Original subtitles

This programme contains some strong language

and some scenes of a sexual nature

♪ Now that the light is fading ♪

♪ Silver and purple at twilight ♪

♪ Scenes of the day remain with us ♪

♪ Bright as the fire is burning bright

♪ Blue as the sky above the lake ♪

♪ And blue the water flowing ♪

♪ White birch drooping on the shore ♪

♪ Rubies of emerald glowing ♪

♪ The night is robed in spangled black ♪

♪ And soon we shall be sleeping ♪

♪ Down through the leaves, the sunlight

♪ Came in shafts of gold ♪

♪ Now by the dying embers ♪

♪ We watched the day grow old. ♪

- Made pancakes. - Good for you.

Well, for you, I made them for...

Well, I didn't ask you to, so, like...

All right.

There's no need to be so...

...egregious.

Love, listen, I know that this...

Oh! Shit...

Thank you.

How's the jam?

Mmm.

_

Can I...? Can I ask you something?

You don't appear to own an iron.

Can I come in?

Have I seen this one before?

I lose track.

Thinking about maybe a new one.

That's cool. Whereabouts?

Thinking nipple, maybe.

Ouch.

I know, hence the "maybe."

I wonder sometimes if I might regret never getting a tattoo.

Your life isn't over just yet.

What do you think I should get?

Leg sleeve, maybe.

Do you want one?

Maybe...

Maybe a watercolour.

I'm really out of my depth.

It's just a particular kind of style.

Maybe we could get one together.

If you're buying, sure.

I'd like that.

You haven't seen a cufflink kicking around anywhere, have you?

- A what? - Looks like a little pencil.

Sorry!

I'm... I'm going to run.

- See you in a bit. - Bye!

Kiss!

What's that?

Hey, so, what, uh...

What are you doing tonight? Cos Spirited Away is on at the Odyssey.

As in, like, the original Japanese version.

Or...

We could, like, well...

My dad's actually going to be out.

Like, out-out.

- So... - Oh!

Oh...

...OK. But...

I mean, whatever, I mean...

We can maybe do both, or like...

No, like, yeah, no!

Like, that...

Hi.

Joy.

How are you?

Looking for a new hinge.

Yeah, sometimes...

...like coming to places like these.

You think, like, all I need is a new drillbit, but...

...who wouldn't want a Monterey chiminea?

Or a...

...silent shredder.

Uh...

I don't... I don't actually know what a Monterey chiminea is.

I mean, I don't even have a fucking garden,

so I don't know why I'm even...

Joy, I would...

...hate for you to...

I mean, this isn't...

This isn't the way I wanted necessarily things to go.

Claire, please don't ask me to feel sorry for you.

I'm doing my best not to conform to type.

No.

That...

I'm not.

I wasn't.

But I do... I am...

I have thought about wanting to say something to you.

Because I am. I am...

...sorry, Joy.

I'm not looking for vindication.

Good, cos I'm not looking to give it.

Do you ladies need any help with anything over here at all?

No, I think we're done.

♪ There's a season in your eyes ♪

♪ And a fever on your breath ♪

♪ And you're anchored to the tide ♪

♪ And the rhythm in your chest... ♪

Hello?

_

♪ I read the rings and count the city lights

♪ You sing a static sonnet on the dial

♪ But you could take a walk ♪

♪ Through the mines ♪

♪ Or you could spend all your days ♪

♪ Just waiting for the night ♪

♪ The stones that skip, the dust that turns to fire

♪ I see it all reflected in your eyes ♪

♪ It's in your eyes. ♪

Hey.

What's that smell?

It's, um...

...Nigella's chicken katsu curry.

Holy shit.

It's not.

I don't know what it is. It's probably...

- ..next-door's dog or something. - Well, I'm down with that.

But you know the whole thing with the kitchen that she cooks in?

It's like, Nigella... It's not actually her kitchen.

No way.

Yeah, it's, like, some stranger's kitchen.

Like, some building, or some...

Like, yeah, but they just...

They just make it look like she lives there.

For the avid watcher, this is like...

This feels like a huge betrayal.

Um... SHE LAUGHS

And, like, the really weird thing is...

My period's started.

It's... It's OK.

Oh, do you think...?

I know this has nothing to do with...

...you.

I just... Really, I was overheating, so I figured that...

Kind of want to make you crawl around on the floor.

Kidding.

Should I put my clothes back on?

Or I could...

- I could take some of mine off. - Yeah.

Yeah, I mean, whichever you like.

Hi.

Alan, what the fuck?

We were out of scourers.

Alan, what is this?

What are we even doing right now?

I mean, ultimately, what's the ultimate aim?

Well, I suppose I was...

I was under the impression that we were trying to make a...

...a go of things.

Then what?

Am I missing something?

Maybe, I don't know.

Claire, wh...?

I saw her. I saw her, Alan.

I saw Joy.

And she looked at me. She looked at me like...

Sorry, you mean, this was...?

I was looking at fucking irons.

Fucking ironing boards!

Oh, OK.

She was there, and I went up.

And my entire arsehole practically leapt out of my mouth.

What did she say to you?

She said exactly what ought to be said to someone like me.

I...

I don't understand.

This isn't starting to feel a little, at all,

fucked up to you?

I mean, it's hard.

Yeah.

- It's certainly complicated. - Mm.

And I'm sorry, because...

Judging by where you're at,

this might not be something that you want to hear.

But Claire, I love you.

I'm in love with you.

And I'm not saying that that makes any of this easier, or fair, or...

For anyone. But I certainly don't think

we should be giving ourselves a hard time.

You definitely shouldn't.

Obviously, I'm in love with you, too.

But...

I'm not sure I know how to do this at the expense of someone else.

To me, that doesn't really feel like love.

It feels shit.

And that's not really someone that I want to be.

So, that's it?

All because of one awkward conversation?

I said to you, Alan, I said to you right from the start...

I know, but I mean, Claire, Jesus, I mean...

I left my house!

Yeah, I am pretty up-to-date with the circumstances, thank you!

And then you really think you're the only person thinking these things?

I mean, last night...

And this... This is really saying something.

Last night, I dreamt that I was buying toothbrushes.

As in, the heads...

You know, those little heads for electric...

Electric toothbrushes.

But when I opened them up, when I got them home and I opened them up,

I realised that they were...

...hands.

Tiny little hands.

And we were brushing our teeth...

...me and Joy,

and the little hands on top of the toothbrushes...

...they were waving.

Waving at us.

In the mirror above the sink.

Waving right back at us.

Maybe you should see a therapist.

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah.

Do you want... Do you want me to take my arm back?

No.

It's just cramps.

Can I do anything?

It's a strong look for you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

I love you.

I...

I love you, too.

♪ Let's get a house, you and me and your 12 cats

♪ We'll put mirrors on the ceiling ♪

♪ We'll have a bunk bed by the bath ♪

♪ You'll line my mattress with nails ♪

♪ One for every time something psycho came out of your mouth

♪ Your cavern eyes are preying ♪

♪ Your scarlet lips half saying ♪

♪ A sales pitch for the circus in your mind

♪ Young lady, you're scaring me ♪

♪ Young lady, you're... ♪

- Hi. - Hey.

OK, I got you a present.

- You ready? - Yeah.

Hey, guess what?

Uh, you...

I'm bad at this game.

I quit my job.

- OK. - I want to go away.

With you, you reprobate!

I only just got here.

Don't make me tell you how serious I am.

I'm really sorry to hear about the situation with

your mother and father, Naomi.

I'm sorry about you and Neil.

- I've been meaning to say that. - Cool.

Thanks.

I hope me saying that isn't weird.

Not at all.

It's actively... Really nice of you.

I literally don't think I have a memory of them not being together.

♪ These arms of mine ♪

♪ They are lonely ♪

♪ Lonely and feeling blue ♪

♪ These arms of mine ♪

♪ They are yearning ♪

♪ Yearning from wanting you ♪

♪ And if you ♪

♪ Would let them hold you ♪

♪ Oh, how grateful I will be ♪

♪ These arms of mine ♪

♪ They are burning ♪

♪ Burning from wanting you ♪

♪ These arms of mine ♪

♪ They are wanting ♪

♪ Wanting to hold you ♪

♪ And if you ♪

♪ Would let them hold you ♪

♪ Oh, how grateful I will be ♪

♪ I need your arms, lovin' arms to hold... ♪

Back in Roman times, they used to smash it over the bride's head.

Oh, I don't believe in Roman times the Romans knew how to make cake!

What's-his-chops? I, Claudius...

He was mad for a bit of sponge.

Hey, I wasn't born yesterday, you know?

Are you going to eat that or what?

SHE SNORTS Sorry!

Sit.

Sit down.

Lawrence, why did you come here?

To work.

To see you.

And...

...beyond tonight?

What if I told you that I wasn't interested in doing this, if...

...if doing THIS is...

...it?

You're noodling.

Stop noodling...

...and say the thing that you're edging towards saying.

Well, what if we decided to wait instead?

Decided instead to wait and just take our time?

Why would we be doing that?

Be...

...cause maybe, if...

...if we're serious about doing this...

...about trying, then maybe we ought to be taking doing this

a lot more...

...seriously.

How serious are we talking?

I'm inclined to say...

...certainly, quite a top-tier level of seriousness at this point.

You mean, leaving?

Leaving Stevie.

Leaving my wife.

Well, I'm not suggesting you need to choose, but...

I mean, let's not pretend there isn't a choice.

Where's hubby in all this?

Where would we go?

I mean...

...where would we live?

Where would you like us to live?

What are we telling the kids?

How about we tell them the truth?

The truth being...?

There's a man...

...someone I used to love, someone I used to love a great deal.

And, actually, we've...

...we thought about it and we've decided, the two of us together,

we've...

...decided that we're not going to make the same mistake twice.

Jesus, look at you.

You're like...

Fuck.

Joy.

I can't just leave her.

I can't just...

I can't just up and leave.

Mm.

Sorry. Oh, God, I'm not the one you should be apologising to.

I just can't, I can't...

Just...

Well...

I mean, we shouldn't even be here.

I definitely shouldn't be here, and you almost certainly shouldn't.

No, you're right.

I guess I...

I just didn't want to spend another 30-odd years...

...wondering.

Well, now you know.

And now we both know.

♪ On the floating, shipless oceans ♪

♪ I did all my best to smile ♪

♪ Till your singing eyes and fingers

♪ Drew me loving to your isle ♪

♪ And you sang, "Sail to me, sail to me ♪

♪ "Let me enfold you ♪

♪ "Here I am..." ♪

♪ .. "Waiting to hold you." ♪

Well, I don't know to what extent this will,

or more likely won't appeal...

...but you're more than welcome to the air bed at my brother's place.

You don't... You don't think he'd mind?

It'd be our pleasure.

Come, let us have one other gaudy night.

Call to me, all my sad captains.

Fill our bowls once more.

Let's mock the midnight bell!

Oh, no, thank you.

Anything?

You tell me what it is that you want to know and I will do my best

to respond as honestly as I can.

Well, I suppose for me personally...

Why did you do it?

I...

...wanted to try and save my marriage.

And did it?

I think in the end, we probably both wanted different things.

Whose idea was it?

Mine, initially.

But, um...

Everything we did, we did...

...together.

Every decision, every...

We haven't slept together in the same bed for months.

It's true.

When you say months...?

I think it was...

Probably after your dad...

To my mind, anyway.

The windows in the... In the bedroom,

they're the original sash.

And we'd been meaning to...

You know how it is.

Um... And then when Elaine, when you came back from the hospital...

...you said...

She said to me, quite rightly, to my mind...

She said, um...

"James, it's too cold in here."

She said, "I'm not going to be able to get to sleep in here."

We've had them changed, replaced since, by the way.

It took a while to track down a decent...

Elaine, were you with your father when he died?

She was, yeah.

I'm sorry, but you were.

She spent the night with him.

He didn't really know what was happening.

They told me, but they hadn't told him.

I was on the chair beside the bed.

He held out his hand...

...and I took it and I held on to it...

...and then he pulled on it.

So, I got onto the bed...

...and we stayed like that.

It was uncomfortable because I only had around 10% or so of the bed...

...but any time I tried moving...

...tried to move away...

...he would take my hand again.

There was a beeping, a beeping sound...

...and then a rush.

A rush of people.

They had to unfurl his fingers to free mine.

And then they asked me to wait outside, out of the way.

And I watched them pull the curtain all the way around his bed.

What was it like coming home again?

Having to come back home?

It was the skin.

Getting back into bed.

Once we were back into bed...

It's the way it felt.

I realise it's probably completely and utterly...

But you were...

...in the middle of the...

You were there and you were cold and for the briefest moment

I thought to myself...

"Now he's gone, too."

Love...

Love, listen to me.

I'm not going anywhere.

Good luck getting rid of me...

...because I'm telling you...

Hello, Emily. How are you?

Can't complain.

Well, actually that's not strictly speaking true.

I probably could.

So, how have you been...?

Doing since the accident, I mean...?

Yes.

It looked like a real humdinger.

Yes, my hip was quite badly and my, my collarbone, coccyx...

Ay caramba!

Do you remember much about it?

Bits and pieces.

Because I was pretty hysterical at one point.

- Oh, really? - I thought you were dead,

thought I'd killed you with my bare eyes and then...

...one of the other people there,

she took your pulse and you were definitely alive.

Well, I can confirm I am indeed alive.

You kept asking for Alan.

Wanted us to call him, you kept saying.

How's work going, Emily?

It's good. Touch wood.

I'm at the Cathedral next week if you're around.

Yes!

Well, I haven't said when it is yet!

No, but I'd love to.

Well, it might be shit, for all you know.

Emily...

If it's all right with you, I'd like to ask how you are.

You already did that, didn't you?

People keep trying to send me on dates.

"Get back out there."

The hardest thing, I think...

...for sure is working out the...

...most effective way to miss him.

Forgetting him altogether seems cruel.

Fuck me, just remembering hurt.

No-one knows, but I talk to him sometimes.

When it's really bad, at night.

I sometimes talk to my mum.

What sort of things?

Oh, it varies.

Does it get any easier?

Because they say, don't they...?

People love telling you that it does.

They do.

But not you.

So, how do you cope?

Probably not, not really effectively.

God!

I had it in my head that all therapists

must lead really sorted lives.

Therapists are all fruitcakes!

I am so, so sorry, Emily.

I really am.

Thank you.

Hello.

Hi, it's me.

It's Joy.

Hi.

How are you?

Yeah, ticking along.

How about the...? How are things with you?

Uh, a certain degree of ticking along also.

Well, actually, that might not be strictly true.

I'm staying with Neil, Joy.

Well, Neil and his brother.

Are you? I didn't realise.

No reason why you should.

Where are you right now?

I'm at the house.

That's nice.

How's the boiler holding up?

All quiet on the Western front.

Well, that's good.

And the radiator in the hallway?

Oh, yeah, someone's coming to take a look at it a week tomorrow.

What about that pesky cupboard door?

How are you doing clothes-wise?

A little on the low side.

Alan...

I have a confession to make.

I'm wearing one of your jumpers.

Which one?

The woolly one with the hole in the armpit.

Quality bit of kit.

I, um...

I keep rereading all your...

All our old text messages.

Last night I put my nose and then my cheek

right up against the books on your bedside table.

I called the house when I knew you'd be out

just so I could hear your voice on the answer machine.

Twice.

Joy, I miss you.

I'm so, so...

...unbelievably sorry, Joy.

So, um...

How, uh...

...dire, and don't hold back, is the situation, really?

- Clothes-wise. - Oh, it is bad.

Mm.

Yeah, I'm turning things inside out, if you catch my drift.

Sorry to hear that.

I miss you, too, by the way.

Joy, I'd love the chance to see you.

You must be Alan.

Joy. Pleased to meet you.

Hello, Joy.

Nice to meet you, too.

I was told to give you this.

Well, thank you.

Shall we?

Yeah.

♪ Everybody's talking at me ♪

♪ I don't hear a word they're saying ♪

♪ Only the echoes of my mind ♪

♪ People stop and stare ♪

♪ I don't see their faces ♪

♪ Only the shadows of their eyes ♪

♪ I'm going where the sun keeps shining ♪

♪ Through the pouring rain ♪

♪ Going where the weather suits my clothes

♪ Banking off of the northeast winds ♪

♪ Sailing on a summer breeze ♪

♪ And skipping over the ocean like a stone

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa ♪

♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm going where the sun keeps shining ♪

♪ Through the pouring rain... ♪

♪ Going where the weather suits my clothes

♪ Banking off of the northeast winds ♪

♪ Sailing on a summer breeze ♪

♪ Skipping over the ocean like a stone ♪

♪ Everybody's talking at me ♪

♪ I don't hear a word they're saying ♪

♪ Only the echoes of my mind ♪

♪ I won't let you leave our love behind ♪

♪ No, I won't let you leave ♪

♪ Our love behind. ♪

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