Original subtitles

( theme music playing )

I AM PREPARING THIS CAKE FOR COLONEL VON STROHM,

THE TOWN COMMANDANT, BECAUSE IT IS HIS BIRTHDAY.

LIFE AT MY LITTLE CAFE NEAR NOUVION

IS BACK TO NORMAL,

EXCEPT THAT I HAVE A RADIO TRANSMITTER

HIDDEN UNDER THE BED OF MY WIFE'S MOTHER,

CYANIDE TABLETS IN THESE TWO RINGS

IN CASE THE GESTAPO SHOULD DISCOVER

THAT I AM HELPING THE RESISTANCE,

AND TWO BRITISH AIRMEN CONCEALED WHERE NO ONE WOULD SUSPECT.

- HELLO! - HELLO!

AND BY THE WAY,

I WAS SHOT DEAD BY A FIRING SQUAD

AND BURIED YESTERDAY.

AND I AM NOW MY OWN TWIN BROTHER.

SO FAR SO GOOD.

ARE YOU READY, GIRLS?

- READY. - FOLLOW ME.

THANK YOU, MONSIEUR LECLERC.

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

Everyone: ♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR COLONEL ♪

♪ HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. ♪

AND NOW,

THE TIME-HONORED CEREMONY

OF BLOWING OUT THE CANDLES.

IN FRANCE, IT IS A TRADITION

THIS MUST BE DONE BY ONE BIG PUFF.

IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY, COLONEL.

All: OH BRAVO!

DEAR COLONEL, DO NOT EAT THE ICING--

IT IS PLASTER OF PARIS.

THIS IS BECAUSE THE CAPTAIN COULD NOT SUPPLY THE ICING SUGAR.

THAT'S IT.

THERE YOU ARE.

NO SUGAR?

HANS, COULDN'T YOU HAVE GIVEN UP YOUR RATION

FOR MY BIRTHDAY CAKE?

I GAVE IT TO MARIA. SHE WON'T TAKE CASH ON SUNDAYS.

WHERE ARE MY PRESENTS?

FROM ME, THIS CAKE.

AND I SHALL HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU

IN MY ROOM AT 9:00.

AND I SHALL HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU

IN MY ROOM AT 8:00.

AND I HAVE A SURPRISE FOR YOU NOW.

I SHALL SING TO YOU A SPECIAL SONG

WHICH I USED TO SING MANY YEARS AGO

TO OUR DEAR SOLDIERS OVERSEAS.

IN THE CRIMEA.

I WAS THE TOAST OF SIDI BEL ABBES.

MONSIEUR LECLERC--

IF YOU PLEASE, THE MUSIC.

I KNEW NOTHING ABOUT THIS, I AM SO SORRY.

♪ WILL YOU FALL IN LOVE ♪

♪ IF I REMOVE A GLOVE? ♪

♪ WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? ♪

♪ SHOULD I TAKE OFF MY SHOE? ♪

♪ FOR I AM CALLED COQUETTE ♪

♪ THE GIRL MEN CAN'T FORGET ♪

♪ I DRIVE MEN WILD WITH DESIRE ♪

♪ WHEN I LIFT MY DRESSES HIGHER ♪

♪ SHOULD I TAKE OFF MY CHEMISE? ♪

♪ OO-LA-LA-LA ♪

♪ BUT AS YOU KNOW ♪

♪ I NEVER GO THAT FAR... ♪

JUST AS WELL.

♪ WOULD I STAND A CHANCE ♪

♪ WITH SOME EXOTIC DANCE? ♪

♪ SHOULD I DO THE SPLITS? ♪

IF SHE DOES SHE'LL FALL TO BITS.

♪ FOR I AM CALLED COQUETTE ♪

♪ THE GIRL MEN CAN'T FORGET ♪

♪ THEY CANNOT WAIT ♪

♪ TO KISS MY LIPS ♪

♪ OR JUST CARESS ♪

♪ MY FINGERTIPS ♪

♪ BUT STILL I KNOW ♪

♪ IT'S TOO UNFAIR ♪

♪ TO SHOW THE BOYS ♪

♪ MY UNDERWEAR ♪

♪ OO-LA-LA-LA ♪

♪ BUT AS YOU KNOW ♪

♪ I NEVER GO ♪

♪ THAT FAR. ♪

UNFORGETTABLE.

RENE, YOUR WIFE HAS MANY TALENTS.

SINGING IS NOT ONE OF THEM.

A LITTLE CHAMPAGNE, COLONEL?

WITH CHAMPAGNE GLASSES.

BUT OF COURSE,

AND MAY I TELL YOU A LITTLE LEGEND?

IT IS SAID THAT THESE CHAMPAGNE GLASSES

WERE MODELED ON THE BOSOM OF MARIE ANTOINETTE.

THEY SHOULD HAVE MODELED THEM ON HELGA'S BOSOM.

WE'D HAVE GOT A BIGGER DRINK.

CAPTAIN GEERING!

THAT WAS IN THE WORST POSSIBLE TASTE.

YOU WILL APOLOGIZE TO HELGA.

I'M-- I'M SORRY, HELGA.

AND YOU MUST TELL THE COLONEL YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN MY BOSOM.

OF COURSE, HELGA.

I-- I-- I HAVE NEVER SEEN HELGA'S BOSOM.

I WAS ONLY GUESSING.

THERE IS ALSO A LEGEND ABOUT WHERE THEY GOT THE IDEA

FOR THE CHAMPAGNE CORK.

NO MORE STORIES TONIGHT.

NOW--

A TOAST TO YOUR HEALTH.

AND TO VICTORY!

OH, TO VICTORY.

FOR OUR SIDE.

Rene: WHO ELSE?

LIEUTENANT GRUBER,

I WOULD LIKE A PRIVATE WORD WITH RENE.

WOULD YOU LEAVE US FOR A MOMENT?

OF COURSE.

RENE.

YES, COLONEL.

HAVE YOU GOT RID OF THOSE BRITISH AIRMEN YET?

I CAN TRUTHFULLY SAY THEY ARE UNDERCOVER.

THEY MUST GO.

I CANNOT GO ON TURNING A BLIND EYE.

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF THE GESTAPO FIND OUT?

WE SHALL HAVE TO DROP YOU IN IT.

DEAR COLONEL,

THE RESISTANCE ARE ARRANGING EVERYTHING.

I DIDN'T HEAR THAT.

THE RESISTANCE ARE ARRANGING EVERYTHING!

YOU FOOL!

THE LESS WE KNOW ABOUT IT, THE BETTER.

AND NOW, RENE,

WHAT ABOUT THE PAINTING?

YES, YES, THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES.

SHE WOULD HAVE MADE A GOOD MODEL FOR THE CHAMPAGNE GLASSES.

THE LESS YOU KNOW ABOUT THE PAINTING THE BETTER.

BUT I NEED TO KNOW ABOUT IT.

IT IS OUR RETIREMENT FUND.

IT'S MY RETIREMENT FUND.

I FOUND IT.

YES, BUT I KNOW ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW IT IS BEING COPIED IN LONDON.

WHEN IT IS RETURNED TO US YOU WILL KEEP THE ORIGINAL,

AND YOU CAN GIVE THE COPY TO HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO,

WHO WILL GO AWAY SATISFIED.

THE GESTAPO ARE NEVER SATISFIED.

HELGA IS DOING A VERY GOOD JOB

KEEPING HERR FLICK OUT OF OUR HAIR.

I AM NOT, HOWEVER, KEEPING HIM OUT OF MY HAIR.

HE HAS ASKED ME TO REPORT EVERY WORD OF YOUR CONVERSATION.

THAT IS VERY UNDERHAND OF HIM.

KEEP ME INFORMED OF EVERY MOVE HE MAKES.

YES.

- MORE CHAMPAGNE. - OH, AT ONCE COLONEL, YES.

COLONEL,

WHEN AFTER THE WAR YOU SELL THE PAINTING

- WILL YOU REMEMBER ME? - EVERY BIT.

WHY SHOULD I? I FOUND THE PAINTING.

YES, BUT SHE KNOWS ABOUT IT.

IN THAT CASE, HELGA,

YOU WILL BE TAKEN CARE OF.

THANK YOU, COLONEL.

BUT NOW, ENOUGH TALK OF BUSINESS AND THE FUTURE.

LET US ENJOY THE PRESENT.

LET THERE BE WINE, WOMEN--

Edith: AND SONG!

NO! JUST WINE AND WOMEN.

ANOTHER SURPRISE?

MORE OF A SHOCK I THINK.

YOU ARE COLONEL VON STROHM AND CAPTAIN HANS GEERING?

YES. WHAT OF IT?

THE OWNER OF THIS CAFE WAS SHOT BY YOUR ORDERS.

NO, HE WAS SHOT ON THE ORDERS

OF GENERAL VON KLINKERHOFFEN.

THE VON KLINKERHOFFEN.

I AM MERELY THE TOWN COMMANDANT.

I JUST SIGN PAPERS.

I JUST HAND HIM THE PEN.

OOH!

YOUR EXECUTION WILL BE A WARNING TO YOU NAZIS

THAT NO ONE IS SAFE FROM THE REVENGE OF THE RESISTANCE.

BUT THESE PEOPLE ARE MY FRIENDS.

RENE'S TWIN BROTHER, RENE, BAKED THIS CAKE FOR ME.

A COLLABORATOR.

A FRIEND OF THE GERMANS.

WOULD A FRIEND HAVE USED PLASTER OF PARIS

INSTEAD OF ICING SUGAR?

HIS WIFE SANG A SPECIAL SONG FOR ME, TO ENTERTAIN ME.

IS THIS TRUE?

EDITH?

EDITH, SING A FEW BARS FOR THIS LADY WOULD YOU?

( off-key ) ♪ HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE ♪

♪ DOWN BY THE SEINE WITH ME? ♪

ENOUGH!

YOU ARE IN THE CLEAR.

OUTSIDE!

QUICK!

RENE, SEND FOR THE ARMY!

Colonel: WE ARE THE ARMY.

THE POOR COLONEL, AND THE CAPTAIN.

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

THANK YOU, I SHALL BE FOREVER IN YOUR DEBT.

YOU DID NOT GIVE ME AWAY.

I DID NOT KNOW YOU WERE THERE.

MICHELLE FROM THE RESISTANCE IS IN THE BACK ROOM.

JUST IN TIME TO GET A PIECE OF MY MIND.

MICHELLE!

I AM HERE.

WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT?

HOW DARE YOU KNOCK OFF THE COLONEL

AND THE CAPTAIN IN MY CAFE?

WHAT KIND OF A BUSINESS DO YOU THINK I'M RUNNING HERE?

IT WAS NOT MY GROUP OF THE RESISTANCE,

IT WAS THE OTHER PARTY.

WE ARE DE GAULLE. THEY ARE THE COMMUNISTS.

THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE USING YOU

TO HELP US BLACKMAIL THE GERMANS INTO KEEPING QUIET

ABOUT THE FACT THAT WE ARE HELPING YOU

TO HELP THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO ESCAPE.

UNTIL YOUR EXPLANATION,

I DID NOT UNDERSTAND IT EITHER.

THE QUESTION IS, WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WE KNOW THEIR HIDING PLACE.

WE WILL RESCUE THE GERMANS.

BUT FIRST, YOU MUST RADIO LONDON TO TELL THEM

YOU CANNOT TAKE THE BRITISH AIRMEN TO THE COAST TONIGHT.

ME? BUT I WAS NOT GOING TO THE COAST TONIGHT.

YOU WERE.

PASSES HAVE BEEN PROVIDED.

I WOULD GO MYSELF,

BUT I WOULD BE MISSED AT MY JOB.

WHAT IS YOUR JOB?

I AM THE SUB-POSTMISTRESS IN THE NEXT VILLAGE,

NEXT TO THE BAKERY.

NOT THE LITTLE GIRL WITH THE GLASSES AND THE LISP?

THE VERY THAME.

YOU OVERCHARGED ME FOR TWO STAMPS LAST WEEK.

THERE IS NO TIME FOR THAT. GET ON THE RADIO.

I WILL TAKE CARE OF THE COLONEL.

( banging ) EDITH, YVETTE,

MARIA.

WILL NO ONE HEAR THE CRIES

OF AN OLD WOMAN IN DISTRESS?

FANNY!

IT IS I.

ROGER?

SHH!

I HAVE BROUGHT YOU SOME FOOD.

NOT ONION SOUP.

NO, NO, MY LITTLE BUTTERCUP.

SEE, IT IS CAKE--

WITH CURRANTS.

HEAVEN BE PRAISED.

AND ALSO, WITH A CANDLE.

AHA! ALWAYS THE ROMANTIC.

I'LL GIVE YOU A BIT.

OH!

OH, CAKE!

IT IS THE BIRTHDAY CAKE OF THE GERMAN COLONEL.

THE VERY MENTION OF HIS NAME

AND THE ICING TURNS TO PLASTER OF PARIS.

NOW LISTEN VERY CAREFULLY,

I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

I SHALL SAY THIS ONLY ONCE.

GOOD.

THERE IS NO TIME TO USE THE RADIO.

THE GESTAPO WILL INVESTIGATE

THE DISAPPEARANCE OF THE COLONEL.

IF HE FINDS THE TRANSMITTER, AND THE CODE BOOK,

WE WILL ALL HAVE HAD OUR CHIPS.

CHIPS!

OH, IT IS A MIRACLE!

- SHUT UP! - QUICK, THE RADIO.

MONSIEUR LECLERC, THE BED.

THE BED, YES, I'LL GET IN IT.

NOT IN IT, LIFT IT.

AH!

HOLD THIS!

THE RADIO!

NOW, WHAT SHALL I DO WITH IT?

THERE IS A TRUCK OUTSIDE.

THEY WILL HIDE IT FOR YOU.

RENE, THE GESTAPO IS HERE.

OTTO FLICK HAS JUST ENTERED THE CAFE.

GIVE THE RADIO TO ME.

IF HE FINDS IT, WE ARE DEAD.

I WILL DROP IT IN THE BACK OF THE TRUCK.

GOOD IDEA.

BULLSEYE!

WHAT ABOUT THE CODE BOOK?

HIDE IT ON YOUR PERSON.

BUT THEY MAY SEARCH MY PERSON.

THEY USUALLY DO.

DROP IT IN THE TRUCK.

YES.

THE TRUCK HAS GONE. IT IS NOT THERE.

THE BOOK MUST BE DESTROYED.

- EAT IT. - WHAT?

WHAT, NO MAYONNAISE?

IN PARIS, IN THE LAST WAR,

WE ATE THE RATS, NEVER THE BOOKS.

NOW WE MUST WARN THE BRITISH AIRMEN

THAT THERE IS A DELAY.

2:30. THEY SHOULD BE--

- HELLO! - READY TO GO?

- THERE IS A DELAY. - HUH?

YOU SPEAK TO THEM, I DO NOT SPEAK ENGLISH.

CHANGE OF PLAN, CHAPS. THERE IS A DELAY.

LEAVING TOMORROW.

OH, BAD SHOW.

GET OUT ONTO THE ROOF AND HIDE BEHIND THE CHIMNEY.

RIGHTY-O.

ANY CHANCE OF ANY FOOD?

YES, WE'RE DAMNED HUNGRY.

HAVE A GO AT THESE.

WHAT IS IT?

IT'S CODE.

OH--

HAVEN'T YOU ANYTHING HOT?

GET INTO LINE.

HURRY UP, YOU PEASANTS.

HERR FLICK OF THE GESTAPO HAS SOME QUESTIONS TO ASK YOU.

SO,

DID ANY OF YOU RECOGNIZE THESE CRIMINALS?

WHY IS THIS MUTTON DRESSED AS LAMB?

IT WAS THE DEAR COLONEL'S BIRTHDAY.

I WAS ENTERTAINING HIM.

ARE YOU THEN A LADY OF THE NIGHT?

I WAS THE CABARET.

I AM A PROFESSIONAL ARTISTE.

I WAS SINGING FOR HIS DELIGHT.

PROVE IT.

♪ I DRIVE MEN WILD WITH DESIRE ♪

♪ WHEN I LIFT MY DRESSES HIGHER ♪

♪ SHOULD I TAKE OFF-- ♪

STOP!

YOUR STORY DOES NOT HOLD WATER.

SHE SPEAKS THE TRUTH, HERR FLICK,

UNLIKELY THOUGH IT SEEMS.

YOU.

DID YOU SEE THE FACE OF THE TRAITOR?

SHE WAS JUST AN ORDINARY FRENCH GIRL.

WOULD YOU RECOGNIZE HER?

ALL GIRLS LOOK THE SAME TO ME.

VERY WELL.

IF THE COLONEL AND THE CAPTAIN

ARE NOT RETURNED TO MY OFFICE UNHARMED

BY 8:00 TOMORROW MORNING,

10 PEASANTS WILL BE MARCHED INTO THE TOWN SQUARE

BY THE LIEUTENANT AND HIS MEN,

AND THEY WILL BE SHOT. IS THAT UNDERSTOOD?

GOOD.

HERR FLICK,

COULD YOU NOT GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO THE SHOOTING?

YOU'RE MAKING ME RATHER UNPOPULAR.

YOU WILL OBEY ORDERS.

THAT IS ALL.

HELGA, COME WITH ME.

YES, HERR FLICK.

HEIL HITLER.

( peasants razz )

MAKE THAT 20 PEASANTS.

HANS, LOOK AT IT HOW YOU WILL,

THIS IS A VERY SERIOUS SITUATION.

DO YOU THINK THEY ARE REALLY GOING TO SHOOT US?

THEY ARE FRENCH.

THE FRENCH ARE VERY UNRELIABLE,

ESPECIALLY AFTER LUNCH.

COLONEL, WHY ARE YOU WIGGLING ABOUT?

YOU WILL BE PLEASED TO HEAR,

I'VE MANAGED TO GET MY LIGHTER OUT OF MY BACK POCKET.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE TRYING TO GIVE UP SMOKING.

I AM GOING TO BURN THROUGH THE ROPES

THAT TIE YOUR WRISTS,

AND THEN YOU CAN UNTIE ME.

GOOD.

I SAW THIS IN A FILM WITH CONRAD VEIGHT.

KEEP YOUR VOICE DOWN,

AND STAND BY.

I AM READY.

WHAT IS THE DELAY?

I AM PULLING UP MY WICK

TO GET A BIG FLAME.

EVEN CONRAD VEIGHT DIDN'T THINK OF THAT.

HERE WE GO.

AH!

QUIET DUMMY!

YOU ARE LIGHTING THE HAIRS ON MY WRISTS!

DON'T BE A BABY.

( whining ) I AM NOT A BABY.

AH!

WELL DONE, HANS.

I FELT A ROPE GO.

THAT WAS THE STRAP OF MY WRISTWATCH.

QUIET! THERE'S SOMEONE COMING.

TRY NOT TO SMOLDER.

Rene: WHAT IS HAPPENING? WHERE AM I?

REMOVE THE BLINDFOLD.

RENE.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST PUTTING OUT THE CAT,

AND I WAS POUNCED ON BY THE RESISTANCE.

PERHAPS THEY THINK I AM SOMEBODY ELSE.

YOU ARE THE BROTHER OF THE MAN WHO WAS SHOT.

YOU ARE TO HAVE THE HONOR OF SHOOTING THESE MEN

WHO HAVE RAPED THE WHOLE OF FRANCE.

IF I MAY SAY SO, THAT IS A SLIGHT EXAGGERATION.

HERE IS A GUN.

NOW IS YOUR CHANCE TO AVENGE YOUR BROTHER.

OH, WELL I-- I THINK YOU SHOULD UNDERSTAND

THAT MY BROTHER AND I WERE NOT THAT CLOSE.

IN FACT, WE DID NOT GET ON.

NO, NO, HE USED TO BULLY ME YOU KNOW.

HE USED TO TWIST THE EAR OF MY TEDDY BEAR,

AND PINCH MY CONKERS.

I KNOW-- I KNOW IT DOES NOT SOUND LIKE MUCH NOW,

BUT WHEN YOU ARE LITTLE, YOU REMEMBER SUCH THINGS.

I HAVE PLACED IN THE CHAMBER

TWO BULLETS.

DO YOUR DUTY.

MAY I HAVE JUST ONE LAST REQUEST?

WE ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE THE LAST REQUEST.

SILENCE, PIG!

DOG!

HYENA.

HYENA!

I WOULD LIKE TO SAVOR MY MOMENT OF REVENGE ALONE.

WE UNDERSTAND.

QUICK, FOLLOW ME.

THAT WAS A NARROW SQUEAK.

RENE, YOU MUST GET US OUT OF HERE.

WE CANNOT GO ON HELPING YOU IF WE ARE SHOT.

IT IS ALL YOUR FAULT

FOR SAYING I WAS MY OWN TWIN BROTHER.

IF YOU HAD SAID I WAS A DISTANT COUSIN OR SOMETHING

I WOULD NOT BE IN THIS MESS.

YOU'RE IN A MESS?

WHAT ABOUT THE MESS WE'RE IN?

WHAT AM I GOING TO DO?

CUT THESE ROPES,

AND WE CAN LEG IT OUT THE WINDOW.

WHAT-- WAIT A MOMENT.

HOW DO I EXPLAIN THAT YOU HAVE ESCAPED?

YOU LEG IT AS WELL.

- ( locks rattling ) - Colonel: LOOK OUT.

YOU HAVE NOT SHOOT THEM YET.

NO, NO.

I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST TORTURE THEM A BIT.

YOU KNOW HOW ONE DOES,

JUST IN CASE THEY CAN REVEAL ANY OF HITLER'S PLANS,

OR SECRET WEAPONS,

OR WHERE HE IS GOING ON HIS HOLIDAYS.

MY UNIT INTERCEPTED A PARACHUTE DROP.

WE ARE VERY PUZZLED TO KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

THERE ARE TWO GERMAN UNIFORMS,

AND TWO IDENTICAL PAINTINGS.

HOW STRANGE.

MORE THAN STRANGE.

THE NAMES OF THESE TWO OFFICERS

ARE ON THE UNIFORMS,

AND THEY WERE DROPPED BY THE R.A.F.

THAT IS BECAUSE WE ARE BRITISH OFFICERS

IN DISGUISE.

( British accent ) ISN'T THAT SO, CHARLES?

ABSOLUTELY, HENRY OLD BEAN. WHAT, WHAT?

- ( guns firing ) - WE'RE SURROUNDED BY GERMAN SOLDIERS.

QUICK, THE BACK WAY.

AIM HIGH AT THE BARN. WE MUST NOT HIT RENE.

I CANNOT EVEN SEE THE BARN.

SOMEONE IS RUNNING AWAY.

THERE ARE THREE OF THEM.

GOOD, WE CAN GO IN NOW.

DEAR COLONEL,

WHEN THE GERMAN TROOPS ARRIVE,

YOU WILL TELL THEM HOW I SAVED YOUR LIFE, WON'T YOU?

YES, YES OF COURSE.

IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING.

I WOULD FEEL BETTER IF YOU SAID IT ALL THE SAME.

THAT'S IT.

Hans: RENE!

MY RENE!

OH, MY BRAVE YVETTE!

MY RENE!

MY BRAVE MARIA!

MY RENE!

YOU WERE BRAVE TOO, EDITH.

QUICK, COLONEL,

YOU MUST RETURN TO NOUVION

SO HERR FLICK CAN SEE YOU ARE SAFE

AND THEN HE WILL NOT SHOOT THE PEASANTS.

LEAVE IT TO ME.

- FOLLOW ME, HANS. - YES, SIR.

AND HIDE THOSE PAINTINGS.

HIDE THE PAINTINGS, DO THIS DO THAT. BLAH BLAH BLAH.

( engine shuts off )

HAVE WE RUN OUT OF GASOLINE AGAIN, HERR FLICK?

NO.

I DISTINCTLY HEARD THE SOUND OF GUNFIRE.

FROM WHICH DIRECTION?

OVER THERE.

SHALL WE PRETEND TO BE LOVERS AGAIN?

AS WE DID AT THE BRIDGE,

AND THE CROSSROADS, AND THE CHURCH?

IN CASE ANYBODY PASSES BY WHO MIGHT OTHERWISE THINK

OUR PRESENCE IN A STAFF CAR IS SUSPICIOUS?

NO.

IT IS TIME NOW FOR ACTION.

- YES, HERR FLICK. - ( engine sputters )

TAKE THIS.

INSERT IT INTO THE HOLE AT THE FRONT,

AND TURN, RAPIDLY.

YES, HERR FLICK.

WHAT WILL YOU DO?

I WILL WIGGLE MY FOOT ON THE PEDAL.

YES, HERR FLICK.

HOW I ADMIRE A MAN OF ACTION.

THE SWITCH IS ON.

THE SHAFT IS INSERTED.

TURN!

FASTER. FASTER!

THIS IS SO EXCITING, HERR FLICK.

KEEP TURNING.

IT'S GOING. IT'S GOING!

WELL DONE, HERR FLICK!

DO YOU THINK IT IS A VERY LONG WAY?

THEY DROVE US IN CIRCLES, SO WHO KNOWS?

BUT I FEEL THIS IS THE CORRECT ROAD.

I HAVE A GOOD SENSE OF DIRECTION.

IF ONLY WE HAD A COMPASS, WE COULD CHECK OUR BEARINGS.

LOOK OUT FOR THE GREAT BEAR.

THERE ARE MANY CLOUDS, AND FEW STARS.

YOU FOOL, HANS.

NOT UP THERE.

IT'S AN INN OUTSIDE NOUVION.

YOU HAVE NEVER MENTIONED IT BEFORE.

I DON'T TELL YOU EVERYTHING.

( car approaching )

LISTEN,

THERE'S A CAR COMING.

I WILL HALT IT.

HERR FLICK,

YOU WILL BE PLEASED TO SEE

THE CAPTAIN AND I HAVE ESCAPED.

THAT IS QUITE EVIDENT.

WE HAVE GOOD NEWS.

WE HAVE FOUND AT LAST THE MISSING PAINTING

OF THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES,

BY VAN CLOMP.

HANS,

GIVE THE PAINTING TO HERR FLICK.

THE FUHRER WILL BE DELIGHTED.

GOOD.

I WILL TAKE IT AT ONCE TO A PLACE OF SAFETY.

GESTAPO DOG!

PIG!

( pounding on door )

Rene: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

HAVE A LITTLE PATIENCE, WILL YOU?

YOU ARE WAKING UP THE WHOLE HOUSE.

FOR THE SAKE OF HEAVEN.

NOW THEN, WHERE IS THE KEY?

- ( pounding ) - JUST A MINUTE!

WHAT IS HAPPENING?

WE WERE BOTH AROUSED BY THE BANGING.

I, TOO, WAS AROUSED BY THE BANGING.

I WAS AROUSED WHEN I SAW THE GIRLS WITH THE CANDLES.

( pounding )

YES, ALL RIGHT. WHO IS IT?

Colonel: QUICK, RENE, LET US IN.

COLONEL, COLONEL, YOU ARE SAFE!

- WHAT A NIGHT! - WHAT A FRIGHT!

BUT THE NEWS IS GOOD.

WE HAVE HANDED THE FORGERY TO HERR FLICK TO SEND TO THE FUHRER,

AND WE HAVE THE ORIGINAL PAINTING

FOR YOU TO HIDE BEHIND THE BRICKS IN YOUR CELLAR.

AND THEN WE CAN ALL SLEEP SOUNDLY IN OUR BEDS,

ONCE MORE.

GIVE IT TO ME QUICKLY,

IN CASE YOU HAVE BEEN FOLLOWED.

NOW THEN.

AH.

Everyone: THE FALLEN MADONNA WITH THE BIG BOOBIES.

THE TROUBLE YOU HAVE GIVEN US ALL.

TAKE A GOOD LOOK, MY FRIENDS.

YOU WILL NOT SEE THEM AGAIN

UNTIL AFTER THE WAR IS OVER.

WHAT IS WRITTEN ON THAT LITTLE LABEL IN THE CORNER?

I DON'T KNOW, IT IS IN ENGLISH. I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I SPEAK A LITTLE ENGLISH.

I WILL TRY TO TRANSLATE FOR YOU.

"DEAR RESISTANCE,

PLEASE NOTE:

THIS... IS... THE...

FORGERY."

HANS, YOU FOOL!

YOU GAVE HERR FLICK THE WRONG ONE!

YOU'RE CROSS, AREN'T YOU?

WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WE MUST GET THE PAINTING BACK BEFORE HERR FLICK CAN SEND IT TO THE FUHRER.

AND WHO IS GOING TO DO THAT?

YOU ARE!

AND IF YOU DON'T--

- I WILL HAVE ME SHOT. - YOU WILL HAVE YOU SHOT.

TO BED EVERYONE, TO BED.

LIFE IS BACK TO NORMAL.

RENE?

ANY-- ANY CHANCE OF THE GIRLS GIVING US A LITTLE CUDDLE?

DO YOU HAVE ANY BUTTER, SUGAR OR PARAFFIN?

WELL, HANS?

NOT ON ME, NO.

WELL IN THAT CASE,

HARD BUN, OLD BEAN!

( theme music playing )