All language subtitles for Everybody.Loves.Raymond.S02E02.Father.Knows.Least.720p.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-BS

- Okay, I read to ally.

- Aw, thanks for putting her
to bed for me, ray.

It's been a really long day.

- I read her "rapunzel."

- Good for you.

- Yeah, I don't know.

And I said that if you
live in a tower

And there's no shampoo

And your hair gets long enough
to climb on,

It might get disgusting.

- Yeah?

- Well, so ally wants a haircut.

- Oh, well,
we'll get her a haircut.

- Now.

- Ray, don't tell me
I have to go up--

- I'm ready, mommy!

- I gave her a dollar
to tip you with.

Act surprised.

- Hi, I'm ray, and I live here
in long island

With my wife debra,

My six-year-old daughter,
and twin two-year-old boys.

My parents...

Live across the street.

Live across the street.

- Okay, ally, daddy's gonna
be home any minute with dinner,

So let's clean up.

Sweetie, why don't you take
all your dolls off the table

And wash your hands, okay?

- Grandma, look.

- Ally, please clean up.

- Oh, isn't that nice?

What's this one,
a streetwalker?

- No, she's an aerobics
instructor, marie.

She's dressed for the gym.

Ally, can you look at me?

Are you having trouble
listening?

- All right, come on.

This is from nemo's,

So let's get to it before
it eats through the bag.

Help ally get ready
for dinner, please.

And can you get rid of them?

- [groans]

Hey, guys.

- Hi.
Oh, daddy's home.

- It's time to go home now.

- Hey, I'm watching the game.

- I think they're beaming it
into your house too, dad.

- Dad's taping channel 5
over there.

- 5, why?
What's on 5?

- He wants to catch
that commercial

For the chicken restaurant.

- Oh, the one
where it's so good,

The chicken goes there
to eat it?

- I'm dying
to see it, yeah.

- Yeah, ray, please,
we're all dying here.

- All right, look, we're eating,
man, come on.

- Ally, don't make me
keep asking you, sweetie.

Get the toys picked up
and your hands washed.

- Hey, look, look.
There it is.

- May I take your order?

[clucking]

[laughter]

- Dad, did I tell you?
It's a killer.

- You didn't lie.

- Ally, I'm done asking you.

I want the toys picked up now.

- No!

- If you don't do
what I'm telling you right now,

You can forget
about dessert.

- Ooh, no dessert.

- I don't want
any stupid dessert!

- Oh, my.

- Sure, you do.

- Ray, I can't
take this anymore.

Could you handle it, please?

- All right, I got it.

Ally, wash your hands
and do what mom--

Don't make mommy mad.

- No.

- Look, you have to do
what mommy says.

- Why?

- 'cause I do.

- Grandma's got some candy

For a girl who cleans up.

- No, candy, mom.

Come on.

Mom, you don't pay her
up front.

- Just watch.

All right, now, honey.

Clean up, sweetheart.

- No.

- Candy always worked.

I don't know what debra's done
to this child.

- Look, just let me
handle it, all right?

Ally, I'm gonna give you to
the count of three, all right?

And if you don't start
picking up your toys,

No tv for a week.

- Jeez.
- Oh, no.

- One...

Two...

I'm not kidding.

One, two...

This is it.

2 1/2...

2 3/4.

Let me tell you something, ally.

I don't know
any more fractions, okay?

Three.
That's all.

No tv for a week.

- Nooo!

- Now, what happened?

- I handled it, all right?

Everything--

Everything worked out.

- I hate you!

- [gasps]

- Okay, folks,
let's keep it moving.

Show's over.
Nothing more to see here.

Come on.
Let's go.

- What's wrong with you?

How can you yell
at your child

In front of other people?

Don't you know
how humiliating that can be?

Oh.

[door slams]

- I hate you.

- Hey, lucky pants.

- Thank you very much, ray.

- You're welcome.

What'd I do?

- You know, I haven't had
a minute to myself all day.

You know, when you
take tv away from ally,

You're punishing me too.

- Oh.

- You know what my day
was like?

Went something like this:

"I want to watch tv."

"no."

"I want to watch tv."

"no."

"I want to watch tv."

"no."

Lunch.

"I want to watch tv."
"no."

"I want to watch tv."

"no."

"hey, lucky pants."

- That's where I came in.

- Yeah, what are you gonna do
for me next, ray,

Take away her nap time?

- Look, when a kid
misbehaves,

You take away something
that's important to her.

What would you have done?

- Honestly, I have no idea.

- Well, then I think

We shouldn't dump on the people
who have ideas.

- Okay.

Here's an idea, then.

- "parent effectiveness
training:

Coping with your child's
behavioral challenges."

- They were sticking them
on the windshield

At chuck e. Cheese's.

- Come on, look,
we don't need classes.

We're great parents.

All right,
you're a great parent,

And I'm your lovely assistant.

- Well, I don't feel
like a great parent.

Great parents don't
find themselves

In the supermarket going,

"we don't throw plums!"

I need a class.

We need a class.

- A parenting class?

That's supposed to come natural.

That'd be like taking
a smelling class.

- So you have nothing
to learn here?

- Oh, come on.

My mom and dad never
took a parenting class.

I'm signing them up for this.

- So if you've ruled out
any medical problem

And your child is
still wetting the bed,

He may be trying
to tell you something.

- He's telling you,
"I have to pee."

- So I think we're gonna
wrap it up for tonight,

But before we do,

Are there any other questions?

Yes, uh, debra.

- Yeah, um, we have
a six-year-old daughter,

And she's a great kid,

But she's been
having trouble listening,

And she's been
very stubborn lately.

- But that's every kid.
- It's not--

- It's just a phase, right?

- Well, this is
a perfect opportunity

For you to try
some active listening.

- Thank you.
We'll try that.

- Wait a second.
Wait.

So active listening?

I'm not familiar with that.

- Well, it's encouraging
your child

To express herself verbally
without influencing her

With your own preconceived
notions or opinions.

- Got it.
Here we go.

- Why don't we try
to illustrate this

With a little role-playing?

Let's have you--
ray, is it?

- No, uh...

Yeah, yeah.

- Ray, why don't we have you
come to the front of the class?

- Why don't you go?
Why don't you go, deb?

- You'll be fine.
Don't be shy.

Now, ray, let's just say
that I'm your daughter,

And I refuse to go to visit
grandma on her birthday.

- Well, in this case,
I happen to know grandma,

And I can't say I blame you.

- Just hypothetically,
ray, all right?

Focus.

Now, let's just say, ray,

That you want to get
from your daughter

What she's really feeling.

Go ahead.

- Do it.

- Okay.

Daughter...

You have to go
to grandma's house.

- I'm not going.

- Uh, well, you have to go.

- I hate when you
make me do things!

- [sighs]

Look, I'm not making you go,
okay?

It's grandma's birthday.

There aren't gonna be
many more of them.

- Oh.

Now, see, I'm gonna stop you
just for a second, ray.

Um, you see,

I don't think,
at this point,

We need to discuss
grandma's mortality.

- What are you doing, ray?
Don't--

- I'm playing the game.

- It's not a game--
- it's okay. It's okay.

Ray, if I say to you,

"I hate when you
make me do things,"

Perhaps you could
acknowledge my feelings

By saying something like,

"you feel you don't have
any control over our plans."

You understand?

- That doesn't sound like
something I would say.

- Just takes
a little practice.

Come on,
let's keep going.

- Yeah, let's.

Let's...

- All my friends
are going to the park,

But I have to go
to some boring party?

- Uh, you think that the party's
gonna be boring?

- That's it, ray.

See, you're reflecting
her feelings back.

Yes, it's just
a bunch of grown-ups

Sitting around an old house.

I want to be
with my friends!

- But grandma has
that big bowl of coffee nips.

- I don't care,
and you can't make me.

- What are you doing?
- I'm not going.

- Please get up.
Will you get up?

- Why do I have to go?

- Well, I don't know.

- But why?

- Why?
Because I said so!

Huh?

That was big when I was a kid.

All right, look,
mommy said you got to go.

- Leave mommy out of it, ray.
- Thank you.

- Look, you'd better
get up, or--

- Or what?

- Or no more tv.
- No, ray.

- Okay, or you're going
to boarding school.

- Do you always threaten?

- No.

No, sometimes she yells.

- Oh, ray.

- I'm sorry,
we've run out of time.

Thank you all for coming.

I'll see you next week.

Ray and debra,

I'd like you to stay
after class, please.

I think we need to talk.

- Nice going.

- Oh, what, my fault?

- You raised your hand.

- [laughs]

Chicken.

- [sighs]

Chicken.

- What are you doing?

- We've got homework to do.

- Oh, no, no.

I'm not doing
any stinking homework.

- You are the reason
we got the homework.

- You're the brownnose
who had to ask a question.

- I'm trying
to learn here, ray.

What, am I supposed to do
these exercises by myself?

- Can you?

- No, you've got to
do them with me.

- Come on.

- This time, you be the kid.

It'll be less of a stretch.

- Oh, you think
you can take me on?

- Okay, here.

This is perfect.

And you refuse to shovel
the snow off the driveway.

- [laughs]

- Uh...

Ray, could you please
shovel the--

- No.

- Okay, I understand,

Because shoveling the snow
can be hard.

- Yeah, so why did you ask?

- Because, uh, you're a member
of this family,

And we help each other.

- Yeah, tough noogies.

- All right, time-out.

- What?

- Time-out.

Are you being
ray the little kid

Or ray the big ass?

- I'd like to be both.

- Can we just
do the exercise?

- Go ahead.

- Okay.

Um...

Okay, I know that you feel

That making you shovel
is unfair.

- Yes, yes,
I have to shovel the snow,

I have to take out
the garbage,

I have to load
the dishwasher

While you're up in bed
not sleeping with daddy.

- Well, we all have chores
we don't like to do,

But in the future,
little ray,

If you feel that
you have too much to do,

You just tell me,

And I'll try to make things
more even.

So how about
that driveway?

- I'm too tired right now.

I win.

- Ray, this isn't about
winning or losing.

- Oh, boy, you know
who always says that?

The loser.

- I am just trying to do
this active listening stuff,

And you are not
playing right.

- You're gonna say that
to your kid?

- Well, it's just obvious
you're trying to screw it up.

- Well, I'm a real
little kid.

- Yes, you are, and no tv.

- Aha!
See?

- Oh, come on.

- See, no tv.
That's all.

See, you couldn't
do it either.

- Oh, yes, you are right.
You are right.

I just stink.

I just stink
at the whole thing.

- Come on.

It'll be okay.

Aw, come on.

- [sniffles]

- I'll shovel the snow.

- It's not that.

It's just that...

When we got home tonight,
I tried this stuff on ally,

And it didn't work on her,

And it's not working
on you either.

It's just not working.

- Come on.

Don't worry.

It'll be okay.

It's all right.

- I'm flunking the class, ray!

- You're flunking--
I--

Listen, don't worry
about the class.

I told you
we didn't need a class.

The answer to
how to stop plum throwing

Is not in a workbook.

This is a seat-of-the-pants
operation here.

- Well, what are we gonna do?

How are we gonna
get ally to behave?

- The crying's pretty good.

- Hey.

- Hey, ray,
get in on some of this.

- What's she doing,
just laying out a buffet now?

- This is supposed to be
for the week.

- You'll cook some more.

- Oh?

Go ahead, honey,
you look hungry.

I'll heat up the ziti.

- Listen, mom,
when you were babysitting,

Did you change
the twins' pajamas?

- Yeah,
they're over here.

I wanted to treat
some of those old spots.

- We have
a washing machine, ma.

- Yeah, I know, but stubborn
stains need special care.

- Maybe you can take
a class on that.

I got to go to
grandparenting class at 3:00.

[laughter]

Today we're learning
"got your nose"

And "pull my finger."

[laughter]

- Good one, dad.

- Make sure you don't
miss the seminar

On moving to florida.

Look, ma, just give me
the pajamas, please.

And the ziti.

- Frank, what the hell is this?

- I'm not ready
for ice cream yet.

- This is
our tax refund check.

It was stuck to the bottom
of the ice cream.

You've been on my back
for a month,

Telling me that I lost it.

I'm not the one who eats
ice cream in this house.

- Oh, you eat ice cream.

- Tofutti.
I eat tofutti.

- You tell your friends
you eat tofutti,

But then you eat
my ice cream.

Take a look at the tofutti.

There's not a dent
in the tofutti.

- If I do eat ice cream,

And I'm not saying that I do,

I put it in a bowl
like a person,

Not on the table
where it gets stuck

To an important check

That somebody
accuses me of losing.

- Hey, you know, in class,
we were just doing this.

- Why can't you just admit
this is your fault?

- Because I don't
lose things, frank.

I'm organized.

- Not organized.

Insane.

She's got a shoe box labeled

"pieces of string
too small to use."

- That I should tie together
into a noose.

- I got a beam
all picked out!

- Yeah, I got a step stool
for you.

- Wait, wait, just listen
here for a second.

Wait.

So, dad, you think
mom's being unfair?

- That's right.

It's always my fault
when she can't find something.

- Because I work like a dog
to keep this place straight,

And he messes it up
with all his projects.

- Ice cream's a project?

- So, ma, you think
dad's being inconsiderate.

- Have you met your father?

- And what about
your consideration?

Do I ever get any thanks

For all the stuff
I do around here?

- Like what?

What is it you do?

- Well, didn't I fix the thing?

- That's true, ma,
he did.

- So dad's feeling
unappreciated.

- That's right.

- Oh, come on.

I don't appreciate you?

- How do I know?

- Evidently dad isn't hearing
"thank you."

- Oh, he wants "thank you"?

This isn't "thank you"?

- I guess mom's saying
actions speak louder than words.

- That's very good, raymond.

- But sometimes we need
to hear the words.

- Yeah, I need words.

- And I don't need words?

- I'm sorry the check got stuck
to the chubby hubby.

- You never said that before.

- No one's ever
said that before.

- I appreciate you.

- Thanks.

- Holy crap.
It works.

[bell dings]

- Ooh, pot roast's ready.

- Oh, great.

I love your mother's pot roast.

- Oh, I'm gonna get an "a" here.

- Careful, it's hot.

- Mm-mmm.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, mmm.

- How is it, chi-chi?

- Mmm.

- Chi-chi like.

[laughter]

- What did you do?

- Debra, you're not
gonna believe this.

- Why did you do this, ally?

This is terrible.

- Oh, great!

- This is michael's giraffe,
and he's crying.

Now, why did you do this?

- 'cause.

- "'cause" is not an answer.

- Active listening.

- Ray, that doesn't work.

- It works.

I just used it on the worst kids
in the neighborhood.

- Would you look at this?

Look at this.
Look what she did.

- Just try it.
Try it.

- Ray!

- You want me to do it?
I'll do it.

- No, no, okay.

I'll do it.

Okay.

Ally, let's talk
about what you did.

- I don't want to talk.

- Are you feeling angry?

- Reflect back.

- You're angry.

- Yes.

- Okay, but it's not okay

To rip up toys
when we're angry.

- Ah-ah-ah, judgmental.

- [sighs]

You are angry because, um...

- Because it used to be
your toy.

- Oh, pff!

- Yes.

I don't like
michael and geoffrey.

- I see.
I see.

You think
that mommy and daddy

Pay too much attention
to michael and geoffrey.

- Ray, okay,
I was handling this.

- They get everything.

- Right, and you're upset

Because we gave them
your old giraffe.

- I still liked it.

- But you weren't
playing with it.

- But that doesn't matter,
though,

Because it was still yours,

And you're mad because
we gave it to michael

Without asking you, right?

- Right.

- Well, uh...

Mommy and daddy made a mistake,

And everybody makes mistakes,
right, mommy?

- Yes, yes, yes.

- You feel better now, ally?

- Yes.
Can I have the giraffe?

- Well, it's broken, honey.

- I know.

I want to try to fix it
for michael.

- Oh-ho.

Here, sweetie.

- Thank you, daddy.

- See what I did there?

- Yeah, yeah.

Can't believe it.

It's pretty amazing.

You did it.

- Anything else need
taking care of

While I'm around here?

- No.

- What?

What's the matter?

- Nothing with you, obviously.

- Don't go by me.

I'm a natural.

Don't worry,
you'll get it.

- Oh, ugh!

Oh, don't act
so proud of yourself.

Listen, if I hadn't dragged you
to that stupid class,

You'd still be standing there
going, "hey, no tv."

- You're feeling inadequate

'cause I mastered it
before you.

- Don't give me
that active listening crap.

Where do you get off
listening to me?

- Never happen again.

- It's chickens eating chickens.

That's why it's funny.

- I...

- Hey, you got any kleenex?

- Don't give him any.

We got five boxes open
over there.

- They're all halfway down.

The tissues don't pop up
anymore.

You reach in,
your hand gets stuck in the box.

- Your hand gets stuck
in the box

Because you shove it in
like an animal.

- Watch this.

So, ma, you think
dad's being wasteful,

And, dad, you think
mom's being unreasonable.

- And a nag.

- A nag?

Oh, you bitter, miserable man.

- Why do you think that is?

Why do you think
that is, marie?

- I'm sleeping here tonight.

- Good!

[door slams]

- Nice job, professor.

- No tv!