All language subtitles for Not.Dead.Yet.S01E09_EngCP

And what would you
say your relationship is like

with your inner child?

You know, um, we don't
see each other that often.

I should call her, though,
since she's probably responsible

for most of my snack choices
and cereal intake.

And how does that make you feel?

Wow.

You guys really say that, huh?

Uh, I feel, in general,
fairly well-adjusted.

What are you doing?

Besides laying down
in a public space.

Nothing. I'm just finishing
my latest obit,

and I just feel like, you know,

there's really good energy here.

The couch in the hallway
by the bulletin board

where people come to fart?

Here we go.

'Sup?

Yep, exactly.

You know, I'd like to tell you
that you have

our unwavering support,

but things like this
really make me waver.

Hmm. What can I say?

Every writer has their process.

Now, go. Go away.
Let me do my thing.

You're gonna have to go
somewhere else to f...

I will.
So, important question.

Huh?
Have you told your friends

- that you see ghosts?
- Oh, absolutely not.

And how does that make you feel?

You know what?

I think it's time to end
our session.

But we haven't

really dug into why you're not...

Oh.

Therapy is hard.

All right, so, you said

you were going through
some stuff in the back.

What you got, huh?
Some rare apéritifs?

- Stinky cheese from France?
- Mmm.

Uh, my dead husband's ashes.

- Oh.
- Oh. It's not as delicious.

Man, that's a lot.
How are you doing?

Fine, I think.

I've been going through
his things, too,

and I have something
very special for you, Edward.

Nice.

Ta-da!

Oh, my God, that's Monty's hat!

- Huh?
- Um, in my... in my head,

that... that would be
Monty's hat.

Just, like, the way
that I pictured it,

like, um, um, from
your descriptions

and stuff like that,
because, sadly,

I have never met him in person.

I was trying to decide between
this hat and his jar of coins.

Collector coins?

Nope, just change
from his pocket.

I'll stick with the hat.

I'm a hat guy now.

So, it must've been,
uh, really hard

going through
all of Monty's stuff.

Um, yeah,
but it's helping me process.

I even think I am ready to
spread Monty's ashes.

- I-I'd be happy to join.
- Oh!

Me, too.

- Anything you need.
- I appreciate it.

- How about tomorrow?
- Oh.

So I don't have time
to back out.

Yeah, count me in.
It's a date.

I-I mean, a very solemn date.

I can't believe that you go
to the zoo with your children

and don't come home
with an animal.

Well, we just go
to look at them.

Your life is so strange.

Hi!
Hey!

Ben, I didn't know
you were here!

Ugh, don't even with that dress
and those shoes right now.

- What?!
- Mm-hmm.

Yeah, can I write it off?

That depends. Did you write
about those shoes?

I mean, I can.
Right, Lexi?

Oh, you know
I don't read the paper.

Do whatever you want.

Lexi, this is my husband, Ben.

Oh! The Ben!

I heard that your sperm is
the more powerful swimmers

of the two of you.

Congratulations.

Thank you?

What she's trying to say is
we're so excited

for your surrogacy
and you two becoming dads.

That's actually just
what we were talking about.

We'll be ready to go
once Dennis picks the egg donor,

which is happening today. Ah.

- Right, babe?
- Absolutely.

Ben thought it would be
a good idea

for me to pick the egg donor

because we're using
his swimmers.

You know, I once
let my husband, Tanner,

choose a song on Spotify.

He felt very empowered.

I can already tell
I'm gonna be obsessed with you.

- Thank you.
- Mm-hmm. See you tonight.

Egg-solutely.

Because, by then, I will have
picked out an egg.

All right, bye-bye.

I will not

have picked an egg by then!
Just to be clear,

we're talking
about the human woman

that houses said egg, right?

Whatever.
What are you, my OB-GYN?

I've been riddled
with indecision

about this whole thing, and
if I don't pick someone soon,

then Ben is gonna think that
I'm not fit to be a father,

and then he'll go with someone
else who's decisive like he is

and knows exactly the egg
that he wants to fertilize.

Look, I'm sure
your indecisiveness

is one of the many reasons
he loves you.

Aww.
No!

It's one of our issues.

Ben's as confident as his sperm.

Mom friends...

I need your help.

Say no more. You had me
at "confident" and "sperm."

Let's go make a baby.

Hell yes.

Today's the day.

There's no turning back,
because I'm already here.

Are you planning on spreading
the ashes in a bowling alley?

'Cause I'm not sure
if that's legal,

and don't get me started
on wearing public shoes.

What?

Oh, no.
This is Monty.

I keep him in an urn
in his favorite bowling bag.

How many bowling bags
does he have?

Two.

My weed is in the other one.

All right.

Okay, so, snacks are packed,
bladders are empty.

Let's get this show on the road.

So where are we going?
Is it hat weather?

Trick question.

It's always hat weather,
when you look this good.

Well, I have a trick answer,

because I have no idea
where we're going.

I'm trying to find
the right spot,

but I'm... I'm having
a hard time deciding.

However,
I have narrowed it down.

Wow. May I?

This is, um, looooong.

Why is this nerd wearing my hat?

Monty!
M-Monty...

would love how thorough
this list is.

Ooh, are we getting high
and going bowling?

You know, um, I'm gonna just...

I'm gonna quickly go
to my bedroom

and get my phone charger.

I'll, uh... I'll be right back.

Oh!

So, listen, the bowling bag?

Mm-hmm?
That's you.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

So where's Cricket
keeping her weed?

She got that covered.
I need your help.

So, Cricket is finally ready
to spread your ashes.

The only problem is

that she doesn't know
where the right spot is,

and she's got a list

that's gonna take us
weeks to get through.

I mean, I saw
a Chipotle parking lot

in Chatsworth on there.

Yes.

That was the first time we were
fined for public indecency.

Yeah, also, I bet Lamps Plus
is on there, too.

Okay, can we focus?

Yes.

I know exactly where
I want my ashes spread.

- Uh-huh?
- In the valleys of Ojai.

That's where I saw the most
gorgeous sunset of my life.

And you know me,

I-I don't believe a lot
in that woo-woo stuff, but...

Mm-hmm?

I kind of felt like
I was at one with the universe.

- Hmm.
- So, you gotta tell her, Nell.

Oh, no.
It wasn't on the list.

Well, then, put it on the list.

I can't just add things
to the list.

I mean, she's gonna wonder
why I'm suggesting it.

Yeah, then I'm gonna
have to tell her

about the whole
speaking-to-ghosts thing.

Well, maybe it's time you did.

No way. If I tell her
and she doesn't believe me,

she's gonna think I'm crazy,

and then if she does believe me,
she's gonna think

I'm a terrible person
for not telling her

that I'm friends with
her dead husband.

It's a lose-lose for me.

Well, what if I spend
the rest of eternity

at a Golf N' Stuff
on Lankershim?

You had sex at a putt-putt?

No! What?
It was our third date.

Get your head out of the gutter.

Oh, you started this.

I... Am I thinking too small?

What about Chicago?

Monty always loved Chicago.

Love the city.
Hate the pizza.

It's like an above-ground pool
filled with marinara sauce.

So, um... So, Cricket,
have you ever considered

spreading Monty's ashes in Ojai?

Listen, Ojai is nice. Yeah.

But Monty and I, we traveled

to lots of nice places
over the years.

There's a lot of parking lots
on this list.

Yeah, there are.

I just thought he might like it.

- I got it!
- Oh.

- I know where we need to go.
- Great. Where?

- My psychic.
- Oh, brother.

You might think
this sounds crazy,

but Miss Cassandra
can speak to the dead.

That sounds... insane.

This should be fun.

Okay, here are my
top choices for egg donors.

Oh! I was expecting uggos. Brava.

Lexi, this is about more
than just looks.

But, damn, your babies
are gonna be looking foine.

Thank you.

Okay, here is Elise.

Wow. She seems
really promising.

And she graduated summa cum
laude from Carnegie Mellon?

Yes, but she has
a degree in math.

- Ugh.
- Ugh.

No, you don't want
some weird math baby

vomiting their beautiful mind

all over your pristine windows. Mm.

Right.
Right, right!

Plus, Ben already has math
in his sperm.

Two plus two equals no.

Okay, next.

- This is Chandra.
- Hm.

- Hm.
- She has a degree in sociology,

she speaks five languages,

and obviously has
perfectly arched brows.

She seems great.

- Get that egg!
- Yes!

Um, minor red flag.

I went through her social media,
and I couldn't find

one picture with
an "I Voted" sticker.

Seriously?
Well, Chandra,

those perfectly plucked eyebrows
have revealed

that you have no moral backbone.

Yes. Yes, because everybody
here absolutely votes.

- Next!
- This is Diane.

Oh, I already see the problem.

- She has perfect teeth.
- Uh, no, she's...

Oh, they're headgear straight.

Mm-hmm. You do not want
to commit to a lifetime

- of orthodontia.
- But what I was gonna...

And she went to one
of those universities

where you get
to make up your major

and you get graded in acorns?
No.

- But she has great...
- No, ma'am. Not today.

- No, thank you.
- Pass!

Who's next?

That's it.
That's... That's all I had.

I honestly kinda thought
that last one was pretty good,

but, uh... but, no,
you guys are probably right

about the... teeth.

It's fine, I'll start over.
It took months to find these,

but I'm sure I'll find
somebody by tonight.

Where's the door?

Used to be a door here.
Here we go.

Was here.
Here we go, just...

- It's right here.
- Thank you, ladies.

Mm-hmm.

Cricket, do you know
how many times

genuine psychic phenomena
has been verified

by scientific data?

- Not a once.
- Edward.

- Yes, ma'am?
- Shut up.

Copy.

You really believe

that people can
talk to the dead?

- I do.
- Yeah.

A-And you don't think
they're crazy?

And they might even
be kinda cool,

like somebody that you'd wanna
have drinks with,

or go to
the farmers' market with,

or do yoga with,
and all that kind of stuff?

I-I'm just so new to all this.

Oh, the way I see it, I don't
have to prove it or disprove it

to know that
it's meaningful to me.

- Hmm.
- Honey, there are times

when I can smell Monty

as if he's standing
right behind me.

Whoa, that's a fancy crapper.

A lot of shell soap.

Does anyone else
find it concerning

that all of this is for sale?

Because I'm picking up
on some strong

going-out-of-business vibes.

Sorry to keep y'all waiting.

- Hi!
- Hi.

Okay, Cricket,
you know the drill.

I'm gonna ask that
we all sit and hold hands.

- I'm gonna stand.
- Fine.

And where should I stand
so that she'll see me, huh?

Should... Oh, should
I breathe on her neck?

Would that be helpful,
or is that kind of creepy?

I'm getting a very strong presence.

A short-haired, older male,
possibly athletic.

That's me.

I used to get drunk
at the golf course.

A tennis player?
I'm getting tennis.

Or maybe on the tennis court.

And drool.
Lots of drool.

What is this, a roast?

Hmm. It's not a human presence
at all.

He loved walks.

And he's a very good boy.

It's Buster.

My childhood golden retriever.

He loved tennis balls.

The only thing is...

he wasn't a very good boy.

He was the very best boy.

What's Buster doing now?

Can we energetically throw him

a couple tennis balls
or something?

Before we commune with your dog,

as the woman whose credit card
is still on file,

are you feeling anything
from Monty?

Like where I should
spread his ashes?

- Ojai!
- Monty is showing me elements...

Earth, wind, fire...

No, that's a band.

Mm, it's coming to me.

It's water, isn't it?

- It is.
- Yes!

- I knew it. It's the beach.
- The beach?!

I haven't worn shorts
since 1972!

I've been thinking about
this little spot,

but I just wanted
to make sure that I was right.

Well, it isn't.
I hate the beach.

Monty thinks the beach
is perfect.

Oh, great.

I'm gonna spend
the rest of eternity

with sand in my butt crack.

♪ Bobby, baby,
we're out of time ♪

♪ Phone rings, door chimes ♪

♪ In comes company ♪

♪ No strings, good times,
room hums, company ♪

Ahh!

- Mm-hmm.
- Mm-hmm.

Aren't these pineapple
cottage cheese doubles

the perfect snickety-snack?

Mm, I love them.
I feel like a...

Like a milkmaid
on a Hawaiian vacation.

God, I love Hawaii.
Well, except for the...

- Huge turtles.
- huge turtles.

Well, look at the two of you
getting to know each other.

So, Dennis, what do you think?

Wouldn't she make
the perfect egg donor?

Uh, wait, did you two...?

We searched high and low
to find someone

who shares all of
your personality traits,

even your propensity
for nervous questioning.

I-I don't do that, do I?

Oh, my God, do I?

She's perfect,

and she'll contribute all
the things that make you you.

Well, except her maternal
great-grandfather

did have a challenged hairline.

I've never seen
my great-grandfather.

- Can I have the photo?
- No, you don't want it.

But, look, we can futz with it.

With science, you can
genetically engineer, I mean,

almost any part of a baby.

- Eye color, hair...
- No, no, no. No, no.

- Stop talking, stop talking.
- No. No.

I-I don't want to
Build-A-Bear my child.

Then what are we
even doing here?

- I don't know.
- Hey.

Look, no matter what you do,

that kid is gonna be exactly
who that kid's gonna be.

Take Tilly, for example.
All Keith and I want

is for her to watch
The Bachelor with us,

and all she wants to do is read.

It is very disappointing. Yeah.

So, at the end of the day,
it's all a crapshoot,

so you just have
to trust your gut.

My gut says that
all of this is wrong.

Not the pineapple with dairy,
that's... beautiful.

The... Everything else.
And I want no part in it.

You know what?
I'm gonna...

I'm gonna buy one of
those crystals for 30 bucks,

so I'll just meet you
in the car.

I'll be right out. Okay.

One last thing, Miss Cassandra,
if that is even your real name.

Don't you feel bad, huh?

Just swindling vulnerable people
out of their money

by pretending
that you talk to ghosts?

Is this Ghost Hunters again?

Because you're legally
supposed to tell me

if this is Ghost Hunters.

I know for a fact that
you do not talk to dead people

and you were not just
talking to Monty right now.

First of all,
you ruined my Hot Pocket.

Secondly, of course
I don't talk to ghosts.

Right.
Yeah, yeah.

Because only crazy people
talk to ghosts.

But what I told Cricket
was not wrong.

My job is to reflect
back to people

what they already know inside

but are too scared
to admit to themselves.

That is a fancy way
of saying "a fake."

Like you.

You have a secret
that you not only

will not tell your friends,
you can't face it yourself.

Pfft! Ha.

Well, that can apply to anybody.

Not me.
I'm hella at peace.

Oh!

Fine!

What if I did?
What if you were right?

What if I did have a secret
that I m-might be holding,

and then what would
you say to that,

all-knowing one?

Why are you asking me?

You don't believe in me.

But maybe it's time for you
to tell your friends,

like Cricket.

Damn, you are good.

I know. That's how I afford
the high-end Pockets.

So we're happy
with this parking job?

Yeah.

Nell, we're running out of time.

This is your last chance before
you're stuck with your secrets,

- and I become fish poop.
- Cricket?

- Hmm?
- Cricket, yeah, um, are you

really sure that this is
the right spot?

I have seen TikToks
where seagulls grab sandwiches

out of people's hands here.
Like, ugh. You know?

And... And look, metered parking?

They don't even take cards?

That is just gonna be
a hassle, you know,

having to bring quarters
every time.

Ohhh.
That was a sign.

I have Monty's coins.

I guess my old choices
are coming back to haunt me.

I'll be right back.

Nell, what's going on with you?

Are you upset that
Miss Cassandra won't contact

your childhood three-legged cat
that you won't shut up about?

Don't be ridiculous. This
isn't about Princess Tripod.

Well, why are you trying
to talk Cricket out of it?

Clearly, she's happy
with this choice.

Because this is not
the right spot, okay?

I just know it isn't.

All right.

Cricket?
Hmm?

Hey, um...

There's something
I wanna tell you,

and I know that this sounds...

Cricket, why do you think
this is the right spot?

Well, uh...

After Monty died, I hated
being home without him,

so I'd just drive around.

And, um, one day,
I ended up here,

and I watched the sunset
and cried.

I came back for every sunset
for weeks.

Hmm.

And then, one day, I came
and I heard music playing

from the... the restaurant
down the beach.

And it sounded joyful,
and it sounded fun.

It sounded like Monty.

And for the first time,
instead of crying, I smiled.

That's how I want to feel
when I think about him.

You'd think by now,

I would've learned
never to doubt

a woman named Cricket.

- Cricket?
- Hm?

Miss Cassandra was right.

This is the spot that
Monty would have wanted.

I just... I just know it.

Yeah.

So we are parking in two spots.

Dennis?
Do you have a second?

We brought you someone.

N-No... No more egg donors,
please. I-I can't.

You don't need
your mom friends today.

There will be plenty of times
you'll need our advice,

but today is not one of them.

But I want to stay.

Alexis, we discussed this.

- Okay, fine.
- Let's go.

I heard you freaked, Denny.

It's been a rough day, Benny.

I'm sorry I put
extra pressure on you.

I thought it was important
for you to pick the egg donor

so we could each have a little
bit of ourselves in the baby.

Yeah, but that's just it.

You know, I-I think
we've been so focused

on how much of you
is in the baby

and how much of me
is in the baby,

we forgot about the baby.

I went through a database
of thousands of women,

trying to pick the perfect one,

but children come out
how they are.

So why go through all this

if there's one out there
who already is...

and who needs us?

What if...

instead of surrogacy, we adopt?

Denny, I don't care
how we become parents.

The only thing
that matters is that

I get to become
a parent with you.

And take the tax deduction.

Right.
Yes, of course.

Come here.
I love you.

I love you, too.

You're so weird!

And we're gonna adopt!

You know, I forgot that
today was all about

Cricket having her moment.

You know, I've been
just thinking about myself

and our past together.

I wasn't thinking about
her future without me.

Yeah.

♪ We were born before the wind ♪

Yeah, I got wrapped up
in my own stuff, too.

- Mm-hmm.
- If I'd have told her

I talked to you,
she would've held onto that

and wouldn't have been
able to move on.

But you were finally ready
to tell her about all this.

Now, does that mean
you think it's real?

Or do you think you're crazy?

You know, I learned from
a wise and intuitive woman,

I don't need to prove
or disprove anything

to know that it's
meaningful to me.

♪ Smell the sea ♪

Hmm.

Well, I'm just sorry you didn't
get to tell your friend.

That's not true.

I told you, Monty.

Aww.

♪ Into the mystic ♪

Well, kiddo, if you're ever
looking for me,

you know where to find me.

♪ When that fog horn blows ♪

It's really pretty, Monty.

♪ I will be coming home ♪

♪ Mm-mmm ♪

♪ Yeah,
when the fog horn blows ♪

♪ I wanna hear it ♪

Bye, Monty.

♪ I don't have to fear it ♪

♪ And I wanna rock
your gypsy soul ♪

What's Buster doing now?

I bet you he's laying down
or napping.

Or rubbing
his butt on the carpet.

Buster is sending me a message

that he wants you to stop
checking in on him.

That doesn't sound like Buster.

That's funny, because
I'm the one hearing him,

and Buster
is very clearly saying

that he wants you
to stop coming here,

particularly between the hours
of 7:00 and 8:00 A.M.,

when Good Morning America is on.

Buster always loved
Good Morning America.

- You need to leave.
- Before I go...

That was me throwing him
one last tennis ball.

I know.