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1
00:00:06,490 --> 00:00:09,341
Well, should we
say prayers first?
2
00:00:12,370 --> 00:00:14,162
Can you imagine?
3
00:00:14,256 --> 00:00:15,422
What a bunch of losers.
4
00:00:15,516 --> 00:00:18,242
Oh, sometimes I like
the kind of trash we are.
5
00:00:18,244 --> 00:00:19,926
So, how'd everyone sleep?
6
00:00:20,021 --> 00:00:21,021
- Fine.
- Good.
7
00:00:21,247 --> 00:00:23,764
Not good. I heard Meg
having a one-some.
8
00:00:23,858 --> 00:00:26,600
Oh, I had the most random dream.
9
00:00:26,694 --> 00:00:27,860
Peter, you were there.
10
00:00:28,087 --> 00:00:29,322
- Uh-huh.
- We were at home.
11
00:00:29,346 --> 00:00:30,529
Except in my dream...
12
00:00:30,680 --> 00:00:32,439
Oh, Brian, wait,
you got to hear this.
13
00:00:32,591 --> 00:00:34,424
Our house looked
like Grandma's house,
14
00:00:34,443 --> 00:00:36,323
and for some reason,
I was in my underwear,
15
00:00:36,428 --> 00:00:37,928
shaking a big bag of kibble.
16
00:00:37,946 --> 00:00:40,706
Meg, you spilled
Doritos on the carpet,
17
00:00:40,783 --> 00:00:42,599
and I was trying
to vacuum them up,
18
00:00:42,692 --> 00:00:45,952
but the vacuum had hair
all over it for some reason.
19
00:00:46,105 --> 00:00:47,287
Imagine that.
20
00:00:47,439 --> 00:00:49,697
And, Chris, you
were wearing a tie
21
00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:52,125
'cause you had an
interview at the brewery,
22
00:00:52,278 --> 00:00:53,535
if you can believe it.
23
00:00:54,871 --> 00:00:57,038
Well, that is one crazy dream.
24
00:00:57,058 --> 00:00:59,132
That's not even the crazy part.
25
00:00:59,285 --> 00:01:01,968
Brian, I asked you to drive him,
26
00:01:02,121 --> 00:01:04,621
but you kept saying
your car was in Nevada.
27
00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:06,714
Wow, that is nuts.
28
00:01:06,734 --> 00:01:08,975
Stewie!
29
00:01:09,128 --> 00:01:10,644
Ah, screw it.
30
00:01:15,134 --> 00:01:17,034
- Whew.
- Oh, thank God.
31
00:01:19,729 --> 00:01:21,563
This is still better.
32
00:01:21,657 --> 00:01:22,989
S-S-Still better.
33
00:01:23,158 --> 00:01:24,474
S-Still so much better.
34
00:01:24,493 --> 00:01:27,160
And, Peter, you wanted
to go swimming in our pool,
35
00:01:27,313 --> 00:01:29,479
- which of course we don't have.
- Uh-huh.
36
00:01:29,481 --> 00:01:32,240
You had this
ridiculously giant towel.
37
00:01:32,259 --> 00:01:33,259
Uh-huh.
38
00:01:33,335 --> 00:01:35,652
Oh, and get this:
it had Nemo on it.
39
00:01:35,745 --> 00:01:38,171
Oh, boy, that-that is,
that is some dream.
40
00:01:40,175 --> 00:01:42,601
And he was
wearing giant sunglasses.
41
00:01:42,828 --> 00:01:43,918
Uh-huh.
42
00:01:43,938 --> 00:01:46,087
Poor bastard's stuck
hearing a wife dream.
43
00:01:46,107 --> 00:01:48,498
Yeah, I kept telling you
to pick it up, pick it up,
44
00:01:48,517 --> 00:01:50,500
but there was
cotton in my mouth.
45
00:01:50,519 --> 00:01:51,519
Oh, my goodness.
46
00:01:51,612 --> 00:01:53,261
My uncle died this way.
47
00:01:53,430 --> 00:01:55,408
Oh, and we had
cats for some reason.
48
00:01:55,432 --> 00:01:56,615
Uh-huh.
49
00:01:56,842 --> 00:01:59,767
Uhp, I backed up all the
way into the show before us.
50
00:01:59,845 --> 00:02:01,345
Wife talking about her dream.
51
00:02:01,363 --> 00:02:03,163
Homer, you've got company.
52
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,700
Why are there
two sets of prices?
53
00:02:06,794 --> 00:02:08,794
One's the Emmy-winner discount.
54
00:02:08,945 --> 00:02:10,612
Ah.
55
00:02:10,706 --> 00:02:12,539
Black coffee and toast, please.
56
00:02:48,060 --> 00:02:50,577
Oh, so wonderful to see you all.
57
00:02:50,729 --> 00:02:52,838
The kids are getting so big.
58
00:02:53,007 --> 00:02:54,581
Especially Chris.
59
00:02:54,733 --> 00:02:56,324
Is he diabetic?
60
00:02:56,418 --> 00:02:58,919
We don't see doctors,
but we're pretty sure.
61
00:02:59,013 --> 00:03:00,328
May I take your order?
62
00:03:00,422 --> 00:03:02,422
Crayons and a silly map, please.
63
00:03:02,574 --> 00:03:04,016
Excellent choice.
64
00:03:04,167 --> 00:03:05,603
We interrupt this program
65
00:03:05,627 --> 00:03:07,744
for a Channel
Five special report.
66
00:03:07,763 --> 00:03:08,854
Good evening, Quahog.
67
00:03:09,005 --> 00:03:11,005
The Exxon
Pewterschmidt has crashed
68
00:03:11,025 --> 00:03:12,916
and released millions
of gallons of oil
69
00:03:13,009 --> 00:03:15,694
into the Gulf of Mexico,
contaminating marine life
70
00:03:15,845 --> 00:03:18,588
and causing irreparable
damage to the ecosystem.
71
00:03:18,607 --> 00:03:21,366
Two anonymous
whistleblowers blame negligence.
72
00:03:21,518 --> 00:03:24,110
They cut corners left and
right. This was inevitable.
73
00:03:24,263 --> 00:03:26,279
What happened to the
oil-covered little crab?
74
00:03:26,432 --> 00:03:28,356
He, uh, he-he had to leave.
75
00:03:28,375 --> 00:03:31,101
- Did you eat the little crab?
- They cut a lot of corners!
76
00:03:31,194 --> 00:03:33,453
Oh, my God, those poor fish.
77
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:34,880
They're in water.
78
00:03:35,049 --> 00:03:37,068
If they can't get clean in
water, where can they get clean?
79
00:03:37,092 --> 00:03:38,775
This is serious, Daddy.
80
00:03:38,868 --> 00:03:40,201
Sweetie, if it was so serious,
81
00:03:40,221 --> 00:03:43,222
we'd flip to me in a
boardroom with a crisis team.
82
00:03:45,375 --> 00:03:47,117
Ah, I didn't grab my drink.
83
00:03:47,119 --> 00:03:48,952
Mr. Pewterschmidt,
it's imperative
84
00:03:48,971 --> 00:03:52,564
we do immediate damage
control, or your stock will plummet.
85
00:03:53,792 --> 00:03:54,641
See what I'm doing here?
86
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:56,735
The "throw the
money at it" gesture.
87
00:03:56,886 --> 00:03:58,381
Pay someone to
do something worse
88
00:03:58,405 --> 00:03:59,980
so everyone forgets my thing.
89
00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,074
Cue the video.
90
00:04:07,306 --> 00:04:09,397
Hi. I'm Joseph Hazelwood,
91
00:04:09,475 --> 00:04:12,158
former captain of
the Exxon Valdez
92
00:04:12,311 --> 00:04:16,146
and 1987 Anchorage
Ballroom Dance Champion.
93
00:04:16,164 --> 00:04:17,647
That gets a little overshadowed,
94
00:04:17,741 --> 00:04:20,259
but it doesn't diminish
the accomplishment.
95
00:04:20,335 --> 00:04:22,761
Anyway, as someone
who single-handedly spilled
96
00:04:22,912 --> 00:04:26,765
11 million gallons of oil into
the Prince William Sound,
97
00:04:26,842 --> 00:04:30,327
I know a thing or two
about evading responsibility.
98
00:04:30,496 --> 00:04:32,920
Just find a scapegoat
to blame it on.
99
00:04:32,998 --> 00:04:34,922
The number two
man in the company
100
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:36,591
or a relative.
101
00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:38,351
Perhaps a son-in-law.
102
00:04:38,504 --> 00:04:42,114
A simpleton to blame things on.
103
00:04:47,195 --> 00:04:48,453
Ow!
104
00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:49,696
Ah!
105
00:04:49,848 --> 00:04:52,015
There's some
kind of force field.
106
00:04:52,034 --> 00:04:54,034
Ah! Ah!
107
00:04:54,186 --> 00:04:56,853
Daddy, you are not
blaming this on Peter.
108
00:04:56,872 --> 00:04:58,688
Some other options
are a donation
109
00:04:58,782 --> 00:05:00,373
and a photo op at an orphanage.
110
00:05:00,467 --> 00:05:02,542
Or building a
Holocaust memorial.
111
00:05:02,694 --> 00:05:05,762
Ugh, haven't those Nazis
been praised enough?
112
00:05:10,702 --> 00:05:12,460
Hello, hello.
113
00:05:12,554 --> 00:05:15,221
Welcome to Our Lady
of the Immaculate Anus.
114
00:05:15,316 --> 00:05:17,040
I think that word is "Agnes."
115
00:05:17,059 --> 00:05:18,208
Oh, no.
116
00:05:18,301 --> 00:05:20,560
That's the only reason
I volunteered here.
117
00:05:20,712 --> 00:05:23,063
I need a photo with an
orphan. Are you in charge?
118
00:05:23,157 --> 00:05:26,158
Oh, no, I just
volunteers on weekends.
119
00:05:26,309 --> 00:05:28,735
I love kids, and I'm
an expert at going,
120
00:05:28,887 --> 00:05:31,071
"Tsk, tsk, tsk."
121
00:05:31,165 --> 00:05:32,980
Uh, that one looks
the least filthy.
122
00:05:33,983 --> 00:05:36,409
Okay, let's get a picture
so I can get out of here.
123
00:05:36,562 --> 00:05:38,642
I bet you're only here
'cause you did something bad
124
00:05:38,730 --> 00:05:40,875
and think a photo
with an orphan will fix it.
125
00:05:40,899 --> 00:05:42,065
Well, duh.
126
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,843
Then if you want a photo,
you have to buy me candy.
127
00:05:44,994 --> 00:05:46,845
I'm not buying you
candy. Go to hell.
128
00:05:47,072 --> 00:05:49,831
There's plenty of
other CEOs who will.
129
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:51,016
And Andrew Cuomo.
130
00:05:51,167 --> 00:05:53,577
Who wants to see
my nipple rings?
131
00:05:53,595 --> 00:05:57,263
Now bring that face over
here for an unwanted smooch.
132
00:05:57,416 --> 00:05:59,916
Okay, fine. We'll go
across the street to Rexall's
133
00:05:59,935 --> 00:06:01,676
and get some menthol jellies.
134
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:03,010
You like menthol jellies?
135
00:06:03,179 --> 00:06:06,114
Oh, what am I saying?
Every kid loves menthol jellies.
136
00:06:07,183 --> 00:06:09,517
What's going on? Do
you have Parkinson's?
137
00:06:09,611 --> 00:06:11,094
No, I'm skipping.
138
00:06:11,187 --> 00:06:13,688
Skipping? Never heard of it.
139
00:06:13,782 --> 00:06:15,523
Hey, how many of these
orphans are really just
140
00:06:15,542 --> 00:06:17,767
adult little people
hiding from the law?
141
00:06:17,786 --> 00:06:20,695
Just the ones in large
bonnets smoking cigars.
142
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,940
My people groped Judy
Garland something awful.
143
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:25,258
Look it up.
144
00:06:28,296 --> 00:06:30,964
Kind of a dick move
to open a candy store
145
00:06:31,116 --> 00:06:33,183
across the street
from an orphanage.
146
00:06:35,470 --> 00:06:37,281
Sorry, we have to
hold an adult's hand
147
00:06:37,305 --> 00:06:38,638
when we cross the street.
148
00:06:38,790 --> 00:06:39,790
No, it's fine.
149
00:06:39,958 --> 00:06:41,678
I just can't remember
the last time
150
00:06:41,793 --> 00:06:43,718
someone held my hand.
151
00:06:43,795 --> 00:06:45,386
It's kind of nice.
152
00:06:45,406 --> 00:06:47,572
So, what happened
to your parents?
153
00:06:47,724 --> 00:06:50,242
They left me on the
orphanage steps as a baby.
154
00:06:50,393 --> 00:06:53,820
That should be funny to me,
but for some reason, it's not.
155
00:06:53,914 --> 00:06:55,822
Well, thank you for the candy.
156
00:06:55,974 --> 00:06:57,416
I actually enjoyed it.
157
00:06:57,567 --> 00:06:59,400
You're good company.
158
00:07:08,429 --> 00:07:10,820
You know, this
is a crazy thought,
159
00:07:10,914 --> 00:07:12,989
but you're crammed
in this filthy place
160
00:07:13,008 --> 00:07:14,582
while I've got a gigantic house.
161
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,993
- Why don't you come live with me?
- Really?
162
00:07:17,012 --> 00:07:18,511
Yeah. I could buy you.
163
00:07:18,664 --> 00:07:21,014
- You mean adopt?
- Oh, whatever they call it.
164
00:07:21,108 --> 00:07:22,585
It'll be nice to
have you around.
165
00:07:22,609 --> 00:07:25,259
Why, we'll make a better
team than the Brooks Brothers.
166
00:07:25,279 --> 00:07:27,612
Hey, I can make boxy suits.
167
00:07:27,764 --> 00:07:29,114
And I only know lacrosse guys.
168
00:07:30,525 --> 00:07:33,118
Look sharp at your
sexual assault trial.
169
00:07:33,269 --> 00:07:35,195
What do you say? Want
to come live with us?
170
00:07:35,347 --> 00:07:37,347
Well, I've never had
a parent to tell me
171
00:07:37,440 --> 00:07:40,107
not to go home with
strangers, so sure.
172
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:41,754
Great, why don't
you go wait in the car.
173
00:07:41,778 --> 00:07:43,665
I'm just gonna get a
receipt in case we get home
174
00:07:43,689 --> 00:07:45,613
and you have a
clubfoot or something.
175
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,190
- I don't.
- Uh, yeah,
176
00:07:47,209 --> 00:07:49,092
I'll-I'll probably just
grab the receipt.
177
00:07:56,477 --> 00:07:59,035
For our top story tonight,
we go to the statehouse
178
00:07:59,128 --> 00:08:00,888
with Uncomfortable
Audio Delay Gina.
179
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,230
Gina?
180
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:10,063
- We seem to be having a prob...
- That's right, Tom.
181
00:08:10,157 --> 00:08:13,233
I just found out my
father adopted a little girl.
182
00:08:13,385 --> 00:08:15,051
- Carter?
- Yeah, if he wanted a little girl,
183
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,622
we could've just
given him Stewie.
184
00:08:16,646 --> 00:08:19,072
Whoa! And good
morning to you, too, Pop.
185
00:08:19,224 --> 00:08:20,406
I just don't get it.
186
00:08:20,559 --> 00:08:23,168
I mean, Daddy's never
taken an interest in kids.
187
00:08:23,319 --> 00:08:26,487
Can anyone say "tax deduction"?
188
00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:30,157
Yeah, you proud of that?
189
00:08:30,177 --> 00:08:31,659
You proud of your
comment, Brian?
190
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,160
Taking aim at hypocrisy?
191
00:08:33,255 --> 00:08:35,329
Exposing the underbelly
of human nature?
192
00:08:35,423 --> 00:08:37,073
- Uhp, I said "belly."
- Belly?!
193
00:08:37,092 --> 00:08:39,092
Ugh, fine.
194
00:08:39,261 --> 00:08:41,261
There we go, kick the leg.
195
00:08:41,355 --> 00:08:43,195
That's how I know
you're having a good time.
196
00:08:43,248 --> 00:08:44,689
I just don't get it.
197
00:08:44,841 --> 00:08:46,099
I was raised by our nanny.
198
00:08:46,268 --> 00:08:48,860
I mean, Daddy didn't even
learn my name until I was eight.
199
00:08:49,029 --> 00:08:50,420
Well, what was it?
200
00:08:50,438 --> 00:08:53,256
- Lois.
- Oh.
201
00:08:53,349 --> 00:08:55,850
Every birthday, I begged
him to take me to the zoo,
202
00:08:55,944 --> 00:08:58,036
and Mother made him take me.
203
00:08:58,263 --> 00:08:59,704
But it was the '80s.
204
00:08:59,931 --> 00:09:01,931
Daddy was always too busy making
205
00:09:01,950 --> 00:09:03,411
giant cell phone
deals on the beach.
206
00:09:03,435 --> 00:09:05,192
Not now, Lois.
207
00:09:05,212 --> 00:09:06,527
What about the zoo?
208
00:09:06,547 --> 00:09:08,104
I'll take you to
the trading floor
209
00:09:08,106 --> 00:09:09,606
on Wall Street instead.
210
00:09:09,699 --> 00:09:11,124
Now, that's a zoo.
211
00:09:11,218 --> 00:09:13,367
Ah, the guy, the guy on
the other end is laughing.
212
00:09:13,461 --> 00:09:16,613
We never made it to the zoo.
213
00:09:16,631 --> 00:09:19,616
My God, that poor
little girl needs help.
214
00:09:19,618 --> 00:09:22,619
Check it out. Brian's
got a belly rub erection.
215
00:09:25,290 --> 00:09:27,732
Oh, precious. Precious moments.
216
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:32,553
Welcome, everyone.
217
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:34,631
Oh, Mother, I came
as soon as I heard.
218
00:09:34,800 --> 00:09:36,800
Now, where is the
little girl? Is she okay?
219
00:09:36,818 --> 00:09:38,501
Oh, she's fine.
220
00:09:38,561 --> 00:09:41,580
She and Carter are
painting each other's nails.
221
00:09:41,731 --> 00:09:44,249
What? He never did that with me.
222
00:09:44,476 --> 00:09:46,400
Your nails are already yellow.
223
00:09:46,420 --> 00:09:48,253
Yeah, the toes
are the first to die.
224
00:09:48,422 --> 00:09:50,342
Just add some blue;
it'll make it a nice green.
225
00:09:50,482 --> 00:09:51,572
We're out of blue.
226
00:09:51,592 --> 00:09:53,403
Well, then just slap
some googly eyes on them
227
00:09:53,427 --> 00:09:55,001
and we've got
ten little Minions.
228
00:09:55,095 --> 00:09:56,502
I like Minions.
229
00:09:56,597 --> 00:09:58,120
Not sexually.
230
00:09:58,173 --> 00:10:01,174
I realize bringing that
up suggests otherwise.
231
00:10:01,268 --> 00:10:02,508
Now you say something.
232
00:10:02,661 --> 00:10:04,661
I'm not calling you
my aunt, by the way,
233
00:10:04,754 --> 00:10:05,995
so get that out of your head.
234
00:10:06,014 --> 00:10:07,939
Well, I'm sure this will all end
235
00:10:08,166 --> 00:10:10,166
as soon as Daddy
gets a business call.
236
00:10:10,185 --> 00:10:13,111
There's a
Mr. Important on the line.
237
00:10:13,262 --> 00:10:14,838
Tell him he'll have to wait.
238
00:10:14,856 --> 00:10:16,522
What?
239
00:10:16,691 --> 00:10:18,950
Well, Daddy would
always take business calls
240
00:10:19,102 --> 00:10:20,285
when I would play with him.
241
00:10:21,513 --> 00:10:24,697
It's Mr. Important
from the, uh...
242
00:10:24,850 --> 00:10:26,182
"massage place."
243
00:10:26,275 --> 00:10:29,461
Oh. Of course I'll take it.
You got to say that part.
244
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:34,281
We now return to Harry Potter
245
00:10:34,376 --> 00:10:36,301
and the Phone Call
of Awkwardness.
246
00:10:36,452 --> 00:10:37,636
Yeah, Hermione?
247
00:10:37,863 --> 00:10:39,787
Hey, it's me, Harry.
248
00:10:39,806 --> 00:10:42,474
Um, remember that time I, um...
249
00:10:42,701 --> 00:10:44,476
I caught your snitch?
250
00:10:44,703 --> 00:10:46,460
Yeah, well, you may want
251
00:10:46,480 --> 00:10:48,629
to have your chamber
of secrets checked
252
00:10:48,649 --> 00:10:50,315
because, um, it's possible
253
00:10:50,466 --> 00:10:52,892
I may have given you Hogwarts.
254
00:10:53,061 --> 00:10:54,986
As you know, I
insist my children
255
00:10:55,213 --> 00:10:57,063
are always taken
care of financially.
256
00:10:57,157 --> 00:11:00,066
So, Tatum, I'm giving you
this American Express card.
257
00:11:00,160 --> 00:11:01,642
But what about me, Daddy?
258
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:03,144
I-I'm your daughter, too.
259
00:11:03,163 --> 00:11:05,405
Don't think for a moment
I forgot about you, Lois.
260
00:11:05,499 --> 00:11:08,166
I'm giving you this Native
American Express card.
261
00:11:08,317 --> 00:11:10,669
- Why?
- I think you mean "how."
262
00:11:10,820 --> 00:11:11,911
That's offensive.
263
00:11:11,988 --> 00:11:13,588
I laughed.
264
00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,398
Care to dance?
265
00:11:20,422 --> 00:11:21,680
Sure.
266
00:11:23,074 --> 00:11:25,058
Boy, you're a great dancer.
267
00:11:28,096 --> 00:11:29,521
Mind if I cut in?
268
00:11:29,597 --> 00:11:30,914
Mind if I cut one?
269
00:11:30,932 --> 00:11:32,432
Uhp, too late.
270
00:11:32,584 --> 00:11:36,027
All right, I got to go take a
not-wetting-the-hair shower.
271
00:11:38,757 --> 00:11:41,607
We now return
to House Hunters: Australia.
272
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,019
So I carve boomerangs, and
me wife is an 11-inch spider.
273
00:11:45,038 --> 00:11:46,446
Our budget is $7 million.
274
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:48,781
We're looking for something
close to the city center
275
00:11:48,934 --> 00:11:50,094
but with enough natural light
276
00:11:50,118 --> 00:11:51,768
so that we can
maintain our sunburns.
277
00:11:51,786 --> 00:11:55,029
And just look at these
spacious walk-in closets.
278
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:57,716
Crikey, I might have
to buy a second shirt.
279
00:11:57,867 --> 00:11:59,292
Lois, there you are.
280
00:11:59,444 --> 00:12:00,610
Don't you want to
hang out with the family?
281
00:12:00,628 --> 00:12:03,221
Oh, I just
needed to get some air.
282
00:12:03,448 --> 00:12:04,448
Look, I know your father
283
00:12:04,558 --> 00:12:06,966
wasn't there for you
growing up, and it hurt,
284
00:12:07,135 --> 00:12:08,301
but you overcame that.
285
00:12:08,395 --> 00:12:10,544
You're the glue that
holds this family together.
286
00:12:10,638 --> 00:12:13,973
Ah, thanks, Brian.
I guess you're right.
287
00:12:14,067 --> 00:12:15,360
Listen up!
Everyone in the van!
288
00:12:15,384 --> 00:12:17,293
We're taking Tatum to the zoo!
289
00:12:17,386 --> 00:12:18,478
The zoo?
290
00:12:18,630 --> 00:12:21,514
The zoo? What-what,
are we returning Chris?
291
00:12:22,743 --> 00:12:24,369
Hey, Meg, did you hear
we're going to the zoo?
292
00:12:24,393 --> 00:12:26,469
What, are-are we
returning Chris?
293
00:12:27,563 --> 00:12:29,083
Hey, Chris, we're
going to the zoo.
294
00:12:29,232 --> 00:12:30,785
What, are we returning Chr...
295
00:12:30,809 --> 00:12:35,144
Keep my name out your mouth!
296
00:12:35,163 --> 00:12:38,590
Wow, dude, it was a zoo joke.
297
00:12:38,817 --> 00:12:42,969
Keep my name out your mouth!
298
00:12:45,766 --> 00:12:47,581
I have an itinerary
299
00:12:47,675 --> 00:12:50,009
that we have to stick
to or I'll get really angry.
300
00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,603
Everyone loves a guy like me.
301
00:12:51,754 --> 00:12:53,104
All right, let's go.
302
00:12:53,331 --> 00:12:57,500
How is it always 25 degrees
hotter here than anywhere else?
303
00:12:57,519 --> 00:12:59,426
Mom, are you okay?
304
00:12:59,446 --> 00:13:02,113
Oh, of course I'm okay.
Why wouldn't I be okay?
305
00:13:02,190 --> 00:13:03,840
I'm at the zoo!
306
00:13:03,933 --> 00:13:05,675
After 30 years of asking Daddy
307
00:13:05,844 --> 00:13:08,177
to take me to the
zoo, here I am!
308
00:13:08,196 --> 00:13:09,673
What else do you
want, honey? Huh?
309
00:13:09,697 --> 00:13:12,439
My clothes? My car? You
want to screw my husband?
310
00:13:12,534 --> 00:13:14,441
I wouldn't. I hear
that husband of hers
311
00:13:14,461 --> 00:13:16,461
ain't hitting the mark,
if you catch my drift.
312
00:13:16,612 --> 00:13:18,963
Lois, will you take this
little one to the bathroom?
313
00:13:19,115 --> 00:13:20,447
Fine.
314
00:13:20,542 --> 00:13:23,468
We'll wait here for you
while I read this sign out loud.
315
00:13:23,695 --> 00:13:25,804
"No flash photography."
316
00:13:26,031 --> 00:13:28,622
Huh, I guess that means
no photos with flashes,
317
00:13:28,716 --> 00:13:30,124
if I'm reading this right.
318
00:13:30,143 --> 00:13:32,811
Interesting. Is there anyone
who hasn't read this sign?
319
00:13:32,962 --> 00:13:34,562
I can summarize it for you.
320
00:13:39,635 --> 00:13:41,528
So unfair.
321
00:13:42,397 --> 00:13:44,564
Ugh, I look like Ron Weasley.
322
00:13:44,716 --> 00:13:47,884
I'm now a real estate
broker in Winnersh.
323
00:13:50,497 --> 00:13:52,889
Tatum? Tatum?
324
00:13:52,907 --> 00:13:55,219
Could you be
quiet? I'm trying to wipe myself
325
00:13:55,243 --> 00:13:57,985
with the thinnest toilet
paper known to humankind.
326
00:13:58,004 --> 00:14:00,171
Why does that require silence?
327
00:14:01,416 --> 00:14:02,656
Tatum?!
328
00:14:02,750 --> 00:14:04,083
Oh, hey, Lois. What's wrong?
329
00:14:04,252 --> 00:14:06,994
Peter, you got to
help me. I lost Tatum!
330
00:14:07,163 --> 00:14:09,830
Uh, we went into the
bathroom, but now she's gone!
331
00:14:09,850 --> 00:14:12,909
Well, if this isn't an excuse
to climb a giraffe's neck,
332
00:14:13,078 --> 00:14:14,078
I don't know what is.
333
00:14:14,170 --> 00:14:15,186
You see her?
334
00:14:15,338 --> 00:14:17,597
No, but do you see
those hippos doing it?
335
00:14:17,691 --> 00:14:19,190
Giraffe!
336
00:14:28,201 --> 00:14:29,201
There you are, Lois.
337
00:14:29,319 --> 00:14:31,018
I bought Tatum
this stuffed penguin
338
00:14:31,037 --> 00:14:33,204
that didn't require washing
blood and semen off it
339
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,931
like the one you
found for Stewie.
340
00:14:34,949 --> 00:14:36,115
Wha-wha-whaa?
341
00:14:36,267 --> 00:14:39,936
Uh, Daddy, I-I
sort of lost Tatum.
342
00:14:39,954 --> 00:14:42,772
- You what?!
- I swear it was an accident.
343
00:14:42,774 --> 00:14:44,774
Don't worry, Lois. We'll
split up and look for her.
344
00:14:44,867 --> 00:14:47,126
On it.
345
00:14:47,278 --> 00:14:49,888
Damn it, Chris! Now that's
gonna be in our Fox promo.
346
00:14:50,039 --> 00:14:51,350
- Sorry, Dad.
- Sorry, Dad.
347
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:55,635
Chris Griffin
meets... Chris Griffin?
348
00:14:55,729 --> 00:14:57,637
Aw, there it goes.
349
00:14:57,731 --> 00:14:59,272
Sorry.
350
00:15:02,068 --> 00:15:03,809
Hey, you looking for that kid?
351
00:15:03,962 --> 00:15:06,905
Grab those keys and come in
here and I'll tell you where she is.
352
00:15:07,132 --> 00:15:08,239
Ha. Nice try.
353
00:15:08,391 --> 00:15:10,349
I see that other wolf
hiding behind the rock.
354
00:15:10,485 --> 00:15:12,410
Come on. Hey, you like scotch?
355
00:15:12,561 --> 00:15:15,638
I got a 21-year Macallan
in here. Let's have a drink.
356
00:15:15,657 --> 00:15:17,990
How does a wolf get
a 21-year Macallan?
357
00:15:18,084 --> 00:15:19,751
It was a gift from a friend.
358
00:15:19,827 --> 00:15:20,827
Pretty good friend.
359
00:15:20,903 --> 00:15:22,736
- Hey, what do you do?
- I'm a writer.
360
00:15:22,756 --> 00:15:25,067
- Wait a minute. What's your name?
- Brian Griffin.
361
00:15:25,091 --> 00:15:27,074
Brian Griffin? I knew
I recognized you.
362
00:15:27,168 --> 00:15:28,168
I read your book.
363
00:15:28,319 --> 00:15:30,169
You read Faster Than
the Speed of Love?
364
00:15:30,263 --> 00:15:32,413
I sure did, and thanks
for saying the title.
365
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,058
Well, maybe I will
come in for a Macallan.
366
00:15:39,164 --> 00:15:41,314
He didn't read my book.
367
00:15:44,169 --> 00:15:47,670
So I said, "What, are
we returning Chris?"
368
00:15:47,763 --> 00:15:50,006
Chris is my son.
369
00:15:50,024 --> 00:15:51,691
All right, too
smart for the room.
370
00:15:51,843 --> 00:15:52,692
What else? What else?
371
00:15:52,786 --> 00:15:54,155
Uh, you know, I
hear the elephants
372
00:15:54,179 --> 00:15:55,319
are asking for a raise.
373
00:15:55,546 --> 00:15:58,181
Yeah, they're tired
of working for peanuts.
374
00:15:58,274 --> 00:15:59,865
Why aren't you guys laughing?
375
00:16:00,018 --> 00:16:01,534
Our hyena president was shot.
376
00:16:01,628 --> 00:16:03,853
I know it's not a big
deal in the human world,
377
00:16:03,871 --> 00:16:04,963
but it mattered to us.
378
00:16:05,190 --> 00:16:08,007
But please continue.
We want to feel normal.
379
00:16:09,194 --> 00:16:10,359
Any sign of Tatum?
380
00:16:10,378 --> 00:16:12,619
- No.
- What's going on over there?
381
00:16:20,371 --> 00:16:23,039
Oh, my God! Tatum's
in the gorilla pit!
382
00:16:23,057 --> 00:16:25,057
Oh, no.
383
00:16:25,210 --> 00:16:27,226
Sorry, that was a
bad time to yawn.
384
00:16:33,901 --> 00:16:35,234
Good afternoon. I'm Tom Tucker,
385
00:16:35,328 --> 00:16:37,328
live on the scene
at Newport Zoo,
386
00:16:37,497 --> 00:16:39,889
where a young girl has
fallen into the gorilla pit.
387
00:16:39,907 --> 00:16:42,225
The zoo wrangler, or
a man in khaki shorts
388
00:16:42,243 --> 00:16:43,726
I can only assume is an expert,
389
00:16:43,745 --> 00:16:46,487
is now being lowered into
the pit to rescue the child.
390
00:16:47,899 --> 00:16:50,733
And is now being
ripped limb from limb.
391
00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:52,137
Uhp, hang on.
392
00:16:52,161 --> 00:16:54,920
He appears to be okay
and is now exiting the pit.
393
00:16:55,015 --> 00:16:56,701
Nope, correction,
that's just his face.
394
00:16:56,725 --> 00:16:59,350
A gorilla has ripped
it off and is wearing it
395
00:16:59,502 --> 00:17:01,561
and is now walking
out of the park.
396
00:17:03,264 --> 00:17:06,599
Say, could you direct me to
your town's banana district?
397
00:17:08,936 --> 00:17:11,279
Somebody, please! Save her!
398
00:17:17,945 --> 00:17:19,164
Lois, what the
hell are you doing?
399
00:17:19,188 --> 00:17:20,538
I have to, Brian.
400
00:17:20,689 --> 00:17:21,855
This is all my fault.
401
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,047
- Lois!
- Mom!
402
00:17:29,198 --> 00:17:32,032
Wow, from this angle, you
can really see Lois's roots.
403
00:17:33,795 --> 00:17:36,036
Nice gorillas.
404
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:38,222
I'm a big fan of your glue.
405
00:17:38,374 --> 00:17:40,099
They do make good glue.
406
00:17:41,953 --> 00:17:43,210
My God, I can't watch.
407
00:17:43,229 --> 00:17:46,622
Look, a baby gorilla
who can't stop sneezing.
408
00:17:51,963 --> 00:17:52,963
Aw.
409
00:17:53,055 --> 00:17:54,238
Peter!
410
00:17:58,303 --> 00:18:00,578
Peter, what do I do?!
411
00:18:00,729 --> 00:18:02,138
Tell them about your dream!
412
00:18:02,231 --> 00:18:04,490
What? They can't understand me!
413
00:18:04,642 --> 00:18:07,118
Doesn't matter. It's all
tone and body language.
414
00:18:07,253 --> 00:18:09,290
Trust me, they'll know
they don't want to be there.
415
00:18:09,314 --> 00:18:12,164
Well, uh, it's interesting
you should say that
416
00:18:12,317 --> 00:18:15,075
'cause I did have a particularly
weird dream last night.
417
00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:16,630
Tell them how you
were in our house
418
00:18:16,654 --> 00:18:19,097
but it was somehow different
than our regular house.
419
00:18:19,248 --> 00:18:20,914
Well, we were in our house,
420
00:18:21,008 --> 00:18:23,061
except the laundry
machine was in our kitchen,
421
00:18:23,085 --> 00:18:24,251
if you can believe it.
422
00:18:24,345 --> 00:18:26,329
And it wasn't like our
normal laundry machine.
423
00:18:26,422 --> 00:18:27,732
It was more like
our refrigerator.
424
00:18:27,756 --> 00:18:29,036
Yeah, run with that.
425
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:32,501
Oh, and Bonnie's brother
was there, too, for some reason,
426
00:18:32,595 --> 00:18:34,503
which is totally random
'cause I haven't seen him
427
00:18:34,522 --> 00:18:36,522
in, like, oh, my
God, seven years.
428
00:18:36,674 --> 00:18:38,783
But, you know, I did see
a Facebook post of him
429
00:18:38,934 --> 00:18:40,118
from, like, a month ago,
430
00:18:40,269 --> 00:18:42,172
so maybe that had
something to do with it.
431
00:18:42,196 --> 00:18:43,270
Let's just go.
432
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,956
No. I want to hear
how this ends,
433
00:18:45,125 --> 00:18:46,365
then tell her my dream.
434
00:18:46,517 --> 00:18:48,851
Anyway, I was doing the wash,
435
00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:50,962
and smoke was
coming out the machine,
436
00:18:51,113 --> 00:18:53,464
but it was more like
a fog than a smoke.
437
00:18:53,541 --> 00:18:55,299
Lois!
438
00:19:03,868 --> 00:19:05,217
Thanks for saving my life.
439
00:19:05,370 --> 00:19:06,886
Well, it was kind of my fault
440
00:19:07,038 --> 00:19:08,795
you were there
in the first place.
441
00:19:08,890 --> 00:19:10,706
I hope you can forgive me.
442
00:19:10,799 --> 00:19:12,817
I always wanted a big sister.
443
00:19:17,899 --> 00:19:19,048
How dumb do you have to be
444
00:19:19,141 --> 00:19:21,475
to walk into a
gorilla pit, eh, Brian?
445
00:19:21,569 --> 00:19:22,309
Brian?
446
00:19:22,403 --> 00:19:24,829
So, you've all read my book?
447
00:19:27,333 --> 00:19:30,317
They had read my book;
they just didn't like it.
448
00:19:30,336 --> 00:19:34,230
And, Daddy, I'm so
sorry for the way I acted.
449
00:19:34,248 --> 00:19:35,581
I guess I was just jealous
450
00:19:35,675 --> 00:19:37,675
of all the attention
you were giving Tatum
451
00:19:37,844 --> 00:19:40,845
and afraid that she'd taken
my place as your daughter.
452
00:19:40,996 --> 00:19:44,256
Lois, the reason I've been
giving Tatum so much attention
453
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,518
is because I know how
badly I screwed up with you.
454
00:19:47,745 --> 00:19:51,430
I was never there, and it's
the biggest regret of my life.
455
00:19:51,524 --> 00:19:54,025
I'd give anything to go back
and have a second chance
456
00:19:54,176 --> 00:19:56,176
to be a better father to you.
457
00:19:56,196 --> 00:19:59,238
Unfortunately, Tatum's
as close as I'll get.
458
00:20:03,261 --> 00:20:05,703
Well, I'm sorry I became
a bit of a monster.
459
00:20:05,854 --> 00:20:07,187
I was just jealous.
460
00:20:07,281 --> 00:20:08,372
Trust me, that was nothing.
461
00:20:08,599 --> 00:20:10,399
When you were born,
Babs was so jealous
462
00:20:10,435 --> 00:20:11,692
of the attention you got,
463
00:20:11,860 --> 00:20:14,378
she used to put your head in
the oven and try to cook you.
464
00:20:14,530 --> 00:20:16,530
- Did I never tell you that?
- What? No.
465
00:20:16,549 --> 00:20:18,941
That's... that's
kind of disturbing.
466
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:20,867
Yeah, well, that's
the Pewterschmidts.
467
00:20:33,791 --> 00:20:37,217
Look at this, all of us
eating together as a family.
468
00:20:37,311 --> 00:20:39,645
This is the closeness
we missed with Lois.
469
00:20:39,797 --> 00:20:40,738
What?
470
00:20:40,815 --> 00:20:42,723
I said this is the closeness
471
00:20:42,817 --> 00:20:44,300
we missed with Lois!
472
00:20:44,318 --> 00:20:46,560
- Tatum, how's your applesauce?
- What?
473
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,829
This isn't working.
You have to leave.
474
00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:52,491
- What's happening?
- They can't hear each other.
475
00:20:52,568 --> 00:20:54,669
Ha. Big table.
476
00:20:54,693 --> 00:20:56,693
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