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bernie mac!

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so let me explain
something to you

about the mac man.

I love who I am.

I love what I've become,
and most of all

I have nothing but respect
for those who have followed me.

I will do things
for dollars and cents.

I owe my craft to my fans
and to all the people

who've been following me
all those years.

See, it's not what you do,
it's how you do it.

It's not what you say,
it's how you say it.

I'm a comedian.

People know me
as bernie mac.

That's why I'm gonna open up
a day care center.

When I retire from comedy,

i'm gonna prove to you
that I'm trustworthy.

I will fuck your kid up.

You ain't got to fill out
no application.

The first three months free.

You don't need no hidden
videos around the house

to see what the fuck
is goings on,

'cause when you come to pick
your kid up,

i'm gonna look you in the eye

and tell you what the fuck
is goings on.

When you come to
pick your kid up

and he's got a knot
on the corner of his head,

and you say,
"what happened to my son?"

i'm gonna tell you.

I took a hammer and slapped
the fuck out of him!

What the hell is this?

What'd you think--

Come on!

Come on!
Come on!

What was his real name?
Bernard mccollough.

Mccollough.
Mm-hmm.

There's nobody like him.
One of the greatest comedians
of all time.

Can make a joke out of anything
that anybody said.

His timing was impeccable.
He was the big daddy.

Whenever the guy got on stage,
he just killed.

I'm in a bar minding
my business, cooling out,

just being cool
like I am, chillin'.

Woman gonna come to me,
they just ask you

the goddamn thing
they wanna do.

She said, "mac."
I said, "yeah, that's my name."

"can I ask you question?"
I said, "yeah."

She says, "does pussy taste
like pumpkin pie?"

made me mad as hell.

Said, "don't ask me no damn
question like that.

I ain't never had
no pumpkin pie."

Kick it!

You don't understand.

You might call it
the most famous

eight minutes of comedy ever

is the def jam "i ain't scared
of you, motherfucker" show.

This cat came on the stage
and was like,

"i ain't scared
of you motherfuckers!

Kick it!"
what the fuck?

Who the fuck is this?

He didn't plan on doing that
that night.

That was not his intentions
at all.

Chris tucker
went out on stage

and killed it,
standing ovation.

Then there was another guy
that went on stage

and he got booed
out the gym.

The guy walked past me.
His face was down.

Right then martin lawrence
couldn't even get the audience

back in order.

He said, "fuck it, let me bring
the next one out.

Shit, wish you luck,
whoever it is."

Bernie was backstage,
"i'd come too far for this."

And he's there, "i ain't
gettin' booed today,

young fellow."

I said,
"man, they mean."

I said, "this is new york.
You never know."

When bernie comes out,
what he's reacting to

is what they did
to the other guy,

so when he comes out
and says,

"i ain't scared of you
motherfuckers,"

it's not a joke.

He's telling the truth.

They thought that was part
of his joke.

He said he was saying it
for real.

Like, "i ain't scared of
y'all.

Whatever you do,
I ain't scared of you,"

and from that,
it just went on,

and they let him go on
through his act,

and they just loved him.

Kick it!

You don't understand.

I ain't scared of
you motherfuckers.

We knew how important
that 5-minute set

was gonna be for your life.

Like, we knew that that
was a game-changer.

I told kid capri that
every time I say "kick it,"

he was right on time
when I cut it off.

I said,
"you don't understand."

He was like, "i killed it.
Oh, I killed it.

Wait till you see it."

So he put the tape on,
and we watched it,

and I was literally,
like, "i don't get it.

It wasn't funny.
I don't understand, why--"

and he was, like,
"oh, see, that's the problem.

You don't understand.
You don't know comedy."

And I was, like,
"no, it just wasn't funny."

Well, I ended up being wrong
because that ended up being

his big catch phrase.

And I love sex.
I love it.

Can't do shit no more,
and I'm blessed.

I'm big boneded.
I'm heavy structured.

I'm hung low.

If I pull out my shit,
this whole room get dark.

Kick it!

You don't understand.

I ain't scared of you
motherfuckers.

At that particular moment
in time,

the world got to see him,
and the world embraced him,

and we rode with him
from that very moment on.

My dad was born and
raised in the city of chicago,

which he never hesitated
to tell anybody.

As he always said,
"i'm from chi-town."

Chi-town.

Chi-town.

My town.

No other way.
No other way.

He was a proud chicagoan.

It was the script
he wrote for his life,

and he carried that with him
like a badge of honor.

Bernie's old-school black,
you know,

and, uh, chicago
was his life.

Soon as he finished work,
it was crazy, like.

He'd finish shooting
his show, 12, 14 hours,

jump on the plane,
go right back to chicago.

I'm like, "man, you know,
they got places out here.

You can stay a few days.

You don't have to put
the pressure on yourself."

"i'll see you next time,
little brother."

Chi-town.

He became my chicago guide.

I got to town.
I called him.

We played golf together.

He took me to all his spots
around chicago.

Was he a good golfer?
no.

Because he was the king

of talking about
how great he was.

Bernie's like a lot of guys
that play golf.

They enjoy it.

They hit, like,
three good shots,

and they think
they can play golf.

No, he actually,
he talked a great game of golf.

Couldn't play a lick.

Well, first of all,
the proper thing to do

is have confidence.

You must have confidence.

It's not if you miss
the ball,

looking good when you do it.

oh!

That was foul.
That was foul.

Bernie's the only person that
ever hit me with a golf ball.

When we were playing together
in chicago

I made the mistake of walking
in front of him

down the fairway

'cause I had out-driven him
by about 30 yards,

and I was walking down
the fairway,

and next thing I know,

felt like somebody shot me
in the back.

Knocked me to my knees,
brought me down.

I was saying,
"you're trying to kill me."

But he was fun to be
out there with.
Good.

Whenever he was
working for the movies,

he would stay out here

for however many months
the movie filmed.

I would've loved to have been
able to kind of sit in

some of his co-stars' trailers,
pick their brain.

I wanted to see what
it was like to work with him.

And then they would always--
You know,

when you see him in passing,
they'd always come up, like,

"ooh, your dad is great,"

and I'm thinking, "yeah,
you just don't know him."

I really enjoy seeing bernie
on the big screen,

to go from stand-up
to becoming a tv star

to becoming a movie star.

It was just, like, whoa,
you know what I mean?

It's like
it can really happen.

I beg your pardon, sir.

You must have me confused
with someone else.

My name is ramon,
as you can see right here.

I really found him to be
much more skilled as an actor

than I would've anticipated
just based on

finding out that he was
primarily a comedian.

He has the capability of
being so truthful and honest.

He was able to connect
to those emotions

and portray them truthfully,
and that's all acting is.

He had a natural feel for--
As an actor and as a comedian.

The kind of comedy
that bernie did

really made it possible for him
to make that transition

into being
a dramatic actor.

Black man can't earn
a decent wage in this state.
That is absolutely--

You gonna try to throw me out
on the street?
I don't want to throw--

I'm trying to do my job, sir.
Do your job.
What you want from me, man?

Want me to get on the table
and dance?

Like me to shine your shoes?
Want me to smile at you?

You definitely won't let me
deal the cards.

You might as well call it
white jack.

Your father had--
Did one gesture.

To this day, I've never seen
anybody else do that.

He did it in the movie
a couple times, go--

yep.
Nobody did that.

Like, "get out of here."
yep.

And it endeared me to him.

This big guy with
this one little gesture.

The best characters
are they start somewhere

from something that you have
and that you bring to it.

And, clearly,
bernie just brought his flair.

Yeah, right.
Horrible thing to say.

You sir, of all people know
that we at the ngc

have always supported the hiring
of colored--

No, I didn't mean it.
I didn't mean it.

Okay, come on,
sit down.

Sit down.
You better talk to him.

Those were
well-constructed scenes

that were played
very easily,

and there wasn't really
a lot of discussion about it.

We just did it, you know,
and it was like jazz.

Everybody had the chops,
and everybody was in the pocket.

Being on the set with him
and carl reiner

and elliott gould,
and they just had stories.

And we would just sit around
sometimes

and be 15, 20 hours late
shooting because--

And steven, too,
the director,

he would want
to hear them, too,

so we'd just all sit around,
and he would just tell stories.

They all genuinely liked
each other,

and they never--
Whenever we were shooting,

nobody would ever leave
the set.

They would always collect
and start telling stories,

and there are few people that
tell stories better than bernie.

I remember bernie talking
to carl reiner a lot.

I think he really respected
carl's work.

Bernie mac.
Mr. Reiner.

What's up, reiner?

You're looking good
there, sir.

This is my mentor.
This is my storyteller.

We had a lot of conversations
backstage at the--

Doing "ocean's eleven,
twelve".

Ten, eleven--no eleven, twelve
and thirteen.

I remember on "ocean's twelve,"
"chillax" became--

Was a word that like went
through the crew like wildfire,

that that was something
that he said on the set one day,

and it just entered
the lexicon immediately.

It's a bernie macism.
A bernieism.

There was a million of them.

There was just, you know,
"i walk alone."

"i'm dying
of the loose balls."

"i'm from chi-town."

"wrong hole pimp."

"somamabitch."

"i'm paddling upstream
in a downhill world."

"you got the look,
but you got to get the joke."

"you ain't what the owl
left on the limb."

"i'm on the 50-yard line,
but I'm first and goal."

Be like, "what?"

so many times when bernie
said something

didn't make any sense
on paper,

but everybody knew what
he was talking about.

I mean, you were either along
for the ride or you weren't.

He said, "man, if I go broke,
that means broke's in style."

It's like--

My dad grew up on
the south side of chicago.

I wouldn't say they
were dirt poor,

but they were pretty poor.

Our house was on
66th and blackstone,

but the city tore it down
when the rats took over.

We moved to a new place
on 69th and morgan in englewood.

Right above a church called
burning bush baptist church.

Somewhere along the line,

maybe during the move
to our new digs,

we lost daddy.

You know how you tell
if you're a poor person.

You look in the fridge

and there's nothing
there but bologna,

you were talking serious poor,
but that bologna was good.

You eat it real slow,
make it last, you know.

Yeah, we was poor,
but here's the thing,

I didn't think nothing
about it.

I thought life was good.

I thought how sweet life is.

He recognized where
he came from.

He was, I think,
appreciative of it.

When you grow up
with nothing,

when you have nothing,
you know, those--

You appreciate so much more
when you've worked for something

and you receive
the rewards of that.

Bernie didn't just--
Nothing was handed to him.

He had to work for it all.

He saw his own path out.
He wasn't telling jokes.

He was telling stories,
and he was just, you know,

talking,
coming from the heart

and just letting you see,
letting you in.

He could dig back to wherever
he got his comedy at,

whether it was his grandma
or his uncle.

Everybody's got somebody
crazy in their family,

everybody.

My brother was crazy.

"hey, bernie."
I said, "what?"

"help push this refrigerator
on these people down there."

I said, "who the fuck you gonna
push the refrigerator on?"

"don't worry about it.

You don't know 'em,
you don't 'em."

"push, motherfucker."

I said, man, "this shit
ain't right."

"shut up, push."

I said, "i ain't gonna push
hard, man.

This motherfucker heavy.
What the fuck you got in here?"

heard somebody say, "me."

He's a working-class guy,
you know,

and so he wasn't above you,
you know,

and I just think he said those
things that everybody thinks

but they can't articulate.

Police brutality
has its place.

No, police brutality, I mean,
has its goddamn place.

Like that cat that carjacked
and then shot at the police.

Oh, if I catch you
with my car, shit.

You supposed
to kick his ass.

You kick his ass.

I mean, what you supposed to do
if somebody carjacked you

and then shoot at you,
discuss it?

I'm kicking your ass...

On nbc.

He never forgot
where he came from.

He was a good husband,
he was a great father,

and he allowed those things
to bleed into his art.

Women run everything.

I'm serious, they run--
They do.

And what they don't run,
they trying to run.
Shit, man,

I ain't gonna lie to you.

I ain't gonna sit up here
and put this cool daddy thing.

I'm scared of mine.
I don't know what it is, man.

I weigh more than her.

I know I hit harder
than she did.

That's the most
frustrating thing

to be scared of somebody
who can't whip your ass.

I don't know what it is.

So I-I got--I call home
and everything,

and I say, "hello."

I said, "don't ask me
a god damn thing,

just pay attention."

I said, "don't worry about
where the hell I am.

I'm in my skin.

I'll be home, god damn it,
when I get there.

When I get there,
I better have something to eat,

and it better be hot,
and it better be good.

You think I'm bullshitting?"

I said, "let me speak
to your mama."

He absolutely adored
his wife.

He talked about rhonda
constantly.

I never seen a guy talk about
a new woman that much.

I mean,
like, so...

Let alone a woman
he's been with
for 30 years.

So I met this girl
named rhonda

my senior year.

She was a friend of my buddy,
big nigger.

In high school,
I didn't like him.

I didn't like him.
I didn't like his looks.

I just didn't like him,
but I did notice

all the girls liked him.

Then when I really got to talk
to him I said

he was really a nice guy.

He's a charmer.
He was funny.

I said, "oh, I see why
they like him."

We started eating
lunch together

and started hanging out,

and we were just
primarily friends.

And I said, "well, I kind of
like this guy."

So I said, "well,
i'll tell my mama.

I have somebody I want
y'all to meet."

I said, "his name is
bernard mccullough," I said,

"but one thing, mama,"
I said, "he's real dark."

I said, "so don't you say
anything,"

'cause my mother's
very outspoken,

and she'll just say
whatever's on the top

of her head,
so I wanted to forewarn her.

You know,
do not be offensive,

just come on in and say
"how you doing?"

and she's like,
"i'm not gonna say anything.

You know I'm not."

I said, "no, that's why
i'm telling you not to."

She's like, "okay,
I promise. I won't."

So he rang the doorbell.

I opened the door,
and my mother,

she was coming past
the hallway,

and did she not say,
"oh, my god,

rhonda
said you was dark.
Oh, my god!"

and I said, "mama."

She said, "well, he is."

And I remember him saying,
"yeah, I'm dark,

but you ain't never seen
nobody pretty as me, have you?"

and she fell out,
and from that moment,

my mother was in love with him.

I remember visiting your home
and see right in the foyer

this huge black
and white picture

of your mom and he at the--
At their prom.

What a beautiful story,
you know,

what a beautiful life
that is.

He found the girl he loved,
and he loved her.

So I want to say
to my lovely wife,

thank you for 21 years
of happiness...
Whoo!

And she was with me
when I was just me,

and I want to say
I love you.
I love you, too.

Thank you.
All right!

And that's for real.
This is not for the camera.

At the time that
he and my mom married in 1977,

he was working
for general motors,

and after that he just had
all kinds of odd jobs.

I didn't have
steady work, you know,

but I never was shamed
about taking work.

It was by the time
he got to wonder bread,

I believe I was like 12,

I was like in the seventh--
Sixth or seventh grade,

and he hated that job.

I said, "rhonda,
I quit today.

I've done everything that
everybody always wanted me do to

all my life.

I'm a comedian.

If I don't do this,
i'm gonna die."

He wants to do this.

now,
If he doesn't make it,

he's always gonna look at me
and say,

"you stopped me from my dream.

You prevented me from
doing this,

so I said, "well, I don't want
to be the one to block that."

If he's gonna do it,

i'm just gonna have to give him
my blessings

and let him go and do it.

His wanting to support
his family

I think was the biggest,
biggest, biggest drive for him.

It's not just trying
to get by

for the sake of your family,
it's trying to get by

and pursue a dream.

Back then, there wasn't like
a lot of--

There were black comics,
but you were literally

like in the negro leagues
or the chitlin circuit

or whatever you want
to call it.

You were either a superstar
or nothing,

totally at the bottom
of the barrel.

Sometimes with comedians
you can just be known

on just our--just
the black people will know you.

He wanted the world to know
who he was.

Bernie played
to a black audience.

At the same time,
there was probably

600 white comedy clubs,

and...

When I say white
comedy clubs,

I call them white comedy clubs
because, you know,

if you're in new york city
and you have a comedy club,

and new york's half black,

and you don't book
any black acts,

that's like having a "white's
only" sign up, you know?

You had to have a name
behind you.

You had to have like a def jam
or something, you know,

behind you unless you did
the white circuit,

and the white circuit,
you know,

the bernie macs and
the joe torrys weren't accepted.

Mr. Bernie mac live.

I started doing comedy
in the comedy clubs in 1977.

Couldn't wait till I got my face
on that doggone wall.

I couldn't wait till
they called my name

when I walked through
the smoke filled room

and the little, small tables,

and pulled that mike
out that hole.

How you doing, my brother?
What's your name?

I did small markets.

I did secondary market,

places where a lot of people
don't want to go.

He did a number of small
clubs around town.

One was called spices.

There was the cotton club

where we really built a real
big following was a small club

called miltreneir's.

Every tuesday night,
right here at miltreneir's.

It's on me,
the mac man

with the mac man band,
the macaronis

ain't nothing phony.

Tell it like it t.i. Is.

We're gonna have a good
motherfucking time tonight.

Tonight!

He would start the show
with a big music number.

Come on.

Come on!

He would start and stop
the band.

It was real cool.

Then he's stop finally,
welcome everybody to the show.

Guess who we got in
the house, man.
Who's that, man?

The little baby.
Tiny.
The little baby?

You got shaq o'neal
in the house.

What's up, shaq?

Shaq came into my office,
and my daughter shook his hand.

It was like
a little finger in his hand.

And he gave me a shirt,
I swear to god,

I got it framed.

I had a frame.
I was like a quilt.

I'd like to see
your dick, man.

And I ain't gay,
I ain't gay, man.

I ain't gay, I just want
to see if it fit.

Everybody,
y'all, was at miltreneir's

and that was the place
where I got my chops, y'all.

Show business is not easy.

It's the hardest working
business there is.

You know, you really have
to scrape and dig

to get--to get anywhere
in show business.

And he did it in a way
that's harder than anything,

coming up through clubs.

Those are the hardest places
because you have to--

That's like a brick
at a time.

It's like really, literally,
starting from the ground up.

Watching him I'd say
as a veteran, as a professional,

you kind of learned how to,
you know,

how to go outside chicago,
outside st. Louis,

outside of your
geographical knowing

and expand your humor,
and we went around the country.

It was, like, his jokes--
He didn't change them.

Were they white, black
or whatever crowd we had,

it was, like, universal,
so watching him

was watching him kind of like,
say, communicate his humor

to the different parts
of the world

without just being
geographically set.

His big breaking point
was in 1990.

He won the miller lite
comedy search,

which was a really big
contest in chicago,

and that was a huge deal.

Everybody got through
with their routine,

and they were getting ready
to announce the winner,

and I had told everybody,

I said, "he got this,
he got this."

Mr. Bernie mac.

I did a hallelujah dance.
I jumped.

I was--
I was in the aisles.

I did a holy ghost dance
and everything,

and I remember--and I was
screaming, "yes, yeah,"

just screaming.

That's bernie's wife.

Damon wayans said,
"do you know her?"

and he was like,
"yes, that's my wife."

The prize was $3,000

in which I put in
my daughter's name for college,

the biggest payday
of my life.

I think from that moment,
it just kind of skyrocketed.

The bernie mac variety show
consists of

a lot of different source
of entertainments.

We have singing,
you have dancing,

you have comedy.

I got juggling acts.
I have tap.

I have different fans
of entertainment.

We love bernie mac.
yes.

Bernie mac
is really, really funny.

Right there on the money.

I put together
another show,

"midnight mac."

Went to hbo, pitched it,
hbo bought it.

The show was before
its time.

Hi, sweetheart,
how you doing?
Okay.

What's your name?
Tyretta.

Tyretta, another one
of those fucked up names.

Why couldn't you be margaret
or some shit like that?

I've been practicing
ventrilicuilism.
What's that?

That's when you got a dummy...
Mm-hmm.

And you talk
with the dummy.
oh.

And I'm good, y'all.

Bring it on, come on.
Bring it on.

Bring it up.

This is little bernie.
Little bernie.

This is little bernie.
Okay.

I'm gonna fuck you all up,
tonight, man.

Here my debut.

I've been practicing
ventrilicuilism.
Ventrilicuilism.

Ladies and gentlemen,
little bernie.

Damn, you said I only had to be
in that box for 15 seconds.

I've in there for
over an hour.

It's like an oven
in that box.
You the motherfucking--

What's wrong with you?
You lost your mind or something?

Shut the fuck up or I'll
drop you motherfucker.
I'll drop you.

Reg, reg!
Fuck off.

Do right.
Go on and do right.

I was an opening act
for bernie

probably for about
five steady years.

I met ali in '77.

He opened up
as my opening act.

Good friend of mine who
writes for me and chris rock

and who wrote this movie
"head of state."

How does being bail bondsman
qualify you to be

the vice president of
the united states of america?

That's right,
I am a bail bondsman.

People come to be
when they in trouble,

like the united states.

We bail people out.
We bail out mexico.

We bail out
the savings and loan.

We bail out the airline
industry.

Now you asked me, sir,

what qualified me
to run for vice president.

When the country's in trouble,
I bail them out.

Hold that thought.
We have a caller from detroit.

Go ahead, caller.

Hey, mitch, mitch,
what you looking round for?

It's reggie, mother

where my money at, man?
Don't call me that bullshit.
You see I'm on tv.

He should've played
the president

'cause he was the president
of the set.

Everything gravitated
to bernie,

so when you say "cut,"
you know, movie sets,

things have to be set up,
it's a lot of downtime,

and I'm over here talking
to the dp,

thinking about, "okay,
the next shot's gonna be this,

and we're gonna get a crane
and then--"

but everybody would be crowded
around bernie.

And bernie would just be
telling stories, man.

There's a scene
where somebody goes,

"what is your feelings
about nato?"

and bernie goes,
"nato jones is a good man.

What's
your feelings about nato?
Do you know nato?"

I mean, he adlibbed
the whole thing.

What about nato?
How do you feel about nato?

I never met nato.
I don't know nothing about it.

I don't talk about people
behind their back.

Nato is the north atlantic
treaty organization.

Oh, I thought you were
talking about--

I know this guy
named nato jacobs.

But you have to know
these things.

If you're running
for public office.
Do you know nato jacobs?

I don--
Do you know nato jacobs?

I know what nato is.
Do you know nato jacobs?

I'm sorry,
I haven't met the gentleman.

That's what I said.
Didn't I say that?

You don't nothing about nato.
I don't know nothing about nato.

That was all him.
It wasn't in the script.

It was just bernie
doing bernie.

It takes a lot of balls to cast
a guy that's funnier than you

in your own movie.

Mr. President.
Mr. Vice president.

You the man.
No, you the man.

When we went to dreamworks
to tell them that

we wanted bernie for the role
of the vice president,

basically, their question
was, "who was bernie mac?"

now...
As luck would have it,

that particular week,

bernie was on the cover
of "tv guide."

He was appearing on "oprah."

I think they had originally--
You know,

it wasn't too long before
they had just come off

of "the kings of comedy" tour.

So literally, at that moment,
bernie was one of,

if not,
the hottest comic in america.

Please welcome bernie mac!

This ain't jay leno.
They know you.

The disconnect,
for what it's worth,

from, you know,
the executive suites

to what's actually happening
down the streets was that far.

The cast and directors
were like,

"yeah, his vernacular
we just--mm...

Yeah, you know,

it's kind of hard to understand
what he's saying.

He's big, he's dark,
he didn't speak,

you know, like people
were used to,

so those might have been things
that were his--

You know, they could have been
detrimental to his career.

I'd certainly been at enough
network meetings

where you bring his name up,
and they'd go,

"i don't think--nobody
can understand that guy."

"can people understand him?"

it's like,
there's a whole bunch--

There's 5,000 people
in here laughing,

they seem to be understanding.

2 million black people
in chicago know what you said.

I know a good 15 million people
who understand him perfectly.

I know
the first thing you said--

"that's a black motherfucker
that came out here."

I know I'm a black motherfucker.
I know I'm black.

I thought I'd really shock y'all
this evening, you know.

Thought I'd wear all black
and some blue contact lenses,

i'd have fucked y'all up.

You know you're a black mother

when you put fingerprints
on charcoal.

The darker you are,

the less people wanted
to deal with you,

or you were ascribed
a whole bunch of behaviors.

So, like, that whole, like,
that for him to say

"i'm so black I leave
fingerprints on coal,"

like, there's a whole slew
of jokes like that

among black people,
which--I mean, you know,

comedy comes from pain.

There's a bitterness
about those jokes,

and in fair-skinned people
who could pass for white

had a whole 'nother journey.

Then as he, you know,
started getting popular

and getting more roles,

those would be
the directors, like,

"yeah, we want--bring
your vernacular with you."

Don't change that.
That's--mac it out.

Be bernie mac."

So it was hilarious,
like, wow,

who would have thought
all those years ago

you lost that part because
they were like,

"eh,
his vernacular, eh, no."

And that's the very thing
that made him who he was.

Man, you ain't never heard
of no black irish.

Black irish?
That's right.

Who do you think invented
the msrib, lucky charms?

huh?
Shamrock shake.

He was so quick,
he could just, you know,

you'd say something to him

and then he'd throw something
out to you,

and you're like,
where did that come from?

Give me your papers.
What?

Your papers!

Let me tell you something,
you got a whole bunch of nerve

to ask me about
my doggone papers.

My family suffered, man,
for lack of potatoes,

foot and mouth disease,
canker sores,

circumcision.
Circumcision?

That's right, my wife just had
a set of twins, man,

they're both leprechauns.
Leprechauns.

Get the whiff.
Irish spring.

You don't believe that,
you can wipe your ass

with a 4-leaf clover.

I don't know if he ever
even stayed on script.

Quite possibly,
maybe never even said

one of the words
that was written, so...

Anytime that
we could be close to bernie

was a good scene for us.

We were always trying to be
right by his side.

We're like, let's not
block him over there.

We need him over here.

You know, we want him
in the middle of us.

I'm serious.
Who y'all talking about?

He needed time for his plan,
so he set up shamus.

And then turned him loose
on dylan.

I think you're onto something,
angels.

Damn!
So carter's a bad guy!

What's so funny about his humor
is he tells the truth.

You know,
that's why you laugh.

And, um,
he makes you believe

or he makes you understand
things that

you wouldn't have
otherwise understood,

because he's laid it out
in truth to you.

Got my sister's children
living with me now.

I'm about to go crazy like
a motherfucker around here.

See my sister's on drugs.
I ain't ashamed to tell you.

Some of your family members
fucked up, too, around here.

I call that rock star comedy.

That's--we were like
the rolling stones of comedy.

It was private jets

and everybody
had their separate limos.

And it was wild time.

I remember driving up--

When we were doing
madison square gardens

and they said
the kings of comedy sold out,

and I remember
all four of us...

All but just pinching ourselves
'cause we couldn't believe

that we were in
madison square garden.

I will fuck your kid up.

I will fuck a kid up.

That was--that to me--
Him downstairs.

It was classic 'cause everybody
knows kids, man,

you know what I mean?

It's like, them kids are in
everybody's house, you know,

two, four and six.

Shit, come help me babysit
these motherfuckers.

When people find out
i'm his daughter, that--

The first thing they ask,
like, "how are those kids?

How are they?"

he was so mean,
but it was so funny.

If he would have did it
any other way

it wouldn't have been funny
at all.

It was just like,

I mean, there was people
that were literally crying,

like crying because they felt
so sorry for the characters

he was doing.

We could see the kids,
we could see the little boy,

we could see him standing,
and, I mean,

he drew a vivid picture
with that joke.

I came in the house the other
day at 1:30 in the morning,

the 2-year-old gonna send
the faggot downstairs

for some milk and cookies.

I'm going upstairs,
he coming down,

he gonna walk past me
like I'm a visitor.

I said, "where you going?"

he said,
"to get some milk and cookies."

He said it so funny,
I wanted to hear it again.

I said, "get some what?"

he said,
"some milk and cookies."

I love the motherfucker
but he's a--well, you know.

I told him, I said,
"man, it's too goddamn late

for some damn cookies
and milk, man.

Take your puck ass upstairs
and get some rest."

That's how I talked to him.
Fuck that time-out shit.

Oh, my god, I can't believe
he just said that.

It kills me.

And he's just like,
unabashed with it.

And that's the best shit ever.

It's great that
batted clean-up

because he put his stamp
on that.

We toured for three years.

And when we shot the movie,
you know,

it was good to have, you know,
someone with the cache of spike,

you know,
come be involved.

But for us it was just,
it was another set of shows.

He's the one that got it
started.

He's real good.
He's real funny.

I'm looking to crack my sides
to see him.

And I know he's gonna be funny.

We shot it twice.

So we had to wear the same
outfit the next night

that threw a lot of us off
like, I mean,

you know, 'cause, again,

we were very serious
about our clothes

and it was always about
who shows up in what.

It used to be hilarious 'cause
we would wait on the elevator

to see what
bernie was wearing.

We would all try to get to
the elevator to get down there

to see what bernie
was gonna have on.

And you could see people
going...

You know,
white people at the ritz

ain't never seen
no shit like this.

Who is this, huggy bear
from "starsky & hutch?"

but you couldn't tell him
he didn't look good.

You couldn't tell him.

He would buy, like,
five of the same pair of pants

in different colors,

the shirts to match
and the shoes,

all the shoes to match
the pants.

People make assumptions
when people come on stage.

The audience makes assumptions
about who's funny

and who's not immediately,
and you look at bernie,

and you go, "oh,
this guy's gonna be funny."

He had like, these, airbrushed
jeans on that was kamikaze.

He had everybody on his jeans.

Thomas jefferson, kid 'n play,
it was ridiculous.

Some black shoes,
a white shirt,

with a colored collar,
and he had a hankie in one hand,

he was black as fuck.

I think it might have been
an s-curl.

I don't know, bernie.
It might have been s-curl.

His hair was always done.

And then I got to go
to so and so

whose my nails person.

And this person does
my feet, like--

This is before he got famous.

This dude loved
a damn manicure.

Very meticulous and particular

about his nail,
his manicure.

When we were working on
the second film,

and we were trying to figure
out how to introduce everybody,

that whole idea of him being in
the nail salon came from him.

He really liked to have
his nails looking sharp.

Fix me up!
Shine my shoes!

Do my nails!
My hair all right?

You mine, everything in
this goddamn motherfucker!

You mine.
You mine.

The whole nine yards.

And don't ever
goddamn forget!

Walking on with your
goddamn self.

Talks to me like
i'm crazy.

Macaroni!
Macaroni!

I'm gonna call you
one more time.

Pay attention!

Come on.

Do it again

it was before the term
metrosexual.

We couldn't call bernie
metrosexual.

Now that's one thing
you wouldn't get away with.

There's something about guys
with big muscles,

it seem like the bigger
the muscles,

the more effeminate
the clothes.
Okay.

You know, they got tank tops.
I'm working out the other day.

Somebody's titty
sticking all out

belly showing, pink--pink--
Pink shorts on.

Pink!
Pink!

He asked me, can I spot him.
Hell, yeah, can't Miss your ass.

The good thing that bernie
was very brave about

was taking from
his own life,

situation with his sister
and the kids,

and I was like, wow.

To dramatize that
in this way

and find the humor in that.

You're going to bust her head
till the white meat shows?

That's--they're my boys.

Mr. Mac--
Come on, look.

Mr. Mac, between that
and the profanity,

hold on,
I don't use no profanity

in front of those children.

Possibly was a little bit
ahead of its time, you know?

When you look at the dynamics
of that family--

When he first went on fox

I was like,
do they know what they got?

Do they know what
they're gonna--

Bernie mac is talking about
spanking kids

and locking them up
and, you know,

people are so sensitive
and politically correct.

Can we to--
No, you can't touch
nothing.

Matter of fact,
don't even look at it.

When you walk past it,
close your eyes.

It's like w.c. Fields.

It's like, "get away kids,
you bother me."

You know, it's like,
i'm being mean to a kid,

and it's really funny.

You got to be really funny
to be mean to a kid

and then be funny.

You keep on talking to me
with that attitude, little girl.

I may not be your daddy,

but I'll whoop your ass
just like your daddy.

And you'll go to jail
like you was my daddy, too.

oh.

A lot of the teenage issues
that I had on the show

was stuff that I was going
through in real life.

Didn't I tell you don't touch
nothing without my permission?

You didn't say the phone.

I didn't say the phone?

You said, "don't touch the tv,
vcr, the dvd,

your old school,
your new school

and your heavy rap.

But you never said we couldn't
touch the phone.

Technically, she's right.

I mean, he was like the father
in the middle of a hailstorm.

A lot of the scenes where
we would be going toe to toe

was mostly just us
adlibbing.

It was probably some of the best
stuff that we had together,

when we would just feed
off of each other.

What he allowed them to do
was he allowed them

to connect with him, like,
"take this ride with me.

How do you feel?
How do you see it?

Let's do it."

And she was like,
"yeah, I'm already ready."

He would say something and I'd
be like, "vanessa's a goner."

Yeah.
Oh, vanessa, you
shouldn't have said that, girl.

You're gonna get it, girl.

I wanted to have an
opportunity to play with bernie,

play with, really,
a master in his craft.

Mama, why don't you let us
take care

of the funeral arrangement?

I mean, it'd do my heart
real good, please.

Oh, no, no.
You're such an angel.

But dee's taking care
of everything.

That's right.
It's gonna be beautiful, mama.

I'm still waiting for daddy's
check from the government, man.

You know how slow
they can be.

Maybe you don't remember.

You big time
and everything now,

but could you float me
for a minute, man?

He did not just say that.

He did not just ask me
for money.

The cousin dee
was his brainstorm.

He was like,
he didn't name names, either.

Well, maybe he did,
but I won't say the name.

But he did say,

this is a real
human being you're playing.

I said, how big can it be?
He goes,

"you can't go big enough."

Look like somebody's
shop class project.

Thing can't cost more than $200.
Come on, man.

Well,
what do you suggest, dee?

Bernie, when biggie died,
r.i.p.,

they put the brother
in a gold coffin.

Well, we do special requests
but it can get a bit expensive.

Hey, man, hey!
My father died.

Now I know we ain't up in here
to pinch pennies,

ain't that right, bern?

I said, "hey, bernie,
I want to try this.

You know, is that cool?
I think this'd be funny.

And he said, "man,
if you want to slide in here

and do the splits,

i'll be right behind you,
like, "

you know, I said,
that's bernie, that's him.
That was him.

Then I looked at out at
the camera when he looked

I said,
who are you talking to?

And he was like,
"you can't--that's my thing!

You can't look
into the camera."

That was classic.

I loved that.
Oh, that was classic.

And we both really
thought that would be great.

To just for me--I so violated
his space in every scene

that then I violated
his whole counsel with america.

How dare i?
"how dare you, cousin dee?

That's what I do."

What you looking at?

He changed the way
you shot it.

And he talked into the camera,
and he did it differently.

I'm sure that was his way.

And him talking
into the camera,

and saying,
I don't understand what--

And it was so endearing,
and so him.

He knew that if he looked
directly in the face of america,

he would get them.

You ever seen a chicken
with his neck wrung?

Laying to the side
all lazy and weak.

That's what I'm gonna do
to them kids.

Talk back to me one more time,
snap,

i'm gonna snap
they neck off.

He used to love to pull
pranks on people.

Did he try.

Remember the time
when he called everybody in

and said that he was leaving
the show

and everybody was so upset
and walking around--
Crying.

"oh, man,
what are we gonna do?"
crying!

People were crying.
They packing their bags.

They were like,
the show is over.

It's a wrap.

I was in my room,
and I was asleep.

And I hear the door open.
Like, into the suite I was in.

And I go, "hey, man,
this room is taken."

He said, "i know this room
is taken, it's my room."

But I didn't know
who it was.

I'm like, "who the fuck
is this talking crazy to me

in my room?"

i'm like, "hey, partner,
this is my room.

He went, "hey, partner,
it's my room."

And I put a towel on
and jump up

and it was bernie
fucking around,

and he started cracking up.

He came up in the makeup,
and it was really a good job.

'cause his eye was black
and swollen

and his lip was bust.

Whoever did the makeup
did a really good job.

'cause I actually thought
he had got beat up,

and that was his intention
was to make me believe

that he had got beat up
when he came in,

so I'm all upset.

Let me take you
to the emergency room.

I was crying.

I remember we had our great
niece there,

she was like three,
and she was crying.

"oh, uncle bernard, oh,"
just crying,

and he was like,
""

and he had the three of us
holding him up like

he really had gotten beaten.

And I'm like, where were you
all when he got beaten up?"

where?

I was like, I'm getting ready
to call the police right now.

So I had the phone,
then he was like,

"no, no,
rhonda, look,"

and he start
peeling off the makeup.

Oh, my god.

The best way to do a prank
is you got to use something

that's important to people,
and since harmony and family

and all those things
were important to him.

He just had this--pretended
just two people on the staff

were having this incredibly
bitter argument.

And you know what,
the next time--
I don't care.

No, the next time
you have a problem with me

you don't have to go
to neil.
Well, maybe I had to.

You can come to me.
I don't want to bring him
into it.

You can come to me.
I don't want to bring him
into it.

You don't have to go to neil.
That's why.
I don't give a flying shit.

Got plenty of people,

we've been doing this
for fucking three years.

I know how to do him.
Go on. Move on.

Paddy,
turn the fucking lights off!

Bernie, I ain't doing this.
I playing with this chick.

I ain't doing this no more.
Fucking turn them off.

Come on, wanda.
Come on. Come on.

We made this situation
sort of blow up in front of him.

For him to--kind of go,
"hey, wait, hold on a second."

Bust your balls friday!

I'm like sitting here--
I'm sitting here

now both of my p's
going off.

I'm like...

Y'all scored big
on that shit.

My heart's sitting up here.

I can't do this.

She talking about shit.

I'm like, what the fuck
am I gonna do?

I said, "vick, vick,
vick, vick."

You got me,
motherfucker.

The chemistry between
the two of us

is very visible there
on screen.

And it was a genuine thing
that happened

when we performed together.

We had a great time performing.

In that studio,
he was like--he was smokey,

he was luther,

he was--he was frankie lymon,
he was marvin gaye,

'cause in his mind,
he can sing.
He can sing.

"i can sing as high
as I want to.

And I can sing as low
as I want to."

I think he sang
all the time.

There is always a little bit
of a song through his words,

you know what I mean?

Always singing.
Great, great singer.

And I liked that

and I'm like,
"oh, my god, look at you."

Like,
his voice was great.

He was so happy
in that studio.

I laughed so hard
in that studio.

I was like, "oh, okay."

All right, go ahead.
Knock it out.

Did you tell them
that I'm white?

You're white?
Stop the car!

Oh, my god. Oh, my god.
It was a joke, sir.

I was kidding.
Yeah, sister,
you funny.

Simon, I didn't mention it

'because I don't think
it's gonna matter.

Oh, it's gonna matter.
It's gonna matter.

When I did a scene
with bernie mac

and when I walked up to him

and he just embraced
me like he knew me.

"hey, what happening,
brother?"

and when I didn't remember
the lines,

he had everybody on the floor.

He was like,
"how you gonna be in the movies,

if you can't even read?"

well, who are you?
Weston thompson.
That's my cab.

But if you're still down with me
making your girl happy,

i'm good to go.

We just wanted to capture
an american portrayal

of what's going on today.

How do we know that
adam and eve weren't black?

how?

You ever try to take
a rib away from a black man?

Can't stop now, baby.

Okay, what are three things
that a black man can't get?

What is that?

A black eye,
a fat lip, and a job.

I tell you, I'm gonna kick
that boy's ass.

No, no, no!

The three months that
he played my father in a movie,

he taught me enough
to last a lifetime.

Bernie was a good parent
to a whole bunch of other kids

that he just picked up
along the way,

either by playing father
to them, uncle to them,

or just a leader to them,
a friend.

He just had a natural skill
for good parenting.

I'm one of the greatest.
Hitters. Alive.

We worked on
"mr. 3,000" together.

There was a scene where
i'm at his house

and we're sort of dancing,
and sort of flirty, coy,

him being charming
and knowing that he's all that,

or thinking that he's all that,
and he is.

You need to relax, old man,
before you pop a valve.

You need to sit your ass down.
And why's that?

'cause you out, sucker.
Right here.
He's out!

Right here, baby.

Bernie was so open
to ideas.

I had an idea about

how to shoot this silly
little piece we did.

And he was completely
open to it.

He could have shot me down,
but he said, "let's try that,

and then see what happens,
and he left it in.

And I really respected that.

That was his first, like,
major starring role.

It proved that he did
have some acting chops,

and that's the one regret
that I have about his career

is that I wish he'd gotten
to have that

one really break-out role

where he really
got to show people

what he was really capable of.

Because I still don't think
people really know

that he really did have
a range on him.

I would have loved to have made
another movie with bernie mac.

I've always been
sort of looking around

for a really
interesting cop film to make,

and I thought bernie
would be great,

you know,
playing a dramatic role.

You're writing stuff
you know, like,

bernie would be perfect
right here, uh, man.

But there's only one bernie.

I was preparing for a film
that I'm filming right now.

I went to go do some
research in west texas

and I go to odessa,
and one of the girls comes up

and she's, you know,
this white woman,

I would say,
chatting me up,

and we're talking,
she's like,

"you know,
I just want to know, like,

out of all the people
you worked with,"

she's like, "what was it like
to work with--"

and I was like, she's gonna say
like tom cruise,

or jude law or you know,
jim carey,

she was like, "what was it like
to work with... With...

Bernie mac?"

and I was like,
"yes!"

I was like,
"i love you so much right now."

She was like--
And she was just waiting,

like, she was holding on,
waiting.

She wanted so badly
to know what it was like

to work with bernie.

And she was like on, you know,
"what was it like?"

and I was like, "you know what?
He was the loveliest man."

And she goes,
"ah, I just knew it.

I knew it.
I just knew it."

And I said,
"and his hands were soft."

She's like
"i knew his hands were soft."

Like, she was just like--

I was like,
"they're always lotioned."

She's like,
"i love a good-smelling man."

Like, she was just like-
She was so happy

to hear that bernie
was such a lovely person.

I just--you know,
I Miss him a lot.

Sometimes, like, I'll hear his
voice on something,

and I'll be like,
"oh, my god.

Oh, man."

I Miss his friendship.

I got off a plane in europe,
and the first thing they said,

"hey, man,
we Miss bernie mac."

I Miss his honesty.

Even if you had just met him,
he would always make you feel

like you had known him
for years.

I Miss his compassion.

What an inspirational story,

you know, to see somebody
who actually made it happen

which was an affirmation
that your dreams can come true.

I Miss him.

All those qualities in him,

um, I'm sure that
have been really inspiring

to the black community,
and, um, so he gave a lot

with the little time that
he was with us.

He left us with a lot.

It's so weird,
just like, even now

you know, his number's
in my phone right now.

And I won't get rid
of the number, it's like...

It was his vibe that I remember
more than anything else,

just that I was always happy
to see him.

I always felt like
he--the molecules shifted

in a really good way
when he was around.

He wasn't always trying to get
the spotlight shining on him,

just the opposite.

He was happy that he could
sit back and be supportive

and let other people
do their thing.

That's--that's rare.

To have somebody who's
so full of life,

and who is so engaged in life,

and then they leave you so soon,
it never really makes sense.

You kind of like--

That's why people want to keep
talking about him,

because it doesn't seem like
it's time for him to have gone.

Life is sometimes very unfair.

And the adage that only
the good die young

sometimes it hits you
right in the face.

Bernie that was one that
mm, lord.

It's definitely a honor
to be here

to pay respect to the family
and my brother bernie.

This dude is a very,
very popular guy.

Y'all know y'all was calling me
like, "say,

let me get four tickets
to the funeral, man."

I was like, "now that don't make
no sense right there."

He's still
the hottest ticket in town.

It is true that the good
die young.

Fifty years
is not enough time.

And, um, the thing that
I can say about bernie

is this that, um...

The hardest thing
for a black man to do

is to be an individual,
is to stand on your own

and to say what you mean,

and to not be influenced
by anybody,

to make your own mind up
and your own way.

And bernie mac was a man,
believe me when I tell you.

He stood on his own.
He said what he believed.

He used to always say,
"i don't care if you like me.

I like me."

Bernie ran what we call
a anchor leg.

He was our closer.

You know, in a relay you give
the stick to the next dude

and you give the baton
to the next dude,

and you save the fastest
cat for last,

just in case
you get behind.

Every night, we handed that
mic to b man

because no matter how funny
the three of us was,

bernie has something else
for 'em.

Man...

Nobody wanted to follow
bernie mac.

I'm not a fan
of funerals,

so at the end
of bernie mac's ride, that's it.

That's all.
It's all over.

Ye-e-e-ah!

Here I am, motherfuckers!
Here I am!

Ye-e-e-ah!

You don't do your material
around a lot of comedians.

That's like stealing
in front of the police.

You don't do it.

They mean well,
but they sit on the side,

"ooh, that's funny,"

next thing you know,
you see it on hbo or something.

You'd be sitting at home.
"that shit's mine."

But ain't anybody gonna believe.
First come, first served.

You know, so when you do
new stuff, you never--

I'm telling you,
for you comics coming up,

never bring your stuff out

in front
of a house full of comedians.

You'll never work a lot.

Especially established
comedians like myself?

You'll never work a lot.

You make sure you keep that.

I want that question
to be asked on the couch.

"they be stealing
your shit for real?"

yep, yep.