Original subtitles

Well, here I am, floating face-down in a Jacuzzi.

Maybe you'd like to hear the facts.

The truth, the whole truth, and nothing up your butt.

If so, you see, the body of a young man

was found floating in a Jacuzzi.

No one important, really,

just a two-bit hustler

with a couple of porno credits under his belt.

Poor silly-ass fool.

He always wanted a Jacuzzi.

Well, in the end, he got himself a Jacuzzi.

Except the price turned out to be a little high, didn't it?

Let's go back about two months and find the day it all started,

when this guy called Jergens,

who claimed to be some kind of a writer, came to town.

[heavy breathing]

[heavy breathing]

Rock and roll. [grunts]

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[grunting]

[jet engine roaring and grunting]

[P0P]

(man) Move.

Move.

Stand aside.

Move.

[shattering]

(male announcer) Unattended vehicles are subject to immediate tow away.

For your safety and security,

do not leave your baggage unattended.

(man) It was just business as usual for me that day.

Little did I know that our paths would soon cross,

and nothing would ever be the same.

[slap]

You know, Festus,

you must have been a lumberjack in a past life.

You sure can stack wood.

The door.

Away- Away-

Ah.

That was quite a fuck.

Nobody knows how to throw a good fuck these days.

Back in the days of Easy Rider

when Dennis and I were riding our hogs across America,

people knew what fucking was about then.

It was ass and boobs and ass, needles, guns,

and grass, in those days.

[engine roaring]

[exhales deeply]

It's hot.

I know. It's been so hot--

I wasn't speaking to you.

Jurgen Anger? Any relation to Kenneth?

NEV-

Do you mind if I smoke?

Denied.

First time in Hollywood?

Could you please not speak?

The annoying woman from the career placement center

at UCLA said I would be provided with a driver,

not a glib conversationalist.

Let's pretend we're in a limousine

and there is a glass partition between us, shall we?

I'm sorry. I'm just trying to make con--

Too much information.

[Sighs]

[rock music]

Could you speed it up a little, please?

[rock music]

[door creaking]

(Festus) Hey!

(man) H is for Hollywood,

the very letter fledgling starlet Peg Entwistle

dramatically leapt from, landing in a bed of cacti

only to die of exposure three days later,

her cries for help lost

amidst the cacophony of the creative city.

[horn honking]

Finally, my world's favorite location

and the starting point of my research:

Santa Monica Boulevard.

[rock music]

II

[engine starts]

[tires screech]

- Oh, ahh! - Oh, fuck! Holy shit.

God.

- [screams] [crunch]

- My foot! Ahh! - Shit.

Oh, God, help me! Help me! Help me!

- Jesus. - Help me! Ahh!

Ahh! Stop! Help me!

- My foot! Help me! - Hey! Wait!

- Ahh! Help me! Help me! [tires screeching]

NW $00“!

My foot! Ahh!

Ahh! My foot!

Help me! Ahh! Help me!

Ahh! Ahh!

[Sighs]

According to my calculations, this strip

of Santa Monica Boulevard is a hotbed of cruising activity.

At least that's what it says in my Damron Guide 2000.

(man) Are you gay or straight?

Are you--are you gay or straight?

(man) I heard you the first time.

Hi, I'm Monti, Montgomery Ward, how are you doing?

(man) Do you know this guy named Peter Festus?

(Monti) No, why? Should I?

(man) Well, I heard his car was missing.

[police siren approaching]

(Monti) Yeah, I didn't do it- I didn't do nothing.

I borrowed his car.

He--| don't think he cared.

I had to go on a errand, you know?

It also says that Plummer Park,

which we should be approaching at any moment,

is one of the most notorious locales for finding liaisons.

(man) Someone told me they found his car in Plummer Park

with a big dent on the side and a bloodstain.

(Monti) I don't know nothing about that.

And there it is.

[The Dandy Warhols' Ride]

II

(The Dandy Warhols) I You're my ride I

Jurgen perceives the brief moment of eye contact

as an encouraging sign, kismet, love at first sight.

To the boy, his glazed, fixed stare

has just passed over the searching gaze

of only one of a thousand potential tricks of the day.

It doesn't get any greener, you know.

II

(The Dandy Warhols) I You're my ride I

♪ adore.

I I'm out my window I

I It's all right I

I If you got candy-0 I

[Sighs]

Pull over. Pull over.

- Pull over. - I can't hear you.

The glass partition is up, remember?

Student.

Idiot. You are very fired.

Dismissed.

Fine with me, aunty.

Student.

[The Dandy Warhols' Ride]

II

[inhales]

No, man. No.

So whose place is this, anyway?

My friend Bud's.

He's in Palm Springs.

Oh.

So why don't you kiss me?

I don't kiss.

Well, why don't you kiss me anyway?

Just pretend you like it.

Why don't you sit on my cock

and let me fuck you like a little piglet?

Okay.

All right.

[rock music]

I Now nausea 5

5 And covered 'm 5

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Yeah.

Oh.

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Oh, so fucking good.

Yeah.

Oh. Oh.

Yeah, fuck.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh.

Oh, yeah. You're fucking good.

Fucking good.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

You little nasty sex pig, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah.

[heavy breathing]

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

- Oh, yeah, oh. - [choking]

- Oh, yeah. - [choking]

Oh. Oh. What the fuck?

What the hell's--get off me, you little fuck.

Shit. What the fuck are you doing, man?

What the fuck?

Fuck! I told you, man.

I don't like fucking kissing shit.

What the fuck's the matter with you, man?

You're a sick shit.

I told you don't like kissing. I told you I don't like it.

What the fuck's the matter with you?

You're fucking sick, man.

I can't believe this shit.

Fuck. Shit.

I'm so sick of this shit.

Sick bastard, man.

(man) Do you know this guy named Eigil Vesti?

(Monti) No.

I And it's cold outside I

I And I wish you were here I

I You ripped out my heart I

[tires screeching]

(man) You don't know him?

(Monti) No, what does he look like?

I don't know anything about that.

I just skimmed this guy and,

you know, he was screaming like crazy and everything,

but I just--

I know he wasn't hurt.

He wasn't hurt.

(man) How long have you been hustling?

(Monti) A long time, a few years.

It seems-- seems like a long time.

Ever since my bitch girlfriend

bailed and left a kid in my house.

It's cool, though. He's--he's a cool baby.

(man) ls it--is it your baby?

(Monti) Well, I don't know, actually.

'Cause I--yeah. Yeah.

[baby gurgling]

He's all I have.

Well, I'm all he has.

[baby gurgling]

Ah. [baby laughing]

[baby gurgling]

[baby laughing]

[beeping]

Give me the hat.

Give me the hat, Roe.

Give me the hat.

[beeping] Thank you.

That's a nice hat.

[baby gurgling]

Shit.

Come on, buddy. We got to go.

[upbeat music]

II

Hello?

(Ase) Oh, yes, hello.

Yeah, I'm returning your page?

(Ambrose) I got your number out of the trades.

Look, I ain't got a lot of time.

(Ambrose) I do hope you can accommodate me.

- I need to be very discreet. - Yeah?

(Ambrose) It is imperative that I keep a low profile

because I am rather well-known.

Perhaps you recognize my voice?

I have a recurring role on a daytime television series.

You have money to spend?

(Ambrose) Oh, yes, I'm quite well off.

Shall we arrange a meeting?

Meet me in five minutes.

(Ambrose) All right, then.

Where shall we rendezvous?

Meet me at the Yukon Mining Company in ten minutes.

(Ambrose) Did I mention I'm a professional--

Five minutes is all you get.

(Ambrose) I'll be looking forward to--

[dial tone] Cheery bye.

[beeping]

- Yes, this is Roger V. Deem. - Hello?

(Roger) Can you hold? Go.

Yeah, I was wondering if you schedule interviews.

(Roger) I need you for a porno right away-

Okay.

(Roger) Come to 5118 Santa Monica Boulevard in an hour.

All right, cool, got it.

Thanks. Bye.

We're approaching the infamous Yukon Mining Company,

another nexus of the hustling phenomenon.

Memo to myself,

possible future location to set up my little office.

[rock music]

II

Ah, dear boy.

You must be the young person that I arranged to meet here.

I'm Ambrose Sapperstein.

You probably recognize me.

Not really.

Do you not watch daytime television?

I'm a semi-regular on General Hospital.

Are you that doctor, something like that?

Mmm, you do recognize me.

Not really, it just makes sense.

Ah.

Tell me, are you conversant with the, uh,

Gianni Versace campaign ads,

all those delicious young models

balancing on thick ropes?

That's me. I'm a Gianni Versace model.

Yeah? When, in 1945?

Ahem.

I have some photographs here, uh, that show

the many and varied uses my body has been subjected to.

No, time's up.

I don't think so. But you know what?

I have a friend.

I could hook you up with something.

[rock music]

II

Thank you.

[classical music]

II

(Jurgen) Jurgen's memoirs continued.

Ah, the Beverly Center,

the heart of the creative city,

apparently closed down once again,

owing to another infestation of rats.

I've been told that in Hollywood,

the rats nest high up inside dead palm trees,

which is why they are constantly

having to chainsaw them down.

I have a vision of the rats falling from the sky

like a plague.

[helicopter buzzing]

(Ambrose) Yes, hello, my name is Ambrose Sapperstein.

You were referred to me by a mutual friend, Montgomery Ward?

You probably recognize my voice.

I'm on the telly on a semi-regular basis.

Do you ever watch the soap operas?

I'm also an established model.

[helicopter buzzing]

[classical music]

II

[hard rock music]

Yeah, I'm returning your page?

(Roger) My name is Roger V. Deem.

I'm casting a porno.

Nah, I don't do that.

(Roger) How about fluffing?

I'll pay you $200.

Yeah? What's the address? I'll be right over.

(Roger) Come to 5118 Santa Monica Boulevard-

Yeah.

(man) So do you make a lot of money?

(Monti) Not bad. I do all right.

(man) Are you gay or straight?

(Monti) You're bugging me.

Excuse me, could I talk to you for a moment?

About what?

I think I might have something of yours.

[Shades Apart's Tainted Love playing]

II

I Sometimes I feel I've got to run away I

I I've got to get away I

I From the pain you drive in the heart of me I

I The love we share I

I Seems to go nowhere 5

I And I've lost my light I

I And I toss and turn I can't sleep at night I

[Sniffs]

[sniffs deeply]

[sniffs repeatedly]

[grunts] Shit. Ah!

[plane engine roaring]

Hi, Bud, you ho--whoa!

Oof. Ah.

I've got to go. Bye.

- Hi, Bud. - Hey.

Mind if I kick it here for a while?

Somebody's chasing me. I think they know

about the hit and run.

Yeah, sure. Stay as long as you want.

I've got a hot trick coming over.

- He's a Versace model. - Hot.

[hard rock music]

II

Barn.

Whoo-hoo!

[dinging]

What are you up to?

Just trying to make my rent.

Well, how much is that there rent?

It's negotiable.

Yeah? Well, hop in, friend.

I got myself a regular cowboy. Whoo!

We're gonna have us a hootenanny.

[laughing]

[spanking]

[grunting]

[Smoke's Luke's Feet playing]

I Mmm, for the past two weeks or so I

I The prettiest, most prized possession I own I

I This picture of Luke Perry's feet I

I I cut out during the blackout I

I Out of an old Rolling Stone I

I Oh, it's glossy-brushed picture of Luke Perry's feet I

I Keeps me on my toes 5

Yodel-ay, yodel-ay, yodel-ay-hee-hoo.

Yodel-ay, yodel-ay, yodel-ay-hoo.

Jesus is my friend and yours.

Jesus is my friend.

I see him everywhere I go.

Jesus is my friend.

Yodel-ay, yodel-ay, yodel-ay-hi.

I was married for not even 2 1/2 years.

I was in the military

for almost a decade.

I loved my wife.

Had a little girl,

three years old.

It's very painful...

to lose them,

but...

I guess that's just

the way things are sometimes.

So they help make me grow.

Sometimes that's all we need, is just to

go through adversity.

Just was so hard to deal with the loss.

Aww, that was quite a story, young fella,

almost broke my heart.

Would you like to go for another ride?

Oh, it's gonna cost you extra.

Fine by me.

Let's do it.

All right.

[country music playing]

II

Whoo! Get up there, little cow queen.

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Come on now. Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo, Lawdy! Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo, Lawdy!

Whoo!

Do you know a john named Ambrose Sapperstein?

Nope.

Yeah, as a matter of fact, I do.

Ah.

He's a weird little cuss.

Ah.

Oh, delicious, dear boy, delicious.

- He's... - Mmm.

- Got some pretty kinky kinks. - Ah.

Mmm.

Oh, exquisite.

Ah.

I turned him onto my friend, Bud Cockram.

Oh, yes, ah.

- Bud Cockram. - Yes.

Oh.

He's modeling for him.

They're into all that weird stuff.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Oh, my dear boy.

Ah.

Ah, dear boy, yes.

Oh.

Ah, not too heavily, dear boy.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Oh, cut my buttocks, dear boy.

Ah.

Oh.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

[whimsical music]

II

(Jurgen) I've never seen so many palm trees.

How ironic that the world's capital of filmmaking

should look so much like a movie set,

a flimsy back lot construction.

I hope this is the right place,

and not one of those crack dens everyone keeps talking about.

Roger?

Roger?

[both moaning and grunting]

I'm here on the set of an actual Hollywood porno shoot

at the invitation of my friend Roger V. Deem

in order to experience the life firsthand.

(man) Yeah.

[both moaning]

Roger is a true professional in every sense of the word,

et cete ra-.

[both moaning and grunting]

I just hope my mere presence on the set

doesn't upset the delicate equilibrium that is part of--

- Cut. - Alex is losing it again.

Somebody get the fluffer in here, come on.

Fluffer? Fluffer?

A tense moment on the set, as one of the players

fails momentarily to live up to his contractual obligations.

(Director) Somebody get the fluffer in here.

- Come on. - [groans]

(Roger) Come on, hurry up- Time is money. Hurry up.

I need just a second.

(Roger) Come on, hurry it up. We don't have all day.

- [moaning] - It's okay. Give it a second.

- It's him. - [moaning]

- It's him. - [moaning]

(Roger) Okay, quickly- Onto the next scene

for the insert before he loses his fluff.

Come on. Places, everyone.

While he still has his fluff.

And--

(man) 3O CD, take two.

(Roger) Action.

[both moaning]

Oh, yeah.

[both moaning]

- Cut. - Oh!

- Get out of me. - Roger? Roger?

- That was some shit, man. - Hey, hey.

(Jurgen) R0ger?

Can you believe this shit, man?

(man) Jesus Christ.

(Jurgen) I'm so sorry, everybody.

- Shit. [indistinct chatter]

- Shit, man. -Jesus.

(man) God damn it, we were fucking--

[indistinct chatter] - Ridiculous, man...

- Damn. - A Mickey Mouse production.

- Ridiculous. - I can't deal with this.

(man) Oh.

Roger?

Sorry. Sorry, everybody.

(man) Yeah.

- Sorry isn't good enough. - No.

(man) Man, a Mickey Mouse production.

- Ridiculous. - I can't deal with this.

(man) Oh.

(Roger) Where did that fluffer go?

What was his name, again?

Monti.

Monti. Damn good fluffer.

Try to track him down.

[creaking]

[birds chirping]

[rock music]

II

[rock music]

II

(Monti) So there I am, working the corner of Gordon

and Santa Monica across from the Hollywood Cemetery,

trying to pay some bills

when I notice this bald amputee working the other side

of the street.

Now, I know I've seen this guy somewhere before,

but I certainly ain't interested,

not because he's missing a leg, mind you,

but because he's got attitude supreme.

So he's checking me out like he wants to start something up,

as if I'm not busy enough trying to make a living.

Then finally, he yells over, "Any bites?"

"Nah, it's dead," I reply.

"You look familiar," he says.

"You don't," I say.

He says, "I don't think it's gonna pick up today.

Why don't we do something together?"

"I don't think so.

I ain't into it," is my response, heh.

So I turn around, and I see this potential trick

pulling up in his car, and I'm thinking,

"Here comes lunch.

There goes lunch,"

because he drives right past me

and makes a beeline for the gimp.

I guess the chump wants to hump the stump.

So baldy gets in the car, and I'm out of business.

Now, get this. Meanwhile,

another baldy is strolling up the other side of the street,

but this one's hot.

So I'm checking him out,

but he only has eyes for old peg-leg,

who's already hooked up with Billy Ray Jaded, mister fetish.

Persistent schmuck that I am, now that the competition

is gone, I go, "Hey, hey, hey, hot skinhead.

"Hey, hey, hey, hot skinhead.

Hey, baby, come over here. I want to talk to you."

Then I go, "Hey, what's your name?"

"Piglet," he says. So I start singing,

I The wonderful thing about Piglet I

I ls Piglet's a wonderful thing I

Come over here. I want to talk to you."

And after serenading him and everything,

he just ups and walks away,

into the cemetery, no less.

Ah, what the hell.

Life, it'll kill you.

[rock music]

II

[rock music]

II

(man) Hello there, young man.

Is there something the matter with you?

I'm just thinking about something.

Are you grieving for a loved one?

Kind 0f.

I'm sorry. Do you come here often?

No. Yeah.

Not here, but the area.

So you spend a lot of time on Santa Monica Boulevard?

Yeah.

Do you work on the Boulevard somewhere?

Well, yeah, everywhere.

Does that mean that you're working now?

Maybe.

I'm gonna be so bold as to ask you

if I could purchase your services.

Are you a cop?

(man) I beg your pardon?

If you are, you have a legal obligation to tell me.

Listen, baby boy, I'm not a cop.

I'm a mortician.

Okay then, let's go.

[rock music]

II

(Jurgen) The Hollywood Cemetery,

the final resting place of Valentino, Clifton Webb,

Peter Lorre, Douglas Fairbanks Jr.,

Jayne Mansfield, Joan Hackett,

Virginia Rappe,

the list goes on.

The Hollywood Knickerbocker Hotel,

where famed costume designer Irene threw herself

out of a window over unrequited love for Elizabeth Taylor.

How sad-making.

Nowadays, Hollywood seems to have been

taken over by ubiquitous religious cults.

(man) Let me see.

Just as I thought, a perfect fit.

[laughing]

Just kidding. [chuckles]

Let me go get myself ready.

Make yourself at home.

[door closes]

[zippers zipping]

[rustling]

[zipper zipping]

I'll be just a moment.

Just hang on for one more minute.

[zipper zipping]

Are you okay out there? [zippers zipping]

Please be patient. I'm almost ready.

[zippers zipping]

Are you ready?

[zippers zipping]

[rustling]

[laughing]

[laughing]

[laughing]

(man) I'm not trying to scare you,

and I hope you don't mind,

but you have to wear a condom,

- please. - Yeah, sure.

I don't think you need to worry about anything, though.

I'm sure it's considered safe sex.

Well, safe as it may be, you never know, so...

Yeah, well, I hope you've got some big ones.

As a matter of fact,

I've been waiting to meet a person like you.

It just so happens I've got large and extra large.

Yeah? I'm gonna need the extra large.

Are you a sadist?

[man laughing]

I hope you know what you're doing.

[laughing]

I'm gonna take that hope of yours and shove it up your ass.

[laughing]

[tape ripping]

[slow music]

II

[tape ripping]

Are you okay in there?

[chuckles]

(Jurgen) La, la, la.

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

La, la, la.

Now, let's see.

Monti, a perfect ten across the board,

mind, body, face, soul,

and teeth.

You look like someone.

Thank you.

You want some company?

- No, thank you, please. - Come on.

- We both know why you're here. - I assure you,

I am here strictly for anthropological reasons.

I'm conducting research for a book I'm writing.

Whatever you say, grandma.

[Scoffs]

[rock music]

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me.

Excuse me?

What-y?

L--| was wondering if I might have a quiet word with you.

Why don't you buy me a drink?

Well, for that matter, why don't you buy me a drink?

Pfft.

No, no, no, wait, wait,

I think I might have something of yours.

- Shit. - No, no, no, no.

I just want to return it to you.

Ithought you were gonna bust me.

What?

Never mind.

No, no, no,

I found it at your little al fresco gymnasium.

Right.

- Thanks again. - Okay.

[heavy metal music]

II

[classical music]

II

[rock music]

II

(man) Do you know this guy named Jurgen Anger?

(Monti) Yeah, he's kind of a queer one.

He's pretty cool, though.

(man) You liked him?

(Monti) Yeah, he's all right.

(man) Where did you meet him?

(Monti) He kind of chased me for a while.

(man) Why was he chasing you?

(Monti) 'Cause he found a shirt with blood on it.

(man) Whose shirt was it?

(Monti) My shirt.

[somber rock music]

II

What are you doing?

Destroying evidence.

Evidence of what?

Never mind.

I don't believe we've been formally introduced.

My name is Jurgen Anger.

Any relation to Kenneth?

I think not.

And you are?

Monti, Monti Ward.

I have a little proposition for you, Mr. Ward.

Look, studly, I think you're quite cool and everything,

but you're not exactly what I look for in a date.

I have to be able to get it up.

No, no, no, you misunderstand me, Montgomery.

I merely want to conduct an extensive interview with you

about the history of hustling in Hollywood-.

It would merely entail me driving you around,

you showing me the sights--

Shh, no, I'm not interested.

I could pay you $1,000.

[funk music]

II

After so many vice busts,

the scene moved briefly from Pershing Square in downtown L.A.

to Hollywood Boulevard,

then directly north to Selma Avenue,

which became the bastion of hustling activity

in the late '70s.

[pop music on radio]

II

[electronic dance music]

- Hello? (man on phone) Yes, what is it?

Speak up. Don't waste my time.

Yeah, is this the L.A. Posse escorts?

(man on phone) Yes, it is.

Yeah, I was wondering if I could schedule, like,

an interview today?

- An interview? - Uh-huh.

- Are you experienced? - Yeah.

I think that can be arranged.

9442 Santa Monica Boulevard.

Okay.

We have an opening, but you better hurry.

All right, thanks.

Hurry now.

All right, bye.

[euro-pop dance music]

II

Hel-Io.

I think I have the wrong place.

I was supposed to come in here for an interview?

Oh, you've come to the right place, all right.

Yes, I think you'll do quite nicely.

I don't really think I fit in here.

Maybe I should just go.

Why don't you stay a while?

I believe we have a place for you in our organization

somewhere.

[moaning]

[overlapping laughter, moaning, chatter]

Look at that shit hole.

Yeah, that's what I'm talking about, come on!

(man) I'll be out in a moment.

Go ahead and make yourself at home.

[zipper lowering]

Come on, give me that onion ass.

Ooh, ooh, smells so good, it makes my eyes cross.

Yeah. Ooh, you're a fucking Keebler.

Look at this fucking Keebler.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, spread them.

Let me see those cookie buns.

Let me see them. Come on.

I'm gonna do a Nicole on you.

Fucking chicken.

Little piss-chicken snow.

What a chicken piss snow ass.

At least use a condom.

This is how we gonna do it, huh?

This is mine, huh?

Oh, this is good.

Ah!

This is great, ooh!

Save me!

Ohh...ahh...ahh...

(Monti) The main cruising route on Santa Monica Boulevard

extends in a figure eight from the Circus of Books

at its westernmost point to the Pierce Brothers Mortuary

at its easternmost point.

The circuit is affectionately known by the hustlers

as The Loop.

The parking lots of these two locations

form the ends of the figure eight.

The most easterly section of the loop

is preferred by black hustlers,

and it becomes lighter the further west you go.

Once you pass Spaulding going west, you enter the free zone,

where mere cruising overtakes hustling.

You may find a stray virgin hustler in this zone,

but the prospects are slim.

The Circus of Books parking lot is ground zero.

You won't find any hustlers here,

just horny civilians looking for a free, quick dickie.

Informative.

Hell, yeah.

Don't run from this dick, now. Ooh.

Been waiting on this.

Let me feel that boy pussy, man, come on.

[repeated grunting]

Oh, yeah.

Don't run from this dick, now.

Ooh...ooh.

That nut felt good.

[door creaking]

So what do you want me to do?

Put this on.

[female singer vocalizing]

(Monti) Rule of thumb.

Traveling east to west on the Boulevard,

you go from black to white to rainbow--

you know, as in the gay flag--

until you're in Santa Monica proper.

And at the end of the rainbow is Stupid Light.

(Jurgen) Stupid Light? (Monti) Bookstore.

(Monti) Oh, you mean A Different Light.

- Whatever. - What are the going rates?

Really desperate?

$5 or a place to stay or something to eat.

I even knew a guy who lost track of the value of money

and would sell himself for a buck a fuck.

Desperate: $20, the standard low-end figure.

High-end:, 300 bucks. It all depends

on the kind of car the date is driving.

What are they doing over there?

Just taking a little hustler nap.

Let's get unconscious.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

You're the whitest white boy I ever did see.

Yeah.

[beeper going off]

- Shit. - Not mine.

- Ain't mine.

- That my beeper going off?

Whose beeper is that going off?

Oh, it's mine. Does somebody have a phone?

- Hello? - It's Roger V. Deem.

- Yeah? - I'm doing another project.

I can be there in half an hour.

I'm teaming you up with a Versace model.

Cool. Bye.

Next?

[laughs]

(Monti) Contrary to popular belief,

the hustlers work mostly during the day.

Lunch hour is popular with the businessmen,

especially the married ones,

although boys have been spotted working the Boulevard

as early as 8:00 a.m..

There's the Tomkat, the gay porno theater.

Notice the impressions of the hands and feet

of the famous porn stars in the cement out front.

(Jurgen) Just like Grauman's Chinese.

Something like that.

So you think you were raped?

My dear, that wasn't rape.

That was merely an exercise in Black power.

Actually, I'm impressed.

Nine huge black penises in a half hour,

pretty good for a piece of high snow twinkie trash like you.

A million-man march wouldn't slow you down any, I'm sure.

Oh, you've come to the right place, all right.

Here is the real seat of Black power.

Crawl.

Crawl!

[laughs maniacally]

Did you have a refreshing Jacuzzi, Montgomery?

Yup. Monti.

Monti.

You must be exhausted after our little drive today.

Yup.

Our little tour, as it were.

Yup.

You know what, Jergens?

You've got a really--

You got a really hot set-up here.

Thank you.

You know,

now that we're collaborators and everything--

Well, you know, you can do anything you like,

if you like.

On me. No charge.

Do you really mean it?

Go right ahead.

Sure?

Well, that sounds wonderful.

Maybe I should make us some drinks,

or you might want to stay for dinner.

I make a mean lasagna.

Sure, what the hell.

Okay, margaritas.

Why don't I make us a couple of margaritas?

Oh, do you take yours with or without salt?

Salt.

Salt, okay. So just make yourself at home.

Why don't you have another Jacuzzi?

That's what it's there for.

And don't steal anything.

Just--just wait.

Okay, I'll be right back.

Well.

(Monti voice-over) Well, this is where you came in,

back at the Jacuzzi again,

the one I always wanted.

He fished me out ever so gently.

Funny how gentle people get with dead bodies.

[Coil's Tainted Love playing]

(man) Why do hustlers like to wear white?

(Monti) Purity.

(man) Do you wear white?

(Monti) Yeah.

See?

(man) Are you gay or straight?

(Monti) I'm a hustler.

[Tainted Love resumes]

3 Get away I

I From the pain I

I You drove into the heart of me I

I The love we share I

I Seems to 5

I Go nowhere 5

And I

I Lost my light I

X For Hess and tum I

I I can't sleep at night I

[strumming guitar]

Hey, did you guys hear about this half-burned body

they found in the crematorium?

(others) Nah.

Right over in the Hollywood Cemetery.

I tell you, the body wasn't supposed to be there.

You know what I say, is they were trying to fucking

dump him off.

So imagine this:

The place fucking explodes, bodies all over.

Fucking bodies were everywhere, the sky-.

The fucking place burns up. Totally fucked up!

There was an explosion and everything.

Picture this.

The guy had one leg missing. -Jesus.

- That's fucking disgusting. - That's what I said.

And he was wearing this black leather mask.

Black hood over his head.

- Fucking wow. - That's hot.

- No way! - Disgusting.

Yeah, that's what I say.

It's fucking shit, man. - Wow.

I believe the mortician's in custody.

They're gonna nail his ass, man.

It's fucked up, if you ask me.

I believe one of the morticians done it.

[strumming and singing continues]

Aw, no way! That's fucking shit.

(voice-over) I told you I don't like kissing.

I told you I don't like it.

What the fuck's the matter with you?

[mellow rock music]

II

(man) Do you know this guy named Jurgen Anger?

(Monti) Yeah, he--

You know, he-- he asks you questions.

When he talks to you, he, like--

He looks in your eyes, you know,

and when he asks you questions, he actually asks--

waits for the answers, you know?

It's cool. It's cool.

(man) Do you like him?

(Monti) Yeah, he's all right.

(man) How much do you like him?

Are you in love with him?

(Monti) I don't think you can fall in love with somebody like that,

but, you know...

He's pretty--

He's cute.

[mellow rock music]

II

I like this place.

We can just sit here for a little while,

if that's okay with you.

I bet you used to like the beach.

You know, there's something that I've been meaning to tell you.

I never got a chance to.

I fell in love with you

the moment I saw you on the Boulevard,

that exact moment.

I'm cold.

You must be cold, too.

I left my coat in the car.

I'm gonna go get it.

You stay here. Don't move.

And don't steal anything.

[coughing up water]

(Jurgen) You're alive.

What happened?

(Jurgen) You slipped and hit your head on the side of the Jacuzzi.

L--| thought you were dead.

I was going to dump your body in the ocean.

Oh.

I've been meaning to tell you something.

I think I've killed someone.

I don't want to hear this.

That t-shirt you found?

I used it to mop up the hit-and-run.

Please stop.

No, you must listen.

Don't you have to own a car to commit a hit-and-run?

Stolen.

Oh.

Well, I don't care.

These things don't matter to me.

You're alive.

That's all that matters.

Yeah, what the hell?

It's only life.

Yes, but it's mine.

[quiet samba music]

II

[man scatting]

[rock music]

II

I Sometimes I feel I

I I've got to runaway I

I I've got to get away I

I From the pain you drive through the heart of me I

I The love we share I

I Seems to go nowhere 5

I And I've lost my life I

I And I toss and turn, I can't sleep at night I

I Once I ran to you I

I Now I run from you I

I This tainted love you've given I

I Give you all a boy could give you I

I Take my tears and that's not nearly all I

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

II

I Now I know I've got to run away ♪

I I've got to get away I

I You don't really want anymore from me I

I To make things right I

I You need someone to hold you tight I

I And think love is a game I

I Well, I'm sorry, I don't play that way I

I Once I ran to you I

I Now I run from you I

I This tainted love you've given I

I Give you all a boy could give you I

I Take my tears and that's not nearly all I

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

II

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

I Don't touch me, please I

I I cannot stand the way you tease I

I I love you though you hurt me so I

I Now I'm gonna pack my things and go I

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

I Tainted love I

(man) Let it go. Come on.

Come on, man. Let it go.

Come on.

[speaking German]

[moaning]