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00:00:02,524 --> 00:00:04,221
-City of New York vs. John Ott.
2
00:00:04,265 --> 00:00:06,658
Mr. Ott is charged with drunk
and disorderly conduct.
3
00:00:06,702 --> 00:00:08,443
-Your Honor, the defendant
entered the Broadway-themed
4
00:00:08,486 --> 00:00:09,922
drag show, jumped on stage,
5
00:00:09,966 --> 00:00:11,489
removed his clothes,
and then made off
6
00:00:11,533 --> 00:00:14,275
with Josephine's
Technicolor Dreamcoat.
7
00:00:14,318 --> 00:00:16,581
-Your Honor, this behavior
is not typical for my client.
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00:00:16,625 --> 00:00:18,888
He had a few too many
Sondheim Slings
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00:00:18,931 --> 00:00:21,282
while celebrating the conclusion
of a tech project
10
00:00:21,325 --> 00:00:22,761
that was years
in the making.
11
00:00:22,805 --> 00:00:25,025
As far as
the "wardrobe" malfunction,
12
00:00:25,068 --> 00:00:26,417
many said that the nudity
13
00:00:26,461 --> 00:00:29,290
was tasteful
and integral to the plot.
14
00:00:29,333 --> 00:00:31,161
Case dismissed.
15
00:00:31,205 --> 00:00:32,945
-The defense has a character
witness, Your Honor.
16
00:00:32,989 --> 00:00:34,860
Brock Gallivan.
-Okay, um, Mr. Gallivan,
17
00:00:34,904 --> 00:00:36,819
can you please
approach the bench?
18
00:00:36,862 --> 00:00:39,082
I understand that you two
work together?
19
00:00:39,126 --> 00:00:41,041
-Uh, John's a coder for my app,
Your Honor.
20
00:00:41,084 --> 00:00:42,781
An app that's gonna completely
change the way
21
00:00:42,825 --> 00:00:44,435
that we fall in love.
22
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:46,916
You see, everyone wants to find
that special someone,
23
00:00:46,959 --> 00:00:50,267
but dating apps make the process
tedious and superficial.
24
00:00:50,311 --> 00:00:51,529
But what if it wasn't?
25
00:00:53,314 --> 00:00:55,620
-I'm sorry, is this the defense?
26
00:00:55,664 --> 00:00:58,275
-Only if it's working.
27
00:00:58,319 --> 00:00:59,929
-Introducing arranged marriage,
28
00:00:59,972 --> 00:01:02,975
but without the vowels,
so "Rrngdmrrg."
29
00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:06,283
My algorithm pairs you
with exactly one person --
30
00:01:06,327 --> 00:01:08,068
your perfect match.
31
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:10,113
I will now answer any questions.
32
00:01:10,157 --> 00:01:13,203
-No, no, no.
That's not how this works.
33
00:01:13,247 --> 00:01:15,510
Gurgs?
-Sure. I'll start us off.
34
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,381
Are you subscription based
35
00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:20,384
or will you draw income
from advertising?
36
00:01:20,428 --> 00:01:22,430
What, y'all don't watch
"Shark Tank?"
37
00:01:23,561 --> 00:01:24,562
-Order!
38
00:01:24,606 --> 00:01:25,955
This is a real court,
39
00:01:25,998 --> 00:01:28,218
no matter what Yelp says.
40
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:30,090
-Speaking of which, if you're
satisfied with your defense,
41
00:01:30,133 --> 00:01:31,917
I could use a five-star review.
42
00:01:33,136 --> 00:01:40,578
♪♪
43
00:01:40,622 --> 00:01:48,108
♪♪
44
00:01:48,151 --> 00:01:50,066
-Could you believe that guy?
45
00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,982
Using this court
as a targeted Instagram ad.
46
00:01:53,025 --> 00:01:56,158
No, I don't want your portable,
battery-operated banana peeler.
47
00:01:57,900 --> 00:02:00,511
Because I already bought two.
48
00:02:00,555 --> 00:02:03,297
-Yeah. There's no way
his algorithm works.
49
00:02:03,340 --> 00:02:05,603
If the Internet can't help me
find pictures of shirtless
50
00:02:05,647 --> 00:02:07,388
Mandy Patinkin
with an armful of baby chicks,
51
00:02:07,431 --> 00:02:08,911
how's it going
to help me find love?
52
00:02:08,954 --> 00:02:11,131
That app sounds dumb.
53
00:02:11,174 --> 00:02:12,523
-Dumb is good.
54
00:02:12,567 --> 00:02:14,482
Dumber the idea,
the richer it will make you.
55
00:02:14,525 --> 00:02:16,266
Why throw away garbage
when I can auction it off
56
00:02:16,310 --> 00:02:18,225
to lonely people?
57
00:02:18,268 --> 00:02:19,356
That's eBay.
58
00:02:21,532 --> 00:02:22,838
-Don't tell me you're actually
59
00:02:22,881 --> 00:02:24,318
buying whatever
that guy is selling.
60
00:02:24,361 --> 00:02:26,189
-Let me tell you a story
about another guy
61
00:02:26,233 --> 00:02:29,061
came through here in a hoodie
on a traffic violation.
62
00:02:29,105 --> 00:02:30,541
He asked me,
"Hey, do you want to get in
63
00:02:30,585 --> 00:02:32,630
on the ground floor
of my website?"
64
00:02:32,674 --> 00:02:34,284
I look at him and I say,
65
00:02:34,328 --> 00:02:35,546
"Hey, you know the fastest way
to the ground floor?"
66
00:02:35,590 --> 00:02:37,200
And then I open a window.
67
00:02:39,246 --> 00:02:41,770
Huge laugh.
68
00:02:41,813 --> 00:02:43,163
That laugh cost me
a billion dollars,
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00:02:43,206 --> 00:02:44,728
because that hoodie was wrapped
70
00:02:44,773 --> 00:02:50,126
around the haunted visage
of one Mark Zuckerberg.
71
00:02:50,170 --> 00:02:52,172
-What would you have done
with a billion dollars?
72
00:02:52,215 --> 00:02:53,521
-I would find another planet
73
00:02:53,564 --> 00:02:55,436
that was able
to support human life,
74
00:02:55,478 --> 00:02:58,439
and I would ship everybody
who isn't me there.
75
00:03:00,484 --> 00:03:02,747
-I'm sorry you missed out
on Facebook, Dan,
76
00:03:02,791 --> 00:03:05,881
but like an annoyed tour guide
in San Francisco once told me,
77
00:03:05,924 --> 00:03:08,275
"Not every guy in a hoodie
is Mark Zuckerberg."
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00:03:10,407 --> 00:03:12,496
-If you're interested
in investing,
79
00:03:12,540 --> 00:03:16,935
you should get in on my latest
venture -- Instachair.
80
00:03:16,978 --> 00:03:19,895
It's Uber but for chairs.
81
00:03:19,938 --> 00:03:21,418
This app puts money
in your pockets
82
00:03:21,462 --> 00:03:25,204
by putting butts in your seats.
83
00:03:25,248 --> 00:03:26,728
Well, it's in beta now,
84
00:03:26,771 --> 00:03:29,165
but there's still plenty
of equity to go around.
85
00:03:30,384 --> 00:03:31,863
-I-If you're renting
out chairs,
86
00:03:31,907 --> 00:03:34,126
couldn't you call it ChairBNB?
87
00:03:34,170 --> 00:03:35,563
-[ Laughs ]
88
00:03:35,606 --> 00:03:37,347
Like I didn't
already think of that.
89
00:03:37,391 --> 00:03:40,002
I did not.
That's a good name.
90
00:03:40,045 --> 00:03:42,222
-Oh, um, hi. Excuse me.
91
00:03:42,265 --> 00:03:45,616
-Yeah, I Instachaired your seat
and made 38 cents.
92
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:48,053
Cha-ching!
93
00:03:48,097 --> 00:03:50,926
-Couldn't it be "chair-ching"?
[ Chuckles ]
94
00:03:50,969 --> 00:03:53,668
-We get it.
You're good at names.
95
00:03:53,711 --> 00:03:55,670
♪♪
96
00:03:55,713 --> 00:03:57,585
-I think Brock's app is broken.
97
00:03:57,628 --> 00:03:59,587
I'm trying to prove that me
and Abby belong together,
98
00:03:59,630 --> 00:04:02,807
but it keeps telling me
to just get a cat.
99
00:04:02,851 --> 00:04:04,940
-You think that app is going to
tell you Abby's your soulmate,
100
00:04:04,983 --> 00:04:06,463
even though she's engaged,
your boss,
101
00:04:06,507 --> 00:04:09,292
and doesn't have a profile
on the app?
102
00:04:09,336 --> 00:04:11,860
-So you're saying --
-No, don't make her a profile.
103
00:04:11,903 --> 00:04:14,341
You know what, this is mine now.
104
00:04:17,300 --> 00:04:18,867
-Exciting news.
105
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:21,303
I finally found the future
Mr. Olivia Moore.
106
00:04:21,348 --> 00:04:25,656
-Fine, but I'm keeping
my middle name.
107
00:04:26,918 --> 00:04:30,008
I just have to remember
what it is.
108
00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,271
-No.
109
00:04:33,664 --> 00:04:35,318
Brock, the tech douche.
110
00:04:35,362 --> 00:04:36,754
I Googled him --
tell me this isn't
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00:04:36,798 --> 00:04:38,930
the sexiest thing
you have ever seen.
112
00:04:38,974 --> 00:04:42,020
-A LinkedIn profile?
-Look at the résumé.
113
00:04:42,064 --> 00:04:44,327
The blind ambition,
the complete lack of interests,
114
00:04:44,371 --> 00:04:46,286
and the best part
is he's not a lawyer,
115
00:04:46,329 --> 00:04:47,678
so the only place
we'll have to be competitive
116
00:04:47,722 --> 00:04:49,245
is in the bedroom.
117
00:04:49,289 --> 00:04:50,594
And if he thinks he can
steal the covers from me,
118
00:04:50,638 --> 00:04:52,204
he's dreaming.
119
00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:55,512
And the second he is,
those covers are all mine.
120
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:57,166
-Marilyn!
121
00:04:57,209 --> 00:04:58,167
I remember.
122
00:04:58,210 --> 00:04:59,995
My middle name is Marilyn.
123
00:05:02,302 --> 00:05:05,566
-Okay, Rand, move your head
a little closer, and --
124
00:05:05,609 --> 00:05:07,785
yep, that's it.
-Hello.
125
00:05:07,829 --> 00:05:09,396
How do I look?
-Uh, well,
126
00:05:09,439 --> 00:05:11,876
it's a lot of brown,
so kind of like a UPS driver,
127
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:13,182
but how about me?
128
00:05:13,225 --> 00:05:15,184
-Well, I got you
on my Batman standee.
129
00:05:15,227 --> 00:05:16,403
I'm not gonna lie...
130
00:05:16,446 --> 00:05:19,449
it's really working for me.
131
00:05:19,493 --> 00:05:21,321
Makes sense.
You both look great in black.
132
00:05:21,364 --> 00:05:22,887
You both fight crime at night.
133
00:05:22,931 --> 00:05:25,455
And neither of you
trust penguins.
134
00:05:25,499 --> 00:05:27,718
So, how are things going
in the ol' court du noir?
135
00:05:27,762 --> 00:05:30,591
-Eh, just reviewing
some materials from this trial
136
00:05:30,634 --> 00:05:33,028
I had today with these app guys.
-Oh!
137
00:05:33,071 --> 00:05:34,682
You should tell them
about my app idea.
138
00:05:34,725 --> 00:05:36,336
It tells you the perfect jam
139
00:05:36,379 --> 00:05:39,643
to put on whatever bread
you're eating.
140
00:05:39,687 --> 00:05:40,905
-Huh, that's weird.
141
00:05:40,949 --> 00:05:42,820
This guy who was in here
pitching his app
142
00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:46,650
was once convicted of fraud
for ripping off his investors.
143
00:05:46,694 --> 00:05:49,261
Oh, my God!
I wasn't supposed to see that.
144
00:05:49,305 --> 00:05:51,046
These records are sealed.
145
00:05:51,089 --> 00:05:52,308
-W-We can fix this.
146
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:53,657
I can be there in four hours.
147
00:05:53,701 --> 00:05:56,181
Five.
I'm gonna get lost.
148
00:05:56,225 --> 00:05:57,748
Then we can go on the run.
149
00:05:57,792 --> 00:05:59,228
You know I've always wanted
to dye my hair
150
00:05:59,271 --> 00:06:01,578
in a gas station bathroom
with you.
151
00:06:01,622 --> 00:06:03,188
-It's not that big a deal.
152
00:06:03,232 --> 00:06:04,842
I-I'm technically allowed
to see it.
153
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:06,409
I just can't tell anyone.
154
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,585
Oh, hey, Dan,
I just need a minute.
155
00:06:08,629 --> 00:06:09,934
I'm Zooming with Rand.
-Alright, good,
156
00:06:09,978 --> 00:06:11,371
so you're not
doing anything important.
157
00:06:11,414 --> 00:06:13,242
Now --
-Is that Dan?
158
00:06:13,285 --> 00:06:15,026
Dan! What's up, man --
159
00:06:15,070 --> 00:06:17,332
-Look.
160
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:18,769
I talked to Brock
and he's open to investors,
161
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:20,771
but it's a $50,000 minimum,
162
00:06:20,815 --> 00:06:23,557
so I'm assembling
an elite group of investors.
163
00:06:23,600 --> 00:06:25,559
I may not be a "whale,"
164
00:06:25,602 --> 00:06:27,212
but I know how to tie
a bunch of fish together.
165
00:06:27,256 --> 00:06:28,649
Meeting, cafeteria, 10 minutes.
166
00:06:32,000 --> 00:06:33,393
-Did you hear that?
167
00:06:33,436 --> 00:06:34,655
-You have to tell him
not to do that.
168
00:06:34,698 --> 00:06:36,265
-I know, but I'm
legally not allowed
169
00:06:36,308 --> 00:06:38,746
to share anything I've seen
in this sealed file.
170
00:06:38,789 --> 00:06:41,488
-Babe, you got to tell him not
to try and tie fish together.
171
00:06:41,531 --> 00:06:44,099
Think about it.
They're far too slippery.
172
00:06:44,142 --> 00:06:45,448
♪♪
173
00:06:48,712 --> 00:06:51,933
-And that's why I'm bringing
you this opportunity
174
00:06:51,976 --> 00:06:54,718
to join the Fielding Group.
175
00:06:54,762 --> 00:06:57,895
I mean, 'cause what's the point
of being fabulously wealthy
176
00:06:57,939 --> 00:06:59,680
unless you can share it
with the people
177
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:02,509
who are physically near you
and in possession of $10,000?
178
00:07:04,380 --> 00:07:05,642
-Oh, good luck.
179
00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:07,818
There's all the people
I care about.
180
00:07:07,862 --> 00:07:10,299
Hey, do you guys want to see
a fun video
181
00:07:10,342 --> 00:07:13,389
of a dog doing a puzzle?
182
00:07:13,433 --> 00:07:15,260
It's nuts.
He starts in the middle.
183
00:07:17,306 --> 00:07:18,960
-I'm trying to change
lives here.
184
00:07:19,003 --> 00:07:20,440
-No one wants to hear
185
00:07:20,483 --> 00:07:22,442
about your crazy risky
financial endeavor.
186
00:07:22,485 --> 00:07:23,965
-It's not risky!
187
00:07:24,008 --> 00:07:26,794
Brock's app is the future of...
188
00:07:26,837 --> 00:07:28,752
I want to say finding
a gas station.
189
00:07:30,275 --> 00:07:32,103
-That's not even what it does.
190
00:07:32,147 --> 00:07:34,366
-Who cares?
191
00:07:34,409 --> 00:07:35,629
You're not investing
in the product,
192
00:07:35,672 --> 00:07:37,457
you're investing in the man.
193
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,154
Yeah, look.
194
00:07:39,197 --> 00:07:42,592
Nobody had even tasted
Colonel Sanders' spicy thighs,
195
00:07:42,636 --> 00:07:45,552
and they'd be just
throwing money at him.
196
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:47,858
All they knew was that he was
a twisted war vet
197
00:07:47,902 --> 00:07:53,429
with an insatiable desire
to murder chickens.
198
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,736
-We know even less about Brock.
199
00:07:55,779 --> 00:07:58,565
I mean, what if he doesn't
recycle, huh?
200
00:07:58,608 --> 00:08:02,917
I mean, picture a dolphin with
a six-pack ring around his nose.
201
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:05,528
Brock did that.
202
00:08:05,572 --> 00:08:07,008
-Well, we know he's good enough
to be one half
203
00:08:07,051 --> 00:08:08,400
of the next great power couple.
204
00:08:08,444 --> 00:08:10,098
-Have you two even had
a conversation?
205
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,839
-No.
206
00:08:11,882 --> 00:08:13,144
We also haven't written each
other letters by candlelight
207
00:08:13,188 --> 00:08:14,189
from the front lines
of the Civil War.
208
00:08:14,232 --> 00:08:16,844
What's your point, grandpa?
209
00:08:16,887 --> 00:08:18,541
-Alright, so, Olivia's in.
210
00:08:18,585 --> 00:08:20,543
Neil, I take it you'll do
what everybody else does.
211
00:08:20,587 --> 00:08:23,503
-I have a mind of my own.
-So Neil's in.
212
00:08:23,546 --> 00:08:24,808
-Come on, you guys
don't need Brock.
213
00:08:24,852 --> 00:08:26,375
I mean, especially you, Gurgs.
214
00:08:26,418 --> 00:08:28,159
You have all your own ideas.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
215
00:08:28,203 --> 00:08:29,639
With the money she makes
from this app,
216
00:08:29,683 --> 00:08:31,554
you can invest
in your own amazing app,
217
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:35,384
which I want to say
finds gas stations.
218
00:08:35,427 --> 00:08:38,299
-ChairBNB rents chairs.
219
00:08:38,342 --> 00:08:39,780
That's right,
I changed the name,
220
00:08:39,823 --> 00:08:42,870
and by being present
for the thing I just said,
221
00:08:42,913 --> 00:08:46,700
you forfeit all rights
to the name and cannot sue me,
222
00:08:46,743 --> 00:08:49,833
ChairBNB LLC,
its parent company GurgsCo,
223
00:08:49,877 --> 00:08:53,271
or any of its subsidiaries
therein.
224
00:08:55,796 --> 00:08:58,059
-So, Abby, your last chance
to join the Fielding Group.
225
00:08:58,102 --> 00:09:01,062
-Absolutely not, and --
and I'm gonna tell you why.
226
00:09:01,105 --> 00:09:02,063
Uh...
227
00:09:02,106 --> 00:09:03,412
Because money, right?
228
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,632
I mean, who needs it?
Who needs it?
229
00:09:05,675 --> 00:09:07,024
That's right. I said it.
230
00:09:07,068 --> 00:09:10,811
I mean, all that risk
and for what?
231
00:09:10,854 --> 00:09:12,552
This -- This jerk paper?
232
00:09:12,595 --> 00:09:15,467
I mean, we spend so much time
and energy
233
00:09:15,511 --> 00:09:17,034
trying to get this stuff.
234
00:09:17,078 --> 00:09:18,819
It's insanity.
235
00:09:20,908 --> 00:09:23,650
I'm gonna leave that there
for you all to consider
236
00:09:23,693 --> 00:09:25,129
as I go get some tape,
237
00:09:25,173 --> 00:09:27,262
because destroying money
is a federal offense.
238
00:09:27,305 --> 00:09:30,221
♪♪
239
00:09:30,265 --> 00:09:32,484
-Alright, what the hell's
going on?
240
00:09:32,528 --> 00:09:34,008
I haven't seen you
this worked up
241
00:09:34,051 --> 00:09:36,576
since they pulled
the Shamrock Shake early.
242
00:09:36,619 --> 00:09:38,882
-It should be all of March!
243
00:09:38,926 --> 00:09:41,189
[ Sighs ]
You just have to trust me.
244
00:09:41,232 --> 00:09:43,321
Investing in Brock's app
is a bad idea.
245
00:09:43,365 --> 00:09:44,540
I can't say anything else
about it.
246
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,411
-Well, luckily
you don't have to,
247
00:09:46,455 --> 00:09:48,196
because I'm a master
at reading people,
248
00:09:48,239 --> 00:09:51,852
and you're a master at having
absolutely no poker face.
249
00:09:51,895 --> 00:09:53,114
-I have a poker face.
250
00:09:53,157 --> 00:09:55,420
I just haven't showed it
to you yet.
251
00:09:55,464 --> 00:09:58,075
-Alright, then.
Have a seat.
252
00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:03,603
Now, I am going to ask you
a series of questions.
253
00:10:03,646 --> 00:10:06,606
All you need to do
is respond "no."
254
00:10:06,649 --> 00:10:07,694
Do you understand?
255
00:10:07,737 --> 00:10:10,087
-No.
-Perfect.
256
00:10:10,131 --> 00:10:12,089
Now we can start.
257
00:10:12,133 --> 00:10:14,222
Is this about Brock?
-No.
258
00:10:14,265 --> 00:10:15,615
-Oh!
That's a big yes.
259
00:10:15,658 --> 00:10:18,748
Make me work a little bit here.
260
00:10:18,792 --> 00:10:20,881
Is he a criminal?
-No.
261
00:10:20,924 --> 00:10:23,405
-A-ha.
What kind of criminal is he?
262
00:10:23,448 --> 00:10:25,712
Are we talking theft?
-No.
263
00:10:25,755 --> 00:10:26,800
-Fraud?
-No.
264
00:10:26,843 --> 00:10:28,105
-Drugs?
-No.
265
00:10:28,149 --> 00:10:31,108
-How did you hear
about the fraud?
266
00:10:31,152 --> 00:10:32,675
Did the police tell you?
-No.
267
00:10:32,719 --> 00:10:36,157
-So, you accidentally read it
in a sealed file.
268
00:10:36,200 --> 00:10:38,376
-How did you do that?
269
00:10:38,420 --> 00:10:42,119
-I'm going to need
a "no" from you.
270
00:10:42,163 --> 00:10:44,339
-No.
-Perfect.
271
00:10:44,382 --> 00:10:46,602
I have everything I need.
This was fun.
272
00:10:46,646 --> 00:10:47,690
We should have
more conversations
273
00:10:47,734 --> 00:10:50,345
where I do all the talking.
274
00:10:50,388 --> 00:10:53,348
-Look, I filed a motion to have
Brock's record unsealed,
275
00:10:53,391 --> 00:10:55,393
which will take forever,
but now that you know,
276
00:10:55,437 --> 00:10:58,005
you can tell everyone before
they throw their money away.
277
00:10:58,048 --> 00:10:59,180
-No.
278
00:10:59,223 --> 00:11:01,269
-I can't read your "no's."
279
00:11:01,312 --> 00:11:04,359
Is that a real "no."
-It's a sealed file.
280
00:11:04,402 --> 00:11:06,753
It would be illegal for me
to tell them.
281
00:11:06,796 --> 00:11:09,581
Besides, I already RSVP'd
to the investor party.
282
00:11:09,625 --> 00:11:13,411
Attire wasn't specified, so I'm
assuming "Mountain Dew casual."
283
00:11:13,455 --> 00:11:15,587
-Wait, you're still
going to invest,
284
00:11:15,631 --> 00:11:17,241
even though you know
the guy ripped people off?
285
00:11:17,285 --> 00:11:19,635
-Hey, you know what?
It's worth the risk for me.
286
00:11:19,679 --> 00:11:21,506
You don't get a whole lot
of billion-dollar ideas
287
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,030
coming through here, you know.
288
00:11:23,073 --> 00:11:24,118
-But you're not just risking
your own money.
289
00:11:24,161 --> 00:11:25,423
You're risking everyone else's.
290
00:11:25,467 --> 00:11:27,034
You're being selfish.
-Oh, am I?
291
00:11:27,077 --> 00:11:29,384
Or maybe I'm being selfless,
292
00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,691
thinking that Brock
may have changed,
293
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:33,736
that he deserves
a second chance,
294
00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:37,000
and all the other nonsense
that you talk about.
295
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,394
-You don't believe the nonsense
I talk about.
296
00:11:39,437 --> 00:11:40,525
-No. No, I don't.
297
00:11:40,569 --> 00:11:43,006
But I do believe that one day,
298
00:11:43,050 --> 00:11:47,228
I could be so rich
that I will never die.
299
00:11:48,490 --> 00:11:49,970
♪♪
300
00:11:52,059 --> 00:11:56,280
♪♪
301
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:58,152
-I want you to be
on your best behavior.
302
00:11:58,195 --> 00:12:00,328
When you're in this room
with all these investors,
303
00:12:00,371 --> 00:12:02,199
you're representing
the Fielding Group.
304
00:12:02,243 --> 00:12:04,898
-Is that a slide?
305
00:12:04,941 --> 00:12:07,988
-That's actually the best case
scenario with him.
306
00:12:08,031 --> 00:12:10,642
-I have to go
introduce myself to Brock.
307
00:12:10,686 --> 00:12:13,210
I'll be co-hosting
this party soon.
308
00:12:13,254 --> 00:12:14,646
Hey!
Use a coaster.
309
00:12:14,690 --> 00:12:16,344
This isn't a zoo.
310
00:12:19,434 --> 00:12:22,350
-Alright, Dan,
time to make some money.
311
00:12:22,393 --> 00:12:24,613
-Why are you dressed
like a mime?
312
00:12:24,656 --> 00:12:26,397
-Because I'm thinking...
313
00:12:26,441 --> 00:12:28,965
outside the box.
314
00:12:29,009 --> 00:12:31,359
'Cause I'm not just here
to invest in Brock's ideas.
315
00:12:31,402 --> 00:12:32,752
I'm pitching my own.
316
00:12:32,795 --> 00:12:33,970
Now, if you'll excuse me,
317
00:12:34,014 --> 00:12:36,320
I'm going to attract
some whales.
318
00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:41,151
-Uh, buddy, do me a favor.
319
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:44,111
Mash a bunch of these up
into one real hamburger.
320
00:12:46,940 --> 00:12:49,856
Oh. I thought I might
see you here tonight.
321
00:12:49,899 --> 00:12:51,988
-Is it because you just saw me
in the lobby
322
00:12:52,032 --> 00:12:54,512
and wouldn't hold the elevator?
-Listen, if you're here to try
323
00:12:54,556 --> 00:12:55,731
to talk me out of this,
forget it.
324
00:12:55,775 --> 00:12:57,472
It's not gonna work.
-Not at all.
325
00:12:57,515 --> 00:12:58,560
I'm just here to introduce
326
00:12:58,603 --> 00:12:59,996
everyone
to my new friend Esther.
327
00:13:00,040 --> 00:13:02,042
She was a victim of Brock's
first app scam,
328
00:13:02,085 --> 00:13:03,608
and while I can't talk about it,
329
00:13:03,652 --> 00:13:05,306
she's free to say
anything she wants.
330
00:13:05,349 --> 00:13:06,873
-Well, it's gonna take more
than that to scare
331
00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:09,789
off the big minds
of the Fielding Group.
332
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:10,964
-Guys, help!
333
00:13:11,007 --> 00:13:13,227
I'm stuck in the slide!
334
00:13:13,270 --> 00:13:15,229
-Just pick up your feet, man!
335
00:13:18,232 --> 00:13:20,495
-Wow.
That is an interesting question.
336
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:23,324
Where do I see myself a year
from now?
337
00:13:23,367 --> 00:13:24,847
-I'm sorry, are you
talking to me?
338
00:13:24,891 --> 00:13:26,936
-Well, I guess I'd have to say
that I see us
339
00:13:26,980 --> 00:13:30,244
starting out own charitable
foundation in both of our names.
340
00:13:30,287 --> 00:13:34,161
It'll be something to do with,
oh, I don't know, schools.
341
00:13:34,204 --> 00:13:35,727
-You know, I think I see my
friend at the top of the slide.
342
00:13:35,771 --> 00:13:37,164
I should -- I should probably
go say hi.
343
00:13:37,207 --> 00:13:38,600
-Oh, tell him to be careful.
344
00:13:38,643 --> 00:13:40,863
I saw a cool guy
get stuck up there earlier.
345
00:13:40,907 --> 00:13:42,299
-Yeah. It's a trap!
346
00:13:43,735 --> 00:13:45,302
-Oh.
347
00:13:45,346 --> 00:13:46,869
Admiral Ackbar.
348
00:13:46,913 --> 00:13:49,132
I'm sorry, I almost
didn't recognize you.
349
00:13:49,176 --> 00:13:50,830
You know what?
Why don't I grab us a couple
350
00:13:50,873 --> 00:13:52,179
blue milks from the ol' Cantina?
351
00:13:52,222 --> 00:13:53,789
What do you say?
352
00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:55,486
-You read my mind.
353
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,010
-I'm a Jedi after all.
354
00:13:57,053 --> 00:13:58,533
-Oh!
355
00:13:58,576 --> 00:14:01,405
-[ Laughs ]
356
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:03,799
What the hell
is he talking about?
357
00:14:03,843 --> 00:14:06,106
-Those are "Star Wars"
references.
358
00:14:06,149 --> 00:14:08,978
-"Star Wars."
-He's a nerd.
359
00:14:09,022 --> 00:14:10,806
Tech guys were indoor kids.
360
00:14:10,850 --> 00:14:13,896
And Endor kids.
361
00:14:13,940 --> 00:14:15,550
That's another "Star Wars"
reference.
362
00:14:15,593 --> 00:14:17,030
-But he'll laugh at that?
-Mm-hmm.
363
00:14:17,073 --> 00:14:18,509
-Give me more.
364
00:14:18,553 --> 00:14:20,772
Tell me all about
the Star Battles, Fraggle Rocks.
365
00:14:20,816 --> 00:14:21,861
If it contributed
to your virginity,
366
00:14:21,904 --> 00:14:23,166
I want to know about it.
367
00:14:24,124 --> 00:14:26,604
♪♪
368
00:14:26,648 --> 00:14:29,042
-Let me tell you
about ChairBNB.
369
00:14:29,085 --> 00:14:31,218
You see this empty chair?
I don't.
370
00:14:31,261 --> 00:14:33,437
I see your new Tesla.
371
00:14:33,481 --> 00:14:35,657
I see your second wife.
372
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,529
I see you with a bunch
of antique dolls.
373
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:41,184
Wait, why is that your thing?
374
00:14:41,228 --> 00:14:44,013
-I got to tell you, Gurgs,
you have the right idea,
375
00:14:44,057 --> 00:14:46,711
investing in yourself,
because you know yourself.
376
00:14:46,755 --> 00:14:48,713
There's no secret past.
-That's right.
377
00:14:48,757 --> 00:14:50,802
Whatever I was doing
between the years 2004
378
00:14:50,846 --> 00:14:52,282
and 2006 are perfectly normal
379
00:14:52,326 --> 00:14:55,372
and I wouldn't waste your time
looking into it.
380
00:14:55,415 --> 00:14:56,852
-Good to know.
381
00:14:56,896 --> 00:14:58,549
Anyway, there's someone I really
want you to meet
382
00:14:58,593 --> 00:15:00,682
who has a really interesting
investment story.
383
00:15:00,725 --> 00:15:03,163
She should be here any min--
384
00:15:03,206 --> 00:15:05,643
Dan.
-You don't expect me to believe
385
00:15:05,687 --> 00:15:08,733
that I'm the first person to
call you "Esther the Investor"?
386
00:15:08,777 --> 00:15:11,084
I --
-Esther, there you are.
387
00:15:11,127 --> 00:15:12,607
And I see you've met Dan.
388
00:15:12,650 --> 00:15:14,174
-I was just telling my friend
Esther here
389
00:15:14,217 --> 00:15:16,219
that she can't dwell
on the past.
390
00:15:16,263 --> 00:15:17,917
That's where the cavemen live.
391
00:15:17,960 --> 00:15:21,616
She has to live in the future,
where the spaceships are.
392
00:15:21,659 --> 00:15:23,487
-And from everything
Dan's saying,
393
00:15:23,531 --> 00:15:27,622
it sounds like Brock's new app
is a rocket ride to Money Town.
394
00:15:27,665 --> 00:15:29,537
-Wait, you're really gonna
write a check to a guy
395
00:15:29,580 --> 00:15:31,017
who totally scammed you?
396
00:15:31,060 --> 00:15:34,107
-Dan said lightning
never strikes twice.
397
00:15:34,150 --> 00:15:35,325
Except for me.
398
00:15:35,369 --> 00:15:37,632
I've been struck dozens
of times.
399
00:15:37,675 --> 00:15:39,764
-All I want to say is welcome
to the team,
400
00:15:39,808 --> 00:15:41,070
and I wouldn't feel bad
401
00:15:41,114 --> 00:15:42,202
about getting that loan
from your sister.
402
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,203
I mean, come on,
we know that kid
403
00:15:43,246 --> 00:15:44,334
is never gonna get into college.
404
00:15:44,378 --> 00:15:46,771
[ Both chuckle ]
405
00:15:49,687 --> 00:15:51,863
-Alright, everyone,
I know my party is the coolest,
406
00:15:51,907 --> 00:15:53,953
but please try and give us
your full attention.
407
00:15:53,996 --> 00:15:55,128
-"Do or do not.
408
00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:57,608
There is no try."
409
00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,523
"Star Wars" dialogue.
410
00:15:59,567 --> 00:16:03,571
-Okay, investors, who's ready
to live long and profit?
411
00:16:03,614 --> 00:16:06,226
[ Cheering ]
412
00:16:06,269 --> 00:16:08,663
[ Cellphone chimes ]
413
00:16:08,706 --> 00:16:10,447
-The Clerk's Office -- they --
they unsealed Brock's file.
414
00:16:10,491 --> 00:16:11,840
I'm legally allowed
to tell anyone.
415
00:16:11,883 --> 00:16:13,668
-Don't.
Alright, look, I'll --
416
00:16:13,711 --> 00:16:15,539
I'll give you a seat
on the board.
417
00:16:15,583 --> 00:16:17,193
You can become VP of snacks.
418
00:16:17,237 --> 00:16:20,414
That means you're in charge
of all the snacks.
419
00:16:20,457 --> 00:16:22,198
Fruit is not a snack.
420
00:16:22,242 --> 00:16:24,157
-Why do you keep
fighting me on this?
421
00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,028
-Because opportunities
like this have passed me
422
00:16:26,072 --> 00:16:27,334
by my entire life.
423
00:16:27,377 --> 00:16:28,988
I just want this
to be different.
424
00:16:29,031 --> 00:16:30,511
-You can't keep them
in the dark.
425
00:16:30,554 --> 00:16:31,555
They deserve to know...
[ Glass clinking ]
426
00:16:31,599 --> 00:16:32,861
...that Brock's a fraud!
427
00:16:37,648 --> 00:16:39,085
-The opinions expressed
do not reflect
428
00:16:39,128 --> 00:16:40,782
those of the Fielding Group.
429
00:16:40,825 --> 00:16:43,045
♪♪
430
00:16:45,395 --> 00:16:46,788
-For the record, I don't
431
00:16:46,831 --> 00:16:48,746
usually like to make
a scene at parties.
432
00:16:48,790 --> 00:16:51,314
Unless it's a crime scene at
a murder mystery dinner party.
433
00:16:51,358 --> 00:16:52,924
That's just being a good host.
434
00:16:54,883 --> 00:16:57,668
Look, I just don't want
my friends to lose their money,
435
00:16:57,712 --> 00:17:01,977
so I'm sorry, Brock, but I had
to let them know the truth.
436
00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:03,979
-It's true.
437
00:17:04,022 --> 00:17:07,765
Years ago, I committed fraud,
and I hurt a lot of people.
438
00:17:07,809 --> 00:17:09,680
It was the biggest mistake
of my life,
439
00:17:09,723 --> 00:17:12,204
and I once had dreadlocks.
440
00:17:12,248 --> 00:17:14,729
That's why some of the people
that are here tonight
441
00:17:14,771 --> 00:17:16,905
are the very people
that I scammed.
442
00:17:16,948 --> 00:17:19,733
And tonight, I'm giving them
a piece of this company
443
00:17:19,777 --> 00:17:21,953
free of charge in the hopes
that they'll forgive me.
444
00:17:21,997 --> 00:17:23,172
-Oh.
445
00:17:25,740 --> 00:17:27,611
-You are?
-Well, except for Esther,
446
00:17:27,655 --> 00:17:29,396
who is in violation
of a restraining order.
447
00:17:29,439 --> 00:17:30,745
Who brought her here,
by the way?
448
00:17:30,788 --> 00:17:33,182
-The lightning fixed me!
-Hey! Back off!
449
00:17:33,226 --> 00:17:34,879
-So...
[ Chuckles ]
450
00:17:34,923 --> 00:17:37,795
...the important thing is you
all have the information,
451
00:17:37,839 --> 00:17:40,537
and if you're looking
for another investor,
452
00:17:40,581 --> 00:17:43,105
I happen to have a little money
I got from a settlement
453
00:17:43,149 --> 00:17:45,064
after being kicked
by a local celebrity horse --
454
00:17:45,107 --> 00:17:47,457
-Please leave.
-Okay.
455
00:17:47,501 --> 00:17:49,459
-And your friends, too.
You guys are all out.
456
00:17:49,503 --> 00:17:51,853
-But not me, right?
[ Chuckles ]
457
00:17:51,896 --> 00:17:53,898
I thought we were Luke and Leia.
458
00:17:53,942 --> 00:17:56,292
-They're brother and sister.
-What?
459
00:17:56,336 --> 00:17:57,685
Does their dad know?
460
00:18:06,433 --> 00:18:09,653
-Been a rough couple
of minutes, hasn't it?
461
00:18:09,697 --> 00:18:11,568
I'm not sure you
quite understand
462
00:18:11,612 --> 00:18:13,962
what the Fielding Group
can do for you.
463
00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:17,792
We have access to a lot
of legal, how should I say,
464
00:18:17,835 --> 00:18:19,446
resources,
465
00:18:19,489 --> 00:18:23,928
and a-an evidence room
with a broken lock.
466
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:26,148
Alright, fine.
We don't even want your money.
467
00:18:26,192 --> 00:18:27,802
We'll just leave.
Wait, wait, I'm sorry.
468
00:18:27,845 --> 00:18:30,021
Did I hear somebody say, "Stop.
Please don't leave?"
469
00:18:30,065 --> 00:18:31,545
Did -- Did you?
No, you didn't.
470
00:18:31,588 --> 00:18:33,286
Fine. We'll just leave.
471
00:18:33,329 --> 00:18:37,899
We don't even want your --
I already said that.
472
00:18:37,942 --> 00:18:39,292
We'll just leave!
Leave.
473
00:18:39,335 --> 00:18:40,728
We'll just leave!
Leave.
474
00:18:46,081 --> 00:18:47,648
Thunderstorms in the forecast.
475
00:18:49,737 --> 00:18:53,306
♪♪
476
00:18:53,349 --> 00:18:54,611
-So...
477
00:18:54,655 --> 00:18:56,352
have you forgiven me yet?
478
00:18:56,396 --> 00:18:58,398
-No.
479
00:18:58,441 --> 00:19:01,009
-Aw, that was a yes.
480
00:19:01,052 --> 00:19:02,184
I'm getting good at this.
481
00:19:04,230 --> 00:19:05,927
-So you lost me a few bucks.
482
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:07,842
I've lost money before.
483
00:19:07,885 --> 00:19:10,366
And not just by hilariously
insulting doe-eyed
484
00:19:10,410 --> 00:19:12,368
megalomaniacs.
485
00:19:12,412 --> 00:19:15,545
There're also been scams
and shifty accountants
486
00:19:15,589 --> 00:19:16,894
and the occasional guy who calls
487
00:19:16,938 --> 00:19:19,027
and says he's me
from the future.
488
00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:22,509
But this was different.
489
00:19:22,552 --> 00:19:25,642
First time it happened
because someone cared about me.
490
00:19:25,686 --> 00:19:28,254
-Dan, I'm gonna care about you
491
00:19:28,297 --> 00:19:31,082
all the way to the poor house.
492
00:19:31,126 --> 00:19:33,084
-I still don't know
what the app did.
493
00:19:33,128 --> 00:19:36,087
If it's not for gas stations,
who's it for?
494
00:19:37,524 --> 00:19:39,047
-Did you guys hear about Brock?
495
00:19:39,090 --> 00:19:40,831
Zuckerberg bought his app
for two billion.
496
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:46,489
-That's a lot of jerk paper.
-Yeah.
497
00:19:46,533 --> 00:19:49,057
Sorry you missed out
on being part of a power couple.
498
00:19:49,100 --> 00:19:51,407
-Eh. I still have a shot.
499
00:19:51,451 --> 00:19:52,974
I used the app,
and it matched me with a man
500
00:19:53,017 --> 00:19:55,411
who does
a spot-on Austin Powers.
501
00:19:55,455 --> 00:19:57,326
Maybe one day,
I'll get to be...
502
00:19:57,370 --> 00:19:59,894
[as Borat] his wife.
503
00:19:59,937 --> 00:20:01,112
-Oh, that's not Austin Pow--
504
00:20:01,156 --> 00:20:02,375
-Oh, you're all nerds.
505
00:20:05,073 --> 00:20:06,640
Is he gonna be alright?
-Yeah.
506
00:20:06,683 --> 00:20:08,294
Yeah. We had a nice talk.
507
00:20:08,337 --> 00:20:09,556
He's in a really good place.
-Oh.
508
00:20:10,426 --> 00:20:13,255
[ Glass shattering ]
509
00:20:17,738 --> 00:20:22,003
♪♪
510
00:20:22,046 --> 00:20:23,570
-Oh.
511
00:20:23,613 --> 00:20:25,224
You sitting in your chair?
512
00:20:28,314 --> 00:20:29,793
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Don't worry.
513
00:20:29,837 --> 00:20:31,882
There's a similar chair
seven minutes away.
514
00:20:33,841 --> 00:20:35,973
-Hey, Gurgs,
I think I figured out a way
515
00:20:36,017 --> 00:20:37,584
to make it up to all of you.
516
00:20:37,627 --> 00:20:38,933
Knicks tickets.
-You're treating us
517
00:20:38,976 --> 00:20:40,804
to a Knicks game?
-Oh, no.
518
00:20:40,848 --> 00:20:42,458
I-I'm gonna go to the game.
519
00:20:42,502 --> 00:20:44,808
Well, technically,
a bunch of games.
520
00:20:44,852 --> 00:20:46,157
Here's the plan.
521
00:20:46,201 --> 00:20:47,289
I'm gonna perfect a dance
522
00:20:47,333 --> 00:20:49,117
that gets me on the Jumbotron.
523
00:20:49,160 --> 00:20:51,511
Based on that, I'm gonna be
picked for the half-court shot
524
00:20:51,554 --> 00:20:53,382
for a million dollars.
525
00:20:53,426 --> 00:20:55,819
And the next part, that's gonna
require a little bit of luck.
526
00:20:55,863 --> 00:20:59,301
-Judge, it's really okay.
-Well, tell that to Neil.
527
00:20:59,345 --> 00:21:01,738
He can't even look at me.
-Neil's not mad at you.
528
00:21:01,782 --> 00:21:03,740
He can't look at you
'cause he's in love with you.
529
00:21:03,784 --> 00:21:05,655
-What?
-What?
530
00:21:05,699 --> 00:21:06,874
-What?
531
00:21:08,092 --> 00:21:10,181
-I just got an alert.
532
00:21:10,225 --> 00:21:11,835
My chair is available.
533
00:21:14,185 --> 00:21:17,101
Oh, did she just find out
that Neil's in love with her?
534
00:21:17,145 --> 00:21:20,540
♪♪
535
00:21:20,590 --> 00:21:25,140
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