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1
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[door opens, shuts]
2
00:00:01,335 --> 00:00:03,085
KEVIN:
Hey.
3
00:00:03,170 --> 00:00:05,760
I brought you some breakfast
as a peace offering.
4
00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,680
Food here is a little tricky.
5
00:00:08,759 --> 00:00:10,639
It's just a closet full of beef jerky.
6
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:13,309
Apparently, Macho Man Randy Savage
was an alum here,
7
00:00:13,388 --> 00:00:17,268
and he left his entire food supply
to Ron in his will, so,
8
00:00:17,351 --> 00:00:20,561
snap into a Slim Jim?
9
00:00:20,646 --> 00:00:22,306
- Care to join me for breakfast?
10
00:00:22,397 --> 00:00:24,147
- Of course.
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Jerky for two.
[chuckles]
12
00:00:27,277 --> 00:00:30,447
Um... look,
13
00:00:30,531 --> 00:00:33,701
I wanted to apologize.
14
00:00:33,784 --> 00:00:35,704
You know, I didn't mean to...
- Stab me?
15
00:00:35,786 --> 00:00:37,576
- Well, I wasn't gonna use those words.
16
00:00:37,663 --> 00:00:40,043
Look, Ron-Ron is crazy.
17
00:00:40,123 --> 00:00:42,673
I'm serious. He's-he's nuts.
18
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,631
Sick-in-the-head crazy.
19
00:00:44,711 --> 00:00:47,171
And I'm convinced that
that motherfucker killed
20
00:00:47,256 --> 00:00:48,666
a dude named Rodrigo.
21
00:00:48,757 --> 00:00:50,127
And the motherfucker tried to kill me
22
00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:51,927
just for being around his office.
23
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:55,100
And as far as your arm goes,
I know you think I'm lying...
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00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:56,520
I heard "retractable."
25
00:00:56,598 --> 00:00:58,978
- You know, I've dated guys
like you before.
26
00:00:59,059 --> 00:01:00,809
It's always someone else's fault.
27
00:01:00,894 --> 00:01:02,734
- That's not true.
28
00:01:02,813 --> 00:01:04,653
That's not true at all.
When I'm wrong, I...
29
00:01:04,731 --> 00:01:06,611
I shouldn't say that
'cause I'm never wrong.
30
00:01:06,692 --> 00:01:08,402
If... if I'm wrong,
31
00:01:08,485 --> 00:01:10,525
I have no problem
admitting that I'm wrong.
32
00:01:10,612 --> 00:01:13,992
But in this case, I'm not.
He said "retractable."
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- Hey, part of me is glad you stabbed me.
34
00:01:18,036 --> 00:01:20,156
It's a badge of honor.
35
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:22,827
I heard when Jason Statham
came through here,
36
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:24,876
he got stabbed directly in the heart.
37
00:01:24,960 --> 00:01:26,170
- Did he survive that?
38
00:01:26,253 --> 00:01:28,343
- He shot Transporter, like, a week later.
39
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- What the fuck?
40
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In the heart?
They stabbed him in the heart?
41
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- Yep, right through it.
- Goddamn it.
42
00:01:34,011 --> 00:01:36,261
Maybe I'm just doing
the wrong fucking thing here.
43
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I mean...
[laughs]
44
00:01:38,307 --> 00:01:40,597
...maybe this just isn't for me, you know?
45
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- So, just leave.
46
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Go home.
I'm sure there's
47
00:01:44,897 --> 00:01:47,187
a real hero somewhere in need
of a goofy sidekick.
48
00:01:47,274 --> 00:01:48,824
- Okay, uh, that backfired.
49
00:01:48,901 --> 00:01:50,691
I thought that you would go
the opposite direction
50
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:52,987
and tell me that, no, I should stay,
51
00:01:53,071 --> 00:01:55,161
and that this is for me.
52
00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,660
That's what I... thought...
53
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,162
- Well, what do you want me to say?
54
00:01:58,243 --> 00:02:00,663
If you need extra motivation
to be the star
55
00:02:00,746 --> 00:02:03,036
of a Claude Van De Velde movie...
[chuckles]
56
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,043
...uh, you're in the wrong business.
57
00:02:05,125 --> 00:02:09,375
This is probably my only shot
to be a big action star, so
58
00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:11,383
I'm not gonna blow it.
59
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,295
I'll do anything it takes.
60
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:19,013
- You're right.
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00:02:19,097 --> 00:02:22,347
You are absolutely right.
62
00:02:22,434 --> 00:02:24,774
I need to stop
all the bitching and moaning,
63
00:02:24,853 --> 00:02:26,653
and I need to cowboy the fuck up.
64
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:29,530
- There you go.
65
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[dramatic music plays]
66
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- When I first started in the business,
67
00:02:38,742 --> 00:02:40,372
training action stars,
68
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every stunt scene was practical.
69
00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:45,961
Or, as Kevin might say,
"retractable." [laughs]
70
00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,841
- Oh, that's really good.
That's great.
71
00:02:47,918 --> 00:02:50,298
It's not funny.
- But the industry has changed.
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You can't even be an action star without,
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00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:54,009
well, knowing how to work green.
74
00:02:54,091 --> 00:02:56,471
- Uh, I'm very familiar
with the green screen.
75
00:02:56,552 --> 00:02:57,892
I mean, I've done about 15 movies
76
00:02:57,970 --> 00:02:59,680
where we've had a green screen.
77
00:02:59,763 --> 00:03:02,143
- In which of those 15 movies
were you the leading man?
78
00:03:02,224 --> 00:03:04,774
Any idiot can jump on a green screen
79
00:03:04,852 --> 00:03:07,602
and pretend to be eaten by a CG dragon.
80
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:09,308
Hell, even Little Kevin can do that.
81
00:03:09,398 --> 00:03:10,768
- Oh, hell no!
82
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:13,398
- Okay, who's finding the time
to dress him like me?
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00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,065
It's really...
WILCOX: Okay, question.
84
00:03:15,153 --> 00:03:17,783
What does a leading woman or a leading man
85
00:03:17,865 --> 00:03:20,945
get to do on-screen that sidekicks don't?
86
00:03:21,034 --> 00:03:23,044
- Win fights.
- Uh, murder bad guys.
87
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- Make love.
88
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Today's lesson is in lovemaking.
89
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- Yes!
90
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[clears throat]
On the green screen?
91
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Are we doing it on the green screen?
92
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- Bingo.
KEVIN: Nice.
93
00:03:33,630 --> 00:03:36,760
Adding effects to the bed,
to the wall, just cracking 'em.
94
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- Okay, I'm gonna be candid.
95
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I-I don't want to do a sex scene with him.
96
00:03:40,512 --> 00:03:41,432
- That's fine, 'cause I don't want
97
00:03:41,513 --> 00:03:42,973
to do a sex scene with her. Ugh.
98
00:03:43,974 --> 00:03:46,694
- [Jordan and Wilcox laugh]
99
00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:50,770
- What's so funny?
- Okay, well, look at you,
100
00:03:50,856 --> 00:03:52,316
and then look at her.
101
00:03:52,399 --> 00:03:54,319
And look at you, then her.
102
00:03:54,401 --> 00:03:56,241
Then you, then her.
- Okay.
103
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I don't get the joke. What is...?
What-what am I missing?
104
00:03:58,614 --> 00:04:00,534
- All right, let me
put it another way. Uh...
105
00:04:00,616 --> 00:04:02,736
Look at you, and then look at her.
106
00:04:02,826 --> 00:04:05,036
[laughs]
Then look at you, and then her.
107
00:04:05,120 --> 00:04:07,960
- Can we just get
this shit over with, please?
108
00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:10,170
- Okay, let's discuss motivation.
109
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,170
All right, now...
110
00:04:12,252 --> 00:04:13,922
after almost killing each other,
111
00:04:14,004 --> 00:04:15,964
Agent Hart and Agent King
112
00:04:16,048 --> 00:04:17,718
discover that they're on the same team.
113
00:04:17,799 --> 00:04:19,759
After diffusing a bomb,
114
00:04:19,843 --> 00:04:21,183
at the top of a skyscraper,
115
00:04:21,261 --> 00:04:23,181
in-in the middle of an earthquake,
116
00:04:23,263 --> 00:04:26,983
they discover this overwhelming passion
for each other.
117
00:04:28,977 --> 00:04:30,937
- Wait, wait, wait. We-We're
at the top of a skyscraper
118
00:04:31,021 --> 00:04:32,271
in the middle of an earthquake?
119
00:04:32,356 --> 00:04:34,066
- Yes! Yes! Goddamn it!
120
00:04:34,149 --> 00:04:36,859
You are the dumbest actor
that I've ever worked with!
121
00:04:36,944 --> 00:04:38,614
Go! Action!
122
00:04:38,695 --> 00:04:42,195
[rhythmic beeping]
- Red wire... or blue wire?
123
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:44,202
- It's got to be the red.
- Are you sure?
124
00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:45,494
Agent Hart, are you sure?
125
00:04:45,577 --> 00:04:47,407
- I don't know.
126
00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,207
[dramatic music playing]
127
00:04:52,292 --> 00:04:54,212
[beeping speeds up]
128
00:04:55,963 --> 00:04:57,343
[exhales]
129
00:04:57,422 --> 00:04:59,012
- [soft chuckle]
130
00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:03,142
♪
131
00:05:12,729 --> 00:05:14,729
WILCOX:
Earthquake. Earthquake!
132
00:05:14,815 --> 00:05:16,145
The building's falling apart!
133
00:05:16,233 --> 00:05:18,243
- Oh, okay, um...
- Oh, okay.
134
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:19,648
WILCOX:
Good, great.
135
00:05:20,487 --> 00:05:21,777
- Oh! Oh! Oh!
136
00:05:21,864 --> 00:05:23,414
Oh, shit!
137
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,160
Hold on! Wait! Oh!
138
00:05:26,243 --> 00:05:28,163
Where you at?
Wait, wait, wait, wait.- Kevin.
139
00:05:28,245 --> 00:05:30,535
- Hold on, wait,
give me a second! Shit!
140
00:05:30,622 --> 00:05:32,172
- Okay.
- Okay, all right.
141
00:05:32,249 --> 00:05:33,919
Come on, it's an earthquake.
It's an earthquake.
142
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:34,921
Go.
- Yeah.
143
00:05:35,002 --> 00:05:36,462
- Go.
- Agent Hart,
144
00:05:36,545 --> 00:05:38,625
I can't believe
we just diffused that bomb.
145
00:05:38,714 --> 00:05:41,184
We just saved thousands
of lives, maybe millions.
146
00:05:41,258 --> 00:05:44,298
- This earthquake's got to be
about a 7.5 magnitude.
147
00:05:44,386 --> 00:05:47,886
This could be our last time
being together before we die.
148
00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,813
- Now kiss her neck softly
and start fucking.
149
00:05:50,893 --> 00:05:53,063
[wires squeaking]
- What...? Wait.
150
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:55,265
Kiss-kiss her neck and then start fucking?
151
00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:57,725
- Kiss her neck softly and start fucking!
152
00:05:57,816 --> 00:05:59,986
- Oh, okay. He...
- Uh...
153
00:06:00,068 --> 00:06:01,568
- I'm just gonna do it
'cause that's what he s...
154
00:06:01,653 --> 00:06:03,493
- Yeah, no, it's fine.
- Yeah, let me put your...
155
00:06:03,572 --> 00:06:06,282
Give me that.
WILCOX: Be sexy! Do something!
156
00:06:06,366 --> 00:06:08,076
- Grab my leg.
- Okay, give me this one.
157
00:06:08,160 --> 00:06:11,210
- Have you never had sex before?!
Do it!
158
00:06:11,288 --> 00:06:13,168
- That's not...
- We need... All right.
159
00:06:13,248 --> 00:06:14,418
One second. That's it.
- I think we got it.
160
00:06:14,499 --> 00:06:16,249
WILCOX:
Go! Go!
161
00:06:16,335 --> 00:06:18,625
- Agent Hart, no.
We shouldn't do this.
162
00:06:18,712 --> 00:06:21,382
It's against Bureau protocol.
163
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:24,635
- Well, protocol was meant to be broken.
164
00:06:27,513 --> 00:06:29,473
[screams]
165
00:06:29,556 --> 00:06:32,226
Help! Help! Don't drop me!
Don't drop me!
166
00:06:32,309 --> 00:06:33,809
Please don't let go!
Don't let go!
167
00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:35,734
- I won't! I got you!
- Don't let go!
168
00:06:35,812 --> 00:06:37,112
- I've got you, I promise!
169
00:06:37,189 --> 00:06:39,319
CLAUDE:
Can you push in a little closer?
170
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:40,779
KEVIN:
Help me! Help me!
171
00:06:40,859 --> 00:06:42,439
I'm too young to die!
172
00:06:42,528 --> 00:06:44,698
- Any closer, they'll see the cameras.
173
00:06:44,780 --> 00:06:46,320
- Okay, good. Hold there.
174
00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,656
JORDAN: I got you.
- Perfect.
175
00:06:48,742 --> 00:06:50,912
- Help!
- Kevin, you're, like, one foot
176
00:06:50,994 --> 00:06:53,754
off the ground.
- You cannot teach acting like that.
177
00:06:53,830 --> 00:06:55,290
JORDAN:
I'm just gonna let you down, okay?
178
00:06:55,374 --> 00:06:56,714
KEVIN:
Aah!
179
00:06:56,764 --> 00:07:01,314
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