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1
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- Why didn't you say you love me back?
2
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- Uh... I don't know.
3
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We're j-- we're just kind of
getting to know each other,
4
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and...
[gunshot]
5
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[shouts]
6
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- [panting]
7
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[dramatic music plays]
8
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โช
9
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- Any last words
before I blow your brains out?
10
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- Don't shoot me, okay?
11
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You ain't got to do this.
12
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You ain't got to do this, man.
13
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Yeah.
14
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Just let me...
15
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[kissy noises]
16
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- Why are you doing that?
17
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Cut it out!
-[kissy noises]
18
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- Stop it!
19
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You look at me when I kill you.
20
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Look at me!
21
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I know that there's nothing up there.
22
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[screeching]
[shouting]
23
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[high-pitched ringing]
24
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- [panting, grunts]
25
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Ah! Shit.
26
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Ah!
27
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Ah... Ah!
28
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JORDAN:
Go home.
29
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I'm sure there's
a real hero somewhere
30
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in need of a goofy sidekick.
31
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[Kevin panting]
32
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JORDAN:
Well, you're not alone...
33
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anymore.
34
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- [panting]
35
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I've got you, I promise.
36
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Kevin!
37
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Focus.
38
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[screaming]
39
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[thudding]
40
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[squirrel chittering]
41
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KEVIN:
I owe you one.
42
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[chitters]
[kissy noises]
43
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[chitters]
44
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[dramatic music plays]
45
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[pulsing music plays]
46
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It's a simple jump.
47
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Three, two, one.
48
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[dramatic music plays]
49
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[hawk screeches]
50
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Yes.
51
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Hey.
52
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Hey, come on. Jordan, no.
53
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Come on, get up, get up. Jordan, no.
54
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Look at me, look at me.
55
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No. Don't you die, don't you die.
56
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I'm not gonna let you die.
57
00:02:43,413 --> 00:02:45,423
Come on, Jordan, you c...
58
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you can't, you can't die, not...
59
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[sniffles] Come on, Jordan, get up.
60
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Don't d... [cries]
61
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Jordan! Jordan!
62
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I jumped. I got over here.
63
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Jordan?
64
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I fucking jumped.
65
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[crying]
66
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I fucking jumped.
67
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[dramatic music plays]
68
00:03:06,895 --> 00:03:09,055
I fucking...
69
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Breathe.
- [clapping]
70
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Bravo. It's a wrap, everybody.
71
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- [cheering, applause]
CLAUDE: Bravo.
72
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- [quietly]: The fuck...?
73
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A wrap?
74
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- Agent Hart!
75
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- Coach Ron?
76
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- [whoops] Yeah!
77
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- Yeah.
- [laughs] Oh, yeah.
78
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- The fuck is happening?
79
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- [laughs]
Hey, man, it was good working with you.
80
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No hard feelings, man. Sorry.
81
00:03:41,889 --> 00:03:43,889
- [cheering, whooping]
82
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- Hi.
83
00:03:49,980 --> 00:03:52,020
- Oh, no. Come on, Jordan.
84
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This was a part of it, too?
85
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- Yeah. Sorry, Kevin.
86
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- Jordan.
87
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But I really thought that I lost you.
88
00:03:59,656 --> 00:04:02,276
- Oh, Kevin.
- No...
89
00:04:02,367 --> 00:04:04,657
- Well, I guess I'm glad
that you're alive.
90
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,915
- Well, movie magic. [chuckles]
91
00:04:07,998 --> 00:04:09,578
- [laughs softly]
92
00:04:09,666 --> 00:04:10,786
CLAUDE: Very good.
KEVIN: Movie magic.
93
00:04:10,876 --> 00:04:12,036
CLAUDE:
Very good.
94
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[dramatic music plays]
95
00:04:15,339 --> 00:04:16,669
KEVIN [over speaker]:
Jordan, no.
96
00:04:16,757 --> 00:04:18,837
Come on, get up, get up.
97
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,926
Jordan, you can't do this. Don't die.
98
00:04:21,011 --> 00:04:22,761
[sniffles] Come on, Jordan, get up.
99
00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:25,766
Don't d... [cries] Jordan!
100
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:27,979
Jordan!
101
00:04:28,060 --> 00:04:31,560
I did it, I jumped. I got over here.
102
00:04:31,647 --> 00:04:34,777
Jordan? I fucking jumped.
103
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- [crying]
104
00:04:36,860 --> 00:04:39,490
- I fucking jumped.
105
00:04:55,254 --> 00:04:58,014
- [exhales] Well?
106
00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:06,470
- That may be the strangest movie
I've ever seen.
107
00:05:09,142 --> 00:05:14,022
So bizarre and-and... violent.
108
00:05:16,942 --> 00:05:20,492
And yet...
109
00:05:20,571 --> 00:05:23,071
authentic.
110
00:05:23,156 --> 00:05:25,406
- [exhales]
- You can't teach
111
00:05:25,492 --> 00:05:26,792
acting like that.
112
00:05:26,869 --> 00:05:28,159
- So you liked it?
- Like it?
113
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:29,785
I like kidney-shaped swimming pools.
114
00:05:29,872 --> 00:05:32,212
I like reduced-fat eggnog.
115
00:05:32,291 --> 00:05:35,591
This movie, I loved.
116
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:38,129
- He loves it.
117
00:05:38,213 --> 00:05:39,723
- How does it feel to be a leading man
118
00:05:39,798 --> 00:05:41,258
in your own action movie?
119
00:05:41,341 --> 00:05:43,391
- Wow.
CLAUDE: Kevin.
120
00:05:43,468 --> 00:05:46,258
Please.
- Oh, the center stage.
121
00:05:46,346 --> 00:05:47,716
- [applause]
- Uh...
122
00:05:47,806 --> 00:05:50,516
No, stop, stop. Guys.
123
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:53,401
Well, I learned two things.
124
00:05:53,478 --> 00:05:55,398
The first thing is that it's dangerous.
125
00:05:55,480 --> 00:05:58,400
It's dangerous as hell.
I mean, I was set on fire,
126
00:05:58,483 --> 00:06:00,033
I was hit in the head with a bat...
- [laughter]
127
00:06:00,110 --> 00:06:01,360
- ...punched, kicked.
128
00:06:01,445 --> 00:06:03,315
I'm really gonna be scarred.
- That was f...
129
00:06:03,405 --> 00:06:04,695
- No, I'm serious-- I don't know
130
00:06:04,781 --> 00:06:06,701
why you're laughing.
I'm being very serious.
131
00:06:06,783 --> 00:06:08,993
I'm gonna have real issues
because of this guy right here.
132
00:06:09,077 --> 00:06:10,787
- Fuck yeah!
- It's-- no...
133
00:06:10,871 --> 00:06:14,041
It's not a "fuck yeah."
It's-it's a serious thing.
134
00:06:14,124 --> 00:06:15,964
[dramatic music plays]
135
00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:19,133
The second thing
that I learned is that, uh...
136
00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:23,761
...there's no such thing as a leading man.
137
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,675
Because you're nothing
without your costars.
138
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:34,476
And I had that in-in you guys,
so thank you-- Come on.
139
00:06:34,561 --> 00:06:36,311
Get up here. Seriously.
- [applause]
140
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:37,516
- Get up here.
- Buddy.
141
00:06:37,606 --> 00:06:39,356
- Take this in. Take it in with me.
142
00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,781
[chuckles] Wait, wait.
Do I get top billing?
143
00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:43,150
- [whispers] Yeah. You have top billing.
144
00:06:43,237 --> 00:06:45,237
- Nice. I didn't-- I forgot to ask.
145
00:06:45,322 --> 00:06:47,282
- Well, I think it's time to celebrate.
- Yes!
146
00:06:47,366 --> 00:06:48,826
- Looks like we've got a hit on our hands.
147
00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:51,119
- Claude. Congratulations.
- Yeah, yeah.
148
00:06:51,203 --> 00:06:53,213
Hey. Congratulations, everybody.
- [applause]
149
00:06:53,288 --> 00:06:56,668
LEAH:
[laughs] Ladies and gentlemen,
150
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,250
we have a real treat for you today.
151
00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,045
- Okay-- wait, wait, wait, wait,
easy with the spoilers.
152
00:07:00,128 --> 00:07:01,708
This requires a little dramatic buildup.
153
00:07:01,797 --> 00:07:03,337
- Okay. Here it is.
154
00:07:03,423 --> 00:07:05,183
Now you know that I'm not a big fan
155
00:07:05,259 --> 00:07:07,759
of these high-budget action films.
156
00:07:07,845 --> 00:07:11,005
- Here she goes again,
with her love of fancy foreign films.
157
00:07:11,098 --> 00:07:13,018
- I have discerning taste.
This is my buildup.
158
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,980
This is what you requested.
- Continue.
159
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,190
- This movie
by Claude Van De Velde moved me.
160
00:07:17,271 --> 00:07:19,441
I got to say.
- It's an incredible film.
161
00:07:19,523 --> 00:07:21,323
- And...
- I've seen it 27 times.
162
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,780
Team Van De Velde right here.
- [cheering, applause]
163
00:07:22,860 --> 00:07:24,490
- The hero of this movie
164
00:07:24,570 --> 00:07:26,490
is not the action star
that you would expect.
165
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:29,742
The one that really saves the day.
166
00:07:29,825 --> 00:07:31,445
Well, we have him here today.
167
00:07:31,535 --> 00:07:33,575
Ladies and gentlemen...
- [cheering, applause]
168
00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:35,792
- ...Sassy the Squirrel.
[chitters]
169
00:07:35,873 --> 00:07:37,213
- Aw, Sassy...
170
00:07:37,291 --> 00:07:38,921
- Oh, you're a lot bigger in person.
171
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:40,961
- Oh, hell no.
172
00:07:41,011 --> 00:07:45,561
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