All language subtitles for Ghosts.S02E19.WEBRip.x264-ION10

Well, as you can see
in this brochure,

there are a lot
of benefits.

Samantha, we must speak
to you right away.

She is with a guest,

trying to sucker him into
joining something called

the "Woodstone
Rewards Program."

If you sign up now,

you can start earning rewards
during this stay.

We found Crash's head.

Hiya, Toots.

Oh, my God!

Are we really offering
double points on weekdays?

Yes, we are.

Is actually
very good deal.

* *

SAMANTHA:
Big morning. Not only did we
find Crash's head, but...

guess what, Pete? There's a new
Martino Family newsletter.

Pete's in here?

Yeah, he, Sass, Flower,

and Trevor are
watching you work.

SASAPPIS: If you're
sensing any awkwardness,

Jay very loudly passed gas
a few minutes ago.

Did they just get in here?
It doesn't matter.

Okay, well,
I'm on the edge of my seat.

Let's hear that newsletter.

Okay. Jay, you want to do
the honors?

Yeah, sure.

Uh, "Dear family and friends,
big news to announce.

Laura and Brian
are getting married."

My daughter's
getting married?

This is amazing.

Congratulations, Pete.

(grunts)
(Jay laughs)

Ha-ha! Did he high-five me?
Uh, no.

Your hand actually just
went through Trevor's face.

Oh, I'm sorry, but
it serves you right for trying

to have sex with my sister.

So, what's Pete saying?

Well, I'm excited,
obviously.

I mean, from the
newsletters, Brian seems

like a good guy. I just
wish I could be there.

Man, being dead
is rough.

(chuckles) Yeah. They never tell
you about all the downsides.

Pete's sad that
he can't be there.

JAY: Yeah,
it does sound nice.

It's a ceremony on the deck

at Carol and Jerry's house.

My old house.
I built that deck.

(gasps) Sam,
why don't we see

if they want to have
the wedding here?

That's a great idea.

Pete wants us to convince Laura
to have the wedding here

at the mansion
so that he can attend.

Well, I love the thought,
but I do see a few challenges.

For one, they already have
something planned.

And two, do we really think
that Laura would want

to get married 50 feet
from where her dad bled out?

It was actually a very clean
wound, very little blood.

Still gave me nightmares
for a few weeks, though.

Sounds like that
was hard for you.

What if we offer it
to them for free?

We say we're trying
to establish ourselves

as a wedding venue,

and we just want pictures
for our website.

Sam, please. This would
mean so much to me.

It's my daughter. I just want
to see her get married.

Okay, I'll try.

Yes! Thank you.
(chuckles)

Oh, what is
that smell?

Oh, did, uh, did Isaac just

walk through one of us? Yeah.

Isaac's not in here, Jay.

My tummy hurts.

CRASH:
Oh, yeah,

feels good to be reunited
with the ol' bod.

Everything is copasetic now.

Okay, so continue.
Where did you find Crash's head?

We were in an unfamiliar part
of the woods

when I heard a voice cry out
from within a hollow tree stump,

"Yo, skirt,
look over here."

That was me, for any of yous
who were not following.

But how did you come to be
in this tree stump?

Was your head dislodged
by a powerful sneeze, perhaps?

No.

Somebody tossed me in there.

(others gasp)

But who?

Who would do that?

CRASH:
See, that's the thing,

I don't know.

(all gasp)

I was sitting alone one night,
watching the boob tube,

when all of a sudden,

someone grabbed my head
from behind.

I was like,
"Hey, what's the big idea?"

I couldn't see who it was,

on account of they had me
by the back of my 'do.

They carried me
out to the woods,

and threw me
in that tree stump.

That was a year ago.

So this was
no accident.

A crime has been committed.

A headnapper is on the loose.

And I will not
rest until

I bring him or her to justice.

And I'm gonna help

because Game of
Thrones is over,

and Momoa is not
in the spinoff.

Everyone in this house
is now a suspect.

And until this matter
is resolved,

I must insist that no one
leave the property.

We can't leave
property.

Thank you
for your cooperation.

Okay, Carol,
I understand.

Well, call us if you
change your mind.

Sorry, Pete, it's a no-go.
You just gave up.

What was I supposed to do?

I offered her a free venue,
at-cost catering,

triple Woodstone Rewards points
for their stay.

When stick not work,
is time to try carrot.

TREVOR:
I think you have that
backwards, big guy.

Nope.
Thor is correct.

First, offer ceremonial
stick of peace.

If enemy
does not accept,

you stab in eye
with frozen carrot. (laughs)

So, you're saying
we should threaten Carol

to get the wedding here?

These silences, man.
Things escalate

very quickly in these silences.

There is one thing
we could use against Carol.

I've never
told anyone this,

so please don't judge me.

(sighs) I thought
I'd take this to my grave,

which I guess I sort of did.
(laughs)

TREVOR:
Just say it, Pete.

PETE:
Okay, here goes.

My deepest shame:

The deck they're planning
to get married on,

the one that I built,

it's unpermitted.

That's it?

Pete's saying the deck he
built wasn't permitted.

That doesn't sound
like a shortcut

my guy Pete
would take.

I know, but it was so close
to grilling season,

and the permit office
was backed up. (groans)

I guess I just kind of went
a little kook-a-luka.

Kook-a-luka?

(mouths): Kook-a-luka?
PETE: You know,
means crazy, haywire.

It's an expression.
No, it's not.

Okay, so the deck
is unpermitted.

What do we do with
that information, Pete?

We unleash the fury

of the Ulster County
zoning board.

These small towns,

we don't have much in the way
of regular crimes.

An unpermitted deck
in Ulster County is like

a triple homicide
in San Francisco.

Okay,

then let's report
a triple homicide.

Okay, I'm gonna need
some more frequent updates.

This every minute or so,
it's not working for me.

Look, we're gonna
anonymously report

Carol and Jerry
for the deck,

leaving them suddenly in need
of a last-second wedding venue.

Carol rejects stick,

so now,
she suffer carrot.

PETE:
Carol and my grandson are here.

The anonymous tip worked.
We got the deck condemned.

Oh, no,
I'm so sorry, Carol.

I know exactly
who it was.

Jennifer Dobson
from down the street.

I ran into her at
the Cracker Barrel,

and she made
some remark about

not being invited
to the wedding.

I just can't believe she would
do something like this.

Mm, and yet she did.
Obviously, it was her.

Uh, but, you know what,
the important thing is,

your daughter Laura
is gonna have

a beautiful
wedding here.

All because of an illegal deck.
(laughs)

I guess crime does pay.

Ah, it's not a great lesson.

Don't repeat that for the kid.

Where were you
on the night of the incident?

Here in the mansion
that I'm stuck in

for all of eternity.

Care to be more specific,
tough guy?

Do you have
an alibi?

I don't remember.
It was a year ago.

Do you guys remember what
you were doing a year ago?

Very interesting.
No alibi.

I am not responsible,

which I would think
would be obvious.

What do you mean
by that?

If I wanted to dispose
of Crash's head,

I certainly wouldn't have
tossed it into the woods.

No.

I would have waited
for a moonless night

and dropped it into
the inky waters of the old well

on the other side
of the property.

If I had done it,

no one would have
ever found him.

We've reached
a dead end.

Is there anything else
you remember? Anything at all.

Maybe someone you
were beefing with?

Someone who may have wanted
to get you out of the way?

That's a big no, daddy-o.
Everybody loves the Crash.

(sighs) Come now, you've never
had an issue with anybody?

Sass? Thor? Flower?

Definitely not Flower.

Before I got stumped,
we was making it.

Necking like nobody's business.

ISAAC:
Necking?

In your condition?
That seems a bit risky.

It means kissing.
I... know that.

I wish I could be a bigger help.

So, very interesting.

An illicit affair
with Flower.

Who would be enraged
by such an affair?

Enraged to the point
of skull thievery?

Thor.

Grandma, can I read my
book in the kitchen?

If it's okay
with them.

Aw, my scout manual.

Is that Pete's manual
that we found here?

He's obsessed
with it.

Better than drugs,
I guess.

(laughs) Uh, knock yourself out,
little man.

Laura's on
a work Zoom.

Women today.

They think they can have it all,
but she's not here, is she?

Mm, sing it,
sister.

I'm excited
to get into the details

about the wedding, though.

Huh, kind of thought
my daughter

would be here
to do this with me,

not just the woman
who cheated on me

with my best friend, but sure.

Let's plan a wedding. (chuckles)
CAROL: For color scheme,

I was thinking orange.

PETE:
What? No, it's a,
it's a spring wedding.

Let's go white,
let's go periwinkle.

Uh, what about, like,
white and periwinkle?

Really play up
the spring wedding theme.

No, Jerry went to Syracuse.
We really love orange.

Luckily, we're not asking Jerry.

Uh, we were just
thinking because

we provided the venue
for free...

Yeah, we're gonna go
with orange.

Okay, whatever, fine.
Let's talk music.

So, let's talk music.

In addition
to catering,

Jay has also offered to DJ.

(laughs)
Please call me DJJ.

DJ Squared
is also catching on.

(imitates air horn)
Wikki-wikki.

(laughter)

So, any must-haves you want
to hear at the wedding?

"Dancing Queen."
Uh, what about "Dancing Queen"?

ABBA's not my cup of tea.

Are you kidding me?

It's a universal call
to the dance floor.

But anything else is fine.

Wow, Pete, if you
hadn't pushed it,

they could've
slipped it in no problem,

but now it's literally
the only song they can't play.

Cheese and rice.

Okay, look, the only thing
I really care about

is that there are lilies
at the wedding.

In terms of flower
arrangements...

Yes, we're going with roses.
They're my favorite.

SAMANTHA:
I hear you. They're beautiful,

but let me put this
in your ear-- lilies.

My cat died from eating a lily.

That is not good
for Team Lily.

You know, lilies
are actually a symbol

for fertility.

Laura is 46.

Right.
CAROL: And this wedding

is mainly so Little Pete
isn't a bastard anymore.

Technically, he'll
always be a bastard.

We're sticking with roses.

Carol could never compromise.

It was the worst part
of our marriage.

Worse than her sleeping
with best friend behind back?

Oh, right. Thank you, Thor.

ISAAC:
We only have one question
for you,

but it's a doozy.

Did you really think
you'd get away with it?

You think Thor guilty? Why?

Because you were thrown
into a jealous rage

by Flower
and Crash's necking,

which, as we all know,
including me, is kissing.

That was a year ago.

Thor and Flower
weren't even dating yet.

Exactly.
That was your motive,

getting him
out of the way.

We've got you
dead to rights, Thor.

Make it easy on yourself,
confess.

But Thor not do it.
Thor not jealous of Crash.

Flower doesn't even like him.

In fact, she told me that he

starting to bother her and

saying that he was
getting all mushy

because he started singing
too many songs of love.

Really?
Yeah.

She say that he get clingy,

and you know that
she has commitment issues.

(gasp) So, you're saying Flower
might've had a motive

for getting rid
of Crash?

What do you know?
This pretzel has a twist.

All pretzels
have twists.

Not pretzel rods,
Alberta.

(gasps)

What were you doing out there?

I'm trying my darndest to give
my daughter her dream wedding,

and you're laying a goose egg
on the scoreboard.

Pete feels like Carol's
steamrolling us on everything.

Yeah, she's scary.

The woman rolls
her own cigarettes.

She's like
an ice road trucker.

I'm sorry, Pete,
you must be so frustrated.

Oh, I'm well beyond frustrated.
I'm darn near P.O.'d.

Oh, man, when Pete starts
abbreviating almost bad words,

you know he's upset.

Everything else I'm fine with.

I just need these lilies.

Why are lilies
so important to you?

Not to me,

to my daughter.

All right.

Are you ready for Daddy
to walk you down the aisle,

to begin your life
with Mr. Snuggles?

Wait, Daddy, I need my flowers.

Of course,
your bouquet.

How could I forget?

Thank you, Daddy.

These are the most
beautiful flowers ever.

CAROL:
Pete, did you call the
permit office about that deck?

I'll get to it!
I'm doing something!

Sorry.

That's a beautiful
story, Pete.

And I'm sure it would
mean a lot to Carol,

coming from you,
but unfortunately

she can't hear it
from you.

What if she could?

SAMANTHA:
What do you mean?

Well, you know how Pete wrote

a bunch of notes down
in this book?

What if one of them
just happened to say

that his favorite flowers
were lilies?

Oh, I don't think
that's in there.

(laughs) Not yet.

Oh.

Okay, normally I'd be opposed

to this kind of fraud,

but I recently learned
that crime does pay,

so let's do it.

So, after Thor revealed
you had a motive

for getting rid
of Crash,

we have a culprit.

Oh, my God, who?
This is so exciting.

You, Flower.
It was you.

Wait, what did I do?

You hid Crash's head.

You and Crash were in
an intimate relationship,

but then
he started bugging you.

The crooning,
the poems,

the constant necking.
It all became

too much, so you dumped
his head in the woods.

He got too attached,
so you unattached him.

On the night
in question,

you snuck up behind him while he
was watching The Price Is Right,

and you snatched
his head.

Okay, fine.

I did it. I hid Crash's head.

Yes, you did.
(laughs)

But, more importantly,

we figured it out.

The crack investigative team
of Higgintoot and Haynes.

Pony and Bangs.

(gasps) Alberta,
I love that.

(laughs)

Oh, because of your hairstyles.

CAROL:
"And that's why GoBots

are superior
to Transformers."
Mm-hmm.

"Now, when it comes to flowers,
nothing beats a lily."

He wrote it right there
in the margin.

It all makes sense now.

That is why I had lilies
stuck in my head.

I must have read it in
Pete's old scout manual and

somehow internalized it.
Okay.

I guess that would be
a nice way to honor Pete.

"And also 'Dancing Queen'
is a great number to bop to."

Add that when
she's not looking.

You guys talking my wedding?

JAY: Look who it is.
SAMANTHA: Laura, hey.

PETE:
Ah, my little pumpkin,

who's older than me.

That's kind of messing
with my head.

We were
discussing flowers.

Did you know that
your dad loved lilies?

No. I don't remember him
ever mentioning lilies.

And that's kind of messing
with my heart.

Really? No special memories
related to lilies?

No. Why do you think
he liked lilies?

Because he wrote it
in his book, right here.

No.

Grandpa didn't write that.
That's new.

Kill small child. Silence him.

(laughs) Your grandpa
did write that, buddy.

No, it's new.

He's read this book
a thousand times.

Sounds like Little Pete
needs some friends.

And that writing
does look...

a little different

from this writing.

Wait a minute,

did you psychos
forge this?

What's happening?

She was obsessed with lilies
for her website pictures.

Then,
all of a sudden,

they found this thing
in your dad's book

about him
loving lilies.

Sam, fix this.

No, no, that is...
it's just a coincidence.

I don't think we should
do your wedding here.

What? No.

Yeah, this all feels
a little too weird.

Come on, Laura, help
me pack up my stuff.

Wait, please don't leave.

If you leave now,
you're gonna forfeit

all of your
Woodstone Rewards Points.

You were one night away
from a free pancake breakfast.

SAMANTHA:
Come on, Pete, don't
beat yourself up.

No, it's my own fault.
I went too far.

And now I won't even see
my daughter get married.

And the worst part is,

she doesn't even remember
the stupid lilies.

One of my most
cherished memories,

and it means nothing to her.

Okay, well,
we're leaving.

Thank you for
a very weird time.

We're taking you off
the family newsletter.

(gasps) No!

Even Thor upset
about that.

Was excited
to hear how

Cousin Debbie's trip
to Spain went. (chuckles)

She is most
adventurous cousin.

SAMANTHA:
I just, I feel so bad
about this whole situation.

You're right.

I got obsessed with having
lilies in the photos,

and I should've cared more
about what you guys wanted.

You defaced a family heirloom.

I guess I just... I...
I went a little kook-a-luka.

I don't know
how else to say it.

What did you say?

I went nuts,

and I'm sure you guys
never want to see us again.

LAURA:
No, that word.

Kook-a-luka.
Why do you know that word?

I... don't know.

It just popped
into my head. Why?

The only other person I've ever
heard say that word is my dad.

CAROL:
Did you read that
in Pete's book

or something?

That word's not in there,
Grandma,

and I would know
because I have every word

of that book memorized.

(laughs)
TREVOR: Seriously,

somebody get this kid
a basketball or something.

(grunts)

I want to have the wedding here.

CAROL:
Wait, what?

(sighs) I don't know.
I can't explain it, but

I feel Dad's
presence here.

I felt it the first time
we came last year,

and now,
hearing that word,

I don't know, I feel it now.

I'm right here,
Pumpkin.

LAURA: I want him to be
with me at my wedding,

just like when he married me off
to Mr. Snuggles

and gave me those orchids.

(laughs)

Right.

Orchids. (laughs) My bad.

Seriously?

What? I had a senior moment.

Technically, I'm 78.

(sighs) Well,
that is one interrogation

Flower won't
soon forget.

You think?

No, she probably will.

(both laugh)

Ah, well...

until next time,
Bangs.

Oh, uh, just one
more thing, Pony.

You said Crash was watching
The Price Is Right

when his head
was stolen.

And?

And... (laughs)

Crash didn't
tell us that.

The only way you'd know
what he was watching is if you

were the one who grabbed
Crash's greasy mop

and threw it in the woods.

Oh, well... well, you see,

there is actually
a very simple explanation...
There is.

It was you all along, Isaac.

The only thing
I can't figure out is why.

I was very bored.
(gasps)

I-I thought a mystery could

spice things up, so...

yes,

I tossed Crash's head
into the woods.

I thought solving the crime
could be a diversion,

something to help
while away eternity.

But why did you let it
go on for so long?

That boy was stuck
in a tree stump for a year.

There were several blizzards.

Well, admittedly,
that wasn't my intention.

The truth is,
I sort of just... forgot.

(gasps)
I know.

Shortly after
I stashed Crash's head,

things started developing
with Nigel, and then there was

a lot of hubbub around
the B and B opening up,

and plus the new season
of Bake Off came out.

Oh, Isaac.

I know. I'm not proud of it,

but at least one good thing
did come of this.

When was the last time
the two of us

spent this kind of time
together?

It was fun to be
on the case with you.

And why the hell
did Flower confess?

I don't know,
but that was great.

Maybe we could do this
again sometime.

I'd like that.

Although
waiting around

for an actual crime
could prove tedious.

We could lock a basement ghost
in the vault,

and then find them
in a few days.

I like the way
you think.

Thank you again
for hosting the wedding.

Our pleasure, Jerry.

I'm just pleased
we were able to step in

after the whole incident
with Pete's unpermitted deck.

Which was
obviously called in

by a bitter neighbor.

It's okay. I'm gonna build Carol
an even bigger deck.

THOR (laughs):
Yes,

Jerry will give Carol the
big deck that Pete never could.

Ooh.

Oh, look at Little Pete.

Your grandson's such a cutie.
Agreed.

He is an adorable
little bastard.

Where are the bridesmaids?
This wedding sucks.

What is taking so long?
Where is Laura?

Did she get cold feet?

HETTY:
Peter, relax,

she's been with this man
for ten years,

and they have a child together.

The point is,
no one else wants her.

(gasps)
There she is.

Oh, Pete,
she looks so beautiful.

I can't believe it.

My little girl's
getting married.

ALBERTA:
Pete, you go walk your girl
down the aisle.

Ow, ow!

Worth it. (sniffles)
Ow! I-I'm okay.

Ooh. (sighs)

You know, when I was
in the stump,

I thought about you
all the time.

Uh... okay.

I even wrote a song
for you.

You want
to hear it?

I'm kind of
watching something.

* Feeling cold,
shooby doo wop, wop *

* In the tree,
shooby doo wop *

* I thought about you,
shooby doo wop *

* Being with me *

* Oh. *

Hey!

(sighs)

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