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1
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"Will and Grace" is shot
before a live studio audience.
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What do you mean,
I can't meet your daughter?
3
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I didn't mean you couldn't ever meet her.
4
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Obviously you will...
when the time is right.
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- And when will that be?
- When the time is right.
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Hi. Hello. Good evening to you both.
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I'm in the middle of memorizing my lines
8
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for my one-man show "Gaybraham Twinkin',"
9
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so if you could keep it down
that would be...
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00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:31,520
chef's kiss.
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00:00:33,290 --> 00:00:34,824
Noah, always a pleasure.
12
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Grace, we talked about
a side pony after 40.
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"When the time is right."
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- You just said you loved me.
- I did say that.
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And by the way, I feel like
we're forgetting,
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that's the headline here.
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Today's the day I said I love you.
18
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Yes, but today's also
the day I found out you have
19
00:00:52,742 --> 00:00:55,077
a daughter I can't meet.
That's the other headline.
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Yeah, you can't have two headlines.
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It's just bad journalism.
Look, I'm sorry.
22
00:00:59,783 --> 00:01:02,418
I love you, and I'm not ready
for you to meet Katie.
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Both those things are true.
24
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- I gotta look out for her.
- "Look out for her"?
25
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What do you think I'm gonna do?
26
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Hi.
27
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Good evening.
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Maybe I wasn't clear...
29
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but this 21st century hetero argument
30
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is kind of killing the 1860s homo-realism
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I'm trying to create here.
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Noah.
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Always a pleasure.
34
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Look, Grace, you will meet Katie, okay?
35
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When I feel the time is right.
36
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Okay, Noah.
37
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Um, when you're in a relationship,
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you share your life.
39
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That's how you grow,
and you are not ready for that,
40
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so call me when you are.
41
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Wait, wait, wait.
Why am I giving you the power?
42
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I'll call you when I'm ready
for you to be ready.
43
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What part of... ah, very good.
44
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Synced & corrected by -robtor-
www.addic7ed.com
45
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Listen, I don't know much about this guy
46
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but it sounds like you found another one
47
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who's not batting for our team.
48
00:02:23,449 --> 00:02:25,824
Karen, I've been
dating Noah for two months.
49
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You split a calzone with him
three days ago in the office.
50
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That doesn't sound like me.
51
00:02:32,814 --> 00:02:34,805
I like a full calzone.
52
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I'm so sorry, sweetie.
53
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I know it was a tough call to make.
54
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But you feel like
you did the right thing?
55
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100%, mm-hmm.
56
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- What?
- Nothing.
57
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No, I just... he was only asking
for a little more time
58
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- for his daughter's sake, and...
- What?
59
00:02:56,038 --> 00:02:57,471
Do you really want to date someone
60
00:02:57,506 --> 00:02:58,996
who doesn't put their kid first?
61
00:03:00,629 --> 00:03:03,529
Fine, I'll tell him
I'll meet Katie on his terms.
62
00:03:03,554 --> 00:03:04,960
Happy?
63
00:03:05,934 --> 00:03:08,672
- Why are you mad at me?
- Because I don't want to be mad at me.
64
00:03:09,217 --> 00:03:11,351
See you at the office.
65
00:03:11,376 --> 00:03:13,310
That's an expression, right?
66
00:03:15,870 --> 00:03:17,905
- Oh, Marilyn.
- Mom, what are you doing
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- in the city?
- I needed to see you.
68
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Oh, uh, Marilyn?
69
00:03:21,682 --> 00:03:23,449
Um, I... I have to run,
70
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but it is so nice seeing you.
71
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Mom.
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Grace, neither of us enjoy that.
73
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What's going on? Everything okay?
74
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Well, I have some devastating news,
75
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and I don't know how I can tell you.
76
00:03:40,110 --> 00:03:43,078
Hey, Marilyn. Ooh.
I love what you're wearing.
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Oh, thank you, Karen.
78
00:03:44,781 --> 00:03:46,682
- They just opened...
- Mom!
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- What's the devastating news?
- Well...
80
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Your brother died.
81
00:03:53,823 --> 00:03:55,925
- What?
- He was doing his business
82
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in the neighbor's yard, starting shaking,
83
00:03:57,961 --> 00:04:00,182
and then he "pff"... just fell over.
84
00:04:00,797 --> 00:04:02,808
- My God.
- Oh...
85
00:04:02,833 --> 00:04:04,603
Poor Dr. Silly.
86
00:04:05,368 --> 00:04:07,856
Wait, your dog?
87
00:04:09,832 --> 00:04:12,233
I thought you meant Sam or Paul!
88
00:04:12,258 --> 00:04:16,156
And you made me picture them
pooping in the neighbor's yard!
89
00:04:18,582 --> 00:04:20,149
Pooping and then dying!
90
00:04:20,174 --> 00:04:22,662
That's my... that's my worst fear!
91
00:04:23,820 --> 00:04:27,723
Dr. Silly was much more
than a dog, William.
92
00:04:27,757 --> 00:04:29,986
He was a member of the family.
93
00:04:30,011 --> 00:04:31,880
- He was your brother!
- Mom.
94
00:04:32,815 --> 00:04:35,951
Oh, oh, was he the one who dated Grace
95
00:04:35,976 --> 00:04:37,552
and Will got all mad?
96
00:04:38,381 --> 00:04:40,182
Yeah, and Will's like, "You can't date
97
00:04:40,207 --> 00:04:41,890
my mother's dog!"
98
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In any case, I'm collecting
video testimonials
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to show at the service, and I was hoping
100
00:04:49,273 --> 00:04:51,511
- that you would make one.
- Oh, sure, sure.
101
00:04:51,536 --> 00:04:53,437
Maybe I'll talk about how much he loved
102
00:04:53,462 --> 00:04:56,321
chasing marbles or humping the ottoman.
103
00:04:57,107 --> 00:05:00,158
Though I... I kind of wanted
to save that for Jack's eulogy.
104
00:05:02,358 --> 00:05:03,925
Jokes, William?
105
00:05:03,950 --> 00:05:06,751
I thought you of all people
would understand.
106
00:05:07,024 --> 00:05:09,866
- What... Mom.
- I'm going to lie down.
107
00:05:09,891 --> 00:05:11,211
I...
108
00:05:12,442 --> 00:05:13,775
You know...
109
00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:16,568
I never really got the pet thing.
110
00:05:16,593 --> 00:05:19,361
I mean, if you want
something with four legs
111
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,848
and a chip in its neck
I'd just hire two more maids.
112
00:05:25,702 --> 00:05:28,504
What did that mean, "me of all people"?
113
00:05:28,529 --> 00:05:31,531
She never shows her emotions
and I never know how
114
00:05:31,556 --> 00:05:33,483
to deal with it
when they suddenly pop out.
115
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Honey, the woman is grieving.
116
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It is time for you to dig down deep
117
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and pull out one of your sad,
118
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low-limit credit cards you have...
119
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and buy her something.
120
00:05:46,967 --> 00:05:49,369
Well, she does like presents. Thanks.
121
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You'll-you'll stay here with her?
122
00:05:51,387 --> 00:05:53,588
Oh, no, honey. Not really my thing.
123
00:05:53,613 --> 00:05:55,981
- We don't have much in common.
- She's scared of foreigners
124
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- and loves to drink.
- Well, maybe I could stay
125
00:05:57,444 --> 00:05:58,800
for a little while.
126
00:06:03,430 --> 00:06:04,597
Morning, boss.
127
00:06:04,622 --> 00:06:06,590
Um, as you know I'm in rehearsal
128
00:06:06,615 --> 00:06:09,117
for my original one-man show
based on Abraham Lincoln's
129
00:06:09,142 --> 00:06:11,313
secret gay romance, "Gaybraham Twinkin'."
130
00:06:12,141 --> 00:06:13,503
Let me guess. You're trying
you skip out of here
131
00:06:13,528 --> 00:06:14,562
early again today.
132
00:06:14,587 --> 00:06:15,654
I find your use of the word
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"skip" slightly homophobic.
134
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But yes, I will need to prance
my gay ass out of here by 2:00.
135
00:06:22,072 --> 00:06:24,173
Hold on!
136
00:06:24,198 --> 00:06:26,066
This is your job, Jack. I need you here.
137
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Not out doing some ridiculous play, okay?
138
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"Ridic..."
139
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Need I remind you
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what Abraham Lincoln
represents to this country?
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I don't think you need to remind me.
142
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Abe represents this nation's struggle
143
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for gay men to celebrate
their love freely, in the open,
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where people of all creeds
and colors can watch,
145
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and based on appearance perhaps join in.
146
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Lincoln freed the slaves, dude.
147
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He wasn't gay.
148
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He was one of three gay presidents:
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Lincoln, Harrison,
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and that confirmed old bachelor:
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James "Power Bottom" Buchanan.
152
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Is no one editing
Wikipedia anymore, like...?
153
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Noah?
154
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It's me.
155
00:07:08,461 --> 00:07:09,928
Hello?
156
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Hi. My dad's not home.
157
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You're Katie.
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The Katie. I'm meeting Katie.
159
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You must be my new math tutor, right?
160
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:26,847
- Kimiko?
- Um...
161
00:07:27,365 --> 00:07:29,266
Yes, I am Kimiko.
162
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Come on in.
163
00:07:38,884 --> 00:07:41,551
Wait, there's a second train
leaving the station
164
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at the same time?
165
00:07:43,921 --> 00:07:46,890
And this one's going ten miles an hour?
166
00:07:46,924 --> 00:07:48,660
What is this, the 1800s?
167
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You're not my math tutor, are you?
168
00:07:52,163 --> 00:07:53,563
Good question.
169
00:07:53,597 --> 00:07:56,066
- I am not.
- So, who are you?
170
00:07:56,100 --> 00:07:57,419
I'm Grace...
171
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and I'm kind of seeing your dad.
172
00:08:01,005 --> 00:08:02,173
Oh.
173
00:08:03,040 --> 00:08:04,908
- Hi.
- Hi.
174
00:08:04,942 --> 00:08:06,876
I mean, he does seem happy lately.
175
00:08:06,911 --> 00:08:09,679
He hasn't said "fascists" in like a week.
176
00:08:09,714 --> 00:08:11,948
Oh! I did that!
177
00:08:13,084 --> 00:08:16,019
But he didn't feel like
you were ready to meet me yet,
178
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so I should... I should leave.
179
00:08:18,289 --> 00:08:20,924
- And we never met.
- Right.
180
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:24,194
But it's the only lie
we will ever tell your dad.
181
00:08:24,228 --> 00:08:26,262
Katie, I'm home!
182
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We will tell him one more lie.
183
00:08:31,769 --> 00:08:33,169
- Hey, kiddo.
- Hi, Dad.
184
00:08:33,204 --> 00:08:34,748
Hey, put these on the counter.
185
00:08:40,878 --> 00:08:43,079
- Hi! What are you doing home?
- Your math tutor called
186
00:08:43,114 --> 00:08:45,915
to cancel and I didn't want you
hanging out alone.
187
00:08:45,950 --> 00:08:48,051
Hey, you know what, this is the problem
188
00:08:48,085 --> 00:08:49,219
with the gig economy.
189
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People cobble together an income
190
00:08:50,755 --> 00:08:52,422
out of all these jobs and they don't...
191
00:08:52,456 --> 00:08:54,557
Don't commit to any of them.
192
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Love you.
193
00:08:56,927 --> 00:08:58,294
Wait!
194
00:08:58,329 --> 00:08:59,729
I need to tell you something.
195
00:08:59,764 --> 00:09:01,231
Something really important.
196
00:09:01,265 --> 00:09:02,942
What? You're vaping?
197
00:09:04,468 --> 00:09:06,069
You know, it may taste
like banana pudding,
198
00:09:06,103 --> 00:09:08,323
but it's just banana-flavored cancer.
199
00:09:09,240 --> 00:09:10,950
Wait, Dad!
200
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:18,074
201
00:09:22,119 --> 00:09:24,254
You must be Katie.
202
00:09:26,123 --> 00:09:29,058
I don't know why Will
is being so insensitive.
203
00:09:29,093 --> 00:09:31,928
- It's... it's very...
- Un-gay-like?
204
00:09:31,962 --> 00:09:33,430
Yes.
205
00:09:33,464 --> 00:09:36,433
- Oh, is that wrong to say?
- No.
206
00:09:36,467 --> 00:09:39,502
You made him gay,
so naturally, it's upsetting
207
00:09:39,537 --> 00:09:41,805
when he doesn't act that way.
208
00:09:41,839 --> 00:09:43,840
Well, you understand.
209
00:09:43,874 --> 00:09:46,309
You must have had a furry companion
210
00:09:46,343 --> 00:09:47,811
at some point.
211
00:09:47,845 --> 00:09:51,741
I've never had a pet,
and Stan wasn't that furry.
212
00:09:52,483 --> 00:09:54,083
Well, you're missing out, Karen.
213
00:09:54,118 --> 00:09:56,820
- Hm.
- You know how impossible it is
214
00:09:56,854 --> 00:09:59,322
to show love to people?
215
00:09:59,356 --> 00:10:00,709
Go on.
216
00:10:01,559 --> 00:10:04,427
Well, it's so easy with dogs.
217
00:10:04,462 --> 00:10:06,463
Did somebody order
218
00:10:06,497 --> 00:10:08,758
four pounds of cuteness?
219
00:10:09,500 --> 00:10:11,000
What is this?
220
00:10:11,035 --> 00:10:14,304
It's your new dog! Isn't she adorable?
221
00:10:14,338 --> 00:10:17,173
She could have been Dr. Silly's
more attractive partner
222
00:10:17,208 --> 00:10:18,541
in the practice, you know?
223
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:20,310
Who, uh... who writes a health column
224
00:10:20,344 --> 00:10:22,378
in "The Daily Growl."
225
00:10:22,413 --> 00:10:25,381
You can't swap out one dog for another.
226
00:10:25,416 --> 00:10:28,818
I mean, when you and Vince
broke up did I swap him out
227
00:10:28,853 --> 00:10:30,811
for another gay man to cheer you up?
228
00:10:30,845 --> 00:10:32,622
Yes.
229
00:10:32,656 --> 00:10:34,224
You fixed me up with Tim O'Dell...
230
00:10:34,258 --> 00:10:35,992
- who was straight, by the way.
- Oh.
231
00:10:36,026 --> 00:10:38,228
You told me that you made out with him.
232
00:10:38,262 --> 00:10:41,040
And it took a long time to get him there.
233
00:10:43,711 --> 00:10:45,511
Karen, would you take her for a walk?
234
00:10:45,536 --> 00:10:47,370
Here.
235
00:10:48,739 --> 00:10:50,974
Okay, Marilyn, let's go.
236
00:10:51,008 --> 00:10:52,208
Come on.
237
00:10:52,243 --> 00:10:53,343
Come on, come on.
238
00:10:53,377 --> 00:10:55,345
Come. Come, Marilyn, come on.
239
00:10:55,379 --> 00:10:56,679
The dog.
240
00:10:56,714 --> 00:10:58,147
What, you thought I meant my mother?
241
00:10:58,182 --> 00:10:59,649
Well, I don't know.
242
00:10:59,683 --> 00:11:01,684
She's had a lot to drink.
243
00:11:04,922 --> 00:11:06,065
Ugh.
244
00:11:07,725 --> 00:11:09,325
Another dog.
245
00:11:09,360 --> 00:11:10,760
Oh, God, I can't believe
246
00:11:10,794 --> 00:11:12,495
that that's what you think I needed.
247
00:11:12,530 --> 00:11:13,763
I don't understand.
248
00:11:13,797 --> 00:11:15,064
I... I don't know how to help you.
249
00:11:15,099 --> 00:11:16,566
It's... it's just like when Dad died.
250
00:11:16,600 --> 00:11:17,867
Oh, was it?
251
00:11:17,902 --> 00:11:19,502
And how would you know that?
252
00:11:19,537 --> 00:11:21,337
Because I was there?
253
00:11:21,372 --> 00:11:23,273
For a week after the funeral,
254
00:11:23,307 --> 00:11:26,376
and then you went right back
to your life.
255
00:11:26,410 --> 00:11:28,378
And I had no one.
256
00:11:28,412 --> 00:11:31,047
That's when I got Dr. Silly.
257
00:11:32,082 --> 00:11:34,093
Mom, I'm sorry, I didn't...
258
00:11:34,885 --> 00:11:37,921
I wish you had told me
that you needed me.
259
00:11:39,423 --> 00:11:41,591
Well, you should have known.
260
00:11:44,962 --> 00:11:46,296
Jack, are you out of your mind?
261
00:11:46,330 --> 00:11:48,398
The Underground Railroad
was a secret network
262
00:11:48,432 --> 00:11:49,632
to get slaves to the north,
263
00:11:49,667 --> 00:11:51,434
not a gay club with a subway theme.
264
00:11:51,468 --> 00:11:55,104
Oh, really? Then where did
I ride my first caboose?
265
00:11:57,675 --> 00:11:58,808
You do recognize as a black man...
266
00:11:58,842 --> 00:12:00,743
I know, I know.
267
00:12:00,778 --> 00:12:02,579
You can't hide the color of your skin,
268
00:12:02,613 --> 00:12:03,913
but I can hide my gayness.
269
00:12:03,948 --> 00:12:07,283
Oh, my God!
270
00:12:07,318 --> 00:12:08,751
Oh!
271
00:12:08,786 --> 00:12:11,005
It was just a fly.
I thought it was a bee.
272
00:12:11,655 --> 00:12:13,056
I'm tragically allergic.
273
00:12:13,090 --> 00:12:14,657
One sting and my face blows up
274
00:12:14,692 --> 00:12:16,759
bigger than Liza on Prednisone.
275
00:12:18,429 --> 00:12:20,263
Anyway, what were we saying?
276
00:12:20,297 --> 00:12:22,832
- You can hide your gayness.
- Right, right.
277
00:12:22,866 --> 00:12:24,435
I'll give you that.
278
00:12:26,530 --> 00:12:27,830
Hi, I'm looking for Theodore?
279
00:12:27,855 --> 00:12:29,288
- I'm here to fix the AC.
- Oh, yeah, man,
280
00:12:29,313 --> 00:12:30,692
it's right over there.
281
00:12:31,809 --> 00:12:33,810
Excuse me, sir. Uh, I was hoping
282
00:12:33,844 --> 00:12:35,845
you could settle an argument for us.
283
00:12:35,879 --> 00:12:39,482
Who's more oppressed:
A black person or a gay person?
284
00:12:39,516 --> 00:12:42,352
- That's a ridiculous question.
- I know, right?
285
00:12:42,386 --> 00:12:44,581
Nobody has it worse than Latinos.
286
00:12:45,155 --> 00:12:46,956
They're putting our kids in cages.
287
00:12:46,991 --> 00:12:48,458
How about all the African-American men
288
00:12:48,492 --> 00:12:51,160
- that are locked up in cages?
- Due to a lack of funds
289
00:12:51,195 --> 00:12:54,507
I've sometimes been forced
to dance in cages.
290
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,635
Who's zoomin' who, fellas?
291
00:12:58,669 --> 00:13:00,436
Delivery.
292
00:13:00,471 --> 00:13:03,539
So the order is: Latinos
have it worse, then black men,
293
00:13:03,574 --> 00:13:06,042
- then gay guys.
- Oh, no, no, no.
294
00:13:06,076 --> 00:13:09,105
You've got to move Muslims
on the top of that list.
295
00:13:09,747 --> 00:13:11,214
Try being me getting on a plane.
296
00:13:11,248 --> 00:13:12,982
Or try being me getting a taxi.
297
00:13:13,017 --> 00:13:14,484
Try being me and getting back
in the country.
298
00:13:14,518 --> 00:13:17,220
Try being me and having
to claim Kevin Spacey
299
00:13:17,254 --> 00:13:18,489
as one of your own.
300
00:13:19,023 --> 00:13:20,957
Well, he was good in
"The Usual Suspects."
301
00:13:20,991 --> 00:13:22,959
Would you want him to be black?
302
00:13:22,993 --> 00:13:24,621
Okay, I see your point.
303
00:13:25,329 --> 00:13:28,364
Jack! I just got your check by mistake.
304
00:13:28,399 --> 00:13:30,633
How do you make more money than me?
305
00:13:30,668 --> 00:13:32,368
Because you're a man?
306
00:13:34,772 --> 00:13:37,206
No, Dana.
307
00:13:37,241 --> 00:13:39,308
Because I work harder than you.
308
00:13:39,343 --> 00:13:41,911
And I am also a gay man...
309
00:13:41,945 --> 00:13:43,680
who we just all agreed
310
00:13:43,714 --> 00:13:45,548
is the most oppressed group there is.
311
00:13:50,747 --> 00:13:52,304
I didn't think that Katie would be here,
312
00:13:52,339 --> 00:13:54,446
and then she answered the door,
and so I had to pretend
313
00:13:54,447 --> 00:13:55,747
that I was her math tutor.
314
00:13:55,782 --> 00:13:57,583
Wait a minute,
you pretended to be Kimiko?
315
00:13:57,617 --> 00:13:59,490
That's... that's ridiculous.
316
00:13:59,525 --> 00:14:01,587
I know. I am clearly not Japanese.
317
00:14:01,621 --> 00:14:04,723
No, I meant the part
about you tutoring math.
318
00:14:05,825 --> 00:14:08,427
I mean, you use the tip
calculator on the phone.
319
00:14:08,461 --> 00:14:10,128
Hey, 20% is hard.
320
00:14:10,163 --> 00:14:12,180
No, it's ten plus ten.
321
00:14:12,214 --> 00:14:13,932
Okay, 13% is hard.
322
00:14:15,802 --> 00:14:18,947
Okay, look, I screwed up.
323
00:14:18,972 --> 00:14:21,741
I know that.
I know that, and I am so sorry.
324
00:14:21,775 --> 00:14:23,543
But the good news here
325
00:14:23,577 --> 00:14:25,960
is that Katie and I hit it off.
326
00:14:25,994 --> 00:14:27,613
No, that only makes things worse.
327
00:14:27,648 --> 00:14:30,283
See, this is why I didn't
want you to meet her yet.
328
00:14:30,317 --> 00:14:32,652
Because now you guys have, like, a thing,
329
00:14:32,686 --> 00:14:35,488
so when we break up she gets hurt.
330
00:14:35,522 --> 00:14:37,490
Wait, "when we break up"?
331
00:14:37,524 --> 00:14:39,458
No, that's not what I meant to say.
332
00:14:39,493 --> 00:14:41,727
I mean, it's not like I'm...
I'm planning.
333
00:14:41,762 --> 00:14:43,763
But you assume this is gonna end.
334
00:14:43,797 --> 00:14:45,264
Grace, come on.
335
00:14:45,299 --> 00:14:46,966
We've both been divorced, okay?
336
00:14:47,000 --> 00:14:48,705
I'm just being a realist.
337
00:14:49,169 --> 00:14:53,105
I mean, name one relationship
that lasts and is any good.
338
00:14:53,140 --> 00:14:55,241
There's so many!
339
00:14:55,275 --> 00:14:57,109
But right now, for some reason,
I can only think
340
00:14:57,144 --> 00:14:58,631
of "Lady and the Tramp."
341
00:15:00,347 --> 00:15:02,481
Oh, please. This fantasy that they can
342
00:15:02,516 --> 00:15:04,517
just overcome their class differences
343
00:15:04,551 --> 00:15:06,681
because they both like pasta.
344
00:15:07,521 --> 00:15:09,789
So, what? All relationships are doomed?
345
00:15:09,823 --> 00:15:11,991
There's no point loving anyone
and life sucks?
346
00:15:12,025 --> 00:15:14,527
No, I'm just saying
there's zero probability
347
00:15:14,561 --> 00:15:16,362
that you throw two people together
348
00:15:16,396 --> 00:15:19,398
- and it's going to last forever.
- "Zero"?
349
00:15:20,534 --> 00:15:22,802
- Then what are we doing?
- "What are we doing"?
350
00:15:22,836 --> 00:15:24,937
What do you mean?
I... I said I love you, okay?
351
00:15:24,972 --> 00:15:27,907
That keeps getting bumped off
the front page.
352
00:15:29,376 --> 00:15:30,643
I don't know what you want me to say.
353
00:15:30,677 --> 00:15:32,111
I want you to say that there's a chance
354
00:15:32,145 --> 00:15:33,646
that you and me won't break up.
355
00:15:33,680 --> 00:15:35,781
I mean, I can't do this
if there's no hope.
356
00:15:35,816 --> 00:15:37,717
- Grace, come on.
- I mean, can't you say that
357
00:15:37,751 --> 00:15:39,452
to me, Noah? I mean, can't you say
358
00:15:39,486 --> 00:15:41,007
that there's a chance?
359
00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:45,303
Wow.
360
00:15:47,728 --> 00:15:49,140
Okay, then.
361
00:15:51,098 --> 00:15:52,698
Goodbye, Noah.
362
00:15:54,067 --> 00:15:56,402
And Lady and the Tramp
did end up together.
363
00:15:56,436 --> 00:15:57,970
There was a DVD sequel
364
00:15:58,005 --> 00:15:59,817
where they had a son named Scamp.
365
00:16:05,178 --> 00:16:07,847
Wait, wait! Wait!
366
00:16:07,881 --> 00:16:11,621
You think "Crazy Rich Asians"
makes up for Panda Express?
367
00:16:12,452 --> 00:16:14,053
It doesn't.
368
00:16:14,087 --> 00:16:15,721
How is it that they still
allow the fat guy
369
00:16:15,756 --> 00:16:17,323
to be the butt of the joke?
370
00:16:17,357 --> 00:16:18,557
Ralph just said "fat" and "butt."
371
00:16:18,592 --> 00:16:21,160
Good one!
372
00:16:21,194 --> 00:16:22,561
All right! All right, okay!
373
00:16:22,596 --> 00:16:25,031
First it goes black person,
then Muslim...
374
00:16:25,065 --> 00:16:26,198
- Yeah.
- Then Latino,
375
00:16:26,233 --> 00:16:27,767
then everybody else.
376
00:16:30,404 --> 00:16:32,304
Stop!
377
00:16:33,473 --> 00:16:35,041
This is crazy. Does it really make sense
378
00:16:35,075 --> 00:16:37,543
for us to fight over
who's the most oppressed?
379
00:16:37,577 --> 00:16:40,746
Well, the elderly
are practically invisible
380
00:16:40,781 --> 00:16:42,515
in this country.
381
00:16:46,620 --> 00:16:48,821
Where is that coming from?
382
00:16:49,556 --> 00:16:52,958
- Over here.
- It's nothing, keep going.
383
00:16:52,993 --> 00:16:54,460
You guys, look at us.
384
00:16:54,494 --> 00:16:56,429
Every single person in this room is part
385
00:16:56,463 --> 00:16:58,564
of a group that has known suffering.
386
00:16:58,598 --> 00:17:00,933
- And what unites us?
- The struggle?
387
00:17:00,967 --> 00:17:02,735
Wrong, sir!
388
00:17:03,937 --> 00:17:06,134
But that was the name
of my first bondage bar.
389
00:17:06,840 --> 00:17:07,907
The theater!
390
00:17:07,941 --> 00:17:09,542
And no play delivers this message
391
00:17:09,576 --> 00:17:11,410
in a more powerful, toe-tapping way
392
00:17:11,445 --> 00:17:13,446
than "Gaybraham Twinkin'."
393
00:17:13,480 --> 00:17:15,581
Is there a matinee?
394
00:17:17,350 --> 00:17:18,918
Who is saying that?
395
00:17:18,952 --> 00:17:20,753
Well, I'm glad everybody got
to say their piece.
396
00:17:20,787 --> 00:17:22,288
Maybe that's the way we'll start to heal.
397
00:17:22,322 --> 00:17:24,623
Exactly, and as long as we respect
398
00:17:24,658 --> 00:17:27,259
each other's struggles,
then we can finally
399
00:17:27,294 --> 00:17:28,761
come together, right?
400
00:17:28,795 --> 00:17:31,263
You, sir. I didn't get
a chance to talk to you.
401
00:17:31,298 --> 00:17:32,565
What's your deal?
402
00:17:32,599 --> 00:17:33,632
Well, as a straight white male,
403
00:17:33,667 --> 00:17:35,301
I believe right now
404
00:17:35,335 --> 00:17:38,604
I'm under attack more than
any other group in America.
405
00:17:44,044 --> 00:17:46,412
Oh, my God, that door
just closed by itself.
406
00:17:54,115 --> 00:17:56,449
Thank you for a wonderful visit.
407
00:17:56,484 --> 00:17:58,518
Mom, you don't mean that.
408
00:17:58,552 --> 00:18:01,287
- It's called being polite.
- Look... wait, wait, wait.
409
00:18:01,322 --> 00:18:03,052
Look, look...
410
00:18:03,053 --> 00:18:06,422
since Dad passed I... I...
411
00:18:06,457 --> 00:18:08,792
I haven't checked in
as much as I should have,
412
00:18:08,826 --> 00:18:10,126
and I'm sorry.
413
00:18:10,161 --> 00:18:12,929
- I've been a bad son.
- No.
414
00:18:12,963 --> 00:18:15,131
You're not a bad son.
415
00:18:15,620 --> 00:18:17,622
- Well...
- You're a bad gay son.
416
00:18:19,270 --> 00:18:20,280
What?
417
00:18:20,315 --> 00:18:23,206
Karen hit the nail on the head today.
418
00:18:23,240 --> 00:18:26,409
I made you gay, but I'm not getting any
419
00:18:26,443 --> 00:18:27,757
of the benefits.
420
00:18:28,612 --> 00:18:31,481
Oh, God, I left you alone with Karen.
421
00:18:31,515 --> 00:18:33,449
That's... that's me. That's my bad.
422
00:18:33,484 --> 00:18:34,717
That's on me.
423
00:18:34,752 --> 00:18:37,120
I knew after Dr. Silly died
424
00:18:37,154 --> 00:18:39,956
that I couldn't go to Sam and Paul.
425
00:18:39,990 --> 00:18:42,292
They'd think I was being ridiculous.
426
00:18:42,326 --> 00:18:43,827
You thought I'd be more supportive
427
00:18:43,861 --> 00:18:46,229
- because I sleep with men?
- Oh...
428
00:18:46,263 --> 00:18:48,798
Every woman I know with a gay son
429
00:18:48,833 --> 00:18:51,000
is best friends with him.
430
00:18:51,035 --> 00:18:52,936
Look at Dianne and Jerry.
431
00:18:52,970 --> 00:18:55,701
They have their own YouTube channel.
432
00:18:56,040 --> 00:18:57,807
You don't want me to be like Jerry.
433
00:18:57,842 --> 00:19:00,176
He wears a cape to the grocery store.
434
00:19:00,748 --> 00:19:04,147
He's... he's like the world's
gayest superhero.
435
00:19:04,181 --> 00:19:06,516
And when her cat Lord Bumbles died
436
00:19:06,550 --> 00:19:08,985
he took her on
a "Downton Abbey" river cruise.
437
00:19:09,019 --> 00:19:10,253
I'm confused here.
438
00:19:10,287 --> 00:19:12,589
Are you saying you want me to be gayer
439
00:19:12,623 --> 00:19:14,657
or us to be closer?
440
00:19:14,692 --> 00:19:15,930
Yes.
441
00:19:17,161 --> 00:19:18,628
Come... come here.
442
00:19:18,662 --> 00:19:21,364
I am the exact amount of gay
443
00:19:21,398 --> 00:19:24,367
that I'm ever gonna be,
but we can hang out more.
444
00:19:24,401 --> 00:19:27,537
I can be more sensitive to what you need.
445
00:19:27,571 --> 00:19:29,372
Oh, that's what I want.
446
00:19:29,406 --> 00:19:33,209
Yeah. And you know, Jerry's single.
447
00:19:33,244 --> 00:19:35,845
And the four of us could just
have so much fun together.
448
00:19:35,880 --> 00:19:37,447
Doing what?
449
00:19:37,481 --> 00:19:40,450
Pretending that the two of us
don't see them holding hands?
450
00:19:41,585 --> 00:19:44,954
- And he loves his mother.
- And so do I.
451
00:19:47,010 --> 00:19:48,157
Aww...
452
00:19:48,192 --> 00:19:50,298
Okay, that's enough.
453
00:19:51,228 --> 00:19:53,134
We're not Lutherans.
454
00:19:55,933 --> 00:19:57,333
Marilyn...
455
00:19:57,368 --> 00:19:59,469
This dog and I have fallen madly in love
456
00:19:59,503 --> 00:20:01,767
and I am prepared to fight you for her.
457
00:20:02,505 --> 00:20:04,072
Will, you're my attorney.
458
00:20:04,097 --> 00:20:05,864
Bury her in paperwork.
459
00:20:05,889 --> 00:20:08,090
You can have her.
460
00:20:08,246 --> 00:20:11,547
Oh, you hear that, Shou-Shou?
You're mine.
461
00:20:11,582 --> 00:20:14,017
What say we go to the park
and bury some bones?
462
00:20:14,051 --> 00:20:17,186
Doesn't matter whose
as long as we're together.
463
00:20:22,893 --> 00:20:25,995
Orange beef, lemon chicken,
464
00:20:26,030 --> 00:20:28,097
and shrimp lo mein.
465
00:20:28,132 --> 00:20:29,766
How many people?
466
00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,464
Um, there's six of us.
467
00:20:32,636 --> 00:20:35,509
Hold it down, everybody,
I'm trying to order.
468
00:20:36,807 --> 00:20:37,774
Okay.
469
00:20:39,109 --> 00:20:40,765
Oh, that must be the pizza.
470
00:20:45,049 --> 00:20:47,396
Okay, there's a chance.
471
00:20:49,486 --> 00:20:50,954
- Okay.
- But you gotta know
472
00:20:50,988 --> 00:20:52,388
this scares the crap out of me.
473
00:20:52,423 --> 00:20:54,424
I know. It's supposed to.
474
00:20:54,458 --> 00:20:55,758
'Cause I'm not this guy, okay?
475
00:20:55,793 --> 00:20:57,393
I'm a pessimist. I can't be...
476
00:20:57,428 --> 00:20:58,294
Hey.
477
00:20:58,329 --> 00:21:00,034
You said there was a chance.
478
00:21:00,965 --> 00:21:02,453
That's the headline.
479
00:21:07,104 --> 00:21:09,105
Wanna go grab a drink or something?
480
00:21:09,139 --> 00:21:11,003
I'm taking care of the tip.
481
00:21:12,576 --> 00:21:13,643
Sure.
482
00:21:13,678 --> 00:21:16,546
You get the elevator, I'll get my purse.
483
00:21:17,305 --> 00:21:23,694
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