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1
00:00:01,834 --> 00:00:05,637
( theme music playing )
2
00:00:20,953 --> 00:00:23,155
WELCOME TO MY CAFE.
3
00:00:23,157 --> 00:00:26,624
I AM HAPPY TO TELL YOU THAT
LIFE HERE IS BACK TO NORMAL.
4
00:00:26,626 --> 00:00:29,794
- ( bang )
- THE TWO ENGLISH AIRMEN
WHO WERE HIDING HERE,
5
00:00:29,796 --> 00:00:31,863
HAVE BEEN TAKEN AWAY
BY THE RESISTANCE
6
00:00:31,865 --> 00:00:34,566
AND ARE BEING HIDDEN
IN A NEARBY NUNNERY.
7
00:00:34,568 --> 00:00:36,968
THE PAINTING
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
8
00:00:36,970 --> 00:00:39,438
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
BY VAN CLOMP,
9
00:00:39,440 --> 00:00:41,540
WHICH I WAS HIDING
IN MY CELLAR,
10
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,008
IS NOW IN POSSESSION
OF HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO.
11
00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:45,444
( bang )
12
00:00:45,446 --> 00:00:48,680
I HAVE BEEN SHOT DEAD,
13
00:00:48,682 --> 00:00:52,250
AND I AM NOW POSING
AS MY OWN TWIN BROTHER.
14
00:00:52,252 --> 00:00:55,187
OF COURSE NOBODY KNOWS THIS,
15
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:58,423
EXCEPT MY WIFE, THE SERVANTS
AND MY WIFE'S MOTHER;
16
00:00:58,425 --> 00:01:01,393
- AND THE GERMAN COMMANDANT
AND HIS ASSISTANT;
- ( bang )
17
00:01:01,395 --> 00:01:04,096
AND HIS SECRETARY AND MOST
OF THE FRENCH RESISTANCE;
18
00:01:04,098 --> 00:01:05,863
BUT THAT IS ALL.
19
00:01:05,865 --> 00:01:07,699
NOW, THE BANGING
THAT YOU CAN HEAR
20
00:01:07,701 --> 00:01:09,734
IS MY DEMENTED WIDOW,
21
00:01:09,736 --> 00:01:12,337
WHO IS IN THE BACK ROOM
LOOKING FOR MY WILL,
22
00:01:12,339 --> 00:01:14,806
WHICH LEAVES EVERYTHING
THAT I POSSESS TO HER.
23
00:01:14,808 --> 00:01:18,243
I AM NOT WORRIED.
SHE CAN BANG ALL DAY.
24
00:01:18,245 --> 00:01:21,480
THE WILL IS SAFELY HIDDEN
IN A SECRET COMPARTMENT
25
00:01:21,482 --> 00:01:24,882
BEHIND THE CUCKOO CLOCK
WHERE SHE WILL NEVER FIND IT.
26
00:01:24,884 --> 00:01:26,151
GOOD MORNING, RENE.
27
00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,019
GOOD MORNING, LIEUTENANT.
28
00:01:28,021 --> 00:01:30,388
THIS IS THE MAN THAT SHOT ME.
29
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:33,057
HE FANCIES ME LIKE MAD.
30
00:01:33,059 --> 00:01:36,161
PERHAPS IT IS THE APRON?
31
00:01:36,163 --> 00:01:40,499
YOUR CHEEKS ARE A VERY GOOD
FRESH COLOR TODAY.
32
00:01:41,601 --> 00:01:44,102
AND YOU HAVE AN IMPISH LOOK
IN YOUR EYE--
33
00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:47,372
( cuckoo clock goes off )
34
00:01:47,374 --> 00:01:49,674
WHICH HAS SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED.
HOW ABOUT A DRINK?
35
00:01:49,676 --> 00:01:51,443
WHAT A GOOD IDEA.
36
00:01:56,081 --> 00:01:58,583
OPEN THIS DOOR!
EDITH, OPEN THE DOOR!
37
00:01:58,585 --> 00:02:00,118
I HAVE FOUND IT!
38
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:01,253
I HAVE FOUND IT!
39
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:02,654
SHUT UP!
40
00:02:02,656 --> 00:02:05,557
I HAVE FOUND THE WILL
OF MY LATE HUSBAND.
41
00:02:05,559 --> 00:02:08,360
THERE IS NO NEED
TO MAKE SUCH A SONG
AND DANCE ABOUT IT.
42
00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:11,763
GIVE IT TO ME, EDITH.
AFTER ALL, I AM THE EXECUTOR.
43
00:02:11,765 --> 00:02:13,831
IT IS NOT
ADDRESSED TO YOU.
44
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:15,467
NO, BUT IT WOULD
GO WITHOUT SAYING
45
00:02:15,469 --> 00:02:17,135
THAT RENE WOULD
WANT HIS BROTHER
46
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,303
AS AN EXECUTOR.
47
00:02:18,305 --> 00:02:20,805
IT HAS GONE
WITHOUT SAYING.
48
00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,440
GATHER ROUND,
EVERYONE,
49
00:02:22,442 --> 00:02:25,343
WHILE I READ TO YOU
THE LAST WILL
AND TESTAMENT
50
00:02:25,345 --> 00:02:27,879
OF MY DEAR
DEPARTED HUSBAND--
51
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:30,582
WHO WAS SHOT
BY THE GERMANS.
52
00:02:30,584 --> 00:02:32,284
ORDERS, YOU KNOW?
53
00:02:32,286 --> 00:02:36,054
LISTEN, HE LEAVE
EVERYTHING TO ME.
54
00:02:37,456 --> 00:02:41,193
"I, RENE ARTOIS,
BEING OF SOUND MIND--"
55
00:02:41,195 --> 00:02:43,761
I WOULD DISPUTE THAT
FOR A START.
56
00:02:43,763 --> 00:02:45,763
"--DO HEREBY LEAVE
57
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,366
ALL OF WHICH
I STAND POSSESSED
58
00:02:48,368 --> 00:02:50,134
TO MY DEAR
AND FAITHFUL WIFE,
59
00:02:50,136 --> 00:02:53,805
WHO HAS COMFORTED ME
AND FILLED ME WITH JOY
60
00:02:53,807 --> 00:02:56,575
DURING THE HAPPY DAYS
OF MY MARRIAGE."
61
00:02:56,577 --> 00:03:00,245
I WROTE THAT
ON THE HONEYMOON.
62
00:03:00,247 --> 00:03:02,581
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL PHRASE.
63
00:03:02,583 --> 00:03:05,917
- LOOK, THERE IS SOMETHING
WRITTEN ON THE BACK.
- AH, NO--
64
00:03:05,919 --> 00:03:07,519
"P.S., TO YVETTE..."
65
00:03:08,554 --> 00:03:10,488
I CAN HARDLY READ IT.
66
00:03:10,490 --> 00:03:12,524
IT IS AS IF
HIS HAND WAS SHAKING.
67
00:03:13,926 --> 00:03:17,762
"TO YVETTE, WHO HAS
SERVED SO DEVOTEDLY UNDER ME...
68
00:03:21,166 --> 00:03:24,569
I LEAVE THE COLLAPSIBLE SOFA
IN THE PARLOR."
69
00:03:26,205 --> 00:03:28,340
THAT SOFA IS NOT COLLAPSIBLE.
70
00:03:28,342 --> 00:03:31,343
IT IS, UNLESS YOU
PUT A BOOK UNDER IT.
71
00:03:31,345 --> 00:03:34,011
"P.P.S., TO MARIA,
72
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:36,514
I LEAVE THE SMALL
BILLIARD TABLE
73
00:03:36,516 --> 00:03:39,117
WHICH HAS GIVEN US BOTH
SO MANY MOMENTS OF PLEASURE."
74
00:03:39,119 --> 00:03:42,254
- ( giggles )
- I NEVER SAW YOU
PLAYING IN THERE!
75
00:03:42,256 --> 00:03:44,656
ALWAYS RENE WOULD
MAKE ME SHUT THE DOOR,
76
00:03:44,658 --> 00:03:46,491
AND PUT A CHAIR
UNDER THE KNOB.
77
00:03:46,493 --> 00:03:49,093
WHAT WERE YOU DOING THAT YOU
DID NOT WANT TO BE INTERRUPTED?
78
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:52,364
WHY ASK ME,
I AM DEAD, REMEMBER?
79
00:03:53,799 --> 00:03:56,934
ANYWAY, HE HAS DONE
THE RIGHT THING BY ME.
80
00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:59,504
EVERYTHING IS NOW MINE,
81
00:03:59,506 --> 00:04:02,674
TO HAVE AND TO HOLD,
TILL DEATH DO ME PART.
82
00:04:02,676 --> 00:04:04,242
HE WAS A GOOD MAN.
83
00:04:04,244 --> 00:04:08,045
THERE WAS SOMETHING...
SOFT AND SENSITIVE
ABOUT HIM.
84
00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:10,848
ALTHOUGH, LIKE YOU, HE COULD
BE A LITTLE DISTANT AT TIMES.
85
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,717
WE ARE A CAUTIOUS
FAMILY.
86
00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:15,320
WE WILL DRINK
TO HIS MEMORY.
87
00:04:16,589 --> 00:04:20,191
DO NOT POUR TOO MUCH,
THAT IS MY BEST COGNAC!
88
00:04:20,193 --> 00:04:21,493
HIS BEST COGNAC.
89
00:04:21,495 --> 00:04:25,163
AND NOW, IT IS
MY BEST COGNAC.
90
00:04:26,799 --> 00:04:28,800
TO HIS MEMORY.
91
00:04:28,802 --> 00:04:30,134
Everyone:
TO RENE.
92
00:04:31,604 --> 00:04:33,305
OHHH.
93
00:04:33,307 --> 00:04:35,873
IT IS OVER.
IT IS DONE.
94
00:04:40,546 --> 00:04:43,147
- ( register rings )
- WHAT ARE YOU UP TO NOW?
95
00:04:43,149 --> 00:04:46,150
I AM GOING TO BUY
MYSELF A NEW HAT.
96
00:04:46,152 --> 00:04:48,186
WHY DO YOU WANT
A NEW HAT?
97
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:51,723
YOU MUST REMEMBER
I AM A RICH WIDOW,
98
00:04:51,725 --> 00:04:53,758
IN THE PRIME
OF MY LIFE.
99
00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,695
THIS EVENING MAMMA
WILL PROMENADE ME
IN THE SQUARE.
100
00:04:56,697 --> 00:05:00,097
SOME HANDSOME MAN
WILL GAZE UPON ME
IN MY NEW HAT.
101
00:05:00,099 --> 00:05:02,133
"WHO IS THAT?"
HE WILL ASK.
102
00:05:02,135 --> 00:05:05,036
"IT IS THE RICH
WIDOW ARTOIS,"
THEY WILL REPLY.
103
00:05:05,038 --> 00:05:08,940
"OH, HOW YOUNG
AND SLENDER SHE LOOKS,
104
00:05:08,942 --> 00:05:12,076
I MUST PAY MY RESPECTS
TO HER," HE WILL SAY.
105
00:05:12,078 --> 00:05:15,246
AND MAYBE TOMORROW MORNING
HE WILL BE AT MY DOOR,
106
00:05:15,248 --> 00:05:17,382
BEARING A BEAUTIFUL
BOUQUET
107
00:05:17,384 --> 00:05:19,584
OF SWEET
SMELLING ROSES.
108
00:05:19,586 --> 00:05:23,154
PROVIDED HIS GUIDE DOG
CAN FIND THE HOUSE.
109
00:05:29,027 --> 00:05:30,528
LIEUTENANT GRUBER.
110
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:33,631
- COLONEL.
- IS THAT YOUR
ARMORED CAR OUTSIDE?
111
00:05:33,633 --> 00:05:37,134
- DOES IT HAVE A LITTLE DENT
IN THE WING?
- IT DOES.
112
00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:42,307
- THEN YES, IT IS MINE.
- THEN PLEASE MOVE IT.
YOU'RE IN MY PARKING PLACE.
113
00:05:42,309 --> 00:05:44,241
THE COLONEL LIKES
TO PARK UNDER THE TREE.
114
00:05:44,243 --> 00:05:46,744
OTHERWISE HIS SEAT
GETS VERY HOT.
115
00:05:46,746 --> 00:05:48,346
MY APOLOGIES,
COLONEL.
116
00:05:50,482 --> 00:05:54,151
HANS, WHY ARE YOU
SITTING DOWN?
117
00:05:54,153 --> 00:05:57,254
BECAUSE MY LEGS
ARE RATHER TIRED.
118
00:05:57,256 --> 00:06:00,525
HANS, I AM A COLONEL,
YOU ARE A CAPTAIN.
119
00:06:00,527 --> 00:06:03,894
YOU DO NOT SIT DOWN
BEFORE I SIT DOWN.
120
00:06:03,896 --> 00:06:07,097
YOU DO NOT STAND UP
BEFORE I STAND UP.
121
00:06:07,099 --> 00:06:10,401
A COLONEL DOES
EVERYTHING FIRST.
122
00:06:10,403 --> 00:06:12,537
I-- I'M SORRY, COLONEL.
123
00:06:12,539 --> 00:06:14,171
WELL THEN,
BE MORE CAREFUL!
124
00:06:14,173 --> 00:06:16,341
YOU ARE GETTING
VERY SLACK!
125
00:06:16,343 --> 00:06:19,043
NOW, GENTLEMEN, WHAT CAN
I GET YOU TO DRINK?
126
00:06:19,045 --> 00:06:20,244
THE COLONEL
127
00:06:20,246 --> 00:06:21,846
WILL BE ORDERING.
128
00:06:25,317 --> 00:06:26,851
TWO COGNACS.
129
00:06:26,853 --> 00:06:31,356
- Rene: MARIA, TWO COGNACS.
- ON CAPTAIN GEERING'S ACCOUNT.
130
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,525
RENE, WE HAVE ONE OR TWO
DELICATE MATTERS TO ATTEND TO.
131
00:06:36,027 --> 00:06:39,029
MARIA AND YVETTE
ARE AT YOUR DISPOSAL,
COLONEL,
132
00:06:39,031 --> 00:06:40,732
BUT... COULD YOU
BOOK EARLY?
133
00:06:40,734 --> 00:06:43,401
BECAUSE FRIDAY
IS A VERY BUSY DAY.
134
00:06:43,403 --> 00:06:45,169
THAT IS NOT WHAT
I WANT TO TALK ABOUT.
135
00:06:45,171 --> 00:06:47,739
BUT MAKE A NOTE OF IT,
WE'LL COME BACK
TO IT LATER.
136
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:51,141
NOW, I AM COMMANDANT
OF THIS TOWN.
137
00:06:51,143 --> 00:06:54,345
I CANNOT CONTINUE
TO TURN A BLIND EYE
138
00:06:54,347 --> 00:06:57,281
TO YOUR HIDING
BRITISH AIRMEN IN YOUR CAFE.
139
00:06:57,283 --> 00:06:59,617
BUT, COLONEL,
YOU ARE TURNING A BLIND EYE
140
00:06:59,619 --> 00:07:01,986
BECAUSE I WAS HIDING
YOUR STOLEN PAINTING
141
00:07:01,988 --> 00:07:05,055
OF THE FALLEN MADONNA
WITH THE BIG BOOBIES
IN MY CELLAR.
142
00:07:05,057 --> 00:07:06,691
NOT ANY MORE.
143
00:07:06,693 --> 00:07:09,627
THAT PAINTING IS NOW
IN THE HANDS OF HERR FLICK.
144
00:07:09,629 --> 00:07:11,662
OF THE GESTAPO.
145
00:07:11,664 --> 00:07:13,631
TOGETHER
WITH TWO FORGERIES.
146
00:07:13,633 --> 00:07:16,401
SO YOU NO LONGER
HAVE A HOLD OVER ME, RENE.
147
00:07:16,403 --> 00:07:20,405
IF I WANT TO SHOOT YOU,
I ONLY HAVE TO SAY THE WORD.
148
00:07:20,407 --> 00:07:22,807
FIRE.
149
00:07:22,809 --> 00:07:24,742
DO NOT WORRY, COLONEL.
150
00:07:24,744 --> 00:07:26,844
THE BRITISH AIRMEN
ARE GONE, FOR GOOD.
151
00:07:26,846 --> 00:07:28,379
EXCELLENT.
152
00:07:28,381 --> 00:07:31,115
THEN IF YOU WILL
TELL ME THE NAMES
OF THE RESISTANCE LEADERS.
153
00:07:31,117 --> 00:07:32,917
I WILL SEE THAT
YOU ARE PROTECTED.
154
00:07:32,919 --> 00:07:35,219
PROTECTED?!
AGAINST WHO?
155
00:07:35,221 --> 00:07:37,221
ME!
156
00:07:37,223 --> 00:07:40,190
BUT COLONEL,
I DO NOT KNOW THEIR NAMES.
157
00:07:40,192 --> 00:07:42,192
THEY ARE MOSTLY GIRLS.
158
00:07:42,194 --> 00:07:43,994
THEY WEAR MACKINTOSHES AND...
159
00:07:43,996 --> 00:07:46,030
AND LITTLE SHORT WHITE SOCKS,
160
00:07:46,032 --> 00:07:48,299
AND BERETS LIKE
ANY OTHER FRENCH GIRLS.
161
00:07:48,301 --> 00:07:50,835
AND THEY ONLY
REVEAL THEMSELVES AT NIGHT.
162
00:07:50,837 --> 00:07:53,237
LIKE ANY OTHER
FRENCH GIRLS.
163
00:07:54,740 --> 00:07:57,041
I WISH I COULD
GET MY HANDS ON THEM.
164
00:07:57,043 --> 00:07:58,609
WE BOTH DO.
165
00:08:00,679 --> 00:08:03,915
IF YOU DO NOT COOPERATE,
I WILL HAVE YOU SHOT!
166
00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,750
OH, COLONEL,
YOU WOULDN'T?!
167
00:08:05,752 --> 00:08:08,753
HE WOULD!
HE DID IT BEFORE.
168
00:08:08,755 --> 00:08:11,656
COLONEL, I DO NOT WISH YOU
TO THINK BADLY OF ME,
169
00:08:11,658 --> 00:08:15,426
BUT, I DID TAKE THE PRECAUTION
OF WRITING A LETTER
170
00:08:15,428 --> 00:08:18,095
WHICH TELLS HOW YOU
HELPED THE RESISTANCE
171
00:08:18,097 --> 00:08:19,664
TO BLOW UP
THE RAILWAY LINE;
172
00:08:19,666 --> 00:08:22,567
HOW YOU STOLE THAT PAINTINGIN THE FIRST PLACE.
173
00:08:22,569 --> 00:08:25,035
NOW, THE LETTER IS SIGNED,
BY THE WHOLE VILLAGE,
174
00:08:25,037 --> 00:08:27,505
AND THE MOMENT I AM ARRESTED,
IT IS TO BE PLACED
175
00:08:27,507 --> 00:08:29,841
INTO THE HANDS OF HERR FLICK
OF THE GESTAPO.
176
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:32,677
HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO!
YOU WOULDN'T?!
177
00:08:32,679 --> 00:08:35,179
HE WOULD.
178
00:08:35,181 --> 00:08:37,782
I THINK IT IS CHECKMATE,
HERR COLONEL.
179
00:08:37,784 --> 00:08:39,717
RENE...
180
00:08:39,719 --> 00:08:42,620
YOU ARE SMARTER
THAN I THOUGHT.
181
00:08:42,622 --> 00:08:44,388
THANK YOU, COLONEL.
182
00:08:44,390 --> 00:08:45,923
IF I MAY SUGGEST,
183
00:08:45,925 --> 00:08:48,092
WE JUST WIPE
THE SLATE CLEAN.
184
00:08:48,094 --> 00:08:50,561
YOU HAVE NO PAINTING,
I HAVE NO AIRMEN,
185
00:08:50,563 --> 00:08:52,497
BUT ON THE OTHER HAND,
I DO HAVE THE GIRLS.
186
00:08:54,165 --> 00:08:56,333
WHICH BRINGS US BACK
TO POINT ONE.
187
00:08:56,335 --> 00:08:58,235
SHALL WE SAY 9:00?
188
00:08:58,237 --> 00:09:00,337
AGREED.
189
00:09:00,339 --> 00:09:01,739
WAIT--
190
00:09:01,741 --> 00:09:03,173
WITH THE WET CELERY
191
00:09:03,175 --> 00:09:05,009
AND THE FLYING HELMET.
192
00:09:06,311 --> 00:09:07,545
AND...
193
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:10,681
A GREAT BIG STEAMING PLATE
OF SPAGHETTI BOLOGNESE
194
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,884
AND THREE FEET
OF ELASTIC.
195
00:09:14,586 --> 00:09:17,321
HANS, JUST BETWEEN
THE TWO OF US,
196
00:09:17,323 --> 00:09:20,658
- WHAT EXACTLY HAVE
YOU GOT IN MIND?
- WELL, I-- I--
197
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:22,426
I THOUGHT I WOULD
HAVE A QUICK SNACK,
198
00:09:22,428 --> 00:09:25,663
WHILE MARIA REPAIRS
MY LONG WINTER UNDERWEAR.
199
00:09:27,465 --> 00:09:28,799
( knocks on door )
200
00:09:39,611 --> 00:09:42,580
- YOU SENT FOR ME, HERR FLICK?
- YOU ARE LATE.
201
00:09:42,582 --> 00:09:44,582
GO INTO THE INNER CHAMBER.
202
00:09:49,888 --> 00:09:51,855
STOP!
203
00:09:51,857 --> 00:09:53,857
TAKE OUT YOUR
HANDKERCHIEF.
204
00:09:59,064 --> 00:10:00,664
WIPE YOUR LIPS.
205
00:10:04,169 --> 00:10:06,137
REPLACE
THE HANDKERCHIEF.
206
00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:13,544
TURN AROUND.
207
00:10:14,813 --> 00:10:16,447
YOU MAY KISS ME.
208
00:10:29,894 --> 00:10:31,362
SIX OUT OF 10.
209
00:10:32,864 --> 00:10:34,698
I KNOCKED OFF FOUR
FOR THE GARLIC.
210
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,102
MAY I SIT DOWN?
211
00:10:38,104 --> 00:10:41,005
NO, REMAIN STANDING.
212
00:10:41,007 --> 00:10:42,706
I HAVE A PROBLEM.
213
00:10:42,708 --> 00:10:45,376
DARE I ASK WHAT IT IS?
214
00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:46,410
YES.
215
00:10:50,048 --> 00:10:52,183
I HAVE THREE
FALLEN MADONNAS
216
00:10:52,185 --> 00:10:54,519
WITH SIX BIG BOOBIES.
217
00:10:56,488 --> 00:10:57,688
WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?
218
00:10:57,690 --> 00:11:00,224
ONLY ONE OF THEM IS REAL.
219
00:11:00,226 --> 00:11:02,092
ONLY ONE BIG BOOBIE?
220
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:06,130
ONE PAINTING.
221
00:11:06,132 --> 00:11:08,599
ONE IS A FORGERY
COMMISSIONED BY MYSELF;
222
00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:12,470
ONE ARRIVED MYSTERIOUSLY
AT MY HEADQUARTERS;
223
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:14,205
ONE IS GENUINE.
224
00:11:14,207 --> 00:11:17,941
I HID THEM ALL, ROLLED UP
IN MY HIGH GESTAPO BOOTS.
225
00:11:17,943 --> 00:11:21,612
A PEASANT TIDIED THE ROOM
AND MIXED THEM ALL UP.
226
00:11:21,614 --> 00:11:24,282
NOW I DO NOT KNOW
WHICH IS WHICH.
227
00:11:24,284 --> 00:11:26,484
WHY DO YOU NOT SEND
FOR THE MAN WHO FORGED THEM?
228
00:11:26,486 --> 00:11:28,386
HE WILL BE ABLE TO IDENTIFY
THE REAL ONE.
229
00:11:28,388 --> 00:11:31,855
THAT IS A VERY
GOOD IDEA.
230
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:34,858
UNFORTUNATELY,
HE IS NOT AVAILABLE.
231
00:11:34,860 --> 00:11:36,760
WHY NOT?
232
00:11:36,762 --> 00:11:39,697
HE FELL OUT
OF A GESTAPO CAR,
233
00:11:39,699 --> 00:11:42,132
OVER A BRIDGE
ONTO A RAILWAY LINE,
234
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:45,135
AND WAS RUN OVER
BY THE BERLIN EXPRESS.
235
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:47,205
IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
236
00:11:48,574 --> 00:11:50,308
OF COURSE, HERR FLICK.
237
00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:52,076
THE REAL PAINTING
I WISH TO RETAIN
238
00:11:52,078 --> 00:11:54,011
TO SELL AFTER THE WAR,
239
00:11:54,013 --> 00:11:56,314
TO PROVIDE FOR US
WHEN WE ARE MARRIED.
240
00:11:56,316 --> 00:11:58,416
HERR FLICK,
241
00:11:58,418 --> 00:12:01,252
I THINK I SHOULD TELL YOU THAT
I HAVE A FRIEND IN THE ARMY
242
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:04,154
WITH WHOM I HAVE BEEN
CORRESPONDING IN AN EARNEST...
243
00:12:04,156 --> 00:12:06,090
AND MEANINGFUL MANNER.
244
00:12:06,092 --> 00:12:07,925
GIVE ME HIS NAME,
245
00:12:07,927 --> 00:12:09,493
RANK AND NUMBER,
246
00:12:09,495 --> 00:12:11,295
AND HE WILL NOT
BE A PROBLEM.
247
00:12:12,364 --> 00:12:14,131
ON SECOND THOUGHTS...
248
00:12:14,133 --> 00:12:16,601
HE DOES NOT HAVE
YOUR FORCEFUL,
249
00:12:16,603 --> 00:12:18,102
COMMANDING,
250
00:12:18,104 --> 00:12:21,606
DOMINATING AND RUTHLESS
PERSONALITY,
251
00:12:21,608 --> 00:12:24,007
WHICH DRAWS ME TO YOU
252
00:12:24,009 --> 00:12:26,677
LIKE A BEE
TO A POT OF JAM.
253
00:12:26,679 --> 00:12:28,479
I WILL PUT THE KETTLE ON.
254
00:12:30,882 --> 00:12:34,051
YOU WILL FIND FOR ME
A MAN WITH KNOWLEDGE
OF PAINTING,
255
00:12:34,053 --> 00:12:36,254
WHO WILL DECIDE
BEYOND ALL DOUBT
256
00:12:36,256 --> 00:12:38,589
WHICH IS
THE REAL VAN CLOMP.
257
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:40,458
YES, HERR FLICK.
258
00:12:43,661 --> 00:12:45,596
MARIA, YOU SHOULD
NOT DO THAT
259
00:12:45,598 --> 00:12:47,398
UNLESS I AM HERE
TO HOLD YOU.
260
00:12:47,400 --> 00:12:49,233
YOU COULD SO EASILY FALL.
261
00:12:49,235 --> 00:12:51,102
I ALREADY HAVE.
262
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:54,205
RENE, I MUST
TALK TO YOU.
263
00:12:54,207 --> 00:12:56,840
I AM LISTENING
WITH ONE EAR.
264
00:12:56,842 --> 00:12:59,076
WE MAY BE
OBSERVED.
265
00:12:59,078 --> 00:13:01,245
WE MUST MEET
IN PRIVATE.
266
00:13:01,247 --> 00:13:03,013
LET US RENDEZVOUS
267
00:13:03,015 --> 00:13:05,015
IN THE BROOM CLOSET
UNDER THE STAIRS.
268
00:13:05,017 --> 00:13:08,685
YOU ARE MAKING THE CURL
COME OUT OF MY HAIR.
269
00:13:08,687 --> 00:13:09,920
OH, RENE!
270
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:12,289
YES, ALL RIGHT,
I AGREE, IN 10 MINUTES.
271
00:13:12,291 --> 00:13:14,725
GO NOW, YOUR WIFE
IS COMING DOWNSTAIRS.
272
00:13:19,063 --> 00:13:21,698
WELL, WHAT
DO YOU THINK?
273
00:13:28,840 --> 00:13:31,708
WHY ARE YOU WEARING
ON YOUR HEAD A DEAD HEN?
274
00:13:35,580 --> 00:13:37,581
AND WHY ARE YOU
TAKING MORE MONEY?
275
00:13:37,583 --> 00:13:39,450
I HAVE TO BUY
REFRESHMENTS
276
00:13:39,452 --> 00:13:41,485
FOR MAMMA AND
MONSIEUR LECLERC.
277
00:13:41,487 --> 00:13:44,054
AND WHO KNOWS,
MAYBE MY SUITOR.
278
00:13:44,056 --> 00:13:47,324
IF YOU GO ON LIKE THIS,
YOU WILL SOON BE
A POOR WIDOW.
279
00:13:47,326 --> 00:13:51,228
MADAME, I HAVE PLACED
THE BATH CHAIR OF YOUR MOTHER
280
00:13:51,230 --> 00:13:53,230
OUTSIDE THE CAFE DOOR.
281
00:13:53,232 --> 00:13:55,999
WHY ARE YOU ALL DRESSED UP
LIKE THE DINNER OF A DOG?
282
00:13:57,869 --> 00:14:01,305
I, LECLERC,
AM TO BE THE PUSHER.
283
00:14:01,307 --> 00:14:04,208
IT IS GOING TO BE LIKE
A CIRCUS OUT THERE.
284
00:14:04,210 --> 00:14:07,044
WE'RE GOING TO BE
THE LAUGHINGSTOCK
OF THE WHOLE VILLAGE.
285
00:14:07,046 --> 00:14:09,613
FANNY, MY LOVE,
ARE YOU READY?
286
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,649
- ( Mamma groans )
- COME ALONG.
287
00:14:11,651 --> 00:14:15,586
WILL NOBODY COME
TO MY ASSISTANCE?
288
00:14:20,858 --> 00:14:25,862
THE TEETH HAVE
DROPPED OUT OF MY FOX.
289
00:14:25,864 --> 00:14:27,831
IF YOU WANT
TO LOOK REALLY SMART,
290
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,033
YOU COULD GIVE IT
YOUR SPARE SET.
291
00:14:31,936 --> 00:14:34,871
COME, AH, FANNY,
292
00:14:34,873 --> 00:14:38,041
HOW THE YEARS HAVE
FALLEN AWAY.
293
00:14:38,043 --> 00:14:40,511
HOW EVERYTHING
HAS FALLEN AWAY.
294
00:14:40,513 --> 00:14:42,580
- DEAR ROGER.
- NOW, FANNY.
295
00:14:44,882 --> 00:14:48,219
I REMEMBER
HOW DAPPER
296
00:14:48,221 --> 00:14:51,188
AND JAUNTY
YOU WERE.
297
00:14:51,190 --> 00:14:53,990
AH, YES.
I REMEMBER.
298
00:14:53,992 --> 00:14:58,362
WHAT A PITY
YOU ARE SO DECREPIT NOW.
299
00:15:00,465 --> 00:15:02,333
AH, YES.
300
00:15:02,335 --> 00:15:05,102
BUT I CAN STILL
TWIRL MY CANE.
301
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:10,241
A LOT OF GOOD
THAT IS GOING TO DO US.
302
00:15:13,945 --> 00:15:15,679
MAMMA,
303
00:15:15,681 --> 00:15:18,115
YOU HAVE NOT MENTIONED
MY NEW HAT.
304
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:21,285
IT LOOKS LIKE
A DEAD HEN.
305
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:26,457
READY?
306
00:15:26,459 --> 00:15:28,959
RICH WIDOW!
307
00:15:28,961 --> 00:15:31,795
GET YOUR
RICH WIDOW HERE!
308
00:15:31,797 --> 00:15:33,997
MONSIEUR LECLERC?
309
00:15:33,999 --> 00:15:37,200
I THINK WE SHOULD BE
A LITTLE MORE SUBTLE THAN THAT.
310
00:15:37,202 --> 00:15:38,802
AH.
311
00:15:38,804 --> 00:15:41,739
FAIRLY RICH WIDOW!
312
00:15:41,741 --> 00:15:44,375
GET YOUR FAIRLY
RICH WIDOW HERE.
313
00:15:46,344 --> 00:15:47,478
MARIA.
314
00:15:47,480 --> 00:15:50,046
RENE,
SHUT THE DOOR.
315
00:15:51,383 --> 00:15:53,684
RENE, MY LOVE.
316
00:15:55,153 --> 00:15:57,087
AGH, ARGH.
317
00:15:57,089 --> 00:15:58,322
AARGHH!
318
00:15:58,324 --> 00:15:59,956
- RENE?
- HMM?
319
00:15:59,958 --> 00:16:02,993
WHY ARE YOU SO FORMAL
AND WITHDRAWN?
320
00:16:02,995 --> 00:16:06,163
I AM IMPALED
UPON THE HANDLE
OF THE HOOVER.
321
00:16:09,701 --> 00:16:11,067
RENE?
322
00:16:11,069 --> 00:16:12,869
OOH, THAT IS BETTER.
323
00:16:14,773 --> 00:16:16,273
WHAT?
324
00:16:16,275 --> 00:16:19,543
NOW THAT YOU'RE
NO LONGER MARRIED
TO EDITH,
325
00:16:19,545 --> 00:16:22,546
WILL YOU MAKE GOOD
YOUR PROMISE TO ME?
326
00:16:22,548 --> 00:16:26,350
WELL, IT IS NOT
GOING TO BE EASY
IN THE BROOM CUPBOARD.
327
00:16:27,485 --> 00:16:29,687
YOUR PROMISE
TO MARRY ME.
328
00:16:29,689 --> 00:16:31,622
OH! OH, THAT PROMISE.
329
00:16:31,624 --> 00:16:33,957
WELL, IT IS A LITTLE BIT
DIFFICULT, YOU SEE,
330
00:16:33,959 --> 00:16:35,793
I HAVE LEFT ALL MY MONEY
TO MY WIFE.
331
00:16:35,795 --> 00:16:37,761
I CAN GET MONEY
FOR US.
332
00:16:37,763 --> 00:16:40,130
MEN PAY ME
FOR MY FAVORS.
333
00:16:40,132 --> 00:16:43,834
BUT MARIA, YOU KNOW
I HATE QUEUING.
334
00:16:43,836 --> 00:16:46,403
MARIA, YOU MUST BE PATIENT
335
00:16:46,405 --> 00:16:48,305
FOR A LITTLE WHILE LONGER.
336
00:16:48,307 --> 00:16:50,808
- RENE?
- HUH?
337
00:16:50,810 --> 00:16:54,244
PROMISE ME
THAT NO OTHER GIRL
WILL TAKE MY PLACE.
338
00:16:54,246 --> 00:16:56,913
WITH SUCH DEEP STAIRS,
HOW COULD THEY?
339
00:17:02,754 --> 00:17:05,288
YVETTE.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
340
00:17:05,290 --> 00:17:06,890
SOMEBODY HAS
REMOVED THE BOOK
341
00:17:06,892 --> 00:17:08,959
FROM UNDER THE SOFA
IN THE PARLOR.
342
00:17:08,961 --> 00:17:10,227
WHAT?
343
00:17:10,229 --> 00:17:12,095
OH, FRANK HARRIS,
344
00:17:12,097 --> 00:17:14,465
YES, JUST ABOUT
THE RIGHT SIZE.
345
00:17:14,467 --> 00:17:16,500
- RENE...
- WHAT?
346
00:17:16,502 --> 00:17:19,135
NOW THAT YOU ARE FREE,
347
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:22,773
WHEN ARE WE GOING
TO ANNOUNCE OUR ENGAGEMENT?
348
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:25,308
DEAR SWEET YVETTE,
WE MUST NOT BE TOO HASTY.
349
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:28,512
I HAVE TO FIND A WAY
OF GETTING MY HANDS
BACK ON MY MONEY.
350
00:17:28,514 --> 00:17:30,848
YOU COULD POISON
YOUR WIFE.
351
00:17:30,850 --> 00:17:34,251
NO, WITH HER COOKING
SHE HAS BECOME IMMUNE.
352
00:17:34,253 --> 00:17:36,319
NO, WE WILL HAVE
TO FIND ANOTHER WAY.
353
00:17:36,321 --> 00:17:38,355
MEANWHILE WE HAVE
TO LIE LOW.
354
00:17:38,357 --> 00:17:40,056
AH, ON THE SOFA?
355
00:17:40,058 --> 00:17:42,325
NOT AS LOW AS THAT.
356
00:17:42,327 --> 00:17:44,461
- OH, RENE...
- HUH?
357
00:17:44,463 --> 00:17:48,565
PROMISE ME THAT NOTHING
WILL EVER COME BETWEEN US.
358
00:17:48,567 --> 00:17:50,401
I AM DOING MY BEST.
359
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,970
- OOOH, RENE.
- OHHH, YVETTE.
360
00:17:53,972 --> 00:17:55,706
CAN YOU FEEL
MY LITTLE HEART
361
00:17:55,708 --> 00:17:57,541
POUNDING AND POUNDING?
362
00:17:57,543 --> 00:17:59,743
( knocks on window )
363
00:17:59,745 --> 00:18:01,311
I CAN HEAR IT.
364
00:18:02,614 --> 00:18:05,215
- Michelle: RENE?
- ( groans )
365
00:18:08,386 --> 00:18:10,320
IS THE COAST CLEAR?
366
00:18:10,322 --> 00:18:13,156
WE ARE 50 MILES
FROM THE COAST.
HOW WOULD I KNOW?
367
00:18:14,826 --> 00:18:17,160
SOMETHING VERY IMPORTANT
HAS JUST COME UP.
368
00:18:17,162 --> 00:18:20,564
HOW LONG HAVE YOU
BEEN OUT THERE?
369
00:18:24,168 --> 00:18:26,770
THE TWO AIRMEN
HAVE LEFT THE NUNNERY.
370
00:18:26,772 --> 00:18:29,072
GOOD! NOW, PERHAPS
YVETTE AND I
371
00:18:29,074 --> 00:18:31,842
CAN CONTINUE TO DISCUSS
THE MENU FOR TONIGHT.
372
00:18:31,844 --> 00:18:34,711
THEY LEFT BECAUSE
THE GERMANS CAME
TO SEARCH FOR THEM.
373
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:36,580
THEY ARE ON THE RUN.
374
00:18:36,582 --> 00:18:38,715
THAT IS YOUR PROBLEM,
NOT MINE.
375
00:18:38,717 --> 00:18:40,584
I DON'T CARE
IF I NEVER SEE
376
00:18:40,586 --> 00:18:42,118
THEIR STUPID FACES
EVER AGAIN.
377
00:18:42,120 --> 00:18:44,054
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
378
00:18:46,324 --> 00:18:48,191
IT IS THE AIRMEN.
379
00:18:48,193 --> 00:18:50,561
I WOULD NEVER
HAVE KNOWN.
380
00:18:50,563 --> 00:18:52,830
DO NOT LET THEM
COME IN HERE!
381
00:18:52,832 --> 00:18:55,231
YOU SPEAK THE LANGUAGE.
TELL THEM TO GO AWAY.
382
00:18:55,233 --> 00:18:58,936
NOW, LISTEN CHAPS,
RENE'S BEEN AWFULLY DECENT,
PUTTING YOU UP HERE,
383
00:18:58,938 --> 00:19:00,871
BUT YOU HAVE
OUTSTAYED YOUR WELCOME.
384
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:04,641
WE-- WE-- WE CAN'T
WALK AROUND AS NUNS
ALL DAY!
385
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:06,977
THE JERRIES KEEP
TRYING TO CHAT US UP.
386
00:19:06,979 --> 00:19:08,879
DIDN'T THEY SUSPECT
THE MOUSTACHE?
387
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:12,115
YOU THINK MINE'S BIG,
YOU SHOULD SEE
THE MOTHER SUPERIOR'S.
388
00:19:12,117 --> 00:19:14,250
WE'RE NOT GOING
BACK TO THE NUNNERY.
389
00:19:14,252 --> 00:19:16,086
FAIRFAX MUCKED UP
HIS NEEDLEWORK,
390
00:19:16,088 --> 00:19:18,388
AND WE HAD TO SPEND HOURS
SCRUBBING THE STEPS.
391
00:19:18,390 --> 00:19:19,790
LOOK!
392
00:19:21,693 --> 00:19:24,160
WHY IS HE SHOWING YOU
HIS KNEES?
393
00:19:24,162 --> 00:19:27,764
HE WAS A SCRUBBER
AT THE NUNNERY.
394
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:30,400
NO WONDER
THEY THREW HIM OUT.
395
00:19:30,402 --> 00:19:32,402
WELL, LOOK,
TELL THEM TO GO AWAY.
396
00:19:32,404 --> 00:19:35,506
LISTEN TO ME, RENE,
YOU ARE A VITAL LINK
397
00:19:35,508 --> 00:19:37,674
IN THE ESCAPE ROUTE
FOR BRITISH AIRMEN.
398
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:38,876
THIS IS A SAFE HOUSE.
399
00:19:38,878 --> 00:19:40,677
NOT FOR ME, IT ISN'T.
400
00:19:40,679 --> 00:19:42,613
LET US COME
TO THE CRUNCH.
401
00:19:42,615 --> 00:19:44,080
THE CRUNCH?
402
00:19:44,082 --> 00:19:45,849
THE NITTY-GRITTY.
403
00:19:45,851 --> 00:19:47,183
ARE YOU A COLLABORATOR,
404
00:19:47,185 --> 00:19:49,152
OR ARE YOU
WITH THE RESISTANCE?
405
00:19:49,154 --> 00:19:51,021
IS THAT THING LOADED?
406
00:19:51,023 --> 00:19:54,491
I AM DESPERATE.
I HAVE ONE UP THE SPOUT.
407
00:19:55,627 --> 00:19:58,194
THAT WOULD MAKE
YOU DESPERATE, YES.
408
00:19:58,196 --> 00:19:59,462
WELL?
409
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:02,432
LOOK, I AM ON YOUR SIDE.
410
00:20:02,434 --> 00:20:04,835
AT THE SAME TIME,
I HAVE A BUSINESS TO RUN.
411
00:20:04,837 --> 00:20:07,604
NOW, I CANNOT GO AROUND
BEING RUDE TO THE GERMANS.
412
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,606
NOT IN FRONT
OF THEIR FACES, ANYWAY.
413
00:20:09,608 --> 00:20:11,975
I WILL PUT OUT MY TONGUE
AT THEM, FROM TIME TO TIME,
414
00:20:11,977 --> 00:20:13,644
WHEN THEIR BACKS
ARE TURNED.
415
00:20:13,646 --> 00:20:15,579
OR PUT A LITTLE
EXTRA SALT IN THEIR SOUP,
416
00:20:15,581 --> 00:20:17,648
BUT WE MUST
BE REASONABLE.
417
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:20,250
( automobile arrives )
418
00:20:20,252 --> 00:20:22,285
IT IS THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN.
419
00:20:22,287 --> 00:20:24,320
THE COLONEL IS PARKING
UNDER THE TREE.
420
00:20:24,322 --> 00:20:26,723
I THINK THEY
ARE COMING IN HERE.
421
00:20:26,725 --> 00:20:29,593
HE MUST NOT SEE THEM!
GET THEM OUT THROUGH
THE WINDOW, QUICK.
422
00:20:29,595 --> 00:20:32,128
NO, THEY CANNOT GO THAT WAY,
THERE'S A DRIVER WITH A GUN.
423
00:20:32,130 --> 00:20:34,397
OH... QUICK,
THROUGH HERE.
424
00:20:34,399 --> 00:20:37,568
THE COLONEL AND CAPTAIN
ARE APPROACHING.
425
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:39,269
WELL, KEEP THEM BUSY
WHILE I THINK
426
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:42,706
OF A GOOD REASON
WHY I'VE GOT TWO NUNS
IN MY BACK ROOM.
427
00:20:42,708 --> 00:20:45,709
- THE ORGAN FUND.
- THE ORGAN FUND?
WITH MY REPUTATION?
428
00:20:45,711 --> 00:20:47,911
GO, GO,
KEEP THEM BUSY.
429
00:20:49,380 --> 00:20:50,781
GREETINGS, COLONEL.
430
00:20:50,783 --> 00:20:54,250
IS THERE ANY REFRESHMENT
THAT YOU WOULD LIKE,
431
00:20:54,252 --> 00:20:56,553
THAT IS NOT
ON A HIGH SHELF?
432
00:20:56,555 --> 00:20:58,789
NO, THANK YOU, MY DEAR.
WE HAVE BUSINESS WITH RENE.
433
00:20:58,791 --> 00:21:01,291
- IS HE IN THE BACK ROOM?
- NO!
434
00:21:01,293 --> 00:21:03,526
GOOD. WE WISH
TO BE PRIVATE.
435
00:21:03,528 --> 00:21:05,796
WE WILL WAIT IN THERE,
WHILE YOU FIND HIM.
436
00:21:05,798 --> 00:21:09,032
OH MY GOD! QUICK!
GET THEM DOWN.
437
00:21:09,034 --> 00:21:11,468
TAKE THESE, YVETTE,
TAKE THESE.
438
00:21:11,470 --> 00:21:14,605
HAND THEM OUT.
439
00:21:14,607 --> 00:21:15,973
STAND BACK.
440
00:21:18,342 --> 00:21:21,277
- WOULDN'T YOU RATHER
WAIT IN MY ROOM?
- STAND ASIDE.
441
00:21:22,346 --> 00:21:25,215
♪ AHHH ♪
442
00:21:25,217 --> 00:21:29,052
♪ AAA-VE MARRR-III-AAA ♪
443
00:21:29,054 --> 00:21:33,624
♪ GRAAA- TIAAA PLENA... ♪
444
00:21:35,326 --> 00:21:37,494
AM I INTERRUPTING
SOMETHING?
445
00:21:37,496 --> 00:21:38,829
SHH!
446
00:21:40,264 --> 00:21:42,132
RENE IS HAVING
A SPECIAL SERVICE
447
00:21:42,134 --> 00:21:43,934
FOR HIS LATE
DEPARTED BROTHER.
448
00:21:43,936 --> 00:21:45,401
HE'S NOT DEAD.
449
00:21:45,403 --> 00:21:47,303
THE CHURCH
DON'T KNOW THAT!
450
00:21:47,305 --> 00:21:50,040
THEY WERE GOING
TO HAVE A BIG ONE,
IN THE CATHEDRAL.
451
00:21:50,042 --> 00:21:52,175
BUT THIS
WORKED OUT CHEAPER.
452
00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:55,378
Hans:
HIS LIPS ARE MUTTERINGIN SILENT PRAYER.
453
00:21:55,380 --> 00:21:57,347
IT IS VERY MOVING.
454
00:21:57,349 --> 00:21:59,850
IN THAT CASE,
TAKE YOUR HAT OFF.
455
00:22:01,953 --> 00:22:04,254
WHO IS FRANK HARRIS?
456
00:22:04,256 --> 00:22:06,189
HE WAS A PROPHET.
457
00:22:06,191 --> 00:22:08,458
HANS,
458
00:22:08,460 --> 00:22:09,860
GIVE IT TO ME.
459
00:22:18,770 --> 00:22:21,204
I HAD NO IDEA
THEY PLAYED LEAPFROG
460
00:22:21,206 --> 00:22:22,839
IN HEAVEN.
461
00:22:22,841 --> 00:22:25,075
- AMEN.
- AMEN.
462
00:22:25,077 --> 00:22:27,277
IS THERE SOMETHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU, COLONEL?
463
00:22:27,279 --> 00:22:29,746
HELGA, MY SECRETARY,
HAS BEEN INSTRUCTED
464
00:22:29,748 --> 00:22:32,482
TO TAKE LIEUTENANT GRUBER
TO GESTAPO HEADQUARTERS.
465
00:22:32,484 --> 00:22:34,217
DOES HE KNOW ANYTHING?
466
00:22:34,219 --> 00:22:37,187
I DO NOT THINK SO,
COLONEL, NO.
467
00:22:37,189 --> 00:22:39,489
RENE HAS ALWAYS
BEEN VERY CAREFUL
468
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,692
NOT TO DROP ANYTHING
IN FRONT OF HIM.
469
00:22:41,694 --> 00:22:44,427
WOULD YOU EXCUSE US,
COLONEL?
470
00:22:44,429 --> 00:22:47,130
WE ARE JUST GOING
INTO THE FINALE.
471
00:22:49,667 --> 00:22:54,270
( high pitched voices )
♪ AAA-VE MARRR-III-AAA... ♪
472
00:22:56,074 --> 00:22:57,640
I THINK
WE SHOULD GO.
473
00:22:57,642 --> 00:23:01,444
I FIND THE PRESENCE
OF NUNS VERY UPLIFTING.
474
00:23:01,446 --> 00:23:03,413
WE MUST
DEFINITELY GO!
475
00:23:08,419 --> 00:23:11,554
I HAVE DONE PRECISELY AS
YOU INSTRUCTED, HERR FLICK.
476
00:23:11,556 --> 00:23:14,825
I SEARCHED
THE RECORDS AND DISCOVERED
THAT LIEUTENANT GRUBER WAS,
477
00:23:14,827 --> 00:23:16,860
FOR A SHORT WHILE
IN CIVILIAN LIFE,
478
00:23:16,862 --> 00:23:19,596
AN ASSISTANT
IN AN ART GALLERY IN COLOGNE.
479
00:23:19,598 --> 00:23:23,967
WAS THAT BEFORE OR AFTER
HE WAS A WINDOW DRESSER?
480
00:23:23,969 --> 00:23:25,035
AFTER.
481
00:23:25,037 --> 00:23:27,171
LET US HOPE
HE CAN SOLVE MY PROBLEM.
482
00:23:27,173 --> 00:23:28,505
I WILL INTERVIEW HIM.
483
00:23:32,043 --> 00:23:34,144
( Helga shouts )
BRING HIM IN HERE!
484
00:23:46,657 --> 00:23:48,125
HEIL HITLER.
485
00:23:51,062 --> 00:23:53,730
DO YOU HAVE ANY
FURTHER INSTRUCTIONS
FOR THE SOLDIER?
486
00:23:53,732 --> 00:23:54,698
NONE.
487
00:23:56,201 --> 00:23:57,534
GO AWAY!
488
00:24:03,441 --> 00:24:06,944
I MUST APOLOGIZE FOR THE MANNER
IN WHICH YOU WERE BROUGHT
TO MY HEADQUARTERS.
489
00:24:06,946 --> 00:24:09,713
THAT IS QUITE ALL RIGHT.
490
00:24:09,715 --> 00:24:11,849
ACTUALLY, I--
491
00:24:11,851 --> 00:24:13,250
I RATHER ENJOYED IT.
492
00:24:14,452 --> 00:24:17,187
THAT SOLDIER WHO BROUGHT ME,
HE HAS VERY...
493
00:24:17,189 --> 00:24:19,323
BROAD SHOULDERS.
494
00:24:19,325 --> 00:24:20,991
I HAVE MADE INQUIRIES
495
00:24:20,993 --> 00:24:22,993
INTO YOUR BACKGROUND
AND INTERESTS.
496
00:24:22,995 --> 00:24:25,562
YOU HAVE, SHALL WE SAY,
497
00:24:25,564 --> 00:24:27,164
ARTISTIC LEANINGS.
498
00:24:27,166 --> 00:24:29,366
IF YOU SAY SO.
499
00:24:30,534 --> 00:24:32,202
I AM GOING TO PUT YOU
TO THE TEST.
500
00:24:34,372 --> 00:24:36,206
( Gruber whimpers )
501
00:24:39,477 --> 00:24:42,379
HAVE YOU ANY IMMEDIATE
REACTIONS TO THESE?
502
00:24:42,381 --> 00:24:45,182
NOTHING WORTH REPORTING.
503
00:24:45,184 --> 00:24:47,184
TRY HARDER.
504
00:24:50,588 --> 00:24:51,922
ARE THEY OF HELGA?
505
00:24:51,924 --> 00:24:56,260
THEY ARE MOST DEFINITELY
NOT HELGA!
506
00:24:56,262 --> 00:24:59,263
PERHAPS YOU WOULD LIKE
TO TAKE A CLOSER LOOK?
507
00:24:59,265 --> 00:25:01,431
DO I HAVE TO?
508
00:25:01,433 --> 00:25:03,233
MAYBE THIS
WILL HELP YOU.
509
00:25:03,235 --> 00:25:05,702
I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
IT HARDLY NECESSARY.
510
00:25:05,704 --> 00:25:08,238
ONE IS GENUINE,
TWO ARE FORGERIES,
511
00:25:08,240 --> 00:25:09,806
WHICH IS WHICH?
512
00:25:09,808 --> 00:25:11,108
AH.
513
00:25:13,211 --> 00:25:17,014
THIS IS AN EARLY VAN CLOMP.
514
00:25:17,016 --> 00:25:18,515
HOW DO YOU KNOW?
515
00:25:18,517 --> 00:25:20,884
WHEN HE WAS TALLER, HE SIGNED
HIS PAINTINGS FURTHER UP.
516
00:25:22,921 --> 00:25:24,021
AH!
517
00:25:24,023 --> 00:25:25,289
YOU HAVE A CLUE?
518
00:25:25,291 --> 00:25:28,292
YES, THIS IS
THE GENUINE PAINTING.
519
00:25:28,294 --> 00:25:29,826
ARE YOU SURE?
520
00:25:29,828 --> 00:25:33,096
THIS IS DEFINITELY THE BRUSHWORK
OF THE MASTER.
521
00:25:33,098 --> 00:25:35,732
WHEN HE GOT TO
THIS LITTLE BIT HERE,
522
00:25:35,734 --> 00:25:40,103
HE ALWAYS FINISHED OFF
WITH A LITTLE CIRCLE AND A DOT.
( smacks )
523
00:25:41,639 --> 00:25:43,140
EXCELLENT.
524
00:25:43,142 --> 00:25:45,909
NOW, YOU UNDERSTAND
525
00:25:45,911 --> 00:25:48,511
IT IS MOST IMPORTANT
THAT YOU TELL NO ONE
526
00:25:48,513 --> 00:25:50,013
WHAT YOU HAVE SEEN.
527
00:25:50,015 --> 00:25:51,514
YOU HAVE MY WORD,
HERR FLICK.
528
00:25:51,516 --> 00:25:53,951
THIS IS NOT ENOUGH.
SIT IN THAT CHAIR.
529
00:25:53,953 --> 00:25:55,352
( whimpers )
530
00:26:07,365 --> 00:26:10,300
WHAT ARE YOU G--
GOING TO DO?
531
00:26:10,302 --> 00:26:12,569
THE GESTAPO HAS WAYS
532
00:26:12,571 --> 00:26:15,472
OF ENSURING SILENCE.
533
00:26:15,474 --> 00:26:18,775
- AAAH...
- HELGA?
534
00:26:18,777 --> 00:26:20,043
HE IS READY.
535
00:26:28,686 --> 00:26:30,520
AARGHH!
536
00:26:32,357 --> 00:26:34,691
YOU KNOW WHAT TO DO.
537
00:26:34,693 --> 00:26:36,960
YES, HERR FLICK.
538
00:26:47,338 --> 00:26:48,638
WATCH THE BIRDIE.
539
00:26:51,042 --> 00:26:52,476
GOOD, THAT IS ENOUGH, HELGA.
540
00:26:54,612 --> 00:26:57,147
THAT IS ENOUGH,HELGA!
541
00:26:58,616 --> 00:27:00,117
YOU KNOW,OF COURSE,
542
00:27:00,119 --> 00:27:02,152
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF I SENT THIS PICTURE
543
00:27:02,154 --> 00:27:03,987
TO YOUR COMMANDING OFFICER?
544
00:27:03,989 --> 00:27:07,257
I DON'T THINK HE WOULD
EVER SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
545
00:27:12,230 --> 00:27:14,364
HAVE THE COLONEL
AND THE CAPTAIN GONE?
546
00:27:14,366 --> 00:27:17,000
OF COURSE THEY HAVE.
THEY LEFT OVER AN HOUR AGO.
547
00:27:17,002 --> 00:27:19,102
THEN WHY DID YOU
NOT TELL ME?
548
00:27:19,104 --> 00:27:22,472
I HAVE BEEN HIDING
BEHIND THE CURTAINS
HOLDING MY BREATH.
549
00:27:22,474 --> 00:27:23,806
WHERE ARE THE AIRMEN?
550
00:27:23,808 --> 00:27:26,309
DON'T WORRY,
WE HAVE HIDDEN THEM.
551
00:27:26,311 --> 00:27:28,178
WE HAVE PUT THEM
IN A SECRET PLACE.
552
00:27:28,180 --> 00:27:29,246
SOMEONE IS COMING.
553
00:27:29,248 --> 00:27:31,748
I WILL RECEDE DOWN
THE BACK PASSAGE.
554
00:27:35,019 --> 00:27:37,921
GO AWAY!
WE ARE NOT OPEN.
555
00:27:37,923 --> 00:27:40,823
Rene:
I KNOW THAT.I OWN THE DAMNED PLACE.
556
00:27:43,894 --> 00:27:47,197
COME INSIDE AND STOP MAKING
AN EXHIBITION OF YOURSELVES.
557
00:27:48,732 --> 00:27:50,700
OH, WHAT AN AFTERNOON.
558
00:27:50,702 --> 00:27:53,736
OH, MY DEAR, BEAUTIFUL,
LITTLE EDITH.
559
00:27:53,738 --> 00:27:56,806
I AM SO PROUD OF HER.
560
00:27:56,808 --> 00:27:59,976
THEY WERE AROUND HER
LIKE FLIES.
561
00:27:59,978 --> 00:28:02,579
I EXPECT HER HAT
HAD GONE OFF.
562
00:28:02,581 --> 00:28:04,647
NOW QUICK,
WE ARE LATE OPENING.
563
00:28:04,649 --> 00:28:08,885
YVETTE, MARIA, TAKE THIS
SILLY OLD BAT UPSTAIRS
AND PUT HER TO BED.
564
00:28:08,887 --> 00:28:11,455
YOU, LECLERC,
TAKE OFF YOUR HAT,
PUT ON YOUR APRON
565
00:28:11,457 --> 00:28:13,756
AND WASH THOSE DIRTY GLASSES
BEHIND THE BAR.
566
00:28:13,758 --> 00:28:15,792
I HAD NO IDEA
IT WAS SO LATE.
567
00:28:15,794 --> 00:28:17,727
OH, WHAT A DAY
I HAVE HAD.
568
00:28:17,729 --> 00:28:19,529
SO MANY COMPLIMENTS,
569
00:28:19,531 --> 00:28:21,465
SO MANY RAISED HATS.
570
00:28:21,467 --> 00:28:23,533
PROBABLY THEIR HAIR
WAS STANDING ON END.
571
00:28:23,535 --> 00:28:25,402
SEE, SEE,
572
00:28:25,404 --> 00:28:28,004
MANY OF THEM GAVE ME
THEIR CARDS.
573
00:28:28,006 --> 00:28:30,640
"SERVIETTES AND
CATERING SUPPLIES,"
574
00:28:30,642 --> 00:28:32,008
"THE HAT SHOP,"
575
00:28:32,010 --> 00:28:34,211
"DYNAROD"?!
576
00:28:35,580 --> 00:28:39,349
TONIGHT I WILL SING
AS I HAVE NEVER SUNG BEFORE.
577
00:28:39,351 --> 00:28:41,651
WHAT? IN TUNE?
578
00:28:41,653 --> 00:28:43,386
- MONSIEUR LECLERC?
- MADAME.
579
00:28:43,388 --> 00:28:45,088
PLAY FOR ME
A FEW CHORDS
580
00:28:45,090 --> 00:28:46,356
WHILE I PRACTICE
MY SCALES.
581
00:28:46,358 --> 00:28:48,758
Rene:
EDITH, WE HAVENO TIME FOR SCALES.
582
00:28:48,760 --> 00:28:51,828
ALREADY WE ARE
FULL OF CUSTOMERS.
GOOD EVENING, GENTLEMEN.
583
00:28:51,830 --> 00:28:54,131
MONSIEUR LECLERC,
A CHORD IN "C."
584
00:28:55,466 --> 00:28:57,300
- OWWW!
- OOOH!
585
00:28:58,736 --> 00:29:00,103
AARGHH!
586
00:29:02,306 --> 00:29:04,707
MADAME, THE PIANO...
587
00:29:04,709 --> 00:29:06,143
IS UP THE CREEK.
588
00:29:06,145 --> 00:29:08,578
OH! IT DID THIS LAST WEEK.
589
00:29:09,647 --> 00:29:10,680
RENE?
590
00:29:10,682 --> 00:29:12,749
THE PIANO HAS
GONE WRONG AGAIN.
591
00:29:12,751 --> 00:29:16,520
FIX IT WHILE I SERVE
THE CUSTOMERS THE DRINKS.
592
00:29:16,522 --> 00:29:17,787
IT IS THE MICE,
593
00:29:17,789 --> 00:29:20,257
THEY SEEK REFUGE IN THERE
WHEN YOU SING.
594
00:29:20,259 --> 00:29:22,259
SOMETIMES THEY
GET TRAPPED.
595
00:29:26,497 --> 00:29:28,731
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
596
00:29:30,067 --> 00:29:31,100
ARGH!
597
00:29:31,102 --> 00:29:33,336
COLONEL,
598
00:29:33,338 --> 00:29:35,805
CAPTAIN,
599
00:29:35,807 --> 00:29:39,042
HOW NICE THAT YOU
SHOULD COME IN TO MY CAFE
AT THIS PRECISE MOMENT.
600
00:29:39,044 --> 00:29:41,511
EDITH, GIVE THE COLONEL ONE,
WILL YOU?
601
00:29:41,513 --> 00:29:43,746
RENE, I HAVE NOT
PRACTICED MY SCALES.
602
00:29:43,748 --> 00:29:45,782
THERE IS NO TIME
FOR SCALES, EDITH.
603
00:29:45,784 --> 00:29:47,817
VERY WELL, I WILL GO
STRAIGHT INTO MY SONG.
604
00:29:47,819 --> 00:29:50,654
NO! EDITH,
YOU MUST NOT SING.
605
00:29:50,656 --> 00:29:53,523
- BUT RENE, WE HAVE
NEW CUSTOMERS.
- YES, BUT...
606
00:29:53,525 --> 00:29:55,292
DO YOU HAVE ANY
REQUESTS, GENTLEMEN?
607
00:29:55,294 --> 00:29:57,794
SING US, EH...
"LILI MARLENE."
608
00:29:57,796 --> 00:30:00,630
- OH, MONSIEUR LECLERC.
- NO, NO, NO.
609
00:30:00,632 --> 00:30:02,265
"LILI MARLENE."
610
00:30:05,636 --> 00:30:07,136
"LILI MARLENE."
611
00:30:07,138 --> 00:30:08,305
RIGHT-O.
612
00:30:08,307 --> 00:30:09,806
ROGER.
613
00:30:09,808 --> 00:30:12,242
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR...
614
00:30:12,244 --> 00:30:14,611
Airmen:
PLINKY, PLINKYPLONK, PLONK...
615
00:30:16,414 --> 00:30:18,248
PLINKY, PLINKYPLONK, PLONK.
616
00:30:19,917 --> 00:30:21,718
THE CHEESE BOARD,
COLONEL?
617
00:30:21,720 --> 00:30:24,787
( off-key )
♪ 'TWAS THERE THAT YOU
WHISPERED TENDERLY ♪
618
00:30:24,789 --> 00:30:28,891
♪ THAT YOU WOULD BE,
YOU'D ALWAYS BE ♪
619
00:30:28,893 --> 00:30:32,028
♪ MY LILI
OF THE LAMPLIGHT. ♪
620
00:30:32,030 --> 00:30:35,265
( theme music playing )
60555
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