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1
00:00:06,933 --> 00:00:08,968
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
2
00:01:20,299 --> 00:01:22,768
(INDISTINCT CHMER)
3
00:01:26,833 --> 00:01:27,934
(ELEVmoR BELL DINGS)
4
00:01:31,766 --> 00:01:34,335
MAN:
We've waited weeks for reservations.
5
00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:45,869
-Name?
-King, party of one.
6
00:01:46,299 --> 00:01:50,603
King, King. No, l'm sory,
l don't show that reservation.
7
00:01:50,867 --> 00:01:54,370
Oh, yeah? Well, let me
show you something, fruitcake.
8
00:01:56,199 --> 00:01:57,433
Ahh!
9
00:02:00,666 --> 00:02:02,167
Hands up, chowhounds.
10
00:02:02,500 --> 00:02:08,606
Drop your forks and prepare to cower
before the uncanny Condiment King.
11
00:02:08,666 --> 00:02:11,335
-Who is that?
-Some kind of nutcase.
12
00:02:11,433 --> 00:02:14,469
-Just ignore him.
-MAN: Someone will call security.
13
00:02:14,933 --> 00:02:20,538
Hey. Hey! l don't believe this!
l say cower, and you're still eating?
14
00:02:20,967 --> 00:02:22,768
Well, all right then.
15
00:02:23,266 --> 00:02:24,967
(PEoPLE SCREAMING)
16
00:02:28,666 --> 00:02:29,833
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
17
00:02:29,933 --> 00:02:32,168
Now, see here, you.
18
00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:34,168
(PANICKED CHMER)
19
00:02:37,633 --> 00:02:39,034
(CoUGHING)
20
00:02:39,132 --> 00:02:40,366
Hot sauce.
21
00:02:41,766 --> 00:02:43,801
Anyone else want to be a hero?
22
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:46,168
Then take out your wallets,
cash and jewels
23
00:02:46,333 --> 00:02:48,935
and toss them here on the table.
Come on. Right now.
24
00:02:52,366 --> 00:02:54,701
0lSPATC_: Disturbance reported at
the top of the trown restaurant.
25
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:58,837
Suspect is a male, costumed extrem�st
armed with what appears to be
26
00:02:59,032 --> 00:03:00,099
a ketehup gun.
27
00:03:00,333 --> 00:03:02,835
lt's gonna be one of those nights.
28
00:03:04,933 --> 00:03:05,967
(TIRES SCREECHING)
29
00:03:08,433 --> 00:03:13,504
So long, suckers.
Parting is such sweet-and-sour sorrow.
30
00:03:14,166 --> 00:03:16,635
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
31
00:03:17,299 --> 00:03:18,833
(YELPS)
32
00:03:22,032 --> 00:03:23,199
What's this?
33
00:03:23,666 --> 00:03:26,802
Ah! The big, bad Bat-guy.
34
00:03:27,299 --> 00:03:31,169
l knew you'd catch up to me sooner or
Iater. How l've relished this meeting.
35
00:03:31,766 --> 00:03:37,471
You, the dynamic Dark Knight, versus me,
the conceptual Condiment King.
36
00:03:37,833 --> 00:03:38,867
Come, Batman.
37
00:03:39,333 --> 00:03:42,669
Let's see if you can cut the mustard-
38
00:03:42,766 --> 00:03:43,867
-Qu iet.
-(cRoANs)
39
00:03:44,533 --> 00:03:45,834
(BREmHING HEAVILY)
40
00:03:46,032 --> 00:03:49,135
-You hit me.
-Now, listen, Mustard Man,
41
00:03:49,366 --> 00:03:51,034
or whatever you call yourself.
42
00:03:51,600 --> 00:03:54,970
You're obviously new at this,
so l'm willing to go easy on you.
43
00:03:55,166 --> 00:03:58,636
Provided you give back the loot and
never even think about doing this again.
44
00:03:58,867 --> 00:03:59,934
Deal?
45
00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,934
-Horseradish!
-This is your last warning.
46
00:04:04,166 --> 00:04:06,501
Let's go, Batso. You and me.
47
00:04:06,933 --> 00:04:09,869
l'm the prince of pickles,
sultan of sauce.
48
00:04:10,700 --> 00:04:13,102
You don't stand a chance. You hear me?
49
00:04:13,867 --> 00:04:15,501
Later, chump.
50
00:04:15,833 --> 00:04:17,634
(SCREAMING)
51
00:04:20,000 --> 00:04:21,201
Hang on.
52
00:04:22,867 --> 00:04:25,302
(SCREAMING)
53
00:04:26,000 --> 00:04:27,434
-(THUDS)
-(TIREs scREEcH)
54
00:04:33,132 --> 00:04:34,600
Harvey, call an ambulance.
55
00:04:35,700 --> 00:04:37,301
l know this man.
56
00:04:37,833 --> 00:04:40,435
He's that TV comic, Buddy Standler.
57
00:04:42,132 --> 00:04:43,800
SUMMER:
Still no clues in the mystery
58
00:04:43,867 --> 00:04:45,535
behind comedian Buddy Standler'_
59
00:04:45,633 --> 00:04:47,534
on_man cr�me spree last night.
60
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:51,770
A rampage that ended with a trip
to the hospital for the famed TV com�c.
61
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:55,136
Though Standler h�mseIF is unable
to account for h�s actions.
62
00:04:55,299 --> 00:04:57,634
his manager had these observations.
63
00:04:57,867 --> 00:05:02,204
l don't get it. 8uddy's just thrown
his entire career away.
64
00:05:02,433 --> 00:05:04,601
The networ_'s cancel�ng his show
65
00:05:04,766 --> 00:05:07,368
and the restaurant's suing him
for a million dollars.
66
00:05:07,600 --> 00:05:10,302
Why'd he do it?
It just doesn't make sense.
67
00:05:10,500 --> 00:05:14,203
That's too bad. l watch Standler's show
all the time. He's great.
68
00:05:14,433 --> 00:05:17,169
Any idea what would have caused him
to go off the deep end?
69
00:05:17,533 --> 00:05:20,035
No, but talk about bad timing.
70
00:05:20,466 --> 00:05:22,100
He was supposed to be one of the judges
71
00:05:22,166 --> 00:05:24,268
for the annual
Iaugh-o Ff competition tonight.
72
00:05:24,633 --> 00:05:26,368
Alfred and l bought tickets.
73
00:05:26,967 --> 00:05:28,968
By the way, where i5 Alfred?
74
00:05:38,533 --> 00:05:41,869
-One side, mac.
-l beg your pardon.
75
00:05:47,333 --> 00:05:49,802
-(GASPS)
-Ooh. Pretty. l want it.
76
00:05:51,500 --> 00:05:54,636
-Hey, you can't do that.
-Sure l can, lady.
77
00:05:54,833 --> 00:05:56,834
l'm the Pack Rat,
78
00:05:57,099 --> 00:06:00,335
-and your trash is my treasure.
-Hey!
79
00:06:03,500 --> 00:06:04,601
Mmm. Shiny.
80
00:06:05,967 --> 00:06:07,001
Security!
81
00:06:11,933 --> 00:06:13,534
Oh, no, you don't.
82
00:06:16,333 --> 00:06:17,333
(PEoPLE SCREAMING)
83
00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:28,635
Whoa, dibs on the dummy hand.
84
00:06:30,366 --> 00:06:31,633
Good heavens.
85
00:06:39,366 --> 00:06:41,701
l've been looking eveyplace
for one ofthese.
86
00:06:52,766 --> 00:06:54,267
-Yes?
- ALFRED: Master Bruce?
87
00:06:54,333 --> 00:06:55,467
Alfred?
88
00:06:55,533 --> 00:06:57,835
l think you're needed at Mayfield's
right away, sir.
89
00:06:57,933 --> 00:06:59,834
There's a man with a gun running amok.
90
00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:01,101
-He's--
-(cuN cocKINc)
91
00:07:01,266 --> 00:07:05,336
A word of advice, mac.
Never rat on a rat.
92
00:07:14,633 --> 00:07:15,767
BATMAN: _lFred?
93
00:07:19,333 --> 00:07:20,934
-(GUNFIRE)
-Alfred!
94
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:37,102
You'll get oatmeal and like �t.
95
00:07:37,600 --> 00:07:42,104
Listen, Eddie, if they expect me
to judge that stupid laugh-off again,
96
00:07:42,166 --> 00:07:44,301
they'd better be prepared to pay.
97
00:07:44,366 --> 00:07:45,433
(KNoCKING oN DooR)
98
00:07:45,500 --> 00:07:48,502
Hold on, l got somebody at the door.
99
00:07:54,266 --> 00:07:56,167
-Yeah?
-MAN: Pizza delivery.
100
00:07:56,366 --> 00:07:58,267
l didn't order any pizza.
101
00:07:58,333 --> 00:07:59,767
(SNIFFING)
102
00:08:00,132 --> 00:08:04,135
___�_�2 UUUU _x_ G2, Wg___ _- __g__
__P_q __,o_Im Imm:__,
103
00:08:04,633 --> 00:08:06,434
LISA: Hey!
(coucHINc)
104
00:08:07,533 --> 00:08:09,635
(SIRENS WAILING)
105
00:08:15,766 --> 00:08:17,767
Okay, eveybody, empty your pockets.
106
00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:19,134
(ALL GASP)
107
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:22,435
l want gum wrappers, loose string,
those little balls of lint.
108
00:08:24,466 --> 00:08:26,134
None of that cash stuff.
109
00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:27,967
Hey!
110
00:08:29,032 --> 00:08:30,533
What?
111
00:08:31,633 --> 00:08:35,203
So it's the rat versus the bat
and the brat.
112
00:08:35,500 --> 00:08:39,470
Only one will survive,
and that's gonna be me.
113
00:08:39,533 --> 00:08:40,867
Everybody, clear out.
114
00:08:45,099 --> 00:08:46,600
(ULULmING)
115
00:08:52,333 --> 00:08:53,667
(YELPS)
116
00:09:09,533 --> 00:09:11,034
Come on out.
117
00:09:14,533 --> 00:09:15,800
(GASPS)
118
00:09:15,867 --> 00:09:17,301
Mmm, mmm, mmm.
119
00:09:17,967 --> 00:09:19,435
(SCREAMS)
120
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:31,635
(YELLING)
121
00:09:37,700 --> 00:09:39,802
(SCREAMING)
122
00:09:51,433 --> 00:09:52,667
ROBIN: It's Harry Loomis.
123
00:09:52,967 --> 00:09:54,468
Another famous comedian.
124
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:55,834
Look at his neck.
125
00:10:04,099 --> 00:10:05,366
ROBIN: A microchip?
126
00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:07,868
Mind control.
127
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:12,337
This is beginning to point toward
our old Friend, the Mad Hatter.
128
00:10:25,533 --> 00:10:28,435
Wake up, Jervis. We have to talk.
129
00:10:30,199 --> 00:10:32,100
Come on, rise and shine.
130
00:10:39,366 --> 00:10:41,134
Wow, he's really out.
131
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:07,534
Here's what we know.
132
00:11:08,800 --> 00:11:12,703
Someone implants the Mad Hatter with
one of his own mind-control devices,
133
00:11:12,967 --> 00:11:15,135
then does the same thing
to two comedians.
134
00:11:15,299 --> 00:11:16,533
But what's the connection?
135
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,035
Looks like it's three comedians
now, sir.
136
00:11:21,266 --> 00:11:23,701
''TV personality Lisa Lorraine
was abducted
137
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,635
''from her apartment early this evening_'
138
00:11:25,833 --> 00:11:29,703
And here's our common link.
This comedy competition.
139
00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:32,703
ROBIN: Sure. Buddy, Harry and Lisa
judge it every year.
140
00:11:33,166 --> 00:11:34,767
Remember, we taped the last one.
141
00:11:35,199 --> 00:11:36,433
Right here, Master Dick.
142
00:11:36,500 --> 00:11:38,435
And l've cued it
to something you should see.
143
00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:46,501
Well. that's �t For our contestants.
144
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:49,836
!_g_g_Jg!___m_!_!_Y_d____g__-_'
;,v,y�_1mq_c;_q_ _
145
00:11:49,933 --> 00:11:52,969
the funniest person in Gotham.
146
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:04,670
Not so Fast, chuckles.
You haven't introduced me yet.
147
00:12:04,867 --> 00:12:06,935
Smil�ng Shecky Rim5hot.
148
00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,501
Ba-dum-boom.
149
00:12:10,833 --> 00:12:12,134
Come on, aIready.
150
00:12:14,032 --> 00:12:15,800
Good evening, lad�es and germs.
151
00:12:16,032 --> 00:12:19,001
Hey, did you hear about the guy
walked �nto a doctor's office
152
00:12:19,099 --> 00:12:21,267
with a Frog on h�s head? Doctor says,
153
00:12:21,333 --> 00:12:24,135
''That's the weirdest look�ng wart
l've ever seen.~ frog looks up and says,
154
00:12:24,199 --> 00:12:27,201
''Yeah, l woke up this morn�ng,
there was a big bump on my butt.''
155
00:12:27,466 --> 00:12:29,601
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
156
00:12:33,266 --> 00:12:35,701
Hey, then there's this guy who buys
a new dog.
157
00:12:35,800 --> 00:12:37,601
He take_ it For a walk
and the fr�end says-
158
00:12:37,666 --> 00:12:38,867
-(BUZZER SoUNDS)
-Huh?
159
00:12:39,032 --> 00:12:42,335
Sorry, pal.
We've already made our dee�s�on.
160
00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:46,503
And for your �nformation,
registrat�on closed days ago.
161
00:12:46,933 --> 00:12:49,769
l'm not leav�ng until l get that trophy.
162
00:12:49,933 --> 00:12:51,367
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
163
00:12:51,466 --> 00:12:53,534
Oh, yes, you are.
164
00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:56,435
(LAUGHING CoNTINUES)
165
00:12:58,032 --> 00:12:59,933
(IN BRITISH ACCENT)
You can't do this to me!
166
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,001
l'm the greatest comic �n Gotham!
167
00:13:03,266 --> 00:13:06,135
l'll get even. l'll ruin you all.
168
00:13:06,700 --> 00:13:08,301
-(GRUNTS)
-8ATMAN: Freeze �t right there.
169
00:13:11,933 --> 00:13:13,834
l think l see what you mean, Alfred.
170
00:13:15,500 --> 00:13:16,634
Without the hat...
171
00:13:18,833 --> 00:13:20,267
And different hair...
172
00:13:20,700 --> 00:13:22,034
ROBIN: The Joker!
173
00:13:36,333 --> 00:13:38,101
HOST: l tell you, Maury, l'm dying here.
174
00:13:38,166 --> 00:13:39,467
l got a full house,
175
00:13:39,533 --> 00:13:42,769
and all three of my celebrityiudges
are either missing or in jail.
176
00:13:42,833 --> 00:13:45,202
You gotta find me
some replacements quick.
177
00:13:46,132 --> 00:13:48,634
JOKER: Ask and ye shall receive.
178
00:13:49,032 --> 00:13:50,767
What in the... (GASPS)
179
00:13:51,666 --> 00:13:56,303
Permit me to introduce Judges
Knuckles, Vinnie and Kowalski.
180
00:13:56,700 --> 00:13:59,469
They'll be presenting me
with the trophy tonight.
181
00:13:59,967 --> 00:14:03,003
(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY) Listen, you
can'tjust walk in here and take...
182
00:14:03,166 --> 00:14:05,167
JOKER: Oh, but l already have.
183
00:14:05,366 --> 00:14:07,701
(STRUGGLING)
184
00:14:11,333 --> 00:14:13,535
These little microchips are a wonder.
185
00:14:13,867 --> 00:14:18,137
Remind me to thank the Mad Hatter
if he ever wakes up. (LAUGHS)
186
00:14:20,000 --> 00:14:21,868
WOMAN 1 : Hey, start the show already.
187
00:14:22,266 --> 00:14:25,302
-Let's go already!
-WOMAN 2: Start the show!
188
00:14:25,766 --> 00:14:30,437
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the 10th annual Gotham Laff Off.
189
00:14:30,500 --> 00:14:31,801
(AUDIENCE CHEERING)
190
00:14:31,867 --> 00:14:34,536
And now, it is my deepest honor
to present to you
191
00:14:34,633 --> 00:14:39,304
the evening's First and only contestant,
Smiling Shecky Rimshot.
192
00:14:40,867 --> 00:14:42,635
(IN AMERICAN ACCENT)
Hey, folks, you're beautiful.
193
00:14:42,700 --> 00:14:45,636
Funny thing happened to me
on the way to the theater last year.
194
00:14:45,700 --> 00:14:50,104
lt seems three no-talent hacks
tried to stop me from winning.
195
00:14:50,299 --> 00:14:51,633
But guess what!
196
00:14:54,299 --> 00:14:56,634
(IN NORMAL ACCENT) l'm back.
197
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:59,269
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
198
00:14:59,333 --> 00:15:01,368
(AUDIENCE GASPING)
199
00:15:03,600 --> 00:15:06,703
Oh! Such unhappy faces.
200
00:15:07,166 --> 00:15:09,301
Judges, let's cheer them up.
201
00:15:09,766 --> 00:15:11,634
(ALL LAUGHING)
202
00:15:13,633 --> 00:15:17,770
My high-octane laughing gas
will have you rolling in the aisles.
203
00:15:24,600 --> 00:15:26,134
(EXPLoSloN)
204
00:15:32,766 --> 00:15:35,034
lt's iust you and us, Joker.
205
00:15:35,366 --> 00:15:37,434
Not quite, Batman.
206
00:15:37,666 --> 00:15:41,836
l've got a new girl, and she'll
really sweep you off your feet.
207
00:15:44,266 --> 00:15:45,266
(GRoANS)
208
00:15:46,166 --> 00:15:47,467
Lisa Lorraine?
209
00:15:50,466 --> 00:15:53,936
Call me Mighty Mom.
210
00:15:54,132 --> 00:15:55,433
Ain't she sweet?
211
00:15:56,666 --> 00:16:00,036
My very own happy homemaker.
212
00:16:00,199 --> 00:16:02,434
But l don't do windows.
213
00:16:02,533 --> 00:16:03,700
(JoKER LAUGHS)
214
00:16:03,800 --> 00:16:05,034
Not bad.
215
00:16:05,333 --> 00:16:08,335
Honey, why don't you show our pals
how you clean house?
216
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:11,369
ln other words, mop 'em up.
217
00:16:12,800 --> 00:16:15,836
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
218
00:16:19,533 --> 00:16:22,469
Who's first to get dusted?
219
00:16:23,000 --> 00:16:24,634
Think you can get
the brain patch off her?
220
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:25,833
No problem.
221
00:16:28,333 --> 00:16:29,634
-(GRUNTS)
-(cRoANs)
222
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:36,136
-Hey!
-Naughty boy. Mama spank.
223
00:16:37,633 --> 00:16:39,468
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
224
00:16:42,600 --> 00:16:45,769
What did l tell you about playing
with your toys in the house?
225
00:16:46,366 --> 00:16:48,668
-Get rid of it!
-You're the boss.
226
00:16:53,967 --> 00:16:56,035
(GASPS)
227
00:16:57,500 --> 00:17:01,704
No! Not on my nice clean Floor.
228
00:17:01,800 --> 00:17:04,536
ROBIN: Just hold still.
LISA: Ow!
229
00:17:04,800 --> 00:17:06,134
That hurts.
230
00:17:06,933 --> 00:17:07,933
(GRoANS)
231
00:17:08,967 --> 00:17:12,470
-Don't worry. l'm back to normal.
-Who can tell?
232
00:17:36,833 --> 00:17:40,102
-Stay back.
-You've hit a new low, Joker.
233
00:17:40,500 --> 00:17:44,036
Only you would ruin three lives
for a silly piece of tin.
234
00:17:44,533 --> 00:17:46,635
You're dumber than you look, Bats.
235
00:17:48,867 --> 00:17:52,770
lt's not the trophy that matters,
it's the title.
236
00:17:52,833 --> 00:17:57,604
l am the greatest clown
this dismal burg has ever seen.
237
00:17:57,800 --> 00:18:01,336
What would the common folk do
without my pranks and antics?
238
00:18:01,867 --> 00:18:03,134
Let's Find out.
239
00:18:03,633 --> 00:18:05,534
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
240
00:18:07,766 --> 00:18:10,969
Up, up and away!
241
00:18:28,600 --> 00:18:30,201
Quit rocking the boat!
242
00:18:41,666 --> 00:18:44,602
JOKER: Oh! Too bad, Bat-sap.
243
00:18:44,666 --> 00:18:46,868
But you should have remembered
the old saying,
244
00:18:47,132 --> 00:18:50,468
''Dying is easy, comedy is hard.''
245
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:53,601
(LAUGHING MANIACALLY)
246
00:18:55,600 --> 00:18:57,802
-(GASPS)
-(coNTINuEs LAucHINc)
247
00:19:01,967 --> 00:19:03,802
ROBIN: Mind if l join the party?
248
00:19:05,466 --> 00:19:06,767
(GRoANS)
249
00:19:11,132 --> 00:19:13,501
Ow! You miserable brat.
250
00:19:19,766 --> 00:19:21,701
Get this stupid thing off me.
251
00:19:23,833 --> 00:19:25,768
(SCREAMING)
252
00:19:28,032 --> 00:19:29,199
Oops!
253
00:19:30,766 --> 00:19:31,800
Watch it.
254
00:19:32,600 --> 00:19:35,269
l think l'm getting airsick.
255
00:19:41,266 --> 00:19:42,800
(SIRENS WAILING)
256
00:19:48,132 --> 00:19:49,500
(GRoANS)
257
00:19:49,933 --> 00:19:52,769
(PEoPLE LAUGHING)
258
00:19:54,867 --> 00:20:00,305
l'll get you for this, Batman!
No one upstages me and lives.
259
00:20:02,700 --> 00:20:05,636
-(GUNS COCKING)
-ls there a problem, officers?
260
00:20:06,433 --> 00:20:07,534
(YELPS)
261
00:20:09,132 --> 00:20:10,333
(GRoANS)
262
00:20:10,500 --> 00:20:11,868
(PEoPLE LAUGHING)
263
00:20:11,967 --> 00:20:16,971
What's so Funny?
l'll give you something to laugh about!
264
00:20:19,700 --> 00:20:21,468
(GRUMBLING)
265
00:20:43,633 --> 00:20:45,334
(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)
19060
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