Original subtitles

Couple of good things about being in a coma:

No fattening food,

lots of rest

they sponge you down everyday, it's like a spa.

Bad things:

My nose itches,

I have something called "the pina colada" song

stuck in my head and, oh, yeah,

sometimes I can hear what people in my room are saying...

I don't care if nobody liked her. She's still my daughter.

Struck down by a hit and run driver.

Hooked on machines like in a 8th grade science experiment.

A coma from which she may never awake.

Where does a mother turn for comfort and answers

the time like this?

To you, that's where, the good people at "extreme makeover - home edition"...

Oh, my lord. Howie, she's awake. Go call the doctor!

Sweetheart, sweetheart. Could you close your eyes?

I need to redo that last shot!

- Wait! She's trying to say something. - Well, she's trying to make a kiss.

She wants to kiss us.

Oh, look at me! Nose and watering.

Do you wanna make a kiss, sweetheart?

Oh yes! We're so happy too. Oh, we love you too...

Who are you?

Fixed (this awful transcript) by fatbrat

Samantha Who? - Season 1 - Episode 1 "Pilot"

- A retro what now? - Retrograde amnesia.

Her general knowledge is intact

but not stored in her personal memories.

For now, she can't recall anything about her life.

Not you, her friends, her high school prom,

not her 8th birthday party.

This is awful.

I've worked my fingers to the bone at that party.

Samantha? I'm your father, howard j. Newly, here's my card.

And this is your friend dena, she came everyday you were out.

- How long? - 19 years.

- What? - 8 days, he's kidding.

Howard, honestly.

Oh, honey. Your aunt pauly called so don't breath to call her back.

I don't know aunt pauly.

- Aunt pauly! - I'm sorry

- Aunt pauly! - I'm not sure that you're getting it.

- Aunt pauly! - Regina, yelling doesn't help!

Your cousin kevin's mom!

What, she's in another one of the comas? Howard, get the video camera.

- Just kiss him. - I don't know him!

Doctor said that familiar things might help your memory

And you and Todd have a life together, and

beside, sweetheart, you have to go home with someone.

So, I can either go home with a total stranger or

with the people who raised me!

Wow, that should be an easier choice.

Just kiss him, maybe you'll trigger something.

Like "sleeping beauty".

You don't have to kiss me.

Maybe there's something else we can try.

Electroshocks.

Howard, no. We've talked about that!

- Maybe just one kiss! - Uhm?

Yeah.

I mean, you know... we've to try something, right?

Ok, you got it.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

It's just too weird, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I have to go home with them.

Well, here... we... are!

Oh... oh this... this is nice!

Oh, it's the same, as it's always been.

We are doing for one of those "home makeovers" but... oh well.

Would you take Samantha's things upstairs?

So?

- Getting anything? - No.

- Oh, hey, piano! - Uh ha, piano!

See if I can play!

- No. - Something that you could just ask.

Oh, there she is.

Uh, I am so sorry i have not seen you.

I've been in court.

You don't know what they're putting me through on this case.

- It has been such a week. - Oh.

Please, tell you forgive me!

I... forgive you

person in a red dress.

Oh, that's right, you don't know me. Oh my god, of course not.

I'm Andrea, I'm your best friend in the whole world!

- Oh! - Goodness.

What is this thing you have? Retro what?

Retrograde amnesia.

There you wake up, you can't remember anything you've done or you've met.

Ah. God, I have that every morning. Oh...

Mrs. Newly. Oh, you think you can gimme a little top up? I seem to found the champagne.

Oh, bet you did! If you'd had a nose like that for truffles, we'd all be rich.

Come on.

Come on. My car is parked down the driveway, let's go.

Wait, wait, no, wait! Go where?

They're on the gravitational pole.

What, these two? What do you say? We do not get along?

Oh, you get along fine, because you haven't spoken in two years.

- What? - Here you go, Andrea.

You may wanna switch drinking arms, you don't wanna book up on one side?

- Oh, yeah. - We...

We haven't spoken in two years?

Yes, we have. Who said? Her? Oh, don't listen to her. She's a drunk.

- What happened? Did we have a fight? - I don't recall.

- How can you not recall? - How can you not recall?

I have amnesia. You're just lying.

Well why duel on ancient history? You don't know the difference anyway.

I need to know the truth especially about my family.

This is where I came from! You made me who I am.

- That is a terrible thing to say... - Apologise your mother, young lady.

Oh, look. I think I let my car running.

Ok, I'm gonna live with you but in a separate room or on the couch

and I'm not gonna have sex with you so you can just get that out of your mind, Mr.

- Dave? Who is that woman? - No idea!?

Sam, hey. It's this one.

Oh, this is the, uh, living room.

You see that hardwood floors and the crown moulding.

There's a... a window right there, for seeing... out.

I'm sorry. I don't know what I'm saying.

No, it's ok, it's ok and I'm sorry too, Tom.

I... this is gonna be so weird for you.

No, no no no. It's fine.

- And it's... it's Todd, by the way. - Oh, god. Todd, Todd. Right.

- God, you know, I should be writing the stuff down. - Oh, that's the... that's the bathroom.

Oh, and... and down there, that's the, uh, bed... bedroom.

Awkward.

Hey, Todd. There are some messages on this machine.

Do you mind if I listen to 'em?

Sure, go for it.

Message 1: Todd, just wanted you to know, whoever tried to run Sam down...

We're gonna find that guy... and we gonna buy him a drink!

Message 2: Todd, it's probably quiet there without sam...

So if you want, Mark and I can come by, bitches...

I don't know those guys.

- Those guys came with the machine. - Ok, what's the deal?

- With what? - With us, I mean...

Did we get along? Did we fight?

- We were both very passionate people. - So then it's a yes on fight.

- What else do we do together? - Watch sports.

- Sports? - When I kink it, you stop cooking for me.

- I don't think that I'llll believe you. - End it, you must, this is awesome.

Oh, oh. Maybe it's someone.

Oh, it's Andrea. Says her name. That's cool.

- Hello? - Where are you?

It's Renee's birthday, everybody's here.

- Did you forget? - Ok, Andrea,

what does "complete memory loss" mean to you?

It means I am here alone, now hurry up, put something fabulous on.

- I'llll see you at 8. - Ok, all right, uh, goodbye.

Come on.

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Easy now, tiger. Where are we going?

Renee is having a party, so we have to go see Renee.

- Who's Renee? - Uh, a work friend, I don't know...

Or you met her at a conference, you see her at other town things.

Ok, go get changed.

- Not in here. - Me?

No, no, no. I don't go.

No, no, come on. You have to go! It's a birthday party.

It'll be, you know, fun!

Even though you regard birthdays as challege

poise for harvesting attention and gifts?

- Oh, when did I said that? - Uh, when you forgot mine?

- Again. Awkward - Look, uh. If you need me to... I'llll go.

Yes, I do. And I'llwll call that dena girl and I'llll make her coming.

Oh my god. I have a daughter?

Good things about amnesia:

All new clothes, no rerents.

Bad: every minute is like that dream where you haven't been in the class...

all year... and the test is now.

Damn, no. I left my notebook in the car.

No, you know what? I'llll get it.

Todd, thank you so much for coming with me, i'm... I'm so sorry that I'm so needy, it's just like...

I can't explain this.

Everybody knows things about me and I know absolutely nothing.

I just feel... unarmed, you know? It's like I'm like... freaking out, you know?

Ok, uh, you love Elvis Costello, you hate opera.

You take, uh, **** vitamins 'cause you can't swallow pills.

And you always sneeze 3 times in a row.

And you never leave me the blankets because you...

you know, bold them up in your hand, when you sleep like a little girl.

- Okay, ***. - Okay.

Hey... friends.

Strangers.

Where have you been? And no one's heard from you in two weeks.

You're mad at me, aren't you? I'll make it up to you.

I... can't swallow pills.

Excuse me.

Bye, nice to meet you.

Yeah, you made it.

Ok, just now, some guy just kissed me.

Uh, just one? You're off your game. Here, have a drink.

Come on, Renee is waiting for you.

Good, good... ok, which one is she?

Ok, I should write this down. Oh, no. I don't have my notebook.

- I got it, I got it. - Hold this. - Ready?

- Ok, write this down. One: Renee is a "he" - Renee is a "he".

- Two: Renee is your lover. - He is my lover.

No, no, no, no, no, I'm sure that's wrong.

Because Todd is my...

- Oh, I'm bad. - Oh, yeah.

So that's Renee, my work friend.

That's Renee, uhu.

- Who's that? - His wife. He doesn't like her.

Write it down.

- Drea. - Andrea.

Andrea. Todd is gonna be here any second.

Are you crazy? Why did you invite Todd?

Oh, I don't know. I thought maybe my boyfriend's might like a little playdate.

Hey, eyha, hi, oh... I got here before you guys.

I'm always earlier, I can't help it.

Always convinced, the address is fake or

one's, you know, standing in the windows and worse watching me 'til I just leave, so... uh.

Why is she talking to us?

- It's Dena. - Samantha's friend.

Oh, I don't think so, no.

No, I am.

Oh, god, there's Todd. Ok, I'll get him out of here.

I am.

Hey, Todd, Todd, Todd.

Hey, listen.

Uh, you know how you were so nice to come and that I really really need you here? Well...

- You good? - I'm good.

See ya.

- I need my coat. - Oh, in a minute.

Ok, come on, tell her that you lied.

Ok, Samantha, we're gonna find this so funny later.

We are not that close, now,

but we were, up into 7th grade.

When you became more popular and I became less and less.

Much less. Yeah, and I heard what happened, and I went to the hospital.

And everybody thought we're still friends.

Oh, your poor mom. Can't you see she was happy you had a friend?

So, you know, I just... I just kept coming back.

See? It's pretty funny.

Ok, so, uh...

Besides Todd, who I betrayed,

I only have one friend?

Honey, I'm the only friend you need.

I said I need my coat!

All right girly, listen. I know you're in a hurry to get to work

but trust me, your street corner is still gonna be there.

My baby is still in there.

Oh, come here.

- Let's go and talk to Renee. - I don't want to talk to Renee.

- Coat, please. - Who's Renee?

- Her guy. - No, no, no.

- Todd is her guy. - Todd is my guy.

- Yeah. - She doesn't even know Todd.

Now we can finally get rid off him... why am I talking to you?

Wait a minute, wait a minute. Why do I... why, why do I wanna end it with him?

Is it a bad relationship? I mean, maybe we could have worked on it.

But Todd is so nice.

I mean, if he was my boyfriend, I would lock the door and I'lld never let him out of the house.

Which was a problem before, it is not now.

Choose Renee, he's fun, he's sexy, he gets us foresee and he has a plane.

- And a wife. He's a cheater. - And so are you.

You're perfect for each other.

No, maybe not, now, people can change.

People can change.

People cannot change, they are who they are.

If people could change would you be you?

She makes a good point.

Samantha, I'm so sorry I paid no attention to you. It's unforgivable.

Listen, I'm leaving, so...

Happy birthday, I can give some earrings.

- Don't ask. - What?

No, don't do this. Let's go somewhere. Hawaii. Let's go tomorrow.

- Tonight. - Tonight.

Let's go to Holland... you choose.

I'm leaving Mauriee.

Tonight. Right after the cake.

I like cake.

Well, how do I sneeze?

Why? You have a cold?

Why didn't you tell me before I kissed you?

I have an investors meeting tomorrow.

You're right, Andrea. We're perfect for each other.

I just don't wanna be.

Oh, here. Got you some earrings.

One day at a time... 30 days.

I'm an alcoholic? Andrea!

Worst 30 days in my life.

Any newcomers tonight?

Uh, me.

Or not.

I don't know.

Maybe I'm regular here.

You tell me. I'm Samantha.

Hi, Samantha!

Ok, that doesn't really answer my question.

I'm...I'll be right there, ok, just one second. I just want to grab something, uh.

Maybe I like cake... let's try that.

Oh, god, no I don't...

I'm sorry. I'm trying, just gotta get muffin then.

Some kind of muffin, uh, Banana! But it has nuts, maybe I can be allergic to nuts.

Oh, well, apple muffin. Do you have donuts?

- You're drunk, aren't you? - No, one drink, I swear.

How long since your last meeting?

I don't know. I'llve been unconscious for 8 days.

Oh, no, no, no. Not like that.

Listen, I... I hit my head and then I lost my memory.

Yeah, like a cartoon, right?

And, uhm, see, what first my problem was is that... I didn't know who I was.

But now, my problem is that I do know who I was.

And I really hate it. And I really wanna change but maybe I can't.

You know? "I am what I am".

Popeye, that I remember.

- I just wanna make good choices. - Try the lemon squares.

Yeah, but that's it.

That's my point, ok?

I can... I can... I can go have a bite of a lemon square.

Really good.

But this desire alone, makes me a lemon square person?

Or... am I just really, uh, a blueberry tart person,

that really really wants to be a sweet lovely little lemon square person.

But instead of this,

I wake up day after day as freaking blueberry tart!

I think you should leave.

- But I'm... I'm an alcoholic. - Don't care.

Ok, I'm taking this.

I really like this, I'llll write that down.

- Is that coffee shake? - Out!

- I know. - Bye, Samantha!

Did you see that what I just did?

I just walked by you, I didn't say "Hi", I didn't say "Thanks". I do not know your name.

What kind of person does that? It's scary.

Really is.

Frank.

Hi, Frank.

Ask you a question. Answer in complete sentences.

If you could start over. Rewind your life. Do it all differently.

What would you change?

Even, if that change was hard and scary and might leave you even more alone.

Todd?

Yeah.

Renee is a guy.

I knew it. I knew something was up.

I'm really really sorry.

But look, if that helps. I don't even know what I did.

So, it's kinda like not doing it at all.

What? You are going with insanity defence?

- Yes, how's the plan? - Not well.

Ok, look, I don't blame you for being mad.

- Ok, but... - No.

Mad? No, I'm not mad.

I'm grateful.

- Oh, really? - Yeah.

'Cause, you know, your grateful face looks a lot like a "grrrr" face.

No, you know what I am? Relieved.

Because you finally gave me the excuse I needed to break up with you.

Cheated, bad Sam!

- Break up with her. - I already did!

When?

Right before the accident.

Ok, look, we met at the coffee place. I told you, you left upset.

Next thing I hear, you're in the hospital.

- We met at the coffee place. - Yes, I just told you that.

No, we met at the coffee place.

It's were we first met, I remember.

Deca and latte.

Ok, Todd!

Double latte for Todd!

Todd!

Yep, it's mine, thanks.

Sorry, I was outside. Whoa, whoa, whoa! Is that mine?

No, it's mine.

- Your name is Todd? - Mhm.

Me too.

Oh, well, good, then I'llll see you at the "Todd's Club".

Hey, can I take your picture?

Really Mister? Are you one of them photographers who's looking for models?

No, I just wanna show the cops the picture of the girl who stole my latte.

- Smile. - Oh, good.

- That's gonna make a great mugshot. - I'llll add it to the pile.

Well, that's Sam.

- What a... a nut! - Yep.

I guess, so I'llll... go.

Oh, great, sorry.

Thanks.

It's weird.

You know what's crazy?

I rea... I, uh... I bet that you know more about my life than I do, huh?

I mean, just standing out here watching me come and go every night.

Except thursdays.

Thursdays, I have my speed-writing class.

- How's that going? - It's going well.

- Good. - So, where do you go from here?

Oh, that is the question, huh?

I guess... go back to work... Try to form some healthier relationships.

Make some better friends, make some better choices.

I meant, east bound or west?

Oh, I'm... sorry, I don't...

There's a Tom Wait's song:

"If you get far enough away you'll be on your way back home."

Wow, yeah.

Ok, what does that mean?

If you're trying to tell a story... you best start at the beginning.

- Oh... I'm sorry, one more time... - Go home.

Listen, before I come in. I just... just tell me you're not the one who tried to run me down.

Howard, she's back!

That's not an answer.

You can use your room. You know where it is.

Oh, no... I don't.

Just guess, come on, it'll be fun.

You know, uh, just one more question.

Is there any chance that I was adopted?