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-//- Subtitle FPS=23,976 - Edited by DivXTurk v.1.5.4.23 -\\-
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00:00:03,628 --> 00:00:07,716
( theme music playing )
3
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:26,651
my name is rene.
this is my cafe,
4
00:00:26,651 --> 00:00:29,863
but at the moment my life
is one big problem.
5
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:33,408
you see, i have
to be nice to the germans.
6
00:00:33,408 --> 00:00:36,202
they are my customers.
they are winning the war.
7
00:00:36,202 --> 00:00:38,872
so if i am not nice to them,
they will shoot me.
8
00:00:38,872 --> 00:00:41,791
i have to be nice
to the resistance.
9
00:00:41,791 --> 00:00:43,293
otherwise,
they will shoot him
10
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,670
for being nice
to the germans.
11
00:00:45,670 --> 00:00:48,256
i have to be nice
to my wife,
12
00:00:48,256 --> 00:00:51,343
because if she finds out
i'm having an affair
with yvette,
13
00:00:51,343 --> 00:00:53,970
she will shoot me.
14
00:00:53,970 --> 00:00:56,556
and if yvette finds out i'm
having an affair with maria,
15
00:00:56,556 --> 00:00:58,641
well, she will
shoot me too.
16
00:00:58,641 --> 00:01:01,186
now, otto flick,
the gestapo officer,
17
00:01:01,186 --> 00:01:03,063
is having dinner
in the back room.
18
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:05,732
upstairs are two german officers
in their underwear,
19
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:07,650
because i have borrowed
their uniforms
20
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,778
to help two british airmen
to escape.
21
00:01:09,778 --> 00:01:12,655
the pianist over there
is, in fact,
22
00:01:12,655 --> 00:01:14,616
a forger
for the marquis.
23
00:01:14,616 --> 00:01:18,661
and the german officer
at that table fancies me.
24
00:01:20,789 --> 00:01:23,041
and it is only tuesday.
25
00:01:24,584 --> 00:01:25,710
rene,
26
00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,253
the colonel is getting
very impatient.
27
00:01:27,253 --> 00:01:30,131
you promised you would have
his uniform back in 15 minutes,
28
00:01:30,131 --> 00:01:31,508
it is now 45.
29
00:01:31,508 --> 00:01:34,135
take his mind off it,
keep him amused.
30
00:01:34,135 --> 00:01:36,805
how can i?
look at my celery.
31
00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,431
maria, can't you
entertain him?
32
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:41,976
how can i?
my celery isn't even
good enough for soup.
33
00:01:41,976 --> 00:01:43,561
rene, herr flick
of the gestapo
34
00:01:43,561 --> 00:01:45,480
is paying his bill.
35
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,316
- herr flick says he is going
to search the building.
- what?
36
00:01:48,316 --> 00:01:51,319
he will find the painting
of the fallen madonna by
van clomp in the cellar.
37
00:01:51,319 --> 00:01:52,862
no, the painting
has gone.
38
00:01:52,862 --> 00:01:55,448
but so too have the uniforms
of the colonel and your captain.
39
00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:58,243
if they find
the colonel and captain
in their underwear,
40
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:01,079
this could make
the gestapo suspicious.
41
00:02:01,079 --> 00:02:03,915
helga, you must keep
herr flick amused.
42
00:02:03,915 --> 00:02:07,002
amusing the gestapo
is very serious business.
43
00:02:07,002 --> 00:02:09,087
surely you can
think of something?
44
00:02:09,087 --> 00:02:10,380
i have it.
45
00:02:10,380 --> 00:02:12,507
give me a large glass
of your strongest brandy.
46
00:02:12,507 --> 00:02:13,967
of course, at once.
47
00:02:24,352 --> 00:02:26,187
you have 10 minutes.
48
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:28,148
make it five.
49
00:02:28,148 --> 00:02:30,942
we must hide
the german officers quickly.
50
00:02:30,942 --> 00:02:32,527
take them to the room
of my mother.
51
00:02:32,527 --> 00:02:34,529
maria, go and tell
the officers.
52
00:02:34,529 --> 00:02:36,948
i will explain
to the old girl.
53
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:42,287
- ( banging )
- rene, edith...
54
00:02:42,287 --> 00:02:44,372
can nobody hear me-eee?
55
00:02:45,707 --> 00:02:47,250
shut up,
you old bat.
56
00:02:47,250 --> 00:02:49,711
this place is
crawling with the gestapo.
57
00:02:49,711 --> 00:02:53,631
i shall tell them nothing.
58
00:02:53,631 --> 00:02:56,468
now, listen carefully
to what i have to say.
59
00:02:56,468 --> 00:02:59,095
two german officers
are coming to your room.
60
00:02:59,095 --> 00:03:00,722
( spits )
pigs!
61
00:03:02,640 --> 00:03:06,227
i will fight them
to my dying breath.
62
00:03:09,564 --> 00:03:12,400
they have already
taken off their uniforms.
63
00:03:12,400 --> 00:03:14,819
have you no finesse?
64
00:03:15,945 --> 00:03:17,655
they will not
touch you, mamma.
65
00:03:17,655 --> 00:03:23,078
( laughs )
that is what they said
in 1917.
66
00:03:24,412 --> 00:03:26,873
quick,
get in the wardrobe.
67
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:28,875
if i do not have
my uniform in 10 minutes,
68
00:03:28,875 --> 00:03:30,585
you will be shot.
69
00:03:30,585 --> 00:03:32,462
but colonel,
your revolver
70
00:03:32,462 --> 00:03:33,922
is on the belt
of the uniform,
71
00:03:33,922 --> 00:03:35,298
which is around
the waist
72
00:03:35,298 --> 00:03:38,927
of the british airman
who is not here.
73
00:03:38,927 --> 00:03:42,180
- get in the wardrobe!
- mind your head.
74
00:03:42,180 --> 00:03:43,973
rene, he is searching
the restaurant,
75
00:03:43,973 --> 00:03:45,392
and then he is
on his way up here.
76
00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,476
who is?
77
00:03:46,476 --> 00:03:47,811
otto flick of the gestapo.
78
00:03:47,811 --> 00:03:49,562
- gestapo!
- gestapo!
79
00:03:51,856 --> 00:03:54,234
not a word.
the gestapo
are coming!
80
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:55,944
if they find
the germans
in the wardrobe,
81
00:03:55,944 --> 00:03:56,986
i could be shot.
82
00:03:56,986 --> 00:03:59,114
i shall not yield
83
00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,241
to the torture
of the gestapo,
84
00:04:01,241 --> 00:04:05,912
long live fraaa-aaance!
85
00:04:05,912 --> 00:04:07,706
shut up!
86
00:04:07,706 --> 00:04:09,916
herr otto flick!
87
00:04:11,501 --> 00:04:12,877
good evening.
88
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:14,295
good evening,
herr flick.
89
00:04:14,295 --> 00:04:16,923
i am sorry to put you
to inconvenience,
90
00:04:16,923 --> 00:04:19,551
but there are certain things
i need to know.
91
00:04:19,551 --> 00:04:22,721
there are two german officers
in the wardrobe,
92
00:04:22,721 --> 00:04:25,890
and the radio
is under my bed.
93
00:04:27,642 --> 00:04:29,602
very amusing.
94
00:04:29,602 --> 00:04:31,813
i see i am wasting
my time here.
95
00:04:31,813 --> 00:04:33,189
heil hitler.
96
00:04:33,189 --> 00:04:34,733
heil hitler.
97
00:04:37,152 --> 00:04:39,571
i will take the cognac
to the german officers
98
00:04:39,571 --> 00:04:40,655
in the room
of my mother.
99
00:04:40,655 --> 00:04:42,490
if they do not get
their uniforms soon,
100
00:04:42,490 --> 00:04:43,658
they will go mad!
101
00:04:43,658 --> 00:04:45,910
go with her yvette,
102
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,829
she is under
a great strain.
103
00:04:49,581 --> 00:04:53,001
rene, when are we
going to be alone?
104
00:04:53,001 --> 00:04:55,962
go to the pantry,
wait for me by the brie.
105
00:04:55,962 --> 00:04:58,006
keep the--
106
00:04:58,006 --> 00:05:00,175
keep the lid on
until i arrive.
107
00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:04,346
check the window.
108
00:05:06,639 --> 00:05:07,724
all clear.
109
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,768
put that chair
at the back of the door.
110
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,024
now climb on the chair.
111
00:05:17,359 --> 00:05:20,278
- oh, maria!
- oh, rene!
112
00:05:21,738 --> 00:05:24,866
my little cabbage,
my little beanshoot!
113
00:05:24,866 --> 00:05:26,618
my big cucumber.
114
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,537
you have no idea
what the feel
115
00:05:29,537 --> 00:05:32,207
of your firm
young body does to me.
116
00:05:32,207 --> 00:05:34,542
yes, i have.
117
00:05:34,542 --> 00:05:36,878
hold me forever.
118
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:39,214
( both moaning )
119
00:05:39,214 --> 00:05:41,007
what were you
saying to yvette?
120
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:43,051
nothing!
nothing, nothing.
121
00:05:43,051 --> 00:05:44,719
no, she is
nothing to me.
122
00:05:44,719 --> 00:05:47,639
you are my only
true love.
123
00:05:47,639 --> 00:05:49,516
but how long
can we keep
124
00:05:49,516 --> 00:05:51,518
our affair secret
from your wife?
125
00:05:51,518 --> 00:05:52,936
as long as
my hearing is good,
126
00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:54,437
and my reactions
are quick.
127
00:05:54,437 --> 00:05:56,731
( knocking )
128
00:05:56,731 --> 00:05:58,191
someone at the window.
129
00:05:58,191 --> 00:05:59,859
yes, i heard.
130
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,695
but these cowardly
old legs of mine
131
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,738
are paralyzed
with fear.
132
00:06:03,738 --> 00:06:05,699
i shall see who it is.
133
00:06:08,576 --> 00:06:10,286
huh?
oh.
134
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,791
you know,
the velvet is wearing.
135
00:06:14,791 --> 00:06:17,669
we shall have to start using
another chair soon.
136
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,423
it is the resistance.
137
00:06:21,423 --> 00:06:22,841
michelle,
why are you here?
138
00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,759
listen very carefully,
139
00:06:24,759 --> 00:06:26,553
i shall say this
only once.
140
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:28,596
rene...
141
00:06:28,596 --> 00:06:30,140
there is no brie.
142
00:06:30,140 --> 00:06:31,933
i ate it
last night.
143
00:06:31,933 --> 00:06:34,352
listen, i shall
say this only once--
144
00:06:34,352 --> 00:06:35,854
rene...
145
00:06:35,854 --> 00:06:38,440
the german officers
cannot stay in the room
of my mother.
146
00:06:38,440 --> 00:06:40,442
london will be calling
on the radio.
147
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:41,901
the radio is
under her bed
148
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:44,029
and the loudspeaker
is in her chamber.
149
00:06:44,029 --> 00:06:46,656
if the germans hear a voice
coming from her chamberpot,
150
00:06:46,656 --> 00:06:49,117
our cover will be blown.
151
00:06:50,243 --> 00:06:51,453
shut up!
152
00:06:51,453 --> 00:06:53,329
michelle has
something to tell us.
153
00:06:53,329 --> 00:06:55,373
listen very carefully,
154
00:06:55,373 --> 00:06:57,792
i shall say this
only once.
155
00:06:57,792 --> 00:06:58,918
what is it
you are going to say?
156
00:06:58,918 --> 00:07:00,879
i haven't said it yet.
157
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,922
if you listen,
i will tell you.
158
00:07:02,922 --> 00:07:05,717
the suspense
is killing me.
159
00:07:05,717 --> 00:07:07,302
the two british airmen
160
00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,012
wearing
the german uniforms
161
00:07:09,012 --> 00:07:10,055
have been captured.
162
00:07:10,055 --> 00:07:11,056
no!
yes!
163
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,057
no!
yes!
164
00:07:12,057 --> 00:07:14,017
- no!
- yes!
165
00:07:14,017 --> 00:07:17,270
will nobody
believe this woman?
166
00:07:17,270 --> 00:07:19,314
get on with the story.
167
00:07:19,314 --> 00:07:21,733
they have been
captured by the resistance.
168
00:07:21,733 --> 00:07:23,068
then why
are we worried?
169
00:07:23,068 --> 00:07:26,154
they have not been captured
by our resistance.
170
00:07:26,154 --> 00:07:28,198
what other
resistance is there?
171
00:07:28,198 --> 00:07:29,741
the communist resistance.
172
00:07:29,741 --> 00:07:30,742
what are you?
173
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:32,327
- de gaulle.
- de gaulle?
174
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,661
he is the tall one.
175
00:07:33,661 --> 00:07:35,580
with the big hooter.
176
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,749
but can you not
just ask them
177
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:39,334
if we can have
our uniforms back?
178
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:41,211
we do not know where
they are hiding them.
179
00:07:41,211 --> 00:07:43,672
what is more,
we do not speak to them.
180
00:07:43,672 --> 00:07:46,883
when the war is over,
whichever is the strongest group
181
00:07:46,883 --> 00:07:48,009
will control france.
182
00:07:48,009 --> 00:07:50,261
the communists are
ruthless killers.
183
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:52,138
we will have
to eliminate them.
184
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:53,848
we cannot get
those germans
185
00:07:53,848 --> 00:07:55,767
out of here
without uniforms.
186
00:07:55,767 --> 00:07:57,894
the uniforms are no problem.
187
00:07:57,894 --> 00:07:59,688
london can do anything.
188
00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,857
i cannot tell the germans
i'm in touch with london.
189
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:04,734
they will have me shot!
190
00:08:04,734 --> 00:08:07,987
we could tell
them monsieur leclerc,
the forger, is a tailor,
191
00:08:07,987 --> 00:08:10,407
and he is going
to make them
new uniforms.
192
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:13,868
rene, you are married
to a very clever woman.
193
00:08:13,868 --> 00:08:17,247
well, i have
always preferred
brains to beauty.
194
00:08:17,247 --> 00:08:20,542
unless they
have big knockers.
195
00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:23,044
go and tell leclerc.
196
00:08:26,214 --> 00:08:28,341
look, how can we get
uniforms from london?
197
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,843
the wireless
is under the bed
198
00:08:29,843 --> 00:08:31,845
and the germans
are in the wardrobe.
199
00:08:31,845 --> 00:08:33,346
this is no problem.
200
00:08:33,346 --> 00:08:35,765
we will send
the message by pigeon.
201
00:08:35,765 --> 00:08:37,434
we have no pigeons!
202
00:08:37,434 --> 00:08:38,643
they will be provided.
203
00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,104
tomorrow morning
at midday,
204
00:08:41,104 --> 00:08:43,732
you will go
to 36 rue d'escargot.
205
00:08:43,732 --> 00:08:45,608
you will knock
three times,
206
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,819
and they will
give you pigeons.
207
00:08:47,819 --> 00:08:49,821
to avoid suspicion,
208
00:08:49,821 --> 00:08:51,948
you will be disguised
as a small boy.
209
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:55,994
but why can't i be disguised
as a small girl?
210
00:08:55,994 --> 00:08:58,329
because you are
a small girl.
211
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:03,376
you know what to do?
212
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:05,295
yes, yes.
of course.
213
00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:08,214
i am to pretend
i am a tailor.
214
00:09:08,214 --> 00:09:11,051
but who do i measure?
215
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,678
two german officers.
they are in the room
of my mother,
216
00:09:13,678 --> 00:09:16,556
in the wardrobe,
in their underwear.
217
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:18,725
of course.
218
00:09:22,562 --> 00:09:24,814
i have come
for the measurements.
219
00:09:24,814 --> 00:09:26,441
rene, edith!
220
00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,818
is it the undertaker?!
221
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:32,364
and i am in the peak
of health.
222
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,243
that voice...
223
00:09:37,243 --> 00:09:39,412
that face...
224
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:41,498
do these old eyes
deceive me?
225
00:09:42,874 --> 00:09:46,419
can it be,
after all these years?
226
00:09:49,214 --> 00:09:51,716
my... fanny!
227
00:09:52,801 --> 00:09:54,511
can it be?
228
00:09:54,511 --> 00:09:57,263
it is. roger.
229
00:09:59,474 --> 00:10:02,769
my old sweetheart,
roger.
230
00:10:02,769 --> 00:10:04,979
fanny!
231
00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:08,191
- roger!
- fanny!
232
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:12,737
after all these years.
233
00:10:12,737 --> 00:10:16,157
where have you been?
234
00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:23,415
in the nick, my love,
in the nick.
235
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:26,835
and now fate has
brought us together.
236
00:10:28,461 --> 00:10:31,464
remember when
we were young?
237
00:10:33,675 --> 00:10:36,261
you used to
run your fingers
238
00:10:36,261 --> 00:10:39,347
through my lovely
long hair.
239
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:46,229
remember you always
used to bite my ear?
240
00:10:46,229 --> 00:10:49,691
i remember.
241
00:10:52,360 --> 00:10:55,613
where did i put
my teeth?
242
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,998
that is the barn,
there.
243
00:11:06,249 --> 00:11:07,751
is that where they
are hiding them?
244
00:11:07,751 --> 00:11:09,002
without a doubt.
245
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:10,837
we must get
those uniforms.
246
00:11:10,837 --> 00:11:12,213
so we have to attack.
247
00:11:12,213 --> 00:11:14,382
now, listen
very carefully,
248
00:11:14,382 --> 00:11:15,967
i shall say this
only once.
249
00:11:17,427 --> 00:11:20,096
( french accent )
right, listen to me,
my friends.
250
00:11:20,096 --> 00:11:22,932
unless you tell us
what we want to know,
251
00:11:22,932 --> 00:11:26,311
i will make life
very uncomfortable for you.
252
00:11:26,311 --> 00:11:28,646
( british accent )
what's she talking about,
do you suppose?
253
00:11:28,646 --> 00:11:30,398
i've actually no idea.
254
00:11:30,398 --> 00:11:32,901
the problem is, i do believe
they think we're jerries.
255
00:11:32,901 --> 00:11:35,070
both:
not jerries!
256
00:11:36,321 --> 00:11:37,405
in disguise.
257
00:11:37,405 --> 00:11:38,740
on your side.
258
00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:40,450
show them the magneto
and the leads.
259
00:11:42,577 --> 00:11:44,245
perhaps you
recognize
260
00:11:44,245 --> 00:11:46,706
this method
of loosening
the tongue?
261
00:11:46,706 --> 00:11:49,626
- i think i've
got it, carstairs.
- what is it?
262
00:11:49,626 --> 00:11:51,670
they've got a car
that won't start,
263
00:11:51,670 --> 00:11:52,962
and they want us
to help them.
264
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:55,382
unfortunately, i know
nothing about cars.
265
00:11:55,382 --> 00:11:57,258
neither do i.
266
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,594
sorry, can't help.
267
00:12:01,596 --> 00:12:04,265
she seems damn keen
to get it going.
268
00:12:04,265 --> 00:12:06,518
you have five minutes
to talk,
269
00:12:06,518 --> 00:12:08,520
otherwise,
i will shoot you.
270
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:10,772
if we don't get it going,
she's going to shoot herself.
271
00:12:10,772 --> 00:12:12,774
well, that'd be
a damned shame.
272
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:14,275
such a pretty girl.
273
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,903
we'd better agree
to do what we can.
274
00:12:16,903 --> 00:12:19,781
we'll do what we can.
275
00:12:19,781 --> 00:12:21,533
i thought so,
276
00:12:21,533 --> 00:12:23,284
they are prepared
to talk.
277
00:12:23,284 --> 00:12:24,661
cut them down.
278
00:12:25,829 --> 00:12:27,288
( both shriek )
279
00:12:28,415 --> 00:12:30,375
ready?
take aim.
280
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:32,043
fire!
281
00:12:32,043 --> 00:12:33,837
quick!
282
00:12:33,837 --> 00:12:37,090
it's the germans!
out the back way.
283
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:39,342
i think we'd better
take a powder, carstairs.
284
00:12:39,342 --> 00:12:42,220
if that's the jerries,
we could be shot as spies.
285
00:12:42,220 --> 00:12:44,347
we'd better get rid
of these uniforms.
286
00:12:45,348 --> 00:12:46,975
shove them
on the fire.
287
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,813
cease fire.
288
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:58,319
they are
running for it.
289
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:00,822
they think
we are germans.
290
00:13:00,822 --> 00:13:03,033
get to the bridge.
we will cut them off there.
291
00:13:03,033 --> 00:13:05,910
i thought they were
on our side?
292
00:13:07,078 --> 00:13:09,539
( off-key )
♪ hear my song ♪
293
00:13:09,539 --> 00:13:13,335
♪ in my gondola-aaa ♪
294
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:15,670
♪ waiting on the-- ♪
295
00:13:15,670 --> 00:13:20,717
♪ old lagoo-oon. ♪
296
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:32,437
rene, the german officers
will wait no longer.
297
00:13:32,437 --> 00:13:33,855
they are coming
downstairs.
298
00:13:33,855 --> 00:13:35,023
in their underwear?!
299
00:13:35,023 --> 00:13:36,691
no, they have
changed, look.
300
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:40,695
where did they get
those clothes?
301
00:13:40,695 --> 00:13:42,822
from the wardrobe in the room
of your wife's mother.
302
00:13:42,822 --> 00:13:45,408
they are the disguises left
by the british airmen.
303
00:13:45,408 --> 00:13:49,829
ah, pierre and jacques,
the onion sellers.
304
00:13:49,829 --> 00:13:51,414
wine on the house
305
00:13:51,414 --> 00:13:53,166
for my old friends,
pierre and jacques.
306
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,959
come and sit down
over here, my friends.
307
00:13:54,959 --> 00:13:57,671
that's it.
sit very comfortably here.
308
00:13:57,671 --> 00:13:59,089
that is it,
309
00:13:59,089 --> 00:14:01,007
a brilliant disguise,
colonel.
310
00:14:01,007 --> 00:14:03,218
we'll have
your uniforms back
as soon as possible.
311
00:14:03,218 --> 00:14:04,260
you said that
yesterday!
312
00:14:04,260 --> 00:14:06,179
if we do not get
the uniforms today,
313
00:14:06,179 --> 00:14:07,722
you will be shot!
314
00:14:07,722 --> 00:14:10,016
up against a wall,
with guns.
315
00:14:10,016 --> 00:14:12,727
but i see you are
a man of compassion.
316
00:14:12,727 --> 00:14:15,063
even as you say
these words
317
00:14:15,063 --> 00:14:16,564
there are tears
in your eyes.
318
00:14:16,564 --> 00:14:18,108
it's these damned onions!
319
00:14:19,275 --> 00:14:20,985
ah! ah...
320
00:14:20,985 --> 00:14:23,238
little george,
my nephew.
321
00:14:25,073 --> 00:14:27,242
well, it's good
to see you again, lad.
322
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:29,202
i have what you want
right in here.
323
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:30,745
y-yeah. good boy,
good boy.
324
00:14:30,745 --> 00:14:32,330
now take that basket
325
00:14:32,330 --> 00:14:34,207
full of your school books,
326
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,001
and put it
in the back room.
327
00:14:36,001 --> 00:14:38,378
for you, uncle,
anything.
328
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,674
ooh!
329
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,426
heh heh.
330
00:14:44,426 --> 00:14:47,679
that boy is
very well built.
331
00:14:47,679 --> 00:14:50,348
yeah, it is
my wife's cooking.
332
00:14:50,348 --> 00:14:53,101
why is he wearing
stockings and suspenders?
333
00:14:54,227 --> 00:14:57,105
we have many problems
with him.
334
00:15:00,066 --> 00:15:01,651
otto flick
of the gestapo
335
00:15:01,651 --> 00:15:03,153
is meeting me here
for lunch.
336
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,446
you must go
at once!
337
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,822
rene:
too late,
here he is.
338
00:15:07,615 --> 00:15:10,910
ah, helga,
you are here early.
that is good.
339
00:15:10,910 --> 00:15:12,620
you told me
not to be late!
340
00:15:12,620 --> 00:15:14,122
your obedience
pleases me.
341
00:15:14,122 --> 00:15:15,957
- sit!
- yes, herr flick.
342
00:15:15,957 --> 00:15:17,208
where?
343
00:15:17,208 --> 00:15:19,461
here.
344
00:15:19,461 --> 00:15:20,962
you!
french peasants!
345
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,965
i am the gestapo.
i want this table.
346
00:15:23,965 --> 00:15:25,925
go away or you
will be shot.
347
00:15:27,218 --> 00:15:29,137
we could take
that table.
348
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:30,347
helga...
349
00:15:30,347 --> 00:15:32,474
when i make up
my mind i want
something,
350
00:15:32,474 --> 00:15:34,142
i always get it.
351
00:15:34,142 --> 00:15:35,769
this i know, herr flick.
352
00:15:35,769 --> 00:15:38,355
it is why i find you
so exciting.
353
00:15:38,355 --> 00:15:39,564
naturally.
354
00:15:39,564 --> 00:15:42,025
you french peasants,
i am speaking to you.
355
00:15:42,025 --> 00:15:43,026
look at me!
356
00:15:46,863 --> 00:15:48,948
colonel von strohm
357
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,242
and captain geering.
358
00:15:51,242 --> 00:15:53,203
heil hitler.
359
00:15:53,203 --> 00:15:54,829
klup!
360
00:15:56,664 --> 00:15:59,000
why are you dressed
in the fashion of onion sellers?
361
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,670
- we can explain.
- we can explain.
362
00:16:01,670 --> 00:16:02,796
i'm waiting.
363
00:16:02,796 --> 00:16:04,089
he's waiting.
364
00:16:04,089 --> 00:16:08,009
i am trying
to infiltrate
the resistance.
365
00:16:08,009 --> 00:16:09,386
i am doing the same
as he is.
366
00:16:11,596 --> 00:16:13,932
dressed as a colonel,
the french avoid me.
367
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,768
but with these onions,
i am one of them.
368
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:19,437
i am one of them too.
369
00:16:19,437 --> 00:16:22,691
i must admit,
you look like one of them.
370
00:16:22,691 --> 00:16:24,025
( clears throat )
371
00:16:24,025 --> 00:16:27,278
i could not help overhearing
this conversation--
372
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:29,406
this has got nothing
to do with you!
373
00:16:31,366 --> 00:16:34,285
go and drink
your cognac.
374
00:16:35,412 --> 00:16:38,790
this is an idea
worthy of the gestapo.
375
00:16:38,790 --> 00:16:40,458
helga, come with me.
376
00:16:40,458 --> 00:16:41,459
yes, herr flick.
377
00:16:43,294 --> 00:16:46,047
colonel, do you think
he suspects anything?
378
00:16:46,047 --> 00:16:47,215
not at the moment.
379
00:16:47,215 --> 00:16:49,384
but we must have
those uniforms.
380
00:16:49,384 --> 00:16:52,095
well, there is
a slight problem,
colonel.
381
00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:54,222
what problem?
you have our measurements.
382
00:16:54,222 --> 00:16:55,807
all we need is a fitting.
383
00:16:55,807 --> 00:16:58,268
yes, well, that too
would be a problem.
384
00:16:58,268 --> 00:17:02,022
- you see, the uniforms
are being made in london.
- both: what?!
385
00:17:02,022 --> 00:17:04,774
don't worry. they'll be
made by the very best tailors.
386
00:17:04,774 --> 00:17:06,943
maybe even savile row.
387
00:17:06,943 --> 00:17:09,195
colonel, we are germans!
388
00:17:09,195 --> 00:17:10,864
to have our uniforms
made in london
389
00:17:10,864 --> 00:17:12,657
must be against the rules.
390
00:17:12,657 --> 00:17:14,659
right. that does it!
391
00:17:14,659 --> 00:17:17,328
i will tell the gestapo
and you will be shot!
392
00:17:17,328 --> 00:17:19,497
ah, but dear colonel,
393
00:17:19,497 --> 00:17:22,709
with respect, i am afraid
you are in too deep.
394
00:17:22,709 --> 00:17:24,419
there is the little matter
395
00:17:24,419 --> 00:17:26,338
of helping
the british airmen to escape.
396
00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:28,048
you did do that,
colonel.
397
00:17:28,048 --> 00:17:29,799
then there is
the priceless painting
398
00:17:29,799 --> 00:17:31,760
of the fallen madonna
by van clomp,
399
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,762
which is wanted
by the fuhrer.
400
00:17:33,762 --> 00:17:35,597
you did pinch that,
colonel.
401
00:17:36,848 --> 00:17:38,475
you're in it just
as deep as i am.
402
00:17:38,475 --> 00:17:41,478
i only follow orders,
your orders!
403
00:17:41,478 --> 00:17:43,021
dear lovely colonel,
404
00:17:43,021 --> 00:17:45,440
there is no real reason
to worry.
405
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:48,109
very soon you will
have your uniforms back,
406
00:17:48,109 --> 00:17:50,612
and the copy of the painting
to give to the gestapo,
407
00:17:50,612 --> 00:17:52,697
to please the fuhrer. eh?
408
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,115
the girls will
be here
409
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:55,909
with the wet
celery,
410
00:17:55,909 --> 00:17:58,787
and life will be
back to normal.
411
00:17:58,787 --> 00:18:00,747
he is right,
colonel.
412
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:01,956
he'd better be.
413
00:18:01,956 --> 00:18:04,459
this war is getting
very dangerous.
414
00:18:04,459 --> 00:18:06,836
i will ask my wife
to prepare for you
415
00:18:06,836 --> 00:18:08,797
a very special lunch.
416
00:18:09,881 --> 00:18:11,299
edith...
417
00:18:11,299 --> 00:18:14,344
we must keep
those onion sellers happy.
418
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:16,221
shall i sing a song
for them?
419
00:18:16,221 --> 00:18:17,472
no!
420
00:18:17,472 --> 00:18:19,808
i want you to go
into the kitchen
421
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:21,476
and do something
unforgettable.
422
00:18:21,476 --> 00:18:23,478
rene,
423
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:24,979
you have not
said that to me
424
00:18:24,979 --> 00:18:26,815
since april 1940.
425
00:18:28,149 --> 00:18:29,192
oh!
426
00:18:34,406 --> 00:18:36,366
maria,
427
00:18:36,366 --> 00:18:38,159
i am very
cross with you.
428
00:18:38,159 --> 00:18:40,328
shall i get on the chair?
429
00:18:40,328 --> 00:18:41,621
no!
430
00:18:41,621 --> 00:18:44,332
what are these--
doing here, hmm?
431
00:18:44,332 --> 00:18:46,334
they're suspenders
to keep up my stockings.
432
00:18:46,334 --> 00:18:50,588
gentlemen do not wear
suspenders and stockings.
433
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:53,675
you should see the colonel
on a good night.
434
00:18:53,675 --> 00:18:55,385
you nearly gave away
the whole game.
435
00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,220
now take those pigeons
and hide them.
436
00:18:58,596 --> 00:19:00,724
and for heaven's sake,
put on a dress.
437
00:19:00,724 --> 00:19:04,019
the german lieutenant
thinks i'm like that--
438
00:19:04,019 --> 00:19:05,979
- you, of all people?
- yes.
439
00:19:05,979 --> 00:19:07,397
- don't move.
- aah!
440
00:19:07,397 --> 00:19:08,773
lock the door.
441
00:19:10,483 --> 00:19:11,860
are we alone?
442
00:19:11,860 --> 00:19:14,529
well, unless you count
the three of us, yes.
443
00:19:14,529 --> 00:19:16,698
have you found the british
with the uniforms?
444
00:19:16,698 --> 00:19:18,491
we found them,
but they ran away.
445
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,827
- do you have
the pigeons?
- yes.
446
00:19:20,827 --> 00:19:24,039
good, i have here
the cylinder to attach
to their legs.
447
00:19:24,039 --> 00:19:25,957
do you have
the measurements
of the german officers?
448
00:19:25,957 --> 00:19:27,292
oh, yes.
i've got them here.
449
00:19:27,292 --> 00:19:29,919
good. maria you will
put this in here
450
00:19:29,919 --> 00:19:32,464
and clip it to the leg
of one of the pigeons.
451
00:19:32,464 --> 00:19:34,257
you, rene, will
write a description
452
00:19:34,257 --> 00:19:36,593
of the uniforms
we require.
453
00:19:36,593 --> 00:19:38,386
here is the paper
supplied with
the cylinder.
454
00:19:38,386 --> 00:19:40,889
what shall i say?
455
00:19:40,889 --> 00:19:43,725
"to london, please
supply urgently,
456
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:46,978
by parachute drop
at your earliest
convenience,
457
00:19:46,978 --> 00:19:49,397
german uniforms
as follows:
458
00:19:49,397 --> 00:19:52,650
one colonel
in research regiment
459
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,778
- with the following medals...
- ju-- ju-- just--
460
00:19:54,778 --> 00:19:56,404
a moment, please!
461
00:19:56,404 --> 00:19:59,324
how am i supposed
to get all that
462
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:01,451
on this little bit
of paper?
463
00:20:01,451 --> 00:20:03,578
with very small writing.
464
00:20:03,578 --> 00:20:05,914
do you know, if you had
found those british,
465
00:20:05,914 --> 00:20:07,415
we could have got
the uniforms back?
466
00:20:07,415 --> 00:20:09,125
we wouldn't have to
go through all this farrago.
467
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,335
( knocking )
468
00:20:12,629 --> 00:20:13,880
- hello.
- hello.
469
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,548
sorry about
the togs,
470
00:20:15,548 --> 00:20:18,760
we had to pinch them
off a couple of scarecrows.
471
00:20:18,760 --> 00:20:20,679
never mind that chaps,
what about the uniforms?
472
00:20:20,679 --> 00:20:22,305
we burned them.
473
00:20:22,305 --> 00:20:24,307
we didn't want to be
thought as spies.
474
00:20:24,307 --> 00:20:26,142
the painting's
safe though.
475
00:20:26,142 --> 00:20:27,852
what are they
jabbering about?
476
00:20:27,852 --> 00:20:30,855
they have the picture,
but they have burned
the uniforms.
477
00:20:30,855 --> 00:20:32,440
oh, heck.
478
00:20:32,440 --> 00:20:35,652
well, they cannot stay here.
germans are everywhere.
479
00:20:35,652 --> 00:20:37,153
you will have
to find somewhere.
480
00:20:37,153 --> 00:20:39,614
there is only the room
of my wife's mother.
481
00:20:39,614 --> 00:20:42,242
and the german colonel
and captain are hiding there.
482
00:20:42,242 --> 00:20:43,910
oh, no, no.
they are now in the restaurant
483
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:46,454
disguised
as onion sellers.
484
00:20:46,454 --> 00:20:49,124
then we don't have
to send the message
by the pigeon.
485
00:20:49,124 --> 00:20:50,583
we can use
the radio.
486
00:20:51,668 --> 00:20:53,461
what shall i do
with these?
487
00:20:53,461 --> 00:20:55,797
hide them.
488
00:20:55,797 --> 00:20:57,632
come, please.
489
00:21:00,552 --> 00:21:03,805
hello mamma, it is i,
little edith.
490
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,311
what are you doing
in the bed of my mother?
491
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:12,272
uh, well...
492
00:21:12,272 --> 00:21:14,733
we were childhood
sweethearts.
493
00:21:14,733 --> 00:21:16,985
she was my love,
494
00:21:16,985 --> 00:21:19,362
but i thought
i had lost it.
495
00:21:19,362 --> 00:21:23,825
and now, once again,
he has found it.
496
00:21:25,910 --> 00:21:28,038
this could only
happen in france.
497
00:21:28,038 --> 00:21:30,206
here is your soup.
498
00:21:30,206 --> 00:21:32,500
mamma, i--
499
00:21:32,500 --> 00:21:35,337
what is the forger,
who is pretending
to be a tailor,
500
00:21:35,337 --> 00:21:37,630
doing in bed
with your mother?
501
00:21:37,630 --> 00:21:40,467
he's an old lover.
isn't it romantic?
502
00:21:40,467 --> 00:21:42,510
rheumatic, i would say.
503
00:21:42,510 --> 00:21:46,014
now listen to me,
for a very brief period
504
00:21:46,014 --> 00:21:48,725
you must accommodate
these two british airmen.
505
00:21:48,725 --> 00:21:51,478
these togs have
a frightful pong,
506
00:21:51,478 --> 00:21:53,438
could you hang them
on a line or something?
507
00:21:53,438 --> 00:21:55,523
they take off
their clothes!
508
00:21:55,523 --> 00:21:57,400
they are no better
than the germans.
509
00:21:57,400 --> 00:21:59,486
protect me!
510
00:21:59,486 --> 00:22:01,321
- the radio.
- oh, yes.
511
00:22:01,321 --> 00:22:03,281
come on, chaps,
lend a hand, lift the bed.
512
00:22:03,281 --> 00:22:04,532
oh, right-o.
513
00:22:04,532 --> 00:22:05,617
aarghh!
514
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:07,535
the soup!
515
00:22:07,535 --> 00:22:09,454
- hold this!
- oh, thank you,
very much.
516
00:22:09,454 --> 00:22:10,747
you have this.
517
00:22:10,747 --> 00:22:14,209
i say, they can't have
much confidence in the soup.
518
00:22:14,209 --> 00:22:16,878
'allo, 'allo,
this is nighthawk.
519
00:22:16,878 --> 00:22:19,005
are you receiving me?
over.
520
00:22:26,888 --> 00:22:29,224
these are
my private quarters.
521
00:22:35,563 --> 00:22:38,400
i have had it made
completely soundproofed.
522
00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:40,652
i can guess why.
523
00:22:40,652 --> 00:22:45,281
yes, the noise
of the lorries was keeping
me awake at night.
524
00:22:47,826 --> 00:22:50,954
this is my godfather,
heinrich himmler.
525
00:22:50,954 --> 00:22:53,790
that one is me
in the hitler youth.
526
00:22:55,875 --> 00:22:58,211
your knees are
very beautiful.
527
00:22:58,211 --> 00:23:00,213
that's why i joined.
528
00:23:00,213 --> 00:23:02,757
i, too, was in
the hitler youth.
529
00:23:02,757 --> 00:23:05,260
we are two of a kind.
you may kiss me.
530
00:23:22,777 --> 00:23:25,447
that gave me
great pleasure.
531
00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:30,535
this room has
a very exciting atmosphere.
532
00:23:31,703 --> 00:23:33,455
do you interrogate
people here?
533
00:23:33,455 --> 00:23:36,041
well, just a little bit.
534
00:23:36,041 --> 00:23:38,418
i have to keep up
appearances.
535
00:23:38,418 --> 00:23:40,211
berlin expects
this sort of thing.
536
00:23:40,211 --> 00:23:43,965
but as you know...
i am a softie at heart.
537
00:23:43,965 --> 00:23:46,551
sit in that chair.
538
00:23:46,551 --> 00:23:47,677
yes, herr flick.
539
00:23:53,975 --> 00:23:56,811
i want some
information from you.
540
00:23:56,811 --> 00:23:58,021
( gasp )
541
00:23:58,021 --> 00:24:00,315
i will tell you anything,
herr flick, anything!
542
00:24:00,315 --> 00:24:02,650
the colonel
and the captain...
543
00:24:02,650 --> 00:24:05,236
do you think
they know the whereabouts
544
00:24:05,236 --> 00:24:07,822
of "the fallen madonna"
by van clomp?
545
00:24:07,822 --> 00:24:09,282
i am sure they do not.
546
00:24:09,282 --> 00:24:11,117
good, we will
have some wine.
547
00:24:14,871 --> 00:24:16,623
go to that cupboard.
548
00:24:16,623 --> 00:24:18,166
yes, herr flick.
549
00:24:21,336 --> 00:24:22,545
open it.
550
00:24:22,545 --> 00:24:23,672
yes, herr flick.
551
00:24:25,840 --> 00:24:27,884
from time to time,
it is necessary
552
00:24:27,884 --> 00:24:30,345
for the gestapo
to have many disguises.
553
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:34,432
bring me the two hangers
on the extreme right.
554
00:24:34,432 --> 00:24:36,434
yes, herr flick.
555
00:24:39,354 --> 00:24:42,482
these are the clothes
of onion sellers.
556
00:24:42,482 --> 00:24:45,193
we will disguise ourselves
and return to the cafe.
557
00:24:45,193 --> 00:24:46,444
do you think
they will fit?
558
00:24:46,444 --> 00:24:49,197
there's only one way
to find out.
559
00:24:49,197 --> 00:24:50,865
take off your uniform.
560
00:24:51,866 --> 00:24:53,868
yes, herr flick.
561
00:25:04,921 --> 00:25:07,424
we will observe
the normal proprieties.
562
00:25:07,424 --> 00:25:10,135
i will change
behind this screen.
563
00:25:14,931 --> 00:25:16,891
continue to take off
your uniform.
564
00:25:33,116 --> 00:25:34,784
herr flick,
565
00:25:34,784 --> 00:25:36,327
i hope you do not
disapprove
566
00:25:36,327 --> 00:25:37,996
of my choice
of undergarments.
567
00:25:37,996 --> 00:25:40,623
not at all.
568
00:25:40,623 --> 00:25:44,544
such things are very popular
in berlin these days.
569
00:26:03,146 --> 00:26:05,732
you know, colonel,
it is quite pleasant
570
00:26:05,732 --> 00:26:07,233
to be a french
onion seller.
571
00:26:07,233 --> 00:26:08,860
people smile at us.
572
00:26:08,860 --> 00:26:12,989
mmm. especially that
german officer
over there.
573
00:26:12,989 --> 00:26:15,200
hello.
574
00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:16,868
i prefer--
575
00:26:16,868 --> 00:26:18,620
i think i prefer
being a peasant
576
00:26:18,620 --> 00:26:20,163
to being a german.
577
00:26:20,163 --> 00:26:22,791
you'll be a dead peasant
if herr flick finds out
578
00:26:22,791 --> 00:26:25,168
we've been helping
british airmen to escape.
579
00:26:26,169 --> 00:26:28,129
i have good news,
colonel.
580
00:26:28,129 --> 00:26:30,256
london is making
your uniforms.
581
00:26:30,256 --> 00:26:31,966
they are working
through the night
582
00:26:31,966 --> 00:26:34,386
and they will be
dropped by parachute
at dawn tomorrow.
583
00:26:34,386 --> 00:26:35,845
but how do we know
they will fit?
584
00:26:35,845 --> 00:26:37,806
they are being made
by the very best
585
00:26:37,806 --> 00:26:40,475
savile row tailors,
solomon and klein.
586
00:26:42,477 --> 00:26:45,146
jewish tailors?!
587
00:26:45,146 --> 00:26:47,273
are you mad?
588
00:26:47,273 --> 00:26:49,484
they are the best,
herr colonel.
589
00:26:49,484 --> 00:26:51,111
that's not the point,
hans.
590
00:26:51,111 --> 00:26:53,405
it's the principle
of the thing.
591
00:26:53,405 --> 00:26:55,657
if i had known they were
employing jewish tailors,
592
00:26:55,657 --> 00:26:57,158
things would have been
different.
593
00:26:57,158 --> 00:26:59,077
we could have ordered
some extra shirts.
594
00:27:00,578 --> 00:27:02,789
your lunch
will soon be ready.
595
00:27:02,789 --> 00:27:05,333
what is it?
gefilte fish and bagels?
596
00:27:05,333 --> 00:27:07,210
( laughs )
597
00:27:07,210 --> 00:27:09,337
no, it is a surprise.
598
00:27:09,337 --> 00:27:11,339
how much longer
do we have to wait?
599
00:27:11,339 --> 00:27:13,508
shall i sing you a song
to help pass the time?
600
00:27:13,508 --> 00:27:16,052
no! get back
to the kitchen.
601
00:27:17,429 --> 00:27:20,306
oh my god,
more onion sellers.
602
00:27:21,307 --> 00:27:23,309
colonel,
603
00:27:23,309 --> 00:27:26,104
it is i, helga.
604
00:27:26,104 --> 00:27:28,523
why are you dressed
as an onion seller?
605
00:27:28,523 --> 00:27:30,025
herr flick will be
suspicious.
606
00:27:30,025 --> 00:27:32,277
he is also disguised
as an onion seller.
607
00:27:39,117 --> 00:27:41,828
good afternoon,
herr patron.
608
00:27:41,828 --> 00:27:44,831
i am just a simple
onion seller
609
00:27:44,831 --> 00:27:47,000
in search
of wine and food.
610
00:27:47,000 --> 00:27:49,878
- sit!
- yes, herr onion seller.
611
00:27:49,878 --> 00:27:53,590
i will obtain
wine and food at once.
612
00:27:53,590 --> 00:27:55,091
monsieur rene,
613
00:27:55,091 --> 00:27:57,177
that onion seller there,
614
00:27:57,177 --> 00:27:58,470
is he another cousin?
615
00:27:58,470 --> 00:28:00,221
oh, very distant,
yes.
616
00:28:00,221 --> 00:28:03,433
i'm beginning
to recognize your cousins.
617
00:28:03,433 --> 00:28:06,603
they are all...
very well built.
618
00:28:06,603 --> 00:28:08,730
here it is,
619
00:28:08,730 --> 00:28:10,774
a work of art.
620
00:28:10,774 --> 00:28:12,442
casserole of pigeon.
621
00:28:16,071 --> 00:28:18,740
it looks
very appetizing.
622
00:28:18,740 --> 00:28:20,742
will you join us?
623
00:28:20,742 --> 00:28:22,535
i shall be
most honored.
624
00:28:24,662 --> 00:28:26,373
breast or leg?
625
00:28:26,373 --> 00:28:27,832
i like the legs.
626
00:28:27,832 --> 00:28:29,834
i can vouch for
the truth of this.
627
00:28:30,835 --> 00:28:33,004
where did you
get pigeon?
628
00:28:33,004 --> 00:28:35,382
they were in a basket
in the kitchen.
629
00:28:35,382 --> 00:28:37,926
you fool, they were
carrier pigeons!
630
00:28:37,926 --> 00:28:39,052
- no?
- yes!
631
00:28:39,052 --> 00:28:41,096
- no!
- don't start.
632
00:28:41,096 --> 00:28:43,765
there, on the leg,
is a cylinder.
633
00:28:43,765 --> 00:28:45,266
it contains
the measurements
634
00:28:45,266 --> 00:28:46,768
of the colonel.
635
00:28:46,768 --> 00:28:49,437
there is a cylinder
attached to the leg
636
00:28:49,437 --> 00:28:52,148
of this casseroled pigeon.
637
00:28:52,148 --> 00:28:53,650
uh, uh--
638
00:28:53,650 --> 00:28:55,777
spices, herr f--
639
00:28:55,777 --> 00:28:57,570
they should have
been removed.
allow me.
640
00:28:57,570 --> 00:28:58,738
stop!
641
00:28:58,738 --> 00:29:00,949
i will investigate.
642
00:29:02,659 --> 00:29:04,619
inside the cylinder
643
00:29:04,619 --> 00:29:07,080
covered in gravy...
644
00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:09,916
there is a piece
of paper...
645
00:29:09,916 --> 00:29:11,459
with writing on it!
646
00:29:11,459 --> 00:29:14,004
perhaps it is
the recipe?
647
00:29:15,338 --> 00:29:19,467
or maybe even the name
and address of the pigeon?
648
00:29:20,760 --> 00:29:23,138
clearly it is in code.
649
00:29:23,138 --> 00:29:24,889
this will go at once
to berlin
650
00:29:24,889 --> 00:29:26,683
to be deciphered
by experts.
651
00:29:27,809 --> 00:29:30,186
congratulations,
herr colonel,
652
00:29:30,186 --> 00:29:33,815
already these disguises
are producing results.
653
00:29:38,278 --> 00:29:39,487
rene,
654
00:29:39,487 --> 00:29:41,197
what was on that paper?
655
00:29:41,197 --> 00:29:43,616
what will they discover?
656
00:29:43,616 --> 00:29:47,328
only that somebody's
inside leg measurement is 34,
657
00:29:47,328 --> 00:29:49,706
chest 42, and neck 17.
658
00:29:49,706 --> 00:29:50,999
who's that person?
659
00:29:50,999 --> 00:29:52,667
you, colonel.
660
00:29:52,667 --> 00:29:54,711
it was for the new uniform,
but don't worry,
661
00:29:54,711 --> 00:29:56,129
your name was not
upon it.
662
00:29:56,129 --> 00:29:58,340
suppose they identify it
from the measurements?
663
00:29:58,340 --> 00:29:59,966
colonel,
664
00:29:59,966 --> 00:30:03,053
many people
have a 42 chest.
665
00:30:03,053 --> 00:30:05,764
even helga,
if you include her onions.
666
00:30:07,015 --> 00:30:09,059
what shall we do, hans?
667
00:30:09,059 --> 00:30:12,812
i think we should
eat the pigeons.
668
00:30:12,812 --> 00:30:14,939
hans, you are right!
669
00:30:14,939 --> 00:30:17,108
rene, the vegetables!
670
00:30:17,108 --> 00:30:18,777
at once,
herr colonel.
671
00:30:18,777 --> 00:30:21,946
( theme music playing )
672
00:00:01,960 --> 00:00:01,960
46884
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