All language subtitles for Golfballs!1999

Keep pushing, man.
Keep pushing. I am.

Come on, let's go. I can't believe this place, man.

This is the third car we've gone through.

What's up with that? Not even counting

the one I ended up in that waterhouse on seven.

Yeah, whatever. Come on, keep going, man.

We got to get it going live.

But every time the heart breaks down,

you make me push it.

Yeah, well, you're the good pusher, man.

Come on, let's go. We're almost there. Up to speed.

Come on, man, let's go.

I'm trying, I'm trying. Little faster, man. Come on.

We're almost there.

Okay, man, I'm pushing as fast as I can.

Pop the clutch.

Some serious bogey dust. Okay.

He's over three.

Yes. Yes.

So what'd you get, man?

Okay.

Get a snowman on three.

Yes, you did.

Remember when you had your skirt on

- to put it three times, Alice?
- Yeah.

Well, your quote was about as close

to the ice cream as to shit.

What about that horrible T shirt you had on? Four?

The only wood you have in your bag is a pencil.

I'm a doctor, man.

Doing the best I can.

Four damn hours underwater.

All I got to show for is six balls.

Yeah, see, four and a six.

Carry the 01:00 a.m.

I going to need a calculator for that.

Jeez, looks like I don't eat dinner tonight.

Come on, Bitsy.

Hey. Hello, darlin.

Looks like I eat after all.

I think it's careful.

It's going all over the place.

Would you give me a towel?

You guys need any help?

Yeah, I think we give you an extra hand.

So, how long you been watching?

- Long enough.
- Oh, yeah?

Hey, Granddad, I think Ned here is going to help you with rest.

I'll be a male.

She gets prettier every day.

Lord knows how my son ever produced anything

- as good as her.
- Yeah.

Josh, you know I like her a lot.

Yeah, I know.

Go on inside.

I'll take care of the rest of these carts.

- Thanks.
- I appreciate it.

Alan, make sure to tell the ship

I want plenty of caviar at this Sunday's brunch.

Hello, Mrs.

Hi, Simon.

How you doing?

Good to see you.

Good form.

Speaking of old fish, can you believe that

old bitch complained her toast was socked

because it had too much Norwegian Salmon on it?

If I didn't need her 20,000 a year membership,

what I would love to tell her to do with that toast.

Yes, sir. Fish.

I love fish. Do pay attention.

And stop looking at her mammies so much.

So, what did Josh Pennytree received

my offer over the half million?

Oh, I'm afraid not, sir.

He said the land alone is worth 10 million. Damn it.

I told the developers I would have that land by

the end of the month to start building those condos.

All that acreage, and it's right next door.

It's too perfect.

They can't hold out much longer.

Have you been taking their signs

- down three.
- This week, sir.

Good.

- So how's my computer doing?
- Have on the...

Dear, Bentwood will be totally run by computer everything.

Isn't that exciting?

If you get off on it, Simon. Great.

So, is it up and running yet?

It's up, all right.

Sound boy down.

I tell you what.

If you get my computer running by the end of the week,

I'll let you look at Pamela's breasts for, say, five minutes.

Uninterrupted, of course.

- That's all right with you, dear?
- Sure.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you so much.

Joe, no, you're drooling in front of the gas.

I got those drinks down to the pool.

Your customers are waiting. A little twerp.

I swear that bubble will go blind one day.

So goody.

Another satisfied Pennytree golfer.

Hey, man, you fench a ball?

Sure. His. I'd love to dance.

Bill.

Bill.

Remind me to tell Alan to increase

the voltage on the electric fence.

Oh, I just love it when you're nasty.

Oh, Mr. Van.

Just need I need to speak with you.

I'll be right back.

There you go, dear.

Fall.

Oh yours.

What have you got in your mouth?

You're just like Mommy in little darling.

Mr. Roach, I'm gonna be happy about this.

Hello, gorgeous.

Blue ball.

What are the answers at two of them?

Hello.

Welcome to Pennytree. How are you?

Just fine, sir.

Just fine.

But I ought to be the one asking you that question.

Excuse my friends, but this place looks like shit.

Should I play here or send you all a get well card?

I've been driving all day.

I feel about as stiff as Rhett Butler Pecker.

Know what I mean? Yeah, I believe so.

You want to get my club, son?

- Your club?
- Yeah.

Paint the size.

It's how you use it.

You're going to need a course.

Hey, I'm Josh Pennytree. I own this course.

Beaufort B. Beaufort. My mama was a stutter.

Hey, wait a minute.

Josh Pennytree.

I remember now.

I used to come here and watch the amateur title.

What the hell happen?

Yeah, I know.

Look, we'd love to have your company,

but I can understand if you'd rather play next door at Bentwood.

Bentwood? Ain't that Simon Roosevelt's place?

Yeah, wooden asshole.

My firm handles his investments.

No, it's all the same to you.

I'll play here nice and quiet like a fucking morgue.

Say, little 100 do?

Yeah, it'll do just fine,

but I'm afraid I'll be changed for that.

Yeah, really? Why am I not surprised?

Here you go, son.

Now the bossy is millionaires, I'll be in the court shot.

Two more courts left.

Hey, have a good round and stop by the clubhouse afterwards.

I'd love to buy you a drink.

Hey, you're on.

Probably take that long.

Find a clean glass and a tet in a shot. Go gee.

What the hell is this?

Honey, I blew up the fucking golf cart.

Whoa, nelly.

Hello?

Who's there, gorgeous?

I'm Beaufort B. Beaufort and I'm looking for a caddy,

and you'd be perfect for caddy, and that is...

Yeah, well, thank you, but I don't caddy.

My name is Liberty.

Yes, you are.

I'm at liberty too.

What would you say you do?

$200 for the front nine and the little company?

Yeah, right.

Well, I suppose I could be free for just the front nine.

Yes, you can.

Well, you've only got one club,

and it doesn't even have a cover.

That's very good.

Very good.

Thank you for keeping a lonely gentleman company.

Too bad it looks like you swung a little premature.

Oh, Jackpot, give the lucky lady $100.

And I suppose you want me to go get that ball for you?

Oh, by all means, by all means.

Yes, I'm sure.

It's over there somewhere.

Yes.

A little to the left. To the left.

Yes.

Oh, yes.

Mr. Beaufort?

Mr. Beaufort, are you all right?

I don't want you to get the wrong idea.

Why would I do that?

- I don't know.
- What happened?

He killed over and he died.

- Really?
- You do believe me, don't you?

I'm sure there's a perfect explanation for alters.

Oh, my God.

He doesn't have a call.

Are you sure he's dead?

Yeah. It's so creepy.

You know, every time you play with your hair,

I get a little nervous. Quiet, I'm thinking.

- I know.
- That's why I'm nervous.

Okay, here's what we'll do.

You and I will go back to the clubhouse

and we'll call the police.

And then you and I and Granddad working at Palwal.

About what?

About the future of Pennytree.

No way, Liberty.

Look at this, Grandad.

$700 from one horny man.

Just think what we could do.

For could fill this place. And we can.

Hot bodies, beautiful women.

Hot, hot bodies.

I'm telling you, Josh, we could fill this place.

What?

Oh, come on. He was dead.

He's not going to miss it.

He died with a smile on his face.

That's got to be worth something.

I don't know.

Look, this is our chance to get back at Simon Roosevelt.

If we don't do something soon,

we're going to lose everything.

Yeah, I mean, what is this,

the 100th notice from the bank?

Josh and we got to do something. Ned's.

Right, Granddad?

Let's do it.

Where are you going to get the people?

It's not a problem.

Ned and I know plenty of people around town

that can use some extra money.

Well, despite my appearance,

I'm not that much of a proof.

And every once in a while, even I get an itch.

What the hell, let's go out swinging.

Great.

So I count you guys to come on outfit, right.

Are you sure you told them it was today?

Yeah. Ned, yeah.

Talked to 50 people, said they were into it.

Maybe it's for the best.

You two did good.

You fought the good fight.

I'm going inside.

You thinking what I'm thinking?

Here comes the cat.

I think Pennytree actually has a fighting chance, Granddad.

Ow.

Well, don't put it in there next time.

I can't believe Pennytree hired a thug to beat you up, too.

Sir, there were two of them.

Good. They must be getting desperate.

Show me, show me, show me.

This section here controls the maintenance lights,

sprinklers, even measures and feeds the proper

amounts of nutrition for the course.

Show me the good stuff.

This section controls the surveillance,

pool, parking lot and clubhouse.

From here we can see,

listen and even speak if we want to.

Thank you, sir.

Here's the spy camera I installed over at Pennytree.

Get this crap off the screen.

Show me something good.

- Like that?
- Oh, yes.

I think I'm feeling it. Oh, yeah.

Your form is just perfect.

Your legs just a little more that sleepy

sort of a bitch calls himself a probe.

- Ow.
- What?

Damage.

Get off her breath.

And I find timing the markets to be absolutely impossible.

You have to look long term.

Ten to 15 years out of that?

What about future funds between

I personally like dividend, reinvestment plan.

Wonderful.

Boogie 12:00.

Okay, let's get some holy shit tips.

Good.

Thanks a lot.

Thanks a lot, man.

Hello, ladies.

Come on through.

Do you accept cards?

Sure do. Okay.

God bless America.

Wow, a naked lady.

Oh. Hi, Matilda.

I'm sorry, Darwin.

I wasn't looking at her.

You know you're my only number one dive buddy.

Come here, baby.

Give me a little sugar.

What's wrong?

No, don't be that way.

No, it's okay. Come on.

Don't you just do that little thing.

Window.

All right, folks, let's go. Keep moving.

It moving through.

Let's go, folks.

Okay, moving.

All right, all right.

Keep her coming.

Keep her coming, folks.

You got to be hitting me.

Yeah.

All right, guys, who wants to get wet with me next?

How's it coming, Granddad?

Almost done. Yeah.

Hey, thanks to our next door neighbors,

we now have free electricity.

I can't wait to see his face when he gets the bill.

So, are we millionaires yet?

Well, I just finished the books.

Our first month total is $58,700.

$90.12? All right.

Yeah, but we still have a lot of improvement

to do around here, and we need to expand.

- Expand? - Yeah. I don't know.

I think we're fine now as we are, don't you think?

I've already got us our own website.

I think we can get the foreign tourists

to make a special trip just for here.

Foreign tourists?

They think we're moving a little too fast.

I don't think so.

Oh, well, excuse me.

I didn't mean to step on your pretty little toes there.

So granted, you and I have got to get a better accounting system.

What?

What?

Okay.

You looking for someone?

Hey.

I don't know you.

Have we met?

It's my way of apologizing.

I've been kind of a creeped you lately, haven't I?

Yeah, sure have.

And I know you've taken on a lot, and I'm there for you.

But I miss this.

You and me.

Where are we going?

Mr. Roosevelt. Mr. Roosevelt,

there's something here you need to see.

The figures don't lie, sir.

I'll take this weekend dipped considerably.

And I've checked out next week's tea times.

The numbers just aren't there.

Really? Well, I wouldn't be too concerned.

It's probably because some holiday is coming up soon.

I'm so bored, dear.

I really wish you wouldn't smoke those things.

I'm sorry, Simon.

I can't help it.

I need something to suck on.

I have some other disturbing news.

Mr. Roosevelt, must you...

I mean, yes, sir.

It seems Pennytree has met their mortgage this month

and they've taken care of all their back taxes.

Yes. That's impossible.

Where in the world would they be able

to come up with that kind of money?

Borrowed Fenny. Three.

Might even get in a game of golf.

Oh, hello, Simon.

I've been meaning to talk to you about my membership renewal.

Certainly. It's been a struggle,

but we've managed to hold the fees the same as last year.

Well, I've been thinking about taking the year off

and maybe taking my game somewhere else,

but we can talk about that tomorrow.

Yeah, me, too, Simon.

Say, Harry, where's your wife at?

They're still over there. God bless them.

Come on. That Roosevelt's a dick.

What the hell is going on over there?

Alan, I have a little job for you to do.

All right, here we go, bucklings. Right here.

All right, pull it up. All right, stop. Stop it there.

All right, come on.

Keep it going. All right. Okay.

How you doing?

No pictures, please. No pictures.

Okay, come on.

What?

All right, Pennytree.

You want a war, you've got a war.

Get off my golf course.

Okay, good.

Next week, same time, we're gonna have a little golf clinic.

Gonna need you guys here for that.

But right now, most important thing is to go out,

smile, and make some tips.

All right, good.

But I still haven't learned anything about golf.

Who would teach me?

Physics major.

Jesus.

Okay, time to pick up the ball.

I think it's a straight shot.

Just hit it. Firm.

Oh, too bad.

Well, that's the way it goes, Barbara.

Are you guys sure this is how you play golf?

I mean, I've never seen it played

like this before on TV in Oklahoma.

They do? Really?

Oh, well.

Hey, would that have been in the Oklahoma

City area or further east than Tulsa?

I bet it would be, Miss Goge,

because in 1852 the Muskogee Indians,

who were an offshoot of the Cherokee,

developed some of that.

How many states have we done so far?

I don't know. Or safe with all the ones that start

with New Double or nothing on the next hall.

You're on.

Hi.

Welcome to Pennytree.

Can I help you?

Yes, you can.

I've heard a lot about this place,

so I thought I'd give it a try.

Okay. Great. Are you here alone?

Yes, I am.

Is that a problem?

No, not at all.

We'll fix you right up.

Here, let me help you. Stay.

That's a good boy. Yeah.

Hey, why don't you wait here and have a drink?

I'll get you a tea time and match you up.

Thank you. You were very nice.

Thanks. You're cute.

I'll be back in just a minute.

What have you got on?

Are you okay?

I hope you didn't hurt anything.

I'm okay. I'm fine.

What beer have you got on tit?

Tap. Tap.

What have you got on draft?

We've got a wonderful full body of microbrew.

Would you like that in a long, cool glass?

Tell the mayor we'd be happy to set up a scramble.

Thank you. Bye now.

Wednesday at two.

Great. You can see who's here.

He looks for Simon.

I'm going to throw him out.

Oh, no. I have a better idea.

Short little putts.

Hey, we got you all ready.

Thank you. Bye.

Oh!

Thank you so much.

What's your name?

Alice.

As in short putts.

Come on, killer.

Now let's apply the braids.

Okay. This is Barbara.

She's going to be your cat eat.

And since you're a beginner, I thought it would be

best if just the two of you went out.

You're going to love her.

She's a great teacher.

You take care of him now.

I will. Hi.

What's your name?

Alan. Oh, wait.

Alan.

It doesn't seem like that hard of a name to remember.

- Are you ready?
- Yes.

Let's go.

Now, Alan, I like to think about

golf as a lot like sex.

You've got a long, hard stick with a big head,

and you just can't wait to spank that naughty little ball.

But in order to achieve the desired explosion,

you must have patience,

touch and confidence.

Are you ready?

- Yes.
- Let's go.

I want you to just relax and swing away.

Okay?

That's bad, isn't it?

No, not really.

Hey, have you ever played golf in Oklahoma?

Man, I had to pitch like a race horse.

Yeah, man.

Hey, now we got room for some more beards.

Yeah. Hey, when we're done,

let's go find that beverage cart lady again.

Oh, yeah.

Whoa, look at all those golf balls down there.

Yeah, man, they look like hundreds

of little urinal mims...

Boys.

I do not swim in your toilet.

You will not piss in my lake.

Where do you think the yellow golf balls come from?

Curio?

At least we didn't have to take a crap, dude.

Yeah.

So, how did it go?

Well, I think he's strongest at his short game.

I do make a couple of long putts, though.

Yes, you did. And that's why you did so well.

I love it here.

I want to live here.

Oh, really? Well, it just so happens that

I have a Pennytree membership application here with me.

Why don't you fill it out on your way

to the cart wash cart wash.

Trust me, you're going to love having your balls washed.

I am so happy.

You what?

I thought it would be the best way

to keep a close eye on the place.

No employee of mine is going

to belong to the competition.

You are to get downstairs and make them

sure that computer is running at full steam.

Move it.

Yes, sir.

- Bye, Alan.
- Bye.

He didn't look at me.

Not even once.

That's nice, dear.

$10,000.

My goddamn electrical bill is $10,000.

Where is that little runt? Alan?

I think it's time I paid a visit to the competition.

Whiskey, straight up.

Hello.

You look familiar.

I know. I'm in your dream.

Care to dance?

Sure.

Oh, nice engines you got there, buddy.

Engines.

Thank you.

Oh, playing hard to get.

That cute. You got a name?

Yes. Ned.

Ned?

Ned, you work here?

I sure try.

Yes. And isn't it your job to make sure that

every one of your guests is happy here?

Yes, it is.

Well, I can tell you I don't feel happy yet.

Well, I sure could maybe help me.

Yes.

I think we're closer, much, much closer

to achieving happiness.

Causing a fire hazard.

- Liberty.
- I don't want to hear a word.

Liberty. What?

It's a brawl fight pass.

And it's getting pretty ugly out there.

They're talking for position in a deadly doji doe deal.

Are you all right?

Totally unfold for.

Party's over.

I think you ought to leave.

You. Wait till Simon hears this, traitor.

I don't care anymore.

He can't quit me.

I'm fired.

See you later, traitor.

I hope he's choked on the run.

Hey, Ned.

Hey, what's up?

Have you seen Barbara?

No.

There she is.

So, what's up?

I don't want to hear it.

Alan, hi.

Hey, are you good with the camera?

Are you kidding?

I won the top award in high school biology

for the outstanding pictures

of the continuous growth of the bean sprout.

Well, you haven't seen anything until you've witnessed

the breakdown in chemical structures

and DNA research of Plant Kingdom films.

- What?
- Nothing.

CIS girl talk, anyway.

No, it's for a contest.

And we have a camera and everything.

- Yeah.
- You ready?

Come on.

Thank you, guys. Thank you.

Thank you.

I can't take this anymore.

Wasn't that fun?

Calm down.

Calm down.

Guys, can I talk to Alan for a second?

- Sure.
- I need you to get ready for work anyway.

Bye.

And thank you.

What the hell happened to you?

Cart wash. Cart wash. Great.

Hey, I need a favor from you.

- What?
- I got in a little hot water

because of what Pamela did to me last night.

- I'd like to turn the tables if I could.
- What can I do?

You can still get into the computer room over at Bentwood.

Computer room? Yeah, computer room.

That boy ain't right.

Come on.

What are you doing?

What are you doing?

What do you mean? Come on.

Zigzag Zigzy don't run in straight lines.

I've done this before.

What are you doing?

Come on.

Shit.

Yours.

Come on.

Keep it low.

Keep it low.

Move it, move it.

I'm gripping up. Come on.

Just so far.

Just a little farther.

Move it, soldier.

Hello, baby. Miss me?

What's the plan?

Take a look at this.

What's up with these guys?

No, I have the same problem.

Do you?

She was always fun to watch.

Make less of copies of these.

Now let's really have some fun.

Come on. Come on. Okay.

Wait. The dog.

The dog came right over there.

Come on. Dig, Jack. Dig.

Jack. Where are you going?

He really needs these.

You know, the proper address at the beginning of

your swing can save you strokes and heartache.

We'll get more into swing

specifics right after these messages.

Nice. That's my wife.

Mine, too.

I wonder she always tastes like soap.

Hi, honey.

Phyllis, how could you do that?

That is you.

Phyllis, that's your hair.

Brenda.

We've seen some amazing play here today.

I'm Bust Berkeley and I think the next couple

of holes are going to be really exciting.

Lucky shot, asshole.

He call an asshole. Asshole.

Hey, I heard what you did.

All I did was watch out on stack.

I missed you.

Oh, hopefully.

I love.

So sweet.

No.

Can we say wedgie?

I am going to need my pants.

I love that.

Come here, you damn excuse for a month.

Give me my ball back.

Very cute.

I've got lawyers suing me, my course is flooding,

and now everyone knows about your goddamn buttons.

Sorry.

Sorry?

That's all you can say is you're sorry?

I don't think my day can get much worse.

Oh, my God.

Just...

Granddad.

Hi, Mrs. Mayor.

Josh, how are you?

Margaret? It's been a long time.

How you been? I've been curious, Josh.

I've heard a lot about this place.

I've come to see for myself if it's true.

Is it true I'll take the fifth Mayor?

Well, if it's true, there's only one thing

I've got to tell you. Talk is cheap.

Let's get it on.

Well, I think I've got the right guy here for you, Mayor.

Yes, yes.

I meet someone who's familiar with the territory.

You will be my caddy, won't you?

- Well, I'm very... - Of course he will be.

Ned is one of our finest caddies here at Pennytree.

He's really good at buffing club heads until they explode

with brilliance when the lightheads are just right.

That's right. I'm going to get your club head.

And if you should lose a ball or two

Ned is trained with his strong back and legs to get down

and not get back up until you're satisfied.

That's the biggest line of horseshit

I heard in a long time.

I know. And I think it works.

Where are we going?

Your cart wash is up here.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

I don't need to have the cart washed.

Come on, let's play some go.

No, we will.

This is just a tradition here at Pennytree

and I want you to get the full treatment.

Bob. Bob.

Should I get out of the cart?

Well, this is Bob,

and he'll be your personal guide throughout the cart wash.

You just let him know if you start to get a little wet.

I just love this game.

Oh, thank God.

Man, I really knock the stuffing out of that one.

Okay.

Yeah, that's it.

There you go.

Now just grip it to the left a little harder there.

There we go. Here it comes.

Very nice. Really?

No.

At least we'll always have Paris.

All right, who's in charge here?

Cut it out, Ned.

You know it's me.

Sorry to do this to you folks,

but there has been a complaint filed with my department.

What are you doing here, asshole?

He's the one that filed the complaint, now, is he?

Yeah. I know my rights. I know my right, all right.

Anyway, as I was saying, as usual,

saying too much of nothing, Your Honor.

Give me that paper, Ned.

You screw up a wet dream, given the chance, blah,

blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, for lewd and mischievous acts.

Has anyone seen any lewd and mischievous acts?

No.

Well, that's the way I see it, Ned.

You can either leave with that dork over there

and wait for reelection or stay and have a drink with us.

Well, I am off duty soon.

Good man.

Wait a minute.

I figured you'd pull something like this.

What's this?

It claims you defaulted on your mortgage payments

three months in a row before your so called success.

According to the lease, you lose

all rights to the property.

You know, I'm going to fight you on this.

And you and I'll spend hundreds of thousands of dollars doing

so until we're both broke and lose everything.

So I have a proposal.

One round of golf.

Me and my pro against you and your whoever.

Winner take all.

Guess it's put up or shut up, penetry.

Let me check into this.

I'm sure we have other options. You.

This is the only option you've got,

penetry, and we play at Bentwood.

Take it or leave it.

Fair enough. It's not this.

He'll just come at me with something else.

You're on.

Now get off my property.

Hell, we ain't be yet.

Yeah, but we've got to find a real golfer.

So let's recap what we've seen so far.

Pennytree sucks.

Guy has a heart attack and ties Roosevelt's an asshole.

Simon sees light bulbs in the sky.

So Pennytree is now cool. Babes. Babes.

Bots cartwash upon time.

Roosevelt's still an asshole. Abroad. Brawl. Sabotage.

Boy meets girl, the cops come.

And now a rounded gulf are all the marbles.

Where do we fit into all this, my little white buddies?

Are we merely floaters in the courage of life?

No, I tell you, remember this without golf balls,

there is no game.

Oh, yeah?

Float on, my brothers.

Nothing.

Nothing yet.

Let me go check this guy out.

Nice swing.

Thanks.

Now you've got me impressed.

That's why I'm here.

Hello. Breakfast.

- Care for some?
- No thanks.

Shoot this driver a couple of times,

get a draw or a fail aid.

Sure.

Sorry about that.

Oh, it's okay.

My three would takes me a little while to get warmed up.

Would you mind coming over to my office?

I got a few people I'd like you to meet.

Sure.

Dwayne Rider.

How come we never heard of you?

Swing like yours, you ought to be on a PGA tour.

There was a time when I'd qualified for my tour card,

but I found out I couldn't handle the big crowds watching me.

Well without this.

But this also got me kicked out.

So now I just hustle.

That's enough about me.

What's your problem?

Why do you need to pay a guy like me $10,000?

Jerk that owns the course next door wants

to kick us out, put in condos.

Yeah, but he has to beat us first.

Condos?

Little cubicles instead of a golf course?

Well, you can count me in,

but could you advance me a few dollars?

I'm a little short and getting kind

of tired of sleeping in my car.

There you go.

And you're welcome to stay here.

Really? Thanks.

Thanks a lot.

Shank, I need to chat with you.

Can I do for you, Simon?

I challenge that more on Pennytree

to a little round of golf.

You and me against him and whoever we win,

we own their land.

We will win, if you catch my meaning.

And there'll be a big bonus in it for you.

We lose in your dead meat. Understand?

Sure, no problem.

Piece of cake, Simon.

Penciled dick.

- Well, hello pretty lady.
- Hi.

You know, this is some nice setup you have here.

It's definitely worth fighting for.

You know, I told your boyfriend what a lucky man he is.

Thanks.

I feel the same way.

Do you have anybody?

Me? No, not for some time now.

Hey, Dwayne, can I ask you a personal question?

You can ask me anything.

Have you ever been through a cart wash?

Let me show you a few.

Besides here at Pennytree that you may not have seen.

I think you'll like them.

Lead on, Liberty.

Hey, did Liberty tell you where she was going?

No, sorry, she didn't.

Thanks.

Oh, hey Cheryl. Sorry.

Do it again for me.

Tada.

Wow.

Child play. Watch this.

It's a tricycle and a wagon.

Will you marry me?

I do love winning.

So much.

Almost as much as cheating.

Yeah, about right here.

That's not the kind of bonus I was talking about.

Very nice.

I got big fans for you.

Just a gem.

You should get a medal from the government.

I love you.

Son of a bitch.

How could you do this to me?

Hey Dwayne.

Nobody showing you a good time.

Dwayne, do you mind?

No.

I think we're going to buy this young lady a drink

and leave the two of you alone.

You play nice now.

So that's why you did this?

Dwayne and I, we went for a walk.

Yeah, I was trying to get his mind off

the bottle and onto something else.

In case you hadn't noticed, I'm trying to save my grandfather's club.

Look, I don't know. Maybe I don't know,

maybe I'm just not right for this this love thing relationship.

So did the two of you do you anything?

No.

Anyways, Big Wally wasn't up for it.

Nice follow through.

You're looking pretty relaxed for a man that could lose everything.

Thanks. How are you feeling?

I'm good.

Hello, Dwayne.

Well, if it isn't Steve's Gank.

Thank you. Drunk.

Would you dig up this bum?

He'll collapse before the back nine.

Steve's for hire, like me.

The main difference is I like

the Bible a little too much.

He likes to cheat.

Okay, fellas, let's save it for the match.

Come on, let's go practice to him.

Hello, Lucius.

Don't you think we should warm up first?

Numb nuts here says I should warm up.

You say your buttons are ready to be pushed again?

I'd say that I think it's our job to make sure

he's very relaxed.

Just how good is this guy?

He's very good.

Better than me, actually.

But he does have one serious flaw.

Women.

Today's match goes to the team with the men

I'll be with you in a moment.

Goes to the team with the combined lowest score.

As you know it's, winner takes all.

The bentwood team has won the coin toss

and will tee off first.

Do they have a cartwash on this course?

How about you and I make a little sideway chair?

Oh, yeah. Like a SKIMS game.

Hold that thought.

Ballyflop tortime.

Alice.

Are you calling me Mr. Shayk?

No.

I think we both came up through here.

As a matter of fact. This, too. All right.

Here's one in the back. Is that you? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, that is. Thanks.

I might have been more up and through here.

I think you were way over there.

Yeah, in the blink of a Nile.

Before you ever know.

I'm the buried man.

Just a little insurance I find winning bear.

But if I remember correctly,

the fact nine is where you traditionally fade out.

Asshole.

All the players know I'm a buddy, man.

What's wrong, man?

Oh, nothing, Gil.

My daddy used to say if you're seeing three

or something, just aim for the middle one.

Right.

I got it.

That is weird.

Let me see this bottle.

You want to lay off the bottle a little bit, man?

Hold on.

Oh, he is just too cute.

What?

It's time to tell Liberty to

get the girls working overtime.

Yeah, sure.

You want to go boost light, huh?

All right.

Liberty, it's time.

Here. Now what?

Oh, no.

The girls.

I knew that.

What's going on.

You know what, Ned? I never thought I'd ask you this,

but could you give me some water?

Absolutely. Heath.

Dwayne, if you can't finish, you'll have to forfeit.

Not that it would be the first.

Stank, do you have to be upwind of me?

That cologne is killing me.

Fuck you.

I'm going to bury you.

- Thank you.
- How are you doing?

All right?

Fine, thanks.

Good man.

Shank, what happened?

Listen, we're up by two.

The drunk probably won't even finish

and I'm trying to get laid.

Go away.

Gee, I wonder how he missed that putt.

Do you want to hit up at the ladies tease?

Do you need any balls?

Mr. Shank.

You're troubled.

Listen, your little turncoat.

I haven't forgotten about you,

but I'm not such a bad guy.

After we win this thing, I'll let you come back

and reprogram all those computers

you screwed up in between polishing shoes.

We're not dead yet, you freak head.

I'm sorry.

Barbara.

I think your ball may be in here somewhere.

Do we have time to look together?

Do you know how much your swing turns me on?

Most Bro's club speed is only 125 to 134 miles an hour.

Here, let me show you.

You have very little random free radical motion.

Plus, the humidity at ground level makes the velocity

in your swing reach a maximum torque of 110%.

It's really quite simple.

Your five minutes are up, Mr. Skank.

Schenk.

My name is Schank. What phrase? You have to drop one.

I know.

All right, let's just calm down.

Just two more holes and we vote.

I want you three club lengths

away from me at all times.

Do you understand?

You can do it, Mr. Shank.

All right, Pennytree, it's an even match.

What do you say we let the big guns decide to round?

Unless you're chicken.

I don't know, Roosevelt.

Don't worry, Granddad.

We'll win you up to a twin.

No problem, boss.

You're on, you sorry son of a bitch.

No pressure.

Dwayne.

Shank.

Yes. Out.

Oh, wait. Shoot.

Listen, hard on, I've had enough of you.

You either concentrate and beat these assholes

or that check will be bouncing from here to Tallahassee.

Okay, dip, no more fucking around.

Oh, that's good luck.

Oh, boy. Damn.

That's a really deep gash.

What should I take off for this one?

Nothing.

Oh, yes.

That doesn't look too good, does it?

What's the plan?

Sometimes you just got to grip it and rip it.

What the hell does that mean?

What happened, man?

Yes. Yes.

Come on, Dwayne.

Stay focused.

The knitting ritual of the world is

a hazardous and complicated one on conditions

must be felt that quick.

Magnificent shock.

He's on the dance floor.

The crowd goes completely bananas. Good luck. That.

You think, Dwayne. Gimme.

Right, Stank?

The only thing you've given me today

is a huge pain in the ass.

And since I figure you've probably cheated us

out of two strokes today somewhere.

The golf guards are watching.

Go ahead and get a close cupcake.

Don't let him get to you.

Just stay calm.

By the way, I think it breaks a little to the left.

You are a penis.

Please shut up.

Losing's good for my button.

You ride.

I cannot believe this is happening.

This guy is the limit.

Now, it's not going to change anything between us, is it?

Oh, I was meaning to tell you.

We're not going to need you around Pennytree anymore.

Oh, I see.

And why is that?

Well, because you need to keep the boss's granddaughter happy.

And I'm not feeling really happy.

Do you think that you can handle that?

I nature is unhappy?

Oh, yeah. Lettered, in fact.

Big. Big.

Why don't you stick around?

I would, but I've got a way of wearing out my welcome.

Oh, I'm going to miss you.

No matter what anybody says about you.

- You are a hell of a golfer.
- Well, thanks.

And if you ever get tired of hanging out

with this handsome young man over here,

you be sure and give me a call, okay?

At least let me have somebody get your bag.

- All right?
- Hey, boy.

Up here.

I'll put him in your trunk, sir.

You stupid...

Little Liberty.

Yeah.

- Everything's ready.
- Okay, great.

Yeah, we should do before it gets too late.

Well, I better get going.

Oh, Dwayne, since you can't have me

and you insist on leaving,

the girls would like to say thank you and goodbye.

Really? Well, where are they?

At the cartwash.

Oh, hello.

Hello, Simon.

Meaning to talk to you about the sorry about that.

Okay.

You and I, we've got to get a better accounting.

You think?

We're fine as we are.

I have our own I got us our own website.

I think we can get the board

to make us what is going on?

And you insist on saying goodbye?

The girls would like to say hello.

Goodbye? Really?

I could not swim in your pool.

If a man swims in a pool,

it is easier for a pool than a fish suit.

The eye of a needle.

I await for the crocodile advice.

I have carefully placed chicken net about my butter.

The steel met suit will protect me.

But you know what?

This also got me kicked out.

So now I just hustle.

But he does have one serious flaw.

I know what I'm doing.

I'm in control.

Do you understand?

Swing your dingling.

Hey, kids.

Sonar send away for my complete kit

on how to retrieve golf balls.

Just 1995 you too can make the big boxing bottle.

Don't do it follow you.

You pick up the phone, bend your knee, pull it up

your club swing it off she's back on the crowd.

No sugar for you, my friend.

No candy tonight.

Because you're going to strengthen the hell tonight.