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THEY SCREAM Get off my set.
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Save me, Spider-Man!
3
00:00:05,080 --> 00:00:06,800
Disgraceful!
4
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You should make a donation to
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00:00:08,320 --> 00:00:10,080
the Disabled Actors' Alliance.
6
00:00:10,080 --> 00:00:11,880
You've got to let me be
part of this passion.
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I've got nothing else to do.
I can help out.
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Let's buy some drugs!
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Where's my stuff?
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Ow!
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SIRENS WAIL
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Armed police!
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I'm off to the beautiful
land of no overheads.
14
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I'll buy it!
The rent is 50,000 a year.
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I've just spent my entire life
savings rescuing this beacon
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00:00:35,640 --> 00:00:36,960
of community culture.
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00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,360
Hey! Were you waiting for me?
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00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:41,120
You really are brain-damaged.
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This programme contains very
strong language and adult humour
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00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:51,240
So, the film Unbeaten has
been leaked today.
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00:00:51,240 --> 00:00:55,160
Here to speak about it is somebody
who was actually in the film.
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Tim!
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What's your verdict?
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It's a piece of shit movie.
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00:01:00,640 --> 00:01:02,000
It certainly is, yeah.
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Now, obviously, the film
is about disability.
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00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:08,240
So, I have to ask you about
the Disability Funding Act
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00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:09,640
going through Parliament.
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00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:12,280
What?
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00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:15,280
The Tories' plan to completely
reform the welfare system
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for disabled people in Britain?
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00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:17,880
Whee!
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00:01:20,360 --> 00:01:22,160
Did you know your chairs
can go around?
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Yeah, I di...yeah, Tim. Yeah.
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00:01:24,560 --> 00:01:26,280
Why aren't we doing this
all the time?
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00:01:26,280 --> 00:01:27,760
D-Do you really...
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00:01:27,760 --> 00:01:29,840
Do you really not have any
opinion on what was
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the big story at the weekend?
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00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,000
Oh, the week...this weekend?
Yeah, yeah!
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Yes, well, I was busy this weekend.
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00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:41,280
See, what I was doing was
I got a glove, and then,
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I cut the fingertips out of it.
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And then, I got five dildos.
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Oh, OK!
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I think we're out of time.
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You're a bad, bad man
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You gotta do what you can
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When you're a bad man...
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00:01:58,080 --> 00:02:00,000
She cut me off, yeah!
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00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:04,480
But what I was going to say
was get five dildos,
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and make a dildo glove.
52
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Oh.
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Not while my mum's here.
54
00:02:12,600 --> 00:02:14,960
Sorry, I forgot.
55
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Would you like a dildo glove,
Beatrice?
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00:02:18,600 --> 00:02:19,640
What did he say?
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Nothing. Mum, just ignore him.
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Why is she here, anyway?
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00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:26,600
Because he needed her permission
to spunk all his savings
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00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:28,120
on a doomed book shop.
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00:02:28,120 --> 00:02:30,560
Just don't want to see you going
to rack and ruin.
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PHONE CHIMES
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00:02:34,520 --> 00:02:37,840
"Dear Tim, we got your
email from YouTube.
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"We'd love for you to speak
to the Select Committee deciding
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00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:46,200
"how to spend the new
Disability Arts Fund.
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00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:48,960
"Democracy is important to us."
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00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,760
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
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00:02:51,760 --> 00:02:53,440
The Tory Party?!
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00:02:53,440 --> 00:02:55,120
Let me have a look.
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00:02:55,120 --> 00:02:56,560
Oh, this is exciting.
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00:02:56,560 --> 00:02:58,200
I'm a big fan of Select Committees.
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00:02:58,200 --> 00:03:02,800
Oh, I hope there's some
hot chicks at this Tory party.
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00:03:02,800 --> 00:03:04,080
No, there won't be.
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00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,400
It'll only be a bunch of boring MPs.
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00:03:06,400 --> 00:03:09,160
I mean, what the fuck do
they want with you?
76
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:12,720
Oh, Ruth, I am a movie star now!
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00:03:12,720 --> 00:03:17,680
I'm going to be invited to
all the cool parties.
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00:03:17,680 --> 00:03:21,200
Stick with me, kid,
and you'll go places.
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00:03:21,200 --> 00:03:23,800
OK, yeah. I'll come.
It'll be a laugh.
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00:03:23,800 --> 00:03:26,040
And even if it's shite,
we're in Parliament -
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00:03:26,040 --> 00:03:28,720
so there'll definitely be somebody
to score coke off there.
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00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:29,760
Ooh.
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00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:34,840
Oh, I have to ask.
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LOUDLY: Were...you....vaccinated?
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LOUDLY: I...was...vaccinated.
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He was vaccinated.
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00:03:46,920 --> 00:03:48,480
Don't worry.
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00:03:48,480 --> 00:03:51,680
Q will get revenge.
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00:03:56,000 --> 00:03:58,920
CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY She's...
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00:03:58,920 --> 00:04:00,400
She smells good.
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00:04:09,280 --> 00:04:11,080
Alicia.
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00:04:11,080 --> 00:04:13,680
I don't...feel like we've properly
got to know each other yet.
93
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:15,920
Aaliyah. Yeah...what?
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00:04:15,920 --> 00:04:17,360
My name is Aaliyah.
95
00:04:17,360 --> 00:04:20,160
Yeah, because...isn't it because
of Alicia Keys, and...
96
00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:23,160
..and that's why you're so sad,
because of the plane crash?
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00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,240
That was Aaliyah.
That was Aaliyah.
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00:04:25,240 --> 00:04:27,120
I get mixed up.
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00:04:27,120 --> 00:04:29,240
Anyway, I really want
to try and, you know,
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00:04:29,240 --> 00:04:31,160
get to know the real Alina.
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00:04:31,160 --> 00:04:34,520
Aaliyah. Aaliyah.
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00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,160
I don't recognise any
of these writers.
103
00:04:37,160 --> 00:04:40,120
Maybe you should just add
some literary works.
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00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:43,400
Mum, those are all African
and Caribbean classics.
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00:04:43,400 --> 00:04:46,400
And I think using the word
"literary" in that sense is
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possibly a little bit offensive.
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00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:50,040
Ooh. Sorry, pet.
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I just come from a different time.
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00:04:52,320 --> 00:04:55,400
I don't want to change the world
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00:04:55,400 --> 00:04:58,560
I'm not looking for New England
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00:04:58,560 --> 00:05:01,400
I'm just looking for a girl...
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00:05:06,080 --> 00:05:07,960
SHE GROANS
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00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,440
If it isn't the fucking
princess of disabled hearts.
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Hey! You're that terrible lady
that made that terrible movie
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even more terrible.
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That's all I need, innit?
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00:05:19,480 --> 00:05:21,480
A massive pain in my arse.
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00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:26,680
Hey, you should know not all of us
can feel our arses.
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00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:29,040
That's very offensive.
120
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:32,040
Hey, what're you doing here?
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00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:36,000
I represent the Disabled
Actors' Alliance.
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00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:39,040
These people have
50 million to distribute.
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00:05:39,040 --> 00:05:42,200
50 million? That's...
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00:05:43,720 --> 00:05:45,400
..30...
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00:05:47,000 --> 00:05:49,760
..give or take by...
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00:05:49,760 --> 00:05:53,080
..2.3 million dildo gloves.
127
00:05:53,080 --> 00:05:56,160
Oh, that's good maths, buddy.
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00:05:56,160 --> 00:05:58,440
Just stay out my way,
you fucking idiot.
129
00:05:58,440 --> 00:05:59,680
Hello, everyone.
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00:05:59,680 --> 00:06:01,320
I'm Sir Edwin Reece-Smith,
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00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:04,440
chair of the Disability
Appropriations Select Committee.
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00:06:04,440 --> 00:06:06,640
Are we going to be on TV?
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00:06:06,640 --> 00:06:09,720
Yeah, but only losers
will be watching.
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00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:13,240
We're taking testimony and evidence
from some of the country's
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00:06:13,240 --> 00:06:15,760
most respected champions
for disability rights...
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00:06:15,760 --> 00:06:17,960
..including, I'm delighted to say,
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00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:22,160
some powerful advocates from
the world of social media.
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00:06:22,160 --> 00:06:24,240
Welcome...Tim?
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00:06:25,280 --> 00:06:29,680
Just Tim - very YouTube.
140
00:06:29,680 --> 00:06:37,160
Oh, could I just check your
preferred pronouns? He, she...
141
00:06:38,200 --> 00:06:41,400
..xie? Oh, I'll go for...
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00:06:41,400 --> 00:06:43,720
HE BELLOWS
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00:06:43,720 --> 00:06:47,160
Please make a note of
stated preference.
144
00:06:47,160 --> 00:06:50,320
So, let's start with you.
145
00:06:50,320 --> 00:06:54,520
What's being proposed is a move away
from local authority provision to
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00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:59,680
a more centralised system of PFIs
and multi-agency funding.
147
00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:02,120
Drawing on your experience,
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00:07:02,120 --> 00:07:06,400
how do you think this would affect
our user end-point agreement?
149
00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:10,200
Erm...
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00:07:11,480 --> 00:07:13,200
WHISPERS: Spend more money.
151
00:07:13,200 --> 00:07:14,640
Spend more money.
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00:07:16,440 --> 00:07:17,800
WHISPERS: On good things.
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00:07:17,800 --> 00:07:19,000
On good things.
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00:07:21,480 --> 00:07:23,240
What's she doing?
155
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,840
Oh, everything is recorded here.
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00:07:25,840 --> 00:07:27,360
She...
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00:07:29,640 --> 00:07:31,200
Good.
158
00:07:31,200 --> 00:07:33,680
She is transcribing this,
159
00:07:33,680 --> 00:07:35,520
and it will be published in Hansard.
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00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:39,200
OK. I may be in the wrong party.
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00:07:39,200 --> 00:07:42,320
I was told this is Tory party,
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00:07:42,320 --> 00:07:46,560
and there would be pigs in knickers
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00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:50,600
and gourds used as cocaine tables.
164
00:07:50,600 --> 00:07:54,440
Can we please keep these
proceedings professional?
165
00:07:54,440 --> 00:07:59,040
Stop fucking talking -
if you can call THAT talking.
166
00:08:04,680 --> 00:08:06,720
You could just diversify, pet.
167
00:08:06,720 --> 00:08:08,880
You can't only be selling
one type of book.
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00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:10,960
Mum, it's an African
Caribbean book shop.
169
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:14,480
It's just there's some interesting
new books I've been reading about
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00:08:14,480 --> 00:08:15,680
on the internet.
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00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:18,040
A lot of self-published work.
I just...
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00:08:18,040 --> 00:08:21,200
You don't have to interfere.
Interfere?
173
00:08:21,200 --> 00:08:24,680
Oh, Idris, I'm not interfering.
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00:08:24,680 --> 00:08:27,800
I'm just looking after
my little boy. Yeah.
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00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,720
It's all I've ever done.
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00:08:29,720 --> 00:08:31,960
Try to protect you.
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00:08:31,960 --> 00:08:35,200
Cos you certainly weren't getting
that from your father.
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00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,080
O-OK. Come on.
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00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,520
Could you ask your help
to get me a coffee?
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00:08:42,520 --> 00:08:44,560
Be a nice place to have
a coffee in here.
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00:08:44,560 --> 00:08:47,480
You should get a coffee machine.
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00:08:47,480 --> 00:08:50,080
Attract a nicer clientele.
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00:08:55,200 --> 00:08:57,240
She will destroy your dreams.
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00:09:00,120 --> 00:09:04,000
Sir Edwin, Lily Matthews from the
Disabled Actors' Alliance.
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00:09:04,000 --> 00:09:06,440
If I can refer you to my proposal
186
00:09:06,440 --> 00:09:10,920
for investment in the
New London Disabled Artists Forum,
187
00:09:10,920 --> 00:09:15,080
we want a modest £53,000 to help....
188
00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,240
To make another Godzilla movie!
189
00:09:17,240 --> 00:09:19,280
That's what you were going
to say, right?
190
00:09:19,280 --> 00:09:22,640
How do you think a new
Godzilla movie would enhance
191
00:09:22,640 --> 00:09:25,120
the rights of disabled people?
192
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:29,280
I think a new Godzilla
movie would help...
193
00:09:30,520 --> 00:09:35,480
..because Godzilla...
194
00:09:35,480 --> 00:09:40,280
..is a...lizard.
195
00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:43,640
And lizards can grow back limbs.
196
00:09:43,640 --> 00:09:47,840
So, it'd be like telling
a disabled person,
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00:09:47,840 --> 00:09:49,560
"You can do anything".
198
00:09:49,560 --> 00:09:51,160
Didn't I just see...?
199
00:09:51,160 --> 00:09:53,800
It's one of the things,
what you call them?
200
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,840
A metamorphosis.
201
00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,600
No.
202
00:09:57,600 --> 00:09:59,040
A metaphor.
203
00:09:59,040 --> 00:10:00,360
No, no, no.
204
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,720
I was right the first time.
205
00:10:02,720 --> 00:10:04,600
It's a metamorphosis.
206
00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,320
May I interrupt for one second?
207
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:11,720
I would just like to inform
the committee that Tim appears
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00:10:11,720 --> 00:10:14,800
to be an illegal immigrant.
209
00:10:14,800 --> 00:10:16,040
Here you go.
210
00:10:17,120 --> 00:10:19,200
What?
211
00:10:19,200 --> 00:10:20,880
Well, this is troubling.
212
00:10:20,880 --> 00:10:23,320
Hmm. With this man's origins,
213
00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:27,320
he may not have the good of
the country at heart.
214
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:29,280
He may not even have a visa.
215
00:10:29,280 --> 00:10:33,920
We want to hear the experiences
of all disabled people -
216
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,080
but not the illegal ones.
217
00:10:36,080 --> 00:10:38,080
Now I know why...
218
00:10:38,080 --> 00:10:39,960
HE BELLOWS
219
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,920
Oi! You said that wrong,
and that is fucking offensive.
220
00:10:42,920 --> 00:10:44,760
Wouldn't give us his last name.
221
00:10:44,760 --> 00:10:48,680
I think you should leave now,
Mr Tim...Bin Laden,
222
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:53,280
while we clear up whether you are
or are not allowed in this building.
223
00:10:56,040 --> 00:10:58,720
Well, this was fun!
224
00:10:58,720 --> 00:11:00,280
I'll miss you guys.
225
00:11:02,760 --> 00:11:05,040
Hey!
226
00:11:05,040 --> 00:11:07,920
Why is that lady fucking a tractor?
227
00:11:07,920 --> 00:11:09,120
Get out.
228
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,720
Ah, fuck yous!
229
00:11:12,720 --> 00:11:16,120
I'm Scottish. We're sacking the
lot of you soon anyway.
230
00:11:16,120 --> 00:11:19,440
If I can refer you back
to my proposal to help modernise
231
00:11:19,440 --> 00:11:22,480
our current rehearsal studio...
232
00:11:22,480 --> 00:11:26,480
That showed them,
the sad sacks of shite!
233
00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:28,000
THEY LAUGH Yeah.
234
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:30,240
The look on Lily's pretty...
235
00:11:30,240 --> 00:11:32,440
..pretty stupid face!
236
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:36,640
Don't mess with us,
you prissy little do-gooder.
237
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:39,160
Although she's still in there,
238
00:11:39,160 --> 00:11:43,080
getting her hands on millions
of quid - and we're not.
239
00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:56,760
We shall win this war
for the good of all mankind!
240
00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:59,480
I shall have my vengeance!
241
00:11:59,480 --> 00:12:01,360
We will fight them on the beaches.
242
00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,840
Yes, General.
243
00:12:02,840 --> 00:12:05,680
We shall not be beaten.
244
00:12:05,680 --> 00:12:08,040
There, there, pet.
245
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,720
The people that
injected you with poison
246
00:12:11,720 --> 00:12:13,840
will not get away with it.
247
00:12:13,840 --> 00:12:16,320
No, no, no, no, no, no.
248
00:12:16,320 --> 00:12:18,760
It's this terrible woman.
249
00:12:18,760 --> 00:12:24,400
She told them I didn't have a visa
because I'm a filthy,
250
00:12:24,400 --> 00:12:28,320
disgusting illegal immigrant.
251
00:12:28,320 --> 00:12:30,760
She said he didn't have a visa
cos he's an immigrant.
252
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:33,120
Oh, gosh! Where's he from?
America.
253
00:12:33,120 --> 00:12:35,280
Oh! Oh, thank goodness.
254
00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:39,200
For a second, I thought he was
from one of those countries.
255
00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:40,560
She didn't really mean it.
256
00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:42,960
You know, she's just from
a different generation. Is she?
257
00:12:42,960 --> 00:12:46,920
Well, Lily, two can play
at that game.
258
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:48,920
We're going to follow you,
259
00:12:48,920 --> 00:12:53,400
find your weaknesses,
and exploit them.
260
00:12:53,400 --> 00:12:55,480
Come on, Ruth.
261
00:12:55,480 --> 00:12:57,840
Let's go. I'm the general.
262
00:12:57,840 --> 00:13:00,760
My brain's too important
to waste in battle.
263
00:13:00,760 --> 00:13:02,480
You'll have to go it alone.
264
00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:05,560
But...if you fuck Lily up,
265
00:13:05,560 --> 00:13:08,600
I'll buy you an ice cream on
the high street for lunch.
266
00:13:21,480 --> 00:13:25,760
You know, your momma
and your daddy
267
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:30,080
Saying I'm no good for you
268
00:13:30,080 --> 00:13:34,280
They call me dirty from the alley
269
00:13:34,280 --> 00:13:37,840
Till I don't know what to do
270
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:43,400
I get so tired of sneakin' around
just to get to your back door
271
00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,520
I crawl past the garbage
and your momma jumps out
272
00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,200
Screamin'
"Don't come back no more"
273
00:13:47,200 --> 00:13:48,240
I can't take it
274
00:13:48,240 --> 00:13:50,720
My guitar wants
to kill your mama...
275
00:13:53,480 --> 00:13:55,760
Jordan Peterson.
276
00:13:55,760 --> 00:13:57,720
Clarkson.
277
00:13:57,720 --> 00:13:59,440
Tommy Robinson?
278
00:13:59,440 --> 00:14:03,200
All you profess to stand for is
crumbling into the dust.
279
00:14:03,200 --> 00:14:07,280
Mum's just trying to introduce
some alternative voices into the...
280
00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:11,080
Oh, God, we really shouldn't be
selling this one.
281
00:14:11,080 --> 00:14:12,440
That should be with the H's.
282
00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,000
Incognito mode.
283
00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:23,960
Incognito mode. Inco...
284
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,480
What the fuck is he do...?
285
00:14:33,160 --> 00:14:34,200
Oof!
286
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,560
SLOWED DOWN: Noooo!
287
00:14:35,560 --> 00:14:37,400
I'm so sorry.
288
00:14:37,400 --> 00:14:41,640
My phone! My poor phone.
289
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,960
Come on, Jerry, stay with me.
290
00:14:44,960 --> 00:14:46,840
Don't go into the light.
291
00:14:48,800 --> 00:14:52,760
He was just a child!
292
00:14:52,760 --> 00:14:54,720
Ah, I'm fucking with you.
293
00:14:54,720 --> 00:14:55,840
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
294
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:57,680
OK. Ha.
295
00:14:57,680 --> 00:14:59,520
You're going to pay for that, right?
296
00:14:59,520 --> 00:15:02,960
Without his phone, he won't know
when to take his diabetes medicine.
297
00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:05,080
Well, no, I mean he said it
was fine - and actually,
298
00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:06,360
he kind of bumped into me.
299
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,880
Ah, mate, but I saw you
barge into him.
300
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,840
So did all these people.
301
00:15:10,840 --> 00:15:14,680
I mean, it's going to be
about 300 to repair.
302
00:15:16,240 --> 00:15:19,520
I only have...£120.
303
00:15:19,520 --> 00:15:21,280
There's a cashpoint
round the corner.
304
00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:22,320
It's a bit much.
305
00:15:22,320 --> 00:15:23,640
Ooh, a bit much!
306
00:15:23,640 --> 00:15:28,120
OK, I'll just post these photos all
over your Facebook page, then.
307
00:15:28,120 --> 00:15:29,760
Maybe your boss sees it, too.
308
00:15:29,760 --> 00:15:31,440
You don't even know who I am.
309
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:34,640
Really? Zane Prenderghast.
310
00:15:34,640 --> 00:15:35,960
Anyway, chop chop.
311
00:15:43,520 --> 00:15:45,280
Take it. Take everything.
312
00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,080
Thank you. I'm sorry.
313
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:48,600
Please leave me alone.
314
00:15:48,600 --> 00:15:49,920
Bye!
315
00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,560
Ah...the old "broken phone" trick.
316
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,120
Nice one.
317
00:15:56,120 --> 00:15:58,840
Although you almost
blew it at the start.
318
00:15:58,840 --> 00:16:00,560
Way too theatrical.
319
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,760
What? Yeah.
320
00:16:01,760 --> 00:16:05,800
You want to start drawing on
their guilt, not embarrassment.
321
00:16:05,800 --> 00:16:09,120
By the way, I'll take my cut now,
yeah? Cheers.
322
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:11,160
Nice doing business with you.
323
00:16:11,160 --> 00:16:13,760
Stop! Come back!
324
00:16:14,840 --> 00:16:16,160
What?
325
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:19,640
Teach me your ways.
326
00:16:19,640 --> 00:16:20,880
Oh, yeah?
327
00:16:20,880 --> 00:16:22,240
What's in it for me, then?
328
00:16:22,240 --> 00:16:24,680
I'll be your accomplice.
329
00:16:24,680 --> 00:16:28,480
We'll be like Batman and...
330
00:16:29,920 --> 00:16:32,160
Oh, fuck.
331
00:16:32,160 --> 00:16:35,200
Batman and...Tim!
332
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:39,560
All right, fine.
333
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:42,040
Just stop being annoying.
334
00:16:42,040 --> 00:16:44,240
No promises.
335
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:49,720
MUSIC: Rip Off
by T. Rex
336
00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:51,840
In the moonlight
Fighting with the night
337
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:53,280
It's a rip-off...
338
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,400
I know this one.
339
00:16:57,400 --> 00:17:00,040
You're going to pour water
on your lap.
340
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,280
Ow! What the fuck are you doing?
341
00:17:05,280 --> 00:17:07,640
MUSIC DROWNS OUT SPEECH
342
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:10,000
Dancing in the dark
With the tramps in the park
343
00:17:10,000 --> 00:17:12,640
It's a rip-off
Such a rip-off, yeah!
344
00:17:15,120 --> 00:17:17,400
See your baby's stud
Sliding in the mud
345
00:17:17,400 --> 00:17:18,840
It's a rip-off
346
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,520
Bleached on the beach
I want to tickle your peach
347
00:17:22,520 --> 00:17:24,840
It's a rip-off, yeah...
348
00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:30,280
There's no ramp here,
how am I supposed to get in?
349
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:38,480
Face it, Madam, I'm really sorry.
That's not good enough.
350
00:17:38,480 --> 00:17:41,480
Don't put me in any trouble.
I need compensation.
351
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,720
The President's weird
He's got a burgundy beard
352
00:17:47,720 --> 00:17:50,320
It's a rip-off
Such a rip-off, ow...
353
00:17:58,360 --> 00:18:01,840
Hey! Is this your arts charity?
354
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:06,320
Yeah, and I'm meeting some dickheads
from the Department of Culture
355
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,720
to help me land my new funding.
356
00:18:08,720 --> 00:18:10,280
So, fuck off.
357
00:18:10,280 --> 00:18:12,000
I'll be invisible.
358
00:18:12,000 --> 00:18:15,200
You're the opposite of invisible.
359
00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,440
Bye, dickhead.
360
00:18:20,880 --> 00:18:25,520
The young people are currently
working on an ambitious
361
00:18:25,520 --> 00:18:30,360
new musical project, telling the
story of Nelly Culworth,
362
00:18:30,360 --> 00:18:34,440
one of Britain's first disabled
campaigners of colour,
363
00:18:34,440 --> 00:18:38,520
using a fusion of grime and skank.
364
00:18:38,520 --> 00:18:40,000
Ooh, like Hamilton?
365
00:18:40,000 --> 00:18:42,040
Exactly like Hamilton.
366
00:18:42,040 --> 00:18:43,680
My wife got tickets for my birthday.
367
00:18:43,680 --> 00:18:45,400
Bloody brilliant!
368
00:18:45,400 --> 00:18:46,920
Is it possible to take a peek?
369
00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,280
Normally, yes.
370
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:52,800
But a lot of our young stakeholders
in this scene are autistic.
371
00:18:52,800 --> 00:18:58,280
It's why we black out the windows,
to create the right sensory diets.
372
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:03,000
I worry interrupting would disrupt
the creative process.
373
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:05,240
Of course. Yeah.
374
00:19:05,240 --> 00:19:06,800
Ah, God.
375
00:19:06,800 --> 00:19:08,600
MUFFLED GRIME MUSIC
376
00:19:09,800 --> 00:19:12,000
Ooh! No!
377
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:16,200
Perhaps we should go discuss
this more at the cafe.
378
00:19:16,200 --> 00:19:19,760
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
379
00:19:19,760 --> 00:19:20,800
Oh...
380
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:24,240
GRIME MUSIC BLARES
381
00:19:26,720 --> 00:19:29,680
Fuck!
That's why we need the funding!
382
00:19:29,680 --> 00:19:33,760
To get the space suitable
for the autistics!
383
00:19:33,760 --> 00:19:36,440
Think of the autistics!
384
00:19:39,240 --> 00:19:42,240
You stupid cunt.
385
00:19:42,240 --> 00:19:46,240
That money was going
to buy me my second flat.
386
00:19:46,240 --> 00:19:48,720
And you fucked it up!
387
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:52,160
So, that was a scam, too.
388
00:19:52,160 --> 00:19:54,960
Aha! Of course it fucking was!
389
00:20:00,360 --> 00:20:02,480
I think I love you!
390
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:19,520
Oh, there you are! You big fanny.
391
00:20:21,120 --> 00:20:24,000
And where the fuck were you
at ice cream time?
392
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,520
She's great.
393
00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:29,520
I was stood there for, like...
three ice creams' time.
394
00:20:32,000 --> 00:20:34,440
Wait...oh, good God, no.
395
00:20:34,440 --> 00:20:37,520
You stood me up for
that do-gooding trollop.
396
00:20:37,520 --> 00:20:39,520
No, no, no, no, no.
397
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:41,760
You don't understand.
398
00:20:41,760 --> 00:20:43,960
She's not like that at all.
399
00:20:43,960 --> 00:20:46,160
When you get to know her,
400
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:50,920
she's actually evil and heartless.
401
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,200
Perfect.
402
00:20:52,200 --> 00:20:53,440
Ah, bullshit.
403
00:20:53,440 --> 00:20:56,360
She probably blinked her
stupid eyelashes at you,
404
00:20:56,360 --> 00:20:58,040
and you fell under her spell.
405
00:20:58,040 --> 00:21:00,400
She's amazing, man!
406
00:21:00,400 --> 00:21:02,840
You know the shit I do?
407
00:21:02,840 --> 00:21:08,040
Well, she does it, and then,
people give her money.
408
00:21:08,040 --> 00:21:10,680
It doesn't matter, though.
409
00:21:10,680 --> 00:21:13,640
I fucked it up.
410
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,840
You really like her, don't you?
Yeah.
411
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:18,920
And she's good at making money?
Yep.
412
00:21:18,920 --> 00:21:21,920
What the fuck are you
waiting for, you idiot?
413
00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:24,600
We need a plan to win her back.
414
00:21:24,600 --> 00:21:26,720
At your command, General!
415
00:21:38,240 --> 00:21:40,400
Feels like our shop now.
416
00:21:40,400 --> 00:21:42,960
No, it feels like YOUR shop now.
417
00:21:42,960 --> 00:21:44,520
These books aren't what I represent.
418
00:21:44,520 --> 00:21:47,400
You've turned this place into
a temple of bigotry.
419
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,000
I took this place on because
I wanted to help people,
420
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,440
not miseducate them.
421
00:21:51,440 --> 00:21:53,640
I'm not going to let your
ignorant views ruin this.
422
00:21:53,640 --> 00:21:55,960
Sorry, Idris.
423
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,680
I was only trying to help.
424
00:21:57,680 --> 00:22:02,160
I know my views don't sit well
with the young woke people.
425
00:22:02,160 --> 00:22:05,000
But I'm of an older generation.
426
00:22:05,000 --> 00:22:06,400
Yeah, I know, Mum.
427
00:22:06,400 --> 00:22:09,480
Things were different in the '60s
and '70s when I was growing up.
428
00:22:09,480 --> 00:22:11,040
You've got to look at the context.
429
00:22:11,040 --> 00:22:12,120
Yeah.
430
00:22:12,120 --> 00:22:15,800
Although you did ban all gay people
from staying at the B&B you ran.
431
00:22:15,800 --> 00:22:18,000
And that was in 2017.
432
00:22:18,000 --> 00:22:20,320
What can I say?
433
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,400
The internet has opened
my eyes, Idris.
434
00:22:23,400 --> 00:22:26,080
I have truly woken up.
435
00:22:26,080 --> 00:22:29,080
And not just about the
Black Lives Matter hooligans,
436
00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:31,560
but those dirty money-grabbing...
437
00:22:31,560 --> 00:22:32,800
No, Mum!
438
00:22:32,800 --> 00:22:34,920
Well, I could show you
some websites...
439
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,800
No, no, no, no,
I don't want to hear it.
440
00:22:36,800 --> 00:22:38,280
It's what I'm talking about.
441
00:22:38,280 --> 00:22:43,240
I-I respect all people, all faiths,
all races, all sexualities.
442
00:22:43,240 --> 00:22:44,520
I want you to leave.
443
00:22:44,520 --> 00:22:46,760
Why are you being like this?
444
00:22:48,360 --> 00:22:50,680
It's like your father
all over again.
445
00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:52,080
Oh, don't bring Dad into this.
446
00:22:52,080 --> 00:22:55,320
If it wasn't for me, you would've
wasted your life on that man,
447
00:22:55,320 --> 00:22:56,960
working for his fucking food bank.
448
00:22:56,960 --> 00:22:59,640
It was me who saved you,
made you come to London and try
449
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:01,160
and get a job in the city.
450
00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:05,800
Not that sandal-wearing
drip of a father!
451
00:23:05,800 --> 00:23:08,120
I'm glad he's dead.
452
00:23:08,120 --> 00:23:10,280
Dad's not dead, I spoke to him
on the phone last week.
453
00:23:10,280 --> 00:23:12,040
Well, he's dead to me.
454
00:23:12,040 --> 00:23:13,720
Dead!
455
00:23:13,720 --> 00:23:15,720
Ever since I passed his allotment
456
00:23:15,720 --> 00:23:20,760
and saw that climate change poster
in the window of his shed.
457
00:23:20,760 --> 00:23:23,120
Don't you want to aspire
to more than him?
458
00:23:23,120 --> 00:23:26,280
Not like this.
Not by selling out my principles.
459
00:23:26,280 --> 00:23:27,920
Please, Mum, leave.
460
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:30,960
Fine.
461
00:23:32,960 --> 00:23:34,400
You're still my boy.
462
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,320
Here, I've been knitting this.
463
00:23:39,320 --> 00:23:40,760
It's a blanket.
464
00:23:40,760 --> 00:23:44,440
Hoped you'd wrapped my
first-born grandchild up in it,
465
00:23:44,440 --> 00:23:46,120
tight and cosy.
466
00:23:48,400 --> 00:23:49,720
Jesus Christ!
467
00:24:01,200 --> 00:24:03,440
I suppose you're going
to point out, "I told you so".
468
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,640
No.
469
00:24:04,640 --> 00:24:07,080
But only because it applies
to everything I say.
470
00:24:09,440 --> 00:24:11,880
MUSIC: Ever Fallen In Love
by The Buzzcocks
471
00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:20,360
You spurn my natural emotions...
472
00:24:20,360 --> 00:24:22,720
How the fuck does he know
where I live?
473
00:24:24,000 --> 00:24:25,280
SHE GROANS
474
00:24:28,360 --> 00:24:30,320
And if I start a commotion...
475
00:24:30,320 --> 00:24:32,320
CRASH
476
00:24:32,320 --> 00:24:34,120
LOUD GROANING
477
00:24:37,360 --> 00:24:39,200
You fucking doughnut.
478
00:24:39,200 --> 00:24:40,880
SHE CHUCKLES
479
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:42,840
Ever fallen in love with someone
480
00:24:42,840 --> 00:24:45,480
Ever fallen in love,
in love with someone
481
00:24:45,480 --> 00:24:48,160
Ever fallen in love,
in love with someone
482
00:24:48,160 --> 00:24:50,160
You shouldn't have
fallen in love with
483
00:24:51,960 --> 00:24:54,440
I can't see much of a future
484
00:24:54,440 --> 00:24:57,960
Unless we find out what's
to blame, what a shame
485
00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:05,000
And we won't be
together much longer
486
00:25:05,000 --> 00:25:08,640
Unless we realise that
we are the same...
487
00:25:08,690 --> 00:25:13,240
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