Original subtitles

It's weird because usually I hate reality.

It's gloomy.

Reality is boring.

But right now I need it.

As imagination and fantasy peak, I need reality.

I can't do it thinking of a stranger.

When I masturbate, I need a slight chance

that my erotic fantasy might actually come true.

That's my thing.

To think I could sleep with the girl.

All the women I honor are women I know.

No actresses or models that I stand no chance of meeting.

Among them, you find women like Vanessa...

Samia... Virginie... Lou, Virginie's sister...

Amel...

Mrs. Hénin, Ludovic Hénin's mom.

I was at high school with Ludovic.

I honored Mrs. H�nin for ages after.

When I thought of her, I used a sort of mental ageing software.

I'd age her a little, making sure she stayed hot.

I gave her up a year ago

on realizing that if I jerked off to Ludovic's mom,

some pals must do it thinking about my mom.

That left me limp.

Anyhow, when I watch porn videos,

I link the girl in them to someone I know.

That's how I can define the actress of my masturbatory script.

I watch the whole video, I memorize the girl's physique

then add the face of a girl I know and honor her.

Thinking of someone while I do it is a form of tribute.

It's my way of awarding her a medal.

Got it.

I'm on the right, telling Bruno about a passion of mine.

You'll meet Bruno later.

But first, my love of masturbation.

You'll realize it's a tricky subject.

I'll talk about it now so I won't need to later.

You're leaping to the conclusion that I'm a jerk-off.

Not at all.

I just prefer dreaming life to living it.

So let's get started.

My name's S�bastien. I'm 29

and the two words that define me are...

Nice and easy

Success doesn't interest me. I'm not the ambitious type.

All I've ever wanted to do is nothing.

Just be happy. At peace and left in peace.

We sleep a third of our lives. But, at 29, I'm way over the average.

Lying down is one of my passions. I love stretching out.

That's my ambition.

Be a stretched-out person at peace.

The most important thing in my life: the bed.

As I lie down so much, here's my usual view:

the ceiling.

My old beds...

The one I was born in...

My name's S�bastien Morin

My crib...

I loved that one. It was like being in a starship.

My favorite ceiling...

My first big bed...

S�bastien, get up. It's midday.

The hospital where I had my appendix out.

Unpleasant memory but pretty ceiling.

Marie, the nurse... She's still in my catalogue.

Each time, my fantasy begins with her saying...

S�bastien, I'm going to shave your groin.

Don't worry, it won't hurt.

S�bastien, get up. It's 12:30.

My university dorm bed. The ugliest

but where I first made love.

S�bastien, it's 1 PM. Get up now!

Have you made your mind up? What'll you do in September?

Nothing.

Meaning?

I'll take some time to think.

A sabbatical year or two.

Time to think?

But it's time to make a start in life.

10 years of university must lead somewhere!

No job really interests me.

Instead of just anything, I'll stay here.

And take my time.

- You'll do nothing with your life? - I hate that clich�.

You're defined by what you do, not by who you are?

If you do nothing, you're nothing.

Aren't you a bit old for the angry teen act?

Your theory's all well and good

but in the real world you need a job.

There's no job I like.

Work isn't pleasure. It'd be called leisure if it was.

How'll you live without a job?

Well, since I'm the fruit of your loins...

you could help me.

Right.

We'll help you, of course.

Then Mom said it was for my own good and that I'd thank them one day.

Those two ideas mean trouble.

It's tough but I'm glad you're here.

Brittany is nice but Paris is where things happen.

I want nothing to happen.

- Known each other long? - Three years.

We did our master's together.

- You dated? - No.

S�bastien never hit on me, even for fun. No innuendos...

- Are you together? - No!

Bruno and I are just roommates.

Sex would complicate things.

But a couple is two roommates who have sex.

Who are in love.

Of course. Love...

This is my room.

With my desk where I work.

Very pretty. It smells nice too.

This is my room...

It needs airing.

A lot.

It needs airing a lot.

Bathroom.

The toilet.

One rule: no more than 15 minutes at a time.

OK?

The bathroom too.

I'm a girl, I need more time in there.

The can's a guy's bathroom.

We need more time.

I don't know what secret bond links guys to the can...

I met Anna at Rennes University.

All the guys were mad about her and we became friends somehow.

Afterwards, she invited me to share a place in Paris.

A friend's dad rented it to her.

It was expensive

but I was lucky to find such a great place to live.

The key element of our cohabitation...

The fridge.

We all buy our own stuff.

- Potato chips in the fridge? - I love them cold.

But we have a kitty for cleaning products.

One last point...

No walking around nude outside your room.

The intimate stays intimate.

I forgot, ok.

You tend to forget a lot!

Shall we carry on?

Cleaning products...

I wanted a free, solitary and sleepy life

but now had to listen to rules on nudity and toilet use.

Worse, I had to hear words like "kitty".

As depressing as "No sweat",

"seeya" instead of "see you"

or "Hey, want a brew?"

- An aperitif? - Want a brew?

I have PhDs in modern and classic lit,

masters in sociology, philosophy and psychology

and degrees in English and Chinese.

- What about Art History? - That too.

Wow. You're Study Man.

I like learning.

But not working?

- Do you two work? - Yep.

Well, internships.

Intern's a real job now. There'll soon be masters in it.

It's the Western translation of Chinese kid.

Did you know that?

I'd like to be a sports journalist.

It's tough so I signed on with a job agency.

After 86 rejections, I start tomorrow.

- I told you? - No.

Hearse driver.

Isn't it hard being in a car with someone dead?

It's like taxi-driver but for customers who aren't alive.

So less of a drag.

But it must be hard to take all the grief and wailing,

the tears...

I'm used to it. Dad's Jewish.

Remember I wanted to be in publishing?

- I'm an intern in a publishing firm. - Cool.

I'm on re-editions of erotic novels and thrillers

but they're still books.

That's great!

I'm not keen on getting a job.

You have rent to pay now. You need to make a living.

Hold on, you're over 25.

Minimum benefit's your lifesaver.

Yeah...

I've never liked prunes.

- Why buy prune yogurt then? - Money back offer.

Yogurt as an aperitif?

Yeah, I like it.

Here's to your new life, S�bastien!

Cheers!

- What's up? - You sleeping ok?

Yeah, but why are you here?

I know your game, the poor kid excommunicated by his parents

turning to Anna for love.

Get this... Anna's for me, ok.

Fine. I don't care about Anna.

Not your type?

She's beautiful but it wouldn't work.

You a virgin?

Gay?

But falling in love and seducing a girl

is too much commitment and hard work.

It's the middle of the night.

I barely know you. This is ridiculous.

Sometimes, I sleep on the couch with the quilt placed so my cock shows.

Just to get Anna hot.

Does it work?

But I'm sure she's seen it and that turns me on.

OK, I see...

- Weights this late? - To catch my body napping.

To teach it to always be alert.

I'm convinced it has twice the effect.

- Mind if I turn the TV on? - No, go ahead.

Usually I sleep in here, see.

- Not in your room? - I like to doze off with the TV.

- Ok if I call you Seb? - Sure.

Actually, my pals call me "The Other".

The Other?

In 1983, the year I was born, S�bastien was the most popular name.

My neighbor, born that year, is also a S�bastien.

S�bastien Doria.

We were together from kindergarten to university.

He was more popular than me.

Come see, S�bastien just puked!

- S�bastien Doria? - No, the other.

- You don't mind? - No.

And, as Rimbaud said, "I is another."

Poetry...

A poet can write crap and some jerk will love it!

"I is another"... Why not "My sandwich is my mom"?

Thanks to the other guy, I made love for the first time.

The girl got the wrong room in the dorm.

- She didn't recognize you? - Only after.

That's wild...

Did you stay together?

But she'd come and pounce on me now and then.

Wow...

She fucked you.

Yeah, she was the one who...

I'd love to be a girl's sex toy.

Still see her?

No, she's a lesbian now.

Wow...

The prunes cause that.

Sure, go ahead.

What's that?

How's it going, man?

You drink coffee on the can?

I love it. It's my morning relaxation.

- Two birds with one stone, see. - Right...

You're already up?

The Marseillaise woke me.

That's France calling you!

It means you need to find work.

I think it was the neighbor. He's crazy playing that this early!

- I need to get ready. - Me too.

- Off already? - I have a 45-minute commute.

- Have a good day. Be good! - Yeah.

And sign up for minimum benefit!

That's much better!

Dick Cheney, we miss you!

Fuck!

The sooner I sorted things out, the sooner I'd have it easy.

With the minimum each month.

The minimum was enough for me.

This was a place of hope for me.

But even the plants preferred to die there.

Your plants need light, Patrick.

They're dying-

The crazy thing is, they're fake.

They are?

Maybe they're fake dead plants.

- Do you like dead plants? - No.

Maybe some people do. Bobos, for instance.

You should raise your blinds. It'd do you good.

I've begun light therapy.

I feel much better.

- Excuse me. - What is it?

I'm here to sign on for minimum benefit...

Can't we finish our conversation first?

Lazy but in a hurry... That's a good one.

I'll be going.

You filled out the form?

I'm a social worker. Know what that makes you?

- No? - Socially assisted.

You like that idea? No.

What's this line here?

"I'm not against work as long as it's not an obligation."

Think that'll get you work?

- It's a joke. - Work is serious.

By signing on here, isn't my motivation implicit?

We don't like the implicit.

We like clear, simple things.

We like the explicit.

The implicit is sly and deceitful.

With the implicit, you miss out on life.

You miss out on love.

You don't tell your wife "I love you" because it's implicit.

Then one day she leaves.

See you in a month.

And bring me good, explicit documents,

showing you're looking for work.

All right.

Goodbye... sir.

Dinner's on me.

To save money, do what I do. Only buy special offers.

You find everything on offer?

Not everything but a lot.

- So you don't choose. - No, that's the problem.

You get by. Like with washing powder or shampoo.

I'm using a shampoo for dyed hair.

It irritates and gives me dandruff but it washes.

There are two kinds of special offer.

Those marked "money back on first buy"...

and "satisfied or refunded."

They're a drag because when you write for a refund,

you need to justify it.

Meaning?

A letter saying why you're not satisfied.

You need good ideas.

Diarrhea, irritations, your piss is red, get it?

The other big drag is the checkout.

You need one receipt per item.

2.89 euros.

1.29.

I'm only doing this to spend more time with you.

Think I'd date a guy who only buys special offers?

A girl dreams of that?

- I signed up for benefit. - Good!

Don't be content with that.

It's a good start, right?

It's your goal in life?

No...

You know the Latin word for work also means "torture"?

That kind of puts you off the idea.

Is a dead language the best guide for life?

Latin is dumb.

I'm content with little.

Being content isn't good.

It means you accept your fate. Aim for more.

I'm not content being my boss's lackey. I'm aiming higher.

I want a good life with a job I like. I want to be happy.

So do I but not necessarily through work.

No dying man ever said,

"I'm happy, I've worked, paid my taxes, I can die content."

Ok, but no one ever said,

"I've done nothing with my life, I can die content."

Epicurus said, "A man not content with little can never be content."

First, talking in quotations really sucks.

You can do better.

Second, Epicurus is a drag.

Third, that thinking can be dangerous.

It's what they tell the poor to keep them down.

A Western tourist arrives in a dump in Africa and says,

"They have nothing but that's happiness. Let's do the same."

- Exactly. - I don't mean the class struggle.

But life is a struggle.

Otherwise, we'd still be undeveloped amoeba.

My amoeba and your amoeba make one big amoeba.

- Let's go out. - No, there's a game.

Champions' League?

- You like soccer? - I love it.

Shit...

I soon got my bearings.

I was looking for peace in a city of active,

fast-moving people.

A city where people knew what they wanted:

to make a living.

Siesta bar

Jerks...

It's not your turn to clean.

- I enjoy it. - You do?

- You're Super Roommate! - Yep.

You look like a baby chick in that.

- Is that your diary? - No, the fake one.

You keep real and fake diaries?

Come on, I'll explain.

This one's for Bruno.

I write crap in it and leave it around.

The real one's hidden.

You're pretty Machiavellian!

Sharing with a horny guy inspires you to protect yourself.

Does he search your things?

I was always wary.

So I started this fake diary and wrote a thing I could check.

I wrote about a dream...

in which I fell madly in love with a guy with shaved legs

and how, on waking, I found the idea really arousing.

Since then, he shaves his legs.

Yeah?

Why don't you lock your door?

I knew he'd find a way in.

And where girls are concerned, a total idiot can become Einstein.

You're not wrong.

I'm getting to understand the guy.

The weights at night, is that you too?

- No. He does that? - Yes, he does.

You're gifted. Why don't you write for real?

I just do that for fun.

Let's try to wind him up.

Sure, but how?

I could write a guy sucking a straw is sexy.

That could be funny.

And a guy sucking a straw looks so dumb.

"You're very pretty. Want to go outwith me?"

It never works.

Here we are.

You're home.

- What is it, Bruno? - He's devastated.

He was driving the hearse at my husband's funeral.

When we got to the cemetery, he burst into tears.

- You brought him home? - He couldn't drive.

Come on, Bruno, it'll be ok.

My husband's in a good place and he didn't suffer.

He had a good life.

What use is a good life if we have to die?

I forbid you to say that. Don't say it, Bruno.

You're young. You'll do great things.

You're with your friends now. I have to go back to mine.

Be brave, Bruno.

Be brave.

Goodbye.

Come on, Bruno.

Come on...

The boss fired me for creating a bad atmosphere at the funeral.

Crazy, huh?

I'd never been confronted with death before.

It's a natural reaction.

I was distraught when my jerboa died. I was 8.

You had a jerboa? I'd have loved one.

- Yeah. - What's a jerboa?

Now there's a nice animal: the jerboa.

Her name was Jerby. Jerby the jerboa.

That's so cool!

You can't compare a jerboa to a human being!

You didn't even know the guy!

Did he ever eat from your hand?

Did he sit on your shoulder?

Did you tell him off for pooping on your bed?

No, but maybe his wife did...

What are you doing?

Growing an avocado.

It's useful having a big pear!

Could I borrow your job rejection letters?

Sure. What for?

I need to show the benefit office I'm looking for work.

Or I get no money.

I can replace your name with mine in the letters.

- If you want... - Cool.

Here you go, knock yourself out. 86 of them.

Rejection letters are easy to get.

Apply for a job and you're bound to get one.

With my luck, I'd probably get hired. Then I'd be in the shit.

You've got tape...

scissors... printer and scanner.

All set.

Over to you, Scam Man.

Cool. Thanks.

What are you doing?

I'll post them from the company sites to make it look real.

They won't care.

You never know.

It makes it more real for me.

It's like method acting, see.

I have to go out to Rueil-Malmaison.

I mean, what a crap name.

Why pick firms outside Paris?

To show I'm ready to work there and that I'm motivated.

You realize

if you put as much effort into work, you'd rule the world.

Yeah...

You look like a fox.

- I do? - Yeah.

- Want to come to a party? - No thanks.

I'll stay here, snug as a cub.

A cub, not even an adult fox.

Cubs are more mischievous.

- Be mischievous with me. - No, I'll stay in.

- Ask Bruno. - No thanks.

Hi, guys.

What's up?

What is it?

Nothing.

Drinking beer through a straw?

I like it.

It's handier and cooler.

More relaxed, like.

Yeah, it's not bad.

I'll be going. Have fun.

Have a good time.

What are we going to do?

- What? - Shall we play?

- Sure. - PlayStation?

- Some candy? - No thanks.

Patrick left us.

- He's dead? - No.

Patrick had a sudden breakdown.

He went out with his fake dead plant and hit people with it.

Then he collapsed.

He never liked his work.

He felt over-qualified and hated people.

He wasn't a nice guy.

A bit of a jerk too.

Sometimes I'd tell him he was a jerk

and he thought I was kidding.

Humor is handy.

All right.

Let me introduce myself. I'm Richard.

I'm an ordinary guy.

I'm 5' 8" and weigh 150 pounds.

Average height, average weight.

My IQ is average

even though, like most people, I think the test means nothing.

I sleep 7 hours a night and dream ordinary dreams.

No giant spiders talking about life...

My dreams are so basic

I can't tell after if they really happened or not.

In my 8-floor building, I live on the 4th floor.

No one calls me handsome or ugly.

I've never been able to finish Proust

but claim that I have.

However, I've read "The Little Prince".

But I hated it. I thought it was crap.

But I've never dared to say so.

I have a flat-screen TV,

a 40-inch one, paid for in three instalments.

I have a car bought on credit.

A French one to help the economy.

I sort my trash

and turn off the tap when I clean my teeth.

My wife says I'm dull and she's right.

There you go.

That's me, Richard, your adviser.

I like people and I'm here to help you.

So who are you?

Well, I'm S�bastien...

I'm here to renew my benefit claim.

I have proof that I've been looking for work.

I even have the envelopes.

They're here, with the postmark.

This is from Rueil-Malmaison. A long way.

Are you a crook?

Sorry?

S�bastien...

Are you a crook?

No. Why?

You only need proof to solve a crime.

I'm no fan of proof.

I've told you who I am.

I'd like to know who you are.

What you want to do, what you like...

Nothing.

I want to do nothing and like doing nothing.

Meaning?

I like getting bored.

I like wasted time.

I like pauses, moments when time stands still.

I like waiting too and taking long journeys.

I like the run-up to things.

Cl�menceau said about love...

"The most beautiful thing about love is going up the stairs."

It works for everything.

For me, dreaming about doing something

is better than doing it.

You've never wanted to do anything?

As far back as I can remember, no.

And you?

You always wanted to do this?

No.

Then again, yes.

I always wanted to help people. I'm glad to be able to.

When I was little, I had a stupid dream.

What was it?

I wanted a pancake house.

I love my mom's pancakes.

After school, when I smelled the batter...

I was happy-

Pancakes are good.

But it wasn't serious.

Who cares what's serious? If you like them, make them.

Sure, but life isn't that simple.

It should be.

Even doing nothing requires money.

Everyone should get a minimum amount each month.

As wages for being human.

That's how I see benefit.

I'm going to help you.

I'll cover for you with my superiors.

I'll see you in 3 months to renew your claim.

Or before then, if you want to drop in for a chat.

I'd like that.

Sure. Thanks.

Thank you very much.

I'd found a sponsor for the life I wanted.

An easy and quiet life.

I was relieved. it was sunny, the girls smelled nice.

For me, Paris has always been the city Where women smell nice.

Orange-flower blossom...

What's her life like?

Is she happy? Is she in love?

Is she loved?

Did she take ages picking her clothes?

- What's up? - I'm just heading back home.

I was at my benefit interview. And you?

I just met a writer who signed with the firm.

- I'm going to handle him. - Fantastic!

Responsibility at last.

Coming with me to park this?

Want to see something you'll like?

Sure.

- Beautiful, huh? - Really beautiful.

A higher view is good.

Yeah...

Hold on, this'll be fun...

- What's going on? - Pull a face!

- You do this a lot? - Yeah.

I gatecrash people's photos.

I love being on dressers all over the world.

That way, I leave my mark on Earth.

Awesome. A bit self-centered, but awesome.

No, not self-centered, just a way of existing.

Since I dream of traveling the world

but can't yet.

This way I can do it without moving.

Good idea, huh?

Yes, it's good.

The next 3 months passed rapidly and pleasantly.

I was living my dream life.

I was moving but immobile.

It was a very pleasant feeling.

Bruno and I became close friends.

Chopsticks suck. How do the Japs do it?

They're used to them.

Think Japanese conductors use a knife and fork for the orchestra?

I hate Peter Jackson's "King Kong".

He took out all the erotic tension.

I think it sucks too.

When he climbs the Empire State Building and the planes attack...

Yeah, that's sad.

It's sad but some people had it worse.

The tenants on the floors level with King Kong's balls.

What a hideous sight!

I read this ages ago and I really liked it.

It reminded me of you.

"The Book With No Name"?

You'll make a great pear.

I know! Leather pants...

- What's the book? - Jack London, it's really good.

- Yeah? - You should read it.

You'll lend me it?

How's it going. guys?

- What are those pants? - These? They're leather.

I love the feeling. It's like a second skin.

I'm a big Jim Morrison fan, see.

They suit you. They make you look...

They highlight who you are.

That's it exactly.

- That's leather for you. - Right.

Right, seeya.

- Guys... - Yeah?

- Know what I'd really like? - No.

- A typical evening with you. - Meaning?

Well, when I go out, you stay together.

I'd like to stay in with you too.

- To watch or to take part? - To take part.

I'm hot for it.

- You bet. - Sure, no problem.

You don't mind?

I won't oversell it but you'll have a blast.

What else do you do?

We talk about the day we've had.

All right. Go on.

I got up today at 4 in the afternoon.

I got up, ate Cocoa Krispies... We're out of milk.

- Earlier today... - Let him finish.

I've finished.

Earlier today, I wanted to go out...

But I didn't.

I realized I had no reason to.

- That happens a lot. - To you too?

Hold on, surely that isn't all you talk about?

Tell me something else.

- We talk about movies... - Screw movies.

We saw...

Tell me private stuff about you.

How about... There's nothing?

Any thoughts, maybe...

- I take the plunge? - Go on.

Two days ago, I...

I jacked off in front of a mirror.

I can't tell if I was turned on because

I was caught up in it

or because I was watching myself.

I'm wondering if I might not be a bit... homosexual.

There are 2 ways to see it. Maybe 3.

No, I'm sorry, 9W5-

At least I've tried.

It was fun.

Have a good evening.

There's no obvious conclusion...

Bruno, tell me something... You're in love with Anna?

It's kind of violent, saying you jack off in front of a mirror.

You're crazy, I opened up to her. It took a huge effort to say that.

Yes, but she... Whatever.

As for what you said, let's get back to it...

It's interesting...

- I think you're gay. - Or you're ego-sexual.

Weird museum...

They need a nightwatchman for dead animals?

Rhino horns are a prized commodity.

There've been thefts before.

So I step in.

- That's crazy. - Come on.

Time for my round.

It's like being a cop in a Hollywood movie!

I'll take a leak first.

Nice, big claws.

Oh, yeah, that feels good.

It's so good.

You never clip them?

They won't grow now anyway.

You're in briefs?

I've never visited a museum in my briefs.

That's a goal?

No, but one day I'll be happy to say,

"I visited a museum in my briefs."

That's a crazy idea.

I do things but you're like that bear, a stuffed shirt.

You're in your briefs. Even he's shocked.

Try it, it's awesome.

Step back.

It's weird because you're still dressed.

Do the same as me and the embarrassment fades.

It's amazing, you always find a logical explanation.

Coming or staying with your stuffed friend'?

I like bears.

Did you know trainers talk to wild animals in German?

No wonder. That language freaks me out.

Isn't this ace? Nice and cool, dicks on the loose...

We discover new feelings.

The feeling of being ridiculous. Why in briefs?

I'm not saying I want to

but why not go the whole way and do it nude?

The real blast is doing it in briefs.

Being nude is dumb. Nudists are nude and they're dumb.

No one does anything in briefs. I'm a briefist.

I want briefist camps.

I love the word "briefs". It's beautiful.

It makes a sentence merry and musical.

Tightie whities. Skivvies is great too.

- Nut hut is good too. - I like it!

Nut Hut Day...

- What're you doing here? - And you?

I'm the nightwatchman. And you?

We're thieves.

You're thieves and you admit it like that?

We're not going to lie.

It's not like we're lost visitors.

We're thieves, here to steal.

That's a bummer because the thing is...

I'm supposed to stop you.

Yeah, it's a bummer.

Are you armed?

- We have blunt objects. - To hit you with.

We got that.

If I don't stop you, I lose my job.

If you stop us, you'll lose your teeth.

Then again, we're in briefs...

We'll leave you to it.

We'll be going.

Gentlemen...

Holy shit...

It's sick that they fired you.

They saw the video.

All right, guys...

I heard the end of that story.

You were in briefs in a museum?

The image is kind of shocking but hey...

Forget it, I'm used to your weird stuff now.

Sebastien, I ran into St�phane, Alex and Delphine today.

From university.

I asked them over tomorrow for a reunion drinks party.

- Good idea, huh? - People, here?

- It's a drag? - It's like a high school reunion.

Not at all.

"You haven't changed. What are you doing now?"

I'm married, 3 kids.

- 3 already? - I had triplets.

The birth wasn't too tough?

A bit scary. I was induced before term

but it was ok.

And you, St�phane?

Still teaching at university.

- How's work, The Other? - Minimum benefit.

- That's not a job. - I know but...

Right, it's tough... You're struggling to find work?

I don't want to work.

That's crazy.

Before, you never stopped taking one course after another.

Yes, it's a waste.

- I don't agree. - It's dumb.

Without work, at a party, you have less to talk about.

I don't really agree.

Look at Alexandre. He's a computer engineer.

Quite frankly, it's not...

At a party, it's not...

I mean, it's not...

Right...

What do you do exactly?

I'm a consultant

in a firm that publishes web content software.

We call it a CMS.

Content Management System.

Basically, it assists our clients

to implement their information systems.

To put it simply.

Yeah, it is kind of boring.

There you go.

I'll get the food.

Thanks.

I'll shift up a gear with Anna tonight.

I'll be a lot more direct.

I've been too subtle until now.

What?

It's you saying "subtle"...

If you say you want to date and she says she's not into you,

you know you'll have to move out?

You're so negative. Maybe she'll say, "I love you too."

Let me help, Anna.

Sorry, The Other, but you're living off society.

I don't agree.

Here we are...

Dig in...

I didn't dare.

Maybe you're right.

I'll focus on the long term.

She's bound to desire me at some point.

Sorry, The Other, but you're not facing reality.

I don't want anything. I'm just living in my corner.

You're asking society for something.

You want those of us who work to sponsor your vacation.

That's not fair.

People like you are society's cancer.

- Don't exaggerate. - Just stating the truth.

What's it like for you when it's sunny?

Does it piss you off the poor get to share?

Cut it out. What if we all did the same as you?

There'd be no more food, no more progress, no more money...

Every man for himself.

Listen, I live with S�bastien. He's my roommate.

He's not ripping anyone off. He's not a parasite.

He simply has...

a different lifestyle.

You make him sound retarded.

Not at all!

He's not retar...

S�bastien, let's go and buy more drinks.

Sure.

- I'll come. - Stay with our friends.

- They're your friends. - So get acquainted.

It was getting hairy up there.

You need a big pear to fight back!

Just think, Delphine has 3 kids already.

Do you want kids?

Why? You want to have kids with me?

The look on your face!

Yes, I want children.

Not yet but, yes, I do.

But I don't think

if I'm not a mother, my life will be lacking something.

That's a sad way of thinking.

- Do you want kids? - I think so.

Really?

I was sure that kind of question would make you faint.

Ok, the idea's light years away from where I am now

but I haven't ruled it out.

Why did you smile when Delphine said the birth was induced?

That expression makes me laugh.

Why?

I imagine the woman lying on the table,

legs spread, exhausted...

The gynecologist comes in,

squats between her thighs

and starts inducing... "Come on, kiddo, I have some candy...

"Hey, show me you're a man.

"Be a good boy now, your poor mom's getting tired."

The woman reacts, "What's going on?"

"I'm inducing him to come out."

He goes on, "Do you want this candy

"or will you stay in there like some mommy's boy?"

"Stop, doctor!"

"Don't worry, he's the best at inducing births here."

It doesn't happen like that.

That's dumb.

Too bad, reality lacks imagination.

- Think he's dead? - No idea.

No, he's asleep.

Don't you need it more than him?

Why are you smiling?

No reason.

- Santa! - No, it's me, stupid.

My new job.

- Shit, Christmas already? - Yep.

- Going home for it? - No way.

They'll only nag me about work, responsibilities and life.

I lied and said I'd found a job.

You're dumb. Go see them.

You'll be all alone here.

I don't care, I'll stay here, snug as a cub.

Right, I'm going-

I'll come and buy some cookies.

So buying cookies is your main activity today?

No, my main activity will be eating them in the park.

Don't be proud of that. Look at me.

I play Santa for peanuts.

I fight to survive and you mock me.

- Are you mad at me? - Worse.

I envy you and that pisses me off.

You shouldn't.

You're right to fight because you believe in that.

- How do I look? - Fine.

- I don't feel credible. - You are.

I don't believe in me.

Got a guy, Anna?

No. Why do you ask?

No reason. We never see you with a guy and you never mention one.

No, there's no one in my life.

You know, Anna...

Love can be closer than we think.

It can be right before our eyes and we can't see it.

So I hear.

- How's work? - They all piss me off.

All so-called big shots who write crap novels. It's not easy.

So resign.

You think it's that easy? I just resign?

No.

- I agree. - You always agree!

That's not true!

See, I'm not agreeing with you.

But you...

You should try writing.

The stuff you wrote at university was good.

Use the time to write. And I can publish you.

I have nothing to say...

You jerk. What a waste!

Seriously, what are your days like, S�bastien?

I read, I watch movies, I hang out...

And often I dance.

You dance?

Start with the leg.

The beat gradually rises, spreading to the whole body.

Come on then.

To the side of me.

Then we turn, like this!

And nowjump!

Robot time!

And now... The drums!

Twist!

Awesome, man!

That's really cool!

What's up with her?

I think she couldn't take

the sexual tension I give off.

Yeah?

It's wrong what you're doing.

I'm sorry?

This is wrong.

I don't understand.

Sure, act all innocent.

I really don't understand. What have I done?

You haven't moved from that bench all day!

And you were here yesterday.

- What's going on? - His behavior is intolerable.

What did I do?

- What did he do? - Nothing.

I've done nothing.

He's not doing anything, it's different.

Is that all?

Yes, it is.

It's like he's mocking us.

We pass by to go to work, with the kids, to shop

and he just sits there!

You're bothering us.

You're preventing us from being happy. Am I wrong?

My brother and I were saying that.

Sir, you have to do something

like the rest of us.

Or if you want to do nothing,

get a big dog, sit outside a supermarket,

drink beer and start begging.

That'd be clearer.

I don't want to beg!

I have to book you then.

What for?

Causing a disturbance.

Surely you realize your freedom

stops where... where freedom... stops for others.

I think that's clear.

All right...

- What? - Don't try thinking, it's no use.

I'm booking you. A 35-euro fine. Your name?

Beautiful.

Yes, it's beautiful. And ugly too.

- I have to find work, Richard. - Really?

All right. That's surprising news. But it's good.

- You think so? - It means your life's evolving.

It's good when things evolve.

You helped me to do nothing.

Because you wanted to do nothing.

I won't force you to do anything.

I'll see what I can do for you.

And how are things otherwise?

It's a big upheaval in my life. How about you?

I think I'm feeling better.

I now have a cat called Fido and a dog called Felix.

A little fantasy...

I take time for myself. It does me good.

I listen to the songs you recommend.

Last weekend, I danced like crazy to really loud music.

All alone at home.

Next time, do it in briefs. It's even better.

All right.

You know, S�bastien...

I suffered when I was in love but it was worth it.

- Being unhappy? - No, being happy first.

Being in love, feeling alive.

Don't you want that?

No.

I'm Marc and I'm your boss.

I use your first name, you call me sir.

You're an intern. Never forget.

Know why you mustn't?

That's how you'll climb higher.

Know where you're from to know where you're going.

After 6 to 9 months as an intern,

if your ratings are positive, of course, you'll be able

to obtain a job in this enterprise.

Do you know what enterprise means?

- Yes. - Are you sure you know?

It's the firm I'm an intern with.

You don't know.

It's a philosophy.

An enterprise is enterprising.

I like enterprising people.

Careful, I hate ass-kissers.

You have to find the perfect balance

between enterprise and immobility.

- Is that agreed? - Agreed.

All right. Very good.

That's the attitude.

Don't smile.

Hi, Jean-Luc, how's it going?

The jerk doesn't know he's fired. Without a cent.

- Did I offer you coffee? - No.

All right...

You'll spend your days here.

No windows but you don't need them.

Your job is to check the digital transfers.

Make sure there are no problems anywhere.

You'll be paid.

Badly true, to watch TV all day.

You need to archive the M6 TV news from 2006.

That's funny, that rhymes.

Your contract's for the archives and Jean-Luc...

has no contract. He's fired!

Want to sit down?

Go ahead.

Jean-Luc!

What does freedom call to mind?

I was Working.

I was paid to watch old news.

- Bird flu. - Shit...

...a dead swan in a marsh.

Zidane, we miss you.

I was paid to view.

It was easy and fun.

That's good.

The surprises of the Paris furniture salon...

...anti-youth employment scheme marches in 135 French towns.

More than one million...

Then, one day, on the 12th day of my internship...

Yes, all young people have to take to the streets.

The future is now.

In '68, our parents fought for their dreams.

But we can't afford to do that.

We're fighting for our jobs and pensions.

I'm not rejecting everything that '68 passed on to us.

But, unfortunately,

our prerogatives have changed.

It's not as glamorous but it's reality.

I'd rather have a beautiful life than beautiful dreams.

For the first time ever, I fell in love.

With France's most determined woman.

I copied the interview for myself.

For the first time, I let a woman I didn't know into my fantasies.

S�bastien, how's it going?

The pandas are here!

What the hell's going on? You're jacking off to a panda?!

An endangered species!

You're a psychopath.

Jacking off at work is nuts.

- I'm in love. - With a girl living in 2006!

You're avoiding reality again.

So? Do you like reality?

Look how it treats you.

Single, with a shit job drinking coffee in the can!

I love drinking coffee there!

Reality doesn't work for you.

You have to work to make it good.

I hate it when you act smart.

I've been hauling them an hour now. I can't go on.

They're heavy!

And a real drag.

- Going to find that girl? - No.

You're useless. Don't you want experiences?

- Don't you want to fuck? - I'm ok.

I can't go on. I haven't fucked for 18 months.

I'm sick of jacking off, sick of Anna not looking at me,

sick of these crap jobs, sick of not getting anywhere...

And now, Montmartre hill...

Shit, that'll be tough!

Come over to the dark side.

Come and do nothing.

Don't miss it!

This will be awesomenish.

Do over there, I'll do here.

Wow... That's so cool of you, guys!

It needed waxing.

Bruno, you never did housework before without being threatened.

I'm off to a concert. Have a good evening.

Have a good time!

Ready?

Go on!

Good one!

Not bad.

I'm going out.

You have another wild night planned?

Yeah, ros�, potato chips, peanuts.

The perfect trinity. The magic trio.

You really make a woman dream.

That's good.

She's not in a good mood lately.

Must be her period.

You have a really modern view of women.

It's no use. You're programmed to lose.

I come from the future to waste guys in the present.

Show me your medical card

and I'll prescribe meds to ease your defeat. Deal?

The monotony of this is getting to me. I win, you lose.

We're like an old couple. You don't surprise me.

You lose even more points...

I'll leave you a few.

Guys...

Meet Marco.

- How's it going? - Hi.

- What are you doing? - Playing FIFA.

Cool.

The loser eats a moldy chip,

green around the edge.

Shall we go to your room'?

Down the hallway on the right.

Good night.

There, that's Marco.

I met him at a concert. He sings in a band.

That's cool.

- Been dating long? - Two months.

We get on well together.

He can be crazy but I like that.

- We don't get bored. - Good.

I'm off to bed.

Yeah, ok.

- See you later. - Good night.

You knew she had a guy?

I look like I did?

No, not necessarily.

Good night. I'm off to bed.

In your room?

- Where else can I sleep? - On the couch as usual.

No, The Other, not tonight.

An evening of changes...

- You knew she didn't want you. - That's not it.

Screw her guy, screw her not wanting me.

So what's wrong?

She's moving ahead. I saw that when she got back.

Ajob, a guy, an apartment...

She's moving ahead. And what do we do? Skids...

Our only move in months.

It's the Champions' League final.

That's great, we're fans.

No, it's not great. That means it's already May.

I haven't worked in 4 months.

4 months in the living room.

Like your tree. But it's growing and we aren't.

Next month, I'll be 25.

Great, you can get benefit!

That's not the life I want.

Maybe you do but I don't.

I want a job I like, a woman, an apartment...

We have a great apartment!

I don't want to be roommates. I want my own life.

I'll leave as soon as I can.

You should do the same.

You want to drag me down with you.

Look at you! You're so idle, even your hair doesn't grow.

You haven't had it cut in 8 months!

Maybe it's reached maximum length.

You don't need it cut every day.

Some things stop growing. Eyebrows...

Ok, guys?

Yeah, fine.

It's the morning...

He's not bad-looking.

Hey...

I don't know if it's chance, magic or just life

but, one month after his decision,

Bruno found a job he liked and an apartment.

He did live commentary for a sports web site.

So, do we say goodbye like men or like men?

Like men, I think.

- Take care. - You too.

- Look after Rodrigo. - Not Rodrigo, Placido.

Placido, the tenor with the big pear.

I had a room of my own at last.

But, rather than alone, I was just lonely.

Bruno's departure was the end of an era.

For the first time, I wondered about my future.

And I was afraid.

Hi there.

We poured a glass for you. Want it?

No thanks, I'm ok.

- Come and sit with us. - I'm just getting a book.

- You're sure? - Yeah.

Good night.

I liked you a lot, you know.

When we met, I was attracted right away.

I found you handsome... You were free...

You did things naturally. I envied you.

Your nonchalance charmed me.

I asked you to come and live here because I wanted to live with you.

When you came here, I was so happy.

I thought we could have a beautiful love affair...

But not in a romantic way.

At night, when I went to bed, I hoped you'd come and fuck me.

Sorry to be so blunt but that's how I saw it.

I dreamed that you...

the man who wanted to do nothing,

would make love to me.

That you'd take, give, penetrate and touch but...

you did nothing.

You'd rather dream your life than live it but you're wrong.

You're not happy, S�bastien.

You're afraid.

Your stuff about dreaming, life, needing little, taking your time...

It's all a lie.

You're afraid.

You believe your lies

but you do nothing because, that way, you know you won't fail.

You think the best way not to die is not to live.

But that's not true.

You'll die like the rest of us but you'll die unhappy.

Without having tried to be happy.

It's sad.

I envied you but now I pity you.

I'd like you to move out as soon as you can.

Marco's moving in with me.

He's not perfect, he has his failings but...

at least he's there and alive.

It's a pity because we could have tried.

But you didn't even want to try to try.

Luckily, Bruno put me up until I found a place.

She said I was doing it because I was unhappy.

She's right.

Look at me. I'm doing great.

Are you happy? Just ask yourself that.

I've never thought about it.

You don't think about happiness.

You're happy or you're not.

A thesaurus as bedtime reading?

Affirmative.

That's the "yes" page?

Absolutely.

This is good. You're gifted.

I'm glad you say that. I use my mother's recipe.

I'm bored, Richard.

I thought you liked boredom.

Not anymore. I'm bored and that bores me.

Don't you dance anymore?

Know what Rousseau said?

"The reason why man works is to attain rest."

Maybe that's why boredom is no fun anymore.

I'll tell you a story.

- A long one? - Fairly long.

Jump to the conclusion, if you don't mind.

All right. The conclusion of my story is

that it's high time you started living.

There's no pretty nude woman in your story?

No.

There are never pretty nude women in stories that teach you about life.

You're right. That's a pity.

You're doing good.

That's good.

- Want to take the tiny wheels off? - What if I fall?

I will catch you.

Let's try it. Come over here.

Would you catch me if I fell?

Why do you want to fall?

If ever I fell, would you catch me?

Of course.

- Did you stop when you had me? - 4 years.

- That's a lot. - It was over too soon.

You took care of me.

I loved that. I didn't want to go back to work.

I have a few vague memories.

After you went back,

I'd wait for you to come home.

I remember that.

You'd do the housework at the weekend.

You'd sing along to music.

I'd be there, fighting off Martians to defend you.

You spent your childhood protecting me from Martians, sharks,

giant baboons...

Why mention that now?

No reason, I remembered yesterday. You were there for me.

By the way, did I get my hair cut often?

A surprise visitor.

- Hi, Dad. - Good to see you.

Yeah.

- You missed Christmas. - I left you in peace.

In peace? What nonsense.

I'm here now. It's a bigger surprise.

That's true.

Well then... How are you?

I'm good. But aren't you asking what I'm doing?

First, tell me how you are,

then we'll talk about what you're doing.

The Barcarole Circus tonight on the town hall square.

Come one, come all. The Barcarole Circus...

Shit!

Shit, he's gotten out!

Don't panic.

If he sees you're scared, he'll attack.

So what do I do?

Don't move and don't yell.

Stop yelling.

He'll get mad and eat him!

He'll eat him whether I yell or not.

What the hell do I do?

Don't look him in the eye.

Don't turn your back on him. Don't run.

And don't make any sudden movements.

Oh, fuck!

He's gonna eat him.

What's his name?

Barnab�.

Barnab�...

"To write a few lines,

one must know cities,

men and things.

One must know animals.

One must think back

to one's childhood days

and to the parents

that one had to hurt

when they brought one

$Qm€ joy

and one did not grasp it."

- Shit... - Holy cow.

Richard got me a job selling beds.

I was hired for a two-week sale in a big store.

I soon sold more beds than anyone else.

After all, I was an expert.

A good bed is expensive.

- But do dreams have a price? - You're right. I'll take it.

- I'll take it. - The king-size one.

The base too.

You're not sleeping in the store

during working hours?

No, Mr. Lochu, just testing the product.

It's important to know it.

You're right.

I wish everyone was so conscientious.

I trust you.

You've worked miracles. I'll let you carry on.

Thank you, Mr. Lochu.

Sorry to disturb you but I have a few questions.

Valentine Pebble?

Have we met?

Yes, I know you pretty well.

I lost a job because of you and a panda.

Sorry to hear that.

No, don't be sorry,

it was worth it. Really.

I don't understand.

I saw you in a TV interview in 2006.

And you recognized me?

It's complicated. I saw it several times.

You're worrying me.

No, don't worry, I'm not a sex maniac.

Valentine Pebble, you're here!

You don't have to repeat my name.

I do.

You're a star for me.

It's an incredible name. Valentine Pebble. Like a nickname.

I know it's a bit ridiculous.

I don't know what came over me. Maybe it was the store uniform.

Like some superhero suit...

But I became someone else.

Someone who said...

Don't say that, it's an incredible name.

It really suits you too.

I feel like Tom Thumb.

In that outfit, more Red Riding Hood.

No, Tom Thumb.

Using pebbles to find his way.

And that's exactly how I feel

in front of you.

I was lost and...

thanks to you, Valentine Pebble,

I'm finding my way at last.

You say that to every girl looking for a bed?

No, only girls called Pebble.

And guys called Stone.

- How about you? What's your name? - S�bastien.

S�bastien Morin. A dull name.

- Yes. - Yes, I know.

At least it rhymes. That's something.

Yeah...

So many things have no rhyme or reason.

Sebastien Morin, can you recommend a bed?

Of course.

"I'm here for you."

And after, Valentine Pebble, would you have a drink with me?

Or several. I don't mind.

To tell me about your life since 2006.

You're a pretty direct young man.

I'm anything but.

You'll tell me why you were fired?

It's tricky but all right.

Go on, say yes. To make up for getting me fired.

- The panda has to come too? - No, bad idea. He stinks.

Valentine Pebble, if you believe in fate,

or want to believe in it, say yes.

Before seeing you here, I didn't believe in it.

If I accept, will you stop using my full name?

It's like being at school.

Never.

Ok, but first I need to buy a bed.

That's right, a bed.

A bed's an important buy. We spend a third of our lives sleeping.

We have this model. It's a vertical bed.

Ideal if you're asleep on your feet.

- That's terrible... - But you laughed.

She bought a double bed

in which I sleep every night.

Valentine Pebble has a pretty neck.

Valentine Pebble says words like...

Notwithstanding.

- Or... - Deteriorate.

Valentine Pebble talks to me when she cleans her teeth...

And, weirdly, I understand her.

- Yes? - Ok, I'll go tomorrow at 2.

For some years now, I've managed a store

specialized in luxury beds.

This is a very good bed.

Selling beds is my way of succeeding.

But I've had a revelation.

I've found my path and a goal at last.

I want to be a house-husband.

Valentine Pebble loves the idea.

While she works, I'll see to the house.

And our child.

Last night, we decided to have one.

And I'm not afraid.

- Don't be afraid. - Look straight ahead.

Go on now. Gently...

If he falls, it's your fault.

That's not bad.

But raising a child is hard work. Very hard work.

We're as snug...

As cubs.

Richard, my adviser, quit his job.

He has a pancake house now.

He's delighted and is friends with my parents.

My dad stopped working like crazy the day a colleague landed on his car.

A suicide.

Bruno is a sports journalist.

He's single but has flings.

He's happy-

We're still friends, with an annual ritual.

We go to the museum, once a year.

A pilgrimage, but fully dressed.

I never saw Anna again.

Just after I moved out, she left Marco.

But I had news by chance.

Friends were showing us photos of Japan.

- This one's really cute. - It was great.

The trees were in bloom...

There's someone behind you.

Apparently, she got to travel.

I hope she's happy.

Who are you talking to?

No one. Just talking to myself.

- What are you doing? - Getting up.

No, let's lie in bed all day.

No, we have loads of stuff to do.

Dedicated to Rene and Georgette without whom there would be no stories.