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1
00:00:01,750 --> 00:00:04,953
( theme music playing )
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00:00:52,218 --> 00:00:53,885
MAN:
Taxi!
3
00:00:53,920 --> 00:00:56,154
( whistling )
4
00:00:56,188 --> 00:00:58,223
Taxi!
5
00:01:08,667 --> 00:01:11,970
Take this cab to Cuba.
6
00:01:20,813 --> 00:01:22,814
Did you hear that?
7
00:01:22,848 --> 00:01:26,384
I said Cuba,
like... like a hijack.
8
00:01:28,287 --> 00:01:31,089
God, life. I love it!
9
00:01:32,524 --> 00:01:34,459
Don't you love it?
10
00:01:34,493 --> 00:01:36,661
Don't you
love life, driver?
11
00:01:36,695 --> 00:01:38,863
No, we're just
good friends.
12
00:01:38,897 --> 00:01:40,131
Where to?
13
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:42,334
Well, where do you want
to go now, Jill?
14
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:43,668
You want to go
to a show?
15
00:01:43,702 --> 00:01:45,170
You want to go
out dancing?
16
00:01:45,204 --> 00:01:47,005
754 West 23rd street.
17
00:01:47,039 --> 00:01:49,674
Seven...
that's where you live.
18
00:01:49,708 --> 00:01:51,076
Yes, it is.
19
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:56,230
A-ha. You mean you want
to go to... your place.
20
00:01:56,265 --> 00:01:58,149
Desperately.
21
00:01:58,184 --> 00:01:59,184
You heard her.
22
00:01:59,218 --> 00:02:00,551
I heard her.
23
00:02:02,021 --> 00:02:04,555
Oh, wasn't that
a great restaurant?
24
00:02:04,589 --> 00:02:06,624
Especially nice
when you can share it
25
00:02:06,658 --> 00:02:07,926
with someone you like.
26
00:02:07,960 --> 00:02:09,894
It must be.
27
00:02:09,929 --> 00:02:11,762
You know, uh...
28
00:02:11,797 --> 00:02:13,798
there are those
who claim oysters
29
00:02:13,833 --> 00:02:16,067
to be an aphrodisiac.
30
00:02:16,101 --> 00:02:17,302
Let me out here.
31
00:02:17,336 --> 00:02:19,838
It's not the address
you gave me.
32
00:02:19,872 --> 00:02:21,505
Yeah, I want to walk.
33
00:02:21,540 --> 00:02:22,773
I need some air.
34
00:02:22,808 --> 00:02:24,175
You can't get out here.
35
00:02:24,210 --> 00:02:26,077
This is a terrible
part of town.
36
00:02:26,111 --> 00:02:27,912
He's right, you know. You can
get killed in this neighborhood.
37
00:02:27,947 --> 00:02:30,348
Well, in that case,
let him out.
38
00:02:31,550 --> 00:02:34,585
Did I say something
to offend you tonight?
39
00:02:34,619 --> 00:02:35,820
Everything after hello.
40
00:02:35,855 --> 00:02:37,688
Please, Jill,
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00:02:37,723 --> 00:02:39,157
the driver can hear us.
42
00:02:39,191 --> 00:02:40,158
No, not a word.
43
00:02:40,192 --> 00:02:41,792
I don't care if he can hear us.
44
00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:42,927
I want him to hear us.
45
00:02:42,962 --> 00:02:44,863
I want a witness
to what this evening
46
00:02:44,897 --> 00:02:47,265
was like for me
while it's still
fresh in my memory.
47
00:02:47,299 --> 00:02:51,202
He insisted on ordering
the meal in French.
48
00:02:51,237 --> 00:02:54,739
My main course
was ten pats of butter.
49
00:03:01,446 --> 00:03:03,581
If you were having
such a lousy time,
50
00:03:03,615 --> 00:03:05,750
why didn't you
say something earlier?
51
00:03:05,784 --> 00:03:07,585
What did you think
that I meant
52
00:03:07,619 --> 00:03:09,153
when I said two hours ago,
53
00:03:09,188 --> 00:03:11,789
"Please, for the love
of God, take me home"?
54
00:03:11,823 --> 00:03:15,493
I thought you were
coming on to me.
55
00:03:15,527 --> 00:03:17,996
Okay, here we are.
56
00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:20,131
Thank goodness!
57
00:03:20,165 --> 00:03:22,984
Uh... can I see you to the door?
58
00:03:23,018 --> 00:03:24,319
No.
59
00:03:24,353 --> 00:03:25,654
I guess this means
60
00:03:25,688 --> 00:03:27,889
you don't want
to sleep with me.
61
00:03:39,802 --> 00:03:41,503
Where to?
62
00:03:41,537 --> 00:03:43,905
Who cares?
63
00:03:47,743 --> 00:03:49,177
Hey, it's none
of my business,
64
00:03:49,211 --> 00:03:50,578
but if you want
my opinion,
65
00:03:50,612 --> 00:03:52,313
she was no great
prize, you know.
66
00:03:52,347 --> 00:03:53,447
With all the women
in this city,
67
00:03:53,482 --> 00:03:54,783
you don't have
to get hung up on her.
68
00:03:54,817 --> 00:03:56,250
That's easy for you to say.
69
00:03:56,285 --> 00:03:57,351
You're a cab driver.
70
00:03:57,386 --> 00:03:59,487
You have women in your cab
all day long.
71
00:03:59,521 --> 00:04:00,655
I never meet anybody.
72
00:04:00,690 --> 00:04:01,322
What do you do?
73
00:04:01,356 --> 00:04:03,257
I'm a United States Congressman.
74
00:04:13,051 --> 00:04:14,819
Say, uh, listen,
I'll just check in,
75
00:04:14,853 --> 00:04:16,621
and then maybe we can go
for a beer.
76
00:04:16,655 --> 00:04:17,789
What do you say?
77
00:04:17,823 --> 00:04:18,923
I'm in no hurry.
78
00:04:18,957 --> 00:04:20,124
Okay.
79
00:04:23,495 --> 00:04:24,796
Where's Louie?
80
00:04:24,830 --> 00:04:25,897
Oh, hi.
81
00:04:25,931 --> 00:04:27,732
Took his mom to the dentist.
82
00:04:27,766 --> 00:04:28,767
In the middle of the night?
83
00:04:28,884 --> 00:04:31,018
Yeah, he found
this discount dentist
84
00:04:31,052 --> 00:04:32,487
only works nights.
85
00:04:32,521 --> 00:04:34,154
Leave it to Louie, right?
86
00:04:34,189 --> 00:04:35,523
Yeah. Very romantic.
87
00:04:35,558 --> 00:04:37,458
Root canal by starlight.
88
00:04:37,493 --> 00:04:38,476
Hey, listen.
You want a cup of coffee?
89
00:04:38,510 --> 00:04:40,210
It may be a while.
90
00:04:40,245 --> 00:04:41,779
Oh, sure.
91
00:04:41,814 --> 00:04:43,981
You know, I think you're
the first congressman
92
00:04:44,015 --> 00:04:46,551
we've ever had
in this garage.
93
00:04:46,585 --> 00:04:49,737
I still don't think of myself
as a congressman.
94
00:04:49,772 --> 00:04:52,106
You see, Dad's
a major contributor
95
00:04:52,140 --> 00:04:54,108
to the party,
so, to thank him,
96
00:04:54,142 --> 00:04:56,678
they, uh, they ran me
for Congress.
97
00:04:56,712 --> 00:04:58,513
Yeah, and you won the election.
That's great.
98
00:04:58,547 --> 00:05:00,898
In a district
my party's always won.
99
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:03,001
But you won.
100
00:05:03,035 --> 00:05:05,302
The week before the election
101
00:05:05,337 --> 00:05:08,339
my opponent
was convicted of murder.
102
00:05:08,373 --> 00:05:10,608
But you did win.
103
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,260
We had to have a runoff.
104
00:05:15,264 --> 00:05:16,764
Yeah, so now, you're in office.
105
00:05:16,798 --> 00:05:18,333
I bet you're showing them, huh?
106
00:05:18,367 --> 00:05:20,535
There's talk
of a recall.
107
00:05:20,569 --> 00:05:22,670
Ah, who cares about that?
108
00:05:22,705 --> 00:05:24,472
You dress nice.
109
00:05:24,506 --> 00:05:26,641
Look, you know,
I really appreciate
110
00:05:26,675 --> 00:05:28,876
you trying to cheer me up
like this.
111
00:05:28,911 --> 00:05:30,761
( laughing )
112
00:05:30,796 --> 00:05:32,162
Hey, hey.
113
00:05:32,197 --> 00:05:33,297
How you doing, Alex?
114
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:34,465
Guys, I'd like you to
meet Walter Griswold.
115
00:05:34,500 --> 00:05:37,101
Walter is a United
States Congressman.
116
00:05:37,136 --> 00:05:38,769
How do you do?
117
00:05:38,803 --> 00:05:40,571
Hey, I'm in
your district.
118
00:05:40,605 --> 00:05:41,839
I voted for you.
119
00:05:41,873 --> 00:05:43,507
Oh, yeah? Why?
120
00:05:43,542 --> 00:05:46,343
The other guy
was up for murder.
121
00:05:46,378 --> 00:05:48,579
Oh, yeah.
122
00:05:50,532 --> 00:05:51,932
Congressman?
123
00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:54,419
Yeah, Latka, this is a
very important person
in our government.
124
00:05:54,453 --> 00:05:55,786
Oh.
125
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:56,838
No, no, Latka!
126
00:05:56,872 --> 00:05:59,707
You don't have
to give him money.
127
00:05:59,741 --> 00:06:02,476
No, no, in America, they
just like to shake hands.
128
00:06:02,511 --> 00:06:03,945
Oh.
129
00:06:03,979 --> 00:06:06,380
This is good country.
130
00:06:06,414 --> 00:06:08,215
Nice to meet you.
131
00:06:08,249 --> 00:06:10,067
It's nice to meet you.
132
00:06:10,102 --> 00:06:11,502
Thank you very much.
133
00:06:12,971 --> 00:06:16,057
( growling )
134
00:06:16,091 --> 00:06:17,725
All right, guys.
135
00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:20,829
Line up, animals.
136
00:06:20,863 --> 00:06:22,764
Hey, Louie,
how's your mom's teeth?
137
00:06:22,798 --> 00:06:23,948
Oh, okay.
138
00:06:23,982 --> 00:06:26,718
She had to have
a little work done
139
00:06:26,752 --> 00:06:29,186
but this guy's prices
are so reasonable
140
00:06:29,221 --> 00:06:31,155
I even sprung
for Novocaine.
141
00:06:31,189 --> 00:06:32,590
It's my own mother.
142
00:06:32,625 --> 00:06:33,991
What the hell?
143
00:06:34,025 --> 00:06:36,477
Hey, listen, Walter,
I'll be right back, okay?
144
00:06:36,512 --> 00:06:37,812
Okay.
145
00:06:37,846 --> 00:06:41,281
Hey, so what are you doing
in our garage, Your Honor?
146
00:06:41,316 --> 00:06:42,950
Oh, well, I was out on a date,
147
00:06:42,985 --> 00:06:45,352
but the lady had to
cut the evening short.
148
00:06:45,387 --> 00:06:47,755
Said something about
having to get up early
149
00:06:47,789 --> 00:06:49,356
and change her phone number.
150
00:06:49,391 --> 00:06:51,058
Yeah, his date was
a real sweetheart,
151
00:06:51,093 --> 00:06:52,494
if you know what I mean.
152
00:06:52,528 --> 00:06:53,595
No, Alex, it wasn't her.
153
00:06:53,629 --> 00:06:54,662
It was me.
154
00:06:54,697 --> 00:06:56,664
The fact is, uh...
155
00:06:56,699 --> 00:06:59,501
I'm a loser with women.
156
00:06:59,535 --> 00:07:00,835
Come on.
157
00:07:02,671 --> 00:07:04,506
Women.
158
00:07:11,847 --> 00:07:17,519
In my country,
women work like ox.
159
00:07:17,553 --> 00:07:22,757
They cook, they...
have lots of babies,
160
00:07:22,791 --> 00:07:25,994
uh... they get old early.
161
00:07:26,028 --> 00:07:28,362
They happy.
162
00:07:32,901 --> 00:07:37,038
In America, the women,
they have, uh...
163
00:07:37,072 --> 00:07:42,010
they have maids, they
dress with nice clothes,
164
00:07:42,044 --> 00:07:44,512
they take bubble bath.
165
00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:47,181
They happy.
166
00:07:47,216 --> 00:07:48,966
What is your point?
167
00:07:49,001 --> 00:07:52,170
Women happy people.
168
00:07:58,043 --> 00:08:00,678
Hey, Walt,
I didn't think a congressman
169
00:08:00,712 --> 00:08:03,647
would have any trouble
getting chicks.
170
00:08:03,682 --> 00:08:04,949
Oh, boy, this one does.
171
00:08:04,984 --> 00:08:07,218
You see,
all I ever wanted in life
172
00:08:07,252 --> 00:08:09,387
was a nice, sweet, average girl
173
00:08:09,421 --> 00:08:12,223
who couldn't keep
her hands off of me.
174
00:08:12,257 --> 00:08:15,409
Every time I go out,
I make a fool out of myself.
175
00:08:15,443 --> 00:08:17,912
It's getting so
I can't get dates.
176
00:08:17,946 --> 00:08:20,415
You know how embarrassing it is
177
00:08:20,449 --> 00:08:24,218
to go to the presidential
inaugural ball stag?
178
00:08:24,253 --> 00:08:27,155
I only hope
people think I'm gay.
179
00:08:27,189 --> 00:08:28,773
You know, Walter, I used to have
trouble with women.
180
00:08:28,807 --> 00:08:31,576
And then I found
that the best way to handle them
181
00:08:31,610 --> 00:08:32,877
was to just be myself.
182
00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,112
No, it wouldn't work for me.
183
00:08:34,146 --> 00:08:35,246
Why not?
You're cute.
184
00:08:35,280 --> 00:08:37,465
Oh, yeah.
185
00:08:37,499 --> 00:08:39,067
Walter, you know,
there isn't a guy here
186
00:08:39,101 --> 00:08:40,168
who hasn't been rejected.
187
00:08:40,202 --> 00:08:42,070
I mean, you're taking this
too seriously.
188
00:08:42,104 --> 00:08:43,237
A woman once said to me,
189
00:08:43,271 --> 00:08:45,907
"I never want to see you again
as long as I live."
190
00:08:45,941 --> 00:08:47,191
That's happened to everybody.
191
00:08:47,226 --> 00:08:50,862
We hadn't been introduced.
192
00:08:50,896 --> 00:08:53,097
He is wearing a nice suit,
though, isn't he, fellas?
193
00:08:53,131 --> 00:08:55,083
No, no, I might as well
just give up.
194
00:08:55,117 --> 00:08:56,250
Oh, Walter, baloney.
195
00:08:56,284 --> 00:08:57,952
You know
what your trouble is?
196
00:08:57,987 --> 00:08:59,721
You try too hard.
197
00:08:59,755 --> 00:09:00,955
You know, women sense
your anxiety.
198
00:09:00,990 --> 00:09:03,741
What you really need
is some confidence.
199
00:09:03,776 --> 00:09:06,427
I think a date
with a very attractive
200
00:09:06,461 --> 00:09:09,063
but a very, uh...
a very nice person
201
00:09:09,098 --> 00:09:11,065
would do you a lot
of good, you know that?
202
00:09:12,367 --> 00:09:14,035
And I have someone in mind.
203
00:09:14,069 --> 00:09:15,086
Her.
204
00:09:15,120 --> 00:09:16,720
Damn it, Louie,
you little twerp
205
00:09:16,755 --> 00:09:18,856
Now, listen to me.
I am not going to take
206
00:09:18,890 --> 00:09:20,791
that kind of garbage
from you anymore,
207
00:09:20,825 --> 00:09:22,727
so you can just cram it!
208
00:09:22,761 --> 00:09:24,161
Oh!
209
00:09:26,465 --> 00:09:29,199
She's uch nicer than
what I'm used to.
210
00:09:39,511 --> 00:09:43,097
Elaine, I want to thank you
for going out with me tonight.
211
00:09:43,132 --> 00:09:44,866
Did I already thank you?
212
00:09:44,900 --> 00:09:45,816
Yeah, you thanked me.
213
00:09:45,851 --> 00:09:48,953
You thanked my children,
you thanked my baby-sitter...
214
00:09:48,987 --> 00:09:51,689
I believe you can't say
"thank you" too often.
215
00:09:51,723 --> 00:09:53,140
Well, yeah, that's true.
216
00:09:53,174 --> 00:09:54,658
Thank you.
217
00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:57,779
Thank you.
218
00:09:59,564 --> 00:10:00,915
Thank you.
219
00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:05,386
I guess you can say
"thank you" too often.
220
00:10:05,420 --> 00:10:07,371
Walter, just relax.
221
00:10:07,405 --> 00:10:09,473
You saw me perspire, didn't you?
222
00:10:09,507 --> 00:10:10,575
Excuse me?
223
00:10:10,609 --> 00:10:12,142
I perspire.
224
00:10:12,177 --> 00:10:13,511
Well, everyone perspires.
225
00:10:13,545 --> 00:10:14,812
I perspire freely.
226
00:10:14,847 --> 00:10:16,247
I'm talking buckets.
227
00:10:16,281 --> 00:10:18,783
That's why
I'll never be reelected.
228
00:10:18,817 --> 00:10:20,885
Who's going to vote for a man
229
00:10:20,919 --> 00:10:24,789
who always looks like he just
stepped out of a sauna?
230
00:10:24,823 --> 00:10:26,891
So, what's it like
living in Washington?
231
00:10:26,925 --> 00:10:30,227
Oh, God,
do I sweat in Washington.
232
00:10:30,262 --> 00:10:32,396
It is so humid there,
233
00:10:32,430 --> 00:10:33,647
as if that would make
any difference.
234
00:10:33,681 --> 00:10:36,133
I'd probably sweat
on the Matterhorn.
235
00:10:36,168 --> 00:10:40,037
I shake hands with people,
and they wipe their hands off.
236
00:10:40,071 --> 00:10:42,273
They pretend
to do something else
237
00:10:42,307 --> 00:10:44,374
so they won't
hurt my feelings.
238
00:10:44,409 --> 00:10:46,710
They, uh...
they cross their arms.
239
00:10:46,744 --> 00:10:49,814
They adjust their ties.
240
00:10:49,848 --> 00:10:51,682
They wave hello at friends.
241
00:10:51,716 --> 00:10:53,750
Could we talk about
something else?
242
00:10:53,785 --> 00:10:55,752
I'm talking
about sweat again.
243
00:10:55,787 --> 00:10:58,222
Why do I always
talk sweat on dates?
244
00:10:58,256 --> 00:11:01,125
It's because
I'm always sweating on dates.
245
00:11:02,094 --> 00:11:04,344
I was the only one who said no.
246
00:11:04,379 --> 00:11:05,813
Oh, hey, Walter!
247
00:11:05,847 --> 00:11:08,048
Nice to see you again.
248
00:11:08,083 --> 00:11:09,483
Hi, Elaine.
249
00:11:09,517 --> 00:11:11,652
Hi.
250
00:11:11,686 --> 00:11:14,488
Hey, you guys come here
all the time, right?
251
00:11:14,522 --> 00:11:16,490
You got anything
to recommend
252
00:11:16,524 --> 00:11:19,059
to make the dining experience
a memorable one?
253
00:11:19,094 --> 00:11:22,129
Yeah, they got a great air
hockey game in the back room.
254
00:11:22,163 --> 00:11:23,263
Hey, come on.
They do.
255
00:11:23,298 --> 00:11:24,765
I know.
Uh, we'll see you later.
256
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:27,168
Would you care
for another round?
257
00:11:27,202 --> 00:11:28,535
Oh, no, I'm fine.
258
00:11:28,570 --> 00:11:30,304
Uh, I'll have another.
259
00:11:30,338 --> 00:11:31,505
He hates me.
260
00:11:31,539 --> 00:11:33,141
Who?
261
00:11:33,175 --> 00:11:34,475
The waiter.
262
00:11:34,509 --> 00:11:36,543
I know when a man despises me
263
00:11:36,578 --> 00:11:38,512
and that man despises me.
264
00:11:38,546 --> 00:11:41,983
He's going to spit in my food.
265
00:11:43,685 --> 00:11:45,719
They do that.
266
00:11:45,753 --> 00:11:47,571
Could we go back to sweating?
267
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,409
Well, well, well.
268
00:11:52,444 --> 00:11:53,577
Look who's here.
269
00:11:53,612 --> 00:11:55,012
Hi, Louie.
270
00:11:55,047 --> 00:11:56,280
Hello, Nardo.
271
00:11:56,314 --> 00:11:59,083
Is this your date
for the evening?
272
00:11:59,118 --> 00:12:00,918
You remember me, Congressman
Walter Griswold.
273
00:12:00,953 --> 00:12:02,586
Yeah.
274
00:12:02,621 --> 00:12:06,290
What, they run out of towels
in the men's room?
275
00:12:06,324 --> 00:12:08,993
No, that's, uh,
that's sweat.
276
00:12:09,027 --> 00:12:12,429
I was telling Elaine,
I sweat a lot.
277
00:12:12,464 --> 00:12:15,633
Congratulations.
278
00:12:15,667 --> 00:12:17,835
Well, uh, I don't want
279
00:12:17,869 --> 00:12:21,438
to destroy
your magical tete-a-tete.
280
00:12:21,473 --> 00:12:22,907
See you later.
281
00:12:22,941 --> 00:12:24,441
He's a nice guy.
282
00:12:24,476 --> 00:12:25,842
Oh, yeah, a prince.
283
00:12:25,877 --> 00:12:28,496
Talk about a lame duck.
284
00:12:28,530 --> 00:12:30,130
( laughing )
285
00:12:30,164 --> 00:12:31,332
Hey, come on, Louie.
286
00:12:31,366 --> 00:12:32,799
Walter's a nice guy.
287
00:12:32,834 --> 00:12:35,236
He's a United States
Congressman.
288
00:12:35,270 --> 00:12:38,088
I don't care if he's
the Duke of Cornwall.
289
00:12:38,123 --> 00:12:40,524
In my book,
the guy's a shlimazl.
290
00:12:40,559 --> 00:12:42,543
What's a shlimazl?
291
00:12:45,413 --> 00:12:47,565
Well, you see,
there's schlemiels
292
00:12:47,599 --> 00:12:50,401
and shlimazls.
293
00:12:51,119 --> 00:12:52,636
A schlemiel is a guy
294
00:12:52,671 --> 00:12:55,106
who goes to
a formal dinner party
295
00:12:55,140 --> 00:12:56,674
and spills his soup.
296
00:12:56,708 --> 00:13:00,011
A shlimazl'sthe guy he spills it on.
297
00:13:01,229 --> 00:13:03,447
Hey, Louie, you know
what's good about you?
298
00:13:03,481 --> 00:13:04,581
What?
299
00:13:04,616 --> 00:13:07,952
I was hoping
you had an answer.
300
00:13:07,986 --> 00:13:10,887
Have, uh, have you
decided yet, Elaine?
301
00:13:10,922 --> 00:13:14,258
Um... I'm not sure.
302
00:13:14,292 --> 00:13:16,726
Walter, your
menu's on fire.
303
00:13:16,761 --> 00:13:18,479
Walter, uh...
304
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:52,513
I think I'll start
with the chocolate cheesecake.
305
00:13:55,784 --> 00:13:58,518
Boy, this guy.
306
00:13:58,553 --> 00:14:00,855
He is a horse's yatabe.
307
00:14:10,182 --> 00:14:11,848
I'm-I'm-I'm sorry,
Elaine.
308
00:14:11,883 --> 00:14:13,484
It's the same old story.
309
00:14:13,518 --> 00:14:16,554
A girl goes out with me,
I embarrass her.
310
00:14:16,588 --> 00:14:19,690
It's no wonder they never want
to see me again.
311
00:14:19,724 --> 00:14:21,892
I never want
to see me again.
312
00:14:21,926 --> 00:14:23,244
I didn't say
I didn't want to see you again.
313
00:14:23,278 --> 00:14:25,312
Oh, yeah? You want to go out
Saturday night?
314
00:14:25,346 --> 00:14:27,081
Oh, no,
Saturday, I made these...
315
00:14:27,115 --> 00:14:29,083
See? See?
What about Sunday?
316
00:14:29,117 --> 00:14:30,484
No, I take the kids...
317
00:14:30,518 --> 00:14:31,652
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
318
00:14:31,686 --> 00:14:32,820
What about Monday?
319
00:14:32,854 --> 00:14:34,255
Monday's a bad day.
320
00:14:34,289 --> 00:14:35,156
Mm-hmm. Tuesday?
321
00:14:35,190 --> 00:14:38,025
Well... it's fine.
322
00:14:38,059 --> 00:14:40,694
What?
323
00:14:40,728 --> 00:14:42,530
I'd love to.
324
00:14:42,564 --> 00:14:43,964
You want to go out
with me again?
325
00:14:45,216 --> 00:14:46,216
Yes, Walter.
326
00:14:48,619 --> 00:14:50,620
What's wrong with you?
327
00:14:59,097 --> 00:15:00,113
Can you believe Elaine?
328
00:15:00,148 --> 00:15:02,049
Getting mixed up
with a loser like that?
329
00:15:02,083 --> 00:15:04,918
She's gone out with him every
night for the past two weeks.
330
00:15:04,952 --> 00:15:07,337
Look, Why do we have to
talk about Walter anymore?
331
00:15:07,372 --> 00:15:09,440
We all have our good
days and our bad days.
332
00:15:09,474 --> 00:15:12,809
Then Walter's got
some great days ahead.
333
00:15:12,843 --> 00:15:14,561
What are you guys
talking about?
334
00:15:14,596 --> 00:15:15,662
Boxing. Work.
School.
335
00:15:15,697 --> 00:15:16,663
General stuff.
336
00:15:16,698 --> 00:15:19,666
Must have been a hell
of a conversation.
337
00:15:19,701 --> 00:15:21,068
Well, Nardo...
338
00:15:21,103 --> 00:15:22,803
Has it happened yet?
339
00:15:22,837 --> 00:15:24,138
What?
340
00:15:24,172 --> 00:15:25,639
Has one of your kisses
341
00:15:25,673 --> 00:15:27,774
turned the toad
into a prince?
342
00:15:27,809 --> 00:15:29,393
Louie, you take that back.
343
00:15:29,427 --> 00:15:32,896
Nardo, do you know
what a shlimazl is?
344
00:15:32,931 --> 00:15:35,032
I don't have
to listen to this.
345
00:15:35,066 --> 00:15:38,235
A sclimazl is a guy
who comes home from work early
346
00:15:38,269 --> 00:15:40,638
and finds his wife
in bed with his boss,
347
00:15:40,672 --> 00:15:44,007
then gets docked a day's pay
for leaving the office.
348
00:15:44,042 --> 00:15:45,225
( laughs )
349
00:15:45,260 --> 00:15:47,227
And with
a little more class,
350
00:15:47,262 --> 00:15:49,229
Walter would be
a shlimazl.
351
00:15:49,264 --> 00:15:50,264
( cackling )
352
00:15:50,298 --> 00:15:51,865
Louie, I am warning you.
353
00:15:51,899 --> 00:15:53,133
Now watch it.
354
00:15:53,168 --> 00:15:54,734
( laughing )
355
00:15:54,769 --> 00:15:57,371
( yells )
356
00:15:57,405 --> 00:16:01,175
Listen, Nardo...
if you ever grab me again
357
00:16:01,209 --> 00:16:04,545
in a non-erogenous zone,
you're gone.
358
00:16:04,579 --> 00:16:05,712
Ugh.
359
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:11,435
Alex, I need
your advice.
360
00:16:11,469 --> 00:16:14,271
ALL:
Ooh!
361
00:16:14,305 --> 00:16:16,373
What? Okay, look,
362
00:16:16,407 --> 00:16:17,491
unless it's about you
and Walter,
363
00:16:17,526 --> 00:16:19,493
because I don't want to get
in the middle of that.
364
00:16:19,528 --> 00:16:20,694
It's about me and Walter.
365
00:16:20,728 --> 00:16:23,113
All right. If you just want to
talk and it's no big stuff...
366
00:16:23,148 --> 00:16:24,181
It's gigantic stuff.
367
00:16:24,215 --> 00:16:26,116
Well, I mean, if it doesn't get
really intimate...
368
00:16:26,151 --> 00:16:27,184
You can't get
more intimate.
369
00:16:27,218 --> 00:16:28,218
In that case, shoot.
370
00:16:29,788 --> 00:16:32,589
Well... I guess
everybody's really curious
371
00:16:32,623 --> 00:16:34,992
about why I'm seeing him
so much.
372
00:16:35,026 --> 00:16:36,693
Well, I'm not. I understand.
373
00:16:36,728 --> 00:16:37,494
Yeah?
374
00:16:37,529 --> 00:16:38,779
Yeah.
375
00:16:38,813 --> 00:16:42,382
I mean, he's not the man of
my dreams, but I like him.
376
00:16:42,416 --> 00:16:44,684
I guess like him for
the same reason
377
00:16:44,719 --> 00:16:48,055
I'm drawn to that scrawny
little puppy in the pet store
378
00:16:48,089 --> 00:16:49,522
you know, that
nobody else wants.
379
00:16:49,557 --> 00:16:50,458
Well, whatever your reasons,
380
00:16:50,492 --> 00:16:52,376
I really got to hand it to you,
Elaine, you know?
381
00:16:52,410 --> 00:16:54,611
Dating you
has really changed Walter.
382
00:16:54,646 --> 00:16:55,979
He seems like he's got
383
00:16:56,013 --> 00:16:57,581
a lot more confidence
in himself now.
384
00:16:57,615 --> 00:16:58,382
You know that?
385
00:16:58,416 --> 00:16:59,666
I know. You're right.
386
00:16:59,700 --> 00:17:01,101
Oh, he is such a sweet guy.
387
00:17:01,136 --> 00:17:03,904
You know how some guys
treat your kids nice?
388
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,072
Yeah.
389
00:17:05,106 --> 00:17:07,441
Well, Walter's not just
treating them nice.
390
00:17:07,475 --> 00:17:09,176
I mean, he really likes my kids.
391
00:17:09,210 --> 00:17:10,010
Oh, yeah?
392
00:17:10,044 --> 00:17:11,896
The other day
my daughter came home upset
393
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:13,564
because three
of her best friends
394
00:17:13,598 --> 00:17:15,866
were going to see
The Nutcracker without her.
395
00:17:15,901 --> 00:17:17,835
The mother couldn't get
an extra ticket
396
00:17:17,869 --> 00:17:19,503
and so she was the only one
left out.
397
00:17:19,538 --> 00:17:21,739
Well, I'm giving her
this big lecture,
398
00:17:21,773 --> 00:17:23,473
telling her it's no big deal
399
00:17:23,508 --> 00:17:25,743
and you shouldn't be
so upset about it,
400
00:17:25,777 --> 00:17:27,511
you know, but she
wouldn't stop crying.
401
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:30,915
So I look over at Walter,
and he's got tears in his eyes.
402
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:33,216
So then I got them both
on my hands.
403
00:17:33,251 --> 00:17:34,351
So, what'd you do?
404
00:17:34,385 --> 00:17:37,621
I took them both
to see The Nutcracker.
405
00:17:37,655 --> 00:17:38,322
What's your problem?
406
00:17:38,356 --> 00:17:39,439
I got to break up with him.
407
00:17:39,474 --> 00:17:41,258
Oh, Elaine, no.
408
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:43,927
I know, Alex.
I'm sorry, but
I have no choice.
409
00:17:43,962 --> 00:17:46,730
Walter's beginning to make
certain suggestions.
410
00:17:46,764 --> 00:17:47,764
Like what?
411
00:17:47,799 --> 00:17:49,833
Like, "How about
a roll in the hay?"
412
00:17:49,867 --> 00:17:53,954
Walter's suggestions seem to run
toward the blunt, don't they?
413
00:17:53,989 --> 00:17:54,955
Yeah.
414
00:17:54,990 --> 00:17:56,289
I mean, I like him,
415
00:17:56,324 --> 00:17:59,192
but there's just not
that chemistry thing.
416
00:17:59,227 --> 00:18:01,311
So what do you want me to say,
I understand?
417
00:18:01,346 --> 00:18:02,446
I understand.
418
00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:04,264
What are you getting
so sore about?
419
00:18:04,299 --> 00:18:05,265
I'm not sore.
420
00:18:05,300 --> 00:18:06,300
I mean, you want advice?
421
00:18:06,418 --> 00:18:08,719
You want to break up
with Walter, fine.
422
00:18:08,753 --> 00:18:10,320
Just go on your own instincts,
423
00:18:10,354 --> 00:18:13,524
those same instincts
that have gotten you this far--
424
00:18:13,558 --> 00:18:15,292
divorced, poor,
working nights,
425
00:18:15,326 --> 00:18:16,359
holding two jobs.
426
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:17,928
Alex, will you calm down
for a second?
427
00:18:17,962 --> 00:18:18,762
Now listen to me.
428
00:18:18,797 --> 00:18:20,363
This man is
coming over tonight.
429
00:18:20,398 --> 00:18:21,765
We're gonna be alone.
430
00:18:21,800 --> 00:18:24,334
My kids are with my ex-husband.
431
00:18:24,368 --> 00:18:26,670
I don't know if I can
handle this.
432
00:18:26,704 --> 00:18:28,322
Elaine, do you really expect me
to tell you
433
00:18:28,356 --> 00:18:30,523
whether you should roll
in the hay or not with Walter?
434
00:18:30,558 --> 00:18:32,760
I guess you're right.
435
00:18:32,794 --> 00:18:35,345
Oh, I got to do
what I got to do.
436
00:18:35,379 --> 00:18:38,448
I just know it's going
to break his heart.
437
00:18:38,482 --> 00:18:41,551
Oh. You're going
to go to bed with him.
438
00:18:53,999 --> 00:18:56,900
You're sure
you don't want anything?
439
00:19:00,171 --> 00:19:03,590
Maybe just a little... applause.
440
00:19:06,878 --> 00:19:08,629
No, I haven't got time.
441
00:19:08,663 --> 00:19:11,231
I'll just have
a cup of coffee...
442
00:19:11,266 --> 00:19:13,500
Babe.
443
00:19:29,083 --> 00:19:31,552
Uh...
444
00:19:31,586 --> 00:19:33,086
Say, can we talk about...
445
00:19:33,120 --> 00:19:34,655
No, no.
446
00:19:34,689 --> 00:19:36,089
I guess we shouldn't.
447
00:19:36,123 --> 00:19:38,058
It's not a thing
you talk about.
448
00:19:38,092 --> 00:19:40,260
Walter, it's okay
to talk about it.
449
00:19:40,294 --> 00:19:43,096
I've never sweat so much
in my entire life.
450
00:19:46,300 --> 00:19:47,384
Elaine, be honest with me.
451
00:19:47,418 --> 00:19:50,420
Did you let me stay last night
because you wanted to,
452
00:19:50,454 --> 00:19:52,355
or because you felt sorry
for me?
453
00:19:52,390 --> 00:19:55,325
Or did I just catch up
with the law of averages?
454
00:19:55,359 --> 00:19:59,028
Walter, I let you stay
because I care about you.
455
00:19:59,063 --> 00:20:00,096
Isn't that reason enough?
456
00:20:00,130 --> 00:20:01,498
Yeah.
457
00:20:01,532 --> 00:20:03,466
Elaine, I had a little time
to think
458
00:20:03,501 --> 00:20:05,635
before you woke up
this morning...
459
00:20:05,669 --> 00:20:07,737
seven, eight hours...
460
00:20:10,208 --> 00:20:12,042
I have a great idea.
461
00:20:12,076 --> 00:20:14,644
Why don't you and I agree
not to see anyone else.
462
00:20:14,679 --> 00:20:15,912
Walter...
463
00:20:15,947 --> 00:20:19,416
Okay, okay, I'll just agree
not to see anyone else,
464
00:20:19,451 --> 00:20:21,618
but when
can I see you again?
465
00:20:21,652 --> 00:20:22,953
What do you mean?
466
00:20:22,987 --> 00:20:24,421
Well, now that
we've done this,
467
00:20:24,456 --> 00:20:26,423
I want to know
when I can see you
468
00:20:26,458 --> 00:20:27,524
and for how long,
469
00:20:27,559 --> 00:20:29,593
and can you write this
down for me?
470
00:20:29,627 --> 00:20:30,894
Walter, listen to me.
471
00:20:30,928 --> 00:20:32,329
This was just what
I was afraid of.
472
00:20:32,363 --> 00:20:34,347
I pushed too far, right?
473
00:20:34,382 --> 00:20:35,032
Well...
474
00:20:35,066 --> 00:20:36,483
All right, all right.
475
00:20:36,517 --> 00:20:37,985
Don't worry about that,
don't worry about that.
476
00:20:38,019 --> 00:20:40,320
We don't have to go
steady or anything
477
00:20:40,354 --> 00:20:43,256
but I'd appreciate it
if you'd meet my parents.
478
00:20:43,291 --> 00:20:44,257
Walter...
479
00:20:44,292 --> 00:20:45,659
I can make a call now.
480
00:20:45,694 --> 00:20:47,961
There are flights
leaving all hours.
481
00:20:47,996 --> 00:20:50,163
Walter, you want to fly your
parents to New York
482
00:20:50,197 --> 00:20:51,598
because of what we
did last night?
483
00:20:51,633 --> 00:20:52,932
It's a shuttle.
484
00:20:52,967 --> 00:20:54,834
It'll be great.
485
00:20:54,869 --> 00:20:56,303
You'll bring the kids
486
00:20:56,337 --> 00:20:59,005
and we'll go and see
The Nutcracker.
487
00:20:59,040 --> 00:21:00,340
Walter!
488
00:21:00,375 --> 00:21:01,441
I'm screwing up.
489
00:21:01,476 --> 00:21:03,009
I'm screwing up.
490
00:21:03,044 --> 00:21:04,344
Walter, now, stop.
491
00:21:04,379 --> 00:21:05,779
Just listen to me.
492
00:21:05,813 --> 00:21:06,930
It's too much.
493
00:21:06,964 --> 00:21:08,599
You're scaring me.
494
00:21:08,633 --> 00:21:09,866
You're trying to chart
495
00:21:09,901 --> 00:21:12,102
our entire relationship
in one morning.
496
00:21:12,136 --> 00:21:13,804
You're right.
497
00:21:13,838 --> 00:21:15,272
You're absolutely right.
498
00:21:15,307 --> 00:21:17,941
I tend to make too much
of these things.
499
00:21:17,975 --> 00:21:20,561
Oh, forgive me, Elaine.
500
00:21:24,348 --> 00:21:27,934
It was a wonderful evening.
501
00:21:39,464 --> 00:21:42,533
Maybe we'll see
each other again.
502
00:21:54,912 --> 00:21:56,513
Good-bye, Elaine.
503
00:22:24,225 --> 00:22:27,928
Were you missing me at all,
because I was dying out there.
504
00:22:27,962 --> 00:22:31,631
You are such a lovely man.
505
00:22:31,665 --> 00:22:34,401
Hey, I want our relationship
to continue.
506
00:22:34,435 --> 00:22:36,769
Can't we just
leave it at that?
507
00:22:36,804 --> 00:22:38,088
You're right.
You're absolutely right.
508
00:22:38,122 --> 00:22:39,956
We should just take it slow.
509
00:22:39,991 --> 00:22:42,109
Take it as it comes.
510
00:22:42,143 --> 00:22:43,443
Right.
511
00:22:43,477 --> 00:22:44,911
Play it by ear.
512
00:22:44,946 --> 00:22:47,647
How about every Thursday night
for the next three months?
513
00:22:49,233 --> 00:22:50,867
Is 8:00 okay?
514
00:23:04,399 --> 00:23:06,300
See? I told you
we'd make it.
515
00:23:06,334 --> 00:23:08,602
Hey, listen, you've
got 15 minutes
516
00:23:08,636 --> 00:23:10,537
before your plane
takes off.
517
00:23:10,572 --> 00:23:11,939
Good.
518
00:23:11,973 --> 00:23:15,359
So, how'd it go with you
and Elaine last night?
519
00:23:15,393 --> 00:23:16,226
Fine.
520
00:23:16,260 --> 00:23:18,212
Oh, that's good.
521
00:23:18,246 --> 00:23:20,613
Yes, fine is very good.
522
00:23:20,648 --> 00:23:22,915
You do anything
out of the ordinary?
523
00:23:22,950 --> 00:23:27,955
No. It was, I guess, an ordinary
evening for most people.
524
00:23:27,989 --> 00:23:28,905
Now listen, Alex.
525
00:23:28,939 --> 00:23:30,340
I know you want to know
526
00:23:30,375 --> 00:23:33,126
what took place
between Elaine and me,
527
00:23:33,160 --> 00:23:36,847
but there are some things
a gentleman does not discuss.
528
00:23:36,881 --> 00:23:38,448
Oh, I understand,
Walter.
529
00:23:38,482 --> 00:23:41,584
I'll probably see you
next time I'm back in town.
530
00:23:41,618 --> 00:23:43,320
Yeah, I'll see you,
Walter.
531
00:23:43,354 --> 00:23:44,587
Oh, and Walter...
532
00:23:44,621 --> 00:23:45,722
Yeah?
533
00:23:45,756 --> 00:23:47,790
Congratulations.
534
00:23:47,792 --> 00:23:49,108
Thanks.
535
00:23:57,501 --> 00:24:00,203
( theme music playing )
536
00:24:24,379 --> 00:24:25,929
WOMAN:
Night, Mr. Walters.
537
00:24:25,964 --> 00:24:27,297
( grunts )
39245
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