All language subtitles for Assisted Living s03e09 Wobble Wobble.eng

- ♪ ♪

- Grandpa Vinny, you cannot
drink beer for breakfast.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- What are you doing?

- You said don't drink
beer for breakfast,

so I'm eating it!
Come on, now!

- No, just, no!

- Look, Leah, come on now,

just let me enjoy
what life I have left, please!

- You keep this lifestyle up,
what's left won't be long!

- All right, so I drank.
What's the big deal?

- It's not just the drinking.

You eat horrible,

and you smoke way too much
for one person.

- You know, me smoking,
I'm just doing my patriotic duty

like the president said.

- Oh, the president told you
to smoke weed?

- Sure he did,
when he said go green.

- Why are you like this?

Didn't your parents
raise you better?

- Yeah, my daddy taught me
a very valuable lesson:

don't drink, don't cuss,
and never fool around

with a woman that's got
more kids than teeth.

- I don't hear much about him,
but he sounds like a moral man.

- Oh, he was, he taught me
a very valuable lesson

on the day he died.

- To live a clean life?

- No, he was hit by a bus.
- That's terrible.

- I know, imagine living
your entire life

and never having any fun.

- You're terrible!

- That's when I decided
to drink 'til I'm faded,

smoke 'til I'm blazed,
and never ever passing up

the opportunity to swing on
the monkey bars.

I was in elementary school
when he died.

- I really wish you would

take better care
of yourself, Grandpa Vinny.

You know,
Cora is coming over here

to teach an exercise class
in an hour.

- Oh, I'ma pass.
I'm in good shape.

- [Leah sighing]

- Leah, hold up, hold up.

Could you, um, pass me
that remote control?

- Get up
and get it yourself, lazy.

- Man.

- Mm, hey, baby girl,
you decide what you're wearing

to the Spelher
campus tour tomorrow?

- I'm not wearing anything.

- A chip off the old block!

Streaking on campus.
- Ew.

No, I'm not wearing anything
'cause I'm not going.

- Chip off the old block!

Skipping out
on responsibilities.

- Sandra, what are you
talking about?

Why aren't you going on
the campus tour?

- 'Cause I'm not
going to college.

Oh, hey, Sheila!
- Ooh!

Ooh, I guess she told you.

- Grandpa.
- You want a beer?

- No, thank you.
- Weed?

- No, no!

- ♪ ♪

- ♪ No matter what you do,
I love you ♪

♪ No matter where you go ♪

♪ I'm behind you for sure ♪

♪ Always remember ♪

♪ Blood ain't never water ♪

♪ We'll make it
if we stay together ♪

- LEAH: Sandra, you don't
drop a bomb and walk away, okay?

You are going on
that campus tour tomorrow.

- But--
- No buts!

We made a reservation,
you will uphold your commitment.

- Okay, I'll go to
the campus tour.

I just, I honestly don't think
I'm going to college.

- Sweetheart,
we talked about this.

Having a college degree

just increases your chances
of having a great career.

- Okay, well, Bill Gates
didn't go to college,

and he's, like,
the richest person in the world.

Jay-Z didn't go to college
and he married Beyoncé.

- Let's see,
you can't build a computer,

and the only bars you have
are on your phone.

Oh, Miss Anastasia!

You went to college.
Was it worth it?

- Oh, absolutely.

- My goodness, Mom, I cannot
believe you're doing this.

- I'm so very glad I went.

You know, coming from
a small town,

college expanded
my horizons exponentially.

I'm talking French,
Spanish, Russian, Japanese.

- Wow, you learned
all those languages?

- Oh, don't be silly.
Those were my foreign lovers.

A foreign exchange student
can take you

on an exotic trip
around the world

without you even leaving
your dorm room.

Write that down, dear.

- Mm-mm, mm-mm,
don't write that down, dear.

Oh, Miss Anastasia,
okay, your degree,

did you find it valuable
later in life?

- Oh, I never used
that old thing, honey!

I was an actress.
I made millions.

- Oh, whatever.
You can't act either, girl.

Ah-ha, Mr. Reginald!

You went to college,
you used your degree, right?

- Yeah, I most certainly did.

My bachelor's degree
and subsequent Juris Doctorate

enabled me to practice law
and become a judge.

- See, Sandra, college is--
- Was the worst time of my life.

Grueling 15-hour study sessions,

anxiety attacks from
pressure-packed exams.

I tell you, luckily,
my dorm room window

wouldn't open or I would've
flung myself--

- Whoa, no, okay, hey,
Mr. Reginald, okay.

Bye-bye, thank you!

I'ma bring your medicine
in your room later.

- Wow, Mom,
college sure sounds amazing.

- Okay, all right,
those were bad examples,

but your father and I
went to college,

and we loved it,
and we both used our degrees.

Oh, what happened to you?

- Had to unclog Efe's toilet.

It fought back.

- Oh, what's your degree
in again, Dad?

- Ah, finance.

- I think we're done here.

- Nice job, Jeremy.

- What'd I do?

Well, you told me
to fix the toilet!

- [Leah scowling]

- Make up your mind!

- First it's your grandaddy,
then it's your daughter!

- ♪ ♪

- What y'all doing in here?

- Are you working out
with us this morning, Vincent?

- Oh, no, the only workout
I'm doing is on my grub

as soon as that microwave
goes, "ding!"

- What is that
you eatin', skunk?

- Oh, no, man, you smellin'
what I'm smokin'.

- You know marijuana
gets in clothes.

- Marijuana gets into
more than that.

My doctor says
my blood type is THC.

- [microwave beeping]
- Oh, bye-bye, munchies!

Later, y'all!

- Where is Cora?
It's not like her to be late.

- I know.
- MR. BROWN: Oh,

Cora can't be here today,
so she asked me to sub for her.

Sub for substitute.
- Ah.

- Okay, uh, she want me to take
the roll to attendance.

All right, all right,
let me do attendance.

Reginald Junie?

- Present.

- Oh, he's here.
- For Heaven's sake, Mr. Brown!

I'll call Cora
and give her the names of

the two whole people
in attendance.

Can we get this show
on the road, please?

- Oh, you anxious
to work out.

Okay, I don't want nobody
to be distracted--

- [Vinny chuckling]
- --by Vinny's nasty food.

- [Vinny humming]

- Concentrate on the workout.

Do your best, okay?

I want y'all to just concentrate
on nothing but working out.

- [Vinny chuckling]

- Mr. Brown? The workout?

- MR. BROWN: Workout, workout,
okay, okay.

All right, we gonna work out,
and we gonna do like this.

A boom, boom, boom, like that.

Come over there.
Boom, boom, boom!

Just get your hips so you won't
break 'em if you fall, okay?

Boom, boom, boom!
- ANASTASIA: Boom, boom, boom.

- Get in there!
- Boom, boom, boom!

Boom, boom, boom!

- Is that pasta with gravy?

- You know it.
I call this Jay-Ziti.

I got 99 problems,
but a snack ain't one.

- Oh.
- REGINALD: Brown! Our workout!

- Oh, yes, okay.

We need to do three sets
of cha-cha-cha, boom!

Like this, cha-cha-cha, boom!

- Cha-cha-cha, boom!
- Cha-cha-cha, boom!

Like that.
- ANASTASIA: Cha-cha-cha.

- Cha-cha-cha.

- Is that black-eyed peas
with a hint of bacon?

- You know it. I call this
Alicia Peas 'cause I can't stop

fallin' in and out of love
with this food, man.

- What sane man can't?
- Focus, Brown!

- Focus, okay,
all right, listen.

I want y'all
to give it your all.

No pain, no gain!

I'ma teach y'all
some boxing techniques

that I used when I was
in the Silver Gloves, okay?

You ready?

Boom-boom, bam! Hold the head.
Hold the head right there.

Get it, do it like that.
Get it, move it, right there.

Hey, is that chitlins a la mode?

- You know it.

I call this
Destiny's Chitlins, man.

- Wow, say my name, say my name!

- I cannot be
a part of this anymore!

- Vin, let me hit one of 'em.
Let me hit a little bit.

- Man, there's some more
in the microwave.

Run along and get you some.
- Okay, that's good.

Let me just lick the plate.
- No, man, walk to the kitchen!

- ♪ ♪

- We can't just order Sandra
to go to college.

How did trying to get her
to stop dating Lindor work out?

- It worked out good for him.

He ended up taking her
to the prom.

- Exactly.

She's a teenager.

We push her in one direction,

she goes further
in the opposite direction.

So how about we just
help guide her?

- Mm-hmm.
- Gently?

- [Jeremy sighing]

- Trust me, I got it,
I got this.

- All right, I hear you.

Oh, uh, wish me luck.

It's time for round two
with Efe's toilet.

Ding, ding, ding!

- Sandra, baby,
I wanna talk to you

a little more about--
- Oh, sorry.

I know it's disrespectful
to check your phone

in the middle of a conversation.

Please, continue.

- Why are you having
second thoughts about college?

I know you don't want to
invent computers

or start a rap career.

- No, of course not.

But, I mean, it's just that.
I don't know what I want to do.

Why go to college if I don't
even know what I'm going for?

- Well, what are you
passionate about?

- Oh, sorry, you were saying?

- Look, one of the best ways
to become successful

is to find your passion
and make a career out of it.

- [Sandra giggling]

- You're fine, go ahead.

What is it?

- I just realized
what I'm passionate about.

I mean, it's the first thing
that I think of

when I wake up in the morning,
the last thing on my mind

before I go to sleep.
- Okay, I'm happy for you.

It takes people years
to find their passion.

So what is it?
- My cell phone!

- Get serious!

- No, but I am.

I mean, it brings me joy.

It's the only thing
that I'm enthusiastic about.

It completes me.

- Okay, I get it.
You love your smartphone,

but you can't make a career
out of it.

- I can if I become
a social media influencer.

I mean, I don't even
have to go to college for that.

Thank you, Mom.

I finally figured out
what I want to do with my life,

and all because of you.

Thanks, Mom!

- Oh, Lord, what am I gonna do
with my child?

- [Mr. Brown screaming]

- Grandpa Vinny, what happened?

- [Mr. Brown screaming]
Vinny!

- Grandpa Vinny, what happened?

How'd you fall?
- I'm dying, I'm dying.

I need Miss Anastasia
for some mouth-to-mouth.

- Stop playing!

You look fine.
How'd he fall?

- Uh, well, I ate his
last Alicia Pea.

- Alicia Pea?
- Yeah, yeah.

Oh, that's his stoner food.

But it was scrumptalicious, too!

But he got up to chase me,
and he was so lit,

he tripped and fell
and hit his face, bam!

And we know his face
is the last thing

that need any more damage.
- He lyin'.

Somebody moved the chair
and I bumped into it,

that's all that happened.

- Grandpa,
nobody moved anything,

and you don't look fine.

- [Vinny groaning]
- Get up, here.

- Oh, man.

- You are living
an unhealthy lifestyle,

especially for a man your age.

You gonna kill yourself
if you don't quit.

- I ain't no quitter, okay?

- Well, maybe we need
to have an intervention.

- Now, we don't need
to have no existention.

- Intervention.
- MR. BROWN: No, no,

what we need is an exorcism.

- Oh, man, I don't need
no intervention.

Intervention is for addicts,

and I ain't addicted
to nothing, okay?

- Boy, you drink so much,

I bet you your pillowcase
is a Crown Royal bag.

- Now that's not a bad idea.
- And he smokes so much,

when he poot,
I get a contact high.

- Y'all the one who need
an intervention, not me.

- Well, I don't need
no intervention.

All I drink is communion wine,

and I get a little tipsy
drinking that.

- Brown, look at you.
You need a fashion intervention.

You look like polyester
had a love child

with a box of crayons.

- Grandpa Vinny,
we're not criticizing you.

We're just trying to help.
- I'm criticizing him.

- Look, I ain't got time
for this mess, okay?

- ♪ ♪

- Oh, hey, Mom.

I finally decided on my outfit
for the campus tour tomorrow.

- Uh, this look like
you're going to a funeral.

- I am.
Tomorrow's the day

I finally lay my college
aspirations to rest.

- That's not funny, Sandra.

Your father and I
just don't understand!

College was always
the goal, always.

You worked so hard
to get the grades,

the SAT scores,

the perfect college
application essay,

and now that your dream
has come true,

you just don't want it anymore?
- Look, I'm not saying that

I'm not going to college
for sure for sure, okay?

I'm just saying that, you know,
I'm kind of pretty sure

for the most that I'm not really
going to college, maybe.

Does that make sense?
- No, it doesn't.

You wanted to go to college
ever since you were little.

You remember that Halloween,
you were seven?

You wanted to dress up
like a college student.

- Yeah. You and Dad got into
this huge fight

because you wanted me
to wear your sorority sweater

and he wanted me to wear
a basketball jersey.

- Everybody has their own
idea of college,

but that's what
makes it special.

It's a place to learn,
to grow, to find yourself,

to make lifelong friends.

- Okay, Mom, I literally have
so many friends,

I can't accept any more.
- Really?

'Cause I only ever see you
with Courtney and the fast girl

with the dookie braids?

- Okay, for your information,
I have 5,000 friends.

See, I'm all maxed out.

- For your information,

social media friends
are not real friends.

They aren't friends
that you share

a unique four years
of ups and downs with.

Speaking of friends,
didn't you promise Courtney

that you all would
go to Spelher together?

- Oh, yeah, we're
supposed to be roommates.

Hey, maybe we can both be

social media influencers
together instead.

- Or maybe you can
keep your promise to her,

and to your parents,

and to yourself
and go to college.

- Look, Mom, I'm sorry, I just,
I don't know. I can't commit

to that right now.
- Sandra.

- I will go to
the campus tour tomorrow.

That much, I can promise.

- ♪ ♪

- All right, here he come.

- VINNY: All right, all right,
all right, where's the brew,

where's the brew?
Where is it? I don't see it.

- All right, all right,
look, Grandpa,

this ain't no
malt liquor tasting, all right?

Now, I know if
I told you the truth about

why we brought you here, then
you probably wouldn't have came.

- Oh, this is one of
them damn interventions!

Man, I ain't got time for that!
- Oh, grab him!

- No, no, no,
I don't want to hear that!

I don't have time for this, man!
- Please, sit down.

All right, now, listen.

- We all wrote letters
that we'd like to read aloud

from the heart.

Mr. Reginald, won't you start?

- Why he got so many pages?

- It's a brisk read,
I assure you.

- Mm-hmm.

- Four score
and seven months ago,

I met a guy who was in shambles.

His name was Vinny.
- Oh, hell no,

I'm not gonna sit here
and listen to this! I'm out!

- Hey, hey, sit down.
- No, I don't wanna hear that!

- What? Okay. Miss Anastasia,
why don't you kick us off?

- Gladly.
- Cool.

- Four score and seven--
Meant it, got it.

- Dear Vincent...

- Oh my god.

- Our vices are similar,
yours and mine,

as I've always thought of men
like alcoholic beverages.

They come in
a variety of flavors,

but all intoxicate me
just the same.

From hard brown liquor
to sweet white wine,

from a quick shot

to a slow sensuous
sipping session

that lasts hours and leaves you
breathless and spent--

- Whoa, whoa, whoa,
Miss Anastasia, please.

With all due respect,

can you please skip down
to the part after

your inappropriately
sexual metaphors?

- Yes.
- Thank you.

- In conclusion, Vincent,
I would hate for something bad

to happen to you
due to your poor health choices

because I am truly
your biggest fan.

Sincerely,
Anastasia Devereaux, XXXO.

- Thank you.

- That was very touching,
Miss Anastasia.

Mr. Brown?

- Brown!

- This remind me of
testimony service at church.

First, giving honor to God,
who is the head of my life and--

- We have a church here.

- I thought it was church
like the-- Okay.

Vinny, I know we get along

like my stomach
and a milkshake.

I'm lactose-intolerant, so.

But I sincerely want you
to clean up your act,

and I please, please,
I want you to stop drinking,

and I definitely want you
to exercise and stop smoking.

I'm begging you, please.

Thank you, and I love you.

God bless the church, amen.

- Isn't it moving how much
even Mr. Brown cares about you?

- I don't care
nothing about him.

I just don't want him
to fall and bump his head

and kill his self
in this property.

His family be trying to sue me,
try to get all the money I got.

I got $40,000 in here.
- Come on, Mr. Brown.

You don't want nothing
to happen to Grandpa Vinny.

I know you care about him
a little bit. Don't you?

Deep, deep inside?

Deep, deep, deep down inside?

- Okay, Vinny,
I want you to clean up your act

'cause I consider you a--

I'm--

A [stammering]--

- You sound like a hooptie
engine trying to turn over.

- Come on, you can do it.
You can do it.

- Friend!
- Yes.

- There, I said it, a friend!

- See?

Everybody cares about you.

We all want you to be healthy,
even Mr. Brown.

- Kind of.

A little.

Yes.

- So what you say?

- I would say

that my beer is warm
and my weed is stale,

and if y'all want me,

I'll be in the hot box
in the pantry!

I don't have time for this!
- Wait, Grandpa,

you didn't even
hear my letter yet.

- Look, Leah,
let me just say to you,

there's nothing
you can say to me

that's gonna make me stop
drinking and smoking

and living the Vinny lifestyle,
so if y'all want me,

I'll be in the hot box
in the pantry, okay?

- Excessive drinking, smoking,
and lack of exercise

can lead to
erectile dysfunction.

- Hmm.
- You got my attention.

- Older gentlemen who live
a clean lifestyle

and exercise regularly
perform better sexually,

and they are able to keep
their performance active

long into their twilight years.

- I knew there was a reason
behind that good eating!

- I could vouch for that.
- LEAH: [gasps]

- Miss Anastasia!

Stay out of that east hallway.

- Brown, don't just sit there!
Let's go exercise, man!

Come on, man!

- I'm exercising in case
I wanna do love!

- Ain't nobody gonna
do love with you!

- How was the campus tour?

- It was amazing.

I met so many smart women
from all over the country.

I mean, we had
so much in common.

I made, like, 20 new friends.

I can't wait to go to college.

- You should be so proud
of yourself, Leah.

You're quite the motivator.
- It wasn't me.

Honestly, it was the campus
and the college atmosphere.

It really inspired her!

- Oh no, I'm talking about
the letter you read to Vincent,

about clean living, exercise,
and sexual performance.

- I'm sorry? I don't follow.

- All the boys did.

That warning letter
motivated them all!

- MR. BROWN: Come on!
Two, three, come on!

- Oh, my baby's out there!

Go, baby!

- ♪ ♪

- ♪ ♪

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