Original subtitles

- The butler says there's enough food. - That's it. I've had it.

You, Junior, bring those Darcey orangutans to me right now.

I like that butler. Calls me "sir", bows to me. Makes me feel like a broad.

You take care of those reporters till I square the beef with 'em.

And you go tell your friend Annie to take her business around the corner,

because I am through, I am finished!

Oh, boy. And just when you were starting to act like a human.

Queenie, you got 30 seconds before I pick you up and throw you out.

You know, some people toss charity balls for homeless cats.

They even build zoos so wild animals live good.

- You get arrested if you whip a horse. - 10.

Good people help, Dude. What are we?

Did we ever build a bridge or plant a seed?

- 20. - We're nothin'.

We're all a bunch of grabbers, looking for the best of it.

- Just once, couldn't we help somebody? - That's it. You're through, sister.

Yes, we're gonna help somebody. We are going to help me.

I'm gonna make any kind of a deal Darcey wants. Unless we've blown it already.

Hallelujah! I'm gonna drink to you. It's my first in five years.

Do I infer you're stranding Annie on the rocky beach of despair?

I've had just about enough of your hot air too, Judge. You - out!

And you - out. Both of you - out.

That's it. School's out. Everybody out.

I hope we're not interrupting anything.

Louise! Darling!

Uncle David just told me the good news.

- My heartiest congratulations, Carlos. - Thank you.

- I hope we're not intruding. - Not at all. You're a breath of spring.

We were just taking a walk and Carlos had the most wonderful, sweetest idea.

- What is it, Carlos? - No, no. This is not the time. Or the place.

Of course it is, Carlos. He thinks the world of you, Uncle David.

- Louise. - What is it, Carlos?

Well, sir, I... that is, Louise and I...

Yes.

...we would be most pleased if, when the time comes,

you will consent to be godfather to our first child.

He'd be delighted.

Uncle David's already an experienced godfather.

Oh, Uncle David! I love you so much.

Thank you, se�or. I am very honored, and my family is very honored.

- And if it's a boy we'll name him after you. - No.

Louise, we cannot take up any more of their time.

No. I'm sure you have so much to do, arranging the reception on short notice.

Goodbye.

- About 100 people, you said, Judge? - Not just people.

But citizens of style and grace. And this above all: daisies who won't tell.

Dude's gang!

Now, there's a bunch of daisies that wouldn't dare squeal.

With the right clothes they'd pass off as kings.

- They would? - Well, look at Annie.

The count fell for her. And you and me.

And Carlos thinks the Dude is a young Abe Lincoln.

And the count even swallowed Joy Boy, and I can do better than that in a pet shop.

If you weren't a broad I'd kick you right in the stomach.

And my old chorus girls.

Why, they'd make the most glamorous society queens this town's ever seen!

Indeed. Why not? The world goes round in make-believe.

Louie the Lug - with a carnation in his buttonhole, he'll look like Grover Whalen.

(Queenie) The Weasel'd make a great secretary of war.

The Weasel as secretary of war? No, he don't rate no more than an alderman.

Dude!

Why, the Weasel'd make as good a secretary of war as anyone you can name.

No, I think he'd rate an alderman.

Dude, you're gettin' hooked again.

You know what? You almost had me walking out on poor old Apple Annie.

Queenie, call your broads. Judge, call Boyle's pool room. You know the number.

- I'll call... - Dude... Dude!

Round everybody up.

They was knotted real tight. Good thing I was a boy scout.

Mr. Darcey ain't gonna like this.

You tell Mr. Darcey he's got a deal, but on my terms. He delivers me $100,000 cash.

And no more of you popgun monkeys showing up or else I ain't gonna like it.

Would you kindly connect me with Harry the Horse?

Honey, forget the house party. I need you now.

Cheesecake, roust out the boys and take 'em to a Turkish bath, will you?

What do you think, what for? A bath, you jerk!

Hey, Joy Boy, get ahold of whatshisname. Rosy, the suit man.

That's a good idea. I'll have him measure you all for straitjackets.

(all talking at once)

(Louise) # I gave my love a cherry without no stone

# I gave my love a chicken without no bone

# I gave my love a ring that had no end

# I gave my love a baby

# With no crying

# I threw Carlos a flower

# And blushed a smile

# My love threw me the autumn moon

# And laughed a mile

# I gave my love a heart of love

# Wrapped up in pink and blue

# I'll give my love a baby

# Who'll look like you

- Keep singing. Please. - No, Carlos. It's your turn.

- I'm busy. - The wedding poem. You promised.

- Keep still. - You'll have to at the wedding feast.

Your father told me that every Romero for 1,000 years has had to do it.

- All because some silly ancestor wrote it. - I love it. Please?

You interrupt people at the oddest moments.

Please?

I hope nobody is listening.

For her, for whom I would walk through fire,

the great cathedral's heavenly choir sings God's angelic music.

Be still, my racing heart -

she is floating toward me as a winged melody.

I burst with a Spanish pride.

A thousand eyes, all moist and dewy,

share the lovely vision.

Behold: my bride.

- Mother! - Mrs. Manville.

- I was lonely for you. - It is my fault. Please.

I have a lifetime with Louise, and you only two days. I will see you later, Mother.

You do not mind my calling you "Mother"?

I'd like that... Son.

Thank you...

Mother.

You do love him, don't you?

So much it must show, Mama.

Today, when we were walking along Broadway,

a little old flower pedlar - a deaf and dumb lady - gave me this.

She insisted I take it, and she refused to accept a penny for it.

- Oh, Mama, life is wonderful, isn't it? - Yes, baby. Yes.

- Mama? - Yes?

You don't think anything can... can happen, do you?

- Happen? - I'm foolish, I suppose.

Maybe it's because I'm wishing so hard.

Mama, have you ever wished for something so hard...

Nothing's going to happen.

Nothing.

- (intercom buzzes) - Yeah?

- Captain Moore to see you, Inspector. - Send him right in.

- Anything on the missing reporters? - Nothing, Inspector. Not a thing.

The newspapers are crucifying us.

- You hear Winchell last night? - (buzzer)

- Yeah? - The commissioner's on the phone.

There he is again. Fourth time today.

Hello, Commissioner.

No, but I've got Captain Moore in my office right now.

- No, not a thing yet. - What do you mean?

I'm not gonna be made the goat for the whole department.

(intercom buzzes)

- What is it? - The mayor's on the phone.

- Didn't you tell him I was out? - He didn't believe it.

Hold on a minute.

Hello. Yeah, Chief. I was just talking to Inspector McCrary. Not a thing yet.

I have had a supersufficiency of "not a thing".

I want some action, and I want it quickly. Every editor in town is in my office now.

And you'll get a front-page editorial in my paper every day till something's done.

It is a very embarrassing situation when a reporter is not safe on our streets.

If the city can't do anything, perhaps the state can.

We'll take it up with the governor tomorrow.

I want you to find those three reporters, Commissioner,

or I will be forced to demand your resignation.

McCrary, you dig up those three reporters or I'll have to get myself another boy.

Captain, you have 24 hours to find those reporters.

If you can't, you'll find yourself on the other end of a broom at the horse barn!

- What is it? - I think we got an angle on the reporters.

- Speak up, son. - A funny thing happened.

Last Saturday I met one of the boats, to check the passenger list.

- Two characters shoved me into a car. - Why didn't you report it sooner?

They didn't hurt me, just drove me around the Bronx, then gave me taxi money.

- Any idea who grabbed him? - Not exactly.

Two of our men saw Dave the Dude at the pier Saturday night meeting some people.

- And with his whole mob. - Dave the Dude, hm?

It's not much, but we're beginning to look like a police department.

Captain, you better put a tail on the Dude. There could be a connection.

These are great, Judge. Just a few more speeches.

As Jimmy Durante says, "I've got a million of 'em."

"My dear Count, it is indeed a pleasure..."

I'm charmed to meet you, Count. I'm charmed to meet you...

- All right, hold it, everybody! - Quiet! Quiet!

Listen. Queenie, take your broads to the other side of the room.

- You guys, I want to talk to you. - Guys over here! Broads over there!

Come on, move it! We ain't got all night.

You guys, you gotta remember something.

You're not a bunch of bums. You're a bunch of gents.

Dude, you gotta make 'em stop with the pistols. They making holes in the lining.

I thought I told you to tell 'em to leave the rods home.

- Weasel, I told you - no rods! - No rods. Come on, you guys.

If we don't act like gents, we'll bollix the whole schmear up tomorrow night.

Now, you all got the speeches the judge wrote for you.

You know who you are, huh? I don't have to tell you?

- Who are you, Slops? - Governor of the State of Utta.

- State of what? No, no. State of Utah. - Utah, metah...

Look, will you read the speech the way the judge gave it to you, please?

Don't yak too much. Smile all the time. That'll get you by anybody, even kings.

Kings, yeah. But these mugs? You smile at 'em, you get a hand on the knee.

You've had so many hands on your knees, deary, you wear gloves for stockings.

OK, settle down.

Dude! If any of your he's make passes at my she's...

- No passes, no passes, no passes! - You hear that? No passes.

- No passes? Gee, what a party pooper. - I don't wanna hear no more from you.

Dude, this ain't a good speech the judge gave me.

- You handicapping speeches now? - This count's from out of town.

- So what? - I tell him he's lucky to meet Apple Annie.

You wanna tell him you'll fix him up with a couple of dames? Just read the speech!

(all talk at once)

Cheesecake!

Tell 'em to be quiet. Quiet down, guys. Will you please be quiet!

Why aren't you practicing?

- I've been practicing. Only... - Only what?

I'm as good as Louie the Lug is, and if he's ambassador, I oughta be a king.

Secretary of the interior is bigger than an ambassador.

I ain't as dumb as you think. A secretary's a secretary.

All right, all right, brain. I'll make you the postmaster. All right?

That's more like it. I save stamps.

- Yeah. Judge, you got a new postmaster. - Check.

Come here, Mex.

Give the speech to him now.

- You're the count. - I thought I was the governor of Florida.

Will you just please pretend you're the count for a minute?

Go ahead. Shoot.

Count, Your Honor...

it's a rare... privy...

- privy... - What are you talking about?

"It's a rare privilege", jackass!

Does it say that? I didn't think I was supposed to call the count no jackass.

- You're giving me a headache, you guys. - (booming voice) Me too!

What a bunch of ignoramice. Ignoramice - that's more than one ignoramouse.

Yeah? You too, huh? Here.

- (clears throat) I'm losing my voice. - Start practicin'!

- I am charmed to meet you, Count. - You stink.

Jerk.

No, you don't. All we need now is a crying drunk.

Give me one good reason to stay sober.

You thought all this up. You straighten out this menagerie.

- Hey, guys, listen to Miss Martin here! - Quiet down, everybody.

- Quiet! - Quiet.

- Quiet! - Quiet!

Let's do one thing at a time.

Forget the speeches for now and we'll concentrate on the bowing.

- Judge, show 'em how to bow again. - It's quite simple.

The movement is at the waist, with a graceful gesture of the hand - thus.

What's so difficult about that?

Head waiters do it. Foreigners do it - can't even speak English.

All right, listen. Have a he and a she, pair off and practice the bowing.

- All you broads over here! - Come on, girls.

Pick out a guy and start bowing.

Don't forget the gesture with the hand.

Bow. Everybody bow. Bow!

If I'm sober, why do I see things like this?

Does the board of health know about this epidemic?

(woman screams)

- What's the matter? - Him.

He tried to pick my pocket where there ain't no pocket.

(uproar)

All right, hold it! You guys ain't taking this thing serious. And you gals ain't either.

But this is serious, all right.

It's murder.

You're probably saying "What's in it for us?" I'll tell you: nothin'.

I mean, nothin' that you can put in your pocket.

After all, did any of us ever plant a bridge? Uh... build a bridge or plant a seed?

For once, could we just do somethin' nice for somebody?

This is for old Apple Annie.

If something goes wrong tomorrow night, there's no telling what'll happen to Annie.

Maybe she'll put her head in the oven - the perfect solution.

So come on now. We're gonna practice.

We're gonna get in there... Tell you what. Make believe it's for your own mother.

I oughta do somethin' for my mother. They won't let me see her in solitary.

(Dude) Now start practicing, everybody.

I say it again and again and again.

This will never work, this will never work, this will never work.

Happy days.

The music must be soft and mellow. Nothing harsh, nothing raucous.

Just the gentle drip of rain upon an autumn leaf.

- Yes, sir. I'll lay on the silk. - Splendid. Keep it schmaltzy.

(hums "The Marseillaise")

- The new men? - Yes, sir.

- Trustworthy? - Completely.

- I'm just loving this, sir. Aren't you? - Hutch, in here it's Christmas.

Quite.

# Jingle bells, jingle bells Jingle all the way...

Yes.

As Pascal said: the heart hath reasons that reason itself knows nothing about.

A handkerchief.

- A handkerchief. - It's in your hand, ma'am.

Yes, of course.

Lola, do I look all right?

The head waiter at the Ritz would give you the best table.

God bless you.

See for yourself, Mrs. E Worthington Manville.

You'd make Cinderella look barefoot.

I don't know who that is in there.

I hope the whole thing isn't a dream.

Give me my basket.

Apples? Apples?

Your beautiful dream's coming true, Annie.

God love you. Everybody's so wonderful... and I'm so scared.

- (knocking) - Come in.

Shades of Aphrodite, goddess of beauty!

Oh, that man just fills a room.

Never in all my questionable career

have I feasted my eyes upon such divine loveliness.

Cut it out, Judge. When's the Dude coming?

8 o'clock, my fluttering dove, and bringing the best-trained social lions you ever saw.

- But can they fool the count? - Fret nyet, my pet.

You'll behold a miracle. Orchids bloom where weeds once grew.

- What if they make mistakes? - The Dude'll kill 'em.

- The poor dears. - Pull yourself together, dearest.

You're the proud mother of a daughter whose engagement is being announced.

And don't think of mistakes.

If any mug pulls a boner, I'll flood the room with a torrent of oratory.

- You're wonderful, Judge. - I know. Here's the receiving line plan.

You stand next to me,

then Louise, then the count...

- Yeah. And where am I? - Right here.

Dude and his mob are at Queenie Martin's.

- What are they doing there? - I don't know.

It sure looks big. They got a line of cars out here a block long.

- Stay on his tail. Don't let him get away. - Right.

Let's close off the block.

Confidentially, at times I'm a bit ashamed of my fellow Americans.

The way they fawn over celebrities, particularly you titled nobility.

- I think that is charming. - They're like children.

Tonight in your presence they'll probably stammer

and appear to be tongue-tied and awkward.

- I beg you to make allowances for them. - But of course.

Different countries, different customs.

Which reminds me, Judge.

There is a custom in my country which is not a custom in your country.

I have been hoping that you would speak about it.

- Indeed, sir? What's on your mind? - The dowry, my dear Judge.

As yet, nothing has been said about the dowry.

- The dowry, huh? - S�.

I am aware, of course, that in America it is not important.

But in my country it is the first arrangement.

In your country, yes. In my country...

The dowry, huh? I don't know what to say, Count.

- You crept up on me on that one. - I beg your pardon?

I mean, this is so totally unexpected.

Don't you think it's... a bit vulgar to speak of money?

Well, let us be vulgar, then, for a moment.

I am willing to make a settlement equal to 50,000 of your dollars.

- You are? Of my dollars? - S�.

I have been hoping that you would be willing to make a similar settlement.

Willing? Yes, yes, of course. Willing.

Ah. Old Napoleon.

Join me in a nippy with Nappy?

Delighted, Judge.

I see you keep your billiard table in excellent condition.

- Do you play? - Do I play?

Se�or, in Barcelona I am the champion.

Well, now, isn't that just...

- You don't say? - S�.

Perhaps... a little game before the guests arrive?

I can think of nothing that would give me greater pleasure.

(both hum cheerfully)

- Oh, about that dowry, Count. - Yes, Judge?

It just occurred to me, as the young folks are going back to Spain to live with you,

- I should give the whole amount. - Oh, no, no.

I could not let you bear the entire burden.

But it's no burden, my dear Alfonso. So, the matter's settled.

Please, my dear host.

You are so gracious. You make me feel ashamed.

- I shall take care of the full amount. - It's silly. We could debate this for hours.

In America we have methods to settle such differences.

- We toss coins or pull straws... - (chuckles)

- What's so amusing, Alfonso? - I could take advantage of you, Judge.

Indeed, sir? You wouldn't suggest a billiards contest?

(Alfonso chuckles)

(both chuckle)

(# "Blue Danube Waltz" by Strauss)

- (phone) - That's enough. You'll start sweatin'.

(Junior) No sweatin'! Nobody sweats!

- Dude, it's gonna work, so help me. - Get your coat, baby.

Dave! Come here. We're in, kid, we're in.

It's Darcey. Says you can write your own ticket. Yes or no?

On my terms, Darcey?

All right. I'll tell you what you do.

You bring Little Switz to pier 84 at midnight.

And bring the cash.

- What do you think of my apple now? - I love it, I love it, I love it.

Ready, Dude.

Folks, Queenie and I are leaving now. The rest of you follow in groups of four.

- And, Junior, you take over here. - Good night.

Good luck, Dude.

Queenie, the Darcey deal's all set.

On my terms.

I'm gonna need you now more than ever. So don't leave me.

OK, Dave.

Anything you say.

That's him.

Mr. Dude, there's cops all around the place.

Thank you, mister.

(Junior) Like the boss said, you walk out...

- Boss, what's the matter? - There's cops out there. Millions of 'em.

- Cops? - What do we do now?

We can't go over to Annie's. They'll follow us.

Queenie, get the judge on the phone. We gotta stall 'em.

- What are they doing out there? - I don't know. I don't figure it.

- I didn't do nothin'. - Let me think.

- What amazing luck. - I've been very fortunate, haven't I?

24-24. You realize, you make this shot, you win?

Really? This shot seems practically impossible.

I have seen it made.

It's a seven-cushion shot with high, delicate right-hand English.

- That would take an expert. - I beg pardon, sir.

Mrs. Manville's brother-in- law on the telephone. He says it's very urgent.

I shall be there directly.

- You made it! - Most fortunate. Most fortunate.

- The judge... expert. - Oh, sir, I beat him regularly.

Thank you, sir.

Hello, brother David. Congratulate me. I just saved you $50,000.

Knock off the lousy jokes. We're in a jam. The place is surrounded by bluecoats.

Cops?

I don't care for that at all, my dear Dude.

Would you suggest that I fold my tent and silently scram into the night?

You better stay right where you are.

- Just stall 'em. I'll figure something out. - Figure fast, Dude.

I'm notoriously poor at bag-holding.

- What is it, Henry? - Nothing, my dear.

I heard you. You said something about cops.

- They're not coming here, are they? - Of course not.

- Don't lie to me. Tell me the truth. - Don't get yourself all worked up.

If something's going to happen, I have got to know.

I'd rather tell them the truth myself.

Mama! Look what the count gave me to wear tonight.

It's an heirloom that used to belong to Queen Isabella.

- It's beautiful, dear. - It's going to be mine after the wedding.

Carlos hasn't seen it on me.

(door closes)

She's a lovely girl, isn't she, Judge?

- Don't you think she's lovely? - Angelic, my dear.

What am I going to do?

Suppose the count calls off the wedding.

She'd hate me.

Don't be silly, Annie.

She'll want to know who her father is.

What am I going to tell you? You see, I was never married.

You won't have to tell her anything. Now get a grip on yourself.

Dude'll come up with something. He always does.

Before this evening is over, I expect a complete apology from you.

- That is why I asked you here. - My dear Count.

Nothing would give me greater satisfaction than to be proven an imbecile.

What time do the guests arrive?

Well, no one arrives first, sir. They all come in last.

- Hey, Boss... - Will you knock it off?

Those bulls out there ain't got nothin' on me, or they'd break that door down.

But how am I gonna get all these people to Annie's without them cops tailin' us?

- You've got one ace in the hole. - What's that?

- Give 'em what they want: the truth. - The truth, to the cops?

Are you out of your skull?

Wait a minute. I got what they want.

Yeah.

I'm gonna go down and see the commissioner and make a deal.

- The commissioner? - Right. Take over, Junior.

- Joy Boy, come on. - I don't like it. I don't like the whole thing.

Everybody, up on your feet.

I didn't like the way you bowed. We're gonna do the bow.

- (moaning) - Let's go.

Look, all I ask you, Commissioner, is you just lay off me for tonight.

That's all? Don't you want me to give you the keys to the city too?

- What's your mob doing at Queenie's? - Nothin' that would interest you.

You see, I just can't tell anybody about it.

But if you'll just give me a base on balls for tonight, I'll save your badge.

- What do you mean, save my badge? - You wanna find those reporters.

- You got those reporters? - I got friends.

All I gotta do is just spread the word around those friends

and those newsboys will show up tomorrow just as good as new.

All I ask you is, please, just lay off me for tonight.

I don't make deals with bums. You'll have a police escort until they show up.

Wait a minute. OK, Mac, I'm gonna tell you something.

I got those reporters, and they ain't showing up until I'm good and ready.

- Now are we gonna do business? - Sure, Dude. We can do business.

- Frisk these guys and book 'em. - What?

You can always do business with the police.

- This ain't gonna get you no place. - Get me the mayor.

He's throwing that big party for the governor.

- When he finds out what this is about... - Why drag the mayor in?

I bet he'll make a deal with you too. He'll probably settle for about 50 years.

There's nothing crooked going on here. When you hear the story, you'll laugh.

I'm laughing already, Dude. I been waitin' ten years to laugh at you.

- Hello, Chief. - Hold it. Just before you talk to him...

Joy Boy, I told Queenie I'd tell the truth.

I'm gonna give you the truth. You'll think I'm nuts, but it's the truth.

It's like...

- Well, it's... - Like a Mother Goose story.

That's right. It's like one of those stories you tell the kids when you put 'em to bed.

Hold on, Chief. Dave the Dude - bootlegger, racketeer and gambler -

wants to tell me a beddy-bye story.

OK, forget it. I'm gonna hang before I let any fink of a cop give me the horselaugh.

As for you, Mr. Mayor... You tell Mr. Mayor he'll never see those reporters again.

- Dave the Dude is in my office. - I've gotta use the phone.

He admits he's got those reporters.

Good work, Commissioner! Dave the Dude admits having the reporters.

- Dave the what? - Fancy-pants ex-bootlegger.

- Excellent. Have they arrested him? - Of course, Governor.

But what do you suppose will happen now? A bail bond and he's out laughing.

- That's ridiculous. - That's the way things go down here.

Of all the nerve. Who does he think he is? He can't make any deals with the police.

There's an example, Governor. You see? He makes deals.

The Dude says if we don't let him alone tonight we won't see the reporters again.

- Why, this is outrageous. - Don't get excited, Governor.

It's quite the customary procedure.

Bring the Dude up here.

That's exactly what I said. Bring him without delay.

Don't worry about my guests. This is more important.

You criticize my administration. Let's see what you can do with him.

- I'd send a criminal like that away for life. - Here's your chance, Governor.

All right, Slops, up on your blisters. You ain't bowing right.

Lay off, Junior. I've bowed so much, I've got a callus on my bellybutton.

- Come on. Bow. - Sit down, Junior. Save your strength.

(phone rings)

Hello. Dude?

You're where? With the police?

You're gonna go over and pick up the reporters?

Poor Annie.

All right. I'll go right over.

I feel sorry for the whole stinkin' world.

- What's it gonna be? - It's all off.

Send the suits back. I'm sorry. You can go home. Thanks for everything.

- That's a shame. - (murmurs of disappointment)

You learned how to bow, didn't you?

- I wish I could cry. - (glass smashes)

Come on, Junior.

There's nobody at Queenie Martin's.

No, no, Annie. Don't do anything foolish.

Mama? Isn't anybody coming?

Mama, what's wrong?

Louise, baby.

If you should... If anything should happen...

Mama?

- You wouldn't hate your mother? - Don't say things like that.

Is the count in the living room?

What is it, Mama?

La commedia � finita.

Send the waiters and the musicians home and call a doctor. Where's poor Annie?

Annie, I'm so sorry.

Count Romero, I'd like to talk to you for a minute, please.

I'm sure you must know there's nothing in the world I want more

than for my daughter to marry your son.

She loves him. Loves him very much.

And I know he loves her too.

Ever since Louise was born,

I've lived for one thing:

her future.

And when she wrote me that she'd found someone she loved...

I was the happiest mother in the world.

Count Romero, I know you came to America to find out all about us,

about Louise's family.

- No, no, se�ora... - No, I don't blame you. You have the right.

And it would be terrible after they were married to find out that...

that Louise's mother was...

someone you would be ashamed of,

that even Louise would be ashamed of.

- That's silly, Mama. - Mrs. Manville...

Let me go on.

I wanted this talk so you would find out all about me.

First of all, Count Romero,

I must tell you that... I am...

(voices of crowd approaching)

(# "Minuet" by Boccherini)

His Honor, the Mayor of the city of New York.

Go ahead, Mayor. It's your idea. Start beaming.

My dear Mrs. Manville. So good to see you again.

The last time I had the pleasure was at your party at Briar Cliff.

I will never forget it. It was a brilliant affair.

This, of course, is Louise, the image of her late father.

- You're giving us the good news tonight? - So nice to see you, dear.

You look just lovely. Have you seen Lord Ferncliffe lately?

- Welcome to our city, sir. - You look younger than in the newsreels.

Indeed? Thank you very much.

This is my son Carlos. His Honor, the Mayor.

And you are the lucky young man. Congratulations.

His Excellency, the Governor of New York State.

(applause)

My dear Mrs. Manville, what a pleasure to see you again so soon, and so radiant.

And this is the fabulous Louise.

I've always admired you, so her beauty doesn't surprise me. You know my wife?

(wife) We're so happy to be here. We wouldn't have missed this for the world.

(governor) Count, allow me to welcome you to New York.

I'm crying.

Dude, I'm crying!

- Joy Boy, look, I'm crying! - All right. I got my own troubles.

(sirens)

A police escort. That is more than we get in Barcelona.

It's nothing, my dear Carlos. I've had many a police escort.

How about that?

The mayor, the governor, the cops.

I thought they were all crooks.

Why did they do it? They gotta have an angle.

Delightful experience. Made me feel ten years younger.

Are you still gonna investigate the mayor's administration, Governor?

I don't think so. I think we'll postpone it.

I must call the commissioner tomorrow. I made his life miserable the last few days.

...the engagement of their daughter Louise

to Carlos Romero of Barcelona, Spain, at a gala reception last night, and so on.

Take it from there and include a complete list of the guests.

- And that's your story, all of it. - But what about our being snatched?

You weren't snatched. You were out on a drunk.

- Drunk? - Drunk.

# We're going to the boat to see her off

# Singing Polly Wolly Doodle all the day

Happy days must really be back if you bums are taking cabs now.

- Pipe down. We're with the governor. - Dry up. We're godfathers.

# Fare thee well, fare thee well Fare thee well, my dear Louise

# For we're going to the boat to see her off

# Singing Polly Wolly Doodle all the day

(ship's hooter)

(band plays "A Life on the Ocean Wave")

Little Switz? It's parked right behind you.

He's waiting. He's got 100 G's in small bills.

Boss, you got business. Can I have the night off? I gotta go see Ma.

Wait a minute. Listen, Dave. My wife, I ain't seen her in a week.

And she's this way again, so...

- What do you say we split a cab? - Come on.

(ship's hooter)

- Elizabeth. - Yeah.

Huh?

What was the name of that town in Maryland?

Now, come on. Quit bawling.

(ship's hooter)

My baby. My darling. God bless you.

Adi�s.

(band plays "Auld Lang Syne")

Courage, my pet. Don't faint now. Courage.

Goodbye, Louise! Goodbye, Louise!

- Goodbye, Louise! - Hey, hey, hey!

Why are you standing there with your mouths open?

The crowd on this dock is loaded. Start hustling.

Cos I'm gonna raise you one buck a month to work on Broadway.

Goodbye, Louise!