All language subtitles for Mom.S06E10.WEBRip.x264-ION10

The people who eat here
are animals.

And not like those cute otters
holding hands.

I hate 'em all.

I went over to check
on a table and this man

wiped gloppy short rib sauce
on my shirt.

Do I look like a napkin?

Well, you do now.

And by the way, that "gloppy
sauce" is a port wine reduction,

and intentionally viscous.

Ugh.

I came out here for fresh air,
but that dream is dead.

Let me toss it on the pile
with all your others.

I doubt you can throw that high.

It sounds like you need

a delicious
and calming cigarette.

I don't smoke.

In the words of the great
'80s poet Adam Ant,

"Don't drink, don't smoke,
what do you do?"

Hey, dude, I used to smoke, I
used to drink, I used to strip,

I used to not come home
for days at a time.

Mm, so what you're saying
is you used to be fun.

Fine. Give me one.

Oh, right.

Thanks, I owe you one.

Great. You want to come over
to my place after we close,

"get chummy"?

It's tobacco, not ecstasy.

Would you like some ecstasy?

♪

Why do we bother putting
the damn chairs away?

We're just gonna have
another meeting tomorrow.

There's ladies' Zumba
in the morning.

What is that,
like a Kegel thing?

Tightening the old hoo-ha?

It's a dance-based
exercise class,

but your la-la
does get a workout.

Guys, we're all over 12.

We can say "vagina."

I did Zumba drunk once.

Got kicked out.

Maybe 'cause I kept
yelling "Zumba!"

And I peed in my leotard.

[phone chimes]

Oh, my God.

What?

I just got a text from this guy

I met at The Home Depot
yesterday.

Wait, like, "met a guy"
met a guy?

You didn't tell me that. Spill.

Well, he works there.
I needed to get a light switch,

but I wasn't sure if I needed

a 20-amp
or if a 15-amp would cover it.

So then I...Get to the man part.

So Rick-- that's what
his lifting belt said--

swooped in and said even

if I only needed a 15,
a 20 should be fine.

And then he pushed you up
against the wall and kissed you.

Sorry, I just got to make
the story better.

He asked for my number,
I didn't think he'd use it.

Now he wants to know
"What's up?"

How do I even respond to that?

How about "Nothing much,
what's up with you?"

Are you nuts? You want
to sound busy, in demand.

Tell him you're at a gala.

No, wait.
You met him at Home Depot.

Tell him
you're at a county fair.

Personally, I don't think

you should start
a relationship off on a lie.

Go with "not much."

Oh, man, which tiny blonde
should I believe?

Well, Christy's my daughter
and I love her,

but if you want any hope of
a romantic life, listen to Jill.

"At a fair."

Hey, I date.

You do. Not recently,
but you do.

[phone chimes]

Whoa, he texted back already.

And he asked me out on a date!
"Anytime..."

No, no, no. You're eating funnel
cake at a fair, remember?

Yeah, you're not just staring

at your phone like
some kind of Christy.

I don't do that.

I blame myself. It's why I'm
trying to do better with Tammy.

Marjorie, everyone's
picking on me.I know,

and the fact that they're right
doesn't justify it.

You know what?

My homework
is more fun than this.

And yeah, that's a dig, guys.

It's a dig.

So when do I text him back?

I'll let you know.

Sharon.

Oh, hey, Christy.

Can I bum one of those?

Sure. I didn't know
you were a smoker.

Only on Wednesdays.

It's Thursday.

Just light the cigarette,
Sharon.

Thank you.

I'm just gonna go smoke this
behind that bush.

I'll see you over there.

MARJORIE:
Yeah.

Now.

Morons.

Hi, can I have ten
dollars on pump three?

You got it.

Actually,

can I have five dollars
on pump three

and a pack of the lights?

Those are nine dollars.

Really? Wow.
[laughs softly]

Okay, give me one dollar on pump
three and a pack of the lights.

I don't like that Tammy's date
is picking her up here.

Now if he's a murderer,
he knows where she lives.

That's the third time
you've mentioned

that she might
get killed on this date.

Where is all this
murder anxiety coming from?

From being a
woman, Marjorie.

JILL:
Okay!

Get ready. Tammy, come on out,
and show them what you got.

[gasping]Ooh!
Wow!

I know, right?
I'm a piece.

I'm so nervous, first date out
of prison, first date sober.

It's just like going on a date
drunk, only much, much scarier.

'Cause you're
a woman.

You'll be great.

What if he orders a cocktail
and asks me if I want one?

What do I say then?

You don't have to tell
your whole story.

Just say you don't feel
like drinking tonight.

Or tell him you can't drink

'cause you're taking
antibiotics.

How is that gonna work
if they keep dating?

Yeah, then he'll think
she has some horrible STD

that Western medicine
just can't knock out.

But he won't know she's sober.

Maybe you should stop focusing
on whether he's gonna like you

and see if you even like him.

You're Tammy
frickin' Diffendorf.

You are beautiful and fierce

and he's lucky
you're even going out with him.

[laughs]:
Wow!

You guys just turned
my whole world around.

I am going out on this date
with a blown mind.

He's pulling up.It's happening!

Okay, when he knocks...Out of my way!

Are we still worried
about him,Wendy?

Well, well, well.

Look who's here
to bum another cigarette.

I have my own.

Ooh, your own pack.
That was fast.

I still only smoke
once in a while,

I just don't want
to be seen as needy.

Mm. I think with that voice
and those eyes,

that's always gonna
be a problem.

I can take care of myself.

[groans]

Oh, Christy,

face it.

You're a real smoker,

and a real smoker should
have her own lighter.

This was my father's.

And now it's yours.

Seriously?

No, I got it from a busboy.

Although it was hisfather's.

TV HOST: What started out
as dinner and a movie

ended as dinner and a murder.

I'm getting scared.

Marjorie, change the channel.

Marjorie!

Uh-oh.

Uhp, there it is.

What do you know,
I am gonna be sad when she goes.

Tammy's back.

Best date ever.

Really?Oh! Marjorie,
wake up, she's home.

I'm awake.

Tell us everything.

Well, I'm so lucky
you guys dressed me up,

because he took me
to Olive Garden.

Okay, I've been watching those
commercials for seven years

from prison and if anything,
they undersell it.

What's he like?

Oh, he's funny, he's smart--

and get this, he doesn't drink.Is he an alcoholic?

No, he has irritable
bowel syndrome.

He sounds perfect.

Doesn't he, Marjorie?

Oh, Lord, let's at least
shut her mouth.

Tape?
Anybody got any tape?

Was there a good-night kiss?

A lady doesn't
kiss and tell,

but I'm no lady, so let me
tell you about the kissing.

It was awesome!

You know the kind of kiss
that leaves you light-headed?

No.

Look at you-- you went
on a date, you stayed sober,

your clothes aren't inside out.

You didn't bring
any of their breadsticks home

for your friend Bonnie,
but otherwise, a success.

That's what you think.

[gasps]
What a night!

I know!

So when can I text him
to tell him I had fun?

Never.
Wait for him to text you.But I want to.

Go ahead. A little
"I had a good time" won't hurt.

[gasps]
They're still warm.

Thanks, Bonnie.
"Had a nice time.

Can't wait to see you again."

I guess that's okay.

"I think you're the one."

No!
No!
No!

Oh. How'd it go?

[phone rings]

Hi, Jill.

I'm almost there,
driving as fast as I can.

Bye.

[spraying]

That was easy.

I'm starving.
Can we please order?

Aren't we gonna
wait for Christy?

No, 'cause I get rude
when I'm hangry.

We're ready,
we're ready!

Oh, I am so gonna
get her fired.

[scoffs] Why isn't Rick
texting me back?

I'm gonna
text him again.

Tammy, I wouldn't.

You texted him four times
in the car on the way over here.

How do I put this gently?

That's something
Christy would do.

I just really
like him,

and I haven't liked
anyone in a long time.

Which is great,
but just take it slow.

Food!

I think I have some
almonds in my purse.

No.

Maybe my phone is broken.
Will you just text me?

No, you're obsessed
with this guy.

"This guy"? His name
is Rick something

and he means
a lot to me.

Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.

Traffic. What is
happening to Napa?

Have you been smoking?

Why would you
ask me that?

Because you smell like
mouth wash, air freshener,

Purell and
dryer sheets.

It's like sitting next to
a freshly cleaned motel room.

I'm not smoking.
Did we order yet?

No, 'cause this is hell.

Why do you have a lighter?

Why are you going
through my purse?

I'm your mother.What does that
have to do with it?

You came out of my pocketbook,
I get to rifle through yours.

[scoffs]
Okay, yes, I'm smoking,

but I'm not drinking,
I'm not gambling,

I'm not sleeping
with married men.

Let me have this.

[phone chimes][gasps] It's him!

Shoot, Amber Alert.

White pickup, Utah plates.
Keep your eyes open.

Tammy, stop with the phone.
You're driving yourself crazy.

You're driving us all crazy.
You're acting pathetic.

[phone chimes]

Not him, but, yes, Wendy,
Bonnie was a little harsh.

Not out loud. You trying
to get me killed?

[mouths]

Hi, I'd like to make
an order for delivery.

Yeah, my address is the booth
with the woman waving.

[upbeat music playing]

[knocking on door]

[music stops]

Yeah?

Hey, Bonnie,
what's happening?

What is happening?

You gals talking about Zumba

inspired me to get out
my old Jazzercise tapes.

There's a lot to mock here,
but I need your advice.

This thing with Tammy
is driving me...

Okay, we need to lose this.

I just don't know what to do.

She's gonna get her heart broken
and I'm worried about her.

[chuckles]
What?

I'm taking a moment
to enjoy

that you're worrying about
somebody other than yourself.

You've really changed.

Oh. Thank you.

You can have this back.
It's actually kind of wet.

Okay, here's the deal,

I know what's
best for Tammy.

How do I get her
to listen to me?

You don't know what's best
for her, Bonnie.

She has to have
her own experiences.

The only thing you can do
is share yours, if she asks.

But she's not asking.Well, then shut up.

You shut up.

Sorry, you were saying?

You know, when you
started dating Adam,

I thought you were
making a big mistake.

What's wrong with Adam?

Well, I just didn't like him,

and I didn't think
you were ready,

but you proved me wrong
because you are

handling this relationship
so beautifully.

Thank you. What exactly
didn't you like about him?

Well, he had a certain swagger
I didn't appreciate,

and apparently, before you,
he was a bit of a tomcat.

"Swagger"? That's a great way
to put it. So arrogant.

My point is, I was wrong.

I'm not sure you were.

We're running into
ex-girlfriends all the time.

Bonnie, listen...Williams-Sonoma,

I am buying nice plates
for the first time in my life,

and who's wrapping them up?

Jaqueline with her big,
fake fingernails.

Why didn't you
tell me this back then?

You didn't ask for my opinion,

like Tammy hasn't
asked for yours.

Fine, fine, got it.

Okay. Now if you don't mind,

I would like to go back
to Jazzercise.

Would you like
to join me?

I would not, but I
definitely want to watch.

[upbeat music plays]

Hi.

Hi.You okay?

Uh, yeah, I just pulled
a muscle Jazzercising.

By the way, your ass
appears to be on fire.

Fine, caught me.
Cue the lecture.

No lecture.

Oh, come on, you don't think

this is self-destructive
behavior?

Oh, honey,

I get it. I went
through the whole

"finding ways to be naughty
in sobriety" thing.

In fact, when I had
about five years,

I developed a massive
crush on Marvin,

the guy that I had
the coffee commitment with.

Ooh.

No, not "ooh."
He was married and so was I.

Ooh.
Yeah.

All we did
was flirt, but...

it did give me a thrill,

and at the time,
I really needed that.

So what happened?

Oh, I kept working
the program, and so did he,

and we got better
and the flirting stopped.

Also, one night
he wore a denim vest.

Well, my Marvin and I
are still flirting.

[chuckles] Okay.
I'll see you inside.

[grunting]

What was I
trying to prove?

[phone ringing]Hi, Bonnie.

Hi, Tammy.

I'm calling 'cause
I owe you an apology.

I was too hard on you.

You're not pathetic

and I was wrong to say
you were obsessing about Rick.

Thanks, Big Sauce, that means
a lot. You're forgiven.

Good. So what are you up to?

I'm sitting across the street
from Rick's house.

Are you?

And I may have binoculars.

Uh-huh.

Am I as crazy as I feel?

Are you asking my opinion?I am.

Where are you exactly?

You took an Uber
to stalk a guy?

You know I don't drive.

Bonnie, Yuri. Yuri, Bonnie.Good evening.

Uh, would you like to have
mint, water, phone charger?

I'm fine.

Why are you doing this?
Eh, as long as I'm here.

I still hadn't
heard from Rick,

so I went to Home Depot
to say hi,

and he walks away and says
he has to do something

in aisle three, so I
follow him to aisle three

and he's not doing anything.
So I say to him,

"You're not
doing anything,"

and he says,
"I can't talk right now.

I'll call you later
when I get home."

Six hours go by, no call,
so I came to see if he's home.

He's home!

He can clearly be seen
eating pizza in his boxers.

So what do I do?

In my experience,

if a guy would rather
eat alone in his underwear,

he's not interested.

I know.
You do?

I just didn't want
to admit it to myself.

Tissues are in pocket
in front of you.

[crying]: I'm gonna be single
the rest of my life.

No, you're not.
I have done way worse than this.

Sitting outside
his house?

Try moving
into his attic

without him knowing
for three weeks.

You didn't
really do that.

Sure did. There was a website
warning people about me.

But now I'm
getting married,

and I'm not as crazy
as I used to be,

and I found a guy who loves
the crazy that's still there.

You're gonna learn from this,
and next time,

you'll do it
differently.

[scoffs] If there
ever is a next time.

It may not happen right away,
but it will happen.

I think you've waited
long enough.

May I take you
for dinner sometime?

I'd love that. Let's go now!
Bonnie, out!

Hey, can we go to Olive Garden?No problem.

You don't do anything
halfway, do you?

Are you gonna smoke with me
or just judge?

No, thanks, I quit.How?

I just stopped.
It's called having character.

Have fun out here.

I will!

[thunderclap]

Oh...

Oh, come on!

Captioning sponsored by
CBS

Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org