All language subtitles for Dirch.2011.DANISH.1080p.BluRay.H264.AAC-VXT

You want to try something fun?

- No, thanks.
- Okay...

- You've grown.
- So have you.

- You're insulting.
- You're amusing.

You can rhyme.

Oh, by the way...

You want to open it?

- You wanted to be a doctor, right?
- No, actually. I didn't.

Not anymore? What then?

I want to be...
a ballerina.

A ballerina? When I was your age,
I knew exactly what I wanted to be.

- And what did you want to be?
- I wanted to be a sailor.

- But you didn't get to be a sailor.
- No. And why didn't I?

- You got seasick.
- You got it. I got seasick.

- Thank you for the present.
- You're welcome.

There's also a pony for you
in the car.

A small one.

Yes?

- Speak up, woman.
- He hasn't arrived, Mr Lommer.

Where is he?

Good evening, Mr Lommer.
How should I know?

- The show starts in ten minutes.
- If he's here.

I've got a magazine and a camel
waiting for him. And a full house.

Get on the camel yourself.
If he's not here, he's not here.

They all came to see him,
for Christ's sake.

- They also came to see me.
- Then you can get on that camel.

There's no way I'm riding the camel.
You do it.

- You missed a spot here.
- You owe me.

- I don't owe you anything.
- You know where he's hiding.

Well, this is just marvellous...

You know that they really
come to see me, don't you?

Are you nearly done now?
It's important you get the girls, too.

- I just have to..
- Lommer's riding the camel now.

That's really not very nice of you.

Why don't you just say no
instead of sitting here hiding?

- What's the matter?
- I have to...

- Do we have a full house?
- Yes.

Dirch...

Stop it. We've delivered
those lines a thousand times.

We're funny. It works.
You're funny. Right?

- Your first line is... You say...?
- Take it easy.

You begin by saying...

I say: "You look peeved, old sport."

No, let me begin with the story.
Four men are sitting on a raft.

Notice the dramatic opening.
You have to get everybody with you.

Fine by me.

Up here! Come on! Come on!

Hey, hey! Whoa!
Why are you doing that?

It's important
to get everybody with you right away.

There's no room for all these people
on a raft.

If we all cram together...
there should be room enough.

- Three men are sitting on a raft.
- You said four.

While you rambled, one of them fell
in the water and was eaten by a shark.

You could have told me that.

No,
because that's the funny part.

The element of surprise is
one of the pillars of storytelling.

Your story's
from pillar to post.

- Four men are sitting on a raft!
- You said three men just before.

- One of them was eaten by a shark.
- There are four men!

I've started over on the story.
Right!

Then we have to drag him up again.
You think he's caught a cold now?

Then we'll just have to
give him some dry clothes, right?

- Fine by me.
- Four men are...

No use.
He's going in again in a minute.

I think I'm staying here.

Go, Dirch!

Good evening.

I remember it like it was yesterday.
I call the waiter: "We want turbot!"

- And Dirch says...
- Turbo turbot.

Hello. Nice to see you.

Ole! Small glasses.

- Cheers!
- Cheers!

Tell Ole we want Dubonnet.
Triple Dubonnet!

Just look at him.

Dirch, come here!
We're having a drink.

You didn't take any ice.
Here, I'll give you one...

Kjeld...

Kjeld? Kjeld!

- Leave me alone.
- Kjeld, Kjeld...

Jesus, stop it.
Dirch...

- Who's that girl?
- Huh?

- Who's that girl over there?
- Who?

How should I know?

- Do you think she likes our act?
- Everybody does, except me.

Do you think
she thinks I'm funny?

Please go and...
Please go and get her for me.

You want me to get her?

- You can go yourself.
- Kjeld...

No way.

Fair ladies...

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

What did you want to say?

Good evening.

Dirch, wake up.
We're leaving.

- Right now?
- Yes, the bar closed. I'm bored.

Our cab is waiting.
Say good night to the girl.

Put this on.
Then you won't forget me.

- You looked so good in that hat.
- I'll wear this instead.

- I'll be damned.
- My goodness.

- This isn't good.
- No, it bloody well isn't.

- How did she get it out?
- I don't know.

- Maybe my wife helped her.
- The two of them can't carry a couch.

- Ulla's a strong girl.
- She is?

Big and strong.
A hell of a girl.

I said I wanted to relax on the couch
for the five minutes I'm home.

- Am I not entitled to that?
- Sure. It's every man's right.

Let's move it, shall we?

Quietly, please.

- On "now".
- Now.

Ouch!
I'm coming over to you.

Dirch...
No, I'm coming over to you.

No, I can't.
I won't carry this rubbish.

You can
deal with your problem yourself.

- Is this seat taken?
- Not as far as I know.

- Please sit down.
- Thank you.

- You want a drink?
- Yes, please.

Catch the bottled message.

- What are you doing?
- Damn it!

Sitter? Sweetheart?
Good morning.

I know that it's...
Holy...

Are you mad at me?

I'm so fond of you two.
You know why?

Because of your faces.
You've got real human faces.

I'm sick of this, Dirch.
You're married to me. Not to him.

- You're a lovely lady.
- Come to bed, honey.

You have to be at work at six.
You too, Kjeld. Off you go!

Okay, okay.

Let's just move the couch.
It was funny.

It wasn't funny. I think
it was coarse and ridiculous.

- It's funny. People will love it.
- Yes, and that proves it's terrible.

I love you.
You know that, right? Sitter?

I love you.
The life that we share. I really do.

- Daddy?
- Dorte, why aren't you in bed?

What's the matter? Don't you think
you can sleep a little more?

It's still night, you know.
Don't you want to cuddle with mum?

Four men
are sitting on a raft!

How did you get him up again?
He was eaten by a shark.

I suppose they pulled the shark
out of the water, too!

- Fine by me.
- What are you up to?

I know what this is about.
I come from a decent family.

Right! Four sharks are sitting
on a raft. Nonsense.

Three men are sitting on a shark,
one gets mad -

- and jumps in the shark,
from the dock, in the water!

What's his name?

Well, let's say
his name is...

... Mortensen, okay?!

I know that guy.

He's my uncle.

There must be
more Mortensens, right?!

No, he was an only child.

It doesn't matter
what his name was!

My uncle's name
doesn't matter?

He's got nothing to do with
this story.

Why the hell
did you put him on that raft then?

That's the climax
of the story!

It turns out that Mortensen
can't even sink!

Why not?

He's a floating voter.

Come on, come on.

And now it's you, boys. Come on!
No, Kjeld goes on first.

Come on, for Christ's sake.

And now it's you. Go!

- Are we already there?
- No.

God, my mouth is dry.
I should have drunk more last night.

- Sit up straight now.
- I'm hung over. Leave me alone!

Sit up straight.

We've got company.

- Good evening.
- Good evening.

- Hello. Kjeld.
- It's Inge. You've met her before.

You've ruined an extremely
happy marriage, young lady.

Did you even think of the child?

The poor little girl
torn in two forever, confused.

Tell her it's a joke.

If she doesn't get our humour,
I don't want to spend time with her.

His humour's a bit too direct.

Just let it pass.

- What was her name again?
- Inge!

She seems... intelligent.
What does she do?

She's a rocket scientist.

She's a singer.
You said you knew her.

- I've forgotten.
- I really like this one.

She might be the... one.

Now, that's a disappointment to me.
I thought I was the one for you.

No, sit down here for a while.
Just stay here.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

I am not allowed
to play with the big boys

I'm too small
so they say

but I sense
that it's some other toys

they're referring to

and I don't mean to brag
when I say

that I fancy
every girl who comes my way

every time I see some bird
on Frederiksberg Allé

I can't help giving out a yell

I'm married
but oh what the hell?

You still look good
in women's clothes, huh?

You can hang anything
on that body of yours.

- So you didn't like it?
- I thought it was marvellous.

I found it witty.
It was breathtakingly spectacular.

A flood of comedy
that swept everybody off their feet.

Malicious voices would call it coarse,
bordering on vulgar.

An artist's nostalgic belief that
men in women's clothes is funny.

Others would say: "How long
are we supposed to love him for -

- when Dirch so clearly despises
himself and his field?"

- The magazine's here.
- Did they accept my limits?

- No, I don't think so.
- Then I wont talk to them.

Stig won't like that.

- I know what they want to talk about.
- Very well. Thanks.

I've never heard you
say no before.

Somebody just asked me if I wanted
a cup of coffee. I said no.

- Did you just refuse the journalists?
- Yes.

They want to discuss the divorce.

- It's very important to us.
- I really don't want to do it.

Sometimes I just don't get you.
We need the publicity.

Or no one will come and see us.
Don't we want the same thing?

- No, I bloody well don't.
- I'm talking with Dirch here, okay?

What do you say?

Huh?

Dirch!

Okay, let them in.
But can't we do it down here?

No, it'll be on the stage
like always.

Fine.

- What?
- Do you know what I think?

You should listen to your own needs.
You don't want to do this anymore.

- Can I borrow your dress?
- Shut up, will you?

I'm taking this with me.

You look a lot like your mother.
You know that?

You're just a prettier version.
Not that mum isn't pretty.

Mum's pretty.
And you're pretty.

So you're pretty and mum's pretty.
You're both pretty.

You're a pretty girl.
Mum's a pretty mum.

Don't you dare do that again.

Wh...

- But why does he do it?
- He doesn't do it on purpose.

But why?

He just likes
to touch soft things.

Rabbits and mice,
soft dresses and the like.

Just like you like
touching your teddy bear.

He doesn't sense
that he's holding them too tight.

Does he die?

No, he doesn't die.
It's just make believe.

- I see.
- Yes.

- Are you tired?
- Yes.

You can't be serious, right?

- I want to play "Of Mice and Men".
- "Of Mice and Men"?

You've got three shows a day
this season.

- And all the films on top of that.
- It's not a problem.

Why on earth do you want to risk
everything you've achieved for this?

I'm not risking...

- I guess I'm bored.
- You guess you're bored?

Well, that's news to me.

I really, really want this.

I hope it's not just
to appeal to the critics.

They say you need a role
that matches your talent.

I know about talent. They don't.
Don't do it to please them.

- I'm doing it to please myself.
- It's a ridiculous misunderstanding.

Nobody has your talent.
Nobody!

Most so-called "serious actors" -

- would give their right arm
for what you have.

You're a comic, Dirch.

People would die to be able to do
what you do.

You don't really believe
I can pull it off?

- That's not what it's about.
- Then what's it about?

There's no money in it.
People don't want to see it.

They do, if I'm in it.

- Isn't it lovely?
- Fantastic.

This could be the children's room.

Come and have a look, dear.

- Has Kjeld been in here?
- No. Stig also asked for him.

We're on in five minutes.

Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
Welcome to The ABC Theatre...

Have you seen Kjeld?

In 8-12 minutes,
we'll be ready to give you -

- an unforgettable experience.

- What took you so long?
- Were you planning on dropping by?

We're about to put on a small matinée.

No, not today.

- Is it bad?
- It's a rocky path.

And where does it lead you?

- Drinking on the rocks.
- Really?

- Me too.
- I had an inkling.

- But if it isn't...?
- Hello. Kjeld Petersen.

Dirch Hartvig Passer. Here's
a thought. Maybe we should...?

Not today, old chap.

And why not? Entertainment isn't
fancy enough for you anymore?

No. I can't feel my legs.

Don't even say that
as a joke.

- Hello, old chap.
- Hello.

Look at me lying here...
You have to hear this one, Dirch.

A mother goes to the doctor
with her daughter.

The mother says: "My daughter
has some strange symptoms."

The doctor takes some tests
and says: "Your daughter's pregnant."

"But I don't understand. My daughter
has nothing to do with men..."

Kjeld...

The doctor says
you have to take it easy.

Oh, Kjeld...

There, there,
my little butterfly.

You'll get well again.

- Ask him to leave?
- He doesn't attend rehearsals.

When he finally comes,
he's too drunk to stand on his feet.

He's called in sick
for half of the shows.

- You want to fire him?
- He costs us money.

But, I mean...
He's been through a bad patch.

- He's been ill.
- I'm sorry, but that's life.

The rest of the staff have signed
to witness that he's a liability.

It simply can't go on like this.

We'd like to help your friend,
but we need your signature.

It looks to me
like you just want to help yourselves.

The bottom line is
that I need your support.

- I need you to sign this.
- What kind of help will you give him?

I want to help Kjeld get back on his
feet again. That's my only intention.

- I can't do that.
- You'll have to.

Otherwise we'll be forced
to cancel the show.

If we lose money, we can't afford
to go all out with "Of Mice and Men".

- You're so damn crafty.
- Sit down.

- Jesus, you're a fine couple.
- Dirch!

He'll come back.

- Shall I put them in water?
- No, thanks. I'm not thirsty.

- The flowers...
- The flowers. Of course.

What terrible weather we've had.
Rain, rain, and yet more rain.

- I know that.
- You're from a foreign country.

- Which country?
- Brazil, for God's sake.

- Where the coffee comes from.
- What's my name, again?

- Donna Lucia D'Alvadorez.
- I'm Brazilian?

No, Danish. Your husband's Brazilian.
He's dead. You're a widow.

And a millionaire.

- Donna Lucia, do you have children?
- Yes, millions.

I'm dead. My husband's a widow.
Where the coffee comes from.

Kjeld, my friend.
Have you stopped by for a visit?

Yes.
I am some kind of artist, too.

You are, Kjeld. But now
you need to go to the wardrobe.

I trust you're staying
a couple of days, Donna Lucia?

Kjeld.

What are you doing?

I'm better now...
the doctors say.

- They want to fire you.
- They're welcome.

I don't want to do this crap
anyway.

Kjeld... I'm talking to you
as your friend.

I see... and what does
my little lady friend tell me?

Have some self-respect.

Respect? You've got no right
to talk to me about respect.

You've got no self-respect.
That crap you're appearing in...

And then you start lecturing me about
self-respect. Yes, I slapped you.

Move on.

It's okay.
I promised I would help you, so...

Kjeld, stop hitting me.
It really upsets me.

Do I upset you?

You don't have to help me.
I don't need your help.

Don't help Kjeld.
You should rather help yourself!

"I don't need to help out Kjeld!
I should rather help myself!"

You're doing the right thing.
It's a help.

Do you want my signature?

Then I really think
you should stop talking.

Thanks.

- What's the matter?
- Not now.

- Come here.
- Inge, you...

You cling to me.

She would like to
take some things.

- What things?
- A duvet and so on.

- She said most of it was yours.
- Fine by me.

Don't touch me!

Let go of me!
What did he say to you?

Don't touch me!
Let me go!

Please tell me where he is.

A mouse?
A real, live mouse?

No, just a dead mouse.
I didn't kill it.

I swear!
It was already dead when I found it.

- Give it here.
- Please let me keep it.

Why do you want a dead mouse, Lennie?

I was just petting it.

- Sorry, can we stop here?
- Why?

- We've only got half an hour left.
- It's fine by me.

Why, Dirch?
Just tell me why.

Because I think... and I have to
write all this stuff down...

Ove...

- I know what you're thinking.
- No, you don't.

It wasn't good enough.
It was... No, it isn't.

Stop talking nonsense, Dirch.

How many are members of the guild?

How many members are there
in the Actor's Guild?

7-800.

So many actors are good at serious
acting. Why should I give it a try?

I think
it'll be a really good play, Dirch.

People will love it.

Do you want to go
and get just one drink?

Not today.

Yes...

Ove, just one for the road?
Just down there.

- I have to go home.
- Say hi to Eva from me.

- Dirch?
- Yes?

- You were good today.
- Yes.

- Good night.
- Good night.

Just the fact
that she's sitting close...

It's very intimidating to him.

But it also feels nice
that someone permits you to...

Should we take it from the top?

Touch her hair.
It's the hair that fascinates you.

Well, it's everything.

Feel how soft it is.
You're welcome to touch it.

Don't mess it up.

Lovely!

- Remember it mustn't become funny.
- Oh, it's so lovely.

Stop it. You're messing me up.

Stop it! Let go of me!

- Let go!
- Don't do that.

George'll be mad.

Don't drink too much, Lennie.

Did you hear what I said?
You'll get sick just like yesterday.

The water's good!

Drink, George.
You should drink some as well.

I don't think it's good, Lennie.
It looks slimy.

Look at the rings in the water!
Look what I made, George!

- George?
- Yes, what it is?

Where are we going, George?

Have you already forgotten?

Do I have to start all over?
Jesus Christ, you're a crazy bastard.

I...

I forgot, George.
I tried to...

Dirch, stop.
Just keep on acting.

In five minutes,
they won't be laughing anymore.

Very well.
I'll tell you once again, Lennie.

I have to tell you again and again.

You probably want to hear about the
rabbits. Damn those stupid rabbits.

People want to laugh, Dirch.
They want to laugh at you.

And you should be happy about that.
Because you're a funny man.

I am really incredibly
fond of this play.

The last thing I want to do
is to ruin something.

I promise to stick to it. But people
aren't supposed to laugh.

No, they're not.
But they do.

They laugh because they want to.
And they should be allowed to.

So we'll cancel the rest.
It's becoming a farce.

I've got some ideas for a new show
we should do.

You're too good to be running around
playing a helpless retard.

You can do so much more.

- Come here.
- It's my fault.

No.

It isn't.

You are...

You're not him, right?

No, I'm not.

Are you sure...
You couldn't be him just a bit?

Couldn't you be him
just a tiny bit? Just for a while?

A tiny bit.

I don't think it's a good idea.

Give it a go.
Go on and say something.

Now is the time
you need to help.

Now is the time
you need some help. Right?

I think you should go to bed
and then call him in the morning.

- He won't talk with me.
- I'm sure he'll talk with you.

Is he in?

Please tell him I'm out here
and want to talk with him.

- Say something!
- Yes...

I'm so sorry.

What took you so long?

I just had to
mess up my career first.

- That's all?
- And a relationship.

- That's all?
- I think so.

You do know you should've done
"Of Mice and Men" with me, right?

Yes, I know.

Me as the smart one
and you as the slow-witted one.

It would have been a walk in the park.
People would have loved it.

They probably would have.

Thank you.

No, thank you.

We have to do something together.

- What are you doing Thursday?
- Nothing.

- You like fried eel?
- Love it.

- I'm Rome champion in fried eel.
- Thursday? Here?

- Fried eel?
- And lots of them.

Who wins the race?
Come on!

- Kjeld!
- Come on, Kjeld!

Come here!

- Are you okay?
- Yes.

I could do with a hand
to get me up on my feet.

- Are you okay?
- Come on!

Jesus, I'm coming!

- Hasn't he put on weight?
- What do you mean?

I haven't put on weight.

- Edvard!
- Good name.

Edvard was in the class below us
with Magnus and Orla and the gang.

- Say it again.
- Edvard was our class' only hummer.

Edvard was in the class below us
with Magnus and Orla.

Magnus and Orla?
The ones we beat up on the way home?

It's good.
A good thread.

I don't know their names.
I just beat them.

- If you weren't in detention.
- I never was.

- Who was always late?
- That was... Stig.

- Stig?
- It's funny. We'll keep that.

Is Stig funny?
Stig's not a funny name.

- Stig lived right next to the school.
- No Stig lived next to the school.

Did you know
Stig lived next to the school?

- And he was always late.
- I was never late.

You lived one minute from the school
but were always late.

I wasn't late
because I never attended school.

Stig, the one who lived
next to the school...

No Stig lived there.

Mr Lommer!

Mr Lommer!
An interview!

What's it like to be back?
Are you expecting a success?

Rest assured that Kjeld and Dirch
will give you what you came for.

They're funnier than ever before.

- Have you seen Kjeld?
- No, I'm sorry.

Kjeld?

You didn't think I'd show up?

Yes, definitely.

Well, maybe.

Five minutes before the premiere
just like you.

I've gotten better.

Of course I showed up.
Today opposites will meet.

Speaking of opposites, there's
something I've always sensed on you.

- I see? Delicate sensations?
- Normal sensations.

- Pray, tell. I love sensations.
- You really want to know?

I sense
that you'll tell me anyway.

- So you do have sensations?
- Do we have to keep on like this?

- You're jealous of me.
- I don't think so.

I do.

- What makes you think so?
- Because they'd rather have me.

Am I right?
You know that you're better than me.

And yet they choose me
instead of you.

- Maybe.
- I don't get it.

Why?

If I knew I was the best,
I wouldn't care that they chose you.

Not even if I got standing ovations
but they remained seated for you?

- They don't stand up for you?
- No.

But if it isn't...?
If I'm not mistaken, it's...

- Hello, old chap!
- Oh my!

- My, it's been long!
- It's been so long.

- Not since...
- We...

- Left middle...
- School!

- It's been so long.
- Since we...

- Left...
- School.

Yes, not since we...

... left school.

I nearly
didn't recognize you.

And I nearly
didn't recognize you.

- Boy, you're tall as a house!
- So are you.

Only tall as a play house.

Weeeeeell...

... as some kind of house.

- We have to get together some day!
- We have to meet.

- What are you doing Thursday?
- Nothing.

- Do you like fried eel?
- Yes.

My wife is Rome champion in fried eel.
Thursday. My place.

- Fried eel.
- And lots of them.

Lots of fried eel at my old
school buddy's house Thursday.

I've made a mental note of it.
So how are you doing, old chap?

- Are you seeing any of the old gang?
- I see Ejnar once in a while.

- Ejnar? Ejnar, Ejnar?
- By the window, in front of you.

In front of me?
But that was Georg.

- Georg?
- You must remember Georg.

Georg, Georg, Georg, Georg! The one
who always had to excuse himself!

- That was Viggo.
- No. He's the one with the sister.

- The sister?
- Yes, the sister. Ella!

- Ella?
- The one you fancied.

To my knowledge, I've never fancied
a girl named Ella.

- You wrote her letters.
- I did?

- In the singing lessons.
- Impossible. I'm a hummer.

The only hummer
in our class was... Edvard!

Edvard was in the class below us
with Magnus and Orla.

Magnus and Orla?
The ones we beat up on our way home?

I don't know their names.
I just beat them up.

- If you weren't in detention.
- Never.

- Who was always late?
- Herman.

- Herman?
- Yes.

The boy who lived
right next to the school.

There was no Herman
right next to the school.

This is Nansensgade.

That's the school.
And that's where Herman lived.

There.

There?

No. There.

- God, you were brilliant.
- I was?

- You were good.
- I was? You were good.

- You were the best.
- You were outstanding. Really.

- You were the best.
- Nooo...

I insist.
You were fabulous.

- You're right.
- I'm glad you can see it.

- Is this my intermission drink?
- I thought we should have a toast.

You're my best friend, Dirch.

Jesus Christ!
It's pure madness out there.

What did you do to people?
Honey.

Bloody hell, that was marvellous!
Good lord!

What a show! Come here.
Fabulous! Really nice work, Kjeld.

They were eating out of your hand.
You were amazing.

This will result in
the longest queues ever.

I want the same sports car as Dirch.
But in British racing green.

You act like a dream.
Thank you so much. A toast for Kjeld!

It's wonderful. Wonderful!

And now, let's go to Royal.
Put your hats on.

Then we're ready to roll.

What?

He's played some tricks on me.

But dying on the night of the premiere
beats it all.

I want to be alone for a while.

Judy...

What is it that bothers you?

- You.
- I've never been better.

You're wasting your time.

Hi.

Hi. Hi, baby.

I think
I'd like to return to the city.

Let me try again.

Hop, hop, hop, hop, hop...

I've got a new baby brother.

This long!

He's been in my mum's tummy
just like me.

I didn't even see him.

Boy, I'm so fond of
my new baby brother!

If this isn't funny,
you're dead, Preben.

It's going to work.
Trust me.

Hop, hop, hop, hop,
hop, hop, hop.

- Hop, hop, hop, hop...
- God, it's funny.

I've got the feeling
you want to say something.

I find it very amusing.
Outstanding.

You don't think so.

I do. I think it's brilliant.
Nothing short of brilliant.

I didn't think
I could stand here without you.

I didn't think so.
But I'm fine.

You understand?
I'm fine.

I've missed it.
I need it.

Naturally.

- It's what I do best.
- It's what you do best.

Just as you think you're best at
something else, you find out -

- you're best at the thing
you've always been best at.

Say that again.

- You're playing an idiot.
- No. I'm playing a clown.

- Is this what you want to do?
- It's what I'm meant to do.

It's what I know.

Why should...
Excuse me.

I'm happy to be here.
And I make lots of people happy.

Why isn't that justified?
Isn't it fancy enough?

Then tell me what to do!

Do you want to tell me
what's going on?

No.

They'll love it.

They'll love it.
It'll be fantastic.

- You just don't get it.
- I just have to...

People who've seen the rehearsals
say it's brilliant.

- Fine. I just have to...
- No.

You listen to me now.

- You've got nothing to be afraid of.
- Preben...

You just have to be there.
That's enough.

You've got exactly
what all the others want.

By God, I wish I had it.

You just have to open your mouth,
and they love you.

- Everybody loves you.
- You think so?

I bloody well do.

Why?

Why? Why?

- Why what?
- Why do they love me?

Well...

Yes, why do they love...

Very well. Very well...

I want to read from
this morning's paper.

"Tonight our biggest
comic actor made his comeback."

I am seventeen and just confirmed
and the whole town knows my name

then her reputation got a dent
Saturday at ten pm

all my little girlfriends chased me
they turned red but had to ask me

who were you kissing in your
front door light little Ann Mari?

"He is his own act,
his own orchestra -

- and his own acrobatic ballet.

His comic genius
and surreal madness, -

- his wild unpredictability
and almost touching humanity -

- break every dramatic, physical
and psychological law."

"He's a phenomenon, a fable,
an indefinable animal.

The show belongs to Dirch Passer."

There's more.

"He is its sun, its star,
its storm, its calm, -

- its reason for being
and its salvation."

I tell you,
It's just no fun getting old.

Nobody cares about
us old people anymore.

We are just potted
and have to sit and wait and wait.

Even when we shout:
"Mummy! I'm done!"

In the old days, they came running:

"By God! What a fine pooh
little baby made for mummy!"

"Come on, everybody!
Come and see baby's pooh!"

And they clapped their hands and said:
"Little baby is so good at pooh!"

Today they hardly want to see it,
even if I bring it to the table.

Hop, hop...

"Dirch Passer is home,
and so is this year's revue."

A toast for our very own Dirch!

Don't do that, love.

Don't. Where are your manners?

Stop it.

Stop it.

Cut it out!

What are you saying?

- I can't hear what you're saying.
- I've spent a long time cooking.

Phine.

- Yum!
- Stop it.

- I can't hear what you're saying.
- Stop it.

Stop it!

Don't you see
that it's annoying -

- if you come and ruin it when I'm
trying to teach her table manners?

You can't just come and go
like you please.

Doesn't he play like a dream?

The ring, the volume,
the embouchure, the fingering.

Gosh! Using Stevens-Costello
embouchure with tongue control, -

- right in the cup, with no pedal.
I just think you should know.

In other words: it's my son!
Don't you see we look alike?

Once in a while.
Oh, well. Oh, well.

25 years old
where did time go?

where's the toddler
that I used to know?

black and white telly
and your tiny belly

I remember all of it now

sitting on my knee
under the apple tree

you were a joy
sonny boy

music and laughter
happy ever after

music was your world
sonny boy

proud you were mine
because you were so fine

and when you held
your little fiddle

to your chin

your head looked to someone
like a dotted note son

always number one
sonny boy

life moves on for all sonny boy
it did take its toll sonny boy

where were you the night when
you turned 18?

giving it your all
sonny boy?

dallying and playing
with no way of paying

you bought a car
sonny boy

went for a drive and
seduced all the women

picnics in the park
sonny boy

I know very well son
what was going on

you were showing off son
she had a little one

in my dress shoes

you had stolen
your own needed repair

you are a clown
sonny boy

oh you stupid git
sonny boy

can't believe you're mine sonny boy
never mind drinking

never mind gambling
but stay away from horses

sonny boy

the piano and the chair
we had to hock last year

all thanks to you
sonny boy

yesterday they fetched
the bureau and the rest

whatever next
sonny boy?

I know what I'll tell you
he will get your dad

and I am the last thing
your poor old mum still had

but I'll say

play and entertain them

play me for a fool friend

thank you so much

sonny boy

Good afternoon, Mr Passer.
How are you?

- What's wrong with me?
- You have a bad heart. That's what.

- I have to perform tomorrow evening.
- You're your own master.

But you have to realize your life
has changed dramatically now.

Do you know anyone
with a bad heart?

No. Well, yes.
I did know someone once.

Well, then you know
all about it, right?

No. Not really.

Consider yourself a heart patient now.
Here you go, Mr Passer.

a birthday present he will get
and many more will find him yet

and lots of cheers and cocoa
and birthday cake

- Happy birthday!
- Happy birthday, Dirch!

Well... I just want to thank you all.
Thank you for coming.

It's really great to see you. Thanks
for the lovely tableful of presents.

There's something
I have to tell you.

I've had...

I've realized
that I've been working too much.

Way too much.
I am aware of that.

- And I'm going to change that.
- You didn't discuss this with me.

Would it be possible for you to
shut your mouth for just one minute?

Thanks.

I would like to say
to my family that...

I'm touched to see you all here today.
It really moves me to see you all.

You are here. And...

I've...

I've wasted my time.

Both your time and my own.

And I promise from now on...

... it'll be different.

I'll be there much more for
all of you. I want you to know that.

Thanks.

Happy birthday.
I hear you're in love again.

- Well, let's see how...
- Come on. I think it's great.

- We'll see how it goes.
- I'm sure it'll work out fine.

Just smile.

I thought it was a secret?

No, not anymore.

- My big, fat boy.
- Now, now!

I love you.

You see?

That can't be right.

I can't run that fast!

No...

And there isn't another test
we can take?

Well, yes,
but why don't we give it some time?

It seems as if
something's wrong.

I think you should let
Mother Nature do her job.

- Maybe something will happen.
- We'll just have to keep trying.

Very well.
Thank you, Svend Erik.

- Good luck.
- Thank you.

Dirch...

- Can we two have a private talk?
- I'll wait outside.

It's none of my business.

But you ought to tell her
about your health.

- It's my own business.
- Yes, but it has consequences.

Yes.

I don't think you can get her pregnant
in your condition.

I really think you should tell her.

- It just means so much to her.
- Yes, I know. And I'm sorry.

- Yes. Say hi to Ulla.
- I will... Thanks.

My heart in my chest
roars it into the atmosphere!

- There he is!
- No, no, you're mistaken.

- It's not me.
- Then it's him.

I knew it right away!

He's the spitting image of me.
Papa!

- How did it go?
- It went well.

What are you doing?

- People were happy?
- Yes, they were happy.

- You heard the applause yourself.
- You can't always judge from that.

What are you doing?

- Did you hit yourself?
- No... It's nothing.

- Can I see?
- No, you can't. Get ready to go.

I'll join you in a minute.

I love her.

I really love her.
And I don't want to lose her.

I don't want to go on anymore.
It's not worth it.

That's good to hear.

It's your life, Dirch.
No matter what they say.

You are my best friend.

Dirch Passer!

- Hello.
- How are you doing, Dirch?

Everything's fine.

- Are you well now?
- I've never been better.

Thanks. Everything's okay.

There's nothing...
Enjoy the show.

Hi.

- You shouldn't drink too fast.
- I just can't stop sweating.

It's normal.
You're just nervous.

No, that's not the problem.

- How are your feet?
- Why? Do you have a new pair for me?

- Break a leg.
- Thanks.

- Bente...
- What is it?

One last kiss.

You'll do great.
I'll be in the box if you need me.

Okay, my dear. Thanks.

We're ready, Dirch.

there you can get
anything you want

if you really want it

Take it easy, Mr Passer.
You're in good hands.

Take it easy. Mr Passer?
No, don't try to move.

Keep still.
Mr Passer?

Keep still, Mr Passer.

What a silly act.
Why can that be?

I'm a silly act?
What's wrong with me?

You walk around sulky and blue
as if someone caged you.

little lovely blue-eyed girl
put your hat on with a twirl

add some flowers
show the world

flowers on my twirling hat
are you mad?

- just a tad
- you speak nonsense admit that

What I mean is
smile and be happy!

It makes your face so pretty.
You look like God knows what.

So I say shame on you!

little lovely blue-eyed girl
birds are singing in the sky

I think
so should you and I

twirling hat
singing birds

strangest thing I ever heard

mix a bit of love in there

my message is clear

little lovely blue-eyed girl

when your heart pounds
and you're hot

see a doctor on the spot

- What can he do?
- Cure you.

- And who is that doctor?
- Me. I can help you. Yes, it's true.

You see they like you the most?

doctor give me a remedy please
help me if you can

he will help you
and put you at ease

The prescription's here!

put your hat on with a twirl

little lovely blue-eyed girl

add some flowers
show the world

- okay I'll fetch the hat now
- take off the ribbon somehow

- and put some flowers on top
- and whistle without a stop

- and we will all sleep soundly
- in every town and county

3. September 1980
Dirch collapsed on stage.

Shortly after arriving
at the hospital, he was declared dead.

In almost 30 years, he appeared
in more than 200 plays and films.

Dirch Hartvig Passer
died 54 years old.

English subtitles: Malene Hollnagel
Scandinavian Text Service 2011