Original subtitles

It must be nice to have someone give you a birthday party.

You should know. You must have had hundreds- Thousands of them.

I've never had a birthday party, master.

You- You've never- How can that be, Jeannie?

I do not know when my birthday is.

Well, there's no way to find out.

It all happened so long ago, it's almost impossible-

Jeannie. What are you doing?

Doing?

I hate to seem rude, but one of your feet is missing.

- It's happening! - What's happening?

Whenever I get very unhappy I begin to vanish.

What are you going to do, master?

Jeannie, you can't stay there.

Now pull yourself together and go on home.

I have tried, master. It is no use.

I have become so unhappy because I do not know when my birthday is...

...that I've lost my power.

Yeah, but-

Sorry.

- Is part of Jeannie still missing? - Yeah, I'm afraid so.

You know what they say, " Half a genie is better than none. "

That's what they say.

- We've got to find out her birthday. - Well, back to ERIC.

Who is this ERIC?

ERIC is a computing machine, Jeannie.

It's the greatest mechanical brain in the world.

And this machine knows when my birthday is?

It will when we're through feeding it some information.

- Dr. Bellows. - Oh, Dr. Bellows.

- Major Healey? - Yes, sir.

- What do you have there, sir? - My files.

I'm ready to move in.

Did you say you're ready to move in now, sir?

Well, yes. I'm gonna use your office while they're painting mine.

Do you really think you better?

Well, you'll be in Alaska.

Is there any reason I shouldn't use your office?

- No, of course not. - No, of course not.

You can use my office. It has southern exposure.

Yes.

The southern exposure here is just fine, thank you.

At least let me clean my desk. I've got a few-

Don't bother. I'll just move your things to one side.

Now, if you'll excuse me.

- Do you have a pencil? - Oh, yes, sir.

- That will be all, gentlemen. - Oh, yes, of course, sir.

I'll just pick up some of my personal things.

Roge?

- Gentlemen? - Oh, I'm sorry, sir.

Well, sir, feel free to use anything in the office you wish.

Why don't we go in my office and plan some strategy, okay?

Look, you can't let Dr. Bellows stay in your office.

- He'll find Jeannie. - I know.

- I gotta get him out of there. - You know what you need?

- What? - A genie.

Why don't we go and find out Jeannie's birthday?

You have to do it alone.

I gotta think of a way of keeping Dr. Bellows busy.

- Well, how? - Well, I don't know how.

I'll think of something.

While you think, why don't I go figure out Jeannie's birthday?

She'll get her powers back. Our trouble will be over.

- Know how to work that machine? - Yeah, but one thing worries me.

- What? - We don't have enough information.

Well, it gave us a date before.

We don't know if they're correct.

- What we need is more facts. - Facts?

Her own mother doesn't remember her birthday.

How are we gonna come up with any information?

That's it. That's it. Astrology.

- Astrology? - Astrology.

I don't believe in astrology. I don't even believe in genies.

But Jeannie believes in astrology. Do you wanna help her or don't you?

Of course I do. I'd do anything for her.

Well, this is your only chance.

- All right. How could it help? - All right.

People born in different months have different characteristics.

We have find out Jeannie's characteristics...

...feed them to the machine and we come up with her birthday.

That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of.

Even if I went along with you on this...

...where would we find a book on astrology at NASA?

- Don't laugh. - "Astrology For You. "

Tony, it will work.

Now, we know Jeannie was born in 64 B.C.

All we have to do is feed her characteristics to the machine.

Neptune was in Scorpio when she was born...

- ... we'll come up with the whole thing. - All right, do it.

- And you know why? - Why?

Because I'm desperate.

I'm telling you it will work. It's a cinch.

Now, all we do is program her personality.

- Describe Jeannie. - What do you mean?

- Nice, funny, moody- - Oh, yeah, yeah.

- Stubborn. She's stubborn. - She's stubborn.

She's impractical. I better write this down.

Yeah, stubborn. That's a good start.

- Stubborn. - Stubborn.

- Impractical. - Impractical.

- Now, she's impulsive. - Impulsive.

- Warm-hearted. - Warm-hearted.

- Generous. Very generous. - Generous, yes.

- Generous, very generous. - Sentimental.

- Loyal. - Loyal's good.

- She's friendly. - Friendly.

- Beautiful. - Scratch beautiful.

Why? I think she's beautiful. Don't you?

To you she may be beautiful, but not to ERIC.

To him, beautiful is another machine that looks just like him.

That ought to do it. Back to Dr. Bellows.

- You're sure you can handle this? - Can you?

Yeah, good luck.

Oh, hello, sir. Is everything all right?

- Well, shouldn't it be? - Yeah. Oh, yes, of course.

Do you find the office comfortable?

Oh, it's just fine, major. Was that all?

No, sir. I'd like to speak to you, please.

Well, could it wait until a little later?

- I'm in the middle of a report- - It's urgent, sir.

I feel it's really quite urgent.

- Sit down. - If you don't mind, I'd rather lie down.

What's your problem?

Well, it all started when I was a small boy.

Impractical...

...and irresponsible.

That sounds like a girlfriend of mine.

Let's see...

And then when I was 3 years old, I wanted a dog.

Oh, not just any kind of dog. No, not for me.

- I wanted a mongrel. - Major-

- Is that significant, doctor? - If you tell me what your problem is-

I'm getting there.

My father wouldn't buy me a dog. So I stole one.

Major, General Peterson is waiting for this report.

- If your dog can wait- - Oh, the dog can wait, I can't.

You see, sir, when I walk down the street now and I see a dog...

...I have this terrible compulsion to kidnap it.

Kidnap it?

Oh, it's not just dogs.

It's chickens and sheep and goats and horses-

Just a moment.

Let me get my pad.

Now, you were saying that you had this urge...

...to kidnap horses?

Mischievous...

...and optimistic.

There, that should do it.

Now, ERIC, you've got to come through for us, ERIC.

I've never asked you to do any favours before.

Okay?

And so in less than a year, I collected 33 dogs...

...twenty-seven cats, seven horses...

...and a milk cow.

That's the most amazing thing I've ever heard.

But where do you keep all these animals, major?

Oh, in barns mostly.

- Why, that's amazing. - Is it?

Oh, yeah. We're really on to something.

- Where are you going? - I'm going to start writing this up.

- Oh, I haven't told you about the fish. - About the fish?

Yes.

Fine machine you are.

You can't even figure out a date that happened 2000 years ago.

Jeannie was born-

We did it. We did it.

I'm so happy, I gotta kiss you.

I sure hope you are a girl machine.

- Well, that's what happened to me. - That's not so unusual, major.

Then it started talking to me.

You mean, it moved its mouth?

- I mean, it talked. - What did it say?

Well, it had this high squeaky little voice and it said-

- It said- - Tony?

- Major Healey. - Oh, Dr. Bellows.

I'm busy, Major Healey.

I came to wish someone a happy birthday.

- You found somebody's birthday? - Certainly did.

- Wonderful. - I'm as sentimental as the next man...

...but I'm in the middle of analysis.

Would you mind closing the door behind you as you leave?

Oh, I'm finished telling you about my dream, sir.

Your dream?

Yes. Oh, didn't I tell you? That was a dream I had last night.

You mean, you don't have a compulsion to steal animals?

Well, no, sir. I mean, I love animals...

...but I certainly wouldn't steal them.

- Not Tony. - A dream.

- Well, excuse me, stay right here. - Yes.

I'll be right back.

- I did it! I did it! - I'm proud of you.

ERIC and I are probably the smartest brains in the world.

Hey, Jeannie, Jeannie, did you hear that? We found your birthday.

Oh, yes, master. I am so happy.

Master, look, look.

Oh, my feet are back, my feet are back.

Oh, I am so happy.

Oh, thank you, Major Healey, thank you.

It's really nothing. It was just-

- Are you sure there's no mistakes? - Mistake?

- ERIC and I never make mistakes. - Give us the date.

This will kill you. It's so obvious, we should have thought about it.

When is my birthday, Major Healey?

All right, I'll give you a clue. The month is in the title of a popular song.

Roge, there's a lot of months in the title of songs.

Yeah, okay, I'll give you another clue. It's my favourite month of the year.

I don't know your favourite month of the year.

Now stop horsing around and give us the date.

Look, I spent a lot of time looking for this.

I got a right to tell it to you slowly.

Oh, Major Healey.

I'll give you another clue.

My grandfather was born on the same day.

If you don't give us the date...

...your grandfather is gonna have a grandson that was murdered.

I am dying to know.

You're gonna love your birthday. I wish I was born on this date.

- What is it? - Jeannie's birthday is-

When is it? General Peterson, sir.

Tony, you were scheduled to go on a survival mission to Alaska.

- Yes, I'll be ready in a few minutes. - I'm changing your orders.

What for, sir?

Dr. Bellows tells me you're in the middle of therapy.

Therapy? Oh, no, sir.

I was telling him about a dream I had last night.

It's not just an ordinary dream, major.

That dream is gonna prove to be the key to your whole problem.

- You'll be going in Tony's place. - Me?

- The survival mission to Alaska. - That's right.

There's a B-57 waiting for you on the field.

- You mean, we're leaving right away? - Right now.

Well, he can't leave right now, sir. May I have a word with him alone?

- There isn't time. - You're going to have a word with me.

Why don't we just lie down right over here...

...and we're going to start at the beginning.

The friend we were talking about, the information you had for him?

- Well, just tell your friend- - We're on a tight schedule.

- Yeah, well, sir- - He can't leave now.

- He better leave now! - As you were saying...

...you have no problem.

Boy, do I have a problem.

Jeannie?

Jeannie, would you come out, please? I'd like to talk to you.

Look, I know you're upset, but I want you to know it's not my fault.

You tricked me.

I do not believe Major Healey knows when my birthday is.

Now tell the truth.

That will be enough of that, young lady.

I tell you. I'm not gonna stand for this-

I should never had listened to you. You lied to me.

Admit it.

Knock that off.

It isn't my fault Roger likes to play games.

Both you and Major Healey deceived me.

I am going to leave here and find a new master.

Someone who will care about me.

Please, would you stop just a minute and listen to me?

I wasn't lying. We did find out when your birthday is.

- Then when is it? - Major Healey knows.

Now, now, please. He'll be back in two weeks.

I cannot wait two weeks.

I would like to turn Major Healey into a mosquito...

...and put him into a pond full of frogs.

You know, that's one of the best ideas you ever had.

Oh, don't be unhappy, Jeannie. Just be patient.

- Oh, it is not easy, master. - I know.

Don't do that again. Please, don't do that again.

- I got something in my eye. - Let me see.

Look up. All right, look down.

I am sorry if I was difficult, master.

Oh, that's all right. I understand.

Here.

Hello, Tony Nelson, here.

Hello, Tony?

Oh, hi, Roge. You see, our problems are solved.

I've only got a minute. We're just going on a mission.

Yeah, but Jeannie's pretty anxious about this, Roge.

Yeah, I can imagine.

It was funny what happened, wasn't it?

Unless you're eager to become a mosquito in a pond of frogs...

- ... give me the date. - Is it a good month, master?

I don't know. He hasn't told me.

Jeannie's gonna love her birthday.

Remember the clue? I said the month was in a song title?

When is my birthday? When is my birthday?

He hasn't told me yet. He's giving me clues.

- Hold on a minute, will you? - Roger!

Roger!

What? You still there?

And it's my favourite month of the year.

Never mind that. Just tell me the date.

Well, here it is. Jeannie's birthday is-

Major. Major. Everything is ready, let's go.

Yeah. I got to go. I'll see you in a couple weeks.

Roger? This- Roger?

He's done it again. I don't believe it.

- What are you gonna do? - I am going to blink Major Healey here.

- Yeah, well, you can't do that. - Watch me, master.

No, I know you can, Jeannie, but you mustn't.

He's on an important mission. You mustn't pull him off.

I wanna know when I was born.

- He'll be back in two more weeks. - Two whole weeks?

Look, you haven't known what your birthday is for 2000 years...

...a few days is not gonna make that much difference, huh?

Please.

- Very well, master. - Good girl.

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. Give you a birthday party.

But you do not know when my birthday is.

Well, it doesn't matter. You can consider this one kind of a-

Pre-birthday party.

That is a lovely idea.

- When shall we have it? - Well, tonight.

It will be the first birthday party I have ever had.

Whom shall we invite?

Yeah, that kind of presents a problem, doesn't it?

Oh, what problem, master?

Well, for one thing, my friends don't know about you, so I can't ask them...

...and you don't have any friends, so it will just be the two of us.

Jeannie, we'll have a birthday cake and we'll have presents...

...and I guarantee you, it will feel like a party.

- Whatever you say, master. - Good, good.

Well, I gotta get going. I'll be back about 6:00.

- Well, where are you going? - To think up more dreams for Bellows.

Jeannie?

Hello, Jeannie.

- Jeannie? - Good evening, master.

Do you like my pre-birthday dress?

It's beautiful.

Oh, thank you. Leonardo da Vinci designed it.

Yeah, who else?

Oh, here.

Oh, master. I'm going to cry.

We got champagne and we have caviar...

...and we're gonna have the most beautiful party.

Oh, I am so excited.

Oh, and it was such a surprise.

How did you know that I wanted a birthday party?

Psychic, I guess.

Oh, you are the most wonderful master a genie ever had.

I haven't had too much experience at this, Jeannie...

...but you're the most wonderful genie a master ever had.

Here.

Oh, it is lovely.

Oh, master, thank you. A little genie bottle.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

I wish we could have people at the party.

Would you?

Jeannie, who are all these people?

Oh, these are just a few of my friends.

- Oh, this is Major Nelson. - Thank you.

- Benjamin Franklin. Cleopatra. - How do you do?

- Have you seen Mark Antony? - Not lately, no.

Excuse us, please.

This is Major Nelson, Marie Antoinette.

- William Shakespeare. - How do you do, sir?

You remind me of my old friend, Yorick.

Alas, poor Yorick. I knew him well.

Romeo and Juliet.

I beg your pardon, sir. That's Hamlet.

It was?

Oh, well. Hamlet, Romeo...

...when you've written one, you've written them all.

Henry, behave yourself.

Oh, that is perfectly normal behaviour.

This is Major Nelson. Sigmund Freud.

Oh, how do you do, sir?

- And King Henry Vlll. - How do you do?

How do you do, lad?

- I hope you do not mind, master. - Mind? Of course not.

- This is wonderful. - I do not have to send them away?

Oh, no, no. There is somebody I would like to see though.

- Don't leave me here with them- - Major Nelson?

Oh, Dr. Bellows. How are you, sir? Is everything-?

- Aren't you-? - Benjamin Franklin.

Yes.

Marie Antoinette.

And isn't this William Shakespeare?

Well, it's not real-

Oh, and aren't you King Henry Vlll?

Well, I- Oh, Cleopatra.

- You caught me. - Caught you?

Yes, sir. You're looking at some of the greatest figures in history.

Oh, yes.

I knew this day was gonna come. I might as well tell you.

Yes, and after you've told me...

...you think that I'm gonna tell General Peterson...

...that you're entertaining Cleopatra, Shakespeare and King Henry Vlll.

- Yes, well- - No, major.

I don't know why you have these guilt feelings...

...about not inviting me to your costume party...

...but we'll settle that at our next little session, won't we?

- Costume parties? - You know what?

Some of the costumes are quite effective...

...although I think you're over-doing the padding a bit, don't you?

Oh, Mr. Shakespeare?

- I've enjoyed your work. - Thank you.

And who are you supposed to be?

I am Dr. Sigmund Freud.

I'm a psychiatrist too.

- Well, enjoy your party, major. - Yes.

I'll see you in the morning.

Jeannie.

Is everything all right, master?

Nothing is all right.

Do you know how close I came to getting thrown out of the program?

- I'm sorry, master. - You're sorry. Get rid of these people.

- But you just said that- - I know, but get rid of them.

Wait a minute. All except Dr. Freud.

Doctor, may I see you for just a moment, sir?

You see, I have a little problem...

...and seeing you here, I might as well use your talents.

I'm an astronaut, and one day I landed on this-

Well, this deserted island and I picked up a genie out of a bottle...

...and ever since I haven't had a night's sleep, not a-

- Good morning, master. - Good morning, Jeannie.

Did you sleep well, master?

Well, to tell you the truth, I was a little excited to sleep.

It's not every day a guy gets to chat with Cleopatra...

...and Henry Vlll and Sigmund Freud, huh?

It was a lovely party, was it not, master?

Well, that it was.

I can hardly wait for Major Healey to return...

...so I can find out when my real birthday is.

It is so exciting to think that from now on...

...I am going to have a birthday just like everyone else.

- Yeah, that's right. - Each year I'm gonna be a year older.

- That's right. - A year older.

Master, look.

Look. Right there. There's a wrinkle.

- No, no, no. There. - Oh, that's not a wrinkle.

- That's not a wrinkle. - It certainly is a wrinkle.

That was not there yesterday.

I am getting old and wrinkled.

Oh, do you realize that every year I am going to be a year older?

If having a birthday was going to be like this...

...I would never of allowed you to find out my birthday.

This will make me so nervous, master. This is terrible.

Why did you allow me to do this?

You are my master, you were supposed to take care of me...