741
Uh, I just never
Thought about that before.
329
00:15:08,741 --> 00:15:12,779
My last woman.
330
00:15:12,779 --> 00:15:14,847
You do agree,
Don't you?
331
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:16,416
Uh, I don't know...
332
00:15:16,416 --> 00:15:18,018
Why not?
333
00:15:18,018 --> 00:15:19,886
Wha--hey, come on.
334
00:15:19,886 --> 00:15:21,888
Something could happen
To you, you know.
335
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,591
You could die or...
336
00:15:24,591 --> 00:15:26,393
Go insane or...
337
00:15:26,393 --> 00:15:29,262
What happens
If you don't
Age that well?
338
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,098
What would happen
If I went down
339
00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:33,466
In an airplane
Over south america someplace
340
00:15:33,466 --> 00:15:38,071
And was taken captive
By a tribe of huge women...
341
00:15:40,073 --> 00:15:43,610
Who made me
Their sex slave?
342
00:15:43,610 --> 00:15:47,414
Forced by high priestess
Bettina and her handmaidens
343
00:15:47,414 --> 00:15:52,452
To satisfy them
Day after day after day.
344
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:58,191
Come on,
Be realistic, diane.
345
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:01,661
My god, I just
Thought of something.
346
00:16:01,661 --> 00:16:03,263
What's that, coach?
347
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:05,898
What if vera calls
And she wants to know
Where normie is?
348
00:16:05,898 --> 00:16:07,834
Tell her
He stepped out.
349
00:16:07,834 --> 00:16:10,570
That's kind of
Flimsy, carla.
350
00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:13,840
Ok, he went
To a movie
With you, coach.
351
00:16:13,840 --> 00:16:15,842
Oh, yeah, that's nice.
352
00:16:15,842 --> 00:16:18,978
Gee, norm and I
Haven't been out together
In a long time.
353
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:21,181
[phone ringing]
354
00:16:21,181 --> 00:16:23,716
Ok, ok, I can't go through
With it, mrs. Peterson.
355
00:16:23,716 --> 00:16:25,052
Norm's out with a dame.
356
00:16:25,052 --> 00:16:27,520
Gimme that!
357
00:16:27,520 --> 00:16:29,389
Coach, uh, coach,
If you were
At the alamo,
358
00:16:29,389 --> 00:16:32,725
We'd all be
Wearing sombreros.
359
00:16:32,725 --> 00:16:34,527
What?
360
00:16:34,527 --> 00:16:36,363
Emily who?
361
00:16:36,363 --> 00:16:39,866
Oh, yeah.
Norm's dame.
362
00:16:39,866 --> 00:16:42,369
Of course
He isn't here.
363
00:16:42,369 --> 00:16:44,637
I thought
He was pitching woo
With you.
364
00:16:46,173 --> 00:16:48,241
You're kidding.
365
00:16:49,676 --> 00:16:51,978
Oh, man.
It figures.
366
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:53,480
What, what, what?
367
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,482
Yeah, yeah.
I'll tell him
To call you.
368
00:16:55,482 --> 00:16:56,783
What?
369
00:16:56,783 --> 00:16:58,251
You should
Have known.
370
00:16:58,251 --> 00:17:00,120
Norm chickened out.
371
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,788
Aw, come on.
372
00:17:01,788 --> 00:17:03,190
What happened?
373
00:17:03,190 --> 00:17:04,891
He dropped her off
At her apartment
374
00:17:04,891 --> 00:17:06,659
And went to park the car.
375
00:17:06,659 --> 00:17:10,830
That was 2 hours ago,
And she hasn't seen him since.
376
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:14,634
If he has any pride,
He's killed himself.
377
00:17:14,634 --> 00:17:17,670
Carla, he just came
To his senses.
378
00:17:17,670 --> 00:17:19,272
He came to his knees.
379
00:17:19,272 --> 00:17:22,909
He did the decent,
Honorable, and
Moral thing.
380
00:17:22,909 --> 00:17:26,146
Yeah, and we're gonna make him
Pay for it the rest of his life.
381
00:17:26,146 --> 00:17:28,281
Ok, quiet everybody.
Here he comes.
382
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:31,017
Now just act like
You don't know anything.
383
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:34,354
Yeah, and something
Tells me you boys
Can handle that.
384
00:17:38,024 --> 00:17:40,827
Whew! She's an animal.
385
00:17:43,930 --> 00:17:45,565
Good evening, everybody.
386
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:46,899
All: hi, norm!
387
00:17:46,899 --> 00:17:48,768
Whew.
388
00:17:50,503 --> 00:17:52,172
I'm spent.
389
00:17:53,673 --> 00:17:55,342
Give me a beer, coach.
390
00:17:58,378 --> 00:18:01,214
She, uh, she couldn't get
Enough of you, huh, norm?
391
00:18:01,214 --> 00:18:04,451
Cliffy, I had to climb
Out the fire escape.
392
00:18:04,451 --> 00:18:08,054
You gotta give us
All the details, norm,
And I mean details.
393
00:18:08,054 --> 00:18:09,489
All right,
But, uh...
394
00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,491
Is everybody
Over 21 here?
395
00:18:11,491 --> 00:18:13,193
Norman,
Don't do this.
396
00:18:13,193 --> 00:18:15,027
Shut up and let
The man talk.
397
00:18:15,027 --> 00:18:16,496
Patron: so, come on,
Normie. Give.
398
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:19,332
Well, I think this
Just about says it all...
399
00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:23,002
Whoa, now!
Major hickey!
400
00:18:23,002 --> 00:18:27,073
That's the only one
I can show you in
Mixed company, cliffy.
401
00:18:27,073 --> 00:18:28,608
Norm,
402
00:18:28,608 --> 00:18:31,110
I'd hate to see
You make a fool
Of yourself,
403
00:18:31,110 --> 00:18:32,645
But emily called.
404
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:36,649
She wants more?
405
00:18:36,649 --> 00:18:38,451
You know, that woman
Is insatiable.
406
00:18:38,451 --> 00:18:40,487
She wanted to know
Where you were.
407
00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:42,455
She said
You didn't show up.
408
00:18:42,455 --> 00:18:45,558
And everybody
Here knows it.
409
00:18:45,558 --> 00:18:47,760
Of course.
410
00:18:47,760 --> 00:18:50,797
What do you
Expect her to do,
Brag about it?
411
00:18:50,797 --> 00:18:53,700
I mean, only a crass
Lowlife would do
Something like that.
412
00:18:55,067 --> 00:18:57,770
Let's you and me go back
And talk in the pool room.
413
00:18:57,770 --> 00:19:00,340
Sure. Big guy wants
Some pointers now.
414
00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:03,410
Sure, sammy.
I'll fill you in.
415
00:19:03,410 --> 00:19:06,112
What a pathetic
Display.
416
00:19:06,112 --> 00:19:08,448
I'm ashamed
God made me a man.
417
00:19:08,448 --> 00:19:09,582
I don't think
God's doing
418
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:11,884
A lot of bragging
About it, either.
419
00:19:13,753 --> 00:19:16,456
I didn't even
Have the guts
To go in, sam.
420
00:19:16,456 --> 00:19:20,327
I've been sitting
Out in the car for
The last 2 hours.
421
00:19:20,327 --> 00:19:22,629
What about your hickey?
422
00:19:22,629 --> 00:19:24,597
I got one
Of those little
Vacuum cleaners
423
00:19:24,597 --> 00:19:27,800
In the glove
Compartment.
424
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,302
Such a coward!
425
00:19:29,302 --> 00:19:32,572
Oh, come on, norm.
426
00:19:32,572 --> 00:19:34,274
Yeah, but...
427
00:19:34,274 --> 00:19:36,976
Meaningless affairs
Aren't all they're
Cracked up to be.
428
00:19:36,976 --> 00:19:39,579
I've had lots of them.
Do you think that
Made me happy?
429
00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,480
Ecstatic.
430
00:19:40,480 --> 00:19:41,948
Yeah,
But that's me, norm.
431
00:19:44,284 --> 00:19:47,420
You're a--you're
A different kind of man.
432
00:19:47,420 --> 00:19:49,222
You're telling me.
433
00:19:50,990 --> 00:19:52,859
Sammy?
Yeah?
434
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:54,594
Can I make a confession
To you right now?
435
00:19:54,594 --> 00:19:57,330
Oh, please don't.
I--I got...
436
00:19:58,798 --> 00:20:01,368
I love my wife.
437
00:20:01,368 --> 00:20:03,270
Well, at least
That's not as bad
438
00:20:03,270 --> 00:20:04,804
As I thought
It was going to be.
439
00:20:04,804 --> 00:20:06,172
Yeah, well,
Just wait a second.
It gets worse.
440
00:20:06,172 --> 00:20:07,474
Oh, god.
441
00:20:07,474 --> 00:20:10,577
Vera is the only woman
I've ever had.
442
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:14,881
Now, ahem, now,
When you say, "Had,"
You mean--
443
00:20:14,881 --> 00:20:16,449
Yes.
444
00:20:16,449 --> 00:20:18,618
Oh, come on. Ha ha!
Come on, man.
Be serious.
445
00:20:18,618 --> 00:20:19,986
I am.
446
00:20:19,986 --> 00:20:22,489
Well, what's
Wrong with that?
What's wrong...
447
00:20:24,624 --> 00:20:27,294
I mean, I don't even
Want other women, sam.
448
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:31,030
All right, don't get me wrong.
I get urges, ok?
449
00:20:31,030 --> 00:20:32,532
If I acted
On those urges,
450
00:20:32,532 --> 00:20:35,268
I'd be no better
Than a rutting pig.
451
00:20:35,268 --> 00:20:38,471
A happy, singing,
Dancing, rutting pig.
452
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:44,911
Well,
I--I don't know what
This all was about,
453
00:20:44,911 --> 00:20:47,814
I mean, you make
It sound like you're
Confessing a crime here.
454
00:20:47,814 --> 00:20:49,449
Come on, sam.
People don't go
Bragging around
455
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,418
How they love
Their wives.
456
00:20:51,418 --> 00:20:52,719
When was the last time
You saw a bunch of guys
457
00:20:52,719 --> 00:20:54,287
Sitting around a bar,
Slamming beers,
458
00:20:54,287 --> 00:20:57,490
Exchanging great tales
Of marital bliss, huh?
459
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,661
So, those jokes
About vera...
460
00:21:01,661 --> 00:21:02,862
A bunch of baloney,
Huh?
461
00:21:02,862 --> 00:21:04,764
I mean, you--you
Really love her, huh?
462
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,366
Of course I do.
463
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:08,801
Most of them
Aren't even true, you know,
464
00:21:08,801 --> 00:21:11,604
Like that one
About the tentacles?
Yeah?
465
00:21:14,407 --> 00:21:18,144
Well, I can
Only speak
For myself here,
466
00:21:18,144 --> 00:21:19,746
But I think
That's wonderful.
467
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,180
Underarm.
468
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:24,016
Yeah, you know,
You may not
Believe me, but I...
469
00:21:24,016 --> 00:21:25,518
I envy you.
470
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:27,854
You envy me?
Yeah, I do.
471
00:21:27,854 --> 00:21:30,623
I used to think
That the more women
I conquered,
472
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:33,460
The more it'd
Make me a man.
473
00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:34,961
But now I guess...
474
00:21:34,961 --> 00:21:37,229
I'm just looking
For the right one.
475
00:21:37,229 --> 00:21:38,398
And now you've
Found diane.
476
00:21:38,398 --> 00:21:39,766
That's right.
477
00:21:39,766 --> 00:21:41,801
Boy, when they made her,
They broke the mold.
478
00:21:41,801 --> 00:21:43,803
They tried to pretend
Like it was an accident.
479
00:21:43,803 --> 00:21:45,672
Ha ha ha ha ha!
480
00:21:45,672 --> 00:21:47,239
See...There,
You're doing it.
481
00:21:47,239 --> 00:21:48,908
You're doing it,
Too, you see?
And you know why?
482
00:21:48,908 --> 00:21:51,210
Well, norm--
Because you're
A guy, you see?
483
00:21:51,210 --> 00:21:53,380
And deep down,
We're all terrified
Of being wusses.
484
00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:55,247
Yeah.
485
00:21:55,247 --> 00:21:56,583
Now, someone's
Got to pay for that.
486
00:21:56,583 --> 00:21:57,850
It might as well
Be the women.
487
00:21:57,850 --> 00:21:59,051
Amen!
488
00:22:01,087 --> 00:22:06,125
I'm terribly sorry,
But I couldn't help
Overhearing what you just said.
489
00:22:06,125 --> 00:22:07,427
How much?
490
00:22:07,427 --> 00:22:09,362
Well, everything.
491
00:22:09,362 --> 00:22:10,997
See, I discovered
Accidentally
492
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:13,400
If you go into the first stall
In the women's room,
493
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:15,668
Wet your ear, and jam it
Up against the wall,
494
00:22:15,668 --> 00:22:19,806
You can hear
The occasional word.
Just be glad I did.
495
00:22:19,806 --> 00:22:20,940
Listen to me...
496
00:22:20,940 --> 00:22:23,109
Now, norman,
I have something
To say to you
497
00:22:23,109 --> 00:22:24,544
Because
I can help you.
498
00:22:24,544 --> 00:22:26,546
And I want to say
It to your face.
499
00:22:26,546 --> 00:22:28,948
You are
A ladies' man.
500
00:22:28,948 --> 00:22:31,851
I am?
Yes.
501
00:22:31,851 --> 00:22:36,389
You're a one-woman man,
And every woman loves
And respects that.
502
00:22:36,389 --> 00:22:39,692
I don't think
You should live
Your life in deference
503
00:22:39,692 --> 00:22:42,562
To what some
Beer-swilling swine
Think.
504
00:22:42,562 --> 00:22:46,298
Gee, I always have.
505
00:22:46,298 --> 00:22:49,902
Norman,
They are unhappy
506
00:22:49,902 --> 00:22:52,439
With their marriages
Or lack thereof,
507
00:22:52,439 --> 00:22:54,373
And they're
Waiting out there
508
00:22:54,373 --> 00:22:55,742
For you
To throw yours away
509
00:22:55,742 --> 00:22:58,611
And lower yourself
To their level.
510
00:22:58,611 --> 00:23:01,280
Ugh! I hate them.
God, I hate them!
511
00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:04,016
Me, too.
512
00:23:04,016 --> 00:23:06,519
I tell you,
It's time
I faced up to it.
513
00:23:06,519 --> 00:23:09,656
My marriage
Is my most
Prized possession.
514
00:23:09,656 --> 00:23:13,292
And next to
My honda civic,
My only possession.
515
00:23:13,292 --> 00:23:16,262
I happen to love
My wife, and I don't
Care who knows it.
516
00:23:16,262 --> 00:23:17,497
All right.
Hey, man...
517
00:23:17,497 --> 00:23:19,666
Hey! Hey, you guys!
Listen up out here!
518
00:23:21,434 --> 00:23:23,169
I happen
To love my wife!
519
00:23:23,169 --> 00:23:25,404
I'm not about
To throw away
11 years of marriage!
520
00:23:25,404 --> 00:23:28,508
Patron:
Aw, isn't he sweet?
521
00:23:28,508 --> 00:23:31,377
Norm: hey, come on.
Let me finish, will you?
522
00:23:31,377 --> 00:23:33,145
Come on, norman,
Stand up to 'em.
523
00:23:33,145 --> 00:23:34,881
Come on, man.
524
00:23:34,881 --> 00:23:36,783
Norm: hey, I'm not
Gonna throw away
11 years of marriage.
525
00:23:36,783 --> 00:23:38,985
I'm looking for someone
To haul it away!
526
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:43,255
Let me tell you a little bit
About my honeymoon suite,
527
00:23:43,255 --> 00:23:45,592
Or, as I call it,
The dead zone.
528
00:23:47,059 --> 00:23:49,428
Hey, wanna see
An impression of my wife,
529
00:23:49,428 --> 00:23:50,797
Vera peterson,
In the dentist's office?
530
00:23:50,797 --> 00:23:54,701
Where's my jacket?
This is gonna be good.
531
00:23:56,002 --> 00:23:58,204
Oh, shut up.
532
00:23:58,204 --> 00:24:00,840
[falsetto]
Doctor, would you
Please clean my face?
533
00:24:03,042 --> 00:24:04,544
Do you believe this?
534
00:24:04,544 --> 00:24:06,779
Just a second.
I don't want
To miss this.
38840
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