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[***]

* Skip down Mistic Street *

* Have a smile
It's on me *

* Cross-town
Traffic plays *

* And Jimi is singing *

* Wonder Bread factory *

* Surplus stores
And Maybelline *

* Gotta get me
Out of the junkyard heap *

* Kicking back in marigold
Summertime dreams *

* It's a good, good life *

* We got the good life *

* Falling in love
Under the raspberry sun *

* Turn up the stereo
Baby, have some fun *

* It's a good, good life *

* We got the good life *

* Fortune
Jackpot blues *

* What's an empty pocket do? *

* Climb the nearest dream
And start demanding *

* Beanbags, bobby pins,
Glitter gel, I'm home again *

* Wa-na-na-na na-na-na-na
Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na *

* Oh, right **

My name is Daphne Reynolds,

and I was born
in New York City.

I've lived my whole life
with my mom

in a fifth-floor walkup
in Chinatown.

It's always been just
the two of us, me and Libby.

But every year on my birthday
I'd make a wish.

Make a wish, baby!

That someone else
could be there too.

And every year
when he didn't come,

I'd ask my mom to tell me
the same story.

You never get tired of this one,
do you? Okay.

Once upon a time,

there was a young,
very cool singer named Libby

who one day decided to go out
and see the world.

[YELLING]

Oh!

Little did she know
that in the deserts of Morocco

fate was waiting for her...

Ooh!

and his name was Henry.

[***]

They fell madly, passionately,
hopelessly in love,

and were married by the chief
of a Bedouin tribe.

[TRIBE CHEERING]

Henry brought her to England
to meet his family

so they could get
married for real.

But fate was not so kind
this time.

She was definitely not
what they were expecting.

[MUSIC DISTORTS
AND CUTS OFF]

But when Henry's father
suddenly died,

Libby knew there'd be
even more pressure on him

to lead a certain kind
of life,

because he was now
Lord Dashwood,

and Libby was no one's idea
of a lady.

Henry knows
all about it.

If you love Henry,
you will go now.

I think you
should see this.

Apparently
there's someone else.

So even though
it broke her heart,

she knew she had to leave him.

But a few months later,

fate gave her
the greatest gift of all:

A beautiful baby girl
named Daphne.

Sweet dreams, kiddo.

Love you.
Love you.

I can't believe you're
15 years old today.

Sweet dreams, Henry.

[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]

On my 17th birthday,
Mom and I had to work.

But it turned out to be
where my story really began.

You delivering something?

Yeah, about three hours
of watered-down rock 'n' roll...

oh, and one
very late waitress.

Sorry. Ow!

MAN:
Hey, watch your head.

Are you related?

Can I park it?
Yeah, over there.

[HONKS HORN]

* ...place on earth *

* Ooh, heaven
Is a place on earth *

WOMAN:
Woo-hoo! Wooo-hooo!

How could he do this to me?

It's our wedding day!
Where is he?

What? I should know?

Twenty minutes
and she's lost him already.

BRIDE: Very funny.

Whoa!

[***]

Hey, how you doing?

[GRUNTS]

I'm sorry, can I
borrow this? Thanks.

Oh! Ah! Ah!

Thanks.

Sorry about this. All right.
Come on, big guy, wakey-wakey.

[YELLS]

Help! Ma!

Woo!

It's cold and
I can't get it out!

Shout! Shout!

* You know you make me
Wanna shout *

* Lift my hands up
And shout *

* Lift my arms up
And shout *

* Throw my head back
So come on now *

* Don't forget to say you will *

* Don't forget to shout
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Say you will *

CROWD:
* Hey-yay-yay *

* Say that you love me
Say that you need me *

* Say that you want me
You want to please me **

Are you done
with this, sir?

Oh, thanks.

Daphne?

Noelle!

What are you
doing here?

Oh, I'm just clearing
the chicken cacciatore.

Oh, my God, that is so funny!

Guess what.

I'm interning
at Jenkins and Taylor

before I go to Duke,
pre-law.

What's up next for you?

The dessert.
It's a selection of sorbets.

No, I mean where are you
going to college?

Oh, that would be the
University of the Undecided.

Is that in Ohio?

Yeah.

Undecided, Ohio.

Well, I guess I better be going.

But say hey to Jenkins.
And Taylor.

But--

If everyone will please clear
the dance floor,

the bride and her father

would like to share
a special dance.

* For all those times
You've stood by me *

* For all the truth
That you made me see *

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

* For all the joy
You brought to my life *

* For all the wrong
That you made right *

* For every dream
You made come true *

* For all the love
I found in you *

* I'll be forever thankful
Baby *

* You're the one
Who helped me up *

* And never let me fall *

* You're the one
Who saw me through *

* Through it all *

* You were my strength
When I was weak *

* You were my voice
When I couldn't speak *

* You were my eyes
When I couldn't see *

* You saw the best
There was in me *

* Lifted me up
When I couldn't reach *

* You gave me faith
That you believed *

* I'm everything I am
Because you loved me **

I know. I saw the look.

I don't want
to talk about it.

Every time we do
these weddings, Mom,

I see the father-daughter
dances.

I just--

I can't help but think that
I'm never gonna get to do that.

I know you think
you're doing the right thing

by keeping me from him,
but I--

Honey.

I was trying to protect you

from getting hurt
the same way I was.

You left him, remember?

It's not like he jumped
on a plane

and came after me, Daphne.

Well, maybe he would have
if he knew I existed.

It's not that simple.

Why can't you
understand, Mom?

I feel like half of me
is missing.

And without the other half,

how am I supposed to know
who I really am?

Daph.

Getting to know someone

because they share
the same DNA with you

isn't the answer.

It's about getting
to know yourself.

Come on, let's go steal
some leftovers.

Lasagna looks great.

I love you a million
Swedish fish.

I love you
a million red M&M's.

[***]

* You'll be coming home soon *

* I know you're out of place *

* Will you
Knock on my door soon? *

* I just need to see your face *

* Oh, my heart
Is like a speeding train *

* Oh, my love
And I could feel your pain *

Taxi!

Where to, miss?

JFK, Virgin Atlantic.

No problem.

DAPHNE ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
I thought maybe the answer

was taking a year or two
off before college

to find out what I'm
supposed to do with my life.

But deep down,
I think I've always known...

what I really need more
than anything else in the world

is to find him...

to find my dad.

Mom, you always said
it was up to me

to write the rest
of my story...

but you've been writing it
for me, Mom.

* You'll be coming home soon **

Now it has to be my turn.

[JET ENGINE ROARING]

[***]

Can I borrow that
for a sec?

Sure.
Thanks.

* London calling
To the faraway towns *

* Now war is declared
And battle come down *

* London calling
To the underworld *

Oh, wow!

* Come out of the cupboard
You boys and girls *

* London calling
Now don't look to us *

* Phony Beatlemania
Has bitten the dust *

* London calling
See we ain't got no swing *

* 'Cept for the ring
Of that truncheon thing **

Great Britain Grand Hotel?

[THUNDER ROLLS]

What?

Uh! Oh! Uh!

Whew.

* ...every once in a while *

* We all need
Someone to hold *

* Just like
A helpless child *

* Just like a
Helpless child *

No, that's not it.

No, it sounded really good.

Thanks.
Is that a Gibson J-200?

Yeah.

Are you a musician?

No, but I live with one
back home.

Oh.

My mom.

Oh.

So, uh...

you checking in?

Day job?

Yeah. One of many.

You know, life of
a struggling musician.

Ah.

MAN: Hey, Ian, catch!

Come on, I'll show you around.

So the kitchen's
through there.

Common room's
down the hall.

I should warn you,
though,

the dog and bone's
on the blink

and we've no lift here.
Huh?

Um...
Phone is broken.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

Elevator, none.

Loo's free.

Who's Lou?

We better take this slowly.

TELEVISION REPORTER:
...exploded into life
24 hours ago,

when Lord Henry Dashwood
announced today

that he was giving up his
hereditary seat

in the House of Lords

to run for election
as a commoner.

Why should an accident
of birth

give me the right
to make decisions for people?

The only power I want...

My dad!

is the power that the voters
choose to give me.

That's why I'm standing
in this election.

Thank you very much.

REPORTER:
Lord Dashwood, who will marry
his fiancée Glynnis Payne

in the presence of the queen
later this summer,

will also inherit
a stepdaughter,

the lovely Clarissa Payne.

But it's this surprising
announcement of Lord Dashwood's

that has sent shock waves
through Westminster.

He now appears to be
an unstoppable political force.

I have to admit, Henry,

when you first suggested
giving up your seat

in the House of Lords...

Well, I-- I began
to question your sanity.

But, no, this is
political dynamite.

Call me old-fashioned,
but I had the eccentric idea

that we might actually
be doing the right thing.

Yes, well, it is possible
to do the right thing

and still be a winner.

The latest poll puts the party
six points ahead.

That's all due to you, Henry.

You're transforming the image
of the party your father loved.

He would have been
so proud of you.

Loot at you. You're young,
thrusting, idealistic,

an impeccable reputation.

And a fabulous fiancée
with all the right connections.

Sorry to interrupt, Daddy,

but if I don't steal Henry
away this minute,

he'll miss his speech
at the Oxfam ball.

Oh, blast it, my speech.

Right-hand pocket,
darling.

She thinks of everything.

Well, gentlemen, that seems
to be all. Thank you.

You two
enjoy yourselves, hm?

How's our boy doing?

I'd say if he doesn't ruffle
too many feathers,

we're looking
at the next prime minister.

Excellent.

Ian, I don't know
if I can do this anymore.

Daphne, he's your father.

You've flown halfway
around the world to see him.

You can't turn back now.

He's got a family now,
I mean...

You saw them. They're
so elegant and sophisticated.

It's like...

What would
he want with me?

Yeah, well,
you got a point there.

Shut up.

It's just not
as simple as I thought.

Maybe I should
just go home

and let him get
on with his life.

[***]

Can I help you, miss?

Um...

Actually, no.

Thanks.

Ow.

Perfect. Absolutely wonderful.
Thank you so much. Ciao.

You haven't forgotten

Lady Wrightwood's this
afternoon, have you, Clarissa?

She is sponsoring us

for the Royal Enclosure
at Ascot. We have to be there.

I thought marrying Henry meant
we didn't have to try so hard.

I'm not getting married
for another five weeks.

And until then we have
to keep up appearances.

Look what happened
to Olivia Dixon

when she went to China
last summer.

Who's Olivia Dixon?

Exactly.

Did you see that?
What?

An impossibly large bird
falling off that wall.

Are you hallucinating?

These eggs
are positively glacial.

When I run this house,

senile servants
will be the first thing to go.

You'll have to get
around the old bat somehow.

She'd never allow it.

Anyone seen my pruning shears?

The old bat seems to have
forgotten where she put them.

Morning. Morning, Mother.
Morning, darling.

Everyone sleep well?

[SCREAMS]

Apparently not.

There's someone at the window.
I'm not hallucinating this time.

It's those bloody
paparazzi again.

Percy, call the police. I will
not tolerate this media circus!

Where do you think
you're going, hm?

It's you!

How long do you people
have to spy on me

before you realize
there is no story here?

I think you've
got the wrong idea.

Tell it to
the authorities.

You know, the real
scandal is how young

they're starting
you guttersnipes now.

You sit down and tell me
who sent you.

The Sun? The Daily Star?

Good heavens, you can't be
more than 17.

Go on, take your picture and go
away.

I already have
a picture of you.

GLYNNIS:
Darling, Henry,
what's going on?

Where the devil
did you get this?

From Libby.

That singer you met
on a camel?

Why would Libby
give this to you?

She thought I'd want to know
what my father looked like.

My name is Daphne Reynolds.
I'm Libby's daughter.

According to this,

I'm your daughter too.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Seems you had an even better
time in Morocco than you let on.

Oh, dear God.

I haven't--

No, this is impossible.

Must be a mistake.
Exactly, a mistake.

A piece of paper
doesn't prove anything.

This woman Libby
must have written down

the first man
she could think of.

As far as I know,
you're the only man

she's ever thought of.

Right, Henry,
can I have a word

with you in private
for a moment, please?

Henry?

You're not going
to believe her, are you?

Maybe I...

Maybe I shouldn't
have come.

I mean, I can tell this
is a big shock for you.

I know I'm freaking out
and I've known since I was 2.

Don't get me wrong, I mean
freaking out in a good way.

As in I've only dreamt about
this my whole life.

Not that exact entrance,
of course.

I imagined something
a little more graceful.

I can see now
that it was probably a mistake.

I shouldn't have come.

Sorry, did you just say

you've known about this
your whole life?

Yeah.

Good. Well, now
we've got that settled,

how about some tea
and a nice piece of fruitcake?

But your mother didn't feel

I deserved
the same consideration?

No to the fruitcake, then.

How could she keep something
like this from me?!

Excuse me, what happened
to the mistake theory

we were operating
on a moment ago?

No, wait a minute, ducky.

Henry, I know this
has come as a shock,

but we can't just
let the girl go.

At least not until we've got
to the bottom of this.

Shall I call
a hotel, madam?

And tell them
what, exactly?

The best-known electoral
candidate in a generation

is requesting a room
for a teenage girl?

The press will have
a field day, darling.

C-Can we just leave
the press out of this?

No, Glynnis
is absolutely right, dear.

Thank God someone else here
is thinking straight.

The girl must stay here,
with us.

Darling, all I'm saying is
before we let this hypothetical

daughter blow
your political career

completely out of the water
we might at least

consider doing some
checking up on her.

Checking up for what?

I don't know,
criminal record? Blood type?

Triple sixes on her scalp?

Glynnis, she has
a birth certificate,

she has my photograph
and she has my eyes.

Only trying to think
of what's best for you.

I know you don't like
thinking about it,

but the press
can be absolutely brutal.

"Exclusive! Henry Dashwood
in Love Child Shocker!"

Actually, she's not strictly
a love child.

Her mother
and I were married.

I mean, not technically.

It was a Bedouin ceremony
in Morocco.

We planned to make it official
as soon as we got back,

but for some reason Libby
decided to...

Well, anyway, she left.

Apparently taking something
of yours with her.

Put a cork in it,
Clarissa.

Maybe someone should have put
a cork in it 17 years ago!

[CUP SHATTERS]

Well, here we are.

Will it do?

Will it do? Are you kidding?
It's incredible!

I mean, it's bigger than our
entire apartment

and the Chinese
restaurant downstairs

and the dry cleaner
down the street.

I mean, it makes the White House
look like a McDonald's.

I get the point, dear.

Now, why don't I send Percy
to fetch your things.

Thank you so much,
Lady Dashwood.

No hugs, dear.

I'm British. We only show
affection to dogs and horses.

Oh. Right.

You rock!

Hello?

Libby?
Henry.

Is she there? Is she all right?

Yeah, she's here.

She's fine.
Mother is force-feeding her

ancient fruitcake
as we speak.

Libby, how could you not tell me
I'd fathered a child?

You let her show up
17 years later, unannounced--

And what?

Put a dent
in your political career?

No, that's not--

If you're afraid of a scandal,
just send her back.

This isn't about any scandal,
this is about finding out

I had a daughter
for half my life!

Libby.

I didn't want her to get hurt.

What is that supposed to mean?

Ask your advisors.

They've gotten you this far,
haven't they?

[BELLS RINGING]

My point is that Henry's
strength has always been

that he's completely
scandal-free,

unlike his opponent.
This could ruin everything.

Have you finished
stating the obvious?

Good. Then let me explain
what we're going to do.

We give the papers the story,
but we spin it our way.

Let's see what we have.

Yes, the Royal Dress Show.

Introduce her as the daughter
you've always known,

but rarely had an opportunity
to spend time with.

The press still gets a story,

but one that's been
cut off at the knees.

May I remind you, Alistair, that
we are dealing with a living,

breathing 17-year-old girl here.
That's the problem.

The only thing
we know about her

is that she's
an American teenager.

Hardly a promising start.

Still, what do you think, Henry?
Liability or asset?

Well, I've only spent a few
moments with her myself,

but my sense of her
from first impression

is that she's quite
mature for her age.

[***]

She certainly seems
well-mannered.

[***]

Woo!

Thanks, Percy!

Your lunch, Miss Daphne.

I'd say rather self-contained,
soft-spoken.

* What's your flavor?
Tell me, what's your flavor? *

* What's your flavor?
Tell me, what's your flavor? *

* What's your flavor? **

Perfect.
Let's run with it.

[PHONE RINGING]

Ah, me. Please be Armistead.

Dashwood residence,
Clarissa speaking.

Hi, this is Ian Wallace.
Is Daphne Reynolds there please?

She's not here.

There's no one here by that
name, actually. Sorry.

If you do happen to see her,

could you tell her Ian Wallace
is trying to find her?

Absolutely. I will.

Not.

Hey!

Daphne.
Mr. Dashwood.

Lord Dashwood?

Call me Henry.

Henry. Okay.

This is a cool room.

Listen, I...

I was just wondering if, um...

I was just wondering if...

Well, I don't know if this would
interest you, actually,

but I was hoping
you might accompany me

to the Royal Dress Show
on Friday.

Dress show?

Yes, I mean, it's ass-numbingly
dull, and uh...

It's just some of the people
I have to impress

take it frightfully seriously.

Is it like a fashion show?

Gwyneth and Madonna always
go to those things, right?

Do you think
they'd be there?

I have no idea what you're
talking about,

but for me it's just a stop
on the campaign trail.

For Glynnis, it's a chance
to launch Clarissa on society.

Launch her? You make her
sound like a ship.

No, in Clarissa's case
it's more like

an intercontinental
ballistic missile.

She's what in the old days

might have been
called a debutante.

Oh.
So, I...

Well, I don't know. I just...

Could you bear it?

Could I bear it?
I mean, that'd be...

That'd be cool.

Really?
Yeah.

Well, good. That's settled,
then. That's good.

Good.

I forgot. I brought
this for you.

It's some pictures
of me growing up and stuff.

Oh, that's...

I thought you might
want to have it.

Thank you very much.
Thank you.

That's splendid,
thank you.

Okay.

Oh, Daphne, could I get
your advice on something?

Sure.

I just can't decide which one
to wear to the show tomorrow

and I was wondering
what you thought.

Is that a Gucci tartan mini?
That's so cute!

You can go that funky
to the Royal Dress Show?

Daphne, that's
the whole point.

Turn up in a sensible dress
and some pearls

and you might as well wear
a big sign saying,

"Spot the Plonker."

Oh, well, I'm glad you told me.
Wouldn't want to be a plonker.

What are stepsisters for?

This is really cute.

Good. I'll wear that, then.

See you later!
Bye!

Hi, I'm here
to see Daphne Reynolds.

Do you have
an appointment, sir?

No, but she's
a good friend of mine.

I'm afraid you don't get in
without an appointment, sir.

Look, you don't understand,
she's a good friend of mine.

She'll want to see me.

Could you move away now,
please, sir?

What?
Could you move away now, please?

All right, chill out, mate.

You don't own the place.

* You say, come back
Don't go in too deep *

* But it's a rush so you do it
But you don't dare *

* Even though there's
Nothing to it and *

* This town's always gonna think
I'm a little crazy *

[YELLS]

No, stop!

[WHIMPERS]

No! No, stop! Whoa! Whoa!

Hm?

[DAPHNE YELLING]

DAPHNE: No. Not good.

I'm so sorry. One second.

I'll be right there.
Almost ready.

One second!

Henry, we have to go!

Prince Charles is going
to be there already,

and Harry and Wills.

Why doesn't Daphne
just come along later?

Well, I suppose
Percy could drive--

Brilliant.
It's settled, then.

Come on!

* Got my keys inside my car *

* And the highway
Is opening wide *

* You ask me where... **

Well, isn't
this perfect?

[***]

Go low
on that one, Army.

Low? Low it is.

You'd think they'd choose debs
who actually had ankles.

Those look like
baked hams.

PERCY:
Shall I park the car?

No, it's okay.
See you later!

Sorry. No admittance.
The show's already started.

Oh, come on!

Cow!

Where is
this Daphne, anyway?

CLARISSA:
I don't know.

She'll probably swing through
on a vine any minute.

The girl is positively barbaric.

I just hope she doesn't
embarrass me

in front of Armistead.

* You better keep movin'
You better keep movin', boy *

* You better keep movin' *

We've still got the arrival

of Henry's illegitimate
daughter to look forward to.

You needn't worry
on that account.

Henry has assured me she will be
the soul of discretion.

MAN: Is there much more
of this?

* ...or you'll be left behind *

Is this the way
to the show?

Yes, darling.
Go, go! You're on!

* Oh *

Oh, my giddy aunt!

* I, I, I *

* I wanna be bad with you baby *

Whoa!
Oh, my dear.

Holy poo on toast!

* I wanna be bad with you baby *

Darling!
Henry...

do something!

* Do you understand what I need
From you? *

* Just let me be the girl
To show you, you *

Ugh! That's her.

Oh.

* I wanna be bad *

* You make bad look so good *

* I've got things on my mind *

Amateur!

* I never thought I would *

Who is that adorable creature?

* I, I wanna be bad *

She can dump tea
in my harbor anytime.

* I'm losing all my cool *

My God!

* I'm about to break the rules *

* I, I wanna be bad **

Thank you, London!

Aah!

[CRASH]

I say, are you all right?
Are you sure?

WOMAN #1: What a disgrace!

WOMAN #2: Must be American.

Make way, everyone.
Tacky American coming through.

My evil stepsister.

You've seen Cinderella,
right?

Let me clue you in.
I win.

Hmph!

Oh, what a cute dog!

I beg your pardon?

I'm Henry Dashwood's daughter
from New York.

I didn't know Henry
had a daughter.

Can I play with him?

Oh! She's very temperamental!
A biter!

Seems sweet.

Hey. Aw, hey, guy.

I like the ribbon.

Oh, dear.
Excuse me, won't you?

Cute little guy, let's play.

Princess Charlotte,
I do apologize.

It's all right, Henry.

I've just been having a...

a delicious moment
with your daughter.

Wonderful girl.

A little rough around the edges,
perhaps,

but you'll soon smooth
those out.

Is she staying for the summer?

No, no, no,
no, no, no.

Oh, I'm afraid not.
No, no, no.

No. No.

Yes. My daughter will be
joining us this season.

What season?

Oh, my dear,
you'll love it!

Beautiful gowns, lovely tiaras,
long, silky gloves

and the feverish kissing
in the cloakroom.

I must have my little baby back.

Come here, my darling. There.

[DOG BARKS VICIOUSLY]

Ah! Oh, oh.

There now, sweetheart.

You've found a new friend.

Come on, Daphne.

PRINCESS CHARLOTTE:
Who's my precious girl?

HENRY:
Let's get you
out of here.

Daddy!
Hm?

Relax, darling, relax.

She'll be gone in no time,
just like her mother.

Aah!

Jesus!

You scared the bejesus
out of me.

Sorry.

So you're the milk thief.

What are you doing up
so late?

Jet lag.

What's your excuse?

Couldn't sleep. Just thinking.

How I nearly wiped out
the entire royal family?

Actually, I think
they rather enjoyed it.

It's the first time
I've seen Princess Charlotte

take a
shine to anyone.

And no one will go near that dog

since it ate one of Lord
Barret's testicles last year.

Tragic.

Actually, no, the real tragedy
is that he's still reproducing.

Coco Pops.
Interesting choice.

I had you down
as an All-Bran man.

These are strictly
contraband.

Glynnis makes me eat that
other gravel every morning.

Do you like Coco Pops?

Dude, it's chocolate.
Need I say more?

Did you mean what you said
about me staying for the summer?

Yes. Yes, I did.

So does that mean I'm gonna
be launched on society?

Actually, I suppose
we ought to arrange

some sort of coming-out
party for you.

Coming-out party?
Coming out as what?

Well, um...

as a young woman.

What are you trying
to say, Henry?

I just-- I mean as a young woman
of a certain, uh,

social standing
and eligibility.

Eligibility? For what?

Well, for, for, for men to--

I mean, for male suitors
to, um,

to...

I'm not explaining this
very well, am I?

No, not at all.

But I'm having fun
watching you try.

Yes, well, perhaps
we ought to leave

the party arrangements to you.

It's not my kind of thing,
but I'll think about it.

Thanks, Henry.

Oh, I was just wondering
whether your mother ever...?

No. No, she never got married.

No, but obviously
there'd be...

There'd be somebody,
you know...

Well, off to bed,
I suppose.

I hope you find
your sleeping arrangements

conducive to a--
to a good night's--

Henry? "Sweet dreams"
is all it takes.

Right.

Well, sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams, Henry.

Morning, Henry!

Ah!

Off to work?

I was just, um-- Well, yes.

Oh, that reminds me.

We must get a dress sorted out
for you for Saturday.

What's happening on Saturday?

The ball at the Orwoods'.

Lots of hands to shake,
I'm afraid.

I can help Daphne
find a dress.

Now, we all know that
wouldn't be a good idea.

No, no, no, I found a gown
for Daphne

at my designer's,
darling.

I've put it in your room, dear.
It's utterly ravishing.

Excellent.
Well, thank you, Glynnis.

I'm counting on you girls
to give Daphne some pointers.

Bye, now.

Oh, very you.

Lovely.

Thanks.

So Henry asked us to give you
some pointers, didn't he?

Well, pointer number one,
go home.

Mother and I belong here

and it's quite clear
that you just don't fit in.

And pointer number two?
While you're packing,

keep your grimy little Yankee
paws off Armistead Stuart.

He's mine.

If you'd take your nose
out of the air,

you'd see that you're designer,
I'm vintage.

You've got a mansion,
I have a five-floor walkup.

You're snotty
Little Miss Cranky Pants

and I go with the flow.

So why would you ever think
for one second

that I'd ever have
the same taste in guys?

So here's a little pointer
for you.

Get over yourself.

And stop trying to be
my daddy's little girl,

because I'm not
going anywhere.

[GRUNTS]

Bye.

Ooh!

Pull!

Don't listen to that silly
little twit Clarissa.

She's just threatened
by you, that's all.

Pull!

Why would she be threatened?

Because her mother
is about to marry my son

and gain a title
and all that goes with it.

For years, Alistair tried
to elevate his position

through my husband's
political career.

Now he's got his claws
into Henry.

People like Alistair
and Glynnis,

social standing is everything.

Pull!

[MEOWS]

It's silly, but they live by it.
And I lived by it too, once.

Till I saw what a toll it took
on the people who I love most.

Oh, believe me, dear,

there'll be plenty of people
rooting for you to fail.

That's what makes it such fun.

Bring it on.

Pull!

Oh, dear. Is that how
the West was won?

Hm.

[***]

Lord Henry Dashwood.

Miss Glynnis Payne.
Miss Clarissa Payne.

Mr. and Mrs.
Edward Ashley.

PHOTOGRAPHER #1:
Thank you very much.

PHOTOGRAPHER #2:
Thank you.

PHOTOGRAPHER #3: Thanks.
REPORTER #1: Who's next?

Lord and Lady
Harrison Gordon.

Lord and Lady
Jeffrey Charles.

Now, come along, Daphne.

Deep breath and remember
the family motto.

What's the family motto?

Qui Patitur Vincit.

What does that mean?

It means, ducky,

hang in there
and you'll rock!

Lady Jocelyn Dashwood,
Countess of Wycombe.

BUTLER:
Lady Jocelyn Dashwood,
Countess of Wycombe.

[WHISPERING]
Miss Daphne...

Miss Daphne Reynolds.

413 Mulberry Street,
Chinatown, New York.

What has she done
to that dress?

Mother!

REPORTER #2: Fantastic!

REPORTER #3:
Who designed the dress,
Miss Reynolds?

REPORTER #4:
Could you hold it
on that step, please?

Let's go.
That wretched girl!

Mm. Yummy.

REPORTER #5:
Can you look this side, please?

That's right.

Can I have
another smile?

That's beautiful, Miss Reynolds.
This way. Lovely.

Can we get a photograph--?

Excuse me,
thank you.

Thank you. That will be all,
gentlemen.

Thank you very much.

I'm awfully sorry
about that.

You're still something
of a novelty, I'm afraid.

So are those the girls
that are coming out?

Yes, that's Peach
and Pear Orwood.

They're the precious
daughters of Lord Orwood.

Have you noticed
the chandelier?

Chairman of my
constituency party.

The real love of his life
is that chandelier up there.

For heaven's sake,
don't let him catch you

looking at it for too long.

You'll start him off on his
supernaturally boring story

about how Napoleon
gave it to Josephine

at the Battle of Borodino.

And believe me, the story
is longer than the battle.

Excuse me,
sir.

I wonder if I might
request a dance

from your gorgeous
daughter.

I'm sure she'd be delighted.
Thank you, Armistead.

CLARISSA:
I can't believe
that little imposter

is going to ruin my summer.

She may be
a lot of things,

but I can't believe
imposter is one of them.

Technically speaking,

she's 39th
in line to the throne.

Really, Fiona,

38 people would have to die
for her to be queen.

Well, it's far less
than the 72 you'd need.

Hmph!

Women are just drawn to me.

It's something I happen
to be blessed with.

An indefinable quality that just
relaxes them, fascinates them.

You're feeling it now,
aren't you, Dabney?

It's Daphne.

And let me guess, you're
feeling it in my backside?

* Everybody wants to be loved *

* Every once in a while *

Ian.

* We all need someone
To hold onto *

* Just like a helpless child *

* Yeah *

* Can you whisper in my ear? *

* Let me know it's all right *

* It's been a long time coming *

* Down this road *

* And now I know *

* What I've been searching for *

* Oh, been a long
Long highway and *

* Now I see *

* Ooh, love's been a long time *

* Oh, been a long time *

* Love's been a long time *

* Coming **

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

BAND MEMBER:
Ladies and gentlemen,
we're gonna take a short break.

See you in 10.

Warning:
colonial strumpet alert.

Oh, hi, I'm Daphne Reynolds.
Peach and Pear, isn't it?

Are those your real names?

Yes.
Yes.

Pumpkin and Gourd would have
been much more appropriate.

Our mother was a bit
obsessed with fruit.

And vegetables.

We have a sister
called Parsnip.

She doesn't get out much.

CLARISSA:
Let's bail. This party's
a total bore.

Don't listen to her.
The party's hopping!

[SNORES]

Excuse me for a second?

BOTH: She is so nice.

Ah, Henry, old chap.

Ronald.
What a wonderful evening.

I'm glad you're
enjoying yourself.

I don't know if you've
noticed the chandelier.

Actually, it's a rather
fascinating story.

[IAN WHISPERING]
Yeah, I've got to go.
Excuse me.

Looking for me?

Oh, no. I was just
looking for the loo.

Outside?

On the terrace?

Mm-hm.

All right, so you caught me.

So let me guess.

You're gonna
disappear again

without so much
as a glass slipper?

No, this Cinderella's
got a dad now.

She's not going anywhere.

Your song
was really beautiful.

Thanks.

It's not gonna liven up
this party, though.

Poor girls.
I feel sorry for them.

PEACH AND PEAR:
Hello.

A dud like this will send them
straight back to social Siberia.

What do you say we liven things
up a little bit?

Get the party started.

Well, first of all,
I could get fired.

And second of all,
I could get fired.

Come on.

No.
Wimp.

No. No.

For me?

Okay, let's do it.

...insufferable deprivation
of this house--

Okay, guys.
One, two, three, four!

I'm cranking up
the bass!

[YELLS]

What?

Wow!

Come on, say it now!

Woo! Yeah!

I'm back!

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it
You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Dance, shake it now *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it
You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Try to release that pressure *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it
You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it, now *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it
You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it
Come on *

* Get up off
Huh! *

* Ow! Good God! *

* Yeah *

* Everybody *

* Come on *

* Whoa-ah-oh *

What the devil is going on?!
Is that girl yours?

Uh, yes.
Yes, she is.

What do you suggest
I tell my daughters

when they're lying
awake at night

crying over
their ruined ball?

* Whoa **

No!

LORD ORWOOD:
Oh, my precious!

You!

Come on.
We're going. Come on.

REPORTER:
Lord Dashwood!

This is ridiculous.

Have you seen the papers, Henry?

It's everywhere.
We have to do something.

Frankly,
I don't know anyone

that isn't relieved to see
that wretched chandelier go.

Percy, what on Earth
are you giving Henry?

They're called Coco Pops,
madam.

DAPHNE: Morning.

Hardhat, anyone?

You never know when something
sharp might fall from the sky.

I'm most dreadfully
sorry, miss.

You idiot!

These are my best
suede Pradas.

Do you have any idea
how expensive they are?

[WHINING]

I'm really sorry
about last night.

I was just trying
to help them out.

Where on earth did you find
that revolting song?

James Brown, 1976,
charted out at number 14.

I have no idea
where that came from.

[PHONE RINGS]

What?

Gillian, darling.

Yes, I'm sorry,
it's just an awful time.

What kind of music
did you listen to

when you were younger?

You mean, back before
the Earth's crust cooled?

Yeah. Like favorite band
of the '70s.

Please don't say
the Bee Gees.

Please, don't say the Bee Gees.

No, actually,
they were called Little Feat.

And I saw them
half a dozen times.

I remember they once--

Um, Henry, it's 8:15,

and you have an appointment
in Westminster at 9:15.

Oh, yes. Um--
Yes, you're right.

[WHISPERS]
Have to go.

See you later.

HENRY:
Bye.

Miss Daphne, Mr. Wallace
is here to see you.

Don't let him in,
I'm not even cute yet!

[GROANS]

What am I gonna wear?

[IAN CLEARS THROAT]

Hello, sir. Ian Wallace.

I'm here to pick up Daphne.

How you doing?

How do you do?

Good.

Who are you?

I'm a musician.
I was at the ball last night.

You were in the band?

Mm.

Now you and Daphne
are, um--?

Eloping together? Yeah.

I realize it's a bit sudden,

but after last night,

there really was no
turning back.

You're joking.

Yes, sir.

Right.

Hey!
Hey.

Don't wait up, Henry.

IAN: See you.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Wow.

Okay, so, what we need's
a little cheering up, right?

Hold the "little."

Just leave it all to me.

[ENGINE STARTS]

You ready? Let's go!

DAPHNE: Woo-hoo!

[DAPHNE YELLING]

DAPHNE: Yeah!

* I'm a little out of tune *

* Some say I'm paranormal *

* So I just bend their spoon *

* Who wants to be ordinary *

* In a crazy, mixed-up world *

* I don't care
What they're sayin' *

* As long as I'm your girl *

* Hey, you are on my side *

IAN:
Oh, hey, you gotta try these.

These are great kebabs.
Can we have two?

Nice. Thank you.
DAPHNE: Thanks.

This is awesome!

* You get me *

* When nobody understands *

I like these. Ooh!

Oh, my God. I love these.

Yeah. This place has always
got really nice stuff.

That suits you.

I'll get it.
Are you sure?

No, it's fine.
Honestly.

Oh, wait, wait.
What is it?

This is so pretty.

Yeah?
Nah.

You like?
Yeah, it's cool.

* You get me *

* You get me *

Looks good.
Yeah, I like it.

* ...sunshine
In the pouring rain *

* Some people
Think I'm crazy... **

Thanks for my bracelets.

It's okay.

Today was really fun.
I needed it.

Good. Glad you're
enjoying yourself.

From now on, I'm gonna behave.

Behave like what, exactly?

I don't know.

An impeccably brought up
young lady.

No more repeats
of last night.

Okay. Well, I just chose you
to help!

[***]

Okay, that's it.
Now gently slide your foot back.

Oh!

So much for gently.
Hold this.

You gotta think grace.
You gotta think poise.

You gotta think balance.

Observe.

Nice!

So tell me, Obi-Wan,

where did you learn
your impressive skills?

Well, if you really
want to know,

believe it or not...

my mother was a deb.

Really?

Yeah, and then she chose
to marry beneath her.

Her parents promptly
disowned her.

But for some reason
they took pity on me,

their half-breed grandson.

They paid for me
to go to the right schools.

They got me
into all the right clubs.

Until one day I realized
the hypocrisy of it all.

And your parents?

They're poor as church mice

and they're the happiest
people I know.

Now, enough stalling.

Get up there
and let me see you perform.

All right. All right.

Okay.
Find your center.

Good.
That's it.

Okay. Now.

[BOTH YELLING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You know what
I still don't get?

Why are you trying
so hard to fit in

when you're born
to stand out?

[***]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Five hours ago
your daughter

rode off on the back
of a motorcycle

and hasn't been heard from
since.

Are we talking about a date?

I don't know,
but I dread to think.

The boy's in some sort of band!

Really? Cool. Let me guess,
he's a drummer.

This is serious, Libby.
As I recall,

I spent a great deal of time
on the back of your motorbike.

Yeah, well,

I think that's,
that's rather different.

Strange how easy it comes,
isn't it?

What?

Worrying.

Does it ever go away?

No, Henry, it doesn't.

GLYNNIS:
Henry! Henry!

Libby, I'm sorry,
I'm gonna have to run.

Darling, this really
is important.

I've just had a long
conversation

with a Bedouin translator,

and apparently there are
certain kinds of drums

which indicate
an actual marriage,

whereas others they just use
merely for mating rituals.

Have I just entered
a parallel universe?

Don't you see
what this means?

It's possible
that you and Libby

never had a real wedding
after all.

So there's nothing to interfere
with our plans,

is there, darling?

Isn't that good news, Henry?
Henry?

[***]

Here we go.

Hey, man, did you
park that Merc?

Oh. Hang on a second.
Hello, sir.

Ian. I had no idea
you were so versatile.

Henry, come along, lots to do.

The assembled press
are waiting.

Hi.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Well, you know, another one
of my glamorous jobs.

Oh.

You look beautiful.
Thanks.

I have to be
on my best behavior.

You better be.

There's even more
reporters here than usual.

I know.
They're just waiting

to see what crazy thing
I'll do next.

Oh, yeah? You mean like kissing
a guy who parks cars?

Daphne, the press want a photo
of you and your father.

Thanks. I'll find him.

See you.

Stay away from her, peasant.
She's out of your league.

What's the matter, Army?

Thought our little competition
ended in lower school.

Are you afraid she might prefer
musicians to Cambridge boys?

No. Breeding always
wins out in the end.

Is Miss Reynolds enjoying
her time in London?

Very much.

Lord Dashwood,
how's the campaign going?

Miss Reynolds, tell us
about the chandelier incident.

Um...
Maybe that's enough.

Thank you, gentlemen,
no more now.

Do you think
he's terribly rich?

I imagine so.

I hope so.
Peach?

Pear? You look...

different.

It's Daphne.

She gave us
some styling tips.

Why on earth would you want
styling tips from her?

Ooh.
Ooh.

PEACH AND PEAR:
Mm. Lovely.

TWIN #1: Charming here.

PEACH AND PEAR:
Isn't it just? Toodle-loo.

Hm.

The race is that way.

Aren't you supposed to be
escorting Clarissa this summer?

What? And leave you
to fend for yourself?

Or are you suffering
from the romantic delusion

that some non-talent commoner
will do it for you?

You know, I really wish

you'd pull your lip
over your head and swallow it.

Despite myself,

I find your Yankee vulgarity
intensely attractive.

So forget about the car-parking,
mixed-race mongrel,

and give me that kiss
you've been longing to give me

since we first met.

You're right.

I have been longing to do this.

Henry, do something!

MAN:
You should have hit him!

Don't you ever pucker your lips
at me again, you arrogant jerk!

And how dare you insult Ian?!

I mean, he's twice the man
you'll ever be!

Come on. Get after them.

Henry. Henry.

REPORTER #1:
Out of the way.
Get out of the way.

REPORTER #2:
Miss Reynolds, what was
the argument about?

Give me the keys to your bike!
What?

The keys. Quick!
Here you go.

What's going on?

DAPHNE:
You do know how to drive--

Look out!

Oh, sorry.

[REPORTERS YELLING QUESTIONS]

* In your Charlie Brown shirt
And Cavariccis *

* Baby, you come up
To my waist *

* You need a barstool
To get up in my face *

* We don't care if you think
Our party's cool *

* 'Cause we do! *

* And we don't care if you had
More fun in Sunday school *

You know, that is without doubt

the most indecorous thing
I have done in many years.

Well, I have no idea
what you're talking about,

but I'm glad.

You should do it
more often.

I don't even remember
the last time I went barefoot.

Don't you just love squidging
your toes in the sand?

Did you know
it's a natural exfoliant?

Mom always says that
if you can walk on a beach,

and you got a steady hand
with the nail polish,

there's no reason to ever
pay for a pedicure.

You talk just like her,
you know.

As in too much?

Is she happy?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I can tell
she gets lonely sometimes,

but I think she's pretty content
with who she is.

I like that about her.

I wish I were more like that.

So, what next?

No!
Yes!

No. No, absolutely not.

It's this or that.

[GROANS]

I think we'll do this one.

* Daddy you don't know
The half of it *

How you doing?

* I've started something
Now I have to finish it *

Henry?

That doesn't sound pleasant.

What do you think?
It's just henna.

* I feel good
And I feel free *

* On the microphone *

* Somebody stop me
Keep my body rockin' *

* Till late night *

* I'm warning you
Don't try to block me *

* You can't stop me
You're my type *

* I leave the light on... **

Ooh. What's this?

Remember I told you
how groovy I used to be?

Yeah.

And I used to like
people like this guy.

Oh, look.
This stuff is good.

I've been looking
for Coo Coo Ow!

Strange, funky sounds.

I remember them. "Doris."

[RICK DERRINGER'S "ROCK
AND ROLL, HOOCHIE KOO" PLAYING]

* 'squitas start buzzin'
'bout this time of year *

Woo!

* She's goin' 'round back
Said she'd meet me there *

Come on, Henry.
I'm not gonna head-bang.

You just bang your head.
Don't do that. No.

Nod!

I'm not gonna do that.
All right. Let's go.

REPORTER:
Oi! Come on!

[REPORTERS YELLING QUESTIONS]

* Light my fuse
Light my fuse *

* Rock 'n' Roll
Hoochie Koo *

* Rock 'n' Roll, Hoochie Koo *

* Truck on out
And spread the news *

* Somebody say
Keep on rockin' *

[ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING]

[MUSIC CUTS OUT]

I was just-- I wanted
to see if they still fit.

Well, they seem fine.

Who are you? What have you
done with my fiancé?

I want my Henry back.

[MUSIC RESUMES]

REPORTERS:
Lord Dashwood. Lord Dashwood.

You've dropped 15 points
in the polls this week.

Are you worried?
I really can't comment.

If you can't handle
your own child,

how can you handle
the government?

Um...

Frank, good to see you.

Your answer, please?

[REPORTERS OVERLAPPING]

How much time do we have?

Plenty. Your first two clients
were no-shows

and you got out of your speech

at the Children's
Education Center.

Tilda, why would we have
canceled that speech?

We didn't. They did.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

* Don't play the games
That you play *

* 'Cause you know
That I won't run away *

* Why ain't you asking me
To stay **

Daphne, can I have a word?

This is Brigadier
Sir Roderick Dashwood.

He lost an eye
at the Battle of the Boyne.

And over here we have

Field Marshal
Bingley Dashwood.

He lost his arm
at the Battle of the Nile.

And Uncle Alfred never
spoke about what he lost,

but you'd rarely find
him sitting.

I lost my tonsils.
Does that mean I qualify?

Listen, Daphne. Um...

Part of the burden of being
a member of this family

is that there are
certain codes of behavior

that one is expected
to observe.

And if one is not seen
to conform, then, uh...

Well, then it becomes...

Listen, I've very much enjoyed
our time together.

Really and truly. I--
It's just that this--

These are very difficult
circumstances,

and you, as my daughter,
have to, um...

I have to change.

It's okay, I get it.

I'm...
I'm a Dashwood too, right?

Yes.

Yes, you are.

What are you looking at?
I can do it.

* I ain't no queen of hearts
I go through stages *

* I fall in love
Then complicate it *

* Yeah, you know the feeling *

* Without much hope
Just blind ambition *

* Pretending that
There's nothing missing *

* I always kept believing *

* That more
I thought if I had more *

* I wouldn't get so bored *

* Oh, no *

* But everything
Just left me empty *

* Love walking in
And out of my door *

* Wasn't good enough
No more *

* When I don't trust myself
Life really sucks *

* And the first time *

* I thought it
But I didn't do it *

* Last time
That's when I really blew it *

* This time
I'm gonna do it different *

* 'Cause I know
I know, I know *

* If I put
Everything I have into it *

* Eventually *

* I'm gonna get
What's good for me *

* 'Cause I don't
Want to *

* Live my
Life wonderin' *

* If only *

* I woulda, I shoulda
I coulda *

* But I didn't *

* 'Cause I only blame
Myself again *

* Yeah, na, na, na *

* The first time *

* I thought it
But I didn't do it *

Hey.
Hey.

You're not wearing that
to The Strokes concert, are you?

Oh, my God,
I totally forgot!

[SIGHS]

Things have been so hectic.

That's okay.

I'll wait for you
to get changed.

I can't go. We're going
to the queen's garden party.

Yeah, but...

I'm sorry.

Cool.

Just call me when Daphne
re-inhabits your body.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[***]

And this is
Miss Daphne Reynolds.

Oh, Daphne. Oh.

Nice girl.

I gather Her Majesty's accepted
an invitation to Daphne's ball.

She's come a long way,
I must say.

You must be
very proud of her.

[BARKS]

PRINCESS CHARLOTTE:
Oh!

[WHISPERS]
No.

This is the tiara that I wore
at my own coming-out party.

Clarissa's had her beady eye
on it for months.

But I want you to have it.

So royal.

I hope it makes you feel
like a princess.

But you know, my dear,

it's not the crown
that makes the queen.

It's what's in here.

[***]

BOTH: Hello.

BOTH: Ladies.

Well, yes, of course.

Here she comes.

Daphne.

You look...

Different?

* Ooh, ooh, ooh *

* Just the way you look *

* Tonight **

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Hey.

Hey.

Can we talk for a sec?

It's your party.
You can do whatever you want.

Ian. I really didn't--

I don't want
to hear about it, Daph.

What happened to the old you?

The real you?

Okay, lads, let's, uh,
let's pick up the tempo.

Mom!

Oh, Daphne.

What are you doing here?

Jocelyn thought
you might need a pal

while you're being fed
to the sharks.

Oh, honey, you look
so beautiful.

Look at you, Mom!

Are you actually
wearing a bra?

Duh.

Come on.

Hello, Henry.

Libby.

Hello, Lucy. I'm Glynnis,
Henry's fiancée.

It's Libby, actually.
And congratulations.

Well.
What a lovely surprise.

I see you've come
with no escort.

Henry, you must find
somebody divine

for Lubby here
to dance with.

Libby. Remember?

And why doesn't he just
ask her himself?

Uh!

* Oh, baby *

* Thank you for
This moment *

* I've gotta say
How beautiful you are *

* Of all the hopes and dreams
I could have prayed for *

* Here you are *

* If I could have
One dance forever *

* I would take you... *

This is fantastic.

Everyone important
has accepted their invitation.

This goes to show we've got
the election in the bag.

How can you be so calm?

Her Majesty is due any moment

and your candidate
is on the dance floor

with that woman.

Henry knows what's at stake.

Besides, look what he did
with Daphne, hm?

Quite an achievement.

I thought I was gonna
have to get rid of her,

like I had to get rid
of her mother, but--

What did you just say?

Nothing.

Did you say you got rid
of my mother?

Figure of speech,
sweetheart.

So are you the one
that made my mother leave?

Shh, shh, Daphne, darling,
now is not the time.

Come on now,
don't linger!

Hey, but-- Hey, Glynnis! Ow!

How dare he!
Come on.

Come on!
Glynnis, let go!

Get in here!
Glynnis! Let go!

Hey!
Get in here!

Glynnis! Glynnis!
Glynnis!

* Oh, baby *

* You're all I need *

Remember the ritual dances?

You were so bad,

I think they're still
blaming you for the locusts.

As I recall, your frock
nearly got us arrested.

I had to have you
translate my apology.

Which was something of a risk,
I always thought.

Don't I know it.
For all I knew,

you could've been
trading me in for a goat.

Camel, actually.

Which never came through,
by the way.

I had faith in you, Henry.

Just not enough, hm?

You didn't say goodbye.
You just disappeared.

It was what you wanted.

What I wanted?

What I wanted
was to be given a chance.

You have had 17 years
of chances, Henry,

and I've had 17 years
of waiting for you to take them.

[MUSIC ENDS
AND AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

And now,
ladies and gentlemen,

the traditional
father-daughter dance.

Lord Dashwood?

[***]

Please!

Help!

Where is Daphne?

I'll find her.

Oh, no.
Has Daphne gone missing again?

* Red roses too *

Maybe Clarissa can step in.

I'm sure you wouldn't mind,
would you, darling?

No. I'm almost
your daughter now too.

Ooh!

Well, I'd...

* ...myself
What a wonderful world *

Help! Someone!
Daphne?

I can't miss
my own father-daughter dance!

Honey?
Help!

* The dark, sacred night *

* And I think to myself *

* What a wonderful world *

How dare you, Glynnis?
How dare you!

Daphne, darling,
we don't want a scene, do we?

Take your hand
off my daughter

or you won't get a scene,
you'll get a Broadway musical.

* So pretty in the sky *

* And also on the faces... *

[MUSIC STOPS]

Daphne.
What are you doing?

Finally giving you
what you deserve.

Go ahead.

I don't want it.

Any of it.

Daphne!

Daphne!

Wait.

No.

I'm done waiting, Henry.

You know,
when I was little,

every birthday
I'd get all dressed up

and I'd wish

that if I was good enough,

you'd come and find me.

And now here I am,

in the most beautiful dress
I could ever imagine,

and you're here.

You know what I miss now?
I miss being me.

I finally realized that
that is enough.

You know, Daphne...

Maybe we're just...

trying to make something
work here which...

which isn't.

BUTLER:
Pray be upstanding
for Her Majesty, the queen.

[***]

Go ahead.

Duty calls.

Come on, honey.

* I'm awake
Afternoon *

* I fell asleep
In the living room *

* It's one of those moments
When everything is so clear *

* Before the truth
Goes back into hiding *

* I wanna decide
'Cause it's worth deciding *

* To work on finding
Something more than this fear *

* Maybe
I need to see the daylight *

* Leave behind the half-life *

* Don't you see
I'm breaking down *

* Oh, lately, something here
Don't feel right *

* This is just a half-life *

* Is there really no escape? *

* No escape from time *

* Of any kind *

* Lately, something here
Don't feel right *

* This is just a half-life *

* Without you
I am breaking down *

* Oh, wake me *

* I wanna see the daylight *

* Save me from this half-life *

* Let's you and I escape *

* Escape from time **

[REPORTERS QUESTIONING
INDISTINCTLY]

Lord Dashwood!

Thank you very much.

What is your priority?
The election or your daughter?

I have no comment.

Couldn't you
sleep either?

No.

Made a bit of a mess of things,
haven't I?

A bit.

Henry, for six centuries
this family

has been sacrificing bits
of itself for England.

Arms, legs, eyes.

The battlefields of Europe
are littered with them.

Don't follow
in that glorious tradition.

You know what you're going
to sacrifice?

Your heart, Henry.

[***]

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Sir Charles.

Thank you.

Thank you,
that's enough.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, over the last few weeks,
I've certainly

received more support
and encouragement

from the voters
of this constituency

than I'd ever
dared hoped for.

So I'd like to take this
opportunity

to thank you all for that.

You may have noticed
that recently

there have been one or two
remarks in the press

regarding my behavior.

It's been suggested
I've not been conducting myself

in a manner befitting an MP.

Well, I've been giving
my priorities

a great deal of thought,
and, uh,

I've decided that it's time
to get them straight.

Which is why I must now

respectfully
withdraw my candidacy.

[AUDIENCE GASPING]

Representing you
would undoubtedly be

the greatest honor
of my political life.

It would simply be impossible
to do so

if I'm not serving
my own conscience.

See...

I've changed.

And as important as my
political aspirations are to me,

there is one thing
that matters more.

Thank you.

[***]

Are you out of your mind?

I have done everything
in my power

to get you
to this position,

and I will not let you
throw it all away!

Alistair, you've lied to me,
I know you lied to Libby,

so forgive me if I don't give
a flying fart in space

what you think.

Libby? I stopped you
from ruining your life!

I saved your family's
reputation!

When I found out that
that girl was pregnant,

I knew I was doing
the right thing.

You knew about Daphne?

Of course I knew!
It's my job to know!

Grandpa!
Are you okay?

Oh, God.

This is horrible.
Do shut up!

Henry, darling! Henry!

I know Daddy's been naughty,
but what about me?

You'll survive.

[***]

[MUSIC ENDS]

Hey. Table six
is screaming for coffee.

What are you doing,
anyway?

Sorry, it's my college
applications.

Due on Monday.

Okay, I'll cover
for you.

Thank you.
Good luck.

Ladies and gentlemen,

the bride would like to share
a dance with her father.

I love you, Dad.

Ready?

What are you doing here?

I just came because I...

I had something very important
to say to you,

and I hope I can--

Actually, I wrote it all down
on the plane about...

about 200 times,
as you...

Uh...

It was on a--
I had it--

What it comes
down to is, um...

is that I love you, Daphne.

I love you. I'm--
I'm so sorry.

I wouldn't change you.

I wouldn't change
anything about you.

I wouldn't change
one hair on your head.

Not for anything--

I love you, Dad.
I love you!

* There's a love that's divine *

* And it's yours
And it's mine *

* Like the sun *

* And at the end of the day *

Might I, um...

Might I have the honor
of this dance?

* Oh, to the one *

* Have I told you lately
That I love you? *

* Have I told you
There's no one else above you? *

* Fill my heart with gladness *

* And take away my sadness *

* Ease my troubles
That's what you do *

Listen, Daphne,
um, I, uh...

I just think
when you're groveling

it's important to bring
a very large present.

I don't understand.

May I cut in?

HENRY: Of course.

Hey!

DAPHNE:
I tried to call you...

* There is a love
That's divine *

* And it's yours
And it's mine *

* Like the sun *

* Ooooh *

You never did want me
to go, did you?

There never was anyone else,
was there?

I'd say I owe you
a rather large apology.

You think I've waited 17 years
for an apology?

* Have I told you lately
That I love you? *

* Have I told you
There's no one... *

So I finally got my
father-daughter dance.

Of course, it got interrupted
when my boyfriend showed up.

And then my parents
started making out.

* Ease my troubles
That's what you do *

But sometimes things
aren't exactly

how you always imagined.

They're even better.

* That's what you do **

Oh, just in case
you were wondering

what happened to Clarissa
and Glynnis,

don't worry.

They ended up exactly
as they should.

[HONK]

Oh!

...the rustication,
then it gets smoother...

Big Ben.

So did Alistair.

I can see the smiles
on your faces.

For those of you
who speak English,

it's not the name
of a large hamburger

at a fast-food restaurant.

This is the closest he ever got
to Parliament.

My parents got married again.
This time, it was legal.

I think.

[CAMEL GRUNTING]

As for me,
I didn't end up at NYU.

Hey!

Hey.

But before you get too
disappointed,

I did get into Oxford.

What can I say?

Hold on.
Yeah.

Like father, like daughter.

It was my own
happily ever after.

* Wishin'
On a shootin' star *

* But dreams alone
Won't get you far *

* Can't deny your feelings
Anymore *

* The world is waiting
Right outside your door *

* What are you waiting for? *

* Come on
Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip
Right through your hands *

* Are you ready
For the ride of your life? *

* Your dreams are ridin'
On the wind *

* Just reach out
And pull them in *

* Get ready
For the ride of your life *

* The ride of your life *

* In your heart
You know what you must do *

* You only got yourself
To answer to *

* Don't let fear of falling
Hold you down *

* Your spirit's flying
High above the clouds *

* You're glory bound *

* Come on
Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip
Right through your hands *

* Are you ready
For the ride of your life? *

* Your dreams are ridin'
On the wind *

* Just reach out
And pull them in *

* Get ready
For the ride of your life *

* You're on your way
No looking back *

* There's no future
Living in the past *

* You're free at last *

* Yeah, yeah *

* You're free at last *

* Come on
Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip
Right through your hands *

* Are you ready
For the ride of your life? *

* Yeah *

* Your dreams are ridin'
On the wind *

* Just reach out
And pull them in *

* Get ready
For the ride of your life *

* The ride of your life *

* Come on *

* Come on
Get ready *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Your dreams are riding
On the wind *

* Just reach out
And pull them in *

* Get ready
For the ride of your life *

* Come on
Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip
Right through your hands *

* Are you ready
For the ride of your life? *

* Yeah *

* Your dreams are riding
On the wind *

* Just reach out
And pull them in *

* Get ready
For the ride of your life **