Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

IN ME YOU SEE A WORRIED MAN.

DO NOT BE DECEIVED BY MY HAPPY FACE.

I AM A WORRIED MAN.

I AM NOT FRIGHTENED OF THE GESTAPO.

I AM NOT FRIGHTENED OF THE GERMANS.

I AM NOT EVEN FRIGHTENED OF THE FRENCH RESISTANCE,

BUT MY WIFE SCARES OUT OF ME THE LIVING DAYLIGHTS.

SHE IS SPENDING MY MONEY LIKE WATER!

THIS IS BECAUSE, AS YOU WILL KNOW

IF YOU HAVE BEEN PAYING ATTENTION,

I HAVE BEEN SHOT DEAD AND AM NOW POSING

AS THE TWIN BROTHER OF HER LATE HUSBAND.

AND, DO YOU KNOW WHAT MOST OF ALL MAKES ME WORRY?

I MAY HAVE TO MARRY HER AGAIN

TO GET MY FINGER BACK IN MY OWN TILL.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT I AM DOING WITH THESE FLOWERS?

I AM GOING TO WOO HER AGAIN,

BECAUSE SUDDENLY I HAVE COMPETITION.

APPARENTLY EVERY ABLE-BODIED MAN IN THIS VILLAGE

WANTS TO GET HIS HANDS ON MY RESTAURANT--

EVEN IF IT MEANS MARRYING THE OLD BAT!

JUST LOOK! LOOK AT HER!

HOW VALUABLE THIS PROPERTY MUST BE.

MY GOD! THIS IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY.

I MUST BE MONEY MAD. HOW MUCH IS THERE IN THE TILL?

- ( clears throat loudly ) - ( register bell dings )

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT IS WORTH IT.

HERE GOES--

UH, EDITH,

EDITH MY DEAR, DROP THAT BROOM AND COME OVER HERE

A MOMENT, WILL YOU, PLEASE?

I HAVE MUCH TO DO. WE WILL BE OPEN SOON.

THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT. COME HERE.

WELL?

I HAVE FOR YOU, THESE.

CAN NOT YOU PUT THEM IN WATER BY YOURSELF?

NO, MY DEAREST, THEY ARE FOR YOU.

WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?

NOTHING, MY SWEET.

HAVE YOU BEEN NICKING MORE OF MY MONEY OUT OF THE TILL?

NO, MY PET, NO.

THEY ARE FOR YOU, BECAUSE I LOVE YOU.

YOU HAVE BEEN DRINKING.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE SOBER IN MY LIFE.

DO YOU NOT REMEMBER, EDITH?

I USED TO GIVE YOU FLOWERS WHEN WE WERE COURTING.

OH RENE, HOW WELL I REMEMBER.

YOU WERE SO ROMANTIC.

ALWAYS YOU WOULD GIVE THEM TO ME ON YOUR KNEES.

DID I?

AND YOU WOULD SWEAR TO ME OF YOUR UNDYING LOVE.

THAT IS WHAT I AM DOING NOW, DEAR EDITH.

OH RENE, KNEEL FOR ME ONCE MORE.

- WIDOW ARTOIS? - YES.

I SAW YOU YESTERDAY IN THE SQUARE.

MY COMPLIMENTS, MY CARD.

"PIERRE LE GRAND,

STEEPLEJACK."

YOU ARE SO KIND, BUT I'M AFRAID YOU ARE A LITTLE LATE.

SOMEONE IS ABOUT TO PROPOSE TO ME.

- WHO? - ME.

PERHAPS THERE IS STILL A CHANCE FOR ME

IF YOU FANCY PEOPLE THAT SIZE.

SHE DOES NOT FANCY PEOPLE THAT SIZE.

BUT IT WAS MOST KIND OF YOU TO OFFER.

IF YOU DON'T ASK, YOU DON'T GET.

YOU SEE, YOU ARE ONLY JUST IN TIME.

SO MANY SUITORS.

EDITH, LET US JUST DROP THIS CHARADE.

LET US JUST ANNOUNCE WE ARE GETTING MARRIED AGAIN,

THEN THINGS CAN BE JUST AS THEY WERE BEFORE.

NO, I AM QUITE HAPPY.

SO MANY MEN, SO MANY OFFERS.

I AM QUITE ENJOYING MYSELF.

I HAVE PLAYED THE FIELD BEFORE,

I WILL PLAY IT AGAIN.

BUT EDITH, THAT WAS NOUVION RANGERS,

AND WE AGREED TO FORGET ALL ABOUT THAT.

RENE, THE REAR ROOM. QUICK.

NOT NOW, MARIA.

NO, IT IS MICHELLE, FROM THE RESISTANCE.

WHAT DOES SHE WANT?

HOW DO I KNOW?

COME ON, COME, FOLLOW ME.

MICHELLE? MICHELLE, WHERE ARE YOU HIDING?

I AM HERE.

NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY, I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.

I HAVE GOOD NEWS.

I HAVE COME HERE TO COLLECT THE BRITISH AIRMEN.

I EXPECT YOU WILL BE VERY GLAD TO GET RID OF THEM.

YOU CAN SAY THAT AGAIN.

I DON'T SUPPOSE SHE WILL.

FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS WILL BE SENT TO YOU BY SECRET MESSENGER

DISGUISED AS A SIMPLE FARMWORKER.

WHY DO I NEED FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS?

I THOUGHT THIS WAS THE END OF IT ALL.

YOU FORGET YOUR POSITION.

YOUR HUMBLE CAFE IS THE HEADQUARTERS

OF THE ORGANIZATION TO ASSIST ESCAPING AIRMEN,

TO HIDE EXPLOSIVES,

TO PASS MESSAGES,

AND TO ORGANIZE SABOTAGE.

IT IS ALL HAPPENING HERE.

I HOPE YOU TELL PEOPLE WHO WANT TO MARRY YOU

THE SORT OF TROUBLE YOU CAN GET THEM INTO.

IT IS LIKE GETTING INTO BED WITH A TIME BOMB.

I HAVE HINTED AT IT.

I EXPECT IT PUT THEM OFF?

THEY CANNOT WAIT TO LIGHT THE FUSE.

EDITH!

YVETTE!

MARIA!

DOES NOBODY HEAR MY CRIES?

SHUT UP, YOU SILLY OLD BAT!

DO YOU WANT TO WAKE UP THE WHOLE NEIGHBORHOOD?

GET THEM DOWN.

I AM WEAK.

I AM FEEBLE.

I WANT TO SEE MY DAUGHTER MARRIED

BEFORE THE GOOD LORD

SENDS AN ANGEL TO TAKE ME AWAY.

MY GOD! ALREADY THEY HAVE COME FOR ME.

TWO OF THEM.

I MUST BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN I THOUGHT.

WHY IS THAT ONE CARRYING A CANDLE?

BECAUSE WHERE YOU ARE GOING, IT WILL BE VERY DARK.

DO NOT FRIGHTEN MY MOTHER LIKE THAT.

IT IS THE AIRMEN, MOTHER.

WE HID THEM WHILE YOU WERE ASLEEP.

( buzzing )

I AM GOING MAD.

I AM SEEING FLASHING KNOBS.

HUH?

Michelle: IT IS THE RADIO.

QUICK.

AH! WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Male voice: Hello, Nighthawk. Hello, Nighthawk.

'ALLO, 'ALLO, THIS IS NIGHTHAWK.

RECEIVING YOU LOUD AND NOT VERY CLEAR.

PASS YOUR MESSAGE, OVER.

The flashing bedknobs are not reliable.

THE FLASHING BEDKNOBS ARE NOT RELIABLE.

GET THE CODE BOOK. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

It means we have been trying to get you

for three days. Over.

MY WIFE'S MOTHER

DOES NOT UNDERSTAND FLASHING KNOBS.

OVER.

Hold on while we try to decode your message

to find out what it means.

IT MEANS MY WIFE'S MOTHER IS A SILLY OLD BAT

AND DOES NOT UNDERSTAND FLASHING BEDKNOBS.

NOW PASS YOUR MESSAGE, OVER.

The loved ones

will be carried away in a chariot.

EVEN IN HEAVEN,

THEY KNOW ABOUT MY BAD LEGS.

THIS MEANS THE PLANE IS COMING TONIGHT

TO PICK UP THE BRITISH AIRMEN.

I SAY, CHAPS, THERE'S A PLANE COMING FOR YOU TONIGHT.

- OH, WHACKO. - GET A MOVE ON. IT'S TOODLE PIP

- AND BACK TO DEAR OLD BLIGHTY. - GOOD SHOW.

HERR FLICK.

WHAT BRINGS YOU HERE?

I AM AFRAID THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN ARE ABSENT.

I AM AWARE OF THIS.

I OBSERVED THEIR DEPARTURE

THROUGH MY POWERFUL BINOCULARS.

MY BUSINESS IS WITH YOU, AND IN PRIVATE.

YOU WISH ME TO KISS YOU?

NOT ON DUTY, THANK YOU!

ARE YOU SURE THERE IS NOBODY ABOUT?

CERTAIN, HERR FLICK.

I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.

THAT WAS TOO QUICK, HERR FLICK.

I WILL DO IT MORE SLOWLY.

WHAT DID YOU SEE?

UNUSUALLY LARGE KNOCKWURST.

CORRECT.

THIS ONE--

CONTAINS THE REAL PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA BY VAN CLOMP.

THIS ONE--

IS THE FORGERY.

THE OTHER FORGERY,

I HAD DESTROYED IN A VERY HOT FURNACE.

THIS ONE, THE FORGERY,

YOU WILL GIVE TO THE COLONEL VON STROHM,

WHO WILL SEND IT TO THE FUHRER IN BERLIN.

BUT WHAT IF THE FUHRER DISCOVERS IT'S A FORGERY?

THEN HE WILL HAVE THE COLONEL SHOT.

WHAT ABOUT THE REAL ONE?

YOU WILL HIDE IT.

CERTAINLY, HERR FLICK. BUT WHERE?

YOU WILL GIVE IT TO THAT CAFE OWNER, RENE.

TELL HIM TO HANG IT WITH THE OTHER SAUSAGES IN THE KITCHEN,

WITH INSTRUCTIONS THAT IT BELONGS TO HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO,

AND NOBODY IS TO HAVE A NIBBLE.

- WILL IT BE SAFE? - PERFECTLY.

NOBODY WOULD DARE TO TOUCH A GESTAPO SAUSAGE.

AND WHAT OF THE THIRD SAUSAGE?

THIS IS OUR DINNER.

WE WILL CONSUME IT TONIGHT

IN RENE'S BACK ROOM BY CANDLELIGHT.

OH, HERR FLICK, IT'LL BE SO ROMANTIC.

A CANDLELIT KNOCKWURST.

IT WILL BE A HEADY EVENING.

HERR FLICK--

A THOUGHT HAS JUST OCCURRED TO ME.

HOW WILL THE FRENCH CAFE OWNER

KNOW WHICH IS YOUR SPECIAL GESTAPO SAUSAGE

CONTAINING THE PAINTING OF THE FALLEN MADONNA

WITH THE BIG BOOBIES BY VAN CLOMP?

QUITE SIMPLE.

UPON MY SPECIAL SAUSAGE

IS A LITTLE SWASTIKA.

I SHOULD HAVE GUESSED.

YOU THINK OF EVERYTHING.

MAY I KISS YOU NOW?

NOT WHILE YOU ARE HOLDING THE SAUSAGE.

AH, YVETTE, THE AIRMEN--

HAVE THEY GONE?

- HALF AN HOUR AGO. - GOOD.

MICHELLE SAID SHE WAS PUTTING THEM IN A SAFE PLACE.

AND MY WIFE-- WHERE IS SHE?

SHE HAS GONE TO PARADE HERSELF

AROUND THE TOWN SQUARE AGAIN.

SHE HAS NOT BOUGHT ANOTHER NEW HAT, HAS SHE?

NO.

RENE...

HAVE YOU TOLD YOUR WIFE WE ARE GOING TO GET MARRIED?

NOT YET, YVETTE, NO.

THERE ARE COMPLICATIONS, YOU SEE.

WHAT COMPLICATIONS?

IT IS JUST POSSIBLE

I MAY HAVE TO MARRY EDITH AGAIN TO GET MY RESTAURANT BACK.

RENE, IF YOU DO, I WILL--

- I WILL KILL MYSELF! - YVETTE!

I WILL ONLY MARRY HER FOR A SHORT TIME.

THEN I CAN THROTTLE HER, OR--

PUSH HER OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHING.

WHY CAN'T YOU PUSH HER OFF A CLIFF OR SOMETHING NOW?

WHERE WOULD I FIND A CLIFF IN THE TOWN SQUARE?

BUT RENE, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH--

AH, YOU HAVE GOT DOUGH ON YOUR HANDS.

PUT ON THESE.

OH, RENE!

KISS ME. KISS ME.

Maria: RENE, WHERE ARE YOU?

IT IS MARIA. QUICK, SHE MUST NOT CATCH US.

- WHY NOT? - SHE MIGHT TELL MY WIFE.

BUT, SHE IS MY BEST FRIEND.

ALL THE MORE REASON WHY SHE MUST NOT CATCH US.

GET BACK TO YOUR BREAD.

RENE, LIEUTENANT GRUBER IS WAITING IN THE BAR.

HE HAS A PRESENT FOR YOU.

SINCE I HAVE BEEN A SINGLE MAN,

HE ALWAYS HAS A PRESENT FOR ME.

AH, MONSIEUR RENE.

I HAVE A LITTLE LUXURY FOR YOU.

IT IS FROM GAY "PAREE."

WHERE ELSE?

IT IS A LOTION TO PUT ON THE FACE AFTER SHAVING.

IT'S VERY POPULAR WITH OFFICERS IN THE TANK CORPS.

I EXPECT IT MAKES THE TANK SMELL BETTER.

YES, INDEED.

THERE IS NOTHING WORSE THAN BEING SQUASHED UP

IN A HOT TIGER TANK FULL OF SOLDIERS.

CAN YOU NOT LEAVE THE LID OPEN?

WE DO, BUT YOU HAVE TO BE CAREFUL.

OCCASIONALLY THE RESISTANCE DROP HAND GRENADES IN.

WE EXECUTE DOZENS OF THEM, BUT THEY TAKE NO NOTICE.

OOOF!

IT IS VERY STRONG.

IT'S BETTER ON THE SKIN.

YES, LILY OF THE VALLEY--

WITH A HINT OF DIESEL.

MY APOLOGIES.

TUESDAY IS MAINTENANCE DAY.

I DO NOT WANT TO BE CRITICAL,

BUT YOUR LIPSTICK IS CROOKED.

RENE, COME HERE. WE WISH TO TALK TO YOU.

Rene: OF COURSE.

YES?

SIT DOWN AND PAY ATTENTION.

I UNDERSTAND THAT HELGA HAS EXPLAINED TO YOU

ABOUT THE SAUSAGES.

WITH THE PAINTINGS INSIDE.

SHUT UP, HANS.

IT IS CONFUSING ENOUGH WITHOUT YOU JOINING IN.

YES, HELGA EXPLAINED. NOW, THERE IS A REAL KNOCKWURST,

A FORGED KNOCKWURST,

AND A KNOCKWURST FOR DINNER, YES?

- YOU'VE PUT IT IN A NUTSHELL. - OR A SAUSAGE SKIN.

SHUT UP, HANS!

WE NOW HAVE ALL THREE SAUSAGES.

THANK YOU, RENE.

NOW, AS I UNDERSTAND IT--

THIS IS THE ONE CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING

BECAUSE IT HAS ON IT A LITTLE SWASTIKA,

AND NOW, ONE OF THESE I COOK,

AND THE OTHER ONE CONTAINS THE FORGED PAINTING,

WHICH YOU ARE GOING TO SEND TO HITLER. CORRECT?

VERY NEARLY, YES.

HELGA HAS FOR US A MOST INGENIOUS PLAN.

WHICH IS WHY WE HAVE HAD TO ROW HER IN ON THE ACTION.

MY PLAN IS AS FOLLOWS:

THIS SAUSAGE YOU WILL COOK FOR 22 AND A HALF MINUTES PRECISELY,

OTHERWISE YOU WILL RUIN IT.

THIS SAUSAGE, CONTAINING THE REAL PAINTING,

YOU WILL HIDE IN YOUR CELLAR.

UPON THIS SAUSAGE,

CONTAINING THE FORGERY,

WE WILL PLACE A LITTLE SWASTIKA

AND YOU WILL HANG THIS SAUSAGE IN YOUR KITCHEN,

IN ACCORDANCE WITH HERR FLICK'S INSTRUCTIONS.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEND TO HITLER?

THAT IS THE CLEVER BIT.

WE ARE GOING TO SEND TO HITLER

A FORGED KNOCKWURST.

HANS, IT IS NOT A FORGED KNOCKWURST,

IT IS A NORMAL KNOCKWURST.

IT'S A NORMAL KNOCKWURST.

AND WHAT IS HITLER GOING TO SAY

WHEN HE GETS A NORMAL KNOCKWURST?

IT WILL NEVER ARRIVE.

SOMEBODY WILL TELL THE RESISTANCE

THAT THERE ARE VALUABLE SECRET MILITARY SUPPLIES ON THE TRAIN,

AND THE RESISTANCE WILL BLOW IT UP.

HA! WHO IS GOING TO TELL THE RESISTANCE

A SILLY STORY LIKE THAT?

THE MAN WHO IS HIDING IN HIS CELLAR

A STOLEN GESTAPO SAUSAGE.

YOU CANNOT EXPECT ME TO GO ABOUT TELLING--

DON'T ARGUE WITH ME, OR I WILL HAVE YOU SHOT.

BUT YOU CANNOT HAVE ME SHOT. I HAVE NOT DONE ANYTHING--

WE ARE WINNING THE WAR,

I AM A GERMAN OFFICER,

AND I CAN SHOOT ANYONE I LIKE!

NOW, HELGA,

THE STAMP.

EXCELLENT.

NOW, YOU WILL TAKE THIS ONE

AND HANG IT IN THE KITCHEN,

AND YOU WILL TELL THEM

TO COOK THAT ONE.

FOR 22 AND A HALF MINUTES.

YES, COLONEL.

RENE, YOU WILL HIDE THIS IN YOUR CELLAR.

- OH, BUT COLONEL-- - Gruber: MAY I JOIN YOU?

IT'S VERY LONELY JUST TALKING TO FRENCH GIRLS.

BY ALL MEANS, LIEUTENANT GRUBER.

I NOTICE THERE IS A SPARE SEAT HERE NEXT TO RENE.

- IT IS TAKEN. - WE HAVE FINISHED OUR BUSINESS, HAVE WE NOT?

- HERR FLICK. - HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO?

WHO ELSE?

GOOD EVENING, COLONEL.

HEIL HITLER.

HEIL HITLER.

KLOP.

HAVE OUR LITTLE FOODSTUFFS

BEEN ASSIGNED TO THEIR CORRECT DESTINATIONS?

YES, HERR FLICK.

AND THE LITTLE GIFT FOR THE FUHRER?

THAT IS AT THE PARCELS OFFICE AT THE STATION

AND WILL LEAVE TOMORROW NIGHT FOR BERLIN.

GOOD.

WE HAVE CAUSE FOR CELEBRATION.

THE GESTAPO WILL BUY YOU WINE.

A RARE OCCASION, HERR FLICK.

IT WILL BE ON THE GESTAPO ENTERTAINMENT ALLOWANCE.

EVEN RARER.

SIT!

ENJOY YOURSELF.

HANS, WHEN HERR FLICK COMES BACK

HE WILL SIT IN THAT CHAIR NEXT TO ME.

HE MUST NOT OBSERVE THE SAUSAGE.

TAKE IT.

BUT--

OOH!

( groans )

IT IS COLD AND CLAMMY.

HE IS COMING.

BUT SUPPOSE HE SEES ME WITH IT?

PUSH IT DOWN THE TABLE.

- RENE! - YES?

PASS THIS TO LIEUTENANT GRUBER.

TELL HIM NOT TO SAY A WORD.

LIEUTENANT GRUBER?

DO NOT SAY A WORD.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

DO NOT SAY A WORD.

WE MUST KEEP THIS A SECRET FROM THE GESTAPO.

YOU CAN TRUST ME.

HELP YOURSELVES.

AS FIELD MARSHALL GOERING WOULD HAVE SAID,

"BOTTOMS UP."

BOTTOMS--

LIEUTENANT GRUBER,

YOU ARE NOT JOINING OUR TOAST?

OH, I AM SORRY.

I WAS MILES AWAY.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN UNTIL THIS TIME?

RENE, AM I LATE?

OH, HOW THE TIME HAS FLOWN.

MY WORLD HAS TAKEN ON A NEW MAGIC.

THE FLOWERS ARE BRIGHTER,

THE GRASS IS GREENER,

I FEEL I MUST SING A SONG OF LOVE AND HOPE AND CHEER.

TAKE OFF YOUR HAT AND GO AND DO THE WASHING UP.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

PATRON, I AM A SIMPLE FARMHAND.

I GAVE MADAME A LIFT ON MY TRACTOR.

I HAVE FOR YOU

A MESSAGE.

( coughs ) COME TO THE BAR.

MAYBE FOR A SIMPLE FARMHAND,

YOU HAVE PERHAPS A COGNAC?

IF YOU ARE A SIMPLE FARMHAND,

YOU HAVE SIMPLE TASTES.

YOU CAN HAVE A BEER.

IT IS I,

LECLERC.

WELL, WELL.

DISGUISED AS AN IDIOT.

YOU KNOW, YOU HAD ME COMPLETELY F--

WHAT IS THAT TERRIBLE SMELL?

I HAVE BEEN SPREADING THE MUCK.

MICHELLE MADE HIM DO IT AS PART OF HIS COVER.

IT IS PRACTICALLY ALL OF HIS COVER.

ACHOO!

ACHOO!

THE MESSAGE.

THE CHARIOT WILL PICK UP THE LOVERS

TONIGHT AT 2:00.

YOU WILL BE AT THE COWSHED OF FARMER CLAUDE AT 1:00.

REMEMBER...

TO BRING A HURRICANE LAMP.

GET BACK TO YOUR DUNG HEAP

AND TELL MICHELLE I AM STAYING HERE.

WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

YOU HAVE THE GUTS OF A SPARROW.

HOW COULD I, THE WIDOW ARTOIS,

MARRY SUCH A COWARD

WHEN MY HUSBAND DIED FOR FRANCE?

EDITH, I THINK YOU ARE GETTING CONFUSED.

IT WAS I WHO DIED FOR FRANCE.

I DO NOT MEAN TO DIE FOR FRANCE TWICE.

NOT IN THE SAME YEAR.

TELL MICHELLE HE WILL BE THERE.

I GO.

YOU ARE NOT CONSUMING YOUR SAUSAGE VERY QUICKLY.

I'VE NEVER HAD SUCH A BIG ONE BEFORE.

I STICK MINE IN THE PICKLE.

IT REVITALIZES IT.

YOU WERE TELLING ME ABOUT THE INTERROGATION

YOU CARRIED OUT LAST WEEK.

I HAVE TALKED ENOUGH SHOP FOR ONE NIGHT.

I THINK I'VE ALSO EATEN ENOUGH KNOCKWURST.

THEN RENE WILL BRING YOU A DOGGIE BAG.

BUT I DO NOT HAVE A DOGGIE.

THEN WE WILL THROW IT OUT OF MY STAFF CAR

AND LET THE FRENCH PEASANTS FIGHT OVER IT.

WHAT FUN.

THEY ARE FINISHED.

QUICK, YVETTE, GET IN WITH THE BILL.

( knocks )

YOUR BILL, HERR FLICK.

I WILL SETTLE IT AT MY GESTAPO HEADQUARTERS.

YES, HERR FLICK.

BRING IT TO ME YOURSELF.

ALONE.

YES, HERR FLICK.

THEY NEVER DO, OF COURSE.

ARE YOU READY?

AT YOUR COMMAND, HERR FLICK.

THEN WE WILL GO HOME.

YOUR PLACE, OR MINE?

YOU WILL GO TO YOUR PLACE, I WILL GO TO MINE.

THANK YOU, HERR FLICK.

GOOD NIGHT, HERR FLICK.

GOOD NIGHT.

- GOOD NIGHT. - GOOD NIGHT.

THE GIRLS LOOK VERY CUTE

IN THE UNIFORM OF FRENCH MAIDS.

THANK YOU, HERR FLICK.

THEY ARE VERY POPULAR.

SHOULD YOU EVER REQUIRE THEIR SERVICES--

THANK YOU. I DO MY OWN DUSTING.

HEIL HITLER.

Everyone: HEIL HITLER.

NOT FORGETTING HIMMLER.

- Edith: AND GOEBBELS! - AND GOEBBELS.

Edith: QUICK. LOCK UP.

WE WILL LEAVE BY THE SIDE DOOR.

IT IS ALL CLEAR.

FOLLOW ME.

- GIVE THE SIGNAL. - WHAT SIGNAL?

TWO HOOTS-- OF THE OWL.

EDITH, I AM A CAFE OWNER.

I DO NOT DO IMPERSONATIONS.

OH VERY WELL.

I WILL DO IT.

TWIT-TWOO, TWIT-TWOO.

WHAT SORT OF AN OWL WAS THAT?

APPARENTLY ONE THAT IS UNAPPRECIATED BY THE BIRD UP THERE.

A CRITIC PERHAPS.

( Michelle hoots )

- DON'T MOVE. - ( gasps )

I HAVE FOUR BASKETS WITH ME.

IT IS HARD TO GET GOOD HELP THESE DAYS.

WALK THIS WAY.

HAND THEM OUT.

- Rene: WHAT ARE THESE FOR? - THESE ARE YOUR COVERS.

All: OH.

NO, YOUR COVER IS TO BE MUSHROOM PICKERS.

IF YOU ARE STOPPED, YOU ARE ON YOUR WAY TO THE FIELDS

- TO PICK MUSHROOMS FOR THE RESTAURANT. - AH!

THIS IS A GOOD COVER.

THE BEST ONES POP UP AT NIGHT.

GIVE THEM THE GUNS.

THEY ARE LOADED,

BUT THEY ARE NOT COCKED.

WHY DO WE NEED GUNS?

MUSHROOMS DO NOT FIGHT BACK.

IF THE GERMANS FIND YOU HELPING BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE,

YOU WILL HAVE TO SHOOT YOUR WAY OUT.

- WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN? - THEY ARE SAFELY HIDDEN.

FOLLOW ME.

HENRIETTE.

THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME SEE YOU HOME, HERR FLICK.

- ( thunderclap ) - JUST IN TIME.

THE RAIN IS ABOUT TO COMMENCE.

MY HAIR WILL GET WET.

STEP FORWARD UNDER THE BRIM

OF MY WIDE GESTAPO HAT.

WHILE I AM HERE, SHALL I KISS YOU?

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

JUST A QUICK CANOODLE.

( thunderclap )

I FIND KISSING YOU WHILE THE ELEMENTS ARE ACTIVE...

VERY EXCITING.

OF COURSE.

OH, WE ARE GOING TO GET WET.

SISSY.

FOLLOW ME. INSIDE.

( cow moos )

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

IT IS I, LECLERC.

I AM DISGUISED AS A SIMPLE MILKING MAID.

YOU LOOKED THE SAME WHEN YOU WERE A SIMPLE FARMHAND.

IT IS THE WAR, MONSIEUR.

WE ARE VERY SHORT OF STAFF.

WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?

I SHALL TAKE YOU TO THEM.

THIS IS NADIA.

THIS, CLAUDETTE.

HERE IS SOPHIA.

BRIGITTE.

AND THIS--

FLIGHT LIEUTENANT FAIRFAX.

HELLO!

OH, GOD.

WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?

HE IS WAITING TO BE MILKED.

WHERE IS CARSTAIRS?

I'M IN CHARGE OF THE CANTEEN,

THIS END.

THE UDDER SEEMS A BIT SMALL.

SO THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED TO MY WASHING UP GLOVES.

IF YOU DON'T MIND MY ASKING,

WHAT ARE WE ALL DOING HERE?

THE PLANE IS DUE IN 10 MINUTES.

IT WILL LAND THE OTHER SIDE OF THE WOODS,

ACROSS THE ROAD.

THE ROAD IS CONTROLLED BY THE GERMANS.

SHOULD WE ENCOUNTER THEM,

THEY WILL NOT SUSPECT SIX MUSHROOM PICKERS AND A HERD OF COWS.

ARE YOU TRYING TO TELL ME THE GERMANS WILL NOT SUSPECT THAT COW?

NOT WHEN HE IS MIXED AMONGST THE OTHERS.

MONSIEUR LECLERC, IT IS TIME.

YOU AND THE FARMER MUST LEAD OUT THE COWS.

IMMEDIATELY.

( cows mooing )

Carstairs: WHAT'S GOING ON?

Fairfax: IT'S JOLLY HARD TO SEE.

Carstairs: USE YOUR NOSE.

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WE GO TO THE FIELDS TO PICK MUSHROOMS.

WHICH WAY IS THE FIELD?

FOLLOW THE COWS.

LOOK, EDITH.

I HAVE ALREADY FOUND A MUSHROOM.

THAT IS A TOADSTOOL.

I SAY, FAIRFAX?

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

I'VE JUST TRODDEN IN SOMETHING.

WELL, IT'S NOTHING TO DO WITH ME.

( theme music playing )