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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:07,549 --> 00:00:08,550 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 2 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,593 Where the fuck have you been hiding? 3 00:00:11,344 --> 00:00:12,554 I messed up. 4 00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:15,306 {\an8}- Where you staying? - Back at the flat. 5 00:00:15,306 --> 00:00:17,225 {\an8}GLORIA: What, you're squatting? 6 00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,811 {\an8}No, Selby sorted it. 7 00:00:19,811 --> 00:00:22,230 So, Florian Selby's back in the free world. 8 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:25,150 {\an8}- God help us all. - When the shit hits the fan, 9 00:00:25,150 --> 00:00:27,402 {\an8}sometimes you need a man like Selby. 10 00:00:27,402 --> 00:00:29,237 GLORIA: That's just not true. 11 00:00:29,237 --> 00:00:30,905 COSTELLO JONES: I've gotta to work. 12 00:00:30,905 --> 00:00:32,574 {\an8}I'll make it up to you, yeah? 13 00:00:35,660 --> 00:00:37,912 How are we this fine morning? 14 00:00:37,912 --> 00:00:41,332 {\an8}Tired. And I've got a gushing case of the thrush. 15 00:00:41,332 --> 00:00:44,878 - Not perfect conditions for showing my minge. - (CHUCKLES) 16 00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:46,755 {\an8}But, hey, at least we're not homeless. 17 00:00:46,755 --> 00:00:48,798 {\an8}LOLLY: Heard you got rolled by the feds the other night. 18 00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:50,300 COSTELLO: Yeah, me and the kid got accused 19 00:00:50,300 --> 00:00:52,677 {\an8}of breaking and entering into our own home, 20 00:00:52,677 --> 00:00:54,554 {\an8}which is fucking madness. 21 00:00:54,554 --> 00:00:56,723 - All sorted now? - Yep. 22 00:00:56,723 --> 00:00:58,391 {\an8}Normal service has resumed. 23 00:00:58,391 --> 00:01:02,479 {\an8}I'm skint and shit out of luck, as usual. 24 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:06,816 {\an8}- ♪ ("IN THE DEEP END" PLAYING) ♪ - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 25 00:01:06,816 --> 00:01:08,860 Get on the OnlyFans like everyone else. 26 00:01:08,860 --> 00:01:11,321 No, I don't want that shit on the internet. 27 00:01:12,489 --> 00:01:15,200 I want people to take my writing seriously. 28 00:01:19,204 --> 00:01:20,413 Okay. 29 00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:24,292 Pussy check, ladies. Chop, chop. 30 00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:26,085 ♪ ("RIDERS" BY JOHN J. PRESLEY PLAYING) ♪ 31 00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:28,630 ♪ Writing my confessions ♪ 32 00:01:29,631 --> 00:01:31,466 ♪ Down in the sand ♪ 33 00:01:33,092 --> 00:01:35,011 ♪ Pawn the reckless... ♪ 34 00:01:35,011 --> 00:01:36,221 (COINS RATTLING) 35 00:01:36,221 --> 00:01:38,556 ♪ I got first hand ♪ 36 00:01:43,269 --> 00:01:44,938 {\an8}Costello Jones, isn't it? 37 00:01:46,397 --> 00:01:48,733 - Who the fuck you are you? - Sophie Fenster. 38 00:01:48,733 --> 00:01:50,902 {\an8}I-- I write for the London Reformer. 39 00:01:50,902 --> 00:01:52,070 {\an8}I follow you online. 40 00:01:52,070 --> 00:01:55,323 {\an8}I'm-- I'm a big fan of what you write and stand for. 41 00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:57,033 {\an8}I think you're mistaken, darling. 42 00:01:57,033 --> 00:01:59,077 {\an8}I don't stand for a fucking thing. 43 00:02:00,912 --> 00:02:05,542 {\an8}♪ The rider approaches Upon the horizon... ♪ 44 00:02:05,542 --> 00:02:07,627 I don't talk to journalists either. 45 00:02:07,627 --> 00:02:10,672 (SCOFFS) No, I-- I get it. We-- We're awful. 46 00:02:10,672 --> 00:02:12,382 Do you wanna see my fanny? 47 00:02:14,050 --> 00:02:17,887 I'm not here to judge you. I'm here to pass the mic. 48 00:02:17,887 --> 00:02:21,432 Well, be prepared to have it returned sticky. 49 00:02:21,432 --> 00:02:22,934 (SOPHIE FENSTER CHUCKLES) 50 00:02:22,934 --> 00:02:26,813 I'd love to do an interview with you, Costello. 51 00:02:26,813 --> 00:02:29,691 Fuck your interview, I'm a writer. 52 00:02:29,691 --> 00:02:33,152 I tell my own stories. Thank you. 53 00:02:37,490 --> 00:02:41,452 Come on, you fucking slut. (PANTS) 54 00:02:41,452 --> 00:02:44,956 Okay, well, how about you write your story? 55 00:02:44,956 --> 00:02:48,042 About working here. In your own words. 56 00:02:49,335 --> 00:02:51,421 Yeah, but I want paying for it. 57 00:02:51,421 --> 00:02:52,839 Well, how much do you want? 58 00:02:53,673 --> 00:02:55,049 Five hundred. 59 00:02:55,049 --> 00:02:57,594 And I'm not writing any sad stories. 60 00:02:57,594 --> 00:03:00,388 I'm not going to be your liberals' victim of the week. 61 00:03:00,388 --> 00:03:03,182 I think this might be the break you've been dreaming of. 62 00:03:03,182 --> 00:03:05,935 CRACKHEAD: What is this? A fucking job center? 63 00:03:05,935 --> 00:03:08,313 Take off your knickers, come on. 64 00:03:08,313 --> 00:03:13,026 (PANTS, MOANS) 65 00:03:14,777 --> 00:03:17,155 - Fuck you, I'll do it. - CRACKHEAD: Yes. 66 00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:20,867 (MOANS, PANTS) Yes. Yes. 67 00:03:20,867 --> 00:03:22,285 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 68 00:03:22,285 --> 00:03:24,537 It was well weird when you weren't here. 69 00:03:24,537 --> 00:03:26,331 Mom went wine crazy. 70 00:03:27,165 --> 00:03:29,292 I think I'm gonna need therapy. 71 00:03:29,292 --> 00:03:32,211 Who do you think you are? Tony Soprano? 72 00:03:32,211 --> 00:03:34,672 Well, I'm more of a Christopher type. 73 00:03:34,672 --> 00:03:36,716 And I don't want none of that CBT crap. 74 00:03:36,716 --> 00:03:38,718 It's Dr. Melfi or nothing. 75 00:03:38,718 --> 00:03:40,094 Oh, you wanna go private, do you? 76 00:03:40,094 --> 00:03:41,304 - Harley Street? - Yeah. 77 00:03:41,304 --> 00:03:43,348 Well, look it never work for me, but I can certainly 78 00:03:43,348 --> 00:03:44,682 look into it for you. 79 00:03:52,732 --> 00:03:54,400 How long you going to keep this up for? 80 00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,736 I've apologized like 15 times. 81 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:59,155 - What you apologizing for? - GLORIA: Dad. 82 00:03:59,155 --> 00:04:03,201 Everything. Taking a selfie with that hot dead guy. 83 00:04:03,201 --> 00:04:05,078 And getting pissed at work. 84 00:04:05,078 --> 00:04:06,621 Taking the shit in the mourners' toilet 85 00:04:06,621 --> 00:04:08,581 and blaming it on the old widow. 86 00:04:08,581 --> 00:04:12,126 - Driving the hearse while high on E that time-- - Stop talking. 87 00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,463 Do a girl a favor and forgive me. 88 00:04:17,590 --> 00:04:18,925 Good job on him. 89 00:04:21,970 --> 00:04:23,054 How many guests we got? 90 00:04:23,054 --> 00:04:24,722 (BREATHES DEEPLY) Poor old bastard 91 00:04:24,722 --> 00:04:27,266 had hardly any family and no money, so probably none. 92 00:04:27,809 --> 00:04:28,851 But make it nice. 93 00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,980 put some music on, in case someone does show up. 94 00:04:31,980 --> 00:04:35,483 - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 95 00:04:35,483 --> 00:04:37,610 No, don't show them to Fen, he's a big cheat. 96 00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:41,489 {\an8}(IN MANDARIN) 97 00:04:41,489 --> 00:04:43,282 (IN ENGLISH) Go easy on him. 98 00:04:44,867 --> 00:04:47,453 So, what was it like looking after your mom? 99 00:04:48,162 --> 00:04:49,205 Tiring. 100 00:04:50,456 --> 00:04:53,209 It was a nightmare. I was very frightened. 101 00:04:53,209 --> 00:04:56,212 Sometimes I thought I'd never get out. Never... 102 00:04:57,380 --> 00:04:58,923 get away from her. 103 00:04:58,923 --> 00:05:00,341 Well, it sounds horrible. 104 00:05:00,341 --> 00:05:03,261 Hmm. She made me sleep in a bunk bed. 105 00:05:03,261 --> 00:05:05,638 - Oh, no, that's cool. - FLORIAN SELBY: No, it wasn't cool. 106 00:05:05,638 --> 00:05:07,098 Creaked every time I turned over, 107 00:05:07,098 --> 00:05:08,641 the mattress was lumpy 108 00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,685 and the sheets scratched my skin. 109 00:05:11,519 --> 00:05:16,107 {\an8}(IN MANDARIN) 110 00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:19,318 - (IN ENGLISH) What's he saying? - Nothing. 111 00:05:19,318 --> 00:05:21,404 Now, say "Mahjong." 112 00:05:23,489 --> 00:05:26,367 - Mahjong! - And take everyone's money. 113 00:05:29,078 --> 00:05:31,748 No. When you win, you don't say "Mahjong," 114 00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,041 you say, "Hu Le." 115 00:05:33,624 --> 00:05:36,794 So, you lose. 116 00:05:36,794 --> 00:05:39,672 - Hu Le! - (CHUCKLES) 117 00:05:39,672 --> 00:05:41,841 {\an8}(SIGHS, IN MANDARIN) 118 00:05:45,511 --> 00:05:50,767 ♪ (“WEREWOLVES OF LONDON” BY WARREN ZEVON PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS) ♪ 119 00:06:00,151 --> 00:06:03,696 ♪ I saw a werewolf with A Chinese menu in his hand ♪ 120 00:06:05,490 --> 00:06:08,534 ♪ Walking through the streets Of Soho in the rain ♪ 121 00:06:10,369 --> 00:06:13,623 ♪ He was looking for the place Called Lee Ho Fooks ♪ 122 00:06:15,166 --> 00:06:18,419 ♪ Gonna get a big dish Of beef chow mein ♪ 123 00:06:20,046 --> 00:06:23,341 ♪ Ah-hoo Werewolves of London... ♪ 124 00:06:25,218 --> 00:06:27,095 PAUL: (IN ENGLISH) This looks like my kinda party. 125 00:06:27,095 --> 00:06:28,971 Oh, my God, I am so sorry. 126 00:06:29,639 --> 00:06:31,099 Nah, it's fine, mate. 127 00:06:31,099 --> 00:06:33,059 ♪ Werewolves of London ♪ 128 00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:37,438 ♪ Ah-hoo... ♪ 129 00:06:37,438 --> 00:06:39,107 I am sorry for your loss. 130 00:06:40,358 --> 00:06:42,068 Let's get a look at him, then. 131 00:06:44,529 --> 00:06:47,115 ♪ You better not let him in... ♪ 132 00:06:47,115 --> 00:06:49,742 PAUL: This is the first time I've seen him in 45 years. 133 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,995 He looks better than I remember. 134 00:06:54,205 --> 00:06:55,623 I'll give you some time alone. 135 00:06:56,374 --> 00:06:58,084 PAUL: Would you mind staying? 136 00:06:58,084 --> 00:07:00,294 Wanna have a drink with the old man. 137 00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:02,171 ♪ Werewolves of London... ♪ 138 00:07:04,465 --> 00:07:06,509 Start that track again, will you? 139 00:07:06,509 --> 00:07:08,344 He'd have loved it. 140 00:07:08,344 --> 00:07:10,847 As long as you're not expecting me to dance for you. 141 00:07:13,266 --> 00:07:15,226 ♪ (SONG RESTARTS) ♪ 142 00:07:18,312 --> 00:07:22,275 Oh, no, no. I don't day drink, no more. 143 00:07:23,192 --> 00:07:24,777 - (BEER CAN POPS) - (GLORIA CHUCKLES) 144 00:07:32,535 --> 00:07:34,203 (CHUCKLES) Oh, fuck it. 145 00:07:34,203 --> 00:07:36,122 ♪ I saw a werewolf With a Chinese menu... ♪ 146 00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,456 - (BEER CAN POPS) - (GRUNTS) 147 00:07:40,459 --> 00:07:41,586 (GROANS) 148 00:07:45,673 --> 00:07:47,842 - (CHUCKLES) - To Dad. 149 00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:53,556 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 150 00:07:58,102 --> 00:08:01,856 Selby, I feel like I'm in a movie montage. 151 00:08:01,856 --> 00:08:04,066 Oh, that's how I live my life. 152 00:08:04,066 --> 00:08:06,277 Just make sure it's a good movie, darling. 153 00:08:10,781 --> 00:08:11,908 Mahjong! 154 00:08:12,366 --> 00:08:15,369 ♪ Ah-hoo ♪ 155 00:08:15,369 --> 00:08:19,582 (MOANS) Is this disrespectful? 156 00:08:19,582 --> 00:08:21,417 (GRUNTS) From what I remember of him, 157 00:08:21,417 --> 00:08:23,002 this is probably the only thing I've done 158 00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:24,712 - that would've make him proud. - (MOANS) 159 00:08:24,712 --> 00:08:27,048 (BOTH MOAN) 160 00:08:27,048 --> 00:08:29,550 ♪ (SONG FADES) ♪ 161 00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:35,723 - (KEYBOARD CLACKING) - (SIRENS WAILING IN DISTANCE) 162 00:08:47,151 --> 00:08:50,947 (DOOR OPENING, CLOSING) 163 00:08:51,948 --> 00:08:53,699 COSTELLO: Hello, bubs. 164 00:08:53,699 --> 00:08:55,409 How's the genius writer doing? 165 00:08:58,162 --> 00:08:59,247 Come on, you need a break. 166 00:09:01,499 --> 00:09:05,461 Just need to make sure that this is really good. 167 00:09:05,461 --> 00:09:06,671 Yes, it will be, 168 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:09,382 just stick some duck in your gob and take five minutes. 169 00:09:12,510 --> 00:09:15,304 - COSTELLO: Give me a sec. - Come on! 170 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,849 - (EXHALES) - Can't believe you're writing 171 00:09:18,849 --> 00:09:21,978 for those champagne socialists. Oh, look, look, look. 172 00:09:21,978 --> 00:09:24,105 The only way they'd let you into the liberal palace 173 00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,606 is if you're bloody cleaning it. 174 00:09:25,606 --> 00:09:28,734 Hmm. I'll just have to break the locks then. 175 00:09:31,445 --> 00:09:32,530 Here. 176 00:09:34,198 --> 00:09:37,785 (SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE) 177 00:09:37,785 --> 00:09:40,288 (INDISTINCT CHATTER IN DISTANCE) 178 00:09:41,789 --> 00:09:44,083 Wish we could do this all again tomorrow. 179 00:09:44,875 --> 00:09:46,919 We can't 'cause Ava's party. 180 00:09:46,919 --> 00:09:48,337 (SELBY GROANS SOFTLY) 181 00:09:48,337 --> 00:09:50,172 Can we get her a decent present? 182 00:09:52,425 --> 00:09:55,344 Can't get rich people shit from Argos, can you? 183 00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:56,637 (CHUCKLES) 184 00:09:56,637 --> 00:09:58,931 (KNOCKING ON DOOR) 185 00:09:59,849 --> 00:10:00,933 (SOFTLY) I love you. 186 00:10:02,018 --> 00:10:03,853 Love you, too. 187 00:10:03,853 --> 00:10:05,396 - (KNOCKING ON DOOR) - GLORIA: Costello, 188 00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:08,149 I've got a new man. He's old as fuck, let me in. 189 00:10:08,149 --> 00:10:09,233 (CHUCKLING) 190 00:10:09,233 --> 00:10:11,652 - Oh, hey! - PAUL: How you doing, all right? 191 00:10:12,611 --> 00:10:13,863 GLORIA: This is Paul. 192 00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:16,198 I can't believe you've done this. 193 00:10:17,074 --> 00:10:18,159 Chill out, you soppy bitch. 194 00:10:18,159 --> 00:10:20,202 Dad was gonna throw it in the skip anyway. 195 00:10:21,162 --> 00:10:22,663 Selby is here. 196 00:10:23,372 --> 00:10:25,124 Oh, is he? 197 00:10:25,124 --> 00:10:28,169 Well, we aren't afraid of Florian Selby, are we, Paul? 198 00:10:28,169 --> 00:10:30,796 PAUL: (CHUCKLES) Maybe. Who's Florian Selby? 199 00:10:30,796 --> 00:10:34,175 Yes, Gloria, who is Florian Selby? 200 00:10:34,175 --> 00:10:36,594 - Some public school prick. - Objection! 201 00:10:36,594 --> 00:10:38,387 GLORIA: And he just got out of prison. 202 00:10:38,387 --> 00:10:40,806 For protecting Costello, Paul. 203 00:10:40,806 --> 00:10:45,353 This is all very entertaining, but I do have a deadline 204 00:10:45,353 --> 00:10:46,520 - tomorrow. - Yes. 205 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:47,855 Thank you for stopping by. 206 00:10:47,855 --> 00:10:50,274 Absolute pleasure to meet you, Paul. 207 00:10:50,274 --> 00:10:53,444 And, uh-- If you are planning intercourse with this one, 208 00:10:53,444 --> 00:10:54,862 may I suggest three condoms. 209 00:10:54,862 --> 00:10:56,864 Two on the cock, one on the head, just be safe. 210 00:10:56,864 --> 00:10:58,657 Costello, he's insane. 211 00:10:58,657 --> 00:11:00,368 (SELBY CHUCKLES, IMITATES BARK) 212 00:11:00,368 --> 00:11:03,537 (IMITATES BARK) 213 00:11:03,537 --> 00:11:06,082 GLORIA: This is why you were locked up, Selby. 214 00:11:06,082 --> 00:11:07,708 - (SELBY HOWLS) - GLORIA: Go away! 215 00:11:07,708 --> 00:11:08,918 (DOOR CLOSING) 216 00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:18,677 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 217 00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:28,437 That's not helping. 218 00:12:00,553 --> 00:12:03,639 (ELEVATOR WHIRRING) 219 00:12:09,395 --> 00:12:11,730 COSTELLO: Lenny, are you decent? 220 00:12:11,730 --> 00:12:13,441 (LENNY WILSON CHUCKLING) 221 00:12:13,441 --> 00:12:14,650 (DOOR OPENING) 222 00:12:16,110 --> 00:12:17,653 (COSTELLO SIGHING) 223 00:12:20,364 --> 00:12:22,491 - Aren't you filthy? - (LAUGHS WHEEZINGLY) 224 00:12:22,491 --> 00:12:25,286 - (COUGHS) - (COSTELLO CHUCKLES) 225 00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:27,621 - Right. - (LENNY COUGHING) 226 00:12:36,005 --> 00:12:38,883 (SIREN WAILING IN DISTANCE) 227 00:12:41,385 --> 00:12:43,846 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 228 00:12:52,938 --> 00:12:56,066 (CHAIR SCRAPES) 229 00:13:03,532 --> 00:13:06,076 - (SELBY SIGHS) - ATTENDEE 1: ...Here we go. 230 00:13:06,702 --> 00:13:09,622 (INDISTINCT CHATTER) 231 00:13:10,998 --> 00:13:12,082 (ATTENDEE 2 COUGHS) 232 00:13:12,833 --> 00:13:13,876 Sir. 233 00:13:17,963 --> 00:13:19,798 We're waiting for you to start. 234 00:13:26,096 --> 00:13:27,139 Ah, yes. 235 00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:30,351 Yes. 236 00:13:32,978 --> 00:13:34,313 Gentlemen... 237 00:13:36,524 --> 00:13:37,816 welcome to Punch Club. 238 00:13:40,361 --> 00:13:41,654 First rule of Punch Club, 239 00:13:42,821 --> 00:13:43,906 you don't punch anyone. 240 00:13:45,241 --> 00:13:50,120 Second rule of Punch Club, you do not... 241 00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,289 punch anyone, seriously, it defeats the purpose 242 00:13:52,289 --> 00:13:54,041 of you being here. It's kind of the point. 243 00:13:54,041 --> 00:13:57,795 - The third rule of Punch Club-- - MATT: What are you doing? 244 00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:01,340 I'm your new group leader. 245 00:14:01,340 --> 00:14:03,634 - (ATTENDEES GROAN) - ATTENDEE 3: Oh, God. 246 00:14:03,634 --> 00:14:04,969 What's your name? 247 00:14:04,969 --> 00:14:07,846 - (CLICKS TONGUE) Uh, Selby. - ATTENDEE 4: Fucking dickhead. 248 00:14:07,846 --> 00:14:10,099 - Florian Selby. - SELBY: Mm, that's right. 249 00:14:10,099 --> 00:14:11,725 Sit down, please, Florian. 250 00:14:11,725 --> 00:14:13,894 (ATTENDEES CHUCKLE) 251 00:14:17,982 --> 00:14:19,149 My name is Matt. 252 00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,318 And this is a rehabilitation group for men 253 00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:23,612 who have committed violent crimes. 254 00:14:23,612 --> 00:14:25,030 You should know it is a requirement 255 00:14:25,030 --> 00:14:27,157 of your probation to regularly attend this group 256 00:14:27,157 --> 00:14:29,868 or you will be returned to prison. 257 00:14:31,328 --> 00:14:32,496 This is no joke. 258 00:14:38,294 --> 00:14:41,547 (COUGHS) 259 00:14:43,382 --> 00:14:44,425 Would you... 260 00:14:47,386 --> 00:14:48,804 - (LIGHTER CLICKS) - (SNIFFS) 261 00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,350 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 262 00:14:54,351 --> 00:14:55,519 Thank you, darling. 263 00:14:55,519 --> 00:14:57,813 COSTELLO: I'm writing a thing for the London Reformer 264 00:14:57,813 --> 00:15:00,232 and they are getting all the gory details, so... 265 00:15:00,232 --> 00:15:02,318 Come on, do your worst. 266 00:15:02,318 --> 00:15:05,904 Be as filthy as you like, it's all going in my article. 267 00:15:05,904 --> 00:15:08,282 Well, don't they dare change my name. 268 00:15:08,282 --> 00:15:11,035 I'm Lenny Wilson. Proud pervert. 269 00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:13,370 - Don't piss on my hard-on. - (CHUCKLES) 270 00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:16,040 I may not be famous for my art... 271 00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:19,126 but I wanna leave something behind. 272 00:15:20,085 --> 00:15:22,212 What are you doing? You cold? 273 00:15:22,212 --> 00:15:24,006 Oh, no, darling, just nothing worse 274 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,717 than frigid hands on a warm cock. 275 00:15:26,717 --> 00:15:29,637 (LAUGHS) 276 00:15:29,637 --> 00:15:31,096 LENNY: Tell your readers 277 00:15:31,096 --> 00:15:33,807 why I've been banned from the peep show. 278 00:15:33,807 --> 00:15:38,020 Because it's bad etiquette to spunk on a peep booth window. 279 00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:39,271 It stains. 280 00:15:39,271 --> 00:15:41,148 (LENNY CHUCKLES WHEEZILY) 281 00:15:41,148 --> 00:15:44,568 - Wokeness gone mad. - (CHUCKLES) 282 00:15:44,568 --> 00:15:47,321 LENNY: Not my fault I've got stubborn cum. 283 00:15:47,321 --> 00:15:48,906 (COSTELLO SIGHS) 284 00:15:48,906 --> 00:15:50,366 Oh. 285 00:15:50,366 --> 00:15:55,412 You are a cleaner, Costello. You've done such a good job. 286 00:15:56,955 --> 00:15:59,333 You're a real cleaner, aren't you? 287 00:15:59,333 --> 00:16:02,252 Tell me you're a real cleaner, I've always wanted one. 288 00:16:02,252 --> 00:16:04,797 (GROANS) Yes, I'm a real cleaner. 289 00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:10,552 I mean, it really isn't coming out. 290 00:16:10,552 --> 00:16:12,137 I'll have to get some white vinegar on it, 291 00:16:12,137 --> 00:16:15,349 - but want me to keep going? - LENNY: Mm. Mm. 292 00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:18,018 (BREATHES HEAVILY) 293 00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:20,521 I knocked my missus around for years. 294 00:16:21,689 --> 00:16:25,484 She always let me back. But I never changed. 295 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,528 This time though... 296 00:16:28,696 --> 00:16:29,822 it's different. 297 00:16:30,989 --> 00:16:32,282 Tell you what it is... 298 00:16:33,992 --> 00:16:36,036 (BREATHES DEEPLY) 299 00:16:37,454 --> 00:16:38,455 Paintball. 300 00:16:40,416 --> 00:16:43,210 I go paintball every Saturday. 301 00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,754 Shoot a load of kids, 302 00:16:46,797 --> 00:16:49,758 treat myself to some extra ammo, 303 00:16:49,758 --> 00:16:53,429 smoke bombs, armed to the teeth. 304 00:16:53,429 --> 00:16:57,850 Get generations of violence out of my system. 305 00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:02,396 Then I go home. 306 00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,481 Missus cooks a nice bit of dinner. 307 00:17:05,065 --> 00:17:06,275 We make love. 308 00:17:07,234 --> 00:17:11,029 - Lovely. - (LAUGHS) 309 00:17:11,029 --> 00:17:14,241 Oh, my God! I think I prefer prison. 310 00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:15,784 (CHUCKLES) 311 00:17:17,369 --> 00:17:21,206 Matthew, who do I need to suck off to get out of here? 312 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:26,503 (BREATHES SHAKILY) 313 00:17:27,254 --> 00:17:29,256 (MOANS) 314 00:17:29,882 --> 00:17:31,091 (EXHALES DEEPLY) 315 00:17:32,801 --> 00:17:35,137 (PANTS) 316 00:17:37,139 --> 00:17:39,808 (COUGHS) 317 00:17:39,808 --> 00:17:45,272 Ugh. It's an awful life we live, but we do it with such dignity. 318 00:17:45,272 --> 00:17:50,277 - (BREATHES HEAVILY) - (GROANS SOFTLY) Thanks, babe. 319 00:17:50,277 --> 00:17:53,906 Lenny, can I steal one of your paintings? 320 00:17:53,906 --> 00:17:55,783 Iris has a birthday party. 321 00:17:55,783 --> 00:17:58,660 Better take a present for the mom, stuck-up bitch. 322 00:17:59,244 --> 00:18:00,621 Take-- Take that. 323 00:18:02,664 --> 00:18:04,291 Your ex-wife's vag? 324 00:18:04,291 --> 00:18:06,376 Oh, you can't give that away. 325 00:18:06,376 --> 00:18:09,963 Oh, she always did, very generous woman. 326 00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:15,552 COSTELLO: What does that remind me of? 327 00:18:15,552 --> 00:18:18,889 How should I know it? All I see is gash. 328 00:18:20,098 --> 00:18:22,518 You're like a dad to me Lenny. 329 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:25,854 - One who rapes me. (CHUCKLES) - (CHUCKLES) 330 00:18:25,854 --> 00:18:29,358 - (COUGHS AND LAUGHS) - Oh, God. 331 00:18:32,736 --> 00:18:33,904 Might work. 332 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,490 Really looks like a pussy though. 333 00:18:36,490 --> 00:18:39,952 Oh, oh, I love it. (CHUCKLES) 334 00:18:39,952 --> 00:18:41,954 Thank you. (CHUCKLES) 335 00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:47,334 - (INDISTINCT CHATTER) - That is a very moving sunset. 336 00:18:47,334 --> 00:18:52,256 It looks familiar. Somewhere in India, perhaps? 337 00:18:52,256 --> 00:18:54,883 LUCY: I see a symbol of transience. 338 00:18:55,968 --> 00:18:57,052 IMMY: Oh. 339 00:18:57,052 --> 00:18:59,346 I don't think we're looking at something tangible. 340 00:18:59,346 --> 00:19:01,932 - Right. (CHUCKLES) - COSTELLO: Mm. 341 00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:07,437 So, Iris told Ava you're a writer. 342 00:19:09,273 --> 00:19:10,315 Yes. 343 00:19:10,315 --> 00:19:12,693 Oh, what are you working on at the moment? 344 00:19:12,693 --> 00:19:15,904 Um, an undercover, uh, project, 345 00:19:15,904 --> 00:19:18,031 um, at-- at a peep show. 346 00:19:18,031 --> 00:19:20,200 (GASPS) That is fascinating. 347 00:19:20,200 --> 00:19:23,370 Yeah. I mean, I get right in amongst it, It's... 348 00:19:23,370 --> 00:19:25,455 Oh, what, like Stacey Dooley? 349 00:19:25,455 --> 00:19:30,419 Uh, yeah, a little bit, uh, but think more Tom Wolfe, 350 00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:32,129 Joan Didion, you know, 351 00:19:32,129 --> 00:19:34,840 like, reporting the truth, subjectively, 352 00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,009 using fictional techniques. 353 00:19:37,009 --> 00:19:38,510 - LUCY: Sounds amazing. - (WOMEN CHATTERING) 354 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:41,430 - You are very bright. - Oh. (CHUCKLES) 355 00:19:41,430 --> 00:19:42,931 IMMY: You should have gone to university. 356 00:19:42,931 --> 00:19:47,811 I did. I got a First in English at Durham. 357 00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:49,855 - (WOMEN CHUCKLING) - Wow. (CHUCKLES) 358 00:19:49,855 --> 00:19:51,565 I might have a cracking pair of tits, 359 00:19:51,565 --> 00:19:53,525 but I'm also pretty fucking clever, so... 360 00:19:53,525 --> 00:19:56,653 - (WOMEN LAUGH) - We can't wait to read it. 361 00:19:56,653 --> 00:20:00,741 ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 362 00:20:03,118 --> 00:20:06,330 - LOLLY: Oh, God. - And it's... 363 00:20:07,372 --> 00:20:08,415 in. 364 00:20:08,415 --> 00:20:09,625 LOLLY: Oh. 365 00:20:13,837 --> 00:20:15,797 (SIGHS) 366 00:20:15,797 --> 00:20:19,009 Costello, a respectable man is here for you. 367 00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,762 - Come. - Hi. Hi, Costello. 368 00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:24,389 - KONSTANTIN: Yeah. - RICHARD: I'm Richard. Hi. 369 00:20:26,058 --> 00:20:29,770 I'm here to, um, get some photos for your article. 370 00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,314 Um, everyone else here, you can just relax, 371 00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:34,441 uh, like I'm not here. (CHUCKLES) 372 00:20:34,733 --> 00:20:35,817 Um, 373 00:20:35,817 --> 00:20:38,320 I read some of your old pieces online the other day. 374 00:20:38,320 --> 00:20:41,114 Very funny. I'm looking forward to this one. 375 00:20:41,448 --> 00:20:43,283 Thanks. 376 00:20:43,283 --> 00:20:46,495 - Where do you want me? - RICHARD: Um... (SIGHS) 377 00:20:48,288 --> 00:20:50,499 - Yeah, wherever you're comfortable. - COSTELLO: Okay. 378 00:20:52,542 --> 00:20:55,837 - Yeah. That's very nice. - (CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS) 379 00:20:55,837 --> 00:20:59,091 RICHARD: Very good. Yeah. To me. Oh, yeah. 380 00:20:59,091 --> 00:21:02,678 Um, just head down, just a touch. Yeah. Wonderful. 381 00:21:02,678 --> 00:21:04,346 Well done. Yeah. 382 00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,392 What do you think? Cool, yeah? 383 00:21:10,477 --> 00:21:12,437 Right, shall we get a picture of you in your costume? 384 00:21:12,437 --> 00:21:14,481 COSTELLO: Uh, no. 385 00:21:14,481 --> 00:21:18,026 No one asked Hemingway to get his tits out, did they? 386 00:21:20,862 --> 00:21:22,239 ♪ (MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 387 00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:23,824 COSTELLO: Good night with Aunty G? 388 00:21:23,824 --> 00:21:26,660 IRIS JONES: Yeah, showed her The Sopranos finale 389 00:21:26,660 --> 00:21:28,453 and she said she felt cheated. 390 00:21:28,453 --> 00:21:31,331 COSTELLO: What do you expect? It's Aunty G. 391 00:21:31,331 --> 00:21:33,625 God, look at this prick on his scooter. 392 00:21:33,625 --> 00:21:34,835 IRIS: Today, Mommy, 393 00:21:34,835 --> 00:21:37,087 your name's gonna be in the newspaper 394 00:21:37,087 --> 00:21:39,381 and not for a crime. 395 00:21:39,381 --> 00:21:40,924 COSTELLO: Yeah, you're right. 396 00:21:40,924 --> 00:21:43,427 IRIS: All my friends' moms are gonna read about it. 397 00:21:43,427 --> 00:21:46,888 And soon we won't be poor. You're a real writer now. 398 00:21:46,888 --> 00:21:50,517 COSTELLO: Yeah, suppose I am. I am a real writer. 399 00:21:51,768 --> 00:21:53,103 NIKKI: Oh, what you got, 400 00:21:53,103 --> 00:21:55,022 a fucking paper round? (CHUCKLES) 401 00:21:55,022 --> 00:21:56,565 Her Majesty treat you well? 402 00:21:56,565 --> 00:21:58,734 Oh, as well as she would treat one of her sons. 403 00:21:58,734 --> 00:22:00,152 NIKKI: Mm-hmm. 404 00:22:00,152 --> 00:22:02,612 Prison's like boarding school I bet. 405 00:22:02,612 --> 00:22:05,032 No, no, no, no, no, it's much lovelier than that. 406 00:22:05,032 --> 00:22:06,366 (NIKKI CHUCKLES) 407 00:22:13,749 --> 00:22:14,916 It's not your article, darling. 408 00:22:14,916 --> 00:22:18,045 They've turned your words into a sad little interview. 409 00:22:18,045 --> 00:22:22,049 ♪ (PENSIVE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 410 00:22:24,051 --> 00:22:25,093 They fucked me. 411 00:22:27,220 --> 00:22:28,722 Of course she lied to me. 412 00:22:41,651 --> 00:22:42,778 SELBY: Come on. 413 00:22:43,987 --> 00:22:45,405 Come on, come, come, come. 414 00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:53,038 Costello Jones says, "I'm not ashamed to use my body to pay the rent. 415 00:22:53,038 --> 00:22:55,373 Sex work is real work." 416 00:22:55,373 --> 00:22:57,501 I never fucking said that. 417 00:23:02,881 --> 00:23:05,342 Iris is gonna be so embarrassed. 418 00:23:06,718 --> 00:23:09,262 - God, I want a drink. - Mm. 419 00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:11,681 No, you don't. 420 00:23:11,681 --> 00:23:15,477 I'm 106-days sober, is this my life now? 421 00:23:15,477 --> 00:23:19,189 Why can't I have a glass of wine like a normal human being? 422 00:23:19,189 --> 00:23:22,234 Because, darling, when you drink, bad things happen. 423 00:23:25,695 --> 00:23:28,657 I knew it was risky, writing this. 424 00:23:30,325 --> 00:23:32,494 Well, writing is the most dangerous sport. 425 00:23:32,494 --> 00:23:34,162 (CLEARS THROAT) 426 00:23:34,162 --> 00:23:35,789 Do you want me to have her whacked? 427 00:23:35,789 --> 00:23:37,457 (CHUCKLES) 428 00:23:37,457 --> 00:23:40,210 Fuck her. She's going in my novel, 429 00:23:40,210 --> 00:23:42,546 and she's going to be a fucking monster. 430 00:23:42,546 --> 00:23:45,966 Yeah, well, the best revenge, of course, 431 00:23:45,966 --> 00:23:47,759 is winning the Man Booker Prize. 432 00:23:54,724 --> 00:23:57,144 They would have done the same to Jean Genet 433 00:23:57,144 --> 00:23:58,895 if he had a cunt, wouldn't they? 434 00:23:58,895 --> 00:24:01,982 (CHUCKLES) Undoubtedly. 435 00:24:04,985 --> 00:24:08,488 GLORIA: Fuck her. Just keep doing your writing. 436 00:24:08,488 --> 00:24:12,117 - What you calling this book? - Oh, fuck knows. 437 00:24:12,117 --> 00:24:17,706 I need to get my head down, finish it, find a publisher, 438 00:24:19,166 --> 00:24:20,876 finally make Iris proud. 439 00:24:22,002 --> 00:24:24,546 I gotta hand it to you, you don't die easy. 440 00:24:26,006 --> 00:24:27,841 - Ooh. - ♪ (UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ 441 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:28,967 (SIGHS) 442 00:24:28,967 --> 00:24:31,928 Why you are here? There's still customers out there 443 00:24:31,928 --> 00:24:34,055 with handfuls of coins and cocks. 444 00:24:34,055 --> 00:24:36,057 Oh! (SCOFFS) 445 00:24:36,057 --> 00:24:38,560 Done for the night, so I'll see you next week. 446 00:24:39,269 --> 00:24:40,520 Get back on stage. 447 00:24:47,068 --> 00:24:48,570 (CHUCKLES) 448 00:24:50,989 --> 00:24:55,452 Okay then, get your hairy ass out of here. You're fired. 449 00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:57,412 GLORIA: Oh, she ain't got no hairy ass. 450 00:24:57,412 --> 00:24:59,706 And don't forget to take your pussy with you. 451 00:24:59,706 --> 00:25:02,167 - GLORIA: And I ain't no pussy. Rude! - (COSTELLO LAUGHS) 452 00:25:05,337 --> 00:25:07,088 GLORIA: Do you think he's got little man syndrome? 453 00:25:07,088 --> 00:25:09,591 - COSTELLO: Yeah. - He's a bit of a weirdo. 454 00:25:09,591 --> 00:25:12,093 RICHARD: Solidarity, sister. 455 00:25:12,093 --> 00:25:15,180 As performative gestures go, I've seen better. 456 00:25:16,223 --> 00:25:18,308 - Seen better today. - What's this? 457 00:25:18,308 --> 00:25:20,727 Uh, the photographer from that thing. 458 00:25:20,727 --> 00:25:22,729 Yeah, I-- I just wanted you to know that, um, 459 00:25:22,729 --> 00:25:25,398 I had no idea that Sophie was going to fuck you over. 460 00:25:25,398 --> 00:25:27,442 - COSTELLO: Hmm. - I mean, it is fucking weird, 461 00:25:27,442 --> 00:25:29,152 but you've got to hand it to him, 462 00:25:29,152 --> 00:25:30,445 done a thing. (CHUCKLES) 463 00:25:30,445 --> 00:25:34,741 Uh, would you like to grab a coffee or something? 464 00:25:34,741 --> 00:25:38,411 Do you pick up girls outside peep shows often or-- 465 00:25:38,411 --> 00:25:42,249 Uh, no. No, no, this-- this would be my first. 466 00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:45,043 (CHUCKLES) Well, he's good value, ain't he? 467 00:25:47,796 --> 00:25:49,339 Okay, go on then. 468 00:25:49,339 --> 00:25:51,007 - (CHUCKLES) - Yeah? 469 00:25:51,007 --> 00:25:55,136 Taking real risk with that one. Big old mouth on her. 470 00:25:55,136 --> 00:25:57,138 And very mangled minge. 471 00:25:57,138 --> 00:25:59,933 Thank you for that, Konstantin. 472 00:25:59,933 --> 00:26:01,268 RICHARD: Well, no one's perfect. 473 00:26:01,268 --> 00:26:04,437 ♪ (“FAKE” BY LOLA YOUNG PLAYING) ♪ 474 00:26:04,437 --> 00:26:06,773 ♪ Everybody keeps telling me ♪ 475 00:26:06,773 --> 00:26:08,233 (LAUGHTER) 476 00:26:08,233 --> 00:26:11,820 ♪ About the new magazines ♪ 477 00:26:11,820 --> 00:26:18,535 ♪ And everybody keeps telling me That I'd be lonely without it ♪ 478 00:26:19,869 --> 00:26:22,497 ♪ And everybody Keeps telling me ♪ 479 00:26:22,497 --> 00:26:27,168 ♪ That I'd be broke Without a penny to my name ♪ 480 00:26:27,168 --> 00:26:30,505 ♪ And everybody Keeps telling me ♪ 481 00:26:30,505 --> 00:26:34,175 ♪ That I'd be heartless Without it... ♪ 482 00:26:34,175 --> 00:26:40,515 (OVERLAPPING CHATTER) 483 00:26:42,934 --> 00:26:44,728 ♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪ 33903

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