All language subtitles for Batman S02E49 Catwoman Goes to College.DVDVRip.NonHI.en.WB

Gotham State Penitentiary, an impregnable
fortress under maximum security...

where rehabilitation, not
punishment, is the keynote.

Hello, Catwoman.

Mm, hello.

You're familiar with
millionaire Bruce Wayne?

Yes, we've met.

Is there any particular reason
you had me brought here?

I was taking my
afternoon catnap.

We're, uh, taking a
gamble on you, Catwoman.

Your parole application
has been granted...

due to the insistence of one
of the members of the board.

- You're letting me go?
- With this proviso...

a board member will
act as your parole officer.

He, heaven help him, will be
totally responsible for your actions.

Who's that?

Millionaire Bruce Wayne.

Warden...

I owe my life of crime to
the fact that I was a drop-out.

I'm going back to Gotham City
University to immerse myself in education.

Late the next night, a curious
happening takes shape...

in one of Gotham City
University's hallowed halls.

A student prank?

Or a feline scheme of that university's
most recently registered student?

Meanwhile, in Stately
Wayne Manor...

Yes, commissioner.

I'm not certain if this requires
your attention, Batman...

but some strange goings-on
have been going on.

Who is it this time, commissioner?
Joker, Egghead, Riddler, King Tut?

I don't know. A statue has been
stolen at Gotham City University.

Sounds like a
freshman prank to me.

Perhaps and then
again, perhaps not.

The statue was a full-sized
replica of you, Batman.

My graven image, eh? We'll
be right there, commissioner.

To the Batpoles.

Utterly baffling.

With all due respect to Batman's myriad
fans, why would anyone steal a mere statue?

Maybe it was some kind
of dumb fraternity stunt.

Unfortunately, I can think
of a more sinister reason.

What, Batman?

As you may recall...

that statue was made from
a perfect mold of my body.

And the costume is an exact
plaster duplicate of yours.

Precisely, Robin.

This theft may be the first step in
some diabolical imposture of myself.

Gosh, if we only had some clue.

There is one, Boy Wonder.

We found this freshman beanie, size 6 and
seven-eighths, at the scene of the outrage.

Can you trace it?

There are approximately 5700 male freshmen
enrolled for this semester at GCU...

3127 of them wear a size
6 and seven-eighths beanie.

It's a start.

May I see the beanie in
question, Chief O'Hara?

- Robin?
- Yes, Batman?

Do you see what I see?

Depends. What do you see?

A single strand of red hair.

- A clue?
- Could be a vital clue, Commissioner Gordon.

I've just perfected an
electronic hair Bat-analyzer...

which may hold the key
to this baffling question.

Let's go, Robin.

And in the basement of the
Eta Beta Lotka sorority house...

adjoining the GCU campus...

I gotta hand it to
you, Catwoman.

Hiding us out in a sorority
house was a stroke of genius.

Yeah. Who'd ever
think of looking for men...

- in an all-girls house?
- Ha, ha.

There's no time for self-aggrandizement.
There's work to be done.

- To be done. Cornell, have at it.
- Right, Catwoman.

Thank you very much...

ladies and gentlemen,
for all your applause...

but I don't really deserve it.

Thank you very much, ladies and
gentlemen, for all your applause...

but I don't really deserve it.

If I hadn't heard Batman with my
own ears, I wouldn't have believed it.

That's quite good, Cornell.

Just clear your throat
and you'll be perfect. Ha.

Ah.

Yes, that ought to do. Mm.

I'll try it on for size.

It's time for class.

Oh, listen, fellas. Make
sure you return that statue.

I want them to think it was a
simple-minded prank. Ha-ha-ha.

Come on, Penn.

Batman is guest
lecturer today...

and we wouldn't wanna miss
any of his pearls of wisdom.

Penn...

where's your beanie?

I... I must have
lost it somewhere.

Brown, lend him yours.

You cut class.

Catwoman.

You're under arrest.

You almost gave
me cataplexy. Ha!

I've created a monster. Ha, ha.

Oh, well. If I can't tell
the difference, who can?

I still think it's
pretty fishy, Batman.

Catwoman taking
Elementary Criminology.

I agree, Robin.

Better keep our eyes peeled.

Good day, students.

I'll begin by remarking that
criminology, like other sciences...

has made remarkable
strides over recent years.

Batman's right, students.

We catch more crooks in our
Batcave anti-crime lab than in the field.

For example, last night a certain statue
was purloined right here at Gotham City U.

This beanie was found
at the scene of the crime.

There was one strand of
red hair caught in the fabric.

I have microscopically analyzed
it and here are my findings.

From this single
strand of hair...

I've been able to determine...

that the man is 6 feet,
one-and-three-quarters inches in height...

is 36 years old, has
flat feet, wears glasses...

speaks in a deep voice
and suffers from hay fever.

Help. What do I do?

Cheese it.

I'll set off the bell with my
remote-control Cat-radio.

Pardon me.

Batman.

Okay. Okay. Now, if all you
students will just clear away...

Batman and I would
like to be alone.

What makes you
think so, Catwoman?

Ooh.

I just thought it
would be so amusing.

It would be the first time you
weren't trying to arrest me...

and I wasn't trying
to murder you.

Very well.

Just a second while I retrieve my beanie,
my hair, my tweezers, and my notes.

It gets fishier all
the time, Batman.

Did you happen to notice how the bell
rang two minutes after the class began?

Of course. She's up to something,
Robin. I'm merely playing along with it.

I'll bet every female
criminal in America...

would swap her time
off for good behavior...

just to change places with me.

- I'm flattered.
- Mm.

As soon as I graduate...

I'll be coming to you for a job.

What I want most in life is to
work side-by-side with you, Batman.

That job is filled.

Oh, Robin.

Well...

maybe by that time he'll be
all grown up and on his own.

I can't tell you how happy I
am about your change of heart.

You seem to have
lost all the egotism...

that once marred
your great beauty.

Batman?

- Batman, we've been framed.
- What?

I just heard over the radio,
someone who looks exactly like you...

has been positively identified
as having robbed a supermarket.

Well, at least that explains
the curious theft of that statue.

Don't move, you costumed-kook.
We've got you covered.

You're under arrest for
knocking off a supermarket.

Who the heck are you?

Name's Courageous.
Captain Courageous.

Just arrived here from Los Angeles
under the police-exchange program.

Holy Hollywood, an out-of-towner.
That's why he doesn't know who Batman is.

You say I've been
identified as a criminal?

Twenty witnesses.
What's your alibi?

I've been here all morning
sipping a soda with Catwoman.

- He was. I'll swear to that.
- Ha!

Who's gonna take the
word of a 50-time loser?

Slap the handcuffs on him, boys.

Here's a dime. Call
Commissioner Gordon.

Sorry, sonny. Only
one phone call allowed.

- To his lawyer, if the kook has one.
- That's right. Go ahead and make the call.

Your lawyer?

The number's in the phone book
under the firm name of Alfred and Alfred.

All right, let's get going.

Yes, Chief O'Hara.

I just heard there's to be a spontaneous
demonstration in Chimes Square tonight.

Well, now, who's
demonstrating and what for?

The students at Gotham
City University intend to loiter.

And what's more,
Catwoman is the loiter leader.

Catwoman?

Assign every man you have to
the Gotham Whiteway at dusk.

Yes, sir.

- Batman?
- Yes.

My card.

Serge Tort, attorney-at-law.

Specialist in felonies, misdemeanors,
and over-time parking tickets.

Uh, sit down, Mr. Tort.

It appears that someone has
been masquerading as me, Mr. Tort.

But I'm innocent,
you have my word.

Oh, I'm sure you
are, Mr. Batman.

But there is nothing more
damaging than eyewitness testimony.

Good luck, sir. Think
the disguise will work?

Let's hope so, Alfred.

Guard.

Let me out, please.

Ah, Captain Courageous.
How was the first day on the job?

Not bad. Not bad,
Commissioner Gordon.

I captured a desperate
criminal today.

Wonderful. Who was it?

Some joker calls himself Batman.

Batman? You ninny. Release
him and release him fast.

But... But... But...

You do very clever impressions
of a motorboat, captain.

- Get moving.
- Yes, sir.

- Hello?
- This is Commissioner Gordon.

- I'd like to speak to Mr. Wayne, please.
- Yes, just a moment.

Bruce.

It's Commissioner Gordon.

Thank you, Aunt Harriet.

- Hello, commissioner.
- I just thought you'd be sorry to learn...

that Catwoman intends to lead a sit-in tonight
in the heart of Chimes Square, Mr. Wayne.

I'm certain there's some
illegal reason behind it.

You're her parole
officer, aren't you?

I guess I haven't done a
very good job, commissioner.

Still, I must award you
an E for effort. Goodbye.

Commissioner, the
Batman's escaped.

Tied up a lawyer and
walked out in disguise.

Ha-ha-ha. Good old Batman.
No jail can hold him, not even ours.

He's probably at
the Batcave already.

You'll learn soon enough not
to doubt the masked manhunter.

Yes, commissioner. You're calling to tell
me about Catwoman's latest peregrinations.

Incredible.

I just heard about it
myself. How do you do it?

It's my job, commissioner.

I must stay at least two
steps ahead of each criminal.

We'll be at Chimes
Square tonight.

Holy crystal ball. How'd you
know the Batphone was gonna ring?

Elementary. I'll explain
on the way down.

To the Batpoles.

We have yet to determine
Catwoman's ultimate scheme.

Let's program the Bat-calendar and see what's
transpiring in Gotham City this fine day.

I'm sure we'll find the
answer to her plot here.

There's a prize cat show at
Gotham City Square Garden.

The opening of the Feline Fur
Salon on the Avenue of the Armenians.

A rock 'n' roll concert by The Lions
& the Tigers at Spayed Stadium.

And the Batagonian cat's-eye opal sale at
the offices of the Forever Jewel Company.

I'm afraid we have our
work cut out for us, Robin.

To the Batmobile.

Every year on this date...

the Batagonian cat's-eye opal people
arrive in Gotham City to sell their jewels.

Cat's-eye opals?
They're bad luck.

Pish-tosh. That's a
superstition not grounded in fact.

Anyway, they're worth millions.

- We gonna steal them?
- Naturally.

I've discovered where
the showroom sale is.

It'll be cat's play.

Yeah, but what about
Batman and the police?

As per my plan, Batman is
languishing in some jail. Ha, ha!

And the befuddled police
will have their gloves full...

just clearing those misguided
students off the streets.

You've come up with
a beaut, Catwoman.

Yes. Yes, I really have.

Cornell, go and get the
Cat-illac and bring it round.

We're gonna transform Chimes
Square into Crime Square.

And that night, in Chimes Square
on the Gotham City Whiteway...

There's only one way
for us to get our rights.

We must let the world
know about them.

Students everywhere will thank us
for what we are about to do tonight.

Are you ready?

Yes!

Go to it!

Go back, students. Go back.

Aww.

Go back to your
homes and hearths.

Can't you see she's trying to
lead you down a thorny path?

Batman? I thought
he was in jail.

I'm afraid that aside from
his many other attributes...

Batman is probably the
world's greatest escape artist.

No matter.

I have something infinitely
more fiendish in mind for him.

To the elevators.

Moments later, atop the
Gotham City Chimes Building...

Catwoman deploys her
forces in the blinking light...

of the Crespie's Coffee
mechanical billboard.

Well, citizen, to what do we
owe the pleasure of this visit?

I was hoping to revive my
TV show, People Are Funny...

but I can't seem to find any
unusual people in Gotham City.

No, this is just an ordinary,
fine, upstanding metropolis.

Not many weirdos.

- Any particular types in mind?
- Oh, someone perhaps with a strange costume.

Mm.

No, most of those characters like Joker,
Penguin, King Tut are safely locked up.

Maybe somebody with a dual identity
or a unique approach to a problem.

I'm climbing the
walls looking for them.

I wish we could help you.

But we're just a couple of ordinary crime
fighters going about our mundane business.

I see. Well, thank you for your interest.
Maybe I'll give up the whole idea.

Too bad. It's a great show.

Costume? Dual identity?
Climbing the walls?

Hey, Batman.

They should have
been here by now.

Here we are. - In the flesh.

Oh, Catwoman.

Catwoman, will you never learn?

Men!

Two obstacles stand between me
and you and a life of splendor and plenty.

Eradicate them.

Batman. Batman.

Get them.

You had your chance,
Catwoman, but you blew it.

You're a blot on the name
of Gotham City University.

When the students find out what
kind of a person you really are...

they'll hate you for forever.

Nobody loves me.

There, there,
Catwoman. It'll be all right.

Can I use my cat-kerchief?

I'm ruining my eyeshadow.

Of course.

Fools.

Don't they know that tears are a
woman's most effective weapon?

Batman.

Batman, wake up.

What are you doing?

I've flavored the coffee in this
peculator with a dash of sulfuric acid.

Once a minute, the peculator
pours its contents into the cup.

So if you get that searing feeling in
your stomachs, it won't be heartburn.

It'll be all burn.

Holy caffeine.

And best of all, everybody
will see you go up in smoke.

Look.

You have a perverted sense
of the dramatic, Catwoman.

You're absolutely right.

Brown, throw the switch.

You have one minute. Bye-bye.