Original subtitles

Yeeehaw.

Aw shit.

Billy, do you copy?

This is Takashima.

I'm under attack, repeat, I'm under attack.

Shit!

Billy, come in, this is Takashima,

do you copy?

I need help!

I am Lt. Sirius Halud

and I am Eujen.

I have been selected to represent my people

on the starship Nobility.

And while I am certain these are not

the heroes the Confederate Alliance is looking for,

they may just be the ones humanity needs.

Hail, brother.

Alethes.

Hello, it is good to hear from you.

Are you on the ship yet, this Nobility?

Not yet, I'm on the transport shuttle still.

How do you feel about working under

this Captain Cern?

It will be an honor.

I'm to serve with the rest of the crew as well.

These people are serving aboard

the flagship of the Confederate Alliance.

Obviously the best stock humans have

to offer, Eujin-like.

Almost.

We'll see how much like us they really are.

Permission to come aboard.

Danger, danger.

Would you quit that?

Quit, stop it, I'm sick of you!

Sorry.

Is, um,

is that the computer?

That's for me to know

and you to find out.

Ugh!

What is that thing?

Um, well, thank you.

Have a nice day.

Ma'am, there's a transmission for you.

If it's that Eujin ambassador again,

I'll...

Endearingly say hello.

Ambassador.

This is the third time you've contacted us.

I have told you, your liaison officer

is docked and is presently on his way

to report for duty. I'm presuming

I'm not speaking with the captain

because he went to meet our liaison officer

in person?

Of course.

What could be more important than your officer?

Wait!

Aren't you supposed to be on the bridge?

Right.

Well.

I'll let you carry on.

Thank you.

Ops, please inform the captain that

the Eujin ambassador has contacted us yet again.

Oh, and tell him to get his ass up here.

I'm headin' to med bay.

When I first heard about the arrival

of a liaison officer to represent

the 'jins, excuse me, the Eujin people,

for this documentary I admit

I was a little worried.

I mean, tensions, as they are

in the Confederate Alliance.

How would the Captain react to him?

Would he get along with the crew?

I certainly didn't like the idea of him

trying to convert the crew.

Alright, you little flaming meteor

from hell.

I got your number.

Thanks, sweetheart.

Hm, ust like I like it.

Ooh!

And you are? (Video game makes

(losing sound)

I'm sorry, the, uh, lift was broken

and I seem to have gotten lost looking

for an alternate path to the, uh,

the bridge.

Oh, Hallud, Sirius Hallud, your new

weapons and Eujins officer, sir.

I usually only have that effect

on the ladies.

Welcome aboard, lieutenant.

I'm sure everything's going to be fine.

It's just a shame you didn't show up

a couple of minutes earlier.

The Eujin ambassador would have loved

to see that grand entrance.

Captain, I do apologize...

Who cares?

I'm sorry?

Who cares?

You're not the first person to see

me from that angle.

You're not going to be the last, who cares?

I don't understand...

Takashimi, get in here.

Who is...?

You been to medical yet?

Um, no, not yet, I was going to...

Yes, Captain?

Take our new Eujin liaison officer

to the medical bay for his routine scan.

It's pretty safe to say he needs a guide.

Should we not go over the ship's...?

Bah, forms and formalities can wait.

Right now, I really want you to get acquainted

with the ship.

Yes, sir, it is just that...

Come to my quarters afterwards for dinner.

We'll do the whole formal welcome aboard

speech then, okay?

- That would be wonderful. - Taka?

- Come on, mate. - Good.

- Right this way. - Dismissed.

Yes, sir.

Let's go.

Oh, boss level.

You are one ugly motha, ha!

So you're our Eujin, huh?

I don't know why it took them so long

to send us one of y'all.

Ever since you people joined the.

Confederate Alliance you've been signing

up to the Navy in droves.

Well, it has taken some time to...

Well, I better show you what's what.

So, what this way is astrometrics.

Over there is weapons control,

that's gonna be your hangout.

Over here is medical, straight ahead

is computer core, and right around

the corner is the crew quarters.

If you really want to have some fun,

right there is what we like

to call the party room.

Ah-ha!

Party room?

Yeah, it's a little nickname for

the officers' lounge.

Now you gotta be careful, because just last week.

Mooney got mad at Johnny for kicking him out,

so he rigged the entire thing to give

an electroshock to whoever enters.

Whooo, that is one man whom you don't want to

stand between him and his whiskey, no sir.

Who is this Mooney?

Speak of the devil,

hey, Mooney!

How's my chief engineer?

Hey, did you ever figure out how to make

the sub-engine last on wine?

Hydrobolic sacrosanctic.

No, I'm good, thank you.

You okay, Mooney?

Good day so far?

Okay, Mooney, I'll see you in

the engineering room.

It's all a conspiracy.

Yeah, he don't talk too much.

Come on, right this way.

And finally, right over here is the

one and only sick bay.

Takashima, shut up.

Yes, sir.

Yes, ma'am.

I'm male, sir.

You must be our token Eujin.

Yes, ma'am.

Oh, I get it.

Captain must have thought it would be funny,

sticking you with us.

Nothing I cannot handle, ma'am.

Hm, perhaps having you on board

might not be too terrible.

Ooh, she likes you, I can tell.

Doc, we got company.

Bilhah?

Hey, Taka.

Doc, what in tarnation are you doing?

Doctor Bilhah Barnum,

at your service.

Halud, Sirius.

Taka.

It's for you.

Oh!

Yes sir.

Ma'am! Yes, ma'am.

What happened to your uniform?

Just right over, come on, there we go.

So you'll be surprised just what

an intestinal explosion will do to fabric.

Subdermal communicator, you are now

linked into the ship's network.

The what?

Don't worry, I graduated from Harvard

at the top of my class.

An Earth school, no less.

I've never lost a patience.

Have you had many?

Sir, I've just been told, the captain

wants you to meet him at this quarters

after you're done here.

How long should take take?

Should be about an hour

while he prods and pokes you.

And then you get to go see the captain again!

You lucky dog.

Excuse me?

For what?

Oh, this is Dr. Allard.

If you want your head examined,

he is the shrink to speak.

I think what Takashima is trying to say

is that I'm the ship's psychiatrist.

If you need any help at all.

I'd be happy to

set up an appointment.

You know, I just love greeting new people.

It's nice to meet you.

Oh, it's nice to meet you too.

And this new Eujin?

I'm so looking forward to getting to know him.

Well, I must be off now.

To my meeting with Mr. Mooney.

Oh and remember, I love you.

So, here's hoping.

Come on, come out wherever you are you little camper.

Aah, die a bloody death!

Captain, incoming message

from HQ.

Goddammit!

What do you want?

Admiral, sir.

Careful, captain.

Yes, sir.

What is the status of your recent arrivals?

As you can see

we've got your cameras up and running.

But I have to be honest, sir.

I'm not sure about this whole

documentary idea.

We run the risk of exposing too much.

Captain, you know how much we need this.

What about your other new arrival?

Lt. Halud?

Switching to internal com.

He's fine, I suppose.

It's just going to take a little bit of time

for the crew to get used to him.

Good, the Eujins would have created

a diplomatic incident if we did this

and there was no one here to represent them.

Agreed.

Now I contacted you for a reason.

I have a job for you, Captain.

We've been receiving strange signals

from Tyco sector of the Sol-Ort Cloud.

I'm ordering you to investigate.

Are you kidding me?

I'm sorry?

You're going to send the flagship of the fleet,

the one that you're trying to show to

all of Earthdom that the Confederate Alliance

is not just a bunch of pencil-pushing bureaucrats

with their heads up their...?

On a milk run?

Yes.

Sir, I...

It will be a tremendous opportunity

to see how the crew reacts in front of the camera.

Plus, you can break in that new weapons officer.

Are you alright?

I didn't think the Eujins were a

compassionate type.

The strength of the species depends

on the health of the individual.

The Captain and I, we've known each other

since Academy days.

This boss is going down!

Ah, no smoke bombs!

Captain?

Yeah?

You didn't call me last night.

Oh, crap, I forgot,

I was in a staff meeting.

I'll get you dinner tonight, honey, promise.

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

Captain?

Yes?

HQ is waiting for your weekly report.

Ah, yeah, thanks for reminding me,

I'll get right on that.

Ooh!

We have a complex history.

Wrong ass.

Hm, pasta?

Sure.

Exercise in behavior modification.

This is unacceptable.

Are you disobeying a direct order?

No, sir.

Cern out.

Alright, everyone,

we're going to make a short

supraliminal trip to the Sol-Ort Cloud.

Hey, kid, you better watch out for this!

Ah-ha!

Taka, easy on him.

Yes, sir.

Taka.

Sorry, sir.

It's a little too hard to resist.

Dammit.

Mooney, check the cargo bay.

Yep, he did it again.

How did you do that?

Taka turned down the relativity counter force

just enough to give you a little jolt.

The rest of us knew it was coming because

we know what a cowboy.

Taka is.

Right.

Captain, look!

Taka!

I'm on it!

What the hell is that, Sirius?

A sentry of some kind, sir.

The hell is an armed sentry doing out here?

Alert status.

Alert status.

Return fire!

Yes, captain!

Shield status?!

Shields at 69%.

How many are left?!

You do not want to know.

Alert status.

Captain!

Shit.

Can we go around it?

Looks like we're boxed in.

If we stop or reverse course, I cannot

guarantee the shields will hold.

Mooney, prepare to fire the main cannon.

Alert status.

Cristination bipolar.

Prepare to fire the main canon.

Main canon powering up.

I'm reading an instability.

Will it harm the ship?

I, I do not know.

What the...?!

Fire!