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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:21,578 --> 00:00:23,434 Seventeen past the hour of 8:00 with tnt. 2 00:00:23,435 --> 00:00:24,970 We check your traffic every ten minutes. 3 00:00:24,971 --> 00:00:26,858 Here's Mike Nolan, kfi in the sky. 4 00:00:26,859 --> 00:00:28,874 Good morning, Tracy. Still busy southbound on the Hollywood. 5 00:00:28,875 --> 00:00:32,874 It'll be a struggle from Hollywood blvd toward alvarado. 6 00:00:32,875 --> 00:00:36,296 But overall, I think you'll enjoy this Monday morning ride. 7 00:01:08,295 --> 00:01:10,181 Man. 8 00:01:12,327 --> 00:01:13,541 Shit! 9 00:01:20,518 --> 00:01:23,972 Shit, my fucking keys. Fuck! 10 00:01:28,645 --> 00:01:30,724 Yes. I'd like to thank you for your order. 11 00:01:30,725 --> 00:01:32,421 You should receive your groom your Booty 12 00:01:32,422 --> 00:01:35,269 limited edition workout videos in two to three weeks. 13 00:01:35,270 --> 00:01:37,347 Yes. Okay. 14 00:01:38,149 --> 00:01:41,188 Hey. How are the calls today? 15 00:01:41,189 --> 00:01:43,843 I got the Booty calls, you got the tech support. 16 00:01:43,844 --> 00:01:48,066 Your stereotypical rubbish handed down by your bourgeoisie. 17 00:01:48,963 --> 00:01:51,811 Think she saw me come in late? 18 00:01:51,812 --> 00:01:55,524 She definitely didn't see you come in on time, drew. 19 00:01:55,525 --> 00:01:56,707 Thank you for calling vantage light bulb. 20 00:01:56,708 --> 00:01:58,530 How may I brighten up your day? 21 00:01:58,531 --> 00:02:00,419 Start by telling me why I've got an entire Christmas tree 22 00:02:00,420 --> 00:02:02,147 that won't light up. 23 00:02:02,148 --> 00:02:04,259 Who makes light bulbs that don't light up? 24 00:02:04,260 --> 00:02:05,826 Sir, I don't actually make the lights. 25 00:02:05,827 --> 00:02:07,874 I just try to provide a solution for your problem. 26 00:02:07,875 --> 00:02:09,730 Now, are your lights properly plugged in? 27 00:02:09,731 --> 00:02:12,098 Young man, I am a retired electrical engineer 28 00:02:12,099 --> 00:02:13,762 with the United States military. 29 00:02:13,763 --> 00:02:14,945 Yes, and thank you for that. 30 00:02:14,946 --> 00:02:16,738 So your lights are properly plugged 31 00:02:16,738 --> 00:02:18,176 into an electrical outlet? 32 00:02:19,618 --> 00:02:21,985 An electrical outlet! 33 00:02:21,985 --> 00:02:24,096 Thank you, Benjamin Franklin! 34 00:02:24,097 --> 00:02:26,849 All this time, I had them plugged into my dog's ass! 35 00:02:26,850 --> 00:02:29,824 Get me a supervisor, you idiot! 36 00:02:31,712 --> 00:02:33,631 Do you read the news, drew? 37 00:02:33,632 --> 00:02:35,104 Sometimes. 38 00:02:35,104 --> 00:02:36,800 How about the wall street parts? 39 00:02:36,801 --> 00:02:38,464 On occasion. 40 00:02:38,465 --> 00:02:40,672 I don't think you do because if you did, 41 00:02:40,673 --> 00:02:43,807 you'd realize that this country is in a financial crisis. 42 00:02:43,808 --> 00:02:47,902 It's on the brink of a national economical depression. 43 00:02:47,903 --> 00:02:50,335 It's gotten so bad that only one in twelve people 44 00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:51,807 are gainfully employed. 45 00:02:51,808 --> 00:02:54,079 Gainfully? 46 00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:58,077 I would think that the lucky few who have jobs 47 00:02:58,078 --> 00:03:01,310 would be bending over with gratitude. 48 00:03:01,311 --> 00:03:03,197 I... 49 00:03:04,478 --> 00:03:06,781 Are you bending, drew? 50 00:03:06,782 --> 00:03:09,534 I try and bend. 51 00:03:09,534 --> 00:03:12,667 Well, I don't see any bending. 52 00:03:13,437 --> 00:03:14,749 With a, 53 00:03:14,750 --> 00:03:17,852 a 49% call rating, 54 00:03:17,853 --> 00:03:19,804 I'm gonna go with no bending. 55 00:03:19,805 --> 00:03:21,756 I'll try to bend more. 56 00:03:21,757 --> 00:03:23,804 You will bend, drew. 57 00:03:23,805 --> 00:03:25,947 All eight hours of every shift, 58 00:03:25,948 --> 00:03:30,458 you will bend over and take everything I give you. 59 00:03:32,251 --> 00:03:34,683 Think of a... 60 00:03:34,684 --> 00:03:37,338 Think of a happy little giraffe. 61 00:03:37,339 --> 00:03:39,035 Ooh, ooh! He's running. 62 00:03:39,036 --> 00:03:40,667 He's running through a field in Africa. 63 00:03:41,947 --> 00:03:44,025 He sees a tree with some leaves. 64 00:03:46,043 --> 00:03:48,410 He's eating them. 65 00:03:48,411 --> 00:03:51,418 Aah! He's eating the leaves, but it's not leaves, drew! 66 00:03:51,419 --> 00:03:52,825 It's your asshole! 67 00:04:11,129 --> 00:04:14,360 Get back out there! Put the headset on your ears. 68 00:04:14,361 --> 00:04:17,623 Act like you give a damn about your job! 69 00:04:51,061 --> 00:04:53,269 Where did you get this? 70 00:04:53,270 --> 00:04:55,572 They're all over the Internet. 71 00:04:55,573 --> 00:04:56,853 This isn't me, ebony. 72 00:04:56,854 --> 00:04:58,548 That's not you? 73 00:04:58,549 --> 00:05:00,852 That's my face, not my body. 74 00:05:00,853 --> 00:05:02,804 So do you have a twin sister that you never mention? 75 00:05:02,805 --> 00:05:05,236 Zip it, Hugo! 76 00:05:05,237 --> 00:05:06,515 Zipping. 77 00:05:06,516 --> 00:05:09,459 Human resources is investigating as we speak. 78 00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:11,507 Human resources? I don't have time to talk about this. 79 00:05:11,508 --> 00:05:13,139 I gotta go pre-board. 80 00:05:13,140 --> 00:05:14,963 You are not going anywhere. They have grounded you 81 00:05:14,964 --> 00:05:17,043 until the investigation has wrapped. 82 00:05:17,044 --> 00:05:18,675 This is my job. 83 00:05:18,676 --> 00:05:19,987 Nikki, I've got direct orders. 84 00:05:19,988 --> 00:05:22,003 You are suspended indefinitely without pay. 85 00:05:22,004 --> 00:05:23,763 Now, I need your wings. 86 00:05:23,764 --> 00:05:25,105 Clipped. 87 00:05:26,642 --> 00:05:30,578 You obviously do not need these, fairy boy. 88 00:05:30,579 --> 00:05:32,913 At least I have wings. 89 00:05:34,290 --> 00:05:36,210 Every day I feel like I'm in prison in there. 90 00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:38,738 Yeah, but prison is prison 'cause you don't get a break. 91 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:39,953 - It's a metaphor. - You mean an analogy? 92 00:05:39,953 --> 00:05:41,201 I mean I hate my job. 93 00:05:41,202 --> 00:05:43,538 Lots of people hate their job, man. 94 00:05:43,539 --> 00:05:44,785 And my roommate. 95 00:05:44,786 --> 00:05:46,576 Roommates are roommates, dog. 96 00:05:46,577 --> 00:05:49,873 You think it helps me to echo what I say after I said it? 97 00:05:49,874 --> 00:05:52,721 Echo? These are words of affirmation. 98 00:05:52,722 --> 00:05:54,801 I'm trying to help you enjoy life, brother. Relax. 99 00:05:54,802 --> 00:05:56,656 Life? This is not a life. 100 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:59,280 I live in a one-bedroom apartment with a caveman. 101 00:05:59,281 --> 00:06:00,975 I failed the bar for the second time now, 102 00:06:00,976 --> 00:06:02,832 which means I gotta keep working at the call center, 103 00:06:02,833 --> 00:06:06,990 where Kathy wants to shove a giraffe into my ass. 104 00:06:08,111 --> 00:06:10,830 Damn. That does sound like prison. 105 00:06:11,694 --> 00:06:13,327 You might think it's funny, 106 00:06:13,328 --> 00:06:15,438 but the civil rights movement is no joke, drew. 107 00:06:15,439 --> 00:06:17,519 We have a black president. What more do you want? 108 00:06:17,520 --> 00:06:20,558 I want my forty acres and my fucking mule. How about that? 109 00:06:20,559 --> 00:06:22,094 My... 110 00:06:22,095 --> 00:06:24,590 What the fuck are you doing? 111 00:06:24,591 --> 00:06:26,190 - Perv! - My god. 112 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:27,790 - Hey! - Fuck is his problem? 113 00:06:27,791 --> 00:06:30,125 - Hey, are you okay? - I think so. 114 00:06:30,125 --> 00:06:32,013 What the hell was that? Did you see him? 115 00:06:32,014 --> 00:06:33,997 Yeah. He just pulled his penis out. 116 00:06:33,998 --> 00:06:36,461 Why didn't you do anything? 117 00:06:36,462 --> 00:06:38,413 Well, it happened really fast. 118 00:06:38,414 --> 00:06:40,813 Yes, hi. I need an officer. I was just... 119 00:06:40,814 --> 00:06:42,699 I don't know. I was humped. 120 00:06:42,700 --> 00:06:44,428 I'm not sticking around to hear that shit, man. 121 00:06:44,429 --> 00:06:47,564 African-Americans do not fare well at crime scenes. 122 00:06:47,565 --> 00:06:49,324 - Nate, you're overeating. - No, I'm not. 123 00:06:49,325 --> 00:06:50,924 Yes, he had a black face. 124 00:06:50,925 --> 00:06:52,779 Mask, okay? He had a mask. 125 00:06:52,780 --> 00:06:54,156 Not face. 126 00:06:54,157 --> 00:06:56,874 Get that shit right. 127 00:07:07,275 --> 00:07:09,481 Somebody report a hump and run? 128 00:07:09,482 --> 00:07:10,987 Yes, officer, I did. 129 00:07:10,988 --> 00:07:12,938 Is this the black face that dry humped you? 130 00:07:12,939 --> 00:07:15,210 - No, no, no. - No, he's gone. 131 00:07:15,211 --> 00:07:17,322 Put your hands in front of the vehicle, where I can see 'em. 132 00:07:17,323 --> 00:07:19,657 - What'd I do, officer? - Or you will be tased. 133 00:07:19,658 --> 00:07:21,482 This is racist, man. 134 00:07:21,483 --> 00:07:23,081 He didn't do anything, officer. 135 00:07:23,082 --> 00:07:25,448 - Who are you, sir? - My name is drew Thomas. 136 00:07:25,449 --> 00:07:27,528 Fantastic. I'm officer who-gives-a-shit. 137 00:07:27,529 --> 00:07:29,512 - What are you doing here? - He's a witness. 138 00:07:29,513 --> 00:07:32,584 - So you saw everything. - I was standing right here. 139 00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,632 And while the serial humper was just hammering away, 140 00:07:34,633 --> 00:07:36,872 you continued to just stand there? 141 00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,431 It happened really fast. 142 00:07:43,144 --> 00:07:45,991 Okay, Nancy, 143 00:07:45,992 --> 00:07:48,583 how about we start out with a thorough physical description. 144 00:07:48,584 --> 00:07:50,471 Well, I couldn't really see his face. 145 00:07:50,471 --> 00:07:53,703 Couldn't see? Because you didn't have your contact lenses in? 146 00:07:53,704 --> 00:07:56,295 No. I don't wear contact lenses. 147 00:07:56,296 --> 00:07:58,215 Because they irritate your eyes? 148 00:07:58,216 --> 00:08:00,390 No, I don't need them. 149 00:08:07,878 --> 00:08:09,796 You just hold on right there. We're not done yet. 150 00:08:10,949 --> 00:08:12,870 How many fingers am I holding up? 151 00:08:12,871 --> 00:08:14,852 One. 152 00:08:14,853 --> 00:08:17,669 One and three halves. That equals two and a half. 153 00:08:17,670 --> 00:08:19,653 I'm afraid you do need visual aids. 154 00:08:19,654 --> 00:08:22,436 I didn't think half fingers counted. 155 00:08:22,437 --> 00:08:23,972 Just like you didn't think a physical description 156 00:08:23,973 --> 00:08:25,796 would be necessary to apprehend the criminal. 157 00:08:25,797 --> 00:08:28,292 Hey, officers, this is about me. 158 00:08:28,293 --> 00:08:30,211 So while this citizen was happily complacent, 159 00:08:30,212 --> 00:08:32,068 were you able to secure any details? 160 00:08:32,069 --> 00:08:33,892 Yes, and I already told you he had a black face. 161 00:08:33,893 --> 00:08:35,364 Mask, goddamn it! 162 00:08:35,365 --> 00:08:37,668 - Hey, you shut your mouth! - It was a mask. 163 00:08:37,669 --> 00:08:39,523 You wanna get tased? Just get the hell out of here. 164 00:08:39,524 --> 00:08:42,402 Thank you, officer. 165 00:08:42,403 --> 00:08:45,507 You know what? My work is done here. 166 00:08:45,508 --> 00:08:48,547 To make it official, ma'am, please fill out that form 167 00:08:48,548 --> 00:08:50,243 and mail it to the address below. 168 00:08:50,244 --> 00:08:53,249 That's it? She just mails it and then just waits? 169 00:08:53,250 --> 00:08:55,042 Affirmative. Or you can do it for her 170 00:08:55,043 --> 00:08:57,280 if you're not just still standing here. 171 00:09:07,426 --> 00:09:09,025 Really? 172 00:09:09,026 --> 00:09:11,905 Hope you have a better rest of your day, ma'am. 173 00:09:11,906 --> 00:09:13,088 Ready, rookie? 174 00:09:17,185 --> 00:09:19,936 I get fired for naked pictures and humped by a dog in a mask. 175 00:09:19,937 --> 00:09:21,152 That's normal, right? 176 00:09:21,153 --> 00:09:22,784 Naked pictures? 177 00:09:22,785 --> 00:09:25,376 Now I'm late for class. Just keeps getting better. 178 00:09:25,377 --> 00:09:27,359 For the naked pictures or... 179 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:29,630 You know what? Forget about it. Forget about this too. 180 00:09:29,631 --> 00:09:32,351 Really? I could fill this out for you and totally call you. 181 00:09:32,352 --> 00:09:35,581 No. Just pretend you got good Karma coming your way, right? 182 00:09:36,510 --> 00:09:38,173 Right. 183 00:09:44,062 --> 00:09:47,197 "Evan polus. Starmaker academy." 184 00:09:49,309 --> 00:09:51,933 Evan, hi! This is Sara! I did it! 185 00:09:51,934 --> 00:09:53,789 I walked in the room and killed it. 186 00:09:53,790 --> 00:09:56,221 See ya soon, or should I say, "you'll see me soon." 187 00:09:56,222 --> 00:09:58,973 Evan, Mr. polus, it's al. 188 00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:02,845 I just had my final callback on that boxing film. They want me! 189 00:10:02,846 --> 00:10:05,981 I used all your techniques, and I killed. You're a genius. 190 00:10:05,982 --> 00:10:08,379 I'm gonna blow this town away. Whoo! 191 00:10:09,885 --> 00:10:11,836 Darren Hughes here from Mulholland productions. 192 00:10:11,837 --> 00:10:14,491 Just had two more of your people drop by my office. 193 00:10:14,492 --> 00:10:17,212 Listen, I haven't seen talent like that since, 194 00:10:17,213 --> 00:10:20,220 well, let's be honest, ever. 195 00:10:20,221 --> 00:10:24,571 See, if I had a beer for every one of these messages, 196 00:10:24,572 --> 00:10:26,491 this entire room would be foaming 197 00:10:26,492 --> 00:10:28,794 in the suds of drunkenness. 198 00:10:28,795 --> 00:10:35,962 Now, you people sit here longing to be intoxicated by stardom. 199 00:10:35,963 --> 00:10:37,594 How the hell are you gonna make it 200 00:10:37,595 --> 00:10:39,418 like these people on my machine? 201 00:10:39,419 --> 00:10:43,417 Well, folks, it's simple. 202 00:10:43,418 --> 00:10:47,896 You're gonna do exactly what I tell you to do. 203 00:10:47,897 --> 00:10:51,129 Now, you want to get smart and do your own thing, all right. 204 00:10:51,130 --> 00:10:54,105 But please, don't come running back to daddy 205 00:10:54,106 --> 00:10:56,024 after you've been chewed up and spat out 206 00:10:56,025 --> 00:10:57,848 onto the urine-filled streets. 207 00:10:57,849 --> 00:11:00,536 I'm the only person in this town 208 00:11:00,537 --> 00:11:02,904 who can take you right to the top, baby. 209 00:11:02,905 --> 00:11:05,656 Now, the sooner you realize how lucky you are 210 00:11:05,657 --> 00:11:08,088 to be here under my tutelage, 211 00:11:08,089 --> 00:11:11,543 the sooner you people will be shining brighter 212 00:11:11,544 --> 00:11:15,064 than the big fucking Dipper. 213 00:11:15,065 --> 00:11:16,728 So... 214 00:11:16,729 --> 00:11:19,191 Watch out, NASA. 215 00:11:19,192 --> 00:11:23,573 It's time to discover some new stars. 216 00:11:25,271 --> 00:11:27,862 That little Daisy Duke outfit got me going. 217 00:11:27,863 --> 00:11:31,606 Damn, if I were you, I'd get ahold of that ass quick. 218 00:11:31,607 --> 00:11:34,198 That's amazing advice, as per usual. 219 00:11:34,199 --> 00:11:36,790 Without her job, she's gonna need a new pilot. 220 00:11:36,791 --> 00:11:39,861 I could be your copilot, drew. 221 00:11:39,862 --> 00:11:42,709 We can fly her into some international territory. 222 00:11:42,710 --> 00:11:44,501 What does that even mean? 223 00:11:44,502 --> 00:11:45,973 This is your copilot checking in. 224 00:11:45,974 --> 00:11:47,604 We're clear for takeoff. 225 00:11:47,605 --> 00:11:50,995 Expect a bouncy ride with hella turbulence, you know? 226 00:11:55,284 --> 00:11:56,404 Just like that. 227 00:11:56,405 --> 00:11:58,643 You are sick. 228 00:11:58,644 --> 00:12:00,788 Tell me again why you didn't get her number? 229 00:12:00,789 --> 00:12:03,282 I know exactly where to find her. 230 00:12:05,716 --> 00:12:07,826 Why did you leave me here so soon, Michael? 231 00:12:07,827 --> 00:12:10,546 You're my best friend. 232 00:12:10,547 --> 00:12:12,403 You're my best friend. 233 00:12:12,404 --> 00:12:14,098 You're my best friend. 234 00:12:17,170 --> 00:12:18,386 You're my best friend, Michael. 235 00:12:18,387 --> 00:12:20,210 Jesus! 236 00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:22,097 Dude, what? 237 00:12:23,154 --> 00:12:25,873 Who is Michael? 238 00:12:25,874 --> 00:12:27,089 Apparently an overdose victim. 239 00:12:27,090 --> 00:12:29,745 He was your best friend. 240 00:12:29,746 --> 00:12:31,057 No. 241 00:12:31,058 --> 00:12:33,072 It's from a monologue. 242 00:12:33,073 --> 00:12:34,545 Do you knock? 243 00:12:34,546 --> 00:12:36,816 Who's that man in the mirror? 244 00:12:36,817 --> 00:12:38,384 What? 245 00:12:38,385 --> 00:12:41,297 That man in the mirror is you, drew. 246 00:12:41,298 --> 00:12:43,472 He's your best friend now that Michael has passed. 247 00:12:43,473 --> 00:12:45,967 He's always there. 248 00:12:45,968 --> 00:12:50,190 And sometimes he is all you have. 249 00:12:51,952 --> 00:12:54,576 Thank you for that, hansel. 250 00:12:54,577 --> 00:12:57,390 Can you please shut my door now? 251 00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:29,260 No. No, I don't think you get it, Hugo. 252 00:13:29,261 --> 00:13:31,148 I need something different. 253 00:13:31,149 --> 00:13:33,515 Something strange. 254 00:13:35,948 --> 00:13:37,068 What are you laughing at? 255 00:13:37,069 --> 00:13:39,083 No, I'm not. 256 00:13:39,084 --> 00:13:40,620 Wanna open the door? 257 00:13:40,621 --> 00:13:42,123 Okay. 258 00:13:44,044 --> 00:13:45,834 Here you go. 259 00:13:46,955 --> 00:13:48,523 Close it. 260 00:13:48,524 --> 00:13:50,473 Close it! 261 00:13:53,547 --> 00:13:55,371 My god! Get off of me! 262 00:13:55,372 --> 00:13:56,555 You like this? 263 00:13:56,556 --> 00:13:58,187 Get off of me! Get the fuck off me! 264 00:13:58,188 --> 00:13:59,915 I can hold you all day, woman. 265 00:13:59,916 --> 00:14:01,194 Let me go! 266 00:14:01,195 --> 00:14:03,146 Get the fuck off me, you big bitch! 267 00:14:03,147 --> 00:14:04,971 - Stop! - What are you doing? 268 00:14:04,972 --> 00:14:07,177 Drew? My god! 269 00:14:07,178 --> 00:14:08,554 Dammit, dammit, dammit! 270 00:14:08,555 --> 00:14:10,378 No, babe, you got this, you got this. 271 00:14:10,379 --> 00:14:12,905 Stay in the moment, Nikki. Keep it. Use it! 272 00:14:12,906 --> 00:14:15,496 I think I'm still warm. I think I'm still warm. 273 00:14:15,497 --> 00:14:17,098 Yeah. I'm gonna go unleash the beast. 274 00:14:17,099 --> 00:14:19,049 Fuck yeah, bitch. Blow 'em away, baby. 275 00:14:19,050 --> 00:14:22,152 - Here it comes! - Blow 'em away, baby! 276 00:14:22,153 --> 00:14:24,039 Yeah! 277 00:14:25,096 --> 00:14:27,176 I was warming her up, you idiot. 278 00:14:27,177 --> 00:14:29,414 Newbie class is that way. 279 00:14:31,143 --> 00:14:33,800 You'll never be a star. 280 00:14:33,801 --> 00:14:35,111 Cocksucker! 281 00:15:17,156 --> 00:15:19,651 Good evening! 282 00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:22,051 And welcome to the world famous 283 00:15:22,052 --> 00:15:28,675 starmaker academy! 284 00:15:30,051 --> 00:15:34,626 Brace yourselves for your group numbers. 285 00:15:39,971 --> 00:15:42,369 Shh... 286 00:15:44,834 --> 00:15:46,946 Tonight you'll be stripped 287 00:15:46,947 --> 00:15:49,825 to the barest of your vulnerable bones. 288 00:15:49,826 --> 00:15:53,794 Studies have found that most people would rather not live 289 00:15:53,795 --> 00:15:58,305 than speak in front of a live audience. 290 00:15:58,306 --> 00:16:02,081 Well, you are the brave. 291 00:16:02,082 --> 00:16:05,824 Que se dice, my brotha? 292 00:16:05,825 --> 00:16:07,169 What... 293 00:16:07,170 --> 00:16:09,823 That's Italian for hello. 294 00:16:09,824 --> 00:16:11,616 Sei de ce CIA dito! 295 00:16:11,617 --> 00:16:13,344 Move. 296 00:16:13,345 --> 00:16:18,143 That's Italian for "you're late! Sit down, please!" 297 00:16:18,144 --> 00:16:20,127 What? 298 00:16:20,128 --> 00:16:21,599 As I was saying, 299 00:16:21,600 --> 00:16:24,798 you will be standing here delivering your monologue 300 00:16:24,799 --> 00:16:26,079 that you have chosen 301 00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:31,166 that will accentuate how far, how deep, 302 00:16:31,167 --> 00:16:38,813 how wide your potential as an actor should be. 303 00:16:38,814 --> 00:16:43,325 The great Evan polus has interested me as his gatekeeper 304 00:16:43,326 --> 00:16:46,109 to determine who gets in his class 305 00:16:46,110 --> 00:16:50,844 and who get stopped short of stardom. 306 00:16:50,845 --> 00:16:52,892 If your group succeeds, 307 00:16:52,893 --> 00:16:56,603 you will advance to Evan polus' class 308 00:16:56,604 --> 00:16:58,940 and have the opportunity 309 00:16:58,941 --> 00:17:04,986 to be in Hollywood's greatest showcase ever. 310 00:17:06,364 --> 00:17:10,588 Do you wanna work eight, ten fucking hours? 311 00:17:10,588 --> 00:17:13,212 You own nothing. You got nothing. 312 00:17:13,212 --> 00:17:16,187 Do you know I eat octopus three times a day? 313 00:17:16,188 --> 00:17:19,802 I've got octopus coming out of my fucking ears. 314 00:17:19,803 --> 00:17:24,058 I got the fucking Russian shoes, and my feet is coming through. 315 00:17:24,059 --> 00:17:27,450 Hey, I'm no fucking criminal, man. 316 00:17:27,451 --> 00:17:30,617 I'm Tony Montana, political prisoner from Cuba, 317 00:17:30,618 --> 00:17:33,401 and I want my fucking human rights now. 318 00:17:35,291 --> 00:17:38,936 What a dork! 319 00:17:38,937 --> 00:17:40,185 Good job, rowe. 320 00:17:40,186 --> 00:17:43,064 That shit sucked! 321 00:17:43,065 --> 00:17:46,872 As you can see, no one can become a star overnight. 322 00:17:46,873 --> 00:17:49,528 It is an evolution. 323 00:17:49,529 --> 00:17:52,824 Even Brad Pitt was a pathetic little lungfish. 324 00:17:52,825 --> 00:17:54,776 Then we made him a star. 325 00:17:54,777 --> 00:17:56,535 Brad Pitt didn't go here. 326 00:17:56,536 --> 00:17:58,999 I don't know, did he? 327 00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:01,879 Mr. Italy, do you have a name? 328 00:18:01,880 --> 00:18:04,279 Rubisio uccellini. 329 00:18:04,280 --> 00:18:06,199 And I have a lot more than just a name. 330 00:18:06,200 --> 00:18:07,671 Beautiful. 331 00:18:07,672 --> 00:18:10,230 Let the evolution begin. 332 00:18:13,238 --> 00:18:18,518 Max calls me up and says, "que ce dice, my brotha?" 333 00:18:18,519 --> 00:18:20,021 I think I got heat. 334 00:18:20,022 --> 00:18:23,158 "Stay on this cell phone with me." 335 00:18:23,159 --> 00:18:25,013 He comes out of his driveway and says, 336 00:18:25,014 --> 00:18:30,101 "I think they're coming from every direction, my brotha! 337 00:18:30,102 --> 00:18:34,421 I got bags full of money just buried in my lawn." 338 00:18:34,422 --> 00:18:38,932 So that night, I'm out there with a flashlight 339 00:18:38,933 --> 00:18:41,875 just digging up bags of money! 340 00:18:43,220 --> 00:18:44,563 The end. 341 00:18:47,189 --> 00:18:49,939 Uccellini! Ha ha! 342 00:18:52,755 --> 00:18:54,290 Good job, rubisio. 343 00:18:55,860 --> 00:18:58,002 Quick question. 344 00:18:58,003 --> 00:19:00,594 Our assignment was to prepare a monologue 345 00:19:00,595 --> 00:19:01,842 from a narrative film, right? 346 00:19:01,843 --> 00:19:03,218 Right. 347 00:19:03,219 --> 00:19:04,721 That was from a documentary. 348 00:19:04,722 --> 00:19:06,290 Who the hell are you? 349 00:19:06,291 --> 00:19:08,498 It's a monologue taken from an amazing movie, 350 00:19:08,499 --> 00:19:10,545 the cocaine cowboys. 351 00:19:10,546 --> 00:19:13,298 Which was a documentary with live interviews, 352 00:19:13,299 --> 00:19:15,378 so there weren't actually actors in it. 353 00:19:15,379 --> 00:19:16,626 It was real. 354 00:19:16,627 --> 00:19:18,898 John Wayne was cowboy! 355 00:19:18,899 --> 00:19:20,913 He was a real cowboy. 356 00:19:20,914 --> 00:19:22,801 So if you're not a fan of real movies, 357 00:19:22,802 --> 00:19:24,369 then you're probably not gonna be a fan 358 00:19:24,370 --> 00:19:25,969 of all the other real shit that I have for you. 359 00:19:25,970 --> 00:19:27,408 Cut! 360 00:19:27,409 --> 00:19:28,528 Let's see what you got, Shakespeare. 361 00:19:28,529 --> 00:19:30,415 The director has yelled cut! 362 00:19:31,536 --> 00:19:33,360 Now, class, self-control 363 00:19:33,361 --> 00:19:36,816 is an important aspect of this business. 364 00:19:36,817 --> 00:19:40,240 Sometimes it's okay to punch a thrust. 365 00:19:40,241 --> 00:19:44,591 Other times, you need to punch a thrust. 366 00:19:44,592 --> 00:19:45,807 Yes, chance. 367 00:19:45,808 --> 00:19:47,887 Did John Wayne really smoke cocaine? 368 00:19:47,888 --> 00:19:49,711 I'm right here, chance. 369 00:19:49,712 --> 00:19:53,519 And no, John Wayne was not a cocaine cowboy. 370 00:19:53,520 --> 00:19:55,631 Can my monologue be John Wayne? 371 00:19:55,632 --> 00:19:58,030 Did you prepare a John Wayne monologue? 372 00:19:58,031 --> 00:20:02,125 The title of my monologue is "Ruby." 373 00:20:02,126 --> 00:20:04,782 Ruby. Ruby. What is Ruby? 374 00:20:04,783 --> 00:20:08,845 Ruby is an Italian guy who is in my acting class. 375 00:20:08,846 --> 00:20:11,437 He thinks he's really big and macho. 376 00:20:11,438 --> 00:20:13,933 But if Ruby had half the cock I have, 377 00:20:13,934 --> 00:20:16,653 he wouldn't have to be so macho, would he? 378 00:20:16,654 --> 00:20:19,180 Que dice, beeyotch! 379 00:20:19,181 --> 00:20:21,101 Um... 380 00:20:21,102 --> 00:20:24,267 Give me back my family, fucker! 381 00:20:32,012 --> 00:20:34,411 You know, one time, I... 382 00:20:34,412 --> 00:20:36,683 I had to be in a little play, 383 00:20:36,684 --> 00:20:40,460 and I... I swallowed the harmonica. 384 00:20:40,461 --> 00:20:44,266 They had to give me the hemlock treatment. 385 00:20:45,642 --> 00:20:48,938 Why'd you leave me here all alone? 386 00:20:48,939 --> 00:20:51,401 You were my best friend, Michael. 387 00:20:52,649 --> 00:20:53,833 Scene? 388 00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:04,169 Who's next? 389 00:21:06,314 --> 00:21:08,073 How 'bout you? 390 00:21:08,074 --> 00:21:11,687 Tears just streamed down my tired eyes. 391 00:21:14,280 --> 00:21:16,391 And then he came. 392 00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:20,390 And he kissed me. 393 00:21:22,632 --> 00:21:27,207 And with a ring on my finger 394 00:21:27,208 --> 00:21:29,255 and in a promise in my heart, 395 00:21:29,256 --> 00:21:33,447 I can say that I am loved. 396 00:21:33,448 --> 00:21:35,335 Alas... 397 00:21:35,335 --> 00:21:38,053 I am finally loved. 398 00:21:40,775 --> 00:21:42,373 Scene. 399 00:21:47,717 --> 00:21:49,222 Brilliant. 400 00:21:49,223 --> 00:21:51,557 Not a single string in my heart was unstrung. 401 00:21:51,558 --> 00:21:56,868 I feel like I was ridden hard and put away hot and wet. 402 00:21:58,149 --> 00:21:59,844 Okay, it is time 403 00:21:59,845 --> 00:22:02,244 for you to become acquainted with your fellow numbers. 404 00:22:02,245 --> 00:22:04,996 You will be rehearsing with them this week. 405 00:22:04,997 --> 00:22:08,196 Que se dice, my brothas! 406 00:22:08,197 --> 00:22:10,915 Now it looks like this group might have a fighting chance. 407 00:22:10,916 --> 00:22:12,388 Why is that? 408 00:22:12,389 --> 00:22:15,747 Why? Because I'm in it tinker bell. 409 00:22:15,748 --> 00:22:21,058 Tony Montana, puta, octopus! 410 00:22:21,059 --> 00:22:23,555 Dork! 411 00:22:23,555 --> 00:22:26,755 Well, welcome. We're just trying to figure out where to meet 412 00:22:26,756 --> 00:22:27,971 to practice our scene. 413 00:22:27,972 --> 00:22:29,123 Do you live close by? 414 00:22:29,124 --> 00:22:31,682 You got a house, don't you? 415 00:22:31,683 --> 00:22:33,953 - Yeah, but... - Okay, cool. Let's go there. 416 00:22:33,954 --> 00:22:35,298 No. It's not the kind of place where- 417 00:22:35,299 --> 00:22:37,219 hey, we're going to your house. 418 00:22:37,219 --> 00:22:39,873 The dork, the fairy and i will see you there. 419 00:22:39,874 --> 00:22:42,400 Uccellini is out. 420 00:22:46,209 --> 00:22:49,152 He just made the bear touch my penis. 421 00:22:49,153 --> 00:22:51,969 My god, you were so amazing, babe. 422 00:22:51,970 --> 00:22:55,905 Like your boobs were heaving and your mouth was like, 423 00:22:55,906 --> 00:22:58,560 like pulsing with rage and... 424 00:22:58,561 --> 00:23:00,832 See, I thought i was the best too. 425 00:23:00,832 --> 00:23:03,679 Your hair is like so silky and... 426 00:23:03,680 --> 00:23:05,312 - Hi, Nikki. - Hey. 427 00:23:05,312 --> 00:23:09,024 Hey, just so you know, stalking is a felony. 428 00:23:09,025 --> 00:23:10,943 Heidi, rude. 429 00:23:10,944 --> 00:23:13,247 - You go here now? - Yeah. 430 00:23:13,248 --> 00:23:14,973 Gotta go. 431 00:23:22,622 --> 00:23:25,246 Help me, mommy! 432 00:23:25,247 --> 00:23:30,557 I'm a big stalker creepy douchebag! 433 00:23:33,566 --> 00:23:38,205 I can reserve the banquet hall at my community center. 434 00:23:38,206 --> 00:23:40,956 We'll have plenty of privacy there. 435 00:23:40,957 --> 00:23:42,652 That's a really good idea, Ruth. 436 00:23:42,653 --> 00:23:44,445 Maybe after we rehearse a couple of times, 437 00:23:44,445 --> 00:23:46,524 we could have some of your neighbors was us perform it. 438 00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:50,716 Wait until the older folks see you. 439 00:23:50,717 --> 00:23:55,707 They're gonna wanna snuggle you six days from Sunday. 440 00:23:59,387 --> 00:24:02,298 I've wanted you for so long. 441 00:24:02,299 --> 00:24:04,763 But this just feels so wrong. 442 00:24:04,764 --> 00:24:06,970 Shh. Don't think about it. 443 00:24:06,971 --> 00:24:09,147 Just enjoy the fact that you're about to be 444 00:24:09,148 --> 00:24:12,794 with the best-looking man in your life. 445 00:24:12,795 --> 00:24:15,354 Uccellini. 446 00:24:15,355 --> 00:24:16,762 Uccellini? 447 00:24:16,763 --> 00:24:18,330 Yeah. 448 00:24:18,331 --> 00:24:20,280 Come here. 449 00:24:23,034 --> 00:24:24,057 Lulu. 450 00:24:24,058 --> 00:24:27,161 I slave away all day 451 00:24:27,162 --> 00:24:30,682 while you stay in my office and humpy hump? 452 00:24:30,683 --> 00:24:31,929 What, this? 453 00:24:31,930 --> 00:24:33,849 No. We were just talking is all. 454 00:24:33,850 --> 00:24:34,936 Nothing happen, Lulu. 455 00:24:34,937 --> 00:24:36,888 You shut your mouth, lele. 456 00:24:38,904 --> 00:24:40,248 Lulu. 457 00:24:40,249 --> 00:24:41,688 Lulu, stop. 458 00:24:41,689 --> 00:24:44,920 Stop. Listen. Look, we talked about this, 459 00:24:44,921 --> 00:24:48,311 a guy that looks as good as I do can't be monogamous forever. 460 00:24:48,312 --> 00:24:50,839 Sometimes I need something different, you know? 461 00:24:50,840 --> 00:24:52,247 A little strange. 462 00:24:52,248 --> 00:24:54,039 Strange? 463 00:24:54,040 --> 00:24:56,951 And that's why you wanna be with my twin sister? 464 00:24:56,952 --> 00:24:58,647 You dumb little fuck! 465 00:24:58,648 --> 00:25:01,943 Okay, okay. Listen, stop. 466 00:25:01,944 --> 00:25:03,575 What about my headshots? 467 00:25:03,576 --> 00:25:07,125 You dropped your little gummy worm in the wrong pond. 468 00:25:07,126 --> 00:25:09,110 Now you have no headshots! 469 00:25:09,111 --> 00:25:10,550 Okay, look, look, look. 470 00:25:10,551 --> 00:25:12,470 Listen, what if i go to the house, 471 00:25:12,471 --> 00:25:15,382 and we talk about this when you get home? 472 00:25:15,383 --> 00:25:17,878 You don't have a house anymore, hotshot. 473 00:25:17,879 --> 00:25:19,157 You just got evicted. 474 00:25:19,158 --> 00:25:22,069 Hello! Come on in, take a seat. 475 00:25:22,070 --> 00:25:24,947 Lulu, let's talk one more time, please. 476 00:25:26,388 --> 00:25:27,860 Hey, you know what? 477 00:25:27,861 --> 00:25:30,068 You're the one that's missing out. 478 00:25:30,069 --> 00:25:31,859 Uccellini! 479 00:25:38,707 --> 00:25:40,339 This mind and this body? 480 00:25:40,340 --> 00:25:42,164 She's gonna be on a wounded knee, 481 00:25:42,165 --> 00:25:44,787 begging this prodigy son to return. 482 00:25:44,788 --> 00:25:46,867 I think what you're referring to 483 00:25:46,868 --> 00:25:50,611 just happens to be the story of prodigal son. 484 00:25:50,612 --> 00:25:54,642 It has absolutely nothing to do with Asian sisters 485 00:25:54,643 --> 00:25:57,074 or wounded knees 486 00:25:57,075 --> 00:26:00,273 or morons in leisure suits on the fucking clock. 487 00:26:00,274 --> 00:26:02,322 Hey, step down, old man. 488 00:26:02,323 --> 00:26:06,066 We don't any philigisticsum from the walnut gallery, all right? 489 00:26:06,067 --> 00:26:10,097 The prodigal son was ignorant and arrogant. 490 00:26:10,098 --> 00:26:12,785 But he had all the necessary means for success, 491 00:26:12,786 --> 00:26:15,217 but only after returning home 492 00:26:15,218 --> 00:26:18,288 to the wisdom and guidance of his father. 493 00:26:18,289 --> 00:26:22,480 You have the roar of a lion, 494 00:26:22,481 --> 00:26:28,144 but a lion who's stuck in a cold cage, 495 00:26:28,145 --> 00:26:31,216 waiting to be warmed up, 496 00:26:31,217 --> 00:26:34,671 warmed enough so you can crawl out of your den 497 00:26:34,672 --> 00:26:37,774 and discover your time to kill. 498 00:26:39,855 --> 00:26:43,182 Greed, passion, anger, jealousy. 499 00:26:43,183 --> 00:26:44,559 I say we go for it. 500 00:26:44,560 --> 00:26:47,022 I'm not doing a scene from bring it on. 501 00:26:47,023 --> 00:26:48,750 Sounds like a total bitch fest. 502 00:26:48,751 --> 00:26:52,621 And rubisio uccellini ain't no bitch. 503 00:26:52,622 --> 00:26:55,149 I say we do a scene from the godfather. 504 00:26:55,150 --> 00:26:57,773 Actually, I've never seen the godfather. 505 00:26:57,774 --> 00:26:59,341 That's 'cause you're an idiot. 506 00:26:59,342 --> 00:27:01,485 That's productive. 507 00:27:01,486 --> 00:27:03,501 Othello's here. 508 00:27:03,502 --> 00:27:05,741 Of course I'm here. This is my house. 509 00:27:05,742 --> 00:27:07,597 And it's really nice. 510 00:27:07,598 --> 00:27:11,084 Come on, you guys, why don't we do a scene from stand by me? 511 00:27:11,085 --> 00:27:13,260 There's four of them, and there's four of us. 512 00:27:13,261 --> 00:27:14,891 There we go. That's a start. 513 00:27:14,892 --> 00:27:16,172 Three claps for rowe. 514 00:27:16,173 --> 00:27:18,252 Those kids are like eight years old. 515 00:27:18,253 --> 00:27:20,172 I'm not gonna pretend to be a kid. 516 00:27:20,173 --> 00:27:22,890 I don't think you'd have to pretend. 517 00:27:31,178 --> 00:27:33,867 Were they friends with Michael? 518 00:27:33,868 --> 00:27:34,987 No, hansel. 519 00:27:34,987 --> 00:27:37,098 That was from a monologue. 520 00:27:37,099 --> 00:27:40,009 These are actors from an acting class. 521 00:27:40,415 --> 00:28:09,089 WwW.ZooCine.CoM Watch Movies & Series! 522 00:28:17,607 --> 00:28:20,199 Hi. Hey, sir. I'm rowe. 523 00:28:20,200 --> 00:28:23,398 I'm sure you are. 524 00:28:23,399 --> 00:28:25,222 And that's my hookah. 525 00:28:25,223 --> 00:28:27,845 I'm so sorry, i... 526 00:28:30,662 --> 00:28:32,292 What the fuck? 527 00:28:35,878 --> 00:28:37,157 Thank you. 528 00:29:21,986 --> 00:29:25,250 I no wanna you go, papa. 529 00:29:25,251 --> 00:29:27,682 That's gonna be on television? 530 00:29:27,683 --> 00:29:30,338 They're performing for us. You're interrupting. 531 00:29:30,339 --> 00:29:32,481 Well, I hate it. I want my ticket money back. 532 00:29:32,482 --> 00:29:36,992 I'll miss you like the dickens, sweetheart. 533 00:29:38,690 --> 00:29:40,511 I love you, papa. 534 00:29:42,465 --> 00:29:45,408 Why is that girl calling that little boy "daddy"? 535 00:29:45,409 --> 00:29:49,695 Is this some of that perverted adult smut? 536 00:29:49,696 --> 00:29:52,768 It's a theatrical performance, you blowhard! 537 00:29:52,769 --> 00:29:54,719 Like a dinner theater? 538 00:29:54,720 --> 00:29:57,567 Like a dinner theater, Lenny. 539 00:29:57,568 --> 00:30:00,383 Well, I'd like a Salisbury steak. 540 00:30:00,384 --> 00:30:04,031 That tears it! That tears it! That tears it! 541 00:30:04,032 --> 00:30:06,047 That's the end of it! The end of it! 542 00:30:06,048 --> 00:30:10,814 Dear, dear, dear. 543 00:30:10,815 --> 00:30:15,103 It's not my fault that nobody wants to hire these rejects. 544 00:30:15,104 --> 00:30:16,606 So tell them that. 545 00:30:16,607 --> 00:30:19,038 Listen here, you dry humping fuck, 546 00:30:19,039 --> 00:30:23,389 you don't tell daddy what he can and what he can't do. 547 00:30:23,390 --> 00:30:26,844 You know, you do a lot of talking with your pelvic region. 548 00:30:39,708 --> 00:30:42,523 Where the fuck is chance? 549 00:30:49,371 --> 00:30:51,035 Hey, drew. 550 00:30:51,036 --> 00:30:52,123 Hey, Hannah. 551 00:30:52,124 --> 00:30:53,883 How did it go with your group? 552 00:30:53,884 --> 00:30:58,810 I wouldn't really know how to put it into words. 553 00:30:58,811 --> 00:31:01,722 - Hey, drew-hoo. - Hey, Nikki. 554 00:31:01,723 --> 00:31:04,282 Um, Nikki, this is Hannah. Hannah, Nikki. 555 00:31:04,283 --> 00:31:05,690 Hey, Nikki. 556 00:31:05,691 --> 00:31:08,057 Um, it's nice to meet you. 557 00:31:08,058 --> 00:31:09,946 Hannah is in the other class with me. 558 00:31:09,947 --> 00:31:11,993 Yeah. 559 00:31:11,994 --> 00:31:14,042 Well, I will see you in there. 560 00:31:14,043 --> 00:31:15,961 Yeah. 561 00:31:15,962 --> 00:31:17,209 Break a leg. 562 00:31:17,210 --> 00:31:20,056 Thank you. 563 00:31:21,594 --> 00:31:23,800 Looks like she broke more than just a leg. 564 00:31:23,801 --> 00:31:25,912 Poor girl. 565 00:31:25,913 --> 00:31:28,088 She's pretty good, actually. 566 00:31:28,089 --> 00:31:30,135 Yeah, well, she's not a star. 567 00:31:30,136 --> 00:31:33,015 Once you're here for a while, you'll see. 568 00:31:33,016 --> 00:31:34,904 So what's the difference between the two classes? 569 00:31:34,905 --> 00:31:35,864 I gotta go. 570 00:31:35,865 --> 00:31:39,031 Unleash the beast! 571 00:31:39,032 --> 00:31:40,246 Okay. 572 00:31:41,015 --> 00:31:43,735 Chance, where the fuck are you? 573 00:31:43,736 --> 00:31:47,093 - Move it or lose it, bitch! - Whoa! Jeez! 574 00:31:49,560 --> 00:31:54,550 Please, darling, won't you reconsider? 575 00:31:54,551 --> 00:31:56,310 I can hardly breathe, 576 00:31:56,311 --> 00:31:58,902 thinking about you not being here, 577 00:31:58,903 --> 00:32:00,790 laying next to me. 578 00:32:00,791 --> 00:32:02,741 Well, duty calls, sweet cheeks, 579 00:32:02,742 --> 00:32:07,893 and this cowboy don't back down to anyone or anything. 580 00:32:07,894 --> 00:32:10,645 I no wanna you go, papa. 581 00:32:10,646 --> 00:32:14,357 Now you listen, and you listen good, son. 582 00:32:14,358 --> 00:32:17,140 While I'm gone, you're the man of this ranch. 583 00:32:17,141 --> 00:32:19,413 Now, I want you to feed the chickens 584 00:32:19,414 --> 00:32:21,618 and milk them cows, you hear? 585 00:32:23,189 --> 00:32:26,004 And I want you to make sure that your mother and sister 586 00:32:26,005 --> 00:32:30,611 are never fondled by the other cowhands. 587 00:32:30,612 --> 00:32:33,106 I love you, daddy. 588 00:32:40,434 --> 00:32:42,323 Yippee-ki-yay! 589 00:32:42,324 --> 00:32:45,393 Neigh! Neigh! 590 00:32:51,762 --> 00:32:52,913 Action! 591 00:32:54,162 --> 00:32:56,914 Men, I'm gonna ask you one more time. 592 00:32:56,914 --> 00:32:58,993 Who screwed up my mess hall? 593 00:32:58,994 --> 00:33:00,753 Sir, it was not me, sir. 594 00:33:00,754 --> 00:33:02,353 I didn't even eat anything last night. 595 00:33:02,354 --> 00:33:04,688 Then you're dismissed, soldier. 596 00:33:04,689 --> 00:33:06,319 Get out of my face! 597 00:33:07,248 --> 00:33:09,008 It wasn't me, sir. 598 00:33:09,009 --> 00:33:11,313 I took an oath to serve this country and to tell the truth. 599 00:33:11,314 --> 00:33:14,256 As a result, i can't tell a lie-lie. 600 00:33:14,257 --> 00:33:17,199 Saved by the don't ask, don't tell clause. 601 00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:21,072 Lieutenant, that's already been totally amended already. 602 00:33:22,544 --> 00:33:24,943 Back to your bunker! 603 00:33:24,944 --> 00:33:25,903 And you, soldier? 604 00:33:28,591 --> 00:33:31,150 I don't really care what you have to say for yourself. 605 00:33:31,151 --> 00:33:33,998 You made me question the validity of basic training. 606 00:33:33,999 --> 00:33:36,238 One of these days, I'm gonna give you what you deserve. 607 00:33:36,239 --> 00:33:37,902 Really? Are those even the lines? 608 00:33:37,903 --> 00:33:39,246 Shut up, soldier! 609 00:33:39,247 --> 00:33:42,126 You're a sorry excuse for a human being! 610 00:33:42,127 --> 00:33:43,565 Scene! 611 00:33:43,566 --> 00:33:45,900 Whoo-hoo! 612 00:33:49,358 --> 00:33:51,468 Groups two and three? 613 00:33:57,420 --> 00:34:00,204 You have advanced to Evan polus' class! 614 00:34:06,220 --> 00:34:07,852 Whoo! 615 00:34:07,853 --> 00:34:10,572 Drewy, we smashed it! 616 00:34:10,573 --> 00:34:12,235 Uccellini! 617 00:34:12,236 --> 00:34:14,508 Suckers! 618 00:34:14,509 --> 00:34:16,267 Tomorrow, 2:00. 619 00:34:16,268 --> 00:34:18,315 Everyone coming with me. 620 00:34:18,316 --> 00:34:20,363 I got work in the morning. 621 00:34:20,364 --> 00:34:22,026 Drew, are you sure? 622 00:34:27,626 --> 00:34:29,546 Positive. 623 00:34:29,547 --> 00:34:31,082 That's fine. 624 00:34:31,083 --> 00:34:33,706 I'll just pick something up for him. 625 00:34:33,707 --> 00:34:35,305 Tout's presh. 626 00:34:36,746 --> 00:34:38,122 Move. 627 00:34:38,123 --> 00:34:40,744 Uccellini! 628 00:34:44,361 --> 00:34:47,913 Okay, okay. I'll tell them. 629 00:34:47,914 --> 00:34:51,880 - Adrian can't make it. - Well, let's just go inside. 630 00:34:51,881 --> 00:34:54,696 Honestly, I really don't wanna wait for rubisio. 631 00:34:54,697 --> 00:34:58,023 We said that we would, rowe. We have to wait for him. 632 00:34:59,240 --> 00:35:01,831 Que se dice? What's up, ladies? 633 00:35:01,832 --> 00:35:05,544 Anybody up for a little game of two on one? 634 00:35:05,545 --> 00:35:08,935 Hi, rubisio. You're looking nice today. 635 00:35:08,936 --> 00:35:10,087 Well, thank you, Hannah. 636 00:35:10,088 --> 00:35:11,847 You look mighty fine yourself, woman. 637 00:35:11,848 --> 00:35:13,991 Come on. Let's go get our shop on. 638 00:35:13,991 --> 00:35:15,334 Wait, wait, wait. 639 00:35:15,335 --> 00:35:17,766 I'm not giving these little rats a dime. 640 00:35:17,767 --> 00:35:18,887 Rats? 641 00:35:18,888 --> 00:35:20,454 How can you say no to those girls? 642 00:35:20,455 --> 00:35:21,638 They're so precious. 643 00:35:21,639 --> 00:35:23,718 They stand right outside the entrance, 644 00:35:23,719 --> 00:35:25,798 pressuring everyone with their hard sale tactics. 645 00:35:25,798 --> 00:35:27,302 Rubisio, they're kids. 646 00:35:27,303 --> 00:35:31,110 They are not employing tactics to move cookies. 647 00:35:31,111 --> 00:35:34,341 Hello. Would you like to buy some cookies for charity? 648 00:35:34,342 --> 00:35:36,228 Que se dice, little lady? 649 00:35:36,229 --> 00:35:38,117 We'd love to, but unfortunately our friend here 650 00:35:38,118 --> 00:35:40,196 can't be within 100 feet of children. 651 00:35:41,477 --> 00:35:43,556 What? No, no, no, no. That's not true. 652 00:35:43,557 --> 00:35:46,596 - Tell her that's not true! - It is true. 653 00:35:46,597 --> 00:35:48,260 I'm so sorry. That's not true at all. 654 00:35:48,261 --> 00:35:49,796 That's not cool at all! What are you doing? 655 00:35:49,797 --> 00:35:51,971 Hey, shut up. I saved you 7 bucks. 656 00:35:58,179 --> 00:36:00,994 Where the fuck is chance? 657 00:36:02,019 --> 00:36:03,330 Chance! 658 00:36:08,643 --> 00:36:10,658 This place is gross. 659 00:36:10,659 --> 00:36:12,866 That's not very nice. 660 00:36:12,867 --> 00:36:15,776 You know, you gotta stop being such a bully. 661 00:36:21,282 --> 00:36:22,817 You guys ready? 662 00:36:22,818 --> 00:36:27,649 Yeah. I'll take the bacon burger with no lettuce. 663 00:36:27,650 --> 00:36:29,120 And your choice of a house salad, 664 00:36:29,121 --> 00:36:31,489 regular or sweet potato fries. 665 00:36:31,490 --> 00:36:32,801 I'll take the house salad. 666 00:36:32,802 --> 00:36:34,752 Okay. And you? 667 00:36:34,753 --> 00:36:36,672 Yes, I'm gonna enjoy the Turkey burger 668 00:36:36,673 --> 00:36:38,592 and Caesar salad, please. 669 00:36:38,593 --> 00:36:42,144 Great, and I'm pretty sure they're out of the grape soda, 670 00:36:42,145 --> 00:36:44,607 so is cola okay? 671 00:36:48,000 --> 00:36:48,990 Yeah, sure. 672 00:36:48,991 --> 00:36:50,302 Okay. 673 00:36:52,062 --> 00:36:54,046 - Who said grape, drew? - Chill. 674 00:36:54,047 --> 00:36:55,806 She probably got you confused with somebody else. 675 00:36:55,807 --> 00:36:57,470 Chill? Look, man, 676 00:36:57,471 --> 00:36:59,646 the day my skin color does not dictate 677 00:36:59,647 --> 00:37:01,694 the fallacious assumptions of ignorant individuals 678 00:37:01,695 --> 00:37:04,445 is the day i will chill, brotha. 679 00:37:04,446 --> 00:37:06,557 That sounds like something i heard last February. 680 00:37:06,558 --> 00:37:08,542 Now we're hating on black history month? 681 00:37:08,543 --> 00:37:11,548 All this over a purple drink. 682 00:37:16,701 --> 00:37:18,973 How many goddamn times do I have to tell you 683 00:37:18,974 --> 00:37:22,813 we have an appointment to do our headshots right fucking now? 684 00:37:22,814 --> 00:37:24,893 - I do not remember. - What do you expect? 685 00:37:24,894 --> 00:37:28,444 Me to just float up onto that horse, you fuckface? 686 00:37:28,445 --> 00:37:30,588 Get your ostrich ass out of this thrift store 687 00:37:30,589 --> 00:37:33,434 and into the urine-filled streets now! 688 00:37:34,748 --> 00:37:37,434 If I hit something, you're dead meat. 689 00:37:42,619 --> 00:37:44,795 Now, look, I don't care how long this takes. 690 00:37:44,796 --> 00:37:47,675 You were late, so now you're gonna pay. 691 00:37:47,676 --> 00:37:49,690 Now are you ready? 692 00:37:49,691 --> 00:37:51,801 Hold on. Let me warm up. 693 00:37:56,889 --> 00:37:58,842 Yeah! 694 00:38:03,738 --> 00:38:06,745 - Okay. - Why don't you check your lens? 695 00:38:06,746 --> 00:38:08,568 Is it even working? 696 00:38:09,530 --> 00:38:11,289 We're done. 697 00:38:11,290 --> 00:38:12,825 - Why are we shopping here? - I'm a struggling actor. 698 00:38:12,826 --> 00:38:14,360 I can't afford anything else. 699 00:38:14,360 --> 00:38:16,313 You're not an actor. You're an idiot. 700 00:38:16,314 --> 00:38:17,976 Cool, I'm an idiot. 701 00:38:17,977 --> 00:38:20,312 Freeze, pervert! Put your hands up in the air! 702 00:38:20,313 --> 00:38:22,359 - What did I do? - Grab him, rookie. 703 00:38:22,360 --> 00:38:23,832 It's on now. Come here! 704 00:38:23,833 --> 00:38:25,368 My god! Why are you so big? 705 00:38:25,369 --> 00:38:28,856 Shut up, you little pervert! 706 00:38:28,857 --> 00:38:30,168 I literally didn't do anything! 707 00:38:30,169 --> 00:38:33,367 Tell them! Tell them I didn't do anything! 708 00:38:33,368 --> 00:38:34,807 Get your ass up against this bike. 709 00:38:34,808 --> 00:38:38,230 You lie to us one more time, and you will be tased! 710 00:38:38,231 --> 00:38:40,695 - I never lied. - Put him on the ground, rookie! 711 00:38:40,696 --> 00:38:41,974 Absolutely. 712 00:38:41,975 --> 00:38:42,966 Yeah! 713 00:38:42,967 --> 00:38:44,566 You think it's funny? 714 00:38:44,567 --> 00:38:46,293 - No! No! - You think it's funny? 715 00:38:46,294 --> 00:38:48,118 Do you think it's funny? 716 00:38:48,119 --> 00:38:49,685 You're too tight! 717 00:38:49,686 --> 00:38:52,021 It's too tight, sir! 718 00:38:52,022 --> 00:38:53,109 Too tight? How 'bout this? 719 00:38:53,110 --> 00:38:56,982 My god! My god! 720 00:38:56,983 --> 00:38:58,357 You think it's funny? 721 00:38:58,358 --> 00:38:59,829 Enough, rookie! 722 00:38:59,830 --> 00:39:01,332 Enough! 723 00:39:02,838 --> 00:39:04,980 Bacon burger with a salad. 724 00:39:04,981 --> 00:39:06,485 Thank you very much. 725 00:39:06,486 --> 00:39:08,404 Fried chicken, burnt pork and sweet potato fries. 726 00:39:08,405 --> 00:39:10,164 Fried chicken? I ordered a salad. 727 00:39:10,165 --> 00:39:12,276 I thought you said sweet potato... 728 00:39:12,277 --> 00:39:14,164 Salad. 729 00:39:14,165 --> 00:39:17,202 We don't have sweet potato salad. 730 00:39:20,051 --> 00:39:23,635 Free at last, my black ass. 731 00:39:23,636 --> 00:39:25,267 This is bullshit. 732 00:39:25,268 --> 00:39:26,451 Okay? 733 00:39:26,452 --> 00:39:29,619 You eat the chicken wing. 734 00:39:29,620 --> 00:39:32,370 Sir, I didn't even know half fingers were included. 735 00:39:32,371 --> 00:39:34,259 Just like you didn't think acting like a pedophile 736 00:39:34,260 --> 00:39:36,050 was against the law? 737 00:39:36,051 --> 00:39:38,706 - Sir, I didn't... - You didn't? You didn't? 738 00:39:38,707 --> 00:39:41,009 Well, now you know, Mary. 739 00:39:41,010 --> 00:39:44,434 If I ever see you blink in the direction of a child, 740 00:39:44,434 --> 00:39:45,969 you will be tased, no questions asked. 741 00:39:45,970 --> 00:39:47,280 Are we clear, Mary? 742 00:39:47,281 --> 00:39:48,689 - Mary? - Are we clear? 743 00:39:48,690 --> 00:39:50,544 Yes, sir. 744 00:39:52,752 --> 00:39:55,441 Now get out of my face, 745 00:39:55,442 --> 00:39:58,929 and get out of the shopping center. 746 00:39:58,930 --> 00:40:02,160 God! What the fuck? What the fuck? My god! 747 00:40:02,161 --> 00:40:03,856 You did good, rookie. 748 00:40:03,857 --> 00:40:06,926 You made him run like a little bitch. 749 00:40:14,095 --> 00:40:16,270 - Hey, you. - Hannah, hey. 750 00:40:16,271 --> 00:40:19,023 I got you two medium shirts, 751 00:40:19,024 --> 00:40:20,559 one blue and one purple. 752 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:25,004 I figured they'd look good on you. I... 753 00:40:26,702 --> 00:40:29,165 I hope you like them. 754 00:40:29,166 --> 00:40:30,958 Thank you. 755 00:40:30,959 --> 00:40:33,582 My gosh, you didn't have to do that. 756 00:40:33,583 --> 00:40:35,405 - Wow. These are nice. - Yeah. 757 00:40:35,406 --> 00:40:37,197 Um, can you just... 758 00:40:37,198 --> 00:40:39,406 Yeah. 759 00:40:39,407 --> 00:40:41,484 - There you go. - Thank you. 760 00:40:43,021 --> 00:40:44,813 So how did... 761 00:40:44,814 --> 00:40:45,996 Um... 762 00:40:45,997 --> 00:40:47,917 My aunt has an equestrian farm, 763 00:40:47,918 --> 00:40:51,596 and one day i was practicing... 764 00:40:51,597 --> 00:40:56,491 My uncle's tractor backfired and spooked the horse. 765 00:40:56,492 --> 00:40:57,868 Wow. 766 00:40:57,869 --> 00:41:00,779 I fell and, um... 767 00:41:00,780 --> 00:41:04,523 I pretty much lost the sensation in the right side of my body. 768 00:41:04,524 --> 00:41:08,490 I get pissed off when my leg falls asleep? 769 00:41:10,154 --> 00:41:11,818 That's not what I meant. I'm sorry. 770 00:41:11,819 --> 00:41:14,186 - I'm so sorry that happened. - No, it's okay. 771 00:41:14,187 --> 00:41:16,618 What about you, drew Thomas? 772 00:41:16,619 --> 00:41:19,114 I finished law school last spring. 773 00:41:19,115 --> 00:41:20,554 You're a lawyer? 774 00:41:20,555 --> 00:41:22,474 Well, not exactly. 775 00:41:22,475 --> 00:41:25,673 I'm a minimum wage telemarketer until I can pass the bar. 776 00:41:25,674 --> 00:41:28,680 Then what are you doing at starmaker academy? 777 00:41:39,754 --> 00:41:42,056 Thank you for calling grove your Booty, 778 00:41:42,056 --> 00:41:43,880 revolutionary backside workout 779 00:41:43,881 --> 00:41:45,641 paired with all your favorite groovy tunes. 780 00:41:45,642 --> 00:41:49,128 Yeah, is this the machine for to make my ass so fly? 781 00:41:49,129 --> 00:41:52,039 Yes, and for calling right now it can also... 782 00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:53,703 You know if it works or not? 783 00:41:53,704 --> 00:41:58,790 'Cause like I used to have a Jennifer Lopez ass. 784 00:41:58,791 --> 00:42:04,519 I could shake it like, you know, Shakira on crack, you dig? 785 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:09,062 Fools used to get all sprung when I walked by, you dig? 786 00:42:09,063 --> 00:42:11,398 We here at groovy Booty promise results 787 00:42:11,399 --> 00:42:13,541 in just 15 minutes a day for 30 days. 788 00:42:13,542 --> 00:42:16,325 No! Get out. For real though? 789 00:42:16,326 --> 00:42:18,662 Yeah, yeah for real. Money-back guarantee. 790 00:42:18,663 --> 00:42:20,294 Before you know it, 791 00:42:20,295 --> 00:42:22,085 your husband will be getting all sprung again. 792 00:42:22,086 --> 00:42:24,645 Who said nothing 'bout no husband? 793 00:42:24,646 --> 00:42:28,004 Now let me tell you something, silver spoon boy. 794 00:42:28,005 --> 00:42:29,893 We ain't all chillin', eating caviar, 795 00:42:29,894 --> 00:42:31,396 drinking red Merlot. 796 00:42:31,397 --> 00:42:32,773 You dig? 797 00:42:32,774 --> 00:42:35,364 I said you dig? 798 00:42:35,365 --> 00:42:38,116 Yes, ma'am. 799 00:42:38,117 --> 00:42:40,450 What I get for free? 800 00:42:43,491 --> 00:42:48,419 You all walked in here below average at best. 801 00:42:48,420 --> 00:42:50,115 But let me tell you, 802 00:42:50,116 --> 00:42:52,034 by the time I'm finished with you, 803 00:42:52,035 --> 00:42:54,499 you'll have seen more red carpet 804 00:42:54,500 --> 00:42:56,418 than the streets have seen urine. 805 00:42:56,419 --> 00:43:00,867 Now, to my new students, 806 00:43:00,867 --> 00:43:03,106 it's simple. 807 00:43:03,107 --> 00:43:05,538 You just do exactly what I tell you to do 808 00:43:05,539 --> 00:43:08,834 and how I tell you to do it. 809 00:43:08,835 --> 00:43:13,185 Okay, let's just take it up a notch, have a bit of fun here. 810 00:43:13,186 --> 00:43:15,169 Who can we get? Nikki, why don't you come up? 811 00:43:15,170 --> 00:43:16,319 Give me that. 812 00:43:18,048 --> 00:43:20,865 You have just returned from the war. 813 00:43:20,866 --> 00:43:25,408 While you were in combat, you stumbled on a land mine. 814 00:43:25,409 --> 00:43:28,319 It exploded, killing three in your infantry, 815 00:43:28,320 --> 00:43:30,335 but luckily, you survived, 816 00:43:30,336 --> 00:43:33,343 but not before it blew off both your legs, all right? 817 00:43:33,344 --> 00:43:34,526 Take that. 818 00:43:44,447 --> 00:43:47,199 You're a war hero, Nikki. 819 00:43:47,200 --> 00:43:50,238 But your fianc�, he can't stand the sight of you. 820 00:43:50,239 --> 00:43:52,157 He's told you that he doesn't love you 821 00:43:52,158 --> 00:43:53,918 without your beautiful feet 822 00:43:53,919 --> 00:43:56,062 and your pretty little tippy toes. 823 00:43:56,063 --> 00:43:58,077 You are devastated. 824 00:43:58,078 --> 00:44:01,373 He's gonna leave you, Nikki, so talk to him. 825 00:44:01,374 --> 00:44:03,740 Now, whenever you're ready. 826 00:44:09,949 --> 00:44:11,581 Why? 827 00:44:11,582 --> 00:44:14,236 Tommy, why? 828 00:44:14,237 --> 00:44:18,396 I loved you, and not just for your hair or your eyes. 829 00:44:18,397 --> 00:44:20,284 I loved all of you! 830 00:44:20,285 --> 00:44:24,795 And what, because I don't have regular feet or ankles or knees, 831 00:44:24,796 --> 00:44:26,747 you're leaving me? 832 00:44:28,668 --> 00:44:30,940 See, look at this. See, you see this? 833 00:44:30,941 --> 00:44:32,635 Now, this is, this is beautiful. 834 00:44:32,636 --> 00:44:34,971 This is fant... You're blowing me away, baby. 835 00:44:34,972 --> 00:44:36,699 Nikki, you're blowing everybody away. 836 00:44:36,700 --> 00:44:40,217 Stay in the moment, darling, stay in the moment. 837 00:44:41,466 --> 00:44:43,835 I loved you! 838 00:44:43,836 --> 00:44:47,512 - You are so fucking beautiful. - Thank you. 839 00:44:50,713 --> 00:44:53,721 What the... Rachel! What the fuck is going on here? 840 00:44:53,722 --> 00:44:56,857 - It's not like that at all. - It's not what you think. 841 00:44:56,858 --> 00:44:59,704 What do you mean? It's exactly what I think! 842 00:44:59,705 --> 00:45:02,328 You guys... You're my sister! Rachel! 843 00:45:02,329 --> 00:45:04,345 What the... You told me you loved me! 844 00:45:04,346 --> 00:45:06,616 You said you loved me! Are you serious? 845 00:45:06,617 --> 00:45:09,111 That's disgusting! Why would you do that to me? 846 00:45:09,112 --> 00:45:13,078 I fucking hate my life! Honestly! Fuck you! 847 00:45:16,825 --> 00:45:20,664 Hey, fuck nuts, get up there, sit next to your fianc�, 848 00:45:20,665 --> 00:45:23,798 who you so haphazardly kicked to the curb. 849 00:45:23,799 --> 00:45:26,231 Go on! Get up there. 850 00:45:26,232 --> 00:45:29,079 Tell her why you can't stand the sight of her. 851 00:45:29,080 --> 00:45:31,414 Beautiful, darling, beautiful. 852 00:45:31,415 --> 00:45:35,029 Why? Tell me why! 853 00:45:37,205 --> 00:45:38,868 You wimp. 854 00:45:40,214 --> 00:45:42,134 It's... 855 00:45:42,135 --> 00:45:45,717 It's not that I don't love you, baby. 856 00:45:45,718 --> 00:45:48,213 It's just, i live on the beach. 857 00:45:48,214 --> 00:45:50,613 What does that have to do with you leaving me, 858 00:45:50,614 --> 00:45:52,117 you selfish bastard? 859 00:45:52,118 --> 00:45:53,909 What, now that you live on the beach, 860 00:45:53,909 --> 00:45:56,147 I'm not good enough for your beach friends? 861 00:45:58,292 --> 00:46:01,684 No. I mean, it's just all the sand. 862 00:46:01,685 --> 00:46:03,604 I'm not strong enough to push the wheelchair. 863 00:46:03,605 --> 00:46:06,323 I'm but a 110 pounds is all. 864 00:46:07,827 --> 00:46:10,420 Do you think this is good, newbie? 865 00:46:10,420 --> 00:46:12,435 I don't know. I'm trying. 866 00:46:12,436 --> 00:46:13,843 Well, it's fucking terrible. 867 00:46:13,844 --> 00:46:16,306 Take him outside. Warm his ass up. 868 00:46:18,162 --> 00:46:19,665 Shit. 869 00:46:24,786 --> 00:46:27,666 Okay, so how does this work? What are you gonna do? 870 00:46:27,667 --> 00:46:29,681 What the fuck? 871 00:46:29,682 --> 00:46:32,306 Come on, dude! It's too tight! Ouch! I can't breathe! 872 00:46:32,307 --> 00:46:36,081 Get off me! Get the fuck... 873 00:46:41,137 --> 00:46:43,569 I'm not dumping you because you lost your legs. 874 00:46:43,570 --> 00:46:46,192 I'm leaving you because you've been sleeping with my sister, 875 00:46:46,193 --> 00:46:47,761 you unfaithful whore! 876 00:46:47,762 --> 00:46:49,200 Here we go. 877 00:46:49,201 --> 00:46:50,960 You don't think I saw you with her in the garage? 878 00:46:50,961 --> 00:46:52,720 I was in love with you. 879 00:46:52,721 --> 00:46:55,055 I was gonna take off this purity ring and become one with you. 880 00:46:55,056 --> 00:46:56,463 But no! You betrayed me! 881 00:46:56,464 --> 00:46:58,383 Selfish bitch. 882 00:46:58,384 --> 00:46:59,727 That never happened. 883 00:46:59,728 --> 00:47:02,255 Shut your mouth, Rachel! This is my turn! 884 00:47:02,256 --> 00:47:04,528 Unleash the beast, you son of a bitch! 885 00:47:04,528 --> 00:47:05,774 Time to kill! 886 00:47:10,288 --> 00:47:12,974 The doctor said you lost both your legs, 887 00:47:12,975 --> 00:47:15,758 but he forgot to mention the most important part of you 888 00:47:15,759 --> 00:47:17,902 lost forever. 889 00:47:17,903 --> 00:47:19,917 Your heart! 890 00:47:28,525 --> 00:47:29,485 Scene. 891 00:47:29,486 --> 00:47:32,461 Beautiful. Beautiful! 892 00:47:32,462 --> 00:47:34,828 You see, everyone? You noticed that? 893 00:47:34,829 --> 00:47:38,124 I eliminated his fear and allowed the adrenaline 894 00:47:38,125 --> 00:47:42,156 to unleash the brilliant acting beast inside of him. 895 00:47:42,157 --> 00:47:43,852 Nobody can teach this. 896 00:47:43,853 --> 00:47:45,804 Of course that's why you're here. 897 00:47:45,805 --> 00:47:48,619 You're not gonna make it in this business without me. 898 00:47:48,620 --> 00:47:51,851 You really blew me away. 899 00:47:53,194 --> 00:47:54,923 Guys, hush, please, for a sec. 900 00:47:54,923 --> 00:47:56,299 I'd just like to say, 901 00:47:56,300 --> 00:47:59,051 rowe, what you had tonight was a breakthrough. 902 00:47:59,052 --> 00:48:01,610 Thanks, guys. 903 00:48:01,611 --> 00:48:03,947 Here's to everybody shutting up already and drinking. 904 00:48:03,948 --> 00:48:05,546 Salud, bitches! 905 00:48:05,547 --> 00:48:08,458 Wait, wait, wait. Before we all cheers this shit, 906 00:48:08,459 --> 00:48:11,402 when we all become stars, what are you guys gonna do? 907 00:48:11,403 --> 00:48:14,569 I think I'll go to Milan, start my own boutique. 908 00:48:14,570 --> 00:48:17,929 I guess I'm next. Here's what I'm gonna do. 909 00:48:17,930 --> 00:48:19,528 I'm gonna play the field for a while, 910 00:48:19,529 --> 00:48:21,225 and then once I hit it big, 911 00:48:21,226 --> 00:48:24,393 I'm gonna get Lulu back 'cause she's my rock. 912 00:48:24,394 --> 00:48:27,528 Check this out. I'm gonna buy a clydesdale 913 00:48:27,529 --> 00:48:31,529 and ride that bitch across the rockies. 914 00:48:31,530 --> 00:48:33,480 How 'bout you, Hannah? 915 00:48:33,481 --> 00:48:38,152 What I'd really like is to find a guy that would love me for me. 916 00:48:38,153 --> 00:48:40,999 One day you're gonna find that guy, and when you do, 917 00:48:41,000 --> 00:48:43,367 he's going to be the luckiest guy in the world. 918 00:48:43,368 --> 00:48:45,127 That's a promise, hotty-potatty. 919 00:48:46,472 --> 00:48:48,967 Please, can we just toast before we puke? 920 00:48:48,968 --> 00:48:50,918 Idiot. 921 00:48:50,919 --> 00:48:52,901 - Cheers. - Cheers. 922 00:49:07,494 --> 00:49:11,908 Your hair is like, it's like blonde silk, you know? 923 00:49:11,909 --> 00:49:15,173 It's like so smooth like water, 924 00:49:15,174 --> 00:49:17,989 like cascading over the... 925 00:49:17,990 --> 00:49:20,837 My god, it smells like heaven. 926 00:49:20,838 --> 00:49:22,884 Nikki. 927 00:49:22,885 --> 00:49:26,084 Look. Creeper boy is back. 928 00:49:26,085 --> 00:49:29,763 Lucky for you, i gotta go potty. 929 00:49:35,075 --> 00:49:38,211 Naked pictures? 930 00:49:38,212 --> 00:49:40,547 Same face, different body. Really? 931 00:49:40,548 --> 00:49:43,042 It's not me. 932 00:49:43,043 --> 00:49:46,499 So I could just go online, check 'em out. 933 00:49:46,500 --> 00:49:48,642 Is that how you look at naked girls? 934 00:49:48,643 --> 00:49:50,658 You go on the Internet? 935 00:49:50,659 --> 00:49:52,706 Damn, you got me. 936 00:49:52,707 --> 00:49:58,304 How could a little boy like you deal with a woman like me? 937 00:49:59,426 --> 00:50:01,825 Que se dice, my Nikki? 938 00:50:01,826 --> 00:50:03,744 You up for a little game of two on one? 939 00:50:03,745 --> 00:50:05,793 Rubisio. 940 00:50:05,794 --> 00:50:07,103 Hey, drew? 941 00:50:08,512 --> 00:50:09,600 What? 942 00:50:09,601 --> 00:50:11,743 Go fuck yourself. 943 00:50:15,488 --> 00:50:17,984 I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen here, Nikki. 944 00:50:17,985 --> 00:50:20,127 What's gonna happen here, drew? 945 00:50:20,128 --> 00:50:21,951 We're gonna take these shots, 946 00:50:21,952 --> 00:50:23,360 and we're gonna go back to my house. 947 00:50:23,361 --> 00:50:25,695 How do you know i even like you like that? 948 00:50:25,696 --> 00:50:28,510 Whoa! Who said anything about liking anybody? 949 00:50:28,511 --> 00:50:30,590 Maybe I just wanna run a scene with you. 950 00:50:30,591 --> 00:50:34,142 Yeah? What kind of scene is that, drew-hoo? 951 00:50:50,942 --> 00:50:53,276 Think that hurt you? You have no idea. 952 00:51:04,669 --> 00:51:06,491 Take this off. 953 00:51:44,889 --> 00:51:46,456 Company policy clearly states 954 00:51:46,457 --> 00:51:48,536 no more than three inches above the knee. 955 00:51:48,537 --> 00:51:50,393 You, young lady, have no excuse 956 00:51:50,394 --> 00:51:52,089 because I suspect you are quite experienced 957 00:51:52,090 --> 00:51:54,104 in measuring things by the inch. 958 00:51:54,105 --> 00:51:56,087 Get out. 959 00:52:07,000 --> 00:52:08,981 Shit. 960 00:52:17,016 --> 00:52:19,254 Deboard. 961 00:52:19,255 --> 00:52:21,046 Rrrrr... 962 00:52:21,047 --> 00:52:23,158 Choo-choo. 963 00:52:23,159 --> 00:52:25,812 You wanted to see me, Kathy? 964 00:52:26,934 --> 00:52:30,390 Do you know why we have a schedule here, drew? 965 00:52:30,390 --> 00:52:31,925 I believe so. 966 00:52:31,925 --> 00:52:33,845 I don't think you do 967 00:52:33,846 --> 00:52:36,628 because if you did, you'd show up to work every day on time, 968 00:52:36,629 --> 00:52:40,020 just like all those other little worker bees out there. 969 00:52:40,021 --> 00:52:41,973 Sorry, Kathy, it won't happen again. 970 00:52:41,974 --> 00:52:46,005 You're right, it won't because this is your final warning. 971 00:52:46,006 --> 00:52:48,243 After that, you'll be out on the streets, 972 00:52:48,244 --> 00:52:51,700 probably turning tricks just to pay your rent. 973 00:52:51,701 --> 00:52:55,092 Do you know what it's like to sell your body for sex, drew? 974 00:52:55,093 --> 00:52:56,595 Pants around your ankles 975 00:52:56,596 --> 00:53:00,660 in a dirty bathroom somewhere downtown. 976 00:53:00,661 --> 00:53:03,697 In this economy, you'll be lucky to get 20 bucks a blow. 977 00:53:07,283 --> 00:53:09,874 You know what? I quit. 978 00:53:09,875 --> 00:53:12,466 You know what? I quit. 979 00:53:15,666 --> 00:53:16,977 I'm taking this! 980 00:53:20,786 --> 00:53:22,481 Psycho! 981 00:53:24,466 --> 00:53:26,417 You wanna be a star, you dumb fuck, 982 00:53:26,418 --> 00:53:27,729 then answer my calls. 983 00:53:27,730 --> 00:53:29,489 I know what you're doing. 984 00:53:29,490 --> 00:53:31,121 I know you're on your set, right? 985 00:53:31,122 --> 00:53:33,137 Making your fucking movie. 986 00:53:33,137 --> 00:53:36,048 You get your pampered-wearing ass back to class, 987 00:53:36,049 --> 00:53:37,968 or I'm gonna toss you into the urine-filled streets 988 00:53:37,969 --> 00:53:39,407 for the last time. 989 00:53:45,616 --> 00:53:47,536 Yeah! Can you breathe? 990 00:53:47,537 --> 00:53:49,231 - Yeah, I can breathe. - No, no. 991 00:53:49,232 --> 00:53:51,119 Now! Can you breathe now? 992 00:53:51,120 --> 00:53:53,456 - Yeah, I can still breathe. - I bet you can't. You're lying. 993 00:53:53,457 --> 00:53:56,399 You little bitch. You like being my bitch? 994 00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:58,190 No, I don't. 995 00:53:58,191 --> 00:54:00,270 You don't like being my bitch? How about an ear? 996 00:54:00,271 --> 00:54:03,981 You like that, motherfucker? You like that? 997 00:54:03,982 --> 00:54:05,454 You like that? 998 00:54:05,455 --> 00:54:06,702 - You like that? - Stop. 999 00:54:06,703 --> 00:54:08,622 Yeah? You warm yet, you little bitch? 1000 00:54:08,623 --> 00:54:09,901 I'm warm, I'm warm! 1001 00:54:09,902 --> 00:54:12,012 Go and unleash your beast, motherfucker. 1002 00:54:21,997 --> 00:54:23,917 Hey, drew. 1003 00:54:23,918 --> 00:54:26,827 - What? - Go fuck yourself. 1004 00:54:31,597 --> 00:54:35,340 Rose, you must do me this honor. 1005 00:54:35,341 --> 00:54:37,740 You must do me this honor. 1006 00:54:37,740 --> 00:54:39,595 No matter what happens, 1007 00:54:39,596 --> 00:54:42,314 you have to promise me to survive. 1008 00:54:45,418 --> 00:54:50,218 How hopeless you may be, 1009 00:54:50,219 --> 00:54:53,834 you have to promise you'll hold onto that promise. 1010 00:54:53,835 --> 00:54:57,770 I promise. I promise. 1011 00:54:57,771 --> 00:55:00,394 Never let go. 1012 00:55:00,395 --> 00:55:02,506 Never let go. 1013 00:55:02,507 --> 00:55:05,866 I'll never let go, Jack. 1014 00:55:05,867 --> 00:55:08,008 I'll never let go. 1015 00:55:13,129 --> 00:55:16,105 You see that, folks? Did you see that? 1016 00:55:16,106 --> 00:55:19,624 That is a big, dark academy award-winning cloud, 1017 00:55:19,625 --> 00:55:22,376 looming right there over their heads. 1018 00:55:22,377 --> 00:55:23,752 Well, get your umbrellas out. 1019 00:55:23,753 --> 00:55:26,216 It's about to rain a fucking Oscar! 1020 00:55:26,217 --> 00:55:29,511 All right! Scene! Yes! 1021 00:55:29,512 --> 00:55:30,887 Beautiful. 1022 00:55:30,888 --> 00:55:35,367 All right, guys, well, everyone... 1023 00:55:35,368 --> 00:55:37,575 Important announcement. 1024 00:55:37,576 --> 00:55:39,463 Showcase is in one week. 1025 00:55:39,464 --> 00:55:41,990 This is a million-dollar opportunity. 1026 00:55:41,991 --> 00:55:44,902 I want you all to contribute to each other's success, 1027 00:55:44,903 --> 00:55:46,887 help each other, get behind each other, 1028 00:55:46,888 --> 00:55:48,678 root for each other. 1029 00:55:48,679 --> 00:55:50,758 I want you to tell all your friends and family. 1030 00:55:50,759 --> 00:55:53,350 I want to pack this place to the rafters. 1031 00:55:53,351 --> 00:55:55,974 I wanna really get the adrenaline flowing. 1032 00:55:55,975 --> 00:55:59,237 I want it to be really fantastic for you guys. 1033 00:55:59,238 --> 00:56:02,629 So I want you all to bring in $50 tomorrow 1034 00:56:02,630 --> 00:56:06,341 to help offset my cost for the showcase, okay? 1035 00:56:06,342 --> 00:56:10,563 Sir, $50 is a lot of money for me to spend right now. 1036 00:56:11,845 --> 00:56:13,220 What? 1037 00:56:13,221 --> 00:56:16,164 Sorry, did I hear that right? 1038 00:56:16,165 --> 00:56:19,524 So you're gonna throw away your whole career, worth millions, 1039 00:56:19,525 --> 00:56:21,763 for a measly $50? 1040 00:56:21,764 --> 00:56:23,716 Is that what you're telling all the class here? 1041 00:56:23,717 --> 00:56:24,964 You wanna quit? 1042 00:56:24,965 --> 00:56:27,170 No, sir, that's not what I meant. 1043 00:56:27,171 --> 00:56:32,835 You know, I've given up millions of dollars as an actor. 1044 00:56:32,836 --> 00:56:36,738 I've suffered through four very painful divorces 1045 00:56:36,739 --> 00:56:38,723 for your ungrateful asses. 1046 00:56:38,724 --> 00:56:41,570 You know, I was offered the lead in amadeus. 1047 00:56:41,571 --> 00:56:43,202 All right, it was the tour. 1048 00:56:43,203 --> 00:56:46,690 I turned it down for my students because I love them! 1049 00:56:46,691 --> 00:56:48,354 And what do you do? 1050 00:56:48,355 --> 00:56:52,704 You kick me right in the teeth for 50 fucking dollars! 1051 00:56:54,337 --> 00:56:56,353 Like your character, rose, 1052 00:56:56,354 --> 00:56:58,625 as you were doing it moments ago, 1053 00:56:58,626 --> 00:57:01,440 when you were promising your young toy boy, 1054 00:57:01,441 --> 00:57:03,264 "I'll never let you go! Woo hoo hoo! 1055 00:57:03,265 --> 00:57:07,008 "I'll never let you go! Never let you go!" What? 1056 00:57:07,009 --> 00:57:11,999 Then the bitch lets him go to the fucking ocean floor! 1057 00:57:13,825 --> 00:57:18,432 Grammy no gonna give no money. No piggy bank, no. 1058 00:57:18,432 --> 00:57:20,574 Jesus, take a knife. 1059 00:57:22,559 --> 00:57:23,710 Yes. 1060 00:57:23,711 --> 00:57:26,142 Besides our scene and the money, 1061 00:57:26,143 --> 00:57:30,494 is there anything else we need to, you know, prepare? 1062 00:57:30,495 --> 00:57:33,726 Thank you for asking an intelligent question. 1063 00:57:33,727 --> 00:57:34,973 Yes. 1064 00:57:34,974 --> 00:57:39,902 You need to find the beast inside you, 1065 00:57:39,903 --> 00:57:43,485 and you need to unleash the hell out of it. 1066 00:57:43,486 --> 00:57:47,229 You see, this is your one chance to take Hollywood by storm, 1067 00:57:47,230 --> 00:57:49,501 so I want you to get all your shit together, 1068 00:57:49,502 --> 00:57:53,277 and I want you to really blow these people away! 1069 00:57:53,278 --> 00:57:55,388 I want you to blow everyone away. 1070 00:57:55,389 --> 00:57:59,226 Come on, people, unleash your beast! 1071 00:58:02,524 --> 00:58:04,635 There! That's it! That's brilliant! 1072 00:58:04,636 --> 00:58:06,779 He's the king! 1073 00:58:06,780 --> 00:58:09,691 You have just earned yourself a lead in the showcase. 1074 00:58:09,692 --> 00:58:12,218 Whoo! Uccellini! 1075 00:58:12,219 --> 00:58:14,682 He is now your king! He's in charge! 1076 00:58:14,683 --> 00:58:18,105 Evan is outta here! 1077 00:58:20,378 --> 00:58:21,849 I'm in charge, 1078 00:58:21,850 --> 00:58:23,738 which basically means I'm the boss. 1079 00:58:23,739 --> 00:58:26,490 We'll be meeting here tomorrow at 7:00, capisce? 1080 00:58:26,491 --> 00:58:27,834 How about we all decide 1081 00:58:27,835 --> 00:58:29,817 what time is best for the class, fuckface? 1082 00:58:29,818 --> 00:58:31,481 Hey, it's been decided. 1083 00:58:31,482 --> 00:58:33,337 Be here at 7:00, or your little ass 1084 00:58:33,338 --> 00:58:36,121 is out of the showcase and into the urine-filled streets. 1085 00:58:36,122 --> 00:58:37,624 Capisce? 1086 00:58:40,025 --> 00:58:41,720 Yeah, come in. 1087 00:58:42,968 --> 00:58:46,008 Sir, I have a concern 1088 00:58:46,009 --> 00:58:48,280 burning in my bosom. 1089 00:58:48,281 --> 00:58:51,224 Well, I have a concern 1090 00:58:51,225 --> 00:58:53,752 that you're just one thrust away 1091 00:58:53,752 --> 00:58:55,895 from throwing out every disc in your lower back, 1092 00:58:55,896 --> 00:58:59,416 but I'm don't come barging into your office, now, do I? 1093 00:58:59,417 --> 00:59:01,623 They've had less than one month of training. 1094 00:59:01,623 --> 00:59:03,702 Don't you think it's a little early for them 1095 00:59:03,703 --> 00:59:06,839 to be exposed to producers and agents? 1096 00:59:06,840 --> 00:59:09,110 For Pete's sake. What, their careers? 1097 00:59:09,111 --> 00:59:10,999 I'm dealing with, what, autism 1098 00:59:11,000 --> 00:59:13,846 and 80-year-olds drooling on my carpet. 1099 00:59:13,847 --> 00:59:15,765 We've got degenerates here. 1100 00:59:15,766 --> 00:59:17,142 They're not degenerates. 1101 00:59:17,143 --> 00:59:19,062 They're individuals with hopes and dreams 1102 00:59:19,063 --> 00:59:20,950 just like everyone else. 1103 00:59:20,951 --> 00:59:23,670 I've even got one that can't manipulate 50% of her body. 1104 00:59:23,671 --> 00:59:25,589 Her name is Hannah. 1105 00:59:25,590 --> 00:59:28,278 And she's beautiful and talented. 1106 00:59:28,279 --> 00:59:30,229 So you tell that to the director of horse whisperer ii 1107 00:59:30,230 --> 00:59:31,861 when he calls to say, 1108 00:59:31,862 --> 00:59:33,876 "Hannah couldn't hold the reins of the stunt horse 1109 00:59:33,877 --> 00:59:35,381 with one hand." 1110 00:59:35,382 --> 00:59:38,548 Do you really think that's gonna help her career? 1111 00:59:38,549 --> 00:59:40,405 - Well, do you? - Evan! 1112 00:59:40,406 --> 00:59:43,507 I don't know what you're saying. Frankly, I don't care. 1113 00:59:43,508 --> 00:59:44,948 This is a very nice scotch. 1114 00:59:44,949 --> 00:59:47,219 I'm sitting here enjoying myself, 1115 00:59:47,220 --> 00:59:50,036 so why don't you take your little cushion 1116 00:59:50,037 --> 00:59:52,146 and ram it up your ass? 1117 00:59:53,331 --> 00:59:54,995 Yes! I got the part of the queen. 1118 00:59:54,996 --> 00:59:56,915 - That's the lead part. - Congratulations. 1119 00:59:56,916 --> 00:59:58,258 Thank you. 1120 00:59:58,259 --> 01:00:00,562 Looks like I got the old knight in shining armor. 1121 01:00:00,563 --> 01:00:01,650 Cool. 1122 01:00:01,651 --> 01:00:04,114 Que se dice, my lovely Nikki? 1123 01:00:04,115 --> 01:00:05,778 Since you're playing the queen, 1124 01:00:05,779 --> 01:00:07,986 you'll have more lines with me than anyone else. 1125 01:00:07,987 --> 01:00:09,394 Really? Why is that? 1126 01:00:09,394 --> 01:00:11,346 I don't know, Juliet. 1127 01:00:11,347 --> 01:00:13,426 Who do you think would be the logical philigistic 1128 01:00:13,427 --> 01:00:16,465 for the queen to have conversilagism? 1129 01:00:16,466 --> 01:00:19,346 - That's not even a word. - A king. 1130 01:00:19,346 --> 01:00:21,936 Well, I'm a knight in shining armor, 1131 01:00:21,937 --> 01:00:23,248 and I'd take that any day 1132 01:00:23,249 --> 01:00:26,192 over being an ignorant, uneducated, lazy king. 1133 01:00:26,193 --> 01:00:27,984 My god, guys, please. 1134 01:00:27,985 --> 01:00:29,809 That's perfect. 1135 01:00:29,810 --> 01:00:32,336 Then why don't you make like the cute little knight that you are 1136 01:00:32,337 --> 01:00:34,704 and find something to do with your time, my brotha? 1137 01:00:34,705 --> 01:00:37,199 Because the king and the queen have a lot of work to do. 1138 01:00:37,200 --> 01:00:39,214 Come on, Nikki. 1139 01:00:41,359 --> 01:00:44,111 Uccellini! 1140 01:00:44,112 --> 01:00:45,359 Motherfucker. 1141 01:00:45,359 --> 01:00:48,014 - Hey. - Hey, Hannah. 1142 01:00:48,015 --> 01:00:49,646 - You did a great job tonight. - Thanks. 1143 01:00:49,647 --> 01:00:51,694 I'll catch up with you later, okay? 1144 01:00:51,695 --> 01:00:52,783 Are you okay, drew? 1145 01:00:52,784 --> 01:00:54,797 Yup. Top of the world. 1146 01:01:02,734 --> 01:01:04,462 En garde! 1147 01:01:04,463 --> 01:01:06,028 Not today, hansel. 1148 01:01:13,101 --> 01:01:15,275 The lover's identity has been resurrected. 1149 01:01:18,701 --> 01:01:20,906 Where'd you get Nikki's ID? 1150 01:01:27,660 --> 01:01:30,796 She's probably gonna need this. 1151 01:01:30,797 --> 01:01:33,481 I should probably take it back to her, right? 1152 01:01:37,738 --> 01:01:40,042 Ooh, yeah. 1153 01:01:40,043 --> 01:01:41,866 Now your ass a little bit. 1154 01:01:41,867 --> 01:01:43,819 Yeah. 1155 01:01:43,820 --> 01:01:46,666 Now look at me and say, "uccellini." 1156 01:01:46,667 --> 01:01:49,610 Uccellini. 1157 01:01:49,611 --> 01:01:51,625 God, you're so good. 1158 01:01:51,626 --> 01:01:54,986 Baby, put your leg up on the couch right there. 1159 01:01:54,987 --> 01:01:57,353 Yeah. 1160 01:01:57,354 --> 01:01:59,369 Yeah. 1161 01:01:59,370 --> 01:02:00,969 Ooh. 1162 01:02:00,970 --> 01:02:02,760 Damn, that looks good. 1163 01:02:02,761 --> 01:02:05,768 Move the robe a little bit. 1164 01:02:05,769 --> 01:02:06,857 Why? 1165 01:02:06,858 --> 01:02:08,904 What? 1166 01:02:08,905 --> 01:02:10,632 Just move the robe. 1167 01:02:10,633 --> 01:02:13,223 Yeah. Ooh. The shoulder, I like it. 1168 01:02:16,904 --> 01:02:18,120 Hey, people. 1169 01:02:18,121 --> 01:02:19,336 People. 1170 01:02:19,337 --> 01:02:21,191 Hey! Shut up! 1171 01:02:21,192 --> 01:02:23,080 The director's talking. 1172 01:02:23,081 --> 01:02:24,935 Shouldn't we wait for Nikki to get here? 1173 01:02:24,936 --> 01:02:27,431 Nikki's gonna be a little late. 1174 01:02:27,432 --> 01:02:30,631 Really? Why is that, rubisio? 1175 01:02:30,631 --> 01:02:33,574 Sorry. Hi. What's up? 1176 01:02:34,822 --> 01:02:37,574 I don't know, Nikki. Why don't you tell me? 1177 01:02:37,575 --> 01:02:39,493 I thought you weren't that type of girl. 1178 01:02:42,022 --> 01:02:44,166 I can't do this. I'm done. 1179 01:02:44,167 --> 01:02:46,246 Hey, where you going? 1180 01:02:46,247 --> 01:02:49,510 Drew, don't bail on us. We need you. 1181 01:02:49,511 --> 01:02:51,109 Yeah, I thought we were all in this together. 1182 01:02:51,110 --> 01:02:52,260 Where you going? 1183 01:02:54,949 --> 01:02:59,396 Okay. The only reason I joined this class is to bang her. 1184 01:02:59,397 --> 01:03:00,421 Apparently, she's a whore. 1185 01:03:00,422 --> 01:03:02,020 For the rest of you, 1186 01:03:02,021 --> 01:03:04,452 granny, what are you, 90 years old? 1187 01:03:04,453 --> 01:03:05,829 Wake up. 1188 01:03:05,829 --> 01:03:07,141 And you? 1189 01:03:07,141 --> 01:03:09,092 You can barely complete a sentence. 1190 01:03:09,093 --> 01:03:11,364 Talking to you is like dealing with a crack baby. 1191 01:03:11,365 --> 01:03:13,283 I don't wanna say not no drugs. 1192 01:03:13,284 --> 01:03:15,203 And what, a fashion designer and a geek 1193 01:03:15,204 --> 01:03:17,571 take over the entertainment business? 1194 01:03:17,572 --> 01:03:19,715 And you, little guy, 1195 01:03:19,716 --> 01:03:21,635 I don't know if you got the memo, 1196 01:03:21,636 --> 01:03:23,554 but they already shot the movie Willow. 1197 01:03:23,555 --> 01:03:25,730 Yeah. You're about 20 years too late. 1198 01:03:25,731 --> 01:03:28,354 You might wanna see if Santa's still hiring for the season. 1199 01:03:28,355 --> 01:03:29,410 Check that out. 1200 01:03:29,411 --> 01:03:31,234 With your pterodactyl arms... 1201 01:03:32,354 --> 01:03:34,626 Who's my bitch now? 1202 01:03:34,627 --> 01:03:36,129 - Hey, drew? - What? 1203 01:03:36,130 --> 01:03:37,857 Go fuck yourself. 1204 01:03:37,858 --> 01:03:40,417 Starmaker academy's a joke. 1205 01:03:40,418 --> 01:03:42,656 We're all bigger jokes for being here. 1206 01:03:44,801 --> 01:03:47,488 And everybody knows you're not Italian. 1207 01:03:47,489 --> 01:03:49,985 Yes, I am. 1208 01:03:49,986 --> 01:03:52,288 I am Italian. Nikki? 1209 01:03:52,289 --> 01:03:53,600 Give it up. 1210 01:04:00,095 --> 01:04:03,199 Guys, what the fuck is wrong with... 1211 01:04:07,295 --> 01:04:09,727 Sounds like that little Betty did you dirty, bro. 1212 01:04:09,728 --> 01:04:13,375 Another dude in the same week? 1213 01:04:13,376 --> 01:04:15,038 That's why I hit and quit. 1214 01:04:15,039 --> 01:04:17,278 No emotions involved, my friend. 1215 01:04:17,279 --> 01:04:19,230 Hey, can I get you something to drink? 1216 01:04:19,231 --> 01:04:20,414 Shit. 1217 01:04:20,415 --> 01:04:23,582 You again? Well, yes. 1218 01:04:23,583 --> 01:04:25,854 I'll have a cabernet sauvignon. 1219 01:04:25,855 --> 01:04:28,637 - Vodka, please, double. - Okay. 1220 01:04:28,638 --> 01:04:30,461 You know, Nate, it'd be one thing 1221 01:04:30,462 --> 01:04:32,253 if she hooked up with another guy. 1222 01:04:32,254 --> 01:04:35,293 Rubisio? He's just so gross. 1223 01:04:35,294 --> 01:04:38,044 Hey, look, I knew it. I got the gift, my friend. 1224 01:04:38,045 --> 01:04:39,069 The gift? 1225 01:04:39,070 --> 01:04:40,284 Yes, the gift of intuition. 1226 01:04:40,285 --> 01:04:42,076 We could've had an oreo cookie, brother. 1227 01:04:42,077 --> 01:04:44,347 - Nikki's white. - I don't give a shit. I'm black. 1228 01:04:44,348 --> 01:04:47,227 Okay, so I got one double vodka 1229 01:04:47,228 --> 01:04:48,988 and one straight cognac 1230 01:04:48,989 --> 01:04:53,659 with a splash of jungle juice and a watermelon wedge. 1231 01:04:53,660 --> 01:04:56,826 Watermelon? Fuck is jungle juice, man? 1232 01:05:07,450 --> 01:05:08,890 Come forth. 1233 01:05:11,578 --> 01:05:13,242 Hi, hansel. 1234 01:05:13,243 --> 01:05:15,610 Um, is drew here? 1235 01:05:15,611 --> 01:05:17,497 He is without presence. 1236 01:05:17,498 --> 01:05:19,834 Does that mean he's not here? 1237 01:05:19,835 --> 01:05:22,682 Do you know when he'll be back? 1238 01:05:22,683 --> 01:05:23,801 I do not. 1239 01:05:23,802 --> 01:05:27,033 I also do not know who you are. 1240 01:05:27,034 --> 01:05:30,488 This is Hannah. She's part of our acting class. 1241 01:05:30,489 --> 01:05:35,352 I extend my right hand, and she offers her left. 1242 01:05:35,353 --> 01:05:36,856 Yeah, I'm sorry. 1243 01:05:36,857 --> 01:05:39,960 I can't use my right side of my body. 1244 01:05:39,960 --> 01:05:43,767 Because you choose not to move this side of your body. 1245 01:05:43,768 --> 01:05:46,520 No, actually, it's not by choice. 1246 01:05:46,520 --> 01:05:50,071 A beautiful girl who is a nonconformist. 1247 01:05:50,072 --> 01:05:52,982 The magnitude of such copious assertion 1248 01:05:52,983 --> 01:05:56,023 is far too sagacious for me to comprehend. 1249 01:05:56,024 --> 01:05:59,254 Therefore, I hesitate to articulate 1250 01:05:59,255 --> 01:06:02,357 with any degree of accuracy. 1251 01:06:10,709 --> 01:06:12,436 Wait. 1252 01:06:14,325 --> 01:06:18,261 I worked my ass off to be the best actor in this biz, 1253 01:06:18,262 --> 01:06:20,949 but I can't change who I am. 1254 01:06:20,950 --> 01:06:22,805 I can't change the way I was born. 1255 01:06:22,806 --> 01:06:24,852 I think you just need to stay positive, Teddy. 1256 01:06:24,853 --> 01:06:27,124 How do you know there's not a movie being written right now 1257 01:06:27,125 --> 01:06:29,524 about a leading man who's also a little person? 1258 01:06:29,525 --> 01:06:31,540 What does that have to do with anything? 1259 01:06:31,541 --> 01:06:34,739 I'm talking about dealing with the backlash of discrimination. 1260 01:06:34,740 --> 01:06:36,756 Well, as a little person, right? 1261 01:06:36,757 --> 01:06:38,867 No, you idiot, as a homosexual. 1262 01:06:40,563 --> 01:06:43,186 - Shit! - Okay, all right. 1263 01:06:43,187 --> 01:06:45,906 When I first started, i was a total basket of nerves, 1264 01:06:45,907 --> 01:06:47,954 but then I just let the adrenaline take over 1265 01:06:47,955 --> 01:06:50,098 and unleashed my beast, just like Evan taught us. 1266 01:06:50,099 --> 01:06:53,042 God, you guys. I-i gotta go. 1267 01:06:53,043 --> 01:06:55,698 - What? - My ex. My ex is in there. 1268 01:06:55,699 --> 01:06:58,162 I can't deal with this right now. 1269 01:06:58,163 --> 01:07:00,242 I think I know what you need, Teddy. 1270 01:07:00,243 --> 01:07:02,225 Let me go. 1271 01:07:02,226 --> 01:07:04,177 Yeah? Tell me to let you go, 1272 01:07:04,178 --> 01:07:06,353 or I'll hold you like this all day, woman. 1273 01:07:06,354 --> 01:07:08,848 Let go of me, you asshole. 1274 01:07:08,849 --> 01:07:10,768 I'm warm, I'm warm. 1275 01:07:10,769 --> 01:07:12,112 Freeze, pervert! 1276 01:07:12,113 --> 01:07:14,000 You have three seconds to put that child down 1277 01:07:14,001 --> 01:07:15,888 or you will be tased! 1278 01:07:15,889 --> 01:07:17,360 You again? 1279 01:07:17,361 --> 01:07:20,463 Shit. No! What? No! 1280 01:07:20,464 --> 01:07:22,576 First, girl scouts, now little handicapped boys? 1281 01:07:22,577 --> 01:07:24,207 What? No! 1282 01:07:24,208 --> 01:07:26,064 You are sicker than I thought, you sick little pervert! 1283 01:07:26,065 --> 01:07:28,303 Teddy, tell them. It's a misunderstanding. 1284 01:07:28,304 --> 01:07:30,352 Officers, I'm 26 years old. 1285 01:07:30,353 --> 01:07:33,199 He's just helping me so I could go inside and blow 'em away. 1286 01:07:33,200 --> 01:07:34,608 - What? - Sweet Jesus. 1287 01:07:34,609 --> 01:07:35,886 It's okay, little boy. 1288 01:07:35,887 --> 01:07:38,639 You don't have to blow anyone today. 1289 01:07:38,640 --> 01:07:39,918 I'm not a little boy. 1290 01:07:39,919 --> 01:07:43,534 You can go shove that up your black ass. 1291 01:07:43,535 --> 01:07:45,486 God! Teddy, are you okay? 1292 01:07:45,487 --> 01:07:47,630 Step back or you will be tased! 1293 01:07:47,631 --> 01:07:49,454 - Who are you? - My name is Hugo. 1294 01:07:49,455 --> 01:07:51,469 What the hell are you doing here? 1295 01:07:51,470 --> 01:07:53,005 I was inside just having my normal vanilla nut latte, 1296 01:07:53,006 --> 01:07:54,413 skinny girl edition, 1297 01:07:54,414 --> 01:07:57,229 and I saw this beast manhandling my little Teddy. 1298 01:07:57,230 --> 01:07:58,701 Are you this little boy's father? 1299 01:07:58,702 --> 01:08:00,205 No. He use to be my lover. He was amazing. 1300 01:08:00,206 --> 01:08:02,445 He would get to places you never... 1301 01:08:02,446 --> 01:08:04,267 My god. 1302 01:08:05,869 --> 01:08:09,516 You know your friends are gonna be at that showcase tonight. 1303 01:08:09,517 --> 01:08:12,108 - Apparently. - You're supposed to be there. 1304 01:08:12,109 --> 01:08:15,435 What do you think they're gonna say when you don't even show up? 1305 01:08:15,436 --> 01:08:17,996 - How do you think they'll feel? - Who cares? 1306 01:08:17,997 --> 01:08:19,467 Anything else? 1307 01:08:19,468 --> 01:08:22,314 No, thanks. 1308 01:08:24,619 --> 01:08:26,091 Look, that's messed up, drew. 1309 01:08:26,092 --> 01:08:27,723 If you say you're gonna do something, 1310 01:08:27,724 --> 01:08:29,003 then, man, you gotta do it. 1311 01:08:29,004 --> 01:08:31,435 All your peeps are gonna be there 1312 01:08:31,436 --> 01:08:33,641 while you're sitting at a dive bar. 1313 01:08:35,753 --> 01:08:37,385 Come on. 1314 01:08:38,697 --> 01:08:40,489 Let's go. 1315 01:08:40,490 --> 01:08:42,120 I'll take my watermelon. 1316 01:08:43,753 --> 01:08:45,865 Little boy, I'll be right back for you. 1317 01:08:45,866 --> 01:08:49,192 We will find your parents today, sweetheart. 1318 01:08:49,193 --> 01:08:50,985 Don't either of you move a muscle! 1319 01:08:50,986 --> 01:08:53,417 - Let's go, rookie. - You gonna pin me down? 1320 01:08:53,418 --> 01:08:56,712 I unleash beast. Let's go! Hurry up! 1321 01:08:56,713 --> 01:08:58,313 I no wanna miss showcase. 1322 01:08:58,314 --> 01:09:00,488 You guys just go without me. I can never keep up. 1323 01:09:00,489 --> 01:09:03,176 Yeah, right. Let's saddle up, dudes. 1324 01:09:03,176 --> 01:09:05,863 My god, Teddy! What the hell is happening? 1325 01:09:05,864 --> 01:09:08,776 Stop being such a queen. I'll be fine. Leave me alone. 1326 01:09:08,777 --> 01:09:10,919 - Where are you going? - I'm going to the showcase. 1327 01:09:10,920 --> 01:09:13,768 - I gotta unleash my beast. - Where are you taking him? 1328 01:09:13,769 --> 01:09:15,527 Shut up, Hugo. 1329 01:09:15,527 --> 01:09:17,095 Don't you die on me! 1330 01:09:17,096 --> 01:09:18,950 Okay, I don't even know how to turn this thing on. 1331 01:09:18,951 --> 01:09:20,582 Honestly, I never driven one of these. 1332 01:09:20,583 --> 01:09:22,693 I've never even ridden a bicycle. Shit! 1333 01:09:25,542 --> 01:09:29,798 Ladies and gentleman, please allow me to introduce 1334 01:09:29,799 --> 01:09:34,214 the one and the only star-studded ensemble, 1335 01:09:34,215 --> 01:09:36,645 I give to you... 1336 01:09:36,646 --> 01:09:40,932 The starmaker academy! 1337 01:09:56,357 --> 01:10:00,771 Once upon a time in a land far, far away 1338 01:10:00,772 --> 01:10:03,843 lived a very selfish king. 1339 01:10:03,844 --> 01:10:06,915 I am both intelligent and handsome. 1340 01:10:06,916 --> 01:10:09,507 Are there any men greater than me, my loves? 1341 01:10:09,508 --> 01:10:12,259 Your greatness goes unparalleled, my love. 1342 01:10:12,259 --> 01:10:14,914 You are the greatest king in all the land. 1343 01:10:14,915 --> 01:10:17,026 And that is why I shall wed even more wives. 1344 01:10:17,027 --> 01:10:18,946 A male specimen of this caliber 1345 01:10:18,947 --> 01:10:21,122 shall not be hoarded by merely three women, 1346 01:10:21,123 --> 01:10:23,138 for I desire more wives. 1347 01:10:23,139 --> 01:10:25,953 May we ask that you not take another lover, 1348 01:10:25,954 --> 01:10:29,410 for we are beginning to feel like just a number, my love? 1349 01:10:29,411 --> 01:10:31,200 Asshole. 1350 01:10:33,665 --> 01:10:35,361 Heidi, my queen, 1351 01:10:35,362 --> 01:10:38,176 you have always been the quiet one in the group. 1352 01:10:38,177 --> 01:10:40,001 I suggest you keep quiet, 1353 01:10:40,002 --> 01:10:41,952 or I'm gonna toss your ass out of this castle 1354 01:10:41,953 --> 01:10:43,903 and into the urine-filled streets. 1355 01:10:45,696 --> 01:10:47,007 Cold. 1356 01:10:49,247 --> 01:10:51,455 Why don't you have a car again, Nate? 1357 01:10:51,456 --> 01:10:55,872 You might find it funny, drew, but the environment is no joke. 1358 01:10:55,873 --> 01:10:59,006 Let me get off this thing. Fucking segues. 1359 01:11:01,119 --> 01:11:04,190 One of the king's guardsmen appears, 1360 01:11:04,191 --> 01:11:07,774 bearing news of a recent discovery. 1361 01:11:07,775 --> 01:11:11,934 King rubisio, Grant thy servant Liberty 1362 01:11:11,935 --> 01:11:14,941 to speak freely to thy greatness. 1363 01:11:14,942 --> 01:11:17,502 Yes, my guardsman, but first, 1364 01:11:17,503 --> 01:11:20,253 who is the most handsome king in all of the land? 1365 01:11:20,253 --> 01:11:22,237 You are, king rubisio. 1366 01:11:22,238 --> 01:11:25,085 Though my gate does not swing in that direction, 1367 01:11:25,086 --> 01:11:27,611 I am confident enough to compliment. 1368 01:11:29,053 --> 01:11:31,868 Why have you come bothering me and my lucky concubines? 1369 01:11:31,869 --> 01:11:34,844 Your warriors have returned, good sir. 1370 01:11:34,845 --> 01:11:37,244 They have come bringing you a new wife. 1371 01:11:37,245 --> 01:11:39,898 Send them in, my guardsman. 1372 01:11:42,587 --> 01:11:44,219 Hello, my good king. 1373 01:11:44,220 --> 01:11:46,460 We've returned from our travels and brought to you 1374 01:11:46,461 --> 01:11:48,635 the beautiful woman in all of the land. 1375 01:11:48,636 --> 01:11:51,035 Whoa. I thought I was the most beautiful queen. 1376 01:11:51,036 --> 01:11:53,371 Silence! 1377 01:11:53,371 --> 01:11:55,739 Hold this. 1378 01:11:55,740 --> 01:11:59,417 Bring forth the prisoner and let me examine her myself. 1379 01:12:01,114 --> 01:12:03,098 Well, what do you think? 1380 01:12:03,099 --> 01:12:04,922 Is this object of affection pretty enough 1381 01:12:04,923 --> 01:12:07,513 for the king of all kings? 1382 01:12:07,514 --> 01:12:09,434 Pretty enough? Are you serious, rubisio? 1383 01:12:09,435 --> 01:12:11,194 Hannah's way too hot for you. 1384 01:12:11,194 --> 01:12:12,729 She doesn't deserve a jerk like you. 1385 01:12:12,730 --> 01:12:15,064 Shut up, you idiot. That's not part of the scene. 1386 01:12:15,065 --> 01:12:16,857 Tell it to someone who cares. 1387 01:12:16,858 --> 01:12:20,761 Warriors, come forth and put this moron in the hole, 1388 01:12:20,762 --> 01:12:23,191 for he has shown great disrespect. 1389 01:12:31,289 --> 01:12:33,240 I will wed this prisoner of love. 1390 01:12:33,241 --> 01:12:35,735 I shall make her my concubine immediately. 1391 01:12:35,736 --> 01:12:37,781 Bring forth the priest. 1392 01:12:39,191 --> 01:12:40,887 Que se dice, my reverend. 1393 01:12:40,888 --> 01:12:42,262 Good day to you, my king. 1394 01:12:42,263 --> 01:12:45,302 What a beautiful young bride thee has selected. 1395 01:12:45,303 --> 01:12:46,966 You are a lucky king. 1396 01:12:46,967 --> 01:12:48,694 I am a deserving king. 1397 01:12:48,695 --> 01:12:50,454 Now begin the ceremony, 1398 01:12:50,455 --> 01:12:53,909 for I am growing increasingly anxious to bed down my new wife. 1399 01:12:55,670 --> 01:12:58,518 Please, king, have mercy on me, 1400 01:12:58,519 --> 01:13:00,309 for I love another man. 1401 01:13:00,310 --> 01:13:04,053 It is he I wish to live happily ever after with, not you. 1402 01:13:04,054 --> 01:13:05,461 Silence! 1403 01:13:05,462 --> 01:13:08,085 You are now mine, and you will forever be mine. 1404 01:13:08,086 --> 01:13:10,965 Continue with the ceremony now. 1405 01:13:10,966 --> 01:13:13,236 If no one objects to these two wedding this day... 1406 01:13:13,237 --> 01:13:15,092 Unhand her! 1407 01:13:15,093 --> 01:13:18,708 Unhand my beautiful wife, you filthy king, 1408 01:13:18,709 --> 01:13:20,692 for I have traveled a fortnight 1409 01:13:20,693 --> 01:13:23,347 to fend off this ferocious king. 1410 01:13:23,348 --> 01:13:27,635 But now as I stand before you, you are no king, 1411 01:13:27,636 --> 01:13:31,570 for you are an insecure coward. 1412 01:13:38,964 --> 01:13:40,402 Enough. 1413 01:13:40,403 --> 01:13:42,001 I said enough. 1414 01:13:43,538 --> 01:13:45,330 Shut up! 1415 01:13:45,331 --> 01:13:46,737 What are you guys doing? 1416 01:13:46,738 --> 01:13:48,114 That's not even part of the scene. 1417 01:13:48,115 --> 01:13:49,680 You're gonna ruin this shit. 1418 01:13:52,594 --> 01:13:55,377 I now declare each and every one of you 1419 01:13:55,378 --> 01:13:57,232 a free member in society. 1420 01:13:57,233 --> 01:13:58,929 Live and let live. 1421 01:13:58,930 --> 01:14:01,359 Shall we rejoice? 1422 01:14:09,137 --> 01:14:11,471 Come forth and fight me for your love. 1423 01:14:11,472 --> 01:14:12,976 Ooh! 1424 01:14:12,977 --> 01:14:14,862 Come fight me for what you think you deserve! 1425 01:14:27,663 --> 01:14:29,230 Uccellini! 1426 01:14:29,999 --> 01:14:31,949 Hansel. 1427 01:14:39,053 --> 01:14:40,814 Thank you, kind sir. 1428 01:14:40,815 --> 01:14:42,445 What the fuck, drew? 1429 01:14:42,446 --> 01:14:44,429 Go fuck yourself. 1430 01:15:07,181 --> 01:15:09,100 You know jujitsu? 1431 01:15:09,101 --> 01:15:11,659 This is meditative mixed martial arts. 1432 01:15:11,660 --> 01:15:13,706 Now relax. 1433 01:15:14,987 --> 01:15:16,490 Eee! 1434 01:15:16,491 --> 01:15:17,930 Yeah! 1435 01:15:17,931 --> 01:15:20,395 And it came to pass, 1436 01:15:20,396 --> 01:15:23,562 hansel had defeated the evil king. 1437 01:15:23,083 --> 01:15:28,394 The darkness had moved out and made way for the sunshine. 1438 01:15:29,163 --> 01:15:32,265 A new day has arrived! 1439 01:15:32,266 --> 01:15:34,824 The end! 1440 01:16:09,287 --> 01:16:11,782 What are you doing? 1441 01:16:19,079 --> 01:16:21,157 Hugo, baby, thank you so much for coming. 1442 01:16:21,158 --> 01:16:22,949 Teddy, that was glorious. 1443 01:16:22,950 --> 01:16:25,670 I swear, I believed you were a lumberjack. 1444 01:16:25,671 --> 01:16:26,981 - Really? - My goodness. 1445 01:16:26,982 --> 01:16:28,357 It was just... 1446 01:16:28,358 --> 01:16:30,373 I told you that class is like amazing. 1447 01:16:30,373 --> 01:16:32,229 I didn't mean to hurt you. I really didn't. 1448 01:16:32,230 --> 01:16:33,669 - I forgive you. - Yeah? 1449 01:16:33,670 --> 01:16:35,045 The point is that you're here now. 1450 01:16:35,046 --> 01:16:36,676 Yeah, all right. 1451 01:16:36,677 --> 01:16:38,629 You just mean so much to me, honestly, like... 1452 01:16:38,630 --> 01:16:41,028 Hey, you all have three seconds to get on the ground 1453 01:16:41,029 --> 01:16:42,212 or you will be tased! 1454 01:16:42,213 --> 01:16:44,324 - No one move! - Him again. 1455 01:16:44,325 --> 01:16:46,564 - What's your explanation, boy? - I have no explanation! 1456 01:16:46,565 --> 01:16:48,164 And who's this young lady behind you? 1457 01:16:48,165 --> 01:16:50,435 - She's my girlfriend. - Don't lie to me, boy! 1458 01:16:50,436 --> 01:16:51,939 You can't get something that hot! 1459 01:16:51,940 --> 01:16:54,307 I swear to god. She's my girlfriend. Tell him! 1460 01:16:54,308 --> 01:16:55,874 - I don't know him. - What the fuck? 1461 01:16:55,875 --> 01:16:58,849 - How much did you pay her? - It's on, it's on. 1462 01:17:03,458 --> 01:17:06,211 All rise for the honorable judge Martinez. 1463 01:17:06,212 --> 01:17:09,698 These geniuses were charged with Grand Theft Auto. 1464 01:17:09,699 --> 01:17:12,098 Luckily for them, I finally passed the bar exam. 1465 01:17:12,099 --> 01:17:13,794 You may be seated. 1466 01:17:13,795 --> 01:17:16,897 Hey, drew. Tell the judge to go fuck himself. 1467 01:17:16,898 --> 01:17:19,554 No, don't do that. Don't tell him that. 1468 01:17:19,555 --> 01:17:22,817 Hello, your honor. In today's case, 1009, 1469 01:17:22,818 --> 01:17:25,568 the people versus starmaker academy, 1470 01:17:25,569 --> 01:17:28,511 we'd like to enter a plea of not guilty. 1471 01:17:30,400 --> 01:17:32,703 And had them demoted. 1472 01:17:32,704 --> 01:17:34,176 I know! 1473 01:17:34,177 --> 01:17:35,968 It's all because of you. 1474 01:17:35,969 --> 01:17:40,895 This is all your fault, we're in this situation. 1475 01:17:40,896 --> 01:17:43,679 - I told you, I told you. - This one's no good. 1476 01:17:43,680 --> 01:17:46,815 Boulevard horny, scene donkey dick, take three. 1477 01:17:46,816 --> 01:17:49,470 Teddy finally got his anger under control... 1478 01:17:49,471 --> 01:17:51,583 Hey. 1479 01:17:51,584 --> 01:17:54,014 Once he found his true calling. 1480 01:17:54,015 --> 01:17:57,086 Okay, I think he's ready. Let's bring in the real talent. 1481 01:17:57,087 --> 01:18:00,253 I am the real talent. 1482 01:18:01,854 --> 01:18:05,853 - No, no, no, no. - Are you ready for me, big boy? 1483 01:18:05,854 --> 01:18:08,829 I think he's still too cold. 1484 01:18:08,830 --> 01:18:11,835 I want you to take his ass outside and warm it up. 1485 01:18:13,917 --> 01:18:16,634 Time to warm your ass up, bitch boy. 1486 01:18:19,292 --> 01:18:21,213 That dick looks good on you, girl. 1487 01:18:21,214 --> 01:18:24,314 And action! 1488 01:18:26,044 --> 01:18:28,540 And rubisio? 1489 01:18:28,540 --> 01:18:31,739 Well, let's just say Karma is alive and well. 1490 01:18:36,667 --> 01:18:38,394 Hey, Charles, 1491 01:18:38,395 --> 01:18:41,882 I think we just found the new face for our company. 1492 01:18:41,883 --> 01:18:46,170 Nikki morehead. Find her. 1493 01:18:46,171 --> 01:18:47,963 Nikki became the official spokesmodel 1494 01:18:47,964 --> 01:18:49,722 for non-virgin airlines. 1495 01:18:49,723 --> 01:18:52,474 Hannah! I thought we were meeting at sag. 1496 01:18:52,475 --> 01:18:55,194 Yeah, I figured I'd pick you up. That way we can carpool. 1497 01:18:55,195 --> 01:18:58,553 - Besides, I missed you. - Thanks, babe. 1498 01:18:58,554 --> 01:19:01,656 All in all, I'd call this a happy ending. 1499 01:19:03,290 --> 01:19:04,631 Even for Nate. 108689

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