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1
00:00:04,671 --> 00:00:05,671
- Hey.
2
00:00:05,673 --> 00:00:07,639
- Hey, robert.
- Hey.
3
00:00:07,641 --> 00:00:10,009
- There's nobody home.
4
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:13,712
- I wonder what that's like.
5
00:00:13,714 --> 00:00:16,382
- How was your class today,
dear?
6
00:00:16,384 --> 00:00:18,050
Did the children listen to you?
7
00:00:18,052 --> 00:00:21,186
- I teach traffic school, ma.
8
00:00:21,188 --> 00:00:23,022
- Since when?
9
00:00:23,024 --> 00:00:24,556
- Since today.
10
00:00:24,558 --> 00:00:26,225
Lots of cops do it, you know.
11
00:00:26,227 --> 00:00:28,560
A chance to earn
a little spending money.
12
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:32,297
- How about spending
a little on rent?
13
00:00:32,299 --> 00:00:35,100
- There may not be any money.
14
00:00:35,102 --> 00:00:36,602
Got my first
student evaluations today.
15
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:37,603
- Oh, yeah?
16
00:00:37,605 --> 00:00:39,071
What did they say, dear?
17
00:00:39,073 --> 00:00:40,272
- Oh, you want to know
what they say?
18
00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:41,373
- Yeah.
19
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,075
- Okay, ma,
here's what they say.
20
00:00:43,077 --> 00:00:45,477
"this class is a sure cure
for insomnia."
21
00:00:45,479 --> 00:00:47,646
- [chuckling]
22
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:53,152
- "next time just please
take away my license."
23
00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:56,622
- [laughing]
24
00:00:56,624 --> 00:00:58,624
- Eh, no, no,
that's just a couple of people.
25
00:00:58,626 --> 00:01:00,359
Who cares what they say?
26
00:01:00,361 --> 00:01:02,761
- "after ten minutes,
27
00:01:02,763 --> 00:01:04,663
"I wanted to take
the officer's gun
28
00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,199
And end my misery."
29
00:01:12,839 --> 00:01:15,541
- I stink.
30
00:01:15,543 --> 00:01:17,342
- Come on, robert,
it was your first time teaching.
31
00:01:17,344 --> 00:01:18,744
- Yeah?
32
00:01:18,746 --> 00:01:21,814
Well, the supervisor said
it may be my last.
33
00:01:21,816 --> 00:01:23,582
He's sitting in
on my class tomorrow.
34
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:25,284
- Oh, well, now,
that's not fair
35
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,519
You probably just need
a little practice.
36
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:29,588
- Well, it's really not the type
of thing you can practice.
37
00:01:29,590 --> 00:01:32,758
You know, it's all about
relating to people.
38
00:01:32,760 --> 00:01:35,227
- You're a dead man.
39
00:01:39,566 --> 00:01:40,666
- Honey, listen.
40
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,367
You can practice
on me, dear.
41
00:01:42,369 --> 00:01:43,368
Come on.
42
00:01:43,370 --> 00:01:44,436
Give one of your routines.
43
00:01:44,438 --> 00:01:45,637
- What?
44
00:01:45,639 --> 00:01:47,573
- One of your
traffic things.
45
00:01:47,575 --> 00:01:48,774
Come on.
Come on.
46
00:01:48,776 --> 00:01:50,709
Let's just say
I'm a crazy driver--
47
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:53,278
Shut up, frank--
48
00:01:53,280 --> 00:01:54,480
And I get caught.
49
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:57,382
Now I got to go to robbie's
traffic school.
50
00:01:57,384 --> 00:02:00,285
- It's not called
robbie's traffic school, ma!
51
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,553
- It doesn't matter.
52
00:02:01,555 --> 00:02:02,754
It just doesn't matter.
53
00:02:02,756 --> 00:02:04,723
All right, let's pretend
I'm a person--
54
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:07,392
Shut up frank.
55
00:02:07,394 --> 00:02:09,161
- Hey, you know what
would help me?
56
00:02:09,163 --> 00:02:10,429
- What?
57
00:02:10,431 --> 00:02:11,697
- If I could practice
on all of ya.
58
00:02:11,699 --> 00:02:13,332
- What?
- Yeah. Yeah.
59
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:16,435
We got enough
for a class right here.
60
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,170
- No, you don't.
61
00:02:19,372 --> 00:02:20,606
Good night.
62
00:02:20,608 --> 00:02:22,141
- No. No. Stop!
63
00:02:22,143 --> 00:02:23,275
- Let me walk you home, dad.
64
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:24,743
It's dark out.
65
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:26,445
- Ray.
- What?
66
00:02:26,447 --> 00:02:27,746
- Come on.
Robert, you know what?
67
00:02:27,748 --> 00:02:29,281
You want to run
some things by me,
68
00:02:29,283 --> 00:02:30,415
I'll be happy
to help you.
69
00:02:30,417 --> 00:02:31,817
- Yeah, and I'll help you,
too dear.
70
00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,520
And frank will too.
71
00:02:34,522 --> 00:02:37,523
- I don't believe
frank will.
72
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:39,191
- You could learn
a few things.
73
00:02:39,193 --> 00:02:40,759
- There's nothing wrong
with the way I drive.
74
00:02:40,761 --> 00:02:42,628
- What about that squirrel
you ran over?
75
00:02:45,598 --> 00:02:48,800
- He doubled back.
76
00:02:48,802 --> 00:02:50,335
That squirrel wanted to die.
77
00:02:50,337 --> 00:02:52,371
- Oh, please.
78
00:02:52,373 --> 00:02:53,872
- What about our mailbox, frank?
79
00:02:53,874 --> 00:02:56,675
Did it want to die?
80
00:02:56,677 --> 00:03:00,212
- Don't you have an outstanding
moving violation, dad?
81
00:03:00,214 --> 00:03:03,482
- I wouldn't say
outstanding.
82
00:03:03,484 --> 00:03:04,750
It was pretty good,
though.
83
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:07,419
[chuckling]
84
00:03:07,421 --> 00:03:09,288
- Well, if you let me
practice my class on you,
85
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,622
It'll take the ticket
off your record
86
00:03:10,624 --> 00:03:12,324
And your insurance
won't go up.
87
00:03:12,326 --> 00:03:13,392
- Wait a minute.
88
00:03:13,394 --> 00:03:14,893
You can do that?
89
00:03:14,895 --> 00:03:19,598
Well, then why don't you just
sign the thing that says I went?
90
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,934
- I didn't hear that, dad.
91
00:03:21,936 --> 00:03:24,203
- All right,
you didn't hear that.
92
00:03:24,205 --> 00:03:25,404
Maybe you'd like to hear it
93
00:03:25,406 --> 00:03:26,939
From some of our
finest presidents.
94
00:03:26,941 --> 00:03:28,340
- Dad!
95
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:32,477
- All right.
96
00:03:32,479 --> 00:03:34,846
If I have to stay,
so does ray.
97
00:03:34,848 --> 00:03:36,315
He's got that traffic ticket
98
00:03:36,317 --> 00:03:39,318
He doesn't want
to tell debra about.
99
00:03:39,320 --> 00:03:40,319
- Dad.
100
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,587
- What ticket?
101
00:03:41,589 --> 00:03:44,756
- Oh, what is happening?
102
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:47,960
Traffic school?
103
00:03:47,962 --> 00:03:49,695
How long is this gonna be?
104
00:03:49,697 --> 00:03:51,330
- Well, if we don't
take any breaks,
105
00:03:51,332 --> 00:03:53,398
I can do a condensed version
in three hours.
106
00:03:53,400 --> 00:03:54,900
[all groaning]
- what?
107
00:03:54,902 --> 00:03:58,804
- Sweet crap.
108
00:03:58,806 --> 00:04:01,707
How long
is regular traffic school?
109
00:04:01,709 --> 00:04:03,475
- Eight hours.
110
00:04:03,477 --> 00:04:04,810
And you're gonna
have to go to that
111
00:04:04,812 --> 00:04:05,978
If you don't come to me.
112
00:04:05,980 --> 00:04:07,312
That's right.
113
00:04:07,314 --> 00:04:09,481
I got all the papers
you need
114
00:04:09,483 --> 00:04:12,517
Right in here.
115
00:04:12,519 --> 00:04:14,386
I'll go set up.
116
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:18,257
You have two minutes
before we begin.
117
00:04:18,259 --> 00:04:21,260
I suggest you all visit
the lavatories.
118
00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:38,377
- Okay.
119
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,779
"begin with introductions."
120
00:04:44,917 --> 00:04:46,952
[clears throat]
121
00:04:49,822 --> 00:04:51,823
Hello.
122
00:04:51,825 --> 00:04:54,726
I am sergeant
robert charles barone.
123
00:04:54,728 --> 00:04:57,362
16 years, nypd.
124
00:04:59,299 --> 00:05:00,732
And you are?
125
00:05:03,870 --> 00:05:06,305
- Hated by god.
126
00:05:06,307 --> 00:05:08,907
I-I'm not doin' this.
127
00:05:08,909 --> 00:05:10,375
[snapping fingers]
128
00:05:10,377 --> 00:05:11,710
Ray. Okay?
129
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:13,345
My name is ray.
130
00:05:13,347 --> 00:05:15,580
[speaking french]
je m'appelle ray.
131
00:05:15,582 --> 00:05:17,316
- Hi, ray.
132
00:05:17,318 --> 00:05:19,384
- Debra.
- Good.
133
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:23,355
- Hi, I'm marie.
134
00:05:23,357 --> 00:05:25,390
- I'm frank.
Sign my thing.
135
00:05:31,898 --> 00:05:34,833
- Now I would like to direct
your attention to the board.
136
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:37,536
You will see
"speed limits,"
137
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:38,704
"pedestrians,"
138
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,772
"signs and signals
of the highway."
139
00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,574
- Things that are boring!
140
00:05:45,545 --> 00:05:47,612
- "urban versus rural driving."
141
00:05:47,614 --> 00:05:50,382
- Things I don't care about!
142
00:05:50,384 --> 00:05:51,383
- "insurance."
143
00:05:51,385 --> 00:05:53,985
- Terribly boring things!
144
00:05:53,987 --> 00:05:55,454
- That's enough, raymond!
145
00:05:55,456 --> 00:05:57,122
That's enough.
146
00:05:59,359 --> 00:06:02,627
Now, I would like
each of you to tell us
147
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:05,597
What offense led you
to being here today.
148
00:06:05,599 --> 00:06:08,100
Let's start with...
149
00:06:08,102 --> 00:06:11,002
Raymond.
150
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,871
- I killed my brother.
151
00:06:17,610 --> 00:06:18,977
- Traffic offense.
152
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:21,146
- Oh. Oh.
153
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:24,750
Could you go lie down
in the driveway for a minute?
154
00:06:24,752 --> 00:06:26,418
- It says right here
in the binder
155
00:06:26,420 --> 00:06:28,653
That each student must tell
the offense they committed.
156
00:06:28,655 --> 00:06:29,721
- Yeah, come on.
157
00:06:29,723 --> 00:06:31,456
Let's hear about
your little offense.
158
00:06:31,458 --> 00:06:32,758
Hmm?
- What? It was nothing.
159
00:06:32,760 --> 00:06:35,861
I ran over one of those
orange cones, that's all.
160
00:06:35,863 --> 00:06:37,462
- Tell her why.
161
00:06:37,464 --> 00:06:39,731
- I don't remember, dad.
162
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:41,433
- I remember.
163
00:06:41,435 --> 00:06:43,135
I was there.
164
00:06:43,137 --> 00:06:46,004
It had something to do
with a halter top.
165
00:06:46,006 --> 00:06:47,172
- Okay!
166
00:06:47,174 --> 00:06:49,508
- Halted you pretty good.
167
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,942
- Dad...
168
00:06:54,680 --> 00:06:55,881
You know how
these things happen.
169
00:06:55,883 --> 00:06:57,916
- [scoffs]
170
00:06:57,918 --> 00:06:59,885
- You see somebody,
and you think they're naked.
171
00:06:59,887 --> 00:07:02,654
And...
172
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:04,656
Then you look,
and they're just--
173
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,691
They're wearing a beige top,
and the next thing you know,
174
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:09,561
You've run over
a couple cones.
175
00:07:09,563 --> 00:07:11,596
- Reckless driving.
176
00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:16,635
- So you just ride around
lookin' for naked?
177
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:17,936
- Well, if it won't
come to me...
178
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:20,872
- Yeah.
179
00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:24,609
- Look, okay, can we get back
to the course, please?
180
00:07:24,611 --> 00:07:26,011
Who can answer this question?
181
00:07:26,013 --> 00:07:28,713
"at 55 miles an hour,
182
00:07:28,715 --> 00:07:32,451
"you will travel over 800 feet
in 10 to 12 seconds.
183
00:07:32,453 --> 00:07:35,754
"so will an oncoming truck.
184
00:07:35,756 --> 00:07:38,757
To pass safely,
how many feet will you need?"
185
00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:39,958
Dad.
186
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,959
- Sign my thing.
187
00:07:40,961 --> 00:07:42,494
- Come on!
188
00:07:44,230 --> 00:07:46,031
What are ya doin'?
189
00:07:46,033 --> 00:07:49,034
- Robert, that question
is really complicated.
190
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:50,235
Is that something
they would ask?
191
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:51,236
- It's in the binder.
192
00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:52,838
- Well, you know what?
193
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:54,639
Maybe we don't
have to do this class
194
00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:56,007
Exactly like it is
in the binder.
195
00:07:56,009 --> 00:07:57,576
- What do you mean?
196
00:07:57,578 --> 00:07:59,177
The binder's
not just a guide, debra.
197
00:07:59,179 --> 00:08:02,113
The binder is...
198
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:04,816
Binding.
199
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:08,053
- Shut up, frank.
200
00:08:08,055 --> 00:08:09,054
- What?
201
00:08:09,056 --> 00:08:10,522
- Yeah, yeah.
202
00:08:10,524 --> 00:08:14,092
You were about to do
a bathroom joke.
203
00:08:14,094 --> 00:08:15,961
- A bathroom joke?
204
00:08:15,963 --> 00:08:18,730
- Yeah,
about binding.
205
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,834
- All right, look,
let's focus, people.
206
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,936
- [chuckling]
rice.
207
00:08:24,938 --> 00:08:26,838
[laughter]
208
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:27,906
- Lookit, please,
209
00:08:27,908 --> 00:08:30,642
Can we--
- cheese.
210
00:08:30,644 --> 00:08:32,911
- That's enough!
211
00:08:32,913 --> 00:08:34,045
H-h-how about
some questions--
212
00:08:34,047 --> 00:08:35,814
- Bananas!
213
00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:38,817
[laughter]
214
00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:40,619
- Things that are binding.
215
00:08:43,122 --> 00:08:46,157
- Would you please?
216
00:08:46,159 --> 00:08:48,760
These are safety issues.
217
00:08:48,762 --> 00:08:50,762
And let's remember something:
218
00:08:50,764 --> 00:08:51,930
Driving is a privilege,
219
00:08:51,932 --> 00:08:53,665
Not a right.
220
00:08:53,667 --> 00:08:55,700
- [clears throat]
221
00:08:55,702 --> 00:08:58,270
Yams. I'm sorry.
[giggling]
222
00:08:58,272 --> 00:08:59,804
I'm sorry, robert.
223
00:08:59,806 --> 00:09:01,640
- Don't apologize.
That was good.
224
00:09:01,642 --> 00:09:04,009
Yams!
225
00:09:04,011 --> 00:09:05,877
[laughter]
226
00:09:05,879 --> 00:09:07,546
- Sorry.
227
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:09,981
- That explains
last thanksgiving.
228
00:09:09,983 --> 00:09:12,984
[cackling]
229
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:22,193
- You're not helping, ma.
230
00:09:22,195 --> 00:09:25,864
- Oh, we're just having
a little fun.
231
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,133
- But we're not here
to have fun.
232
00:09:28,135 --> 00:09:29,868
- Well, then,
you're the man for the job.
233
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,803
[shrieking
and laughing]
234
00:09:40,613 --> 00:09:41,813
- Maybe I'm not.
235
00:09:41,815 --> 00:09:43,281
- Oh, oh, come on.
- Oh, come on, rob.
236
00:09:43,283 --> 00:09:44,749
- Come on, robert.
237
00:09:44,751 --> 00:09:46,618
I'm just saying,
if we have to do this,
238
00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:47,719
Why has it
got to be torture?
239
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:48,954
- Oh, I see.
240
00:09:48,956 --> 00:09:51,823
I'm sorry this is torture.
241
00:09:51,825 --> 00:09:54,326
I guess
the student evaluations
242
00:09:54,328 --> 00:09:55,594
Were correct.
243
00:09:55,596 --> 00:09:58,597
- Oh, come on.
- Oh.
244
00:09:58,599 --> 00:10:00,665
- Stop feeling sorry
for yourself.
245
00:10:00,667 --> 00:10:02,033
I'm just trying
to give you some advice.
246
00:10:02,035 --> 00:10:06,071
- And what is that advice,
raymond?
247
00:10:06,073 --> 00:10:08,239
- I don't know.
248
00:10:08,241 --> 00:10:10,141
Lighten up.
249
00:10:10,143 --> 00:10:13,244
- Oh, lighten up.
250
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,246
Thank you very much.
251
00:10:19,218 --> 00:10:20,352
- Hey.
252
00:10:20,354 --> 00:10:22,721
You didn't sign my thing.
253
00:10:33,065 --> 00:10:34,666
- What did you do?
254
00:10:34,668 --> 00:10:36,167
- What, he left.
255
00:10:36,169 --> 00:10:38,837
- It breaks my heart
the way you treat your brother.
256
00:10:38,839 --> 00:10:40,105
- Me?
257
00:10:40,107 --> 00:10:41,873
You were all laughing at him.
258
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:44,709
- I was not laughing.
259
00:10:47,713 --> 00:10:49,047
- You weren't laughing?
260
00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:50,048
Rice.
261
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,117
- [laughs]
262
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,052
That was funny.
263
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,420
- All right, you know,
I think we were all
264
00:10:55,422 --> 00:10:57,188
A little bit insensitive.
265
00:10:57,190 --> 00:11:00,025
- Well, robert's got no sense
of humor about himself.
266
00:11:00,027 --> 00:11:01,292
- Oh, that's right.
267
00:11:01,294 --> 00:11:03,928
You got to be able
to laugh at yourself.
268
00:11:03,930 --> 00:11:05,397
Look at me.
269
00:11:05,399 --> 00:11:08,667
I laugh at your mother
all the time.
270
00:11:08,669 --> 00:11:10,201
- I'm not you, frank.
271
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:11,903
- I know,
but I'm married to you,
272
00:11:11,905 --> 00:11:15,206
So the joke's on me.
273
00:11:15,208 --> 00:11:17,776
- Look, robert's feeling
pretty bad.
274
00:11:17,778 --> 00:11:19,411
I mean, I think
we need to apologize
275
00:11:19,413 --> 00:11:21,379
And make it up to him.
276
00:11:21,381 --> 00:11:23,281
Go ahead, ray.
277
00:11:23,283 --> 00:11:24,382
- What? No.
278
00:11:24,384 --> 00:11:25,383
- Yes.
279
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,785
Go speak to your brother.
280
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,453
- No.
281
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:32,157
- Oh, robbie,
I'm so glad you're back.
282
00:11:32,159 --> 00:11:33,992
And raymond's sorry
for what he said.
283
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:34,993
- No, no.
284
00:11:34,995 --> 00:11:36,828
Raymond was right.
285
00:11:36,830 --> 00:11:38,730
This doesn't
have to be torture.
286
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:40,065
I just got to learn to...
287
00:11:40,067 --> 00:11:41,966
Lighten up.
288
00:11:41,968 --> 00:11:43,735
And to that end,
289
00:11:43,737 --> 00:11:46,705
I'd like
to introduce you to...
290
00:11:46,707 --> 00:11:48,373
Traffic cop timmy!
291
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:49,841
- Oh.
292
00:11:54,180 --> 00:11:56,114
- Oh, my god.
- Yeah.
293
00:11:56,116 --> 00:11:58,216
Timmy's gonna help teach us
the rest of the class tonight.
294
00:11:58,218 --> 00:11:59,184
Isn't that right, timmy?
295
00:11:59,186 --> 00:12:01,286
- 10-4, sarge.
296
00:12:03,022 --> 00:12:04,289
- Look, robert...
297
00:12:04,291 --> 00:12:07,859
What I said
about lightening up here--
298
00:12:07,861 --> 00:12:10,895
This might be too light,
you know.
299
00:12:10,897 --> 00:12:12,263
- No, no.
It's okay, raymond.
300
00:12:12,265 --> 00:12:14,332
You know,
my partner judy uses timmy
301
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:15,967
To teach the kids
about safety,
302
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:19,370
- Yeah, and judy
has warmer hands.
303
00:12:19,372 --> 00:12:21,740
- Oh, sorry, timmy.
304
00:12:21,742 --> 00:12:22,874
[chuckles]
305
00:12:22,876 --> 00:12:25,276
- Oh, robbie,
you're very good.
306
00:12:25,278 --> 00:12:28,246
- Hey, make his eyes
move again.
307
00:12:28,248 --> 00:12:29,447
How do you do that?
308
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:31,416
- I'm not doing anything.
309
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,852
- Hey, frank, why don't ya
park it over there?
310
00:12:33,854 --> 00:12:35,286
And I mean legally.
311
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:36,454
[laughter]
312
00:12:36,456 --> 00:12:37,756
- All right.
313
00:12:37,758 --> 00:12:41,359
Now we got a show.
314
00:12:41,361 --> 00:12:42,360
- Can you believe this?
315
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:44,062
- Look at his little shoes.
316
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:45,396
[giggling]
317
00:12:45,398 --> 00:12:47,031
- All right, now, timmy,
318
00:12:47,033 --> 00:12:49,067
Tell everybody
what we'll be learning next.
319
00:12:49,069 --> 00:12:50,869
- Wait, wait,
wait a minute, robert.
320
00:12:50,871 --> 00:12:52,270
Come on, you're really
gonna do this?
321
00:12:52,272 --> 00:12:55,440
- Hey, ray,
this was your idea.
322
00:12:55,442 --> 00:12:57,308
- Did anybody
hear me say "puppet"?
323
00:12:59,779 --> 00:13:01,379
- Aw, that's quite enough
out of you.
324
00:13:01,381 --> 00:13:03,548
Now why don't you sit down...
325
00:13:03,550 --> 00:13:05,250
Big nose?
326
00:13:07,086 --> 00:13:08,386
- What?
327
00:13:08,388 --> 00:13:09,821
- [laughs]
328
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:13,825
He called you big nose.
329
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,894
- Come on, come on.
We're being supportive.
330
00:13:15,896 --> 00:13:17,428
- Look how cute he is.
331
00:13:17,430 --> 00:13:19,898
- All right, timmy,
now let's behave ourself.
332
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,000
We're here to teach
traffic school.
333
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,301
- Oh, yeah, right. Okay.
334
00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:24,302
Uh, let's see.
335
00:13:24,304 --> 00:13:25,370
Who can answer this?
336
00:13:25,372 --> 00:13:27,172
When you're behind
another vehicle,
337
00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:30,441
What is the proper
following distance?
338
00:13:30,443 --> 00:13:32,143
Frank?
339
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,312
- Uh, well, if the guy's
goin' really slow,
340
00:13:34,314 --> 00:13:38,316
I like to be
right on his butt...
341
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:41,252
So if he looks back,
he can read my lips.
342
00:13:44,891 --> 00:13:49,394
It is one car length
per ten miles of speed.
343
00:13:49,396 --> 00:13:50,595
- [chuckles]
344
00:13:50,597 --> 00:13:52,530
Yeah, remind me
to never drive with you,
345
00:13:52,532 --> 00:13:54,599
You crazy old bastard.
346
00:14:03,442 --> 00:14:05,143
- How's that?
347
00:14:05,145 --> 00:14:06,377
- [clears throat]
all right.
348
00:14:06,379 --> 00:14:08,947
Now, let's move on, timmy.
349
00:14:08,949 --> 00:14:10,348
Don't you have
a question for ma?
350
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,549
- Sure.
351
00:14:11,551 --> 00:14:13,051
Marie, is it?
- Yes.
352
00:14:13,053 --> 00:14:15,520
- Hi, marie. Okay.
353
00:14:15,522 --> 00:14:17,355
Now, when you
get into the car,
354
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:20,558
What are you supposed to do
before you begin driving?
355
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:21,993
- Oh, I know that.
356
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:23,428
You buckle your seat belt.
357
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:24,896
- Good.
358
00:14:24,898 --> 00:14:26,231
- And--and you
check your mirrors.
359
00:14:26,233 --> 00:14:28,099
- Correct.
360
00:14:28,101 --> 00:14:29,400
- You look to the left.
You look to the right.
361
00:14:29,402 --> 00:14:30,401
You look behind you.
362
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:32,036
- Very good.
363
00:14:32,038 --> 00:14:33,271
Anything else?
364
00:14:33,273 --> 00:14:35,139
- No, I think that's it.
365
00:14:35,141 --> 00:14:37,275
- Oh, that's it.
- Uh-huh.
366
00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:41,512
- She thinks that's it.
367
00:14:41,514 --> 00:14:44,215
- Isn't--
isn't that everything, timmy?
368
00:14:44,217 --> 00:14:46,150
- Oh, yeah, sure,
that's everything,
369
00:14:46,152 --> 00:14:48,119
But how about making sure
370
00:14:48,121 --> 00:14:49,888
Your firstborn child
is in the car
371
00:14:49,890 --> 00:14:51,222
Before you pull out
of a gas station
372
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,924
In new mexico?
373
00:15:02,368 --> 00:15:05,570
- Wow, that's awfully
specific, yeah.
374
00:15:05,572 --> 00:15:07,639
Is that in the binder?
375
00:15:07,641 --> 00:15:11,175
- Robbie, that was 30 years ago.
376
00:15:11,177 --> 00:15:12,944
- I don't have
a problem with it.
377
00:15:16,348 --> 00:15:20,151
- Uh-oh.
378
00:15:20,153 --> 00:15:21,452
- Yeah, remember that?
379
00:15:21,454 --> 00:15:24,255
Big road trip,
fun family vacation.
380
00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:26,224
Driving out to see
the grand canyon.
381
00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:27,592
Frank stops
to get some gas,
382
00:15:27,594 --> 00:15:29,093
And you all drive off
383
00:15:29,095 --> 00:15:32,363
While robert's still
in the men's room.
384
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,431
- How do you know?
385
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:34,532
You weren't there.
386
00:15:42,574 --> 00:15:47,145
- Oh, we got a real
battle of wits goin' on here.
387
00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,414
- We thought you were
sleeping in the back.
388
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:51,482
It was only an hour driving.
389
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:52,483
And then we noticed.
390
00:15:52,485 --> 00:15:54,485
And we turned right around.
391
00:15:54,487 --> 00:15:58,289
- Oh, only two hours.
392
00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:01,292
Excellent mothering.
393
00:16:02,461 --> 00:16:03,728
- I remember that.
394
00:16:03,730 --> 00:16:06,197
We missed the tribal dances.
395
00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,398
Hey, you would've
liked that, ray.
396
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:11,336
I hear those ladies
don't wear very much.
397
00:16:11,338 --> 00:16:13,738
- Aw, poor raymond missed
the tribal dances.
398
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:16,975
Raymond, raymond, raymond.
399
00:16:16,977 --> 00:16:18,710
Meanwhile,
back at the rest stop,
400
00:16:18,712 --> 00:16:21,612
A couple of truckers
want to braid robert's hair.
401
00:16:25,651 --> 00:16:28,252
- We happen to be
very good parents, timmy!
402
00:16:28,254 --> 00:16:30,488
- Aw, yeah,
great family, right?
403
00:16:30,490 --> 00:16:34,192
Long as everybody's eatin',
everybody's happy, right, mama?
404
00:16:34,194 --> 00:16:36,361
Just ask your husband,
burp 'n' slurp.
405
00:16:39,398 --> 00:16:41,199
- Hey!
406
00:16:41,201 --> 00:16:44,035
How come you haven't said
anything about debra yet?
407
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,170
- I don't have a problem
with debra.
408
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,006
You're all right, cookie.
409
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:49,640
Ah, cha-cha-cha.
410
00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:55,413
- I think traffic school's
over now.
411
00:16:55,415 --> 00:16:57,682
- Me too; I'm gettin' tired
of timmy's mouth.
412
00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,584
- Aw, sit down, shiny.
413
00:16:59,586 --> 00:17:01,152
- You want to start with me?
414
00:17:01,154 --> 00:17:03,287
- Dad, dad, dad,
dad, dad.
415
00:17:03,289 --> 00:17:05,456
Dad, puppet.
416
00:17:08,227 --> 00:17:10,094
- Yeah, right.
417
00:17:10,096 --> 00:17:11,529
If it was raymond's
traffic school,
418
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,698
Everybody would
be sitting here without a peep.
419
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:16,167
But the minute
this poor slob...
420
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,406
Needs something...
421
00:17:21,408 --> 00:17:24,442
Everybody's too busy.
422
00:17:24,444 --> 00:17:28,413
Everybody makes with the jokes.
423
00:17:28,415 --> 00:17:29,747
Nobody cares.
424
00:17:32,051 --> 00:17:34,285
Come on, flatfoot.
425
00:17:34,287 --> 00:17:36,487
Let's get the hell
out of here.
426
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,540
- Timmy's mean.
427
00:18:02,548 --> 00:18:04,148
- Robert.
428
00:18:06,452 --> 00:18:07,852
[gasps]
429
00:18:09,588 --> 00:18:12,090
Damn it.
430
00:18:12,092 --> 00:18:13,524
Robert.
431
00:18:16,328 --> 00:18:19,263
What have you done
with robert?
432
00:18:23,102 --> 00:18:24,335
Robert!
433
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,637
[knocking]
434
00:18:26,639 --> 00:18:28,639
- I'm not signing
your thing, dad.
435
00:18:32,244 --> 00:18:33,878
- Hey.
436
00:18:33,880 --> 00:18:35,313
- Oh.
437
00:18:35,315 --> 00:18:37,248
Hey.
438
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:40,218
I'm not signing
your thing either.
439
00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,219
- That's all right.
440
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:42,820
Listen...
441
00:18:42,822 --> 00:18:45,756
I'm sorry about the...
442
00:18:45,758 --> 00:18:48,159
You know, tellin' you
to lighten up and everything.
443
00:18:48,161 --> 00:18:49,894
- It's all right.
444
00:18:49,896 --> 00:18:51,562
Gave it a shot.
445
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:52,763
- Yeah.
446
00:18:52,765 --> 00:18:54,232
Yeah, it went well.
447
00:18:57,536 --> 00:19:00,204
Boy, that timmy's got a lot
of issues, though, huh?
448
00:19:03,509 --> 00:19:06,410
- You know,
timmy's just a puppet.
449
00:19:06,412 --> 00:19:08,379
- Yeah, I know.
450
00:19:08,381 --> 00:19:11,516
It's good
to hear you say it.
451
00:19:11,518 --> 00:19:14,485
- Made a real ass
out of myself, didn't I?
452
00:19:14,487 --> 00:19:15,853
- Eh.
453
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,855
You know what people like?
454
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,791
Balloon animals.
455
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:24,695
- My whole life, every time
I felt bad for myself,
456
00:19:24,697 --> 00:19:26,531
Mom would say,
"the family will help you.
457
00:19:26,533 --> 00:19:28,432
We'll make you feel better."
458
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:32,170
I'd fall for it every time.
459
00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,238
- Yeah, well,
mom and dad...
460
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,241
You know,
this parenting stuff...
461
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:39,277
It's just not their field.
462
00:19:39,279 --> 00:19:40,211
You know.
463
00:19:42,915 --> 00:19:44,882
- They did all right by you.
464
00:19:44,884 --> 00:19:46,751
You're the golden boy.
465
00:19:46,753 --> 00:19:48,619
- Oh, will you
stop that already, okay?
466
00:19:48,621 --> 00:19:50,588
They messed me up
just as much as you, pal.
467
00:19:50,590 --> 00:19:52,223
- Oh, yeah.
You're as messed up as me.
468
00:19:52,225 --> 00:19:53,858
- Yeah, probably more so.
469
00:19:53,860 --> 00:19:56,294
- You're insultin' me now?
470
00:19:56,296 --> 00:19:58,496
- You don't own messed up.
471
00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,431
You were neglected.
Try being smothered.
472
00:20:00,433 --> 00:20:03,434
- I used to pray
for smothered.
473
00:20:03,436 --> 00:20:05,236
- Oh, you want smothered?
474
00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:07,672
How about in school when mom
became cafeteria monitor
475
00:20:07,674 --> 00:20:09,807
To make sure
I ate all my food
476
00:20:09,809 --> 00:20:11,375
And kept my sweater on
477
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,645
And sat with her?
478
00:20:14,647 --> 00:20:15,846
- That was bad.
479
00:20:15,848 --> 00:20:17,548
- Yeah. All right?
480
00:20:17,550 --> 00:20:18,749
- Hey, hey, how about the time
481
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,284
You started
walking to school, right?
482
00:20:20,286 --> 00:20:21,953
And mom would follow you
the whole way.
483
00:20:21,955 --> 00:20:23,387
- She did?
- Yeah.
484
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:25,623
Yeah, she'd hide
from tree to tree.
485
00:20:25,625 --> 00:20:28,693
- Heh.
486
00:20:28,695 --> 00:20:30,628
Oh, my god.
487
00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:35,866
Oh, my--that's the crazy
tree lady from the dreams.
488
00:20:35,868 --> 00:20:37,468
- Nightmares, huh?
489
00:20:37,470 --> 00:20:38,736
- Yeah!
490
00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,971
- How long did you have 'em?
491
00:20:39,973 --> 00:20:43,641
- I just had one four days ago.
492
00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:45,910
- That is pretty messed up.
493
00:20:45,912 --> 00:20:48,512
- Yeah, it is.
494
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:52,617
Hey, so the jumpin'
canoe guy is...
495
00:20:52,619 --> 00:20:53,451
- Dad.
496
00:20:55,821 --> 00:20:57,989
- Oh, my god.
497
00:20:57,991 --> 00:20:59,523
- [chuckles]
498
00:20:59,525 --> 00:21:01,492
Thanks for comin' over, raymond.
499
00:21:01,494 --> 00:21:03,394
You really did
make me feel better.
500
00:21:03,396 --> 00:21:04,595
- Yeah.
501
00:21:04,597 --> 00:21:07,498
Man, they were worse
than I thought.
502
00:21:07,500 --> 00:21:09,700
I should talk to them.
503
00:21:09,702 --> 00:21:11,969
- Want to borrow the dummy?
504
00:21:29,755 --> 00:21:30,554
- [yells]
505
00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:41,365
- Not so funny
without his head, is he?
506
00:21:41,367 --> 00:21:42,733
- What did you do, dad?
507
00:21:42,735 --> 00:21:45,503
I need that.
508
00:21:45,505 --> 00:21:46,804
- [screams]
509
00:21:53,412 --> 00:21:56,414
- [maniacal laughter]
33399
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