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1
00:00:03,471 --> 00:00:05,039
Cheers is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,039 --> 00:00:06,574
Hey, coach.
3
00:00:06,574 --> 00:00:09,043
Someone just ordered
One of your famous
Kontikitikis.
4
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:12,480
No kidding, carla?
I haven't made one of those
In a long time.
5
00:00:12,480 --> 00:00:14,082
This is going
To be great.
6
00:00:14,082 --> 00:00:17,251
Kontikitiki.
7
00:00:17,251 --> 00:00:18,719
* la da da *
8
00:00:18,719 --> 00:00:21,255
I love watching you
Make this drink,
Coach.
9
00:00:21,255 --> 00:00:25,259
It's like watching
Beethoven play
His own tunes.
10
00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:28,829
Thank you, carla.
Thank you.
11
00:00:28,829 --> 00:00:31,799
* la dee dee dum *
12
00:00:41,509 --> 00:00:43,077
And...
13
00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:53,587
There you go, carla.
14
00:00:53,587 --> 00:00:55,689
Coach, you forgot
To blend it.
15
00:00:55,689 --> 00:00:56,890
I'm sorry.
16
00:00:56,890 --> 00:00:58,392
I haven't made one of these
Since last summer.
17
00:00:58,392 --> 00:01:01,762
I know. I know.
Ok.
18
00:01:01,762 --> 00:01:04,165
Here we go.
19
00:01:04,165 --> 00:01:05,833
* ka wee ka la ka moo *
20
00:01:05,833 --> 00:01:08,769
* la wa la la *
21
00:01:22,316 --> 00:01:24,718
*making your way
In the world today *
22
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,821
* takes everything you've got *
23
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:30,824
* taking a break
From all your worries *
24
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:33,894
* sure would help a lot *
25
00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:37,465
*wouldn't you like
To get away? *
26
00:01:39,967 --> 00:01:42,035
* sometimes
You want to go *
27
00:01:42,035 --> 00:01:47,308
* where everybody
Knows your name *
28
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:51,745
* and they're always
Glad you came *
29
00:01:51,745 --> 00:01:54,348
* you want to be
Where you can see *
30
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:56,917
* our troubles
Are all the same *
31
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:58,419
* you want to be *
32
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:02,356
* where everybody
Knows your name *
33
00:02:02,356 --> 00:02:04,892
*you want to go
Where people know *
34
00:02:04,892 --> 00:02:07,528
* people are all the same *
35
00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:11,832
* you want to go where everybody
Knows your name *
36
00:02:23,777 --> 00:02:27,215
Cliff: yeah, well,
With the recent strides
In genetic engineering,
37
00:02:27,215 --> 00:02:28,316
We'll soon be faced
With the possibility
38
00:02:28,316 --> 00:02:29,917
Of producing
Enormous farm animals
39
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:31,485
To feed
The hungry millions.
40
00:02:31,485 --> 00:02:34,588
Imagine--one cow
To feed an entire city,
41
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:38,992
One egg making
An omelet for an entire family.
42
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:41,695
Yeah, with the advances
We're making today,
43
00:02:41,695 --> 00:02:43,231
The future is limitless,
Norm.
44
00:02:43,231 --> 00:02:45,098
So is his mouth.
45
00:02:45,098 --> 00:02:47,034
Doesn't he
Ever shut up?
46
00:02:47,034 --> 00:02:48,402
Who?
47
00:02:48,402 --> 00:02:50,671
Gabby, the wonder boob.
48
00:02:50,671 --> 00:02:52,973
Is that humorous
Appellation
49
00:02:52,973 --> 00:02:54,642
Supposed to refer
To me, friend?
50
00:02:54,642 --> 00:02:56,210
Yeah.
51
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:58,178
You realize your lips
Have been flapping
52
00:02:58,178 --> 00:02:59,713
For over an hour?
53
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:03,183
Give it a rest, pal,
And give us a break.
54
00:03:03,183 --> 00:03:06,620
Doesn't seem fair,
Does it, norm?
55
00:03:06,620 --> 00:03:07,555
What?
56
00:03:07,555 --> 00:03:08,756
That I should have
So much knowledge
57
00:03:08,756 --> 00:03:10,391
When that are people
In the world
58
00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:13,294
That have to go to bed
Stupid every night.
59
00:03:15,496 --> 00:03:18,732
Watch your step, pal.
60
00:03:18,732 --> 00:03:22,603
Well, I guess I did carve
The guy up a little bit
61
00:03:22,603 --> 00:03:25,239
With my rapier
Wit, huh?
62
00:03:25,239 --> 00:03:27,475
Better go scrape him
Up off the mat.
63
00:03:28,976 --> 00:03:30,210
Hey, listen, friend.
64
00:03:30,210 --> 00:03:31,512
Yeah.
65
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,213
We sort of got off
On the wrong foot.
66
00:03:33,213 --> 00:03:35,816
Why don't
We just go out,
I'll buy you a beer,
67
00:03:35,816 --> 00:03:38,286
And we'll talk it
Over like decent
Human beings, huh?
68
00:03:38,286 --> 00:03:41,355
No, thanks.
I don't like you.
69
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,499
How'd it go,
Cliffie?
70
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:53,601
I don't know, norm,
The guy's taken
71
00:03:53,601 --> 00:03:56,770
An inexplicable
Personal dislike to me.
72
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:59,707
Must be deranged.
73
00:03:59,707 --> 00:04:03,977
Sam, have you filled in
Your football pool yet?
74
00:04:03,977 --> 00:04:06,380
I got to pick up the slips
In half an hour.
75
00:04:06,380 --> 00:04:07,915
I'm working on it,
Coach.
76
00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:09,850
I'm almost done
With mine, coach.
77
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:10,951
Good girl,
Diane.
78
00:04:10,951 --> 00:04:14,588
Yours?
79
00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,390
Why do you even bother
To fill one out?
80
00:04:16,390 --> 00:04:19,360
You don't even
Like football.
81
00:04:19,360 --> 00:04:22,229
I don't dislike it.
82
00:04:22,229 --> 00:04:23,631
Believe it or not, sam,
83
00:04:23,631 --> 00:04:27,535
I was on the pep squad
When I was
In high school.
84
00:04:27,535 --> 00:04:29,470
Some of my most
Stirring memories
85
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:32,973
Are cheering for...
Whoever it was
86
00:04:32,973 --> 00:04:37,244
To do...Whatever they
Were supposed to do
87
00:04:37,244 --> 00:04:40,448
To whomever they were
Supposed to do it.
88
00:04:40,448 --> 00:04:45,386
Boy, spirit like that
Can really fire a team up, huh?
89
00:04:45,386 --> 00:04:47,220
In the first
Contest--
Wait. Whoa.
90
00:04:47,220 --> 00:04:51,191
Hey, diane, you don't
Know the first thing
About football.
91
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,192
You know that?
92
00:04:52,192 --> 00:04:53,861
Who won the pool
Last week?
93
00:04:53,861 --> 00:04:56,163
You never even been
To a pro game before.
94
00:04:56,163 --> 00:04:57,297
Who won last week?
95
00:04:57,297 --> 00:04:58,899
You don't watch it
On television.
96
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,000
Who won?
97
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,836
All right. You won!
You won! You won! You won!
98
00:05:02,836 --> 00:05:06,807
Ok? You won.
99
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:10,110
Anybody can win
Every once in a while.
100
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:12,546
Everybody gets lucky.
It's the law of averages.
101
00:05:12,546 --> 00:05:13,947
That's all.
102
00:05:16,984 --> 00:05:20,354
Just out of curiosity,
When was the last time you--
103
00:05:20,354 --> 00:05:24,057
1974, but I've come
Close a lot of times
Since then.
104
00:05:24,057 --> 00:05:25,125
A lot of times.
105
00:05:25,125 --> 00:05:28,796
It was a decade
Of upsets.
106
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:34,602
All right, all right.
107
00:05:34,602 --> 00:05:37,671
You interested
In winning consistently?
108
00:05:37,671 --> 00:05:41,409
Sit down.
Watch and learn, ok?
109
00:05:41,409 --> 00:05:44,845
Oh, my sammy
Is putting on
His thinking cap.
110
00:05:44,845 --> 00:05:49,182
It's a wee, pointy,
Little thing with ear flaps,
111
00:05:49,182 --> 00:05:52,119
But on you
It looks roomy.
112
00:05:55,889 --> 00:05:57,958
Ok. Right now
Of the top
Of the page,
113
00:05:57,958 --> 00:06:00,060
You have
Bears against
The dolphins.
114
00:06:00,060 --> 00:06:00,994
Mm-hmm.
115
00:06:00,994 --> 00:06:04,832
Now, we have
A home field advantage,
116
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:06,233
Which means that
You got to be--
117
00:06:06,233 --> 00:06:09,603
Bears.
118
00:06:09,603 --> 00:06:11,672
Bears, just like that?
119
00:06:11,672 --> 00:06:12,773
Well, of course, sam.
120
00:06:12,773 --> 00:06:16,376
A bear against
A dolphin? Come on.
121
00:06:16,376 --> 00:06:18,646
That's not even
A fair fight.
122
00:06:18,646 --> 00:06:22,115
Now what about
Those dallas guys
Against atlanta?
123
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:24,485
Ok. All right,
All right.
124
00:06:24,485 --> 00:06:26,820
Atlanta,
Atlanta, uh...
125
00:06:26,820 --> 00:06:28,456
What color uniforms
Do they wear?
126
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,524
Color?
127
00:06:30,524 --> 00:06:33,326
Yes. The color will
Tell you the winner.
128
00:06:33,326 --> 00:06:35,963
Red beats blue,
Blue beats yellow,
129
00:06:35,963 --> 00:06:37,164
Yellow beats mauve.
130
00:06:37,164 --> 00:06:38,866
Wait a minute,
Wait a minute.
131
00:06:38,866 --> 00:06:43,036
You telling me that
You're going to pick
Atlanta over dallas
132
00:06:43,036 --> 00:06:45,338
Because of the color
Of their uniforms?
133
00:06:45,338 --> 00:06:49,009
Dallas who, up until last week,
Had won six games in a row?
134
00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:51,812
Who beat them
Last week?
Washington.
135
00:06:51,812 --> 00:06:54,715
And what color was
Washington wearing?
136
00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:56,817
None of your business.
137
00:06:58,819 --> 00:07:01,321
Diane, the laws
Of probability
Are very complex.
138
00:07:01,321 --> 00:07:03,591
Indeed, indeed.
139
00:07:03,591 --> 00:07:05,659
Normie, professors
At heidelberg university
140
00:07:05,659 --> 00:07:07,427
Have recently done studies
To try and predict
141
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:09,597
The reoccurrence
Of albino gerbils--
142
00:07:09,597 --> 00:07:13,801
God, it's time
For the mickey mouth
Club again.
143
00:07:13,801 --> 00:07:16,937
Buddy, you
Don't know anything,
144
00:07:16,937 --> 00:07:20,474
So why don't you shut up
Before you prove it?
145
00:07:24,978 --> 00:07:28,181
Cliff...
I'm ashamed to know you
146
00:07:28,181 --> 00:07:30,751
If you don't go and
Stand up to that guy.
147
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,320
Let it ride, carla,
Will you?
148
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:34,855
What are you, scared?
149
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:36,590
No, not scared.
I just don't want
To start a fight
150
00:07:36,590 --> 00:07:38,859
Over a few hasty words,
All right?
151
00:07:38,859 --> 00:07:41,595
Look. Come here.
Come here.
152
00:07:41,595 --> 00:07:44,865
Look...You won't
Have to fight.
153
00:07:44,865 --> 00:07:47,568
You just have to
Back him down a notch.
154
00:07:47,568 --> 00:07:50,571
Trust me. I have been
In a lot of fights,
155
00:07:50,571 --> 00:07:52,205
And I've seen
A lot of fights,
156
00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:55,743
And believe me, fighting
Is the last thing
On his mind.
157
00:07:55,743 --> 00:07:57,878
You just call him out.
158
00:07:57,878 --> 00:08:00,614
Stare at him
Eyeball to eyeball,
159
00:08:00,614 --> 00:08:02,315
And watch him crumble.
160
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:05,252
Yeah, like two fighters.
They stare each other down
Before the bout.
161
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,754
You got it.
162
00:08:06,754 --> 00:08:09,022
The name of the game
Is intimidation.
163
00:08:09,022 --> 00:08:11,992
Real men have been
Doing it for centuries,
164
00:08:11,992 --> 00:08:15,228
And, believe me,
It can work for guys
Like you, too.
165
00:08:17,865 --> 00:08:20,801
So you think
It will work, huh?
166
00:08:20,801 --> 00:08:23,236
I'm positive.
That guy is a blowhard.
167
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:26,406
Hey, you want me
To do it for you?
Hey, look.
168
00:08:26,406 --> 00:08:28,642
I can do it myself,
All right?
169
00:08:28,642 --> 00:08:31,444
Diane: sam, sam, will you
Do something about this?
170
00:08:31,444 --> 00:08:33,781
About what?
171
00:08:33,781 --> 00:08:36,049
Carla is provoking cliff
172
00:08:36,049 --> 00:08:41,488
Into a physical
Confrontation
With that lout.
173
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:42,890
Cliff, I told you,
174
00:08:42,890 --> 00:08:43,924
I don't want anything
More violent
In my bar
175
00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:46,293
Than an occasional
Love nibble.
176
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:50,097
That will never work
With this guy.
177
00:08:52,900 --> 00:08:55,903
Look, sammy,
It's all right.
178
00:08:55,903 --> 00:08:57,337
There's not going to
Be any fisticuffs
Nearby.
179
00:08:57,337 --> 00:09:00,140
I'm going over
To the guy,
Stare him down.
180
00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,809
He's going to be the
First one to blink.
Mark my words.
181
00:09:01,809 --> 00:09:04,344
Wait, man, how--
Hey, no, sam.
182
00:09:04,344 --> 00:09:06,479
It's something
I got to do,
All right?
183
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:09,416
The gauntlet has
Been thrown down.
184
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:10,417
Well...
185
00:09:10,417 --> 00:09:12,185
Hey!
186
00:09:12,185 --> 00:09:14,554
Beagle-breath.
187
00:09:15,856 --> 00:09:20,460
You better not
Be talking to me, pal.
188
00:09:20,460 --> 00:09:23,931
If you don't
Like the way I talk,
189
00:09:23,931 --> 00:09:26,266
Maybe there's
Something you'd
Like to do about it.
190
00:09:29,569 --> 00:09:31,639
I'd be glad to.
191
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:33,073
Let's go outside.
192
00:09:38,111 --> 00:09:41,381
You got it.
193
00:09:41,381 --> 00:09:43,583
I'll pay my check,
And I'll be right
Behind you.
194
00:09:45,018 --> 00:09:46,954
Did he blink
And I missed it?
195
00:09:49,456 --> 00:09:52,325
Don't you worry, cliffo.
He knows you're not
Afraid of him now,
196
00:09:52,325 --> 00:09:53,727
And he's worried.
197
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:54,962
Sure. Wouldn't
Be surprised
198
00:09:54,962 --> 00:09:56,529
If he turned tail
And run by now.
199
00:09:56,529 --> 00:10:00,067
No, norm. He's out there
Right now taking off his shirt.
200
00:10:00,067 --> 00:10:03,637
Ooh. Nice upper body
Development.
201
00:10:03,637 --> 00:10:06,206
Cliff: well,
Just comes a time
202
00:10:06,206 --> 00:10:09,009
When you got to
Draw the old line.
203
00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:15,248
Cliff, where
Are you going?
204
00:10:15,248 --> 00:10:18,218
Home.
205
00:10:18,218 --> 00:10:21,088
Cliff, you're going
Through melville's?
206
00:10:21,088 --> 00:10:23,456
Yeah, sam.
I think it's the duty
Of every citizen
207
00:10:23,456 --> 00:10:26,226
To learn all the emergency
Entrances and exits
In a public place
208
00:10:26,226 --> 00:10:30,931
In case of an emergency--
Flood, atomic holocaust.
209
00:10:32,465 --> 00:10:34,434
What a chicken.
210
00:10:34,434 --> 00:10:36,636
Yeah, but
What a citizen.
211
00:10:54,121 --> 00:10:56,623
Well, how did
My sammykins do
212
00:10:56,623 --> 00:10:58,191
In the football pool?
213
00:10:58,191 --> 00:10:59,592
Well, not so great,
214
00:10:59,592 --> 00:11:01,762
But I wasn't
The only one.
215
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,164
Oddsmakers took a real
Beating yesterday.
216
00:11:04,164 --> 00:11:06,599
Nothing went
According to form.
217
00:11:06,599 --> 00:11:08,568
How many did you get?
218
00:11:08,568 --> 00:11:10,738
I don't know.
Let's see.
219
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,106
Three, four,
Five, six...
220
00:11:13,106 --> 00:11:17,177
6 out of 13.
That's not bad.
221
00:11:17,177 --> 00:11:18,478
This...
222
00:11:18,478 --> 00:11:20,247
Ok, ok.
All right,
All right.
223
00:11:20,247 --> 00:11:22,716
Five.
224
00:11:22,716 --> 00:11:23,851
Uh-uh-uh-uh.
225
00:11:23,851 --> 00:11:25,853
Four. All right.
Four.
226
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:29,189
Poor sam.
227
00:11:29,189 --> 00:11:31,091
"Poor sam"?
You kidding me?
Poor everybody.
228
00:11:31,091 --> 00:11:33,961
No-win day. Upsets
Right across the board.
229
00:11:33,961 --> 00:11:36,029
I defy anybody
To predict
230
00:11:36,029 --> 00:11:39,232
How most of those games
Turned out.
231
00:11:39,232 --> 00:11:40,934
How'd you do?
232
00:11:40,934 --> 00:11:45,505
Well, I'm afraid I didn't
Do very well either.
233
00:11:45,505 --> 00:11:46,673
Oh, yeah?
Ha ha!
234
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:48,441
I went entirely
With cities
235
00:11:48,441 --> 00:11:52,712
Whose symphonies are led
By foreign-born conductors.
236
00:11:54,948 --> 00:11:56,216
You're kidding,
Aren't you?
237
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:57,851
No.
238
00:11:57,851 --> 00:11:59,953
I bet you did great
With that system.
239
00:11:59,953 --> 00:12:04,958
Well, not really.
I only got 11.
240
00:12:06,794 --> 00:12:10,630
The heck you did.
241
00:12:10,630 --> 00:12:13,233
You got 12.
242
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:16,303
12 out of 13.
243
00:12:16,303 --> 00:12:18,205
You're right.
I miscounted.
244
00:12:18,205 --> 00:12:19,306
Not only that,
245
00:12:19,306 --> 00:12:21,541
The one you missed, you
Missed by a mile here.
246
00:12:21,541 --> 00:12:23,310
Hey, new rule
Around here--
247
00:12:23,310 --> 00:12:25,245
All blonde waitresses
Out of the pool.
248
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:28,415
That's it.
You don't get to bet
On football anymore.
249
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:31,952
Tell you something,
You are destroying
The sport of football.
250
00:12:35,422 --> 00:12:36,589
Ok.
251
00:12:36,589 --> 00:12:37,724
Fine.
252
00:12:37,724 --> 00:12:40,427
If it's
So important to you.
253
00:12:40,427 --> 00:12:45,765
But this makes it impossible
For me to out test my theory
On state flowers.
254
00:12:58,745 --> 00:13:00,347
Hey, everybody.
255
00:13:00,347 --> 00:13:01,581
Hey, cliff.
256
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:05,018
I'd like you to meet
My post office pal here lewis.
257
00:13:05,018 --> 00:13:06,686
Lewis, that's carla,
Sammy, coach.
258
00:13:06,686 --> 00:13:08,055
Hi, lewis.
259
00:13:08,055 --> 00:13:10,390
It's a pleasure
To meet you,
Lewis.
260
00:13:10,390 --> 00:13:12,659
Can I have a couple
Of beers here, coach?
Got it.
261
00:13:12,659 --> 00:13:17,330
So what do you got
The muscle for,
Huh, cliff?
262
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:18,798
What are you
Talking about, muscle?
263
00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:22,702
Carla, lewis and I
Go way back.
264
00:13:22,702 --> 00:13:23,803
Ah, yeah.
265
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:27,007
Enjoy, lewis. Enjoy.
266
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:28,976
Thanks, chris.
267
00:13:28,976 --> 00:13:30,878
It's cliff.
268
00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:33,346
My pleasure.
269
00:13:33,346 --> 00:13:36,483
Lewis, you look like an athlete.
Ever play football or anything?
270
00:13:36,483 --> 00:13:40,020
A little bit.
Mostly I'm a fighter.
271
00:13:40,020 --> 00:13:43,290
You're...
You're a fighter?
272
00:13:43,290 --> 00:13:45,926
You think you know a guy
All these years.
273
00:13:45,926 --> 00:13:47,560
He can still
Surprise you like that, huh?
274
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:50,030
I didn't know
You were a fighter, lewis.
275
00:13:50,030 --> 00:13:51,798
Well, that's what
You asked for
In your ad
276
00:13:51,798 --> 00:13:52,933
Up on
The bulletin board.
277
00:13:52,933 --> 00:13:56,669
Ha ha ha!
278
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:58,872
Ha ha ha!
279
00:13:58,872 --> 00:14:00,240
Oh, lewis the kidder.
280
00:14:00,240 --> 00:14:03,043
That's what
They call him.
281
00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:04,377
Yeah. Hi, it's sam.
282
00:14:04,377 --> 00:14:06,246
I want to put $200
On tonight's game.
283
00:14:06,246 --> 00:14:08,048
Wait, wait, wait.
Maybe you can help me out here.
284
00:14:08,048 --> 00:14:10,050
Can you tell me which is
The more dominant flower,
285
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:14,087
The mountain lily
Or the black-eyed susan?
286
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:17,891
How am I supposed
To know leslie uggams?
287
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:23,931
Don't get me wrong.
288
00:14:23,931 --> 00:14:27,901
It's not like I think
All black people
Know each other.
289
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:33,873
It's just all
Good-looking people
With lots of warmth--
290
00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:36,276
Can I have
Another beer, coach?
291
00:14:43,783 --> 00:14:45,618
[rings bell]
292
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,155
Round one!
293
00:14:48,155 --> 00:14:51,558
Cliff: hey,
Come on, carla.
I'm a man of peace.
294
00:14:51,558 --> 00:14:54,694
I'm perfectly
Willing to let
Bygones be bygones.
295
00:14:54,694 --> 00:14:55,862
But if on the other hand,
296
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:58,365
Certain of my
Loud-mouthed brethren
297
00:14:58,365 --> 00:15:01,601
Was to start trouble,
That's their business.
298
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:03,470
Scotch.
299
00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,973
Norm, did you hear
About the studies
300
00:15:05,973 --> 00:15:07,074
Being done
Over at johns hopkins
301
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:09,209
About the "Y" chromosome
302
00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,411
Of persistent
Bar troublemakers?
303
00:15:13,513 --> 00:15:15,983
They found a striking
Similarity between that
304
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:19,486
And chronic droolers
And idiots.
305
00:15:19,486 --> 00:15:22,122
Ok, that's it!
306
00:15:22,122 --> 00:15:24,191
Shut up, friend,
And step outside.
307
00:15:24,191 --> 00:15:25,458
And this time,
You're going first
308
00:15:25,458 --> 00:15:27,794
So you can't
Give me the slip.
309
00:15:27,794 --> 00:15:29,262
I'd really like to,
310
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:31,698
But I think that
Would be rather rude
311
00:15:31,698 --> 00:15:34,701
To my enormous
Friend lewis.
312
00:15:44,211 --> 00:15:46,913
What's the problem?
313
00:15:46,913 --> 00:15:50,050
Wait. I got no quarrel
With you, pal.
314
00:15:50,050 --> 00:15:52,519
This guy here is
Getting on my nerves.
315
00:15:52,519 --> 00:15:54,821
Oh, yeah?
And what exactly is it about
Him that bothers you?
316
00:15:54,821 --> 00:15:56,756
I don't know.
317
00:15:56,756 --> 00:15:58,225
The fact
That he comes on
318
00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:00,893
As such an authority
On everything.
319
00:16:00,893 --> 00:16:02,562
Hey! It's a free country.
320
00:16:02,562 --> 00:16:05,632
I know. I know
It's a free country,
321
00:16:05,632 --> 00:16:07,067
But it bugs me.
322
00:16:07,067 --> 00:16:09,802
He's got an opinion
On every subject.
323
00:16:09,802 --> 00:16:11,604
He never shuts up.
324
00:16:13,906 --> 00:16:15,542
You know...
325
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:18,311
He does the same thing
Down at the post office.
326
00:16:22,882 --> 00:16:24,917
But nobody ever thinks about
Beating him up over it.
327
00:16:24,917 --> 00:16:29,156
Yeah, yeah, I mean,
His whole attitude
Rubs me the wrong way.
328
00:16:29,156 --> 00:16:31,424
Yeah, I know
What you mean.
329
00:16:31,424 --> 00:16:34,194
Them kind of guys
Just do it to you.
330
00:16:35,962 --> 00:16:37,297
Who knows why?
331
00:16:37,297 --> 00:16:39,966
Well, actually,
Sociologists--
332
00:16:39,966 --> 00:16:41,701
Shut up, clint!
333
00:16:42,802 --> 00:16:44,003
It's cliff.
334
00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:45,072
Would you like
Another beer, lewis?
335
00:16:45,072 --> 00:16:48,141
No. I don't think so.
336
00:16:49,008 --> 00:16:50,477
I think I'm going home.
337
00:16:52,045 --> 00:16:54,581
Uh...Let me
Give you a ride.
338
00:16:54,581 --> 00:16:55,882
Oh, no, no.
339
00:16:55,882 --> 00:16:57,016
I don't want
My neighbors
340
00:16:57,016 --> 00:16:59,719
Seeing me come home
In a studebaker.
341
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,196
Now then...
342
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:16,169
I believe we were
Going to step outside.
343
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:24,010
All right.
344
00:17:24,010 --> 00:17:25,245
All right.
345
00:17:26,513 --> 00:17:28,381
All right. Look.
346
00:17:28,381 --> 00:17:31,318
I'm a black belt
In karate.
347
00:17:31,318 --> 00:17:33,086
My hands are
Lethal weapons.
348
00:17:33,086 --> 00:17:34,187
Ha ha ha!
Karate...
349
00:17:34,187 --> 00:17:36,489
Can you believe
This guy?
350
00:17:36,489 --> 00:17:37,624
Tell you what,
351
00:17:37,624 --> 00:17:40,493
I'll give you a chance
To get out of here.
352
00:17:40,493 --> 00:17:44,063
I'm going to go
In the back and
Play a little pool.
353
00:17:44,063 --> 00:17:47,066
You can say good-bye
To your friends.
354
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,735
But listen...
355
00:17:48,735 --> 00:17:50,937
If you're still here
When I get back,
356
00:17:50,937 --> 00:17:52,105
We're going outside
357
00:17:52,105 --> 00:17:53,840
If I have
To drag you there!
358
00:17:57,510 --> 00:17:59,979
Karate, cliff?
359
00:17:59,979 --> 00:18:03,250
For crying
Out loud! God!
360
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:06,653
Diane:
What is wrong
With that?
361
00:18:06,653 --> 00:18:09,589
I think clifford has shown
Excellent judgment.
362
00:18:09,589 --> 00:18:10,723
Give me a break!
363
00:18:10,723 --> 00:18:12,792
It's the oldest cop-out
In the world.
364
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:15,728
Every sweetheart
Who wants to duck out
Of a fight
365
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,465
Says, "I know karate."
366
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:20,133
Well...
367
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:22,269
That's where
You're wrong, carla.
368
00:18:22,269 --> 00:18:26,939
I've been studying secretly
Now for several years.
369
00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,508
Yeah, very secretly
Considering
370
00:18:28,508 --> 00:18:30,710
None of us
Ever heard a word
Out of you about it.
371
00:18:30,710 --> 00:18:34,581
Yeah, and we heard
A word out of you
About everything.
372
00:18:34,581 --> 00:18:36,616
Well, it's something
We don't like to talk about.
373
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,819
You just don't brag
About it
374
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,655
Because it's
Spiritual attainment.
375
00:18:44,357 --> 00:18:46,793
What? What? What?
376
00:18:46,793 --> 00:18:49,329
Sam, cliff--
377
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:51,731
Very prudently,
In my judgment--
378
00:18:51,731 --> 00:18:54,201
Has refrained
From taking advantage
379
00:18:54,201 --> 00:18:56,603
Of that combative mesomorph
380
00:18:56,603 --> 00:19:00,873
With his superior knowledge
Of karate.
381
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:04,511
Right.
Karate? Cliff?
382
00:19:06,946 --> 00:19:09,682
Et tu, sammy?
383
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:13,886
Oh, I'm sorry, cliff.
Were you serious?
384
00:19:13,886 --> 00:19:15,255
Hey, cliffie.
I hate to ask,
385
00:19:15,255 --> 00:19:16,823
But if you
Do know karate,
386
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:19,259
Why did you have to
Bring lewis
In with you?
387
00:19:19,259 --> 00:19:21,594
There's a very good reason
For that, coach.
388
00:19:21,594 --> 00:19:24,397
It's to scare off
The other guy.
389
00:19:24,397 --> 00:19:26,766
See, it's one
Of our major precepts.
390
00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,769
We stay out of a fight
If humanly possible.
391
00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:30,770
Coach: all right.
392
00:19:30,770 --> 00:19:34,073
Well, I, for one,
Believe you, clifford.
393
00:19:34,073 --> 00:19:35,675
And I do, too,
Cliffie.
394
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:38,245
And
I believe you,
Cliff.
395
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:41,214
I believe you
Are a big dink.
396
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:53,192
Hey, kung fu.
397
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:58,265
I thought I told you
To get lost.
398
00:19:58,265 --> 00:19:59,432
What are you going
To do, pal,
399
00:19:59,432 --> 00:20:01,668
Throw all my customers
Out of my bar?
400
00:20:01,668 --> 00:20:04,337
Hey, I'm not looking
For trouble, sam.
401
00:20:04,337 --> 00:20:05,738
This guy knows
I don't like him,
402
00:20:05,738 --> 00:20:08,308
And he's been
Pushing me.
403
00:20:10,577 --> 00:20:15,515
If he'll admit that
He's a coward and a liar,
404
00:20:15,515 --> 00:20:18,918
I'll walk away and never
Bother him anymore.
405
00:20:20,687 --> 00:20:22,989
Aw, come on.
What's the point?
406
00:20:24,291 --> 00:20:28,528
Admit it, coward,
Or get out of here.
407
00:21:04,196 --> 00:21:06,866
You happy, pal?
You proved your point?
408
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:10,503
Why don't you
Get out of here, huh?
409
00:21:10,503 --> 00:21:13,473
Hey, look,
I'm sorry, sam.
410
00:21:13,473 --> 00:21:16,876
Guy just brings out
The worst in me.
411
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:22,682
Poor cliff.
412
00:21:22,682 --> 00:21:25,518
Wonder if he'll
Ever come back.
413
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:28,588
I wouldn't
If I was him.
414
00:21:28,588 --> 00:21:32,592
Sam, can I
Knock off now?
415
00:21:32,592 --> 00:21:34,827
Yeah. I'll catch up
With you later.
416
00:21:38,965 --> 00:21:40,900
Sam:
Hey, cliff.
417
00:21:40,900 --> 00:21:43,503
If you're planning
To hit him with those,
418
00:21:43,503 --> 00:21:45,905
You're too late.
He left.
419
00:21:45,905 --> 00:21:48,675
These aren't
For him, carla.
420
00:21:48,675 --> 00:21:51,911
These are for you,
My so-called friends.
421
00:21:51,911 --> 00:21:54,547
Gee, thanks, cliff.
I need a brick.
422
00:21:58,718 --> 00:22:00,487
Cliffie, where did you
Get that stuff?
423
00:22:00,487 --> 00:22:02,989
The construction site
Next door, normie.
424
00:22:02,989 --> 00:22:04,491
I want to give you
A little demonstration
425
00:22:04,491 --> 00:22:05,958
Of what might would've
Happened to that guy
426
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:08,561
If I hadn't kept
A lid on my anger.
427
00:22:08,561 --> 00:22:10,763
Sam, what's he doing
With his shoe off?
428
00:22:10,763 --> 00:22:13,132
Hey, man, you don't have
To do this.
429
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:16,669
Listen, this is nothing
To go fooling around with.
430
00:22:16,669 --> 00:22:19,038
He is not
Fooling around.
431
00:22:19,038 --> 00:22:21,040
He's a black belt.
432
00:22:23,042 --> 00:22:24,310
All right.
433
00:22:24,310 --> 00:22:28,381
I'm not going to get
A splinter
Or anything am I?
434
00:22:28,381 --> 00:22:30,450
Just keep a good grip
On that, normie.
435
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:32,351
Cliff,
You're really crazy.
436
00:22:32,351 --> 00:22:33,920
This thing is solid.
437
00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:36,288
It's just the way
I like them, carla--
438
00:22:36,288 --> 00:22:37,857
Solid.
439
00:22:41,260 --> 00:22:44,130
Hyah!
440
00:22:44,130 --> 00:22:45,732
Bravo!
441
00:22:50,136 --> 00:22:52,505
Get that sucker
Back in here!
442
00:23:05,552 --> 00:23:08,254
Now that I've
Proven my point,
443
00:23:08,254 --> 00:23:10,557
Good-bye to you all
Forever.
444
00:23:10,557 --> 00:23:12,091
Oh, no!
Hey, hey, hey.
445
00:23:12,091 --> 00:23:13,325
Cliff, cliff, cliff.
446
00:23:13,325 --> 00:23:15,995
Come on back in here.
Let us set you up.
447
00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:17,730
All right,
448
00:23:17,730 --> 00:23:22,268
But I'd like
To have a little word
With diane here first.
449
00:23:22,268 --> 00:23:24,604
Oh.
All right!
All right!
450
00:23:26,939 --> 00:23:31,310
Diane, look, I've never taken
A karate lesson in my life.
451
00:23:31,310 --> 00:23:33,480
Would you get me
To a hospital quick?
452
00:23:39,452 --> 00:23:40,720
Um...
453
00:23:40,720 --> 00:23:42,622
Good night, everyone.
454
00:23:42,622 --> 00:23:44,323
Cliff is, um...
455
00:23:44,323 --> 00:23:46,325
Is going to walk me
To my car
456
00:23:46,325 --> 00:23:48,895
For my protection.
457
00:23:48,895 --> 00:23:50,997
Anybody got
A problem with that?
458
00:23:50,997 --> 00:23:52,965
No.
No.
No.
32617
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