All language subtitles for Heiner Carow - (1989) Coming Out

Mr. Seifert! Talk to me!
When did you swallow it?

Mr. Seifert!
Won't you tell me?

Open your eyes!

You have to cooperate.
Can you hear me?

Bend your head forward.

Open your eyes now!

Bend your head forward.
Now open wide for me please.

You have to swallow this now.

Swallow! Don't fight it.
Swallow please. Come on.

Open your mouth wider please.

Swallow.
That's good. Well done.

Don't fight it.
Swallow it.

Don't fight it.
Swallow.

Don't forget to breathe.

Now it will be a little unpleasant.

Your head to one side.

Don't forget to breathe.
That's right.

Breathe in. You're doing fine.
Don't spit it out.

Swallow it.

Turn your head to one side.

That's okay.
We can drain the rest.

Don't fall asleep.

It'll soon be over.

Almost finished.

This will be unpleasant.

Keep calm.

What made you do that?

What made you do it?

Won't you tell me?

It's because...

What?

I'm queer.

A homosexual.

Mathias, don't cry.
That's nothing to cry about.

My name is Philipp Klahrmann.

I'm your new homeroom teacher.

Shit.

Sorry.

We need some water.

I hope it's not broken.

- Can you wet this for me?
-Sure.

- That's too wet.
-Sorry.

I'm so embarrassed.

I'll be okay.

- Okay. Let's get a drink now.
-No.

- It's crazy.
-What?

Glad I bumped into you.
I didn't mean it like that.

- Let's go. I look awful.
-You look fine.

Two "fool's proof".

- Like it?
-Great.

We'll take 2 more.

- What's it called?
-"Fool's proof".

I never go out.

Hang on.

0f course he's from the opticians
where we met for the first time.

You stepped on my contact lens.

I think that he has the appearance
of an Asian trader somehow.

Stick to mineral water my love
if you can't take the hard stuff.

I think the glasses suit you better.

They make you so manly and imposing.

- Really?
-Yes.

Now it's party time.

I got rid of it all.

Thank God for that.

- I'd better be going.
-No, stay a while.

- How about tea?
-Fine.

Take off your coat.

Thanks.

I was going to make tea.
I enjoyed the evening.

Sorry I got a bit... you know...

- We never socialized.
-That's not true.

- When?
-A college dance in 1982.

We even danced together.

- What?
-I was a year above you.

- You danced with Britta all the time.
-I don't remember that.

Don't remember!
We all knew that you both...

- What?
-You had a thing going.

I did not.
I hardly knew her.

All of us liked you.

Did you paint those?

- They're real good.
-Thanks.

You're really talented.

You could turn professional.
I'm sure.

- What about the tea?
-I still like you a lot.

In films they throw them away.

Romy Schneider, for example.
I think that's great.

You ruined me.

I don't know
what you did to me.

Why did you go out with me?

No-one asks me out.

Would you want me?

I mean...

as your husband?

I won't be offended if...

But I thought...

My God!

My God.

Essay subject.

What moves me
when I read this poem?

What do I move
after reading it?

Which suggestions do I make?

I need no gravestone.

If you need one for me

I want the following inscription:

He made suggestions.

We accepted them.

We are all honored by that inscription.

Fucking nigger!

Stop it you bastards!

Bastards.
Leave him alone!

Bastards!
Get away from him!

I'm disappointed.

Really disappointed.

You're usually a bright bunch.

All I get from you
is this boring, tired, innocuous junk.

I was expecting a lot more.

I thought we could get to know
a lot more about each other.

What you really think.

Get to know your goals in life.
Hear about your desires, joys, doubts.

And your fears.

I don't want
the right answers.

What you think I want to hear.

Because the teacher decides
what's said or thought.

No anger in you?

No need to make an effort?

How are you going
to improve things in the future?

Fight stupidity
if you don't see it?

- Want to visit my mom?
-No, Redford's coming.

I'll go.
Won't take long.

- Who's coming?
-Redford.

To look you over.

See if I'm good enough?

He was my neighbor.
A good locker.

- So his name's Redford?
-Right.

Jealous?
-You bet I am.

I'll hurry.
Behave yourself.

You wanted to see your mom.

About time you came.

I brought flowers.

- No chrysanthemums, I hope.
-No, I brought you gerberas.

You brought mums before.
You know I'm allergic to them.

We have a hell of a lot of work.

You could help out a bit.

By washing clothes... shopping...

Your sister must study.

She can't help out.
Your father's away lecturing. And me?

I'm busy also.
I have to work.

I don't know what to think.

You used to be different.

I was a kid.
I lived here then.

Just a bunch of excuses.

My life would have been different
without you kids around.

So what?

Who's that?

- That's her.
-Who?

- My girlfriend.
-You have a girlfriend?

Since when?

A few weeks.

Well, then...

Bring her over.

I'm speechless.

Going to marry her?

We must talk about it sometime then.

Can you wash the dishes?

Do the laundry...

Well I never.

Yes, Mom.

You know each other?

Yes... we once...

As class mates.

Great to see you.
We must meet more often.

Visit me.
Tanja knows my address.

Maybe.

I guess you didn't get my letters?
It must be 2 or 3 years now.

Never mind. So long.

What's wrong?

You were so rude.

Almost winter again.

Sometimes it helps
to look at the sky.

The job's not easy.

Not for anyone.

Not only the kids make life hard.

It's the gossipy colleagues too.

Get too chummy.

You need more backbone.

It's important.

You'll make out.
I'm sure of that.

- I'm there if you need me.
-Thank you.

Let us greet a new guest.

Two minutes past midnight.

Don't be shy.

Come closer, young man.
I don't bite. Larry dear...

Find our new guest a seat, will you.

Wait.

There's a seat at the bar honey.

I just came in for cigarettes.

Don't be scared.

Everyone is at first.

Be brave.

Would you like a drink?

You're too late.
Larry's treating him.

Don't be shy.
Larry's okay.

My teeth are killing me.

I work all day on the new house.

Hartmut doesn't help, the lazy cow.
And the concrete. It ruins my hands.

I wore my first evening gown
when I was 15 years old.

I found it in a trunk in
my great aunt's attic.

I put it on and went into the parlor.
I admired myself in the mirror.

My aunt came in.
She was a farmer.

She wore men's clothes.
I didn't know she was a lesbian.

She entered and asked
what I was wearing.

I replied:
An evening gown.

She came to me and said:
Nature's been fooling around with us.

You should be a girl.
I should be a man.

There are no women any more.

The women say
there are no men any more.

But I tell you one thing for sure.
There are no women any more.

Those 2 guys over there are teachers.

Gorgeous boys.

A child psychologist
and a crane operator.

Don't drink so much, honey.

What do you all want from me?
I have nothing to do with...

He meant
I have nothing to do with you!

The heck there aren't any women.
There aren't any women any more.

There you are!

You know...

I was so worried.

I was going crazy.

Where were you?

See you later.

Good evening.
ls Mr. Schrader in?

Jakob, a visitor.

Well!
What a surprise!

- Hi!
-Come on in.

We just made some grog.
Have a glass with us.

- I just wanted...
-Give me your coat.

- Have a seat.
-Thanks.

- Is Tanja okay?
-Yeah, she's fine.

She doesn't know I'm here.
I looked for you in the phone book.

We went to school together.

He lives with Tanja.

- Did you tell Tanja anything?
-About what?

About the past.

Did you tell her about us?

- You know what I mean.
-So that's why you came.

You haven't changed at all.
A pity.

You're still as ashamed.

No, Jakob. ljust...

That's just it.
Since I saw you again...

Everything's different.

- It's not real.
-Not real? Not real?

Stay here. We have no secrets.
We live together.

We're proud of it.
Understand?

- Please...
-You don't mean it?

You never meant it, right?
You didn't abandon me?

You didn't change schools
because you hated the sight of me?

You didn't send your parents
and accuse me of seducing you?

No!

Now you're telling me
you didn't know?

Your parents bought me a bicycle
and gave me a compass.

To make up
for having to do without you.

We were a large family.

And had little money.

Hey, fag!

Look at him!
Hi, sweetie!

Let's get out of here.

A song from the ghetto.

My mother does not call me
by my name.

My mother is dead.

My father does not call me
by my name.

My father is far away.

God does not call me
by my name.

God thought up a real mean act.

He plays the role of the cur in it.

He howls all night long.

I drove him away with a stick.

He should leave me in peace.

Oh heart of mine.

Rest a while.

When God has abandoned me
rest a while.

When my body is stretched out

Patiently.

Rest a while.
Rest a while.

Rest a while without God.
Rest a while.

Rest a while.
Rest a while without God.

I had a totally wrong impression
of Lutz.

Shyer and less mature.

He's great.

- This is my stop.
-You're braving awful weather.

- Just for me.
-No, for us.

It was your only birthday wish.

- I have another wish.
-What?

That you tell me
when something's bothering you.

I mean
if you have problems because of me.

I was so afraid.

I flipped my lid.
I went completely nuts.

Why?

I don't know either.

Excuse me?

- When did the line start?
-Yesterday morning.

I got here late too.

Fancy meeting you here.
Funny.

Are you sure you know me?
Aren't you mistaken?

You're Philipp.

Oh...
Now I remember.

My God!

I came to around noon.
I don't remember much.

This is the concert service.

Please get in line.

The numbers will now be distributed.

They can be exchanged for tickets
starting at 9 o'clock.

Barenboim and Celibidache
impressed me.

Abbado was also quite good.

I couldn't get tickets for Bernstein.

Back in 1984
I saw him at the gala premiere.

It was simply out of this world.

Let's go.

What a goddamn mess.
Everything's dirty.

These sluts!
It's the same pigpen every morning.

Really!
It's enough to drive you crazy.

Just look at the state it's in.
It's absolutely filthy.

I'll kill those bitches.
What a dump.

- We're glad the dump is open.
-Sit at the counter.

I can't be running a marathon
on Saturday before breakfast.

He's a good locker, isn't he?

He loved going to rock concerts.

I don't understand you kids
liking religious stuff.

It's been 12, no 13 years now

since he crashed his bike into a truck.

He was my only son.

That's life.

- He was only 19. How old are you?
-I'm 20. Almost.

So?

What now?

I have to go.

It's a pity.

Thanks.
For everything.

Tough luck.

- What did you think of me?
-Why?

I was so drunk.

I was thinking of myself.

It's like that
when you find out what you are.

You hang out in bars and drink
just to drown all your problems.

I'm giving a birthday party tonight
in that bar.

- Try to come.
-That's why we drank champagne.

I can't come.

It's impossible.
Sorry.

Come later if you like"

No...
I can't possibly come.

You'll come.
I know you will.

Shall we take in a late movie?

Not tonight.

I have a hard day ahead of me.
Are you disappointed?

No.

You're so jumpy-

I just felt like it somehow.

Let's drink some grog
and go to bed.

You can read to me.
How about it?

Okay.
Let's do that.

I clicked my heels together sharply.
It brought the tears to my eyes.

Then I realized I was naked.

I hid my manhood
with my hands.

I saw his mouth twitch
with amusement.

My nakedness disappeared
in the captain's eyes.

You're shit-scared, Corporal.
A disgrace to the army.

Please don't be sad.
I need to be alone for a while.

Don't worry about me
or try to contact me. Philipp.

That's him!
Philipp!

This is my mom and dad.

My sister Sonja.
Her friend Carsten.

My cousin Ulrike.
Holger, Sebastian, Alex and Erika.

You met Walter already.

You all waited for me?

Incredible.

I always wanted to live
so high up.

Don't your folks mind the fact
that you came back to my place?

Why should they?
It's perfectly okay.

Look, a train.

Like a toy.

What's with you?

You're so quiet all of a sudden.

Hello.

Hello.

You are Mathias.

I believe

I've waited for you.

At least for the past 2 years.

How do you know?

- Do you have a lover?
-No.

- Honest?
-Sure.

Maybe you do now.

Me.

Yes.

- Maybe it isn't such a good idea.
-You have a lover after all?

Rubbish.

Don't you want a family?
To have kids some day?

No.
I don't want any of that.

I know I can't have it anyway.

Did you know
my grandma wrote poems?

They were very erotic poems.

Swallows flew around
the loving couple.

She sighed:
Come to me, Beloved.

Tousle my hair.

Rip off my panties
and be my ruination.

Do you know the feeling
when you're going to bed?

The feeling that maybe

someone might ring your bell.

But nobody comes?

I'm talking nonsense.

But yesterday.

Out in the cold.
For the first time in my life.

I noticed I'd found someone.

Samson's hand to hold
and make me warm inside.

Then you're not alone.

Maybe.

Maybe it's possible.

I think you're incredible.

I never slept with another man before.

Can I come again?

You look awful.

- Go see a doctor.
-There are enough people off sick.

- Problems?
-Nope.

Tanja shows it more.

You might think she's pregnant.

What?

One might think so.
That's all.

You wouldn't be overjoyed,
I guess.

- Has Tanja said anything to you?
-Not exactly, but...

When a woman gets dizzy spells.

And gets morning sickness.

You say it's all okay.

I hope it's true.

I have no choice.
You can leave.

I won't leave you.
Never.

Maybe it's my fault
you wanted a new girlfriend.

I want you.
It won't happen again...

Man.
I love you.

Hell and Damnation.
I'm just being a stupid cow. Shit.

So sorry.

At long last.

Why are you never home?

I thought something happened.

How are you doing?

Your drink.

This was my last hope.

I looked all over for you.

I knew you'd be here tonight.

I have so much to tell you.

The champagne.

- Yes, I...
-What?

This is Mathias.

This is my wife, Tanja.

Yes, this is Tanja.
My wife.

Oh, I see.

I see.

I wasn't hiding it from you.

Not on purpose.

So that's what's up.

I didn't even notice.

Let me explain.

It's idiotic.

I know you...

Go on!

Know my next birthday wish?

For you to get out of here.
Don't touch me!

Mr. Klahrmann!

Do you know the time?
It is 9.40 now.

Your class started at 1.50.
Come and see me after school.

Mignon.

Know the land where citrus blooms?

Where oranges glow in leafy tombs?

A gentle wind cools an azure sky.

The myrtle's sweet, the laurel's high.

Do you know it?

Let us flee, let us flee.

Beloved, there we will be free.

Know the house with pillars tall?

Where chambers line the gleaming hall.

Where marble images stare at me.

Stop talking at once!

It's unfair to him.

Time to go home, darlings.

Time is up.
The hardship cases must go too.

- I'II go now.
-Finish your beer first.

I'm not a civil servant.

Have you seen Mathias around?
The guy I was in here with...

- Do you know his address?
-Know how many Mathias come here?

Ask me another one.

- Sorry.
-Mathias?

Mathias? The charming dentist?
He's very generous.

- I think he lives in Grunau.
-No, he moved last August.

I didn't mean him.

You mean the young guy
who celebrated his birthday.

He's never been back.

Someone must know his name
and where he lives.

Nobody knows anybody's name
or his address here.

Everyone is alone here.

Everyone is afraid.

- Hi, Philipp.
-Mom?

If you won't come...

Please.

I can't sleep at night.

Don't look at me like that.

Why?

- Why must it be?
-What?

I mean...

- The way you are.
-There's no other way.

Why do I have to justify myself?

Why?

Is it better to pretend?

Lie to oneself?
Aim for a goal one can never reach?

Make others unhappy
for lack of an alternative?

Because nature made me this way?

Who am I harming?

My so-called reputation?

Don't we all have a right
to live as nature intended?

- No, please.
-Tell me how can I help you?

By not crying.

As a child I often cried for you.

When you and Dad fought.

That did no good at all.

ljust wanted you to be happy.

Unhappy?

I'm unhappy because of you.

That's the only reason.

Feel like it?

- Here? Or your place?
-Not here.

That was fun.

See you.

Is everything okay?

Okay?

Is your wife out of town?
Taking a night off?

Come on, Lutz.

PhiliPP, meet Lutz.

Come on in.
Welcome!

Join the fun!
The more the merrier!

It's your birthday today.

S0 I told myself

I'd dedicate this song to you...

Get your hands off me
dirty old man!

That's not the way
we behave around here.

It was a misunderstanding.

Didn't you hear me?
A misunderstanding.

Sit down over here.

- I don't allow aggression in here.
-I know.

Bring us a drink.
Two brandies.

I'm not serving him.
Just one.

Bring two.
I'll drink both.

Right.
Two large brandies coming up.

You think we always make a pass
at every man we approach?

Just because we're gay?

Can't we just be trying to help?

And be kind like other people?

- Two large brandies for you.
-The same again.

I'm not saying anything.

Better bring a whole tray.

Stop crying.

Leave me alone.
Just leave me alone, will you?

I'm afraid.

I'm terrified.

I'm a high school teacher.

Know what that means?
A queer high school teacher.

It could be worse.

I'm not saying another word.

We can turn people away
who get drunk.

It could happen to you.
So be careful.

I don't mind you insulting me.

But I can't take brutality.

I've taken too much.

I already paid my price
to be able to sit here and wait.

Wait like everyone else here.

For a man to smile.

Honest, tender and loving.

It is so easy nowadays
in this society.

Once...

Once I met the love of my life.

Fifty years back.

His name was Karl.

I was twenty.
He was twenty-eight.

We had worked out a good way
to conceal it.

One night...

I don't know who reported us.

We were dragged out of our tent,
disciplined and taken away.

They took us to Gestapo HQ in Berlin.

We were imprisoned.

Karl and I.

In isolation cells.
Solitary confinement.

They sent me
to a concentration camp.

Sachsenhausen.

I wore a pink triangle.
I was dirt to them.

Then I became a member
of the Communist Party.

The comrades saved me.

I was an activist from the first hour
after the war.

We worked like crazy.

We stopped mankind's exploitation
by mankind.

Now it does not matter if the person
you work with is a Jew or whatever.

Except gays-

They were forgotten somehow.

lam so sorry, Mr. Klahrmann.

Certain events
which we must discuss later on

force us to carry out an inspection
of your work.

We shall begin now.

Go ahead.

Please sit elsewhere.

Klahrmann!

Yes.