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1
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Theorizing that one could time travel
within his own lifetime,
2
00:00:05,155 --> 00:00:08,700
Dr. Sam Beckett led an elite group
of scientists into the desert...
3
00:00:08,784 --> 00:00:13,080
to develop a top secret project
known as Quantum Leap.
4
00:00:13,163 --> 00:00:15,624
Pressured to prove his theories
or lose funding,
5
00:00:15,707 --> 00:00:19,294
Dr. Beckett prematurely
stepped into the project accelerator...
6
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:21,255
and vanished.
7
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:30,055
He awoke to find himself in the past,
8
00:00:30,180 --> 00:00:35,436
suffering from partial amnesia and facing
a mirror image that was not his own.
9
00:00:35,561 --> 00:00:37,646
Fortunately,
contact with his own time...
10
00:00:37,729 --> 00:00:42,025
was maintained through brain wave
transmissions with Al, the project observer,
11
00:00:42,109 --> 00:00:47,156
who appears in the form of a hologram
that only Dr. Beckett can see and hear.
12
00:00:47,239 --> 00:00:50,951
Trapped in the past, Dr. Beckett finds
himself leaping from life to life,
13
00:00:51,034 --> 00:00:53,203
putting things right
that once went wrong...
14
00:00:53,287 --> 00:00:58,333
and hoping each time
that his next leap will be the leap home.
15
00:01:05,174 --> 00:01:06,467
It is too!
16
00:01:06,550 --> 00:01:08,927
- It is not.
- That is my Queen T-shirt.
17
00:01:08,969 --> 00:01:10,929
It's not yours, jerk.
18
00:01:10,971 --> 00:01:16,018
Read my lips, barf-head.
That's my shirt, and I want it back.
19
00:01:16,101 --> 00:01:18,604
It's Peggy Couche's.
Now, would you leave me alone!
20
00:01:18,687 --> 00:01:20,162
Give me that.
21
00:01:20,272 --> 00:01:22,566
I went to that Queen concert,
and I paid for it with my own money!
22
00:01:22,649 --> 00:01:25,027
Look what Wookiee did.
He ate my doll.
23
00:01:25,110 --> 00:01:28,155
Get your grubby hands off,
and keep outta my room!
24
00:01:28,197 --> 00:01:30,073
- It's not your T-shirt.
- It is too.
25
00:01:30,157 --> 00:01:31,575
- It is not.
- Liar.
26
00:01:31,658 --> 00:01:33,160
Booger-face.
27
00:01:33,452 --> 00:01:35,996
- Give it back, moron!
- Come and get it, shrimp!
28
00:01:36,121 --> 00:01:38,123
- Mommy!
- Mom!
29
00:01:38,248 --> 00:01:42,377
Mom, please fix my doll.
30
00:01:44,046 --> 00:01:46,632
My poor dolly's all chewed up.
31
00:01:46,757 --> 00:01:49,134
- I'm a mommy.
- Give me...
32
00:03:09,172 --> 00:03:11,967
- Give it to me!
- No! Give it to me!
33
00:03:12,050 --> 00:03:14,136
Listen. It's my shirt.
You took it out of my room.
34
00:03:14,219 --> 00:03:17,472
It's Peggy's shirt! You took this
out of my room, and you know it.
35
00:03:17,723 --> 00:03:20,142
Look what you did. Great.
That is Peggy's shirt.
36
00:03:20,267 --> 00:03:24,062
- It's my shirt, Susan!
- It's Peggy's shirt.
37
00:03:24,146 --> 00:03:26,189
I went to this concert.
I remember the concert.
38
00:03:26,273 --> 00:03:28,317
- Oh, you brute.
- Give it to me!
39
00:03:28,442 --> 00:03:30,694
Oh, my heavens.
40
00:03:31,903 --> 00:03:34,281
I know I fought
with my brother and sister.
41
00:03:34,364 --> 00:03:36,533
It's the law of sibling survival.
42
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:39,536
But somehow I always remember
Mom and Dad bringing us under control...
43
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,747
with a kind but firm word.
44
00:03:41,830 --> 00:03:43,373
Quiet!
45
00:03:51,590 --> 00:03:53,216
Wow.
46
00:03:53,550 --> 00:03:56,553
Mom just reached max gross load.
47
00:03:56,637 --> 00:03:59,264
- You're the gross load.
- Oh, yeah? Look who's talking.
48
00:03:59,348 --> 00:04:01,183
You're the one
who ripped my shirt.
49
00:04:01,475 --> 00:04:03,685
What am I supposed to do
about Peggy's shirt?
50
00:04:03,810 --> 00:04:06,021
My shirt. And you're gonna
buy a new one for me.
51
00:04:06,146 --> 00:04:09,524
Enough, okay? Enough.
52
00:04:10,025 --> 00:04:14,196
Now it's nobody's shirt.
Now it's just a... a torn rag.
53
00:04:14,279 --> 00:04:15,822
Where's my mommy?
54
00:04:15,906 --> 00:04:17,741
She's in front of you.
55
00:04:17,824 --> 00:04:20,035
That's not my mommy.
That's a man.
56
00:04:20,911 --> 00:04:22,621
Wild.
57
00:04:24,748 --> 00:04:27,250
I want my mommy.
58
00:04:32,589 --> 00:04:35,342
- Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
- Uh-oh, Mom.
59
00:04:35,425 --> 00:04:37,260
Baby breakdown.
60
00:04:37,344 --> 00:04:40,806
- What's wrong with Teresa?
- Too much Sesame Street.
61
00:04:40,931 --> 00:04:42,891
I've never seen her do that before.
62
00:04:42,974 --> 00:04:44,476
Would... Would you, uh...
63
00:04:44,726 --> 00:04:48,605
Would you just, uh, go check on her?
Why me?
64
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:52,651
Yeah, sending Susan is like sending
Jaws to get the kids out of the pool.
65
00:04:52,901 --> 00:04:57,864
- I got science lab, Mom.
- First check on your sister.
66
00:04:58,532 --> 00:05:00,117
Please.
67
00:05:03,691 --> 00:05:07,541
You see before you a classic example
of the devastating effects brought about...
68
00:05:07,666 --> 00:05:11,294
when parents brutally yell
at their impressionable children.
69
00:05:11,420 --> 00:05:14,673
There's the signpost up ahead...
Go to school.
70
00:05:14,698 --> 00:05:16,014
That's not my mommy.
71
00:05:16,039 --> 00:05:18,291
You would send me off
to face the world...
72
00:05:19,302 --> 00:05:21,179
without breakfast?
73
00:05:24,266 --> 00:05:27,811
Uh, we... No, um...
Course not.
74
00:05:29,896 --> 00:05:31,773
I'm sorry, Mom.
75
00:05:32,315 --> 00:05:35,110
I mean, I know this divorce thing
has been real tough on you.
76
00:05:35,235 --> 00:05:36,820
I'm divorced.
77
00:05:37,195 --> 00:05:40,073
But like you said,
the hard part is over.
78
00:05:40,157 --> 00:05:42,242
I di... I... I did.
79
00:05:42,367 --> 00:05:45,662
And that bimbo Dad ran off with
is almost punishment enough.
80
00:05:45,787 --> 00:05:48,290
- It's time to think about yourself.
- Yeah, well,
81
00:05:48,415 --> 00:05:50,333
uh, you know, it... it's...
82
00:05:50,417 --> 00:05:53,211
- It's hard.
- Well, you're doin' it.
83
00:05:53,670 --> 00:05:56,047
I mean, you got
your real estate license.
84
00:05:56,298 --> 00:05:59,468
I know you'll sell
one of those tacky houses soon.
85
00:06:03,472 --> 00:06:05,557
I'm real proud of you, Mom.
86
00:06:05,849 --> 00:06:09,519
Wow. She has totally freaked out.
87
00:06:10,312 --> 00:06:13,774
- What do you mean?
- She says you're not her mother.
88
00:06:13,940 --> 00:06:18,653
And get this. You're a strange man
dressed in Mommy's clothes.
89
00:06:18,779 --> 00:06:22,407
- Ooh.
- I mean, totally creepy.
90
00:06:22,532 --> 00:06:25,619
Residual flashbacks
from your hippie days, Mom.
91
00:06:26,495 --> 00:06:29,080
I got her to come down
and take another look.
92
00:06:29,164 --> 00:06:30,874
Come on, munchkin.
93
00:06:30,957 --> 00:06:32,375
Come on.
94
00:06:33,210 --> 00:06:35,420
See? It's Mommy.
95
00:06:37,547 --> 00:06:40,467
That's not my mommy.
That's a man.
96
00:06:41,259 --> 00:06:43,553
So's the guy in the yucky shirt.
97
00:06:43,637 --> 00:06:46,723
This is my favorite shirt.
This is cutting-edge stuff.
98
00:06:46,848 --> 00:06:48,642
It's yucky.
99
00:06:49,684 --> 00:06:51,520
This is too weird.
100
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:55,023
I want my mommy! Mommy!
101
00:06:55,148 --> 00:06:57,275
Definitely too much
Sesame Street.
102
00:06:57,359 --> 00:06:58,902
- Sam, she...
- Mommy!
103
00:06:58,985 --> 00:07:00,987
- She could see me.
- I know that.
104
00:07:01,071 --> 00:07:03,657
Finally, somebody agrees with me.
105
00:07:03,782 --> 00:07:05,909
Maybe somebody should,
uh, talk to her.
106
00:07:06,034 --> 00:07:08,286
Do you... Do you think
you could go and... and...
107
00:07:08,411 --> 00:07:10,914
talk to her again, uh, please?
108
00:07:10,997 --> 00:07:15,627
Mom, I'm 11. I won't have my
psych degree for another 15 years.
109
00:07:15,752 --> 00:07:17,963
They don't give degrees
to the hopelessly stupid.
110
00:07:18,046 --> 00:07:19,631
Okay. All right, please.
111
00:07:20,340 --> 00:07:22,008
You owe me for that shirt.
112
00:07:22,133 --> 00:07:23,252
Get real.
113
00:07:23,385 --> 00:07:26,304
Mom, don't forget.
You've got carpool to Girl Scouts,
114
00:07:26,429 --> 00:07:29,724
and I have a fitting for my new
soccer uniform this afternoon.
115
00:07:30,016 --> 00:07:33,270
- They got that gross blue.
- This afternoon?
116
00:07:33,395 --> 00:07:35,689
- Mom, my swim meet is this afternoon.
- Mommy.
117
00:07:35,772 --> 00:07:37,399
Look, you gotta be
at my swim meet.
118
00:07:37,524 --> 00:07:40,861
All right. I'll be... Uh, wait. Wait.
What about, uh, uh, Teresa?
119
00:07:40,986 --> 00:07:45,365
Oh, Mother Warrior,
you must face her alone.
120
00:07:45,574 --> 00:07:49,119
Or at least until Rafaella
gets here at noon. I gotta go.
121
00:07:49,953 --> 00:07:53,790
Mom, wear a dress to show
that house this morning, will ya?
122
00:07:57,419 --> 00:07:58,795
House.
123
00:07:59,337 --> 00:08:00,839
Sam,
124
00:08:01,590 --> 00:08:06,553
Ziggy says that kids
under the age of five exist in a...
125
00:08:06,678 --> 00:08:10,348
In a natural alpha state,
and that's how come she could see me.
126
00:08:10,432 --> 00:08:12,642
That's why she can see you,
but how can she see me?
127
00:08:12,726 --> 00:08:15,395
- Animals and kids, that's great.
- What did she say after Girl Scouts?
128
00:08:15,520 --> 00:08:18,231
They're pure of heart.
You know you can't lie to a kid.
129
00:08:18,315 --> 00:08:22,193
They see right through you.
They see the real you.
130
00:08:22,360 --> 00:08:24,404
- And little, uh... little, uh...
- Teresa.
131
00:08:24,487 --> 00:08:28,783
Ter... little Teresa,
she sees only the truth.
132
00:08:30,744 --> 00:08:33,944
Problem is,
the truth is her mother's gone.
133
00:08:33,984 --> 00:08:35,832
Mommy!
134
00:08:36,458 --> 00:08:38,293
What am I gonna do, Al?
135
00:08:40,879 --> 00:08:43,465
I guess you gotta
tell her the truth.
136
00:08:43,506 --> 00:08:45,926
Please don't hide
from me, Mommy.
137
00:08:46,009 --> 00:08:47,969
Poor kid. Okay.
138
00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:50,138
Where's my mommy?
139
00:08:56,645 --> 00:08:58,229
Um...
140
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,358
Uh, your mommy, uh...
141
00:09:01,441 --> 00:09:03,193
Hummina, hummina.
Your mommy.
142
00:09:03,318 --> 00:09:05,612
Oh, your mommy had to go
away for a little while,
143
00:09:05,695 --> 00:09:07,739
but she's gonna
be back real soon.
144
00:09:07,906 --> 00:09:11,034
Yeah, my name is Sam,
and... and this is Al.
145
00:09:11,159 --> 00:09:13,328
And for the next couple of days,
146
00:09:13,411 --> 00:09:16,873
everybody's gonna pretend
that I'm your mommy.
147
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:19,125
- That's good, Sam.
- Thank you.
148
00:09:19,417 --> 00:09:20,418
Why?
149
00:09:20,502 --> 00:09:23,088
- Why?
- Why? Why?
150
00:09:23,964 --> 00:09:25,465
Um...
151
00:09:26,091 --> 00:09:28,843
Oh. To help your big brother.
152
00:09:28,927 --> 00:09:30,303
Do what?
153
00:09:30,470 --> 00:09:32,889
- Do what?
- Do...
154
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:37,686
Oh, uh, to... to win the swim meet.
155
00:09:38,770 --> 00:09:40,522
Are you angels?
156
00:09:40,689 --> 00:09:42,190
- Yes.
- No.
157
00:09:42,357 --> 00:09:46,361
Yes, uh, this is Angel Sam,
and I'm Angel Al.
158
00:09:46,444 --> 00:09:47,904
The truth, Al.
159
00:09:48,113 --> 00:09:51,157
Here, I'll show you.
Try and touch my hand.
160
00:09:54,369 --> 00:09:56,162
Come on back here.
161
00:09:58,373 --> 00:10:01,584
- See?
- You see, we're, uh, a couple of angels,
162
00:10:01,668 --> 00:10:03,628
and we're here to help Kevin
win the swim meet.
163
00:10:03,753 --> 00:10:06,006
And after we do that,
then we'll be gone,
164
00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:08,008
and... and your mommy
will come back.
165
00:10:08,133 --> 00:10:09,283
Promise?
166
00:10:09,384 --> 00:10:11,386
- Oh, yeah, promise.
- Promise.
167
00:10:11,857 --> 00:10:13,763
Can you fix it, please?
168
00:10:13,888 --> 00:10:16,433
Oh, uh, Wookiee.
Wookiee, the dog ate the...
169
00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:19,477
Uh, Angel Sam is the...
the doll elf.
170
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,188
Uh, here.
171
00:10:22,981 --> 00:10:25,316
Then will you read me a story?
172
00:10:25,483 --> 00:10:27,861
- What a great... That's a great idea.
- Yeah, but...
173
00:10:27,944 --> 00:10:29,825
But you gotta hold the book
and turn the pages.
174
00:10:29,883 --> 00:10:32,010
- Yeah.
- That's a good deal.
175
00:10:32,157 --> 00:10:36,453
Okay, you go pick out a book,
and then I'll come right along.
176
00:10:41,750 --> 00:10:45,086
Okay, Al,
what are we really here to do?
177
00:10:46,421 --> 00:10:49,090
Well, I didn't want to say it
in front of her,
178
00:10:49,924 --> 00:10:52,552
but sometime in the next 24 hours...
179
00:10:52,635 --> 00:10:54,804
Kevin runs away from home and...
180
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:56,306
And?
181
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,934
He vanishes off the face of the earth.
182
00:11:01,227 --> 00:11:03,146
He can't just vanish.
183
00:11:03,229 --> 00:11:07,859
Six months later, his bloodied clothes
were found in an abandoned van.
184
00:11:08,610 --> 00:11:11,071
They never found his body, Sam.
185
00:11:11,404 --> 00:11:14,657
And his mother
never allowed the case to be closed.
186
00:11:27,796 --> 00:11:30,632
I'm really glad you're enjoying
this positive parental experience,
187
00:11:30,715 --> 00:11:32,717
- I am.
- But we have a problem here.
188
00:11:32,884 --> 00:11:36,012
Al, why would I come back
as a mother?
189
00:11:36,137 --> 00:11:37,722
Well, because, uh,
190
00:11:37,806 --> 00:11:41,559
Dad is off having
a severe case of midlife crisis.
191
00:11:42,134 --> 00:11:45,396
Well, fine. But how am I gonna
find out why Kevin runs off
192
00:11:45,522 --> 00:11:47,315
if I don't even have
time to turn around?
193
00:11:47,398 --> 00:11:49,901
I mean, would you look
at this woman's schedule?
194
00:11:50,026 --> 00:11:53,488
Car pool, music lessons, Mommy and Me
art class... That's just for today.
195
00:11:53,534 --> 00:11:55,776
- Calm down. Okay, okay, okay.
- Luncheon for the P.T.A., music...
196
00:11:55,824 --> 00:11:59,285
Calm down already, all right? You're
getting... You're gonna hyperventilate.
197
00:12:00,662 --> 00:12:03,665
Nobody ever said
it was gonna be easy being a mother.
198
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:09,055
But since you are a mother, you gotta figure out
why your 15-year-old is gonna run away tonight.
199
00:12:11,673 --> 00:12:14,259
What's the worst thing
you can remember about being 15?
200
00:12:14,342 --> 00:12:16,010
- Who, me?
- Yeah.
201
00:12:16,094 --> 00:12:20,098
Oh. Getting busted
by her parents just as I was...
202
00:12:20,181 --> 00:12:23,101
Al, Al. I doubt that this has
anything to do with sex.
203
00:12:23,184 --> 00:12:25,186
Well, of course it...
What else could it be about?
204
00:12:25,270 --> 00:12:27,564
Lots of things.
I mean, when I was 15, I had...
205
00:12:27,647 --> 00:12:29,816
I had trouble because
I was smart and shy.
206
00:12:29,941 --> 00:12:33,653
- The kid is funny. He's not Einstein.
- Maybe it's a cover.
207
00:12:33,778 --> 00:12:36,614
Maybe he's using humor
to hide his emotions.
208
00:12:36,698 --> 00:12:39,242
- All right. What are you gonna do?
- I don't know.
209
00:12:39,367 --> 00:12:41,161
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
210
00:12:41,286 --> 00:12:44,622
But I know I can't... You know,
I can't follow him around all day.
211
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,458
What?
212
00:12:48,751 --> 00:12:52,881
- I can't follow him around, but you can.
- No, no.
213
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:54,174
- Yes.
- Uh-uh.
214
00:12:54,257 --> 00:12:55,717
- Yes.
- No. Lookit.
215
00:12:55,800 --> 00:12:58,761
Reading stories to the munchkin,
okay, that's one thing.
216
00:12:58,845 --> 00:13:02,056
But Sam Spadeing
a 15-year-old kid... forget it.
217
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,017
- Al, it's no problem. You get Gooshie,
- No. Uh-uh.
218
00:13:04,102 --> 00:13:05,768
He centers you in on Kevin,
never knows you're there.
219
00:13:05,852 --> 00:13:07,182
Don't tell me about Gooshie.
220
00:13:07,270 --> 00:13:08,938
- I'm not gonna do it.
- I really appreciate this.
221
00:13:09,022 --> 00:13:10,940
- No.
- Thank you very much.
222
00:13:11,065 --> 00:13:13,776
- It's out of the question.
- Al... I owe you one then, okay?
223
00:13:15,737 --> 00:13:18,406
Uh, we got somebody
called Al for dinner?
224
00:13:25,788 --> 00:13:27,582
Hey, check it out, man.
225
00:13:27,665 --> 00:13:29,792
Baby has legs up to her neck.
226
00:13:29,876 --> 00:13:32,503
You gotta be kidding.
She's a walking beanpole.
227
00:13:32,587 --> 00:13:35,715
A beanpole? And I guess
you wouldn't like to climb it, right?
228
00:13:35,840 --> 00:13:37,550
Wouldn't or couldn't?
229
00:13:37,675 --> 00:13:41,137
She's jailbait.
Oh, yeah? And what are you, runt?
230
00:13:41,471 --> 00:13:45,308
Too hip to rob the cradle,
no matter how many points.
231
00:13:45,683 --> 00:13:49,938
Now, if the Kev were truly
lookin' for some action,
232
00:13:50,188 --> 00:13:52,190
he'd go after, uh,
233
00:13:53,316 --> 00:13:55,068
Jackie Arnett.
234
00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:59,155
- Oh!
- Jackie.
235
00:13:59,280 --> 00:14:01,366
- Ahhh.
- Jackie.
236
00:14:01,449 --> 00:14:05,185
Jackie! Jackie! Jackie! Jackie!
237
00:14:05,226 --> 00:14:07,395
Jackie! Jackie! Jackie!
238
00:14:07,420 --> 00:14:08,982
Stop it, guys!
239
00:14:09,165 --> 00:14:12,377
She's, uh, not my speed.
240
00:14:12,460 --> 00:14:16,130
What is your speed,
micro-stud? Reverse?
241
00:14:16,214 --> 00:14:19,425
She happens to live a couple of blocks
from me, and we've become...
242
00:14:19,842 --> 00:14:20,927
friendly.
243
00:14:21,052 --> 00:14:24,264
Jackie Arnett is friendly
with anybody that'll say hello.
244
00:14:24,347 --> 00:14:25,723
That's a lie.
245
00:14:25,974 --> 00:14:28,417
Come on, Kev.
The whole track team's had her, buddy.
246
00:14:28,476 --> 00:14:31,521
- I said that's a lie.
- He defends her honor.
247
00:14:31,604 --> 00:14:33,773
Ah. Perhaps this is true love.
248
00:14:33,898 --> 00:14:35,441
Absolutely love.
249
00:14:35,566 --> 00:14:39,570
Oh, but she wouldn't be desperate enough
for a class "C" creature like Kevin.
250
00:14:39,696 --> 00:14:43,658
- Class "C." I like it, man.
- Speak for yourself, zero charisma.
251
00:14:46,244 --> 00:14:48,246
All I'm sayin'is she's not like that.
252
00:14:48,329 --> 00:14:50,665
- Hey. That's nice, Kevin.
- What is she like?
253
00:14:50,790 --> 00:14:55,878
She's a strumpet. Worth maybe,
uh, 50 points. Right, Teddy, huh?
254
00:14:55,962 --> 00:14:59,924
Oh, not Demon and Dragon freaks.
I hate that game.
255
00:15:00,008 --> 00:15:04,137
A challenge.
A test of your noble manhood.
256
00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:07,724
Bring on the dragons,
you warted trolls.
257
00:15:08,641 --> 00:15:10,143
Thank you, ladies.
258
00:15:10,226 --> 00:15:13,438
And bring back a sacred sign
of his victory.
259
00:15:13,563 --> 00:15:16,858
- Like her panties.
- Face the challenge, jester,
260
00:15:16,941 --> 00:15:18,651
and earn your knighthood.
261
00:15:18,776 --> 00:15:21,779
I smell a setup comin' here.
262
00:15:21,863 --> 00:15:23,364
So be it.
263
00:15:23,489 --> 00:15:26,159
- Handle it, squire.
- Grow up.
264
00:15:26,284 --> 00:15:28,953
Never mind.
I'll handle this myself.
265
00:15:33,958 --> 00:15:35,710
Hey, where's he going?
266
00:15:36,878 --> 00:15:39,797
To set the stage
for your conquest.
267
00:15:39,964 --> 00:15:42,467
Yeah, just a little help
from your friends, right?
268
00:15:43,468 --> 00:15:45,762
Gooshie, center me on Sam.
269
00:15:50,516 --> 00:15:54,062
I'm not gonna tell a 15-year-old boy
how to seduce a girl.
270
00:15:54,187 --> 00:15:56,689
I don't see where you have
any choice in this, Sam.
271
00:15:56,773 --> 00:15:58,775
The kid is... is... is...
He's inexperienced.
272
00:15:58,900 --> 00:16:01,110
He's supposed to be
inexperienced. He's 15.
273
00:16:01,235 --> 00:16:04,364
I kno...
I'll have you know when I was fif...
274
00:16:04,489 --> 00:16:07,325
The fact that you were a practicing
pervert at the age of five
275
00:16:07,408 --> 00:16:09,976
has nothing to do with
the rest of the world.
276
00:16:10,244 --> 00:16:13,623
Words of wisdom from the world's
most sexually backward teenager.
277
00:16:13,706 --> 00:16:15,792
This has nothing to do with
my adolescent experience.
278
00:16:15,917 --> 00:16:18,419
Since you were sent here to help
him, I figure it does.
279
00:16:18,544 --> 00:16:19,754
No.
280
00:16:20,046 --> 00:16:24,217
Listen, Mr. Moral, if you and I represent
opposite ends of the sexual spectrum,
281
00:16:24,342 --> 00:16:26,761
- that puts Kevin about normal.
- No.
282
00:16:26,844 --> 00:16:30,556
You gotta help him, Sam.
His buddies are setting him up for a fall.
283
00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,059
When he takes it, he runs away.
284
00:16:33,142 --> 00:16:36,104
Besides, I think he likes the girl.
285
00:16:36,854 --> 00:16:40,358
- How would you know?
- Well, he defended her honor.
286
00:16:40,441 --> 00:16:44,237
I mean, you never defend a girl's honor
unless you... you really like her.
287
00:16:48,118 --> 00:16:53,413
No. No, I'm not going to encourage a
15-year-old boy to have sexual intercourse.
288
00:16:53,538 --> 00:16:56,666
What's secular undercourse?
289
00:16:58,835 --> 00:17:01,754
Uh, it's a game grown-ups play.
290
00:17:01,879 --> 00:17:05,591
Why... Why... Why don't we, uh,
wash up for dinner?
291
00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:08,553
I'm too little
to wash up for dinner.
292
00:17:08,678 --> 00:17:10,304
What, to wash up?
293
00:17:12,598 --> 00:17:14,183
See?
294
00:17:14,725 --> 00:17:16,978
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Let... Let me help you.
295
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:19,313
Let me... Let me help you.
296
00:17:19,856 --> 00:17:22,108
Let me have this dolly, please.
297
00:17:23,234 --> 00:17:25,820
Al, what if we teach him
about romance?
298
00:17:26,154 --> 00:17:28,322
- Romance?
- I'm sure you've heard of it.
299
00:17:28,448 --> 00:17:30,825
The art of making someone
fall in love with you.
300
00:17:31,117 --> 00:17:34,287
Well, what kind of acceptance
is that gonna give him?
301
00:17:35,705 --> 00:17:37,373
It's gonna get him honor.
302
00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:40,918
These demons are on a quest,
and it isn't for honor.
303
00:17:41,002 --> 00:17:43,463
Look, if Kevin goes about this
the right way...
304
00:17:43,588 --> 00:17:45,339
and ends up with the girl he likes,
305
00:17:45,465 --> 00:17:48,926
then his warrior buddies
are gonna have to back off, right?
306
00:17:49,051 --> 00:17:50,678
Then he won't run away.
307
00:17:50,845 --> 00:17:52,305
Simple.
308
00:17:54,182 --> 00:17:57,852
Oh, no!
Oh, no.
309
00:17:57,935 --> 00:18:00,646
Hmm. What do you think, Teresa?
310
00:18:00,980 --> 00:18:03,149
- Yuck.
- It's ruined.
311
00:18:03,274 --> 00:18:08,654
I hope you're better at romance
than whatever that was supposed to be.
312
00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:14,410
Teresa, what do you say
we go pick up your brother and sister,
313
00:18:14,535 --> 00:18:16,746
and we'll all go out to eat?
314
00:18:16,871 --> 00:18:19,081
- Pizza!
- Pizza!
315
00:18:19,207 --> 00:18:21,375
Pizza. No pizza for you.
316
00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:49,779
Susan. Susan.
317
00:18:50,821 --> 00:18:54,200
Please come back. Get your books
and your uniform, all right?
318
00:18:54,325 --> 00:18:56,369
Mom, I'm gonna miss Magnum.
319
00:18:56,452 --> 00:18:58,120
It's gonna run for the
next eight years, okay?
320
00:18:58,204 --> 00:19:00,081
I think you got a little time.
321
00:19:00,498 --> 00:19:02,583
Come here.
Look at your face.
322
00:19:02,708 --> 00:19:06,295
Will you take Teresa upstairs
and wash the ice cream off of her face?
323
00:19:07,296 --> 00:19:09,840
- Thank you.
- Come on, munchkin.
324
00:19:09,966 --> 00:19:12,760
No. I want to stay with Sam.
325
00:19:12,843 --> 00:19:14,303
Honey...
326
00:19:15,638 --> 00:19:19,517
Would you... Would you do me a favor
and, uh, take my purse in for me?
327
00:19:19,642 --> 00:19:21,894
It's kind of heavy.
You got it?
328
00:19:21,978 --> 00:19:24,730
- I can do it, Sam.
- Thank you.
329
00:19:33,406 --> 00:19:35,074
You okay?
330
00:19:36,117 --> 00:19:38,160
Yeah. Yeah, I'm great.
331
00:19:38,661 --> 00:19:42,290
I mean, uh, everything all right?
332
00:19:42,999 --> 00:19:47,378
Yeah, sure.
I was just drifting in the ozone.
333
00:19:51,257 --> 00:19:53,175
Hey, uh, Kevin, you, uh...
334
00:19:53,384 --> 00:19:55,052
Wanna play some Ping-Pong?
335
00:19:56,512 --> 00:19:58,222
You hate Ping-Pong.
336
00:19:58,639 --> 00:20:00,141
I do?
337
00:20:00,725 --> 00:20:03,394
Well, I mean, that's because...
338
00:20:03,644 --> 00:20:05,521
I didn't want you to know
how good I was.
339
00:20:05,646 --> 00:20:07,148
Come on.
340
00:20:19,910 --> 00:20:21,787
Nice shot, Mom.
341
00:20:22,330 --> 00:20:24,123
Whenever my, uh,
342
00:20:24,498 --> 00:20:27,084
dad wanted to have
a heart-to-heart with us,
343
00:20:27,209 --> 00:20:30,129
usually it took place
over a Ping-Pong table.
344
00:20:31,047 --> 00:20:33,799
So, uh, what do you wanna talk about?
345
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,429
Well, you looked like you
needed someone to talk to.
346
00:20:38,554 --> 00:20:39,764
Nope.
347
00:20:42,475 --> 00:20:46,020
Look, come on. Kevin, I know that...
that there's somethin' bothering you.
348
00:20:47,813 --> 00:20:49,815
Too cool to talk to your mom?
349
00:20:52,360 --> 00:20:54,153
It's just...
350
00:20:54,445 --> 00:20:56,405
You know, guy stuff.
351
00:20:57,698 --> 00:21:00,326
Yeah, well, you know,
if it has to do with girls,
352
00:21:00,409 --> 00:21:03,079
I... I... I might know more than...
More than you think.
353
00:21:03,162 --> 00:21:05,164
Yeah, I know. You used to be one.
354
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:09,126
Yeah. Well, uh...
355
00:21:11,253 --> 00:21:13,214
No. No, that's not what I meant.
356
00:21:13,339 --> 00:21:14,757
I mean, if... if you wanna...
357
00:21:14,840 --> 00:21:18,135
If you need to talk to them,
or, you know, find out what...
358
00:21:18,219 --> 00:21:21,263
You know, things that
they like to hear, you know?
359
00:21:21,847 --> 00:21:26,811
Like, um, do you know where to put
your hands when you dance with a girl?
360
00:21:27,520 --> 00:21:30,648
This is, uh, too weird.
361
00:21:30,773 --> 00:21:33,192
You know, I can't talk to you
because you're...
362
00:21:33,275 --> 00:21:35,569
- You're my mom.
- Sam.
363
00:21:35,653 --> 00:21:37,863
Me and Wookiee made a painting.
364
00:21:37,947 --> 00:21:39,532
Oh, Teresa.
365
00:21:40,658 --> 00:21:42,535
Hey, you know, I think it's kind of punk.
366
00:21:42,660 --> 00:21:45,037
Oh, no, Wookiee, come ba... Here.
367
00:21:45,413 --> 00:21:48,082
Oh, Teresa.
Okay, here we go.
368
00:21:48,207 --> 00:21:50,918
Oh, don't touch any...
Wookiee, get off the couch!
369
00:21:51,085 --> 00:21:52,753
"Sam."
370
00:22:18,446 --> 00:22:20,865
See you. Bye.
371
00:22:30,166 --> 00:22:31,917
Hi, Mom.
372
00:22:50,352 --> 00:22:54,023
Come on, Jackie.
It's a hysterical idea.
373
00:22:54,273 --> 00:22:57,610
Besides, it's, uh,
just sort of an initiation.
374
00:22:57,693 --> 00:22:59,195
It still seems mean.
375
00:22:59,320 --> 00:23:01,655
You're not gonna back out
on us now, are you, Jackie?
376
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,950
Come on. He might get
a little mad at first.
377
00:23:05,075 --> 00:23:08,037
But once he's a full wizard,
he's gonna be totally grateful.
378
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:09,622
Totally.
379
00:23:10,331 --> 00:23:12,875
Of course, as class president,
380
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:16,462
whoever I take to the Mardi
Gras Dance is crowned queen.
381
00:23:16,796 --> 00:23:19,089
But if you wouldn't like the
honor, I'm sure that I could...
382
00:23:19,215 --> 00:23:20,824
I already told my mom.
383
00:23:20,964 --> 00:23:22,424
Then we're on?
384
00:23:24,887 --> 00:23:25,971
Okay.
385
00:23:26,096 --> 00:23:28,206
Call Kevin and tell
him to be here at 8:00.
386
00:23:28,307 --> 00:23:31,310
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah!
387
00:23:31,852 --> 00:23:34,271
This morning was like
any other on Oahu.
388
00:23:34,396 --> 00:23:37,691
A beautiful woman named
Christie DeBolt had hired me to,
389
00:23:37,942 --> 00:23:42,279
uh, play games
with her sister Louise.
390
00:23:42,363 --> 00:23:46,784
She said games. I would have said helping
a rich girl live out her fantasies.
391
00:23:46,992 --> 00:23:49,870
Okay, so it wasn't
like any other morning,
392
00:23:49,954 --> 00:23:53,374
but one has to be ready
to expect the unexpected.
393
00:23:53,666 --> 00:23:56,836
At any rate, I wasn't gonna
let it affect my workout.
394
00:23:59,713 --> 00:24:01,215
Hi, guys.
395
00:24:05,052 --> 00:24:07,263
I'd never seen a
black orchid before,
396
00:24:07,388 --> 00:24:10,039
although technically they can't
exist, you know.
397
00:24:10,474 --> 00:24:12,184
The box doesn't have the
florist's name on it...
398
00:24:12,254 --> 00:24:13,619
What do you see in that geek?
399
00:24:13,644 --> 00:24:17,731
What are you, blind?
The man is terminally gorgeous.
400
00:24:17,857 --> 00:24:20,359
- He's a "wuz."
- Please.
401
00:24:20,484 --> 00:24:22,611
You have a major case of jealousy.
402
00:24:22,736 --> 00:24:25,781
Of what? The guy talks like
he's been sucking helium,
403
00:24:25,865 --> 00:24:27,867
and he giggles like a girl.
404
00:24:27,992 --> 00:24:30,828
The only thing that matters
is that he's sensitive,
405
00:24:31,453 --> 00:24:34,331
and he understands
the needs of a woman.
406
00:24:34,415 --> 00:24:37,626
And what makes you such an
expert on a woman's needs, runt?
407
00:24:37,751 --> 00:24:40,254
Knowledge by gender, jerk.
408
00:24:43,841 --> 00:24:45,467
Uh,
409
00:24:46,468 --> 00:24:48,095
Sue,
410
00:24:49,221 --> 00:24:52,016
if you had a guy that,
411
00:24:52,266 --> 00:24:54,727
like... you know, he liked you,
412
00:24:55,936 --> 00:24:58,314
what would he have to do to, uh...
413
00:24:59,565 --> 00:25:02,443
- You know.
- I'm 11.
414
00:25:02,568 --> 00:25:06,238
I don't have to deal with
that teenage mating ritual crap.
415
00:25:07,323 --> 00:25:11,952
But I'll tell you one thing.
You wouldn't be the school joke.
416
00:25:15,080 --> 00:25:17,458
Hey, you creep, I was watching that!
417
00:25:17,583 --> 00:25:20,711
I'm not gonna stay here
and put up with your garbage!
418
00:25:20,836 --> 00:25:24,381
Tell Mom I'm going to
Anita's to watch TV.
419
00:25:31,472 --> 00:25:33,349
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
420
00:25:34,558 --> 00:25:36,685
You didn't tell me
you were goin' out tonight.
421
00:25:37,227 --> 00:25:38,533
Yeah, sure I did.
422
00:25:38,558 --> 00:25:41,565
Remember last night I said me and the
guys were gonna go see Raiders again?
423
00:25:41,649 --> 00:25:43,692
- I'm cold.
- Yeah, okay, okay.
424
00:25:43,776 --> 00:25:47,529
Um, I don't want you
goin' out tonight.
425
00:25:47,863 --> 00:25:48,864
Mom.
426
00:25:48,989 --> 00:25:51,533
- It's too late to be goin' out.
- It's not even 8:00!
427
00:25:51,659 --> 00:25:52,993
And what about Susan?
428
00:25:53,077 --> 00:25:56,038
You know, she's over at Anita's
watching TV, and she's only 11.
429
00:25:56,163 --> 00:25:58,582
- Anita's? Where's Anita's?
- Next door.
430
00:25:58,666 --> 00:26:01,961
- Are you okay, Mom?
- He's not our mommy.
431
00:26:02,252 --> 00:26:04,755
Have you ever considered
taking her to a baby shrink?
432
00:26:04,880 --> 00:26:06,423
I'm not a baby.
433
00:26:06,507 --> 00:26:08,467
Okay, a dwarf shrink.
434
00:26:08,884 --> 00:26:12,471
Look, Mom, I gotta go, or I'm gonna
miss the rock rolling out of the cave.
435
00:26:13,013 --> 00:26:14,556
I said no.
436
00:26:22,439 --> 00:26:25,734
- Kevin...
- I'm going to my room! Is that okay?
437
00:26:25,859 --> 00:26:28,821
I just thought maybe
you could stay down with us and...
438
00:26:28,946 --> 00:26:30,739
No! Thanks!
439
00:26:34,660 --> 00:26:38,247
Sam, what's a dwarf?
440
00:27:16,994 --> 00:27:19,663
Sam, Mommy sings me songs.
441
00:27:19,788 --> 00:27:22,374
I... I don't know any new songs. Honest.
442
00:27:22,499 --> 00:27:24,418
Please.
443
00:27:26,045 --> 00:27:30,257
Couldn't ya... Couldn't ya just kind of
just fall asleep yourself without a song?
444
00:27:34,678 --> 00:27:38,223
♪ Four and four are eight ♪
445
00:27:42,811 --> 00:27:46,690
- Where have you been?
- Just go turn down the stereo, will ya?
446
00:27:47,733 --> 00:27:49,902
I'll sing you to sleep, honey.
447
00:27:51,111 --> 00:27:55,115
♪ Inchworm ♪
♪ Inchworm ♪
448
00:27:58,827 --> 00:28:01,997
♪ You and your arithmetic ♪
449
00:28:02,247 --> 00:28:06,293
♪ Will probably go far ♪
450
00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:10,798
♪ Inchworm ♪
♪ Inchworm ♪
451
00:28:28,649 --> 00:28:30,275
Al!
452
00:28:31,944 --> 00:28:33,570
Come on! Come on!
453
00:28:34,196 --> 00:28:37,783
God, Sam, I never really
wanted to have kids...
454
00:28:37,900 --> 00:28:39,902
- Kevin's gone.
- What?
455
00:28:39,993 --> 00:28:41,328
He wanted to go out earlier.
456
00:28:41,411 --> 00:28:43,455
Wanted to go to the movie with
his friends. I wouldn't let him go.
457
00:28:43,539 --> 00:28:48,043
Yeah, but he... Oh, he left the stereo
on, and he probably went out the window.
458
00:28:48,335 --> 00:28:51,380
- I would have done the same thing.
- I forced him to run away.
459
00:28:51,505 --> 00:28:54,007
No, you didn't. Why?
Telling him he couldn't go?
460
00:28:54,133 --> 00:28:57,511
No, no. It's those buddies of his.
They've got the thumbscrews on him.
461
00:28:57,719 --> 00:28:59,596
- Jackie Arnett.
- That's it.
462
00:28:59,721 --> 00:29:02,599
- I'm gonna ask Ziggy for her address.
- Uh, what about Teresa?
463
00:29:02,683 --> 00:29:05,519
Uh, I'll stay here and keep an eye
on her till you get back with Kevin.
464
00:29:05,644 --> 00:29:07,771
You're a hologram.
What if something happens?
465
00:29:07,855 --> 00:29:11,275
- Uh...
- Oh. Uh, Susan's next door.
466
00:29:11,400 --> 00:29:14,236
I'll go get her, and I'll call Rafaella to
have her come over, all right?
467
00:29:14,361 --> 00:29:17,865
Okay, good. And I'll catch up
with you when Rafaella gets here.
468
00:29:26,665 --> 00:29:28,834
You know, it... it was, uh,
469
00:29:28,959 --> 00:29:31,879
real nice of you
to invite me over, Jackie.
470
00:29:34,089 --> 00:29:37,885
Look, Kevin,
you don't have to be nice to me.
471
00:29:38,177 --> 00:29:41,138
You don't even have to
talk to me if you don't want to.
472
00:29:41,680 --> 00:29:43,640
We could just get started.
473
00:29:45,017 --> 00:29:47,436
Well, what about your parents?
474
00:29:47,519 --> 00:29:50,272
At the Davenports.
It's their bridge night.
475
00:29:51,064 --> 00:29:54,026
So, we're alone until at least 11.
476
00:29:57,779 --> 00:30:00,991
- Why are you doing this?
- Doing what?
477
00:30:01,325 --> 00:30:04,494
Well, I mean...
I mean, you know me...
478
00:30:05,287 --> 00:30:07,122
Well, I mean,
479
00:30:07,456 --> 00:30:09,750
do you even really like me?
480
00:30:10,209 --> 00:30:13,503
Not that you wouldn't like me
if you got to know me better.
481
00:30:14,046 --> 00:30:15,714
Does it matter?
482
00:30:16,757 --> 00:30:18,634
It does to me.
483
00:30:20,677 --> 00:30:23,722
Why don't you just go over there
and take your clothes off,
484
00:30:23,889 --> 00:30:25,933
and I'll put another tape in.
485
00:30:39,780 --> 00:30:41,448
It's okay.
486
00:30:47,454 --> 00:30:49,081
Take 'em off.
487
00:31:05,722 --> 00:31:07,224
Um...
488
00:31:07,599 --> 00:31:09,393
I, uh...
489
00:31:10,227 --> 00:31:12,062
I don't know what to do.
490
00:31:13,939 --> 00:31:15,482
Kevin,
491
00:31:16,149 --> 00:31:17,901
are you a virgin?
492
00:31:18,318 --> 00:31:21,655
Uh, virgin?
493
00:31:22,197 --> 00:31:23,657
Yeah.
494
00:31:24,241 --> 00:31:26,285
I'd really like to know.
495
00:31:30,247 --> 00:31:33,542
- Yes.
- Micro Man's a virgin!
496
00:31:33,667 --> 00:31:35,919
"I don't know what to do."
497
00:31:37,963 --> 00:31:40,092
He said he didn't know what to do.
498
00:31:40,465 --> 00:31:42,301
- "I'm a virgin."
- Kevin!
499
00:31:42,384 --> 00:31:44,303
Oh, Virgin Man.
Where you goin', Virgin Man?
500
00:31:44,386 --> 00:31:47,139
- Hey, Virgin Man!
- Where you goin', buddy?
501
00:31:47,222 --> 00:31:48,932
What's the matter?
Did you get embarrassed?
502
00:31:49,016 --> 00:31:50,851
Kevin! Kevin, come back!
503
00:31:50,976 --> 00:31:53,854
Hey, micro-stud,
come on back. I'll tell you what to do!
504
00:31:53,979 --> 00:31:56,523
Virgin Man, where you goin'?
Where's your sense of humor, buddy?
505
00:31:56,606 --> 00:31:58,191
He lost it.
506
00:31:59,818 --> 00:32:02,279
Yo, wimp.
Guy's a major wimp.
507
00:32:02,612 --> 00:32:04,448
Man, it was good!
508
00:32:28,430 --> 00:32:30,307
I can't believe you made me do that!
509
00:32:30,432 --> 00:32:33,268
- Hey, what's your problem, huh?
- That was really cruel!
510
00:32:33,352 --> 00:32:36,063
- It was great!
- Didn't you see how freaked out he was?
511
00:32:36,146 --> 00:32:39,316
Oh, do I detect
the pangs of remorse?
512
00:32:39,858 --> 00:32:41,568
You said he'd think it was funny.
513
00:32:41,693 --> 00:32:43,403
So he doesn't have
a sense of humor.
514
00:32:43,487 --> 00:32:45,989
He will after we tell
the whole school.
515
00:32:46,114 --> 00:32:49,409
- No!
- Hey, I think she likes him.
516
00:32:49,493 --> 00:32:51,953
Well, he's got a lot more
going for him than you losers.
517
00:32:52,079 --> 00:32:55,123
Hey, get your nose
out of the clouds and get real.
518
00:32:55,248 --> 00:32:58,335
- You're just as guilty as the rest of us.
- Guilty of what?
519
00:33:01,671 --> 00:33:03,173
Guilty of what?
520
00:33:03,382 --> 00:33:05,550
It was supposed to be a joke, Mrs.
Bruckner.
521
00:33:05,675 --> 00:33:08,804
- Where's Kevin?
- I don't know. He rode off on his bike.
522
00:33:08,887 --> 00:33:10,430
- He sure did.
- Kevin's not here?
523
00:33:10,555 --> 00:33:12,307
- Rode off on his bike.
- Yes, ma'am.
524
00:33:12,933 --> 00:33:16,144
- Where would he go?
- He probably went straight home.
525
00:33:17,896 --> 00:33:21,274
When Kevin disappeared,
his bike was found abandoned on Bell Road.
526
00:33:21,358 --> 00:33:23,652
- Where's Bell Road?
- Two blocks to the right.
527
00:33:23,735 --> 00:33:25,487
Mrs. Bruckner, I'm sorry.
528
00:33:25,612 --> 00:33:27,155
Tell Kevin.
529
00:33:28,031 --> 00:33:32,744
Man, with a mother like that
I'd still be a virgin too.
530
00:33:33,495 --> 00:33:36,540
You are still a virgin, pimple-puss.
531
00:33:36,748 --> 00:33:39,251
And you're gonna be a virgin
for another six years.
532
00:33:39,376 --> 00:33:41,002
I tell ya.
533
00:34:01,690 --> 00:34:03,859
Ziggy's tryin' to get a lock on him.
534
00:34:03,984 --> 00:34:05,986
Think maybe he went back home?
535
00:34:06,403 --> 00:34:08,405
No, I don't think so.
536
00:34:08,697 --> 00:34:11,741
They obviously
embarrassed him pretty good.
537
00:34:12,659 --> 00:34:15,036
I figure they must have
talked Jackie in...
538
00:34:15,162 --> 00:34:17,998
- Uh-oh. Sam...
- I see it.
539
00:34:21,334 --> 00:34:23,628
Ah! Okay. Here!
He's got him.
540
00:34:23,712 --> 00:34:27,841
Uh, they're in a vehicle
three kilometers straight ahead of us.
541
00:34:28,049 --> 00:34:30,260
Maybe... Maybe he hitchhiked.
542
00:34:32,512 --> 00:34:35,557
No. No, he didn't.
543
00:34:35,640 --> 00:34:37,309
It's a van.
544
00:34:39,678 --> 00:34:41,638
Can't you make this thing
go any faster?
545
00:34:41,646 --> 00:34:43,064
I got it on the floor.
546
00:34:43,148 --> 00:34:45,317
We shouldn't be in a
stupid station wagon.
547
00:34:45,567 --> 00:34:47,277
There it is.
548
00:34:48,111 --> 00:34:50,433
Al, you think maybe, uh...
549
00:34:50,697 --> 00:34:53,074
You think maybe you could center
in on Kevin just to...
550
00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:56,119
- What?
- Just... Just to be with him.
551
00:34:56,912 --> 00:34:59,915
But I can't do anything.
He won't even know I'm there.
552
00:35:01,082 --> 00:35:02,751
I'll know.
553
00:35:09,674 --> 00:35:11,426
Hang in there, kid.
554
00:35:12,385 --> 00:35:14,346
Just hang in there.
555
00:35:24,856 --> 00:35:28,527
You lay one hand on this kid,
you slime bag,
556
00:35:28,610 --> 00:35:30,278
and I'll kill you.
557
00:35:31,238 --> 00:35:35,033
I don't know how,
but I'll kill ya.
558
00:36:35,510 --> 00:36:40,265
See, what'd I tell you, kid? It's just
like John Wayne comin' with the cavalry!
559
00:36:58,908 --> 00:37:01,369
- Is Kevin all right?
- Yeah, he will be,
560
00:37:01,494 --> 00:37:03,830
as soon as
you take care of these sickos.
561
00:37:05,290 --> 00:37:07,250
"These"?
What, there are two of 'em?
562
00:37:08,960 --> 00:37:11,338
Yeah, there's two of 'em.
563
00:37:25,143 --> 00:37:26,519
I know...
564
00:37:26,853 --> 00:37:28,647
- I know this?
- Oh, yeah.
565
00:37:28,730 --> 00:37:31,900
You know judo, you know karate,
you know, uh, uh, mui thai,
566
00:37:32,025 --> 00:37:34,152
you know tae kwon do... Uh-oh.
567
00:37:36,946 --> 00:37:39,616
Watch out for the knife, Sam.
It could be sharp.
568
00:37:45,538 --> 00:37:47,082
All right!
569
00:37:48,124 --> 00:37:49,751
Good moves.
You're better than Bruce Lee.
570
00:37:49,834 --> 00:37:51,378
- Bruce Lee?
- Never mind.
571
00:37:51,503 --> 00:37:54,297
We gotta get Kevin outta
here before these sickos wake up.
572
00:37:54,547 --> 00:37:56,758
Mom?
573
00:38:00,261 --> 00:38:03,181
Mom! Mom!
I thought I'd never see you again!
574
00:38:03,306 --> 00:38:04,432
I know.
575
00:38:04,516 --> 00:38:06,417
You know, I wasn't runnin'
away, Mom. Honest.
576
00:38:06,476 --> 00:38:08,144
I know that too.
577
00:38:14,150 --> 00:38:16,277
- Let's go.
- Good idea.
578
00:38:19,656 --> 00:38:22,325
Mom, how?
579
00:38:23,743 --> 00:38:25,995
Girl Scouts.
Come on.
580
00:38:26,079 --> 00:38:27,622
Girl Scouts?
581
00:38:29,207 --> 00:38:30,959
Awesome.
582
00:38:44,139 --> 00:38:45,807
I gotta go.
583
00:38:52,147 --> 00:38:55,525
I know I treat you
like a turkey sometimes,
584
00:38:56,234 --> 00:38:59,696
but... I'm real glad...
585
00:39:03,700 --> 00:39:05,410
You know.
586
00:39:09,748 --> 00:39:11,666
- Bye.
- Bye, Mom.
587
00:39:20,425 --> 00:39:24,471
I... I don't know exactly what happened
at Jackie's last night, but, um...
588
00:39:26,264 --> 00:39:28,057
Well, I got a pretty good idea.
589
00:39:28,224 --> 00:39:29,976
Oh, boy.
590
00:39:31,978 --> 00:39:33,855
I know it had
something to do with sex.
591
00:39:33,938 --> 00:39:36,649
- Mom.
- It's not a dirty word, Kevin.
592
00:39:41,321 --> 00:39:44,741
The guys... found out I'm a virgin.
593
00:39:45,617 --> 00:39:47,076
Aha.
594
00:39:47,285 --> 00:39:49,829
They're gonna blab it
all over school.
595
00:39:50,747 --> 00:39:54,834
- That's a tough one.
- You bet it is. I'm nearly 16.
596
00:39:56,544 --> 00:39:58,755
I was a virgin when I was sixteen.
597
00:39:59,088 --> 00:40:01,966
You're a girl.
You're supposed to be.
598
00:40:04,594 --> 00:40:06,137
Kevin,
599
00:40:06,805 --> 00:40:08,765
you know, it doesn't matter...
600
00:40:08,890 --> 00:40:12,352
if you're male or female
when it comes to losing your virginity.
601
00:40:13,686 --> 00:40:17,190
And... And there's no special age
when it has to happen,
602
00:40:17,273 --> 00:40:20,068
but there should be a special reason.
603
00:40:22,362 --> 00:40:23,863
When...
604
00:40:25,031 --> 00:40:27,492
When you love someone
so much that...
605
00:40:28,284 --> 00:40:31,788
making love with them
is the most natural way of expressing it.
606
00:40:35,291 --> 00:40:37,377
I never thought about it that way.
607
00:40:38,127 --> 00:40:39,838
Yeah, well,
608
00:40:39,921 --> 00:40:42,173
before that time comes, um,
609
00:40:42,841 --> 00:40:46,052
there are some other things
we should talk about, okay?
610
00:40:46,344 --> 00:40:49,013
Okay? I mean, you're 15,
611
00:40:49,389 --> 00:40:53,059
and... you should just
give yourself a little time.
612
00:40:55,770 --> 00:40:57,272
Okay.
613
00:40:57,564 --> 00:40:59,440
- Okay.
- I gotta go.
614
00:40:59,524 --> 00:41:01,526
Yeah. Oh, here, leave that.
I'll get it.
615
00:41:13,955 --> 00:41:15,623
Thanks, Mom.
616
00:41:18,334 --> 00:41:19,669
- Okay.
- See ya.
617
00:41:19,752 --> 00:41:21,671
Yeah. Yeah.
Have a good day.
618
00:41:26,843 --> 00:41:29,929
- That was nicely done, Sam.
- You think so?
619
00:41:30,013 --> 00:41:31,890
- Yeah.
- Why haven't I leaped?
620
00:41:32,015 --> 00:41:36,102
Uh, because I'm having
such a great time with Teresa.
621
00:41:37,020 --> 00:41:41,190
Uh, you'll probably leap
as soon as Kevin confronts his friends.
622
00:41:41,941 --> 00:41:43,818
Your laundry's done.
623
00:42:01,210 --> 00:42:04,005
Halfling's life is about to end.
624
00:42:04,505 --> 00:42:07,008
Death by virginity.
625
00:42:12,430 --> 00:42:13,932
Kevin.
626
00:42:16,976 --> 00:42:20,271
I'm sorry.
Last night was stupid and mean,
627
00:42:20,396 --> 00:42:23,399
and I wouldn't blame you if you
never wanted to talk to me again.
628
00:42:24,192 --> 00:42:28,196
But I'd really, really like it if you'd
want to be my date for Mardi Gras.
629
00:42:34,243 --> 00:42:36,412
Only if you don't wear heels.
630
00:42:37,080 --> 00:42:38,665
Come on.
631
00:42:39,165 --> 00:42:42,877
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you Virgin Man.
632
00:42:45,296 --> 00:42:47,131
You've gotta be kidding.
633
00:42:48,925 --> 00:42:50,593
Ooh!
634
00:42:50,677 --> 00:42:54,514
Ooh!
635
00:42:55,139 --> 00:42:57,892
Busted by a jester.
How degrading.
636
00:42:57,976 --> 00:43:00,687
You know, this means we're
gonna have to make him a wizard.
637
00:43:00,812 --> 00:43:02,480
We can't give him ultimate power.
638
00:43:02,563 --> 00:43:05,400
I don't think you guys,
uh, have a choice.
639
00:43:05,525 --> 00:43:08,820
Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!
640
00:43:08,945 --> 00:43:12,365
Kevin! Kevin! Kevin! Kevin!
641
00:43:14,117 --> 00:43:16,327
Okay, now,
what do we call this one?
642
00:43:16,452 --> 00:43:17,954
She's a little young, Al.
643
00:43:18,997 --> 00:43:21,833
Um, Tyrannosaurus rex.
644
00:43:28,965 --> 00:43:30,508
And this one?
645
00:43:31,592 --> 00:43:33,720
Um,
646
00:43:33,803 --> 00:43:35,513
stegosaurus.
647
00:43:36,556 --> 00:43:38,057
Right.
648
00:43:40,226 --> 00:43:41,894
How about this one?
649
00:43:43,396 --> 00:43:46,816
- Um, diplodocus.
- Yeah.
650
00:43:47,483 --> 00:43:48,860
Right.
651
00:43:52,780 --> 00:43:54,282
Al.
652
00:44:01,372 --> 00:44:02,999
Teresa,
653
00:44:06,127 --> 00:44:08,087
your mommy's coming back.
654
00:44:08,337 --> 00:44:10,715
- Mommy?
- Yeah.
655
00:44:11,090 --> 00:44:13,092
Can you stay?
656
00:44:13,843 --> 00:44:15,470
No.
657
00:44:16,679 --> 00:44:19,265
But I don't want you to go.
658
00:44:20,892 --> 00:44:22,643
Well, I don't want to go.
659
00:44:22,685 --> 00:44:25,521
But I'm gonna come back.
I don't know when,
660
00:44:25,938 --> 00:44:27,607
but I'll come back.
661
00:44:27,690 --> 00:44:29,233
Promise?
662
00:44:29,525 --> 00:44:31,110
I promise.
663
00:44:50,379 --> 00:44:52,173
Play now. Play now.
664
00:44:54,383 --> 00:44:58,262
- Come on. Come on.
- Go Jaguars!
665
00:45:04,894 --> 00:45:06,479
Oh, boy.
51005
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