Original subtitles

Subtitles from Netflix by Zagon.

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess

who lived in a big castle.

In reality, she was a nice princess,

who lived in a huge house that she inherited.

And its maintenance cost half of her salary.

The princess was full of optimism,

dreams, illusions, and a lot of carbohydrates.

But now, all that is left are the carbs.

How does a nice, goodhearted princess,

who is capable of eating a family pizza by herself,

end up like this?

Just like everything that's wrong with the world,

it's the fault of...

a man.

THE PREVIOUS DAY

-Hi, bug! -Hi, Fe.

Finally, my love!

I wasn't able to talk much these past few days,

but I promise I'll make it up to you!

Listen Fe, I want to talk to you about something.

I remember that last time we were talking

about how the distance sucks, it really sucks. We both get weird.

Yes, yes. I want to talk to you about that.

And of course it's making us feel weird.

Of course we're going to feel weird.

Though I have to say the phone sex hasn't been bad.

Though I get nervous about how the United States

listens to all our calls.

Because... that's embarrassing!

What? What? What do you want to say?

I've been thinking. I don't know...

I'm sorry to say this through here, okay? But...

I think that we need...

A break, right?

A break?

-When? How? -A break.

Look...

I think that we need more space.

More space?

Ten-thousand kilometers isn't enough for you?

Fe...

you know what I mean.

No.

Damn.

I'm really sorry.

I didn't want things to happen like this.

I don't understand. Are you breaking...

Are you breaking up with me?

I think it's for the best...

Yes? What?

-I think we need... -No. Hello?

-Space. -Hello? Hello?

-Hello? Hello? -It's not me...

Matías? Hello, Matías?

Hello? Hello?

They say that grief has five stages.

I went through all of them in one night. And through WhatsApp.

Hey, bug. Hey, my love.

How are you? Listen...

I understand the process you're going through. Okay?

It will pass.

DENIAL

Besides, Mercury is in retrograde, and the moon is getting fuller.

And we are all basically water!

So take it easy, rest up,

and call me when you're better so we can talk.

Kisses, I love you. Take it easy.

Are you really not going to reply, Matías? Are you serious?

ANGER

Do you think this is what I deserve after six years in this relationship?

Huh? No! Well, I have news for you, Matías.

The ideal size is not yours. Okay?

The ideal size is different. And it's big! You idiot!

Fuck you! I'll never go to Madrid!

It's all your fault!

Who the hell buys a board game in Portuguese?

Fucking hipster!

You'll never play me like this me again!

Listen, Matías, I've been thinking.

This can't ever happen again, okay?

We can't disrespect each other in this way.

We can't cross that line, okay?

BARGAINING

Now, I understand there are things that you don't like about me.

I don't know what they are. You never told me.

There are things that I don't like about you either.

But I'm not throwing them in your face.

And if you want me to change, okay.

We'll talk about it. Everything in life is change.

Then there's resistance to change, and then change again.

So if you want me to mutate, I will.

I'm willing to eat pineapple pizza, Matías.

WON'T YOU REPLY? I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS

Pineapple pizza.

DEPRESSION

I SEE THAT YOU'RE ONLINE

ACCEPTANCE

NETFLIX PRESENTS

If there is something positive about waking up

in an empty bathtub, hungover, and with pizza on your hair...

It's the deceptive feeling that from here on,

things can only get better.

Maria Fe Palacios, you will not be that kind of girl.

Is it not opening?

No, it's open, I just love to stand here,

waiting for my gills to grow with this lovely humidity, Santiago.

I love the humidity. Mexico is too dry.

Lima's climate is perfect.

You're saying that because you've only lived here for 45 minutes.

No, I've been here for three years.

And you still can't get rid of your accent.

We haven't seen each other since that last time, right?

It's been ages. Can you imagine?

-Since Maria Fe's birthday? -Since your ex-boss's going away party.

You have such a good memory.

Fe!

So, are you here to have breakfast with my friend?

Or what?

So, since you have a penis...

Tell me what you have in there, where your heart is supposed to be?

I assume that you received one of these, too.

Seven, and the last two were of her singing Alejandro Sanz.

Alejandro Sanz from the 2000s or the 1990s?

From the 90s.

Hey.

Hey, friends!

What are you doing here? How are you?

We've been calling you all day.

I'm sure I didn't hear anything because of my headphones.

-Can I borrow this? -Sure.

Did you come here to take me to the office?

We were worried about you, because of what happened last night.

Matías and I broke up, but don't worry.

Don't worry, don't worry. Everything is fine.

But thanks for coming, my friend. You're the best, I love you.

I'm not going to get dramatic like a 16-year-old girl, right?

Life moves on.

Let's go, it's a new day. Let's go to work.

Hold on, hold on.

Are you sure you don't need to stay in bed, cry a bit?

Or eat some ice cream.

Or fuck somebody.

No, I really don't need any of that. What I need is to get to work.

Come on, let's go. Think fast.

Okay, I got it. Go with him, it's fine.

All right, that's the spirit.

I'll call you later so we can talk.

-I could sleep over. -I'm fine, my friend.

-Okay, don't go so fast. -Bye, beautiful.

Are you sure you're okay?

Stop it, I'm fine!

I'm sure he likes you, he's always smiling...

Santiago, here's your decaf latte.

You're the best person in this office.

-After you! -My friend.

Don't kid yourself, it's not going to happen.

You never know.

-Let's go. -We're fla-nning. Fla-nning.

Let's get fla-nning.

Flan-tastic.

-Flan-atic. -Flan-atic.

Let's start creating. The word flan.

Look at what I have, Rami.

If we want to cause intrigue, we could launch something like...

-Flan, flan, flan... -I like that.

-Flan, flan, flan! -That's more of the same.

Wouldn't you like to have some delicious flan-ch toast for breakfast?

Good!

Give us today... our flan of each day.

-Fluorescent. -Yes, fluorescent.

Fluorescent doesn't have flan in it.

The young lady has interrupted our creativity.

What? Fine, I won't say anything.

Let's wrap this up. Charly has something to say.

I wanted to tell you that we have overcome

-our expectations once again. -Overcome!

The cocktail potato campaign has reached 50,000 views.

And not just that, the hashtag that we created is trending.

Trending topic!

-Gastón himself shared it. -Gastón!

Very good!

Congratulations, genius!

Thanks, Rami.

A round of applause.

-Clap for him. -Applause for him.

We're working on something for Cannes.

Diego, make sure that the planning people boost up the results.

So it has more sales potential. Mafe, what are you up to?

I've just finished the campaign for the cream "Smoothness."

You used what I mentioned, right? You used women's empowerment, right?

Yes, "smoother skin, stronger women."

Add some color to it, add some flowers, make it look more feminine.

He can help you.

Nobody makes fun of them here. It's not contagious.

Good joke, right?

-You're working on the pads? -Yes. I've finished the campaign.

It was a small campaign for Facebook, it's ready.

-So you can take care of the oil campaign. -The oil!

It's a good one, it has flavor, it's got personality, you'll like it.

It's also street smart. Let's do this, babe.

Let's make it tasty. Boom, boom, boom.

Make it really tasty.

Now, I have to choose...

Which of you will take care of our new client's campaign.

The annual and regional campaign.

Who's up for it?

Rami, Charly and I are very busy right now.

No, we're not very busy.

In advertising there's no such thing as being too busy.

There's no such thing. I'm going to tell you a story.

The year was 1994, and I thought I was too busy.

I was assigned Coca-Cola's regional campaign.

Coca-Cola, okay?

I created it while I was in the shower. Boom! It was a hit.

Five Golden Lion Awards.

I thought I was too busy.

Excuse me, Ramiro. I'd like to take over that campaign.

You're too busy with the oil.

-Who will do it? -I can do it.

But you're...

No, I'm done. I just finished it.

That's enough!

-Mafe will do it. -Great. What is the product?

"Tissue" handkerchiefs.

It's what women like. Time to cry, honey.

Sounds good?

There is one thing you can always count on.

And that is the universe's twisted sense of humor.

Fe...

I've been gone for six months, and you still haven't fixed that door?

Are you waiting for me to come back and fix it?

I like it like this.

It gives it an air like I saw it on Pinterest.

This isn't happening, he's not here.

He's not here. He's in my head, in my head.

In my head, in my head...

It's in my head.

Are you watching Game of Thrones without me?

-That's sacrilege. -Listen...

You've got quite the nerve. You broke up with me.

I can watch any series I feel like.

Yeah, but this is like pure hate. Are you declaring war against me?

I'm sorry, there's nothing you can do about it.

I can show up every time there's a sex scene.

So I can remind you of when we...

This is the best bed in the world.

Shit...

Do you remember the first night we slept here in this house?

There was only this mattress. There wasn't anything else here.

There wasn't even a table for us to eat on.

But even so... I opened a bottle of wine.

And we just talked for three hours.

And then I had a laughing attack because we spilled the wine.

We spent hours cleaning that up.

We threw salt on the rug, right?

I also always remember that.

You've been getting me out of bed for two weeks at 11 p.m.,

and you make me come over.

I can't do this anymore. I'm serious.

I'm sorry.

Look, I know you're going through a difficult moment.

I know it's tough.

Do you know what I think?

You shouldn't live here by yourself. This house is too big.

That's the reason why you're like this.

Why don't we look for a roommate?

-Move in with me. -No.

-Please. -No way.

We'd rip our eyes out. We wouldn't last one week.

I've just renewed my lease. I can't.

Fine.

I can help you find a roommate if you'd like.

We can organize a casting. What do you think?

No, I'm fine like this, really.

I'll get over it.

Okay, help me find a roommate.

Yes, tomorrow.

-Are you serious? -Yes, please.

Hi, Romina, how are you? I'm Natalia.

-Hi! -Nice to meet you.

-Honey, no... -What?

Clean your face up.

Are you two...

A couple?

-No! -No, no, no.

20,0000 #Iloveeveryone.

#Blessedalltheway.

Because we owe it to our audience. Right? It's super crazy.

They pay you to post photos on Instagram?

Of course! And they also give me free clothing.

Don't you love it? I can give you some.

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't think it'll fit you.

There's like a leak here, right?

-What? -Look at my hands. My hands got wet.

Oh, isn't this dishcloth a bit dirty?

-Maybe... -I'll wash it.

So which of you would move here?

-The two of us. -The two of us.

Oh, honey, we said it at the same time.

I'm sure a brand could get confused one day,

and send me something XL or large, and I'd happily give it to you.

You have to wash this now, or else...

Watch out! Watch out.

Didn't you see that fly?

-Is he your husband? -No, no, no.

What's this? How crazy!

You're so funny.

-Wait. -Hey, hey.

Something is dead in there,

now there are living things in there, name them.

We'll have to use your room so we're more comfortable.

-Isn't that right, my love? -Yes, yes. Whatever she says.

So you lived together, but weren't married.

Yeah, that's normal, right?

Yes, don't worry. I'm not judging you.

But God is.

What is this? It's cute.

The parties here should end after 8 p.m.

I have to go to bed at that time.

We don't throw a lot of parties.

She stole my magnet.

-I swear. -No, no.

It's fixed. You won't have any issues with your pipes.

Thank you, Santi. I love you. Thanks, you're the best.

Why the long faces? Was it really that bad?

Yeah, it looks like I'm going to live by myself.

So I'll have to adopt birds. And be the crazy bird lady.

Don't exaggerate, some of the candidates were good.

-Which ones? -The guy from the gym, for example.

-The one who suggested the threesome. -I like him.

The rich girl who has a yacht.

She asked what time breakfast is served.

Well, Fe, what do you want me to say?

Our parents are right. Our generation is screwed.

-It's social media. -Totally.

-Come in, please. -Thank you.

Hello.

-Hello. -Are you Maria Fe?

-Yes, yes. -You look like a Maria Fe.

-Hi, how are you? -Good, good.

Hi.

-Santiago. -You're a Libra.

This is a nice place, it's really beautiful.

Good vibes. Oh, except for this couch.

Somebody cried here. That's powerful.

-I'm Natalia, Maria Fe's best friend. -I'm sorry. How are you?

How are you, beautiful?

-Good. And you are? -Caro, Carolina.

Caro, or Carolina, either is fine.

I'm a vegetarian.

Sometimes I eat chicken, but I'm vegetarian.

I do yoga every day at 7 a.m. I wake up super early.

Except for Wednesday, it's yellow day so I can't.

Of course.

I don't believe in long-term relationships.

But I do believe Paul McCartney is dead.

And the man who passes for him is a double. Just like Avril Lavigne.

-I'll go, I'll go. -It's a...

We're having a problem with the pipes, but he'll fix it.

Everything happens for a reason, no worries.

How beautiful.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I brought you all something to try.

Thank you.

-They're the best brownies in town. -Thank you.

-Did you make them? -Yes, I made them.

Don't worry, there's no pot in them.

I mean, I have pot for later if you'd like.

-But that doesn't have any. -Okay.

I'm having a fat-gasm.

These are definitely the best brownies I've ever tried.

That's another thing about me, I always tell the truth.

-And... -And...

Caro, when could you move in?

Carolina...

Everything's fine.

I'm fine with moving in now. I think you guys need help, right?

You're so good at that. Plants always die on me.

-But you paint furniture beautifully. -Thanks.

This whole orchard and gardening thing gets me very nervous.

-But do you paint? -No.

I've never followed Dr. Miyagi's practices.

Mr. Miyagi.

Miyagi was a mister, not a doctor.

-It's Mr. Miyagi. -I'm sorry.

Could you help us a bit

-and paint the walls? -No.

Well, you could ask your boyfriend to help you.

And you can distract yourself a bit, and get off the computer.

Hey, how many of these have you smoked?

Who told you I have a boyfriend?

Isn't the Mexican your boyfriend? That guy who talks with the accent.

There's no way I would ever be with him.

He's a cute guy, isn't he?

I mean, he's got good vibes, and all that.

Yeah, but don't insist. She doesn't like those things.

She's like that.

I don't think he's anything special.

You liked him the first time you saw him.

Caro, are you seeing anyone?

Yeah, two or three people, depending on the situation.

I like connecting with as many people as possible.

And you? How long have you been with your boyfriend for?

No, we're not together anymore. We lasted six years.

-Oh, six years? -Yes.

That's how long a squirrel lives for. What happened?

He's an architect, he helped me fix the house up.

And he went to Spain to get his master's degree.

And the distance is always difficult.

But I think it's a phase, and he'll get over it.

-Are you okay? -Yes.

Let's take a selfie so people can see we're doing things.

-Great! -Yeah.

Okay. We're all happy, right?

Okay.

We're done.

Be careful, this leaves a horrible stain.

-I'm going to tag you, okay? -Okay.

TOUGH SEMESTER, BUT WORTH THE REWARD

DANIELA GARCIA ARCHITECT AND ANIMALIST

THE BEST PART OF THE SCHOOL YEAR

Thanks.

Another one, another one.

Stupid!

We're here with a very special guest.

His name is Matías. How are you, Matías?

You're with a really, really cool girl. And she's very beautiful.

Her name is Maria Fe. Please, tell us... What do you like most about her?

Her ass.

But tell us about better things, qualities.

My qualities as a person.

You make an amazing breakfast.

Scrambled eggs are my specialty.

You have no idea how she scrambles my eggs.

It's delicious.

Are you going to miss me a lot?

-A lot. -Yeah, you promise?

I'll finish my master's, and come back immediately.

And during that exact moment I understood, what I had to do.

Remember how I told you that I wanted to handle this

in a mature way.

That I wanted to calm down...

-Yes, an admirable decision. -No, it was really stupid.

It's not right, who needs to be mature at this moment? Do you know what we need?

-To sleep for eight hours. -No, no, no.

Tequila is what we need, sisters!

Tequila, sisters!

Stay away from me, Satan!

You know you want it, grab it. Let's do the ritual, grab the salt.

Start thinking about your...

Thanks, start there.

-Okay, concentrate. -Concentration.

To all the women...

who have marked a milestone in our history.

My Aunt Monique.

To Susy, my inspirational muse.

And to the Tigress of the Orient.

-Cheers! -No, wait, wait.

To Britney.

She is overcoming all the damage Justin did to her.

You're doing good, sister. Keep at it. We've got your back, sister.

-Cheers. -No, wait, wait.

For that day to come...

That wonderful day in which we'll learn to reproduce by ourselves,

like the amoebas.

-Cheers! -Wait, wait!

I'm almost done.

And for that other day to come...

A time when we only need men for tiny things.

Which means minimal things.

For example, opening jars.

Reaching for things when you don't have stairs.

Killing small insects that scare us.

They scare us so bad, sisters!

Cheers!

That's it, we're ready.

Never have I ever, had sex with two male friends.

Chug!

Never have I ever, had sex with girls and guys,

and vibrators, and stuffed animals.

I've never edited my photo before sending it to a guy.

Never have I ever...

Sent an e-mail, and had it bounce back.

Never have I ever pooped in a bathroom that isn't mine,

and the toilet wouldn't flush,

so I had to grab the poop with my hand, and throw it in the trash.

Chug!

I never flirted with a teacher.

-I never flirted with my teacher! -Yes, the math teacher!

He was my math reasoning teacher from prep school.

I asked him to explain the calculations, and square roots.

And how he took me to the nth power!

Chug!

Does the yoga instructor count?

Yes, he does. Cheers!

You know what we should do? Dance.

Yes, where should we go?

There was this one place. Isn't there a place close by at the...

Was it "Teatriz"?

-It was over here... -I think it was "Zoom."

I'll just type in "Barranco." And we'll look around there.

Where are all my people from the Bridge of Sighs?

If you came for me I'd run towards you

I'd open my arms until the sky Until the end

I'd bite your skin I'd cover it in honey

I'd lick your lips If you came for me

Let the orchestra play

Follow me The party has already started

What's up? Nobody can get sad

-No! -Remember that laughter exists!

Never, but never...

-Idiot! -Abandon me, darling

Who knows how to party better, men or women?

-Women! -Women!

#HOWYOUTHINKYOULOOK

#HOWYOUREALLYLOOK

-Sir. -Sir, please.

I'd like the same drink.

I know what we need.

Excuse me. Go take care of your kids.

Go take care of your kids?

-That was so disrespectful. -That was too much.

I'm going to get a chilcano cocktail.

No, you know what that does to you. No way...

-Rum? -No.

-Vodka? -No, get some water.

-Come on. -No.

I'll be right back.

Oh, we lost her.

It sucks that it's already daytime in China.

-I have to get this. -Are you serious?

Stay here, don't move. I'll be back soon.

I need to play sober.

Remember when we danced to this song?

Sir, a pisco, please.

-Chilcano? -No, a shot!

You know that's going to be bad for you.

Maria Fe? Maria Fe are you there?

Hey, don't cut the line!

-Don't cut the line! -Don't cut the line!

My best friend is in that bathroom calling her ex.

Go ahead.

Maria Fe?

-I'm sorry. Maria Fe? -Fe!

Oh, shit.

Maria Fe, drop that phone.

Maria Fe, don't text him.

-Pass us the phone. -You'll regret this tomorrow.

When you're sober, you'll regret what you're doing now.

Tequilas, six, Whisky, two, Pisco, one.

Calls to your ex, one, dignity, zero.

-Hey. -Hey.

Didn't the tequila help?

Here you go.

There's no sugar. I replaced it with dates.

On top there are coconut flakes, no flour.

Nothing added to it, but there are other things.

-Thanks. -Help yourself.

It's delicious.

I know it doesn't seem like it, but...

I also know what it's like to have a broken heart.

Was it a guy for a change?

It doesn't necessarily have to be a guy, right?

When I was 19...

I had to go back to my mom's house.

I lost my job, and had to go back to my mom's house.

And she was married to an idiot.

To a disgusting drunk.

And one day I was asleep...

And he came home drunk as usual.

And he got into my bed.

I'm fine, nothing happened to me.

What I mean is...

That's not what matters, what matters

is that I looked for my mom so I could tell her, and...

And she didn't believe me.

So I left.

-I feel silly now crying over a man. -Don't worry.

All our pains hurt, right? They just hurt differently.

Your six-year relationship ended over Skype.

It sucks, but it'll pass. You'll be fine.

I think that right now you should focus your energy on something else.

When this happened to me, I started doing yoga.

The yoga was incredible.

Einstein said that life is like riding a bicycle.

To keep your balance, you always need to move ahead.

That's it!

So should I ride a bicycle or do yoga?

-Do pole dancing. -Pole dancing?

Let's start with a beautiful figure, the witch.

We think about it, we have it clear in our mind.

We visualize it in...

three... two... one.

And we have the witch. That's it.

That's it. We sustain our beautiful witch.

Hold that pelvis, keep your smile, and now the angel.

If we can't remember how to do it, we can observe the advanced students.

That's it.

One... and dolphin. That's it.

And a princess's smile.

Lots of self-love. Give yourself power.

That's it, beautiful. Let's keep trying.

I got it, I got it. Yes, there you go.

We hold it for ten... nine...

eight... seven... and smile...

Chess player, that's my thing.

The queen is the most important piece here.

And the only one that can move wherever she wants to.

How about that?

For you, the Beyoncé of chess.

I've learned more from my mistakes than my victories.

Of course the queen got eaten by a pawn.

So typical...

This is wonderful and addictive junk, I don't get why you don't sell them.

It's not junk, and it's not addictive.

It has coconut milk, and it's pretty healthy.

So eat them freely.

I'm sorry, but you'd be a millionaire.

Thanks, but I'll pass. I'd rather cook for you girls.

With my love, and that's it.

I want to see Matías's face, when he sees that I bymyself.com

fixed that door.

My God, until when will I have to hear that name?

Fine, I'm sorry.

-Want some? -Thanks.

You should keep your head busy with something else.

I'm serious, for your own good, and for ours.

Carolina, defend me.

I'm keeping my head busy with a lot of things.

-Really? -Yes. I'm doing a bunch of things.

-Like what? -I've painted mandalas.

I've painted walls, I just fixed that door.

What else did I do? I played chess.

-Wow. -I read Don Quijote again.

I tried pole dancing.

Oh, please tell me how you did with that.

Humiliation is not the best therapy.

She did well, she just has to keep practicing.

Thanks.

Usually you're intelligent, but lately you've been stupid.

Continue insulting me, you empower me.

I'm not insulting you.

I'm making a dessert, actually I'm inventing it.

-Should I continue? -Yes, please.

Fine, I'm insulting you. Hearing you makes me grumpy.

Thanks. Please continue.

You have to stop, Fe. I'm serious.

-Enough. -What's your problem?

You're not a kid anymore, we're adults now. Life is passing by.

When will you do what you've always wanted to do?

Do you know what I want? I don't know. Do you know? Tell me.

What?

When did you decide that you'd spend your life writing commercials?

I don't understand it.

-Are you making fun of my job? -No!

You always said that you wanted to be a writer.

She was the only one who knew what she wanted to do with her life.

I had no idea. But she did.

And she'd win at everything.

And now you tell me you don't know what to do.

Well, I don't know...

You say you're sad, and that you're going to die.

You want to play chess...

And this is because Matías the dwarf left you.

You can't be serious.

I don't know what to write about, Natalia. I really don't know where to start.

Well, start by sitting in front of a computer.

Like this, because things won't write themselves.

So I just have to sit in front of the computer, and the masterpiece will happen.

You always said you wanted to have a blog.

Where's the blog? Huh?

-Blogs aren't even trendy anymore. -Of course they're trendy.

So write in one, for fuck sakes!

I told you I don't know what to write about.

-I said I don't know. -Of course you know!

I don't know. I swear I have no idea.

The only thing I have in my head, is that unnamable insect.

And how I want his intestines to rot, and pus to come out of them.

And for him to have no choice, but to call me to take care of him.

And I'll prepare his hot tea so he can sleep well.

After that, I feel bad, and I lose all my dignity,

for wishing him something so bad.

I wanted him so much, I loved him so much.

And then I feel worse,

because I'm the protagonist of a shitty comedy.

Where God and the Devil,

and all the people or beings in the universe

who are in charge of making me feel bad,

spit at me with their black humor and make fun of me.

And you can handle all of these things.

Of course, you have this wall in front of you,

that won't let you feel anything. But I'm going to end up alone.

And I'll go crazy.

I'll end up crying in the street somewhere.

If you see me in the street crying, please pick me up.

At least do that.

If all of that was in a blog I'd definitely read it.

WRITE A NAME CREATE BLOG

Have you ever gone out with one of those idiots

who are insecure, and aren't acrylic nor oil paint?

So you've had the pleasure of meeting a watercolor.

This kind of man requires a lot of work.

The cup with water, the paintbrush,

and in the end, it's not even decent paint.

Sex and ceviche.

I don't know if that's genius or disgusting.

No, no, no.

Fe's dilemmas.

That sounds like a Catholic channel show.

No, no, no.

SCARLETT JOHANSSON HOLLYWOOD'S NEW SINGLE LADY

Single lady.

No, I'm not available. I'm sorry. Oh, thank you.

How's that presentation going, beautiful?

Very good, good.

Don't forget I want a presentation like...

Boom!

Boom!

-I hate him, I don't get it. -Me, too.

First he talks like an Argentinian, then he talks like he's Peruvian.

-He sucks. -Totally.

I really don't like him.

What is it, Natalia? I'm working.

Excuse me, am I speaking to the single lady?

How do you know?

First, because you write the way you speak.

Second, because the watercolor idea came up when I broke up with stupid Nico.

And third, because it's all over Facebook.

What are you talking about?

Wait, I'm going to look. I'll call you back.

Friends, friends. I need to tell you something.

I started a blog.

-What? -A blog?

Yes, "Single Lady."

What are you saying?

Wait, wait. Apparently I have...

What? I have 300 views on my blog!

I don't even have 300 friends.

I don't even... excuse me. I don't even have 30.

I might not even have three, but I have you two.

Oh, my friends.

What's going on, is this a supermarket?

Do you want your salaries or not? Let's get to work.

Share it with me.

I think I've only been with crayons in my life.

I love you, single lady. I love you, too.

You should talk about the guys you meet on Tinder.

Well, first you need another profile picture.

This one is horrible.

What's wrong with you? This one is fine. I look fun.

Tinder is not a place for fun people, Maria Fe.

-No? -That's what Twitter is for.

Tinder is a place for people to have sex.

-It's sexual. -Oh, that's gross.

-Come here. -Okay.

I'd suggest you change it for...

-My God. -Don't make fun of me.

-This one. -No, don't look at that.

-Don't look at it. -It's perfect.

Listen, it's from three years ago. I'm dressed as a sexy nurse, no.

That's what we want. You should look sexy.

-This is the photo. Do you trust me? -Okay. Yes.

-Okay. -Okay, let's see.

Let's look at our options.

-He has a beard. -He's gay.

Really? Okay.

This one. Oh, I super liked him!

What's going to happen? Will he know my address?

It's okay.

-Relax a bit. -I'm relaxed.

-Relax more. -I'm in an investigation.

It's normal, I'm just getting to know the app.

Another one. That one, Fernando!

No? Which one is Fernando?

If it's a group photo, he's always the ugliest.

-This one, right? -This one.

-Let's see. -Okay.

Investigate him.

Lorenzo, 27 years old. He's a surfer.

-He doesn't look like a psychopath. -No, he won't hurt me too much.

-No. -Okay.

-It's a match! -Chat with him, and have fun.

Okay, and what should I write?

I usually go right to the photo.

-A photo? -Yes.

-A selfie. -A selfie?

-Naked? -Step by step.

Let's say you start with your face.

-The face? -Then the neck.

Then you keep going down.

That's so kinky!

-It works for me. -Don't be that way!

It works for me.

Being single is an eternal search for the...

The perfect balance.

Shaving just in case it happens. Or not shaving so it doesn't happen.

Putting enough makeup on to look great.

But just enough that it looks like you're not wearing any.

Thank you.

You're so sweet. No, no...

I had no time to dress up.

I'm just so busy. But thank you.

And above all, look like you have everything under control.

Even though you have no idea what you're doing.

#CANDYMODE

#HIPSTERMODE

#DESPERATEMODE

Lorenzo?

How are you? I didn't recognize you.

You look different on your profile photo.

Yes, it was my best photo and my best age.

-Maria Jose. -Maria Fe.

Sorry, I confuse those Christian names.

Maria Jose, Maria Fe, Magdalena...

-I got you a caramel macchiato. -Thanks.

My female friends love the caramel macchiato.

So I got you one. Caramel macchiato?

One day I poured milk into your coffee, and you almost killed me.

He doesn't know.

-I don't know what? -Oh.

-I don't know what? -No.

I was saying I don't know what kind of work you do.

But now I remember your profile photo, and it looked like you enjoy surfing.

That's so great! It's so cool.

I'd love to go surfing one day.

It's amazing, I loved it the only time I did it.

So you don't do it all the time?

No, you have to wake up at 5 a.m.,

buy your own board, and know how to swim.

-Well, you're not a nurse either, are you? -Shut up.

-Should I shut up? -No, no, not you. What I meant is that...

If you don't like surfing, what do you like doing?

-What do you do? -I'm working on an app with a friend.

Cool, and what's the name?

That doesn't matter, she's a know-it-all, she's annoying, and fat.

I was asking about the application's name.

-Toast app. -Toast app?

Yes, toast app.

-It's toa-st app. -Toast app.

And what is toast app about?

It's an app that you can download for free.

And you have three options to put on your toast.

Butter, jam, and honey.

You must be thinking that it makes no sense.

I was wondering if it's a joke or not.

The money comes later. You get hooked on the app,

you can buy another pack, but it costs $20.

And then you have other options. Avocado, ham, cheese, turmeric...

And if you're really into it, then you can add...

You like muscle relaxants, right?

-No, they give me allergies. -Are you serious?

You want to forget me with this idiot?

BALANCE

Yes, you haven't forgotten him.

And in this exact moment,

you have this overwhelming feeling that you won't be able to.

You know he's a poor idiot, and you shouldn't miss him.

But you miss him,

and that makes you feel like a poor idiot.

And, damn it...

Your friends told you it was a matter of time.

So why the hell does it hurt as if it happened yesterday?

Oh, shit!

How was your Tinder date?

-Toast app. -What's that?

It's too long. No, it's too long...

Do you know who's getting married?

Who? Besides everyone on my Facebook...

What an ugly envelope. Let me see.

Oh, Laura Rivas. It was obvious.

-Are you okay with this news? -I'm fine, why should this get to me?

-You've always been a bit jealous of her. -Don't exaggerate.

You cried in a bathroom for three hours

when they gave her the graduation speech instead of you.

We were just kids, I'm fine now.

I mean, while she chooses tablecloths,

and changes pooped diapers, I choose investment funds.

And negotiate with China happily.

If you ask who better invested their five years in economics,

I think the answer is pretty obvious.

Someone has to practice their radical forgiveness.

I don't understand what she's talking about.

Me neither.

-There's one for you, too. -Let me see.

Maria Fe and Matías.

Oh, it's just a small detail. You're going, right?

I'll go, it's against my religion to reject a table full of chocolates.

I'm proud of you!

-Amen to that. -Hallelujah.

Your life is a wardrobe.

And it doesn't matter how badly you want to buy clothes.

If you don't get rid of your clothes that are old, ugly,

and that suck your energy, you'll never have space for the new ones.

I'm not exactly sure how to finish it, but I think this is the right direction.

Simplicity will help to tell the story.

I don't want to discourage you, but...

But I feel that your idea lacks emotion.

It's missing that boom. Do you understand?

-Of course. -Think bigger.

I understand, it could be more attractive.

But because it's such a personal subject, Ramiro, I think that less is more.

In advertising there's no less is more.

-Less is more doesn't exist. -Less is more doesn't exist.

Don't repeat everything I say, Mini-Me.

Less is more doesn't exist in advertising. I'm going to tell you a story.

It was the year 1998,

I had just returned from studying in Buenos Aires.

They offered me the launch of Virú Paints in all of Peru.

Seven supermodels, the best of that time.

Beautiful girls, all painted in colors...

San Martín Square... Lights...

Virú, Virú, Virú.

It was shown everywhere.

So you need me to use blonde models, wearing high heels...

Not models, I want something powerful.

Do you understand?

Does anyone want to add anything?

That's what happens to me for showing something with sensibility

to that idiot, troglodyte, gross boss of mine.

I hate him with all my heart. I hate men...

No, you're not allowed to kill yourself in my office.

I wasn't going to kill myself, it's just a joke.

Hey, at least you don't hate me.

-Because we haven't had sex. -Good for us.

By the way, there's a party with everyone from the office.

Maybe it could give inspiration to the single lady?

Let's go.

You can invite your friend.

-Which friend? -Your only friend.

Very funny. Fine, I'll tell Natalia.

But she won't pay attention to you, you're not her type.

You'll never be her type.

I'm the universal type, just so you know.

-He said we should wait by the bar. -Where?

-Was that a good entrance? -On fire.

-Really? -There he is.

I saw him, I saw him.

-Two cosmopolitans for the ladies. -Thank you.

So, since we're women, we should like Barbie drinks.

I like this drink, I'll bring you something else.

-What are you drinking? -A whisky.

I want the same.

I'm fine, thanks.

-What's up with you? -What?

-You love colorful drinks. -Let me have some fun.

I don't understand why you mistreat him so much.

He's the nicest heterosexual man I know.

I'm not mistreating him, this is how we treat each other.

I don't know, we like it.

Hey, isn't that Carolina?

-Where? -Over there.

How's it going? I'm good.

-How long have you worked here for? -I just started. Check this out.

Santiago is calling us. Come on, let's go.

-Be back soon. -Okay.

Wait, wait. That guy is looking at you.

-He is? -Yes.

-No, he's not. -He's still looking.

-What should I do? -Keep walking.

She's got a fan.

-Yes! -Yes!

Come on, get over there.

No, I don't know how to flirt anymore. I'm serious, I don't remember how to.

Why don't you try the abandonment technique?

What is that?

Oh, come on. It's when a women is alone on purpose,

and she puts this face on, like she'd love to talk.

-And what comes next? -Yeah.

You kiss him! Us men like that.

If the conversation doesn't flow, you kiss him, and that's it.

You can't talk if you're using your tongue.

Oh, don't be a troglodyte.

You should use the trick where you ask to try his drink.

You go towards him, and say, "Can I try your drink?",

but instead of grabbing the drink, you kiss him,

and say, "It's delicious."

I'll do a combination of both.

-Okay. -Go.

-It'll work. -I'm going.

-You can do this. You can do this. -Let's go.

What happened? They left.

Do you think it'll work?

I know him. He's my friend.

Nice one!

Hopefully she'll stop talking about Matías for some time.

-Hi. -Hi. How are you?

Good, and you?

So so.

Why so so? You look great.

Thanks.

My friends just abandoned me. I mean...

-Isn't it better this way? -It is, right?

Of course.

Yeah, but my drink doesn't taste good.

Do you want me to buy you a drink?

No, I meant to ask... Can I try your drink?

Yes, of course.

-Cheers to our friend! -Cheers to her.

Good for you, Maria Fe.

Can I try your drink?

No.

It's delicious.

-You mean the kiss? -Both.

But you haven't tried the drink, try it.

This is my house, the kitchen is over there.

Oh, Christ, Christ, saint, saint...

Oh, God!

INCOMING CALL BUG

Hello.

Hello? Fe?

Matías?

-How are you? -Um...

I'm fine, well, I was sleeping,

but now I'm wondering why you called me.

Listen... I was thinking about you.

And I just called to see how you're doing.

When he... Yes, he...

With "e" for ego, and for cheating...

And for small dick...

Those don't start with "e," but good point.

Calls you in the middle of the night to tell you that he misses you.

Such a shitty gesture deserves only one answer.

Look, I have good news, and bad news.

The good news is that I'm sure about what I want.

And the bad news is that sure as hell it isn't you.

So if you feel like chatting,

call your psychologist, or your 16 booty calls,

or your mother, because I'm not available.

As the saying says,

"I sold my sack, so I didn't have to carry it."

Unfortunately, it's always harder to do it than to say it.

Fe? You're not going to say anything?

I don't know what to tell you, Matías.

Things are the way they are because of you.

What do you want? What's going on?

I know. But something funny happened to me today,

and I wanted to tell you,

but I realized we don't talk anymore. I don't like things to be this way.

You were my best friend.

And you mine.

Come on, stupid woman. Hang up. Come on, you can do it. Hang up.

And...

What happened to make you want to call me?

Brain dead.

REST UP, BEAUTIFUL. I'LL CALL YOU TOMORROW.

TALK TO YOU TOMORROW

HI, BICHO

IT WAS GREAT TO TALK LAST NIGHT

Hey!

I have to go.

I have a work meeting, but I can't find my socks.

Oh, it's somewhere here. They always hide around here.

-Here it is. Here you go. -Thank you.

Were you cooking breakfast?

-I had a great time. Your house is nice. -Thank you.

-Thank you for everything. Bye. -Thank you. Bye.

-Have a good day. I'll call you. -Sure, we'll talk.

Bye.

You, Fe, are a cool girl. You are fresh.

That's what you are. A cool, fresh girl. People have told you.

And you know it. So yes.

If he calls you, fine. And if he doesn't, it's fine, too.

Fresh. Cool.

That's how life goes. There's an eight hour difference.

No need to feel nervous.

You'll be fine.

INCOMING CALL

Shit!

Hello, Bicho.

Hi, is this Maria Fe?

Yes. Who's talking?

I'm Jaime Castro, I'm editor at Patrimonio magazine.

Santiago gave me your number. I'd like to interview you.

-Me? -Yes.

You run the "Soltera Codiciada" blog, right?

Yes, it was supposed to be anonymous. I'm going to kill Santiago.

It's okay, I'm not going to reveal your identity.

I just wanted to ask you a couple of questions.

INCOMING CALL BICHO

Sorry, I'm not interested right now. Maybe another time.

But...

Hi, Bicho.

Fe? Hi. I called you, but you didn't answer.

But it's for the best. I'm sorry I called you yesterday.

I shouldn't have. It was a mistake.

We shouldn't get things messy again.

It won't happen again. Bye, have a good one.

That guy better have kidnapped you,

that has to be why you're not answering me.

Yeah, yeah.

I need to know if you're okay,

and if you finished the tissue paper presentation.

That's due next week.

He's an insistent guy, right?

Fucking shit. Not you again, please. Please!

Now you watch series where us men are guilty for everything in the world.

You are guilty for everything in the world.

You've become one of those girls.

What kind of girl? Tell me, what kind of girl am I?

The type that says all men are the same.

Not all men are the same. But you, and specifically you...

You're a pain in the ovaries.

What did I do?

You, with your fucking strategy of trying to keep me close enough,

that you don't miss me.

But far enough that I don't influence your new life.

What is this strategy, Maria Fe?

Don't you realize that it's all in your head?

What about my plans, Matías?

I could be traveling around the world right now.

Or writing a book, or having babies.

How could you have babies? Your cactuses die.

But I'm here, and I'm stuck.

I feel miserable

because the person that I tried to make happy for six years,

still thinks of me as a second priority. Over and over again.

You are where you want to be.

Mafe?

I'm leaving.

Could you buy me a banana cupcake, please?

Or a... No, a banana cupcake. A cupcake.

The six months will be over in one week, and the contract will be over.

-Here are the keys, thank you. -What? No, no. What?

Lucy and Pollock are on the balcony.

Okay? Water them twice a week, or they'll drown.

And they're very sensitive,

so talk to them, or sing to them, or something.

You said you'd renew it for six more months.

Right but not anymore.

Why not?

-I'm going on a trip. -Where to?

To a country.

-To what country? -A country.

What country?

It doesn't matter. Look, I have this. I can sleep anywhere. I'm fine.

What?

You do realize what you're doing, right?

-What? -You're repeating.

The pattern.

-What pattern? -The evil pattern.

No.

This thing you do where you repeat something over and over again.

You stay at a place, and then you want to leave it.

Why? What's the problem? What's going on?

I don't know, I just don't like feeling comfortable in the same place.

So I get bored, and I have to leave. I have to get out, and go somewhere else.

I can make you feel more uncomfortable if you'd like.

I can be dirty.

I can stop showering for three weeks, I've done it before.

See? See? I mean it.

Do you want me to leave hairs in the shower so the water doesn't drain?

It's not necessary.

What's so bad about staying here?

You're not going anywhere. Are you crazy?

No, no, no. This is your house.

Look at everything you've done.

Look at how beautiful, organized, and clean it is.

You've taught me to take care of the plants,

and to paint, and all of that.

It's our house.

And you're my sister now.

And I love you, and all of that.

I also... love you.

-Fine, you're fucked. -No, you're fucked.

-Don't run away, coward. -I'm not running away.

-My suitcase is over there. -And what's that?

It's nothing, it's a towel.

I'm going to the market, didn't you want a cupcake?

-Yes. -Okay then.

We'll have to dig into this topic, Carolina. I'm just saying, okay?

These repetitive patterns concern me.

No, no, no. We're going to talk.

-We have to eat first. -Okay.

The last question and I'll leave you alone, Maria Fe.

Why the name Single Lady?

Well, because I'm almost 30, in an existential crisis,

was already taken.

Don't spit, don't spit.

I'm going to turn this off, I'm not recording anymore.

Thank you so much, Maria Fe.

It was a beautiful interview. I had a great time.

-Thank you. -I have valuable information.

Don't worry, your name is my best kept secret.

That's very important.

Thank you. These have been the best 30 minutes of fame

that I've ever had. My only minutes of fame.

The only ones? Come on, you'll be famous for a while.

Your blog will be a big hit, I'm serious.

All the women in my office get together early every Monday,

like a religious ritual for gossiping, and they read your blog together.

-They read it together. -Really? That's awesome.

Yes, and I must admit that I also join them

and I read it with them.

I'll keep your secret, and you keep mine.

-Yes, please. -Cheers.

Listen, do you think it would be too...

unprofessional if I asked you to continue, we can take a walk around here,

and have some coffee, or something?

A little bit, yes.

But I told my boss that I'm seeing a doctor.

So who am I to judge you? Right?

-Okay, great. -Okay.

We're on the same page then.

-Sure. -Should I order the check so we can go?

-Is that okay? -Yes.

-Yes. -Great.

Thank you.

As the saying goes, "When a door closes, a window opens."

And now some advice for me.

One year and a half ago I broke up with my ex...

Cool.

And I still can't get her out of my head. I don't know what to do.

I'll pass.

Tell me, you're the single blogger.

Well, what also happens sometimes is that behind this window that opens,

an ex is hiding.

Well, the first thing I did was get her off my phone.

-Bye, from my contacts. -Bye, WhatsApp.

Bye WhatsApp, bye photos, bye audios.

-Then I deleted her from Facebook, bye. -Bye, bye.

What I can't do is stop following her on Instagram.

Instagraham!

Norton Bell, man!

And she insists on posting every day. Every day she has a photo of whatever.

Well, you can't get over her overnight.

One day at a time.

Like the day in which the smallest thing makes you feel extremely empty.

Or the day in which somebody asks you about that person,

and you don't know how to answer.

Or the day in which your head betrays you with old habits.

But there are also days in which you surprise yourself by doing new things.

And there are days when you laugh at yourself.

So each tear is one more step.

Each day is a day closer to you being well.

Live it, one tissue at a time.

This is a sketch, so it can change. We can always improve it, right?

But why would we change it? I think it's good.

There's a connection, it makes the brand relevant.

I think it's in tune with what I want to communicate.

But we can do it. We could--

No, leave it like this.

I'm really very pleased. I think you've done a great job.

Congratulations.

I knew you'd like it, she's the best.

That's great.

Let me show you the ideas I have for outdoor ads,

and social media.

It's great.

Cut that long hair.

Kill those dreads.

And wash that hair.

The clients loved the campaign.

Really?

That's a success because they're a part of a gigantic corporation.

What we have to do is win their brands one at a time.

-Okay. -What they want...

Is for you to take care of all of their jobs.

Really?

So given the huge workload that's coming,

what you deserve...

is a promotion.

-A promotion? -Yes.

Really?

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

Thanks.

I have to talk it over with my associate, but my decisions are always final.

You're in.

That's great. Thank you so much.

Well, let's get to work!

Don't distract the genius.

Congratulations.

Thank you.

-Caro? -Hey there.

Caro, you won't believe the day I had.

The presentation was amazing. You should've seen Ramiro's face.

I should've posted it on FB, I'm serious.

We have a problem.

Natalia?

What's wrong?

Okay.

So you don't have a dress for the wedding? I'll lend you one.

There's a full moon today, people get weird.

I just had some bacon.

I called the girls from school

to see if we'd get her a present between all of us.

They told me there's no wedding list,

because after the wedding they're moving to New York.

Okay.

They're moving to New York City.

She got the grant that I've been denied three times.

-And? -She has everything.

The perfect body, the perfect face, the perfect boyfriend.

The perfect job.

I thought it was necessary to sacrifice something.

I thought you had to focus on only one thing to...

-I feel so stupid. -Okay, okay.

My friend.

Listen to me, my friend.

To start, you're an incredible woman.

You are so successful.

-But... -Yes, there's a but...

Maybe it's time for you to stop focusing only on work,

work, work, and start thinking about yourself.

Maybe it's time for you to relax a bit.

Listen to me, you're 29 years old. You're not 89 years old.

You have all the time in the world to do things differently

if you feel like it.

-I love you. -I love you, too.

Everything will be fine.

Can I keep saying that I'm a feminist,

even if I cried because Laura is getting married?

No, hand me your gun, your badge, and your vibrator, please.

-No, not my vibrator. -Okay, let's make a toast.

-What are we celebrating? -She got a promotion.

-What? -Yes!

That's great.

Well, let's celebrate.

-Let's celebrate. -With our favorite drink.

I'm going to celebrate for real.

-Everyone can get married. -Who cares, my sister?

I got married to a tree once. Yes, it was a very beautiful ceremony.

But then they cut him down. Cheers anyway.

Cheers to the tree going to the better life.

Cheers to paper, and the notebooks.

Hello. Hi, how are you?

Girlfriend, girlfriend, girlfriend.

Don't be offended, but it's a great idea to come to a wedding without a date.

-Why is that? -The suit effect.

All men look better in a suit.

The ugly ones become passable, the passable become handsome.

And the handsome ones become, let's go have sex now.

The Powerpuff Girls have arrived.

Yay!

And you're Blossom.

-Blossom was the redhead. -Yes.

She should be Blossom. You're the redhead. And you'd be Bubbles.

-I'd be the other one, the green one. -Well, you all look beautiful.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

I'll never understand how you manage to get invited to all the events in Lima.

I'm the soul of the party. You know that.

We know it.

There is Laurita!

-She looks strange. -She's too tall.

-It's too... -It doesn't look good.

What's that about?

-Ouch. -I'm sorry.

Listen, tell me if it's my imagination, or if the boy over there is Matías.

Don't turn around. Don't look worried.

On the count of three, we'll laugh naturally at anything.

Then you'll turn around, and tell me if it's Matías.

-Okay? -Yes.

One, two, three.

Shit, it's really him.

-Really? -Yes.

If dogs attack when they smell fear, exes smell tranquility, and come back.

Don't start crying, or get yourself down.

Don't leave the party just to avoid him.

But above all, don't make out with him.

Everything will be fine, take it easy.

There is a survival plan for this.

-First, no alcohol. -No alcohol.

To survive this situation, there are three basic rules.

One, don't drink alcohol because it makes you weaker.

Two, talk to the most attractive guy at the place.

That's great.

-Here he is. -Hey, beautiful.

-How are you? -Good, very good.

-Javi, this is... -Mafe.

-Mafe. -How are you?

This is my boyfriend, Javi.

Great, nice to meet you.

Three, act indifferent when you run into him.

If none of that works, you can dive into the chocolate table.

Hey.

If I don't come over, you won't say congratulations to us?

Laurita, forgive me.

-Congratulations. -Thank you.

Everything looks beautiful, congratulations.

-Thank you. -Thank you.

Do you remember Natalia?

-No. -Oh, come on.

She's my childhood friend from school.

You never talked to me about her.

Oh, please. We've known each other for ages.

She's so funny.

Listen, she is Cupid's number one mortal enemy.

You can't imagine, they hate each other.

They can't even see each other from a distance.

She's like Pennywise the Clown, terrified of love. Always alone.

-I wouldn't say that. -It's true.

Did you bring a date today?

-Yes. -Oh, come on.

-Come on, Natalia. -I'm serious, I brought a date.

-Really? -Yes.

Where is the poor guy?

In the bathroom, I'll introduce you later.

-My love. -There he is.

There he is.

Here he is. This is my boyfriend, Santiago.

-Hi, Santiago. -How are you?

I'm well. Congratulations.

Well, we have to move on.

-Enjoy. -You, too.

-Let's go. -Congratulations.

That was good, right? It wasn't too much, right? Or was it?

Some chocolates for later?

Are you sure I can leave you here by yourself? Will you be okay?

Yes, I'll be fine.

-Okay. -It's fine.

I'm going to leave soon, my feet really hurt.

Okay, okay.

Why are you speaking with a Spaniard accent?

It's because I met this amazing guy.

He's so handsome, he makes me horny.

So he asked me if I speak Spanish. I said yes, but with a Spaniard accent.

Now I have to keep my act up,

or else he'll think that I'm a fake.

And actually, I am.

But he doesn't know that.

I feel possessed.

I'm bewitched.

You still wear those heels that hurt your feet?

You should throw them away, it's foolish.

I'm not foolish.

What do you want?

Can I stay here for a bit?

You're already here. What's going on?

I've been meaning to talk to you for a while.

I don't have any missed calls from you, Matías.

I'd have one if you wanted to talk to me. I don't want to talk to you.

Just let me tell you what I wanted to say. I'll say it, and I'll leave you alone.

I wanted to apologize for being an idiot.

I miss you a lot.

I've thought a lot about you.

It's been so hard for me to be over there by myself.

Getting used to everything...

I had to stop myself from texting and calling you.

-You're drunk, right? -No.

I'm telling you how I really feel.

Who else would I tell?

It hasn't been easy for me.

There were moments when I doubted myself.

What am I doing with my life?

I got stuck in a rut.

I messed up, Fe.

I didn't want to fuck things up, I'm really sorry.

You don't have to apologize to me, it's not necessary.

Just stop getting me involved in your messes.

If things aren't clear for you...

You have no right to come here and destabilize me.

I messed up, I know that.

I want to apologize for that.

I've been thinking a lot.

I read your blog.

I think it's great.

I'm glad you're writing. It was what you wanted, right?

I arrived in Lima, and I wanted to go see you.

I wanted to hear from you, to meet you.

Why are you telling me all this?

Because it's the truth.

Okay.

Do you still pay attention to signs?

Today the moon lines up with Mars, and...

And your aura is like orange, or red.

Do you realize that what you're saying makes no sense?

One song?

I came to this wedding just because of you.

I missed you a lot, Fe.

No.

No, I'm sorry.

-Fe. -What?

-Fe, what's wrong? -What is it?

Do you not love me anymore?

I have too much alcohol in my blood to have this talk.

-I can't now. -I need an answer.

What do you want to know?

Matías, we'll talk tomorrow, okay?

-It'll be better. -No, I need to know.

Fe...

I'm here.

For you.

DUMBASS

I was very horny and there was a lot of fire between us,

and all of that, but we're not husband and wife.

So he left, he took the bus and left.

I don't understand why do you speak to them with a Spaniard accent?

Come on, it's hot.

Wouldn't it attract you with some rose petals?

-I don't know. -It's romantic.

Imagine the rose petals and the stud.

Oh, come on!

You've never had sex with a different language?

-In Chinese once. -Oh, no.

What? Chinese can be very sensual.

-Hey. -Sleeping beauty woke up.

What are you doing here?

-So much love, good morning to you, too. -Good morning.

You left yesterday without saying anything, I was worried.

-You forgot your purse. -Oh, thank you.

I'll put it away now.

-How delicious. -Thank you.

-Hi, good morning. -Hi.

-Hi, Natalia. -Good morning.

My roommate Carolina, this is Matías.

-Hi. -Hi, I'm Caro.

-I'm Matías. -How are you?

Do you want to eat anything?

Carolina is a great cook.

She makes some things like...

-What did you make? -Oats and yogurt.

-How delicious. -And chia, and stuff.

-She makes it from scratch. -It has no sugar.

-Do you like it? -It's good.

Why don't we ask tomorrow? Maybe he'll change his mind.

-Natalia... -What?

Shut up.

-You live in Madrid, right? -Yes.

How was it?

It's beautiful.

And how about the Spaniard women?

Enough.

I prefer the Peruvian women.

-I'll head out now. -I'm sorry.

I'll talk to my aunt today about the plane tickets.

Okay, we'll talk about that later.

Nice to meet you, Caro.

-Bye, bye. -Take care.

-Bye. -Bye.

So, you're going to Madrid.

Just to make things clear, this is the news,

Matías has asked me to go live with him in Madrid.

But I told him I need to think about it.

Okay? Are we good?

We're good, thanks.

Will you continue with the blog? You were really happy about that, right?

Of course, I'll continue writing in my blog.

I'm not going to move to a cave in the forest.

Are you sure, Maria Fe?

You didn't write one word during your six years with him.

I remember that. I don't know if you do.

-But I remember. -What is it?

I'm telling you the truth.

When he's here, everything revolves around him.

You disappear, that's not a healthy relationship.

What do you know about relationships?

Based on your vast experience in love, what do you know?

Girls, why don't we have breakfast, and then...

-Shut up, Carolina! -You're right.

Maybe I don't know about relationships.

But I do know you.

This is not a good idea, and you know it.

How is it not a good idea?

Natalia, you've seen me without him.

-How did I feel? Like shit. -Yes.

I felt like shit.

Now he shows up, he regrets what he did,

he apologized, he tells me to move to Madrid with him.

I'm happy with him. What's the problem?

You can't be happy if you only concentrate on making him happy.

I don't understand that. Please explain it to me.

Tell me, how can you be happy like that?

-You're so dense, so insensitive. -You can't handle hearing the truth.

-No! -Yes, look at yourself.

I'm like this because you can't accept that I'm happy.

LESSON 29: LEARN TO UNLEARN

WHERE IS THIS WEEK'S POST?

THERE'S NO NEW POST?

SINGLE LADY, DON'T LEAVE US!

WE NEED YOU

2018 CALENDAR

ANTI-PRINCESSES AND ANTI-HEROES

Hey, you should've told me the elevator wasn't working.

I had to go up hundreds of steps.

When I came up it was working.

It's like this shitty camera that stopped working.

-What's wrong with it? -Something with the lens.

Everything looks beautiful.

-I spoke with my aunt. -Did you?

She'll reserve your flight for the last week in July.

After your resignation, you'll need about a month

to get your things ready so we can move.

That sounds about right.

I have a colleague there who works in advertising.

He's really great, and I told him about you.

He said he'll let you know if he has any projects.

-Cool, right? -Cool.

It looks like you've done many things without me.

That's enough with the camera, just drop it.

I want a nice photo before we leave.

Okay, I'll let go of the camera.

We're going to relax, and have some wine.

Great.

Will you pass me the wine opener?

-Oh, damn. -What?

I forgot it.

-I'll go get it now. -No, no, don't worry.

What?

Listen.

What is it?

Only in Lima can an alarm go off at this hour,

and continue going all night.

In Spain they fine you. This idiot must be far away.

But we can hear his alarm.

Well, it'll turn off soon enough.

We should just leave.

I'm tired of living here.

I like Lima.

-Really? -Yes.

Of course.

I like my neighborhood.

I like my house.

Walking around, going to the market, I don't know, stuff like that...

See? It turned off.

Matías.

I think...

I think that I want to stay here.

I don't think I want to go to Madrid.

You're joking, right?

I told you I was going to think about it.

It was an obvious yes.

Not really.

You wanted to move with me eight months ago. What happened?

We haven't spoken in eight months. Everything has changed.

No, things are the same. It's you and me.

No.

No, it's not the same.

It's like...

To be with you, I have to be where you are.

Would you drop your master's degree to be with me?

-It's not the same thing. -Yes, it's the same.

Matías, when you decided to be without me

I thought I'd die from the pain. I mean it.

Now you show up with this proposal, and I...

I'm scared to death.

Because...

Because by being without you,

I've started to be with myself.

By myself.

Just recently...

I don't understand you.

You don't want to travel anymore?

So that's it?

I think so.

Just like that?

Not just like that.

Not just like that.

And you know that.

Now what?

Well, now...

DUMBASS

-No, the darker one. -The darker one?

Yes, with the grayscale.

The darker one...

-Ramiro. -Hey, genius!

I was just about to ask you to sign the new contract.

I quit.

Excuse me?

I am truly thankful for the opportunity.

But there is something I need to do right now.

I'm going to write a book.

You'll write a book.

You want to write a book here in Peru, where nobody reads.

Yes.

Has anyone read a book in the past month?

So everyone reads books now. So we're all readers now.

Okay, is this a move to ask for more money?

-Or what? -No, not at all.

I just need to do this now. I can't delay it any longer.

Don't worry about the tissue paper, I'll leave everything ready for you.

-I'll take care of it. -No, don't worry.

Really, don't worry about it.

If you want to leave now, go ahead. No problem, I won't go after you.

Okay, thanks.

But let me give you some advice.

Maybe the offer and the contract,

made you think you can play in the big leagues.

But don't fool yourself, really.

I'm being honest here, you're not a good writer.

You need a lot more to be a good writer.

Don't take these risks.

I'm serious. You could lose.

I know. I know.

And maybe you're right.

Maybe I still have a lot to learn. And maybe nobody will read what I write.

But I will always prefer that, and making the same mistakes

than to continue working for a misogynist,

sexist, racist, and homophobic man like you.

I don't know if I impressed you, or if I needed more... Boom!

Shove it up there, dude.

Stop talking with an Argentinian accent! You're not from Argentina.

You spent four months in Argentina!

What are you doing here?

-Maria Fe... -What?

I'm fixing the pipes.

Oh, so that's what they call it now! Fixing the pipes.

Look at you.

-Hi. -Hi.

-I can't take this anymore... -I'm sorry...

-I feel so sad... -I'm serious...

-I overstepped... -No, you didn't.

-I have to face that... -No, I was wrong...

I broke up with Matías.

-What did you say? -She broke up with Matías.

Are you okay?

Yes.

And I want to make my blog into a book.

-Really? -Yes.

-It's going to be a hit. -Yes!

You're already a hit.

-Let's not ever fight again. -Never again.

It was horrible.

-I had stomach pains. -I couldn't sleep.

Will you tell me what's going on here?

-Where? -So is he really...

Is he really fixing the pipes?

-Or is it a joke? -It's true.

He's fixing other things, too.

Is he fixing other things?

What else is he fixing?

You're being affectionate!

Did you just call her baby?

Are you sweet now?

-I don't know. -Are you cuter now?

-I don't know. -Are you little Natalia?

-Oh, come on. -She's blushing.

She is blushing.

PATIENCE

And then that day arrives.

There's no way to predict the exact dates or formulas that take you there.

-Friends... -What's up?

-I think I finished. -What?

The book.

-What? -Yes, yes!

-No way! -Oh, my goodness!

I was referring to the structure. I still have to write the book.

-Well, cheers. -Yes, cheers!

-Cheers! -Cheers.

Cheers to you!

-Let's take a look. -Do you want to?

So, I want to make fun of fairytales. So each color represents a chapter.

You'll have this strange feeling of peace.

And you'll smile thinking,

"Good for you, girl! It was about time!"

We've been taught that we're the princess in the fairytale.

But we can also be a Fairy Godmother, if a friend needs our help.

Or a genie when we try to achieve all of our expectations at once.

And above all, we can also be, Prince Charming.

Because a princess who respects herself, rescues herself.