All language subtitles for How.I.Met.Your.Mother.S03E02.720p.HDTV.X264-MRSK

So, being married different
not different?

It's the same. Mostly.

Except I think I might be
getting carpal tunnel.

My hand keeps cramping up.

I thought the whole point of getting married
was that you didn't have to do that anymore.

No, it's from writing
all the thank you notes.

Mostly.

Yeah.
You're writing constantly.

There's forms we have to sign,
our death folders,

- thank you notes.
- Whoa, whoa.

What are death folders?

It's this thing they recommend you do
in case one spouse dies unexpectedly.

It's all the information your spouse might
need all in one convenient location.

Yeah. Account info,
important addresses,

a letter to the other person.
All that stuff.

- I'll get the next round.
- Thanks.

- I am such a jerk.
- Yeah.

Wait, why?

I didn't know that I was
supposed to write a letter.

All Lily's gonna find in that folder
are a bunch of bank statements

and a funny list of things to do
with my ashes.

- Marshall brownies.
- Number six.

Oh, God, I am a bad husband.

No, uh, no, I'll just write,
I'll write Lily a letter tonight,

- everything'll be fine.
- That's right.

Unless... you die between
now and then.

- But... come on, that's never gonna happen.
- Yes.

If there's one thing we can state
with absolute certainty

it's that Marshall Eriksen is not going
to die before writing that letter.

No way at all.

In fact, I dare God
to smite down

- this perfectly healthy...
- Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

I get it. Okay, you guys know
I'm a little superstitious,

and you guys are trying
to freak me out.

Well, guess what?
It didn't work. So, there.

You guys are jerks!

How I Met Your Mother 3x02
- We�re Not From Here -

So, after Robin and I broke up,
she needed some time away.

Away from her normal home,
her normal life,

and it turns out, her normal self.

I was just so uptight
in New York, you know?

I mean down here everybody
shares everything.

It's like, we're all one big
shimmering ball of positive energy.

I wonder if anyone's ever
thought that before.

Here. Eat.

If we run out of fish,
I will catch more with my hands.

A drum circle!

They're different every time.
Let's go watch!

- Here I am at the drum circle.
- Whoa, are you topless?

- Ted, check this out.
- Seen 'em.

- Wow, it seems like a great trip.
- Oh, it was.

I feel like,

the Robin who left is not
the same Robin who came back, you know.

Wow, there's a lot
of nude people in here.

You haven't changed, Scherbatsky.

You're a sophisticated,
scotch-swilling, cigar-smoking,

red-meat-eating,
gun-toting New Yorker.

Just shoes and a shirt.
That's a look.

What you are not is
a massage-giving, windsurfing,

bongo-playing,
teetotaling, vegan, peacenik,

hippy like you soon to be
ex-boyfriend, Gael.

Back me up here, Ted.

I'm just happy Robin's happy.

Thank you.

Man, this is like a "Where's Waldo"
of exposed genitalia.

Except that it's really
easy to find Waldo.

I'm evolved...

and I'm enjoying living my life

a little bit closer to the way
Gael and I did in Argentina.

Please. Vacation romances have
an expiration date.

Gael's got a "best if banged by"
sticker on him.

Once your romance starts to stink,

you'll dump his ass
down the drain like sour milk

and go back to being "Unevolved Robin",
the one we actually like.

Back me up here, Ted.

I'm just happy Robin's happy.

- I'm telling you, within three days...
- Here he comes. Switched to big words.

Within a triad of solar periods,

you'll recognize your dearth
of compatibility with your paramour

and conclude your association.

My journey was transforvative.

And I reassert my commitment
to both the aforementioned paramour

and the philosophies he espouses.

What are we talking of?
Baseball?

This is all gonna return to
masticate you in the gluteals.

Support my hypothesis, Ted.

I'm just jubilant my former
paramour's jubilant.

That night, Marshall sat down
to write the letter

he hoped Lily would never
have to read.

"My dearest, sweetest, Lily pad.

"Let this letter
be a small bicken

"a tiny firefly
to help light your way

"through the years ahead.

"My love for you persists

"higher than the Himalayas.

Deeper than a Scottish loch."

"If I died under suspicious
circumstances,

"then beware.

"Trust no one. Not even Ted."

"Especially not Ted."

"Know that I'll always
be there in your heart

"whenever you need me,

"and that my love for you
will never die.

"Love...
your marshmallow."

"M, ATM pin code:

5-4-5-9.

"Teacher's pension account:
A-3-9-3-2.

"Cancel Vogue, L."

My windsurfing board...
it had floated away.

And the shark...

he was getting closer.

They say to escape
you punch a shark in the nose.

But I said, "Brother shark,

we are both children
from the same Earth mother."

And that's all I remember
until the hospital.

- That guy.
- Yeah. That guy.

Look at how easy
he has it.

You and me, we have to bend over
backwards to get a woman to, well,

bend over backwards.
But that guy...

Every woman in the bar is hanging on
his every slightly mispronounced word.

- And why?
- He's better looking than us.

No. Because he's from
out of town.

With and accent and an innocent smile,
you don't even have to try.

Plus automatic out,
you're leaving in a couple of days.

God, I wish we were tourists.

Actually...

You know where I've been
meaning to visit?

We're from a small town
in the south of France.

Our plane leaves Sunday morning.

Uh, hey, uh, howdy, ladies.

Hate to bother you.
We seem to be a little bit lost.

Would you happen to know which
street the Statue of Liberty's on?

Actually,it's own Island.

- Oh!
- Oh, it's right...

- Ah.
- Thank you very...

Uh, my name is, uh,
Ignatius Peabody Nobel.

From East Westerton, Missouri.

And this is my friend... Ted.

- Hi, um, I'm Colleen.
- Hi, Colleen.

- This is Lindsay.
- Hi, Lindsay.

So, hey, you-you-you ladies, been awful
nice to us. What do you say...

- Ah, never mind.
- No, what is it?

Well... it's just we're leaving
Sunday morning.

It sure would be nice to have
some real New Yorkers show us around.

Well, we're busy tonight, but...
maybe tomorrow afternoon?

After lunch?

Well, hotdog!

Should we... you want just meet here
in front of Mac... MacLaren's Pub?

It's kind of a lame bar,
but sure.

Really? It doesn't seem
that lame to me.

- It's pretty lame.
- I think it's cool.

- We'll see you tomorrow.
- All right.

I'm just saying it seems like a kind of bar
a lot of cool people would hang out at.

All right, come-on.

So, Gael, huh?
Still going strong?

Yeah, it's great.

- Amazing, fantastic, awesome.
- Oh, that's one too many.

What's going on?

Well, now that I'm home,

I'm finding myself getting annoyed
at things that I loved on vacation.

Here, taste.

Experience your food.

Oh. So good.

Here, taste.

Experience your food.

Ooh, sofa, ooh, sofa.
Sofa, sofa, oh.

We're alone now.

I must have you.

I must have you.

Laptop, laptop, laptop!

And you know what else?

I'm still finding sand everywhere.

I mean, we haven't been to the beach
since Argentina. Where is all coming from?

Well, maybe you're just going back
to the person you were before the trip.

But I don't want to.

I was so happy down there.

No, you know what?
I'm done complaining.

I'm evolving.

Just gonna...
go with the flow.

Gael, you're peeing
while I'm in the shower.

Okay. Okay, old Robin would have
been like, dude, ocupado.

But now, you know what,
I'm cool with it. Pee it up.

In fact, when you're done,
why don't you come in here and join me?

Don't mind if I do, love.

Gael, there's some weird du...

- Hello.
- Hey! Good news!

I made some
new traveling friends today,

and they'll be staying with us,
how do you say...

Indefinitely!

G'day!

Oh, here. Will you sign this
thank you note?

Wow. Both sides.

You wrote on both sides of
a thank you note to my third cousin

for a blender that you haven't
even taken out of the box.

- It's a really nice blender.
- Well if you love that blender so much,

why don't you just marry it.

I can't. I married you.
That's how we go the blender.

What's wrong?

Nothing. Nothing's wrong.
What could be wrong?

Except that when you die I'm gonna
find out that your parting words

to comfort me for all eternity
were "Cancel Vogue."

How can you open my letter?

That was not a letter.
It was barely even a text message.

Next time you write something that short,
at least have the courtesy to make it rhyme.

Marshall, wait.

This was our first fight
as a married couple.

- Oh, baby.
- Oh...

Kids, when you're visiting New York,

there's a count of fun things
to see and do.

And yet, Colleen and Lindsay
took us to Tater-Skinz.

This is our favorite restaurant
in the city.

Yes, I'm sure this is the best

of their 57 "spudtacular"
east coast locations.

- I'm going to run to the restroom.
- I'm gonna go, too.

This is just the easiest date ever.

You know what I'm gonna try next?
A knock, knock joke.

Easiest?

Somehow we have managed to find

the two lamest New Yorkers of all time.

- Ted, Ted, Ted.
- Dude, I am looking at you. What?

Right. Stay with me.
We are on the cusp

of moving from out-of-towners
to in-their-pantsers.

All right, Ignatius, one more hour.

Nice. Hey, nice.

Hey, our friends invited us to a party.
You guys want to come along?

- Knock, knock.
- Who's there?

Yes, we do.

Quick announcement.

I am so glad that you're here,
fellow travelers.

A couple rules...
not even rules.

Let's call them guidelines
for harmonious living.

Guideline for harmonious living
number one...

the kitchen sink is for dishes,
the toilet is for pee-pee.

G.F.H.L. Number two...

marijuana is illegal in
the United States,

even when baked
into a blueberry muffin

that someone might mistakenly
eat for breakfast

right before they leave for
their job as a TV newscaster.

"This just in: Look at my hand,
how weird is my hand?"

is not an appropriate thing
to say on the air.

And number three, I...

And number three is please keep
the noise to a minimum.

I have to take a nap.

I'm still pretty baked.

Everything's so bright,

even at night.

No wonder
the city never sleeps.

Hey, if we're going north,
why did we cross over the FDR?

We should have taken the Hudson.

Now he knows all the streets.

Someone's been watching
too many Steinfeld reruns.

- Where are we even going anyway?
- 148th and Brook Avenue.

A hundred... in the South Bronx
at this time of night?

We're going to get killed.

Ted, I think
these local New Yorkers

know more about the city
than we do, so relax.

We're in very capable hands.

There were three of them,
at least two guns...

They took all our money.

Well, I only had traveler's checks.

Hey, babe.

I've been thinking
about our fight.

Yes?

I'm really, really...

surprised that you haven't
apologized to me yet.

Wow, you really want
to open this up again.

Oh, I forgot,
you open everything up,

even if you're not supposed to
until I'm dead.

You know that this is important to me.
Why won't you just write the letter?

Because I can't bear the
thought of not being with you,

not even for long enough
to write you a stupid letter.

Really?

Yes, really.

Plus, I know
as soon as I write it,

you're just going to open
it up and read it again.

Lily, I won't, I promise.

I'll write you a letter
for my death folder.

Do you mind, um, maybe slipping
in a little bit of dirty stuff, too?

I tell you what.

How about I make it
all dirty stuff and

slip in a little clean stuff?

You're the best.

And maybe a couple Polaroids?

Come on, let's get out of here.
This night's a disaster.

What?!

This night couldn't
have gone any better.

We just survived a mugging.
You know what that means.

- "Thank God we're alive" sex.
- "Thank God we're alive" sex.

It's even better than "I can't believe
you just proposed to me" sex,

which I've only had,
like, four or five times.

Ted, please, we are so close.

All right, I'm in. I've never worked
this hard for anything in my life.

Wow, I think we all need
to go back to our place and recover.

Yeah. I just want to celebrate
the fact that we survived. You know?

Me, too.

- So where do you live?
- What, West Village?

- Close.
- West Orange.

- West Orange, New Jersey?
- Yeah.

You guys live in New Jersey,
not New York?

- Theodore.
- Yep.

- New Jersey?
- Teddy.

Yeah, but don't worry,
it's pretty much New York.

- Oh. No. Oh, no.
- Oh, no.

New Jersey is not
"pretty much New York."

You are not
"pretty much New Yorkers."

- And how would you know?
- Because I live here.

That's right, I live here.
Yes, we're full of crap, yes.

We pretended to be from out of town

so we could sleep with you
and leave in the morning.

But you know what's even
worse than that?

Saying you're a New Yorker
when you're not.

Because this is the
greatest city in the world

and you have to earn the right
to call yourself a New Yorker.

So why don't you girls

crawl into the open sewer pipe
you call the Holland Tunnel

and flush yourselv back
to "pretty much New York"?

Because I will do a lot
to get laid,

but I am not going
to New Jersey!

You're not from Missouri?

Well, I will be a monkey's unc...

Can we get a ride?

Hey, um, sir, can we get
a ride, too?

Newark, born and raised.

Can you please keep it down?

What happened to you, man?

You said you wouldn't change,
but look at you.

No more tan,
no more aded braids,

no more lush, untamed forest
of leg and armpit hair.

You're back at work.
What gives?

Well, I have to have a job.

"I have to have a job."

God, that's so American.

I'm Canadian. You know that.

What about the important things
like making your own jewelry

and lying on the beach
and thinking about peace?

God, don't you care
about thinking about peace?

I just realized something.

That you've lost your way.

No,
that you really suck.

You're boring and lame
and you're getting sand everywhere.

Seriously, where is
all the sand coming from?

You're not the real me.

All you are is me on vacation
trying to get away from a break-up.

Don't you remember Argentina?

Don't you want to go back?

- What are you doing?
- Shh...

Let this happen.

All right, everyone out.

I said everyone out!

All right, we're leaving,
we're leaving, okay.

Michael Moore was so right
about Americans.

I'm Canadian!

Robin, you okay?

No, I'm not.

Listen, Gael,

I need to talk to you
about something.

After they broke up,
Robin went back to being Robin.

- Welcome home, Scherbatsky.
- Oh, good to be back.

Although it's weird.

Vacation Robin popped into
my dream again last night.

- Listening.
- This time we went all the way.

Tell you one thing.

She may be sandy, but that
chick knows what I like.

Okay, I'm done.

But I really don't want you
reading this unless... you know,

something happens.

Can you swear to me
you won't open it?

Totally.
What does it say?

Marshall, I'm serious.

Okay.

I promise I won't, I won't
open that until you're dead.

And through 22 wonderful years
of marriage, Marshall kept his promise

until November 1 of last year

when, sadly...

"Busted! I knew you'd read this.

You suck, Marshall,
you totally suck."

That's it?

I suck?

- Lily.
- Yes, you suck.

You said you wouldn't read it
and you did.

Well, you didn't keep
your promise either.

I don't see any dirty
pictures in here.

Oh, fine,
I'll take the dirty pictures.

I don't want 'em now.

- What is that supposed to mean?
- What?!

Nothing.
Nothing.

You're beautiful. I would love the photos.
Have I told you how beautiful you look?