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1
00:00:00,413 --> 00:00:02,413
[eerie music]
2
00:00:02,413 --> 00:00:05,073
[owl screeches]
3
00:00:06,413 --> 00:00:09,833
[engine rattles]
4
00:00:12,034 --> 00:00:14,794
Ezra. You can't tell
anyone about this, okay?
5
00:00:15,655 --> 00:00:17,515
And ruin everything we have?
6
00:00:17,517 --> 00:00:19,067
Hilarious.
7
00:00:19,068 --> 00:00:21,138
I'm just saying whatever
happened, never happened.
8
00:00:22,758 --> 00:00:24,308
I love It when you get sassy.
9
00:00:24,310 --> 00:00:26,410
I'm not fucking
playing. Don't say shit.
10
00:00:27,827 --> 00:00:29,657
Whatever you say officer.
11
00:00:31,965 --> 00:00:33,405
And no fucking teeth, okay?
12
00:00:35,517 --> 00:00:38,027
[zipper clicks]
13
00:00:38,034 --> 00:00:38,974
But I like teeth.
14
00:00:42,655 --> 00:00:45,335
[horrified screams]
15
00:00:45,344 --> 00:00:47,034
[Ezra] Now I know
what you're thinking.
16
00:00:47,034 --> 00:00:50,524
Ew. He's wearing a jacket
with a built in hood.
17
00:00:50,517 --> 00:00:52,547
And when I tell you,
that's what I fucking said.
18
00:00:52,551 --> 00:00:53,831
That's what I fucking said.
19
00:00:53,827 --> 00:00:58,787
[rock music]
20
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:07,450
Hi, I'm Ezra Grey,
a psychotic Gemini
21
00:01:07,448 --> 00:01:08,898
according to my
best friend, Gwen,
22
00:01:08,896 --> 00:01:10,096
she's a Leo,
23
00:01:10,103 --> 00:01:12,553
and I guess what
you weak, brittle,
24
00:01:12,551 --> 00:01:17,211
and not to mention frail,
human things called a vampire.
25
00:01:17,206 --> 00:01:18,656
What I've managed to gather
26
00:01:18,655 --> 00:01:20,405
from being alive for 400 years
27
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:23,523
is that these people think
they're Jesus amongst dirt.
28
00:01:23,517 --> 00:01:25,407
Humans act like they
know everything.
29
00:01:25,413 --> 00:01:28,243
When in reality
they know nothing.
30
00:01:28,241 --> 00:01:29,451
And that's why.
31
00:01:29,448 --> 00:01:31,378
Now we were talking
about Mercy Lewis.
32
00:01:31,379 --> 00:01:34,449
She was accusing
Tituba of witchcraft
33
00:01:34,448 --> 00:01:36,238
but Tituba was safe
because she's the slave
34
00:01:36,241 --> 00:01:38,211
of the great minister
Samuel of Parris.
35
00:01:38,206 --> 00:01:40,546
Later, though she is executed.
36
00:01:40,551 --> 00:01:43,241
[laughs]
37
00:01:43,241 --> 00:01:46,901
I'm, that's literally not
what happened, but go on.
38
00:01:46,896 --> 00:01:48,586
And how would you know?
39
00:01:48,586 --> 00:01:51,236
I mean, I could also
just manage my expectations
40
00:01:51,241 --> 00:01:52,971
considering this
is the same species
41
00:01:52,965 --> 00:01:56,335
that invented Jersey Shore
and Veggie Tales, but still.
42
00:01:57,586 --> 00:01:59,586
'Cause Tituba and I
were girls, besties,
43
00:01:59,586 --> 00:02:02,406
weaving strange spells, were
down goths. I mean like.
44
00:02:02,413 --> 00:02:05,003
Okay, this class
is a joke to you
45
00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,550
feel free to let yourself out.
46
00:02:07,448 --> 00:02:08,408
See what I mean?
47
00:02:09,482 --> 00:02:11,002
What I have noticed
48
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:14,070
is these people have created
some kind of repress kink.
49
00:02:14,068 --> 00:02:16,028
I'm all about the chase,
but whatever weird
50
00:02:16,034 --> 00:02:19,314
modern societal bullshit they
put on each other around here
51
00:02:19,310 --> 00:02:21,550
is so embarrassing.
52
00:02:21,551 --> 00:02:23,101
Toodles.
53
00:02:23,103 --> 00:02:24,793
The thing about being dead is
I have nothing to live for.
54
00:02:24,793 --> 00:02:28,483
And yes, Nancy drew, if you
haven't gotten it yet, I'm dead.
55
00:02:28,482 --> 00:02:31,452
Well like vampire dead.
56
00:02:31,448 --> 00:02:32,998
These people might
as well be dead
57
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:36,450
since none of them are
actually living their lives.
58
00:02:37,965 --> 00:02:39,655
Okay. As I was saying.
59
00:02:39,655 --> 00:02:43,405
So for now, I'll just
sit back, relax and vibe.
60
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:46,593
And before anyone gets mad
at me, he had a girlfriend.
61
00:02:46,586 --> 00:02:48,276
[slurping blood]
62
00:02:48,275 --> 00:02:49,135
I think.
63
00:02:49,137 --> 00:02:51,137
[slurping blood]
64
00:02:51,137 --> 00:02:51,967
Kisses.
65
00:02:56,241 --> 00:02:58,791
♪ Me and my girls,
yeah, call us a coven ♪
66
00:02:58,793 --> 00:03:00,453
♪ When it comes to lovin'
67
00:03:00,448 --> 00:03:02,658
♪ They got my back
when I go on trusting ♪
68
00:03:02,655 --> 00:03:05,715
♪ Boys like you
69
00:03:05,724 --> 00:03:07,904
♪ You're gone and buried
70
00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:10,026
♪ The cemetery
71
00:03:10,034 --> 00:03:11,554
♪ Boy, ain't it scary
72
00:03:11,551 --> 00:03:14,411
♪ R.I.P you're dead to me
73
00:03:14,413 --> 00:03:16,523
♪ You're gone and buried
74
00:03:16,517 --> 00:03:18,717
♪ I hope you're ready
75
00:03:18,724 --> 00:03:20,244
♪ Boy ain't it scary
76
00:03:20,241 --> 00:03:22,381
♪ R.I.P you're dead to me
77
00:03:22,379 --> 00:03:27,339
♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die, die ♪
78
00:03:31,034 --> 00:03:36,004
♪ Cross my broken heart,
I hope you die, die ♪
79
00:03:37,827 --> 00:03:41,967
♪ R.I.P your dead to me.
80
00:03:41,965 --> 00:03:44,515
[students chattering]
81
00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:46,027
Hey bad you.
82
00:03:46,034 --> 00:03:47,724
What up, bitch?
83
00:03:47,724 --> 00:03:49,384
You missed the new guy in
our economics class today.
84
00:03:49,379 --> 00:03:52,379
He was so fizzy I could die.
85
00:03:52,379 --> 00:03:53,719
- Damn it, Really?
- Mhm
86
00:03:53,724 --> 00:03:55,624
Well fuck me for
having an early lunch.
87
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:59,382
This is Gwen, my
BFF, my ride or die.
88
00:03:59,379 --> 00:04:00,929
My bestie in a Tessie.
89
00:04:00,931 --> 00:04:02,901
She takes nothing from no one.
90
00:04:04,103 --> 00:04:05,523
Okay. We got a very
special treat for you.
91
00:04:05,517 --> 00:04:06,857
Our guest speaker.
92
00:04:06,862 --> 00:04:09,212
Please give her a
warm welcome, Amber.
93
00:04:10,275 --> 00:04:13,475
Amber ladies and gents, Amber.
94
00:04:13,482 --> 00:04:15,142
Is this thing on? [laughs]
95
00:04:15,137 --> 00:04:16,897
It's not cause
there's no microphone.
96
00:04:16,896 --> 00:04:19,966
Thank you, Professor Smith for
this wonderful introduction.
97
00:04:19,965 --> 00:04:22,235
Hi, my name is Amber, and yes
98
00:04:22,241 --> 00:04:25,411
I'm a part of this
university's diversity club.
99
00:04:26,862 --> 00:04:28,932
What's your diversity?
100
00:04:28,931 --> 00:04:31,691
Thank you. I am
so glad you asked.
101
00:04:31,689 --> 00:04:35,719
I, my ancestors, my great, great
102
00:04:35,724 --> 00:04:39,974
great, great grandfather
was actually from Holland.
103
00:04:41,275 --> 00:04:43,615
Yeah, he was a farmer there.
104
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:47,240
Bet you wouldn't expect
that, huh? He was.
105
00:04:48,551 --> 00:04:50,621
Anyways, I'm, I'm
here to tell everybody
106
00:04:50,620 --> 00:04:53,310
that there is a
social mixer tonight
107
00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:56,450
and yes, all races are invited.
108
00:04:56,448 --> 00:04:57,618
Totally get what
you're saying.
109
00:04:57,620 --> 00:04:59,760
I mean like typical
white people.
110
00:04:59,758 --> 00:05:01,518
My, my grandparents
are Italian, so.
111
00:05:03,620 --> 00:05:04,790
Fuck this.
112
00:05:04,793 --> 00:05:06,623
Oh, we're so
sorry to see you go.
113
00:05:06,620 --> 00:05:09,140
I mean, we would love to have
people like you in our club.
114
00:05:09,137 --> 00:05:11,237
Just leave your
email at the door.
115
00:05:14,206 --> 00:05:15,826
People like what?
116
00:05:17,965 --> 00:05:19,825
You know, diverse.
117
00:05:24,172 --> 00:05:27,342
I do not need to sit here
and tune your moral compass
118
00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:30,314
just so you can feel better
about using people of color
119
00:05:30,310 --> 00:05:33,340
to supplement your own personal
gain and lack of trauma.
120
00:05:33,344 --> 00:05:38,104
You know what, you
colonizers, you, you included
121
00:05:38,103 --> 00:05:41,663
just because you are tan
does not make you oppressed.
122
00:05:41,655 --> 00:05:43,375
Okay? The diverse are not pawns
123
00:05:43,379 --> 00:05:46,659
for you straight white people
to grow as a community.
124
00:05:48,379 --> 00:05:51,659
Thanks. I'll definitely leave
my email at the fucking door.
125
00:05:52,758 --> 00:05:54,138
That was so iconic.
126
00:05:55,758 --> 00:05:56,928
Great. You coming?
127
00:06:00,551 --> 00:06:02,761
[class murmurs]
128
00:06:02,758 --> 00:06:06,588
[clapping]
129
00:06:08,827 --> 00:06:10,447
A play by me.
130
00:06:10,448 --> 00:06:12,408
I scripted that
entire interaction.
131
00:06:12,413 --> 00:06:14,553
Just to teach you
people a lesson.
132
00:06:15,931 --> 00:06:17,171
Now I'll be presenting a song
133
00:06:17,172 --> 00:06:20,312
that I wrote called colorblind.
134
00:06:22,758 --> 00:06:26,758
♪ This world is filled
of different colors ♪
135
00:06:26,758 --> 00:06:30,518
♪ and different shapes
and sizes too. ♪
136
00:06:30,517 --> 00:06:32,517
And since that moment
we've been BFF's.
137
00:06:32,517 --> 00:06:34,447
However, she doesn't
know I'm, you know.
138
00:06:34,448 --> 00:06:35,998
He was extra tasty.
139
00:06:37,241 --> 00:06:38,551
Oh, I bet.
140
00:06:38,551 --> 00:06:39,721
I'm sure. you'd
see him, you know,
141
00:06:39,724 --> 00:06:41,524
if you ever showed up to class.
142
00:06:41,517 --> 00:06:43,277
Okay. I believe I'm
learning from experience.
143
00:06:43,275 --> 00:06:45,025
A book can only
teach you so much.
144
00:06:46,068 --> 00:06:48,168
[phone chimes]
145
00:06:48,172 --> 00:06:50,902
Ugh, that's my
mom. So annoying.
146
00:06:50,896 --> 00:06:52,926
We have this family
reunion thing tonight.
147
00:06:52,931 --> 00:06:56,101
My uncle's introducing us to
his new 20 year old girlfriend.
148
00:06:56,103 --> 00:06:58,103
Okay. But that sounds
like so much fun.
149
00:06:58,103 --> 00:06:59,693
Do you even talk
to your family?
150
00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:00,929
Does Satan still
talk to Jesus?
151
00:07:00,931 --> 00:07:02,481
Okay.
152
00:07:02,482 --> 00:07:03,622
If I wanted a headache, I'd
listen to a straight white man
153
00:07:03,620 --> 00:07:05,660
talk about the female body.
154
00:07:05,655 --> 00:07:07,755
At all? Not even
the cool cousins?
155
00:07:08,931 --> 00:07:13,141
I have one cousin and
she's actually insane.
156
00:07:13,137 --> 00:07:16,137
Like trust, me these
people are wicked
157
00:07:16,137 --> 00:07:19,137
and not in like the
Broadway musical way.
158
00:07:19,137 --> 00:07:21,757
Well, this bruha needs
to fly away to class.
159
00:07:21,758 --> 00:07:23,378
I'll catch you later. Bye.
160
00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:24,519
Peace.
161
00:07:24,517 --> 00:07:27,617
[students chattering]
162
00:07:27,620 --> 00:07:29,310
From my studies,
163
00:07:29,310 --> 00:07:31,900
if I did have to say
one positive thing about the human race
164
00:07:33,310 --> 00:07:36,310
it's that their desire for
love is just so intriguing.
165
00:07:37,758 --> 00:07:39,278
[TV actress] I
know Bethany thought
166
00:07:39,275 --> 00:07:41,445
that she was gonna be the
one but I always knew it.
167
00:07:41,448 --> 00:07:42,858
I tried to find love once.
168
00:07:42,862 --> 00:07:46,282
And let me tell you
mission not accomplished.
169
00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:49,305
As a vampire, AKA
an agent of Satan,
170
00:07:49,310 --> 00:07:51,970
the holy tradition
of marriage or love
171
00:07:51,965 --> 00:07:53,205
is not reserved for us.
172
00:07:54,517 --> 00:07:57,097
A distant dream in
a far away realm.
173
00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:02,550
But I can definitely
see or envy it's appeal.
174
00:08:02,551 --> 00:08:05,341
[TV Host] Tonight
on 65 day fiance.
175
00:08:05,344 --> 00:08:07,214
[Female fiance]
Carl, meeting you
176
00:08:07,206 --> 00:08:10,586
has changed my life, forever.
177
00:08:10,586 --> 00:08:14,756
And I can't wait to spend
the next 65 days with you.
178
00:08:14,758 --> 00:08:16,998
Oh my god, I'm
so happy for them.
179
00:08:18,241 --> 00:08:19,451
[Male Fiance] I don't
be with you Janelle.
180
00:08:19,448 --> 00:08:20,898
[gasps]
181
00:08:20,896 --> 00:08:21,716
The tea.
182
00:08:24,379 --> 00:08:28,519
But for now I'll just
enjoy judging from afar.
183
00:08:31,172 --> 00:08:33,722
[quirky music]
184
00:08:36,689 --> 00:08:38,519
[students chattering]
185
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:40,067
Movies, tonight?
Let's talk about it.
186
00:08:40,068 --> 00:08:41,338
Anything bloody.
187
00:08:41,344 --> 00:08:43,034
Nashville Lawnmower
[inaudible] is out.
188
00:08:43,034 --> 00:08:44,554
Fabulous. Let's do it.
189
00:08:46,034 --> 00:08:47,384
[drink splatters]
190
00:08:47,379 --> 00:08:49,479
I am so sorry.
191
00:08:49,482 --> 00:08:51,142
Save it, jock strap.
192
00:08:52,724 --> 00:08:55,344
What exactly was this?
Red velvet iced coffee?
193
00:08:55,344 --> 00:08:57,384
I have an iron
deficiency, okay?
194
00:08:57,379 --> 00:09:00,339
It's mixed with vitamins.
195
00:09:00,344 --> 00:09:01,794
Oh my goodness.
196
00:09:01,793 --> 00:09:04,313
My mom has an iron
deficiency. I'm so sorry.
197
00:09:04,310 --> 00:09:08,070
[students chattering]
198
00:09:08,068 --> 00:09:10,068
It's fine, um.
199
00:09:12,551 --> 00:09:13,791
Sorry. I was being rude.
200
00:09:16,137 --> 00:09:19,547
Would this be a bad time
to ask where room C16 is?
201
00:09:21,103 --> 00:09:25,283
It's just over there.
202
00:09:25,275 --> 00:09:26,685
I'm Ian, by the way.
203
00:09:29,931 --> 00:09:30,761
Ezra.
204
00:09:32,827 --> 00:09:36,167
Well, if I see you again,
I owe you another drink.
205
00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:41,790
[students chattering]
206
00:09:44,103 --> 00:09:46,593
Not you, flirting with
the fizzy from economics.
207
00:09:49,517 --> 00:09:53,097
[intriguing music]
208
00:09:53,103 --> 00:09:54,933
I have to have him.
209
00:09:57,275 --> 00:09:59,685
[Bell dongs]
210
00:10:02,758 --> 00:10:07,758
[ominous music]
211
00:10:09,137 --> 00:10:12,517
[door knocking]
212
00:10:12,517 --> 00:10:13,337
Did you hear?
213
00:10:14,448 --> 00:10:16,408
We found your
little cousin, Ezra.
214
00:10:19,448 --> 00:10:20,338
What?
215
00:10:22,724 --> 00:10:57,244
[Meg Smith's Cross My
Heart I Hope You Die]
216
00:10:57,294 --> 00:11:01,844
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