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1
00:00:09,543 --> 00:00:11,145
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
2
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:14,248
THROWING STUFF
IN THE TIME-SPACE
PORTAL.
3
00:00:14,282 --> 00:00:16,284
DICK SAYS WE'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO DO THAT.
4
00:00:16,317 --> 00:00:18,452
SO, IT'S FUN!
5
00:00:18,486 --> 00:00:21,322
BESIDES DICK'S
NOT HERE.
WE'RE ALONE.
6
00:00:21,355 --> 00:00:23,891
COME ON,
LET'S DO IT.
7
00:00:23,924 --> 00:00:26,460
YOU KNOW
YOU WANT TO.
8
00:00:26,494 --> 00:00:30,531
I DON'T KNOW.
I DON'T WANT TO GET
A BAD REPUTATION.
9
00:00:30,564 --> 00:00:31,899
I WON'T TELL.
10
00:00:31,932 --> 00:00:33,601
WELL...OK.
11
00:00:33,634 --> 00:00:36,204
BUT JUST THIS ONCE.
12
00:00:39,307 --> 00:00:43,444
[ELECTRONIC HUM]
13
00:00:43,477 --> 00:00:44,578
AAH!
14
00:00:44,612 --> 00:00:48,882
OH, THAT WAS QUICKER
THAN I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE.
15
00:00:48,916 --> 00:00:51,585
OH!
16
00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:52,820
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
17
00:00:52,853 --> 00:00:56,424
IT'S NOT WHAT
IT LOOKS LIKE!
NO.
18
00:00:56,457 --> 00:00:58,659
HAVE YOU 2 BEEN THROWING STUFF
IN THE TIME-SPACE PORTAL?
19
00:00:58,692 --> 00:01:01,262
NO!
NO.
20
00:01:01,295 --> 00:01:02,463
YOU BETTER NOT.
21
00:01:02,496 --> 00:01:04,165
BECAUSE IF I EVER
CATCH YOU DOING THAT,
22
00:01:04,198 --> 00:01:05,533
YOU WILL BE
IN BIG TROUBLE.
23
00:01:05,566 --> 00:01:07,301
MY, YOU'RE
IN A BAD MOOD.
24
00:01:07,335 --> 00:01:08,669
OH, IN FACT, I AM.
25
00:01:08,702 --> 00:01:10,037
I'M HAVING DINNER
TONIGHT
26
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:13,974
WITH MARY AND
HER HORRIBLE MOTHER.
27
00:01:14,007 --> 00:01:16,310
[ELECTRONIC HUM]
28
00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:19,780
YOU HAVE BEEN SCREWING
AROUND WITH THE PORTAL,
HAVEN'T YOU?
29
00:01:19,813 --> 00:01:23,417
LIKE WE'D DO THAT
WITH YOU IN THE HOUSE!
30
00:01:23,451 --> 00:01:25,386
THAT'S JUST GROSS.
YEAH.
31
00:01:25,419 --> 00:01:28,522
WELL, YOU WON'T MIND
OPENING THE CLOSET DOOR THEN,
32
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:29,890
WILL YOU?
33
00:01:29,923 --> 00:01:31,859
OK.
NO, THAT'S COOL.
34
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:35,896
AAH!
35
00:01:35,929 --> 00:01:37,064
AAH!
AAH!
36
00:01:37,097 --> 00:01:38,466
AW, CRAP!
37
00:01:38,499 --> 00:01:39,767
OHH, I KNEW IT!
38
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:42,736
AN ALIEN FROM THE HOME PLANET!
39
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:44,505
MY PRONGS ARE GONE.
40
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,674
MY PRONGS ARE GONE!
41
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,376
HOW DID YOU
GET HERE?
42
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:50,678
I WAS HANGING AROUND
THE TERRESTRIAL VORTEX,
43
00:01:50,711 --> 00:01:54,215
AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
I GOT SUCKED IN.
44
00:01:54,248 --> 00:01:56,850
OHHH.
45
00:01:56,884 --> 00:01:58,552
WELL, I HOPE YOU'RE HAPPY.
46
00:01:58,586 --> 00:01:59,787
YOU LEAVE THE RECEPTOR OPEN,
47
00:01:59,820 --> 00:02:00,954
YOU DIDN'T USE PRECAUTIONS,
48
00:02:00,988 --> 00:02:03,123
AND NOW LOOK WHAT YOU'VE GOT.
ANOTHER MOUTH TO FEED.
49
00:02:03,157 --> 00:02:05,193
WAIT A SECOND!
WE DON'T WANT TO BE
SADDLED WITH HIM!
50
00:02:05,226 --> 00:02:06,860
WE GOT OUR WHOLE
LIVES AHEAD OF US!
51
00:02:06,894 --> 00:02:11,432
YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF THAT
BEFORE YOU HAD YOUR FUN.
52
00:02:11,465 --> 00:02:13,301
30 SECONDS OF PLEASURE...
53
00:02:13,334 --> 00:02:15,936
AND A WHOLE LIFETIME
OF RESPONSIBILITY.
54
00:02:17,971 --> 00:02:18,739
Harry: THIS IS
YOUR FAULT!
55
00:02:18,772 --> 00:02:21,675
OH, YOU ENJOYED
EVERY SECOND OF IT!
56
00:02:21,709 --> 00:02:26,780
Harry: WELL, I GUESS
WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO
PUT OUR LIFE ON HOLD.
57
00:02:26,814 --> 00:02:29,517
TAKE CARE OF HIM.
58
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:32,085
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
HE IS KIND OF CUTE.
59
00:02:32,119 --> 00:02:33,521
AH-CHOO!
60
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,926
SO, MARTHA, HOW ARE YOU
ENJOYING YOUR VISIT
61
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:13,694
WITH OUR MARY?
62
00:03:13,727 --> 00:03:16,063
IT'S TERRIFIC!
63
00:03:16,096 --> 00:03:18,866
QUITE A HOSTESS,
MY LITTLE MARY MARGARET.
64
00:03:18,899 --> 00:03:20,901
THANK YOU, MOTHER.
65
00:03:20,934 --> 00:03:26,173
IT'S NOT EVERYDAY
YOU GET TO SLEEP ON
A MILDEWED METAL COT.
66
00:03:26,206 --> 00:03:28,276
I DID OFFER YOU
MY BED.
67
00:03:28,309 --> 00:03:29,176
I KNOW, I KNOW.
68
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:32,746
BUT IT JUST
DIDN'T SEEM RIGHT.
69
00:03:32,780 --> 00:03:35,283
LITTLE BIT TOO MUCH
HISTORY THERE, HUH?
70
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:44,458
PUMPKIN,
DON'T LEAN OVER YOUR PLATE.
71
00:03:44,492 --> 00:03:46,860
THIS IS A RESTAURANT.
72
00:03:46,894 --> 00:03:51,365
YOU'RE NOT
IN A FEDERAL PRISON.
73
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,967
I COULD BE.
74
00:03:54,001 --> 00:03:56,437
REAL SOON.
75
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:58,606
WOULD YOU 2 EXCUSE ME
FOR A MINUTE?
76
00:03:58,639 --> 00:04:00,207
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
77
00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,677
THOSE CAPE CODS
GO RIGHT THROUGH YOU.
78
00:04:05,379 --> 00:04:06,113
I AM IN HELL!
79
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:08,181
OH, MY POOR MARY.
80
00:04:08,215 --> 00:04:09,650
I CAN'T STAND TO
SEE YOU LIKE THIS.
81
00:04:09,683 --> 00:04:13,721
ALL MISERABLE AND
FRECKLED WITH BREAD CRUMBS.
82
00:04:13,754 --> 00:04:16,790
I DREAD THESE VISITS.
IT'S PSYCHOLOGICAL TORTURE!
83
00:04:16,824 --> 00:04:19,360
I MEAN, THIS IS THE REASON
I WAS FAT WHEN I WAS
A CHILD.
84
00:04:19,393 --> 00:04:21,595
FOOD WAS MY ONLY FRIEND.
85
00:04:21,629 --> 00:04:24,565
WELL IT'S GOOD TO SEE
YOU 2 HAVE STAYED IN TOUCH.
86
00:04:28,101 --> 00:04:30,438
WHY DON'T YOU TELL
YOUR MOTHER HOW YOU FEEL?
87
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,306
OH, I CAN'T.
HOW CAN YOU TELL
YOUR MOTHER
88
00:04:32,340 --> 00:04:34,808
SHE'S A TERRIBLE
MOTHER?
89
00:04:34,842 --> 00:04:37,778
THIS IS A PERFECTLY
LOVELY RESTAURANT
90
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,948
YOU PICKED OUT,
MARY MARGARET.
THANK YOU.
91
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,585
NICE WOMAN
IN THE LADIES ROOM
GAVE ME THIS COMB.
92
00:04:44,618 --> 00:04:47,788
THERE YOU GO.
PUT IT TO GOOD USE.
93
00:04:49,357 --> 00:04:52,993
SO, MARY,
FIRST A TOAST TO MARTHA.
94
00:04:53,026 --> 00:04:55,829
YOU ARE A TERRIBLE MOTHER.
95
00:04:58,899 --> 00:05:00,801
WHAT WAS THAT?
96
00:05:00,834 --> 00:05:02,836
I'M SORRY, THAT DIDN'T
COME OUT QUITE RIGHT.
97
00:05:02,870 --> 00:05:05,573
TO MARTHA, THE WORST MOTHER
IN ALL THE WORLD.
98
00:05:05,606 --> 00:05:06,407
DICK!
99
00:05:06,440 --> 00:05:07,908
IT'S OK, MARY. IT'S OK.
100
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:09,477
I FOUND A WAY TO TELL HER.
101
00:05:12,713 --> 00:05:14,882
HOW DARE YOU.
102
00:05:14,915 --> 00:05:18,352
I MEAN, REALLY.
HOW DARE YOU!
103
00:05:18,386 --> 00:05:20,053
IF THIS DRINK
WASN'T SO BLOODY GOOD
104
00:05:20,087 --> 00:05:22,490
I'D TOSS IT
IN YOUR FACE.
105
00:05:22,523 --> 00:05:24,224
OH, YEAH?
WELL, BRING IT ON!
106
00:05:24,257 --> 00:05:25,993
COME ON! COME ON, MARTHA!
107
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:27,661
COME ON,
LET'S TAKE IT OUT BACK!
108
00:05:27,695 --> 00:05:29,029
WHAT IN GOD'S
NAME IS HE--
109
00:05:29,062 --> 00:05:31,399
DICK! YOU WILL NOT
HAVE A FISTFIGHT
WITH MY MOTHER!
110
00:05:31,432 --> 00:05:32,766
IT'S OK, MARY.
111
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,001
I'LL USE
THE OPEN HAND.
112
00:05:34,034 --> 00:05:35,969
COME ON. COME ON,
MARTHA, GET OUT HERE!
113
00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:36,637
WAIT A MINUTE!
114
00:05:36,670 --> 00:05:38,071
OH, THIS IS
RIDICULOUS!
115
00:05:38,105 --> 00:05:38,839
I'M LEAVING NOW!
I'M LEAVING!
116
00:05:38,872 --> 00:05:39,907
I'M TELLING YOU, MARY,
117
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:40,974
IT'S THE ONLY WAY
TO SETTLE THIS.
118
00:05:41,008 --> 00:05:44,378
YOU PISSANT!
119
00:05:44,412 --> 00:05:45,846
OW!
120
00:05:45,879 --> 00:05:47,815
MY HIP!
121
00:05:47,848 --> 00:05:49,583
WAITER, WE'LL HAVE
AN AMBULANCE FOR THE LADY,
122
00:05:49,617 --> 00:05:51,852
AND I STILL HAVEN'T
GOTTEN MY SALAD!
123
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,891
ALL RIGHT,
LITTLE FELLA.
124
00:05:57,925 --> 00:06:00,060
OH!
125
00:06:00,093 --> 00:06:01,094
YEAH, YOU CAN'T GO OUT
126
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:03,130
TILL YOU GET USED
TO THAT NEW BODY OF YOURS.
127
00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:05,032
BUT I THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THIS ONE.
128
00:06:05,065 --> 00:06:08,469
THERE'S A HOLE
IN THE BACK.
129
00:06:08,502 --> 00:06:11,238
ALL RIGHT,
YOU GUYS, SMILE!
130
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,477
WHAT DID YOU
DO THAT FOR?
131
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:18,912
THE MOMENT'S OVER.
132
00:06:18,946 --> 00:06:20,481
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT WOULD HELP
IF YOU WOULD TAKE
133
00:06:20,514 --> 00:06:22,082
A LITTLE MORE
INTEREST IN THIS.
134
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:23,417
FINE.
135
00:06:23,451 --> 00:06:24,618
Sally: LET'S
GIVE HIM A NAME.
136
00:06:24,652 --> 00:06:27,154
IT'LL BE EASIER
TO YELL AT HIM.
137
00:06:27,187 --> 00:06:28,321
WELL, LET ME SEE.
138
00:06:28,355 --> 00:06:29,957
HE'S JUST A GUY.
139
00:06:29,990 --> 00:06:31,525
LET'S CALL HIM...
140
00:06:31,559 --> 00:06:32,626
GUY.
141
00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:34,127
WHO'S GUY?
142
00:06:34,161 --> 00:06:35,128
OK, SEE? HE'S SLOW.
143
00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,263
STOP SAYING THAT!
144
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:37,898
I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT!
145
00:06:37,931 --> 00:06:40,868
I HATE IT WHEN YOU FIGHT!
146
00:06:40,901 --> 00:06:42,903
SEE? ARE YOU
HAPPY NOW?
147
00:06:42,936 --> 00:06:44,438
IT'S OK.
HEY!
148
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:46,106
WHO'S GOT YOUR NOSE?
149
00:06:46,139 --> 00:06:46,974
AAH! AAH!
150
00:06:47,007 --> 00:06:48,041
AAH! AAH!
151
00:06:52,646 --> 00:06:54,381
MORNING.
152
00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:57,751
MARY, YOU LOOK
LIKE YOU'VE BEEN UP
ALL NIGHT.
153
00:06:57,785 --> 00:07:01,021
OH, NO, DICK. I HAD
A VERY RESTFUL NIGHT
154
00:07:01,054 --> 00:07:03,724
WITH MY MOTHER
IN THE HOSPITAL.
155
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:07,027
I WAS ONLY TRYING
TO MAKE THINGS BETTER
BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU.
156
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:10,598
I KNOW. BUT YOU
JUST MADE THINGS WORSE.
157
00:07:10,631 --> 00:07:11,865
NOW WHEN SHE GETS OUT
OF THE HOSPITAL
158
00:07:11,899 --> 00:07:13,934
SHE'S GOING TO
HAVE TO STAY WITH ME.
159
00:07:13,967 --> 00:07:16,604
OH, I'M SO SORRY,
MARY.
160
00:07:16,637 --> 00:07:17,871
I WISH THERE WAS
SOMETHING I COULD DO
161
00:07:17,905 --> 00:07:19,406
TO MAKE THINGS
RIGHT FOR YOU.
162
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:22,042
AS LONG AS MARTHA ALBRIGHT
IS IN MY--MY LIFE,
163
00:07:22,075 --> 00:07:24,277
THERE'S NOTHING
ANY OF US CAN DO.
164
00:07:24,311 --> 00:07:26,614
OH, I'LL FIND A WAY,
MY DARLING.
165
00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:29,650
FOR YOU, NO SACRIFICE
IS TOO GREAT.
166
00:07:29,683 --> 00:07:31,485
UH-HUH.
167
00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:33,821
OH, BY THE WAY,
WITH ALL THE RUCKUS
AT DINNER LAST NIGHT,
168
00:07:33,854 --> 00:07:34,955
I ACCIDENTLY
OVERTIPPED.
169
00:07:34,988 --> 00:07:36,089
YOU OWE ME A FIVER.
170
00:07:39,927 --> 00:07:42,496
FINISH YOUR LUNCH.
171
00:07:42,530 --> 00:07:45,933
WELL, THERE WAS
A SALE ON CHOPS, AND
THE MARKET WAS A ZOO.
172
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:49,036
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
173
00:07:49,069 --> 00:07:52,472
YOU CAN'T JUST PLOP
HIM DOWN IN FRONT
OF THE TV.
174
00:07:52,506 --> 00:07:55,008
WHERE ARE HIS
PHONICS FLASHCARDS?
175
00:07:55,042 --> 00:07:57,911
WHEN I LEFT, YOU AGREED
THAT YOU WOULD DO
HIS PHONICS FLASHCARDS.
176
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:00,013
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE TOOK A BATH WITH THEM.
177
00:08:00,047 --> 00:08:02,082
THE SHAMPOO BURNED
MY EYES.
178
00:08:02,115 --> 00:08:03,584
LOOK, I'M GOING
STIR-CRAZY HERE.
179
00:08:03,617 --> 00:08:06,554
IT IS SO BORING
HAVING TO WATCH HIM.
180
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,321
IF YOU'RE BORED,
LET'S PLAY DOORBELL.
181
00:08:08,355 --> 00:08:09,156
WHAT'S DOORBELL?
182
00:08:09,189 --> 00:08:09,657
DING-DONG.
183
00:08:09,690 --> 00:08:13,594
NO, NO, NO!
184
00:08:13,627 --> 00:08:16,463
YOU CAN'T BLAME HIM.
OF COURSE HE'S HYPER.
185
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,599
YOU'VE BEEN FEEDING HIM
CANDY ALL DAY.
186
00:08:18,632 --> 00:08:22,202
HEY, HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT CANDY IS CHOCK FULL
OF NUTRITIOUS SUGAR,
187
00:08:22,235 --> 00:08:26,106
AND IT'LL ALSO HELP HIM
LEARN HIS LETTERS.
188
00:08:26,139 --> 00:08:28,308
WELL..."M."
189
00:08:28,341 --> 00:08:29,943
HEY, WHO WANTS TO PLAY
ANOTHER GAME?
190
00:08:29,977 --> 00:08:30,978
NO WAY, MAN.
191
00:08:31,011 --> 00:08:31,979
COME ON,
PLAY WITH THE BOY.
192
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:34,882
FINE. AS LONG AS
IT'S NOT "DOORBELL."
193
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:37,017
DOUBLE DOORBELL!
DING-DONG.
194
00:08:37,050 --> 00:08:38,218
I'M OUT OF HERE.
195
00:08:38,251 --> 00:08:40,053
OH, OK. FINE THEN.
196
00:08:40,087 --> 00:08:44,091
YOU JUST GO,
YOU DEADBEAT.
WE DON'T NEED YA.
197
00:08:44,124 --> 00:08:47,027
GUY AND I
WILL PLAY DOORBELL.
198
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:57,204
EXCUSE ME. ARE YOU
MARTHA ALBRIGHT'S DOCTOR?
199
00:08:57,237 --> 00:08:58,171
WHO ARE YOU?
200
00:08:58,205 --> 00:09:00,874
I'M HERE ON BEHALF OF
THE ALBRIGHT FAMILY.
201
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:03,611
SADLY, WE'VE DECIDED
IT'S BEST TO...
202
00:09:03,644 --> 00:09:08,315
TO PULL THE PLUG.
203
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:12,185
W-WHAT? SHE JUST HAD
A HIP REPLACEMENT.
204
00:09:12,219 --> 00:09:15,522
LOOK, THIS IS
A QUALITY OF LIFE ISSUE.
205
00:09:15,555 --> 00:09:16,657
SHE'S PERFECTLY
HEALTHY.
206
00:09:16,690 --> 00:09:17,991
NO, NOT HER
QUALITY OF LIFE,
207
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:20,661
HER DAUGHTER'S.
208
00:09:20,694 --> 00:09:21,729
I'M CALLING
SECURITY.
209
00:09:21,762 --> 00:09:25,132
UH...COME ON!
IT'S ALMOST SKI SEASON.
210
00:09:25,165 --> 00:09:26,967
YOU'RE GOING
TO NEED THE BEDS!
211
00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:55,162
WHO THE HELL
UNPLUGGED MY FAN?
212
00:09:55,195 --> 00:09:56,864
HELLO, MARTHA.
213
00:09:56,897 --> 00:10:01,034
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
THE PSYCH WARD'S ON 6.
214
00:10:01,068 --> 00:10:03,203
GOOD TO SEE THE MORPHINE
HAVEN'T DULLED
215
00:10:03,236 --> 00:10:06,073
THE NEURONS WHERE MEAN
IS STORED.
216
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:11,378
DICK, I HAVE NO DESIRE
TO TALK TO YOU.
217
00:10:11,411 --> 00:10:13,446
THE TRUTH HURTS, DOESN'T
IT MARTHA?
218
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:16,583
BUT THERE'S NO SPACE-AGED
TITANIUM HIP REPLACEMENT
219
00:10:16,616 --> 00:10:19,186
TO MEND MARY'S BROKEN CHILDHOOD.
220
00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,222
MARY'S BROKEN CHILDHOOD..
221
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,625
PLEASE!
222
00:10:25,659 --> 00:10:30,597
MARY WAS LOVED, DICK.
223
00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:35,235
MARY HAD A LOVELY HOME,
DICK.
224
00:10:35,268 --> 00:10:41,474
MARY WENT TO THE BEST
SCHOOLS, DICK.
225
00:10:41,508 --> 00:10:45,078
WE EVEN BOUGHT HER
A PONY WHEN SHE WAS 8!
226
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,513
A PONY?
227
00:10:46,546 --> 00:10:48,048
YES.
228
00:10:48,081 --> 00:10:49,883
MARY NEVER TOLD ME THAT.
229
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:54,621
SHE TRADED THAT PONY FOR A
POSTER OF RINGO.
230
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,758
OH, THAT IS SO
THOUGHTLESS OF HER
231
00:10:57,791 --> 00:11:00,627
PAUL WAS THE CUTE ONE.
232
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:03,630
I KNOW.
233
00:11:03,663 --> 00:11:05,699
AND WHEN SHE WAS A TEENAGER
234
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:08,836
OH! WHAT A HANDFULL.
235
00:11:08,869 --> 00:11:10,403
DO YOU KNOW
236
00:11:10,437 --> 00:11:13,240
I HAD TO LACE HER ORANGE JUICE
IN THE MORNING
237
00:11:13,273 --> 00:11:16,476
WITH CRUSHED BIRTH CONTROL
PILLS?
238
00:11:18,846 --> 00:11:22,783
S-SO, YOU MADE SURE
SHE GOT HER VITAMIN C
239
00:11:22,816 --> 00:11:25,986
AND KEPT HER FROM
GETTING KNOCKED UP?
240
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,956
THAT IS SO CARING.
241
00:11:28,989 --> 00:11:33,160
ALL RIGHT.
I WAS HARD ON HER,
242
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:38,698
BUT I JUST WANTED
HER TO BE THE BEST
MARY MARGARET EVER.
243
00:11:38,732 --> 00:11:41,268
I LOVED HER, DICK.
244
00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:43,503
AND I STILL DO.
245
00:11:43,536 --> 00:11:46,639
I JUST LOVE HER.
246
00:11:46,673 --> 00:11:49,709
I NEVER REALIZED THERE WAS
ANOTHER SIDE TO THIS STORY,
247
00:11:49,743 --> 00:11:52,545
THE MOTHER'S SIDE.
248
00:11:52,579 --> 00:11:56,349
MARTHA, FROM NOW ON,
YOU WILL WANT FOR NEITHER
GRATITUDE NOR AFFECTION.
249
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:59,019
BECAUSE, GENTLE MOTHER,
250
00:11:59,052 --> 00:12:01,889
I WILL TEND
TO YOUR EVERY NEED.
251
00:12:01,922 --> 00:12:03,991
OH, DICK.
252
00:12:06,593 --> 00:12:10,497
I HAVE TO GO
TO THE JOHN.
253
00:12:10,530 --> 00:12:12,399
I'LL RING
FOR THE NURSE.
254
00:12:17,304 --> 00:12:20,808
THIS IS NICE.
WE HAVEN'T BEEN
OUT IN A WHILE.
255
00:12:23,043 --> 00:12:26,713
THAT WAS THE NICEST
WASHROOM I'VE EVER SEEN.
256
00:12:26,746 --> 00:12:29,783
I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THOSE WOMEN
WERE SCREAMING ABOUT.
257
00:12:29,817 --> 00:12:31,451
OH, GOD. SIT DOWN.
258
00:12:31,484 --> 00:12:32,685
DID YOU WASH
YOUR HANDS?
259
00:12:32,719 --> 00:12:34,855
I'M NOT HANDLING FOOD,
AND I'M NOT AN EMPLOYEE.
260
00:12:34,888 --> 00:12:37,858
OK, DROP THAT SARCASM
RIGHT NOW, BUSTER.
261
00:12:37,891 --> 00:12:40,227
WHEN ARE YOU TWO GOING
TO GET OFF MY BACK.
262
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:41,261
ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO.
263
00:12:41,294 --> 00:12:42,796
IT'S OBVIOUSLY
TOO SOON TO TAKE
HIM OUT IN PUBLIC.
264
00:12:42,830 --> 00:12:43,496
HE'S NOT READY.
LET'S GO.
265
00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:44,197
I AM READY!
266
00:12:44,231 --> 00:12:46,533
ALL RIGHT,
THEN ACT IT!
267
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:47,935
HEY, SHE'S HERE.
268
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:52,205
YOU ARE ABOUT TO INTERACT
WITH A REAL HUMAN BEING
FOR THE FIRST TIME.
269
00:12:52,239 --> 00:12:53,841
DO NOT SCREW IT UP!
270
00:12:53,874 --> 00:12:55,943
OH, YOU LOOK
SO HANDSOME.
271
00:12:55,976 --> 00:12:59,679
HI, HI, HI, HI!
I'M SORRY TO BE
LATE.
272
00:12:59,712 --> 00:13:03,817
ANOTHER PHARMACY
IS ONTO ME.
273
00:13:03,851 --> 00:13:06,086
MISS DUBCEK,
THIS IS GUY.
274
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:09,222
OH, HI.
NICE TO MEET YOU.
275
00:13:09,256 --> 00:13:11,058
OH, SO WHAT DO YOU
DO, GUY?
276
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:14,394
I USED TO BE A PHOTON SHUNT
IN THE WAVELENGTH CONTINUUM,
277
00:13:14,427 --> 00:13:16,830
BUT NOW I WEAR PANTS
AND TALK.
278
00:13:18,899 --> 00:13:21,468
CAN YOU TALK
WITHOUT THE PANTS?
279
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,303
WELL, I DON'T KNOW,
BUT I CAN PUT THAT
ON MY LIST.
280
00:13:23,336 --> 00:13:25,238
OH...HA HA HA.
281
00:13:25,272 --> 00:13:27,174
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
282
00:13:33,881 --> 00:13:35,082
YOU LIKE?
283
00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:39,953
DICK! YOU'RE A GENIUS!
284
00:13:39,987 --> 00:13:43,823
HOW'D YOU GET MY BANGS
TO SPLIT APART LIKE THAT?
285
00:13:43,857 --> 00:13:45,058
A LITTLE LOVE,
A LITTLE TALENT,
286
00:13:45,092 --> 00:13:46,826
AND A LITTLE
VOLUMIZING SPRAY
287
00:13:46,860 --> 00:13:48,595
MAKE FOR MIRACLES.
288
00:13:48,628 --> 00:13:53,166
OH, THANK YOU, DICK.
YOU ARE ADORABLE.
289
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:56,036
BACK AT YOU,
CUTE THING.
290
00:13:56,069 --> 00:13:58,906
I KNOW SOMEONE WHO'S
GETTING A NEW CAFTAN.
291
00:13:58,939 --> 00:14:00,640
NOW, YOU JUST
SIT A SPELL,
292
00:14:00,673 --> 00:14:02,976
AND THEN WE'RE GOING
TO WORK THAT SHINY
NEW HIP OF YOURS.
293
00:14:03,010 --> 00:14:05,312
YES, YES, YES.
OH, NO, NO, NO!
294
00:14:05,345 --> 00:14:08,348
Mary: DICK! DICK!
295
00:14:08,381 --> 00:14:09,349
IS THAT MARY?
296
00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:13,553
DON'T YOU WORRY.
I'LL TALK TO HER.
297
00:14:13,586 --> 00:14:15,588
DICK, WHAT THE HELL
IS GOING ON?
298
00:14:15,622 --> 00:14:17,657
MARY, PLEASE KEEP IT DOWN.
YOUR MOTHER IS RESTING.
299
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,659
I WENT TO THE HOSPITAL
TO PICK HER UP,
300
00:14:19,692 --> 00:14:21,895
AND THEY SAID HER SON
CAME AND GOT HER.
301
00:14:21,929 --> 00:14:23,931
NOW, I KNOW IT CAN'T BE
MY BROTHER ROY.
302
00:14:23,964 --> 00:14:27,200
SHE HAS A RESTRAINING
ORDER OUT ON HIM.
303
00:14:27,234 --> 00:14:29,169
NO, MARY. IT WAS ME.
304
00:14:29,202 --> 00:14:32,172
WELL...
I'M HERE TO GET HER.
305
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:34,274
WHY? SO YOU CAN
TAKE CARE OF HER
306
00:14:34,307 --> 00:14:36,776
IN SOME SORT OF
PERFUNCTORY MANNER?
307
00:14:36,809 --> 00:14:40,013
WELL...YEAH.
308
00:14:40,047 --> 00:14:42,282
MARTHA DESERVES
MORE THAN THAT.
309
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:45,685
SHE SHED SOME NEW LIGHT
ON YOUR PAST, MARY.
310
00:14:45,718 --> 00:14:49,289
YOU WERE QUITE
THE REBELLIOUS
LITTLE TART.
311
00:14:49,322 --> 00:14:50,890
DICK, YOU HAVE NO IDEA
WHAT IT WAS LIKE
312
00:14:50,924 --> 00:14:52,559
LIVING WITH A MOTHER
LIKE THAT!
313
00:14:52,592 --> 00:14:55,929
AND YOU DON'T KNOW
HOW LUCKY YOU ARE
TO A MOTHER!
314
00:14:55,963 --> 00:14:57,931
YES.
315
00:14:57,965 --> 00:15:00,400
NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
I THINK I HEAR MOTHER CALLING.
316
00:15:00,433 --> 00:15:01,601
I DIDN'T
HEAR ANYTHING.
317
00:15:01,634 --> 00:15:03,937
THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU'RE LISTENING
WITH YOUR EARS...
318
00:15:03,971 --> 00:15:05,738
AND NOT YOUR HEART.
319
00:15:12,179 --> 00:15:14,814
I GOTTA SAY,
HE'S NOT SCREWING UP
LIKE I THOUGHT HE WOULD.
320
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:17,417
YEAH, HE'S DOING GREAT.
SHE THINKS HE'S AS
NORMAL AS WE ARE.
321
00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:20,020
THAT STRAW'S
ON FIRE!
322
00:15:20,053 --> 00:15:21,488
YET YOU SEEM
TO LOVE IT.
323
00:15:21,521 --> 00:15:22,789
GIVE ME ONE.
324
00:15:22,822 --> 00:15:24,491
YOU TOUCH THAT,
YOU DIE.
325
00:15:24,524 --> 00:15:26,093
OH, NO, NO, NO.
SEE, IF YOU SAY NO,
326
00:15:26,126 --> 00:15:27,394
THAT'LL JUST
MAKE IT TABOO,
327
00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,661
AND HE'LL WANT IT
THAT MUCH MORE.
328
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:30,897
IT'S YOUR DECISION.
329
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:33,833
UH...
330
00:15:33,866 --> 00:15:35,635
GIVE ME
THAT CIGARETTE.
331
00:15:35,668 --> 00:15:37,170
GIVE IT.
RIGHT NOW!
332
00:15:37,204 --> 00:15:39,772
HEY! AS LONG AS YOU
LIVE UNDER MY ROOF,
333
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,609
YOU LIVE BY MY RULES!
334
00:15:42,642 --> 00:15:44,611
YOU 2 ARE
SO ANNOYING!
335
00:15:44,644 --> 00:15:47,514
LEAVE ME ALONE
WITH MY FRIENDS.
336
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:48,848
YOU HEARD THE GENT.
337
00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,050
I'LL DROP HIM OFF
LATER.
338
00:15:50,083 --> 00:15:52,052
OK. NO PROBLEM.
THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
339
00:15:52,085 --> 00:15:53,320
SEE YOU AT HOME, HARRY.
340
00:15:53,353 --> 00:15:54,421
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
341
00:15:54,454 --> 00:15:57,490
BY THE WAY, LET ME SEE
THESE CIGARETTES, DUBCEK...
342
00:15:57,524 --> 00:15:58,758
THERE YOU GO!
343
00:15:58,791 --> 00:16:02,462
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT,
MR. "I'M COOL 'CAUSE
I SMOKE," HUH?
344
00:16:02,495 --> 00:16:04,664
SMOKE 'EM!
SMOKE 'EM ALL!
345
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,738
ALL RIGHT! GOOD!
346
00:16:11,771 --> 00:16:15,242
YOU MADE IT ALL THE WAY
AROUND THE KITCHEN.
347
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,244
BIG DEAL.
348
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:20,013
I'VE GOT CLOSETS
AT HOME BIGGER
THAN THIS KITCHEN.
349
00:16:20,047 --> 00:16:22,715
YEAH, IT IS RATHER COZY,
ISN'T IT?
350
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:23,616
DICK...
351
00:16:23,650 --> 00:16:26,386
A COTTAGE IS COZY.
352
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:29,422
THIS IS MORE LIKE
SOMETHING YOU'D
KEEP A CRICKET IN.
353
00:16:31,191 --> 00:16:33,593
I THINK IT'S TIME
FOR YOUR MEDICATION.
354
00:16:33,626 --> 00:16:36,729
PUT THAT ON HOLD, PLEASE,
IF YOU DON'T MIND.
355
00:16:36,763 --> 00:16:40,867
WHAT I NEED
IS 10 CCs OF VODKA.
356
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:45,305
I--I DON'T THINK YOU
SHOULD MIX ALCOHOL
WITH YOUR PILLS.
357
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,240
OH, REALLY?
358
00:16:47,274 --> 00:16:48,775
WELL...
359
00:16:48,808 --> 00:16:50,277
I DON'T THINK
YOU SHOULD MIX
360
00:16:50,310 --> 00:16:52,845
THAT HAIRCUT
WITH THAT FOREHEAD.
361
00:16:58,051 --> 00:17:01,688
MARTHA, THAT SOUNDED
A LITTLE SHARP.
362
00:17:01,721 --> 00:17:03,656
OH, I'M SORRY.
DID IT?
363
00:17:03,690 --> 00:17:05,625
NEVER MIND.
AH, ICE CREAM!
364
00:17:05,658 --> 00:17:06,926
YEAH, GOOD.
365
00:17:06,959 --> 00:17:09,229
THAT'S THE STUFF.
366
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:13,566
DICK, IF YOU'RE
GOING TO SNACK LIKE THAT,
367
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:15,868
YOU OUGHT TO START
WEARING A LOT OF BLACK.
368
00:17:15,902 --> 00:17:16,469
BLACK?
369
00:17:16,503 --> 00:17:19,272
YES, BLACK.
370
00:17:19,306 --> 00:17:20,540
SLIMMING.
371
00:17:20,573 --> 00:17:22,775
BUT I...
I DON'T NEED THAT.
372
00:17:22,809 --> 00:17:26,079
WELL, ON SECOND THOUGHT,
MAYBE YOU'RE RIGHT.
373
00:17:26,113 --> 00:17:29,216
IT DOES TEND TO
HIGHLIGHT YOUR DANDRUFF.
374
00:17:38,891 --> 00:17:40,993
OH! I NEED A BREAK.
375
00:17:41,027 --> 00:17:42,729
SHE'S A MADWOMAN!
376
00:17:42,762 --> 00:17:46,566
THAT LITTLE SQUINTY GUY'S
NOT SO GREAT, EITHER.
377
00:17:46,599 --> 00:17:47,967
SHE'S LIKE A SNIPER!
378
00:17:48,000 --> 00:17:51,003
I DROP MY GUARD
FOR ONE SECOND,
AND BANG!
379
00:17:51,037 --> 00:17:54,174
A VERBAL SHOT ABOUT MY
CHILD-BEARING HIPS.
380
00:17:54,207 --> 00:17:57,744
THEY WON'T LET ME OUT
WITHOUT ADULT SUPERVISION.
381
00:17:57,777 --> 00:18:00,280
I'M LIKE A RAISIN
IN A CAGE.
382
00:18:02,515 --> 00:18:04,284
A RAISIN IN A CAGE?
383
00:18:04,317 --> 00:18:08,255
I BEEN HERE 3 DAYS,
MAN. LAY OFF!
384
00:18:08,288 --> 00:18:11,124
WHY IN HELL WOULD ANYONE
PUT UP WITH SUCH ABUSE?
385
00:18:11,158 --> 00:18:13,626
WELL, HARRY AND SALLY
WERE THERE FOR ME
386
00:18:13,660 --> 00:18:15,328
WHEN I DIDN'T
KNOW ANYTHING.
387
00:18:15,362 --> 00:18:16,463
WHEN I DIDN'T EVEN
KNOW THE DIFFERENCE
388
00:18:16,496 --> 00:18:20,099
BETWEEN BILL PULLMAN
AND BILL PAXTON.
389
00:18:20,133 --> 00:18:21,201
ONE'S A LITTLE
BEEFIER.
390
00:18:21,234 --> 00:18:23,636
I KNOW THAT!
391
00:18:23,670 --> 00:18:25,638
YOU'RE RIGHT.
I GUESS THESE
RELATIONSHIPS LINGER
392
00:18:25,672 --> 00:18:27,307
BECAUSE WE FEEL
INDEBTED TO THOSE
393
00:18:27,340 --> 00:18:28,741
WHO TOOK CARE OF US
IN OUR INFANCY.
394
00:18:28,775 --> 00:18:31,110
YEAH, BUT THEY'RE
SO ANNOYING!
395
00:18:31,144 --> 00:18:32,912
THAT'S WHAT YOU
AND I AND MARY
396
00:18:32,945 --> 00:18:36,783
AND ANYONE ELSE
WITH PARENTS
HAS TO PUT UP WITH.
397
00:18:36,816 --> 00:18:38,951
BUT...HARRY AND SALLY
AREN'T MY PARENTS.
398
00:18:38,985 --> 00:18:40,953
WELL, MAYBE NOT
IN THE SAME WAY
399
00:18:40,987 --> 00:18:43,390
THAT MARTHA
IS MY MOTHER.
400
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:49,196
HOLD ON!
401
00:18:49,229 --> 00:18:52,632
YEAH! YOU CAN WALK AWAY
FROM THIS SITUATION
402
00:18:52,665 --> 00:18:54,501
ANYTIME YOU WANT!
403
00:18:54,534 --> 00:18:57,069
YEAH! YOU'RE RIGHT!
404
00:18:57,103 --> 00:18:59,339
IT'S TIME TO BAG
THE OLD BAG!
405
00:19:00,873 --> 00:19:02,309
YOU COULD
GET OUT, TOO!
406
00:19:02,342 --> 00:19:04,211
YEAH!
407
00:19:04,244 --> 00:19:05,945
WAIT A MINUTE.
I THINK THERE'S ONE THING
408
00:19:05,978 --> 00:19:08,181
WE'RE BOTH
FORGETTING ABOUT!
409
00:19:08,215 --> 00:19:12,485
THE GATE ON THE TOP
OF THE STAIRS.
410
00:19:12,519 --> 00:19:14,754
YOU PUSH THE TABS
TOGETHER
411
00:19:14,787 --> 00:19:16,489
AND PULL IT BACK.
412
00:19:16,523 --> 00:19:19,426
OH, MAN!
413
00:19:19,459 --> 00:19:20,993
YOU'RE THE GREATEST!
414
00:19:21,027 --> 00:19:22,295
W-W-WHAT'S YOUR NAME AGAIN?
415
00:19:22,329 --> 00:19:26,366
DICK!
416
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,335
DICK?
417
00:19:28,368 --> 00:19:30,470
I KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
418
00:19:38,211 --> 00:19:39,145
Martha:
DIIIICK!
419
00:19:39,178 --> 00:19:41,914
WHAAAAT?!
420
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:47,053
I WANT YOU TO RUB
A LITTLE SALVE
ON MY LUMBAR.
421
00:19:47,086 --> 00:19:51,057
I THINK IT'S TIME
TO CUT THIS MILLSTONE
FROM AROUND MY NECK.
422
00:19:51,090 --> 00:19:51,991
DIIIICK?
423
00:19:52,024 --> 00:19:54,026
WHAAAAT?!
424
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,027
DICK!
425
00:19:55,061 --> 00:19:55,962
OH!
426
00:19:55,995 --> 00:19:57,997
OH, I...
I'M SORRY, MARY.
427
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:58,965
FOR A MOMENT THERE
YOU SOUNDED
428
00:19:58,998 --> 00:20:01,067
UNNERVINGLY LIKE
YOUR MOTHER.
429
00:20:01,100 --> 00:20:04,103
NOW MARY, I'M GOING
TO GO IN THERE AND
TALK TO YOUR MOTHER,
430
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:04,971
AND YOU ARE GOING
TO LISTEN.
431
00:20:05,004 --> 00:20:07,240
NO! NO!
YOU'RE GOING TO
LISTEN TO ME.
432
00:20:07,274 --> 00:20:09,075
NOW, I KNOW I'VE
HAD A ROUGH HISTORY
WITH THAT WOMAN,
433
00:20:09,108 --> 00:20:11,177
BUT THERE'S ONE THING
THAT WILL NEVER CHANGE.
434
00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:14,681
SHE'LL ALWAYS BE
M-M-MY MOTHER.
435
00:20:14,714 --> 00:20:16,549
SHE'S MY RESPONSIBILITY.
436
00:20:16,583 --> 00:20:20,453
NOW, LIKE IT OR NOT,
SHE'S COMING HOME WITH ME.
437
00:20:20,487 --> 00:20:22,322
MARTHA,
YOUR RIDE'S HERE!
438
00:20:27,894 --> 00:20:29,729
WELL, THIS IS IT.
439
00:20:29,762 --> 00:20:32,299
YOU KNOW, I'M ACTUALLY
GOING TO MISS YOU GUYS?
440
00:20:32,332 --> 00:20:35,067
LISTEN, GUY.
BE CAREFUL OUT THERE.
441
00:20:35,101 --> 00:20:37,704
OOH! AND YOU'RE
PROBABLY GOING TO
NEED A LITTLE MONEY.
442
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:47,013
WELL, I GUESS I ALWAYS
KNEW THAT THIS DAY
WOULD COME, BUT...
443
00:20:47,046 --> 00:20:49,081
NOTHING EVER QUITE
PREPARES YOU FOR IT.
444
00:20:49,115 --> 00:20:51,484
I'M SORRY! I PROMISED
I WOULDN'T DO THIS!
445
00:20:51,518 --> 00:20:53,119
IT'S TIME, HARRY.
446
00:20:53,152 --> 00:20:54,854
YOU TAUGHT ME WELL.
447
00:20:54,887 --> 00:21:00,259
NOW IT'S TIME FOR ME
TO SPREAD MY LEGS
AND FLY.
448
00:21:00,293 --> 00:21:04,431
GOOD-BYE.
449
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,065
GOOD-BYE, SIR.
450
00:21:09,869 --> 00:21:11,338
WELL, SALLY...
451
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,072
NOW I GUESS WE'LL
HAVE THE TIME
452
00:21:13,105 --> 00:21:16,242
TO DO ALL THOSE
THINGS WE ALWAYS
DREAMED OF.
453
00:21:16,275 --> 00:21:17,444
WELL, LIKE WHAT?
454
00:21:17,477 --> 00:21:19,712
WELL, FOR STARTERS,
DOUBLE DOORBELL.
455
00:21:19,746 --> 00:21:21,614
AAH!
31660
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