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1
00:00:07,470 --> 00:00:09,090
This coffee is so good.
2
00:00:09,290 --> 00:00:10,820
It's got a nice body,
3
00:00:11,020 --> 00:00:12,930
a lot of light, biscuity
notes up front,
4
00:00:13,130 --> 00:00:14,090
but it fades to reveal
5
00:00:14,290 --> 00:00:15,590
an earthy yet creamy finish.
6
00:00:15,790 --> 00:00:17,880
Is it a shade-grown
single origin?
7
00:00:19,010 --> 00:00:21,480
It's Folgers, Dave.
8
00:00:23,050 --> 00:00:24,550
That was my next guess.
9
00:00:25,990 --> 00:00:28,040
Hey-hey.
Hey, Pops.
10
00:00:28,240 --> 00:00:30,280
We got a package at
our house addressed to you.
11
00:00:30,480 --> 00:00:31,610
Well, all right.
12
00:00:31,810 --> 00:00:33,480
And with a few days to spare,
13
00:00:33,680 --> 00:00:36,550
I finally got the perfect
present for Tina's birthday.
14
00:00:36,750 --> 00:00:38,750
Got to do it big
for your boo.
(chuckles)
15
00:00:38,950 --> 00:00:41,940
Yeah, and Dad has a bad history
with Mom's birthdays.
16
00:00:42,940 --> 00:00:45,020
Yep, he is 0
for all of them.
Yeah.
17
00:00:45,220 --> 00:00:47,530
Remember when he got her
that fancy vacuum cleaner?
18
00:00:47,730 --> 00:00:49,400
Oh, she was so upset.
19
00:00:49,600 --> 00:00:53,480
She vacuumed through
every football game that season.
20
00:00:54,620 --> 00:00:56,640
Well, don't forget her 40th.
21
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:57,700
The cake.
22
00:00:57,900 --> 00:00:58,840
Mm.
23
00:00:59,040 --> 00:01:00,070
Was it a carrot cake?
24
00:01:00,270 --> 00:01:01,970
You know, vegetables
have no place in cakes.
25
00:01:02,180 --> 00:01:03,360
Full stop.
26
00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:05,480
I like zucchini bread.
27
00:01:05,680 --> 00:01:06,660
No!
28
00:01:08,360 --> 00:01:10,280
It turns out
that she was allergic.
29
00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:12,350
Her face swelled up
like a blowfish.
30
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:14,420
That's why the next year,
I got her a car.
31
00:01:14,620 --> 00:01:17,040
And ran over her
foot with said car.
32
00:01:18,410 --> 00:01:20,860
Well, I couldn't see
over the big bow.
33
00:01:21,060 --> 00:01:23,050
But this year
is going to be different.
34
00:01:23,950 --> 00:01:26,470
I got her the most
amazing gift.
35
00:01:26,670 --> 00:01:28,930
A genuine Chanel jacket
36
00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:31,650
straight off
the runways of Paris.
37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:36,130
Look like it came straight
from the Guangdong Province.
38
00:01:37,130 --> 00:01:38,110
(chuckles)
39
00:01:38,310 --> 00:01:39,880
She's gonna love it, baby...
40
00:01:40,080 --> 00:01:41,010
DAVE:
Here we go.
41
00:01:41,210 --> 00:01:43,770
Ah, yes. Oh, no.
42
00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,020
Hey, man, that's too small.
43
00:01:48,220 --> 00:01:49,620
I can see that, Dave.
44
00:01:49,820 --> 00:01:53,990
Yeah, so I don't have to point
out that it's spelled "channel"?
45
00:01:54,190 --> 00:01:55,430
Uh, no.
46
00:01:55,630 --> 00:01:57,730
Well, looks like
your streak continues.
47
00:01:57,930 --> 00:01:59,080
(laughs)
48
00:02:02,420 --> 00:02:03,340
Hey.
CALVIN: Hey.
49
00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:04,840
Now, what are you boys up to?
50
00:02:05,040 --> 00:02:06,570
Nothing.
(laughs)
51
00:02:06,770 --> 00:02:08,340
Well, I hope you're
not getting me
52
00:02:08,540 --> 00:02:10,410
anything extravagant
for my birthday.
53
00:02:10,610 --> 00:02:13,510
I don't need anything.
All I need is you.
54
00:02:13,710 --> 00:02:15,210
Well, you know you got that.
55
00:02:15,410 --> 00:02:17,020
You know? But I got to do
56
00:02:17,220 --> 00:02:18,680
a little something
for my baby, now.
57
00:02:18,880 --> 00:02:21,050
Okay, I'm just saying,
when you look this good
58
00:02:21,250 --> 00:02:23,820
at my age, you can't ask
for anything more, right?
59
00:02:24,020 --> 00:02:25,320
You know what I mean?
You know that's right.
60
00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,330
You know what I mean?
Fine as hell.
61
00:02:27,530 --> 00:02:29,400
You do it, Mama. Okay.
62
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:30,960
(Malcolm chuckles)
63
00:02:31,160 --> 00:02:34,080
Oh, man, she is definitely
going to want more.
64
00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:38,270
Luckily, we found
the perfect gift.
65
00:02:38,470 --> 00:02:39,810
Oh, yes, we did.
66
00:02:40,010 --> 00:02:41,540
The latest
in ergonomic sneakers
67
00:02:41,740 --> 00:02:43,580
because she's always complaining
about how her feet hurt.
68
00:02:43,780 --> 00:02:45,760
Well, they did get run over.
69
00:02:47,600 --> 00:02:48,980
Okay, how much do
you want for 'em?
70
00:02:49,180 --> 00:02:51,480
(chuckles)
Daddy, they're not for sale.
71
00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:52,790
Come on, guys.
72
00:02:52,990 --> 00:02:55,190
Look, I'll give
you $300 cash right now.
73
00:02:55,390 --> 00:02:57,520
(laughs)
No, my brother.
74
00:02:57,720 --> 00:02:58,860
You have got to get your own.
75
00:02:59,060 --> 00:02:59,890
(laughter)
76
00:03:00,090 --> 00:03:01,230
Watch out.
77
00:03:01,430 --> 00:03:03,260
Move out the way.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm,
78
00:03:03,460 --> 00:03:05,210
mm-hmm.
Ooh!
79
00:03:06,250 --> 00:03:08,200
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *
80
00:03:08,400 --> 00:03:09,820
* Welcome to the hood. *
81
00:03:15,120 --> 00:03:16,960
Oh, hey, babe.
82
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:20,310
What's going on?
83
00:03:20,510 --> 00:03:22,950
Our online fundraising
auction goes live tonight,
84
00:03:23,150 --> 00:03:24,580
and our donations suck.
85
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:27,670
What are you talking about?
I just donated juggling lessons.
86
00:03:29,610 --> 00:03:30,760
Yeah.
87
00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:33,830
Anyway, I'm waiting
for Jerry O'Connell
88
00:03:34,030 --> 00:03:35,230
to walk by to pick up his kids.
89
00:03:35,430 --> 00:03:37,130
I'm going to "accidentally"
bump into him
90
00:03:37,330 --> 00:03:39,270
and get him to donate
VIP tickets to The Talk.
91
00:03:39,470 --> 00:03:42,030
Oh, finally, the day I get
to chop it up with Jerry.
92
00:03:42,230 --> 00:03:43,470
Ooh, there he is.
93
00:03:43,670 --> 00:03:44,540
He's mine. Jerry.
94
00:03:44,740 --> 00:03:46,440
Jerry! Ooh!
Oh!
95
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:47,940
Oh...
96
00:03:48,140 --> 00:03:50,840
Fire! Uh, false alarm.
(chuckles)
97
00:03:51,040 --> 00:03:51,980
Hey.
98
00:03:52,180 --> 00:03:54,050
You okay?
Yeah, I'm fine.
99
00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:55,810
Hey, can I ask you
a quick question?
100
00:03:56,010 --> 00:03:57,680
No, I don't know
how I got
101
00:03:57,880 --> 00:03:59,400
Rebecca Romijn
to marry me.
102
00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:02,490
(strained laughter)
103
00:04:02,690 --> 00:04:05,290
That's funny.
I-I'm her husband Dave.
104
00:04:05,490 --> 00:04:08,040
I don't know how I got
her to marry me either.
Oh.
105
00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:11,960
So, anyway, our big
online fundraiser
106
00:04:12,160 --> 00:04:13,530
is coming up,
and I was wondering
107
00:04:13,730 --> 00:04:15,800
if you might be able to donate
something to auction off.
108
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,270
Of course. I'm pretty sure
109
00:04:17,470 --> 00:04:20,040
I have a Kindle
that's still in the box.
110
00:04:20,240 --> 00:04:21,040
Brand-new.
111
00:04:21,240 --> 00:04:24,380
Oh, uh, yeah, thanks.
112
00:04:24,580 --> 00:04:27,380
I'm kidding. How many VIP
tickets to The Talk do you need?
113
00:04:27,580 --> 00:04:30,780
Oh, four. Yes.
Thank you. Thank you.
114
00:04:30,980 --> 00:04:32,570
Hooah.
115
00:04:33,840 --> 00:04:34,690
I'm sorry?
116
00:04:34,890 --> 00:04:35,850
No, I'm-- I just--
117
00:04:36,050 --> 00:04:37,060
I-I don't...
Oh.
118
00:04:37,260 --> 00:04:38,890
I don't mean to embarrass you,
119
00:04:39,090 --> 00:04:43,330
but, uh, I just-- Scent ofa Woman is my favorite movie.
120
00:04:43,530 --> 00:04:46,000
Me, too. But that
was Chris O'Donnell.
121
00:04:46,200 --> 00:04:47,750
I'm Jerry O'Connell.
122
00:04:53,820 --> 00:04:57,390
* *
123
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,650
I'll take any idea you got.
124
00:05:00,850 --> 00:05:03,320
I am desperate to find
something special.
125
00:05:03,520 --> 00:05:05,250
Well, I got her
this amazing perfume
126
00:05:05,450 --> 00:05:07,320
I found on Oprah's
Favorite Things list.
127
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:10,320
It's designed by her
personal scent sommelier.
128
00:05:10,520 --> 00:05:14,530
Perfect. I'll give you $300 cash
right here, right now.
129
00:05:14,730 --> 00:05:18,200
Calvin. Come on,
it's your wife's birthday.
130
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:19,670
You've got to dig deeper.
131
00:05:19,870 --> 00:05:21,670
All right, $350.
132
00:05:21,870 --> 00:05:23,070
Calvin!
133
00:05:23,270 --> 00:05:25,970
Just, whenever I ask
her what she wants,
134
00:05:26,170 --> 00:05:28,170
she says, "All I need is you."
135
00:05:28,370 --> 00:05:29,270
Well, yeah,
that's what we all say,
136
00:05:29,480 --> 00:05:32,080
but we actually want the gift.
137
00:05:32,280 --> 00:05:33,310
Well,
138
00:05:33,510 --> 00:05:34,750
you know,
I got Miss Tina a present.
139
00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:37,850
I'm going to play her
a song on my recorder.
140
00:05:38,050 --> 00:05:39,280
I've been practicing for weeks.
141
00:05:39,490 --> 00:05:42,890
Grover, that's really sweet
and thoughtful.
142
00:05:43,090 --> 00:05:44,020
Look, say it's from me,
143
00:05:44,220 --> 00:05:45,590
I'll give you $300 cash.
144
00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:48,330
Mixed bills, tens and 20s.
Ooh, money, money.
145
00:05:48,530 --> 00:05:50,500
No, no, no, no.
No money.
146
00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:53,170
Come on, Calvin,
don't give up.
147
00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:55,230
Why not support a good cause
and get her something
148
00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:57,100
from the school auction site?
149
00:05:57,300 --> 00:06:00,070
All right,
I guess it couldn't hurt.
150
00:06:00,270 --> 00:06:01,540
(groans)
151
00:06:01,740 --> 00:06:04,880
Lunch with
the football coach. Boo.
152
00:06:05,080 --> 00:06:06,210
Yeah.
All right.
153
00:06:06,410 --> 00:06:08,080
Juggling lessons.
That's got to be Dave.
154
00:06:08,280 --> 00:06:09,750
(scoffs)
155
00:06:09,950 --> 00:06:11,720
A 60-pound weighted blanket?
156
00:06:11,920 --> 00:06:13,190
How do you get out of bed?
157
00:06:13,390 --> 00:06:16,190
It's been a rough
year for donations.
158
00:06:16,390 --> 00:06:17,420
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
159
00:06:17,620 --> 00:06:20,330
VIP tickets to The Talk.
160
00:06:20,530 --> 00:06:21,460
Tina loves The Talk.
161
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:23,200
Sheryl Underwood is her girl.
162
00:06:23,400 --> 00:06:24,960
All right, you know what?
I'll buy those.
163
00:06:25,160 --> 00:06:26,820
Great.
Auction goes live tonight.
164
00:06:27,680 --> 00:06:31,570
Okay, well, how about
I give you $300 cash
165
00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:35,390
right now and we cut out
the middleman?
166
00:06:36,530 --> 00:06:39,480
The middleman is
the scholarship fund
167
00:06:39,680 --> 00:06:41,110
for underprivileged kids.
168
00:06:41,310 --> 00:06:43,550
Okay, all right. $375.
No.
169
00:06:43,750 --> 00:06:46,050
$400 and I take Grover
for the night.
170
00:06:46,250 --> 00:06:48,690
We all know he can be a handful.
171
00:06:48,890 --> 00:06:50,440
I'm right here.
172
00:06:51,170 --> 00:06:52,890
* *
173
00:06:53,090 --> 00:06:54,590
Man, this auction is blowing up.
174
00:06:54,790 --> 00:06:57,200
I've had to up my bid,
like, nine times.
175
00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,230
Scent of a Woman.
176
00:06:58,430 --> 00:07:00,220
How could I be so stupid?
177
00:07:00,980 --> 00:07:03,040
Okay. All right.
We're down to the last minute.
178
00:07:03,240 --> 00:07:04,800
Okay, here we go-- oh.
179
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:05,970
Oh...
TINA:
Hey.
180
00:07:06,170 --> 00:07:07,170
(clears throat)
(clears throat)
181
00:07:07,370 --> 00:07:08,210
What are you boys
doing out here?
182
00:07:08,410 --> 00:07:10,260
Oh, you know, uh, watching porn.
183
00:07:11,460 --> 00:07:13,050
No, we are not.
184
00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,680
Oh.
185
00:07:14,880 --> 00:07:16,110
I get it. I get it.
186
00:07:16,310 --> 00:07:18,780
The birthday girl is going
to go back inside now.
187
00:07:18,980 --> 00:07:19,950
Yeah. All right.
188
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:21,220
Bye.
189
00:07:21,420 --> 00:07:22,820
Man, that was terrible.
190
00:07:23,020 --> 00:07:25,620
You're lucky I was here.
You froze up.
191
00:07:25,820 --> 00:07:26,590
(computer chimes)
192
00:07:26,790 --> 00:07:29,330
Oh. Oh, man, I got to up my bid.
193
00:07:29,530 --> 00:07:31,030
Down to the final five seconds.
194
00:07:31,230 --> 00:07:32,700
Okay, here we go.
Okay.
195
00:07:32,900 --> 00:07:35,670
Three, two, one.
196
00:07:35,870 --> 00:07:37,040
Yeah!
Got it!
197
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:38,540
Yeah, baby! Let's go!
198
00:07:38,740 --> 00:07:39,990
You're going to the...
Shh!
199
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:44,460
Right, uh, wow, that is
some pretty wild pornography.
200
00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:48,950
* *
201
00:07:49,150 --> 00:07:52,890
(playing poorly)
202
00:07:53,090 --> 00:07:54,970
* *
203
00:07:58,840 --> 00:08:01,860
Oh, wow. Aw.
204
00:08:02,060 --> 00:08:04,000
Oh, thank you, Grover.
205
00:08:04,200 --> 00:08:06,330
Bless your little heart.
206
00:08:06,530 --> 00:08:08,130
That was beautiful.
207
00:08:08,330 --> 00:08:09,770
What was that?
"Sweet Caroline"?
208
00:08:09,970 --> 00:08:12,520
I thought it was
"Back That Azz Up."
209
00:08:14,760 --> 00:08:16,410
He's been working
on it all week.
210
00:08:16,610 --> 00:08:18,580
Yeah, that's easily
the best that it's sounded.
211
00:08:18,780 --> 00:08:20,110
Yeah.
TINA:
Aw.
212
00:08:20,310 --> 00:08:23,320
Well, thank you, Johnson family,
for my lovely perfume.
213
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,820
And the concert.
214
00:08:25,020 --> 00:08:26,950
Yeah, yeah, uh,
nice effort.
(laughs)
215
00:08:27,150 --> 00:08:29,240
Open ours, Mommy.
Oh, oh.
216
00:08:30,010 --> 00:08:33,630
Okay, let me see
what my babies got me.
217
00:08:33,830 --> 00:08:35,010
Ugh.
218
00:08:38,910 --> 00:08:40,750
These are nice.
219
00:08:41,520 --> 00:08:43,900
Is that why you said "ugh"?
220
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,800
Oh, did I? No, no, I...
221
00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:48,670
Well, they look
like old lady sneakers.
222
00:08:48,870 --> 00:08:50,680
No, no, no, no, no.
Th-They're not for old ladies.
223
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,180
They're just padded
to relieve foot pain,
224
00:08:52,380 --> 00:08:54,930
improve posture,
and prevent varicose veins.
225
00:08:57,600 --> 00:08:59,120
Well, when you put
it like that...
226
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:00,940
Oh, damn.
227
00:09:03,510 --> 00:09:04,660
Oh, yeah. Look at that.
228
00:09:04,860 --> 00:09:06,540
They're endorsed by Marla Gibbs.
229
00:09:08,340 --> 00:09:11,080
Y'all got y'all mama
some Air Gibbs?
230
00:09:13,750 --> 00:09:15,370
We have got to get
Mama something else.
231
00:09:15,570 --> 00:09:16,970
Oh, yeah, y'all
definitely do.
232
00:09:17,170 --> 00:09:18,570
Yeah, we know, Gemma.
233
00:09:18,770 --> 00:09:22,470
Well, babe, you're going
to need someplace to wear
234
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:24,680
your nice new Velcro kicks.
235
00:09:24,880 --> 00:09:27,950
So here you go.
Oh, that's sweet, baby.
236
00:09:28,150 --> 00:09:30,180
What'd you get me?
237
00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:31,680
Oh, my God!
238
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:34,420
You got me four tickets
to The Talk?
Yes.
239
00:09:34,620 --> 00:09:36,520
I get to see
my girl Sheryl in person?
240
00:09:36,720 --> 00:09:40,730
Oh, baby, this is
the best gift ever.
241
00:09:40,930 --> 00:09:42,490
Hit it, Grover. I'm feeling it.
242
00:09:42,700 --> 00:09:44,330
(playing poorly)
I'm feeling it.
243
00:09:44,530 --> 00:09:47,050
* *
244
00:09:56,730 --> 00:09:58,310
* *
245
00:09:58,510 --> 00:10:01,210
Baby, we are in the front row.
246
00:10:01,410 --> 00:10:03,650
I mean, Sheryl is
going to be right there.
247
00:10:03,850 --> 00:10:04,920
I could touch her.
248
00:10:05,120 --> 00:10:06,220
Okay, you know what?
You know who's else
249
00:10:06,420 --> 00:10:07,890
gonna be right here
is security.
250
00:10:08,090 --> 00:10:09,150
Don't do that, okay?
251
00:10:09,350 --> 00:10:10,620
Okay.
252
00:10:10,820 --> 00:10:12,090
So exciting.
253
00:10:12,290 --> 00:10:13,690
You know, Jerry is
definitely going to see me.
254
00:10:13,890 --> 00:10:16,730
This is the last chance for
me to save our friendship.
255
00:10:16,930 --> 00:10:18,330
There is no friendship.
256
00:10:18,530 --> 00:10:21,920
Well, not with that
attitude, there isn't.
257
00:10:24,920 --> 00:10:26,300
ANNOUNCER:
Welcome to The Talk.
258
00:10:26,500 --> 00:10:28,140
- * You and me *
- * You and me *
259
00:10:28,340 --> 00:10:30,280
* You know we make
some real good company *
260
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:31,510
* Company... *
261
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:33,750
Oh, my God, it's Sheryl!
It's Sheryl!
262
00:10:33,950 --> 00:10:35,680
* You know we make
some real good company *
263
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,320
Hi, Sheryl!
264
00:10:37,520 --> 00:10:39,620
* *
265
00:10:39,820 --> 00:10:41,420
* Hoppin', we poppin',
all the magic we makin' *
266
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:44,860
* Lord knows I love conversating
with you *
267
00:10:45,060 --> 00:10:47,860
(chanting):
Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!
268
00:10:48,060 --> 00:10:49,090
Jerry!
269
00:10:49,290 --> 00:10:50,700
Wrong show. Wrong Jerry.
Stop doing that.
270
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:51,700
Stop doing that.
271
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:53,350
(laughing)
272
00:10:54,920 --> 00:10:57,070
* *
273
00:10:57,270 --> 00:10:59,170
Okay, here's a gift idea.
274
00:10:59,370 --> 00:11:01,640
An LED light therapy
rejuvenation mask.
275
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,180
Are you crazy?
276
00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:06,030
That'll be like telling Mama
her face isn't juvenated.
277
00:11:08,960 --> 00:11:11,450
See, man, look, look.
Look at this.
278
00:11:11,650 --> 00:11:15,120
Ah. Things were so
easy when we were little.
Huh.
279
00:11:15,320 --> 00:11:17,690
We made her an ugly necklace
out of macaroni
280
00:11:17,890 --> 00:11:18,960
and she loved it.
281
00:11:19,160 --> 00:11:22,060
Oh, man.
Yeah, I remember that.
282
00:11:22,260 --> 00:11:23,500
You know, one time
283
00:11:23,700 --> 00:11:25,930
I gave her a Lando Calrissian
action figure
284
00:11:26,130 --> 00:11:27,370
that she bought me,
285
00:11:27,570 --> 00:11:29,000
and she said it was
her favorite gift ever.
286
00:11:29,200 --> 00:11:32,690
Yeah, and then
you took it right back.
287
00:11:33,490 --> 00:11:35,920
She wasn't gonna
play with it.
288
00:11:36,890 --> 00:11:40,150
Well, as you know, we here on
The Talk are big fans of chili.
289
00:11:40,350 --> 00:11:42,450
And today
our own Sheryl Underwood
290
00:11:42,650 --> 00:11:45,050
is going to share
her secret recipe.
291
00:11:45,250 --> 00:11:46,750
(cheering and applauding)
292
00:11:46,950 --> 00:11:49,390
And spoiler alert,
it is good.
293
00:11:49,590 --> 00:11:50,560
So good.
294
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,320
Oh, you guys, stop.
295
00:11:52,520 --> 00:11:54,660
Okay, now, I'm going
to invite a few
296
00:11:54,860 --> 00:11:57,730
lucky audience members
up on stage to sample it.
297
00:11:57,930 --> 00:11:59,100
Anybody hungry?
298
00:11:59,300 --> 00:12:00,330
Me! Me, me, me! Me!
Oh!
299
00:12:00,530 --> 00:12:01,930
I'm starving, I'm starving!
300
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:03,700
Hey, birthday girl.
Birthday girl right here.
301
00:12:03,900 --> 00:12:05,900
Oh, yeah, a-and the
birthday girl's friends.
302
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,070
And the birthday girl's friend.
303
00:12:07,270 --> 00:12:08,440
Okay, you four. Come on.
304
00:12:08,640 --> 00:12:09,610
Oh. Okay!
305
00:12:09,810 --> 00:12:11,610
Come on, baby.
Come on, let's go.
306
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,280
Oh, I'm so excited.
307
00:12:13,480 --> 00:12:14,610
Hey.
308
00:12:14,810 --> 00:12:16,850
Come on up.
309
00:12:17,050 --> 00:12:19,550
Okay, okay.
Where are you from?
310
00:12:19,750 --> 00:12:21,050
Pasadena, Sheryl.
311
00:12:21,250 --> 00:12:22,690
Uh-huh.
I'm Tina and you're Sheryl.
312
00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:24,260
All day, every day.
313
00:12:24,460 --> 00:12:27,290
Sheryl is standing right here,
Calvin. She's right here.
314
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:28,690
I can see that, babe.
315
00:12:28,890 --> 00:12:30,360
Was 'cause your man
finally got you
316
00:12:30,560 --> 00:12:31,630
a great birthday present.
317
00:12:31,830 --> 00:12:33,200
Yes, you did, baby...
you're so sweet.
318
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,030
And your birthday's
about to get even better
319
00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:37,170
because I'm going
to make you some chili.
320
00:12:37,370 --> 00:12:38,300
GEMMA: Ooh.
Ooh!
321
00:12:38,500 --> 00:12:39,910
(audience applauding)
322
00:12:40,110 --> 00:12:41,670
Hey, Jerry O'Connell.
323
00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:45,530
Why don't you come
and, uh, Stand by Me?
324
00:12:46,860 --> 00:12:48,510
Yes, that was, uh, that was
325
00:12:48,710 --> 00:12:51,000
a movie I was actually in.
Very good. Very good.
326
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:53,720
Very good.
All right, let's get cooking.
327
00:12:53,920 --> 00:12:56,150
Yes. Show me the chili!
328
00:12:56,350 --> 00:12:58,020
Okay. Yeah.
I was also in Jerry Maguire.
329
00:12:58,220 --> 00:12:59,960
Let's move on. We're moving on.
330
00:13:00,160 --> 00:13:01,160
DAVE:
Got him.
331
00:13:01,360 --> 00:13:04,200
Okay, I need an assistant chef.
332
00:13:04,400 --> 00:13:05,730
Oh, oh, you got to pick my baby.
333
00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:08,530
She's been cooking me the best
chili for over 30 years.
334
00:13:08,730 --> 00:13:09,670
Oh, stop it, baby.
335
00:13:09,870 --> 00:13:13,240
Oh, looks like
I got some competition.
336
00:13:13,440 --> 00:13:16,640
Oh, wow. Mom is on TV
cooking with her hero.
337
00:13:16,840 --> 00:13:18,740
DAVE: What kind of cheese
are you going to use,
338
00:13:18,940 --> 00:13:24,300
Jerry O'Connell? Monterey Jack
or... Kangaroo Jack? (chuckles)
339
00:13:25,070 --> 00:13:27,170
Oh, David.
340
00:13:28,240 --> 00:13:30,260
As every great cook knows,
341
00:13:30,460 --> 00:13:32,830
the secret to chili
is the spices.
342
00:13:33,030 --> 00:13:35,160
And I got my own
special blend.
343
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:37,600
Cayenne.
Ooh, all right, now.
344
00:13:37,800 --> 00:13:40,030
Paprika.
Oh, I see you. I see you.
345
00:13:40,230 --> 00:13:41,030
Mustard seed.
346
00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:43,070
AKBAR: Ooh.
Huh?
347
00:13:43,270 --> 00:13:46,140
And a little something-something
that they won't see coming.
348
00:13:46,340 --> 00:13:47,510
Horseradish.
349
00:13:47,710 --> 00:13:49,170
Mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm.
350
00:13:49,370 --> 00:13:50,610
NATALIE:
All right, everybody,
351
00:13:50,810 --> 00:13:52,880
you have Sheryl's chili
in front of you,
352
00:13:53,080 --> 00:13:54,510
so let's dig in.
353
00:13:54,710 --> 00:13:56,210
DAVE: All right.
354
00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:59,150
AKBAR: Okay.
All right.
Okay.
355
00:13:59,350 --> 00:14:01,150
(clears throat) Mmm.
356
00:14:01,350 --> 00:14:03,390
Mmm.
This is good.
357
00:14:03,590 --> 00:14:04,790
This is so good, Sheryl.
358
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:06,020
It's really good.
359
00:14:06,220 --> 00:14:07,990
Here you go,
birthday girl.
360
00:14:08,190 --> 00:14:10,660
Bon app tit.
All right. Okay.
361
00:14:10,860 --> 00:14:13,450
Thank you, Sheryl.
362
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:22,340
You don't like it?
363
00:14:22,540 --> 00:14:24,490
I do. It's so good.
364
00:14:25,930 --> 00:14:27,810
This is a masterpiece. Yeah.
365
00:14:28,010 --> 00:14:31,670
You know what? All this need
is a whole bunch of crackers.
366
00:14:34,070 --> 00:14:36,190
Tina doesn't like my chili.
367
00:14:36,390 --> 00:14:37,760
You all like my chili, right?
368
00:14:37,960 --> 00:14:40,090
Oh, yeah, yeah, so, so good.
It's so yummy.
369
00:14:40,290 --> 00:14:41,490
Amazing.
370
00:14:41,690 --> 00:14:43,830
I'm almost done. Yeah.
Hey. This is spicy.
371
00:14:44,030 --> 00:14:46,130
So it's just you.
No.
372
00:14:46,330 --> 00:14:48,430
No, no, no.
Because I-I love it.
373
00:14:48,630 --> 00:14:50,270
I love it. The chili is good.
374
00:14:50,470 --> 00:14:51,900
Okay, then-then
eat some more.
375
00:14:52,100 --> 00:14:53,010
Go ahead.
376
00:14:53,210 --> 00:14:55,710
Okay, let me...
Mangia.
377
00:14:55,910 --> 00:14:58,540
...have some more chili.
(forced laugh)
378
00:14:58,740 --> 00:15:00,430
(groans)
379
00:15:07,540 --> 00:15:09,020
I think this segment is over.
380
00:15:09,220 --> 00:15:13,130
And I think y'all been lying
about my chili this whole time.
381
00:15:13,330 --> 00:15:14,460
JERRY:
You know what?
382
00:15:14,660 --> 00:15:16,490
We're going to pay
some bills right now, okay?
383
00:15:16,690 --> 00:15:18,930
We'll be right back
with more Talk.
384
00:15:19,130 --> 00:15:21,320
(audience applauding)
385
00:15:22,420 --> 00:15:24,300
AKBAR:
Aw.
386
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,810
Oh, Sheryl, don't be like that.
387
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,210
See what you did, Akbar?
388
00:15:29,410 --> 00:15:31,580
Sheryl!
389
00:15:31,780 --> 00:15:34,910
* *
390
00:15:35,110 --> 00:15:37,020
Hey. Gemma?
391
00:15:37,220 --> 00:15:38,680
Calvin, what are you doing here?
392
00:15:38,880 --> 00:15:42,750
(sighs) Look, I need
you to do me a favor.
393
00:15:42,950 --> 00:15:45,120
I need to talk
to Jerry O'Connell.
394
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:47,360
No. Nuh-uh.
395
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:48,960
After what happened
this morning?
396
00:15:49,160 --> 00:15:51,130
Well, that's the thing.
397
00:15:51,330 --> 00:15:53,830
Look, I finally got Tina
the perfect gift,
398
00:15:54,030 --> 00:15:56,720
and it wound up being
her worst birthday ever.
399
00:15:57,920 --> 00:16:01,970
She told me she wished
I just ran over her feet again.
400
00:16:02,170 --> 00:16:04,480
I understand.
401
00:16:04,680 --> 00:16:06,210
But I can't allow you
to approach
402
00:16:06,410 --> 00:16:08,010
a parent on school property
403
00:16:08,210 --> 00:16:09,580
without proper...
Hey, Erica.
404
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:11,520
Ooh, there he is.
Hey, Jerry!
405
00:16:11,720 --> 00:16:15,690
Jerry. Oh, sorry.
Oh! Why? Why?
406
00:16:15,890 --> 00:16:17,090
(stammering)
407
00:16:17,290 --> 00:16:18,860
You okay?
408
00:16:19,060 --> 00:16:20,560
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Please, please tell me
409
00:16:20,760 --> 00:16:22,230
that guy Dave
is not with you.
410
00:16:22,430 --> 00:16:24,230
Uh...
411
00:16:24,430 --> 00:16:27,280
Oh, no, no, no, I barely
know that guy, man.
412
00:16:28,220 --> 00:16:30,340
Hey, look, Jerry, um,
413
00:16:30,540 --> 00:16:32,970
my wife Tina,
she loves Sheryl so much,
414
00:16:33,170 --> 00:16:37,040
and, uh, this morning, you know,
it-it ruined her birthday.
415
00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:38,980
Uh, I think we should move on.
416
00:16:39,180 --> 00:16:41,650
Here's the weighted blanket
you won at the auction.
417
00:16:41,850 --> 00:16:44,980
(grunting)
418
00:16:45,180 --> 00:16:46,220
You okay?
Oh, yeah.
419
00:16:46,420 --> 00:16:47,690
I got it, I got it.
420
00:16:47,890 --> 00:16:50,360
Look, I-I was just hoping
that maybe
421
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:52,360
you could put Tina
in touch with Sheryl
422
00:16:52,560 --> 00:16:54,060
so that she can apologize.
423
00:16:54,260 --> 00:16:55,430
Well, I-I'd love
to help you out,
424
00:16:55,630 --> 00:16:56,890
but Sheryl is not
upset with your wife.
425
00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,500
Sheryl's upset with
us for not being
426
00:16:58,700 --> 00:17:00,600
more real with her
about her chili,
427
00:17:00,800 --> 00:17:02,130
which is not great chili.
428
00:17:02,330 --> 00:17:06,500
Yeah, I'm not sure
if it was even chili.
429
00:17:06,700 --> 00:17:08,440
We were just trying
to spare her feelings,
430
00:17:08,640 --> 00:17:10,710
and now Sheryl's
embarrassed.
431
00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,610
She said she's never
cooking on our show again.
432
00:17:12,810 --> 00:17:16,880
O-Okay, well, maybe
we can help each other out.
433
00:17:17,080 --> 00:17:18,650
Come on, let me help you
with that blanket.
434
00:17:18,850 --> 00:17:21,520
(grunts)
You know, it just so happens
435
00:17:21,720 --> 00:17:23,390
my wife makes a mean chili.
436
00:17:23,590 --> 00:17:25,290
Oh, I certainly
believe the mean part.
437
00:17:25,490 --> 00:17:26,860
(chuckles)
Slow your roll.
438
00:17:27,060 --> 00:17:28,960
That's my wife
we talking about now.
439
00:17:29,160 --> 00:17:31,800
* *
440
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:34,270
SHERYL:
Tina doesn't like my chili.
Pause.
441
00:17:34,470 --> 00:17:36,950
Right there.
Look at my face.
442
00:17:38,790 --> 00:17:42,310
Yeah. That's not pretty.
Ugh.
443
00:17:42,510 --> 00:17:43,480
You're an attractive woman,
444
00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:45,630
but that's not a good face.
445
00:17:46,560 --> 00:17:49,110
Babe, I know your
birthday is over...
446
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:51,930
Are you day-drinking with Dave?
447
00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,200
You know, I don't think
Akbar liked me either.
448
00:17:57,000 --> 00:17:59,120
Anyway, look, I know
your birthday's over,
449
00:17:59,320 --> 00:18:00,430
but I got one more gift for you,
450
00:18:00,630 --> 00:18:02,330
and it's a chance
to make things right.
451
00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:04,630
I just want you...
So you're just gonna leave
me on the front porch
452
00:18:04,830 --> 00:18:06,510
like I'm an Amazon package?
453
00:18:08,650 --> 00:18:09,730
Hello, Tina.
454
00:18:09,930 --> 00:18:12,640
Calvin, Sheryl Underwood
is in my house.
455
00:18:12,840 --> 00:18:15,410
I know, babe. I brought her.
456
00:18:15,610 --> 00:18:17,610
Sheryl Underwood,
457
00:18:17,810 --> 00:18:20,380
I am so sorry
about this morning.
458
00:18:20,580 --> 00:18:22,350
It's, it's just my face.
You know?
459
00:18:22,550 --> 00:18:23,780
It-it won't lie.
460
00:18:23,980 --> 00:18:25,420
Girl, I know it.
461
00:18:25,620 --> 00:18:27,800
I watched it back on slow-mo.
462
00:18:29,470 --> 00:18:30,720
But I want to thank you.
463
00:18:30,920 --> 00:18:33,020
You were the only one
that was honest with me.
464
00:18:33,230 --> 00:18:34,460
Oh.
465
00:18:34,660 --> 00:18:37,760
I hated the chili, too.
Even more than her.
466
00:18:37,960 --> 00:18:41,400
Little late,
Jerry O'Connell superfan.
467
00:18:41,600 --> 00:18:43,840
Uh, so he mentioned me?
468
00:18:44,040 --> 00:18:46,970
Nobody's talking
about you, Dave.
469
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:49,970
Tina, I brought Sheryl here
so that you could teach her
470
00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:51,640
how to make chili
the right way.
471
00:18:51,840 --> 00:18:53,550
Oh, hell yeah, I will.
472
00:18:53,750 --> 00:18:56,080
Come on, girl. Let me
get you a glass of wine.
473
00:18:56,280 --> 00:18:58,120
That's all right, girl.
474
00:18:58,320 --> 00:19:00,390
I got one.
475
00:19:00,590 --> 00:19:03,460
Calvin! Sheryl Underwood
is in my kitchen.
476
00:19:03,660 --> 00:19:04,960
I can see.
477
00:19:05,160 --> 00:19:08,180
This is the best birthday ever.
Again.
478
00:19:09,440 --> 00:19:10,800
So, what do I need to know?
479
00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:13,130
Okay, first off,
the horseradish has got to go.
480
00:19:13,330 --> 00:19:14,700
That's my mother's recipe.
481
00:19:14,900 --> 00:19:16,870
Oh, she doesn't know
how to cook either, huh?
482
00:19:17,070 --> 00:19:18,050
Tina!
483
00:19:24,260 --> 00:19:25,840
Ooh, okay.
Where are you taking me?
No, no,
484
00:19:26,040 --> 00:19:27,550
Keep your eyes closed.
Okay.
485
00:19:27,750 --> 00:19:31,080
Okay. Almost.
Almost.
All right.
486
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:32,750
And open 'em.
487
00:19:32,950 --> 00:19:34,570
Ta-da!
488
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:37,090
Wow. What's all this?
489
00:19:37,290 --> 00:19:38,290
It's your present.
490
00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:40,230
Look, Ma, we-we were
trying to find
491
00:19:40,430 --> 00:19:42,160
the perfect birthday
present for you,
492
00:19:42,360 --> 00:19:45,630
and we remembered that
you really loved this one.
493
00:19:45,830 --> 00:19:47,030
Aw.
494
00:19:47,230 --> 00:19:49,070
We remember this day
as being pretty much perfect,
495
00:19:49,270 --> 00:19:50,440
so we decided to recreate it.
496
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:53,740
Oh, thank you.
Are those sandwiches?
497
00:19:53,940 --> 00:19:54,740
Yep.
498
00:19:54,940 --> 00:19:56,790
Tuna fish and Cheetos.
499
00:19:57,690 --> 00:19:58,980
(laughs)
Yep, there's the yucky face.
500
00:19:59,180 --> 00:20:00,880
There it is.
501
00:20:01,080 --> 00:20:03,050
But I love it. I will eat it.
502
00:20:03,250 --> 00:20:05,750
Thank you. Boys, this is...
503
00:20:05,950 --> 00:20:07,790
This is all I could want.
504
00:20:07,990 --> 00:20:08,950
Mwah.
505
00:20:09,150 --> 00:20:09,990
My babies. Mwah.
506
00:20:10,190 --> 00:20:11,290
Happy birthday, Mama.
507
00:20:11,490 --> 00:20:12,660
Thank you. This is...
Okay, Mom,
508
00:20:12,860 --> 00:20:14,060
I need you to smile,
we about take a picture.
509
00:20:14,260 --> 00:20:15,060
All right, come on.
Okay.
510
00:20:15,260 --> 00:20:16,590
Let's take a picture
511
00:20:16,790 --> 00:20:18,530
with my babies.
512
00:20:18,730 --> 00:20:21,000
Here we go.
513
00:20:21,200 --> 00:20:22,600
Three, two...
514
00:20:22,800 --> 00:20:24,340
What y'all looking at?
515
00:20:24,540 --> 00:20:25,600
Dad.
Come on, Pop.
516
00:20:25,800 --> 00:20:27,970
We're trying to recreate
this photo.
517
00:20:28,170 --> 00:20:29,610
Oh, but, man,
I didn't know.
518
00:20:29,810 --> 00:20:31,340
That's okay, baby, why don't
you just get in the picture?
519
00:20:31,540 --> 00:20:33,300
Oh, okay. All right, good.
Let's do it.
520
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,480
Come on, baby. Here we go.
521
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:37,450
And three, two--
522
00:20:37,650 --> 00:20:39,250
Ooh, do I smell
Cheetos and tuna?
523
00:20:39,450 --> 00:20:40,350
Ah, Dave.
David.
524
00:20:40,550 --> 00:20:42,220
They're trying to take a photo.
525
00:20:42,420 --> 00:20:45,260
Oh, you know what? Let's just
do one with everybody.
All right.
526
00:20:45,460 --> 00:20:46,720
Come on. Here we go.
Come on, brother.
527
00:20:46,920 --> 00:20:48,430
CALVIN: Get in. Get in.
All right. Good.
528
00:20:48,630 --> 00:20:49,530
And...
529
00:20:49,730 --> 00:20:52,000
All right, everybody say chili.
530
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,400
Chili!
531
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,530
Captioning sponsored byCBS
532
00:20:55,730 --> 00:20:57,650
and TOYOTA.
533
00:21:02,460 --> 00:21:05,890
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
37136
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