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1
00:00:01,512 --> 00:00:04,847
Carla: cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:04,881 --> 00:00:07,949
Woody, have you
Finished counting?
3
00:00:07,983 --> 00:00:09,349
Sure have,
Miss howe.
4
00:00:09,383 --> 00:00:10,383
Oh, come on, rebecca.
5
00:00:10,416 --> 00:00:13,318
What? A guess how many beans
In the jar's bit?
6
00:00:13,351 --> 00:00:14,986
That's corny.
7
00:00:15,019 --> 00:00:17,853
For your information,
Corny is in.
8
00:00:17,887 --> 00:00:19,921
America wants to return
To the innocence
9
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:21,522
Of their teenage years.
10
00:00:21,554 --> 00:00:22,422
Yep.
11
00:00:22,455 --> 00:00:24,757
The seventies were
Great, weren't they?
12
00:00:27,457 --> 00:00:30,894
Anyway, this contest will
Run all month
13
00:00:30,927 --> 00:00:31,760
And all of boston
14
00:00:31,794 --> 00:00:34,961
Will be playing the game
For a fabulous,
15
00:00:34,995 --> 00:00:37,496
All-expense paid trip
To where?
16
00:00:37,529 --> 00:00:41,331
Atlantic city!
17
00:00:41,364 --> 00:00:44,366
For just guessing how many
Jelly beans are in this jar.
18
00:00:46,366 --> 00:00:48,002
3,500.
19
00:00:48,035 --> 00:00:50,335
Woody, is that the
Correct number?
20
00:00:50,368 --> 00:00:54,971
Nope. Off by 163.
21
00:00:55,005 --> 00:00:56,138
Woody!
22
00:00:58,172 --> 00:01:01,941
You are not supposed to
Tell them that.
23
00:01:01,974 --> 00:01:04,142
Now we have to
Do this all over again.
24
00:01:04,175 --> 00:01:06,210
Do you have any extra
Jelly beans back there?
25
00:01:06,243 --> 00:01:09,145
Sure, there's a whole bag at
The end of the bar.
26
00:01:09,178 --> 00:01:12,046
I hate when the black
Ones get stuck in your teeth.
27
00:01:18,316 --> 00:01:20,817
Making your way
In the world today
28
00:01:20,850 --> 00:01:24,019
Takes everything
You've got
29
00:01:24,052 --> 00:01:26,419
Taking a break
From all your worries
30
00:01:26,452 --> 00:01:29,822
Sure would help a lot
31
00:01:29,855 --> 00:01:35,457
Wouldn't you like
To get away
32
00:01:35,490 --> 00:01:37,858
Sometimes you wanna go
33
00:01:37,891 --> 00:01:43,094
Where everybody knows
Your name
34
00:01:43,128 --> 00:01:47,930
And they're always
Glad you came
35
00:01:47,963 --> 00:01:50,164
You want to be where
You can see
36
00:01:50,197 --> 00:01:52,833
Our troubles are
All the same
37
00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:53,833
You wanna be
38
00:01:53,866 --> 00:01:58,068
Where everybody
Knows your name
39
00:01:58,101 --> 00:02:00,869
You wanna go where
People know
40
00:02:00,902 --> 00:02:03,303
People are all
The same
41
00:02:03,337 --> 00:02:04,271
You want to go
42
00:02:04,304 --> 00:02:07,139
Where everybody
Knows your name
43
00:02:22,913 --> 00:02:25,814
Hey, guys, guys.
Watch this.
44
00:02:30,050 --> 00:02:31,051
Hi, gorgeous.
45
00:02:31,084 --> 00:02:32,284
You want to go out
With me?
46
00:02:32,317 --> 00:02:33,852
I've got a little cold.
47
00:02:33,885 --> 00:02:36,219
Oh. Next week?
48
00:02:36,253 --> 00:02:37,119
I'm busy.
49
00:02:37,153 --> 00:02:38,287
The week after?
50
00:02:38,320 --> 00:02:39,054
Maybe.
51
00:02:42,456 --> 00:02:43,389
You saw it.
52
00:02:44,957 --> 00:02:47,058
You were there.
53
00:02:47,091 --> 00:02:50,325
Sam malone
Just scored a maybe.
54
00:02:50,359 --> 00:02:52,326
Yow!
55
00:02:52,360 --> 00:02:55,328
Well, well.
This calls
For a celebration
56
00:02:55,362 --> 00:02:57,529
Waters all around.
57
00:02:57,563 --> 00:02:58,897
Why? What?
58
00:02:58,930 --> 00:03:01,331
Oh, this is truly sad.
59
00:03:01,365 --> 00:03:05,433
A guy who would never settle for
Less than 8 dates a week
60
00:03:05,466 --> 00:03:08,101
Is doing backflips
Over a lousy maybe.
61
00:03:08,134 --> 00:03:10,469
Hey, come on. That's progress
For me and rebecca.
62
00:03:10,502 --> 00:03:11,502
Face the facts,
63
00:03:11,535 --> 00:03:14,037
You had it once,
But you lost it.
64
00:03:14,071 --> 00:03:15,804
You're nothing but clavin
In a good shirt.
65
00:03:18,473 --> 00:03:19,606
Yeah, I guess we're going
To have to go shopping
66
00:03:19,639 --> 00:03:20,474
For a new hero.
67
00:03:20,507 --> 00:03:23,241
Oh, guys, guys, I can't
Believe my ears.
68
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:28,078
Well, sam, your ears are the
Least of your problems.
69
00:03:28,111 --> 00:03:30,444
You think I'm losing it?
Do you need proof?
70
00:03:30,478 --> 00:03:32,080
No, no.
Not necessary.
71
00:03:32,113 --> 00:03:33,981
No, no, listen, I want to
Prove to you guys
72
00:03:34,014 --> 00:03:35,214
That I'm still your king.
73
00:03:35,247 --> 00:03:36,114
Everybody, please.
74
00:03:36,147 --> 00:03:38,615
Focus your attention
On the door there.
75
00:03:38,648 --> 00:03:40,449
The amazing sammy
Will now make love
76
00:03:40,483 --> 00:03:42,517
To the very next woman
Who enters his bar.
77
00:03:42,550 --> 00:03:45,219
Be right back!
78
00:03:45,252 --> 00:03:47,087
Whoa, whoa. Hey.
79
00:03:47,120 --> 00:03:48,287
Employees are ineligible.
80
00:03:48,320 --> 00:03:49,088
I quit!
81
00:03:51,588 --> 00:03:53,455
We're closed!
82
00:03:53,489 --> 00:03:54,290
Too late.
83
00:03:54,323 --> 00:03:56,057
Too late.
84
00:03:56,091 --> 00:03:58,292
My lovely volunteer.
85
00:03:58,325 --> 00:03:59,592
Sammy, you're amazing.
86
00:04:01,259 --> 00:04:05,461
I want to assure you that
We've never met before.
87
00:04:05,495 --> 00:04:08,063
If you watch very closely,
You will notice that in no time
88
00:04:08,097 --> 00:04:10,263
Does my hand actually
Leave her body.
89
00:04:16,133 --> 00:04:17,401
You know, she's exactly
Like a girl
90
00:04:17,434 --> 00:04:18,634
I took out
Last night.
91
00:04:18,667 --> 00:04:20,202
You mean tore out.
92
00:04:25,005 --> 00:04:26,471
Excuse me. Boy,
Is it hot in here,
93
00:04:26,505 --> 00:04:28,639
Or is it just you?
94
00:04:28,672 --> 00:04:30,941
I'm sorry, did you just say
95
00:04:30,974 --> 00:04:31,473
Is it hot in here,
Or is it just me?
96
00:04:31,507 --> 00:04:33,075
Yep. If you like it,
97
00:04:33,109 --> 00:04:35,375
There's more
Where that came from.
98
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,610
Are you for real?
99
00:04:37,643 --> 00:04:39,477
I've been asked that
Question many times,
100
00:04:39,511 --> 00:04:42,613
And by women a lot
More naked than you.
101
00:04:47,148 --> 00:04:48,448
You know,
102
00:04:48,481 --> 00:04:50,117
I've heard
About men like you
103
00:04:50,150 --> 00:04:52,383
But I can't actually say
I've ever met one.
104
00:04:52,417 --> 00:04:53,919
I'm on a roll.
105
00:04:55,352 --> 00:04:56,986
My name's sam malone.
106
00:04:57,020 --> 00:04:59,554
My name is being withheld
For security reasons.
107
00:04:59,587 --> 00:05:01,555
Well,
That's very clever.
108
00:05:01,588 --> 00:05:06,190
Maybe too clever.
What's it mean?
109
00:05:06,224 --> 00:05:08,525
It means I'd like to order
A manhattan.
110
00:05:08,558 --> 00:05:10,426
I'd like you to put
A cherry in it,
111
00:05:10,459 --> 00:05:12,060
And then I'd like you to
Put a sock in it.
112
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:14,628
Your drink.
113
00:05:14,661 --> 00:05:16,095
Hey!
114
00:05:18,530 --> 00:05:19,663
Greetings, all!
115
00:05:19,696 --> 00:05:20,564
Ah, doctor.
116
00:05:20,597 --> 00:05:21,031
Doctor.
117
00:05:21,064 --> 00:05:22,332
Doctor.
Doctor.
118
00:05:24,966 --> 00:05:26,467
Woody, may I have a beer, please
And a mineral water
119
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:27,667
For the little mother?
120
00:05:27,700 --> 00:05:30,202
You know, lilith and I heard
A little joke the other day.
121
00:05:30,236 --> 00:05:32,103
Seems a patient walks into
His therapist's office
122
00:05:32,137 --> 00:05:34,570
Suffering from a case of
Korsakoff psychosis
123
00:05:34,603 --> 00:05:36,538
Brought on by acute
Alcoholism.
124
00:05:36,571 --> 00:05:38,205
Brain tumor.
125
00:05:38,239 --> 00:05:40,006
Well, darling, it doesn't
Make any difference.
126
00:05:40,040 --> 00:05:42,607
Yes, it does.
Brain tumor is funnier.
127
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:43,908
You're right.
128
00:05:47,077 --> 00:05:48,310
No wonder I didn't
Get anywhere.
129
00:05:48,344 --> 00:05:50,245
She's a friend of lilith
And frasier's.
130
00:05:50,278 --> 00:05:51,578
Just another one
Of those boring,
131
00:05:51,611 --> 00:05:52,980
Cold-hearted intellectuals
132
00:05:53,013 --> 00:05:55,914
With legs I
Could kill for.
133
00:05:55,948 --> 00:05:57,548
Why, sam?
I like your legs.
134
00:05:59,549 --> 00:06:00,683
If you comb your hair
A little different
135
00:06:00,716 --> 00:06:02,284
Nobody will even notice
That ear problem.
136
00:06:07,653 --> 00:06:10,921
And then the therapist said,
"No, I said 10ccs,
137
00:06:10,955 --> 00:06:12,521
Not tennesssee!"
138
00:06:16,390 --> 00:06:17,691
Or was it kentucky?
139
00:06:17,724 --> 00:06:18,959
It was tennessee.
140
00:06:18,992 --> 00:06:20,359
Oh, it's good.
141
00:06:23,161 --> 00:06:25,962
I'll have to remember
That one.
142
00:06:25,995 --> 00:06:27,463
Hello, lilith.
Hello, frasier.
143
00:06:27,495 --> 00:06:28,096
Hello, sam.
144
00:06:28,129 --> 00:06:29,230
I'd love to stay and talk,
145
00:06:29,264 --> 00:06:31,564
But I'm under
A gag order.
146
00:06:31,597 --> 00:06:34,199
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you
Were a friend of the cranes'.
147
00:06:34,232 --> 00:06:35,199
I'm sheila rydell.
148
00:06:35,232 --> 00:06:36,033
Oh, how do you do?
149
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:37,533
Dr. Rydell is a clinical
Psychiatrist
150
00:06:37,567 --> 00:06:40,169
And also a fellow at
The boston university.
151
00:06:40,202 --> 00:06:44,371
Thank god she's a woman
Here at cheers.
152
00:06:44,404 --> 00:06:45,671
Doctors, excuse me a moment.
153
00:06:45,704 --> 00:06:47,272
I need to call a patient.
154
00:06:47,305 --> 00:06:48,605
Oh yes, there's a phone
Right down the hall.
155
00:06:48,638 --> 00:06:50,174
This will probably take
A few minutes.
156
00:06:50,207 --> 00:06:51,107
I'll meet you upstairs
Shortly.
157
00:06:51,140 --> 00:06:52,340
Fine.
158
00:06:52,374 --> 00:06:55,476
Oh, doctor. I have
A free phone right here.
159
00:06:55,509 --> 00:06:57,377
I'm looking for a little
More privacy.
160
00:06:57,410 --> 00:07:00,711
I have a phone in
My bedroom.
161
00:07:00,744 --> 00:07:02,679
Thank you. No.
162
00:07:02,712 --> 00:07:03,513
Honey bear,
Shall we?
163
00:07:06,214 --> 00:07:09,582
Oh, by the way, sam,
Re: dr. Rydell,
164
00:07:09,615 --> 00:07:11,683
I must say
I concur completely.
165
00:07:11,716 --> 00:07:13,218
You know, most women who
Go into psychiatry
166
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,085
Are real bowsers,
167
00:07:14,118 --> 00:07:16,686
But I wouldn't kick her
Off the couch
168
00:07:16,719 --> 00:07:19,720
For eating crackers.
169
00:07:19,753 --> 00:07:21,121
Frasier, I can hear you
170
00:07:21,154 --> 00:07:22,322
And so can
Your unborn child.
171
00:07:29,258 --> 00:07:31,493
Will he be able to escape
From this one?
172
00:07:31,526 --> 00:07:32,693
Let's watch.
173
00:07:32,726 --> 00:07:35,695
What I meant to say was please,
Please, please forgive me,
174
00:07:35,728 --> 00:07:37,496
And do you think we have time
To stop by tiffany's
175
00:07:37,529 --> 00:07:38,496
On the way home?
176
00:07:38,529 --> 00:07:41,098
Good boy.
177
00:07:47,101 --> 00:07:50,268
Boy, I tell you,
I want that woman.
178
00:07:50,302 --> 00:07:52,469
Sam, she's carrying
Dr. Crane's baby.
179
00:07:55,437 --> 00:07:59,172
No, no, no, not that woman.
The woman over by the phone.
180
00:07:59,206 --> 00:08:02,641
Oh, well, who doesn't?
Hubba hubba.
181
00:08:02,674 --> 00:08:04,509
Sam, mr. Cool,
182
00:08:04,542 --> 00:08:06,576
I hate to burst
Your bubble again,
183
00:08:06,610 --> 00:08:08,511
But didn't she just
Shoot you down?
184
00:08:08,543 --> 00:08:11,245
Hey, maybe you should just stay
Away from brunettes...
185
00:08:11,278 --> 00:08:12,246
Except me,
Of course.
186
00:08:12,279 --> 00:08:13,746
Yeah.
187
00:08:13,779 --> 00:08:15,180
No, no.
Don't you see here,
188
00:08:15,214 --> 00:08:16,981
The good doctor
And I are sparring.
189
00:08:17,015 --> 00:08:18,748
It's sexy. It's fun,
190
00:08:18,781 --> 00:08:20,116
Just like one of those old
Spencer tracy,
191
00:08:20,149 --> 00:08:23,218
Audrey hepburn movies.
192
00:08:23,251 --> 00:08:25,219
Sammy, just step in
My office, please.
193
00:08:25,252 --> 00:08:27,153
A word in your ear.
194
00:08:27,186 --> 00:08:29,720
You know, if I were you, I'd,
Uh, approach good dr. Legs there
195
00:08:29,753 --> 00:08:32,488
On a professional
Level.
196
00:08:32,522 --> 00:08:34,623
I would make an appointment
With her and pretend
197
00:08:34,656 --> 00:08:36,057
There was something
Wrong with me.
198
00:08:37,490 --> 00:08:40,626
Cliffie...That's
A pretty good idea.
199
00:08:40,659 --> 00:08:42,493
Yeah. Who gave it to you?
200
00:08:45,061 --> 00:08:48,130
It's mine. It came right
From this brain.
201
00:08:48,163 --> 00:08:50,364
Hey, everybody. Clavin got
A new brain.
202
00:08:53,298 --> 00:08:55,266
So what do you think?
203
00:08:55,299 --> 00:08:57,267
What kind of problem
Should I make up?
204
00:08:57,300 --> 00:08:58,400
Well, how about this?
205
00:08:58,434 --> 00:09:01,236
I once took one of my kids to
The school psychiatrist
206
00:09:01,269 --> 00:09:02,702
And he said the kid
Had kleptomania.
207
00:09:02,736 --> 00:09:04,437
Anything come of it?
208
00:09:04,470 --> 00:09:07,472
Got a couple of pens and a
Leather appointment book.
209
00:09:07,505 --> 00:09:09,672
Yeah, or you could try using
My problem.
210
00:09:09,705 --> 00:09:12,507
I've always had this terrible
Fear of being a failure.
211
00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:14,675
You are a failure.
212
00:09:14,708 --> 00:09:16,109
Well, then I've licked it.
213
00:09:23,312 --> 00:09:24,380
Wait a minute.
214
00:09:24,413 --> 00:09:25,747
I got a suggestion.
215
00:09:25,780 --> 00:09:26,813
This is sure-fire.
216
00:09:26,847 --> 00:09:29,582
It's going to get you
Where you really want her.
217
00:09:29,615 --> 00:09:30,715
Impotence.
218
00:09:30,749 --> 00:09:35,718
No, no, no.
219
00:09:35,752 --> 00:09:38,153
That's a word us guys
Don't like to say.
220
00:09:38,186 --> 00:09:40,320
Wait a minute.
Take it from me.
221
00:09:40,354 --> 00:09:43,689
We women are pushovers
For this kind of stuff.
222
00:09:43,722 --> 00:09:46,157
There are two things
That women like to do
223
00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,790
More than anything else
In the world.
224
00:09:47,823 --> 00:09:50,459
And one of them is to cure
A guy's impotence.
225
00:09:50,492 --> 00:09:51,426
What's the other thing?
226
00:09:51,459 --> 00:09:53,194
Give it to him again
If he gets outta line.
227
00:09:57,328 --> 00:09:59,396
No, I'll tell you.
228
00:09:59,429 --> 00:10:01,497
I don't care how hot
That lady is.
229
00:10:01,530 --> 00:10:04,366
I just couldn't say
Something like that to her.
230
00:10:18,106 --> 00:10:20,139
Ok, so I tell her
That I'm impotent.
231
00:10:39,148 --> 00:10:40,683
Mr. Malone.
232
00:10:40,716 --> 00:10:43,284
Oh. It is the same
Sam malone.
233
00:10:44,585 --> 00:10:47,152
I hope this is a
Professional visit.
234
00:10:47,186 --> 00:10:49,520
I'm sad to say yes.
235
00:10:49,553 --> 00:10:51,421
Doctor, uh...
236
00:10:51,454 --> 00:10:53,389
I need to unburden
Myself here.
237
00:10:53,422 --> 00:10:54,822
And I figured that you
Were the one person
238
00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,790
Maybe I could
Talk to.
239
00:10:56,823 --> 00:10:58,324
Of course.
240
00:10:58,357 --> 00:10:59,358
Sit down.
241
00:11:16,400 --> 00:11:18,501
Now, take your time.
242
00:11:18,534 --> 00:11:22,069
Tell me what's
Troubling you.
243
00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:26,305
Well, doctor, as you know,
I'm a young, healthy male.
244
00:11:26,338 --> 00:11:29,239
But recently, I...
245
00:11:29,272 --> 00:11:32,441
Oh, heck, I'm not going
To mix words with you here.
246
00:11:32,473 --> 00:11:35,609
Lately, I haven't been able to
Get the old evan root cranking.
247
00:11:41,645 --> 00:11:44,146
Excuse me.
248
00:11:44,179 --> 00:11:49,116
Um, well, it's like
My favorite shirt
249
00:11:49,149 --> 00:11:51,150
Is a little light in the starch.
250
00:11:53,783 --> 00:11:55,518
Are you trying to say
That you're impotent?
251
00:11:55,551 --> 00:11:57,419
No, don't use that word.
252
00:11:57,452 --> 00:11:59,386
Oh, I see.
253
00:11:59,420 --> 00:12:00,821
Yes, well, uh,
254
00:12:00,854 --> 00:12:03,822
Arousal dysfunction
Is a fairly common
Problem,
255
00:12:03,855 --> 00:12:05,789
But it can be...
256
00:12:05,823 --> 00:12:08,158
Very, very,
Very distressing.
257
00:12:08,191 --> 00:12:09,125
Oh, it is.
258
00:12:09,158 --> 00:12:10,126
It is.
259
00:12:14,693 --> 00:12:17,529
How does this problem
Usually manifest itself?
260
00:12:17,562 --> 00:12:19,430
Well, it's too painful
To talk about.
261
00:12:19,463 --> 00:12:22,564
I could demonstrate it.
262
00:12:22,597 --> 00:12:23,465
No, thank you.
263
00:12:23,498 --> 00:12:25,099
No, you're probably right.
264
00:12:25,133 --> 00:12:28,734
With my luck,
It would work--
265
00:12:28,767 --> 00:12:32,302
Like when you
Take your car
To the mechanic?
266
00:12:32,336 --> 00:12:35,271
Of course
This isn't my field
Of expertise, but...
267
00:12:35,304 --> 00:12:37,471
You're in luck.
268
00:12:37,504 --> 00:12:39,872
My associate,
Dr. Heinrich mueller,
269
00:12:39,905 --> 00:12:42,407
Is conducting
A group session
At this very moment.
270
00:12:42,441 --> 00:12:44,408
I'm sure he'd agree to
Let you join in.
271
00:12:44,442 --> 00:12:46,276
Uh, actually, I was kind of
Hoping that you could handle it.
272
00:12:46,309 --> 00:12:48,310
Oh, don't feel uneasy
About dr. Mueller.
273
00:12:48,344 --> 00:12:50,345
Those charges linking him
To the gestapo
274
00:12:50,378 --> 00:12:52,845
Were grossly
Exaggerated.
275
00:12:52,878 --> 00:12:53,579
Excuse me?
276
00:12:53,612 --> 00:12:56,413
He was merely
A consultant.
277
00:12:56,447 --> 00:12:58,848
Actually, his technique is
Somewhat controversial.
278
00:12:58,881 --> 00:13:00,449
You'll have to go in
There and proclaim
279
00:13:00,482 --> 00:13:02,583
Your sexual disorder
To the group.
280
00:13:02,616 --> 00:13:04,317
You want me to say that
In front of other people?
281
00:13:04,351 --> 00:13:05,852
Oh, there are only half a
Dozen men in there
282
00:13:05,884 --> 00:13:07,419
Just like yourself.
283
00:13:07,453 --> 00:13:10,587
And, of course,
The 20 or 30
Observing nurses.
284
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:13,189
Just go in there, stand up
And say,
285
00:13:13,222 --> 00:13:14,589
"I'm sam malone,
286
00:13:14,622 --> 00:13:16,557
And I no longer
Function as a man."
287
00:13:18,158 --> 00:13:19,858
No, no, no.
Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.
288
00:13:19,891 --> 00:13:23,326
Listen, there's been a
Misunderstanding here.
289
00:13:23,360 --> 00:13:25,194
I didn't say "Impotent",
I said "Impudent".
290
00:13:25,227 --> 00:13:26,894
Yeah, I'm a smart ass.
291
00:13:26,927 --> 00:13:29,496
See...
292
00:13:29,529 --> 00:13:30,796
There's nothing
Wrong with me.
293
00:13:30,829 --> 00:13:31,364
No, ma'am.
294
00:13:31,397 --> 00:13:33,231
Then the cure worked.
295
00:13:33,265 --> 00:13:34,898
That'll be $150.
296
00:13:34,931 --> 00:13:38,600
Pay the receptionist
On your way out.
297
00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:42,702
Oh, you've been
Putting me on.
298
00:13:42,735 --> 00:13:43,903
And that was very
Unfair of me
299
00:13:43,936 --> 00:13:48,772
Considering how honest
You were being.
300
00:13:48,805 --> 00:13:52,407
Alright, I admit
That I was
301
00:13:52,440 --> 00:13:54,208
Making up that stuff
Just because...
302
00:13:54,241 --> 00:13:56,909
Well, you're...
A beautiful woman,
303
00:13:56,942 --> 00:13:59,543
And I just want to see a little
More of you, that's all.
304
00:14:01,211 --> 00:14:02,912
I see.
305
00:14:02,945 --> 00:14:05,346
Well, actually,
306
00:14:05,380 --> 00:14:09,215
That's kind of
Flattering.
307
00:14:09,248 --> 00:14:10,516
Not very many men
Would come in here
308
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,184
And humiliate
Themselves
309
00:14:12,217 --> 00:14:14,318
And tell
Some childish,
Idiotic lie
310
00:14:14,351 --> 00:14:16,451
Just to spend five
Minutes with me.
311
00:14:18,187 --> 00:14:19,553
I'm a romantic.
312
00:14:22,688 --> 00:14:25,190
So, what do you say?
You want to go
Out to dinner?
313
00:14:25,223 --> 00:14:28,824
I suppose I could use a bit
More romance in my life.
314
00:14:28,857 --> 00:14:30,725
All right. Great.
315
00:14:30,758 --> 00:14:32,326
I'll call you.
Next week sometime.
316
00:14:32,359 --> 00:14:33,593
How about tomorrow night?
317
00:14:33,626 --> 00:14:36,761
Great! That's good.
That's good. All right.
318
00:14:36,795 --> 00:14:38,429
Yeah, thanks very much.
319
00:14:42,231 --> 00:14:43,130
Um...
320
00:14:44,865 --> 00:14:47,700
Excuse me, you didn't have that
Tape recorder on, did you,
321
00:14:47,733 --> 00:14:50,535
When I was making up that
Stuff about im--
322
00:14:50,568 --> 00:14:51,235
Don't worry, sam.
323
00:14:51,268 --> 00:14:52,635
The moment you walked in here
324
00:14:52,668 --> 00:14:54,270
I was aware you were faking
The whole thing
325
00:14:54,304 --> 00:14:55,437
And I turned
The recorder off.
326
00:14:55,470 --> 00:14:56,870
Oh, well,
Thank goodness.
327
00:15:01,207 --> 00:15:02,540
And I turned the
Intercom on.
328
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:16,214
Ok, boys. Closing time,
Let's move on out.
329
00:15:16,247 --> 00:15:18,548
Probably want to go home, get
Some rest so you can be back
330
00:15:18,581 --> 00:15:20,882
For your 9 a.M. Shift.
331
00:15:20,916 --> 00:15:22,450
This is one of those days
I hate to see end,
332
00:15:22,483 --> 00:15:23,883
You know what I mean?
333
00:15:23,917 --> 00:15:25,351
Hey, I got
Some new videos.
334
00:15:25,384 --> 00:15:26,485
You guys want to come
Over to my place?
335
00:15:26,519 --> 00:15:27,885
New videos. Great.
336
00:15:27,919 --> 00:15:31,487
Yeah, I had our home movies
Converted to tape.
337
00:15:31,521 --> 00:15:33,922
There's a great one of me
All dressed up as peter pan,
338
00:15:33,955 --> 00:15:36,656
Ma's captain hook.
She's tying me up.
339
00:15:36,689 --> 00:15:38,291
For halloween,
Huh?
340
00:15:38,325 --> 00:15:39,791
No, no, it's a little
Game we used to played
341
00:15:39,825 --> 00:15:40,591
To help me sleep.
342
00:15:40,625 --> 00:15:42,459
You know how crazy
Teenagers are.
343
00:15:49,895 --> 00:15:52,331
Well, sheila, why don't you
Hop up to the bar there.
344
00:15:52,364 --> 00:15:54,698
I'll fix us
A little nightcap.
345
00:15:54,732 --> 00:15:56,833
Sammy, mind if I take
Off early?
346
00:15:56,866 --> 00:15:58,834
I want to put the little ones
To bed myself tonight.
347
00:15:58,867 --> 00:16:01,202
Put them to bed?
Hey, it's 2 a.M.
348
00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:02,336
Oh, right.
349
00:16:02,369 --> 00:16:03,669
They're probably
Not home yet.
350
00:16:06,738 --> 00:16:08,938
Oh, well.
I'll get some sleep.
351
00:16:08,971 --> 00:16:11,640
Hey, listen. Um, don't forget
To put up the barstools.
352
00:16:11,673 --> 00:16:13,707
Don't worry about it.
We'll do it later.
353
00:16:13,741 --> 00:16:16,642
I hope so, but take care
Of the stools, too.
354
00:16:21,945 --> 00:16:24,679
Sam, I had a really lovely time
With you tonight.
355
00:16:24,712 --> 00:16:26,447
You sound
A little surprised.
356
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,714
Well, I am a little.
357
00:16:28,748 --> 00:16:30,415
I guess a lot of the men
I go out with
358
00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:33,916
Tend to be
A little stuffy.
359
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:36,718
But you're so relaxed
And easy to be with.
360
00:16:36,752 --> 00:16:38,886
And I must admit, I've
Never seen a man
361
00:16:38,919 --> 00:16:41,221
Do a puppet show
With lobster
Claws before.
362
00:16:42,721 --> 00:16:44,822
Well, you were
A lovely audience.
363
00:16:44,856 --> 00:16:45,822
Thank you.
364
00:16:45,856 --> 00:16:49,858
Thank you for not coming
On like a psychiatrist.
365
00:16:49,891 --> 00:16:51,492
What does that mean?
366
00:16:51,525 --> 00:16:53,460
I know you guys always have
Your meters going
367
00:16:53,493 --> 00:16:54,860
And I was afraid you were
Sitting there thinking
368
00:16:54,893 --> 00:16:58,662
All sorts of weird,
Head-shrinking things.
369
00:16:58,695 --> 00:17:01,364
Well, as a professional, you
Learn to keep those things
To yourself.
370
00:17:03,765 --> 00:17:04,731
So, you...
371
00:17:04,765 --> 00:17:08,300
You were thinking...
Those things?
372
00:17:08,333 --> 00:17:12,835
Sam, I really prefer
To divorce business
From pleasure.
373
00:17:12,869 --> 00:17:13,370
Absolutely.
No, you're right.
374
00:17:15,803 --> 00:17:16,504
Were they bad things?
375
00:17:19,838 --> 00:17:21,339
Sam, I really think
It's a mistake
376
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,374
To pursue this matter
Any further.
377
00:17:23,407 --> 00:17:25,308
Oh great. I bet you
Wouldn't say that
378
00:17:25,341 --> 00:17:27,242
If you were thinking
Good things.
379
00:17:27,276 --> 00:17:28,510
I mean, you'd probably come
Right out and say it
380
00:17:28,543 --> 00:17:29,843
If you were sitting
There thinking,
381
00:17:29,877 --> 00:17:31,878
"Whoa, you know, this guy
Is really together
382
00:17:31,911 --> 00:17:34,346
And I'm lucky
To be with him.
Boy, the hair!"
383
00:17:37,481 --> 00:17:39,382
So come on.
Tell me.
384
00:17:39,415 --> 00:17:40,348
Really, sam, no.
385
00:17:40,382 --> 00:17:42,916
Hey, come on, I can take it.
It'll be fun.
386
00:17:42,949 --> 00:17:46,885
Sam, would you just please
Drop the subject.
387
00:17:46,918 --> 00:17:49,320
Ok.
388
00:17:49,353 --> 00:17:51,920
Boy, you brain benders are all
The same, aren't you?
389
00:17:51,953 --> 00:17:54,489
I mean, you want two years
Of a guy's life
390
00:17:54,522 --> 00:17:55,789
And every
Penny earned
391
00:17:55,822 --> 00:17:59,524
Before you give him one little
Simple diagnosis.
392
00:17:59,557 --> 00:18:00,458
You know, I think you're
Full of blabber.
393
00:18:00,492 --> 00:18:02,359
I don't think you know
Anything about me.
394
00:18:02,393 --> 00:18:03,759
I think I do.
395
00:18:03,793 --> 00:18:06,661
Yeah, then why don't
You tell me?
396
00:18:06,695 --> 00:18:07,961
All right, sam,
If you insist.
397
00:18:07,995 --> 00:18:08,729
I do.
398
00:18:11,630 --> 00:18:14,698
My professional opinion
Of you is
399
00:18:14,731 --> 00:18:16,932
That your every
Thought, word, and deed
400
00:18:16,965 --> 00:18:18,666
Revolves around sex.
401
00:18:21,067 --> 00:18:23,736
You have nothing else
In your life.
402
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,304
Without constant sex,
403
00:18:25,337 --> 00:18:27,538
You'd probably
Just shrivel up
404
00:18:27,571 --> 00:18:30,506
Into a little dried
Anchovy and die.
405
00:18:32,373 --> 00:18:35,974
Well, who wouldn't?
406
00:18:36,008 --> 00:18:37,809
You mean that's it?
No bad stuff?
407
00:18:40,411 --> 00:18:43,845
Sam, there's nothing
But bad stuff.
408
00:18:43,878 --> 00:18:46,647
You're an aging lothario
409
00:18:46,680 --> 00:18:50,382
Who uses sex to cover up
Massive insecurity,
410
00:18:50,416 --> 00:18:52,450
A fear
Of true intimacy,
411
00:18:52,483 --> 00:18:53,917
Fear of a relationship--
412
00:18:53,950 --> 00:18:56,385
And, quite frankly, not only
A fear of dying,
413
00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:57,819
But a fear of living, too.
414
00:18:57,852 --> 00:18:59,753
You're one sick cowpoke.
415
00:19:03,054 --> 00:19:05,289
I resent that.
416
00:19:05,323 --> 00:19:06,823
You know, you were shoveling
Down that lobster
417
00:19:06,856 --> 00:19:09,625
Like there's
No tomorrow.
418
00:19:09,658 --> 00:19:10,958
You even ate
The green stuff.
419
00:19:10,991 --> 00:19:13,527
And this is the
Thanks I get?
420
00:19:13,560 --> 00:19:15,927
Sam, you forced me to tell you.
What did you want me to do, lie?
421
00:19:15,960 --> 00:19:19,729
Of course. Yes.
422
00:19:19,762 --> 00:19:20,596
Oh, sam, come on.
423
00:19:20,630 --> 00:19:22,397
Why don't we just forget
The whole thing
424
00:19:22,431 --> 00:19:23,964
And go back to my place.
425
00:19:23,997 --> 00:19:25,732
What?
426
00:19:25,765 --> 00:19:27,132
You still want to
Go to bed
427
00:19:27,165 --> 00:19:30,301
Even though sex is supposedly
The only thing I have
In my life?
428
00:19:30,335 --> 00:19:32,536
Exactly.
429
00:19:32,569 --> 00:19:34,670
And so I assume
You're rather good at it.
430
00:19:40,672 --> 00:19:42,373
You would
Actually have sex
431
00:19:42,406 --> 00:19:45,308
With somebody you
Don't even respect?
432
00:19:45,342 --> 00:19:46,775
Isn't that what you
Do with women?
433
00:19:46,808 --> 00:19:48,876
Yeah, but
I cover it up.
434
00:19:51,711 --> 00:19:53,712
How long have you
Lived in america, lady?
435
00:19:55,647 --> 00:19:57,013
Oh, sam, come on.
436
00:19:57,047 --> 00:19:59,514
No. Listen, I think you ought
To take a hike.
437
00:19:59,548 --> 00:20:00,549
I'll tell you what.
438
00:20:00,582 --> 00:20:01,849
Send me a bill for another
Hundred and a half.
439
00:20:01,882 --> 00:20:02,983
I'll deduct the lobster.
440
00:20:08,719 --> 00:20:11,920
Well, I'm sorry
If this was painful,
441
00:20:11,954 --> 00:20:14,988
But maybe it was good
For you to have heard it.
442
00:20:17,557 --> 00:20:20,359
By the way, if you
Change your mind
About the sex,
443
00:20:20,392 --> 00:20:23,460
I can be beeped anytime.
444
00:20:23,493 --> 00:20:25,394
That's so pathetic!
445
00:20:27,828 --> 00:20:29,295
Oh!
446
00:20:42,369 --> 00:20:43,502
Are you locking up?
447
00:20:43,535 --> 00:20:44,636
Hey, let me ask
You something.
448
00:20:44,670 --> 00:20:46,337
Do you think that
My life is empty
449
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:49,005
And void of any meaning?
450
00:20:49,038 --> 00:20:50,639
Yep. Don't forget
To lock up.
451
00:20:53,607 --> 00:20:53,907
Oh, p--
452
00:20:53,940 --> 00:20:54,874
Oh!
453
00:21:01,611 --> 00:21:03,679
Tough night on
The dating circuit, sam?
454
00:21:05,813 --> 00:21:08,047
Do you believe my--
My date told me
455
00:21:08,081 --> 00:21:11,516
That there was
Nothing in my life
Except...
456
00:21:11,549 --> 00:21:13,849
Women or sex.
457
00:21:13,883 --> 00:21:14,884
By the way, you
Look hot tonight.
458
00:21:18,852 --> 00:21:21,388
Come on, sam. You have
A lot going for you.
459
00:21:21,421 --> 00:21:22,721
Yeah?
460
00:21:22,754 --> 00:21:24,522
Like what?
461
00:21:24,555 --> 00:21:28,357
There's...
462
00:21:28,391 --> 00:21:29,991
Ooh, I could
Go on and on.
463
00:21:30,024 --> 00:21:30,958
See you later, sam.
464
00:21:30,991 --> 00:21:33,025
Wait a minute. Come on,
Answer the question.
465
00:21:33,058 --> 00:21:34,360
What do I have in my
Life that isn't
466
00:21:34,394 --> 00:21:37,027
Women or sex?
467
00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:40,397
Come on, sam. You're
A passionate guy.
468
00:21:40,430 --> 00:21:43,398
I bet you have a lot of things
That you care deeply about.
469
00:21:43,431 --> 00:21:44,964
Yeah? Like what?
470
00:21:46,099 --> 00:21:48,133
Your job.
471
00:21:48,165 --> 00:21:51,468
It's a great way
To meet babes.
472
00:21:51,502 --> 00:21:53,503
You love your car.
473
00:21:53,536 --> 00:21:55,670
Babes love it.
474
00:21:55,704 --> 00:21:57,505
Sailing.
475
00:21:57,538 --> 00:21:58,938
Babes on waves.
476
00:22:01,672 --> 00:22:03,707
See?
477
00:22:03,740 --> 00:22:04,974
I mean, the doctor
Was right.
478
00:22:05,008 --> 00:22:05,941
I'm a shallow guy.
479
00:22:05,974 --> 00:22:08,510
I mean, everything I do
Is to impress women
480
00:22:08,543 --> 00:22:11,076
Or revolves around sex.
481
00:22:11,110 --> 00:22:13,745
I guess I'm nothing
More than a...
482
00:22:13,778 --> 00:22:15,579
Hot, manly
Machine of love.
483
00:22:18,114 --> 00:22:18,847
Um...
484
00:22:18,880 --> 00:22:20,416
Uh...
485
00:22:20,449 --> 00:22:22,049
Sam, wait! What about
The stooges?
486
00:22:22,082 --> 00:22:25,751
They're all right. They're
Over at cliff's.
487
00:22:25,784 --> 00:22:27,952
No, no, sam. What about
The three stooges?
488
00:22:27,985 --> 00:22:29,920
Oh yeah, great.
I like the three stooges.
489
00:22:29,953 --> 00:22:31,387
That helps a lot.
490
00:22:31,421 --> 00:22:32,787
Wait a minute, sam.
Think about this.
491
00:22:32,821 --> 00:22:35,623
Do women like
The three stooges?
492
00:22:35,656 --> 00:22:37,156
No, they hate them.
493
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:38,356
All right.
494
00:22:38,390 --> 00:22:40,758
Are women impressed that you
Like the three stooges?
495
00:22:40,791 --> 00:22:45,560
No. Some of them even
Think they're stupid.
496
00:22:45,593 --> 00:22:47,128
When you're watching
The stooges,
497
00:22:47,161 --> 00:22:48,829
Do you think
They're sexy?
498
00:22:48,862 --> 00:22:50,996
No, when you watch
The stooges,
499
00:22:51,030 --> 00:22:53,731
Nobody has time
To think about
Sex or women.
500
00:22:58,534 --> 00:23:00,767
Hey, wait a minute.
501
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:04,836
That means I do have
Another interest in my life.
502
00:23:04,869 --> 00:23:06,870
I like the stooges
For themselves.
503
00:23:06,903 --> 00:23:09,104
Hey, whoa. I'm ok.
504
00:23:09,138 --> 00:23:11,606
Nuk nuk nuk nuk nuk!
505
00:23:11,640 --> 00:23:12,773
Mmm!
506
00:23:15,074 --> 00:23:16,074
That's fine, sam.
507
00:23:16,107 --> 00:23:17,108
Come here, porcupine.
508
00:23:17,142 --> 00:23:20,143
Ow!
509
00:23:20,176 --> 00:23:20,744
Come on.
510
00:23:20,777 --> 00:23:21,644
Try it,
You'll like it.
511
00:23:21,677 --> 00:23:23,178
Come on, do it.
512
00:23:23,211 --> 00:23:25,779
All right.
513
00:23:25,812 --> 00:23:26,847
There you go.
514
00:23:26,880 --> 00:23:30,181
Come here, porcupine.
515
00:23:30,214 --> 00:23:31,982
[crack]
516
00:23:32,015 --> 00:23:33,516
Sam: hey, the stooges
Don't bleed.
36234
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