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1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:06,040
Cheers is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:07,775 --> 00:00:09,043
Good afternoon, everybody.
3
00:00:09,077 --> 00:00:11,112
Norm!
Norm!
Norm!
4
00:00:11,145 --> 00:00:12,813
How does
A beer sound, norm?
5
00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:13,881
I don't know, coach.
6
00:00:13,914 --> 00:00:18,386
I usually finish them
Before they get a word in.
7
00:00:18,419 --> 00:00:20,221
Hey, uh, norm. Aren't you
A little dressed up
8
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:22,656
Just to come here and suck on
Taps all night?
9
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:24,192
Cliffie,
If you must know,
10
00:00:24,225 --> 00:00:26,227
I have other plans for this
Evening.
11
00:00:26,260 --> 00:00:26,727
I have a date.
12
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:27,695
Oooohhh!
13
00:00:27,728 --> 00:00:28,829
A date! Who is it?
14
00:00:28,862 --> 00:00:30,598
I don't know. It's a blind date.
15
00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,134
Uh, uh
Dangerous.
Dangerous.
16
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:34,368
Walking into
A minefield there, boy.
17
00:00:34,402 --> 00:00:36,137
No. No. No. A friend of mine set
Us up.
18
00:00:36,170 --> 00:00:38,539
He assures me
The woman's perfect
For me.
19
00:00:38,572 --> 00:00:40,274
That's what they all say.
20
00:00:40,308 --> 00:00:42,510
Uh, let me guess--
Said she had good table manners,
21
00:00:42,543 --> 00:00:45,346
Great personality,
And excellent
Posture, right?
22
00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:48,616
Sure, they always
Make it sound good.
23
00:00:48,649 --> 00:00:49,683
As a matter of fact,
24
00:00:49,717 --> 00:00:52,620
Cliffie, he told me that she was
Easy on the eyes.
25
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:54,155
You're a dead man, norm.
26
00:01:01,795 --> 00:01:07,501
* makin' your way
In the world today takes
Everything you've got *
27
00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,837
* takin' a break from all your
Worries *
28
00:01:09,870 --> 00:01:12,072
* sure would help alot
29
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:19,347
* wouldn't you like
To get away *
30
00:01:19,380 --> 00:01:21,315
* sometimes
You wanna go *
31
00:01:21,349 --> 00:01:26,720
* where everybody knows your
Name *
32
00:01:26,754 --> 00:01:31,359
* and they're always glad you
Came
33
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,827
* you wanna be where you can see
34
00:01:33,861 --> 00:01:36,630
* our troubles
Are all the same *
35
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:41,835
* you wanna be where everybody
Knows your name *
36
00:01:41,869 --> 00:01:44,338
* you wanna go where people know
37
00:01:44,372 --> 00:01:46,740
* people are
All the same *
38
00:01:46,774 --> 00:01:47,908
* you wanna go
39
00:01:47,941 --> 00:01:51,179
* where everybody
Knows your name *
40
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:12,666
Whoa, whoa.
41
00:02:12,700 --> 00:02:13,701
Where do you want it?
42
00:02:13,734 --> 00:02:14,802
Want what?
43
00:02:14,835 --> 00:02:16,737
Wait. Whoa. Whoa. Wait a second.
I didn't order that.
44
00:02:16,770 --> 00:02:18,306
Cheers, right?
45
00:02:18,339 --> 00:02:18,739
Yeah.
46
00:02:21,275 --> 00:02:23,477
Coach, did
You buy this?
47
00:02:23,511 --> 00:02:25,546
No, not me, sam.
48
00:02:25,579 --> 00:02:27,748
You got your name here
On the invoice.
49
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,583
It's got to be some kind of
Mistake.
50
00:02:29,617 --> 00:02:34,588
Why would I buy a crate?
51
00:02:34,622 --> 00:02:36,657
It's an antique scale, coach.
52
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,526
Oh, yeah.
I bought the scale, sam.
53
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:43,497
But gee, now that I look at it,
I'm kind of disappointed.
54
00:02:43,531 --> 00:02:45,299
Mister, we're
In a hurry. Can you sign it?
55
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:48,336
Yeah. Yeah...Coach, why
Did you do this?
56
00:02:48,369 --> 00:02:50,204
I've told you
A hundred times--
57
00:02:50,238 --> 00:02:53,207
Please, don't buy anything for
The bar without checking
With me first.
58
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:55,443
Gee, I'm sorry, sam.
59
00:02:55,476 --> 00:02:57,545
That salesman--
I just couldn't resist him.
60
00:02:57,578 --> 00:02:59,647
I mean, he had a way about him.
61
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,048
One of those fast talkers?
62
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:05,919
No. No. No. No. Was a big tall
Skinny guy, you know, with a
Beard...
63
00:03:05,953 --> 00:03:07,988
Reminded me
Of somebody in history...
64
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:09,423
A president...
65
00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:11,559
That guy who
Freed the slaves.
66
00:03:11,592 --> 00:03:12,626
Abraham lincoln?
67
00:03:12,660 --> 00:03:16,464
That's it. Only this guy,
He wasn't nice at all.
68
00:03:16,497 --> 00:03:19,400
As a matter of fact, he
Was kind of mean.
69
00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:20,801
He reminded me
70
00:03:20,834 --> 00:03:23,404
Of that little
Guy in germany
With the mustache.
71
00:03:23,437 --> 00:03:24,938
World war ii.
72
00:03:24,972 --> 00:03:27,641
Adolf hitler?
73
00:03:27,675 --> 00:03:30,711
Don't play trivia
With this guy.
74
00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:32,546
Coach, you mean this guy was a
Cross
75
00:03:32,580 --> 00:03:34,415
Between abraham lincoln and
Hitler?
76
00:03:34,448 --> 00:03:35,716
Normie, I don't know.
77
00:03:35,749 --> 00:03:38,386
I just want to tell you,
He was strange, normie.
78
00:03:38,419 --> 00:03:39,920
He was all
Dressed in black,
79
00:03:39,953 --> 00:03:42,523
And his eyes
Shined like coals.
80
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:45,959
And he had this deep voice,
And he said to me,
81
00:03:45,993 --> 00:03:49,730
"Zis scale vill not only
Tell you your veight,
82
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,600
But it will tell you your
Destiny!"
83
00:03:52,633 --> 00:03:53,434
He had an accent.
84
00:03:53,467 --> 00:03:54,568
No.
85
00:03:56,837 --> 00:03:59,540
Then why did you
Say it like
86
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:02,343
"Your veight"
And "Your destiny?"
87
00:04:02,376 --> 00:04:03,777
Just a little color,
Carla.
88
00:04:05,946 --> 00:04:08,649
Well, whatever. I'm calling this
It.
89
00:04:08,682 --> 00:04:11,585
Oh, sam. Isn't you curiosity
Peeked?
90
00:04:11,619 --> 00:04:13,354
I'd like to see what it looks
Like.
91
00:04:13,387 --> 00:04:16,324
Yeah. And that destiny thing
Must mean it's one of those
Scales that tells your fortunes.
92
00:04:16,357 --> 00:04:17,491
Oh, all right, go on. Open it.
93
00:04:17,525 --> 00:04:18,592
Oh, goody.
94
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:20,561
But I'm still sending it back.
95
00:04:20,594 --> 00:04:23,697
Coach, give norman
A screwdriver please.
96
00:04:23,731 --> 00:04:25,666
Hey, whoa. Diane, I got a big
Date here.
97
00:04:25,699 --> 00:04:26,900
I don't
Want to get pits.
98
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,370
Oh, come on, it won't be that
Hard.
99
00:04:34,908 --> 00:04:36,610
It's all right, norm.
100
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,479
We'll stop you before
Your shoes get squishy.
101
00:04:43,551 --> 00:04:45,486
Well, now, let me give you
An opening hint
102
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:48,356
From a guy who's opened
A lot of these rascals, here.
103
00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:51,492
If you smack this baby
Right about here, I think,
Normie.
104
00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:52,860
It'll open up
Like a big walnut.
105
00:04:52,893 --> 00:04:56,730
That's the epicenter
Of the fulcrum,
As I remember.
106
00:04:56,764 --> 00:04:59,467
You better step back, here,
Diane. This thing will sheer
Your kneecaps right off.
107
00:05:07,107 --> 00:05:08,442
Cliffie!
108
00:05:08,476 --> 00:05:10,378
Cliff, are you all right?
109
00:05:10,411 --> 00:05:12,045
I can't find
My shoes, clyde.
110
00:05:12,079 --> 00:05:14,415
I think
The dog got them.
111
00:05:14,448 --> 00:05:17,117
Come back here.
Here we go.
112
00:05:17,150 --> 00:05:18,852
There you go.
113
00:05:18,886 --> 00:05:20,554
There you go.
114
00:05:20,588 --> 00:05:21,655
Let's get her out.
115
00:05:26,460 --> 00:05:27,528
Whoooo!
116
00:05:27,561 --> 00:05:29,963
Whoa! Ain't that nice?
117
00:05:29,997 --> 00:05:32,500
Sam, I like it. Can we keep it?
Can we keep it?
118
00:05:32,533 --> 00:05:35,736
Well I'm afraid we're going to
Have to.
119
00:05:35,769 --> 00:05:38,639
The number's been disconnected
And there's no new number.
120
00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,941
The guy's obviously
A con man, coach.
121
00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:45,713
I knew it. I knew he was a
Conman the minute I laid eyes on
Him.
122
00:05:45,746 --> 00:05:51,719
Well, as a collector of antiques
I think the scale might someday
Be worth what you paid for it.
123
00:05:51,752 --> 00:05:54,755
...Or a fraction thereof.
124
00:05:54,788 --> 00:05:56,990
Sam, that salesman
Also said--
125
00:05:57,024 --> 00:06:00,794
He said, "Zis scale
Is not being made anymore,
126
00:06:00,828 --> 00:06:03,731
And zis one
Was in a zeller
For over 40 years."
127
00:06:05,165 --> 00:06:08,436
Coach, you shouldn't
Have bought it.
128
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:11,639
Well, this has been fun, but I
Got to get going on my blind
Date.
129
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:13,140
Normie. Normie. Listen.
130
00:06:13,173 --> 00:06:15,776
Get on the scale. Weigh
Yourself. See how you're gonna
Make out tonight.
131
00:06:15,809 --> 00:06:18,712
Oh, come on, it certainly
Doesn't have any fortunes left
132
00:06:18,746 --> 00:06:19,880
After all
These years.
133
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,082
[coin jingles]
134
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,485
[bell rings]
135
00:06:24,518 --> 00:06:26,820
Do you ever
Get tired of being wrong?
136
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,457
Says "Your most troublesome
Problem will soon be solved."
137
00:06:29,490 --> 00:06:34,828
Hey, norm. Sounds like you're
Gonna get a trim on the old
Antlers tonight.
138
00:06:34,862 --> 00:06:37,831
Norm, what's your
Most troulbesome problem?
139
00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:40,100
Well, that's
Tough to say, coach.
140
00:06:40,133 --> 00:06:44,772
Let's see. I'm
Overweight, unemployed,
141
00:06:44,805 --> 00:06:48,909
Separated, depressed,
Starting to drink too much.
142
00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,512
I guess my biggest problem
Is I've never been happier.
143
00:06:54,047 --> 00:06:55,749
Ok, I'm going next.
144
00:06:55,783 --> 00:06:57,718
No way. Men in uniform
First, carla.
145
00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,452
Get outta here.
146
00:06:58,486 --> 00:07:00,020
Sam, sam, see?
They love it!
147
00:07:00,053 --> 00:07:01,622
I mean, this thing's
Gonna be bigger than
148
00:07:01,655 --> 00:07:03,791
That amusement park
In california.
149
00:07:03,824 --> 00:07:07,528
Uh, the one
With the mouse
And the duck...
150
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,730
Disneyland.
151
00:07:09,763 --> 00:07:11,699
You're tough, sam,
But I'm gonna get you.
152
00:07:20,674 --> 00:07:21,642
[bell rings]
153
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:23,811
"Sanderson florists."
154
00:07:23,844 --> 00:07:26,013
What's the occasion
There, sam?
155
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:27,748
It's for diane.
156
00:07:27,781 --> 00:07:28,916
Did she die?
157
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,152
Of course not.
158
00:07:32,185 --> 00:07:33,721
Is she dying?
159
00:07:33,754 --> 00:07:35,122
Is she suffering
In any way?
160
00:07:35,155 --> 00:07:37,725
Throw me a bone.
161
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,693
No. She's just
Going to be mad
162
00:07:39,727 --> 00:07:42,763
Because I didn't take
Her to some stupid
Art show last night.
163
00:07:42,796 --> 00:07:45,165
Flowers is the only way
To calm her down.
164
00:07:45,198 --> 00:07:46,834
Hi, sanderson florist?
165
00:07:46,867 --> 00:07:48,468
Ah, there's my guy.
166
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,472
Give me a big smoocharoo.
167
00:07:57,745 --> 00:07:59,146
You're not mad
About last night?
168
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:02,983
Oh, of course not. I just missed
You so, you big lug.
169
00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,588
Keep up the good work.
170
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:10,624
Afternoon,
Everybody.
171
00:08:10,658 --> 00:08:12,159
Hey norm!
Norm!
Norm!
172
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,927
What's up, normie?
173
00:08:13,961 --> 00:08:15,763
The corners
Of my mouth, coach.
174
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:19,132
Oh! Sounds like that blind date
Paid off, huh?
175
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:23,604
Yeah, well, turns out my buddy
Played a little trick on me.
176
00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:25,873
Guess who the date
Turns out to be?
177
00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:27,741
My ex, vera.
178
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,042
Whoa!
179
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:30,844
Are you ready
For the punch line?
180
00:08:30,878 --> 00:08:32,012
We're back together again.
181
00:08:32,045 --> 00:08:34,815
Oh, norman,
That's wonderful.
182
00:08:34,848 --> 00:08:35,883
I feel so good about it,
183
00:08:35,916 --> 00:08:39,052
I'd like to set up
The entire bar.
184
00:08:39,086 --> 00:08:41,188
But, since
That's financially
Impossible,
185
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:45,626
I'll just settle for buying
My buddy cliff here, a drink.
186
00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,193
Oohh!
Oohh!
Oohh!
187
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:47,327
Oh, thank you, norm.
188
00:08:47,360 --> 00:08:48,962
Chivas on the rocks,
Coach.
189
00:08:48,996 --> 00:08:49,963
Mmm--mmm--mmm.
190
00:08:49,997 --> 00:08:51,832
What, 12-year-old
Scotch?
191
00:08:51,865 --> 00:08:54,635
I was thinkin'
More a like a beer,
You know.
192
00:08:54,668 --> 00:08:56,937
Oh, come on, norm,
This is great news.
193
00:08:56,970 --> 00:08:58,271
You got vera back.
194
00:08:58,305 --> 00:09:00,941
Yeah, vera, not
Nastasia kinsky.
195
00:09:00,974 --> 00:09:01,942
Vera.
196
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,212
Uh, beer, coach.
197
00:09:05,245 --> 00:09:09,082
Normie, normie. Tell me, what's
It like to go out on a blind
198
00:09:09,116 --> 00:09:11,952
Date, and then you find out
It's your own wife?
199
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:15,355
We were both kind
Of nervous at first.
200
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,324
Then we split
Some clams casino,
201
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:20,127
A little
Chateaubriand--
202
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,831
A bottle of her favorite
Wine...Next thing you know
203
00:09:23,864 --> 00:09:25,999
We went back to
What used to be
Our place,
204
00:09:26,033 --> 00:09:30,137
And, uh, we
Kind of made love.
205
00:09:30,170 --> 00:09:32,806
Wait. Wait. You can't
Kind of make love, norm.
206
00:09:32,840 --> 00:09:33,741
You don't know vera.
207
00:09:37,244 --> 00:09:39,046
Oh, my god!
208
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,180
What? What?
209
00:09:40,213 --> 00:09:42,382
It's happening!
It's happening!
210
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:45,252
Sam, she's losing
What's left of her gray matter.
211
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:47,020
And I don't mean your
Underwear, carla.
212
00:09:49,289 --> 00:09:50,924
Come here. Come here. Come on.
What's wrong? What's wrong?
213
00:09:50,958 --> 00:09:52,259
It's his fortune.
214
00:09:52,292 --> 00:09:55,295
The machine said that norm's
Worst problem was gonna be
Solved.
215
00:09:55,328 --> 00:09:56,697
And he's back with vera!
216
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:59,967
Carla, that
Was entirely fortuitous.
217
00:10:00,000 --> 00:10:01,935
You're absolutely
Right, diane.
218
00:10:01,969 --> 00:10:05,973
My little card said that I'd be
Hearing from a distant loved
219
00:10:06,006 --> 00:10:08,642
One. Sure enough, not
A half hour later,
220
00:10:08,676 --> 00:10:10,878
My daughter
In pennsylvania
Calls me.
221
00:10:10,911 --> 00:10:11,411
Ooohhhh!
222
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,080
Ah, nah-nah-nah-nah.
223
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,314
That doesn't count,
Coach.
224
00:10:14,347 --> 00:10:15,983
She always calls you.
225
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,218
Yeah, pennsylvania's
Not that distant there,
Coach.
226
00:10:18,251 --> 00:10:20,888
No. No. No, cliffie. She called
Me from california.
227
00:10:20,921 --> 00:10:22,255
She's on vacation there.
228
00:10:22,289 --> 00:10:23,957
Ooohhhh!
229
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,827
It had nothing
To do with your fortune, coach.
230
00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,395
And neither did
What happened to norman.
231
00:10:28,428 --> 00:10:29,362
Oh, yeah?
232
00:10:29,396 --> 00:10:31,098
Well, then,
How about this?
233
00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:34,768
My fortune said
"Time waits for no one."
234
00:10:34,802 --> 00:10:37,204
So last night,
I get home late,
235
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:40,841
And my kids had
Started a grease fire
Cooking their own dinner.
236
00:10:40,874 --> 00:10:42,275
Now, explain that.
237
00:10:42,309 --> 00:10:43,143
Easy.
238
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:44,011
You're an idiot.
239
00:10:46,780 --> 00:10:47,915
Carla: look!
240
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:49,416
There are things
241
00:10:49,449 --> 00:10:53,153
That you eggheads
Can't explain away
In this world.
242
00:10:53,186 --> 00:10:57,124
Listen, nothing and nobody
Controls what happens to us.
243
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,427
Wait a minute, sam, you had a
Lucky piece when you pitched out
There huh?
244
00:11:00,460 --> 00:11:01,829
Yeah, well alot of good it did
Me.
245
00:11:01,862 --> 00:11:07,134
Listen, cliff. The only battles
I ever won in life, I won on my
Own.
246
00:11:07,167 --> 00:11:09,136
Sam, that was brilliantly put.
247
00:11:09,169 --> 00:11:12,706
Well actually, you said that to
Me just a few days ago.
248
00:11:12,740 --> 00:11:14,107
Yes, I know, but
You remembered it
249
00:11:14,141 --> 00:11:15,809
And you used it
In the proper context.
250
00:11:18,746 --> 00:11:22,115
Yeah. Yeah. They should carve
His face on a mountain.
251
00:11:22,149 --> 00:11:24,785
Look, sammy. You've been
Hanging around with diane her
For so long,
252
00:11:24,818 --> 00:11:27,921
You can't see
The facts in front
Of your nose.
253
00:11:27,955 --> 00:11:30,824
This machine
Has powers.
254
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:34,995
I guess I should get right on
Then
255
00:11:35,028 --> 00:11:37,230
And see what the future holds
For miss diane chambers.
256
00:11:37,264 --> 00:11:39,399
Don't joke about this.
257
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:40,700
Pffpht pffpht pffpht!
258
00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,937
What on earth
Are you doing?
259
00:11:43,971 --> 00:11:45,806
I'm warding off
The evil spirits.
260
00:11:45,839 --> 00:11:48,208
And if you weren't so stupid,
You'd be doing the same thing.
261
00:11:48,241 --> 00:11:49,810
Pffpht pffpht pffpht!
262
00:11:49,843 --> 00:11:50,710
Preposterous.
263
00:11:55,148 --> 00:11:56,216
[bell rings]
264
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,220
What's the card say, diane?
265
00:12:00,253 --> 00:12:02,289
What difference does
It make? It's a joke.
266
00:12:03,891 --> 00:12:07,394
"Deception in romance
Proves costly."
267
00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:11,364
There, see? Now you all know how
Diane feels about honesty.
268
00:12:11,398 --> 00:12:13,200
Yeah, she likes it.
269
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,368
Yeah. Yeah. Honest as
The day is long.
270
00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,004
Absolutely.
271
00:12:17,037 --> 00:12:19,472
Now can we all
Go back to work, please?
272
00:12:19,506 --> 00:12:20,440
Good idea.
273
00:12:31,551 --> 00:12:32,285
Pffpht pffpht pffpht!
274
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,003
[bell rings]
275
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,304
Pfffpht pffpht pffpht!
276
00:12:51,338 --> 00:12:56,877
Ooowww! Ooww! Ooww!
277
00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,149
Cliffie!
278
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,985
Cliffie,
You all right?
279
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:08,856
Uh, that's $20
Postage due, sir.
280
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:10,557
And, uh,
How are we today?
281
00:13:10,590 --> 00:13:12,993
Cliff,
You're at cheers.
282
00:13:13,026 --> 00:13:15,328
Cheers. Yes, sir.
I know where that is.
283
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:16,997
Wait. Yo, cliff, cliff!
284
00:13:17,030 --> 00:13:18,498
Oh, normie!
285
00:13:18,531 --> 00:13:20,500
Yeah. You all right?
286
00:13:20,533 --> 00:13:26,974
Yeah. Oh! Yeah, I think
I just bruised my knee.
287
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,576
I hope I'll be able to do
My postal route tomorrow.
288
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:31,845
You want to get
An x-ray or something?
289
00:13:31,879 --> 00:13:35,515
No. I'll just
Check it out here.
290
00:13:35,548 --> 00:13:37,350
Let's see...
291
00:13:37,384 --> 00:13:40,453
Grrrr, ggggrrrr!
292
00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:41,554
Yeah, I'm fine.
293
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:49,362
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Cliff.
294
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:51,531
You got a fortune
From that machine
Yesterday, right?
295
00:13:51,564 --> 00:13:52,866
What was it?
296
00:13:52,900 --> 00:13:55,969
Uh, what was it?
297
00:13:56,003 --> 00:13:58,005
Cliff, did it say anything
About slipping,
298
00:13:58,038 --> 00:13:59,572
Falling down stairs or anything
Like that?
299
00:13:59,606 --> 00:14:01,508
I remember--
It was, uh, "Talk to bigwigs."
300
00:14:01,541 --> 00:14:03,010
Oohhh!
301
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,377
What oohhh?
302
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:07,080
I don't know...Yet.
303
00:14:07,114 --> 00:14:08,415
But there must be
A connection.
304
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:14,321
I don't think your in
The ballpark on this one, carla.
305
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:15,488
Oh, wait. Wait! I got it!
306
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,157
Bigwig, right?
307
00:14:17,190 --> 00:14:20,260
Who is the biggest bigwig
Of them all?
308
00:14:20,293 --> 00:14:20,994
Sinatra!
309
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,639
No. Even bigger.
310
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:33,573
Ronald reagan.
311
00:14:33,606 --> 00:14:35,242
No. No. No. Bigger. Bigger.
312
00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:37,244
Sinatra!
313
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:48,321
I don't know. If you ask me who
Really runs this country,
314
00:14:48,355 --> 00:14:52,292
I think it's the big oil
Companies...Like uh, who run's
Texaco?
315
00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:59,399
Well at my station it's, uh,
Dave and his son herbie.
316
00:14:59,432 --> 00:15:02,335
Mahmood does
The windows.
317
00:15:02,369 --> 00:15:05,905
Yeah, well you can't get much
Bigger than herbie, dave and
Mahmood, huh?
318
00:15:08,108 --> 00:15:13,580
I am talking about god. God is
The biggest wig of them all.
319
00:15:13,613 --> 00:15:16,616
Cliff, did you pray
320
00:15:16,649 --> 00:15:19,086
Before you left
The house this morning?
321
00:15:19,119 --> 00:15:20,954
No.
322
00:15:20,988 --> 00:15:22,422
There you go.
323
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:23,991
If you had prayed,
324
00:15:24,024 --> 00:15:25,959
None of this
Would've happened.
325
00:15:29,462 --> 00:15:31,198
Oh, come on.
326
00:15:31,231 --> 00:15:33,400
If you guys are going
To stretch things
This far,
327
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:36,169
Then you could make anything
Out of those fortunes.
328
00:15:36,203 --> 00:15:38,471
Hey, I hope there's nothing
To this because mine was bad.
329
00:15:38,505 --> 00:15:40,640
What was it?
330
00:15:40,673 --> 00:15:43,143
It said, "Your valuables
Are in jeopardy", or something
Like that.
331
00:15:43,176 --> 00:15:44,211
I'll show it to you.
It's in my wallet.
332
00:15:46,779 --> 00:15:47,981
Somebody lifted my wallet.
333
00:15:48,015 --> 00:15:50,483
Aah!
334
00:15:50,517 --> 00:15:52,719
Carla, will you
Please take it easy?
335
00:15:52,752 --> 00:15:54,521
He'll owe you the tip.
336
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:02,095
[hum theme from
Twilight zone]
337
00:16:02,129 --> 00:16:04,631
Well, uh, how do you
Explain that, there, sammy?
338
00:16:04,664 --> 00:16:07,034
I found it.
Here it is.
339
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:08,501
What do you say about that now,
Carla.
340
00:16:10,337 --> 00:16:12,239
It makes no difference.
341
00:16:12,272 --> 00:16:14,207
The machine's been right
Up until now.
342
00:16:14,241 --> 00:16:18,445
I say it's
Evil, evil, evil!
343
00:16:18,478 --> 00:16:20,047
It heard me.
344
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,182
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry, scale.
345
00:16:22,215 --> 00:16:22,649
I'm sorry!
346
00:16:22,682 --> 00:16:24,051
I'm sorry.
347
00:16:24,084 --> 00:16:26,353
Carla. Carla. Get up off the
Ground. Stop it!
348
00:16:26,386 --> 00:16:27,720
Everybody is looking at you,
Come on, carla.
349
00:16:27,754 --> 00:16:30,590
Pffpht pffpht pffpht!
350
00:16:30,623 --> 00:16:32,625
Listen, I don't want to hear
Any more about this.
351
00:16:32,659 --> 00:16:35,228
This scale
Is not magic.
352
00:16:35,262 --> 00:16:36,763
You can't
Take it seriously.
353
00:16:36,796 --> 00:16:39,599
And I'll tell you something,
It's a sad world we live in
354
00:16:39,632 --> 00:16:42,169
When sam malone
Becomes the voice
Of reason.
355
00:16:42,202 --> 00:16:43,536
Right!
Right!
356
00:16:46,373 --> 00:16:48,675
What am I talking for?
Come here...Diane's the one
Who talks good.
357
00:16:48,708 --> 00:16:49,809
Come on. Come on. Tell'em.
358
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:52,512
Tell them how dumb they're
Being. Come on sweetheart.
359
00:16:52,545 --> 00:16:55,282
You're being dumb.
360
00:17:00,353 --> 00:17:02,089
Had enough, huh?
361
00:17:14,334 --> 00:17:18,471
Well, I guess
I better get one more,
362
00:17:18,505 --> 00:17:19,806
Just to make sure
It's safe to go home.
363
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:30,650
[bell rings]
364
00:17:30,683 --> 00:17:31,684
I can't look.
365
00:17:31,718 --> 00:17:32,819
Sam, would read it for me?
366
00:17:35,688 --> 00:17:38,458
But don't read it
If it's terrible!
367
00:17:38,491 --> 00:17:40,527
No, this is ok.
368
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,462
"You will grow
Lips on your forehead."
369
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,300
Very funny, very funny.
370
00:17:50,303 --> 00:17:54,241
Ah, it's ok...Well, see you
Tomorrow.
371
00:17:54,274 --> 00:17:55,108
Goodnight, carla.
372
00:17:57,144 --> 00:17:58,711
Keep it up!
Keep it up! You'll pay.
373
00:17:58,745 --> 00:18:02,249
Safe trip home.
Bye-bye.
374
00:18:02,282 --> 00:18:02,882
Good night, sam.
375
00:18:02,915 --> 00:18:04,317
Good night, coach.
376
00:18:10,757 --> 00:18:12,259
What are you doing?
377
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:14,294
I just want to see
If I gained any weight, lately.
378
00:18:14,327 --> 00:18:16,129
You didn't.
Now get off of there.
379
00:18:16,163 --> 00:18:19,266
What's wrong? You know, you've
Been acting strange all day.
380
00:18:19,299 --> 00:18:21,201
I've been acting fine.
Come on, now, let's go home.
381
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:22,669
Well, let me just get my weight
First.
382
00:18:22,702 --> 00:18:24,804
Sam don't!
383
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:26,839
Will you please tell me what's
Going on.
384
00:18:26,873 --> 00:18:30,343
You're coming unglued, here.
385
00:18:30,377 --> 00:18:31,878
Ohh.
386
00:18:31,911 --> 00:18:34,781
I feel like
I'm losing my mind.
387
00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,650
That scale has me spooked.
388
00:18:37,684 --> 00:18:40,220
You're kidding me.
You're the last person
389
00:18:40,253 --> 00:18:44,291
I expect to fall
For that voodoo stuff.
390
00:18:44,324 --> 00:18:47,294
Do you remember
That fortune I got today?
391
00:18:47,327 --> 00:18:48,261
No.
392
00:18:51,331 --> 00:18:55,302
"Deception in romance
Proves costly."
393
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:56,269
So?
394
00:18:57,437 --> 00:18:59,506
I took another man
To that show last night.
395
00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:05,345
You mean, like a guy?
396
00:19:07,614 --> 00:19:09,582
At least pay attention.
397
00:19:11,384 --> 00:19:15,255
He's a classmate of mine,
A male classmate.
398
00:19:15,288 --> 00:19:19,392
Well, so you took some pimply,
Bookface, wimp from school. Big
Deal.
399
00:19:19,426 --> 00:19:25,532
His complexion is almost as
Clear as mine and we had a
Wonderful time.
400
00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:26,799
At the performance?
401
00:19:28,701 --> 00:19:29,802
Yes.
402
00:19:32,739 --> 00:19:35,408
Well, of course, he took me
Home.
403
00:19:35,442 --> 00:19:36,243
Uh-huh.
404
00:19:37,277 --> 00:19:38,778
And?
405
00:19:38,811 --> 00:19:39,646
I invited him in.
406
00:19:39,679 --> 00:19:44,717
We had coffee.
He left. That was it.
407
00:19:44,751 --> 00:19:46,319
Instant coffee or, uh...
408
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:49,756
Did you grind the beans?
409
00:19:52,459 --> 00:19:55,462
It wasn't the same as it is with
You. I didn't grind them fine.
410
00:19:58,365 --> 00:20:01,801
You did grind the beans, huh?
411
00:20:01,834 --> 00:20:05,772
All we did was talk.
412
00:20:05,805 --> 00:20:07,574
You didn't kiss him?
413
00:20:07,607 --> 00:20:11,344
Oh. I kissed him
Good night, but it was nothing.
414
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,945
It was barely
On the lips, wayward to the side
415
00:20:12,979 --> 00:20:14,914
Up by the cheek. Very dry.
416
00:20:22,889 --> 00:20:25,358
I have to be honest.
417
00:20:25,392 --> 00:20:29,729
It was so good
To talk to someone.
418
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:31,364
I miss talking
About the things
419
00:20:31,398 --> 00:20:32,599
I can't talk
About with you.
420
00:20:35,602 --> 00:20:36,936
I didn't
Want to tell you because
421
00:20:36,969 --> 00:20:38,971
I knew you'd be angry.
422
00:20:39,005 --> 00:20:40,440
I'm not angry.
423
00:20:40,473 --> 00:20:42,275
Oh. Of course you're angry.
424
00:20:42,309 --> 00:20:44,377
No, I'm not.
425
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,746
As a matter of fact,
I'm, uh...
426
00:20:46,779 --> 00:20:48,715
I'm kind
Of grateful.
427
00:20:48,748 --> 00:20:51,751
I think I see
Our relationship
In a new light, here.
428
00:20:51,784 --> 00:20:56,556
The truth is,
I don't fulfill
All your needs,
429
00:20:56,589 --> 00:20:59,392
And you don't
Fulfill all of mine,
430
00:20:59,426 --> 00:21:02,261
So maybe we should
Call it quits.
431
00:21:03,996 --> 00:21:06,333
What are you doing?
432
00:21:06,366 --> 00:21:09,769
I have one innocent
Evening with a guy,
433
00:21:09,802 --> 00:21:12,672
I come to you to make
A clean breast of it,
434
00:21:12,705 --> 00:21:14,273
And this is the reaction I get?
435
00:21:15,375 --> 00:21:16,576
You're even
Less understanding
436
00:21:16,609 --> 00:21:18,611
Than I feared you'd be.
437
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:20,947
Ok, fine. That does it. I want
Out of this.
438
00:21:20,980 --> 00:21:24,484
Out of what?
I already broke it off.
439
00:21:24,517 --> 00:21:29,622
No, no, you said maybe
We should call it quits.
440
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:32,325
I'm saying
It's definitely over.
441
00:21:32,359 --> 00:21:34,494
Hey, I don't
Care what I said.
442
00:21:34,527 --> 00:21:36,596
In my mind,
It was definite.
443
00:21:36,629 --> 00:21:38,731
That ship has sailed, baby.
444
00:21:38,765 --> 00:21:39,666
Our relationship
Is through.
445
00:21:42,769 --> 00:21:45,538
No, no.
We're not through
446
00:21:45,572 --> 00:21:48,074
Unless I say
We're through.
447
00:21:50,109 --> 00:21:51,378
We're through.
448
00:21:52,645 --> 00:21:54,981
Now we're through.
449
00:21:55,014 --> 00:21:56,516
I'm not gonna have an argument
450
00:21:56,549 --> 00:21:59,085
About who broke up with who
First
451
00:21:59,118 --> 00:22:01,754
With somebody I broke up with
First.
452
00:22:01,788 --> 00:22:05,425
As a matter of fact, I'm not
Even going to acknowledge
Your presence.
453
00:22:05,458 --> 00:22:07,026
Is anybody here?
454
00:22:07,059 --> 00:22:08,528
Somebody
I used to go with?
455
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:11,464
Oh, no, it's just diane.
Silly me.
456
00:22:15,702 --> 00:22:17,370
Don't do this.
457
00:22:17,404 --> 00:22:19,506
Too late, sweetheart. It's
Already done.
458
00:22:21,808 --> 00:22:23,776
Sam, please.
459
00:22:23,810 --> 00:22:26,746
Please don't
Joke about this.
460
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:27,514
I'm scared.
461
00:22:30,750 --> 00:22:32,685
We can't break up
462
00:22:32,719 --> 00:22:34,754
Because a pile
Of metal springs
463
00:22:34,787 --> 00:22:36,022
Said we were going to.
464
00:22:38,458 --> 00:22:39,826
There's too much
At stake here.
465
00:22:45,498 --> 00:22:46,999
I'm sorry.
466
00:22:49,035 --> 00:22:51,738
Forgive me.
467
00:22:51,771 --> 00:22:54,140
Tell me you didn't
Break up with me.
468
00:22:54,173 --> 00:22:56,543
Of course I didn't
Break up with you.
469
00:22:56,576 --> 00:22:57,143
Then I'm first.
470
00:22:59,812 --> 00:23:02,014
You are history.
471
00:23:02,048 --> 00:23:04,551
Wait. Hey, that
Was a rotten...
472
00:23:04,584 --> 00:23:06,753
Now, I know why
I broke up with you
473
00:23:06,786 --> 00:23:09,722
A long time ago...Long, long
Before you broke up with me.
474
00:23:12,124 --> 00:23:13,025
Who was talking then?
475
00:23:13,059 --> 00:23:14,727
Oh, oh, oh.
476
00:23:14,761 --> 00:23:17,630
Oh, it's just my employer.
477
00:23:20,800 --> 00:23:22,001
[bell rings]
478
00:23:28,541 --> 00:23:32,078
Sam, we got a fortune.
479
00:23:32,111 --> 00:23:34,747
So?
480
00:23:34,781 --> 00:23:36,082
Aren't you going
To read it?
481
00:23:36,115 --> 00:23:37,183
No. What's the point?
482
00:23:40,019 --> 00:23:44,924
Sam, our destiny
May be in that card.
483
00:23:44,957 --> 00:23:46,192
I know it.
I can feel it.
484
00:23:48,227 --> 00:23:49,762
You're crackers,
You know that?
485
00:23:51,931 --> 00:23:52,632
Then read it.
486
00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:57,670
Ok, fine.
487
00:24:02,208 --> 00:24:05,111
Are you sure
We should do this?
488
00:24:05,144 --> 00:24:08,948
We've got to...Might be no other
Way.
489
00:24:08,981 --> 00:24:10,216
All right, ok.
490
00:24:13,185 --> 00:24:16,623
"Machine empty. Order
More fortunes today."
35175
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