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1
00:00:06,607 --> 00:00:11,245
Walk this way to see the finest
freaks in the world today.
2
00:00:11,279 --> 00:00:15,716
**
3
00:00:15,749 --> 00:00:19,220
Step right up, everybody!
Step right up!
4
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:24,758
Find the pea under the coconut
shells and win a prize!
5
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:27,161
It could be a bible!
6
00:00:27,195 --> 00:00:29,397
Or a new husk of corn!
7
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,399
Step right up!
8
00:00:31,432 --> 00:00:33,701
No! No! No gambling!
9
00:00:33,734 --> 00:00:34,735
Not here.
10
00:00:34,768 --> 00:00:36,337
This is Willard's Mill.
11
00:00:36,370 --> 00:00:38,072
We are
a God-fearing town.
12
00:00:38,106 --> 00:00:40,574
Constable, sir,
I assure you that there's
13
00:00:40,608 --> 00:00:42,310
no money changing hands.
14
00:00:42,343 --> 00:00:46,280
This is a game of skill,
not of chance.
15
00:00:46,314 --> 00:00:48,249
Watch closely.
16
00:00:48,282 --> 00:00:54,755
Follow my hand and show me
where...the pea...
17
00:00:55,856 --> 00:00:59,127
is hidden.
You might just win a prize.
18
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:00,728
[Scoffs]
19
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:04,398
You've aroused my curiosity,
gypsy swindler.
20
00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:05,433
That one.
21
00:01:05,466 --> 00:01:07,101
This one?
Yes.
22
00:01:07,135 --> 00:01:08,569
Certain?
Yes, of course.
23
00:01:08,602 --> 00:01:10,371
It's right there.
24
00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:12,706
Oh!
[Laughs]
25
00:01:12,740 --> 00:01:14,842
Bless the holy spirit!
[Sighs]
26
00:01:14,875 --> 00:01:16,544
I was correct!
27
00:01:16,577 --> 00:01:18,579
I believe that husk
of corn is mine.
28
00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,348
Yes.
29
00:01:20,381 --> 00:01:24,452
Oh, this is quite the husk.
I like this game.
30
00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:27,488
Well, perhaps, we should make it
more interesting?
31
00:01:27,521 --> 00:01:28,522
Impossible!
32
00:01:28,556 --> 00:01:30,324
[Both laugh]
33
00:01:30,358 --> 00:01:32,560
I will hide
the pea again,
34
00:01:32,593 --> 00:01:35,196
should you find it...
35
00:01:35,229 --> 00:01:40,268
you may take...
all of my wares.
36
00:01:40,301 --> 00:01:46,240
But, should you fail,
you must take...
37
00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:51,145
your own life.
38
00:01:51,179 --> 00:01:54,148
[Both laugh]
39
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:57,151
A dark jest!
40
00:01:57,185 --> 00:01:59,387
Okay, one more time.
41
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:06,427
**
42
00:02:09,430 --> 00:02:11,599
[Chuckles]
43
00:02:11,632 --> 00:02:18,639
**
44
00:02:19,873 --> 00:02:23,244
Uh, that's, uh --
45
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:26,247
pardon my
language, sir --
46
00:02:26,280 --> 00:02:29,517
applesauce!
47
00:02:29,550 --> 00:02:34,555
I believe you owe me
your life, Constable.
48
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:40,661
Now you can use your own gun
or one of these fine daggers.
49
00:02:40,694 --> 00:02:46,934
**
50
00:02:46,967 --> 00:02:50,338
[Groaning]
51
00:02:50,371 --> 00:02:52,673
A bet's a bet, Constable.
52
00:02:52,706 --> 00:02:57,711
**
53
00:02:57,745 --> 00:03:01,215
Indeed, sir,
a bet's a bet.
54
00:03:01,249 --> 00:03:02,883
A bet's a bet.
55
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:04,218
[Gunshot]
56
00:03:04,252 --> 00:03:11,259
**
57
00:03:13,894 --> 00:03:20,901
**
58
00:03:23,771 --> 00:03:26,507
**
59
00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,343
[Squelch]
60
00:03:29,377 --> 00:03:31,479
Oh, cripes.
61
00:03:31,512 --> 00:03:33,347
It's like pudding.
62
00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:36,617
Denise!
I think the tub is leaking.
63
00:03:36,650 --> 00:03:38,986
Denise: That's weird.
So is my waterbed.
64
00:03:39,019 --> 00:03:42,022
Your what?
65
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,657
You don't have a waterbed.
66
00:03:43,691 --> 00:03:46,827
Oh, I do now!
67
00:03:46,860 --> 00:03:48,829
I emptied
my bean bag chair,
68
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:51,465
then I took the hose,
and I --
69
00:03:51,499 --> 00:03:52,766
[Doorbell rings]
70
00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,802
Sweetheart, go ahead
and get the door.
71
00:03:54,835 --> 00:03:57,605
Step outside, I'll lock it, and
then everything will be great.
72
00:03:59,873 --> 00:04:01,809
[Door opens]
Denise: Hi.
73
00:04:01,842 --> 00:04:03,577
Huh?
74
00:04:03,611 --> 00:04:06,280
Oh, great. It's the other one.
What do you want?
75
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,482
Oh, it's nice
to see you, too.
76
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:09,917
It's girls' night.
Denise and I are watching
77
00:04:09,950 --> 00:04:11,952
the season finale
of "The Fiancé."
78
00:04:11,985 --> 00:04:14,655
That's how you damn-sure know
marriage is sacred.
79
00:04:14,688 --> 00:04:16,590
They give it away as a prize
on a game show.
80
00:04:16,624 --> 00:04:18,626
Okay, it is about
single women
81
00:04:18,659 --> 00:04:20,428
trying to find
that special someone.
82
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:22,663
Oh. They should call it
the "Evie Barret Story."
83
00:04:22,696 --> 00:04:23,964
[Laughs]
That's so cute.
84
00:04:23,997 --> 00:04:24,932
You know, they could
name it after you,
85
00:04:24,965 --> 00:04:27,034
but there's already a show
called "Jackass."
86
00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,770
[Chuckles] Up top.
Not -- Not now.
87
00:04:29,803 --> 00:04:33,341
I'm serious, Evie. Instead
of watching all those whores
88
00:04:33,374 --> 00:04:35,376
going out and trying
to get themselves a husband,
89
00:04:35,409 --> 00:04:37,511
you could slap on
a little lipstick
90
00:04:37,545 --> 00:04:38,579
and go get one
yourself.
91
00:04:38,612 --> 00:04:40,748
Oh, yeah?
Then what?
92
00:04:40,781 --> 00:04:43,317
Then, well,
then you'd have to
93
00:04:43,351 --> 00:04:44,985
go through
all that bullshit.
94
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:48,956
So, yeah.
Pretty much got me there.
95
00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:51,459
It is all pointless,
isn't it?
96
00:04:51,492 --> 00:04:52,993
I'm going to a bar.
97
00:04:55,563 --> 00:05:01,502
**
98
00:05:01,535 --> 00:05:04,071
Man: Who will "The Fiancé"
send home?
99
00:05:04,104 --> 00:05:06,039
Oh, Jesus.
100
00:05:06,073 --> 00:05:10,411
Will it be Jennifer M.,
who teaches CPR to the blind,
101
00:05:10,444 --> 00:05:15,883
or Jennifer S., the amputee
with the voice of an angel?
102
00:05:15,916 --> 00:05:20,721
Might I...
propose a toast, friend?
103
00:05:20,754 --> 00:05:22,990
Glory hole's in the bathroom
there, Liberace.
104
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:24,124
Glory what now?
105
00:05:24,157 --> 00:05:25,593
Nothing. Nothing.
106
00:05:25,626 --> 00:05:26,894
Okay. Go ahead.
107
00:05:26,927 --> 00:05:28,796
I thank you.
108
00:05:28,829 --> 00:05:33,967
I propose a wager
that you...
109
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:39,373
cannot...
remove that dollar
110
00:05:39,407 --> 00:05:40,908
without touching
the bottle
111
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:47,047
or knocking it over.
112
00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:50,618
Yay. More beer.
Two.
113
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:54,955
I'll bet you
you can't drink that in silence.
114
00:05:54,988 --> 00:05:59,493
* And I won't walk away *
115
00:05:59,527 --> 00:06:02,896
[Cheers and applause]
116
00:06:02,930 --> 00:06:05,899
Ugh. I knew Jennifer T.
wasn't gonna make it.
117
00:06:05,933 --> 00:06:08,436
I get really strong
lesbian vibes from her.
118
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:10,170
Mm.
I get the same vibes
119
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:14,542
from the woman at the bank
who's a lesbian.
120
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:16,610
God, why does this show
have to end?
121
00:06:16,644 --> 00:06:17,811
[Bell dings]
Hot popcorn!
122
00:06:17,845 --> 00:06:19,146
Oh, I'll tell you
what happens.
123
00:06:19,179 --> 00:06:24,151
Two beautiful Jennifers
stand before me!
124
00:06:24,184 --> 00:06:26,620
**
125
00:06:26,654 --> 00:06:31,492
But there's only one Evie.
126
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,297
Yes.
127
00:06:37,330 --> 00:06:40,801
And I don't want anyone
to stand in her way.
128
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:41,735
No.
129
00:06:41,769 --> 00:06:44,805
Not Jennifer M.,
not Jennifer S.,
130
00:06:44,838 --> 00:06:49,076
and especially not...Denise.
131
00:06:49,109 --> 00:06:51,912
No.
132
00:06:51,945 --> 00:06:53,981
Not Denise.
133
00:06:57,851 --> 00:07:02,222
Hmm?
Hmm?
134
00:07:02,255 --> 00:07:03,591
Ahh!
135
00:07:03,624 --> 00:07:04,992
One beer.
136
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:06,960
Drunk in silence.
I win!
137
00:07:06,994 --> 00:07:08,562
[Chuckles]
138
00:07:08,596 --> 00:07:10,664
Bet you can't hold your breath
till your heart stops.
139
00:07:10,698 --> 00:07:15,836
I'll wager you
that the next patron will order
140
00:07:15,869 --> 00:07:20,140
a whiskey and water
and one of those eggs.
141
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:21,875
No one's gonna
order those eggs.
142
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:24,111
They're stored in that
comb juice from the barbershop.
143
00:07:24,144 --> 00:07:27,147
Barkeep? I'll have a whiskey
and water and one of those eggs.
144
00:07:27,180 --> 00:07:29,483
[Laughs]
145
00:07:29,517 --> 00:07:30,884
All right,
laugh all you want,
146
00:07:30,918 --> 00:07:32,853
but in about four minutes,
your ass is gonna open up
147
00:07:32,886 --> 00:07:35,255
like that elevator
in "The Shining."
148
00:07:35,288 --> 00:07:37,925
**
149
00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:39,627
You'd think someone
would've died
150
00:07:39,660 --> 00:07:41,529
in a helicopter crash
by now.
151
00:07:41,562 --> 00:07:44,532
They take helicopters
everywhere.
152
00:07:44,565 --> 00:07:48,536
You really want to win this,
don't you?
153
00:07:48,569 --> 00:07:50,103
Huh?
154
00:07:50,137 --> 00:07:52,272
Why are you
wearing makeup?
155
00:07:52,305 --> 00:07:56,176
I'm not
wearing makeup.
156
00:07:56,209 --> 00:07:59,513
I was wearing makeup,
but now it's gone.
157
00:07:59,547 --> 00:08:01,515
Did you take it
off my face?
158
00:08:01,549 --> 00:08:03,083
Get me some makeup!
159
00:08:03,116 --> 00:08:06,086
Okay. I think my mom
used to have some upstairs.
160
00:08:06,119 --> 00:08:07,988
[Laughs]
Yeah, that's just what I need.
161
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,256
A dead woman's makeup.
162
00:08:09,289 --> 00:08:11,191
Okay, I think
I have some, too.
163
00:08:11,224 --> 00:08:12,960
Get me some!
Okay.
164
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:16,797
I need
a living woman's makeup!
165
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:20,000
Mommy needs makeup!
166
00:08:20,033 --> 00:08:22,169
[Sighs]
167
00:08:22,202 --> 00:08:28,275
I'm gonna be so pretty.
168
00:08:28,308 --> 00:08:30,077
Mmm. Mm-hmm.
169
00:08:30,110 --> 00:08:34,114
Ohh!
170
00:08:34,147 --> 00:08:36,717
You, uh --
You aren't human, are you?
171
00:08:36,750 --> 00:08:38,185
[Laughs]
172
00:08:38,218 --> 00:08:39,853
What gave it away?
173
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:42,690
So, what, are you,
a scary ghost, you a demon?
174
00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,791
What are you?
175
00:08:43,824 --> 00:08:45,092
More or less.
176
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:46,694
Oh, stop, stop, stop.
For the love of God.
177
00:08:46,727 --> 00:08:48,662
I'll throw up.
Enough.
But --
178
00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:50,864
Let me -- Let me go ahead
and ask you a question
179
00:08:50,898 --> 00:08:53,100
since we're being
all friendly-like.
180
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:56,036
Are you, uh --
Are you at all familiar
181
00:08:56,069 --> 00:08:58,171
with a guy
named Gerard Duquette?
182
00:08:58,205 --> 00:08:59,740
No.
Fair enough.
183
00:08:59,773 --> 00:09:02,142
How about
Thaddeus Eccles?
184
00:09:02,175 --> 00:09:04,344
He was the old constable
who burned all the witches in --
185
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,046
**
186
00:09:06,079 --> 00:09:08,982
Yes. I know him.
Very well.
187
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:10,183
Terrific.
188
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:12,319
Because Thaddeus Eccles'
daughter told me
189
00:09:12,352 --> 00:09:15,222
that I got to find this guy,
Gerard Duquette.
190
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,925
In fact,
she buried this note
191
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,093
and these eyeballs for me
in a jar.
192
00:09:20,127 --> 00:09:21,028
[Whistles]
Hey, Butch?
193
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:22,663
Yes?
194
00:09:22,696 --> 00:09:25,065
All right.
195
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,000
Let me guess.
196
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:28,936
You're a witch
who was burned in 1692,
197
00:09:28,969 --> 00:09:31,138
and you've come back here
to kill me.
198
00:09:31,171 --> 00:09:32,706
More or less.
199
00:09:32,740 --> 00:09:34,875
Great. That's
what you're doing.
200
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:38,712
I -- I got to figure out
how to use these eyeballs
201
00:09:38,746 --> 00:09:41,615
to travel back a year
to save my wife's life,
202
00:09:41,649 --> 00:09:43,717
and the only way
I'm gonna be able to do that
203
00:09:43,751 --> 00:09:45,686
is if I find this guy,
Gerard Duquette.
204
00:09:45,719 --> 00:09:46,954
I'm sorry,
I can't help you,
205
00:09:46,987 --> 00:09:50,691
because the fact is
I'm not a witch.
206
00:09:50,724 --> 00:09:53,994
I was
a fortune teller.
207
00:09:54,027 --> 00:09:56,630
I was a con man.
208
00:09:56,664 --> 00:10:01,301
My witches brew is
just two ingredients,
209
00:10:01,334 --> 00:10:05,205
showmanship and...
210
00:10:05,238 --> 00:10:06,974
pizzazz!
211
00:10:07,007 --> 00:10:08,375
Want me to go check
the jukebox
212
00:10:08,408 --> 00:10:10,778
and see if there's any
Judy Garland on there for you?
213
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:14,715
[Sighs]
I want to make this fair.
214
00:10:14,748 --> 00:10:16,684
I want to make this fun!
215
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:22,122
So, before I kill you, I'm
going to give you a head start.
216
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:25,993
So...go.
217
00:10:26,026 --> 00:10:28,762
Go?
Leave.
218
00:10:28,796 --> 00:10:30,731
Go.
219
00:10:30,764 --> 00:10:37,771
**
220
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,376
Showmanship.
221
00:10:43,410 --> 00:10:46,146
And now...
222
00:10:46,179 --> 00:10:49,883
pizzazz.
223
00:10:49,917 --> 00:10:52,085
Oh, this is great.
224
00:10:52,119 --> 00:10:54,788
'Cause nothing bad ever happens
deep out in the woods, huh?
225
00:10:54,822 --> 00:10:59,126
And who would know
better than you?
226
00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:00,961
Oh, there you are.
227
00:11:00,994 --> 00:11:04,231
And there you go.
228
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,199
Why?
229
00:11:06,233 --> 00:11:07,400
Why are you doing this?
230
00:11:07,434 --> 00:11:10,137
Oh, come on, Stanley.
231
00:11:10,170 --> 00:11:12,439
You're going to die
because you're a sheriff.
232
00:11:12,472 --> 00:11:16,109
And this is the reason
why you became sheriff.
233
00:11:16,143 --> 00:11:18,378
Now let me
ask you something.
234
00:11:18,411 --> 00:11:21,982
What were doing
in the woods all by yourself?
235
00:11:22,015 --> 00:11:25,252
**
236
00:11:25,285 --> 00:11:29,456
I was on my way
to the lake.
237
00:11:29,489 --> 00:11:31,424
And I saw this guy
on the ground.
238
00:11:31,458 --> 00:11:36,429
[Man groaning]
239
00:11:36,463 --> 00:11:39,900
I guess he was fishing, and he
had a heart attack or something,
240
00:11:39,933 --> 00:11:41,234
so I went over to him.
241
00:11:41,268 --> 00:11:45,839
**
242
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,809
I had never seen somebody
so terrified.
243
00:11:48,842 --> 00:11:51,244
I told him, "I'll go
and get you some help,"
244
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:54,414
but before I could run off,
he grabbed my leg,
245
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:57,985
and he was one of those guys
who had the iron grip.
246
00:11:58,018 --> 00:12:00,187
All the while,
he's pulling on my leg,
247
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,422
and I'm thinking,
"This guy's dying.
248
00:12:02,455 --> 00:12:05,926
And he's damn-sure trying
to take me with him."
249
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,528
And that's
when I got mad.
250
00:12:08,561 --> 00:12:11,264
And I just started
to kick the living shit
251
00:12:11,298 --> 00:12:12,933
out of this dying guy.
252
00:12:12,966 --> 00:12:14,835
He still didn't let go.
253
00:12:17,938 --> 00:12:20,540
Until finally.
254
00:12:20,573 --> 00:12:23,977
And then his eyes
kind of bugged out.
255
00:12:24,011 --> 00:12:26,113
And then it was over.
256
00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,981
And I remember,
it was right then and there
257
00:12:28,015 --> 00:12:31,351
I decided
I wanted to be a cop.
258
00:12:31,384 --> 00:12:35,255
Why didn't you decide
to become a doctor?
259
00:12:35,288 --> 00:12:37,791
[Chuckling]
Why the hell would somebody want
to be a doctor?
260
00:12:37,825 --> 00:12:41,494
No, no, no, no, no, no.
261
00:12:41,528 --> 00:12:44,431
I enjoyed kicking the shit
outta that guy.
262
00:12:44,464 --> 00:12:46,266
I love guns, and I love
telling people what to do.
263
00:12:46,299 --> 00:12:48,435
Hell, it was
a match made in heaven.
264
00:12:48,468 --> 00:12:51,271
Still.
265
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:56,409
You must have been...
terrified.
266
00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:59,279
Eh, I guess you don't go around
kicking people in the head
267
00:12:59,312 --> 00:13:01,882
if you're
in a great mood.
268
00:13:01,915 --> 00:13:05,018
Although, that's
not entirely true, either.
269
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:08,421
Now my most terrifying moment
270
00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:12,926
was when your predecessor,
271
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:17,297
Constable Eccles, had me
burned alive at the stake.
272
00:13:17,330 --> 00:13:19,266
Man: No!!
273
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:22,302
That wasn't me.
You know that, right?
Well, yes, I know that.
274
00:13:22,335 --> 00:13:24,104
Or Evie.
Yes.
275
00:13:24,137 --> 00:13:26,306
Sometimes you gotta just let
that shit go there, Jazz Hands.
276
00:13:26,339 --> 00:13:29,042
Listen. The fact
that the both of you
277
00:13:29,076 --> 00:13:32,479
are still alive is
quite vexing.
278
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:35,148
You know what he did?
279
00:13:35,182 --> 00:13:38,285
As my body burned,
280
00:13:38,318 --> 00:13:44,157
he just...
stood there
281
00:13:44,191 --> 00:13:45,225
and watched.
282
00:13:45,258 --> 00:13:46,126
**
283
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,161
Hey!
284
00:13:48,195 --> 00:13:49,496
Hey! No!
285
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:50,630
No! Hey!
286
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,566
No! Hey! No!
287
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,302
No! No!
288
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:59,206
Can you imagine
how awful that felt?
289
00:13:59,239 --> 00:14:01,875
To die horribly
while someone
290
00:14:01,909 --> 00:14:04,377
just stood there
and watched?
291
00:14:04,411 --> 00:14:06,613
No! No! No!
292
00:14:06,646 --> 00:14:11,484
[Laughs]
293
00:14:11,518 --> 00:14:15,222
We are nearing
our final decision, Evie.
294
00:14:15,255 --> 00:14:17,524
Are you ready?
295
00:14:17,557 --> 00:14:19,092
Yes.
296
00:14:19,126 --> 00:14:20,627
I have a gift for you, Evie.
297
00:14:20,660 --> 00:14:21,428
[Gasps]
298
00:14:21,461 --> 00:14:24,464
It's beside you on the couch.
299
00:14:24,497 --> 00:14:27,600
Will you accept it?
300
00:14:27,634 --> 00:14:29,970
I will!
I will accept it!
301
00:14:30,003 --> 00:14:31,338
Open it.
302
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:34,107
**
303
00:14:34,141 --> 00:14:38,211
Ooh!
304
00:14:38,245 --> 00:14:41,314
For me?
305
00:14:41,348 --> 00:14:43,917
It's beautiful!
306
00:14:43,951 --> 00:14:46,386
Yes, Evie.
307
00:14:46,419 --> 00:14:48,455
Just for you.
308
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,924
You won't regret this.
309
00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,459
[Laughs]
310
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:58,065
Man:
I have to admit, Evie,
311
00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:01,001
that there's something
that's been bothering me.
312
00:15:01,034 --> 00:15:03,103
Well, what is it?
313
00:15:03,136 --> 00:15:05,072
You can tell me anything.
314
00:15:05,105 --> 00:15:07,074
I truly feel connected to you.
315
00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:11,378
Well, I...
probably shouldn't say this,
316
00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:15,949
but Denise told me
317
00:15:15,983 --> 00:15:19,019
she doesn't think you're here
for the right reasons.
318
00:15:19,052 --> 00:15:22,655
[Indistinct voices]
She what?
319
00:15:22,689 --> 00:15:25,158
[Whistling]
320
00:15:25,192 --> 00:15:27,360
It's okay.
It's all good.
321
00:15:27,394 --> 00:15:29,196
No, I got it. I got it.
I'm good here.
322
00:15:29,229 --> 00:15:34,234
You know, I have an idea
for a sparkling wager.
323
00:15:34,267 --> 00:15:37,337
Christ. I'll crawl right back
in the goddamn hole.
324
00:15:37,370 --> 00:15:40,540
I'll wager you that if we go
to your house right now,
325
00:15:40,573 --> 00:15:43,610
someone you love
will have been murdered,
326
00:15:43,643 --> 00:15:45,712
by someone else
that you love.
327
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:49,382
And then you --
that you'll be so enraged,
328
00:15:49,416 --> 00:15:52,652
that you'll murder them.
329
00:15:52,685 --> 00:15:54,087
What if you lose?
330
00:15:54,121 --> 00:15:57,124
[Laughs]
Oh, I'm not going to lose.
331
00:15:57,157 --> 00:15:59,426
Oh, look.
332
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:02,495
The death card.
333
00:16:02,529 --> 00:16:04,031
Just for you.
334
00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:07,667
**
335
00:16:07,700 --> 00:16:10,437
When there's a crazy person
in your house,
336
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,172
you call the cops.
337
00:16:12,205 --> 00:16:15,108
But the crazy person in my house
is the cops.
338
00:16:15,142 --> 00:16:17,144
Oh, my God.
339
00:16:17,177 --> 00:16:20,080
Oh, my God. That sounds like
a -- a rap song.
340
00:16:20,113 --> 00:16:22,782
[Beatboxing poorly]
341
00:16:22,815 --> 00:16:25,118
[Rapping]
* There's a crazy person
in my house, yeah, yeah, yeah *
342
00:16:25,152 --> 00:16:26,619
["Shave and a Haircut"
knock on door]
343
00:16:26,653 --> 00:16:31,791
**
344
00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:33,660
Hi!
One-man panty raid!
345
00:16:33,693 --> 00:16:35,195
Sure is.
[Laughs]
346
00:16:35,228 --> 00:16:36,663
What?
347
00:16:36,696 --> 00:16:38,298
Oh, I was just --
I was watching at home alone.
348
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:39,799
I was wondering if I could crash
your girls' night?
349
00:16:39,832 --> 00:16:42,669
Actually, I don't think
you want to.
350
00:16:42,702 --> 00:16:45,305
Jennifer M. arrived dressed
as a banana.
351
00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:46,506
Somebody came to win.
[Chuckles]
352
00:16:46,539 --> 00:16:48,741
Oh, somebody came to win,
all right.
353
00:16:48,775 --> 00:16:49,809
Kinky.
354
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:50,710
I thought girls' night
355
00:16:50,743 --> 00:16:53,146
would be more
of a pillow-fight situation.
356
00:16:53,180 --> 00:16:54,281
You know,
a little bird told me
357
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,816
you've been trying to sabotage
my fairy-tale ending.
358
00:16:56,849 --> 00:16:59,486
Evie, I don't know
what you're talking about.
359
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:00,653
We're friends.
360
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:04,157
I didn't come here
to make friends!
361
00:17:04,191 --> 00:17:06,326
Mother-fudge!
362
00:17:06,359 --> 00:17:08,628
**
363
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:11,098
[Screams high-pitched]
364
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:16,536
**
365
00:17:16,569 --> 00:17:17,604
Does that even work?!
366
00:17:17,637 --> 00:17:19,506
No.
Now what?!
367
00:17:19,539 --> 00:17:22,309
I don't know. I don't even know
what's wrong with her!
368
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,077
Denise?
369
00:17:24,111 --> 00:17:25,812
Open up
370
00:17:25,845 --> 00:17:27,780
I've forgiven you!
371
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:29,082
No!
372
00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:30,683
I want...
373
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,585
to be...
374
00:17:32,619 --> 00:17:34,221
your friend!
375
00:17:34,254 --> 00:17:36,156
[Screams]
376
00:17:36,189 --> 00:17:37,857
Denise?
377
00:17:37,890 --> 00:17:39,859
**
378
00:17:39,892 --> 00:17:41,528
Hello?
379
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:46,166
**
380
00:17:46,199 --> 00:17:48,235
Where are you hiding,
buddy?
381
00:17:48,268 --> 00:17:53,106
**
382
00:17:53,140 --> 00:17:55,342
Denise?
383
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:59,579
Open up
for your best friend...
384
00:17:59,612 --> 00:18:01,314
...Death!
385
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:04,817
**
386
00:18:04,851 --> 00:18:07,554
Ohhhh!
387
00:18:10,390 --> 00:18:12,159
Dad! I can't talk!
388
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:14,127
Evie has gone insane!
389
00:18:14,161 --> 00:18:17,164
Oh, my God.
It's The Fiance!
390
00:18:17,197 --> 00:18:19,166
I love your show.
391
00:18:19,199 --> 00:18:21,168
No spoilers!
Haven't seen the end yet!
392
00:18:21,201 --> 00:18:23,470
Why is everyone
still alive?
393
00:18:23,503 --> 00:18:24,904
Sweetheart?
394
00:18:24,937 --> 00:18:26,506
Oh!
395
00:18:26,539 --> 00:18:28,441
Thank you so much
for my engagement knife!
396
00:18:28,475 --> 00:18:29,542
Oh, yes.
397
00:18:29,576 --> 00:18:32,312
I can't wait to spend
the rest of our lives together.
398
00:18:32,345 --> 00:18:35,815
Yes, me, too...but [whispering]
there's still that other woman.
399
00:18:35,848 --> 00:18:37,184
[Hisses]
400
00:18:37,217 --> 00:18:38,785
Now, now, now,
wait a minute.
401
00:18:38,818 --> 00:18:40,353
You lost the bet.
402
00:18:40,387 --> 00:18:43,890
You said when we got back here
someone would be dead.
403
00:18:43,923 --> 00:18:45,458
Ya lost.
404
00:18:45,492 --> 00:18:47,394
All right, fine.
405
00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:48,828
You won.
406
00:18:48,861 --> 00:18:50,863
But it was still
a good plan.
407
00:18:50,897 --> 00:18:53,233
Evie would kill Denise,
then you would kill Evie,
408
00:18:53,266 --> 00:18:55,302
and then, in your grief,
you'd take your own life.
409
00:18:55,335 --> 00:18:57,770
I could have just killed you,
but no!
410
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,472
I had to do
something clever.
411
00:18:59,506 --> 00:19:01,941
Something special.
And what did it get me?
412
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,244
You know
where you went wrong?
413
00:19:04,277 --> 00:19:06,379
Women. They take too long
to do everything.
414
00:19:06,413 --> 00:19:08,448
Hell, they take an hour
to be back in five minutes.
415
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:11,451
Yeah, well, pobody's nerfect.
[Chuckles]
416
00:19:11,484 --> 00:19:14,887
Well, hey, I won.
417
00:19:14,921 --> 00:19:17,190
[Chuckling]
What do I get?
418
00:19:17,224 --> 00:19:20,860
You get to die
the old-fashioned way!
419
00:19:20,893 --> 00:19:23,530
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
420
00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,232
I got one more wager
for ya.
421
00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:30,503
**
422
00:19:30,537 --> 00:19:31,838
I'm listening.
423
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,241
I think you're
really gonna like it.
424
00:19:38,945 --> 00:19:40,847
So, what
are you proposing?
425
00:19:40,880 --> 00:19:42,749
Okay.
426
00:19:42,782 --> 00:19:46,286
Heads, I kill Evie,
you kill me.
427
00:19:46,319 --> 00:19:48,821
Tails, Evie kills me,
you kill Evie
428
00:19:48,855 --> 00:19:51,791
and, uh,
and Leon if you want to.
429
00:19:51,824 --> 00:19:53,059
Hey!
430
00:19:53,092 --> 00:19:57,897
But, if it doesn't come down
heads or tails, we all go free,
431
00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:59,999
and you gotta take
your own life.
432
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,601
What do ya say?
433
00:20:01,634 --> 00:20:04,003
[Laughs]
434
00:20:04,036 --> 00:20:06,939
[Both laughing]
435
00:20:06,973 --> 00:20:10,377
You're swinging
for the fences!
436
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:11,778
I love it!
[Laughs]
437
00:20:11,811 --> 00:20:13,946
[Sniffs]
What's that smell?
438
00:20:13,980 --> 00:20:17,417
Well, it's me
saying, "Yes!"
439
00:20:17,450 --> 00:20:20,520
[Laughs]
440
00:20:20,553 --> 00:20:25,992
3...2...1.
441
00:20:26,025 --> 00:20:28,761
**
442
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,863
[Laughs]
443
00:20:30,897 --> 00:20:32,632
No!!
444
00:20:32,665 --> 00:20:35,735
[Crunching]
445
00:20:35,768 --> 00:20:39,606
You...tricked me!
446
00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:41,674
A bet's a bet, baby.
447
00:20:41,708 --> 00:20:46,946
No! No! No!
448
00:20:46,979 --> 00:20:50,283
You're just gonna stand there
and watch?!
449
00:20:50,317 --> 00:20:52,652
Actually, I'm gonna go catch
the end of "Sports Center."
450
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:53,820
All the best.
451
00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:56,656
[Wheezing]
452
00:20:56,689 --> 00:20:58,791
Pizzazz!
453
00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:00,593
[Coughing]
454
00:21:05,698 --> 00:21:08,635
Well, this girl night
was a bust.
455
00:21:08,668 --> 00:21:10,337
Same time next week?
456
00:21:13,005 --> 00:21:17,710
...which is why Jennifer L. --
What the fu--
457
00:21:17,744 --> 00:21:21,614
You're probably wondering
what happened.
458
00:21:21,648 --> 00:21:23,450
Yeah.
459
00:21:23,483 --> 00:21:28,355
Or...we could make
fried chicken.
28483
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