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1
00:00:02,568 --> 00:00:04,448
It's Halloween Week here on BBC Two.
2
00:00:04,448 --> 00:00:07,528
So, tonight,
Steve Pemberton and Reece Shearsmith
3
00:00:07,528 --> 00:00:11,128
are tricking and treating us to
a live edition of the award-winning
4
00:00:11,128 --> 00:00:12,208
Inside No. 9.
5
00:00:12,208 --> 00:00:15,808
I'd put the lights on
and grab a cushion if I were you.
6
00:00:15,808 --> 00:00:19,088
Expect very strong language,
scenes which some viewers
7
00:00:19,088 --> 00:00:23,368
may find disturbing and,
of course, the unexpected.
8
00:00:23,368 --> 00:00:24,688
Good luck, studio.
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00:01:16,286 --> 00:01:17,566
WOMAN ON RADIO: It needn't do.
10
00:01:17,566 --> 00:01:20,166
Look, this is a brochure
from Wills Unlimited.
11
00:01:20,166 --> 00:01:22,646
They send you a paper form
to fill in,
12
00:01:22,646 --> 00:01:25,606
so there's no messing around
on the computer.
13
00:01:25,606 --> 00:01:28,166
A fixed fee so the
cost is transparent,
14
00:01:28,166 --> 00:01:30,886
and a free helpline
for your beneficiaries.
15
00:01:30,886 --> 00:01:32,846
Sounds like a piece of cake!
16
00:01:32,846 --> 00:01:35,046
Exactly! Speaking of which...
17
00:01:35,046 --> 00:01:36,606
I'll put the kettle on...
18
00:01:36,606 --> 00:01:38,006
THEY LAUGH
19
00:01:38,006 --> 00:01:40,766
Wills Unlimited -
for a clear conscience.
20
00:01:42,726 --> 00:01:44,806
You're listening to Symphonic FM.
21
00:01:44,806 --> 00:01:47,006
So sit back, relax...
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00:01:47,006 --> 00:01:48,406
And stop breathing.
23
00:01:48,406 --> 00:01:50,446
..and bask in the classics.
24
00:01:50,446 --> 00:01:54,326
It's just coming up to 14:15,
which is quarter past two
25
00:01:54,326 --> 00:01:59,525
in old money, and we've got some
lovely, soothing Schubert coming up.
26
00:01:59,525 --> 00:02:01,765
But first, with this week's
gardening tips, here's...
27
00:02:01,765 --> 00:02:03,845
Oh, bugger off!
28
00:02:03,845 --> 00:02:05,605
We're not all one foot in the grave.
29
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MOBILE PHONE RINGS
30
00:02:08,045 --> 00:02:10,405
OMINOUS MUSIC
31
00:02:14,205 --> 00:02:17,325
Hello?
RUSTLING
32
00:02:17,325 --> 00:02:19,125
Hello, can you hear me?
33
00:02:19,125 --> 00:02:20,645
STRAINED WHISPER: Heeeelp!
34
00:02:20,645 --> 00:02:21,805
Sorry, I can't...
35
00:02:21,805 --> 00:02:24,405
Can you put the phone closer to
your mouth? I can't quite hear.
36
00:02:24,405 --> 00:02:27,885
Heeeelp meeeee...
37
00:02:29,445 --> 00:02:30,885
MUG EXPLODES IN MICROWAVE
38
00:02:30,885 --> 00:02:32,965
Bloody hell!
39
00:02:32,965 --> 00:02:34,485
HE SIGHS
40
00:02:39,645 --> 00:02:41,725
Sorry about that.
I was just coddling an egg.
41
00:02:43,245 --> 00:02:45,284
Hello?
CALL DISCONNECTS
42
00:02:51,724 --> 00:02:53,884
PHONE RINGS
43
00:02:57,004 --> 00:02:59,164
Elsie! Hello, dear.
How are you?
44
00:02:59,164 --> 00:03:02,364
No, no, sorry,
my name's Arthur Flitwick.
45
00:03:02,364 --> 00:03:05,484
You don't know me, but I found
this phone, that I'm speaking
46
00:03:05,484 --> 00:03:08,684
to you on now, in the
churchyard at St Catherine's.
47
00:03:08,684 --> 00:03:10,964
I've no idea who it belongs to,
but yours was
48
00:03:10,964 --> 00:03:12,524
the last number dialled.
49
00:03:12,524 --> 00:03:14,884
Oh, well, it belongs
to Elsie Mitchell.
50
00:03:14,884 --> 00:03:18,324
We sometimes partner each other
at the Con Club Sunday social,
51
00:03:18,324 --> 00:03:21,044
you know, with us both having
lost our husbands.
52
00:03:21,044 --> 00:03:23,244
But I've not heard
from her in a while.
53
00:03:23,244 --> 00:03:25,324
Well, is it possible
you could let her know
54
00:03:25,324 --> 00:03:28,284
I've got her phone and I can arrange
to get it back to her?
55
00:03:28,284 --> 00:03:30,563
Absolutely.
I'll let her know right away.
56
00:03:30,563 --> 00:03:32,563
She'll be ever
so grateful, I'm sure.
57
00:03:32,563 --> 00:03:36,563
Jolly good. Well, she can reach me
on 444-4244.
58
00:03:36,563 --> 00:03:38,243
Oh, that's easy to remember!
59
00:03:38,243 --> 00:03:40,403
It is, yes.
Arthur Flitwick.
60
00:03:40,403 --> 00:03:44,283
Well, nice talking to you and I hope
to hear from Elsie in due course.
61
00:03:44,283 --> 00:03:45,763
Thank you, dear.
62
00:03:45,763 --> 00:03:47,243
Bye then. Yes, goodbye.
63
00:03:54,443 --> 00:03:56,203
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
64
00:03:56,203 --> 00:03:58,243
OMINOUS MUSIC
65
00:04:01,323 --> 00:04:02,603
Hello?
66
00:04:02,603 --> 00:04:04,243
Elsie, it's Moira O'Keefe!
67
00:04:04,243 --> 00:04:06,883
Listen, I know you lost your
mobile phone, but I've just heard
68
00:04:06,883 --> 00:04:08,803
from a nice man
who found it for you.
69
00:04:08,803 --> 00:04:10,963
No, no, no, Moira.
His name's Arthur Flitwick
70
00:04:10,963 --> 00:04:12,803
and you can reach him
on 444...
71
00:04:12,803 --> 00:04:14,722
Moira, this is Arthur.
72
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,922
Oh! You found her, did you?
73
00:04:16,922 --> 00:04:20,042
No, I've got Elsie's mobile
and that's the number
74
00:04:20,042 --> 00:04:21,802
you're calling me on now.
75
00:04:21,802 --> 00:04:23,082
Oh, good heavens.
76
00:04:23,082 --> 00:04:24,282
What a fool I am!
77
00:04:24,282 --> 00:04:26,642
Would you happen to have
her landline at all?
78
00:04:26,642 --> 00:04:29,322
No, I only have the one
starting 07.
79
00:04:29,322 --> 00:04:30,842
That'll be the mobile, will it?
80
00:04:30,842 --> 00:04:32,722
I'm afraid so, yes.
81
00:04:32,722 --> 00:04:35,282
Well, there we go, mystery solved.
82
00:04:35,282 --> 00:04:39,482
Except I want to be able
to get this phone back to her.
83
00:04:39,482 --> 00:04:41,642
Will I leave her a voicemail?
84
00:04:41,642 --> 00:04:44,802
No, because then
it'll come through to me.
85
00:04:44,802 --> 00:04:46,962
Do you know if she has any re...
SOUND CUTS OUT
86
00:04:46,962 --> 00:04:49,082
..other friends in the area?
87
00:04:49,082 --> 00:04:52,562
No. Oh, but you could try
the vicar at St Catherine's.
88
00:04:52,562 --> 00:04:54,522
I believe they were...
89
00:04:54,522 --> 00:04:58,681
quite close. Right, would you
happen to have his name?
90
00:04:58,681 --> 00:05:00,481
Reverend Neil.
91
00:05:00,481 --> 00:05:01,881
Oh, now, I'd better go.
92
00:05:01,881 --> 00:05:03,401
My husband's just come in.
93
00:05:03,401 --> 00:05:06,161
Oh, I thought you said
your husband was...
94
00:05:06,161 --> 00:05:08,041
CALL DISCONNECTS
95
00:05:08,041 --> 00:05:11,401
OMINOUS MUSIC
96
00:05:25,521 --> 00:05:28,521
INAUDIBLE
97
00:05:28,521 --> 00:05:30,601
SILENCE THROUGHOUT
98
00:05:57,120 --> 00:05:59,440
..I was able to perform
the service myself.
99
00:05:59,440 --> 00:06:01,640
So she's buried at
St Catherine's, then?
100
00:06:01,640 --> 00:06:04,360
She is. And you would be
most welcome, Mr Flitwick.
101
00:06:04,360 --> 00:06:07,040
It would be a pleasure
to see you any time.
102
00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,360
In the cemetery?
103
00:06:08,360 --> 00:06:09,640
No, in the church.
104
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:11,960
We're always on the lookout for...
105
00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:13,800
new blood.
106
00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:17,000
I mustn't take up
any more of your time.
107
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,120
If you could just let me
have Elsie's telephone,
108
00:06:19,120 --> 00:06:20,400
I'll be on my way.
109
00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,360
Yes, the thing is, Reverend,
after I spoke to you,
110
00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:26,400
I was scrolling through
some of Elsie's text messages.
111
00:06:26,400 --> 00:06:29,199
Purely in an
investigatory capacity, of course.
112
00:06:30,319 --> 00:06:32,959
And I came across
a message from her daughter.
113
00:06:32,959 --> 00:06:34,959
Evangeline? Yes.
114
00:06:34,959 --> 00:06:37,759
She said she'd like to come
and collect the phone herself,
115
00:06:37,759 --> 00:06:39,839
if it's all the same to you?
116
00:06:39,839 --> 00:06:41,279
Of course.
117
00:06:41,279 --> 00:06:44,879
Dear Evangeline, she was always
such a rock for her mother.
118
00:06:44,879 --> 00:06:46,959
Do send her my fondest wishes.
119
00:06:46,959 --> 00:06:48,559
And these...
120
00:06:48,559 --> 00:06:50,719
text messages that you found...
121
00:06:50,719 --> 00:06:51,879
MOBILE PHONE RINGS
122
00:06:51,879 --> 00:06:53,079
Excuse me.
123
00:06:53,079 --> 00:06:54,439
I'm sorry.
124
00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:57,079
Hello?
125
00:06:57,079 --> 00:07:00,359
Mr Flitwick,
it's Moira O'Keefe again.
126
00:07:00,359 --> 00:07:02,279
I hope I'm not
interrupting your evening?
127
00:07:02,279 --> 00:07:05,079
Not at all, no. I'm just here
with Reverend Neil, actually.
128
00:07:05,079 --> 00:07:07,919
He was telling me how Elsie
would clean at the church
129
00:07:07,919 --> 00:07:09,959
and help with the Brownies.
130
00:07:09,959 --> 00:07:13,238
Ah, yes, that toilet
in the vestry has a busted flush.
131
00:07:13,238 --> 00:07:15,918
I've told the reverend
to get a man in.
132
00:07:15,918 --> 00:07:17,238
Yes.
133
00:07:17,238 --> 00:07:20,678
The thing is, Moira, I'm afraid
I have some rather upsetting...
134
00:07:20,678 --> 00:07:23,278
SOUND CUTS OUT
135
00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:39,118
I'm very sorry, but as you can hear,
we're having a few problems
136
00:07:39,118 --> 00:07:43,078
at the moment with the sound for
this live edition of Inside No. 9.
137
00:07:43,078 --> 00:07:46,558
We hope to rectify that for you
in just a few moments,
138
00:07:46,558 --> 00:07:49,478
so stay with us here on BBC Two.
139
00:07:52,278 --> 00:07:54,998
MUZAK PLAYS
140
00:08:15,117 --> 00:08:18,037
SILENCE
141
00:08:20,037 --> 00:08:22,397
INAUDIBLE
142
00:08:29,117 --> 00:08:32,517
Well, I'm really sorry but we have
a few gremlins in the studio
143
00:08:32,517 --> 00:08:37,357
and we won't be able to continue
with tonight's live episode,
144
00:08:37,357 --> 00:08:40,596
which will now be shown
at a later date.
145
00:08:40,596 --> 00:08:45,396
But the good news is that we do have
a repeat from series one
146
00:08:45,396 --> 00:08:49,676
of Inside No. 9.
So, please, sit back and enjoy
147
00:08:49,676 --> 00:08:51,356
A Quiet Night In.
148
00:09:32,835 --> 00:09:35,235
CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS
149
00:10:28,794 --> 00:10:31,154
MUSIC BEGINS TO DISTORT
150
00:10:44,314 --> 00:10:47,274
MUSIC SLOWS TO STUTTERING STOP
151
00:10:47,274 --> 00:10:49,594
SILENCE
152
00:10:54,553 --> 00:10:57,673
Well, as you can see, we are
continuing to have difficulties
153
00:10:57,673 --> 00:10:59,673
with Inside No. 9 tonight,
we're working on it.
154
00:10:59,673 --> 00:11:01,033
DISTANT BREATHY WHISPERING
155
00:11:01,033 --> 00:11:03,873
And as soon as I get any information
about what's going on,
156
00:11:03,873 --> 00:11:05,913
I will of course let you know.
157
00:11:09,953 --> 00:11:12,153
As I was saying...
BREATHY WHISPERING CONTINUES
158
00:11:12,153 --> 00:11:14,233
..as soon as
we've identified the issue...
159
00:11:17,073 --> 00:11:19,033
..we will get something
to air for you.
160
00:11:24,673 --> 00:11:25,873
Hello?
161
00:11:25,873 --> 00:11:27,433
RUSTLING
162
00:11:29,233 --> 00:11:30,873
Is someone there?
163
00:11:39,792 --> 00:11:42,032
MICROPHONE FEEDBACK AND THUDDING
ANNOUNCER SCREAMS
164
00:12:10,312 --> 00:12:13,272
SHOUTING AND LAUGHING
165
00:12:15,952 --> 00:12:20,112
# Always look on the
bright side of life
166
00:12:20,112 --> 00:12:22,952
# Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do. #
167
00:12:27,711 --> 00:12:29,591
GASPS AND SCREAMS FROM AUDIENCE
168
00:12:29,591 --> 00:12:31,231
Oh, my God!
169
00:12:31,231 --> 00:12:33,351
Oh, Bobby!
170
00:12:33,351 --> 00:12:35,591
Jesus, stop, stop, stop!
Don't do a thing.
171
00:12:35,591 --> 00:12:36,911
Don't do a thing.
172
00:12:38,311 --> 00:12:41,191
CLOCK TICKS
173
00:12:50,711 --> 00:12:52,551
SIGHING
174
00:12:52,551 --> 00:12:53,991
Did you find him? Yeah.
175
00:12:55,351 --> 00:12:58,071
So, basically, he said
if they can fix the sound,
176
00:12:58,071 --> 00:13:02,351
there's a possibility we can
go on at 11 o'clock tonight.
177
00:13:02,351 --> 00:13:04,711
We'll start again? Yeah. Pathetic.
178
00:13:04,711 --> 00:13:06,991
That would mean bumping The Ring
and he's not sure...
179
00:13:06,991 --> 00:13:09,030
HE SIGHS
Fuck.
180
00:13:09,030 --> 00:13:11,270
Plus, he doesn't think
they're going to fix it, so...
181
00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,510
What a fucking...
182
00:13:12,510 --> 00:13:15,430
Why didn't they just cut to the
repeat, to the rehearsal one?
183
00:13:15,430 --> 00:13:17,190
Eh? Plowman said
if there was a problem,
184
00:13:17,190 --> 00:13:19,710
they would use the rehearsal
that we filmed this afternoon.
185
00:13:19,710 --> 00:13:22,870
But no-one would know it was live
then, would they?
186
00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,510
No-one knows that anyway, do they?
187
00:13:24,510 --> 00:13:25,990
Who fucking cares?
188
00:13:25,990 --> 00:13:27,510
It's not even Halloween.
189
00:13:28,710 --> 00:13:31,310
Asked to do a Halloween special -
by the way, it can't actually be
190
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:32,550
on Halloween night.
191
00:13:32,550 --> 00:13:35,190
Maybe it can now instead of
fucking Apprentice. God.
192
00:13:36,750 --> 00:13:37,950
Where are they all now?
193
00:13:39,910 --> 00:13:41,870
They've all gone upstairs
for a meeting.
194
00:13:44,070 --> 00:13:47,270
I knew this would happen.
Makes us look stupid.
195
00:13:47,270 --> 00:13:49,030
What are they saying on Twitter?
196
00:13:49,030 --> 00:13:51,470
I can't get on it,
can I, there's no signal.
197
00:13:51,470 --> 00:13:53,549
There is. There's wi-fi.
198
00:13:54,909 --> 00:13:57,509
There isn't? There's a card
next door. Well, no-one told me.
199
00:13:57,509 --> 00:13:59,029
Stephanie showed me.
200
00:13:59,029 --> 00:14:00,749
Stephanie showed you? Yeah!
201
00:14:00,749 --> 00:14:02,509
Fucking hell.
202
00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:06,029
I can't believe Stephanie Cole can
get online and you can't. I know!
203
00:14:06,029 --> 00:14:07,869
77-year-old woman.
204
00:14:07,869 --> 00:14:09,549
HE SIGHS
205
00:14:09,549 --> 00:14:11,589
Oh.
206
00:14:11,589 --> 00:14:14,629
Adam said they're going to repeat
A Quiet Night In.
207
00:14:14,629 --> 00:14:16,589
What, now? Yeah, it's on now.
208
00:14:16,589 --> 00:14:18,229
Will we get a repeat fee?
209
00:14:18,229 --> 00:14:19,749
Don't know actually. Good point.
210
00:14:19,749 --> 00:14:21,909
Good. Something good's
come out of it.
211
00:14:28,989 --> 00:14:31,589
Do you think...
212
00:14:31,589 --> 00:14:34,069
if we do it again, like,
next year, or whatever,
213
00:14:34,069 --> 00:14:36,109
we should try and get
somebody else for Moira?
214
00:14:36,109 --> 00:14:37,508
What, instead of Stephanie Cole?
215
00:14:37,508 --> 00:14:40,308
Yeah. You know, like I've said right
from the start. She can't do it.
216
00:14:40,308 --> 00:14:41,748
The accent's shit. It's not shit.
217
00:14:41,748 --> 00:14:43,388
It is. It's the ending.
218
00:14:43,388 --> 00:14:45,468
A, she doesn't understand it.
219
00:14:45,468 --> 00:14:47,428
B, she's making it too obvious.
220
00:14:47,428 --> 00:14:50,268
You can't blame her for that,
it's totally impenetrable. It's not.
221
00:14:50,268 --> 00:14:51,868
It is! It's not.
222
00:14:51,868 --> 00:14:53,948
I defy any normal person
to be able to...
223
00:14:53,948 --> 00:14:55,588
It's a good ending. Right.
224
00:14:59,068 --> 00:15:01,108
I'm on Twitter. Yeah?
225
00:15:01,108 --> 00:15:02,708
Fucking hundreds of messages.
226
00:15:02,708 --> 00:15:04,748
Saying what?
227
00:15:04,748 --> 00:15:06,508
"What is going on with
Inside No. 9,
228
00:15:06,508 --> 00:15:07,788
"is this part of the twist?"
229
00:15:07,788 --> 00:15:09,428
Oh, do fuck off!
230
00:15:09,428 --> 00:15:11,588
I bet everyone thinks
we've deliberately done it.
231
00:15:20,828 --> 00:15:22,547
Hello and welcome to Most Haunted.
232
00:15:22,547 --> 00:15:25,107
This week, I've landed us right
in the middle
233
00:15:25,107 --> 00:15:27,907
of a great British institution.
234
00:15:27,907 --> 00:15:31,267
Well, this is a certainly
a different location,
235
00:15:31,267 --> 00:15:33,027
Coronation Street,
236
00:15:33,027 --> 00:15:37,707
but the amazing thing is that
there are so many reported sightings
237
00:15:37,707 --> 00:15:40,667
of ghosts on this site,
238
00:15:40,667 --> 00:15:44,827
not only on the street here
but also actually in the studios.
239
00:15:50,227 --> 00:15:53,267
There's one astral
that comes to me almost immediately,
240
00:15:53,267 --> 00:15:55,547
and it's a male figure.
241
00:15:57,067 --> 00:16:00,307
He's an older male, he's not...
242
00:16:01,827 --> 00:16:04,227
It's hard to age him.
243
00:16:04,227 --> 00:16:08,026
I think maybe...maybe in his 50s.
244
00:16:09,626 --> 00:16:12,866
He either died here of
a heart attack,
245
00:16:12,866 --> 00:16:15,826
or he died here of an accident,
246
00:16:15,826 --> 00:16:18,026
because it seems like
he worked here.
247
00:16:18,026 --> 00:16:21,066
How long ago are we talking that
this man was around?
248
00:16:21,066 --> 00:16:23,986
It's not that long ago, the figure
I'm getting is only, like,
249
00:16:23,986 --> 00:16:26,266
ten years or so.
250
00:16:26,266 --> 00:16:28,986
Right. Maybe. He worked here,
you said?
251
00:16:28,986 --> 00:16:31,386
Yeah, it feels like he worked here.
252
00:16:31,386 --> 00:16:32,906
As a member of crew?
253
00:16:32,906 --> 00:16:35,226
Yeah, yeah, as a member of crew.
254
00:16:44,026 --> 00:16:46,386
PHONE RINGS
255
00:17:23,225 --> 00:17:24,545
Hello?
256
00:17:26,185 --> 00:17:29,145
No, no, this is Stephanie Cole.
257
00:17:29,145 --> 00:17:32,585
I'm one of the cast members
from Inside No. 9.
258
00:17:34,305 --> 00:17:36,784
No, no, I hadn't heard of it either,
259
00:17:36,784 --> 00:17:40,584
but apparently it's a BBC Two
sort of comedy thing.
260
00:17:42,544 --> 00:17:45,264
Are you looking for
someone in particular?
261
00:17:45,264 --> 00:17:47,624
Because everybody seems
to have buggered off.
262
00:17:49,344 --> 00:17:51,584
Sorry, sorry, what did you say
your name was?
263
00:17:52,784 --> 00:17:54,984
Alan, Alan. And do you work here?
264
00:17:58,744 --> 00:18:01,904
Producers were forced to hire
an unnamed Roman Catholic priest
265
00:18:01,904 --> 00:18:04,424
to perform an exorcism of
Granada Studios to ask the ghouls
266
00:18:04,424 --> 00:18:07,104
to leave in peace. What ghouls?
267
00:18:07,104 --> 00:18:09,704
There were also reports of a curse
in Manchester after a run
268
00:18:09,704 --> 00:18:12,824
of bad luck, which included a fire
destroying costumes
269
00:18:12,824 --> 00:18:16,064
from flagship drama The Jewel
In The Crown. I remember that.
270
00:18:16,064 --> 00:18:19,104
Entertainer Bobby Davro
nearly breaking his neck
271
00:18:19,104 --> 00:18:20,543
in a freak prop malfunction.
272
00:18:20,543 --> 00:18:22,143
"Bobby!
273
00:18:22,143 --> 00:18:23,663
"Bobby! Don't do a thing!"
274
00:18:23,663 --> 00:18:25,623
"Bobby! Jesus, Bobby!"
"Don't do a thing!"
275
00:18:27,663 --> 00:18:31,383
And the untimely death
of prop man Alan Starr,
276
00:18:31,383 --> 00:18:34,103
who hanged himself from the
lighting gallery on Halloween night
277
00:18:34,103 --> 00:18:35,303
ten years ago.
278
00:18:35,303 --> 00:18:37,343
So that's where we are, brilliant.
279
00:18:37,343 --> 00:18:40,823
You seen this message off Mark
on the WhatsApp group?
280
00:18:40,823 --> 00:18:42,903
What, on the League
WhatsApp group?
281
00:18:42,903 --> 00:18:45,143
He says, "Put BBC Two on now."
282
00:18:45,143 --> 00:18:46,423
Mm...
283
00:18:46,423 --> 00:18:47,983
He says we're on it.
284
00:18:49,023 --> 00:18:51,383
Oh, we are? They must have cut
to the rehearsal.
285
00:18:57,343 --> 00:18:58,783
OK.
286
00:18:58,783 --> 00:19:02,903
That can't be it,
because that is that camera there.
287
00:19:02,903 --> 00:19:05,182
Go to BBC Two.
288
00:19:05,182 --> 00:19:07,702
No, this is BBC Two.
No, BBC One.
289
00:19:07,702 --> 00:19:10,342
No, look. BBC One. Yeah.
290
00:19:10,342 --> 00:19:12,222
BBC Two. That.
291
00:19:13,782 --> 00:19:15,862
And BBC Four.
292
00:19:15,862 --> 00:19:17,462
Do BBC Three.
293
00:19:17,462 --> 00:19:18,942
There is no BBC Three.
294
00:19:18,942 --> 00:19:21,222
What do you mean? It doesn't exist,
it's not a channel.
295
00:19:21,222 --> 00:19:23,342
When did that happen?
296
00:19:23,342 --> 00:19:24,862
Oh, come on, you knew that.
297
00:19:24,862 --> 00:19:29,102
I don't know. I've got
no interest in television, have I?
298
00:19:29,102 --> 00:19:30,982
That's weird. This is really freaky.
299
00:19:32,142 --> 00:19:35,062
Put a message on Twitter...
300
00:19:35,062 --> 00:19:36,822
Right. Right.
301
00:19:36,822 --> 00:19:40,502
"Are me and Steve Pemberton
on BBC Two now?"
302
00:19:40,502 --> 00:19:42,982
You want me to tweet that? Yeah.
303
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:45,222
I'd laugh if people
were just watching this.
304
00:19:49,981 --> 00:19:52,661
All right, now, there's Stephanie,
so that is definitely one
305
00:19:52,661 --> 00:19:54,581
of the studio channels...
What's she doing?
306
00:19:54,581 --> 00:19:57,181
I don't know,
but if you press the AV...
307
00:19:59,061 --> 00:20:01,301
BUZZER RINGS
308
00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,781
OMINOUS MUSIC
309
00:20:08,861 --> 00:20:10,341
Mr Flitwick?
310
00:20:11,501 --> 00:20:13,301
It's Moira.
311
00:20:13,301 --> 00:20:15,261
Are you about?
312
00:20:15,261 --> 00:20:16,661
Only the door was on the latch.
313
00:20:16,661 --> 00:20:19,221
I'm just in the bathroom, Moira.
314
00:20:19,221 --> 00:20:21,861
Oh, then I won't disturb you.
I know better than to come between
315
00:20:21,861 --> 00:20:23,421
a man and his prostate.
316
00:20:23,421 --> 00:20:25,941
My Gerry is up and down
like a bride's nightie
317
00:20:25,941 --> 00:20:28,421
till all hours of the morning.
318
00:20:28,421 --> 00:20:33,221
It's just that I had a very strange
message from the Reverend Neil.
319
00:20:33,221 --> 00:20:35,460
Have you seen him at all?
320
00:20:35,460 --> 00:20:38,020
I haven't seen him, no.
321
00:20:38,020 --> 00:20:40,140
Only he asked me to meet him here,
he said he had
322
00:20:40,140 --> 00:20:44,020
very important information
about Elsie.
323
00:20:44,020 --> 00:20:47,660
Yes, he was going to come round,
but he got called away
324
00:20:47,660 --> 00:20:50,020
on urgent parish business.
325
00:20:50,020 --> 00:20:51,980
I think somebody
had stolen his bike.
326
00:20:51,980 --> 00:20:54,580
Oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph.
327
00:20:54,580 --> 00:20:57,060
Sure the poor man will be in pieces.
328
00:20:57,060 --> 00:20:58,660
Yes, he is.
329
00:20:58,660 --> 00:20:59,860
Was!
330
00:20:59,860 --> 00:21:02,460
He was.
Well, I'll leave you in peace.
331
00:21:03,740 --> 00:21:05,820
Is there nothing I can get for you,
Arthur?
332
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:07,620
Sure, you're looking very pale.
333
00:21:07,620 --> 00:21:10,140
No, I just haven't eaten,
that's all.
334
00:21:10,140 --> 00:21:12,740
Oh, well, you know what they say?
Hunger is a great sauce. Yes.
335
00:21:12,740 --> 00:21:15,540
Shall I pop an eggy
in the microwave for you?
336
00:21:15,540 --> 00:21:18,939
No. No, sure, sure,
it's no trouble at all.
337
00:21:18,939 --> 00:21:22,459
I'll crack one open
and give you a head...
338
00:21:26,019 --> 00:21:27,939
..start.
339
00:21:27,939 --> 00:21:30,859
He killed Elsie, he pushed her
down the steps of the belltower.
340
00:21:30,859 --> 00:21:32,259
Did he indeed?
341
00:21:32,259 --> 00:21:33,859
After what happened
at Brownie camp,
342
00:21:33,859 --> 00:21:35,659
she changed her will to benefit
the church,
343
00:21:35,659 --> 00:21:37,979
but he needed the money
quickly... So he murdered her?
344
00:21:37,979 --> 00:21:40,979
Yes! He knew I was on to him.
345
00:21:40,979 --> 00:21:44,779
He'd have done the same to me,
that's why I needed to strike first.
346
00:21:44,779 --> 00:21:47,619
And how did you know all this,
Arthur, dear?
347
00:21:47,619 --> 00:21:50,739
Elsie told me, on the phone.
348
00:21:52,619 --> 00:21:54,339
She told me.
349
00:21:55,859 --> 00:21:57,699
She told me!
350
00:21:57,699 --> 00:21:59,179
SIREN BLARES IN DISTANCE
351
00:22:02,379 --> 00:22:05,138
Reece, can I just have
a bit of a question here,
352
00:22:05,138 --> 00:22:06,618
I've got a bit of a question.
353
00:22:06,618 --> 00:22:07,978
Sorry, do you mean Steve?
354
00:22:07,978 --> 00:22:10,258
Yes, yes, of course.
It's just I'm not very clear
355
00:22:10,258 --> 00:22:11,658
about Moira's intentions.
356
00:22:11,658 --> 00:22:13,498
Do we know that she's lying?
357
00:22:13,498 --> 00:22:15,178
Yes. No. What, no?
358
00:22:15,178 --> 00:22:19,018
No, because she is telling
the truth at this point.
359
00:22:19,018 --> 00:22:20,178
Oh, I see.
360
00:22:20,178 --> 00:22:23,058
Well, we haven't quite decided,
really, to be honest,
361
00:22:23,058 --> 00:22:24,538
whether she's telling the truth.
362
00:22:24,538 --> 00:22:26,658
It's just it's very confusing
what to play.
363
00:22:26,658 --> 00:22:28,538
I know, of course.
You see what I mean?
364
00:22:28,538 --> 00:22:31,018
I want to do my best, obviously...
I think play you know...
365
00:22:37,538 --> 00:22:39,058
Hi, Stephanie.
366
00:22:39,058 --> 00:22:42,058
Sorry about all of this,
has anyone told you what's going on?
367
00:22:42,058 --> 00:22:43,538
Alan called.
368
00:22:43,538 --> 00:22:46,578
You mean Adam, the producer?
He said they're coming.
369
00:22:46,578 --> 00:22:48,497
Yeah, well,
they're all in a meeting.
370
00:22:48,497 --> 00:22:51,297
There's been a right cock-up,
all the equipment's gone haywire.
371
00:22:51,297 --> 00:22:53,377
Bet you don't get this on
Open All Hours, do you?
372
00:22:53,377 --> 00:22:57,777
Alan says they've always been here
before us, before the studios,
373
00:22:57,777 --> 00:23:00,297
we shouldn't be here,
this is their home.
374
00:23:01,577 --> 00:23:06,817
Did you know that Wednesday is
Samhain, the 31st of October,
375
00:23:06,817 --> 00:23:08,897
the day when the line
between our world
376
00:23:08,897 --> 00:23:10,977
and the other world is thinned.
377
00:23:10,977 --> 00:23:14,577
The spirits,
they're coming for us.
378
00:23:14,577 --> 00:23:16,337
They're with us now.
379
00:23:17,537 --> 00:23:19,297
Do you want me to get you
a cup of tea?
380
00:23:19,297 --> 00:23:24,457
Alan said they infect the cables
and the television equipment,
381
00:23:24,457 --> 00:23:27,057
the technology makes them stronger.
382
00:23:27,057 --> 00:23:29,617
Yeah, no, you're thinking of
Black Mirror, Stephanie,
383
00:23:29,617 --> 00:23:32,696
this is Inside No. 9.
It's more dark comedy and twists.
384
00:23:32,696 --> 00:23:34,416
They don't want us here.
385
00:23:37,256 --> 00:23:39,336
Right, well, I'm going to get
a cup of tea.
386
00:23:43,816 --> 00:23:45,896
We have to leave.
387
00:25:00,615 --> 00:25:03,574
TONE
388
00:25:03,574 --> 00:25:08,214
Just across the road
was the church of St John's,
389
00:25:08,214 --> 00:25:12,054
and I actually found a plaque
in the park which states
390
00:25:12,054 --> 00:25:18,854
that on that site were buried
over 22,000 bodies in the graveyard,
391
00:25:18,854 --> 00:25:22,694
and they most definitely stretched
over here onto the site
392
00:25:22,694 --> 00:25:24,694
where Granada Studios are now.
393
00:25:31,694 --> 00:25:33,974
I am not a threat.
394
00:25:33,974 --> 00:25:36,134
I am here as a messenger.
395
00:25:36,134 --> 00:25:38,534
All I do is carry a message.
396
00:25:39,534 --> 00:25:41,374
You have to leave this site.
397
00:26:02,453 --> 00:26:04,893
THUMPING
398
00:26:12,293 --> 00:26:13,453
Hello?
399
00:26:13,453 --> 00:26:15,453
THUD
400
00:26:36,332 --> 00:26:37,532
Hello?
401
00:26:37,532 --> 00:26:38,932
CREAKING
402
00:26:41,372 --> 00:26:43,252
SHORT BURST OF RADIO STATIC
403
00:27:09,612 --> 00:27:11,372
HE SIGHS
404
00:27:14,012 --> 00:27:15,731
Hello? Can you hear me?
405
00:27:15,731 --> 00:27:17,691
CLANKING
406
00:27:43,371 --> 00:27:44,851
SHOUTS: Jump scare!
407
00:27:44,851 --> 00:27:46,731
Fucking hell!
STEVE LAUGHS
408
00:27:46,731 --> 00:27:50,291
God! I could've had a hot cup of tea
in my hands. It's good, innit?
409
00:27:50,291 --> 00:27:53,011
It's horrible.
I found it in Costume.
410
00:27:53,011 --> 00:27:54,411
I should use it.
411
00:27:54,411 --> 00:27:57,091
Have you seen anyone? No.
Well, I've seen Stephanie Cole,
412
00:27:57,091 --> 00:27:58,931
she's being weird. What do you mean?
413
00:27:58,931 --> 00:28:01,210
She's saying spirits
are coming for us.
414
00:28:01,210 --> 00:28:04,130
Oh, for fuck's sake. I told you we
should've got fucking Pam Ferris.
415
00:28:04,130 --> 00:28:06,490
No, she's been used up
with Trunchbull. I know.
416
00:28:06,490 --> 00:28:07,930
BUZZING
417
00:28:09,730 --> 00:28:11,330
HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING AND CRACKLING
418
00:28:11,330 --> 00:28:13,130
Steve! Steve!
419
00:28:13,130 --> 00:28:15,810
Mr Starr had been suffering
from paranoid schizophrenia,
420
00:28:15,810 --> 00:28:18,490
and he believed the studios
were being taken over
421
00:28:18,490 --> 00:28:21,050
by what he called
"ghosts in the machine."
422
00:28:21,050 --> 00:28:24,090
Colleagues reported that he'd been
deeply disturbed by witnessing
423
00:28:24,090 --> 00:28:27,650
unexplained paranormal activity
throughout the building
424
00:28:27,650 --> 00:28:30,730
and recording
electronic voice phenomena
425
00:28:30,730 --> 00:28:32,770
with messages from beyond the grave.
426
00:28:45,889 --> 00:28:48,729
This complex of buildings
is called Botany Bay.
427
00:28:48,729 --> 00:28:51,889
They were bought by Granada
television four years ago to serve
428
00:28:51,889 --> 00:28:53,969
as a new studio complex.
429
00:28:53,969 --> 00:28:56,609
For the last six months,
they have contained the sets,
430
00:28:56,609 --> 00:28:59,169
wardrobes, props, costumes,
make-up departments
431
00:28:59,169 --> 00:29:01,249
for The Jewel In The Crown,
432
00:29:01,249 --> 00:29:04,649
a lavish multi-million pound Granada
drama production that was meant
433
00:29:04,649 --> 00:29:07,569
to have been completed
in April of this year.
434
00:29:07,569 --> 00:29:10,169
The fire started shortly
after seven o'clock,
435
00:29:10,169 --> 00:29:12,649
and within five minutes
the fire brigade were on the scene.
436
00:29:12,649 --> 00:29:15,769
The entire contents are gutted,
but the fire is at least
437
00:29:15,769 --> 00:29:17,489
under control.
438
00:29:17,489 --> 00:29:18,849
HIGH-PITCHED BEEPING
439
00:29:18,849 --> 00:29:20,289
Hello?!
440
00:29:20,289 --> 00:29:22,049
There's been an accident!
441
00:29:23,169 --> 00:29:24,489
Anyone?
442
00:29:24,489 --> 00:29:25,969
Hello? There's been an accident!
443
00:29:25,969 --> 00:29:27,569
I think Steve's not breathing!
444
00:29:29,728 --> 00:29:31,328
Stephanie?
445
00:29:31,328 --> 00:29:33,128
Oh, fuck, what's going on?!
446
00:29:33,128 --> 00:29:35,768
LOUD BANG
Jeez...
447
00:29:35,768 --> 00:29:37,168
Hello?
448
00:29:41,288 --> 00:29:42,648
Hello?
449
00:29:42,648 --> 00:29:44,688
God!
450
00:29:44,688 --> 00:29:46,248
Hello!
451
00:29:46,248 --> 00:29:47,648
Can you hear me?
452
00:29:49,768 --> 00:29:51,488
Can you put the lights on, please?
453
00:29:52,888 --> 00:29:55,008
Anybody?
454
00:29:55,008 --> 00:29:56,408
Hello?
455
00:29:57,968 --> 00:29:59,968
Adam!
456
00:29:59,968 --> 00:30:01,488
Adam!
457
00:30:01,488 --> 00:30:02,768
John!
458
00:30:05,488 --> 00:30:07,288
Oh, God. Ow!
459
00:30:07,288 --> 00:30:09,848
PANTING
460
00:30:10,928 --> 00:30:12,528
Oh, God.
461
00:30:23,687 --> 00:30:26,007
SCREAMING
462
00:30:28,087 --> 00:30:30,207
Are you believers in ghosts?
463
00:30:30,207 --> 00:30:32,047
Do you have, you know, is there...
464
00:30:32,047 --> 00:30:34,847
Are you very much kind of
open to believing
465
00:30:34,847 --> 00:30:36,647
that there is something out there?
466
00:30:36,647 --> 00:30:37,887
No, no.
467
00:30:37,887 --> 00:30:39,487
I like the idea of...
468
00:30:39,487 --> 00:30:42,527
I like the idea of ghosts,
but I'm very aware that it's all,
469
00:30:42,527 --> 00:30:43,967
they're not real.
470
00:31:11,046 --> 00:31:12,486
WOMAN WHISPERS: Let us be.
471
00:31:13,806 --> 00:31:18,686
MUSIC RUNS SLOWLY
AND BECOMES DISTORTED
32870
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